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misterbitches · 3 years

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hi! this is long as shit i’m sorry. i hope it makes sense. i ahve adhd and like 5 million learning disorders so this is just word vomit cos there’s so many words in my brain. my b.

i’ve had such a tough day so thank you for replying and sharing! @yeedak

i was thinking about what i wrote and i meant to clarify that as well. some cases are fine for both parties and it’s not like you weren’t consenting and it seems like you were happy! same with my friend who was dating a 20 yr old. if they’re happy you know i’ll clown on ‘em but yea. so for anyone that sees these posts your relationship with your partner who is older or whatever. i’m some dumb girl on the internet okay. ill side eye older ppl tho

i think a lot of people feel the same way you do now (me included.) it feels really good at the time but alter we can see the dynamics playing out. i’m 29 now and i think aging is just such a huge process. it’s wild how you at 31 are a totally different person, right?

and the US racism is probably some of the worst ever in its iteration because of slavery which started from europe etc but USA is so fucking unique bc of columbus bringing slaves here and displacing indigenous peoples or hispanola and because america is so influential the way it views race, particularly with black people as objects, has so deeply permeated into the current historical psyche globally. it’s fascinating to track how necessary anti blackness is to the flourishing of america but also the world at this point. also want to point out how fuckign scary sinophobia is here especially for covid. one is a straight historical line (black ppl + the US) and the other had to be manufactured and to continue to exploit the non-white americans and keep antiblackness in tact.i could go on about this all day. the pain of this place is immense.yet as bad as it is here, this is still the only place i truly feel safe as a black person. because of the unique experience we have in america and through the diaspora especially because we are veyr much ocncentrated here. it would be nice to like move to norway and have some alleviation financially or get free healthcare it’s just not feasible if no one looks like me. it’s fucking tough.

i hope you don’t hate it here though and people treat you with respect. but as you know being a woman and jewish and an immigrant....shit is tough. the USA is a hellhole. :( america is so deeply tainted and desperately bad because it was founded on strife and blood and there’s no way to reverse that and what this country did in turn when it gained enough power and could capitalize off of the colonial forefathers. this is why we hsould all luv revolution!!!

HOWMEVERRRR

boy oh boy oh BOY OH BOYYYYYYYY. well wlecome to the world of BL lmao especially as an adult with some obviously deep perspective just given your background. it is a fucking mess and it’s a hard mess to like but it pulls you in. i approach it like i do with soap operas since these are essentially telenovelas, you know? just like the drama at a billion. but the tricky part of that is like....what parts of it do we understand for critiquing? because so many of the shows are so bad at being like good pieces of things to look at just production wise and story wise. but i feel like these shows ask us to take them seriously, so why shouldn’t we take the content seriously? and this is being primarily peddled to young girls.

i bring this up often but i read this thing about yaoi and the interest younger women/girls have in BL and its fascination with pederasty essentially. this component i think is key when we talk about who gets affected by these things the most. society in general is bad 4 girls bla bla we know lmao but in “more sexually conservative” societies it may be harder for these girls to feel safe even expressing normal emotions romantically and sexually and particularly with guys. some people hypothesized, and i think i agree with this hypothesis, that they can live through the casualness of BL. they don’t feel threatened because they can put themselves into the shoes of the other character. oftentimes, the more feminine or the younger. this was in conjunction with the age gap aspect (they say pederasty as well because there’s unethical age gaps that r gross and that is indeed what we would at least call a touch of sexual abuse if people dont feel like calling it an obsession with youth and power and uhhh young ppl and perhaps kids) where maybe girls could see themselves in these situations as the person being saved, loved, taken care of, and sadly also sexually active and penetrated.

i think that’s just one aspect of it but i do think there’s validity in who gravitates towards it. i cannot imagine seeing this stuff and not getting enough information as a young kid, i sure as fuck know i didn’t!, and seeing these things and you look at it with 0 critique because you’re young and you may have no interest in it or you simply cannot understand what is wrong. no one is teaching you these things and these shows confirm it. and it is wild how intrinsic patriarchy is to BL although in its existence it also can’t be in line with patriarchy given the nature of two [cis] men!

