#sexiest titans in this titan gym

[thefirstknife]

Okay but Bel on a scale of 1-10 how much MLM/WLW solidarity would our titans get based off their armor aesthetics alone

Our Titans would be like..... ULTIMATE mlm/wlw solidarity. They show up and every mlm/wlw in the area gets knocked out from their impeccable energy. Impossible to resist. Bi/pan people particularly in danger.

[brainbuffering]

Not epilepsy related, I know, but please bare with me. I made a joke on Twitter about how I could probably write a 2 page essay on the title page for Grayson #8. 

The tweet was liked by Grayson Creatives: Jackson Lanzing, Tim Seeley and  Mikel Janín. I intended to leave it just there, however, I couldn’t get it out of my mind, and apparently I have no self control because 3 days later I had written a five page essay on it, and well once you’ve written 2894 words on a subject you may as well publish it somewhere. And because I might as well say it here, if you ever want to read more essays like this, let me know, and you can support me on Ko-Fi if you’re feeling extra generous <3 

So after a quick shout out to my sister Ruth for reading it over and providing invaluable feedback, and the wonderful Wednesday Club discord for helping me brainstorm titles and providing general encouragements, I present:

Climbing the Eiffel Tower: Dick Grayson as a feminist sex icon

Tim Seeley and Tom King’s 2014-2016 DC Comics series Grayson follows the story of Dick Grayson as he infiltrates the spy network known as Spyral and travels across the world chasing one adventure after another. Making his first appearance in 1940 as Batman’s sidekick and protégé, Robin, he became just as famous in popular media as the Batman himself. Unlike most comic book characters, Dick Grayson was allowed to age, going from the eager child circus acrobat to a teenage superhero leading his own team. He later went on to find a day job as a cop, whilst still moonlighting as a superhero under the new name Nightwing. For a short time he even picked up the cowl and became Batman following Bruce Wayne’s apparent (nobody stays dead in comics for very long) death and adopted Bruce’s son Damian as his own Robin. In 2014, following his own apparent death, he was granted the new moniker Agent 37.

Although Seeley and King’s Grayson series was very much grounded in the DC Universe, (where Super-powered humans saves the day by running backwards through time and green shape shifting aliens attend high school) the series had just as much in common with 60s Spy films. Nazis were punched, skimpy swimsuits were worn, and the day was saved again and again thanks to a handsome man with a dashing smile. Yet one of the distinguishing features of the much applauded series was the presentation of Dick Grayson as a sex icon. In an industry berated for its sexualisation of female characters, where a teenage girl is put into a purple metal bikini and it is called liberation, Grayson brought a rare respite for female fans. Suddenly the object of affection was male.

It is a running joke amongst DC fans that Dick Grayson is the sexiest man in all comics (at least from an American perspective). In 2013 Dick Grayson even gained the number one spot in Comics Alliance’s list of 50 Sexiest Guys in Comics, beating fellow former Robin Jason Todd (Ranked No. 23) and the Batman himself (ranked No. 46). It was in the 1980- 1984 New Teen Titans series that Dick Grayson was able to step out from the shadow of the Bat, and start to become the sex symbol he is known as today. Along with starting to appear shirtless, he was also shown to be in a sexually active relationship with his girlfriend, Starfire: a teenage alien princess clad in, yes, a purple metal bikini. Perhaps when created in 1940 he was meant to stay the eager young boy, that is not the character we see today, as one internet commentator described him, he’s “that kid at thirteen who’s hot at twenty-one” (Jaffe, 2017). Dick Grayson is now one of the few male comic book heroes who is deliberately designed to be a sex icon aimed at women. He’s the heir to a fortune, he’s charming, he respects women and he’s got an amazing arse. He’s the sort of non-threatening pin-up model you’d be happy to take home to meet your mother. That is, if you weren’t concerned your mother might not try and take him for herself.

This side to his character is demonstrated in Mikel Janín’s illustration for title page of Grayson #8: “Cross my heart and hope to die” published in 2014. The image depicts Dick Grayson demonstrating a gymnastic maneuver to seven teenage school girls during their gym class. He wears form fitting leggings and a sleeveless shirt, displaying his muscular physique. Meanwhile, the students wear a standard uniform for British Private School Girls: a red rugby shirt and white gym shorts. This helps depict both their social class and their social position. There is a text box at the top of the page which reads “...That doesn’t stop me from wanting to climb up on its Eiffel Tower.” Lower down on the page, a speech bubble depicts Dick saying “Ladies? Are you even paying attention? I swear.”

Janín’s layout is deliberately designed to draw attention to Dick’s butt. The support beams of the wall follow from the text box at the start of the top left of the panel, along to the right of the page and then straight down to the buttocks. The viewer then follows Dick’s legs down to take in the school girls whose attention is firmly set upon said buttocks. It is then their gaze that visually leads you down the rest of his body. The entire set up of the image is for the viewer to see Dick Grayson in the same sexual light as the teenagers do. It enforces Dick’s role within the DC Universe as a teenage heartthrob by showing just that, a line of teenaged girl whose hearts (and other parts) throb at the sight of him.

