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warriorgardener · 2 years ago

Text

March 2nd

Wei Wuxian’s heart pounded as he neared his husband’s office. He suppressed three quarters of a shit-eating grin and coyly peeked his head through the open doorway.

Lan Wangji’s chair faced him, but he kept his headphones on and his gaze fixed on the screen. His stoic, handsome features were lit by the screen and he wore those silly blue-light glasses that made him look like a strict boarding school teacher but in the sexiest way possible. It was impossible to say whether he had not noticed Wei Wuxian or was simply ignoring him. Either way, Wei Wuxian was not deterred.

Using his ninja prowess, Wei Wuxian half-crawled, half-slithered from the doorway to underneath his desk. He popped up between Lan Wangji’s legs. “Surp--!”

A hand clamped over his mouth. Above him, Lan Wangji responded evenly, “I agree with Xichen. It’s too early to assume. We should wait until the end of the fiscal year.”

Damn Zoom meetings. He should have known his plans would be foiled…unless? Wei Wuxian smiled behind his hand and began kissing his palm. At the warm touch of his tongue, Lan Wangji gripped his face harder. Nice. Wei Wuxian’s unrestricted hands slid up and down his husband’s slacks, thumbs massaging gently over his inner thighs. Lan Wangji’s pinched frown twitched as Wei Wuxian dared to let out a soft, muffled whine.

“I’m having connection problems. Excuse me.” Lan Wangji tore off the headphones.

Wei Wuxian barely had time to register the bald-faced lie that just left his husband’s pristine mouth when he was yanked up by the collar and kissed. “Kiss” might have been too generous of a word, as it entailed more teeth than tongue. Not only had Lan Wangji been teased during his meeting, but his work had been derailed completely. Wei Wuxian’s reckoning had come in full force.

“Lan Zhan,” he gasped. “If you keep going—“ He had to pause as Lan Wangji very much kept going. “There won’t be anything left of my poor lips!”

“Ridiculous,” he murmured into his neck. A thrill coursed through Wei Wuxian as his teeth pulled at his skin, slow and teasing.

Wei Wuxian had only one opportunity to escape. “Look at me!” he whined.

Lan Wangji drew back. His gaze passed over his husband’s flushed face and reddened lips down to the shirt collar wrinkled in his unrelenting grip, then froze upon taking in the remainder of his outfit.

“What is this…”

“Lan Zhan, doesn’t it remind you of something?” Wei Wuxian played with the light blue tie of the school uniform. He had never worn a tie when he was a student and was constantly reprimanded for it, half of the time by Lan Wangji himself, whose mugshot-esque photo had been immortalized forever in the dress code section of the student handbook. In fact, Wei Wuxian’s school uniform was long gone, tossed in the trash as soon as he dropped out. But Lan Wangji had kept his own for some unknowable reason, and Wei Wuxian had discovered it in their closet only moments ago.

Lan Wangji had always been slightly bigger than him, and his formidability made him seem even taller and stronger in his memory. So it was with genuine surprise that Wei Wuxian discovered Lan Wangji’s uniform to be too small for him. The shirt barely buttoned, fitted tightly around his chest and left unbuttoned at the collarbone to fit over his shoulders. The pants stretched tightly over his thighs and had to be left unzipped. Altogether, the sight was far more indecent than he had ever worn his own uniform.

“I can’t believe you used to be so small,” Wei Wuxian said coyly. “Didn’t you want me in your pants even back then? Your lucky day is finally here!"

Although Lan Wangji remained expressionless, Wei Wuxian could feel the heat from his gaze rake over him slowly, all but undressing him with his eyes. He nuzzled Lan Wangji's lap, feeling exceptionally tempting in his current position. "Lan Er-gege, I was too busy being an idiot for us to have a high school romance. Don't you think we should make up for it the best we can?"

"Get on the desk."

Wei Wuxian grinned devilishly. "Hey, where did your manners go! Is that any way to ask--"

Of course, his husband did not waste time with his foolishness but simply hoisted him onto the desk and spread his legs, gripping his hands on Wei Wuxian's thighs.

Wei Wuxian's breaths had already turned shallow, his body on edge with anticipation. He could only imagine the filthy things his husband wanted to do with him right now--all his years of horny Lan fantasizing finally coming to good use!

"You're too smug." Lan Wangji covered Wei Wuxian’s eyes with a hand and moved closer, close enough for him to feel the warmth of his breath.

He bit back a delighted laugh. This was already going kinkier than he expected!

