#seriously it is my least favorite fandom debate by far

[ashboy-3]

The Unspoken Deal

Fandom: Danny Phantom, John Constantine, and DCU Characters: John Constantine, Danny Fenton/Phantom, Batman, Superman, other JL members Words: 3507 Summary:

Danny and John have a deal. It's a simple deal. Every month they have a meet up. Danny keeps as much control over the ghost as he can in return John keeps track of them in the human realm. That's it nothing else should be so simple.

So why do feelings keep getting involved and why does the justice league suddenly seem so interested in the beings of the infinite realms.

John knows one thing for sure: This is all Danny's fault.

“You know these meetings are supposed to be taken seriously? Right mate?” John Constantine asked, only a little annoyed at dealing with the half-ghost.

“Who says? The council, meh I don’t really fully care what they have to say,” the half-ghost laughed, throwing another snowball at the human.

“Why do I put up with you again?” Constantine rubbed his hand over his face.

“You love me,” the ghost teased.

“What makes you so sure,” John hid the small smile that was on his face. He would never admit it, but the half ghost does hold a special place within his heart, a place that very few ever made it to.

“Any big threats I need to know about?” the ghost floated in front of John, ignoring the question that was being asked of him.

“Nothing I’ve heard about oh Danny boy,” John nodded towards him, watching as the Ghost King looked him up and down.

“Sell your soul recently?” Danny eyed him.

“Don’t know what your talkin about mate,” John avoided looking at the ghost, choosing instead to focus on his neglected cigarette.

“Well mate,” Danny easily copied the brit’s accent. “I happen to have a soul piece here.” Danny took the small delicate object out of his pocket, showing it off to John’s widened eyes.

“Be careful with that!” He shouted, seeing Danny just throwing it in the air as if it was a plastic ball.

“I would be if you didn’t treat your soul like a throw away joke,” Danny glared at his old friend, watching him put out the cancer stick as the two walked inside the castle also known as phantom’s keep and talk. “I’m serious John. Every time you sell your soul, I have to find a way to get it. You’ve sold over half of your soul. Soon you won’t have any pieces left,” Danny rolled his eyes, walking into a room where he keeps a singular candy jar, dropping the glowing piece in the jar. It made a small clink as it fell with the other pieces.

“That really is my whole soul isn’t it,” John peaked into the room to look at the jar.

“Farid so. Makes almost a whole soul. Be careful, our time is almost up so I’ll be seeing you next month?” Danny frowned at the idea of John leaving.

“I’ll be sure to give you a call if something comes up mate,” John assured him.

“And the heroes will be kept out of my realm?” They both know Danny’s rules about humans walking around the realms. Even now, years later from his teenage years, the humans he allows in are few and small. Adding heroes to that list just makes it worse.

“No heroes,” John assured him, opening the portal with a simple spell, stepping back into the house of mystery. “I’ll be seeing you ole Danny boy,” John smiled a sad smile at watching the portal close, shutting off his communication with the older ghost.

Recently all of their monthly meetings have the old warlock feeling like this. Feeling like something is missing or wrong. Sometimes he debates saying more, extending their meetings, even offering to meet more than once a month, but it never goes that far, choosing instead to ignore the feeling and continue on his day.

Pouring himself a drink, a favorite activity of his. He couldn’t help the groan that came from his mouth at hearing his phone ring.

Ring Ring Ring

Constantine sighed as the annoying ring hurt his ears. It was worse when he checked the caller ID. “What do ya want bats. Ima little busy?”

“Meeting at the watchtower. Be there,” the rough voice ordered from the phone.

“You could at least butter me up a little,” the thick British accent responded. Batman didn’t dignify him with a response, choosing instead to just hang up the phone.

“Well doll seems I still can’t take a break,” John signed, talking to the house. Downing his drink within one gulp he casted another spell, landing him right in the watchtower.

“Do you have to appear on the table every time?” Superman asked in wonder.

“Just how magic works mate,” John dusted off his tan coat, stepping off the table that was surrounded by multiple leaguers. “Alright what’s this whole shin dig about?”

“We have gotten multiple reports and sightings about strange creatures,” Batman started, clicking buttons on a small remote for all of the leaguers to see. Up on the big screens were creatures, creatures that Constantine was very familiar with. A bad feeling began to weave its way into his liver ruined gut.

“Are they aliens?” one of the leaguers questioned.

“Nothing in any of our databases,” Hal shook his head with crossed arms.

“Nothing from under the sea,” Aquaman agreed.

“So, they’ve come from a strange place that none of us have heard about?” Wonder Woman threw her hands in the air from disbelief.

“I don’t believe they come from the underworld, but John would be a better judge then me,” Zatara looked towards the brit.

“I don’t know nothing bout them mate. Prolly best to leave them be for now,” John shrugged, ignoring the questioning looks he was getting from some his ‘coworkers’ with trust issues.

“I’ll look more into them,” Zatara nodded. “Find out if they become a threat.” He assured the league.

“We’ll be looking into the lantern database and getting contact with others, find out if anyone knows anything,” Jon agreed, nodding towards Hal. All three getting up to leave the table.

“Well, if that’s all I’ll be on my bloody way. Drag me out of my house for notin,” John muttered angrily.

“Actually, John if you wouldn’t mind having a conversation with me?” Zatara asked, waving him over.

“Fine,” the brit groaned, getting a pack of his smokes out, lighting one up within the watchtower, ignoring glares he was getting from the three top dogs.

Zatara had taken John to a lone room, nothing really in it besides a desk, a few chairs, and one small couch, it was clearly only a room used for conversations.

“What’s this bout?” John wondered.

“You know something about those creatures,” Zatara stated firmly.

“I know nothin bout nothin,” John nodded, not agreeing with the magician’s statement.

“Oh please, you’re eyes widened when you saw the pictures. If you know something it should be shared. I will not reveal your secrets, however if you refuse to say anything it will just cause everyone, including me, to dig deeper into them.”

“Is that a threat?”

“It’s a promise. They could be dangerous.”

John laughed at that statement. “If that’s all I’m leaving.” Zatara was ready to fight back but looking up he discovered to see the brit gone.

***

“Danny mate pick up your damn phone!” John yelled at the blasted thing from his third time calling his old friend, now pacing around the old House of Mystery. Grabbing the full glass of scotch that the house kindly made for him.

“Sorry John. I was in a meeting,” Danny smiled into the phone. He may be a supernatural being, but he still had plenty to use of his fourteen-year-old mind, an age he hasn’t been for many years.

“Danny you bloody idiot! I thought that you were keeping them under control!” John yelled into the phone, surprising Danny.

“Don’t you dare yell at me John Constantine!” Danny yelled back into the phone, stopping him in his place.

