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wishingfornever · 6 years ago

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1/8/18 – No Contact: Skyrim Rant

Just turned 12. I realized that my depression has returned. Or maybe it was triggered by my mom leaving? Perhaps this is just onset guilt? I don’t know. Regardless, suicidal thoughts… they’ve returned. I got really dizzy, like a weird sort of high where my body was just buzzing and I couldn’t focus my vision. It didn’t last long but it was unusual. Was while we were taking my mom to the airport. We had PDQ afterwards. Wanted to take my mom but there was no time.

It’s storming now. Thunder, lightning, and rain. I walked home in it. It wasn’t that bad. I didn’t really notice it. However, Max is scared. So, Adela is currently trying to convince him to go upstairs. It’s business as usual between us. She told me good night, I told her good night. Then I told Max good night, who looked at me seemingly confused. He likes to linger downstairs and have Adela call him upstairs.

My lips have split. My toes itch. Just… ugh… I’m not all that well right now, but I’ll get better. Not sure about the depression though. I posted a joke on Facebook. I guess it was more a cry for help, talking about visiting a psychiatrist and telling her “I want to fucking die!” and she responded, “Same, Fam.” I ended it by saying she gets me.

I do want to fucking die. I predicted I’d die at the age of 27. That’s in a few months. Can I wait that long? Maybe on my birthday.

Of course, that prediction… I was in high school at the time. Don’t remember where I got it from. I think I was being a typical Narcissist piece of shit, actually. Celebrities die at 27 all the time. Janice Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Kobain. Obviously, I’d suffer a similar time of death because obviously.

Thing is, I always believed I would die at 27. Even if I don’t become famous. Maybe if I do try to kill myself, this would be the year to do it, I guess. Hrm… Can I wait 7 months?

We’ll see.

Work was fucking horrible, btw. I don’t suggest it. Got two roses, one blue and one pink for me and Adela. If there were a yellow one, I’d have grabbed that. Blue was Esther’s color. It’s mine now, though. Such is life.

Current time… 9:20. Took max out, just came back. Last night, I had a dream I was in college. Second day and I had to leave in the middle of the first day when something came up. So, I had no idea where anything was. I bumped into the wrong class but found out where I needed to go from there.

I went to an advanced English class and the professor was Danny Devito. He was really mean to me. Like, he tried to throw something at me but I knew a bit before he did. He asked me a question before that and I couldn’t hear him. He started asking the class other questions and a student who had answered the first question originally told me one of the acceptable answers non-verbally. “Throw.” He was asking for a specific type of verb but it was dumb. I can’t remember the words used.

Regardless, I don’t like being late and I don’t like being publicly chastised. Who does?

The dream brings up a couple of things. Firstly, I do believe I need to go back to even a Junior University but I feel like it’s too late for me. Second, I couldn’t help but remember the story I tried to tell but couldn’t because my computer crapped itself. So, I guess I’ll tell it now that I have a day off.

It was either during the summer when I was going to high school. It was out, obviously, so my dad, my sister, and I went to Reno. Part of an appointment. Before we left, I noticed this white button up shirt hanging in my clothes and I decided to explore my style. I put it on and rolled up the sleeves, something I ended up doing for a little while as part of my personal design and do again for my formal-casual appearance (ie, what I wear for parties with friends as opposed to meetings with the CEO).

While at Reno, we get fuel at one of the places and we go inside this gas station to eat something. I don’t remember what it is. My dad notices that my shirt has the right side on top of the buttons. He and my sister point out that this shirt? It’s not my shirt, despite having several shirts just like it. It’s a woman’s shirt that belonged to my sister.

They tore into me. My dad, being so loud, ridiculed me in front of EVERYONE. I looked around and everyone was looking at us. They weren’t laughing but they felt bad for me. They pitied me. My dad and sister didn’t care. They didn’t notice. Even if they did, they wouldn’t care anyways.

During high school, I ended up wearing the same M65 camo jacket, even during the hottest days. I stopped exploring my fashion sense until the end of my senior year. It was heavy and hot and I hated that jacket but it’d prevent that disaster from happening again.

At least I learned about clothing and which side determines a masculine or feminine shirt. Still, between my dad and sister it wasn’t easy growing up. It’s not easy with them now, or at least not easy with my dad. He’s not the most kindest of individuals. Rather, he’s quite oblivious living in his own world and not realizing he’s tolerated because we live in an age where we must RESPECT our elders but quietly judge them in our heads.

Esther saw me yell a lot, usually while driving. Road rage is pretty bad, I’ll admit, but I’ll never yell at customer service. I know their job is hard because I work it. My dad? It feels like every time we go out, he yells at them.

I love my dad, but I don’t like being with him. He is oblivious of his own actions. I guess I was pretty similar last year, though. Ironic.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1D2jEF4LO4

Random video. It made me smile. Maybe it’ll make you smile too?

