#seungmin fics

[dancinglikebutterflywings]

Birthday Fail

-> Pairing: Kim Seungmin x Reader

-> Requested by: @hamburgers101

-> Prompt:  No. 15: “This is not how it went in my head.”

-> Warnings: none.

-> Word Count: 526

-> Requests: Closed

-> Tag List: Open. Send me an ask or fill out this form - Tag List Form.

500 Words Event M.List | Seungmin Masterlist | Stray Kids M.List

Hearing the keys in the door, Y/N panics hanging up one of the decorations she’d gotten to celebrate her boyfriend’s birthday. She hurries to the door, throwing herself at it to prevent him from entering her apartment.  

“What is going on?” Seungmin’s voice travels through the door, a mix of shock and confusion. 

“You can’t come in just yet,” she replies, her voice slightly breathless. “I’m still working on your surprise,” she adds, glancing around the room. Unfortunately, things haven’t gone as planned with the decorating, which is why she’s running late. If only the decorations had cooperated, she would have been done half an hour ago. 

The balloons, which she had envisioned floating against the ceiling, had stubbornly refused to inflate properly, leaving her with a mess of balloons on the floor. The banner she had made with her niece refused to stick to the wall, and the cake she had ordered was still sitting in the fridge, waiting to be unveiled.  

“Are you okay?” Seungmin’s concerned voice breaks through her thoughts. “Do you need some help?”  

“No! I mean, yes! But not from you!” Y/N stammers, her heart racing. She can’t let him in yet; the surprise has to be perfect. “Just give me a minute, okay? I promise it’ll be worth it!”  

“Just let me in, Y/N,” he sighs, not wanting to be standing in the hallway looking like an idiot to her neighbors. “The surprise doesn’t have to be perfect,” he adds as though he was reading her mind. “Being here with you is perfect enough.” 

Y/N feels her heart flutter at his words, but she shakes her head, even though he can’t see her. “No, Seungmin, this has to be special! You deserve it,” she insists. “Please, just a few more minutes,” she pleads, as she stares at the half-finished decorations that seem to be mocking her effort in making her boyfriend’s birthday a little more special. 

“Y/N,” he says softly. “I really don’t care. I just want to be with you,” he pauses for a moment. ”And, I really need to pee.” 

"Okay, okay, okay," she says and opens the door enough to stick her head through it. "Just promise me you won't laugh at my failed attempt to surprise you." 

Y/N takes a deep breath, her heart racing as she finally opens the door wider, allowing Seungmin to step inside. Her head is bowed so she can’t see his reaction. 

“You did all this for me?” he asks, his voice not giving away his feelings.  

Y/N bites her lip, embarrassment flooding her cheeks. “I wanted it to be special,” she admits, her voice barely above a whisper. “This is not how it went in my head. I swear it looked better in my mind. I think there was a mix up with the balloons and the tape wasn’t that sticky. Bora helped me make the sign.”  

“I love it,” he replies, his smile brightening the room. He reaches out, gently squeezing her hand. “You really went all out, huh?”  

“Just a little,” she replies, trying to downplay her efforts as he pulls her into his arms, hugging her tightly. 

@staytiny2000 - @kpopmenace143 - @alexxavicry - @jedi-dreea - @rainydayteacups

@tinyelfperson - @laylasbunbunny - @skz1-4-3 - @oddracha - @kayleefriedchicken

@everythingboutkpop - @katsukis1wife - @armystay89 - @forever-atiny - @lixisoul99

@do-you-remember-summer-127 - @catzachvsvt

[sseastar]

✶ dream lover; kim seungmin.

info. seungmin x afab!reader. slight angst, fluff. brother’s best friend to ??? au. 1.6k words. warnings. mentions of food, reader eats fish and meat. listen to. 爽風 by tomofumi tanizawa.

[��] — Seungmin could say he knew a lot about you. 

He knew how you always closed your door to your room because you didn’t want it to smell like food in case someone cooked. He knew how you could never bring yourself to watch full k-dramas and opted to watch clips of them on your for you page. Seungmin knew of your love for mint-chocolate (the two of you really bonded over that) and how Star Wars Rebels became your comfort show after you had watched all three seasons during quarantine. 

Hell, Seungmin even knew so many personal things about you, especially after having witnessed you grow up alongside your brother Jisung. Although you were two years younger, he still felt like he knew you well enough to call you his friend if it weren’t for his title of ‘brother’s best friend.’ Seungmin knew your shoe size, who your first dance was, even when you got your first period (he was the one to have noticed the small stain on the back of your jeans and the one to rush into his sister’s bathroom to grab you a pad the one time you had come with Jisung to his home).

And yet in the eleven years he had known you, Seungmin would have never painted you as a hopeless romantic. As far as he could tell, you never seemed the type to save your receipts in a box under your bed, never seemed the type to make playlists for your crushes with vague names so people couldn’t guess who they were for. Not once had Jisung mentioned a thing about his little sister having a crush on someone, nor had an overprotective Jisung ever mentioned his concern for you when you went out with friends (Jisung was an awfully protective brother, so Seungmin could imagine how his friend would react were you to ever go out on a date). 

Hence, Kim Seungmin had come to the conclusion that you were genuinely not interested in dating at this time in your life. Nothing he found weird, of course. He knew how serious you were about your studies - there were many times that Seungmin and his friends had invited you along with Jisung to join in on their plans to get boba or go bowling on a Friday, but you would politely decline with a smile and mention some assignment or project you wanted to get a head start on. 

So imagine his surprise when he found you out on your backyard’s porch one night when he, Felix, and Hyunjin were over, curled up with a knitted sweater and volume six of Kimi Ni Todoke in your hands. Jisung had asked him to come get you before you all headed out for dinner.

It was such an odd sight to see. The mug half filled with lukewarm green tea on the table next to you, the abandoned pair of fluffy bear slippers under the bench, the throw blanket that he swore hung on the arm of the couch in the family room when he first arrived. Your fingertips were gently covering your lips, an enchanted look in your eyes as if you had just witnessed such a heart-fluttering scene.

Seungmin thought it was such an odd sight to see. You had never once initiated a hug with him no matter how happy or ecstatic you were (even when you had gone to a baseball game with your family and invited him, and you had thrown your arms around your brother when your favorite player hit a grand slam…then opted to high five him excitedly). He was so used to your annoyed sighs whenever you saw any form of PDA, or your pursed lips whenever your brother would somehow connect his girlfriend to the topic of conversation, that he couldn't even fathom why you were out there reading a shoujo manga of all things despite the entirely possible reason that you just wanted to.

Yet Seungmin’s eyes softened as he watched you from the door frame, waiting until you finally realized his presence. When he realized you wouldn’t be getting your nose out of the story any time soon, he cleared his throat, smiling at you when you looked up at him with wide eyes.

“Hey,” you mouthed, for some reason unable to let anything audible out of your mouth. 

Despite your lack of an actual greeting, Seungmin answered back “hey,” watching as you marked your page with a photostrip of you, Jisung, and him that he remembers taking in the rusty old photo booth at the pier the last time you three went. Another thing Seungmin was surprised at – he always thought you were the type to dog ear your page or use a sticky note to mark your spot. “We’re heading out in a couple of minutes for dinner. Jimmie’s,” he clarifies, mentioning that the four of them would be heading to the diner they frequented and ordered to-go for you from. “Want the usual?”

A tuna sandwich with a side of french fries and a small vanilla milkshake. That was your usual. 

Your usual was staying at home to read or to get a head start on work you had to do. Your usual was catching up on sleep or accompanying your parents to the supermarket when you really did have nothing to do. And when those things didn’t need to be done, your usual would be spending time rearranging or redecorating your room, or reading romance novels, manga, and stories you find on the internet to replace your lack thereof in your own life.

Your usual was hoping that one day you would be loved, or even secretly loved - that someday, all your ideal date ideas would no longer be locked up in the diary you kept hidden in your sock drawer. Your usual was hoping that your firsts wouldn’t have to wait until after college - that someone would love you enough so that you no longer sighed at the cute couples you would see on dates when you were out with your parents.

Your usual was speaking only briefly to Seungmin in hopes that all the feelings you had for your older brother’s best friend would die down by itself. Your usual was silently hoping that those feelings would be returned. Your usual was making up scenarios that maybe one day, you would stop trying to find someone exactly like him. 

Your usual was getting boring. Your usual was getting you nowhere you wanted to be.

Seungmin watched as you swung the blanket off your lap, folding it roughly in your arms as you slipped your sock clad feet back into your slippers. “If it’s okay, can I come with you guys tonight?” 

Seungmin watched as you slid into the seat across from him. You usually opted to sit next to your brother on the end to avoid being in the way of any conversations, but you sat right in the middle of Felix and Hyunjin tonight. Seungmin watched as you excitedly answered Hyunjin’s questions about how your research has been and as you thoughtfully told Felix about your input on his new baking idea. Seungmin didn’t miss the warm smile on Jisung’s face when he realized how you were getting along with his friends (maybe he didn’t show it often, but your brother was often concerned for you - you never seemed to enjoy hanging out with people you knew, after all, and Jisung would hate for you to regret not allowing yourself to be more carefree in college). 

Seungmin watched as you agreed to go to his baseball game even when your brother couldn’t go and as you shyly laughed at the look of surprise on his face. Seungmin watched as you picked up the menu despite him knowing you already knew exactly what you wanted to eat.

Seungmin could say he knew a lot about you. 

He knew what your topic for your required research project was. He knew you couldn’t stand leaving your major even after you cried through the required classes that had nothing to do with your concentration. He knew that you always liked to eat the first slice of a peach and that you hated peeling tangerines. He knew how you couldn’t answer ‘what’s your favorite color?’ with a single-worded answer. He knew that you never put your left shoe on before your right and that you always muttered “keys, phone, wallet” every time you left your house.

Seungmin could say he knew a lot about you, but he was missing some of the most important things.

Seungmin didn’t know how you felt after you passed those classes you hated, or why you had so many unique habits when eating fruits. He didn’t know why you sighed when you saw a couple your age on a date the night you tagged along with your brother and his friends to the boardwalk. Seungmin sure as hell didn’t know why you decided to come with them tonight, but it was nice to see you interacting with everyone.

You smiled briefly when his eyes landed on yours, averting your gaze before he could even attempt to read what emotion was swirling through them. But Seungmin could tell that what swam through them was something more than what you wanted to let on. It was something you’d always held back so that you wouldn’t allow yourself to be vulnerable (you had done that enough). But your eyes weren’t enough to conceal it – what you felt was far too powerful for you to hide and parts of you began to filter into the room of people that loved having you around. Seungmin could tell something was there, but he would wait for you to embrace all that you were. He’d already waited this long after all.

So for now, Seungmin watched as you ordered a cheeseburger with a side of garlic fries and a Sprite.

⌕.  author’s note ;     something i most definitely wrote on a whim. the style is a little different from how i usually write and i like it a little more, but it was ngl extremely hard to do. haven’t posted much about seungmin in a while despite him being my ult, but i’m glad to be back hehe.

⌕. taglist ; @enhacolor @soobin-chois @koishua @chrysbibi

[lovestaysblogs]

where the hell is the rest of my egg?!

pairing: college au!seungmin x reader word count: 899 genre: college au, fluff warnings: mention of accidentally skipping meals.

network: @skzstarnet

It was a hard day for you. You had classes from 8 till 5, giving you no chance to rest, leaving you with barely any chance to eat. Not to mention, you immediately had to go to the library to do some assignments because for some reason you got no work done at your shared dorm. 

As a foreign student living in Korea, you came to realize that this, though strange to you at first, was the norm here. It adapted to you easily. Now, it’s a part of your everyday life. Plus with your heavy workload, it made sense you would skip meals. Your roommate however hates how much you overwork yourself.

A text message from her comes in ‘have u eaten?’

Your eyes rolled playfully, before you responded to her, ‘no mother, i have not,’

She texts back immediately, ‘go eat. now. or im locking u out of the dorm!!’

You were going to text back that isn’t actually possible but you looked at the time to realize it was in fact way too late for you not to have eaten. It was nearly ten pm and you forgot to eat yet again.

You decided to listen to Lily for once, and packed up your stuff and to find a random restaurant still open at this time. 

As you stepped outside your university’s library, the cold air engulfed you. It was early January and winter was still in session. You reached in your bag for your jacket only to realize you left in the library. Cold and hungry, you started to walk looking for a warm meal, preferably simple ramen.

Walking into a small ramen restaurant, grateful you found it as it’s the only place that’s open this late, somewhat near your university. The yellow lights gave the warmth you so desperately craved after being in the cold for so long. The restaurant in itself was empty except for one student at a table in the corner, waiting for his food.

You gave a kind smile to the owner of the restaurant as you ordered your ramen. You took a seat near the cash register. As you waited you texted Lily that you were in fact getting food and she shouldn’t lock you out tonight.

The owner came out with two bowls of ramen on a tray, placing one on your table you smiled gratefully as you thanked him.

Before you could even take a bite, you heard commotion in the back of the restaurant.

“Are you serious? Half an egg? Where’s the other half?”

Looking at your bowl you realize, he did only give you half an egg. 

“You both are late customers. And I only had one egg. Unless you want to share I can’t do anything else,”

The egg guy hesitant looked over to you, making eye contact. He rolled his eyes and mumbled something to the owner, while shaking his head. You sure as hell were not going to ‘share’ with a random stranger. You were grateful to even find the restaurant open this late. 

You tucked your curls behind your hair and began eating. Soon thereafter a bottle of milk got placed on your table, you looked up at the owner to tell him you didn’t order it but he pointed at the egg guy in the corner that looked terribly interested in his phone at the moment.

He again hesitantly looked over at you and you shyly smiled, gave the slightest bow of your head, which he repeated.

Now that you look at him properly, the egg guy was kinda cute. His jet black hair slightly covered his glasses which he tried to fix every time he went to take a bite of the ramen.

After eating your meal, it was nearing 11pm. You dreaded going out in the cold, but Lily was waiting up on you and it would be wicked to let her wait any longer. Before bracing yourself and exiting the restaurant you heard a soft but firm voice from behind you.

“Are you alright over there?”

When you turned around it was egg guy. You were now face to face and can confirm, egg guy is extremely attractive.

“I don’t mean to be a bother but you seemed to be thinking long before you left,” He said with a shy smile on his face.

“Oh, no it’s fine,” You started to say but the quip of his eyebrow made you tell him exactly what’s wrong, “Actually, I left my jacket in the library and it’s so cold out and my dorm is a good walk away. I was just enjoying the warmth for a bit longer,” You shyly laughed, hoping to make it seem like it’s not a big deal.

“You can borrow mines,” He said casually while shrugging off his black jacket.

Your mouth slightly parted in shock, “No it’s fine. It’s so cold out, you need your jacket,”

He shook his head, “It’s fine as well. I do well in the cold. Plus, we already shared an egg, what’s the harm in letting you borrow my jacket?” He said with a slight smile on his face.

You softly giggled before finally accepting the jacket, “I guess you’re right? But I owe you,”

He softly sighed and nodded his head dejectedly, “Sure, but only if I could maybe get your name?”

“It’s Y/N”

“I’m Seungmin,”.

a/n: eeeee my first fic!!! i have so many ideas in my head but i decided to start off with a simple seungmin fic 🫶 i hope u like it ^-^

please be gentle on me i haven’t written fanfic or posted my writing publicly in years!

please reblog if u like 🥹 i will reblog back! and if u wanna comment on anything or ask me any questions send me an ask 🥹🫶

okay bye <3

[myseungsunglove]

Why Hullo there

I’ve been MIA from the writing world for about a month, sorry. 😭 Life has just grabbed me by the *metaphorical* balls so far this year and hasn’t let go.

I miss writing. So here’s the sitch.

I know I have pieces that people are waiting for or anticipating like some smut Drabbles, my angsty Chan piece, my potential first poly fic with Seungsung x reader, and my usual drop in the bucket Seungmin Drabbles. I’m sorry I’ve kept you waiting. This month doesn’t look better in the busy department BUT I’d like to get some regularity with my writing.

So I’m “opening” my asks to see if anything sparks. No promises that any inspiration will come but it s worth a TRY. I’m desperate to find my writing flow again. I tend to lean writing Seungmin, Chan, Han, and Lee Know and generally get inspired in that order. I have written Hyunjin and could probably manage the others but it’d really have to be a big spark to get me there for Innie, Changbin, and Felix just because I don’t know them as well from a writing perspective.

So hop in there if you have any thoughts or ideas. I’ll write angst, fluff, smut, you name it. Know that If it sparks it does if it doesn’t it doesn’t. And if it icks me out or makes me uncomfortable, I’ll just delete it. Please don’t be offended either way. I’m just trying to get the juices flowing. 😭 and go!

[ujimoo]

For Tonight, For The Weekend, Forever. | KSM

synopsis: going home for your childhood friend's wedding was the easy part, however, facing him was something else entirely.

pairings: seungmin x fem!reader, jisung x OC, chan x OC.

includes: past love, first love, angst, best friend!Jisung, weekend romance, heartbreak, second-chance romance.

WARNING: mention of mature themes, suggestive - implied sex, but no actual smut. mature jokes (one death joke, sex jokes), drinking, mentions of eating and multiple restaurant 'eating scenes', maybe more i’ve missed - let me know if i have

word count: 24,976

a.n. Here it is! My longest fic I have ever written for tumblr. As I said in the teaser, this original idea comes from the song Tis The Damn Season by Taylor Swift, however, as you can tell, it's changed a lot since the original idea. ALSO, I just want to say a massive thank you to Galaxy from @plutominho for being my best friend, the greatest editor, the best person to brainstorm with and for being my number one supporter, I love you so much more than I could possibly describe. Thank you for putting up with me when it came to writing this fic and thank you for putting up with me in general haha.

a.a.n. parts in all italics are flashbacks!!

permanent tag list: @awooghan​ @soobin-chois @curlytxe @treetops68 @minniee-bear 

tag list: @smally97 @blueleventprint @heeverseblog​

It’s the sounds of typing coming from your best friend Gwen’s laptop that keep you awake– barely. Looking down at the book that was led out on the desk in front of you, you sigh. Your brain feels numb and everything you read leaves your mind the moment you look away. 

It doesn’t help that the library you’re currently sitting in was eerily quiet. Sure, it was late and many other students had given up on studying at this point and you couldn’t blame them, but at the same time. It was almost too quiet. 

���Did you get the invite to the wedding?” Gwen’s voice causes you to jump out of your skin. The sound of Gwen’s bubblegum-like voice definitely wakes you up. 

Rubbing your eyes with the back of your hands, you question her. “Get what?” 

“The invite,” Gwen says slowly. “To Mina and Chan’s wedding.” 

Shrugging and pushing the book away from you. You lean back against your seat. 

“I don’t know,” you starts. “Maybe, I haven’t checked my mail in a few days.” 

Glancing over at Gwen, who smiles a small smile, you copy her.

“Well make sure to check, Mina will kill you if you don’t go,” Gwen laughs. 

You nod your head as you begin to shove your now discarded books into your bag. It was late and you had had enough of trying to study now.

“Yeah yeah, I know, I’ll check,” you hum. “Also, make sure not to stay here too late. At least get that Dofus you call a boyfriend-...” 

Gwen quickly cuts you off,  “not my boyfriend.”

This was enough to cause you to mentally face-palm. Shaking your head, you put your backpack over your shoulders. 

“Either way, don’t walk home alone in the dark.” 

“Yeah yeah,” Gwen says. “Just make sure to catch up on sleep okay? And actually, eat something good for once!” 

You don’t look back at your best friend, but raise a hand to signal that you had in fact heard her last words and made your way back to your apartment. 

Your apartment was small and outdated. The air was dry, yet somehow, you were sure there was mould growing in the corner of your living room and whilst you knew you should call your landlord, you just couldn’t be bothered. 

Not long now, you thought to yourself. 

It wasn’t long until you could move out and move on from the place for good. It wasn’t long until you could get a better one, maybe one closer to home. Somewhere where the rent wasn’t as hefty. 

Somewhere that actually kept the warmth in. 

Letting your bag drop onto the small couch and you ran a hand through your hair. It wasn’t until a moment later that you remembered about having to check your mailbox. You didn’t want to, maybe you could make up some excuse that you forgot or that you misplaced your mailbox key, but you knew Gwen wouldn't stand for it. 

“Shit,” you mumble, grabbing your keys once more and heading back out the door. 

Thankfully, you only lived on the first floor, so it wasn’t that much of a journey down to the postroom. 

The main entrance and the postroom were completely different to the rest of the building. They were in pristine condition compared to literally everywhere else. As if the main entrance was to lure you in. That’s how it happened to you at least, with promises of how the rest of the building would one day look like the polished main entrance. 

Promises that were never kept.

 Going over to your personal mailbox, you take the key and unlock it. There wasn’t much in there like you normally assumed. The usual; bills, junk mail, more bills. However, wedged between two letters was the card you had been looking for. 

A white card sprayed with gold edges. It was definitely it. 

Delicately turning it around and you smile lightly at the fancy lettering. This was definitely the type of invite one Kim Mina would send.  

‘You are invited to the wedding of Kim Mina and Bang Chan’. 

Closing your mailbox and quickly locking it back up. You make your way back up to your apartment. Carefully placing the invite onto your mantel above your non-working fireplace and stare at it for a moment. 

Then the moment passes and you grab your backpack once more and head straight for your bedroom. There was a lot to think about when it came to the wedding, the most notable being who would be in attendance. That thought was something you didn’t want, so for now, you’d ignore it– until you couldn’t anymore.

→→

The second time Gwen asks about the invite, you’re both walking between classes. Whilst you weren’t the same majors, you were lucky enough to finish classes at the same time. So, that’s what you would do every Wednesday since you both started that year of university:

You’d finish class at the same time, meet at the main entrance to the building, Gwen would walk with you to your next class and then Gwen would wait around for her boyfriend, that isn’t her boyfriend– long story– jisung to meet her after his own class finished at 5 pm. 

“So did you get the invite or not?” Gwen asks. “You never said anything about it last time.” 

Pulling your bag straps closer to the middle of your chest, you hum in response. “Oh yeah, I got it.” 

Gwen makes a face, basically telling you to continue, but you decide to stay silent.

“And?!” Gwen gasps. “You’re going to have to respond soon, Mina will be pissed if you don’t go, you know this.” 

“I know!” you whine. “It’s just, I know I’ll see him.” 

“And?” Gwen repeats. “This is our best friend since childhood’s wedding. Don’t let her dumb brother make you miss out on something like that and anyway,” Gwen gulps. “I’d be more scared of Mina’s wrath of you missing her wedding than of you having to face him for like four days.” 

You sink into yourself at the thought of it, “true.”

Seeing him was one thing, but Mina’s wrath was a whole other thing entirely. The one way to describe that of Kim Mina and that was the devil in human form. Sure, she was the kindest person you and Gwen had ever met. Mina would do anything for anyone she cared about, however, Mina was blunt. She was more than blunt, she was ruthless and said things how she saw them. She couldn’t sugarcoat things just to sugarcoat, but that’s what made her words mean so much more. 

All the Kim siblings were one and the same, like carbon copies of each other. Mina, her twin brother and their younger brother, Seungmin. Aka the man you didn’t want to see.

“If you really don’t want to go, then you don’t have to.” Gwen pats you on the shoulder. “But remember what I said, don’t let him be the reason for missing out on something like this. She’s only ever going to have one wedding.”

Stopping outside of the building of your next class. You nod your head. 

 “You’re right– and don’t say I told you so,” you quickly add when you see the look of mischief on Gwen’s face. “I’ll tell her I’m going tonight when I get home.” 

“Good,” Gwen smiles. “You can drive down with me and Ji.” 

You instantly let out a groan as you lean your head back., “And listen to you flirt fight or whatever the heck it is you do for like six hours?” 

“We do not do that!” Gwen rolls her eyes. “And hey, it’s up to you, I was just thinking it would save you gas money…” 

you give in instantly. Screw gas prices and their ways of rising prices. Can’t they just think of students for once?

“Fine! But I swear to God if you guys flirt the whole way I’m going to scream.” 

Gwen pushes you in the direction of the doors and repeats herself. “We don’t and we won’t!” 

you found it hard to believe her, but you decide that it was easier just to give in.

→→

By the time you got home, it was dark and you felt sticky and damp. With the changing of the weather, you had begun to dress more warmly in the morning only for you to be sweating your ass off by the time midday rolled around. To be fair, you did this every year, but still, you never learnt. 

The feeling of having to go up one flight of stairs was enough to make you feel mad.  Pulling off your hat, your frizzy hair springs up at the lack of force smothering it down. Shoving it into your bag, you put your keys in between your lips for a minute as you struggle to take off your scarf and shove that in there too. 

Taking your keys from your lips and rushing towards your door, and unlock it. Stripping off your coat in record time, you let that and your bag fall to the floor. As you stumble to the bathroom, you take off your trousers and let them trail behind you. Flicking the light on, you head straight for your shower, turn it on and as you wait for it to heat up, you go to your bedroom to get yourself a set of pyjamas for after your much-needed shower. 

The shower was nice, it was everything you needed after the day you had. You were thankful that you were able to wash away your worries about the wedding and how you were able to reminisce on the words Gwen had told you and you were even able to practice what you were going to say when you would inevitably call Mina later that night. 

You turn off the shower and step out, shivering at the cold as you wrap yourself up in your towel. You dry yourself, putting on some underwear and your pyjamas. Not bothering with anything like body cream, you make your way back through the hallway, picking up your discarded trouser, your coat as well as your bag. Hanning up your coat, and resting your bag on the couch, you threw your dirty trouser into the washing basket before going back to dig your phone out of the depths of your bag. 

Scrolling through the notifications on the lock screen, you ignore the notifications that were from useless apps you even forgot you had, like random tweet alerts from Twitter, video notifications from youtube and focused more on your text message alerts. 

There was a string of texts from a group chat you have with Gwen and jisung and you make sure to click on that one first. 

Wannabe Spiderman: 4:55 pm 

Gwen told me ur riding with us to the wedding… sick! 

Princess Gwen<3: 4:56 pm 

Never say that again, you’re such a dork. 

Wannabe Spiderman: 4:56 pm

U hurt my feelings, that is so not sick! 

Princess Gwen<3: 4:57 pm

I hate you omg

Giggling away at Gwen and Jisung’s exchanges, you type out your own message before quickly hitting send. 

y/nnie stupid: 6:02 pm

Weren’t you guys together at this point? 

Also, who changed my nickname? 

Princess Gwen<3: 6:03 pm

Yes, and who do you think? 

y/nnie stupid: 6:04 pm

The dofus?

Princess Gwen<3: 6:04 pm

DING DING DING! WE HAVE A WINNER! 

Wannabe Spiderman: 6:06 pm

I feel like u guys just like ganging up on me

Just say ur jealous of my great nicknaming skills and go

y/nnie stupid: 6:07 pm

Sure we are, sooo jealous. 

Wannabe Spiderman: 6:08 pm

BULLIES ! all of you !

Rolling your eyes and laughing at jisung’s texts and you back out of the message chain before clicking into a private one between you and Gwen. 

Gwen<3: 6:02 pm

I know you’re worried about this whole wedding thing and having to see ******** again, but it’ll be okay. I’ll fight him for you and you know Mina wouldn’t want anything bad to happen either. 

y/nnie<3: 6:09 pm

Did you really censor his name? 

Gwen<3: 6:10 pm

Of course, I did. He makes you upset so he must not be named in our sacred texts. 

y/nnie<3: 6:10 pm

Lol, i love you

Gwen<3: 6:11 pm

Love you too<3 

But, for real, the wedding will be okay, you won’t even have to leave my side if it makes you feel better. I have my own room at the hotel, we can just share so you won’t have to be alone?

y/nnie<3: 6:13 pm

Okay, would love that. I need to call Mina before it gets too late, but I’ll tell you how it goes at some point later. 

Try not to kill sung when I’m gone.

Gwen<3: 6:15 pm

Yeah, you must! 

And no promises<3 

Closing the app, you soon pull up Mina’s contact and let your thumb hover over the call button. 

It was now or never. You had to, you couldn’t push this off any longer even if you wanted to– which if you could, you probably would. 

Clicking call, you hold it up to your ear as you bite at the skin around your thumbnail on your other hand in anticipation. It felt like the ringing tone was mocking you– if it could even mock you? You weren’t so sure anymore. 

The call clicked through and the bright voice of Mina rang through your speakers and into your ears. 

“y/nnie!” Mina exclaims. “How are you?” 

  Humming, you smile as you respond,. “I’m good, how are you?” 

“Good, I’m good too.” 

you can practically hear Mina smiling through the phone and you’re is inclined to try and match it. 

“So, what are you calling for?” Mina asks. 

you quickly respond, “about the wedding!” 

“Ah, great! Calling to say you’re coming right? Cause I already have you set down as so.” 

you laugh and attempt to nod your head before realising Mina couldn’t see you. You knew Mina would do this, you knew that she knew you would go regardless of how you felt. 

“Yes yes, I’m coming so don’t think otherwise.” 

“Good,” Mina hums. “I was worried for a second there when you hadn’t responded to the invite that you weren’t going to.” 

“No, I’m coming.” 

“You better, I’ll hunt you down otherwise,” Mina adds before letting out a laugh. 

“Yeah, I know you would.” you laugh too. “And good for me, I am going so no need to get the hunting tools out.” 

You can hear movement in the background and Mina soon turns her attention back to your conversation. 

“I gotta go y/nnie, I’m sorry, Chan is going to be back soon and I’m in the middle of preparing dinner.” 

“Okay,” you respond quickly. “I need to do some food too.” 

“Yeah, you do,” Mina states. “And make sure it’s something other than ramen this time around.” 

Rolling your eyes, you hum, however, you couldn’t fight her because she wasn’t wrong. “Yes, mother.” 

Sharing a laugh, you both quickly say your goodbyes and end the call. You were actually starting to get hungry. Mina mentioning food had made you realise it and thankfully you had actually gone shopping for once, a few days beforehand. So, you definitely had something other than ramen that night. 

→→

You weren’t sure how you ended up aimlessly wandering around at some house party. Gwen had dragged both you and Jisung there as a way to 'celebrate' the that it was the beginning of the final year, but she promptly went off somewhere leaving you and Jisung alone. That was until jisung saw something or someone and disappeared without you even knowing. 

Sure parties were fun, and you liked a good party now and then, but as you stood idly, on the front porch, hoping to catch a glimpse of either of your best friends, the party had lost its spark. 

The air was still cold and your knitted jumper did just a good enough job of shielding you from it, but even with your sweater paws, every now and then a shiver would run down your spine. You wondered if it would be a good time to walk home. Sure you knew, that it was dark and it was a dumb and dangerous idea to walk by yourself, especially without informing your two best friends, but even after an hour at least, you still hadn't found them. 

It was boring, you were bored. You just wanted to go home and find something to watch and prayed that you kept yourself warm enough so you didn't catch a cold. 

"You alright?" You jump at the sudden voice next to you and turn around to see Seungmin with a concerned look on his face. 

You knew Seungmin– well knew him a bit, you had had classes together all throughout high school, but something in you changed within the last year that made you look at him differently. You weren't sure what it was exactly, but something about him made your heart flutter. 

"I'm okay," you smile. "I lost my friends, I thinking of heading home." You laugh at your words. 

"On your own?" He asks and you nod in response. "But it's dangerous, what if something happens?" 

"Eh," you push your lips into a thin line. "What's the worst that could happen?" 

"A lot of things?" He responds to your rhetorical question.

Turning your body to face him, you smile. "I'll be fine, plus if you're worried so much you could always walk me back?" 

Seungmin blinks and the sides of his mouth lift into a smile, one that makes your own even wider. You shocked yourself at your own confidence, but what surprised you more was the fact he agreed. 

"Okay," he hums. "I'll walk with you." 

"You sure?" You ask, pointing casually at the front door. "Not worried about leaving the party so soon?" 

He shakes his head and motions for you to lead the way. "Nah, the party doesn't seem to compare now." 

The walk back with him was an experience like no other and Seungmin is almost charming, showering you with compliments. Saying how the walk back with you is more fun than he's had in the past hour and a half he had been back at the party. 

So when you slow down and stop outside of your house, it's sad. You didn't want to part ways with him just yet, this was the most you had spoken to him in one go, and you didn't want it to end so early. 

Turning to him once again, you smile. "Thank you for walking back with me." 

"Thank you for your company," he smiles. 

Looking up at him, your smile doesn't leave your face and his own seemed to mimic yours. 

You couldn't tell how long you had both been standing there, looking at each other, but just like the walk, you didn't want it to end. He steps forward, leaning his face closer ever so slightly and whispers. "Can I say goodnight?" 

Butterflies erupt in your chest as you question, "In what way?." 

“A special way, with your consent of course,” he responds.

He doesn’t wait for you to finish nodding.

Your first kiss with Seungmin is short and sweet and you can taste a hint of cola on his lips. 

It didn’t matter that you had nothing to compare it to, but something in your heart knew that you'd never want to kiss anyone else if it wasn't Seungmin's lips on yours.

→→

Wannabe Spiderman: 10:05 am

We’re on our way now bishh

Gwen is yelling at me already, so pls be ready :D 

y/nnie stupid: 10:06 am

I’m ready and honestly, you probably deserve it

Wannabe Spiderman: 10:06 am

What is it with u guys and bullying me…

y/nnie stupid: 10:07 am

Love u too<3

Princess Gwen<3: 10:09 am

WTF I DIDNT YELL AT YOU YOU LIAR 

y/nnie stupid: 10:09 am

Focus on the road?!?!!!

Wannabe Spiderman: 10:10 am

She was at a stoplight

And she did btw

y/nnie SHE JUST HIT ME

SHE DID IT AGAIN

y/nnie stupid: 10:12 am

Please don’t kill each other before we’ve even left, thanks<3

You finish typing out the text, hit send and roll your eyes as you lock your phone before slipping it into the pocket of your coat. Grabbing the small suitcase you packed basically the night before, you open and hold the door open with your foot as you try to wrangle your way out. Succeeding, you let out a huff and begin to roll the suitcase to the stairs and quickly make your way to ground level and out onto the main road. 

By the time it took you to get outside, Gwen was already parked up with the trunk of her car open. She’s leant over it, clearing the bags back up so there’s a space for your stuff

“Where’s the dofus?” you laugh, your suitcase coming to a stop beside your feet. 

Rolling her eyes, Gwen motions to the space in the trunk for your suitcase. “I sent him down the street for coffee. I need it, especially for this trip.��� 

Lifting up your suitcase, you attempt to slot it into the free place and your mind begins to wander. It had been a month since you had originally called Mina to tell her that you would be attending her wedding and for the first week since then, you genuinely felt okay, you felt good– really good. However, the past few days had been different. It was like all of your anxieties were inside of you waiting to escape– just like a shaken-up coke can. 

Your hands go up to close the trunk, however, it slips from your fingers and slams shut. This causes you to jump in surprise. Standing there, staring at the girl with a concerned look, Gwen tilts her head slightly. 

“You good, y/nnie?” she asks.

You quickly nod, your thoughts coming back to you. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” 

Gwen continues to look at you but decides to move on for a moment as she checks to make sure the trunk is properly closed before going around to get into the driver's seat. Looking over the top of the car at you, Gwen finally speaks once more.

“Please sit in the front, I can’t deal with Ji’s yapping in my ear constantly for six hours.” 

bursting into laughter and clapping your hands together, you nod.. “Will do.” 

You both get into the car and you turn to the blonde-headed girl next to you. 

“I’d say, if I didn’t know you I’d say you despised Ji.” 

Gwen lets out a groan, rolling her eyes as she looks at the steering wheel in front of her. 

“I don’t hate him, you know I don’t hate him,” Gwen sighs. “He just frustrates me.” 

“Because you love him and don’t know how to tell him.” 

Gwen’s head snaps in your direction. “I don’t love him! God, why would I love him?! He’s just a goddamn idiot.” 

Staring back at her with a blank expression, you blink. “Could you be any more of a tsundere?” 

Gwen mimics her words and makes a face to herself in disbelief. She stares out of the large window and down the street. Looking out for jisung making his way back to the car. 

“And don’t try and distract me, I know you’re acting weird and that your mind is going crazy on you,” Gwen explains. 

“I’m fine,” you fake a laugh. “Finer than fine.” 