“You’re right. I’m sorry Danny boy. The Justice League just got on my bloody ass about your spooks. Bats is ready to go to war with them,” John sat down in his chair.

“Want to summon me? We can talk about it?” Danny asked into the phone, both knew the undertones of the conversation.

“Things never go right when I summon you,” John refused to look towards a picture of him and Danny. The old ghost laughing, his baby face unable to grow much facial hair, as John cheered a beer, a smile on his face as well. It was one of their first nights out together in the human world.

“But it’s fun. No funny business this time?” Danny offered.

“Now you’re just tempting fate love,” John grinned into his scotch.

“You’re easy to tempt,” Danny nodded in agreement, both understanding the silent message.

Grabbing a piece of green glowing chalk John stumbled towards an empty part of his floor, no need to look up the sigils Danny choose for his summoning. He didn’t understand most of them, but the guy laughed every time he appeared in the human realm, a silent joke that only he knows. He remembers one drunken night when Danny tried to explain, he got nowhere with the brit.

“Numquam agnus dabo te

numquam agnus dimittam te

numquam amet discurrere et deseram te

numquam agnus fac te clamare

numquam agnus dicere vale

numquam agnus dic mendacium et nocuerunt tibi”

John, always confused by the spell, spoke it loud and clear, letting the candles and lights around the house dance as the green fire descended from the hells, lighting up the circle, leaving in a swirl with a half ghost king, smiling and evil smile at him.

“You summoned me,” Danny stepped out of the circle, walking closer to John.

“I summoned you,” he agreed, the mood much different from their business meeting they had just yesterday. John’s breathing becoming deeper and heavier the closer Danny stepped towards him. It forever amazed him that the ghost could become bigger or smaller with just a thought.

“I promised no funny business,” Danny noted, his half breaths just as deep.

“Screw that!” John declared, pushing their lips together, creating a fire between the two. A fire that would not let out till the two were done.

This was routine for when John summoned Danny. A routine that neither is sure how it started, but neither regret. They both agree it’s just sex. No feelings need to be mixed in, but John can’t help the flutter in hie heart when he thinks about everything that Danny does for him. Keeping him updated, collecting his soul contracts, giving him this. It was everything that he could dream about.

“Do you want to stop?” Danny asked carefully, his breath on John’s.

“If you stop, I will exorcize you,” John glared at the ghost.

“Fair enough,” Danny laughed, the two stumbling towards John’s room in the old mystery house.

The next day, both barely clothed, wrapped up in blankets and each other, John woke up, staring at Danny, tracing his fingers over the old, faded scars.

“You’re staring again,” Danny’s eyes fluttered open.

“You make it hard not to,” John grinned at him, turning around in the bed to light a cigarette.

“You said my subjects are hurting the humans,” Danny started to sit up in the bed, the ring of rage glowing proudly on his finger.

“I never said hurting. I keep an eye on them for you here. I promised, didn’t I?” John turned towards him, clearly understanding that this is no longer pleasure, only business.

“Then what was the call about?” Danny raised an eyebrow, getting up from the bed in a way only one trained in royalty could. John thought that he was beautiful.

“Bats called in a meeting. Trying to figure out where they came from. I was honest. Told them they ain’t form the underworld. Bloody Zatara caught me. Wanted to know how I recognized them. Refused to tell him that they were looking for limbo. I made a promise to ya Danny boy and I intend to keep it,” John tapped his cigarette on the ashtray he keeps by the bed. Watching as Danny slowly dressed himself in his torn-up jeans and shirt, a jacket going with it. One would never think he was dead, much less royalty.

“Do you want me to talk to them?” Danny asked.

“Do you want to talk to them?” John uno reversed him.

“I’m free in two days. I’ll calm down the Justice League,” Danny snapped his fingers, disappearing in green fire, just the same as he arrived. John knows that when he walks back to his living room all evidence of his summoning will be gone as well.

“Damn. You have it bad,” a voice laughed from the living room.

“Damn it!” John shouted, face turning red from anger as he shut his bedroom door, a door that was not shut last night, as he quickly got dressed, stomping back into the living room. “Chas. What the bloody hell are you doing here?”

“Checking up on you. Someone has to,” he shrugged. “Haven’t seen you be like that with someone in forever. So, when’s the next date?” Chas teased.

“Sod off Chas. We’re not dating,” John waved him away, grabbing a cold beer.

“Sure. You only look the people you shag like that because no feelings are attached,” Chas nodded, clearly sarcastic.

“He doesn’t want a relationship. He just wants to make sure I keep his subjects out of trouble while in the human realm. Nothing more nothing less,” John took a big gulp of beer.

“Have either of you ever actually talked about this?” Chas asked.

“C’mon mate. We’ve never talked about it because there is nothing to talk about,” John yelled. “We meet in his realm at a set time we talk. If something comes up, I can call him,” John shrugged.

“so, nothing ever happened while in his realm?” Chas raised an eyebrow.

“Nothing worth bringing up in conversation,” John argued back, the jar that contains his soul in the back of his mind.

“Sure,” Chas snorted, clearly not believing him. “I’ll leave you. Just. Don’t ruin this for yourself John. You are clearly happy with him and that doesn’t happen often with you,” Chas walked out of the house, leaving John by himself, only the house to keep him company.

“I don’t like him. I can’t like him. Why would I even like him?” John asked himself and the house. “The guy only rescues my soul every chance he can get. He willingly comes to visit the human realm for me. He willingly gave me his summoning. “Fuck!” John shouted, realization hitting him.

Panic still fresh in his brain he called up Batman. “I have news about the creatures. Meeting in two days.” John didn’t give the guy a chance to reply, closing his phone and ending the call. He has two days to get his body ass unsober as possible before he has to see Danny again.

***

“Alright bats. Everyone here?” John asked, appearing once again on the table, the annoyance clear on Superman’s face.

“You have news about the strange creatures?” Batman asked, coming from him however, everyone knew that it was an order.

“Yeah yeah. I’ll get to that. Move out of the way people,” John only got down form the table to put his bag down, grabbing the green glowing chalk, and walking back up on the table, aware that he has other magic user’s eyes on him. Writing the familiar symbols, he knew by heart. He still had the old book on his shelf, but he has no use for it.

“Be prepared mates. He’s a tad dramatic,” John warned, muttering the same summoning from before. His eyes turning white as green flames enveloped the room, clearly it was done in a more dramatic way for the audience the two have present.