it begs the question about the replacement aspect. is it just so girls can put themselves in these characters shoes? if so then that means we believe that gender is so interchangeable within our relationships and interactions and that doesn’t seem right. there’s more to lgbtq+ than just existing; it’s finding ways to communicate, finding a family, safety, your people, being a free person. there’s a lot to gain and a lot a lot to lose. and a gay man is also not a woman because those are also two distinct experiences. especially in societies that have a more hidden aspect to sexuality (idk how to word this bc the BL industry would NEVER survive in america but in a way there’s a more “progressive” look at homosexuality but it’s still fucked up because we live in a Society, you know? at the same time look at what we are doing to trans kids. literally waging war so it’s bonkers how we all collectively have some real progress happening but at the same time not at all. the concept of ‘ladyboys’ and the frequency we see trans people in thai shows is wild and something that we absolutely do not see here in the US. still, none of these groups feel safe or are getting better material conditions in either place. we just show the ways we can try and tolerate oppression witout eliminating it imo)

to me it is clear: it’s money. which most things exist to make money so. but also who is the audience for these shows? and they have to market towards them. all that said all hope is not lost there are some decent shows. it’s just like regular media on TV though where it’s so fucking saturated as an industry that it’s literally sifting through garbage. and there are some days when you can handle the trash and others where it really fucking hurts to watch the violence, the rape, the manipulation, the violations, the stupid messaging. i have never seen more people trying to do mental gymnastics and seeing if things were “technically rape” than in teh BL fandom and that is so fucking sad.

i came into these shows at 28 with almost 0 clue of what as media BL was like esp as media that countries can use as soft power with the revenue. but i realize like...i’m 29 now and so many people don’t have a sizeable, though not huge, amount of life experience. and i wonder for people on the internet who are usually searching for something if they spend so much time on it like what a 15 year old girl thinks. what a 20 year old girl thinks.

it is incredibly problematic and so awful but there’s also some rewards. if you haven’t i would definitely watch i told sunsset about you which i don’t think i’m going to finish and i doubt i’ll watch the second installment (watch this be a lie) but when i say some fucking impeccable storytelling and art? phew. now that is a fucking piece of media that works. it takes from moonlight heavily and you can see like...the artistic dedication is there and the story makes its world and sets up its stakes extremely well.

i think because this is marketed towards much younger people too they know they dont have to try as hard. but they SHOULD because then you can have a fucking masterpiece like that. i think even this prolific gay thai filmmaker (who is like solidly against the government) who is so respected (and who i like a lot! if u wanna know i can tell u lmao but the films are very uhhhhhhhh “artsy”) would like i told sunset about you. i wish more people had budget like that and also just cared about the stories. it’s the fucking magic of art to figure out what you can do but there is very little incentive honestly. idk i am very pessimistic. there are days when it’s really a great pick me up and distraction but it is never a place i would love for to feel seen or heard but i’m more of the mind of i never trust the mainstream until they prove me wrong ;)

or i never trust the mainstream and i still buy into it anyway and then cry when i don’t like what i see adn i yell “BOO GET OFF THE STAGE!” when an old man won’t leave a teenager alone

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benisasoftboi · 5 years

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A Very Serious Pokemon Theory

A while ago I wrote a 2,406 word essay about Pokémon Live! that I thought no one would read. And then, apparently, a few people actually did read it. I found this incredibly flattering - and have also taken it as a challenge to write something even more niche and completely unnecessary.

I will therefore be attempting to convince you of my theory that Pokemon Live! (the Pokemon live-action stage musical) and the Pokemon Christmas Bash music album actually take place in the same universe - one that is more similar to our own than any other in the franchise. My explanation will include reference to the American military, Jesus, politics, infinite multiverses, and the Broadway musical The Book of Mormon. I feel that I should warn for very frequent reference to homophobia, as well as a brief reference to something that could be seen as anti-Semitic. Also, someone will get a Tony Award at the end.

If any of that intrigues, please read on.

The Works In Question

I’m going to briefly explain what Pokemon Live! and Pokemon Christmas Bash are - the initiated can feel free to skip down to the next section if they want.