Gwen snorts a laugh, “Bullshit! You’re freaking out because now you really have to go to Mina’s wedding, and see Seungmin and there’s no way for you to back out.” 

Feeling your cheeks begin to heat up, you look away and try to focus on something else. You don’t even try to deny Gwen’s claims, especially since she was right.

“And you’re not even fighting me on it,” Gwen tuts. “Seriously, babe, I’ll beat him up if he tries anything. I have your back.” 

You scoff and look back over to the blonde. “You couldn’t hurt anyone even if you tried.” 

Mimicking her words again, Gwen rolls her eyes. “Well, it’s the thought that counts.” 

“But is it though?” you ask rhetorically. 

“Look, we both know jisung couldn’t hurt a fly, so it’s up to me to be the badass of the group.” 

“That’s automatically Mina’s role,” you add. “And you love to burn him when he isn’t even here to defend himself.” 

“Well,  she’s not here right now is she? and of course I do, I need to get serotonin from somewhere.” 

“You need to stop being so mean to him,” you laugh causing Gwen to shrug. 

“He knows I don’t mean it,” Gwen responds, looking down to fiddle with her fingers in her lap. 

“Who knows you don’t mean it?” jisung’s voice causes both of you to jump out of your skin. Gwen looks around to see jisung is leant up against the car door, peering through the window with a tray of coffees in one hand. 

“Coffee,” Gwen hums, instantly going to grab one. “And no one it doesn’t matter.” 

jisung raises an eyebrow and looks over at you and just shrug your shoulders. Pouting, he looks back over to Gwen. “I thought I was sitting in the front?” 

“You’ve been demoted,” she says sipping away at her coffee. you weren’t sure you had even seen the girl as happy as she was with a coffee in her hand. 

“Fine,” jisung huffs. “I got you a caramel latte, y/nnie.” 

“And you’re the best,” you smile, leaning over to grab the hot drink from him.

Getting into the back seat, jisung leans forward between the two front seats. “So what were you two lovely ladies talking about just then?” Jisung cheekily smiles. “Gossiping about how you’re both deeply in love with me and can’t decide who should get the honour of dating me?” 

Gwen rolls her eyes and fakes a gag. “God, you’re obnoxious, you wish.” 

“You’re not my one-of-a-kind type of guy, sorry Ji,” you laugh, sending him a look.. 

“Well, I’ll have–” Jisung begins to speak, however, Gwen covers his mouth with her hand causing the rest of his sentence to come out in muffles. 

“We weren’t talking about that and don’t press on it okay?” Gwen asks. 

Gasping, Gwen quickly pulls her hand back before hitting Jisung in the shoulder. 

Looking back and forth between the two of you,, Jisung sighs. His eyes settle on you and frowns. “This is about Min isn’t it?” 

“Jisung!” 

“It’s fine!” you laugh. “It’s not like he doesn’t know anything about it.” 

Pushing his head back through the gap in the two front seats, he smiles, patting you on the shoulder. “I can protect you y/nnie, don’t worry.” 

It only takes one shared look between you and Gwen to turn to him, blink and burst into laughter. 

“What?! Why are you guys laughing?! I can protect her!” 

“You-” you hiccup as you try to speak. “You’d cry if he even looked at you the wrong way.” 

Jisung rolls his eyes as you both soon start to calm down, however, when you guys look at him again, both of your laughter start back up. 

“Bullies,” jisung mutters to himself, leaning back into the seat with his arms crossed. “All of you.” 

Gwen wipes her eyes, turning her attention towards the steering wheel. “Okay, okay,” she repeats as she tries to calm down. “We need to get going if we want to be there before nightfall.” 

 “Want me to play the tunes?” Jisung asks, popping his head through the gap once more. You weren’t sure where the boy got his energy from, part of you didn’t want to know. You were just thankful he decided not to drink coffee otherwise he would have been bouncing off the car walls.

“No!” Gwen cries as she starts the car. “You’ll play those stupid meme songs and you’ve been playing them nonstop already.” 

“You just have bad taste,” jisung snaps back, making Gwen gasp. 

“Taylor Swift is not bad taste and you know it,” Gwen laughs. “Mr let's be up at midnight so we can listen to midnights.” 

jisung stays quiet and Gwen scoffs to herself and mumbles something that you're unable to hear. Shaking your head, you turn to watch the world pass you by through the window. 

→→

“Can we stop to go to the bathroom?” Jisung complains from the back seat. 

“Why didn’t you go when we stopped literally half an hour ago?” you laugh as you ask him, looking over your shoulder. 

Jisung groans, sinking into his seat. “Because I didn’t need to go then!” 

“You’re a child!” Gwen cries.

“I’m older than you!” Jisung cries back. 

“By two days!” 

“Can we please stop, I need to go really bad!” Jisung begins to whine, stopping a foot. “Like I can’t even hold it, I could–” 

“Don’t you dare,” Gwen hisses, glaring at him through the review mirror. “The next stop is in ten minutes, so you better hold it otherwise if you piss in my car I’m leaving you there to rot.” 

“Okay, okay!” jisung responds. 

Watching from the sidelines, you giggle as you look back at a fidgeting jisung and then over at Gwen, you swore you could see the steam trying to escape her ears. 

It was a bit longer than ten minutes before Gwen pulls the car over and stops in one of the service stations and as soon as the car is stopped and off, Jisung unbuckles his belt and is off and out of the car in a flash. 

“At least we can get snacks?” you try and reassure her. 

Nodding along, Gwen takes her keys and opens her door and before she gets out, she turns to you. “And we’re not sharing them with him.” 

Laughing, you follow along behind her, making your way into the little shopping centre. 

Going into one of the general stores, Gwen wanders away as, you pick up a basket and begin to throw in a bunch of random snacks in there for both you and Gwen– and Jisung. Eventually finding you again, Gwen’s arms are now full of bottles of cold coffee and a few bottles of pop. 

“Don’t you want some water?” you ask as Gwen dumps all of the bottles into the basket. 

“I’ll have water when I’m dead,” she responds. 

Your eyebrows furrow together and you blink in confusion. “That’s not even the saying.” 

“Eh,” she shrugs. “Too bad.” 

Continuing to slowly make your way around the store and to waste time whilst you were waiting for Jisung to use the bathroom, you look over things you knew you wouldn’t buy. 

With Gwen following behind you this time, she clears her throat. “How are you feeling?” 

“Is this your way of seeing if I’m going to have an emotional breakdown anytime soon?” 

With a blank face, Gwen stares at you when you look away from the shelf and at her. 

“No, it’s just we’re like three hours away and just wanted to make sure you weren’t feeling too bad.” 

You shrug. You were trying not to think about it, because if you thought about it then the shaken can of your emotions would explode. You didn’t want that, Gwen and Jisung didn’t want that and Mina, Chan and everyone else didn’t want that either. 

“I’m fine,” you say with a sigh. 

“You haven’t seen him since he left,” Gwen states and you nod along. 

“I know Gwen,” you say laughing. “I was there.” 

“It’s just, I haven’t said it yet, but it’s okay to be nervous.”

You nod and hum for the nth time. “Thanks, Gwen, I mean it.” 

 Gwen doesn’t say much but picks up another item before putting it into the basket and you have to shift the weight by holding onto it with your arm. Gwen sees your struggle and takes the basket from you and you both walk over to the self-service. Scanning your items and paying for them. You split the bags between the both of you and start to make your way back to Gwen’s car. 

Exiting the large front doors of the service station, you stop when you see Jisung, sitting on the hood of Gwen’s car with a gigantic cup of a drink from the fast food place. 

“That brat,” Gwen hisses. “I swear to God if he complains he needs to piss again in twenty minutes, I’m kicking him out of the car.” 

You can’t help but laugh and you laugh even more when Jisung finally notices you both at the door and starts waving frantically at you both. 

“I can’t believe I like that fool,” Gwen tries to mumble to herself, but you catch it with a gasp. 

“I heard that!” You smile wide. “You finally said it! You like him!” 

Her eyes narrow as she snaps her head in your direction. “You. Heard. Nothing.” 

“Oh no,” You giggle, walking backwards in the direction of the car as you continue to look at her. “I definitely heard it.” 

“I swear to God y/n, I’ll leave you here too.” 

“Maybe that’s what I want, ever thought of that?” 

“You asshole,” Gwen hisses, following after you. 

“I won’t say anything,” you smile cheekily. “Yet.” You add before turning around and running over to the car. 

“What’s up, ladies?” Jisung asks, taking a long sip of his drink when you stop in front of the car. 

Gwen doesn’t look at either of you before opening her car door and throwing the bags inside. Looking up at Jisung once, her eyes narrow at him. 

“If you complain you need to piss again in half an hour, you’re dead.” 

“Got it.” He salutes.

Getting off of the hood of the car, he tries his best to look inside the carrier bags. “Got any snacks for me too?” 

“No/Yes,” Both you and Gwen say at the same time. 

“I thought we said we wouldn’t share!” Gwen gasps. 

“I felt bad!” You whine. 

“Thank you y/nnie,” Jisung says, patting you on the back. “At least one of you cares about me to get me snacks.” 

“Shut up Dofus,” Gwen rolls her eyes as she gets into the car and closes the door behind her. 

“She does care,” you hum at Jisung, making him laugh.

“I know,” he smiles. “It’s just fun pissing her off.” 

Rolling your eyes, you open the passenger side door. “You two are unbelievable.” 

→→

Resting your head in your palm, your eyes linger on the boy who was sitting at another table across from you in the dining hall. Your heart swirls when he makes eye contact and smiles before looking away.  

“Why haven’t you asked him out yet?” Jisung asks, moving to the seat in front of you, blocking the boy from view. 

Your eyebrows furrow, and tilting your head, you send a look of confusion in Jisung’s direction. “Who?” 

His face is blank like he just mentally face-palmed ten times over. He knew that you knew who he was on about, but he still gave in to your little charade. Resting his arms on the table, he leans forward and attempts to whisper, “Seungmin.” 

“Do you have to say it so loud?!” You hiss, pushing him away from you. 

He shrugs, picking up some of the leftover food that was on your tray. “Eh, I tried.” 

“You’re a pain in the ass,” you respond. 

“Who’s a pain in the ass?” Gwen asks, falling into the seat next to you with her tray of food. 

“Jisung–” 

“Say no more,” Gwen simply responds. 

When Jisung leans over to bug Gwen, you look back over to Seungmin and you smile at the way he looks over at you and slyly motions with his hand for you to leave the dining room. 

Looking back over to Jisung and Gwen, you clear your throat. “I forgot I had to do something before our next class, so I’ll just meet you there.” You said, getting up from out of your seat. 

Both of your best friends raise their eyebrows at you in suspicion. 

“Going where?” Gwen asks. 

“Just to the library, I’ll meet you at class,” and before they get another word out, you through your backpack over your shoulder and quickly make your way out of the dining hall and down the hallway. 

It wasn’t until you were a good distance away, that a hand-pulled you into an empty storage closet. 

Giggling, you lean up against the door and up at the culprit. 

“Hey,” 

“Hi, Min,” you smile, as his fingers entwine with your own. 

Seungmin stands above you, a smile playing on his lips. He squeezes your hand and takes the smallest step closer to you, “I missed you.” 

“I missed you too,” you hum.  “My friends are starting to get suspicious about me randomly disappearing, I can't tell if they're picking up on what we're doing.”

Chuckling, he raises an eyebrow at your statement and leans in to place a kiss on your cheek. “Really?”

You nod, leaning into his touch.

Seungmin holds the kiss for a second before pulling back. “That’s…” he pursed his lips together. “That’s… wow.”

“Yeah.” You hesitated before you continued.

it had been six months, five hours and forty-three minutes since the first time Seungmin had kissed you. Not that you would ever let him know that you knew it down to the minute, but ever since, Seungmin would pull you into random storage closets or empty classrooms whenever he wanted attention. If you were all around your friends, he'd try his best to find signals to get you to sneak away with him without anyone knowing.

Sure, it was fun, but at the same time, it was hard trying to hide it from everyone you cared about most. Especially when those said friends knew of your feelings for the boy. You just couldn't get a grasp on how he felt in return. It confused you and made you wonder about how he truly felt about you.

"What would I say if they figured it out?" You asked. "How would I explain it? Us? Are we even…?"

You didn't finish your sentence and even in the dark closet, you catch Seungmin’s eyes widen in panic. He made eye contact with you for a second, but let his eyes fall to the floor just as quickly. “Um…”

Your heart drops to your stomach.

Seungmin notices a dejected glint in your eye as you push your lips together and sigh. “Listen, Y/N…”

You didn’t need to hear more; that was enough of an answer. But you were too frozen to do anything else.

"We're having fun," Seungmin tries to explain, however, it was going in one ear and out the other. "Why need to explain what's going on?" 

Blinking, you nod. You couldn't say anything, it was like your mind had gone into emergency shutdown mode and you couldn't bring yourself to say a word– you couldn't. And it was like you could feel little cracks in your heart forming and everything Seungmin continued to say was like an ice pick chipping away at the already-formed lines. 

"Why do they need to know our business?" This was the final blow to the ice pick he has to your heart. "Y/N..." 

"It's fine." Clearing your throat, you nod and finally gain the courage to look him in the eye. There was a look in his eyes that you couldn't begin to describe, "I get it Seungmin." 

Your eyes feel glassy and you blink so quickly to try and stop them from spilling over onto your cheeks. Your hand goes limp in his. He doesn't say anything, just watches you-- examines you and you finally look away. 

"I need to get to class," 

You step away from him. His hand tightens around yours, but you pull it away.

"Y/N." 

"I get it Seungmin, I need to go." 

You quickly leave the storage closet and thankfully the hallway is empty. Hiccupping, the tears finally fall from your eyes and you wipe them away just as quickly. 

The door opens again and his footsteps fill your ears. They stop for a moment and part of you wishes that he'd come over, apologise and tell you that he'd shout about you and each other from the rooftops. However, that doesn't happen and the footsteps start up again but then get quieter and quieter before they disappear completely and the sobs you've been desperately holding in escape your lips.

→→

The sun was starting to dip below the horizon and the sky was a mix of pinks and purples. At some point during the final hours of the journey, Jisung had fallen asleep in the back seat and Gwen had turned down whatever music she had on to not disturb him. You on the other hand still had your head lead up against the window, watching the world go by. 

Originally, Gwen had curated a perfect road trip playlist that captured in her words, ‘the vibes needed for one such road trip’. However, after about four and a half hours into the drive, Gwen throws her phone at you for you to change the music into something more lively. 

Gwen turns the music down more, so it’s almost inaudible. 

“Did Mina tell you?” She questions.

Looking over at the blonde, you respond. “Tell me what?”

“She-” Gwen clears her throat. “She wants to hold a reunion dinner tomorrow night for the seven of us.” 

You blink in shock a couple of times before sinking into your seat. “Nope. She did not.”

You gaze out the window again, attempting to distract yourself with the way the scenery changed from open fields to more dense town life.

Gwen glances at you and sighs. “Y/N…”

“Don’t.” You sigh. God, this is going to suck. 

“It’ll be okay.”

“Will it?” Your mind is swarming with all the possible ways the dinner could go wrong. All of them involved your sort-of-an-ex.

“Plus, you have a whole day to prepare!”

She said it so optimistically. Your brain had already gotten accustomed to the fact that you would see him in three days. Now that time has been shortened to about 24 hours. Not even three years of forgetting he exists could prepare you for that.

You wish you could’ve just wiped him out from your memory. Maybe if you never remembered what happened, things would be different. Maybe it would be like a fresh start.

The hotel was a fairly fancy one, with large pillars around the entrance. You almost expected it to have a doorman to open and close doors as guests come and go. 

The winter air quickly nips at your nose as soon as you get out of the car and all three of you rush to the trunk to get your things out so you can head inside. 

In the next second, you’re all inside the festive-looking reception. There’s a large green tree decorated in the corner with fake gifts positioned under it.

The reception desk itself is also decorated to the nines, with lights hung up underneath the counter side and fake snow lining the floor. It also has its own little tree with a bowl of candies next to it for guests to take as they pleased.  

As you enter you can hear faint jazz coming through the glass doors leading into what you assumed was a bar. The whole atmosphere was so relaxed that it put you at ease. So relaxed in fact, it let all thoughts slip from your mind as Gwen checks the both of you in. 

The whole time, Jisung is clinging onto Gwen like a tired baby. Gwen tried to brush him off at first but quickly gave up once she saw he wasn’t going to move. Even after she’s done with your room and Jisung has to check into his own, he’s not moved a budge. 

It's only when you guys have to take your stuff and walk to the elevators does he let her escape his grasp. 

Waiting for the elevator feels antagonistically long considering you’re tired and have been stuck in the car for six-plus hours. Never had you been so excited to get into a room, fall onto the bed and let sleep guide you into dreamland. You couldn’t think about anything else about how good being in bed and sleeping the night away would feel. 

Life seemed to have other plans for you though as the doors to the elevator opened and your body went into full alert. 

Life hated you, it was official. This is why you weren’t allowed nice things. 

The doors opened to show an equally as tired Seungmin with his older brother Minho. 

There goes having even a day to prepare, you thought to yourself. 

When his eyes seem to land and focus on you, it takes a second for him to react. However, Minho is faster at reacting than he is. 

“What’s up guys!” the older boy smiles. “Long time no see!” 

“You’re telling me,” Jisung laughs, pulling Minho into a hug. “I’ve missed your face.” 

Pulling away slightly, Minho smirks at Jisung, “and I’ve missed yours.” 

“You always know how to make someone blush!” Jisung chuckles, taken to the older boy's smooth words. 

Whilst this is all going on, Seungmin’s eyes are trained on you and you begin to feel uncomfortable under his gaze. You can’t tell which is worse, him speaking to you or him not saying anything at all. Part of you didn’t even want to stay to hear what he had to say– if he had anything to. 

You’d think after three years, maybe even a hi would be acceptable. 

You were being a hypocrite though, you knew you were. Wanting him to say hi to you when you didn’t even want him to face you in the first place. It didn’t make sense.

“Or maybe you just like the attention,” Gwen mutters, before grabbing onto your hand and pulling you into the elevator. “Sorry Minho, we need to go up to our room now, long trip, you know what it’s like.” 

Minho hums and smiles, “Sure go ahead! We’ll see you guys tomorrow at the dinner right?” 

You nod silently as Gwen hums in confirmation. 

“We’ll see you there,” she smiles quickly. 

Looking at Minho you smile too. “See you there.” 

“Hey! Wait for–” Jisung begins, but it gets cut off by the closing of the doors. 

When the elevator starts moving, Gwen groans. 

“Stupid Jisung, stupid Minho, stupid Seungmin.” she continues to repeat out loud. 

Looking at her with a confused look, you blink. “You okay?” 

She jumps, turning to you like she had forgotten you were even there for a moment. 

“Huh?” she asks. 

Repeating your question, she nods. 

“I’m fine, just, I didn’t expect us to run into them tonight I’m sorry, I didn’t even realise they would be staying here.” 

Shrugging your shoulders, you let your eyes gaze back over to the elevator doors. “It’s fine, not like you would have known, plus maybe it was better this way– seeing him this way I mean.” 

“What do you mean?” Gwen questions.

“Now I can’t stress over the first time seeing him can I? Cause it’s already happened.” 

“I guess,” Gwen responds, giving herself a moment to think about it. 

“Plus I’m too tired right now, I don’t want to think anymore.” you let out a yawn and cover your mouth. Leaning into Gwen’s side, like Jisung had done not fifteen minutes earlier, you speak. “Let’s just go to our room and forget boys exist and just sleep the night away.” 

Gwen laughs and you can feel her nodding her head. “That I would drink to.” 

Soon enough, you were both in your room. With two large double beds, it was all that you needed for the extended weekend away. Claiming your bed,-the one closest to the window– you let your bags fall at the end of it before dramatically flinging yourself onto it. 

Here’s to sleep, you thought. And forgetting boys exist. 

→→

You immediately hated your dress the minute you put it on. The baby pink fabric hugged your body in the worst ways possible, and the more you stared at yourself in the mirror, the more exposed you felt. You tug at the end of it to try and pull it down more, failing to find some relief. It felt suffocating and you weren’t even sure why you packed it in the first place. 

“Can you stop worrying for one second,” Gwen says as she leans forward to apply her lipstick in the mirror. “You look hot. Let Seungmin know what he’s missing.” 

“Gwen!” you gasp. 

Snorting a laugh, she puts the lid back on her lipstick and turns to you. “What? It’s been– three years? I don’t think it’s bad to make him regret everything he did to you in senior year.” 

“It would be better if I didn’t see him at all,” you mumble whilst fidgeting with your dress again. 

“Babe, remember what I said?” Gwen asks, causing you to take a deep breath before releasing it. 

“Don’t let him get in the way this time. It’s about the wedding, Mina and Chan, not him.” 

Gwen happily hums and takes a few steps over towards you before she lightly places a hand on one cheek and kisses the other. “You got it!” 

Blinking at her, your mouth drops and you shake your head. “Ever since you confessed to liking Jisung, you’ve been weird.” 

Her sweet smile drops and slaps you on your arm. 

“I didn’t confess! I told you, you heard nothing!” 

You giggle and wipe away whatever lipstick remains on your cheek in the mirror as Gwen slips on her shoes. 

Soon after, there was a continuous knock at the door and Jisung’s loud voice echoed through it. “Come on, let’s go ladies!” 

Raising an eyebrow at Gwen, she shoots you a glare. 

“You heard nothing,” she whispers. “I don’t like that idiot.” 

“Denial,” you whisper-sing back. 

“Hurry up! They’re waiting for us!” Jisung’s voice continues to carry through the door. “Hello? Are–” 

Opening the door, Gwen speaks. “Shut up idiot, try not to disturb the whole hotel, yeah?” 

Jisung takes a moment to look Gwen up and down and clears his throat before straightening his back up. “You look good.” 

“Thanks,” Gwen nods. “You too.” 

Jisung pulls at the collar of his white dress shirt and it’s easy to notice his cheeks tint pink. “Thank you.” 

Rolling your eyes, you pick up your back and put it over your shoulder. Pushing on Gwen slightly to get her out of the door, you close it behind you. “Come on, let's go, lovebirds.” 

“Y/N!” 

When you got to the restaurant that Mina and Chan had planned for the reunion dinner, everyone apart from you, Gwen and Jisung had already arrived and sat down. You counted your lucky stars that Seungmin was already sitting in between his older brother, Minho, and Chan. 

As soon as Mina lays her eyes on the three of you, she shoots up from out of her seat and over to you. 

“Look at you guys!” She laughs, pulling each of you into your own hug. “I’ve missed you so much!” 

“We’ve missed you too!” You and Gwen say in unison. 

“What they said,” Jisung laughs and ducks away when Mina tries to hit him playfully. “I’ve missed you too Mina.” 

Going behind the three of you, she lightly pushes you in the direction of the table. “Come, come sit.” 

Mina takes her seat once again beside Chan and you take the one next to her, leaving Gwen and Jisung to sit next to each other and Minho. 

Pleasantries were passed around and you kept your eyes far away from Seungmin as possible. However, that was difficult when you could feel his eyes boring into you. It was only when Jisung engaged in a conversation with him that the sensation went away and you finally gave yourself the chance to look at him properly. 

You could see how much he had changed in the past three years since you last saw him. The baby fat has now gone from his cheeks and his hair was a lighter shade of brown than anything he had in high school. But his eyes still glinted when he smiled and you looked away as soon as he moved his head towards you. 

You couldn’t explain the way how in three years everything about him stayed the same, but changed completely at the same time. 

Tucking some hair behind your ear, you try to get your attention back on what Mina was talking about. 

“You good?” Mina asks, making you nod frantically. 

“I’m good, gooder than good.” you smile. 

Mina looks at you blankly. 

“You’re a terrible liar,” she smiles. “but, I’m glad you’re here.” 

“Me too,” you return her smile. 

“And,” Mina leans in slightly and rests her chin on one hand. “We’re going to the hotel bar after this so you won’t have to think for a while.” 

Rolling your eyes, you continue to laugh. “Mina!” 

“What?” She asks through her own laugh. “And who knows, maybe you’ll meet someone at the wedding, there are plenty of attractive people attending.” She finishes her sentence with a wink. 

Suddenly, Chan leans in next to Mina as well with his own cheeky smile and a raised eyebrow. “Who’s this about attractive people attending the wedding?” 

Mina rolls her eyes and pats his cheek after she’s turned to look at him. 

“For Y/N silly,” 

“Ahh, of course!” Chan laughs. “I can even introduce you to some of my friends.” 

Feeling your cheeks begin to heat up, you raise a hand and shake your head. “No no no, it’s okay, you don’t need to!” 

“Well, I can still introduce you!” Chan smiles. “More friends are more friends.” 

Mina jokingly shrugs. “And that’s the only thing we don’t agree on, having a bunch of friends.” 

“And I love you for being your people-hating self.” Chan muses. 

“People are just ugh,” Mina begins to rant. “I like being able to count the people I love on two hands, thank you very much.” 

Whilst Mina is continuing her speech on her hate of people, Chan is just sitting there, his eyes in the shape of hearts as he watches her. It made your heart swell with love and admiration. Mina and Chan were everything good in a relationship, they were so hopelessly in love that it honestly made you kind of jealous. 

It was a love you wanted– you wished for.  

Your eyes went around the table again and once again your gaze lingers on Seungmin. Even after three years, you can’t help but look his way.

 There was the smoothest Jazz playing in the hotel bar. The boys, albeit mostly Jisung and Minho, were ordering drink after drink, shot after shot for everyone to enjoy. You were starting to feel the effects of the shots and you let out a happy sigh as you looked around at everyone. 

Your eyes linger on Seungmin’s back as he leans up against the bar and talks to the rest of the boys. Gwen and Mina’s laughter fills your ears from next to you. 

“I’m going to step outside for a bit,” you quickly say to the girls and they nod in response just as quickly whilst muttering a ‘be safe’. 

Getting up from your seat, you sway and stumble your way into the hotel lobby and out into the main entrance. 

The cold hits you instantly and a shiver moves up your spine. You wished you brought a jacket out with you, however, there was also something comforting about it. Resting the back of your head against the cold brick, you take a deep breath and exhale it slowly. 

It was like a moment of peace in the middle of a stressful day. 

“Y/N…” 

And then that moment was gone. 

Opening your eyes, you kept your eyes straight ahead. 

“Seungmin.” 

“You look good,” he starts and he takes a step into your line of sight. “And, I’ve missed you.” 

“Well I wonder who’s to blame for that,” you finally look him in the eye. 

He takes a step forward and frowns, “Y/N, please.” 

“What do you want, Seungmin?”

“To see you.” 

“Don’t say that.” 

He steps forward again, “I wish we could go back, back to then.” 

He brings up a hand and gently moves some of your hair from out of your face as he gazes into your eyes. 

Without fail, he once again had a grip on your heart. You could curse him mentally over and over again, but still, nothing would change.

“You were the one that left,” you whisper. 

“And it was so dumb of me,” he responds and repeats. "I've missed you so much." 

His hand stays resting on your cheek and you’re not long how long you’re both standing there. Staring at each other, gazing into each other’s eyes. 

His eyes flicker to your lips and back up to your eyes. “Why can’t we just go back? For tonight?” 

“We shouldn’t,” you whisper. 

“Why not?” 

Frowning, you look down at his lips as well and back up. “Because it’s not that easy, you left Seungmin. Remember? You didn’t want to date officially.” 

“And I was a fool and I regretted it every day after I left.” 

“Even if you did, you could have come back.” 

“You know that wouldn’t have been that easy either.” 

“You didn’t try,” you said, tilting your head up. His thumb gently glides along your cheek. 

“I’m here now,” his nose brushes against yours. 

All your senses were yelling– screaming at you to stop, back away. Your heart was pounding, but your mind was completely numb. Every single movement, every touch he made sent you into overdrive. 

You couldn’t tell what you’d regret more, giving in or not giving in at all. 

“For tonight?” You ask. 

He nods slowly, leaning in. “For the weekend?” 

“Don’t push your luck,” you add, closing your eyes. 

Chuckling, you feel his breath against your lips. 

“For tonight.” he reaffirms before connecting your lips together. 

The hand he has on your cheek slowly moves down to your neck as the other rests on your hip to try and bring you even closer together. Your own hands go up and you wrap your arms around his neck, your fingers playing with his hair.

You tried to catch your breath when your lips separate and when you open your eyes, he’s already looking at you. It’s not even a second later that you’re using your arms to bring him closer to once again reconnect your lips. 

Using his thumb to angle your chin, he deepens the kiss. The longer it went on, the more and more your soul was set alight. Every sensation was heightened.

You gasp when his lips leave yours and move frantically to your chin and then down your neck. 

“I’m sharing a room with Gwen,” you question in gasps as he settles on one part on the bottom of your neck. “We can’t go there.”

Without saying a word, he uses one hand to fish out his hotel room key and holds it up between two fingers for you to see. 

“Are you the only one in there?” you continue to question. He reluctantly draws his attention away from your neck and goes back up to your chin before kissing your lips once more.

“Yes,” kiss. “I,” kiss. “Am,” another kiss.

“So,” he kisses you again before you can continue and you have to push him away so you can even think. “Just for tonight.” 

Smiling, he takes your hand before pulling you quickly to make your way to his room. Your giggles fill his ears and your mind repeats: Just for tonight.

→→

You groan quietly, rubbing your eyes with your palms as you sit up slightly, resting your weight on your elbows. Your head hurt and your throat was unbelievably dry– you reminded yourself to never drink again, but you knew you would. 

Blinking, your sight soon began clear as you and the memories of the night returned like looking into a kaleidoscope. Sitting up quickly, you curse to yourself when Seungmin groans from next to you and rolls over, thankfully, however, he stays asleep. 

Quietly getting up, you slip on your underwear, fail to find your bra and attempt to put your dress from the night before back on. Once you’ve picked up your shoes and your bag, you turn back to see Seungmin. He’s lying on his front and spread out across his bed. 

He looks so peaceful and part of you wants to take back everything you said and jump right back into the bed and into his arms. To stay in this little bubble, where nothing ever went wrong and to pretend like you were still teenagers foolish and in love. 

It’s foolish and risky, but you take a few steps over towards his bed, lean over and lightly place a kiss on his forehead, your lips linger for a moment before you pull away and whisper. “Thank you for the night.” 

As soon as you’re out of his room, it’s like you can breathe again. 

You take your time walking back to your own room. Instead of taking the lift, you take the stairs just to give yourself more time to think. Your feet carry you up the cold metal stairs to the soft carpet of the hallways. Soon enough, you came to your own room and you find your key in the depth of your bag and unlock the door before swinging it open, taking a step inside and letting it close behind you. 

“About time you showed up,” Gwen’s voice makes you jump out of your skin. 

You let your shoes and your bag slip from your fingers and you say nothing as you walk over to your bed and fall face-first into it. 

The whole time, Gwen is watching you with a frown. “What happened?” 

It was a minute later that you pushed yourself to roll over and look up at the ceiling. “I slept with Seungmin.” 

“I assumed that considering you and him randomly disappeared halfway through the night., I just mean how? Why? I thought you didn’t want to see him at all.” 

“I didn’t think you’d be one for the intimate details,” you giggle as she fakes a gag. 

“Oh god no,” she shakes her head. “I don’t want to know anything about Kim Seungmin’s sex game, I want to know how you go from never wanting to lay your eyes on him to getting under him.” 

Your giggles fill the room, but they’re soon stopped by Gwen chucking a pillow at you, hitting you with a thump. “OW! What the heck Gwen?!” 

“You were having dirty thoughts and I don’t want to know!” 

Sitting up, you throw the pillow back to her. “You don’t know that.” 

“Yes, I do.” Gwen catches the pillow. “You had the giggle and you know for a fact that it wasn’t an innocent one.” 

You giggle again, “Cause I didn’t just go under him.” 

Thwack. 

“I SAID I DIDN’T WANT TO KNOW!” 

Rubbing to soothe where the pillow hit you, you quickly apologise whilst still giggling. 

“I’m having trouble getting a reading on you,” Gwen states. “You came in super sad and out of it, but now you’re giggling like a madman.” 

Groaning, you fall back onto the bed and look over at your blonde best friend. 

“I just–” you pause. “Well–” another pause. 

“Well?” 

“Just for tonight,” you repeat your words from last night. 

Gwen blinks, opens her mouth and closes it again. “Excuse me?” 

“Just for tonight, it’s what we said last night.” You move your gaze to the ceiling. “Just for tonight.” 

“And what does that mean?” 

“Just like it suggests, we had one night, like nothing ever happened– as if nothing changed for a single night.” 

You hear Gwen move the blankets that covered her and soon the bed dips next to you. “Babe…” 

“I know,” you fake a laugh. “I’m so stupid.” 

Gwen slowly moves the hair out of your face. When you look at her, you can see her frown. “You’re not stupid.” 

“It’s just, I knew, I knew I shouldn’t have given in, I knew I shouldn’t have let him kiss me or let it go further than it did, but I just…” Your sentence comes to a stop as you try and think of how to continue it. 

This was your mind every time you thought of Seungmin. Stuck in the middle of a forest, with no map, no compass and no way out. Lost and confused, yet every time he looked at you, spoke to you, uttered the words you so desperately wanted to hear, gave you baseless hope that he always seemed to give you. The hope that everything would work out, that he’d confess his love and scream it to the world.

But it didn’t happen then and you knew it wouldn’t happen now. 

“You’re not dumb or stupid,” Gwen sighs, putting her hands on either side of your face and forcing you to look at her. “Your feelings aren’t stupid, sure it’s frustrating but you shouldn’t beat yourself up for giving into those feelings.” 

“Why can’t I just move on?” you question. 

“Because feelings are fickle things and it’s just not as easy as we want them to be.” Gwen frowns. “Look, everything that’s happened with you and Seungmin, they’re– they were painful for you, and sure, it’s scared you and affected you.” 

“He just has this control over me and it’s like I can’t say no to him.” 

Smiling a sad smile, Gwen laughs slightly. “It’s love, babe.” 

“I hate it,” you laugh, but it lacks the happiness laughter normally has. 

“No you don’t,” Gwen responds. “And you don’t hate him either, no matter how much you want to.” 

Sitting up, Gwen’s hands fall from your face and you lean into her and she instantly wraps her arms around you in a protective hug. Letting out a sigh, you affirm her words. “I really don’t and I don’t think I ever could.” 

Actually giggling, you feel Gwen place a kiss on your hairline. “Oh my foolish best friend, what am I going to do with you?”

→→

Seungmin’s couch was one of the most comfortable couches you had ever had the chance to sit on. It was a dark wine red fabric corner sofa, just warn in enough that it was comfortable. 

Even though no one in their friend group knew of Seungmin and your’s ‘situationship’, the friend groups still found their way to merging– this mostly being because Jisung was a social butterfly that couldn’t keep his mouth shut, but nonetheless. Now the group was bigger, it gave you all more of an excuse to meet up and see each other. 

Which would be great if you weren’t currently upset and annoyed at Seungmin. What made it worse was that you couldn’t even tell Gwen, your best friend. Sure, you could have properly told her anyway, but you didn’t want to go behind Seungmin’s back like that, especially when he had already made it well-known how he felt about the whole situation. 

the time in the storage closet flashing in your mind constantly like a constant pain still reminding you that it's still there. 

Every time you picture his blank stare and inability to say the words you wanted to hear made your heart crack even more. However, you didn't want to let him go, sure if Gwen knew she'd probably scream about you and your worth, but that didn't matter. 

Not when your crush of the past year was actually giving you the attention you desired-- even if it was in secret. You could only do so much to show him how upset you really were. By sitting on his couch during these group hangouts, giving him little to no attention. 

Was it petty? Maybe so. But it's not like you could yell and scream at him how you felt in front of everyone, not that you'd be able to do that anyway. Not when he'd give you one look and you'd break.

You were sat wedged between Gwen and Jeongin, one of Seungmin’s friends, as you barely focused on some overplayed tv show on the tv. Gwen, dramatically lead on your shoulder with a bowl of popcorn in front of her would sometimes grab a handle full before bringing it up to your mouth so you can take some. Jeongin, laying on your other shoulder, whined randomly and complained every time the show would say a bad joke. 

The whole time, Seungmin is sitting alone on the loveseat, arms crossed and a scowl present on his face. This was maybe the third group hangout in a row where you had given the boy little to no attention, yet gave his friends (as well as yours) a never-ending abundance of it. 