“Numquam agnus dabo te

numquam agnus dimittam te

numquam amet discurrere et deseram te

numquam agnus fac te clamare

numquam agnus dicere vale

numquam agnus dic mendacium et nocuerunt tibi”

Unlike yesterday where all Danny was wearing was ripped jeans, a t-shirt full of small holes and a warm jacket, today he was draped in armor of black, white, and ecto green. The crown of fire worn proudly at the top of his head and the ring of rage glowing proudly on his finger. Fire forming under his feet as he took steps down the table. John had to take a smirk at how Danny presented himself. This is the same person who tripped over his feet walking in a straight line the other week, crashing his face right into ghost rocks. It never amazed John that Danny could present himself this way, but no one could deny the affect that it had.

“Who are you?” Batman asked, taking the lead as usual.

“Did you not explain to them?” Danny’s voice now held an echo to it, a few leaguers unsure if they were hearing him correctly.

“Sorry love figured you would love to do the honors,” John waved him off, taking a seat.

“I am Phantom. King of the Infinite Realms. John Constantine is the watcher of the human realm for me. He has informed me that the “Justice League” was getting curious about my subjects,” Danny chooses his words carefully. John snorted at his phrasing of the Justice League. “My subjects are not causing lasting harm to any humans. No humans have been injured from them or have been killed. There should be no reason that this club house is looking into my subjects,” Danny’s eyes glowed a deep green, clearly angry about the accusations he has formed in his mind.

“We never claimed that your subjects have injured anybody. We were just concerned. These are new creatures. No one knew of them, and we wanted to make sure they were not a risk,” Wonder Woman was quick to jump in.

“Hah!” Danny grinned, showing his fangs in full view. “My subjects are not new. Most have been around longer then you have been alive. It is your ignorance that has made you assume such a thing.” John knows that if this was with just the two of them alone Danny would have cracked some stupid joke like, “You know what assuming does right? Make an ass out of you and me! Ha! Come on John! It’s funny!”

“I’m sorry?” Wonder Woman was confused.

“My subjects are mostly ghost. Spirits who have refused to pass on. Spirits who have been formed from human ideals. Death, Nocturne, and Time. These are all spirits that have been formed from the thoughts of humans. They will live as long as their ideas live on. There are ones that form naturally, there are ones who have died and left this world, unable to move on they come to my realm. They come back to finish what they started, their right to, or to just cause petty mischief, something they need to do to survive. I keep an eye on every single one in the human realm. From now on if there is an issue you go straight to John. Do I make myself clear?” There was a fire burning in Danny’s eyes as he turned around, stomping out, not wanting to hear any more questions.

“Guess I have no choice but to follow his highness,” John sounded like he was mocking the king, but he knows that if Chas was here, he would call John out on his bullshit quicker then he could snap.

“Did you see their faces?” Danny smiled, as John grabbed Danny’s arm, easily bringing them back to the house of mystery.

“They believe that you are a ruthless tyrant who cares only for his people,” John agreed, pouring himself a drink.

“Pour me one. I know it’s great isn’t it! I worked all day with Ember to get that speech perfect!” Danny’s grin couldn’t get wider, John handed him the drink, watching as Danny drank it with ease.

“Listen Danny boy,” John started, happy that he had the famous liquid courage to help him In this moment.

“What is it, John?” Danny looked up from his drink. There were no problems. The Justice League was handled. What else could there be.

“Mate- Love. It has come to my attention that we might have to rethink our situation John tried, not fully sure how to get the words out.

“You’re going to have to be clearer with me John,” Danny crossed his legs, floating in midair as if Gravity didn’t exist.

“Love I-“John’s throat stopped, not letting him get the words out. “Damn it!” John chugged the rest of his drink, cursing the heavens at his predicament. “Danny I- “once again he was stopped by himself, his beer not helping him at all.

Tired of trying with words, John did the next best thing, he let his actions speak for him. Grabbing Danny, pulling him close, no lust in the moment, unlike a few days ago, he took a deep hopeful breath and pushed a messy kiss upon the half ghost. “Danny, I like you,” John was finally able to whisper.

“Took you long enough mate,” Danny’s smile was wide and hopeful, grabbing John’s neck to kiss him once again. John knows that he’s in for a lifetime of puns, but he is kissing Danny, kissing the half ghost he doesn’t regret a single thing.

[zealouswerewolfcollector]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

@sallysavestheday and @grey-gazania, thank you so much for tagging me! This seems like fun.

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 55 non-anon works under the username HewerOfCaves. (122, counting anon fics and my previous usernames).

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 168.204, but if I count my previous lives on Ao3, probably around 400.000

3. What fandoms do you write for? Silmarillion. I'm an one fandom kind of writer.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Idea Dump - 20-chapter collection of random ficlets and drabbles

For the World's End - My very first fic in the fandom! Post-canon Maedhros angst

We Live a Lie - A slightly disturbing ficlet about Fëanor in Arda Unmarred

A King Uncrowned (A King Enthroned) - Maedhros and Fingolfin on the day of Fingolfin's coronation

Ages of Secrets - Russingon and the people who knew their secret through the ages. Tbh, I'm still baffled that this is among my more popular fics.

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! I can't rest easy until I've responded to all my comments.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Heh, I thrive on angst, so this is a very hard question. I can't choose just one. It's a tie between Monomachy (Maedhros and Fingon cross paths during the Third Kinslaying), Happy Ending (Maedhros daydreaming, it's just... bleak) and Alone in the Unknown (Maglor reaches his breaking point, Maedhros reached his a long time ago; this entire series is angsty, but this part is the angstiest of all).

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I went looking and was surprised to discover that I've written fewer happy endings than I thought :D But I still have some!

Peculiar Spiritual Connection - QP Russingon and their happy, carefree post-canon ending with just a smidgen of angst.

Greetings Without Farewells - Teenage Maedhros and Maglor, kid Celegorm and Fingon are happy in the bliss of Valinor.

What's in a Name - Debatable because the protagonist, Turgon, is decidedly not happy, but everyone else is, so...

8. Do you get hate on fics? Hasn't happened yet, thankfully. I hope it never will.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I actually started writing smut and am actively trying not to be embarrassed about it. As to what kind... What kinds are there? :D So far, I've written two kinds - wouldn't this be fucked up and wouldn't this be hot. Here's what I have:

Proxy - Maedhros/Fingon, unrequited Maedhros/Maglor. Wouldn't this be fucked up kind of fic. All characters are definitely fucked up.

The Hunters - Maedhros/Aredhel and they are both women. Wouldn't this be hot kind of fic. It would.

Kaleidoscope - Fingon/Sons of Feanor, M-rated but still fucked up.