Current time is 5:45. Just came back from walking Max. Full walk, too. I haven’t been able to do full walks due to my job and my mom being here. It went just as well as it usually does. I had a lot of time to think about… well, things.

If my life were to be made into a movie, specifically what happened between myself and Esther, I’d hope it were made into a musical. A sort of tragedy-esque musical, sort of like Les Miserables but with less disappointment. No offense to those who made it, but… I really wanted to like it. I REALLY wanted to like it but I couldn’t. My favorite characters died in dumb fucking ways and just… a bunch of little things. It could have been better. It had so much potential.

Sorry. Regardless, I’m not sure how well it’d be. Sort of mediocre in appearance. Tedious, really. And the names I thought of… “Obsession,” “Spectre,” “Midnight Spectre,” and other things… they come off as a bit horror based. Those were just a few I thought of. All from my perspective, of course. Not sure how Esther’s perspective would be, let alone Dennis’s. Though, I imagine his title would be, “Fucking Finally!” because hardy hardy har.

Ah, well. I doubt a movie would be made about my life. Besides, a little story telling tip: Is what you’re being shown the most interesting thing about the character’s life? If not, why aren’t you showing me that? Zero Punctuation taught me that. I should probably focus on that because I know I can get… tedious. A LOT of build up at times. Slow, even. I’m mindful of this. Working on it though… just not today.

I’m being bad. Watching an old movie. I thought it sounded dumb but it is apparently really good. Treasure Planet. Interesting concept, looking forward to watching it. There was this one movie that has a similar concept but was… dumb. Don’t recall what it was. Apparently, it did really poorly but was well-received by critics.

That’s life. Even if you’re good, that doesn’t mean you’ll do well. It’s better to be lucky than skilled.

Finished the movie. It was… actually better than I expected. Visually, it’s better than a lot of classic non-CGI cartoons. A mix of Early 1800’s and Late 1700’s style and design with scifi stuff. Of course, it should be early 1700’s and late 1600’s due to the source material, but whatever. A lot of questions though, like do the life boats have artificial gravity? Where did the barnacles come from? How does turning left or right at the helm move the ship up or down? I get that they can… breathe… space? Yeah, I get that they have oxygen in space and they have solar sails which accelerates the ship to perhaps faster than light speeds, but I can’t overlook everything. Where does the artificial gravity begin and where does it end?

Also, why the fuck does every Disney character have to be SUPER agile with amazing dexterity? Like, really? Look at the hunchback of Notre Dame. Tarzan. This main character. Others, of course. All slipping and sliding without a care for the world. Surfs up at Disney Animation Studios!

Seriously, it may have been cool the first time but now it’s just cheesy.

Like the Khajiit captain… well, she’s a cat person so whatever, but still. The captain shouldn’t be doing the rigging of the ship. What’s she doing up there? Stahp! Also, landing in heels? That surely must hurt, regardless of weight and feline agility.

Still, a decent movie. Better than Atlantis.

Anyways, back on Youtube. It suggested something talking about a multiplayer mod for Skyrim and how Bethesda, the company who makes Skyrim, doesn’t like the mod. There are some theories apparently how that would be competition for ESO. As someone who LOVES Skyrim to the point that my pen name was actually originally for a Khajiit I made from back in the day (my first character will always be a nord, but I have three other characters I roll with and the Khajiit is the most fun by far to just write for) allow me to say this: Skyrim doesn’t need Co-op. However, it’d be nice to have.

Skyrim doesn’t need to be an MMO. It doesn’t have to be. Part of the fun is just running around doing dumb shit and becoming A LITERAL FUCKING GOD walking around among mortals. The mods are AMAZINGLY FUN and adds a lot of life. I played Elder Scrolls since Morrowind. Jer got me into it. It was hard, at first, but it grows on you. Like a tumor.

Oblivion was SO much easier that it pissed me off. Skyrim easier still.

However, for co-op to work for Skyrim, it shouldn’t be a focus. As in, it shouldn’t have a spot lite. It should just be available. That’s the problem with A LOT of games with co-op, there is a lot of focus on co-op that there are two characters constantly running around and you’re dealing with a dumb AI for the entirety of the game. In Skyrim? The dumb AI is optional.

Thus, for a dungeon crawler hacker and slasher sort of game, there should be no focus for co-op. The gold shouldn’t scale, the difficulty shouldn’t scale, the quest items shouldn’t scale. Meaning if you do a quest for 100 gold then you get the hundred gold and have to split it with your teammate, preferably manually. If you get an AXE OF DISCO INFERNO, then you only get one. If you have a buddy with you, then you decide who actually gets the axe. If Skyrim had a co-op, it’d be me and Jer. Of course, there would have been a point where it was me and Esther too, but for this example it would be me and Jer. We’ve done co-op before and allow me to assure you it’s been fun.