The fact that Dick’s legs lead you down along the line of students demonstrates that they have just as much importance within the image as Dick. Some would argue that this is an example of fan-service, that is to say, images simply put in place to titulate the consumer. However Janín has not drawn Dick with just the viewer in mind. He wants you to take in the school girls too, and see Dick from their point of view. Whilst this is still asking you to see him as a sexual figure, by having the overall view point be from above, the viewer is able to take step back from the scene, and allow us to also side with Dick. The viewer is meant to see the whole situation from a third-party perspective, yet still asks us to sympathise with the teenage girls crushing on their attractive gym teacher. If the purpose of the piece was for the viewer to sexualise Dick for themselves, his body would have a far more prominent feature, blocking out the girls entirely from view and posing in a more deliberately sexualised fashion, as opposed to the actual image where Dick is just going about his job in a conventional fashion, meaning there are no purple bikinis or broken spines in sight. Dick’s ignorance to the girls attraction towards him adds humour to the image, where his frustrations at their lack of attention are juxtaposed with their very real fascination with his body.

This use of humour helps to set a tone for the comic, wherein the reader is made to feel relaxed and amused by the content before it swiftly changes to something more serious. In the case of Grayson #8 it is one of the girls’ other mentors, a middle aged woman, screaming for help. While some might argue that the clear focus on Dick’s buttocks is purely for fan service, and so is an act of objectification on par with that shown towards female characters, the fact that the image genuinely helps progress the story suggests otherwise. The panel of Dick Grayson teaching gymnastics provides the reader with further insight into the characters’ personalities and roles within their society, whilst the general page layout sets up the pace and rhythm for the plot of the book. If it were just for fan service, it would have been easily removed from the story with no consequence.

However, it is true that one of the selling points of Dick Grayson is his sex appeal. Writers Gail Simone and Devin Grayson have both spoken about how they deliberately write Dick Grayson to have sex appeal. Simmone, who is probably most academically sited for her her women in refrigerators campaign (in which she points out the distressing prevalence for female characters to be brutally murdered in order to progress a male character’s story) as a comic book writer has often included sexualised male characters in her work, Dick Grayson being one of them. She argues that since there are enough female characters who are sexualised in the media, she therefore has said she needs “to have sexy characters who might appeal to more people” she wants “there to be characters for everyone” (Simone, 2014). It is important to note, that Simone does not specify that only women are sexually attracted towards these men, nor indeed that all women would be, simply that there in order to diversify audience, one needs to diversify character appeal. Whereas Simone’s approach may stem from a socio-political form of feminism, Grayson has a more capitalist approach. In an interview discussing Dick Grayson as a sex symbol, she suggested that not using the character as such is a serious marketing failure: “It’s astonishing to me that sexy male superheroes aren’t marketed as aggressively as sexy male vampires or sexy male boy bands. There’s obviously tons of money to be made there. There is no one on the planet that will devote more energy, social media advocacy, and money to a favoured cause than a smitten teenage girl.” (Grayson, 2015). Indeed, in editor Kate Kubert’s original pitch for Grayson, she described it as “a cool, slick, sexy spy book starring Dick Grayson” (Seeley, 2015). Dick Grayson’s sex appeal was always meant to be integral to the story.  

Therefore, it is not really a surprise that it is the the title page for Grayson #8 that draws such attention to Dick Grayson’s sexy arse. This could be interpreted as male objectification, since it is Dick’s highly attractive body that is being used to draw in readers to the series. Indeed, the bottom panel in particular is designed to make the reader turn the page and find out what is happening. The viewer is only shown a hint of what the woman is possibly holding, and that she is in complete distress. She is asking for help, and the reader assumes that Dick Grayson is going to be the one to provide it, though one would have to buy the book to find out more. It would naturally appeal to a female heterosexual audience to have an attractive male hero go and rescue a woman in need of aid. It is important to note, that whilst other comic series (and indeed spy films) also have attractive men saving women, what makes Dick Grayson stand out here is his more nurturing role. He is in the middle of teaching a class, not sipping a martini in a cassino. Furthermore it is the female gaze depicted here (almost literally in this case since the audience is partially sees Dick through the eyes of teenage girls) and not the male gaze. This is not a power fantasy where a strong dashing man jumps in and saves the simpering young blonde woman, this is a fantasy in which you witness the nice, handsome teacher come to the aid of a grey haired middle-aged woman. The first fantasy is decidedly that of a heterosexual man, the second of a heterosexual woman. Therefore, if the fantasy that is being presented revolves around Dick’s personality and abilities, it cannot be objectification, since you cannot objectify someone who has personhood.

Yet, even if this image is an example of objectification, the question arises of whether it is harmful objectification, or whether it is acceptable given the context. The sexual objectification of a character takes away their agency, their personality and treats them as nothing better than a particularly life like sex toy. The prevalence of this in female characters reflects upon a society that does not value women, or even consider them as people. Therefore, if Dick Grayson is being objectified, is it as dangerous as when female characters, such as Starfire, are objectified? Dick Grayson already has an established character that goes back over 75 years, and as a rich white-passing (Grayson confirms him to be Romani in decent) cis-man has been granted narrative privileges that other characters have not been. Dick Grayson has always been empowered and valued by readers and creators, so objectifying him every now and then is not going to do too much harm to his overall characterisation, nor help maintain an existing real life precedent for a social inequality.