Don’t get him wrong, he wasn’t jealous. Not at all, not when he’s been the one to see the way your cheeks turn pink when he flirts with you. Or how smiley you get after he kisses you. But no, he wasn’t jealous that his friends were getting more attention than he was, that you were looking at them more than at him.

Kim Seungmin doesn’t get jealous. 

One would be foolish to think otherwise. 

It’s not until Mina disturbs his quiet jea– brooding time that his scowl turns into an annoyed eye roll. 

“Can you help me with something in the kitchen please.” Mina states, rather than asks with a fake smile plastered on her lips. Before Seungmin can even get a word out to complain, she holds her palm up. “Don’t even try, help, now.” 

It was times like this that made Seungmin wonder why people loved having siblings. Especially when his older brother and sister always took the chance to remind him that they were older. 

Groaning, he gets up and follows Mina to their somewhat large family kitchen. 

“What do you need help with?” Seungmin asks. 

Mina doesn’t respond as she turns to him with her arms crossed. “Why are you pouting in the corner like a kicked puppy?” 

The younger boy blinks and blinks again, “Huh?! No, I’m not!” He argues. “Did you want help or not?” 

“Of course not!” Mina hissed. “Would you rather me ask in front of your dear friends?” 

The colour drains from his face as he quickly shakes his head. 

“Look, I know you may think of me as an annoying pain in the ass older sister, but I still notice things alright?” Mina says. “And I can notice when my foolish younger brother has a new love interest, no matter how hard he tries to keep it and her from everyone around them.” 

“I don’t know–” Seungmin stops midsentence when Mina glares at him. 

“Don’t try and pull that shit with me Seung, I know you better than you think I do.” 

Rolling his eyes, he shifts his weight onto one foot. 

He hates the feeling of Mina’s eyes boring into him like she was able to peel back every layer of him. 

Again, he didn’t see the fuss of having older siblings.

“We’re–” Seungmin pauses with a groan. He hated this and he especially hated how it was Mina grilling him out. “We’re nothing.” 

“Now, how dumb do you think I am?” Mina asks, but just like before she speaks again before he gets the chance. “No, seriously, how dumb do you think I am to think I would just take that?” 

“It’s complicated,” Seungmin responds.

“Complicated because it is complicated or complicated because you’re making it complicated?” 

When he doesn’t respond, Mina shakes her head and tsks. 

“Do you want to date her?” Mina asks.

Seungmin halts for a moment before he shakes his head.

Mina sighs, “Let me guess, you wouldn’t want her to date someone else?” 

Seungmin scowls once again, this time at the subject of her question. Had he thought about it much? The idea of you dating someone else? Of either of you dating someone else? 

Not really, but would he admit that? Of course not.

“She– She can do whatever she wants.” Seungmin almost hisses. “I don’t care, like I said, we’re not dating.” 

“How do you think she feels about this whole situationship? Are you guys on the same page?” Mina asks. 

“The pages might be a bit smudged.,” Seungmin attempts to whisper, but all this manages to do is make Mina laugh at her poor younger brother.

“And that’s why you’re pouting in the corner like a kicked puppy,” She comments. “You’re trying to play this cool tsundere type that doesn’t care when all she wants is to be able to be open about how she feels for the person she likes.” Mina scoffs. “But let me tell you this little bro, it’s not cool and you’re going to lose her with this attitude. Not when she finally realises she can find someone who won’t be scared to show her off like she deserves.” 

“Whatever,” Seungmin hisses, unable to find the words to actually say anything in defence. 

“What happens when you move away for college at the end of the year? Are you just going to keep her quietly hoping for something open? Or are you going to let her go?” 

Seungmin’s silent once again and at this point, he’s letting Mina’s words go in one ear and out the other. He’s had enough of her ‘older sister, I apparently know better’ lectures. And anyway, college wasn’t for another month or two at least, the way he thought about it was you didn’t even need to know. You’d break off whatever thing you had and you’d move on with how qualms. No issues. 

“You haven’t even told her have you?” Mina asks at her brother’s silence. 

He shakes his head, “I didn’t think there was a reason to.” 

“Just so you know, the only reason I’m not beating you up right now is because you’re my brother.” Mina hisses. 

Gasping, Seungmin glares at the slightly shorter girl. “Well thanks, sis, I love you too.” 

“Don’t try and pull an attitude with me Seung, it’s not going to work because you know you’re being an ass right now.” Crossing her arms over her chest, Mina continues. “Whether or not you agree on what you want, you need to tell her about you leaving town for college. It’s the only decent thing to do, you can’t just up and leave her in the dark.” 

Seungmin just hums. 

“Seungmin,” Mina threatens.

“Yeah,” he sighs. “Whatever, I’ll think about it.” 

It was only after a minute or two that Seungmin spoke once again. "Are you done lecturing me now?" 

"I don't know," Mina responds. "You done being an idiot?" 

Rolling his eyes, Seungmin makes his way back into the living room to see the three of you still sitting in the same position on the sofa. Gwen and Jeongin on either side of you, their heads on your shoulders. 

Falling back into the loveseat, the scowl returns. Mina's words echoing in his head. 

It's not like he had to tell you, it would be fine.

→→

The rehearsal dinner is in a large dining room area just off the side of the actual wedding venue. The staff had already begun setting up the room for the next day and so the were already splashes of the wedding colours as ribbons on the back of the chairs. The large dining table that was placed in the centre of the room was covered in what seemed to be a lace-like tablecloth. 

The table itself was beautiful, with two large candles placed just off the centre and little name placeholders written in the same font that had been on the original wedding invitations. Of course, Mina and Chan sat in the centre, with two large thrones that reflected silver. There were two people sat either side of these thrones with the rest of the seats being on the opposite side of the table. 

Taking your seat, on one side you had Jisung, which you were thankful for. On the other, you had one of Chan's friends from his home back in Australia, who introduced himself as Felix. He seemed lovely, which made sense considering he was good friends with Chan. Across from you, were Chan's brother and sister whereas Seungmin and Minho were sat on Mina's left-hand side. Once settled, you released a breath you didn't know you were holding when Chan's siblings did in fact sit in the seats across from you.

You sent Felix a smile after you had both sat down and said hello to each other. 

"So," Felix smiles. "You must be friends with Mina right?" 

You nod. The way Felix was smiling made you copy it in return, it was hard to not smile when you saw it. "Yeah, I am." 

He makes a face of realisation then he nods slowly. "Of course, I feel like I would have remembered someone as beautiful as you if Chan had introduced us before." 

Gasping slightly at his bold comment. You giggle, tucking some hair behind your ear. "Thank you," 

Hearing his laughter made you want to hear it more. It was magical. It made you wonder where Chan had found the boy. He seemed too good to be true. 

As you and Felix chat, you begin to feel someone glaring daggers at you. Trying to ignore it, you remain focused on what Felix is saying. 

He looks over your shoulder for a moment before gazing back into your eyes. "Just so you know, that guy over there is staring at you pretty viciously," Felix explains. 

You sigh and look over your shoulder quickly to confirm it was indeed who you thought it was. 

Seungmin. 

He's sat there, leant back in his seat at a slight angle as he's staring at the back of your head. You could tell every part of him was tense, angry. Looking back at Felix, you smile awkwardly. 

"That's," you pause. "That's complicated." 

Felix laughs, again his smile makes you smile too. "Don't worry, I get it, Ex?" He asks. 

You inhale sharply. "Eh, something like that."

“Ah, yes,” Felix nods. “One of those things.”

Your eyes fall to your lap as you nod in agreement. It had always been difficult to label whatever you and Seungmin had, not that he helped with that all that much. Maybe that thing was enough of a descriptor. But deep down, you always wished it was more than that. 

However, all of your attention gets drawn away when the sounds of Chan tapping a fork on his champagne glass. No more thinking about that thing, Y/N. At least for now. This dinner was about Chan and Mina’s thing. A thing that was definitely so much more than whatever thing you and Seungmin have– had. Something real, something you wished for on every shooting star.

"Hi everyone," he smiles awkwardly, clearing his throat. "Thank you all for being here at our rehearsal dinner before the big day tomorrow." He looks around at Mina, who's staring up at him lovingly and takes her hand in his before he looks around at everyone again. "We're really happy you could join us in making this an event to remember for the rest of our lives." He turns to Mina again, his ears already turning pink. "And Mina, I promise I'm not going to tell you my speech early, but I am so thankful and blessed to be able to love you and be loved by you. You really make me the happiest man on earth." 

Mina pouts, standing up. She uses her free hand to playfully hit Chan on the arm. "Why are you trying to make me cry in front of everybody?!" She laughs and so does everyone else. "I love you too, so much." 

"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" Jisung cries, breaking the sweet moment with a raised champagne glass of his own. He quickly lowers it when both you and Gwen hit either arm. "Sorry!" 

"Don't mind if I do," Mina laughs before quickly stealing a kiss from her soon-to-be husband. Chan's blush has officially moved from his ears to his cheeks at this point. His face is bright red, but no one says a word.

"Seungmin next!" Jisung laughs, staring directly into Seungmin's eyes. 

Gasping next to him, Gwen hits his arm as she hisses his name. "Jisung!" You, however, lean back slightly to look behind Jisung at Gwen. With your own glare on your face, you mouth, What did you tell him? and in return, she smiles sheepishly. 

Everyone at the table is silent, their eyes either on Seungmin or flickering between the two boys. Seungmin raises an eyebrow, leans forward to rest his weight on one elbow and smirks. "I will if you kiss her." 

Seungmin doesn't say a name, but everyone—let's be real, everyone but Gwen—knows who he's on about. Speechless, Jisung’s mouth drops and he quickly looks down at the empty placement plate. "I didn't say anything." 

Seungmin leans back in his chair before making eye contact with you. It's like all your brain cells leave you in that moment and you have to look away to try and regain a conscious thought. 

Still standing, Mina sends a glare to both Seungmin and Jisung, which they shrink at before her lips quickly form into a smile. 

“They’ll be bringing out the starter and then the first course very soon, so please talk whilst we wait.” She ends with a smile and sits, but not before quickly slapping Seungmin’s arm making him pout at his older sister. 

You weren't able to hear what she whispered to him next, but by the look on his face, he didn't look too pleased. He turns from her, crosses his arms over his chest and looks anywhere but her direction. Catching her eye, she smiles, and you smile back.

Excusing yourself from your seat, you quickly move and crouch down in between Gwen and Jisung’s. Trying to muster up the most venomous yet loving glare you could, you smile at her. “Can I just talk to you for a minute?” 

Gwen laughs awkwardly. Jisung, however, keeps his head down as he plays with his fingers like Seungmin's words are still ringing around in his head. 

She pulls her seat out and you stand as she does. “Sure.” 

Grabbing onto her wrist, you guide her out of the room, just far enough where you wouldn’t have to worry about anyone hearing you both. Stopping, her wrist falls from your grasp and you turn to her. “What did you tell him?!” 

“Nothing!” Gwen throws her arms up and crosses them in front of her a second later. “…I mean, not nothing, but not everything!”

“You know how big of a mouth that boy has!” You hiss, “We can’t tell him shit unless we want him to spill it.” 

“I know!” Gwen huffs. “I just said you guys slept together, that’s it, nothing more.” 

"Gwen!" 

"I'm sorry," Gwen repeats. "I don't know what happened, he looked at me and I just had to tell him." 

"I stand by what I said before," you laugh. "You guys are unbelievable." 

Gwen blinks and opens her mouth to speak before closing it again. Once she finds the words, she says, "When did you say that?" 

You catch onto the servers starting to pass you with food on trays. "It doesn't matter," you mumble. "We should go back in before Mina starts wondering where we are." Gwen hums and nods her head, but before you can start to walk away, she grabs your wrist and pulls you into a hug.

"I'm sorry, I really didn't think he'd say that in front of everyone." you hear her mumble as you wrap your arms around her. Giggling, you hug her as tightly as you can for a second making her complain. 

"It's fine," you smile. "Just next time give me a heads up you've told your boyfriend about my non-existent love life yeah?" 

"He's not my–" she starts, but soon gives up. "Yeah sure, I'm sorry," she repeats. 

Pulling away, you raise an eyebrow at her. "You didn't deny it?" 

"Everyone says it anyway," Gwen shrugs. "He's confusing, I don't know and don't try and distract me. I wouldn't say your love life was very non-existent at the moment." 

"Let's just agree to say we both have complicated situations right now?" you suggest causing the blonde to crack a laugh. 

"Sure," 

Walking back into the dining hall, you see how the servers have in fact started bringing out and placing the starters for people to pick at on a separate table. Not looking where you’re going, you startle yourself by almost walking into one of the servers.

“Oh, sorry,” you mumbled, looking down and stepping aside, until you caught a whiff of one of the dishes. A server walked by with a fruit platter containing all colours of the rainbow, and the one behind them held a plate full of garlic shrimp skewers just waiting for you to grab. The smoky yet buttery aroma of steak passed you by next, pulling you back to the dinner table with Gwen in tow, who chuckled at your little trance.

Your mouth-watering, you stand on your toes as the other attendees scramble for first dibs on the incoming foods. It seemed like the steak and the garlic bread were the most popular choices, so you decide to come back for it later—there would more than likely be another plate coming anyway. Instead, something else that no one else seemed to touch makes your eyes almost pop out of their sockets in excitement.

Cheese.

There was nothing you loved more in this world than cheese and on top of that, you don't think anything or anyone could come close to it. Cheese was your best friend, sorry, Gwen, cheese was always there went something went wrong, again, sorry, Gwen, cheese was everything right in the world. Whether it was cold, straight out of the fridge, or heated up so it was warm and stringy, it was perfect. If someone told you to do something and in return they offered cheese? You’d do it in a heartbeat, no questions asked, that's just how much you loved the stuff. 

Evilly chuckling under your breath, you grab your plate and make a beeline for the tiers of different cheeses to try. You take one of every option there and make a small pile of them on your plate. Brie, cheddar, parmesan, pepper jack, gouda, and—

“Ooh, camembert!”

You jump, dropping the cheese in your hand. Who dares to take your precious cheese? Just thirty seconds ago, you were the only person at the cheese board. What could have changed within that short time frame?

A hand reaches out to grab a slice of camembert and you follow it to meet eyes with the last person you wanted there. Seungmin stands across the table, an addicting, yet very punchable, smirk on his face as he places the slice of the precious camembert onto his plate.

You wanted to smack the smirk off his stupid face. Maybe smash your lips against his before you did so.

But all you could do was blink.

“Camembert,” Seungmin states matter-of-factly, holding up a slice in his hand. You aren’t sure if you should look at the cheese or at him. “Your favourite, right?”

You look down at your plate, biting your lip to keep yourself from smiling.

Seungmin bends down, smirking when he sees your flustered state. “Hey,” he chuckles, sending your stomach into knots before you could even get food in it. “Earth to Y/N…”

You blink and blink again before making eye contact with him, and he still has that brazen smile on his face. You aren’t sure how you still aren’t used to him looking at you like that. Like you’re the only two people in the room and how it could all change so instantly and you’d still be the one left in this haze of rose. 

“Here,” he says, taking a piece from his plate and putting it on yours. You look between the slice of camembert and him, and he smiles at you over his shoulder as he struts over to his seat.

You’re left there standing in shock, blinking as you try to wrap your head around what happened.

“Did I really just see that?” Gwen asks as she steps next to you. 

Then your rose glasses start to crack and streams of real light come through. 

“Uh..” you clear your throat. “Yeah, that happened.” 

“So have you, uh, spoken to him since?” Gwen begins to ask and you quickly shake your head. 

“Nope.”

“Ah,” Gwen responds as she starts to pick up her own pieces of cheese. 

Looking over your shoulder, your eyes scan the surrounding area and your eyes widen as you find Seungmin already looking in your direction– the same brazen smile still plastered on his face. 

You turn away when you see him laugh to himself and look down at his plate. “I’m– I’m going to sit back down.” 

Gwen hums in acknowledgement and you quickly rush back to your seat next to Felix and Jisung. Placing your plate down, you slip into your seat. 

“Lover of cheese huh?” Felix laughs, looking down at your plate. Picking up a piece and placing it in your mouth with a happy hum, you nod your head. 

“Call it a passion of mine,” you say, covering your mouth. 

“Gosh,” Jisung groans from next to you. “Don’t get her started, she’ll talk about it all day.” 

Throwing your head back laughing at his comment, you can’t even begin to deny it. “I’m passionate,” you respond with a smile. 

Looking at you with a blank face, Jisung blinks. “You’re obsessed.” 

“Devoted,” you fight, sounding out the syllables.

“Obsessed,” Jisung repeats, copying your actions. 

You make a face at him before plopping another piece of cheese in your mouth and chewing away happily.

Your eyes scan the surrounding area and you feel yourself straightening up when your eyes land on Seungmin. He’s already looking at you, and you can’t tell if he looks annoyed or maybe even jealous about sitting so far away from you.

You simply turn back to Felix, propping your chin on your palm. “Now, where were we?”

“Here we go,” Jisung mutters.

You nudge him with your elbow before continuing. “Anyways… Yes, I do love cheese. But not as much as—”

“Y/N,” Jisung whines.

“Jisung!” You plaster on a cheesy grin, blinking one too many times as you turn your head to him. “Why don’t you tell them about your so-called ‘passion’,” you say, making air-quotes around “passion”, “for coffee?”

Jisung just glares at you. He keeps a straight face, but you can see the tips of his ears turning red. “You know that’s different, Y/N.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Okay, and how many cups of americano have you had this week?

“Wh– I–” he sputters. “Like, six?”

You say nothing, and just maintain your gaze on him.

“…teen.”

You smile smugly. “Mhm. And somehow I’m the obsessed one.”

Something white falls in the corner of your eye. Looking back at your plate, you don’t notice anything different, except for a piece of camembert that must have rolled off your plate. You shrug and pop it into your mouth; you did have a comically large pile of it to work through, so it was more than plausible.

You look back up, and Jisung is staring above your head with furrowed eyebrows. You follow his gaze and see… a ceiling. You wonder how many of those sixteen cups of americano were from today alone.

Felix, who also seems to have spaced out for a second, looks back at Jisung. “It’s okay, man,” he chuckles, “I had, like, three cups of coffee this morning.”

“A man of culture,” Jisung nods happily, motioning to the blonde boy with a smile. 

Felix laughs, nodding his own head. “Of course, man, I need the caffeine to survive, especially with my classes.” 

“Teacher or student?” You ask. 

Somehow, and you’re not sure how, but Felix’s smile seems to grow wider. 

“Both actually,” he hums. “Well if you class it as both I guess.” 

Raising an eyebrow for him to continue, he does. 

“I’m a student teacher, currently on placement in a nursery school, but I took a week off to be here,” 

“That’s so sweet!” You smile, “Working with kids fun?” 

Felix nods again, “Kids are just amazing,” He laughs. “Every day is different and they’re so out there, you know? It’s really a fulfilling position.” 

“Sounds like you want a bunch of your own then?” You giggle, causing a pink tint to cross Felix’s face. 

He shrugs, before spluttering, “I-I don’t know, m-maybe?!” 

“Well, I’m sure whoever you’d be with would be very lucky.” You continue to giggle, nodding your head. 

Felix’s blush deepens and he nods his head shyly. 

“How about you? Seeing stuff like that in your future?” 

You shrug, picking up another piece of cheese from your plate before putting it into your mouth. You let it rest there for a moment, giving yourself time to think before you swallow. 

“Maybe,” you take a deep breath in and let it out as you look over to Felix. “I don’t know what’s in my cards yet, so maybe.” You shrug. 

“That’s a chill way to think about it,” he smiles. 

“Thanks,” you laugh. “I feel like it’s less pressuring that way you know?” 

He hums, nodding his head in agreement. “Oh yeah, for sure, everything should be done at your own pace.” 

“True, plus I haven’t even graduated yet so, I think I’ll focus on this hurdle before I think about another one that might not even happen yet.” 

Another white object falls, and this time you look up in time to catch a hand above you before its owner pulls it back. Letting your eyes fall back to your plate, there was an additional piece of camembert on top of the few cheeses you had left. You wouldn’t have questioned it this time if you hadn’t already finished the camembert you brought with you.

Your face contorts in confusion as your gaze settles on Seungmin, who barely acknowledges you as he pulls his hand away and continues to make his way around the table and to his seat. 

You blink as your eyes follow him, with your mouth open slightly in shock. 

“I thought you said it was complicated?” Felix chuckles, snapping you out of your daze. 

You nod, trying to get your brain to make a coherent thought. “It is…. We are.” 

Jisung snorts from next to you and leans to the side slightly so Felix can see him properly. “Trust me, as someone who’s seen it all since high school, complicated is putting it simply.” 

“You’re one to talk,” you mutter, shoving another piece of camembert into your mouth. 

“He’s been dropping cheese off to you like your cheese fairy godmother,” Felix chuckles again. 

“Don’t you mean fairy godfather?” Jisung asks. 

“Fairy godperson?” Felix responds. 

“Personal preference,” you shrug, “anyway, we shouldn’t let him cloud our minds with his confusing actions.” 

“Are you talking to us or yourself there?” Jisung chuckles, making you roll your eyes and playfully slap his arm. 

“Shut up Ji.”

Letting out a breath of air, you lean forward and quickly take another piece of cheese from your plate.

“I’m just saying, I don’t have an americano fairy godperson,” Jisung says matter-of-factly, leaning back into his seat. 

You just stare at him incredulously, blindly stuffing another piece of cheese into your mouth. “How would that even work?”

He shrugs. “Maybe they have a cup of coffee ready for me in the morning?”

Swallowing the piece in your mouth, you don’t break your stare. The thought of this magical fairy godperson having to memorize Jisung’s coffee order makes you feel sorry for them. You tried it once, and never again.

“Maybe they just pour coffee into your mouth,” Felix chimes in.

You snort, rolling your eyes. “That’s almost worse, it’s like a mama bird throwing up in its baby’s mouth.”

Closing your eyes, open your mouth and tilt your head up, as if to mimic the hypothetical baby bird. After a few seconds, you feel something land in your mouth, causing your eyes to shoot open and you sit up.

You pat on your chest and quickly clear your throat. You bite down on what you can taste is cheese and swallow. 

“That’s not how it went in the dream went,” you mutter to yourself as you lean back in your chair. 

Jisung from beside you blinks, his mouth wide. “Huh?!” 

Your eyes widen for a moment before your face breaks out into a smile at the boys confusion. 

“Like,” he leans forward and whispers. “Sexual?” 

You also lean forward, making him more intrigued, “Yes.” 

His mouth open and closes like a fish, “that doesn’t answer my question?!” 

“But do you really want the answer to that question though?” You ask, with a pessimistic look on your face. 

“Yes and no,” Jisung answers almost immediately. 

However, Jisung’s train of thought gets cut short when Gwen kneels down in between you two, her hand on either one of your chairs. “I’m sorry, but did I just see that right? Did he just feed you?” 

“He’s been feeding her all night,” Jisung hisses. “Did you know she’s had a sex dream about seungmin and cheese?!” 

Gwen rolls her eyes, “They’ve had sex before, of course, she’s had the cheese sex dream about him.” 

“Um, what?!” Jisung gasps as he continues to whisper. “You’ve had it with more people than just him?” 

This time it’s you that sending him a confused look. “Wait, is this about sex in general or the cheese sex dream?”

“I-” Jisung gasps. “I don’t know at this point, I’m so confused.” 

“Wait, that’s not why i’m here! Gwen hisses. “That weird moment at the food table and now he’s been feeding you all night? What is up with him?” 

“You tell me,” you sigh, your eyes linger on where he was currently sat, his attention on his older brother Minho and the two others sat across from him. 

“If I could give my two cents,” Felix leans behind your chair for the three of you to hear. “I’m Felix, by the way,” he smiles at Gwen and offers his hand for her to shake. 

“Oh, hi! I’m Gwen!” 

Their hands part and Felix clears his throat. “I don’t know what happened for things to be as complicated as you say they are, but he obviously has some unresolved feelings for you.” 

“How can you tell?” you ask. 

“Because adults are just overgrown children and I work with children every day,” Felix explains. “He uses these little things to keep your attention, any sign of that attention going away, he comes back and does it again.” 

“How are you so sure?” 

The side of Felix’s lips tilt up into a smirk. He shots a look, over to Seungmin and his smirk grows widen when he notices the boy is looking over at the four of them. “Eat the rest of your cheese quick,” he looks at you again. “I’ll prove it to you.” Looking over at Gwen, he smiles. “Gwen, you go back to your seat and act natural, you guys will see what I mean.” 

You do as he instructs, eating the rest of your cheese (even though you didn’t have much left anyway). After you plop the last piece into your mouth, you smile and hum. 

You loved cheese so much. 

You look over to Felix with a small smile. “Finished.”

“You can have some of mine,” Felix smiles and says slightly louder than normal, sliding his own plate over to you. “You are more of a cheese fanatic than I am, so you deserve it.” 

You exaggerate your pout as you look at him. “You’re my new favourite person Felix.” 

Even though it was an act, a pink blush still covers his cheeks as he brushes you off with a wave of his hand. “It’s fine, you’ll enjoy it more than I will anyway so go ahead.”

It’s maybe only thirty seconds later that a paper plate filled with different types of cheese– noticeably more camembert than the rest– appears beside you. Looking up quickly, you catch Seungmin with a scowl on his lips. 

“Here,” he mumbles quickly, before walking back around to his chair without a second to spare. 

Felix snorts, leaning backwards to send a look at Jisung and Gwen, and mouths ‘i told you’. 

“Okay,” you mumble. “Maybe you’re on to something.”

 In the next second, Gwen is back down kneeled beside you. “That was insane,” she gasps. 

“I don’t get it,” you huff. “He was the one that didn’t want anything official in the first place.” you mumble the last part, your eyes fixed on the plate with the mountain of cheese on. 

“It’s been three years,” Jisung starts. “People and their feelings can change.” 

“But…” what about what he said last night? Just for tonight? 

His words were one thing, but then his actions completely different. His words were, one time only, but his actions and the way your friends, and new friend, spoke about them, said that it was more than that. 

Why couldn’t you just read minds? You thought to yourself, at least then you’d maybe be able to tell what he was thinking half of the time. 

Looking at Gwen, you frown.

“Maybe,” Gwen sighs. “Maybe try talking to him,” her gaze narrows on you. “Properly this time.” 

Your cheeks begin to heat up and you nod. Looking at Gwen, you notice her gaze is elsewhere causing you to follow it and that’s when you see Mina talking to Seungmin. Every now and then he rolls his eyes, almost like he doesn’t like her words. 

“Maybe he’s being told the same thing,” Gwen says, patting your shoulder. 

You shrug, maintaining your gaze on Seungmin as you bring a piece of camembert into your mouth. Maybe this was a sign to talk to him.

Maybe you could give him another chance.

→→

seungmin casually slides into his chair, a smirk present on his lips as he picks at his now full plate. 

"What are you doing?" Mina's voice, fills Seungmin's ears and he tilts his head at her in false confusion. 

"What do you mean?" Mina's face is blank as she blinks. 

"Just casually dropping off cheese?" 

"No," he responds as he takes a bite of a piece of his food. "Just need to get my steps in." 

"You're full of shit Seung, seriously," she sighs. 

His eyes move to you and he watches how you speak with Jisung and whom he came to learn was Felix. He notices how Gwen leaves her seat to crouch behind you. But ultimately, he notices how Felix stares at him, his own smirk twisted into his lips. Seungmin's eyes narrows as he looks at the boy and he rolls his eyes at how Felix's laugh seems to make you smile. 

His eyes go back to you and he watches as you turn to eat the rest of the cheese on your plate and once you are in fact done. Felix smiles and moves his own closer to you. 

“You can have some of mine,” Felix's voice fills Seungmin's ears and he gets up suddenly, causing both Mina and Minho to look at him. Felix's voice still echoing in his ears. “You are more of a cheese fanatic than I am, so you deserve it.” 

He gets to the food table, grabs a paper plate and starts to put all of his annoyed emotions into putting the new pieces of cheese onto the plate. He wanted to say to say sorry to the cheese for being so mean, but he just resulted to rolling his eyes when your voice fills his ears. “You’re my new favourite person Felix.” 

Silently making fun of the way you said it, he rolls his eyes again before turning around. “It’s fine, you’ll enjoy it more than I will anyway so go ahead.” 

He takes the few steps over to where you're sat next to Felix and leans over and drops the plate onto the table. 

"Here," he mumbles and he doesn't leave you a second to process and respond.

Quickly walking back around to his seat, he drops into it with his arms crossed. He stares at his own plate on his table and just by the way he hears Mina sigh and turn to him, he knows he's in for it. 

"You seriously just can't keep chill can you?" Mina asks, clicking her tongue. 

Keeping his eyes on his plate, his jaw tightens. "What do you mean?" 

"Don't do this Seungmin, not right now, this is the rehearsal dinner for my wedding!" She says emphasising the word wedding. "Don't go and try and make things awkward not just for us but for her and everyone else here." 

Seungmin's eyes look up at his older sister. "I'm not trying to make things awkward." 

Mina rolls her eyes. "You're still full of shit Seungmin and you know that. You know what you're doing and you know why you're doing it." 

Seungmin rolls his eyes and he goes to open his mouth to speak, but Mina cuts him off. 

"No, you don't talk until I'm finished." Mina glares. "Now this is my wedding, you're not going to play your mind games with her. you're not going to have her regret coming and ruining this as a memory for not only her, but for me as well. I don't care if you think I'm being a bitch here, but you sort your shit out. If you really want to fix things, you don't do it like this. If you really want to fix things, you don't sleep with her on the first night of seeing each other again in hopes of it just making things go away and making it better. It doesn't work like that." Mina exclaims, causing Seungmin to shrink in his seat.

 He didn't know she knew about that. 

Mina sighs and frowns at her younger brother. "I love you, I really do, but you have to remember everything that happened back then was because you decided for it to happen that way. Take responsibility for it if you want things to be different with her." Mina suggests, she then laughs, trying to lighten the mood. "However, I don't know why you had to pick my wedding was the right time for it."

He tries to smile as he looks up at Mina, "I'm sorry." 

Mina leans forward and messes playfully with his hair causing him to try and push her hands away. "You're my little brother and I love and support you," Mina starts, however Seungmin knew this was too good to be true. She wouldn't just praise him so casually. "But you're so fucking stupid sometimes, I mean, I love it for you, but gosh Seungmin." 

there it was. 

"Ouch, but I love you too I guess." Seungmin responds. 

"Of course you do," Mina laughs. "I tell you the truth and you know that asshole would just laugh at you." Mina's eyes flickers to Minho, who's still focused on the other two men sat across from him. 

Seungmin joins in on her laughter and nods his head. "True." 

"Just," Mina sighs. "If you really want something, go for it. If you really want something with her. Tell her, don't continue to be that dumb high school kid you were and be truthful with her and lay it all out on the table." 

"Okay," Seungmin hums. "I'll talk to her."

→→

You're slow to leave the dining hall after the rehearsal dinner, too caught up in chatting to Felix, Jisung and Gwen that you're one of the last sets of people to leave. You trailed out behind Gwen and Jisung with Felix by your side as you continued to laugh at Felix's jokes. 

You came to a stop, however, when you saw Seungmin casually leaning up against the wall out in the hallway. When he notices you, he stands quickly and takes the few steps towards you, nodding slightly at Felix. 

Patting your shoulder, Felix smiles, "I'll catch up with you later." 

Inhale, exhale. 

You nod, sending a similar smile to the boy beside you. "Okay, see you later." 

As you watched him walk away, you took the moment to prepare yourself mentally before you turned to face Seungmin. 

His hair is messier, like he's run his hands through it a thousand times whilst he was waiting for you to come out into the hallway. And his tie, once neatly laid out was now pulled loose and his top button of his white shirt was undone. 

"Seungmin," you take another breath. "What do you need?" 

"To talk to you," he starts. "about everything." 

"Everything?" you question. "Like how you tried to choke me out with cheese today?" 

A chuckle escaped the boys mouth, his lips turned up into a smile. "You know you wouldn't be mad about it if it happened." 

You snorted as you tried your best to fight off a smile. "What do you want, Seungmin? Seriously." 

"About us," Seungmin takes a step forward. "I mean it, I-" 

Seungmin pauses mid-sentence like his brain had just up and paused on him. There was a look in his eyes that you couldn't quite figure out and when he opens his mouth to speak once more, he sighs. 

"I don't want it to be just for tonight– well last night." He blushes, closing his eyes to avoid having to see your reaction. 

"What?" You gasp. "Seungmin..." 

You couldn't help but feel an odd sense of reversed deja vu. 

“Look, I know it probably doesn’t make sense, after everything that happened between us, but…” Seungmin pauses to take a deep breath. 

Your breath hitches in your throat. Something in you tells you that you know where this is going. 

But it can’t go that way. You know it deep down. As much as your body screams at you to give in right then and there, your brain screams over it.

“Seungmin…” you breathe out. Your eyes flick to the floor, then back to him.

You use every fibre of your being to stop yourself from stepping closer to him. Even after all these years, he was intoxicating—the right look from him could make you weak in the knees, turning you into putty. It was a mystery how you made it through the dinner.

Seungmin notices your hesitation, and gently lifts your chin up with two fingers. He then moves his hand so it’s cupping your cheek. The look he gives you is so tender, warmth pooling in his eyes, that you have to glance back down to compose yourself.

You dare to look up again, and something in you snaps. Before you could even think about what you’re doing, your hand slowly makes it’s way up his arm before going around the back of his neck.

It truly was a mystery how you made it through the dinner, you thought for a split second. But it all goes to static when you pull him against you and press his lips to his. 

His lips are chapped, like he had been nibbling on them as he waited for you. You don’t care as much as the kiss in itself is soft, sweet and a feeling swirled in your stomach like you had successfully gotten your next fix.

It quickly changes however, when his hands land on your hips, and it’s like electric shocks are sent all over your body. Sighing into the kiss, he takes the chance to overpower you and without little hassle, you let him. All you do instead is pull him closer to you– if it was even physically possible. 

“I still need to talk to you,” He pulls back slightly and mumbles against your lips. You quickly cut him short with another kiss.

“This,” kiss. “Isn’t,” another kiss. “Talking.” 

You’re doing everything you can to try and get him to stop thinking and to just solely focus on the act of kissing you. Moving your lips swiftly to his neck, you’re sure he can feel your smirk against his skin and you feverishly place kisses up and along his neck and jaw line.

“We can talk later,” he moans.

Taking your face in his hands, he angles you once again so you’re looking at him, smashing his lips to yours again, and you can’t think straight. It takes only mere seconds for you to full loose all thoughts of right or wrong.

You know what? Maybe one more night won’t hurt.

→→

You stare at the words that were displayed on your beat up flip up phone as you felt whatever vice was around your heart tighten. 

Mina: 11:45 am

Look, I didn’t want to be the one to tell you this, but since he obviously isn’t going to tell you himself… Seungmin’s leaving for college. 

I tried to get him to tell you.

You felt your throat tighten and you did your best to clear it by patting on your chest causing you to cough. 

Pushing yourself away from your desk with your hands, you rise to your feet, before rushing out of your bedroom door, down the stairs and out of the door and away from your house in only a matter of seconds.

You could hear your parents calling out behind you, lost for words, but that didn't concern you at that moment. Not when seungmin was leaving and the only reason you knew was because his older sister was nice enough to tell you. Not even seungmin himself could get the courage to tell you- to break down his own walls ever so slightly just to give you the decency of telling you: hey, i'm leaving. 

Haphazardly typing out a response to Mina, you hit send and shove your phone into your pocket as you continue to run as fast as you could to their house. 

The adrenaline over powers the fact that you want nothing more badly as to cry. To break down and to scream to the world, to him, until your throat went dry and your lungs hurt. Because no matter how little or much he shared with others. no matter how much or how little he wanted to show the world that he cared, he still did. How, even after so many months of secrecy and silent wishes, he was more than just a senior year crush. 

He was more than just a mere moment in time. 

He was powerful, moving, frustrating in all of the best ways. He was addicting and even though he broke your heart every time he said he didn't want anyone to know about the both of you, you still foolishly stayed. Because you'd rather break your heart a thousand times by him than to never experience his love, even if it's not fully and out loud. No matter the odd and secretive the ways he seemed to share it. 

Because in those secret moments, the ones where it was you two vs the world. Where he looked at you like you had hung the stars in the sky especially for him. He made all of the pain worth it, made all of the crying into ice cream tubs at two in the morning worth it. 