Pokemon Live! was a live action Pokemon musical that toured in the US from September 2000 to January 2001. It is best known among Pokemon fans for including a subplot that revealed that Ash’s mother and Giovanni dated, possibly implying that Giovanni is Ash’s father - leading to an incredible showdown between Ash and Giovanni where Giovanni, no joke, taunts Ash (a child) by implying that he slept with Ash’s mother, and then follows that up by telling him that nice guys finish last.

Outside of Pokemon fandom, it is mostly known because the character of James was played by a young Andrew Rannells. Rannells would go on to be a very successful Broadway and television actor. One of the things he’s best known for is originating the role of Elder Price in the musical The Book of Mormon. He has, as of writing, been personally nominated for two Tonys, but won neither. This will be relevant later.

Pokemon Live! can be watched for free on YouTube, albeit in very poor quality. It follows Ash trying to win a ‘Diamond Badge’, which is actually a ruse by Giovanni to train his (~mechanical marrrrrvel~) Mecha Mewtwo. It’s a really fun, bizarre ride, because there’s something weirdly earnest about it - like the creators were genuinely, sincerely trying to make a good musical. They did not succeed. It’s a dumpster fire. But a glorious one.

Pokemon Christmas Bash is an album released at Christmas 2001. It features 10 Pokemon themed Christmas songs, some of which are covers of existing songs, and others which are entirely original. The singers are all members of the 4Kids anime cast. Most of the songs are hilarious, and it’s obvious that everyone was having fun with the whole thing (contrasting Pokemon Live!, which was apparently absolute hell to work on).

Fun fact, at least one of the songs was written by Eric Stuart, James’s original English voice actor (unless you want to get anal about it, in which case I’m talking about James’s second voice actor, following Ted Lewis, who did all of seven episodes versus Stuart’s hundreds). All in all, there’s not a lot else to say about it (for now). It can all be listened to online, but a physical copy will set you back a hundred dollars or so.

Both Pokemon Live! and Pokemon Christmas Bash are American-made entries into the franchise, and are therefore considered non-canon by most fans. I find this attitude very boring, especially since the Generation 6 games established Pokemon to exist in an infinite multiverse rather than just one fictional universe with one canon. There’s no reason these two can’t exist in their own bizarro canon universe, far away from the rest of the franchise - and I am now going to begin presenting my theory.

The Weirdest Line In Pokemon Live!

Pokemon Live! is filled with strange moments. Mewtwo Ex Machina. Team Rocket on scooters. Brock stopping the entire plot to sing and dance about his polyamorous inclinations towards much older women.

But the strangest (to me) is when James references Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. By name. Seriously, here’s the quote:

Well yeah, but where does [Mecha Mewtwo] stand on campaign finance reform, social security, and Don’t Ask Don’t Tell?

Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, for the unfamiliar, was America’s policy regarding gay and bisexual individuals serving in the military, instituted in 1994, and repealed in 2011. The policy basically meant that if you wanted to serve, you had to stay in the closet - but also no one could harass or try to out you. In other words - ‘it’s okay that you’re having gay thoughts, so long as you never act upon them’. (Was that an inappropriate time to make a reference? Can’t be more inappropriate than referencing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell in a Pokemon musical, surely...)

I talked about the meta-level homophobic implications of this line last time, but here, we’re looking at this from an in-universe perspective. It raises important questions.

This must mean Pokemon Live! takes place in Pokemon America, as opposed to the Pokemon Very-Loosely-Japan that we see in the anime and games. So if there is a Pokemon American military, what other American staples are there Pokemon versions of?

So why is there homophobia in this version of the Pokemon universe? No other Pokemon universe has homophobia (sidenote, is it not a little bit darkly funny that the most homophobic piece of Pokemon media is the musical?). In fact, most other Pokemon universes are kind of progressive, if anything - very equal opportunity regardless of race, gender, nation regionality.

Pokemon Christmas Bash has us covered.

Nobody Don’t Like Christmas

Everything we need to know comes from the fourth song on this album - ‘Nobody Don’t Like Christmas’.

This song is sung entirely by Meowth, and well. Look. Maddie Blaustein was a very talented voice actress. Perhaps she was also a good singer when not doing the Meowth voice, I don’t know.

But Meowth should not sing. Singing and Meowth do not go together. No one should have heard that voice and thought ‘let’s give that character a song’. It happened in the anime as well, and it’s the worst part of an otherwise great episode.