Lan Wangji closed the small gap that remained between them. Their lips met softly and chastely. Wei Wuxian did not move, expecting Lan Wangji to have his way with him any moment, but their lips parted just as gently and the hand covering his eyes followed in suit.

"What kind of kiss was that!" Wei Wuxian protested. In the back of his mind, he was beginning to realize that he would always find something to whine about, whether Lan Wangji was too rough or too gentle. Maybe he just liked whining...but kinks aside, this right now was a real grievance!

"Our first," Lan Wangji answered softly. His ears were pink.

Wei Wuxian stared at him, then burst into loud guffaws until he was gasping for air, slapping his knee. "Are you kidding me? The first time you kissed me, you practically tore my clothes off! I had to make up a whole story just so Yanli would sew the buttons back onto my shirt!"

Lan Wangji’s face pinched ever so slightly into a pout, but he had no rebuttal.

Wei Wuxian quickly soothed him, even taking the opportunity to squish his cheeks. "Don't be mad, Lan Zhan. I like our love story just the way it is, from our first kiss to this very moment. You shouldn't wish for anything different either, okay?" He sighed. "Except..."

"Except what?"

"We really should have banged in the library while we had the chance."

"You were incapable of being quiet in the library under normal circumstances."

Wei Wuxian snickered at the thought. "The uniform is still a turn-on for you though, right? Tell me I'm right."

"You're right." Lan Wangji cut off his next bout of smugness with another kiss, slow but now full of growing desire. His hand slipped around Wei Wuxian's backside to slot their hips together, pulling Wei Wuxian into the teenage dream he wanted so badly. Finally!

…

Blooper Reel:

Lan Xichen’s hesitant voice came faintly from the discarded headphones. “Wangji, could you mute yourself until your connectivity problems are resolved?”

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findingjoynweirdstuff · 4 years ago

Text

Dream SMP Recap (February 7/2021) - End of Week

I hope you all are caught up on your Tom Gravy hotdog-eating Olympics lore.

Also, the server’s first attempt at a prison break...? I guess??

---

VOD LINKS:

HBomb94

Foolish Gamers

Tubbo

Ranboo

Nihachu

GeorgeNotFound

Captain Puffy

---

- HBomb explores the SMP mainland and looks at the L’manburg Crater, wondering if he should build a house there. He runs a poll and it’s 50/50.

- H runs back through the Nether. Sam asked him if he wanted to visit Dream at some point and H said yes.

- He discusses the possibilities of future catmaid bits. Would Sam let him be a prison maid?

- Foolish asks H for 16452 sandstone. Unfortunately, HBomb doesn’t have it.

- H gets filled in on all the SMP lore and figures out the ultimate truth:

Sapnap wrote the books in the Inbetween.

Sapnap can time travel.

Sapnap is the answer.

- H speaks with Foolish, and H mentions the gold bar labelled “HBomb’s maid service” that he got from Fundy...

- Foolish says he does need some sandstone...

- Dream logs on the server. He dies in lava and leaves.

- H tells Foolish the story of how he killed Technoblade 27 times, and asks if he knows about the obstacle course.

- H and Foolish meet near the Community House and Foolish is...surprised...by HBomb’s skin.

- Foolish brings HBomb to the Temple of Undying.

- Then they go to Snowchester.

- Later, Foolish continues work on the Temple.

- Tubbo speaks with Scott Smajor.

- Ranboo goes mining while Tubbo makes a sandwich.

- Niki shows off her secret city. It’s been coming along well!

- Tubbo is just trying to get Ranboo DMCA’d at this point.

- Niki starts working on building the secret city some more.

- Niki’s character still deals with night terrors and isn’t sure what to feel about Wilbur. She sleeps in her own chamber and writes in a diary about what she’s going through.

- George has woken up!

- He comes onto the SMP after speedrunning and wonders what to do. He needs new supplies, because he has absolutely nothing now.

- He asks if Sapnap has his stuff, but Sapnap says no. He gave it all to Karl. George calls Karl. Karl can’t give his stuff back at the moment.

- Dream and Quackity fill him in on how Tom Brady got a home run and won a gold medal in the Olympics World Cup.

It begins.

--- THE FOOTBALL LORE ---

Gronk, Greg, and Tony Romo all pulled their weight as well. One got bronze in the Grand Prix. They also talk about how Tom Gravy’s been doing. There’s also Tony Gravy, who is Tom Gravy’s brother, but they mean to talk about Tony Romo and how many laps he finished.

The football stans took over the trending tab with their profile pics.

- Bad joins the call and they start filling him in on the Olympics. Bad mentions the Superb Owl.