Sure, maybe it didn't make sense, but nothing made sense about him. Ever. You could never fully wrap your head around the enigma that is Kim Seungmin, but you knew, if you had the chance, you’d want to spend as much time as possible trying to.

Your feet stop once you're outside of his house and whatever adrenaline you have seems to wear off as the tight feeling returns to your throat. You see movement through the living room window and even when your mind screams at you to flee, your feet carry you forward up the footpath and onto the main porch. 

The ever familiar white door is a looming presence. It’s silently taunting you, beckoning you to knock on its wooden surface and face the boy who was about to be ripped from your world. Or don’t. You could just go home for all he cared, go back to your fantasy world where Seungmin will always be around, only to shatter your own heart when you finally wake up.

It was like some screwed up form of Schrodinger's cat—no matter what you do, you know you’re going to lose.

Maybe that is what compels you to stay long enough for Minho to open the door, a confused but content smile on his face.

"Oh, y/n, hi!" 

You attempt to smile, but it falters, "Hey."

Whether or not he notices, he doesn’t say, which you’re thankful for.

“Here for Seung?” The older boy asks, causing your cheeks to heat up as you nod quickly. Minho hums before calling out behind him for Seungmin. “Come inside, it’s getting cold.” 

“Yeah…” Seungmin’s voice softens as he looks up and sees you, standing beside Minho. “Y/N…” 

Gulping, you wave before pushing your lips into a thin line. 

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Minho says, before turning to you and tapping your shoulder. “It was good to see you.” 

You nod simply, trying your best to smile as your gaze soon moves back towards Seungmin. He’s standing at the bottom of the stairs, his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes are looking in any direction that isn’t you. 

“What are you doing here?” 

Ignoring his question, you respond with your own. “Are you really leaving?” 

His head shoots up in surprise and the look on his face alone is enough confirmation, but it tugs at your heartstrings more when he asks.

“How did you know?” 

“So you weren’t even going to tell me?” Your face twists into a frown as you blink to try and stop your eyes from feeling glassy. “Do you care so little about me that you wouldn’t even tell me?” 

“How did you find out?” He rephrases his question from before as his eyes stayed on you. Boring into you like he was trying to find the centre of your soul. 

“Is that all you care about right now?” You scoff. “You care more about me finding out you’re leaving than actually telling me yourself?” You blink away the tears that had threatened to fall. This time, you were the one to look anywhere but at him. “Did none of our moments together mean anything to you?” 

You can’t tell if he’s deflecting, unwilling to answer your question or if he truly cares so little about the almost full year you had spent together. 

“That’s just what they are though,” Seungmin sighed. “Moments in time,” he crosses his arm over his chest and metaphorically sticks a knife through your chest. “But moments pass, and this is one of those moments.” 

“So they really didn’t mean anything huh?” you tsk to yourself, shaking your head lightly. “I can’t believe I’m actually going to ask, but, did I even mean anything to you?” 

“Of course, you meant something to me, you’re a great friend.” Now he’s cauterising the wound, whilst trying to shove the knife in deeper. 

It’s funny how someone in one moment could be beginning for your affection, only to stab you in the back the next. But it wasn’t just stabbing you in the back, it was full hung drawn and quartered. He was pulling the emotions out of you, the memories and tearing them to shreds in front of you like a child would rip open the wrapping paper on their presents on Christmas morning. 

“Friends, really?” you huff, “to you, we’re only just friends? Do friends really do everything we did together?” 

Seungmin slips his hands into the back pocket of his jeans as he shrugs. “Some friends might, who am I to judge?” 

“So you really wouldn’t care if I did all of the things I did with you with someone else? You know, 'cause that’s what friends do apparently.” You suggest.

Seungmin falters, his jaw tightening for a second before he relaxes. There’s something that flashes in his eyes that you can’t figure out and he just hallowly laughs.

“Of course not,” Seungmin mutters. “You can do whatever you want.” 

“So would it be wrong of me to assume that you did this with your other ‘friends’ too?” You felt a bubble get caught in your throat as you tried to keep your voice from failing. “Is that why you never wanted anyone else to know? Cause you had other ‘friends’?” 

Seungmin pauses as his eyes bore into yours. You want to look away, but something inside of you physically stops you from doing so. 

He stays quiet for the longest few seconds of your life before you attempt to speak again. “Can you at least-” 

“No,” he cuts you off, clearing his throat. “It was just you. I wasn’t and didn’t see anyone else.” 

“Were you embarrassed by me?” 

He shakes his head almost instantly and the more he speaks, the more utterly confused you’re getting. 

“No,” he says simply. “What’s there to be embarrassed about?” 

“You– You–” your mind stutters. “You confuse me so much. If it wasn’t because there was someone else and it wasn’t because you were embarrassed about me, then why? Why didn’t you want anyone else to know?” 

Seungmin sighs the heaviest sigh you think you’ve ever heard. It’s almost like he’s tired of repeating himself without ever actually repeating what he means. 

“Because like you said, they were moments in time, moments we shared together, but that doesn’t mean everyone needs to be aware of them.” Seungmin attempts to explain. 

“Not even the people that would be happy for you? Care for you and want you to succeed?” 

Seungmin shrugs his shoulders once more. He’s so casual about the whole thing that it’s like a stark difference to the Seungmin he showed you in secret, the Seungmin that only you saw. 

At this point, you couldn’t tell if you had gone numb to all of your emotions, or if you were reaching the breaking point. “You really just don’t care do you?” 

“I didn’t say that” Seungmin responds rather quickly. 

“You did,” you say twice as fast.

“I didn’t” Seungmin rebuts.

“You did, you said moments pass and that ours passed. Make it make sense?” You beg, you could accept any bit of explanation at this point. Especially if it cleared up how he was feeling and made you less confused. 

However, Seungmin couldn’t do that. He just had to add more questions than answers. It was like he couldn’t help himself.

“That doesn’t mean it didn’t mean something to me.”

“Well, it meant everything to *me*, Seungmin. Don’t you get it?” Running a hand through your hair in an attempt to get it out of your face, you let a groan escape your lips. “I did everything you asked of me. I didn’t tell anyone, I snuck around for you, I let my grades slip and my friends worry about me because of you. I waited and waited because at first, I thought, this is new. It’s fine if he doesn’t want to tell anyone right away. Let us just find our place together, to make sure we actually worked well together and then maybe he’ll be comfortable sharing with at least our friends, but then I kept waiting because I care so much about you and about every single moment that we spent together and how much I didn’t want them to end that I thought that just keeping silent and continuing to wait would be enough. And it’s the fact that I’m so foolish that I could wait for you forever if you asked me to because that’s how much I love you, Kim Seungmin.” 

You only notice the tears spilling down your cheeks when you begin to taste the saltiness on your lips. 

“Love?” He whispers. “You love me?” 

Taking in a deep breath, you wipe your cheeks and find the courage inside to look at him. His eyes are soft and red like he has his own tears welling up. Your frown deepens, “would it really make a difference if I did at this point?” 

“Y/N, I…” Seungmin pauses. He opens his mouth like a fish out of water but soon finds his words. “I thought we agreed, we were just having some fun, nothing serious.” 

“I never agreed to that Seungmin,” you hiccup. “I just let myself get carried away with you because I always hoped it would change.”

As he takes a step forward, you take one back closer to his front door. 

“Do you really love me?” He asks, his voice almost sounding sincere. 

Nodding, the tears rolling down your cheeks, drop onto the floor below you. 

“I do, so goddamn much and I see now how much of a fool I was to get swept up with you.” You laugh a laugh so hollow, your soul hurts. “I’m sorry and I hope college treats you well Seungmin,” sighing, you turn and open the door. “I really do.” 

Shutting his front door behind you, your feet once again carry you down the path and you stop once it connects to the main pavement. 

Just like all those months before, you stand there, waiting– wishing for him to come outside and to bring you into his arms as he screams about how much he loves you, but just like then, he doesn’t. 

You’re left alone with your sweater paw covering your mouth in hopes of muffling your cries. 

→→

It was Seungmin pulling you closer to him that caused you to stir and wake up and it was you shooting up in bed that caused him to groan and open his eyes groggily. 

“What are you doing?” he yawns, attempting to grab you and pull you back towards him. 

"I- I should," you move just out of the way of his fingertips. "I should go back to my room, the wedding is later." 

As you're looking around for your items of clothing, Seungmin sits up. 

"No wait, just stay here and go later, we still have time." he tries to reason with you, but you just shake your head. "Come on, lets go back to sleep." 

"I shouldn't, Seungmin," you mutter, slipping back into your clothes from last night. 

Seungmin gets up, finds some of his own clothes before he turns to face you. "Why not? what's wrong?" 

"It's just… this," you motion between you two as he steps towards you. "Us, everything about this."

 "Y/N," 

Groaning, you can't stop yourself from speaking. "And I hate it when you say my name like that!" 

"What's going on? Just talk to me please." 

"You, Seungmin, you're just so confusing to me like a fucking enigma." you scoff. "You’re the one that never wanted to be open before, you said we had a moment and that it passed and now here we are now. Now you're acting sweet, you're trying to have my attention on you 24/7, you're feeding me cheese knowing it's my favourite, but then you say things like how you only want to be with me for the night, or for the weekend?” 

You look around the room before your eyes meets his and you continue your speech.

“You say my name in the way you used to say it before, like how we weren't on the same page, saying my name in a tone like you were letting me down easy and I don't want to go through that again, Min." you slip up at the nickname. "I never wanted just for the night, just for the weekend. I wanted forever then and even after all this time, i'm still a fool for wanting it now."

“Y/N, wait–” 

Seungmin attempts to speak, but you cut him off before he gets the chance to say another word. 

“And you’re asking me to stay with you, to go back to sleep beside you in your arms. I just can’t stop thinking about how after today, we’ll part and it’ll be just like it was back then, another passing moment.” You gulp and look down, hoping he doesn’t see your lips waver. “I don’t think my heart can take it.” 

Seungmin gently tilts your chin up, forcing your eyes to meet his once more. His gaze is soft, his chestnut eyes swimming with a kind of warmth that almost makes you want to run back into his arms right there.

“Y/N, this…” his voice is soft, and his thumb is rubbing gentle circles on your cheek. You can’t help but lean into his hand. “This isn’t just a moment.”

Your breath hitches in your throat. You almost do throw yourself into him, you’re this close. You want so badly to just give into him for the third time, but the memories come back flooding to you before you can try.

You let out a shaky breath, and you have to move his hand away in order to get your next words out.

“Then what was it last time?”

Seungmin stays silent. His lips are parted as if he’s going to speak, but no words leave his throat. You search his eyes for an answer, noticing a mixture of surprise and shock for a second, then a flash of regret. He casts his gaze down, blinking a few times to recompose himself before looking back up at you.

An uncomfortable silence hangs in the air. Your stare shifts from his eyes to his lips and back as you wait for him to speak. But still, nothing comes out. Your chest tightens at the lack of response.

A minute passes by, and Seungmin still hasn’t uttered a word. You feel crushed under the silence, physically and emotionally, and your body scrambles to find a way out before your brain can catch up.

“Wait, Y/N—” Seungmin mumbles, grabbing your hand before you can step away from him. You bite the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from looking.

“Seungmin, I can’t.”

“Yes you can,” he pleas. You don’t need to turn your head to know he’s giving you that soft, desperate look. Those goddamn fucking puppy dog eyes you always fell for in the past, and you knew if you even dared to look, you’d fall for it again.

“I can’t.” You say, shaking your hand to loosen his grip on it and begin to gather the rest of your things. “You can’t even say a word to me.”

“I am right now,” Seungmin grabs your hand one more time and succeeds in making you turn around this time. 

You huff, letting your eyes trail up to this. “Okay, then tell me. If this isn’t another passing moment to you, then what was it last time?”

You clutch your purse in your hand, watching him expectantly for an answer. But another silence fills the air, and this one is louder than ever.

You don’t let the silence go on as long this time. Instead, you sling your purse over your shoulder, grabbing the rest of your things as you storm out of the room.

“I’ll see you at the wedding, Seungmin,” you say, and you turn to look back at him one more time. It takes everything in you to keep yourself from running back once you see the regret etched on his face. “Let me know if you ever have an actual answer for me.”

→→

“Now introducing, Mr. and Mrs. Bang!” 

The room bursts into applause and as he watches his older sister gaze at the love of her life, happiness begins to overflow in Seungmin’s chest. For years, he’s watched Mina adorn pages in her journal, and, the minute she had access to a smartphone, her Pinterest, with ideas of her dream wedding. She had every little detail laid out—from the sequins on her dress to the exact shade of the streamers that graced the walls of the venue. It made him roll his eyes at the time, but to see everything actually come to life with the man of his sister’s dreams, it now makes his heart swell with pride.

As Mina interlocks with her fingers with Chan’s, the audience stands up to watch the newlyweds walk back down the aisle, time seems to slow down for Seungmin. He follows her as she swings her hands with her new husband, her eyes all sparkly as she looks around at all her loved ones. As happy as he is for her, he can’t help but feel the slightest twinge of envy. It sounds bad to say on his sister’s literal wedding day, but he can’t deny it anymore.

Especially not after seeing Y/N again.

But Seungmin knows there’s a time and place for his feelings now, and his sister’s special day is not one of them. So he swallows it down, and, as the attendees follow the couple out to the reception, he gently pushes through the crowd to meet Mina up at the front.

Seeing his sister so happy up close seems to bring back the warmth pooling in his stomach. “You… you look beautiful.” 

Mina sends him a closed-eyed smile, patting Seungmin’s arm with her free hand. “Thank you. And thank you for being here.” 

“I wouldn’t miss it.” 

As Mina looks up at Seungmin, she can’t help but feel a sense of pride at how grown up her baby brother seemed to be and how much he had changed compared to his high school self. 

Mina’s smile grew wider as did Seungmin’s, “I’m really proud of you, by the way,” 

Seungmin feels his cheeks heat up and he scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. “This is meant to be about you,” 

Rolling her eyes, Mina chuckles. “It is, but it doesn’t mean I can’t praise my baby brother does it?” 

Seungmin’s eyes furrow together partly because of the question, but also because of the baby brother. “I’m not a baby.” 

Shaking her head, she gazes at her new husband quickly before looking back at Seungmin. “I don’t know. Your new brother-in-law would say otherwise.”

“That’s because he’s like 100 years old and everyone is baby to him,” Seungmin mutters, rolling his eyes. Mina slaps his arm, narrowing her eyes at her younger brother. 

“He’s 26, don’t be dramatic.” 

“My point still stands,” Seungmin continues to mutter, shoving his hands into his trouser pockets. 

Seungmin lets out a silent sigh as his eyes flicker around the room. His shoulders dropping slightly when he can’t seem to find the person he;s looking for: you. 

“Why the long face?” Mina asks, “Looking for someone?” 

Seungmin nods silently, his eyes still checking around the room for you. 

“For Y/N?” Mina questions. 

Seungmin clears his throat, his ears feeling the heat. 

“Maybe…” 

“Oh…” Mina’s voice drops. “You just missed her. She caught me just a minute ago and said she wasn’t feeling good. she just congratulated me and left.” 

Seungmin’s shoulders drop and he does his best to smile at Mina. 

Mina smiles wider, in hopes of calming him, maybe even giving him some hope. “You could go ask Gwen? She’s sharing a room with her anyway, so i’m sure she’ll know more than I do.” 

Seungmin nods quickly, a hopeful smile indeed covering his face. 

When his eyes focus on Mina again, she’s already looking over her shoulder, lovingly gazing at Chan as he’s chatting with Felix and another blonde that Seungmin didn’t know the name of. 

“I don’t want to keep you,” Seungmin pats Mina’s shoulder. “Get back over to the love of your life.” 

Mina’s grin widens at the words love of your life as she nods. Seungmin could practically see the hearts floating above her head. 

“I’ll talk to you later,” Seungmin laughs and Mina just hums before she parts from Seungmin and wraps her arms around Chan’s waist when she gets close to him. Seungmin watches as Chan turns to her, his own dopey smile on his lips as he places a kiss on her hairline. 

After a moment, Seungmin inhales deeply and his eyes scan the room for his new target, Gwen. She was honestly pretty easy to find, especially when she had the loud-mouth Jisung by her side–constantly. 

When he sets his sights on Gwen and Jisung, Gwen is leant up against the wall and Jisung is basically hopping in place beside her. A concerned frown is etched into Gwen’s face and Jisung is doing his best, albeit not very well, to cheer her up. 

“Gwen, Jisung!” Seungmin calls out as he soon stops in front of them. 

Gwen stands instantly, her concerned frown now in a forced smile. “Seungmin, what’s up?” 

“Mina told me Y/N left, do you know where she went? 

Gwen’s face fell as she turned to look at Jisung. Jisung rubs the back of his neck. 

“She left, she’s catching a train back to the city…” Jisung explains. 

Gulping, Seungmin nods his head slowly. 

“If you go now, you might be able to catch her, but you have to be quick.” 

Seungmin perks up and nods his head quickly. The hopeful smile soon appearing back on his face. “Thank you.” 

Gwen takes a deep breath and slips her hand into Jisung’s and squeezes it lightly. 

“Do you think he’ll get there in time?” Gwen asks, her eyes lingering on the space where Seungmin once was.

Jisung squeezes her hand back, “we can only hope.” 

“Yeah, lets hope.” Gwen slips her hand away from jisung’s grasp and makes her way back into the crowd. Leaving Jisung alone, staring at her with a small frown on his face and his heart missing the warmth of her hand.

Seungmin gasps for breath as he rushes out of the lobby of the hotel. Resting his hands on his knees, he frantically looks around to try and find a sign of you. However, no matter where he looked nothing seemed to appear. 

Feeling the vibrations from his phone in his pocket. He fishes it out and a text alert from Mina appears on his screen. 

Annoying Sister: 5:01 pm

She’s at central station, it leaves in an hour… Good Luck!

Seungmin smiles to himself. It’s the exact sign he needs to keep going.

→→

The small ding comes from your phone as it confirms the payment for your train ticket. Slipping it into your pocket, you smile sheepishly at the ticket attendant and take the printed-out tickets from his hands. 

With a small thank you, you take your suitcase and let it trail behind you as you slowly start to make your way over to an electronic sign board to look to see which platform your train would be leaving from. 

You were lucky enough to only have to catch one train back to the main city and from that station, you could easily catch the bus back to your apartment. Sure, it would be a long journey, especially by train, but you’d rather that than have to potentially face another awkward encounter with Seungmin after everything that had happened that morning. 

Stepping up onto the platform, you find an empty seat and pull out your phone frowning at the notifications on your lock screen. 

Gwen<3: 5:15 pm

Are you sure you want to leave? You can still ride with us in the morning…

y/nnie: 5:45 pm

Yeah, It would be best. I just don’t know if I could cope with facing him again.

Gwen<3: 5:46 pm

Okay:/ just make sure to get home safe okay? 

Angling your phone up, you try to smile as you take a quick selfie to send to her. Not really caring what it looked like, you hit send and exit out of the messages app. Pulling up the gram, you scroll through your feed, randomly liking pictures posted by the few idols you liked, the random meme pages you followed and even some distance friends you had from school that you never bothered to unfollow. 

You pause, however, when a photo of Mina and Chan appears on your timeline. In the photo, they’re gazing into each other’s eyes, loved-up dopey grins spread so wide across their faces that it reached their eyes. The caption reads three cheers for true love, and your heart can’t help but strain. 

You couldn’t help but think of Seungmin and regret– not the time you spent together, but how you spent it together. It was like a moment, and it passed by so quickly without you even stopping to think about it. How, in the beginning, you didn’t want to face him, but you found yourself getting caught up with him the moment he set his sights on you. 

You wished you could go back, but it was too late. It was too late to change what had happened. You wished you could live in this fantasy of the weekend forever. You wished you could stay beside him and lay in his arms forever. 

But the moment you would step foot on the train, everything would go back to the way it was– like nothing ever happened. There would be no Seungmin, there would be another weekend of laying in his arms and enveloping yourself in his being. 

It would go back to the daily torture of university and job searching. You would go back to wishing that you and Seungmin could be more than whatever you were. 

Wishing you could go back and relive the weekend.

Seungmin’s leg bounces up and down anxiously as he’s sat in the back of the taxi cab. Silently praying that the damn driver would just hurry up already. Cursing him out mentally for not realising how much of an emergency this was and how bad Seungmin needed to get to the train station. 

All luck seems to turn on Seungmin apparently when the cab comes to a sudden halt and a choir of car horns ring out around him– including the one from the cab he’s in. 

Leaning forward, he peers through the front window. “What’s going on?” 

“I dunno,” the driver shrugs, tapping on his steering wheel. “Traffic jam or something.” 

“How far away are we from the train station?” 

The driver looks back at him with an odd look on his face, but speaks when he sees how frantic Seungmin is. “Like ten minutes if you run?” 

Digging cash out of his wallet, Seungmin throws it at the driver before hopping out of the car at lightning speed and a keep the change falling from his lips. Ignoring the way the driver is calling after him, Seungmin is too focused on running through the packed-up street. His deep breath and the sounds of his hands hitting cars as he’s sliding through the gaps to get onto the sidewalk fill his ears. 

Seungmin is sure he’s never ran so fast in his life, but as the train station comes into view, it only pushes him to run faster. 

He pushes through the crowds of people and up to a ticket guard, his words spewing out of his mouth with little care. He haphazardly pays, grabs the tickets and runs over to the signboard.

When he finds your platform on the map, all he can do is hope he gets there on time. 

Your eyes linger on the signboard overhead of the platform as the minutes until your train arrives slowly tick away. A sudden dread fills your stomach and it’s like your body is screaming at you not to go. 

Your mind and your body still burn with the memories of Seungmin’s touch, How after one night, it was like your body became more dependent– more addicted to his touch than you had ever experienced. 

A bubble got caught in your throat as the overhead announcer called out about the arrival of your train. Your stomach drops.

You’re not ready to go back to normal life. You’re not sure if you’d ever be ready to go back to a life without Seungmin. All of your being was calling out for him– calling out for a sign to stay, for a reason to stay.

But when nothing seems to answer, you round up your bags and watch as the train slows and pulls to a stop in front of you and after a moment or two, the little buttons lit up to show it was now okay to open the train doors. 

The stinging feeling prickles your eyes as you stare at the now-open door. This was it, the return back to reality.

You lift your suitcase onto the train and step on after it. You don’t bother to attempt to wipe away the tears that fall from your eyes, not when the ones you wipe would instantly be replaced. 

A voice you recognise instantly calls out from the platform.

“WAIT!”

Seungmin just barely gets onto the train as the doors close behind him. His face is red and he’s gasping for air. 

“S-Seungmin…” You blink, your mouth agape. “What are you doing here?” 

Once he’s caught his breath, he stands up straight and looks you straight in the eyes. 

“I’m here for you,” he declares. “I’m here to talk to you.” 

You continue to look at him, waiting for him to continue. 

However, before he gets the chance, the train stutters into life, causing you to fall into Seungmin’s chest, his arms wrapping instantly around you for protection.

Pushing your lips into a thin line, you stare up at him, your heart hammering against your chest. “Say what you were going to say, Min,” 

His gaze on you softens as he takes a deep breath. “I care about you,” he exhales. “A lot.”. 

Humming, you nod. “I care about you too.” 

“No, it’s… it’s more than that.”

Seungmin opens his mouth, closes it and opens it again. It’s like he’s bringing up all of the courage he needs to say what’s really on his mind. Especially when it was too late to back out now– not that he even wanted to.

He wanted to say everything he had to say, he was going to say it.

"I've been waking up daily for the past three years wishing I could take back what I said, wishing I could take back everything. But then you were at the wedding and it was like a chance to spend time with you, to relive and to act like we were back then. It was like I was given a chance to make things right by some creature above.” Seungmin pauses, he brings up his hand to lightly brush some of your hair out of your face. 

“Min…” You start, but he shakes his head before you can even continue. 

“Wait, let me finish first?” Seungmin says as more of a question than a statement. You just nod, a small smile playing on your lips.

“I wasn't lying when I said it wasn't just a moment between us. It wasn't just a moment back then, either, and I was so stupid for running and hiding, calling it a passing moment when I knew fully well that it wasn't. It never was and it never will be. Please just… let me prove it to you.” 

You feel your heart quicken in pace as he continues his speech. His eyes are so full of love and sincerity that you don’t know how to cope. 

What Seungmin didn’t seem to know was he already had your heart, he had it ever since your senior year. 

After everything, he still meant everything.

“I was an idiotic teenager who didn't know how to face or even acknowledge what I wanted. I can't go back and change that and I’ll forever regret how I made you feel back then, but I know now I don't want to make that same mistake again, I don't want to lose my chance to be with you again. So please, can we start over?” 

His hands rest on your cheeks, making sure you’re staring into his eyes as he says his next words:

“Because Y/N, I don't just want you for tonight or for the weekend… I want you forever. ”

[lovestaysblogs]

this was so sweet!

to love and be loved — kim seungmin.

summary : a series of events. from the start to a new beginning. to be in love, to love and be loved—what is a relationship with seungmin look like?

✰ pairing : boyfriend!seungmin x fem!reader (she/her pronouns).

✰ genre : semi-college au, slice of life, established relationship, fluff, a bit of angst.

✰ warnings : use of profanity, mentions of alcohol consumerism and cheating, kissing, semi-proofread, lmk if i missed one.

✰ word count : 9.9k

disclaimer !!　after two months of this fic being on standby, it is finally here. this was also posted first based on what the poll results said. please do not forget to reblog and leave feedback! thank you so much. 𖹭 — special mention to chase atlantic’s song, paradise.

𖹭 ⁺ ONE. 

To be loved by Seungmin is like a beautiful dream you didn’t want to wake up from. It also visualizes the satisfaction of how you finally completed a puzzle and he was the last missing piece or that sigh of success after finishing a 400-page novel in one sitting. You didn’t know how you ended up here. Maybe there were a few scenarios in which you were crazy enough to capture his heart as well. And for that matter, how did everything start? 

A rainy day in the middle of spring had brought an unexpected turn of events. The to-do list was just as simple as counting from 1 to 10, but it became difficult, like a math problem, for someone who hates numerical methods. It all began with a bold confession you’ve seen in dramas based on the execution. Seungmin stood two meters away with his back turned against you while you were shedding tears, ready to be rejected. You didn’t want to repeat those words, and if you did, it would only make him go insane.

“Why don’t you buy me lunch after your thesis defense? ”He said, and that’s what happened. But instead of thanking him, stupid, you confessed your damn feelings while he was enjoying his food. He stopped moving his mouth and had his hand drop the fork on his plate, trying to process your sentence. 

“I like you.” It’s just that simple, and he should understand what it means as someone who is always at the top of the class. But it seems hard to fathom, especially when those words come from you. “I like you, Seungmin.” He scoffed at it the second time he heard it, but you were taking all the risks. 

Why? 

You were supposed to be friends, but what he did throughout college made you think it was more than that when he was just being nice, or that’s what you thought. 

He was the one who made sure you’d get home safely every night when your strict professor dismissed you late or you had to stay on campus until midnight. He knows your full schedule every semester, knows the exact components of your to-go drink, knows what you like or don’t like, knows your favorite band, and even bought you their albums as a gift for your birthday, he’d make sure no one would bother you if you fell asleep in the library, he helped you when you were struggling on your homework and stayed up all night with you, he was there when you needed a shoulder to cry on and said “Just tell me your worries,” or when Mr. Park almost flunked you in one of your majors or just let you cry whatever the reason behind those tears that he wanted to wipe away with his thumbs—Seungmin was that kind of friend. 

And now, there you were. The sounds of the rain replaced the quiet and awkward atmosphere. He looked at you as if you were insane, and why did the need to mention it now after all the wasted time? Not in a public space, Y/N, not in private either! You were sweating in the cold like a convict who was lying about the crime they committed, and your hands were shaking so much that you couldn’t stab the food with your fork. Was confessing this hard? You were ready to be rejected either way because Seungmin silently judged you to the moon and back. 

He took the last bite and drank his iced tea in one gulp before grabbing his coat as he exited the restaurant in the blink of an eye. You were left dejected, but you knew you couldn’t just let him go home without a full essay from your mouth about what just happened. 

“Seungmin, wait! ”You called upon following him outside while letting the rain pour above your head. No umbrellas were brought. “Seungmin! ” 

There was no response again as he continued walking. Seungmin was already a few meters away from the restaurant when you got out. Was he a fast walker? People started to stare at the both of you, but he didn’t even bother to take a glance at what was behind him. You didn’t want to do it, but you just wanted to end the day without saying your feelings—not on graduation day, not after, but now. And being shunned made you feel restless. 

“Seungmin Sky Kim! ”Not the full name, but it made him stop by the sidewalk. Seungmin sighed heavily, his broad shoulders dropping and just letting the rain soak his black locks. You’re not expecting him to turn around and just go finish what you started while standing two meters away. With the rain adding to the dramatic effect, tears being covered by the raindrops, and people watchingーthose words finally came to life. 

“It doesn’t matter whether you turn around, but please hear me out! ”You said, breathing heavily. “You told me to tell you my thoughts, feelings, worries, and whatever the hell I have here in my heart, but we’re out here in the rain with your back turned against me, avoiding me,” It was loud enough for everyone to hear, and it was bold of you to do it in public when he knew you were against yourself doing public speech, but here you are. “I like you, Seungmin! I like you so much that it bothers me because I might not be able to see you after graduation. I just don’t want to keep it anymore, and I want to tell you everything. I’m sorry if it’s making you feel uncomfortable or if I’m ruining our friendship because of what I am saying. I can handle it,” You added in between your sobs. “I tried so hard not to have any attachment aside from being friends, and I know you were just being nice, and you helped me a lot. I’m sorry if I loved you more than that when I’m supposed to be just appreciating and thanking you for always being with me. I loved you as a friend, and I love you as someone who sees more than what you think about yourself. Please don’t hate me. You can do whatever you want after this. Just don’t hate me.”

Seungmin didn’t say anything, as he was still standing there as if someone had told him to freeze on his spot when you just called out his full name. Everyone was waiting—not just you, but all the people watching as if you were shooting a scene for an upcoming melodrama type of movie.

“Are you not going to say anything? ” You asked, wiping your face along with tears that got mixed up with the rain. “Seungmin? ” You called once again. 

Seungmin didn’t know how to react or what to say after that bold move. What was the purpose of being nice to you? At first, it was pure. It doesn’t usually happen, as he was picky in terms of having friends in college, and he was happy when you fully embraced him. You did things for him when he was the one in need, made sure he ate on time in between his busy schedules, let him sleep in your apartment since it’s just a block away from campus, brightened his day when it felt gloomy, the one who treats him like a literal puppy whenever you get cuteness aggression, the one who accompanied him into several road trips where you share gossips, the one he brought home to his parents during the holidays because you are always his first choiceーfuck the rest of his homies (lovingly), the one who made his heart melt every time he sees you happy… maybe he needed that bold confession of yours to realize something. 

You were ready to leave after minutes of waiting and calling for his name, only for him to turn around and actually say something. Just one more minute. Another minute for nothing. 

“You know what? It’s fine; you can go. Thank you for listening anyway. Have a nice life, Seungmin.” You smiled, although he couldn’t see. “Show’s over, everyone. Have a nice day,” you added while clapping your hands as the people around you started to whisper to each other. 

“Poor girl,” 

“Well, that’s how loving someone sometimes, you can’t guarantee they'll return it.” 

“Damn, at least say something.” 

It wasn’t the pressure from the crowd. There was no pressure at all. It was just him; he was confused and didn’t know what to do. But if you were this bold to tell the whole world that you love him, then it’s time to make a decision. 

Everyone was still waiting, even if you had already dismissed them, and not expecting anything from him, but suddenly he turned around, dropped his coat on the wet, cold cement of that fucking sidewalk, and went straight in your direction at a fast pace. You waited for him, and so everyone finally got what they were waiting for him to do. His warm hands were placed on your cheeks as his lips collided with yours. There was a spark. It was so sweet and delicate that it made something melt inside of you. Both of your hearts are racing and your cheeks are burning due to the blood rush. 

You get why everyone was loud around the streets of Seoul. Seungmin didn’t let go of you that easily as your bodies pressed together. His lips tasted like what he just consumed with a mixture of iced tea. They were warm and soft, and you could feel his breath as it tickled your nose. It was like a dream or something that only happens on television, or like how a prince kisses a princess for the first time. It is indeed the first time. 

“It took you long enough to say it,” he said upon pulling away. You sniffed in response and looked down at your shoes, getting soaked. 

“It took you long enough to turn around,” you said, wiping your nose as your eyes met the moment you looked at him. His hands were still warm on your cheeks as he painted a smile on those delicate lips of his that you finally had the opportunity to kiss. 

“That was abrupt. I didn’t know what to do,” he chuckled. You didn’t need Seungmin to say the same words in return. That kiss was enough. 

“I understand.” You smiled as he planted another kiss on your lips. 

“May we go now? We’re going to get sick at this point,” he suggested, making you giggle in response. 

“Of course.” Before you did, Seungmin kissed you on the forehead and picked up his coat. A little girl threw petals on your path as a sign of congratulations to you and the other citizens who witnessed such an event. 

𖹭 ⁺ TWO. 

You believed that you couldn’t find love; instead, love finds you at the perfect time. Seungmin came out of nowhere. It’s like how Isaac Newton discovered gravity after an apple fell above his head or that unexpected strike of lightning in the sky even if there was no hint of bad weather. But thoughts aside, how does it feel to love Seungmin?

It feels like heaven on the inside. 

To expand its denotation, Seungmin is the angel that the heavens sent you when you needed someone, especially during those trying times during college, and his role in your life grew as the days, seasons, and years passed by. 

It’s beautiful, like a lit candle on the windowsill that serves as your light when the electricity is off. It’s unexpected and accidental, like the spilled ink on an architecture student’s tracing paper that was supposedly a mistake, and yet it made a curious pattern instead. It’s exhilarating, like that portrait of you and him being hung on the wall at his parents’ house, which was taken on that one holiday when he brought you home with him and played video games together, sabotaging him, which made him say, “If I lose, it’s your fault! ”Then you would just laugh it off. It’s refreshing, like watching the ocean and other scenery as the train passes by through the city. 

Your heart raced every time you couldn’t sleep until 1 a.m. and would say, “It’s probably because of the coffee.” which you had a few hours earlier, which is not. Blame them for whatever you want; Seungmin is the sole reason behind everything you feel. He’d kiss you in public like a gentleman but becomes dominant when it’s just the two of you; he doesn’t say empty words on those intimate nights and is truly a man of his word. He nags you because he cares; he protects you because he doesn’t want you to get hurt; he treasures you because you’re precious to him; and he needs you because he loves you. 

Love is an understatement, and you could say that words defining what loving Kim Seungmin feels like are not enough for a writer to write them in books. The feelings are sincere. They never changed the moment you decided to love him. You admit there were ups and downs in this relationship. Those nonsense arguments in the middle of the night made one of you storm out of the room, yet he came back a few hours later to apologize, finding out his flaws. He’d insist that he’s not the most perfect boyfriend he could offer you, but even if you close your eyes, he still blooms beautifully like a flower after winter, indicating the start of spring. Seungmin is the definition of perfect; you couldn’t ask for anything else. 

Kim Seungmin is the person who made you feel loved and adored. 

Four years ago, you were just as good as friends—not until your confidence rose like you had consumed a ton of alcohol just to say you loved him. Which you didn't, and yet it was romantic. A confession and a kiss were shared under the rain. Seungmin was happy that you did; you just didn’t seem to understand why he didn’t tell you first when he felt the same and waited for you to make the first move. 

“I was afraid you’d reject me,” he would argue. “You’re braver than me,” he defended. 

“If I didn’t do it, then we’ll just grow apart after graduation, then? ” You asked, as it made him laugh in embarrassment. 

“I was going to tell you after the graduation ceremony, in front of your parents and mine, but someone here got a little bit overwhelmed,” He smiled, ruffling your hair as you huffed in response. “I need to go now, love. I’m running late,” he added, planting a soft kiss on your lips before exiting your room. You hurriedly went out of bed to see him outside, although you had just woken up from a relaxing Sunday night. 

“Will you come home early? ” You asked as he was tying his shoelaces by the entryway of your shared apartment. 

