#sexwithamanda

[sexwithamanda]

A deep dive, a hike let's say. Not physically but mentally.

Episode #345

Hello,

I make these when I feel the most inspired. This last week was lovely, I went out a lot but I spent time with both my lovers, I pray they never read these, but I am sure one day these will be read, not aloud in a classroom I hope. It's a humid, hot, cloudy, wet day in the beautiful state of Florida. I am sitting at a coffee shop where I've tasted butterfly tea, which tastes like lemonade more than anything. It has a dark purple color and on the counter, I spied a cake that resembled Oreo. I decide for that, it's gluten and vegan. If I told you that I was trying to be healthier would you believe me? I suppose I don't seem to be that way. It was yummy, and I read a few (more than a few) pages of this memoir that has me on my toes. She is a writer and went to school for journalism. I've always felt that writing and putting something out there is insane. We all have a voice to talk about anything, that's why music is universal. If all the lyrics are in a different language, we still can continue to feel exactly what they are saying regardless of the fact that we don't speak that language.

Last week I went into a meeting, I like to speak as you can tell from my typing. I suppose that it is obvious that my clicking and clacking on my laptop in this quiet coffee shop seems to annoy the men next to me, but I digress with I am being me. Let it be. Right at this split second the song playing, is by tears for Fears. You decide if my life is a movie because I have already decided that it is. Anyways back to the meeting, I am talking about. I don't look at people as adults anymore. I assume everyone is a child, regardless of how you think t might be, we can be professional but we are all children at a point. Things we do, mistakes we make, and accomplishments that occur all happen because we learn from others. This meeting was an intro to exactly what I've been wanting for a while. A taste of who I could be as a public speaker. I don't think I'm perfect, but I think that healing is a journey that rules us over. We tend to be selfish about our lives. I had a conversation last night with my friend, and each time we speak I feel we learn a bit more about ourselves rather than the other. I give her the space to speak as she gives me my space to speak as well. I learned that I get tired easily maybe I should get that checked out but I can confirm that I love someone that I really shouldn't. It is okay though. Life is too short not to face the facts. I think head-on, I want to be exclusive with this person but I also think that I want to be friends. I need to deal with myself first, but once I feel that I can finally trust myself to trust someone I think that's when I could commit to them.

In other news, we both discovered that we miss each other dearly all the time, because we are two peas in a pod, and we have each other's back. I think that my sense of self is reflected in the darkness of my sorrows, and probably for good I can sense that I will be way better off. I guess for a while I thought that the only occupancy of people's company came with an abundant reach for bad decisions. I then tend to let myself be swept away from all reality when I am with my friends. They make me feel so safe, kind, and sweet. I got really lucky.

Next topic of discussion; my podcast, sex with Amanda on spotify. It is my baby, but let me explain that I know that people listen to it, people I know. I am brutally honest, and I am myself. I think that it is my therapy, the raw truth of my thoughts when it comes to it. I think the people that I want to listen to it won't, which is good for me. But, in actuality, these secrets are for the entire world to listen to. It's not just relatable it's my life. Inevitably it is my happiness. I feel a sense of ease after every Friday session. My episodes are unedited, I speak my truth and let myself be completely honest. (sometimes it is mean.)

Now here is a side note, my favorite thing to talk about is sex, but it is the education, the feeling, and the love of intimacy in the space of someone else that makes me feel loved. I love love. I love sex. I love sex with someone who makes me feel as though everything is right and how it is supposed to be. I don't want to be rushed unless it feels right but I also want to be healthy. I want it to be sacred in a way. I don't have sex with anyone, but with someone who has a connection to me, with me, and makes me feel good. If I've been intimate with someone, (if I chose to, because in some instances that is not the case), you have made me feel at ease. I love the feeling.

I have an addiction that is hard for me to describe, if you come across this, go on spotify, look up sex with Amanda. Take a listen to one of my episodes or wait till this upcoming Friday for the newest one. I can't wait to have a conversation with you.

Thank you for reading, listening, and being.

Mahal Kita,

Amanda