With me and Jer, we have different playstyles so that makes things easy. Two players is fine. With four, it would involve Dennis and Shane. That’s the classic set up. However, it doesn’t need to be four. I think that’d be too much for play, honestly, especially considering how narrow the game can be at times. Two is the right number for co-op. Too much is wasted resources, imo.

That said, the intro to Skyrim is a classic. You’re a criminal! That’s how all Elder Scroll games begin. In jail. The best. This way, you’re reminded that you’re a piece of shit low life scum for being the main protagonist in a roleplaying game. You’re literally worse than Alduin could EVER be. Because his disasters are all scripted.

Regardless, let’s talk what the co-op would be like for Jer and I. We’d have to make our characters at the same time. It’d be on Xbox 360 so no mods. He’d make a Dark Elf and I’d make my Nord. I’d take… FAR longer than him to make my Nord because I’m vain and every detail matters.

So, that’s a point against co-op.

Regardless, afterwards you go through the tutorial. Basically. Then you’re forced to choose a side. For him and I? We went Stormcloak because you were literally about to be decapitated by the man. So, even if you side with the Imperials later on, you should probably take your opportunity to stick it to him now. Not an issue.

But what if your friend is incredibly thick and runs to a trigger before you? That’d be another point against co-op. Thus, the best way to have co-op would be to not allow it at the start? Rather, because MAGICK is a thing, you should probably make co-op more lore friendly. But how? Make unlocking co-op a quest. A trivial quest, maybe, but just something to be able to fuel a wizard and have him bend space and time. Maybe he already has an Elder Scroll (which were originally really pointless but they became something more important in Oblivion and perhaps less important in Skyrim because they’re everywhere it feels like). Maybe because he has that Elder Scroll, he’s waiting in the starting town (NOT THE STARTING CITY WITH WALLS). I was thinking, “Maybe he can interrupt” or whatever, but that’d be giving co-op too much power. Rather, have him explain to a dumb villager on the way out of town why he needs this quest to be done.

Or, as an idea… what if the co-op was the quest. Like, you follow him to a nearby cave if you accept and he summons your friend to your world. Refers to this drift of existence as the host. Do it as part of science for the imperial academy. Then after he acknowledges that it’s possible, regardless of if you summoned someone or not, he’ll let you know he’ll be at the starting city with a friend of his. That friend could do the PvP stuff.

I think the Elder Scrolls missed out on some prime 6v6 team death match or free for all action. Like, in the Shivering Isles, there were these two factions: Dark Seducers and Golden Saints. They fought over places on the Isles in the futile attempt to win Sheogorath’s favor. That would have been a super fun sort of map think. Pre-selected classes like archer, warrior, and mage. Perhaps customizable classes like in Call of Duty? It’d be difficult to balance but would be super fun. And with the Civil War? Stormcloak vs Imperial? That would make for some good matches. Thus, if there is a second summoner he can focus on non-canon warfare combat based on canon topics like Golden Saints versus Dark Seducers or Stormcloak vs Imperials or whatever. The original can focus on academic pursuits by attempting to summon willing minds to share theories with. He’d be the more peaceful of the two.

This way, both accounts would have to reach a certain point. The host would be the trigger for certain events. Of course, maybe there should be a wall that slows down the guest or that pauses. Like, “The Threads of Fate Keep you from pushing forward” or something. And any loot they make, they should be allowed to take back into their world. Yes, meaning you could theoretically dual wield specific items.

However, they shouldn’t do what Fable does. They shouldn’t limit the weapons you get to force co-op on you. Rather, co-op should be ENTIRELY OPTIONAL. No achievements should be attached to it, that’s how little it means. If you can’t 100% the game by yourself, then you’re playing a bad game.

That said, you could try to prevent powerful overuse by saying, “This item’s return would destroy the fabric of your reality. It must stay” assuming you already have one. Or if you already completed the quest, maybe the game should do… something else? Not sure. Legendary artifacts are the hard part to account for.

Of course, mods would probably have to be TOTALLY IDENTICAL unless they’re cosmetic only. That’s a hard part with a game like Skyrim. It wouldn’t be an issue for me and Jer, however, who would have played on Xbox. I got the PC release relatively recently.

There could always be the option to merge worlds, I suppose. However, the problem with that is that if one player wants to play, they can’t without the other player. So perhaps the merging and unmerging of worlds? That’d be really difficult to program and account for, I fear.