“I’m not sure, but I’ll let you know when I can, alright? ” He answered. “I’ll see you tonight,” He added after he finished and placed one last kiss on your lips before waving goodbye as he vanished through the door. 

A sigh escaped your lips as you locked the door and ate what Seungmin had cooked. He usually wakes up early and cooks for you during the weekdays; it happens every morning, duty calls early anyway, and sometimes he doesn’t spend the night here with you due to his busy schedule. You understand how hectic his job could get; that’s why you visit him if he doesn’t come home and fall asleep while he works. Seungmin doesn’t mind; he loves your presence near him, always. 

In the past four years of this relationship, it has been amazing. At first, he was a cute, innocent puppy that thrived to survive from the very first day of being a freshman, the one whose only goal was to compete and win. Which he did, and that includes your heart. It was him from the start without realizing the fact that you were slowly cascading into something you didn’t sign up for. But that didn’t matter now that you were already spending days with him trying to survive life.

“What do you want for dinner? I’ll cook,” he said over the line as he walked toward his car. “I’ll buy ingredients before coming home. Are you almost done with work? ” 

“Min, you cooked this morning. Let me do it tonight, I’ll meet you at the grocery,” You smiled at your phone, although he couldn’t see it. 

“No, I’ll pick you up. Stay where I can see you immediately, alright? ” He answered while getting in, as a loud thud was heard when he shut the door. “Love you,” 

“Okay, I love you too,” you replied. “Drive safely,” 

“Yes, Ma’am,” 

Seungmin kissed your cheek as you settled on the passenger’s seat, asking how your day went, and the same goes for you, who missed him every bit of the time he was away. It’s like having separation anxiety—you can’t stop thinking that you miss him. The sweet scent of his car, his gentle yet intoxicating perfume, the way he’d hold your hand while the other had its grip on the steering wheel as he kept switching glances from the road to you and vice versa. 

Watching him drive with that straight face that sometimes turns bright as his lips form a smile when he giggles in response to what you said or the fact that he is soft-spoken when it comes to you can validate that you are fucking down bad. You can’t blame yourself for putting your guard down when you were the one who fell first, or so you thought. 

Having to shop together as an act of sharing quality time is one of the biggest love languages Seungmin could ever offer. He doesn’t mind if you come home late; fuck the working hours the next day; he just wants to be with you. 

“Do we have strawberries at home? ”He asked as you strolled over the fruit section. Do you know how much he loves strawberries and can finish a pack within a day? Yes. 

“No, they’re all gone to your stomach,” you said, making him laugh, and you took a few packs. “If it’s not the strawberries, you’d be picking a pack of coffee pods. I swear, you’ll become either of those two in your next life.” 

“What, a coffee bean or strawberry? ”He asked, confused. 

“Yeah, there’s never a day you don’t drink caffeine and a single strawberry, as well as eggs,” you added, which made him do the most adorable thing ever that you couldn’t resist: the sad puppy eyes. 

“Is that a bad thing? ”It made you clutch your chest in awe. How could such a grown-up man be this mature yet act like a small puppy? 

“Yes, and no,” you huffed. “But please don’t do that; you always get it the way you want when you do that,” you added, which made him chuckle in return. 

“Do what? ”He smirked, pushing the cart away. 

“The puppy thing,” you argued, following him to the next food section. 

“I am your puppy, aren’t I? ” 

“Yes, you are.” You sighed while rolling your eyes playfully. 

After that, Seungmin gave you a proud smile and went home with everything you bought. He doesn’t let you carry anything and just holds the door for him to place the groceries by the counter. It happens all the time. You have to put them in place and him preparing to cook after washing up—it’s like the bond of a married couple during the honeymoon phase. 

Hugging him from behind after admiring his broad shoulders, kissing his cheek after smelling the food he’s cooking, a peck on the lips when he gets flustered, your arms around his waist tightened gently because you didn’t want to let go, he holds your hand while the other one was busy stirring the soup. It’s a form of expressing love without words. Actions with reassurance are better than being comforted with words unaccompanied by effort. 

“I’m almost done, love,” he said, but it only made you hug him tighter, earning a heartfelt laugh from him. “You love me that much, don’t you? ” 

“I always do,” you pouted as he pressed the off button of your electric stove. 

“Come here,” he said, turning around and capturing you into his arms and kissing your lips over and over again, making you giggle in between. 

Eating together while catching up on what happened at work, helping him wash the dishes afterward, and poking some soap bubbles on your nose to make you laugh at how childish it was is another form of bonding—a playful one. 

“Go to sleep,” he said as you both got into each other’s arms, lying on your shared bed. 

“No,” you’d say. 

“Then no kisses for you tomorrow,” he answered, which made you frown at the thought. 

“Fine,” you said as he kissed your lips softly. “Good night,” you added, looking at him with his cheek squished on the pillow. 

“Good night, love,” he said, giving you another kiss on the forehead. 

They say you'll fall asleep immediately when you’re sleeping with someone whom you feel safe around, and by that means, Seungmin is that someone. You get so dependent on him that your body gets used to him, and it releases dopamine and serotonin, which is proven to be true. With his arms around your back, his soft heartbeat on his chest, his gentle smell, soft breaths, and cuddly nature, you just wanted to stay there forever. 

Living with him and having to spend each day like this is like a dream come true that you never want to end. It is endearing; it has a sense of comfort that you can’t find anywhere but here, with him. And it is something you can call home. 

𖹭 ⁺ THREE. 

You didn’t know what you did in your past life or why you deserved to be loved by Seungmin. To you, he is perfect. He’s the type of boyfriend that a lot of people want for themselves. It is also hard to understand why he chose you out of all those surrounding him. You were sure it wasn’t because of the non-existent pressure he felt when you confessed to him four years ago, and complaining would be the last thing you'd do in this relationship. So, how does Seungmin love?

He shows it from time to time. A love that you can’t find in somebody else. It existed at the very beginning, and it will last until the very end. 

Seungmin couldn’t ask for anything. For him, it was like opening Pandora’s box, but it consisted of great and unexpected good things, like an acceptance letter from his dream university or a treasure chest that would make him automatically rich. And he is the most thankful to have you in his life—probably the most precious gift from the heavens. It’s like a puppy being adopted and falling in love at first sight when he knows who’s going to be his owner. 

“I love loving you,” he said. It was sudden, as he was waiting for you to be done packing your things for the trip that you’d been planning for months. A smile was formed on your face, giggling at the fact that it made you caught off guard.

“Why?” You asked softly. 

“Honestly, I don’t know,” He laughed making you frown in response. “Maybe because you take care of me so well even during those times when I couldn’t look out for myself, or maybe because you love me too much that I wouldn’t ask for anything more. I can’t answer the question ‘Why?’” He shrugged. 

“Well.” You paused, smirking at the thought. “Your actions are speaking louder than words, Love.”

“Hmm, do I?” He asked, tilting his head to the side upon taking the bag off your hands. 

“Yeah,” You smiled. “You don’t need words to tell you love someone,” 

“Am I not good with words?” He asked, giving you those sad puppy eyes again. 

“You are. But please don’t give me that look or I’m going to tackle you down.” You threatened making him laugh in return. 

“You love my puppy eyes.” He teased as you rolled your eyes in response. 

“Yes, you can show those puppy eyes later! And that should be all. Shall we go now?” You answered.

“Of course,” He said, placing a soft kiss on your lips before leaving your shared apartment. “Can’t wait to spend the long weekend with you!” He beamed excitedly. 

He’s not the type to express his love through words. Apart from giving you quality time in this relationship, he also offers acts of service that may have knocked your heart out ever since your university days. He’s the type to do things for you instead of tiring yourself. Seungmin always has his way to your heart without you noticing at first. They can be silly at times, maybe serious, or just the little things; he doesn’t mind. Even for other people, it will just be the bare minimum for a man to serve you, but Seungmin is way bigger than that.

Seungmin loves you like Shakespeare loved his wife and dedicated his sonnets to her. It’s giddy like a teenage girl writing how much they adore her crush in a love letter. It could raise someone’s standards, like how a writer writes and portrays a protagonist who would do anything for their partner—a fictional character that became everyone’s ideal type. Sometimes it would feel like the ice blended well with the whiskey poured into the glass. It's like a florist making their favorite bouquet that consists of the prettiest flowers in the shop. Fun like kids playing on the playground. It's comfortable, like having a cup of hot chocolate as you sit together on a couch while watching the rain on the balcony. Lively and filled with excitement, like seeing your favorite band’s concert, reassuring, like a prayer that always works. 

It feels nice. 

“Seungmin! ”It would always make him feel nice when you’re around, especially when his name comes out of your mouth like a melody that captures his heart and mind in a split second. 

“Baby? ”His heart would race as if it were the first time. A giddy smile would appear as he’d turn around to face you like a puppy getting excited, with a wagging tail, full of expectations, ready to cuddle and smother you with kisses. Hugs are not enough to show how affectionate he is.

“Yes?” Seungmin answered snapping himself back to reality. 

“Shall we take a stroll? ”You asked as he watched you enjoy the sunset by the beach as the wind blew around your hair, and tucking it behind your ear made him fall in love with you even more. Beautiful is just a word of restraint from what he sees—a word mixed up with similar definitions. Heavenly. 

“Okay,” He smiled. 

The genuine smile you’re wearing, the way you laugh, and the way you talk a lot about the beautiful scenery could make him listen to you all day. He’d hold your hand while walking together barefoot on the sand, and the other hand would carry your shoes. You’d always hold him accountable for not looking at anyone but him. Why would you be surprised when he suddenly burst into your door with a full package of everything you wanted? And just like both of your monologues always say, you couldn’t and won’t ask for anything more. Enough is not the right word. 

Loving you is one of the greatest decisions he ever made in his life, after thanking his parents for giving him life almost three decades ago. Living in the same lifetime as you, the same year, the same seasons and events, and being grateful are just some of the euphemisms in between sentences. I got love-struck to the brain and heart, then ended up as a lovesick puppy, like seeing stars despite the raindrops. Down bad as fuck. 

As the door closed and knobs were locked, with the room installed with dim lights after clicking the second switch, you threw your arms around Seungmin’s neck as he sealed your lips with a kiss, his hands around your waist, pulling you closer to his body. Your fingers played with his new, trimmed black locks that you thought looked good on him. A new style that made your heart go crazy as it showed you another side of him. 

He left out a soft sound against your lips, tasting the rosehip lip balm that coated its skin. His one hand found its way to caressing your neck as he deepened the kiss and later held your cheek to make it more passionate and impatient. You know this is not the first time he has ever held you like this as you make out, but it will always feel like the first time. He moved his mouth slowly and gently onto yours, biting and sucking the lower part of your lips, earning a soft groan from you. A smirk was painted on his lips when he knew you liked it. That’s one thing about him: he gets cocky when he knows he gets the upper hand and gets what he wants. But you don’t mind at all; everything from you is for him, and everything from him is for you. 

“I love you so much,” he says as he pulls an inch away. 

“And I love you more.” You smiled at him, planting a chaste kiss on his lips, and he returned it upon placing another kiss on your forehead. 

Seungmin looked at you as you slept comfortably beside him that night. A gentle face with a calm expression as you fall deep into slumber because you know he’s there with you. His fingertips traced your cheeks down to your lips, slowly leaning forward to give you a soft and warm good-night kiss, which made you hum in response, scooting closer. A light giggle escaped his lips while wrapping his arms around your back and leaving another kiss on the crown of your head, feeling your warmth. 

“I don’t know why you chose me, but I promise I will love you forever, and if this is a dream, I don’t want to wake up anymore. I love you, Y/N.” 

You heard that. He never gets tired of saying he loves you, because why would he when his entire heart was solely captured by you? It doesn’t take a lot of time to fall for him even more. It only made you hug him tighter and drift into a dream. 

Seungmin fell asleep immediately after that. He doesn’t know if it’s because of the trip if his hormones are releasing happiness, or if his brain is set so that he has you by his side; it doesn’t matter that much. A long weekend with you feels like a dream after days of working. 

The morning came, and he woke up first, like usual. He got up and left the bed, trying not to make large movements to wake you up, and headed to the bathroom. You shifted your sleeping position like a starfish getting washed away from the shore. Seungmin tilted his head like a curious puppy, seeing you under that creased duvet when he came out. His footsteps dragged him to the huge windows from the ceiling to the floor, and he opened the curtains, welcoming the gentle morning sunshine and making you pull the cover above your head. 

“Baby! ”He called. “Wake up! ” 

“10 minutes.” You groaned when he decided to hover above you and put his weight on your body. “Min! ”You exclaimed, tossing the duvet off of your head and seeing him all smiley. 

“Wake up, wake up, wake up! ”He beamed. The only ones missing are his puppy ears and a wagging tail. 

“So much energy, Min huh?” You asked while caressing his hair. “What happened to Good Morning?” 

“I ate it,” he said, which made you burst out laughing. 

“You look happy, Min.” You answered as Seungmin moved away and helped you sit up. 

“Why wouldn’t I when I’m with you? Besides, we have a lot to do today and so much to eat. I’m sure my heart will be delightful as much as my stomach,” he said. “I found a breakfast place yesterday when we were coming back to the hotel and thought maybe we could try their food. ”Then there go his puppy eyes again. 

“Min, you know, giving me those puppy eyes or not, we’ll do whatever you want at this point. I can’t say no to you.” You huffed in response, making him smirk. 

“You’re so down bad,” he answered while slipping into your flip-flops. 

“Says the one who doesn’t want to wake up from this dream.” You smirked, making him freeze on his spot. 

“You heard? ”He asked, shakingly. 

“Every word, Min, every word,” you answered while making your way to the bathroom. 

“You were awake?! ”He asked, flabbergasted, as you closed the door, leaving him blushing and painting a sly smile on your face. 

Pulling a chair for you to sit on, setting the cutlery on the table properly, wiping the whipped cream excess on the corner of your lips after a bite of a pancake, it went as planned that you visited the breakfast place he mentioned a while ago. The sweet and sour taste of strawberries mixed with the maple syrup and whipped cream indeed, started a blissful morning. Your boyfriend enjoyed it with coffee too albeit the times he said that he’s going to cut off caffeine slowly but you’re sure he won’t be able to do that easily. 

Holding hands while strolling around the neighborhood and shopping for cute things, food, maybe a couple of clothes, and other souvenirs, Seungmin was all up for them as you take a picture in front of a mirror every time you get a chance. You giggle at every picture when you swipe through your gallery. Seungmin never fails to make silly poses and act cute. It became a habit of his and on the other hand, he also does his boyfriend duties like taking candid pictures of you if you weren’t paying attention to him. 

Seungmin’s love is fresh like spring, warm as summer, cool as autumn, and beautiful as winter. His feelings remained like the very first time you left a blush on his cheeks, your heart beating faster the way a doctor could hear it through their stethoscope, and a shot of espresso in the morning. You can’t blame him if he could still feel this way when the love you gave him from the start never changed. Four years is such a long time, yet it passes by like four days. 

Your parents know as much as his. Both agreed and voted for love and devotion. Unbearable fights should be fixed before going to sleep and sealed with a kiss. His friends would tease him, yet they respect you by taming a menace that later became a lovesick, hopeless romantic, Kim Seungmin, who once didn’t believe in forever but wants to spend his eternity with you. 

𖹭 ⁺ FOUR. 

A back hug in the morning while brushing your teeth in the bathroom, having him pick your clothes for the day, and the same goes for him, asking to let him taste the flavor of your lip tint, but in reality, he just wanted a kiss, which sometimes leads to a make-out session where you have to redo your hair and makeup again, always unpredicted. He is just making you speechless all the time. Does having a relationship with Seungmin always feel like that? 

Yes, but at the same time, no. 

The spark in this relationship never dies as you two share the same affection for each other, though there are times that Seungmin is hard to love. But there are times when you and Seungmin have to go through tough times. It comes to its peak, especially when he is at his lowest and has unexpected tantrums, and the toxicity of this affair is on the surface. Seungmin is not the type to make himself vulnerable in front of you; instead, he goes far away and makes excuses for you not to bother him. 

He gives you the silent treatment when he’s upset; he doesn’t want you to see him cry; he doesn’t want to talk about anything, and you hate it. You know he’s the person who would always initiate a conversation when there was something to be talked about and never let anyone sleep unless the problem had been settled. Yet, it’s unusual for you to scream and shout at each other in the middle of the night as one storm out of the room and the other is left with tears in their eyes, confused about what just happened and where it all went wrong. 

Seungmin would always speak up for himself, as long as he was on the right side of the argument. You agree that he gets brutally honest when defending himself, saying that it would hurt you a lot. His words are sharp as knives that can stab you multiple times, and you are just afraid to admit that he always has a point. One thing about him is that he’s mature and mentally strong. He’s like a fire that is hard to wash out when mad (and literally hot). But, on the other hand, he’s careful. There was never a time in your life that he chose not to listen to your every worry, comfort you when you needed it, and reassure you that everything would be fine. He doesn’t invalidate you. 

There was this one time when you had a huge fight about him being linked to a co-worker, and he brushed it off, knowing that nothing was going on between them. He reassured you that he was just being polite, not in a way that he’d tolerate the girl’s actions toward him, but jealousy had taken all over your system, and you closed your ears for every piece of explanation he had. Of course, he got mad as to why you didn’t believe him. The sickening sounds of arguments echoed across the room. Seungmin was hurt, and that was the first time he said something that crushed your soul. 

“If you don’t trust me, then it was such a fucking waste spending four fucking years with you! ” 

“You never admitted I was right, even if you’re wrong! I would always initiate everything first because of your fucking pride! ” 

“Did you ever think that I would cheat on you just because of some stupid girl who can’t understand the words that I have a fucking girlfriend waiting for me at home? ”

“I fucking love you, Y/N, so if we’re going to stand on the ground like this, I think we should think about what’s going to happen in this relationship.” 

“You disappoint me, Y/N.” 

And that’s when he left. You went home to your parents the next day in the province and didn’t even bother to tell anyone, maybe, Seungmin does. The manager at your workplace thought you were just taking sick leave; even your work best friend, Felix, didn’t know what happened or where you were. Seungmin, on the other hand, stayed at his older sister’s apartment and distracted himself from what just happened. He thought about what he said, and it was harsh of him to shoo you away. He was also on leave to take care of himself and his nephew. 

One thing about Seungmin is that he’s open-minded. He didn’t get mad when you introduced your male friends to him; instead, he became friends with them, especially Felix. If he gets jealous, then he knows something is wrong behind his back. Unlike you, who would jump to conclusions because you don’t know what’s going on inside their heads. It’s not like you don’t trust Seungmin at all, but you know how other people can be when no one is watching, and you admit you were so sick of thinking bad about your boyfriend. 

To him, he can throw this relationship away anytime he gets tired, and you admit it was your fault for adding fuel to the fire. But now, you couldn’t face him. You were embarrassed, afraid of losing him, and anxious that he might fall for someone else, or maybe he could fall out of love. There are a lot of possibilities. And yet, Seungmin doesn’t think any of that. He was so upset about how you acted, and he was so damn tired that night, only to be welcomed by false accusations that led you both to cool off. But Seungmin knew that he couldn’t last a few days without your presence. 

And if you’d be honest, you wouldn’t say Seungmin is that walking green flag who is so perfect in front of everyone, neither do you. No one is a green flag. People are just blinded by what they see on the outside and what others say about their partners. You may say that Seungmin is a definition of perfect but not the literal definition of perfect. It is another version of what you see is perfect, a compliment caused by love to remove the flaws from your sight like how your brain dumps unnecessary information to cater to the new ones. There is always that fucking toxicity that they are afraid to admit. 

“Uncle! Uncle! ”Minsoo, his 5-year-old nephew, called. 

“Yes, baby? ”Seungmin’s attention was caught. 

“When is Aunt Y/N visiting? ”Minsoo asked again with those puppy eyes and pouty lips he probably got from his uncle. 

“Yeah. I know you guys are not on good terms right now, but it has been days, bro.” His sister heard and added while slicing some fruits for her son. Minsoo took it immediately and pouted at him even more. 

“Did you and Aunt Y/N fight? ”He asked and was about to cry. Seungmin was panicking inside that he had to lift the young fellow to sit on his lap and sighed heavily. 

“We just had to cool off, okay Bub? When we say cool off, that means we take a break and be alone for some time so we can freshen up and talk later, okay? ”Seungmin was reassured, but Minsoo didn’t buy his statement at first; instead, he became sulky. 

“Aunt Y/N loves you so much,” he murmured. “She said she wouldn’t hurt you. I don’t know what that means, but when you and Aunt Y/N were playing with me at the park because Mom was at work, I could see how happy she was while looking at you. You mean the whole world to her, and mine are Mom’s chicken nuggets and ice cream,” Minsoo frowned. Seungmin didn’t know if he was going to laugh or give a long sigh, but his sister at the kitchen counter giggled before making her way to both of them, placing the fruits on the coffee table. 

“You remember that? ”Seungmin asked. 

“You know Minsoo is quick-witted just like you.” His sister smiled at him. “And he probably loves Y/N more than you too! ” 

“Yes,” Minsoo agreed, which made Seungmin laugh in return with made his sister show a bit of concern. Well, she is concerned. 

“I don’t want to meddle with your business with her, Seungmin, but as someone who is in a longer relationship than you, it happens. I mean, I’m not going to take anyone’s side in this matter since you’re both in the wrong; her not giving full trust, and you snapped at her for it when there’s nothing to hide,” she said as she fed her son with a bite-sized strawberry. “I know my brother doesn’t tolerate such actions, and there’s nothing wrong with calling her out, but you’ve been staying here for days, not working, and crying at night because of whatever reason that you have. Don’t you think it’s time for you to find her? I’m sure she misses you like you do.” 

“I’m always the first one who would initiate making up with her,” Seungmin sighs. “I just want her to realize that she can do it first, you know? Like come up or call me and apologize to me.” 

“I know, but if you’re going to wait for her then it might take some time and you don’t like waiting, I know you.” His sister chuckled. 

“You said you wouldn’t be biased but it feels like you’re siding with her,” Seungmin said looking at his sister, still feeding his nephew. 

“I am not,” She shrugged as he rolled his eyes in return. 

Seungmin did think it through the night after that. He couldn’t sleep and kept tossing and turning. It took him a few days before, finally made that engine roar and traveled to the province. His sister’s husband also talked him through when he got home and shared a few drinks. It may have caused a hangover but he got over it and drove out of the city on a sunny afternoon. 

He rolled up his sleeves as his veiny hands tightened their grip on the steering wheel while trying to reach out for a signal to call you. A heavy sigh escaped his lips when you didn’t answer any of his damn calls. He called Felix instead, asking how you had been but the latter couldn’t answer for he doesn’t know too, even your whereabouts, and he is also worried. 

“Just a sick leave, Lix. I’m not going anywhere but I think I’m going to take some time off from my phone and everything. Don’t worry, I’ll call you when I’m better.” That’s what you told him with that fake smile and red, puffy eyes from crying. Felix let it through and didn’t ask questions. He just went up and gave you the most comforting hug, telling you to be safe and healthy and that you’d call him immediately. 

He rested his elbow by the window while his fingers played with his lips as he drove with one hand, drowning in deep thoughts. After days of no communication, he doesn’t know how to speak with you and makeup. It’s not like it’s his very first time initiating a conversation but this is the very first time that you had to not see each other for days. Mostly fights can be solved in one night but maybe Seungmin grew a bit tired that time. Now he’s nervous. He’s driving his way to your parents’s house and will apologize in front of them and to you. He was expecting a lot. 

Seungmin was frustrated with that information and hissed after Felix dropped the call. He stepped on the gas as the car accelerated through the highway. It would take hours to get there, and he’s hoping he’d find you before the sun goes down.  

He arrived at the hour he expected and parked the car outside of your parents’s house. Seungmin was welcomed by your dad who happened to be taking a stroll around the neighborhood. It was an unexpected visit and Seungmin didn’t give a heads up. He knows it was rude of him to show up unannounced but he didn’t think about it through when all he wanted was to see you. 

“What the hell are you doing here?”  Your father asked him the moment he stepped out of the car. 

“I’m so sorry for coming here unannounced Sir, but I’m here to see Y/N,” Seungmin said with the most respectful bow he ever done. 

“She doesn’t want to see you,” Your father scoffed, crossing his arms on his chest and that’s when your mother showed up after noticing the black car from the front porch. 

“Seungmin? Is that you?” Your mother asked as he approached the men talking at a distance. Seungmin took a glance at her and bowed again. 

“Ma’am.” He said. “I apologize for coming here without telling you in advance. I just thought about coming to see Y/N and apologizeー” But he was stopped when your mother went to hug him and he was caught off guard. He admits it was comforting and reassuring while your dad kept on giving him a death stare. Of course, he knew that he was just being protective of his daughter even though Seungmin is already a legal member of your family. Still. 

“She’s in the field with the cows and horses,” She whispered and pulled away. 

“Thank you, Ma’am,” Seungmin said and bowed multiple times before running to the open field. 

𖹭 ⁺ FIVE. 

You were sitting on a swing while looking at the fresh scenery with the air blowing your hair. It has been a while since the last time you were home and you missed life in the province. If it wasn’t for the fight you had with your boyfriend, you wouldn’t be here right now. But you admit you miss Seungmin so much that you think about him, always. And you’ve been thinking about your uncalled behavior that night. 

The cold breeze had lessened the heavy weight that you carried on your shoulders as you thought of a solution on how to make up with him. You know told Felix that you’d take some time off from everything and come back when you’re better. The sick leave was abrupt and you couldn’t wait for your vacation to be approved. You don’t know if you still have a job when you come back but it’s just already been a few days to cool off. And as the cows moo and the horses neigh, you just sat there trying too hard to hold those tears knowing that you fucked this up. You miss Seungmin and not talking to him for the past few days has been hard. He didn’t even contact you after your do-not-disturb mode was off. No texts, no missed calls, no emails, nothing. 

A heavy sigh escaped your lips as your head hung low, watching your feet sway back and forth as you swung. The crowd was quiet, too peaceful, and lonely. Just a bunch of cows and horses around, judging you. Your head was in your hands as you stopped with your elbows on your knees, trying to think of an excuse to text him. Another sigh of frustration was heard when you couldn’t think of anything. But all worries were washed down when you heard someone was approaching you. 

And it was him, the one that you’ve been waiting for. 

“Seungmin?” You called as you stood up from your seat. 

He was catching his breath. 

“What are you doing here?” You asked, approaching him as he stopped meters away. 

“Let me breathe for a second,” He said, lifting his index finger in the air as his other hand clutched his chest. 

“Did you run all the way fromー” 

“From your house to here? Yes. Your mother said you’re here and I forgot about how far this is.” He said still catching his breath. “Look, Y/N, I know I fucked up and I shouldn’t have raised my voice at you when you were just worried but believe me, I would never ever cheat on you. And that’s a promise. There’s no one else in my life but you.” Tears started to form in your eyes as Seungmin held your hands and locked eyes with you. “And I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was so worked up that I yelled and said those words without holding myself up and not thinking that it would hurt you. And I’m sorry for not calling you these past few days because I was reflecting and I heard from Felix not to disturb you. I hope you forgive me.” He said, pulling you closer to his body and planting a soft kiss on our forehead before taking you all in his armsーhugging you tightly as if he never got to hold you in years. 

“I’m sorry,” You said as you were sobbing on his chest. “I didn’t mean it to be like that I was just paranoid. I know you’re a bad guy, Seungmin. I’m sorry.” 

“Shh, shh it’s okay. We’re both here now.” He said in the softest and sweetest voice he could ever do as he kept on kissing the crown of your head while caressing your hair. “I love you, okay? No one could replace you in my heart, ever.” It made you smile a bit, but you were still guilty about what happened that night. You accused him. 

“Still, I was dumb…” You said. “How could I do that to you when all you did is to love me faithfully.” You added as you looked down on your feet again. Seungmin took a deep breath as a smile curved on his lips, taking his fingers on your chin as he lifted your head gently to look at him in the eyes again. 

“You are not dumb. Don’t say that to yourself, okay? I know it’s hard to trust us men these days because of the cheating culture but don’t ever think of me that way, baby, okay? Like I said, no one could ever replace you in my heart even if you think otherwise. I’m true and I’m standing my ground. Even if your father wants to shoot me, I will take the bullet to prove how much I am true to you.” And it only made you cry more. How could someone be as comforting, endearing, and perfect as him? “And I don’t blame you for thinking so, but, I hope you wouldn’t think about me like that again. It hurts, you know?” You nodded in response. 

“I’m sorry,” You said. 

“We’re good now, love.” He smiled, giving you a quick kiss on your lips. 

“I have something to say,” You said, looking at him. 

“What is it?” He asked. 

“The last few days, I’ve been thinking about you a lot.” You started while playing with your fingers. “I know I played a huge part of the problem and taking some time off made me realize how I was so fucked up that night. I swear, that wasn’t me who was talking but I was just afraid that maybe one day, you’d leave me because I was the one who called you in public to confess four years ago because I fucking love you so much that I would die if you’re not going to be mine.” Seungmin stood just there, amused and in awe of what you’ve said, and now you’re thinking that he might be thinking that you’re crazy but he’s yours now. No one could ever take Seungmin from you. 

“I know, I’m crazy and there’s a lot of me that are yet to be relieved. I don’t know what caused that argument maybe that stupid bitch and I’m guilty, okay? I just wanted to let everything out of my chest before we proceeded to this relationship that I almost ruined. I overthink too much, I am selfish sometimes, and I hurt you a lot, I made you cry, I was the reason you snapped at me, I’ve got a lot of crazy things inside my head and it’s making me go insane…” The rest of the words became a blur to Seungmin. He doesn’t need to hear everything as he admired the way you vent out and you were so cute walking in circles just to explain yourself. That didn’t matter now. You are the most beautiful person in his world. 

He pulled you towards him again as he crashed his lips against yours, kissing you passionately as his hand cupped your cheek and the other snaked around your waist. It was unexpected. You both stood on the wide green grass field with the cows and horses as the audience as you shared a kiss under an orange sky and a bright sunset. 

The kiss deepened as your eyes closed, feeling the intimate and adrenaline kind of rush that Seungmin’s lips have brought. It was tentative, soft, and hot, both of your hearts were pounding with every bit of movement and rhythm. His thumb started caressing your cheekbones gently as he pulled you even closer to engage the feeling of longing to kiss your lips and the warmth you’d always give. You could feel his hot breath against your nose as your fingers entangled with his black locks, playing with them. Seungmin smiled in between your lips before leaving a soft peck on it and proceeded to kiss your forehead. 

“If you’re that worried, marry me.” He said as you both pulled away. 

“W-what?” You asked as you got caught off guard. 

“I know you’d say something like that but again, if you’re worried that much then,” He paused as he took out a small box from his pocket and went down on one knee. “Marry me.” He added, opening the box to reveal a ring with an authentic sapphire on it. Your hands went to cover your mouth in shock as tears started to stream down to your cheeks. What the fuck, Kim Seungmin. 

“You already know how much I love you and to make a seal of this relationship, this is a promise that we will love and trust each other no matter what happens. You don’t have to worry about it anymore, Y/N. Marry me so you’d be officially mine and I’ll be legally yours.” He said. “Will youー” 

“Yes! Yes fuck yes!” You cried as you went down on your knees and hugged him tight. Seungmin giggled at the sight as he pulled out the ring from the box and gently placed it around your ring finger after you pulled away. 

“I love you,” You told him, eyes filled with tears as he wiped them off with his thumbs. 

“I love you too.” He said. “More than anything in this world,” He added as he hugged you again. 

“I’ll forever cherish this moment, love.” 

“Me too, baby…” He replied, hugging you tight. “And we should go now, your dad was glaring at me when I arrived.” 

“You came all over from Seoul to here without saying anything, he was probably surprised.” You answered as you both went back on your feet with Seungmin grabbing the small box and giving it to you to place the second ring on his finger. 

“I did it for you.” He said, stealing a kiss on your lips. 

“Don’t make me say, I love you, twice.” You said as you gave him another kiss. 

“You just did,” He smirked as you both giggled at the end and went back to your parents’ houseーhappy about what just happened. 

Bonus: His sister sent you a video of him when he was so drunk, crying and wailing to his brother-in-law about how much he loves and misses you. He also bought the ring after the trip when he realized that he was ready to settle down. Seungmin was sure that you’re the one he’s going to marry anyway, no one else. 

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©️ 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐒𝐄𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐌𝐈𝐍 , 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒.

[dancinglikebutterflywings]

1:52pm.

-> Pairing: Kim Seungmin x GF!Reader

-> Request: This is a repost from my old account

-> Synopsis: Y/N knows her boyfriend well enough to know what his smile means.

-> Warnings: Felix getting pushed in the pool. Clowning around beside a pool. Please be safe around pools.

-> Word Count: 259

-> Requests: Closed. I will make a post when they're open again.

A/N: Am I the only one who thinks there is something healing about Kim Seungmin's smile?

Kim Seungmin Masterlist

©️ 2024 dancinglikebutterflywings - do not copy/modify/repost anywhere. Likes, comments & reblogs are welcomed and appreciated, thank you. 

"I think I know what that smile means,” Y/N says as she sits down on the sun lounger next to him. It was hard not to notice the cheeky smile on his lips as he watches Felix and Changbin standing by the edge of the pool chatting away to each other. As if she was reading his mind, she shakes her head “Don't even try it. Felix might let you get away with it but Changbin will kill you.”  

“I don't know what you're talking about,” he scoffs. “I was just watching them to make sure they don't accidentally fall in.”  

“Accidentally?” She questions, a brow raised, silently letting him know she isn't falling for it.   

“Accidentally,” he nods, moving to stand up from the lounger, letting his intrusive thoughts get the better of him.  

“Kim Seungmin!" she warns. 

Seungmin chuckles before acting like he's going to walk right past them without trying anything, until he reaches Felix and pushes him into the pool. He makes an attempt to also push Changbin into the pool but flees instead with Changbin running after him with a "Yah! Kim Seungmin!" when it fails. 

Y/N tries to hold back her laughter at the chaos unfolding in front of her. It eventually ends when Changbin catches Seungmin and throws them both into the pool. 

As they resurface, sputtering, laughing, and yelling at each other, Y/N no longer holds back her laughter. There wasn’t a dull moment with these men and she couldn’t be more grateful for the joy and laughter that they bring. 

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[seungfl0wer]

*𝙈𝙞𝙨𝙨𝙚𝙙 𝙏𝙝𝙞𝙨*

Pairing: Bangchan x Reader (Fem)

Genre: Smut

Warning: Dom!Chan, Breeding Kink, Talks about pregnancy, Creampie, Unprotected sex, Choking, Face fucking, Oral (Both), Degrading, Pussy/Tit Slaps, Multiple rounds, Multiple orgasms (Both), Overstimation(Both), Hickeys, Back Scratching. I think that’s all? Mostly proofread. Oh oh daddy used

A/N: This was requested some good “hardcore sex” with Chan lol. I enjoyed this way to much and fuck- do I love it. Side note I didn’t know what to title this so-

-🖤

Chan had just came back from tour a few days ago. Although He hasn’t had a day off yet until today happily. He spent all night cuddled up to you knowing he wouldn’t have to let go to leave early. He had his big warm hands around your waist keeping you close to him, head nuzzled into your back. He missed you so fucking much, just to hold you like this made his heart so happy.

You started to move a bit pushing your body back into his, grinding your ass into his clothed cock. “Pretty girl, don’t tease me now” he said softly against your ear, His voice sweet like honey. You tried your best not to giggle but it slipped past your lips before you could stop it. You kept moving your hips back into him his hands squeezing against your soft curves. “You better stop before you start something that you can’t finish” he said nipping at your neck.

You grinned you knew he’d punish you if you kept teasing however you weren’t expecting it to rile him up as much as it did. He let his hands wonder up your body, soft fingers slinked their way around your neck. He turned your head to him slightly applying pressure to your pressure points. “You really think it’s a good idea to do this when I haven’t seen you for 2 months?” He said as he kissed your parted lips biting your bottom lip. “Or do you need to be retrained to be my good little whore again?”

Your eyes half opened looking at him. Fuck. He already had you such a mess and he hasn’t even done anything. “I asked you a question.” He said with a hard smack to your ass. “N-no- I’m sorry daddy” you stuttered out. He raised an eyebrow “you sure? It seems like you do” he said his hand coming down to pull your panties down. He chuckled at how wet you were already his fingers slightly brushed up your slick folds. You let out a whisper of a moan barely being audible before he pulled away from you.