- Tony Romo is the 11th time gold medalist of the Grand Prix who is going to retire soon to become an announcer for the Bikini Bottom competition.

- Tom Gravy never dies. Well, he said that he might in a couple years, but by then he’ll have won several more medals. His goal is to eat 10,000 hot dogs by 2022. He burns off calories by running around the Grand Prix track. Tony Romo gives him all the advice.

- They have different maps for Tony Romo and Tom Gravy, one of which is in Russia. Change of scenery.

- Tony O’Brown got one of the goals and that was it, but the real dagger was by Patrick, who threw an interception.

Tony Romo ran a red light in Alaska, having won the Grand Prix with 21 laps, and got a mugshot for it, but got a medal for Sexiest Mugshot so it wasn’t too bad. His goal is 22.

- They also have a pizza restaurant called Tom and Tony.

- Wait, Patrick got the mugshot gold medal for running the intersection. Tony Romo went to Russia.

- Gronk faked his retirement, then lied and showed up at the Olympics, won anyway and got a gold medal. He was pretending to train but he never actually trained. He took different videos with different shirts to pretend that he was training on different days.

- Gronk wanted it to be surprising when he won. Him and Tom Gravy were very good friends. They met before the first Olympics while training together.

- George asks if there’s a Wiki to learn all this lore from. Dream says there is, but it’s on the Dark Web.

- Though Patrick had the sexiest mugshot, there were plenty of others that weren’t so sexy.

- Tom Gravy is now trending.

- George has just been mining throughout all of this.

- Karl joins the conversation. Tony Romo retired because of the money but also because he had a kid, according to Quackity.

- Taylor Swift named something after the number of hotdogs Tom Gravy had to eat daily last year, which was 22. They call him “The American Patriot” for all the hotdogs he eats, but this year he was more of a Pirate.

- During the Olympics recess, Tom Gravy was sponsored by Hard Mikes.

- Greg is in his flop area at the moment. He was a Patrick fan, actually, but then the whole incident happened with the intersection.

- Out of the last 20 Olympics, Tom Gravy’s won 7 and been to 10. This is the Hotdog-Eating Olympics, though, not the world Olympics. The Hotdog-Eating Olympics happens at the rate that the Grand Prix happens divided by 2.

- There was a cheating scandal where he was accused of inflating his stomach. “Inflate-Gate.”

- Tom Gravy ate 200 hotdogs in 12 seconds, which is called a “Scarf Ace” in the contest.

--- THE FOOTBALL LORE IS OVER ---

- Foolish gives George Netherite.

- Ponk attempts to kill George. George escapes to the Holy Land.

- Bad points out that because the enforcer of the Holy Land’s neutrality rules is in the prison, they’re free to kill Ponk. Dream says no, they’ll get punished if they do. He also asks why there’s a turtle in the Holy Land, and asks to delete it.

Callahan, Bad and Foolish all come join them in Church Prime.

- Ponk steals Oogway and a fistfight breaks out. Captain Puffy arrives.

- George tricks Puffy into killing him in Church Prime. Dream says that George’s stream was conveniently blacked out for some reason. They start talking about pictures.

- Callahan kills George in the Holy Land. Dream says it was blacked out again.

- Ponk kills George in the Holy Land. Dream saw that one and Ponk falls out of the world.

- Dream finally reveals the truth behind the old Bedwars clip after several months of mystery.

(It was porn)

- One thing leads to another, Dream drops some glass water bottles and sings “Mad World” in the background after being rejected by George for Valentine’s Day.

- They start leaking Rat pics.

- George is preoccupied and doesn’t notice as Ponk boxes him in with obsidian. Puffy arrives to help him out.

- Foolish shows George his summer house and gives him supplies.

- Quackity tries to insist that he’s not a competitive hotdog eater, but everyone already knows the truth.

- Karl comes online and gives George the Netherite.

- The chaos continues as they pass it back and forth. Callahan joins in.

- George goes to the prison and tries to break in. GEORGE LORE STREAM?? NOT CLICKBAIT??

- He finds a very secret and important area.

- (It’s a lightswitch)

- George starts breaking a blackstone block in the wall to rescue Dream.

- Dream tells George to keep trying to break him out, saying it’s been long enough. Karl says that, in his very canonical opinion, it has not, in fact, been long enough yet.

- Dream warns George that he actually has to hurry, in case Awesam logs on.

- George sits there mining for a good few minutes. One block between Dream and freedom! Callahan comes to watch.

- He finally breaks the block!

...

- Aaaand behind it is obsidian.