Anyways, assuming it’s like how I described. Jer and I would basically go to the starter city, do our quests together, and perhaps discover we’re BOTH dragonborn! The dialogue would have to change to accommodate the both of us… or there could always be a shroud which makes the guest a difficult player to understand. As in, they’re acknowledged but they blend in with the rest of the world and hardly recognized. They can interact, but they’re never remembered because they’re not from that world. Someone would die but their friend wouldn’t remember the dark elf or nord who killed them but remember the Dragonborn who killed the others. If you do most your explanation at the quest, you can avoid explaining the rest. ;) Jer is usually a heavily armored magic user. Meaning we’d compete for armor but not weapons, really. He’d cast spells and I’d get in the way. Friendly fire should be optional, selected through the NPC who summons. “We can enhance his link to make your friend more attuned to this world but you’d have to watch your swings. Would that be alright?” or “We can decrease his link to make your friend less attuned to this world so your weapons will fly right through him as if he weren’t really there. He’d still be at risk of being hit by others, of course, but you wouldn’t affect him. Would that be alright?” I think we’d turn it on at first but after a few duels, we’d turn it off. Which would bring up the issue of… death. I play pretty… brutally. I don’t like getting rolled over, but I can appreciate fighting back. I like to hit hard but I also like to be hit hard. Meaning, I don’t like enemies with a lot of health but I don’t mind if they hit like a run away bus. Basically, if Dark Souls wasn’t so long.

The difficulty would have to be set to the host’s desire. The game would have to inform Jer that I changed the difficulty and he’d have to be okay with it. Of course, he wouldn’t mind anyways because he’s more adventurous than I. He starts his games on the hardest difficulty to get the achievements faster. He likes to get them, I really don’t care.

That said, achievements could be done similarly to Fable. Do something or be there with someone when something is done. That wasn’t a bad idea. Just… a lot of the rest was.

Concerning death itself, maybe include a system where you’re basically unconscious and if your friend dies then you die too and have to load a previous save. I like how the companions in Skyrim die, they can’t come back mid-battle. I mean… maybe they can, I haven’t tried casting healing spells on them now that I think about it. I only heal myself…

Dammit, Esther was right about me only caring about myself! D’oh! That was a joke, calm down. Anyways, that’d be interesting. Make restoration important to have. Run up, give them a health potion through a prompt or cast a healing spell on them to bring them back to the fight. Add a new healing spell called, “Resuscitate” or whatever which means “revive, but he’s not dead yet.” Have it able to be used on NPC’s who take a knee so you don’t have to wait for them to stand back up. It’d be… a very useless but convenient spell. Could attach it to a couple quests if needed, but it’d be target only.

Riding horses and instancing… I think it’d be cool if you could ride the same horse like in El Dorado. They shared a horse because… well, because they had to. Little fun fact, a symbol of the Templars was two men riding one horse because they were originally really poor. Not the point. The point is, it’d slow the horse down and only one person would be able to actually steer but it’d be nice for when you can only afford one horse. And the game gives you two quest horses. Jer can ride Shadowmere and I’ll ride Frost. I wish Frost were a white horse so we can complete our salt and pepper shaker look, but that’s life.

Instancing would be a bit more difficult. How Skyrim works is there is this thing called “Cells” which is perhaps the real reason why you start as a prisoner. Because you’re going from one cell to another. You never really become free, your prison just becomes larger. Such a beautiful sandbox.

I guess it wouldn’t be TOO bad because the next cell will be loaded for the xbox individually so Jer could run ahead. However, I’d have to be told “Slow down,” “Wait for me,” or “Dammit, Stephen, where did you go?” I have a tendency to run off in random directions and get lost.

When Jer finds me again, we’ll take time to consolidate resources. Interacting with Jer should open the companion trade thing on BOTH screens, with both of us being containers. However, they’ll get a prompt asking if they want something to be removed or added to their inventory. Or what items they want can get highlighted and when both people click on it, it moves over. That way, you can’t join someone’s game, steal their immediate shit, and run away. Of course, if something is placed in a chest, can’t help that. Or you could if you have a lock spell.

Which was available in Morrowind. Anyways, explaining people dropping from the game could be that the spell is somewhat unstable so if they lose connection, they can try rejoining? They have to talk to the guy in their world but if they’ve already played with the character before, they can just spawn in the cell on top of the host. I’d do a lot of dickish things, so I might stand over a ledge and try to have Jer fall off a mountain. To prevent this, maybe certain falls should just be insta-death. Have the life force connected so if Jer insta-dies, then so do I. It’d prevent shenanigans like that and explain why if you’re knocked unconscious and your friend dies then you die too.

Holy crap, I just made PUBG single player. Lel! That’s not a bad system. It works. Not sure how well it’d work in Skyrim. Yeah, and what else does PUBG do that might work in Skyrim? Guns? No… Not guns. Unless they’re flintlocks and even then.