Dick Grayson’s sexualisation in Grayson #8 is a satirical commentary based upon just that. The book came out in an environment where criticism of female objectification and sexualisation in comic books was starting to become a more publicly discussed issue. 2012 saw the beginning of The Hawkeye Initiative which looked at how female characters were drawn in comics and parodied them by drawing Marvel’s Clint Barton (A.K.A Hawkeye) in the same pose. The campaign was widely celebrated across the internet, though many creators (predominantly male) were insulted by the disrespect shown to the original creators. Of course, part of the project was to disrespect the original creators by displaying how sexist their original drawings were, so to that extent, their reaction was incredibly valid. However, the spirit of the initiative was always to encourage conversation in a light hearted, humourous fashion that did not single out any one creator. Grayson #8 demonstrates the exact same humorous approach. The image does not speak to how Dick Grayson is purely a sex object, or oppressed in any way, it speaks of an understanding that it’s about time the playing field was evened out; that heterosexual women and gay men should have someone they too can fantasise about. It welcomes you to join the teenagers in admiring Dick, and let’s you understand that doing so is harmless and fun. This also helps to subvert a classic spy movie trope, where the male protagonist treats the female heroine as nothing but an object of desire, and she is shot from angles that only accentuate those elements. It is clear that when Kubert asked Seeley to create her a “sexy spy book” (Seeley, 2015) it was Dick Grayson who would be providing the sexy, and not his female co-stars.

As discussed in Camille Bacon-Smith’s seminal 1992 work on Fan Studies Enterprising Women, fandom has often been used as a tool for female sexual exploration, and though Bacon-Smith views this from a slightly more critical outsider’s perspective, more recent studies that have come from within fandom itself, and have shown the way it can help people develop an understanding of their sexuality in a safe manner. This has become particularly true for teenage fans, who often use fan-works to explore these parts of themselves. It is especially important to have these spaces celebrated, since teenage girls’ sexuality is often ridiculed elsewhere in popular media. From Stephanie Meyer to Ringo Starr, actors, musicians and writers have all been pushed to the side as irrelevant just because they’re popular amongst teenage girls, and the quality of their work is assumed straight away to be nonsense just based upon their fanbase. Yet, as Grayson said, it is these same fans who will show the utmost dedication and passion (Grayson, 2015) for works that speak to them, and treat them with respect. That is exactly what is being shown in Grayson #8, teenage girls who have sexualised fantasies about non-threatening men, where it is not presented as a set up to a Lolita-esc story of peodophillia. Dick Grayson is not interested in these girls sexually, the girls understand that they will not be entering into sexual relations with him, but that does not stop them from enjoying looking at him and fantasising about him in a safe manner.  Even if their attention is unwanted, the girls cannot harm Dick Grayson and Dick Grayson will not harm them. It could be argued, that the humourous feel to the piece is mocking the girls for their sexuality, and asking the reader to laugh at them, not with them. However, the fact that the layout of the work has such a focus on Dick Grayson’s bottom, and that the page begins with one of the girl’s own comment of sexual innuendo about him as a sexy Eiffel Tower she wishes to climb (King, 2014), it is clear that the viewer is being asked to side with these teenagers and agree, that yes, if Dick Grayson was the Eiffel Tower, you too would gladly climb up it and enjoy that glorious view.

To conclude, Grayson #8’s Title Page is an example of how female sexuality (in particularly, that of teenage girls) can be celebrated in comic books in a fun and safe manner. The title page treats the character with respect and dignity, whilst still nodding to an fan base that have dedicated entire blogs to pictures of his butt. The image is tongue-in-cheek about it’s approach to the celebration of Dick Grayson’s bottom, however it is done with respect to both character and reader. Whilst some might argue that this is objectification, the existing social and historical structures within the industry and western society as whole negate this. It has now become an important act of feminist action to have such characters within comic books. Equal opportunity between the sexes, requires equal opportunity to celebrate sexuality. Dick Grayson’s butt in tight lycra is not going to change the world over night, but it is certainly a very good place to start. Grayson is not the first series to celebrate Dick Grayson’s bottom and share it in all it’s peach like glory, and it is unlikely to be the last, yet, much like Dick Grayson, it is still a beautiful piece of work that shall no doubt be cherished for the ages.

References:

Holy Robin Batman! The Wednesday Club, 9th August 2017 (Available on Geek and Sundry’s Twitch and Projectalpha.com)

http://comicsalliance.com/tim-seeley-grayson-nightwings-dc-comics-interview/

http://comicsalliance.com/why-is-nightwing-hot/

http://comicsalliance.com/comics-sexiest-male-characters/

https://www.themarysue.com/gail-simone-nightwing-butt/

https://www.cbr.com/seeley-king-enter-the-dcus-espionage-world-in-grayson/

https://journal.transformativeworks.org/index.php/twc/article/view/460/384

http://www.upenn.edu/pennpress/book/77.html

[artificialqueens]

I Like me Better (Aquameron) Part 1 - Saiphl

I LIKE ME BETTER (Aquameron) Part 1 - Saiphl

Given the chance that my inspiration finally found a way to properly work, I’m back with a little statement with, what I call an odd pairing, but I found kinda appealing trying to bring it to life, so here is the attempt and I’d really appreciate your kind words and feedback.

Also, this is a two shot adventure regarding the kind requests by some anons at AQ of a story with Aquaria and Kameron, also the request -that I couldn’t find again- of an anon requesting a fic inspired in “I like me better” by Lauv, this is the outcome, so I hope all of you enjoy the story.  

Finally, I need to remind you that english isn’t my first language, and this text isn’t betaed, so I apologize for the possible mistakes that you’ll find in the writing.

This one goes from the taping of the reunited to the crowning party, so I hope you enjoy it.

“I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS BUT I GOT THAT FEELING…”

When they called a wrap in the theater after taping the reunion, all that Dane could feel was a severe urge to run away, to escape from the judging eye of the other queens, for the first time in a long while, being Kameron didn’t felt as a safe place anymore, so he stood from the chair on the stage and giving some sweet and totally fake smiles, he started walking faster and faster until he finally realized the tears rolling down his cheeks and that he was barely breathing.