Purification - Maedhros/Thingol. Actually, I think this is both wouldn't it be fucked up and wouldn't it be hot.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? My only attempt at writing a crossover crashed and burned. It was supposed to be SPN/Silm :/

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I hope not! I'm not aware of it at least.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes! Very nice people have translated some of my fics into Chinese and Russian.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Once, in a different fandom. It was a reincarnation AU, and me and the other author took turns writing each life of the characters. It was very fun.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? It's Russingon. No contest. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Every WIP is a WIP I want to finish but doubt I ever will. If seriously, it's probably my Maedhros on the Thangorodrim fic. I started it about five years ago and haven't finished it yet. And it's not a long fic! If I finish it, it'll be 5k at most, I think. I don't know, I'm just over Maedhros suffering. I want him to be happy. That's a lie, but I just can't deal with the whole Thangorodim torture.

16. What are your writing strengths? Dialogue. Twist endings. Breaking people's hearts.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Descriptions. Beautiful comparisons and metaphors. Also, I have a very narrow focus, meaning that there is only one fandom, one ship and very few characters I write for. I rarely diversify.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic. Not a fan. A few words are fine, but entire lines are too much for me.

19. First fandom you wrote for? I shan't say.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? It changes all the time. Right now, I'm fond of To Evil End. Fingon lives, but will it change everything for the better? The answer may surprise you but probably won't.

Tagging @eccentricmya, @runawaymun, @echo-bleu, @searchingforserendipity25, @undercat-overdog

[wildelydawn]

2 7 11 17 18 35 40 47 73 for the writers ask game

I know it's a lot feel free to not answer all of them hahaha

Hello my dearest!! I will do all of them for you <3

2. talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”

It's very minor because he has so few lines/so little presence in the story, but it's when Big dies in II4Y. I didn't want him to die but I realized he needs to die for Kim to understand what permanent loss is. In chapter one, Kim is dealing with a break up, which is definitely a sort of loss, but once Chay and him begin to matter to each other again, Kim begins to realize that loss can be a lot worse, a lot more permanent. By chapter four, he's sort of gotten everyone back, right? Chay is talking to him, he's hanging out with his brothers. Big's death shocks him into remembering that it can be all taken away very quickly.

7. tell us about the plot of the first fanfic you ever wrote

I know that my first fic was something written for classic Fruits Basket, but I can't remember the plot for the life of me. It was probably fluff or a retelling of Kyo's transformation when his bracelet comes off. The earliest, actual fic I can recall the plot too very vividly is a Supernatural Megstiel fic, in which I rewrote parts of Hello, Cruel World so that Meg Masters finds Castiel's trenchcoat and body. Unfortunately, I deleted that story because I wrote it at the height of SPN, and Megstiel was a rough ship to write at the time lol. I wish I hadn't deleted it! It would've been cool to take another look at it now, or maybe even potentially rewrite.

11. what’s something neat you’ve learned while doing research for something you were writing? also, how much do you worry about doing research in general?

The entire process of making Thai desserts/food for BSC90 has been so great. Like, truly unmatched. Outside of fandom, my research is really depressing and almost always about the Law/law. So to really deep dive into how these foods are made and how chocolate was/is produced in Thailand is really fun. I do take research pretty seriously, and I do what I can to be as accurate as possible. Right now, I'm pretty knee deep in reading about football/football RPF, and I recently followed a bunch of popular players on my Instagram, and that's been pretty wild. And, of course, can't forget my favorite Dutch politicians either. Though, that research wasn't for writing. I just really got interested in reading about the Netherlands and far right government officials. I find myself just rereading or watching Dutch debate whenever I can find translations, fan-written or official.

17. what is your favorite line you’ve ever written?

God. It changes so often, especially depending on my mood. Right now, it's from YLTTL:

The subtle but decreasing hesitations in WIK’s motions make Porchay unsteady and ashamed at the same time. In his dreams, he envisioned WIK as the criminal: keen on stealing Porchay’s heart and laughing mercilessly while walking away, leaving Porchay naked on the floor. He imagined, the other week, after WIK had left him alone, that at their best, they could only ever be temporary bliss: a mistake, heat of the moment, other clichés that left Porchay feeling angry and confused. He had resolved that if the moment were to come, he’d give himself entirely to WIK and blindly hope that WIK would do the same, and they could leave without saying anything more. 

Their togetherness, he cruelly imagined, would be one born of force, passionate with no regard for the future, a story as old as time: those with power taking advantage of those with none.

18. what is your most and least favorite part of writing?

The action of writing is my favorite part of writing. And also finding out if someone reread something of mine. Least favorite part is posting/submitting/publishing.

35. tell us about a character who’s very different than you who you love a whole lot

Definitely Chay. Chay is so different from me. I think what we have in common is poverty and independence, but other than that, Chay is such a bold, forward, dynamic character. He takes what he wants! When I wanted to ask out my current partner, I wrote a letter and then fled the country. Chay, on the other hand, just fucking shows up to where Kim is and calls it a date. I think he's the bravest character in the whole fucking show actually. All of what he does, what he navigates, is mostly done alone and independently and, up to a certain point, by choice. I admire that so much. He takes risks, even if it ends in detriment to himself. He's never static, he's never standing still. He feels things and acts on those emotions. Now, whether he processes them properly or maturely is up in the air, but he's not wallowing for long, and I truly think in a post-canon world, he would continue to do what he can to move on and adapt to his new life. That can be "Chay having a ho phase" or "Chay integrates into the mafia" or "Chay runs to Switzerland, meets Kang Yohan from The Devil Judge, and becomes a vigilante judge when he comes back to Thailand."

40. best piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten.

"You're probably going to get decimated, but everyone will have questions." This came from my dissertation advisor/mentor. And she was right!

47. what story are you most proud of?

It's definitely a tie between YLTTL and Still Painting Flowers for You. I'm quite proud of the latter. It's short and it has, what I feel, is a good balance of canon and a reflection of two very important women in my life.

Thank you for all these questions, my crunchy little friend! It was so fun to write this out hehe.

Ask me writer things!

[horizon-verizon]

Hi, I recently found you're blog and have grown quite addicted to it lol. I've also been looking at both team's posts to try and get a broader understanding at everyone's mindset and, if I'm going to be honest, feel very exhausted from it.

I'm a firm believer that stan culture is toxic and this fandom is no different, but I've actually found an interesting pattern when it comes to posts from both stans in this fandom specifically and wondered if you noticed the same thing. Team Black stans are more likely to be aggressive and continue on an argument, but the information they argue tends to be more accurate actually. Team Green stans still argue, less overall, but their arguments aren't built completely on actual facts on the show (which is also the only source they base arguments off of) they use far more speculation and are driven more by their own individual feelings. Some examples are that I've seen: TB arguments saying that calling Rhaenyra's boys bastards is a very dangerous claim that can lead to real, dangerous consequences, which is completely true, but then TG have laid out an argument comparing Rhaenyra to Cersei on the hypothetical that her children would r*ape women in order to try and make Alicent seem like a better person, which is a scenario we all know is completely made up and pure speculation based on nothing but opinion. Black stans are more likely to accept the faults of their favorite characters, or at least come out and say they don't care, while Green stans will defend every action of the people on their team even when they probably shouldn't. Like, do they know it's ok to like flawed characters? I've also seen TG stans attack show Rhaenyra for every single action she's done and I've seen TB stans do it for characters like Alicent too, but it's just overall less?