Oh, I like how you REQUIRE healing. You can’t just wait to get healed. That’s something I appreciate. And you can only heal so far and need a different sort of healing, but that wouldn’t help in an RPG.

Rather, healing should require healing items or spells. It’d make the game less streamlined, but it’d be worth it and it’d make items where you CAN regenerate health very worthwhile. That’d be a technical healing item. :D Oh, and you wouldn’t have to fucking specialize in FUCKING EVERYTHING to reap the full rewards. Jer can be the alchemist and enchanter and I can just smith. That’d be nice. Better than nice, really. And, tbh, we don’t need an alchemist because I tend to pick up restoration. I basically play a Paladin berserker.

That’d have been helpful in Morrowind. I’d repair Jer’s armor and he’d enchant it. Oof, that’d had been nice.

Of course, in order to hit level cap of 81, you need to do EVERYTHING… which isn’t that hard, honestly. I don’t like how they basically gave you the option to prestige, though. I mean… yeah, I get it, but also no. And I don’t like the number 81. I think you should start at level 0 and then after the tutorial you become level 1. That way, the cap is 80. Just a thought.

Anyways, where would we be… Right, we already discussed cells and combat and then specialization which means we’re back in town. When the host is talking to an NPC, the guest should be able to just walk around. Meaning the host can talk to an NPC about something specific. If the conversation doesn’t keep going, the NPC should just say, “Seeya,” and return to their thing. Rather, they should do that sooner. Why? So the guest can run behind them and steal their shit while they’re busy.

It’d be more accurate than the bucket on the head to be honest. The one thing is, if a player doesn’t want the other player to be a thief they should be able to kick them. But, when they’re kicked, it loads the last autosave or could optionally load the one before that. So, if Jer is the host and is getting the next quest, I’m not in the back murdering people. If I am, he should get a warning saying, “Your friend just committed a crime worth 1000 gold” which isn’t a prompt just a line (because it could be part of a plan). “Your friend just committed a crime worth 25 gold” for when he steals something. If he gets caught, the bounty goes to you (hence the need of the autosave).

Concerning autosave, I think the game should only autosave when the hosts prompts an autosave by entering a new cell. If the guest enters a new cell first, it’ll save them where they are or what they’re doing. Or, if it’s easier for the game engine, they should just basically be frozen with the option to return to the cell until the host joins them in that cell. If the game engine will run fine without freezing the guest, then it should be an option limiting the freedom of the guest the same way you set the option for friendly fire. This means while I’m murdering innocent people in the next cell and Jer is comparing stats in the old cell, he brought that suffering on himself. Of course, he’ll be prompted that I’m committing crimes, but he didn’t limit my freedom.

If the freedom is limited then I shouldn’t be allowed to leave the cell entrance or go too far. Meaning, I might be able to stab some people or shoot some people with a bow, but I won’t just blitz and go to the city without him to murder even more people. If I do something that gives him a reason to ban me, he’ll press start and ban me from there. Or it could even be a spell. Some mods give you spells that control said mods.

Concerning cells that you enter through a quest like say we get kidnapped by pirates and we’re through in a torture device and we need a scripted rescue, it may require the need of a second torture device. Of course, the guest won’t get acknowledged. He’d be interacted with but forgotten. So, he’d be next to you but the bad guy would still yell at the main character while the guest watched. Like in Fallout 3 (different game, same studio) you’re taken by the bad guys and you’re in this… sort of bubble cell thing where you’re looking through a force field? Yeah, they’d have to redesign that cell to add any guests. And, the box where your loot is taken like when you’re arrested for crimes together, should have two separate boxes. One for you and one for your guest. However, this is totally unnecessary but if you go to jail, then both characters need to lose their things. That coding may be a bit harder than others but the gear would actually go in the same box lore wise. So, again, totally optional. But it would give the opportunity for a guest to rob the host. Thus, they’d have to load an autosave.

Still, probably won’t get that far and has a solution.

So, Jer and I are now in jail. We have two lockpicks because we both smuggled one in. Robbing the cabbage booth was harder than we thought. We’re in Cidna Mine now, so it won’t help us much. I guess we’ll either serve our time or do the quest early.

Jer opts that the quest needs to be done correctly. We find pickaxes and start mining.

We’re finally out, but we want to do a quest that doesn’t require us getting arrested again. Thus, we opt to do a quest that gives us something better than gold or weapons: Buffs. Certain blessings that stick with you as an active effect, meaning it doesn’t go away and stays with you for the rest of the game. Really worth getting. This one requires us to… break into a church, however. A lot of women. Women who worship Dibella, she who is beautiful and is dtf. Do we really want to piss off a goddess? Yes.

We break in but my clumsy nord ass mixed with his clumsy dunmer ass leads to us getting caught. We’re prompted by dialogue we can’t weasel our way out of. I’m the one who is spotted. However, because my soul is connected to Jer’s, they acknowledge me but are pushed towards him. Meaning if I’m caught, so is he in a sense on quests that require stealth.