The cold of the wall through the hair of his wig was soothing and he felt like his legs will not carry him any further.  Dane had been told that the sisterhood between season competitors was something to rely on when the hard times come, but after what all of them said, even when he exposed his own vulnerability, led to the heartbreaking revelation of being totally alone, also to know that he has to regain composure before the other queens came to the same corridor to the dressing rooms.

In a titanic effort Kameron got back on her feet and regally walked step by step to the dressing room, foreign to the quick click-clack that was following on her track -Kam… Kameron, wait!-; from all the things he was expecting, certainly the Aquaria’s voice wasn’t the first thing coming to his mind, so slowly turned to face him -listen… if you forgot to say something save it for later, I’m not really up to be beaten up again and…-  Aquaria put a slim nailed finger on his lips, - shush… I forgot to say I’m sorry, they’ve been rude and awful, and I don’t feel like they were fair to you, and most of all, I’m sorry I didn’t stop them, they had no right to treat you like that- .

As soon as Aquaria removed his finger, Kameron exhaled, looking tired and deflated, a soft hand cupped his right cheek -it’s our last night in LA… let’s go somewhere Kam… Dane, let´s do something- Aquaria whispered, giving a mischievous grin to the other queen, who reluctantly smiled back -ok Gio… just-, Kameron stared to one side of the hallway and Aquaria nodded in agreement and mouthing “just the two of us”. Aquaria smiled sincerely, and then stepped aside, giving Kameron a chance to step ahead when the click clack of the other queens’ heels could be heard over the hallway.

When all of them arrived to the dressing room, Dane had already stripped, and was wiping Kameron off his face, Dusty approached to him, with a somber expression and clear shame in the back of his eyes -Kameron I… I want to say I’m sorry-, the queen said, clearly struggling with her own feelings  -we all were total bitches and at least from my own, I wanna apologize, cause that wasn’t fair-; Dane put down the wipe, and turned to face Dusty -y’know Dust? it’s ok, thanks for being kind enough to come and conceal, but I really  need some space, all that happened back there was hurtful and I feel so vulnerable right now; please give me some time- Dusty hugged him without asking and whispered an I’m sorry before releasing him, by that time, Dane was barely capable to keep himself together, and over the edge of his own nerves.  He just tossed his drag on his gym bag, and walked away totally foreign to the intense gaze that followed him all the way out of the dressing room.

Giovanni took his phone and started typing quick and precisely, hoping that his messages reach Dane in the right time.

[7:30] Aquaria:  Hey Kam… you ok? you left without a word

[7:30] Aquaria: ok, that was dumb, I know you’re not ok, but please let me know if you need something…

[7:31] Aquaria: Anything, you know I mean it.

Some minutes passed and Giovanni felt it as literally hours, he was wiping his face, when the phone finally buzzed.

[7:40] Kameron:  it’s ok… I’m fine, see you at 9 at the hotel entrance

[7:40]Kameron: and thank you, for everything

Later that night Giovanni was trying out some clothes, his always confident facade crumpled on the floor with almost all the tees and tanks he had already discarded, even when he tried to convince himself to chill, something was bothering him, something that he didn’t understand at all.  He had gone partying with many of his season ten sisters, and never felt this unsettled -you’re doing this for him… Kameron needs to urgently cheer up, so stay cool you dumbass-, he hissed to his own reflection on the mirror, just minutes later, finally convinced that he looked well, Gio blew a kiss to his own reflection, took his hotel room card and wallet, totally ignoring the constant buzzing of his phone.

Dane was another tale, in a flawless routine, he shaved, put on some lotion and dressed up with some skinny jeans and a tee that looked like a second skin over his strong body, something in the image on the mirror made him smile with some confidence -you look good-, he whispered, just to laugh a little thinking of how dumb he might look talking to himself in the middle of an empty room. Somehow he felt lucky, cause after all the shit he had to take at the reunion, he won’t end up feeling miserable buried alone under the covers of his bed, he was not just going out, he was going out clubbing with (if allowed) the sexiest of the season ten girls, and they were going on their own.

Both of them left their rooms, foreign to the party girls that were going on cabs to the Precinct, and when they finally met, the moonlight shone all over downtown LA, and Dane found Gio cursing over the screen of his phone, typing furiously on what seemed to be whatsapp.

[8:55] Monet: oh come on Aquaria, you can’t stay at the hotel, night is young come with us

[8:55] Aquaria: I’m not feeling like going out tonight girl

[8:55] Monet: but it’s our last free night before going to NY and all the crowning shit

[8:57] Aquaria: I know, but I’m tired, some of us had been working our asses out with promotion and gigs and all that jazz

[8:57] Monet: whatever bitch, we’ll be at Precinct, the Boulets are throwing a hell of a party there, we don’t wanna miss it

[8:58] Monet: so if you wanna come we’ll see you there

[8:58] Aquaria: Thanks again, but I pass, have fun!

[8:58] Monet: -rolling eyes emoji- alright, be safe kiddo, and Cracker says you’re a granny

[8:59] Aquaria: Cracker can eat my pussy, if I’m a granny she’s a fucking mummy!

[8:59] Monet: hahahahahahaha, you should see her face, see ya tomorrow morning bitch.