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's hard to take any argument from Team Green stans seriously. What's also shocking is how many notes some of these arguments have even though a lot of them spread false information or just make things up. Now of course, there's false information going on both sides, I know that, but on here it's just so concentrated onto the TG side and I just think that takes away from really getting a good grasp and understanding on that version of events.

What's your opinion on this?

Firstly, thank you for following me thus far and I'm glad you enjoy my posts! Sometimes I feel like I'm not really getting my pts across well enough and I try to improve.

Secondly, from my time in the online fandom -- I wanna say from Oct of last year? -- yes, I agree with your assessments. Quickly, before I go on, I tend to be more team Black (as one can see from my profile pics here and on Twitter) and specifically, I am a Dany/Targ/Rhaenyra/Rhaenys I-Visenya stan. So one may argue or dismiss me as having way too much bias towards how black stans vs green stans tend to argue.

However, in all my time (half a year, so not much) I've reblogged and been reblogged at least 30 posts, entering debates about how Fire and Blood/HotD are written, who wrote them, why certain ships exist, etc. Most of the time, green stans & HotD!Alicent stans argue from a place of traditionalism and reactive emotionality because they have learned that the anti-autonomist ideologies against women, lower-classed people, gender-nonconforming people, darker-skinned people/PoCs, and foreigners because those formulas are ready-made and are status quo to organizing and seeing gender, race, sexuality, etc. They do not have to think any more than emotionally react to what they already know is both "sad" but "must be", no noticing irony or strange details that might point out how the text may be making fun of a character or how absurd they think for thinking and doing a certain thing when they already decided to stan.

Both sides do this (me, I didn't really over much over Daeron's sins until HotD and thought him even "good"), but green stans really don't bother to work at observing language or/and context or/and text -> how those relate and interplay to create meaning(s) in the story. One time, you hear how F&B is unreliable--which it is but not in the degree and way they describe it and leave readers to think--and that the HotD writers are doing so well at rewriting Alicent away from the evil stepmother trope, then another time they will applaud Alicent for trying to mutilate a young boy...ironically something many evil stepmothers or women of that archetype have performed evil against children they perceive as threats or competition to themselves and/or their own kids in fairytales. Or they will ignore completely how Alicent knows how horrible childbirth can go from having 4 kids of her own yet deciding to have Rhaenyra's newly born sons paraded around on their way to "be presented" to show how "obvious" a bastard they are, gain public support, and/by humiliating Rhaenyra and demeaning her political stance in subtly exposing her "whoredom". And then choose to ignore how Alicent herself practices disturbing, anti-autonomous sexual exchanges when she uses her feet for Larys to give her info--this would absolutely get her labeled as a "whore" by many others in her society AND not relate how that compulsion to sacrifice sexual autonomy mirrors Rhaenyra's not wanting children out of fear of death or being put out of the "room" of decisions where she's been outcasted from her whole life, yet having to marry to even have the beginning of access to that power and continuing to have it as a woman. (Forgot to mention, these are HotD's characters, not F&B's.)

You will hear green stans say that it is Westerosi society's culture--therefore unquestionable "right"--to have only men and boys automatically inherit higher, directive political power over any available or smarter/better-equipped girl or woman. And some will claim and suggest that it is for the sake of ORDER and harmony. Part of the idea is that if you maintain the ORDER, there will be a social balance between classes, genders, etc. that would ensure much less bloodshed or people hurting each other (ironically, something that existed as proto-thought since the real medieval era during European feudalism -> c.400 A.D. -1400s A.D.), and you see that thought solidified into something like what Thomas Hobbes wrote in his Leviathan, which argued for people giving their obedience and allegiances to a sovereign entity unaccountable to the ruled's as equally, or at all. Pro-Monarchist, pro-stratified hierarchy. 

In other words, hierarchies in general and their extremes of them that veer the most away from the truest, ideal democracy (where the government must adhere to and exist as the people direct and structure it) work to suppress as much an affirmative negation as possible, which inevitability also means critical thinking. Not just the skills, but thinking deeper than what's presented to us in the first place because once you start to do this you are already putting the bones, so to say, in question, when you ask how an untouchable really came to be so untouchable and how God would just leave an infant to die when a grown nobleman voluntarily goes after a literal 11-year-old.

Because human societies have been essentially training people since infancy to accept what status quo is available, all fans in the fandom are passionately inquisitive and/or territorial.

*Small Rant*

Stan culture is very saturated in dismissals and outright bullying for the most meager things, and that is because people go online to:

outpace their own loneliness and/or commiserate over oppressions, annoyances, what have you

celebrate with others over how much they love a certain creation, esp when they do not have anyone, enough real-life, persons, or are bullied and put down for liking that thing

are torn down in real life and wish to get back power by ruining others' days

reaffirm their own biases that make them feel in control

share their creations so that they have some sort of validation that they create some sort of good thing, whether just a pleasurable object (entertainment/beauty) or something of salubrious moral character that brings perspective, or BOTH

In other words, there are so many high feelings most of the time when we log in, the good and the bad and the somewhere in between that are nonetheless complex and sometimes powerful. And we push them here in fanart, metas, debates, fanfics, and we seek other minds and perspectives to bounce our ideas off, show off, or peek for assurance and validation, sometimes all of the above. On the one hand, I don't always care what Uriahdeeznutzgotee from the UK thinks of how my grammar when I speak about my love for Rhaenyra, but I do and will always care about how Uriahdeeznutzgotee decides to imply I am stupid for not agreeing with his ideas about women in relation to himself, politics, the genre of epic fantasy, publishing houses, etc. Because these are the structures I both take a break from it being online sometimes while most of the time I take a break from facing head-on to actually reflect through fiction, which I go online then to break down for others and myself to further appreciate. So it can eventually bother me when Uriahdeeznutzgotee uses ad hominems to discourage others' thoughts or even misreads and misinforms (purposefully or not) others that fiction piece that has helped me in some way to contextualize the real world. Some trolls know it too, dammit. And when attempt to actually argue but the other side persists (esp with quotes), they tend to stop and block to save some face. Or, they may do as I did and stop, blocking for what is whatever peace of mind can be had after leaving the last argument that they want to give.

While fiction is fiction and the characters cannot reach out to bite us, their actions and their worlds are always sprinkled with a specific set of rules inspired by the real world and thus we're always going to emotionally engage with the fiction. Another reason why I find most team neutrals to lie to themselves but that's another thing altogether.