That means you won’t be able to set elaborate ambushes. They’ll sense my presence if they sense his and vice versa. That should be explained by the co-op wizard. That’d save time on coding.

However, that’d make stealing harder to do. So it’d still require some coding to make that viable? Maybe? Hrm…

Regardless, the priestess sees me, points at me, turns to Jer, and runs to him to say, “FUCK YOU DOIN’ IN MY DOJO?!?” and he’d be like, “Whoops, this isn’t the bathroom!” Then we’d get the quest.

We’ll do the quest and afterwards, we BOTH get the buff. I take it back with me to my world and do the quest again. Does it stack? No, it does nothing because I already have it and the game tells me but also tells me that “Destiny appreciates your selfless sacrifice” which pisses me off but is a lore friendly way to say, “You did this for nothing because of co-op.” Leveling and looting can’t be static anymore. The world can’t freeze anymore when you pause or check your inventory. If you level, you need to have your friend be there to make sure you’re not going to get rammed by a Dwemer Centurion (which were FAR less scary in Morrowind; smaller as well). Which sucks for me, because I tried leveling in front of a Dwemer Centurion because I really needed to heal without magic or potions and that Dwemer Centurion decided not to wait for me.

Of course, I feel I should have been the one to trigger it waking up. Otherwise, I go right up to the gate. However, we talked about triggers earlier. I guess when prompted by a trigger, my character should just freeze and have a prompt saying, “You feel as if there is something ahead and decide it’s best to wait for your colleague.” So, I wait and let Jer know that the universe is about to fuck us. We make sure we’re ready, go forward and that’s when the Dwemer happens. Of course, I wasn’t ready because why would I be? I already told you I tried to level mid-fight.

As I put points in, my character is getting ragdolled. I can see the health drop from the screen and Jer is calling me stupid, either over the headset or in the same room. Now that I think about it, if it’s over the headset we’d be using my internet because I got Skyrim back in Amarillo plus Xbox live. My net was way faster than his.

Regardless, his is faster for some reason and he tells me I’m dumb. He tries to get it’s attention. But how? Attention of a hostile target in video games is colloquially referred to as “Aggro.” Pulling aggro means you’re getting the attention of a hostile target (referred to as a “mob”) and you’re fighting it. So, I have all the aggro right now. Jer? Not so much. He’s smart where I’m a dumb Nord.

Most times, a certain amount of damage can determine aggro. However, you could make aggro a spell. If you cast a “Fury” spell, it often enrages a target making a peaceful target into a warlike one. HOWEVER, fury is a worthless spell when you’re already in combat. Fury could be used to pull aggro as well, rather than trying to outdamage someone. The opposite of fury is calm which is used to make a hostile target into a non-aggressive target. Maybe that could be used to view the caster as a non-threat so in the event of singleplayer play, you’ll see no change as they stop attacking you. However, for multiplayer play calm would only affect you meaning if Jer couldn’t handle the Dwemer Centurion by himself and I managed to heal, he could calm the centurion down and regain his health whereas I could take over without say in the matter because I can’t cast spells.

There are some drawbacks. In Singleplayer, a calm spell wouldn’t help companions. They’d still fight their target. That would need some help and improvement. Anyways, we realize aggro isn’t working because I don’t remember if Dwemer Centurions and the like are affected by fear, calm, or fury. They’re robots, really, so I don’t think they are. Regardless, we manage to defeat the centurion without the need to try to calm it or enrage it.

We manage to get to a place with an elder scroll. Jer tries to progress but I backtrack intentionally by pressing the wrong buttons. I laugh and Jer sneers. So, he opens his spells and finds “Target Companion” and it freezes me from interacting. He’s used this before to be a total dick but I told him I’d leave if he kept doing it and it’s hours ago! So, I forget about it and start dicking around.

If the roles were switched, I should still be able to have that spell on my non-magic Nord. Reason being is because our souls are connected for lore reasons so the spell shouldn’t have magic and it shouldn’t even have to hit me. He casts it on himself basically and to release me from that spell, he casts it again.

We progress, find the elder scroll which I grab because he wasn’t allowing me to have fun pressing buttons. It’s fine, though. It’s a quest item that can’t be dropped but should be able to be shared. I’m able to give it to Jer but I don’t.

It shouldn’t be necessary.

We take it to this guy who needs it. He takes it off us for… reasons unknown as the guy I’m thinking of doesn’t usually. He takes it, though. And it comes from my inventory, even though I’m either in a different part of the room or even in an adjacent cell. Thus, quest items just need to be picked up considering they can’t be dropped.