-Hello stranger-, Dane said in a husky voice, making Giovanni jump on his feet -hey there! didn’t see you coming- the younger said, regaining his cool face, making Dane smile wide, making Gio mirror it -so… are you ready? I found a place nearby where none of the girls would be at, so we can have a night just for us-. Dane nodded, still smiling to him and feeling what he could describe as a swarm wildly partying on his belly, something about that “just for us” made this feel more like a date than it was… cause they weren’t going on a date, or were they?

Gio tossled his hair a little, getting Dane out of his thoughts, only to get mesmerized, there was something about that awkward and goofy boy that he couldn’t get, but certainly, was totally up to find out, -I’m up for a night out, I’ll follow  you-. The both of them walked to “La Cita”, the bar Gio found, and it happened to be a nice place, crowded for the time they were, but really comfortable to go by as two random guys having a fun time, and not as half of the final four of a hyped TV show.

A couple of hours and some beers later, they were dancing close to each other, surrounded by a drunken happiness that Dane hasn’t felt in some time; Gio seemed to be in his element, drinking, dancing and having fun, both his forearms resting lazily over Dane’s shoulders, holding a beer behind his head, while Dane gripped firmly by his right hip, both of them swinging to the rhythm.  Gio’s previous nervousness evaporated and suddenly he thought that there was way too much space between them, even though Dane’s face was less than an inch close to his, with a soft and inviting smile that he found inevitably seductive, so he reached for those lips in an urgent but still gentle kiss.

Dane didn’t know what to do at first, it actually took like a couple of seconds for him to kiss Gio back, and that was it, both with eyes closed and still swinging to the music, they didn’t even realized what was happening until they broke the kiss to get some air.  When Gio opened his eyes, he found himself face to face with Dane, feeling his warm breathing blowing on his blushed face -hey there… - said Dane, releasing his grip from Gio’s hip to softly cup his cheek; the smile on the younger boy was mischievous and after he mouthed “hi”, Dane reached for his lips once more.

The walk back to the hotel took half the time they spent while going to the bar, they were walking side by side.  Dane didn’t know if he should hold his hand, and Gio was thankful that they were not touching each other, cause otherwise he didn’t know what he would do if he had to feel that burning skin on his again, both of them were craving each other, and once they reached Gio’s room, they jumped on each other, touching, kissing, biting… exploring their bodies inch by inch.

-You’re beautiful Giovanni, and I want you so bad- said Dane, while Gio was sucking on his pulse point, getting a strangled moan from him, unable to hold it back anymore, Dane’s hands buried under Gio’s jeans, squeezing his perfect little butt, who instinctively started grinding against him -you’re perfect Dane… I need you-, Gio whispered on his ear, making him shiver.  Once said, Gio slipped to his knees, stripping the other man from waist down, Dane hissed feeling his shaft getting freed from the tightness of his clothes, to feel the blissful warmth of Gio’s mouth.

With his hands tangled on the other’s dark hair, Dane couldn’t help himself and grunted, rocking Gio’s head with his hands in a rhythm that he could swear that matched the thumping of his heart, feeling himself reaching the edge, he slid his hands to cup the other’s cheeks and making him going up; by that time, Gio’s gaze was wild, he was heavily breathing and as soon as he had Dane on his reach, kissed him urgently, like he wanted to get him under his own skin.  

In a blink, they were butt naked, taking just a minute to look at each other, in absolute conscience that they were exposed to the other Gio was the first to reach, craving to trace the patterns of Dane’s tattoos, the other, unable to restrain himself, started caressing the milky skin of the boy in front of him, hypnotized by the smoothness of his body, touching him as if he was the most expensive piece of art that deserved to be worshipped. They’ve spent the night buried on each other, finding shelter from the world on the other’s arms.  

The sunlight caught them tangled on the bed sheets, a full mess of limbs that got in motion with the buzzing of Giovanni’s phone; the boy opened his eyes, to find Dane still asleep, a peaceful expression on his face and he didn’t restrain himself from smiling.  Waking up to that sight was certainly a great way to start a day, it wasn’t just that Dane’s body was impressive, but the kind spirit and heart of gold he had made the whole experience be worthy. Gio stretched to reach the damn device to get it shut, taking a moment to kiss softly the hollow of Dane’s throat, which made the other man open his eyes slowly and give a little bite to his bicep, both of them giggling like idiots, just until Gio started cursing over the screen of the phone when he found more than ten calls and more or less the same amount of messages from the other queens

[8:10] Monet:  hey whore, good morning, wanna hang with the girls for breakfast or are you too hungover?

[8:20] Monet: alright sleeping beauty, remember they’re picking us up at ten, make sure you’re ready

[8:30] Monet: this is not funny Aquaria, answer the phone, now we are all worried

[8:35] Eureka: Aquaria quit playing the dumb and answer the phone, Monet is about to call 911

[8:45] Monet: five calls bitch, you never get pass two buzzes to answer, where the fuck are you?

[8:50] Cracker: Aquaria please, answer the phone or the fucking messages, we’re worried

[9:00] Asia: where are you bitch? answer the fucking phone!

[9:05] Monet: for god’s sake Aquaria, answer the phone or I’ll take down your fucking door

[9:25] Cracker: Giovanni please let us know you’re alright, everyone is wondering where you are.

[9:25] Blair: Gio please… we’re all worried, neither you or Kameron are responding

[9:30] Cracker: I’ll help Monet to take down your door bitch, they’re coming for us in less than 15!

[9:31] Blair: oh… oh! nevermind, I’ll try to stop Monet and Cracker

[9:31] Monet:  you asked for it bitch…

[9:32] Blair: I’m sorry girl, it takes more than one Blair to stop two crazy paranoid bitches.