- George immediately ends stream.

---

Later, Awesam places the single block back...

...And threatens to take all of George’s canon lives if he ever messes with the prison again.

---

Upcoming Events:

- Many, many visits with Dream

- Many meetings with Technoblade, with Puffy’s specifically happening very soon

- Prison guard introduction stream this week

---

END OF WEEK RECAP:

2/1: Ponk’s dream, Ranboo speaks with Awesam

2/2: Ponk reads Jack’s Journal, Tommy takes a piece of the Crimson, Awesam and Fran

2/3: Puffy attempts to destroy the Crimson, Tales From the SMP: “The Masquerade”

2/4: Nothing much happens

2/5: Jack Manifold becomes the main character

2/6: Puffy searches for parrots

2/7: The 5-Hour Tom Gravy Stream

#dream smp #dream smp recaps #long posts

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sugar-petals · 4 years ago

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So Caro how do you like "butter"?? 😳🤔

i’ll be cranking out my media major, let's review butter stylistically. ✍️ in four aspects — sonically, visually, lyrically, and concept-wise.

sonically: 9/10. here’s an interesting comparison i found, this can be calculated by looking at the stats of a musical piece. if you want to do harmonic mixing with another bts song, seesaw (!) is the most similar to it. with the exception that it’s written in f minor but other than that, the bpm/energy/danceability is uncanny. mindboggling. in other words, two bts songs can have the same anatomy and be entirely different worlds. that’s seriously hard to pull off. talking genre, recalling that namjoon said it's a "super retro disco pop new age acoustic ballad", that description is right on 😂it gets very daft punk after 1:38, groovy, the production is quite proper. especially in the second half, it’s a firework and all transitions VERY well. what i liked less, the voices are quite meddled with and as last time, the pitch gets higher and higher so the baritones need more pressure on the voice to be heard (i salute taehyung, my mezzo would be breaking apart). it’s a miracle that rapline can handle these songs. they put a heavier bassline under yoongi’s and rm’s bars, and separated hoseok toward the end since his tone is higher so, i hear you, someone knows what they’re doing. as for the tenors, looking forward to the live rendition of the mixed register bits and the vocal runs. bts are stable like that and jk’s timbre carries the song effortlessly (as is everyone’s great english pronunciation, these guys work so hard) so they wouldn't need autotune, figure it's been added for artistic effect, the retro vibes. a bonus on the other hand, jin getting his lines, hell yes, the spotlight for him. and the arrangement of their parts in general is quite ingeniously done, that looks like the workings of namjoon’s giant brain.

visually: 9/10. the dancebreak being the highlight — this is the sexiest thing i've ever seen — we get to see some really fancy moves from everybody and the hairstyles are quite a feast. jimin and jk have been much-talked-about so i'll emphasize the extravagance of hobi's 2013 MAMA g-dragonesque neon yellow here. he’s the smooth like butter guy they’re talking about indeed, butter hair, butter attitude, butter on his plat! 😂it’s seriously good thinking to have one member embody the concept with a color so, pretty clever. making him stand out as the ending fairy and then blending in the butter logo is equally smart. they wanted to catch our eye, they achieved it. the couture: yep, fashion youtube will have a good time going through all the outfits. from tae's chanel earrings, jin’s skirt, to white suits to jackets over the shoulder. very stylish. someone put a lot of thought into it, and i'm a sucker for some gnc undertones so very cool stuff. the only (very trivial) minus i noticed, a lot of the tailoring does not exactl fit the boys’ bodies to a t, see jungkook’s or jin’s sleeves, though you can’t expect bts to have a tailor come in and fix so many outfits with so many comebacks at once. the dance, it's a compilation of many classic bts moves. i feel like it could be tiny bit more distinguished with a whopping new complex signature formation that bts is famous for in creating, then again the full dance practice isn't out and the head nodding part is quite a visual anchor. also: i noticed they put yoongi in front row a lot. someone’s shoulder is finally better again, we can prepare for some good stuff.