Besides, if Jer is so important in his world then why is he carrying all his shit around? I’m destined to carry his burdens hurdy hur.

Irony is, that would require a bit more scripting to allow and the game might break. It’d have to check both inventories instead of just one.

Regardless, quest is done and we get the book that increases ALL your skill points. Like the buffs, does this increase EVERYTHING for each player? Does the host decide what to do with it and how the levels will be gained? No. Rather, the host uses the book but it doesn’t vanish. In order for the guest to use it, he must be given the book by the host. This could lead to some interesting developments like if the host doesn’t want to share? Of course when the guest returns to their world, they can’t just do the quest and level twice. I mean, come on. I believe it vanished in Oblivion. Not sure if it was in Morrowind.

All quest rewards go to the host. NOTHING goes to the guest unless the host allows them to take it in a trade. If the quest reward is lying around and the guest picks it up, then they pick it up. That’d be the only time when they get loot. When they loot it.

Jer and I would have a system at this time. In big rooms with loot on each side, he takes the left and I take the right and we work our way to the end of the room and continue. At the end, we go through our stuff and trade gear that we could use now or need later on. Even when we trade gear, the game doesn’t pause despite both of us being in a loot screen.

We make it out of the dungeon and back in town. LOADED with treasure. However, Jer needs to talk to some quest people. I, the guest, should be allowed to interact with shop keepers and other people who provide goods or services. Normally, if I try talking to someone, they respond with a disinterested “Hello” or a random fact. I can’t engage them in conversation. With those who can train or sell? I’m greeted by a message prompt: “Train or Trade” or whatever. That way, I don’t need to give all my stuff to Jer and he can sell on his own time. I have a higher speechcraft than him. The reason why is because I’m selling EVERYTHING the moment I can. However, his speech is really low. We realize this when prompted by a quest where bandits confront us. We’re outnumbered and these fuckers have muskets, despite being NPC’s on the Xbox 360. We’re baffled and recognize our imminent demise. We only have one auto-save that places us in this one room and the rest corrupted! How?! Well, not to fear. He is given a chance to explain things through… a speech check. However, he has no speech skill. I, however, do! With speech check, the guest should be taken into consideration despite not actually talking. That way, it’s not a near worthless perk tree. However, we both benefit from speech checks as a whole. However, perks concerning bartering? Perks where all merchants get 1000 gold immediately? No. That’s different.

With the investment, that should be shared among both players. That means there can be a pretty hefty investment if both of them get it. However, if they get the one that doesn’t require an investment? Then no. That should affect the individual and not the game. And the prices should also be determined by the individual, meaning if one player such as myself actually have better prices then it’s better for Jer to just make me his shop-bot and sell EVERYTHING. He just carries it to lessen the load.

Alright, so we are now selling loot. Still have some left over. Jer has a house now. I can’t purchase a house because the game ignores me and everyone refuses to talk to me. He’s married and I’m the best man, meaning I’m at his wedding. He waits so he can just get to the marriage and I have to wait with him. However, he knows I hate that so he says we can sleep in the inn instead. I thank him for not ruining my immersion and he tells me, “Please stop talking in that dumb Scottish accent and I’ll stop freezing you whenever you’re run off too far” and I agree.

So, we get a bed… but it’s only big enough for one person! But… we’re still getting a prompt? Oh, and it’s actually cycling through the hours! Guess they forgot about this part. Wait, we’re not well rested? “Shared a bed”? What does that mean? Oh, because we shared a bed with someone else, we get a slightly weaker buff. If the bed were bigger, it wouldn’t matter because the other person snores loudly! Probably me, tbh, but the game doesn’t say.

However, if there is an option to become… more than friends, then it should be lover’s embrace. ;) Funfact, Jer and I actually got married to one another in ESO. It’s great! I mean, it gives XP boost and was quite nice. Too bad the game was meh. Typical MMO stuff.

Anyways, he gets married. Had we become more than friends for that XP gain whenever we slept, then marriage shouldn’t be possible but marrying me should also be impossible. After all, the guy who would marry us wouldn’t be able to notice me or remember me. I’m just background noise.

He goes home to sleep with his lovely wife, one of the ladies from that Dibella Temple we ransacked and looted after receiving the blessing. He sleeps in their house and I sleep… with them. He get’s Lover’s Embrace. I get “Slept in the Guest Bedroom but Heard EVERYTHING” which gives me a debuff. D’oh! Kidding, but it would be interesting to see.

The next day, after sealing the deal, Jer discovers a black soul gem. Rather than go outside, he decides to MURDER his wife which I protest to. However, he casts soul trap on her and I cast soul trap on her as well. However, he doesn’t fill the soul gem. I don’t have a black soul gem, so her soul wasn’t captured by me, either. However, it would have been since I was the last one to cast that on her. If that’s how it works in the original game, I’m not sure. Not a lot of NPC’s cast soul trap, especially not ones with soul gems.