[9:32] Blair:  you still have to tell me, otherwise I’ll tell the others everything I know!

[9:33] Blair: jk, I’m just nosey and I really, really want to know if my theory is right

A loud hitting on the door made Dane actually leave the bed  just to fall down, feet totally tangled on the sheets -what the fuck?-, Gio jumped to the other side of the bed to cover Dane’s mouth with his hand -shhhh… those are Monet and Cracker, go to the bathroom, I’ll take care- ; Dane nodded and crawled to the bathroom, locking himself behind the door.

-Open the fucking door Giovanni!, I mean it-, Monet spoke loud and clear, starting to get annoyed and judging stares of the goers in the hotel corridor -I’m counting down to three, then I will hit this door open- he threatened.  -Come on guys, be reasonable, maybe he just overslept- Blair said, pretending to be a reasonable voice in that mess, -oh no Andrew, you’re not going to convince us of that, Giovanni NEVER oversleeps when he has to travel in the morning, he’s such a fucking control freak- Cracker said, looking at Blair with some suspicion -what the hell do you know blondie?-, he asked, staring straight to the eye the boy, who started to lose the  “I’m the reasonable adult here” facade he used to get those two away from Aquaria’s room door.

Gio wrapped himself with the comforter and went back to the door, making his best impression of someone that’s barely awake.  When the door opened, Monet almost fell on his face -hey guys, what’s all these about?-, Giovanni yawned, rubbing his right eye with one of his hands.  Max stepped under Monet’s arm, to see the boy with the sleepy face -so, you really overslept bitch… we have less than fifteen minutes before they come and pick us up to the airport, so you better hurry up, and for god’s sake, stop ignoring our messages!- even being half a head shorter than Gio, Max looked threatening -now that I know you’re alive, I can go and get my shit and do my check out… fifteen minutes Palandrani, and if you’re not down, I’ll make sure they leave you here, lazy bitch-, then turned on his heels and left the room unceremoniously, while Monet was looking at Giovanni with a confused look.

-You better get ready, let me help you to finish your packing while you take a shower-, Gio didn’t have a “no” answer figured, so he was kind of babbling when Blair intervened -you haven’t finished your packing either Monet, do your thing, I’ll help Aquaria-, reluctantly, Monet nodded and after hugging and checking on Gio once more, she left -alright, see you down… I’ll get you something to eat on the road Aqua-; Blair closed the door and looked at him -so… where’s Kameron? I bet my right hand he’s here- she stated, looking to Gio, who was nervously biting his lip -I don’t know what you are talking about, Blair-, Andrew rolled his eyes and smiled sympathetically, -I’m talking about the mess of your bed, and Kameron’s jeans crumpled beside the couch… that’s what I mean-.

Gio cursed and heard the bathroom door unlocking, and Dane stepped out, wearing nothing but a towel around the waist and his hands up in surrender -ok… now you know, could you please check if  those monsters left so I can go back to my room?-.  Andrew nodded barely managing to keep his shit eating smile away, at least while they were looking at him; then, Dane collected his clothes and started getting dressed, Gio staring at him, still biting his lip, recalling all that happened the night before, not really thinking, he approached him and kissed him shamelessly; Dane reciprocated the kiss, gathering all his self control to break the kiss before they started again -we have no time… and they’re going to start worrying about me and my not presence-, Gio joined his forehead with Dane’s, and sighed -guess we’ll need to talk-.

-Lovebirds, I’m sorry to break your moment, but the hallway is safely empty, you should hurry Kam… I bet they’re going to look after you, if they’re not doing it already- Dane nodded, getting away from Gio, who stared at him for a second, before going to the bathroom to get ready to go.  Andrew went after him taking long steps -I know you’re not ready to talk about this, but I’d like to know how will I have to cover you both up, right?-, the dark haired boy nodded, and gave a grateful smile to the blonde boy, who went back to the door to leave him alone in the empty room.

Once they were dropped to the airport and were safely waiting for their different flights to depart, Gio gave one last check on his phone before turning it off, just to find a message from Dane.

[12:40] Kameron: hey stranger… hope you flight safe back home

[12:40] Kameron: I… I just miss you

[12:40] Aquaria: I do either

[12:41] Kameron: -blushing emoji-

[12:41] Aquaria: Waking up in this bed next to you…  swear the room got no ceiling

[12:42] Kameron: -smiling emoji- I got this feeling… u know? don’t know what it is but I can feel it

[12:42] Aquaria: yeah, I feel it too

[12:43] Kameron: can’t wait til next week, be safe, right?

[12:43] Aquaria: be safe too -kissy face-

[12:43] Kameron: -kissy face-

Dane turned his phone off with a wide smile  in his face; David, by his side looked to him curious -good news? I’ve never seen you smiling like that-, Dane looked at David and just said -It’s just that I have a feeling, and I really like it-.  David just smiled him back, just in time for the plane to take off.

[seanpatricklittlewriter]

The Movie Post

Greetings and salutations, true believers. I haven’t posted anything in a while other than shameless book promotion stuff for #FourthAndWrong, and for that I apologize. I always say I’d let you know if anything good happened immediately, but nothing good has happened. The new book is out. A few people who have read it told me they liked it. It’s not selling well. Lack of sales means a lack of reviews, which only helps it not sell faster. It’s all a vicious cycle. At a certain point, you have to remember that you’re only writing books because some tiny voice in your head won’t let you stop, and you just throw your hands up and let everything else fall as it may. For the first time, I’ve actually bothered to try real advertising. I’m giving advertising on the Kindle lock screens a go. I’ll let you know if actually works.