High emotions and passion = higher chance of crazy behavior. And I think fandom, but esp stan culture, will always have questionable patterns and behaviors. But I also think that without these spaces, a lot of people will silently suffer more and be even dumber than they already could be.

*End of Small Rant*

This doesn't mean that, as you mentioned, there aren't any black stans that are not compassionate or maybe want to be but do not know how to quite get there without giving up the peace that just going online to gush about Matt Smith's banging cheekbones gives them. Same goes for Olivia Smith/Ewan and some green stans (concerning the only going online to gush). But, it is also true that I am far more likely to come across a worse argument from a green stan than a black stan about gender, ethnic, etc. politics in the ASoIaF universe which is more likely to suggest how they go out in the real world treating others.

[admirableadmiranda]

Just thought I should share, the one person that argued with me came back to argue more. Their whole thing was that my point wasn't what you guys were actually saying, and that I was just back peddling more, blah blah blah. And then it just struck me. I'm using JC stan talking points of "ignore their words and actions, look at the deeper meaning behind it all" and they are using your guy's argument of "but that's not what the actual text that they wrote said." This is kinda a pot meets kettle situation, but overall I think it just goes to show that if JC was an actual person and not a purple fantasy man they would hate him since they don't actually seem to be able to practice what they preach in regards to looking for deeper meaning behind people's seemingly rude actions. As far as they're concerned I'm an anti instead of a neutral party that watched everything go down in real time. Doesn't matter how many times I repeat that literal book quotes got people hate messages, I'm just one of you guys that want to bash JC despite never posting anything before the tag was invaded. If I'm going to be lumped in with a group though at least it's the one that can see the humor in these kinds of parallels.

It is definitely an interesting and humorous level of irony that we are essentially having to use each other's arguments. And I am sorry that you got dragged into this when you really were a neutral party pointing out events that went down.

I went and looked at your debates with the person involved and I think that you were very reasonable despite them being jerks to you. I'm quite impressed with the points that you've made in fact, especially pointing out that them flooding the tag with ship content is also not canon, as it frequently involves Jiang Cheng being shipped with characters he has little to no interaction with. Is there no respect for him chasing the clan leader who's regard and alliance he most wants; Jin Guangshan? Where are the fics with those two?? /j

I admire your fortitude in dealing with people who refuse to ever consider that they are in the wrong despite all evidence to the contrary.

(also while I know the poster will never see it, as the "creator" of the tag, why does it matter to you so much what tag name I put it under? You and your ilk wouldn't let me use the appropriate tag despite the amount of fandoms that are completely cognizant that a character tag is not always positive when it comes to antagonists, so I made a tag that you could block and not have to deal with the fact that Jiang Cheng does in fact lead a siege to kill fifty innocent people up on a mountain who had never done anything to him, torture Wei Wuxian with his greatest fear, be homophobic and slut-shaming towards another person who has done nothing to him besides not like him, and other glorious things like strangling, torture and murder that even he is quite happy to point out that he's done in his own narrative scenes. This is my tag, I will continue to post my content in it, so make like your favorite character and grow the fuck up and move on.)

Seriously, Jiang Cheng is more mature than most of these people; he actually stopped fighting a losing battle and decided to move on with his life.

[maifandom]

Fifteen Years Later...

15 years ago today, ATLA's finale aired. In commemoration, I dredged up my initial reaction to the finale, which I posted in the shipping thread of ye olde AvatarSpirit.net's forum. Consequently it's very shipping-focused and includes a billion portmanteaus. But it's the closest thing I have to a liveblog for ATLA, and I love nostalgia.

A little context, first. I found Avatar through Zutara fanart at the end of 2007 and caught up on all the existing episodes in probably January 2008? Disappointed that Kataang was so obvious, I turned to Sokka ships and decided I liked Tokka best. I lurked in the fandom for a few months, joined the forum shortly before everyone found out that the Boiling Rock was going to get a DVD release on May 6, two months before it actually aired on TV. I spent a lot of downtime debating the merits of Tokka and making predictions about the show based on random commercials and then the finale trailer. On the shipping side of things, my reaction was kinda negative. I was increasingly disappointed leading up to the finale. Don't worry, it gets better.

Brackets indicate present day edits or comments.

[Begin finale reaction]

OH MAN, WHERE TO START? [...] I guess I'll start from the beginning.

Zumo! ♥

Harutara, ahahahaha.

Nylappa! ♥♥♥ (Ahahaha.)

Irko reunion! ;_; Oh man, I cried. xD

Maiko reunion. xD Seriously, Zuko's eyes. Zudorko. ♥

Okay, I guess it's time for Sutokka stuff, right?

Sukka... were practically glued together. Seriously. And I'm sorry, much as I try to be unbiased, I just really didn't like it. D: There were moments. Mere moments, like back before I had a particular bias. I don't truly dislike it, but when it's so constant and final it's hard to ignore.

It made Tokka moments hard to come by. Or in fact, many other character interactions. Sokka was seriously obsessed. @_@

Did anyone else notice the only time we got Tokka moments was when they were separated from Suki? Dx Aside from the Tokka hand-leading seconds previous. I dunno. I suppose I should be thankful that they made a point of including Tokka. But much as I ADORE this scene:

[Image - probably Sokka covering Toph from debris]

*Insert fangirl scream that gets cut off*

...well it didn't really lead to anything else. ;_;

See, I wanted angst! And drama! And depth! And at least someone acknowledging it. ANYONE.

Frankly, I hated the apparent Toph x everyone-ness. [Zuko, The Duke, and...?] I'm fine with those ships. In fact, I ship more than one of them. But when they're all there? That just says Toph is fickle or childish, to me. D:

I would have liked it better if Tokka was never a romantic ship. Or if we were shown Toph was boy-crazy from the beginning -- with Taang, or some random one-shot character. Why did they save it all for the finale?

But I don't think that's necessarily what's happening. (Reminder to self: don't listen to every conclusion the fandom comes to. >.>) In which case, we still have Tokka disappearing as if it never happened, and Toph doesn't care one iota.

Apparently I came in at just the right time to stew in all the Tokkaness, come to all these conclusions, and then have pretty much everything I ever thought about Tokka or Sutokka be completely undermined. :P

I get the sense that M & B were looking over my shoulder at the things I listed that I didn't want to happen with Tokka, and thought it was a recommendation. :P

However, much as I must seem to be ranting, I'm far more apathetic than angry. Some of that fan depression I had after I watched EIP -- I got this sense I lost my favorite characters, because what I thought was there no longer was. D: [Particularly the way Sokka is characterized, since he's my favorite.]