If you can look past the grating vocals, though, this song is incredible. The whole thing is a three minute diss track for every non-Christmas holiday, going everywhere from shaming the dateless on Valentine’s Day, to pointing out that Thanksgiving isn’t all that fun for the turkeys, to just straight up declaring St. Patrick’s Day to be dull.

But there are three important lines here to consider.

The first is my personal favourite line in the whole song.

The Fourth of July / Can be a real drag / If you can’t get no one to salute your flag

Firstly, I love that Meowth is offering the warning that patriotism can only go so far and that eventually citizens’ blind loyalty to country will evaporate if given sufficient reason, leaving celebration of said country hollow and meaningless. A bold choice for Christmas 2001. Not to mention a necessary message for today.

More importantly though, this suggests that these songs might be being sung by specifically American versions of the main cast. The Fourth of July is a holiday only an American would reference in a song like this, as no other country celebrates it - it definitely wouldn’t come up if they were, say, British, for example (in that case, would probably mention Guy Fawkes Night instead). Even more unlikely if they’re Japanese.

However - it’s worth remembering that Meowth is actually canonically American (he is from Hollywood), meaning it isn’t unreasonable for him to make this reference. This is where line number two comes into play.

Memorial Day is a day to forget!

That’s right, everyone.

Meowth hates the troops.

It’s true. Why else would he dismiss this holiday?

But why does Meowth hate the troops?

We return to Pokemon Live! for answers.

Pokemon and the American Military

Interestingly enough, these are not the only franchise entries that mention the American military. Gym Leader Lt. Surge was explicitly described to be an American soldier in the early games (also fun but not really relevant fact, his anime counterpart shares his English voice actress with Meowth - if him having a voice actress seems odd, the explanation is that Blaustein was a trans woman, and so mostly played male roles as they suited her voice better).

Real world locations have been gradually phased out as the franchise has continued, and later games implied that he is now from Unova, the region based on America.

Meowth never seemed to have a problem with Surge in the anime, suggesting that in that version, he does not hate the troops. So what’s different in Christmas Bash?

There’s only one explanation.

Remember, Pokemon Live! establishes the existence of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. Also remember - James and Meowth are good friends. And James is gay.

What? That’s always been ambiguous, you say?

Go watch Pokemon Live! and tell me that version of James isn’t gay. Watch one scene with him in it. Go watch it and then tell me that man is straight. Go and do it. You can’t. Pokemon Live! James is gay as Christmas.

Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is a policy that discriminates against gay people. James may not be a soldier, but it still does reflect social attitudes towards discrimination, and so is something he would likely oppose on general principle. And as James’s friend, Meowth would likely do the same.

Meowth hates the troops because he is an ally.

And so we have our definitive connection. This also confirms that we are in America in both entries.

Probably Blasphemy

So what’s the third important line then?

Who wants to go through all that Yom Kippuren?

A reference to Yom Kippur. This is a Jewish holiday that I do not feel equipped to explain, due to my definitely not being Jewish, but I understand it to be extremely important in the Jewish faith.

Essentially saying that it’s too tedious in a song about how great Christmas is doesn’t seem like a great look, 4Kids, just saying. I doubt it was done maliciously but like... still.

However, this confirmation of the existence of Judaism confirms something much bigger - the existence of religion. Another American staple!

Up until now, this has been ambiguous. Sure, we’ve been referencing Christmas all this time, but there have been no references to Christ, so we could assume that Christmas is a secular holiday with a weird name. It’s already somewhat secular in the real world - my family couldn’t get less religious and we celebrate it. But if there is Judaism, it is totally reasonable to assume there is Christianity. And that opens a whole floodgate.

So firstly, this finally gives us an explanation for where Pokemon Don’t Ask Don’t Tell probably came from! After all, which religion is most associated with homophobia in real-world America? (No hate towards non-homophobic Christians, just for the record, but like... this is a problem, to put it mildly). So this further solidifies the connection, putting them in the same universe.

Plus, the song ends with Meowth stating that he actually hates Christmas! So Meowth is again being an ally - he’s just, like, the kind that takes it really, really far and maybe needs to chill just a little?