Angered by this, Jer kicks me. He and I play with other people, I do my own thing which is basically completing quests and he plays with Jake or Brian. They do some quests that I don’t do and have yet to do. After some time, Jer forgives me for ruining the reason why he murdered his wife and invites me back to his world. I see she’s still alive and was glad to see they finally settled their issues but noticed that Jer’s game was more ahead than me. He was even a higher level.

This concerns me. I’m 10 levels lower and the game increases the difficulty based on your level. Maybe there is a middle ground? No. The game should level to WHICHEVER player has a higher level. This may mean that lower leveled players can get incredible loot sooner rather than later, but it doesn’t remove the challenge from the game. I can get Daedric before I even see ebony. However, if I were a total cheat wagon, I’d find a way to COMPLETELY break the game.

That’s a theory of mine. If the goal is too distant, like level 100 in World of Warcraft, then people will take as many shortcuts as possible. If the goal is a bit shorter, then the grind won’t be so bad and people will be alright with it. If there are little cheats here or there or some corners cut, then that’s fine. So long as you don’t need to murder animals in the wild for three hours just to fight the next boss like in Final Fantasy. Don’t give a player a REASON to cheat and he won’t look for a way to cheat. Sure, some will, but the general experience will still be really good.

Sorry, I derailed a bit.

What else… The Civil War… well, that doesn’t matter because the host. It’s their game, you’re just being brought along for the ride.

Oh, we stumble upon a quest where certain things have to be done and they measure the arrows used. You get archery related stuff at the end of it. Agni is her name? Some isolated lady on a mountain. For that quest, only the host should be able to do it. It shouldn’t register shots from the guest, even if the guest uses the correct arrows.

That quest is a bit tough, mind you. I had trouble with it because I use melee items mostly. The bow had to be complemented with an ONSLAUGHT of arrows.

Regular companions should work as usual but friendly fire and all that jazz for the guest shouldn’t affect them. Really, the limit should be the dog and nothing else. The guest shouldn’t be able to interact with the companions at all. You shouldn’t really need them, tbh, but I do know of QUEST companions! Eh? Eh? Yeah, they suck. For the Companions… you get a Companion… as a Companion? Yeah, then you get locked in a cage. For that, I think maybe the guest should just teleport on you or something. That’s harder than triggers, tbh. x.x Companions shouldn’t be able to carry EVERYTHING either. Like, half their normal inventory if that. That’d be a bit much but it might be hard to implement without affecting Vanilla Singleplayer too much. The Elder Scrolls must be SP before MP so perhaps allow standard stuff if it interferes with SP? Oh, purchasing spells! That has to be done individually. Especially since the guest will be a literal resource drain. Of course… it already is done individually. Because you purchase items… Hrm, I believe I forgot that.

When confronted by the guards, one guard should initiate empty dialogue with the guest while another speaks with the host. If there is only one guard, then when the host is confronted, the guest should be auto-frozen.

I can’t think of anything else. It’s technically the next day at 12:16. If you read all that and thought, “Wow, this is really harsh for the second player” then you’re right. It should be harsh for the second player. The priority should be the host and the world they’re playing in above all else. If it feels like the co-op experience is tacked on, then I assure you that it’s better than a game that focuses on co-op play but allows singleplayer. I’d rather have Co-Op be an afterthought than the main meal. That’s the sort of thing I didn’t really like in Borderlands. Very reliant on other players.

I don’t want to be reliant. Playing with a friend should be a luxury, not a staple. If Jer and I get to fucking kill dragons then it shouldn’t end with a Disney song talking about the virtues of friendship and how I needed him all along or how he needed me all along. If Esther has taught me anything, you can’t rely on people being there every step of the way. Things happen and you’ll have to be able to rely on yourself.

Thus, the best way to do anything is to be able to rely on yourself before needing to rely on others. When you rely on others without being able to rely on yourself, you won’t be able to progress. You wait around, hoping someone will stop by to help you in your hour of need and you’ll delay your entire life just because you couldn’t rely on yourself.

Of course, my depression is coming back, so maybe I’m not the best person to discuss this with. Regardless, self-reliance is PIVOTAL in story driven gameplay like Skyrim. In games where you’re just another cog in a machine, then you don’t need to be good. You just need to be there. Look at Battlefield 3, 4, and the Battlefronts (Star Wars, the original Non-EA ones). You could be the best on both teams but your team would still lose. I’ve had games where I was the most kills AND most deaths. I was negative. But, that’s part of the machine.

So… yeah. It’s getting late. Tomorrow, I have things to do but I can’t remember what. Or rather, today.

Oh, shit. I have to write a tax policy for my region. DAMMIT!!! Good night. ><

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