So, oddly enough, the Sutokka plotline was probably the one I was least interested in, except in with glimmers of hope that those characters I loved might come back. (And they did. Some.)

But, oh man, you should have heard my breathing when Toph got in her metal armor. :P Sutokka got some of the best action EVER.

Wait a second. Pretty much EVERY moment in the finale that had action in it was better than everything else in the whole series. Where can I begin?

[I rambled about staying on topic.]

Except... Crazula? Seriously, I can't say enough how astdirl,dtbmortsnehjAMAZING Crazula was. AZULA, where did you GO? ;_;

And the Kazuko [platonic Zutara] was better. :D

Okay, I'm still not done.

Kataang?

Yeah, it's okay. (Best in EIP.) [Eh???]

Remember the Kataang commercial?

"I won't let him fight alone?" :P

I find it highly ironic that Katara was on ANOTHER CONTINENT THE WHOLE TIME.

Heh. Oh, well. I'll just pretend there's a little extra Kataang in there more along the lines of EIP. ^_^ And then I might be able to say I officially like Kataang, or something.

[End finale reaction]

Years later, I'm rather bemused by some of my thoughts. My disappointment in Tokka makes sense, since they would be so awesome. :P During ATLA, I assumed that shipping details were done very purposefully and would lead somewhere, even if it was just a character arc. After watching LOK, I came to understand better how the writers used shipping more for fun, especially with secondary characters. Part of the magic of shipping or just being in a fandom in general is the fans' imagination. I've been (more or less) happy to continue Tokka using my imagination. I can even imagine contradictory scenarios - angsty, happily ever after, silly, serious - so it really doesn't matter what happened in canon after ATLA.

I don't think Toph was boy crazy, but I do think Sokka will forever care about her well-being. Nowadays Sokka, Suki, and Toph's side plot might be my favorite plotline in the last two episodes, but it's really hard to choose. The Agni Kai is beautiful, the Old Masters are powerful, and Aang's battle against Ozai is intense and important.

My original thoughts on Kataang are really weird to me now. I think I finally warmed up to them a couple years later. I'm not sure what I thought was so good about them in EIP - maybe the fact they actually talked a bit about their relationship? But watching Aang kiss her prematurely is so cringy to me now, and like many I would have liked some sort of interaction before they kissed in the final moments. But I can enjoy it now!

I might dredge up more old posts from the days of great debates, or try to find my first impressions of a few more episodes. (I know I've always loved the Boiling Rock.) Let me know if that's of interest!

In other news, Kataang week is next week, and I am plotting to participate for once.

Now... back to drawing!

[supercasey]

what kind of fics do u write? slash fic, gen, character studies? one shots/multi chap? what's the longest fic you ever wrote? what fic are you most proud of?

I need you to know that you’re my new favorite person. Seriously, this means the world to me, I’ve been wanting to ramble about this stuff for forever!

What kind of fics do u write? Slash fic, gen, character studies?

I think the best way I can describe my fics are hurt/comfort and platonic bonds, usually between siblings and/or parents. I don’t really know why or when I started down this path, but that’s what a majority of my writing is about these days (I blame it on being close with most of my family and wanting to see more healthy/close relationships between families in media).

I occasionally delve into romantic stories too, but not very often, and I’d at least say my Bright Family Values AU is a character study to some extent, but again, it’s following the hurt/comfort and platonic relationships theme. Hopefully at some point I’ll gain the inspiration to try new settings and ideas, but for now, this is kinda my weird ass niche.

One shots/multi chap?

I’d probably say I prefer writing one-shots, since I don’t have to stress about an uploading schedule/coming up with a longer, more connected story, but at the end of the day, multi chapter fics tend to draw me in more, so I get myself stuck on those projects. Moment of silence for all the people who got attached to my old WIPs, I am so sorry for not continuing them 😅

What's the longest fic you ever wrote?

After checking AO3, Aerospace Accident is my longest fic by far at roughly 179k, although it’s sadly discontinued due to frustration on my part with where it was heading, and how I wrote certain characters. I’ve heavily debated rebooting the series, but I’m still on the fence about it. Still, I’m proud of how much work I put into that fic, and it was a lot of fun sharing it with the Villainous fandom and meeting so many friends/mutuals along the way!

What fic are you most proud of?

Oof, this is a tough one. Some part of me wants to say Aerospace Accident since it’s my longest fic, or Monster Apartments AU since it was the most popular and I got to work on it with my older brother, but honestly I think All on Memorex is my favorite. I dunno, although that fic is severely depressing, it means a lot to me and pays homage to a dark period of my life, and the rest of the series (that I’m still working on btw!) is meant to be a recovery story, and that personally means a lot to me, especially as of late.

Again, thank you so much for sending this ask, dude! I really, really appreciate it!

[wonpilsbabo]

ABOUT

About Me

I'm Adriann, I'm 33 and my pronouns are she/her. I rescue/rehab cats and have several of my own. I have a wide variety of interests and hobbies including crafting, reading, and a multitude of shows especially of the sci-fi and fantasy variety. I'm an avid shipper and fanfic reader(shout-out to my favorite writer and Tumblr user @here4theheartbreak his stuff is incredible). I'm very politically and personally liberal and always looking to get further left.

About My Blog

This blog will be dedicated to my kpop fandoms. I'll list them and my biases in order here for easy perusal.

1. Day6 primary bias Wonpil, secondary bias Young K.

2. Shinee primary bias Minho, secondary bias Taemin.

3. Stray Kids primary bias Felix, secondary bias Bang Chan.

4. OnlyOneOf primary bias Rie, secondary bias Junji.

5. Ateez primary bias Mingi, secondary bias Yunho.

Honorable mentions to Wonho and Holland.

DNI

If you support any far right political policy or have any wish to ""debate"" such please kindly fuck right off. Minors, it isn't personal but I'm a grown person who will occasionally say age inappropriate things. Antis, seriously just don't. And last but certainly not least if you're just here to be generally unpleasant, don't bother.

[thelegendofclarke]

People have been saying Sansa tried to force her sister to conform to traditional femininity. Do you know any specific examples of this? I don't remember her ever telling Arya she should wear dresses or embroider or anything like that. Other people like Septa Mordane, Catelyn, even Ned imposed that on Arya but I don't remember Sansa aggressively doing it. She did wish Arya was more like her, but Arya wished Sansa was more like /her/ and Arya isn't vilified for that, so it's unfair that Sansa is.

Ooohhh Anon haha, you are getting into one of my literal least favorite topics here on the lovely tumblr.com: Sansa vs. Arya and the “Sansa Bullied Arya” Discourse™.