“On your Back” He said as he pulled down his boxers letting his hard cock spring out of them. No matter how long you’ve been together you’re always still in awe at how good looking he is. His toned stomach, sharp thighs and long thick cock. You quickly turned to your back laying down before he grabbed you pulling your body to the edge, Your head dangling back. You looked up at him with those pretty eyes making him smile “I’ve missed this sweet little fuck toy” he said with a groan. “Open wide” he said tapping the tip of his slightly hard cock to your lips.

He quickly pushed into you his head falling back at the warmth, he didn’t move for a second wanting to take it all in. He groaned a bit louder before pushing deep into your mouth making you gag. He didn’t stop though he leaned down slapping your tits as he fucked into your mouth. His cock hit the whole way back tears pricking at your eyes. Drool pulling at the side of your mouth as you took every inch of him in. He moved his hands from your tits before grazing his fingers against your clit. You let out a muffled moan bucking your hips up to try and meet his hand again. And oh boy did you meet it, he let a slightly hard smack to your cunt. The feeling making your body shutter.

“You’ll get my fingers when I want you to got it? You greedy little whore” he spat. You nodded looking up at him. As he fucked your face he felt his high coming his thrusts became faster as he chased it. His balls smacking against your face as he only slightly almost ghostly touched your cunt. He pushed in one more time before cumming far back in your throat, you tried to move however Chan took his fingers pinching your nose closed “swallow. You don’t get to waste any of it!” He said in almost a growl.

You nodded tears falling down your cheeks as you swallowed around him. Sucking back all his cum the warm thick liquid sliding down your throat. He chuckled pulling his cock out strings of saliva like webbing pulled with it. “Always so messy.” He said before moving his body towards the other side of the bed.

Before your brain could wrap around anything he was kneeling between your legs. No warning before he started sucking harshly at your clit, pushing his fingers deep into you. The sensation making your body arch, you let out a sound that was almost a scream. He chuckled nipping at your clit “gonna have everyone hearing you, everyone’s gonna know how much of a slut you are” he said with a grin. He was bringing you quickly to your orgasm your legs started to shake as they closed around him.

He let a smack to your thigh before pulling them apart “keep them open.” He said in a low voice he nipped harder at your clit pushing another finger into you curling them deep inside you. Your cunt clenched around them taking them so greedily “gon- gonna cum” you managed to get out. He stopped himself completely looking up at you “I don’t think you asked.” He said before letting another nice smack to your pussy. However before you could even reply the smack pushing you over the edge, you came hard around his fingers moaning loudly.

Chan shook his head “what a filthy little slut cumming from a smack? And with out asking? Tsk tsk” he teased. The smirk on his face was pure devilish “let’s see if you can remember to ask for the next one” he said before brutally fingering you. This pace mixed with his tongue had you cumming over and over. His favorite punishment, overstimulation till you’re crying. After the 4th time cumming and screaming his name he finally had enough needing to be inside you.

He sunk into your sopping wet cunt his movement harsh as he bottomed out. His balls smacking against your ass, hands slinking their way up to your tits squeezing them. “My pretty little slut, god I missed being inside you” he said with another squeeze. He left little pinches to your nips as his hips smacked into you. You looked up at him with hazy eyes, you were so cock drunk so fucked out of your mind drool sliding down your cheek. Your cheeks and body flushed pretty shades of pink and red.

He leaned down nipping at your skin before sucking at your collarbone. He left a trail of purple marks up to your neck biting ever so often. Once he got situated in the spot he knew that drove you crazy he bit down. His teeth sinking into you making your body arch nails digging into his skin. “Fuck!” Is all you could muster up. You felt him smirk against your skin, moving toward your ear he nipped at it as well “who’s the only one that can make you feel this good hmm?” He said his breath hot against your ear.

“Y-you. Daddy is” you stuttered out not knowing how you could even speak. “Mm that’s right baby. Daddy’s the only one that knows what this little slutty pussy needs” he said with a low growl. His hand came up gripping around your neck applying pressure almost immediately. “Gonna fucking cum deep in this pussy yeah? Gonna fill you as much as I can so when I go on tour again I’ll come back to you nice and pregnant. Fuck-“ he said his pace speeding up.

“Fuck- baby you’re squeezing me so tight you must like the idea” he said smiling. His free hand coming down to play with your overly sensitive clit. “Gonna be the prettiest mommy out there. Fuck-“ he said hips stuttering as his high washed over him. He came deep into you, you could feel his cock twitching as he spilled out. He moaned loudly as he kept fucking into you. His cock sensitive but fuck did he just wanna keep going. He fucked into you as if he didn’t just cum harder than he has ever before just a few seconds ago.

“Chan! T’much!” You stuttered out. He nodded “yeah? Just one more. Need to fill you up one more time ok? Promise baby just one more you can take one more right?” He babbled his words slurring a bit. “Just- one more” you said breathily. “That’s my good girl, my beautiful girl” he said leaning into a sloppy kiss his hand that was once around your neck going down wrapping around your leg. He pushed as deep as he possibly could, pelvis against pelvis. You let out a muffled scream moving your body away a bit.

“Where do you think you’re going? I’m not fucking done with you yet” he spat yanking your body back to where it once was. He wrapped his strong arms around you. Body’s meshed together as he rutted himself into you. He kept himself buried deep inside you as he chased his high. “Ch-channie- please-“ you didn’t know exactly what you were begging for but he knew. He could feel you clenching around him, your cunt ready for a final release. “Cum for me baby, you’ve made such a pretty mess on my cock- fuck my good little slut” he breathed out. His words were almost non coherent at this point as he babbled.

He sped up his movements on your clit pinching it slightly, your legs shook cumming hard around him. “My good girl fuck such a good girl.” He said his movements now faster trying to reach his high. His fingers never stopping on your clit as he did. “Chan! Chan!” You screamed out feeling like you were gonna explode before he came deep inside you. You could feel all of him twitching in you, feel his balls tightening as they released. Your body shook, and it shook hard. A warmth washing over you both realizing you squirted all over you both. Fluids dripping down mixing with his cum, sweat and drool.

He held onto you tightly as you both were overstimulated and drained. When he was coming back to earth a bit he peppered you with kisses as he sung you praises. “I love you, you did so well.”

A bit later after getting cleaned up, you both were cuddled up in fresh new bedding. “I didn’t go to far did I my love? You sure you’re ok?” He said as he stroked your hair a hint of worry in his voice. You shook your head half open eyes staring up at him “I’m fine channie, I love you so much” you said softly feeling like you could fall asleep at any minute.

“And I love you my beautiful angel. You get some rest yeah? I’ll order some food here in a bit for us when you wake” he said kissing your nose softly. Before you knew it you were passed out, sleepin like a rock.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

💙 If you’d like to read more of my stuff you can find it Here: Master List . Thank you for reading and if requests are open or you just wanna talk feel free to send me something🩵

Taglist: @satosugu4l @do-you-remember-summer-127 @xines16 @minh0scat @troublemaker02 @tr-mha-fan @lunearta @velvetmoonlght @minghaosimp

[bbokicidal]

First Times The Charm? | OT8 [SKZ]

Notes : This was a Drabble request someone sent in, so it's short, to the point, and simple. Hope you enjoy! Genre : Smut Warnings : 18+ Content Req : Giving SKZ head for the first time. <- But I altered it so it's not just 'you giving skz head for the first time' and rather, it's 'you giving skz their first head experience EVER.'

Chris :

He's so... so vocal. Constantly groaning, his voice low in his throat and gravely as if he'd just woken up. He's in Heaven, his head tipped back on the office chair he sat in. He's death gripping the poor arms of the chair, knuckles bright red from the flush that had covered his entire body. He, politely, refuses to touch you - partially because he's a little scared to and partially because he doesn't think he can move.

Minho :

In shambles. His body has a habit of trembling each time you take him in your throat and he swears he's never felt anything so good in his life. He's laid back in his bed, one arm draped over his eyes while the other sticks by his side, fingers splayed in your hair; gently pushing your head down each time he needs a little more. You learn very quickly he's a bit of a head pusher.

Changbin :

Stiff as a rock, but also a little tense and unsure. He's so shy seeing you between his fucking thick ass thighs already, his ears bright red and his cheeks warm with excitement. He loves it, he really does, he's just - He's got a bad habit of being a bit jumpy when people touch him. So when you go all the way down on his dick and deep throat him? His thighs snap shut around your head and he nearly suffocates you, not realizing it had happened until you have to slap his stomach and make him let you go. Not that it was that bad of an experience. You'd die happy there.

Hyunjin :

All vocals. Moaning, whining - even chuckling as you slurp on his cock. He's a bit arrogant when it comes to you giving him head. Even though it's his first time getting head from anyone, he's cocky about his size as it bulges in your throat and makes you choke. When he gets closer to release though, he's all breathy and sucking in air, biting his bottom lip as his hand rests atop your head.

Jisung :

So wiggly, so squirmy. Full of the jitter bugs as you go down on him. He's whiney. Very very vocal, very loud - so loud in fact that Minho has to tell him to shut up from the next room over. He gets all embarrassed, sliding his sweater sleeve over his hand and pressing it to his mouth to muffle his whimpers that escape. Also Lowkey fucking up into your mouth because he just can't keep still. Will ask you to eat his ass afterwards.

Felix :

Extremely laid back. The master of acting like he's had it before but you can tell by the blush dusting over his freckles that he's never had it done to him before. (He also told you that, but.) He's lounging back in his gaming chair and he's adoring the sight of you sucking on him like a lollipop. He loves the sounds you make, the soft moans and the wet noises from your tongue dragging on his cock. And he's a bit vocal too - all low moans and huffs of breath escaping his lips. He's very chill about it, but by the time he's coming down your throat his hands are on the back of your neck and he's humping your face.

Seungmin :

Refuses to touch you because he's shaking so much. He's near silent most of the time but he can tell that when you pause to look up at him for a reaction, he'll nod as quick as he can so you know it's perfect. He's falling apart under your touch, lying in his bed and subtly rocking his hips up into your mouth because of how much he loves it.

Jeongin :

Tou.chy. Touchy!! He's all over you, can't keep his hands to himself. At first he's cupping your face, but then he feels like he's in the way of your work so he's just resting them on your shoulders then. But then he feels like he's pushing you, so instead he busies himself with gathering your hair and pulling it back - and he's got big enough hands so it's easy for him. And when he blows, he places a hand around your throat to gently push you away so he can paint your pretty face with his cum.

Perm Taglist: @dwaekkicidal @jabmastersurpriseee @possum-playground

[lovestaysblogs]

finally got to read this 🥹🥹 and it was so so so good! i need more long seungmin fics omg 😣🥹

take a shot. ksm.

kim seungmin x fem!reader — it really shouldn't take a genius to figure out that you and your co-star didn't get along. you knew kim seungmin. you knew how life functioned despite the cameras. and you knew that it was harder to keep a good shot hidden than it was to delete a bad one.

genre/s — drama, angst, fluff, a sprinkle of comedy, actors au, enemies to lovers, slowburn • 19.4k words

warning/s — y/n gets referred to with she/her pronouns, profanity, implied death taken lightly (humor purposes), miscommunication to too much communication, y/n easily gets into a bad headspace, inaccurate depictions of filming a movie, the angst is strong = the fluff is strong, other idols are mentioned as characters along with skz members, mentions of alcohol in a scene

note — my longest fic yet !! it also took me so long to finish this (like three weeks i believe) and there were some struggles that happened in the making of this, but it turned out to be my most favorite work ive done ever. thank you for the people who patiently waited for this since the teaser, and remember that reblogs & feedbacks are greatly appreciated 🫶 i hope you enjoy the read !!

2024 ⓒ starseungs on tumblr. do not steal, repost, or edit.

00 : ZERO.

“I’m sorry, what?”

The car remained silent despite your words of confusion. You felt as though your world had come to an extreme halt, giving you a whiplash as the buzz of the road outside continued to pierce through your ears. There was nothing else to keep your mind away from the absolute bomb of news that was just given to you; your manager had turned it down before uttering the horrid sentence that brought your untimely demise.

The car may have kept on with its task of moving forward—but you were stuck frozen in place.

“You’re joking.”

Your world fell on seemingly deaf ears. The man up front, steering the wheel, rendered himself mute to your growing distress, finding the busy traffic of city life interesting enough to keep his eyes glued. But the urban chaos didn’t distract you one bit from brewing a storm of gunpowder inside your throat.

And just like that, a ghost of a click was heard.

“No—please tell me you’re joking,” you voiced out, tone betraying your attempts at keeping things respectful. It soon came to your attention that the effort was of no use, as your manager still chose to keep his peace. “Changbin!”

The car swiveled a bit off-lane for a second before returning to its correct course. Normally, such an abrupt action by a vehicle would concern you, as you would argue that you were still much too young to suffer at the hands of a road accident, but no such thoughts even made their way into your brain. Just like how time had stopped for you, there was no time for debating over survival either. One life-or-death situation was already enough for you.

You wanted answers, and you were going to get them.

Changbin exhaled audibly from the scare he just put both of you through. His hands shook with a slight tremor, and that was all it took for him to decide that pulling over to the nearest parking area was for the best.

“Don’t yell in the car like that!” You scoffed at his scolding, finding the whole situation ironic.

“Oh, so you can do it all the time, but I can’t?” You shot back. Changbin sighed tiredly, finally registering the extent of your agitation. "Plus, I have a perfectly good reason why I’m yelling!”

“Listen, Y/N, it’s really not that bad—”

“Yes, it is that bad!” The words spill out of your mouth in utter disbelief at his attempts at assurance. “I’m working with Kim Seungmin, of all people!”

“And that’s why it’d be fine!” Changbin argued, running a hand through his already tousled hair. You blinked at his reply, baffled by the sheer implication.

“—How?”

Changbin clicked his tongue at the question, finding it hard to digest just why you were so against working with the mentioned actor. With the mere sound of that actor’s name spat out of your mouth, one would think that he had somehow managed to offend your entire bloodline. But that kind of bitterness could only be achieved through a sour history, so you really couldn’t empathize with your manager’s mindset either.

Even you knew that this movie would be enormously successful from the director alone. Director Han Jisung’s influence and presence in the industry were not a laughing matter—in fact, you should already be trembling in anxiety just knowing that you snagged probably the biggest role you’d ever get in your whole career. He was only around the same age as you, but the winding list of his achievements was already one for the records. And yet, here you were rethinking your contract with him even before the project started.

Just because of who you were going to be acting alongside with.

“Seungmin is a nice person,” Changbin explained gently like he was coaxing a child, intentionally ignoring the way your face scrunched up at what he said. “I did my research, ok? Everyone only has high praises for him, both on and off-set. Isn’t that enough to be trusted?”

You bit your tongue to stop yourself from digging a deeper hole to lie in. The answer was no—it wasn’t enough to be trusted. Now, at this point, someone would’ve had half a mind to ask why you were so sure about your vendetta against the man. If a person was so well loved in a world where cameras were pointed at them in every waking minute, then shouldn’t all the dirt be found by now, if there was any?

To that, your answer would be yet another no.

Because you knew Kim Seungmin. You knew how life functioned despite the cameras. And you knew that it was harder to keep a good shot hidden than it was to delete a bad one.

“Turn the car around.”

Changbin’s eyes almost popped out of their sockets at your demand. Surely, he had heard you now. You crossed your arms and leaned back to rest comfortably on the car seat, turning your head to face the window and glare at the world outside, continuing on with their lives like a well-followed routine.

“Y/N, this is a big opportunity—”

“I said, turn the car around. I’m not attending this cursed table reading.” You pinched the bridge of your nose to keep the incoming migraine at bay.

“You really think I’ll willingly step into a room with the devil’s incarnate? I’d rather get shot—”

01 : ONE.

“—sensing a great shot!”

Director Han Jisung nodded positively at your performance, satisfied with your initial portrayal of the female lead.

“If we keep going like this, then I’m expecting this project to be a big hit. The casting team really did their pay’s worth on this one,” the young director hummed. “Especially you, Actor Kim Seungmin. I don’t know how they managed to get through your company's walls, but I’m glad they did. You’re perfect for the role!”

You felt your eye twitch as the figure bearing the name appeared within your vision. His mouth curled up into an arrogant smirk, hastily covered up by a bashful smile. You cringed at his actions that only you seemed to see. Why was this prick acting all humble?

“Ah, I always wanted to act in one of your films, Director Han. This is more of an amazing opportunity for me than you, honestly.”

That smoothed honey voice wrapped itself around the room’s premise, charming everyone around like it was coming from an alluring siren. All except you.

Your mouth filled with a coating of spite as his next sentence echoed through your ears. His eyes locked you in as a target, a wordless challenge shooting straight at your own.

“Plus, seeing who my co-star is, I’m quite thrilled to see the end product,” Seungmin grinned with a manic glint.

Fuck. You should’ve turned that damned car around yourself. Maybe then you’d be enjoying a relaxing time in the tub, surrounded by bubbling suds of fragrant soap, instead of being a frontliner in this mental war your acting counterpart seemed to subject yourselves to. Now, you had to withstand the feeling of your body instantly going on auto-pilot after his words.

It was commendable, really—how Seungmin could take over a space of this size filled with various types of people so easily. He had major talent in that field, which greatly accentuated his acting power. Seungmin had a way with words, and while you would never be caught praising him out loud, you couldn’t help but acknowledge the bitter truth deep inside the darkest parts of your brain. It was almost obsessive, the way your mind zeroed in on his presence. Even as you let the busy table chatter away into a buzzing noise that barely made its way coherently through your ears, your eyes stayed glued to the figure in front of you, carefully studying his mannerisms as he enthusiastically interacted with everyone. You weren’t someone who Seungmin’s charms would work on—instead, you felt like prey, waiting to be pounced on any second now.

Before you knew it, the table reading came to a close. You could faintly remember standing and packing your things quietly, more focused on the sudden stinging feeling you felt coming from your eyes, already threatening to water. “This is ridiculous,” you huffed in frustration. Why did you feel the need to cry like a child at this very moment?

“With the way your script is being shoved in that tiny bag, yeah, I would say that too.”

“Leave me alone, Kim.”

You hear him chuckle, causing your grip on your leather bag’s opening to become tighter, feeling the metal zipper bite at your palm. “There’s a lot of Kims here, Y/N. Be careful now; they might mistake you for being rude to them,” he chirps. Fucking chirps. Like a small bird who deserves to be doted on. Except the man before you was neither small nor deserved to be doted on—Kim Seungmin would never be described in any of those words in your world.

“Right. Since they’re also talking to me right now,” you scoffed back. Thankfully, that seemed to keep the tears at bay for now. You refused to break down in front of the most infuriating man in your life.

“Still stuck up as ever,” he sighs. Your eyes almost popped out of their sockets at his comment. You? Stuck up? If anything, that would be him! “This would be our first piece together after that charity drama our acting academy did way back a few years ago, so would it kill you to be civil?”

Ah. There it was. The infamous acting academy.

JYP Academy of Theatrics was admittedly one of the most successful acting academies in the country, known for producing many big name acts throughout its years of operation. Every aspiring actor has probably gone through the phase of wanting to be part of the academy’s carefully limited population of trainees—you included.

You remember the first time you brought up your plans on becoming an actress to your parents; their apprehensive faces telling you to try going to an acting academy first before giving up everything and running towards your dream blind. Young you didn’t realize the underlying implication that your parents were expecting you to be discouraged and give up on your thoughts of becoming an actress for good. Instead, you aimed high with the thoughts of their support, confidently applying for JYP Academy.

To your parents’ surprise, you passed both rounds of the screening, becoming a full-fledged acting academy trainee at one of the most prestigious places for it. It was also where you met the thorn in your life that was standing before you at the present.

“And frankly, I’m looking forward to this. So can we not ruin the mood on set?” He had the nerve to add. That was all you needed for your last string of restraint to snap.

“Why? So you could enjoy the power trip of watching me fumble around like a headless chicken after getting scolded a thousand times for my horrible acting skills?”

“What?”

You watched as Seungmin’s face morphed from exhaustion into a look of confusion at what you had just said. However, you knew better than to give him the benefit of the doubt—so you continued to shoot your bullets at him.

“I know you, Kim Seungmin,” you motioned towards him. “Don’t you dare think I’ve forgotten your days at the acting academy, especially that damned charity drama. But consider yourself lucky, since I won’t drag your ass down this time, Golden Boy. In fact, watch me shine on set even if it’s against your will or whatever is going on in that ego of yours, because I refuse to bow down to you. Things may have been different seven years ago, but I’ve grown since then. So if you want to prove to me that you have to, then know how to keep your mouth to yourself around me.”

After your little round of firing the pent-up rage inside of you, you snatched your bag from the table and stormed out of the room without another word. You had half the mind to worry if anyone had heard your little squabble with Seungmin, but you were already too far down the hall to go back and check, risking a blow to your conscience if ever you tried to go back. You only had the fact that you had managed to keep your voice surprisingly low throughout the whole exchange to console you.

With this, you continued your trek towards the parking lot to meet your manager once again—blissfully unaware of the state in which you left your co-star back in the room.

“What the fuck just happened?”

It took everything in Seungmin to not march after you and demand an explanation for what you had just said to him. In all honesty, Seungmin was baffled. Out of all the possible scenarios he had imagined to happen when meeting you, this was definitely not one of them. Sure, you two weren’t exactly the best of friends way back in your academy years, but he had at least considered you an acquaintance.

Even then, he didn’t remember your relationship being this bad. For all the times the both of you clashed heads, he couldn’t recall a single time serious bad blood was developed. The memory of you laughing joyfully as he messed up a line in your shared scene together on a monthly evaluation was still fresh in his memories—so just where did this hostility come from? If he were to base his conclusion off your words earlier, then it must have something to do with the charity drama, and that only made Seungmin more lost.

What you said earlier did hold some truth to them—you were scolded a lot by their advisor, slash project director, but in no way did you do badly in the production. Seungmin could testify to that. After all, he was witness to the amount of praise you got from fellow trainees as they watched you act out your scenes on camera, even though his younger counterpart was jealous of all the positive feedback. So now, he really couldn’t understand where your deep-rooted bitterness towards him came from. He even gave you some tips during the times you seemingly struggled with their advisor’s vision!

“Seungmin?”

He turned over to where his name was just called, seeing his manager approach him while bowing politely towards the small number of production staff left in the room. “Oh, did I take too long, Minho?”

“Yeah, but it’s alright. I knew you were going to catch up with a friend,” Minho looked around for a bit before continuing, “Speaking of which, did she go already?” Seungmin couldn’t stop himself from clicking his tongue at his manager’s words.

“It’s a long story.”

Well, two can play that game. If you truly knew him like you said you did, then you would know that Kim Seungmin isn’t one to give up when he sets his mind to something.

02 : TWO.

You wanted to give up right at this very moment.

Today was the first day of filming for the movie you were cast in as the female lead, yet here you were, one push away from having a mental breakdown. It was your first lead role—one that you had wished on countless stars to get ever since signing a contract with your current agency. Yet, now that you actually have it, you were left unsure of whether your acting could do proper justice to the character given to you. The confidence you flared towards Kim Seungmin a few days ago was nowhere to be found right now as anxious thoughts swirled through your head instead.

When you first read the script as one of your manager’s proposals for your next project, you instantly felt like the female lead’s role spoke to you the most. The plot itself was a masterpiece, clearly right up Director Han’s alley with its sentimental undertone and themes of self-discovery. It followed the male lead, returning back to his hometown for a high school reunion after just deciding to quit his job at a well-known corporation in the city. At the reunion, he meets the female lead, whom he remembers having the biggest crush on back in his teenage years—before he moved to the city for college.

In comparison, the female lead never left their homey countryside town. She attended the nearby community college and also settled her adult life in the same area. However, that didn’t mean that what she had achieved was all she wanted to do in life. Like everyone else, she too, had her own dreams. Unfortunately, she lacked confidence in herself to chase opportunities and got stuck right where her starting line was.

And in a way, she spoke to you.

You didn’t want to admit it, but perhaps you regret running your mouth like that at your co-star during the table read. It was a moment of weakness, you tried to tell yourself. Emotional you talked too big for what you could handle, so now you were left here to deal with the consequences of your actions.

But lies had their truths too.

It was true that you wanted to shine on set—outshining Kim Seungmin was just an added bonus to the thought. You’ve spent far too long in others’ shadows, never really feeling like you had the chance to show your fullest potential. That was something you fought for constantly, starting from your days at the academy up until the present, only to have no such luck. Maybe that was why you developed a habit of becoming pessimistic at the worst times, becoming your own enemy as you fall into a pit of self-sabotage, effectively going against everything you’ve ever wished for yourself. It was a cycle of keeping yourself confused with your own decisions, and it was a frustrating process.

You could only stare from the actors’ corner on the site as you watched the crew members run around making final arrangements for today’s shoot. Normally, you wouldn’t have seen this part of the process, as actors would often arrive later on when everything was nearly set, during their actual call time. You just intentionally went early, deciding that you weren’t going to get any more sleep even if you tried, seeing as most of the previous night was spent trying to make sure you had your lines all perfected. Sleep came rough yesterday, and you had no one else to blame but your own nerves.

At least the set looked great—today you were filming all the scenes needed for the high school reunion. The place was this quaint function hall in a small town about seven hours from the capital city, the same town you would be staying in to shoot for a little less than a week. You couldn’t help but think that maybe the new environment contributed more towards your slowly diminishing confidence, feeling yourself too far away from the strong presence of individualistic urban life. A defeated sigh was all you could do in attempt to ease yourself, even the slightest.

“I’m beginning to think this is going to become a pattern,” you hear a familiar toned voice comment. “Meeting you distressed, I mean.”

You spare the figure a half-hearted glance before rolling your eyes, forcing out an appropriate greeting. Or what was appropriate in your books, anyway.

“Oh, it’s you.”

Seungmin’s face displayed his feelings of amusement, which in turn made your frown deepen. “Not even a good afternoon? That’s harsh of you, Y/N,” he says in a tone made for mockery. “You really don’t like seeing my face, huh?”

“More like, I just don’t like you, period,” you grumbled in annoyance. “Also, why are you even here this early?”

Your surprise at his punctuality was real; you were not expecting to see him on set three hours early. But maybe you should have foreseen this behavior, seeing as the Seungmin you knew back then was also one to be on time during all lessons, activities, and practices. A part of you was then thankful for the question coming off as general because if you added any more comparisons, it would’ve seemed like you held on to too much information on him from the past.

“Just because I’m the main character doesn’t mean I should be fashionably late. Would it tick you off to know that I like being punctual with things?”

“Yeah,” was your immediate reply, not needing to think about it any further. “Since now, I have to time myself to arrive just before the call time.”

Seungmin lets out a deep sigh at your words. “You don’t want to spend any more time with me than necessary, got it.” He says, then lifting a finger up to tap against his ear. “But you know, you should really learn to keep your plans away from enemy ears.”

You tried your best not to show the inner war that just sparked inside of your head—you really shouldn’t have found that small gesture attractive, but the romantic side in you swooned so easily against your will. And for what? Kim Seungmin, of all people? You really should tone down all the enemies-to-lovers content you were consuming, because this was the last thing you wanted to happen. Real life just doesn’t play out like that.

Giving him some slack and perhaps a half-assed attempt at reverse psychology, you replied with a tired tone. “I’ll agree with you on that one, so you may walk away now, Kim.”

Except that Seungmin didn’t seem to catch the memo.

“Says the one who keeps talking,” he snarks at you. “For someone who told me to keep my mouth to myself around you, you’re the one who keeps the conversation flowing.”

You rolled your eyes for the second time since starting this conversation. At this point, you were convinced that Kim Seungmin was on a mission to dislocate it. “You just have to win everything, do you?”

“It’s my charm, I suppose.”

“And I disagree. The only charm you have is that mouth of yours you use to manipulate everyone around you.”

That seemed to snap something within Seungmin. “What the hell did I ever do to you?” He spits out furiously. “I would’ve already sued you for defamation if you acted like this around everyone else, so you should be thankful that I’m being tolerant of your attitude right now.”

“Thankful? Why would I be thankful?” Was your baffled response. “You know, I’m starting to believe that you don’t remember what you put me through all those years ago at all, and it’s only making me more upset that you seem to hold no remorse whatsoever.”

“If it’s that bad, then go ahead and tell me!” Seungmin hissed in an attempt to keep his voice down and not cause a scene. “I don’t have time for this roundabout game you have going on, and honestly, neither should you. We have a high-profile movie to film, and I would never let whatever this is ruin the hard work of a hundred people—so get your head out of your ass and either clench your teeth and save the working environment we have or be a dear and solve this issue with me right now.”

Now you were just barely containing your rage. It was at this point that you realized that Seungmin wasn’t faking anything; and that made it sting a lot more in your already scarred heart. Of course, someone like him wouldn’t understand why you were acting like this. Someone like him, born talented enough to be loved and praised by everyone, would never see the other side that you had to be dragged through—the side that existed all because of people like him, too.

“Fuck you, Kim Seungmin,” you croaked out through tears. “I knew someone like you would never understand.”

And you ran.

“What are—Y/N! Come back here!”

03 : THREE.

“Y/N, where in the world even are you? You need to come back to the actors’ tent right now!”

Changbin’s voice boomed through your phone’s speaker a lot louder than usual, causing you to jerk it away from your ear in pain. Well, you did deserve the scolding—after running off to God knows where in a relatively remote town you didn’t even know, you would be pissed as hell too if you were your manager. What kind of actress just leaves the set without a single thought like that?

“I swear, Y/N. Do not tell me you’re lost because I’m pretty sure I left you somewhere safe the last time I saw you,” you hear Changbin huff on the opposite end. “I can’t believe you told me that you were going to be fine on your own, and I actually trusted you. That’s it! I’m not letting you wander around the set anymore from this point onwards!”

You couldn’t help but find your manager’s rant funny, despite the clear threat being held above your head. “Really? I’m telling you that it’s almost call time, and you’re just laughing. Fine, go on your own soul-searching, or whatever it is you’re doing. I’m telling everyone you left your role to go play hooky—”

Oh, you could only wish. After your little squabble with Seungmin, playing hooky didn’t sound like a bad option. Sadly, you still had a conscience that weighed on you—even more hypersensitive to the people around it with your co-star’s earlier comment of ruining other people’s hard work. You hurriedly shook your head to get rid of the negative thoughts that were starting to plague your head once again, and instead focused on the group of trees that lined the path towards the entrance of the function hall.

“Changbin, I’m fine.”

“Damn right, you should be!” He screeches one last time before calming down. “But in all seriousness, you need to head over here now, or Director Han is going to chew me a new one. He knows my sister, and I don’t want to be berated for not doing my job properly by her of all people.”

You chuckled at the competitiveness in his voice. “Don’t worry, I just took a short walk for fresh air. You know how nervous I was earlier on the way to the set.” Changbin hummed in acknowledgement.

“And on the way to this town in general,” he teases. It didn’t last long, though, since he immediately followed up on your well-being with a soft tone. “Did the walk help? I can get you some hot tea too, if you want.”

“Look at you, finally being a proper manager,” you threw back at him, snickering as offended noises started to pour out of your phone. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll take you up on that tea offer. Plus, I’m just around the corner now.”

Once you saw his figure coming into view, you hung up the call and opted to wave your right arm to catch his attention. Changbin broke out into a frantic sprint towards you the minute he saw you approaching.

“Oh, thank whatever deity there is. You need to head over to the tent right now and—” He suddenly stopped mid-sentence, holding you still at arms length to give you a look of confusion as he scanned your face. “Did you cry? Why are your eyes like that?”

Shoot. You had totally forgotten about that for a second. “Ah,” was all you could muster in a sheepish daze. “It was just to let the nerves out, you know? It’s nothing serious.”

Changbin narrowed his eyes at your excuse, making you hold your breath unintentionally. It felt as though you were being picked apart, trying to find the truth that you desperately wanted to keep hidden. Eventually, the man before you decided to let it be, sending you off with an exhausted wave.

“Hm. Alright, and it’s already going away, so it must’ve just been a light session. Try to blink it out more so that it’s long gone once you step in front of the cameras.”

You silently breathed out a sigh of relief. “Will do. Thanks, Changbin.”

“Stop being a sap and head over to the tent already,” he chuckles before sending you a comforting smile. “Good luck. I’ll just be here.”

A grateful look found its way onto your face as you walked briskly towards the actors’ tent. You should really treat Changbin to dinner after all of this is over, you think to yourself, putting on your game face and entering the enclosed area with a newly steeled heart.

Now, Seungmin wasn’t the type to be overly concerned with others’ business. While he wouldn’t exactly call himself an extreme individualist, he still did have an appreciation for community. You wouldn’t catch him dead in the act of trying to mingle with someone else’s issues if it had nothing to do with him. However, all that seemed to somehow fly out the window whenever it had something to do with you.

To him, you were a person qualified enough to be considered intertwined with his own life. Sure, he hadn’t seen you in person for years, but that still would never be able to erase the fact that you knew him behind the cameras. Actually, even worse.

You knew the person he was before he even took up acting as a career.

Perhaps that was why he was so bothered by the way you were acting with him recently. He doesn’t even recall ever being that hostile to someone since his high school days, and that alone terrified him. It was like he regressed back to the days of his youth whenever he interacted with you—and that did more harm than good. The younger him was full of teen angst that he wanted to bury deep inside the confines of his past, but the animosity you seemed to harbor personally against him made him wonder if he was truly missing important information from that era of you both.

So when he saw you walk into the tent with fading redness evident in your eyes, just right after your small fight with him earlier, he instantly felt a punch in his gut. In all honesty, he wasn’t aiming to make you cry—it just so happened that the spur of the moment was so intense that he spat out things he barely meant. Sure, they still stemmed from the truth of how he felt since he did want to make amends with you, but even he wants to kick himself for the way he worded things so out of pocket. His reaction to the situation was so childish that it would be easier to think he finally went insane from the busy schedules he’s been doing than believe that what he did was a conscious decision. He was supposed to be the mature one at that moment, reaching out to fix the issue.

And yet here he was, feeling like a child in front of you.

He wanted to approach you, apologize for earlier, and maybe another one for whatever stupidity his old self did that was clearly bad enough for his mind to completely block out entirely. If you were reacting this much, it had to be at least somewhat of a traumatizing experience. Seungmin doesn’t think he ever got that bad back then, but everyone had different perspectives—and yes, young him had a tendency to be a prick. He still had friends, though, and no one ever called him in to discuss his behavior, so it wasn’t like he was a bully.

Either way, he felt the need to apologize—and maybe get an apology back, but his legs wouldn’t let him. A part of him knew that if he did approach you at the moment, you might run away again, and it was almost time for the briefing. Instead, he settled on looking at you across the pop-up room, hoping that his silent sentiment was delivered.

Which it was not. At all.

If anything, it added more pressure to whatever nerves you were holding back. Seungmin’s gaze was so piercing to the point that you didn’t even need to turn and look to know that he had his eyes locked on you. What does he want from you now? Oh, right—you two would be filming your scenes together in a matter of about an hour or two. Maybe this was Seungmin’s way of telling you to get your shit together while finally respecting your wishes to be left alone. Improvement is improvement, so you’d leave him alone to do his thing too.

“All right, is everyone here?” A lean man in his mid-twenties walked in, asking everyone inside. There was another person following him, yet seemingly younger. “It seems so. If someone you know is late, just fill them in with the details later.”

The first man lifted up a thick bind of paper, which you quickly recognized as the script. “I’m sure everyone has read their copy of this. My name is Hwang Hyunjin, and I’m the head scriptwriter for this film. Over here to my side is Yang Jeongin, my assistant. We’re here to give you a briefing on how this shoot will go for today since Director Han and Assistant Director Lee are busy with the filming crew as of the moment.”

So they were the ones behind the script. You felt your excitement levels increase as various questions about the story’s making filled your head—but you would save that for another day. Perhaps during the crew dinner after the movie’s filming was completed.

“Today, we’ll be filming one of the first scenes in the movie—the reunion. That’s why there’s a lot of you are here right now, despite the story only really having a few recurring characters. Still, whatever your role is, I hope you take this opportunity with pride. All of you here will be treated as actors for as long as you stand on this set, so have the dignity of one. Whether you have lines or not, what I expect from all of you is your best, and only your best,” Head Scriptwriter Hwang emphasized.