Secondly, this makes a certain line from another song on Pokemon Christmas Bash even funnier, where Brock replaces the beginning of the hymn Joy To The World with:

Nurse Joy is a girl / She sure is fun / But I like Jenny too!

Because this means that covering that song with those lyrics isn’t just kind of inappropriate out-of-universe, it’s also inappropriate in-universe!

But what’s really messing with me is the hundreds of new questions Pokemon Christianity raises. How do they reconcile Arceus with God? Is God in this universe a metal goat, or do they coexist? Was there Pokemon Jesus? I’m not sure I’m okay with Pokemon Jesus. If there is Pokemon Jesus, did Pokemon help with the crucifixion (the Timburr line seem like they’d have been helpful)? Or was Jesus like, a baby Arceus, and therefore probably quite difficult to crucify? Is there Pokemon Heaven? Is there Pokemon Hell? How do the Pokemon Christians feel about Mr. Mime, who is clearly an insult to God? What is a Pokemon church service like? Are there different sects of Pokemon Christianity? Were there Pokemon religious wars? Are there Pokemon Catholics? Pokemon Protestants? Pokemormons???

I don’t like this.

And here’s another question.

Remember how I mentioned how Andrew Rannells played James? And how he also originated Elder Price in Book of Mormon?

Well. Here’s the thing.

Pokemormons are a very real possibility. If there is Christianity, and also America, then it wouldn’t be unlikely for them to exist in this universe.

However, we have determined that this is one universe, and therefore, James and Andrew Rannells cannot coexist. Only James exists in this universe.

So who first played Elder Price in The Book of Pokemormon?

Okay, So, Full Disclosure, This Is Basically Just My Fanfiction Now, But the Sunk Cost Fallacy Says You’ll Probably Stick Around Since You’ve Already Read Over 2,000 Words Of This Nonsense By This Point, and I’m Going to Take Advantage of That

I think it was James.

I think James went on to start a Broadway career. I think he was in an unlicensed Karate Kid musical, and was Tall in Jersey Boys, and then wound up as Elder Price. I think he did a great job. I think he got nominated for a Tony when award season came round, along with lots of other people involved with The Book of Pokemormon.

But he didn’t win it. Norbert Leo Butz won it for Catch Me If You Can (I had to look that up, was planning on changing it to a Pokemon-joke title - but what do you know, it already has one. Serendipity!).

James no longer has a Broadway career. But he does have a Tony.

He stole it.

Because here’s the thing - Team Rocket are actually pretty good at crime when Ash and Co. aren’t around. Remember that one time they stole an entire stadium?

They could have literally stolen the whole show, but instead they just stole one thing - that Tony Award. And so James now has an award for Best Actor in a Musical, as well as the unofficial award for Most Extra Thing Ever Done At The Tonys.

James disappears, but his legacy remains. In this universe, all Elder Prices have lavender hair - fans reject any Price who tries to avoid this.

Meanwhile, Jessie, James and Meowth sail off into the sunset in their balloon. James is happy. Don’t Ask Don’t Tell will be repealed soon. He will have a chat with Meowth about overzealous allyship, though he appreciates it all the same. He smiles at his friend Jessie and takes her hand. Christmas is a long way off, but he can’t help but be excited all of a sudden. He’ll spend it with his family - Jessie, Meowth, and now, his stolen Tony Award.

In the meantime, they’ll do what they love best.

Be gay and do crime.

What Have We Learnt?

This is the most homophobic Pokemon universe we know of

It’s also a universe where everything is set in America

Meowth is surprisingly politically aware

Meowth hates the troops

There was a Pokemon Jesus

4Kids maybe should have hired some sensitivity readers

James from Pokemon possesses more Tony Awards than Andrew Rannells

I have way too much free time

Anyway, this was 2,698 words long and a terrible use of literally everyone’s time. It is rambly and extremely self-indulgent and goes off on countless tangents and you could probably poke like ten holes in it without trying. Please don’t take any of this seriously. It’s now 4 AM. Thank you and goodnight.

#pokemon #pokemon live #pokemon christmas bash #james pokemon #meowth #meowth pokemon #pokemon theory #pokemon anime #bom #andrew rannells #long post #long essays about niche topics #please don't hate me

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