 In the meantime, I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts while puttering around the house, going for walks, and ignoring the gym. (I gotta stop ignoring the gym…) If you haven’t watched “Ted Lasso” on AppleTV yet, I HIGHLY recommend it. It’s one of the best shows I’ve watched in a long time. Great writing. Great characters. Great story. Very uplifting and wonderful. One of the show’s writers, creators, and stars, the wonderful Brett Goldstein (who plays the gruff Roy Kent on the show), has a podcast called “Films to Buried With.”

 I started listening to his podcast because I enjoy him on the show so much, and I’ve found out that I enjoy his podcast as much as the show. He’s a genuinely sweet man, and he gets comedian and actor friends to guest on his podcast. The show’s conceit is that Brett invites guests on, tells them they have died, and then gets them to relive their life through the films that meant something to them. It’s a fun little chat show, and a solid way to waste an hour while you’re getting through doing the dishes or mowing the lawn.

 It’s precisely the sort of podcast I would love to be on. I’ve always said you can judge your level of success by what people invite you to do. I always said I’d know if I “made it” if I could ever get invited to be on one of the podcasts I enjoy, rather than trying to wrangle my way into someone else’s podcast or blog. So far— this has not happened. That should tell you what level of success I’m stuck at. I don’t get invited to the movies by my imaginary friends. But Brett encourages people to share their ideas and opinions on social media, anyhow. It’s a fun way to play along at home, tell other people about the podcast, and start conversations around your favorite movies. Stories bind us together. They give us common ground and build bridges toward strengthening relationships. If you meet someone new, you can tell if you’ll get along with them by what films they enjoy. So in that spirit, I’d like to answer the questions Brett asks his guests by discussing a few of my favorite films. If you’d like to play along in the comments, please do. I always love reading about what other people think about movies, books, or music. I won’t bother going through the death/afterlife conceit he uses, but I recommend listening to a few of his podcasts if you enjoy this sort of thing. It’s a fun little premise he uses to generate the episodes.

 --What’s the first film you remember seeing?

         I remember bits and pieces of several films from my childhood. I remember the Muppet Movie in the theater. I remember seeing The Black Hole. I remember a lot of little chunks of a lot of Disney animated films. But the movie that sticks out in my head is “Raiders of the Lost Ark.” It was 1981. I was six. I remember going to see it on a Sunday matinee with my family. I remember it was packed. People were literally sitting on the floor in the aisles. We got three seats someplace, but I remember my dad having to sit in the row in front of us. I don’t remember a ton about the movie the first time I saw it other than being scared of the pit of snakes and the melting Nazi faces. However, I remember the iconic moment when Harrison Ford pulled the gun on the swordsman and shot him. I remember the audience reaction and thinking, “That’s a hero.” I’ve long been a Harrison Ford fan. Between Han Solo and Indiana Jones, he played two of the most iconic heroes of my childhood. When I wrote the TeslaCon novels, I made no secret that my protagonist, Nicodemus Clarke, was just a shallow rip-off of Indiana Jones. It’s funny, but to this day, in my head, if you ask me what a hero looks like, it’s always going to be Harrison Ford.

  --What’s the scariest film you’ve ever seen?

          The scariest film I’ve ever seen is Kevin Smith’s “Red State.” It’s a movie about a religious cult that’s very reminiscent of the Westboro Baptist Church, David Koresh/Waco compound, or any of the other extremely far-right Christian separatist movements. It’s scary because there are many, many of these gun-hoarding compounds, and the movie, while extreme, is not too far off from possibility. Michael Parks plays the leader of the family at the heart of the film, and his performance was award worthy. He was truly terrifying.     As an aside, prior to Red State, I always told people the movie that scared me the most was the original “The Amityville Horror.” Basically, I saw the scene where the poltergeist made the drop-sash window fall on the kid’s fingers and nearly sever them, and that was it. I had the same drop-sash windows in my bedroom, and I was scared of them from then on. I’d like to say that I outgrew my fear of drop-sash windows, but I’m 46 and they still skeeze me out when I see them. A movie I saw 40 years ago warped me forever.

  --What’s the movie that made you cry the most?

         I used to not be someone who cried at movies. However, years of thyroid issues and depression have messed with my response to emotional moments, so I do get teary nowadays at movies. Emotionally speaking, it’s not sad movies that get to me. It’s movies where someone overcomes something difficult. Especially sports movies. The ones that get me the most teary-eyed now are movies like the first “Rocky,” “Hoosiers,” “Miracle,” and “Rudy.” I also get teary-eyed at points of bravery to the point of stupidity. The best example of that is the climax and denouement of “How to Train Your Dragon.” Strangely enough, when a movie does something that is supposed to be a tear-jerker moment to the point that it panders to the audience, I don’t cry— I actually get angry. Anything Nicolas Sparks has ever had his name attached to, for instance. It’s maudlin, and it doesn’t deserve our respect.

  --What the film that made you laugh the most?