lyrically: 4/10. the song fulfills its function, it creates the mood, but i’m hard to please in that regard as mentioned before. why: time and again i realize that yoongi, rm, and pdogg spoil us with comforting or on-fire lyrics that hit home and are on brand. same idea as in dynamite here, we're hit with a lotta english catchphrases that we usually wouldn't hear from bangtan. it's party mode, it's the summer hit kinda writing, so yeah it does what it’s supposed to do anyway and anybody can sing along. it’s catchy and solid for sure. the 'smooth criminal/superstar/heartbreaker' idea is carried through as a red string so thematically, it's coherent at least. a lot of lines are downright hilarious with random analogies and i don't know if the writers are serious or not. they could go all the way to make it clearer that humor and braggadocio is the concept here, exaggerate it even more. you can’t always tell if it’s a parody of a ‘yeah i’m the man you all fall for me’ sentiment or if it’s 100% business. in some parts of the song it works, in others it makes less sense. where i’ve seen bts execute this well with their own writing is converse high, that’s the bar. it’s also a personal lesson for me since i write crack often, butter tells you where to put the punchlines and where to keep it neutral. a lot of it is all over the place. on the other hand, it fits right on the beat. and perfectly executed pop so i'm a bit torn. i like the ‘got that heat’ part they gave jimin. 'side step right left to my beat' is a good chorus entry as well. making light of it, every lyric works as a witty gif or tweet tagline and we'll be circulating these phrases to eternity. every line works as a good comeback in any situation of life. yoongi's verse legit made me giggle. TLDR: the lyrics are partially confusing but they blend with the music well.

conceptually: 8/10. hit the bell for that black and white intro, that was a good idea, same with the latest teaser. and: range, darling. only in a bts video could a cotton candy jimin go from a mugshot to being the president to a basket ball court hero to going full saturday night fever to flexing his legs in less than three minutes. jokes aside: it all fits in the universe of boy with luv and dynamite so points for consistency. bts's directors have outlined a new style for sure. the worldbuilding could go even deeper, but lumpens did a good job giving us many different eye candy serves and an innovative theme that hasn’t been tackled before, k-pop and pancakes why not! there are less actual film sets (and the difference shows, e.g. in Fire or Daechwita it really gave it some oomph), but it's not really needed. butter has no requirement for an agust d-ish plotline with historical buildings and the members' looks are in the center of attention. then again, i like those details of hoseok sitting in a retro apartment at the end — cozy, i love — with a radio. once again, they could exaggerate the vintage even more, it wouldn’t take away from the idea and visuals. i wish they would’ve expanded even more on the melting butter aesthetic shots as well, although it’s neatly tied into the song so it makes sense. the lyrics really have been blended with the choreograpy theme (the side step as a central move) so i’m thinking the art direction and choreographer had quite an in-depth discussion how to create a bigger picture. as for my weakness: cuteness melts me like butter, extra points for jungkook and yoongi being adorable in their seats.

#bts #butter #butter review #bts meta #bts comeback #bangtan #butter era

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recentnews18-blog · 6 years ago

Photo

New Post has been published on https://shovelnews.com/criminally-stupid-suspects-in-clown-makeup-and-pull-daft-faces-in-hair-raising-police-mugshots/

Criminally stupid suspects in clown makeup and pull daft faces in hair-raising police mugshots

THESE criminally stupid suspects pull wacky faces and pose in clown makeup in a series of hair-raising police mugshots.

Another felon appears to have egg all over his face after cops were scrambled to arrest him.

refer to caption

Could you pick him out of a line up? This clown wore his make up as he traded the big top for prison

Another bandit appears to mock officers by eating a ham sandwich and one bad boy pledged his allegiance to midget porn

A couple appear in full clown make-up – proving they were caught in the act.

Judging by some of the clothes they have been brought in for breaking crimes against fashion.

Police must have been in hysterics looking back through these odd-ball arrests.

Tee-hee

refer to caption

He made one little mistake… and wasn’t afraid to show his kink

Jazz hands

refer to caption

She ended up in the hands of the law but tried to palm the blame

Collared

refer to caption

You know when you look back at old mugshots and think ‘what was I wearing?’

What the shell?

refer to caption

Police scrambled to arrest this bad egg and the charge was no yolk

Baby faced bandit

refer to caption

Well that’s just childish

Caught in the act

refer to caption

This joker faced the long arm of the law – and looks like he came straight from the circus

Crime of fashion

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You know when you go to bed in your make-up…then wake up to police in your room

Smile for the camera

refer to caption

It’s time for this grinning crim’s close up

He’s gurner regret that

refer to caption

This rubber-faced goon tries his puppy eyes on the law

Hamming it up

refer to caption

A sarnie munching inmate mocks officers with a ham sandwich

Criminal mugshot dubbed ‘the sexiest ever’

We pay for your stories! Do you have a story for The Sun Online news team? Email us at [email protected] or call 0207 782 4368. You can WhatsApp us on 07810 791 502. We pay for videos too. Click here to upload yours.

Source: https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/7466880/police-mugshots-criminally-stupid-clown/

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