The briefing continued on with the necessary information for the reunion scene, with detailed clarifications and stage directions. If you weren’t locked in on all the information being fed to you, you would’ve had half the mind to acknowledge how strikingly handsome the man was upfront. A few others did, though, and you couldn’t really blame them. The guy could be an actor himself if he wanted to be.

“And I believe that’s all for now,” Head Scriptwriter Hwang clapped his hands in satisfaction. “Hair and makeup will take care of you all for about an hour and a half. I see that some of you already came prepared, so go ahead and touch up yourself if you want to. Main characters, you have your own booths,” he glances towards the stations at the end of the tent.

“You’ll be called up when needed. Actor Kim Seungmin, please get ready first since we need you for the entrance shots. That is all. Good luck.”

Head Scriptwriter Hwang bows politely to all of you before exiting the tent with Assistant Yang. With that, the battlefield begins.

You couldn’t remember much of what was happening other than you being sat down in front of a well-lit mirror and letting yourself become a doll in the hands of the make-up artists. The one assigned to your hair did start a short conversation about your previous works, to which you could only thank her shyly for her support. While you weren’t the most popular actress out there, you were still relatively well-known, with notable works under your belt. Seven years of experience wasn’t something someone could just laugh at, after all.

On the other hand, your co-star was a famous A-lister who was most likely getting paid significantly more than you for his role in this film. You glanced a bit to your right, where Kim Seungmin was happily chatting with his hair and makeup assignees, his voice effortlessly traveling its way over to your spot.

Ever the social butterfly, that one.

“Are you excited?” The woman assigned to your hair, who you learned was named Eunha, asked. You looked at her, startled by the sudden topic change. “Sorry—it’s just that you kept looking over at Actor Kim that it came to mind. He is quite the looker, isn’t he?”

“Oh.”

How should you even respond to that? It wasn’t like you could just go around advertising your personal beef with the man when, as far as you knew, he had a clean record on his plate. That would just be a lawsuit waiting to happen. You’d have to settle for something vague instead. “I guess,” you cringe at the evident pain in your voice.

“I’ve heard from others in the industry that he’s a great guy. You’ll have a blast filming this movie with him. I know it’s a bit awkward right now, but I’m sure you’ll warm up to him soon. After all, you’re both the lead roles.”

You’ll surely have a blast, alright—straight to the ego.

This conversation just gave you the unfriendly reminder that you had to act all lovey-dovey with this man, and if anything, it was triggering some unpleasant memories. By memories, you meant the charity drama from your acting academy days.

Your experience with that project was interesting, to say the least.

It had all started with Seungmin winning the prize of being the drama’s male lead after getting the top spot on the year-end evaluation for the junior level. Along with his prize came the privilege to choose who he would be acting alongside, only to surprise everyone when he chose you, a trainee who barely got recognition and wasn’t even in the top ten of your level. At first, you felt honored. It was like you were finally getting acknowledged, and by the top performer, no less. So you worked hard to do your part properly, wanting to repay Seungmin for his act of kindness; only for that kindness to turn out to be a mockery of you.

The difference in skill between you two was just too wide. Your shortcomings showed far too much, and your mistakes ended up being emphasized to the point that your level advisor became endlessly frustrated with you. First, it was the scolding. The woman clearly did not appreciate you holding back the entire production, especially since it was for a cause, so she would point out every problem in your acting, which quickly took a turn after you showed barely any improvement. Eventually, your advisor started to berate you—going as far as constantly referring to you as the reason the drama would fail. When you tried to raise the concern with her that it was affecting you negatively, she only brushed you off with a comment about how you should know to take constructive criticism this early to succeed in the actual industry.

At eighteen years old, you could only clench your teeth and accept your fate.

Things only got worse when you overheard Seungmin talking to his friends near the vending machines after practice one day—the same day they were talking about you.

“Dude, why did you choose Y/N to be the female lead?” One of Seungmin’s friends, Yeonjun, groaned aloud. “She’s awful at it. What? Do you like her or something?”

Seungmin only shrugged. “Not really,” he said, uninterested. “I just kept seeing her name during level advancements but never saw her doing anything to stand out. If she got this far, then I should give her a chance, no?” Yeonjun pursed his lips at the answer.

“That’s just cruel, man. The witch has it out for her now.”

“Then she can just do better,” Seungmin chuckles, taking a sip from his soda before continuing. “Not my problem anymore. If I do my role well enough, maybe they’ll pay less attention to whatever she’s doing.”

Beomgyu, another friend of his, scoffed. “So, like—you’re basically using her to your advantage.” You watched Seungmin wave him off without a care.

“Stop making it sound so bad like that,” he hums at the thought. “Let’s just say I’m saving her the embarrassment. Like you said, it was my fault she’s getting thrown around like this anyway,” Seungmin continues before tossing his empty can of soda in the trash.

And wow, did you feel like one after hearing that.

Starting from that point onwards, you held a dislike for Kim Seungmin. It did, however, give you enough spite to use as a driving force to do well in the charity drama—eventually climbing up to senior level right beside Seungmin, where you two clashed for the higher ranks before graduating and starting your own careers.

Despite this, the memory of the junior project still stayed ingrained in you, never really managing to fade away like you wanted it to, causing you to struggle in your quest to succeed in the industry. The deprecating thoughts came at the worst times, making you revert back to that eighteen-year-old who kept her tears at bay as the director shouted at her for the nth time.

It was particularly the worst right now.

“Cut! Bad take!”

You snapped your head towards Director Han, who looked so frustrated that he started to resemble a certain someone from the ghosts of your memories. Kim Seungmin was in front of you, his tongue poking at his cheek after hearing the comment. Right, you were at the set—shooting a scene. And you had just failed to say your next line.

“Actress Y/N, you can’t just keep forgetting your lines like this!”

04 : FOUR.

You really can’t go on forgetting your lines like this.

“Y/N.” Changbin sighs heavily. “Seriously, what’s going on?”

It would have been amazing if the gods could hear your plea. Your wish was fairly simple, after all—to be buried six feet under at the moment. To hell with being a popular actress; you wanted nothing more than to disappear right now after that stunt you just pulled. On the first day of filming, no less.

Should you just go dig your own hole instead?

“It won’t happen again,” you softly replied, like a child getting scolded by their mother.

Your manager could only take a deep inhale at your words. “And I believe you, I really do,” he says. “But I can’t just let this go like this.”

Of course, he couldn’t. You would do the same thing in his shoes. Changbin was a manager for an actress—an actress who clearly can’t even manage herself. Your job’s core had a simple description, and that was to act out your lines. Lines that you had to memorize, internalize, and perform. What was the point of having seven years of experience under your belt if you couldn’t even do the basics of your occupation?

“You have to understand, Y/N. It wasn’t just once, or twice, or heck—not even thrice! You had a minimum of five retakes per couple of lines, and that’s already concerning enough for me to have to intervene. Director Han was really disappointed today, and it’s only the first filming. The only reason you’re still coming back on set tomorrow is because, at the end of the day, we managed to get good takes despite the issues. So pray tell, is something wrong?”

The humble inn’s room you were staying in became devoid of sound from your lack of response, making the cicadas outside seem a lot louder than they actually were. Your sitting figure made you look small in front of the man before you, who was pacing across the room in distressed strides. In all honesty, you had nothing to say back to Changbin. As much as you trusted him like your own older brother, explaining your oh-so-stellar performance earlier would entail having to reveal your past with Kim Seungmin, which was the last thing on the list of secrets you wanted to get out. Thus, there was only one solution to your dilemma.

“Can we replace Kim Seungmin?”

Changbin’s jaw slacked. “What—him again?” He laughed humorlessly, completely baffled at your request. “And replace, you say? Y/N, at the rate we’re going, you’re the one in danger of getting replaced!”

Okay, you should’ve expected that. But the sting from your manager’s comment wouldn’t hurt any less, even if you did.

You were well aware of all of your shortcomings as an actress. The seven years you gained in this industry clearly taught you a lot of important lessons, but those same seven years barely did anything to your ability, no matter the amount of effort you desperately poured into your career. It felt like a futile attempt at pouring into a cup that had a big hole at the bottom—knowing you could be filled to the brim with the necessary factors to succeed exponentially, yet still letting everything go down the drain.

Maybe this was the wake up call you needed to acknowledge that you’re the only one holding yourself back. And you had the slight inkling that you knew all along where this whole mess stemmed from.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what, even?” Changbin ran a hand through his already tousled hair. “Look, if you really don’t want to tell me, then fine. I’ll respect your wishes. But you can’t expect me to understand where you’re coming from if I know nothing. Deal with how overbearing I could be, or I don’t know, just keep that in mind.”

“I understand.” You meekly nodded. “Sorry, again. I’ll do better tomorrow.”

With your vague words, Changbin eventually came to the conclusion that you weren’t going to speak about the issue today. Walking towards you, he finally accepted your decision with a light pat on the head. “You don’t have to say that to me, Y/N. Maybe to the crew tomorrow. And Actor Kim Seungmin if you want. Just promise me a better performance tomorrow, and we’ll be good.”

You chuckled dryly. “Yes, I’ll do that.”

“Alright.” Your manager rolled his shoulders back, releasing the tension that built up from his pacing. “I’ll go to my own room now. Get some good rest. You need it after what happened today,” he chuckles.

“Okay, good night.”

You plastered a small smile for him, only letting it drop completely after you heard the door shut. After that, it was just you and your mind, ready to play the most depressing thoughts all through the night to beat you down once again. However, you weren’t going to fall for that today. You had already promised a better performance on filming tomorrow.

And what better ways were there to achieve both than practice until the sun rises?

Well, that surely did it’s work for you because you walked into the set the next day looking like a few years had just shaved off your lifespan. But as long as you could still function well enough to participate in the shoot, then you would consider your little sacrifice worth it.

A certain someone would beg to disagree, though.

Seungmin has never felt more concerned in his life. Just what in the world did you do all night to come out of your room looking like a literal zombie? To make matters worse, no one was even batting an eye at your less-than-ideal state! He watched you get your makeup done from across the tent with a thoughtful expression.

“Is it just me, or did Y/N get no sleep whatsoever?”

Minho cringed at Seungmin’s blunt comment. “Oh, you noticed it too?” He purses his lip, feeling uneasy. “I feel bad for her, but after the mishap from yesterday, I wouldn’t be surprised if she stayed up all night trying to make sure it doesn’t happen again. No sleep is better than no role in this industry, after all.”

Seungmin frowned at his manager’s words. That can’t be right. Sure, as actors, getting roles to play was their bread and butter—but no project was going to be worth more than their own well-being. If your condition was bad, then how were you expecting to have the proper mindset to act well? That should be simple logic.

He huffed. “I’m going to talk to her.”

Before he could even take a step forward, a strong force had already pulled him back. “Stop right there, Seungmin.” His manager gripped his shoulder in warning. “I know you mean well, but please do not do anything to agitate Actress Y/N any further.”

Seungmin turns back in disbelief. “What are you even talking about?”

“Aren’t you two close? I know how you joke around when you’re comfortable, and I’m just letting you know that this might not be the best time to do so.”

The actor narrowed his eyes at the implication being thrown his way. “You know, you’re making me out to be a major ass right now.” Minho shrugged.

“That’s because one wrong move, and you might as well be,” he sighs. “Look, all I’m saying is that what she probably needs right now is support. Someone who would give her motivation to get through the shoot today.”

Seungmin deadpanned at his manager’s sudden advice. He wasn’t expecting Minho, of all people, to lecture him about how to properly interact with others. “Exactly?” The younger of the two raises a brow. “What else do you think I was going to do?”

Minho looked hesitant for a second. “You and I both know that you’re not exactly the most—” he trails off, making random expressive movements with his hands instead. Seungmin scoffed.

“Spit it out.”

“—Motivating. You’re probably the least motivating person here.”

Seungmin visibly blanched at Minho’s admittance. Truth be told, he wasn’t expecting the older man to say anything particularly nice, but the actual reveal was just completely out of his radar.

Even when he was young, Seungmin never struggled with making friends. He’s always been well-liked by the people around him, which has made him fairly popular amongst his peers. With such a positive response from a lot of people regarding him as a person, Seungmin was clearly gifted in the art of making friends. So now, being told that he lacked the skill of uplifting others greatly confused him. If that were true, then shouldn’t he have had the opposite experience with socializing?

“I—” He stutters, caught off guard. “Do my social skills not prove to be enough for you?”

“Those are two completely separate things,” Minho barely managed to suppress a sneer. “Seungmin, you’re great at casual talk—that’s no surprise. But you also have the tendency to be dense. And that’s putting it lightly.”

“Oh.”

That would make sense. A part of him also admitted that his younger counterpart did struggle with connecting to others. Yes, he had a lot of friends, but that didn’t mean he saw all of them equally. As harsh as that may be, the old Seungmin had this unfathomable standard for people he could call friends, which he used as a strict criteria for judging others. He still kicks himself whenever he gets reminded of how big his high horse used to be, for no reason. Seungmin was more than willing to leave that time of his life at the back of his mind to collect dust. His life has been so much better without it, and he would do anything to maintain this satisfactory present he has carved for himself.

His manager chuckled. “Who knows, though? Maybe you could finally practice your empathy with this conversation. You’ve been around professional robots for far too long.”

“That sounds like an insult,” Seungmin says, expressing his doubt.

“I’m just saying it as it is.” Minho patted his back twice. “Now, I already warned you enough. If you still want to talk to Actress Y/N, then go ahead. Just know that whatever comes out of that mouth of yours is completely your responsibility, and I will not cover for you if you come out of this one with a broken friendship.”

Seungmin let the words sink in.

“There you go, all done!” Eunha exclaims, lightly pushing your hair forward to make the volume more noticeable. You gave her a thankful smile.

Eunha was someone you'd only known for two days, but she was already becoming your favorite person on set. The way she manages to lighten your mood every time made her worthy of being on the list of people you greatly appreciated, especially with how things were going for you recently. Today too, her positivity was very welcomed.

“Thank you,” you say while admiring her work. “It looks pretty today too.”

The hairstylist beamed. “Of course it should be,” she huffs in pride. “You need to be the prettiest one here on set. After all, you’re the female lead!”

You knew she didn’t mean it to be, but her words felt like little stabs to your heart. The prickly ache spread slowly, like poison that was meant to be discrete. You chuckled to offset the pain.

“Right.”

Female lead. The character you worked so hard for—only for you to also ruin the chance with your own hands. You couldn’t help but think of how ungrateful you were being, and for what? A personal grudge towards your co-star, who was being more professional about the situation than you ever tried to be? It was almost laughable how belatedly you realized that the situation was never going to be in your favor. You weren’t someone looking to be pitied, so why were you hypocritically trying to paint yourself as the distressed damsel?

Eunha sent you a troubled glance as she fixed the tools on the table. “Are you alright? I—” She sighed. “I didn’t want to point it out earlier, but I guess my concern got the best of me. The bags under your eyes looked deep earlier—Yerin did a great job covering them up, though! You don’t worry about how you’ll look on camera, but I’m just worried about your condition.”

You sheepishly scratched your arm at being pointed out. “Sorry for worrying you. I just forgot the time last night and fell asleep late. You could say I was too excited to shoot again today.”

“Well, that’s a lie if I’ve ever heard one.”

You jumped in your chair, startled by Seungmin’s voice suddenly joining the space on your side of the tent. Eunha’s eyes gave you a silent apology before bowing to Seungmin and heading out of the tent, indicating that her task was finished. Your gaze fluttered toward your co-star, who was looking at you in a disapproving manner. It was then that you remembered his comment.

“And that was rude of you to disrupt a conversation that had nothing to do with you.”

Seungmin wasn’t fazed by your bite. “Why didn’t you sleep?”

“I asked a question first, Kim.” You crossed your arms at being ignored. “Also, I did sleep.”

"No, you didn’t,” he pressed on. You could feel your blood pressure rise at his insistence. “Even a twenty-minute nap could do wonders. You just look horrible.” You scoffed at the insult.

“Gee, thanks. Exactly what I needed to hear.”

Seungmin’s eyes widened comically, and you almost laughed at the sight. Almost. He looked so guilty of what he had just said that you felt the urge to tease him as revenge.

“Wait, no—”

“An explanation isn’t necessary,” you hummed. “Even if that wasn’t a joke, I could really care less right now.”

Your reply made Seungmin flail his hands around like a madman. “It was a joke. I didn’t mean anything about it,” he coughs out before composing himself after realizing how silly he was acting. “Sorry.”

“Ok. Thank you for apologizing.”

“Sure,” he trailed off. Seungmin was now unsure of what to even do.

Oddly enough, your heart warmed at his reaction. A part of you was thanking yourself for finally becoming more rational, as you thought that maybe he wasn’t so bad. Sure, your past together was still rocky territory, but you had to remind yourself that time had also passed. Seven years at that. That detail took you back to the conversation you two had back at the table reading. You remember the way you hissed at him that you had changed—what made you assume that he couldn’t do it too? Everyone was allowed to become better versions of themselves, and Kim Seungmin wasn’t exempted from that. He was but another person living amongst others in this world, after all.

Changbin was right. Seungmin also deserved an apology.

“I guess I also owe you an apology,” you say softly. “About how I’ve been towards you the whole time—it was immature of me. I hope we can continue to work well until the end of this project, like you said yesterday.”

“Now, this is just odd.”

Seungmin was now utterly lost. He recalls approaching you despite Minho’s warnings, deciding that he had enough self-restraint to not screw it up—only to end up insulting you without meaning to. But that wasn’t the confusing part.

It was your reaction.

In Seungmin’s experience, you weren’t one to let something go like that. Even back when you both were in your senior level days at the academy, a simple jest from him would set you off into flames. The you he knew would immediately choose to chew him out, hoping that he would get burned by a rogue ember of your fury for even just attempting to speak such words. But the person in front of him right now did none of that. The you in the present simply took the accidental insult and even apologized for the ones you’ve spat out over the previous days. It was a whiplash, to say the least—just yesterday he was still fighting to keep you in a flowing conversation. So, what was this he was witnessing?

“Is it?” You snicker. “Just think of it like winning. You were right. This is a high-profile project, and I’m over here messing around. I’ve prepared a better performance for you all to see today, so be rest assured.” Seungmin still wasn’t assured.

“Y/N, are you sure you’re alright—”

“Main characters on set!”

Damn. So that’s how it feels for your conversation to get interrupted by someone unrelated to it. Seungmin internally acknowledged your annoyance earlier and kicked the memory of himself from a few minutes earlier.

You turned back to him, tilting your head. “What was that?” Seungmin refused to admit that he found the action cute.

“No, it’s nothing,” he said, clearing his throat. “Let’s have a good shoot.”

05 : FIVE.

Okay, you do not think this was turning out to be a good shoot.

You were already regretting pulling another all-nighter the day after you got absolutely no sleep. This meant that you were already nearing 48 hours of no sleep, to which you were surprised you were still even capable of functioning. You had never gone this long without sleep, and it was both thrilling and terrifying to you at the same time.

Honestly, you were already expecting to feel lethargic after the shoot yesterday, especially after staying up the entire night to master your parts and was planning to go to sleep early to make up for it. However, after getting nothing but praise from the directors and filming crew the whole day for your stellar performance that day, you came to the conclusion that perhaps your sacrificial act was exceptionally effective. A little too effective since your manager even said that your acting became much more alive than the takes you did the previous day, despite feeling the complete opposite internally.

Now, while you normally wouldn’t describe yourself as someone who was peer pressured easily, it still felt really nice for your hard work to be acknowledged after the disappointing performance you had the day before. Which also led you to your current predicament—woefully repeating the same magical process that helped you gain your reputation back.

“You’re yawning an awful lot.” Seungmin raised a brow in question. “Don’t tell me that all the praise you got yesterday already got to your head, and you suddenly find all this boring.”

An irked look made its way onto your face, pinching hard on Seungmin’s arm. You watched in satisfaction as he yelped audibly at your damage, jerking away in reflex. “What the fuck, woman?”

“It’s what you get,” you say nonchalantly while shrugging. Seungmin scoffs at the response.

“Just because we have a truce now doesn’t mean you can abuse me whenever you like,” he snarls. “What happened to the Y/N who didn’t want me to talk to her unless, quote on quote, necessary?”

You cringe at the unwelcome reminder of your previous activities. “I apologized! Would you rather have me act like a total bitch again?”

“Well—no. That Y/N was a pain to deal with.”

“Then be grateful for what you have right now.”

Seungmin lets out an amused snort, crossing his arms and leaning backwards closer towards the living room’s walls, where you two were on standby. “Oh, believe me. I’m more than grateful.”

The set right now was in a cozy cottage house, designed to imitate what the female lead’s family home would look like. You had already moved past the beginnings of the main characters’ romance yesterday and were now heading into the development stage, where they spend more time together until they realize their feelings. A domestic scene in one character’s home was a popular trope—which was, of course, also included in the movie.

If today’s shoot goes well, then you only have one day left in the filming process before everyone packs up to head back to the city. Not for Seungmin, though. The male lead still had to film the first part of the movie where he quit his job at the company. You’d have to laugh at him about it on the last day.

First, you had to get through this shoot without fainting flat on your face.

It was a particularly hot day too, which made your drowsiness even worse. The rural countryside cottage didn’t have an air conditioner set up, so you had to make do with fans all over the place. But that barely did anything to cool you down, as the air around the place itself was humid. At least you weren’t shooting out in the sun today.

“Geez, my makeup might melt even before we start filming,” you groan. “That’s if my head doesn’t explode first.”

Seungmin chuckles. “Blame your character for being a sweater enthusiast. That outfit must be torture in this weather.”

He wasn’t wrong about that. The thick baby blue cardigan you were wearing felt like a punishment to wear at the moment. It was unfortunate that you felt really cute in this get-up because you wanted to trash on it so badly.

Actually, fuck it. Comfort matters more.

“I don’t understand how she does it,” you whine dramatically. “Every scene she’s had has her wearing some kind of version of a sweater. Does she not get hot at all?” You pull on your slightly weighted cardigan.

“I do think she’s plenty hot enough.” Seungmin smirks, glancing at you while waiting for your reaction.

You hummed in agreement. “She’s probably just tolerating it since it's her clothing style. I’ve had my fair share of those moments too.”

It wasn’t something you could see since you were more preoccupied with watching the staff prepare for filming, but Seungmin’s ears were slowly turning red. He took note of how his less than savory joke completely flew over your head, now leaving him to drown in the embarrassment of his original intentions.

Internally, he was already having a boxing match with himself. He thinks she’s plenty hot enough? What does that even mean? You were the only image he had of the female lead since you had her role! Seungmin wanted the ground to suddenly swallow him whole at the implication.

You, on the other hand, were fighting a completely different battle. The combination of the heat and your severe lack of sleep was becoming dangerous. You could already feel a growing pounding in your head, the world’s noise becoming more muffled by the second. It seemed like your vision wasn’t affected yet, though—and for that, you were relieved. That meant you could still stretch yourself out until the shoot was finished. You’d already done this once yesterday, so a second time wouldn’t be that bad, right?

Wrong.

Seungmin’s voice as he carried out his lines in the scene seemed so far away to you already, and it had only been an hour since the cameras started rolling. Internally, you were already sounding the sirens. Something was definitely wrong—you don’t think Seungmin was supposed to sound like he was underwater.

Your co-star seemed to notice that you were out of it too, except he couldn’t exactly stop the scene as you were still conducting your parts as proficiently as you could. Director Han hasn’t called a cut yet, either. So, he settled on carefully watching you for signs. You also thought you could last until the scene was over—until you couldn’t.

The last thing you remember was a figure rushing over to you before your sight went pitch black.

“Y/N!”

“Cut!”

Seungmin felt his heart race as he dashed over to catch you from crashing to the ground. What was going on? You were completely fine a while ago. How did you end up fainting? Could it have been the heat? He didn’t think it was going to be that bad for you since he was dealing with it pretty well. The heat wasn’t exactly unbearable. So what was it?

“Actor Kim Seungmin,” D.O.P. Bang called out. “We should take her to the medic tent. Someone, call her manager.”

Seungmin had never agreed more to a suggestion in his life.

“Seungmin? What’s—” Minho’s face paled in shock at the sight of your limp figure. “Oh, shit. That’s why everyone is running around like headless chickens. Quick, let’s get her to the medics.”

Minho sped over to give the actor a helping hand on steadying you, only to be stopped. “We’re wasting so much time.” Seungmin clicks his tongue.

Everyone could only watch as Seungmin positioned his arms on your back and behind your knees, hastily pulling you up towards him in a bridal carry and speeding away to the medic’s tent. Minho’s jaw dropped at his talent’s actions before recovering from the shock and tailing him.

“Seungmin!”

“What?” Seungmin responds half-heartedly as he sets you down on the cushioned stretcher, stepping back as the medics do their job.

“You—” Minho squeaks out. “What was that?”

“What was what?”

“That!” He gestured towards you, still unconscious and being checked on by the medics on standby. “Did you just carry Actress Y/N?”

Seungmin ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “And what about it? Did I commit a crime or something? I was just helping!”

Minho was conflicted. In all the years he had been working as Seungmin’s manager, the actor had never shown this much attention towards his other co-workers, despite maintaining an approachable and friendly image. Of course, that wasn’t particularly a bad thing—especially in an industry where caution towards everyone around you was basic common sense to prevent yourself from going down a road that would lead to your demise. The view was great up where it was high, but the fall was just as immense.

What Minho did acknowledge was your past with Seungmin. Because of that, he was inclined to think more about your friendship with his talent and how that played into your dynamic. Yet, over the course of the two days you two had been filming, he hasn’t exactly seen the kind of relationship he was expecting. There were discrepancies in what he knew about you and Seungmin, as well as gaps in the bond his actor painted a picture of. In times like these, there were only a few reasonable explanations that Minho could think of, which made him uneasy.

Something big was coming in the future—one that he needed to prepare for as early as now.

Hurried footsteps could be heard nearing the tent as Seungmin and Minho diverted their lines of sight towards the entrance, just in time to see a fairly muscular figure come in all frantic. “How is she?”

Minho immediately recognized the man from a conversation he had in the personal staff area, recalling his introduction as your manager. The former bowed slightly in greeting. “Manager Seo Changbin.” Seungmin felt his blood boil after seeing your manager’s late entrance.

“Where even were you?” He asked coldly, intentionally making his tone sharp. “You know, for her manager, you sure are practically nowhere to be found during shoots.”

Changbin splutters at the accusation. “Y/N doesn’t like it when I stay to watch! She says it’s pressuring!”

“Sure. But it’s your job to be on standby in the event that she needs you. How come you weren’t?”

“I—”

“Okay, that’s enough.” A new face entered the space, who Seungmin quickly made out to be Assistant Director Lee. The second-in-hand gave him a disapproving look. “Actor Kim Seungmin, please stop lashing out at Actress Y/N’s manager.”

Seungmin felt like he was seconds away from committing arson. “I’m not lashing out if it's a reasonable argument!”

He felt someone grab a hold of him, forcefully pushing him down to sit. It was only then that Seungmin seemed to finally be conscious of how emotionally he had been acting—accepting Minho’s foresight on his actions. Assistant Director Lee, on the other hand, did not appreciate his recklessness.

“That it is, but we’re going to need you to stay calm,” he states. “The situation is sensitive enough as it is.”

Seungmin felt like he had no choice but to agree. He couldn’t risk making an unreasonable scene in such a respected project set, and knowing you, a tension-filled tent wasn’t going to be your preferred area of rest. Glancing back at your unconscious figure still being tended to, he let out a sigh to release the extra pressure in his chest.

Just what was he doing right now?

Once Assistant Director Lee saw him calm down a significant amount, he clapped to disperse the heavy silence. “Great. Now, can someone inform us when she wakes up so we can restart the shoot?”

So much for calming down, because Seungmin’s temper flared up again in an instant. “Are you kidding me?” He growled. “No, we are not proceeding with filming today!”

“Actor Kim, we don’t have enough time—”

“I’ll pay for all the expenses for the extension and rescheduling of all the remaining shoots. Put all of it under my personal bank account.”

Minho’s eyes almost popped out of their sockets in shock. “Seungmin, what—”

“I said what I said,” Seungmin continued. “Now go do it. Both of us won’t step in front of the camera for the rest of the day.”

“You can’t just decide that for Actress Y/N,” Assistant Director Lee reasoned in disbelief.

Unluckily for him, Seungmin had already made up his mind—and when that happens, he isn’t one to give up on it.

“Then we’ll tell her it’s cancelled because I’m sure as hell won’t be filming today. You can’t make her act out the scenes prepared today without me.”

Assistant Director Lee was conflicted. Taking a day off so suddenly when they’d already had everything set up was going to be such a waste—and frankly, Director Han was already on edge about it. Granted, this wasn’t the first time he’d come across this situation, and certainly won’t be the last in his time in the industry. Now, an actor telling them that they’d pay for the cost of their demand? That one was new.

Kim Seungmin was notorious in the field for being a perfectionist, so he honestly came in here expecting him to agree with their plan. Maybe he should’ve considered the rumors he’d heard around the set that Actor Kim and you were closer than they initially thought. With that, Assistant Director Lee could only sigh. He’d just have to deal with Director Han’s displeasure.

Along with being a perfectionist, Kim Seungmin was also incredibly stubborn.

“I understand,” he concedes. “I’ll inform Director Han.”

Seungmin tried not to show his surprise on his face. He didn’t think he’d actually get this result so easily, but it was welcomed. “Thank you.”

“Let us know if you change your mind.”

“I won’t.”

Assistant Director Lee chuckled at Seungmin’s firm reply before announcing his leave. The atmosphere in the tent improved as he stepped out, but awkwardness still lingered in the air. Minho dropped down to slump on a plastic chair, leaving Changbin to stand stiffly near him.

“Y/N is totally gonna kill you, dude.” Minho groans, completely letting go of formalities in stress.

Seungmin had half the mind to be embarrassed by his choices. “And to think I’m doing this all for her sake,” he scoffs good-naturedly before turning to your manager. “Did something happen before the shoot? She couldn’t have passed out like this just because of the heat today.”

Changbin scratches at his neck. “Uh, I’m not sure—”

“—It’s exhaustion,” one of the medics spoke up. “Her body seems to be completely fatigued, as well as slightly dehydrated, but that must be the heat’s contribution. Has she not been getting enough rest?”

They watched as Changbin’s face morphed into shock, completely unsure of how that could’ve even happened. “But she said she was going to bed early yesterday!”

Your manager was slowly getting on Seungmin’s nerves. First, it was his constant absence from the set. Next, it was his blatant disregard for your well-being. The last time he checked, a manager was supposed to be aware of their talent’s condition as much as possible. Any less and it would be neglect.

He narrowed his eyes. “The picture you’re painting for me is not a good one, Manager Seo.”

“What are you implying right now, Actor Kim?” Changbin pounced back, Seungmin’s tone stirring negative emotions inside him.

Seungmin refused to back down. “You know damn well.”

“Kim Seungmin!”

“Watch your mouth—”

A rustling noise interrupted the three men’s small disagreement. “Ugh,” you groaned in pain. “What in the world?”

“Y/N!” Seungmin jumps up without a second thought to rush over. In the distance, Minho and Changbin’s eyes meet in mutual speculation.

“Seungmin, sorry, but please shut up.” You raise a hand to cradle your head. “My head is pounding.”

You could vaguely make up a medic handing Seungmin some pills and a bottle of water, saying something about how you were stable enough to just need rest and hydration. The next thing you knew was feeling a hand gently take your chin to create an opening and a pill being dropped inside, along with a water bottle pressing against your lips. You gulped it down in shock.

“The fuck—” You coughed. Another hand came up again to wipe some of the water you spilled around your mouth before you pushed it away. “Kim Seungmin!”

Your co-star rolled his eyes at your dramatics. “Would it kill you to stop being so fussy?”

“Not when you’re treating me like a child!”

Changbin clears his throat, effectively stopping your bickering. “Uh—I’m going to go get us lunch,” he meekly informs you two. “The medics also already went out to get food earlier, so I think we need to get our share before it’s all gone.”

Minho nods at Changbin’s words a bit too enthusiastically for your liking. “I’ll come with him. You two can talk while waiting.”

The two of you watch as your managers dash out of the tent like cartoon characters, raising a suspicious brow at their sudden change in behavior. Seungmin clicked his tongue in annoyance before turning back to you and flicking a finger at your forehead without warning. You squealed at the added pain as Seungmin’s suppressed laughter filled the room.

“You are such an asshole!” You shriek while bringing both hands to shield your forehead belatedly.

“And your hair looks like a nest,” he replies with a snicker.

You gave him a glare at his comment, rubbing the sore spot gently. “Shit,” you whined, feeling the ache from inside your head again. “I can’t believe I fainted. How long was I out? What about the shoot? Are we resuming after lunch?”

The questions you were asking him only served as Seungmin’s reminder of his actions earlier, causing his mouth to run dry. Truth be told, even he was unsure of how to tell you everything that happened while you were away in dreamland. He couldn’t just drop the ball at you that he made sure that the shoot had been cancelled just for you to have the rest of the day to rest up. At the same time, there was practically no other way to convince you that the cancellation wasn’t your fault unless he told you the truth.

But Seungmin had already caused you enough misunderstandings to last a decade—and he wasn’t about to add another one.

“You weren’t out for long,” he told you. “I’m actually surprised you even woke up right away. The shoot’s cancelled.”

He watched you pause to let the words sink in. What did he mean by the shoot’s been cancelled? Wouldn’t that be too costly? After all, you were literally renting a place far away from the city to shoot this movie. A shoot cancellation meant an extension, which also meant new arrangements needed to be made. You curled up into a ball, wanting to evaporate into the clouds at the heat of the sun. How much more were you going to screw up everyone’s experience with this project?

“Is it because of me?” You muttered.

Seungmin felt something inside him break at how small you made yourself seem. This was exactly what he was trying to avoid, only to once again fail to prevent it. That one was on him, though—he didn’t manage to tell you right away that he was the one responsible for the shoot’s cancellation. He felt the need to chase away your negative headspace as fast as possible.

“Why do you always blame yourself first? I cancelled the shoot, so just get some more rest.” He sighs.

Your eyes snap upwards to meet his. He had got to joking. “What?” You ask, bewildered at the statement. “And they agreed? I can still continue!”

Seungmin immediately acts to lift your legs back up on the stretcher when he sees you trying to get up. He places a heavy hand on your calves to lock them in place before sending you an unamused stare. “Land a single foot out of this stretcher, and I’ll make sure the shoot gets moved to next week.”

“You can’t just do that!” Your mouth gaped open like a fish. “Do you even know how bad the cost is going to be to extend for that long?”

“I’m more than capable of shouldering the expenses.”

That single statement made your stomach drop. “You cannot be serious,” was your horrified reaction. “Seungmin, did you pay for the extension costs?”

The man before you only shrugged, like he hadn’t just dropped significant information. “What about it?” You blanched at his unconcerned attitude.

“What do you mean, what about it?” You asked, absolutely outraged. “I swear, you’ve always been like this! You think you could just play around with everything around you, since you can. Why can’t you take things seriously for once?”

It was Seungmin’s turn to look offended. “Now, when did I ever do that?”

“The charity drama!” You cry out. “Yeah, I knew all about your little plan back then. If you acted well enough, they wouldn’t pay attention to whatever mess I was making, was it? I even overheard you telling your friends you chose me to become the female lead just because you were curious about how I kept advancing levels when I barely met the standard—and there I was foolish enough to believe that you chose me for my skills!”

“I—” Seungmin stammers. “I don’t remember that.”

“Of course you wouldn’t,” you held back a sob, feeling emotional as you poured out your inner insecurities. “Why would you? Someone of your caliber could go around bending things to your will, and no one would bat an eye since they would justify it with your talent. I’m the complete opposite, Seungmin.”

Seungmin was quite alarmed, to say the least. These were your side of the story—the side that he never got to acknowledge. He could only watch you try to keep yourself together in front of him, clearly struggling as your emotions ran wild at the release of what seemed to be years of suppressed experiences. His body was screaming at him to move and comfort you in any way he knew how, but for the first time in his life, Seungmin was completely frozen in guilt.

“I’ve lived the life below people like you. We were the ones that were always stuck in the shadows, where stepping on us became the norm. People like us were the pieces in your games of chess who couldn’t even speak out in the fear of being thrown out.” You inhaled deeply before meeting his gaze. “It was a life you would never even begin to imagine experiencing at your ability, Seungmin.”