       This is not going to be a popular answer. If I was a little more erudite, I’d say something like “Airplane” or “Blazing Saddles” or “Monty Python and the Holy Grail.” However, I didn’t see any of those in the theater originally. I was home, watching them on video. While they were funny and some of my favorite movies, I did not really do a ton of laughing while I saw them. I went to see “BASEketball” with my sister, and the theater was packed. Something about seeing a movie in a crowded theater heightens the emotional impact of jokes, and for whatever reason, that movie put me on the floor a couple of times. It’s a silly movie full of cheap laughs, but I remember hurting as I was leaving the theater. My sides and cheeks were sore. Second on that list was the movie “Bridesmaids.” I don’t think I’ve laughed harder at any movie than the scene where they all get diarrhea in the bridal shop. Especially Melissa McCarthy: “LOOK AWAY!”

  --What is the sexist film you’ve seen?

         For me, I will never forget seeing “Bachelor Party” on HBO at a friend’s house. Monique Gabrielle’s scene is probably the first time I saw full-frontal female nudity in a film. It burned itself into my brain. I probably have a thing for redheads to this day because of that scene. The rest of the movie is very wild and funny. It was one of the launching blocks for Tom Hanks’s ridiculously amazing career. But that one moment stands out as one of the sexiest things I’ve ever seen.

  --What film did you used to love, but now it’s not that great?

         Pretty much anything with “Rocky” in the title and a number following it. I still enjoy them, but Rocky III and IV, especially— not that good. I used to love them. I used to watch them whenever they hit TV, but now I only need to watch the first “Rocky,” and maybe the final fight in “Rocky II.” Anything else, I can leave out. They just feel a little overclocked at this point in my life.

  --What’s a film that people and critics panned, but you enjoyed?

        “Goon.” It’s a hockey film written by Jay Baruchel and starring Seann William Scott. It didn’t get wide release—almost straight-to-video. It didn’t get great reviews. I think Metacritic has it around 60%. But something about that movie hit me, and I love it. I suggest it to people all the time. It’s got great performances. It’s a solid flick. It’s not going to overwhelm you. It’s now one of my comfort films. When I’m bored and need something on in the background, I will often choose “Goon” or its sequel, “Goon: Last of the Enforcers.” The sequel was not as good as the original, but it’s still worth a watch. Kurt Russell’s son Wyatt is the villain in the sequel. He’s extremely good.

  --What’s a film that people love, but you hate?

        Hands down: “Avatar” or “Titanic.” Something about a lot of James Cameron films just don’t work with me. I think it’s because they’re too grandiose. They try too hard. Also, the scripts are just there to get him to the big, visual set-pieces. They’re thin on both character and plot. I can’t stand either of them.

  --What’s a film that means a lot to you, but it’s not because of the quality of the movie (i.e. you saw it with someone and it’s special, or it has importance to people around you, etc…)?

       Easily, “The Man From Snowy River.” This is a family favorite. I grew up watching this flick, and I made my daughter watch it when she was younger. I will never get tired of it. I probably watch it maybe three or four times a year. There’s just something about the cinematography of the climax when Jim goes down the mountainside on Denny’s back. It’s always breath-taking. Also, if you watch “The Man From Snowy River,” you see what my dad always wanted his life to be. Most boys’ fathers want their sons to be doctor or lawyers. My dad wanted me to be a cowboy.

  --What film do you relate to the most?

        “Clerks.” I saw “Clerks” when I was a senior in high school. Rented it from a local video store. I saw two dudes who were outliers in their social group working crappy jobs and dealing with the mundane nothingness of life. It hit me right in the gut. I resolved to do something better than that. So far, I’ve failed to do so, but I keep trying.

  --Empirically speaking, what is the best film? (Not necessarily favorite film— but what film do you think is the best film ever made?)

         I have to say it was “Lawrence of Arabia.” The casting was amazing. The cinematography was incredible, unrivaled, really. The story was excellent. And the ordeal of the entire filming process was without peer. What they went through to make that movie, hands down, makes it the best film ever made. The scope of the film alone is mind-boggling.  The Lord of the Rings trilogy is a close second, but that’s technically three films, so I went with Lawrence of Arabia.

  --What film have you seen the most?

         I have watched “The Muppet Movie” a ton. I still love the movie “Roxanne.” I have also seen “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers” and “The Quiet Man” more than any single person probably should. If I had to think about it and pick one film I’ve seen more than other…it’s probably “Meatballs.” Growing up, my sister and I watched that flick a thousand times. I can probably recite it from memory. It’s also one of the films that cemented an undying loyalty to Bill Murray.

   --And finally: You die and go to heaven. And in heaven, they ask you to pick one film that summarizes your life, one film that makes people understand you, or a film you want people to watch to help them know you better. What is that film?

         Nothing has had more influence on my life than the movie “Ghostbusters.” It defined me in several ways: my love for comedy, my love for the paranormal, and my love for snark and snappy comebacks. I loved Ghostbusters so much that I watched it on a weekly basis. I ran the audio cables from our VCR to a tape deck and recorded an audio copy of the film to play on my Walkman while I road the bus to school every day. I still have the film memorized word-for-word. I will often let my eyes go a little weird and turn to my daughter and say, “Then, during the Third Reconciliation of the Last of the Meketrex Supplicants, they chose a new form for him, that of a giant Sloar! Many Shubs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of a Sloar that day, I can tell you!” To know me is to understand Ghostbusters on a molecular level. I owe that movie a lot.

  Anyhow, this was a fun way to waste my night. I encourage you to play along. Answer some or all of the questions Brett asks his guests. I highly recommend listening to a few episodes of “Films to Be Buried With” on your favorite podcatcher app. And if anyone out there knows Brett Goldstein, please let him know I’m available to guest on his podcast. Until next time—Thanks for reading.

--Sean