Your words were like spears thrown at Seungmin’s heart. They all rang true in his head. He would never understand what you went through because he was part of the problem. Seungmin thought back to his past, trying to recall where it all started.

He was a young child, only ten years old, when he discovered his passion for acting. His class decided to do a play for the school festival, and he got the role of the main character completely by chance through drawing lots. Young Seungmin didn’t think of it too much and agreed out of obligation. It wasn’t until practices started that he started to take an interest in it after receiving constant praise from his classmates and homeroom teacher. This fascination only bloomed more on the day of the festival, where he found out that performing for people could be this exhilarating.

From then on, Seungmin made it his lifelong dream to become an actor. Seeing his talent in the field, his parents supported him wholeheartedly, eventually leading to them suggesting he join an acting academy to improve. The praises didn’t stop even after he joined the academy—in fact, they only doubled in frequency, making Seungmin come to the conclusion that he must’ve been some sort of prodigy. Perhaps it was due to that mindset of his that he paraded around like the world was his. To his defense, none of the adults around him saw the wrong in his behavior and even went as far as encouraging it.

It was when he graduated from the academy and started his work as a professional actor that he got humbled by all the talent around him. Everyone seemed to be on his level or greater, which completely shattered his worldview. During those times in his rookie years, he learned the importance of hard work and how much it could really make a difference. There was one time that he thought to himself—maybe this was the reason he felt so attracted to you.

You were the first person he ever associated with the difference that hard work brought. Seungmin first noticed you on the first day of intermediate level. He had gotten to that level first and thus kept an eye out for notable candidates from the beginner level. The thing is, he had never even heard of you or any of your performances—so it was a complete surprise to see you climb up to intermediate level. From then on, he observed you from afar, never really approaching. To him, you seemed plain; someone who didn’t even exude star quality. So eventually, he forgot all about you again.

Until he saw your name on the same paper as his, indicating that both of you would be in the same batch that got promoted to junior level.

The charity drama was another project Seungmin gained an unexpected opportunity from. With the privilege given to him as the top ranker for the year-end evaluations, he chose you as his female lead. All Seungmin wanted was to see what kind of shine you had as an actor, and he was rewarded greatly with your stellar performance after days of painful practices. When you were once again bumped up to senior level right alongside him, he was ecstatic. You had changed since the charity drama, and your aura started to take up more space in their small practice room. Seungmin wanted to get closer to you, but the two of you would only end up clashing every time. He guesses that you and him were just complete opposites in everything, down to your work ethic. He still tried to interact with you in any way he knew how, though—which led to his friends teasing him about his little crush on you.

Now, he couldn’t help but think that maybe they were right.

Seungmin pulled his hand away from your calves, letting his hands fall down on his sides before bowing deeply. “I’m sorry. There would be no excuse for my actions, and it’s even worse that I have no recollection of the details when I’ve obviously affected someone. I know an apology wouldn’t erase everything that has already happened, but it would be the start of my attempts to make sure it doesn’t happen again. At this point, all I can ask for is your forgiveness.”

You quickly reached out to grasp his arms, trying to pull him up from his act of remorse. “Get up—oh my god. It’s fine, Seungmin. Really. I’ve already forgiven you yesterday, honestly. My behavior also had some faults towards you, and it was unacceptable.”

“Knowing why now, I think it was more than reasonable.”

You let out a laugh at his words. “You’re just trying to make me feel better,” you teased. “Now, I think the other crew members also deserve an apology from us.” Seungmin’s face paled at the reminder. Just imagining Assistant Director Lee scolding him for his audacity earlier was sending him into early retirement.

“Yeah,” he coughs. “But can we not take back the shoot cancellation? It would be so awkward for me if we did, and you still need the rest.”

“Fine, you big baby.” You pinched his cheek after seeing his childish pout. Seungmin was quick to swat your hand away, despite the burning sensation he could feel heating up his ears. “So does this mean we’re friends?”

Even if he could feel a crack form in his heart from your innocent words, Seungmin refused to show it.

“Sure. Friends.”

06 : SIX.

Being friends with Seungmin was odd.

Granted, you already got a taste of what that felt like for the two days that flew by since you two decided on a truce. However, you didn’t really feel much of a change in your dynamic in those two days—not until things took a turn after your conversation in the medic tent.

After your little heart-to-heart session, Seungmin had begun acting strangely. And by strangely, you meant becoming a complete one-eighty from the Kim Seungmin you were used to. It was almost like he was replaced by a softer, more warm-hearted version of himself. In one talk, you were suddenly subject to his endless affection, albeit still exhibiting the Kim Seungmin flare that you were comfortable with. Overall, it was just weird to think that four days ago, the two of you were fighting like cats and dogs. Now, you watched him bounce up and down as he gave himself a pep talk to prepare for the kissing scene.

“Are you that nervous?”

Seungmin flinches at your question, seemingly not expecting your voice to enter his head while he was seconds away from a meltdown. Your co-star looks at you sheepishly. “Is that bad? This is driving me insane.”

That was another thing different about Seungmin after the medic tent incident. He acted a lot more endearingly in your eyes. You faintly recall a comment you made a few days ago about how Seungmin would never be akin to a small bird who deserved to be doted on. But seeing the Seungmin in front of you right now, you might just take back your words.

Kim Seungmin had a lot more layers than you thought—and you found yourself wanting to uncover them all.

“I’m sure this isn’t your first kiss on camera,” you snort. “Just go do it like you usually do. Act like how your character would act in the moment. You have my whole consent, anyway.”

Seungmin wanted to tell you how much you didn’t understand his dilemma right now. In all fairness, even he was somewhat unsure of what was happening to him the past few days. All he did know was that he was right in what he thought during the first day of filming—he really did feel like he was turning younger in front of you.

It was almost embarrassing how easily he slipped into that carefree attitude around you, especially after your conversation in the medic tent. He was doing so well up until then, so what happened? Seungmin couldn’t be more curious about his own actions. He did have an inkling of what it was, but he needed more proof to act on it. Seungmin couldn’t risk becoming more of an idiot in your eyes. You already had too much of that experience with him during your filming yesterday, which was the rescheduled shoot of the one he demanded to pause.

That also meant that this was the last day you two had on set together before everyone packed their bags and headed back to the city. After that, it would be just him again on set to film the movie’s first scenes of his character.

Seungmin wasn’t disappointed. He totally wasn’t.

“What are you going to do if I lose control and give into my character, huh?” He argues. You stopped reading your script to give him an unamused stare.

“Seriously?” You scoffed. “If you really must know, then I wouldn’t do anything. If that’s what the male lead feels, then the female lead just needs to reciprocate if they’re really in love with each other. As their actors, we need to deliver those same emotions.”

You didn’t get what was making Seungmin so on edge about the scene. Reviewing his past works, this certainly wouldn’t be his first on-screen kiss, nor was it his first romance project as the male lead. What made you so different from his other co-stars that was making him act like a rookie?

“If anything, I should be more nervous than you. This is actually my first kiss scene!”

“That’s just even worse!” Seungmin whines, burying his face in his hands. “This is gonna be terrible.”

It was then that you finally had an idea as to why Seungmin looked like he was having a mid-life crisis this early in his life.

You felt a grin creep up on your face and paste itself there. “Did you want this to be a good memory for me?”

Seungmin groans at your poking. “Stop teasing me! So what if I do? Did I commit a crime, huh?”

“The crime of stealing my heart, yes.”

“You’re insufferable.”

“Thank you,” you laugh. “I try my best.”

Seungmin mutters something beneath his breath—something you couldn’t hear because of Director Han calling for the two of you. He watched as you skipped away, leaving him to follow in your footsteps. Seungmin smiled at the picture painted in front of him.

“I know.”

You stopped at your designated place in front of the camera, turning back to look at Seungmin beside you, who was already sweating bullets. Your hand unconsciously lifts up to wipe them off, which startles the both of you. Seungmin opens his mouth to say something but was cut off by Director Han’s loud voice.

“Alright!” He claps. “This is our last scene for the day before we call it a wrap! I’m sure you two already know what it is, so all I’ll say is don't think too much about this. Enjoy it, or whatever you want to do—as long as it looks natural. Sounds good?” The two of you nod at him.

“Okay, camera starts at three,” he says, motioning towards D.O.P. Bang. “Two, one. Action!”

You took the opportunity to appreciate the scenery around you as the camera started rolling. The scene was set on a hill with a breathtaking view of the rest of the town. Hues of orange and pink start to tint the surroundings as the sun sets in the background. It was nothing less than ethereal, and you almost envied the female lead for having this moment in her life.

“I’ve always wanted to take someone here,” Seungmin says, reciting his lines. “When I was younger, I told myself that I was going to bring my true love here and propose. It was unfortunate that I moved away—this was my favorite spot in the whole world.”

You let yourself completely immerse in the situation. “Propose, huh? I’m sure the lucky person would love it up here. It’s so serene, like it's taking away all your stress just by being here.”

Seungmin gently grabs your hand into his, making you turn to meet his eyes. You almost gasped out of character after seeing the immense amount of love swirling in his gaze. Love looked great on him, you pointed out in your head. One day, Seungmin was going to look at someone else with the same gaze—someone that he loved with all his heart. A tinge of hot green jealousy burned in your stomach at the thought.

Part of you yearned for someone to look at you even just a fourth of the way Seungmin portrayed the male lead’s longing for the female lead. But for now, you had a role to fulfill. You could just lock these feelings up for later.

“Do you?” He asks. Your breath hitches at his question. “I’m not proposing—well, not yet. But I brought you here for a similar reason.”

Seungmin reaches for your other hand, now holding both of them. “I love you so much. I know our time together hasn’t been the longest, but it seems like my heart has found its way back home. Honestly, I first thought that it was just because I was back in town, but eventually I realized that I felt at home with you too.” He caresses your knuckles with his thumbs. “Maybe my heart knew where it belonged long before I did. I loved you back then, just like I love you now.”

You couldn’t help but genuinely tear up at Seungmin’s monologue. It was such a beautiful feeling to be loved, and you hoped that someday you could experience the same kind of love you acted with. “So, I’ll ask you this question,” Seungmin continued.

“Will you be mine?”

“Yes,” you sobbed out.

Seungmin lifts his hands to cup your crying face, bringing you closer to his own. The moment your lips connected felt so magical that you ended up leaning in more, savoring the moment with your fluttering heart. Seungmin reciprocates the act, kissing you with more emotion than he did just a second ago. His lips felt like smooth pillows, coaxing you to release all the tension you had left and rest—with him. Seungmin was being careful yet passionate at the same time, leaving you to drown in the sheer magnitude of the butterflies.

You couldn’t help but love every passing second that you were lost on his lips.

When you two pulled away due to the lack of air, he kept his forehead to yours, noses touching. The soft sound of both your laughter filled the surrounding area.

“Cut! That’s a wrap for today!” You hear everyone start cheering at Director Han’s words. Seungmin chuckles at them as he slowly steps back, missing the way your body followed after his warmth.

“Congratulations,” he says gently. You felt your heart skip a beat. “Your first on-screen kiss, done. How did I do?”

Oh, this was going to be dangerous for your heart.

07 : SEVEN.

There’s been an empty feeling in your heart since yesterday that you were trying to ignore.

It was currently the day after you returned to the city. You watched the bustling streets of urban life filter through the car’s tinted windows while Changbin continued to drive you back home after a busy day in the company. Something you had never expected to happen was getting attached to the small countryside town you filmed in enough to miss it like this.

You felt it when you stepped out of the car yesterday to head back to your apartment—the polished concrete floors of the parking building suddenly felt foreign to you. The abundance of luxury cars was evident in the space, reminding you that you were once again in the city. It felt almost cold and lonely with the way you couldn’t see the hills you got used to seeing all day long. But it would do, you think to yourself.

The city could also be warm if you wanted it to be.

“Oh? I think they’re filming the first scenes of the movie in a building around here,” Changbin pointed out from the driver’s seat. “Minho mentioned this street a day ago.”

You raised a brow at his words. “Since when did you and Seungmin’s manager get so close?”

“Ever since you and his talent did,” Changbin snickers.

Heat rose to your face at your manager’s teasing. It was no secret to anyone who witnessed the movie’s shoot that you and Seungmin got extremely close after the fainting incident. You were sure that his efforts to stop the filming from continuing that day was also the talk of the town with the crew members. After all, who would go so far as to pay for rescheduling costs for their co-star? Sure, you and Seungmin were friends, but the two of you were barely talking in the first few days of the project. Anyone in their right mind would find his actions out of the blue—just like you did too.

Maybe it was just Seungmin’s way of making up for all the things you both went through. At first, it made you mad at how he flaunted his blatant disregard for the people affected by his decisions. The image of younger Seungmin came to mind, triggering the part of you that still held a slight resentment for what he did before. However, you found yourself slowly changing your mind as you two apologized to the crew members for the sudden decision, promising them swift and quality scenes the next day. As Seungmin walked you back to your inn’s room, you couldn’t help but feel a tinge of happiness bubble in your stomach at the thought of someone caring enough to do this for you.

You watched as the evident signs of a film crew appeared in the distance, right in front of an office building. The same tents you’ve come to familiarize yourself with stood strong, indicating that this was indeed filming the same movie you were working on. It was already early in the evening, so they should be wrapping up any time soon. Should you stop by and say hello?

“Do you want to stop by and visit? You don’t have any schedules left for the rest of the evening,” Changbin suggests, getting ready to park near the building if you give confirmation.

Maybe you could repay Seungmin for his support over the past few days by visiting him. You smile at the thought of catching him off-guard.

“Sure, why not?”

The summer air of June was starting to make itself present despite already cooling significantly due to the sun saying its goodbyes an hour or two ago. Bright lights scattered across the vast street, a mixture of car lights, building lights, and streetlights morphing into the familiar image of a city that everyone knew. You walked towards the set peacefully, effectively going under the radar with a black mask covering your face. It was just a few steps more until you reached the barricade, when a familiar voice called out your name.

“Y/N?” Eunha squinted her eyes to determine if it really was you, only for you to watch them widen in surprise when her conclusion was proven correct. “Oh, it is you!”

You waved as you got closer. “Hi, Eunha. I saw you guys while passing by and thought I’d give you a visit,” you say shyly. Eunha beamed at your explanation.

“That’s so sweet of you; you’re always welcomed here!” She gives you a hug, quickly separating to drag you over the barricade. “Come on, I’ll show you to the others.”

Witnessing the set as a visitor was interesting. Despite the multiple people that greeted you on the way, it still felt as if you were an outsider with a V.I.P. pass to tour the set. Normally, you would be somewhere near the center, where the main scene was going to be shot. So staying back and watching the other crew members do their own things on the outskirts of that area was a new experience. In a way, you felt giddy like a child on a field trip.

“Actress Y/N is here!”

Eunha’s ecstatic voice traveled throughout the main area of the set, catching the attention of the directors, who had a figure you knew all too well standing right beside them. His eyes snapped up from the monitor D.O.P. Bang was showing him, eyes searching around for yours. Once he caught sight of your face, his eyes lit up.

“Y/N?”

If anyone asks, you totally weren’t checking him out. The clean black office suit he was wearing was incredibly flattering on his features, along with the formal brush-up the hairstylists put his hair in. You had only seen him with his hair down for the past few days—with his character supposedly portraying the look of someone who was comfortably back home to rest. And while that Seungmin was also objectively handsome, the way his hair was framing his face right now was stirring something more inside of you. Swallowing the feeling away, you straightened yourself.

“Hi, Seungmin.” You laughed. “Missed me?”

Seungmin abandoned his post with the directors and sped towards you. “Why are you here? It’s getting late,” he says, worried. Seungmin lets his eyes wander behind you for a second before a frown finds its way to his face. “And where’s that damned manager of yours?” You sighed at his obvious complaint.

“When are you going to let down on Changbin?” You say, unamused. “I swear, he means well. I came from the company, so he’s guarding the car since it’s just on hazard.”

“Still—” Seungmin tries to argue, only to be cut off by you waving your finger like he had been a bad child.

“Stop that. We talked about your coddling.”

He clicks his tongue in disapproval. “Maybe I’d stop once you actually learn how to take care of yourself.”

A series of claps interrupted the conversation you two were having. “Okay, break it up, lovebirds,” Minho says while inserting himself between you two. “It’s so nice to see you again, Actress Y/N. But we have a crew celebration dinner to attend, so I’ll borrow Seungmin first over here.”

Your co-star resists his manager, staying firmly on spot to prove a point. “Wait, I’ll walk her back to her car first.” Minho gave him an odd look.

“What do you mean walk her back?” He questions. “She’s attending. You just need to get changed out of that suit.” It was your turn to look confused.

“Huh?”

That was how you suddenly found yourself sitting at a long barbecue restaurant table with the other female crew members, silently listening to their energetic conversations while downing as much meat as you could. You didn’t know if this was a curse or a blessing in disguise, but you would surely regret it if you didn’t make the most of what was handed to you. Free food is still free food, even if it was a sponteneous invitation from the directors.

“I’m so happy we finished filming!” The woman assigned to your makeup, Yerin, said aloud. “Now it's those computer bastards’ turn to slave away.”

You couldn’t help but feel guilty for a portion of her hardships. “Once again, I apologize for all the trouble I caused you on set.” You slightly bowed while still sitting. “Hopefully, it will be better the next time we get to work together.” Yerin only waved off your apology.

“Oh, please—don’t be such a worrywart! Having you on set was a delight,” she squeals. “Plus, we had a blast seeing the development between you and Actor Kim Seungmin.” Eunha’s face quickly turned into one of horror.

“Yerin!”

You paled at her words. “I’m sorry, what?”

What did she mean by that? The inside of your mind turned into a battlefield at Yerin’s implication. Your eyes immediately turned to search for Changbin, feeling the need to inform him of a possible issue in the near future. In your experience in the industry, scandals always started like this. You didn’t want this to affect Seungmin’s career negatively, so it was always better to prepare early than late.

“Don’t listen to her, Y/N,” Eunha frantically says, trying to get a hold of her co-worker. “She’s just drunk.”

Yerin pushed her hands away, albeit weakly. “Eunha, stop being such a party pooper,” she whines. “We all know they’re dating now. Oh, our crew has tight lips, though! We won’t sell you guys or something.” That didn’t ease the panic that had already formed in your stomach.

“We’re not dating.”

You could only watch as Yerin’s showed genuine shock at your revelation. “Wait, for real?” She gasps. “That’s too bad. You two look great together!”

“Yerin, seriously!”

“Sorry, I’ll just go get some fresh air.” You excused yourself as politely as you could before standing up to head out the front door.

The now-cooled air pricked at your skin, making you breathe a bit more easily than in the humid interior of the restaurant. You lowered yourself to the narrow road’s curbside, choosing to sit down and admire the quiet neighborhood’s lights. It felt a lot better out here than inside, making you feel guilty for not enjoying the celebration more than you should have as one of the main characters for the project.

If you had refused, it would’ve been a bad look. You didn’t have a schedule for the night to use as a reason, and lying to the people who gave you the opportunity to work on your biggest project yet was out of the question. At the same time, you think of what you would’ve been doing instead if you had said no to their dinner offer. Laying down in your apartment while eating takeout wasn’t such a bad scene. The sliding of the aged wooden door brought you out of your thoughts.

“See? Just what I said,” a monotonous voice pointed out. “No self-preservation skills whatsoever.”

You rolled your eyes at the comment. “It’s just the outside of a family-owned barbecue establishment, Seungmin. There’s practically no one out here at this time.”

“Does that not make it worse?” He gave you a look of disapproval, crouching down slowly to join you on the curbside. “You have a knack for making people worry, do you?”

“Then stop worrying!” You snapped—his words reminding you of the situation you had just fled from to find peace.

Seungmin raised his hands in surrender. “Woah,” he exclaims. “Alright, something is clearly wrong. Talk to me.”

You could only turn away, feeling yourself unable to face him. It was an awkward subject to bring up, and you told yourself that Yerin had already promised that the crew was tight-lipped. Objectively, there was nothing more left for you to worry about. Subjectively, the implication bothered you. Seungmin furrowed his eyebrows at your reaction.

“Hey,” he calls out softly. “Did someone say something to you back there? You know I can beat them up, right?”

You grimaced at his attempts to comfort you. “You’re so violent,” you frowned. “What if it was a woman?”

“Oh, then I’m out of that. Sorry.”

“So full of shit, that’s what you are.”

Seungmin chuckled. “And that I am,” he replies, amused. “But seriously, I’m all ears if you want.”

A bitter taste announced its presence on your tongue, your mind forming a whirlpool of thoughts once again. “Why? Since we’re friends?” You spat out.

The space around you turned silent with Seungmin’s lack of response. You fought the urge to give him a discrete glance, just to see the damage you created. It took a few more seconds of the evening breeze being the only one talking between you two before Seungmin eventually spoke up.

“I’ll let you in on a secret,” he says in a low voice while running a hand through his hair to pull it back. His hairstyle from earlier was long gone, leaving you to wonder how he got rid of the hairspray so easily. “I actually don’t like that we’re friends.”

He watched as you deflated rapidly at his confession.

“Not in that way!” Seungmin splutters. “It’s just that I—ugh.” He brought up a palm to rub across his face.

Now, you were lost. The path of where the conversation was going became lost to you, making you stand in uncharted territory. Seungmin stayed silent for a few more seconds, trying to collect his thoughts. You let him have the time.

“You might curse at me for this or even put a distance between ourselves. But since this is our last day seeing each other on set until the movie’s release, I’ll take the chance now before I end up regretting I didn’t.”

“Seungmin, what—”

“The thought of staying just friends with you has been bothering me for a while now. It was like I was subjecting myself to my own personalized torture, where I couldn’t get away even if I tried. I’m still not sure what this entirely means for me—for us, but what I know is that platonic would never satisfy me at this rate.” He purses his lips, contemplating how to continue.

Eventually, Seungmin raised his head slightly to meet your eyes. “It’s odd. Admittedly, I’ve had my fair share of romantic relationships in the past, yet none of them could compare to what I was feeling now. At first, I thought it was just an obsession with you. Something that stemmed from my previous interest in you back at our senior level of academy—”

“You had a what?”

“I know,” he laughs humorlessly. “My friends used to tease me that I had a crush; that was why I was bothering you so much. Back then, I just brushed them off as jokes, telling them I only saw you as a rival. Well, look where that ended up.”

You were frozen in shock at his confession. “Seungmin,” you start. “I don’t know what to say.” He shakes his head.

“You don’t have to. Just let me have this moment to pour everything out,” he says. “Y/N, to put it into words, I feel at ease when I’m with you. At the same time, it always felt as if I was constantly worried about when it would end. That I would be left on my own again once you had finished your business with me. I tried to reason with myself, to put an acceptable distance between us in the case that what I had wasn’t the best for you. But I couldn’t do it, Y/N. Every time your voice entered my ears, it was like becoming a child. Unable to control their emotions and doing things without a second thought just because it felt like the right thing to do at the moment.” Seungmin looks up to the sky.

“That kiss we had—I think it was the happiest I’ve been in a while. It might have been just a job to you, because you could say it really was, but for me, it was finally a chance to express everything I had been holding back for the past few days. All I want you to remember is that nothing from that act was faked,” he exhales. “I really don’t think this is something you feel for a friend, so—”

“Let’s see where this takes us.”

“—What?”

“I’m not sure how you expect me to top what you just told me, but I’ll try with my own words.” You teased him with a genuine smile. “Seungmin, I feel strikingly similar to what you feel about me. Just maybe not as intensely yet.”

You let yourself move at the need to cup his face as he continues to look at you in shock. “I’m sure you already know that I spent quite a long time hating your guts, so the fact that I even started to feel an attraction towards you was shocking, to say the least. I was never one to believe in fictional tropes, despite my lifelong yearning to experience a love like that even once. As an actor, I’ve made a career out of acting those scenes out for people to see. But also as an actor, I knew more than anyone else how much real life would never be able to compare to the scripts I’ve seen brought to life on set. They were methodological, a feeling so carefully put together to achieve its maximum potential—real life isn’t like that.” You inhale deeply.

“Things happen for no reason, like they don’t for no reason either. And in a way, I felt both with you.” Your hands lowered themselves towards his hands to hold them tightly. “Enemies-to-lovers? It was laughable at first, but as the days went on, everything just fell into place as if it always belonged there. You feel like a child in front of me? I feel like I’ve never felt warmth in my entire life until you came along. When I first got out of the car yesterday, it was only then that I described urban life as cold and lonely in my entire life. I thought that maybe it was because I got too attached to the homey feel of the countryside that everything I’ve ever known somehow became foreign in a few days. But maybe it was just because of you.”

You found yourself giggling at the dumbfounded look he still had on his face, mind slow to take in what was happening in front of him. “What I’m saying is that I would love to see where this takes us. Right now, you can’t expect me to fall in love all of a sudden, especially considering our past. Though if you try hard enough, perhaps that might be just around the corner. What do you say?” Seungmin finally broke free from his trance, eyes watering.

“I’ll show you hard work that you’ve never seen before in your life.”

“And I believe it.” You pinch his cheek before standing up. “Now, let’s go back inside? The party is still ongoing.”

Seungmin clumsily follows, calling out just in time before you opened the door. “Wait—I still don’t have your number.” You gave him an astounded stare.

“Seriously?” You breathe out. “We went through all that, and we still don’t have each other’s numbers?”

Seungmin voices out his offense. “Well, I’m sorry that I was missing all my shots!”

“So, does that mean you’re gonna take a shot now, loverboy?”

“For you, yes.”

taglist 🔖— thank you for waiting ! 🫶

@fairyki @hysgf @euncsace @comet-falls @starlostseungmin @ameliesaysshoo @hyunverse @djeniryuu @lixxpix @stayyyyyyyyyyyy21 @feelikecinderella @abbiestearsricochet @heelovesmeknot @floating-moon-dust @yoontaethings @hwangism143 @jazziesssss @hwangflora @vixensss @yourlocalstayyxi @dollce-exe @bambispostsblog @authentic-65 @dandelions-143

[giddyfatherchris]

📱skz texts — they bragged about your sex life

| including. han, felix, seungmin, in

type. gn!reader, request <3

warnings. suggestive content but nothing too graphic!

spice level. 🌶️

a/n. again very soft spicy content but heyy sometimes thats just how it is! also i literally cackled when i wrote innie’s LMAO hope you will like it mwah xxx

hyung line

[arafilez]

੭୧ ⼂ PRINCESS ﹗

ー☆ㅤㅤ [ lmh x fem!reader ] ㅤ੭𓂃 ㅤfluff 𓏧 being your enemy’s passenger princess is a dream that he likes it as much as you do ㅤ warnings drunk reader ﹢ 0.8k wc ㅤ𓏧ㅤ @sxmmerberries (beta)

“Why am I her emergency contact?” your friend’s boyfriend cowers under his pointed gaze and hastily explains how you did not have an emergency contact so he just dialled your most recent call. Halfway through that explanation your friend drunkenly starts kissing her boyfriend making that the cue for them to leave.

Minho looks at you, who has been suspiciously quiet the whole time before he sighs, accepting his fate and drags you to his car. His glares do nothing to soothe the ache in his heart as he softly places you down on the passenger seat and carefully tucks your legs in before attaching the seatbelt.

Closing the door, he moves to the other side, sets himself down on the driver’s seat and puts in your house location. As soon as he starts the car you mutter your first sentence for the night, “You really came.”

“Yes, you called me so,” he reasons, more to himself than with you, hating the pang in his heart formed at the thought of what if you had called someone else and not him. God, he would have hated it!

You giggle under the influence saying, “Do you know how many times I have dreamed of being your passenger princess?” His heart flutters at the sound of your light laugh filling the car making him bite back a smile as he asks, “Why?”

“Because you look hot driving,” your blatant voice makes him choke on air as he feels his face getting hotter at the compliment. Minho tries to focus on the road and less on his thumping heart as you continue blabbering, “I am so cliché, I like my enemy.” After a short breath you continue, “Will you tease me about this tomorrow? Well, that’s okay, I will just make myself believe.”

When you suddenly stop his eyes widen and he hastily asks before he can stop himself, “Believe what?”

“That you tease me because you like me, like those book-boys,” your eyes fix on his face and it takes him all his self-control to not look at you or he knows he will straight up crash.

“Passenger princess huh? You like being that?” he quickly changes the topic as the air around him gets hotter. He makes a mental note to get his car's air conditioner checked. Maybe it is malfunctioning.

You nod lightly, eyes hazily fixed on him, making him grip the steering wheel as if his life depended on it and say, “You always call me that to tease me, the joke’s on you, girls love being called a ‘princess’.”

“Do you now?” the teasing edge returns to his voice, his cocky demeanour coming back instantly. “Most do,” you say softly and add, “I would hate it so much if you called someone else that though.” Minho doesn’t know how he kept his sanity after that sentence leaves he knows but he somehow brings you to your apartment and stands in front of the door.

“Password,” he asks, making you giggle and flirtingly pointing at his chest, “To your heart?”

“To your home,” he deadpans but can’t help a lovesick smile take over his face as he watches you cutely stumble to put it in. The low light of the hallway accentuates your features and he finds himself blaming the high of the night for wanting to grab your face and kiss you right then and there.

When the door finally unlocks he carefully holds you and walks inside as he finds himself spilling, “You don’t need to worry about the heart you have already got that unlocked.”

“Have I?” your eyes widen in anticipation as you sling your arms around his neck looking up at him and Minho swears he never saw as many stars in the night sky as he did in your eyes that night.

“Yes, the day I realised you were borderline tolerable, I knew I was screwed,” he whispers back, eyes fleeting between your lips and your eyes before he sighs panting lightly. He somehow makes you drink a glass of water and you plop down on the bed, pulling you with him but he stays upright making you pout. Mustering all his self-control he goes to find a change of clothes in your closet.

He waits outside patiently and after what feels like almost twenty minutes he hears the door unlock as he enters, your hair is ruffled, and your face is puffy and warm from all the alcohol yet Minho finds himself fighting all his demons to not press his lips to yours.

When you finally plop down on the bed he pulls up the duvet to your chin and sighs saying, “I find drunk confessions awful, but I am here swooning over shit like this, so yes, I am stupidly in love with you, I guess.” Your eyes light up even in the haze of alcohol and sleep overtaking your features and he finds himself resisting to kiss you for the third time that night.

“Remember it till morning, for me,” he whispers to you lightly and prays silently that you will, before turning off the lights and saying one last sentence, “Sleep, my princess.”

ー☆ㅤㅤ [ ara's notes ] ㅤ੭𓂃ㅤ okay but to be minho's passenger princess asfsjsjejsl (divider my me) ㅤ𓏧ㅤ libraryㅤ skz shelfㅤ navi

੭ 𝅄ㅤ ꒰ TAGLIST ꒱ ㅤ⏤ㅤ @haneagerr @gong-fourz @aaa-sia @yeosayang @weird-bookworm ㅤ𓏧ㅤ fill this or comment or ask to be added

ㅤㅤ(ㅤㅤ© arafilez on tumblrㅤㅤ)

[hwa-hyun]

Prompt: “sorry, my social battery ran out:(”

✰ who: skz ot8 x gn!reader

synopsis - bfs skz when you hide away at a social gathering

a/n: thank you so much to @pardyparderson for offering this prompt on a silver platter without even meaning to

cw: there’s a lot of snacking, running out of social battery is literally the plot, mentions of tiresome aunt/uncle in changbin and han one, han one is a teny-tiny bit suggestive?

skz masterlist

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©hwa-hyun: do not copy or republish as your own, reblogs and replies mean the world though 🫶🏼

[skzstarnet]

*☆*ﾟCheck out @mnwrld Seungmin smau!

omg im loving ur smaus!!!!!! the texts and the insta one with min too <3333

def not because i have special feelings about him or nothing but if you wanted to do a soft launch au (or any smau for that matter) with kim seungmin i would enjoy it a lot :) in a not “i’m so obsessed with him AND the things you make” way. i’m normal about kim seungmin :)

- @gimmeurtmi

౨ৎ   ━━━━   𝑠𝑜𝑓𝑡 𝑙𝑎𝑢𝑛𝑐𝘩𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑏𝑜𝑦𝑓𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑑     ﹒ (    김승민⠀ )

♡      (    genre⠀ )   …    kim seungmin x reader, fluff, soft launching, smau, texting au

✿     (    warnings⠀ )   …   images from pinterest, fluff !!!!!

⭓     (    note⠀ )   …   LILSSSSS u want me to cry don't you..... i love seung so much eeeee i hope this lives up to ur expectations hehe i love these ones ‹3

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𝑡𝑎𝑔𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡   1    ★    ───   @alice-went-away    @aloverga    @amarecerasus    @astro-doll-the-star   @azuna-zs    @berryberrytan    @classiclitandmemes    @dae-bakk-pop    @felinows    @greyyskies    @hanjsquokka    @hyunjinskxfelix    @ihrtlix    @ikykwklk-ash    @jabmastersupriseee    @jisungml    @jisungsdaydreamer    @jus2passtime    @justjxnniie    @katsukis1wife    @kpopsstuffs    @l0vee-l3tters    @l3visbby    @lilinaskzz    @lily-loves-kpop    @linocvp1d    @linos-catnip    @muddy-waters    @pocchacomin    @queen-in-the-shadows    @rockstarkkami    @rockstrhanji    @rycrying    @sincerelyherz    @skzhoes    @skzstarnet @spiceyhamcat    @staysinbloom    @stepout-09-15    @thisisnotjacinta    @tinyelfperson    @toplinehyunjin    @vampcharxter    @worcesheshestershiresauce    @you-make-skz-stay

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💭　. ͏.　notice !        bolded means that you cannot be tagged ! please check the visibility settings of your blog and let me know when you have updated them        ★    !

©︎ mnwrld 2024

[dancinglikebutterflywings]

Up All Night | Kim Seungmin

-> Pairing: Kim Seungmin x GN!Reader (you)

-> Request: No. This is a repost from my old account.

-> Synopsis: Late night rooftop conversations turns into staying up all night.

-> Warnings: Established relationship. No use of pronouns.

-> Word Count: 243

-> Requests: Open.

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©️ 2024 dancinglikebutterflywings - do not copy/modify/repost anywhere. Likes, comments & reblogs are welcomed and appreciated, thank you.

When the sun started to peek over the horizon, you realized the time. Your late-night talks with Seungmin on the rooftop kept you both awake until morning. The city below is just waking up, the streets beginning to fill with people leaving for work. But up your apartment building rooftop, it feels like you and Seungmin are in your own little world. 

“Should we watch the sunrise and then go to bed?” you ask your boyfriend. 

Seungmin chuckles, "Are you sure you can stay awake for the sunrise?" 

You nod, snuggling closer to him.  

"I doubt you will," he teases.

As the sun ascends higher in the sky, casting a warm glow over the city, you can't help but feel grateful for this moment. Nights like these, where you can spend quality time alone with Seungmin without worrying about the next day, are rare and that's what makes them even more special. 

Before long, you drift off to sleep, unable to keep your eyes open any longer. Seungmin gazes down at you, smiling and shaking his head. He knew that you would fall asleep before the sun finished rising in the sky. 

As you sleep peacefully in his arms, Seungmin stays awake, watching over you with a soft smile on his face. He gently brushes a strand of hair away from your face, tucking it behind your ear and presses a gentle kiss to your forehead as he whispers, "I told you so." 

@staytiny2000 - @kpopmenace143 - @alexxavicry - @jedi-dreea - @rainydayteacups

@tinyelfperson - @laylasbunbunny - @skz1-4-3 - @pinkies-things - @kayleefriedchicken

@everythingboutkpop - @dancelikebutterflywings-library

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[jeondesu]

ೀ⋆ FAKE ARGUING WITH BESTIE!SKZ — ( texts 💬 )

𓄴 ⋆ when playfully arguing with your best friend suddenly turns into you full-on simping for one another <3 ꒰ 𝓹airing ꒱ ˒˓ ot8 x f!reader 𓂅 𝓰enre/𝓽ags. smau, fluff/crack, an attempt at being funny (an attempt was made indeed), cursing, suggestive jokes, i believe that’s alll

[ note ]. based off this request- “reaction where reader + skz are arguing or play arguing and the reader shuts it down by saying "i'm not arguing with a man who has big brown eyes. whatever you say, beautiful." maybe bestie or crush reader or something idk you can get creative with the established relationships k ily thanks byeeeee”