I have seen sooo many posts calling Cat, Septa Mordane, and Sansa sexist/misogynists/bullies, ect. I haven’t really seen any of regarding Ned tbh, but I am sure its out there. I try to stay away from it because god I just really hate it, its so terrible and most of the time it makes me so uncomfortable.  I have never seen anything productive ever come from it. 

I didn’t get into the fandom here on tumblr until after I had read the books… I was honestly shocked at how much fandom fixated on this particular issue, and also how polarized the discussion was. We could talk for hours and days and years (because trust me, people have) about the instances where Arya clashes with other characters over the particular issue of femininity. But a vast majority of the time, it either starts as, or turns into, pitting the Stark sisters against each other and/or vilifying one of them and victimizing the other.

Honestly though, I think the issue more comes down to this: how much are you willing to hold these specific characters responsible for the society that they were born into? And how willing are you to blame or vilify them for perpetuating that society?

Westeros is a rigid patriarchy, that is absolutely no secret. Conformity to traditional, prescribed gender roles are all these people know. The discussion around Sansa is the one that usually makes me the most uncomfortable because at the time of most of events most of the discussion is centered around, Sansa is 11 years old. Idk about any one else, but when I was 11 years old I was in the 5th grade and we were doing that paper mache volcano science experiment where you made it ~erupt~ with baking soda and vinegar. I was not exactly interested in questioning prescribed gender roles or dismantling the patriarchy yet. As far as Ned, Cat and Septa Mordane go, I am more willing to hold them more culpable for their criticisms of Arya. But holding Sansa as an 11 year old to the same, and sometimes even greater, levels of culpability than full grown adults in the same situation is something I struggle with.

Sansa and Arya clearly do not have a perfect relationship, and often times its downright acrimonious; but imo, it’s also clear how their relationship became that way. Arya’s feelings of resentment of Sansa are understandable, because Arya has been criticized and degraded and made to feel inferior because she cannot, and does not want to, fit into Westerosi social norms and mores; everything from her looks, to her inclinations, to her hobbies, to the way she prefers to dress has been labeled “abnormal” and “unladylike.” Sansa’s inability to understand Arya is also reasonable because Sansa sees her role and what she’s been taught to do and to be as natural; she doesn’t think to question the way things are done or the people teaching and praising her. Sansa can’t relate to or sympathize with Arya’s frustrations any more that Arya can relate to or appreciate Sansa’s interests. They might as well be speaking completely different languages

Both Sansa and Arya were screwed over and let down, time and time again, by their society and the adults in their lives who created and encouraged miscommunications and hostility between them. Sansa and Arya could possibly have had a much more amicable relationship without, just for some examples, the influence of Septa Mordane, who fostered much of the resentment between the sisters. Or Ned, who held them to such different and inconsistent standards and expectations. Or Cat, who tried to hold Arya to Sansa’s example which Arya views as an impossible standard to reach. Or all three adults using comparisons to Sansa as a mechanism to shame and criticize Arya, making her feel insecure. However, all three adults are still operating in a patriarchy and they are (however unfairly) trying to teach Arya to do the same. For Septa Mordane that was her entire job description: to teach young girls to be Good Ladies as defined by patriarchal standards. They simply don’t know any other way to be. And they also know that not only failure and refusal to comply with, but downright rebellion against, said standards won’t make Arya’s life any easier going forward. Yes, there are notable exceptions in canon like Brienne of Tarth and the Mormonts; but they are just that: exceptions. Conformity and compliance is the rule.

So if you need something/one to vilify, vilify The Fucking Patriarchy tbh. It is Westerosi society, and its so deeply and violently indoctrinated patriarchal standards and values, that causes so much tension in these particular instances and between these characters. Sansa and Arya are children who are products of (and also at the mercy of) their environment. But if you get rid of the pervasive, toxic sexism and misogyny that dominated Westeros, their childish sibling arguments would not have progressed and would have been resolved or forgotten probably as quickly as they started. And in many cases, the cause for disagreement or hostility wouldn’t have even been present at all. 

[everybody-loves-purdy]

About the anon who talked about the Erins- I do see their point and I do agree with. I’ve met people who are older than me and have loved the outdated tropes that the generation I’m in have seen issues with- I was even in a debate with my mother about this movie she liked that I didn’t like because the love interest was written in an outdated trope that made him toxic. (My mom says that things he does can be seen as bad but improves throughout the movie and I go ‘it’s a poorly written character development’).

While I am kind of criticizing the Erins- I do admit that them being ghost writers and have a not long time limit is one of the many issues Warrior Cats is currently dealing with. Usually when I say Erins- I usually refer to the entire team and not just the original authors. I just find it problematic that the Erins seem to be ignoring what their readers are saying especially if it involves sensitive issues such as abuse. Sometimes there’s nothing wrong with listening to the fans of your creations- while we have seen it ruin stories, we have also seen it save stories. I’ve seen some people that just want the Erins to acknowledge the flaws of Warriors and apologize for the insensitive way it is written. And i think it was Kate Cary that confirmed Bramblestar was one of her favorites and I also think she stated one time that Squirrelflight was one of her least favorite- this could be outdated information, Kate Cary’s thoughts can change so who knows what she thinks now, even though she defended Bramblestar and apparently victim blamed Shadowsight. Kate Cary even stated ‘true love always wins’ when it comes to Crowfeather x Feathertail and possibly Dovewing x Tigerheart (I heard about it but can’t find any conformation she said that about Dovewing x Tigerheart)- two problematic ships. So it’s no surprise that the Erins and the fans disagree on things such as these. My biggest issue is the Erins just not seemingly listening to the fans- some fans are bringing up real life experiences they have to point how the toxic behavior within the characters. I just don’t like seeing these fans being disrespected like this- their voices not being heard. Listening to fans’ thoughts and critique is part of being a story creator- sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad; just need to know what to listen to and take into consideration or not. What is also bad is that the Erins are clearly not organized well enough to answer fans’ questions and I’ve seen the Erins give different answers about the characters to the same answer & of course, the accidental incest, the characters that seem to have disappeared, characters even having wrong relatives or getting information wrong such as Squirrelflight saying Tigerheart would be too young to remember the Great Battle that he was an adult and fighting in, and forgetting whose dead or alive.

Warrior Cats is dealing with huge issues and most of the time it isn’t the Erins’ faults- I’ve also seen some horrible fans. I’ve seen one fan refer to Brightheart as Lostface and victim blamed her, even saying her ableist name was punishment for not listening to Bluestar- claiming they were ‘criticizing’ a fan’s favorite character as that fan critiqued Ashfur (yes, this was a Ashfur apologist and this apologist was one of the worse I’ve seen so far in the fandom). When I first joined the fandom- I was seriously scared of being attacked for not shipping Mothpool or loving Dovewing who was an unnecessarily hated character. I soon grew out of that- you don’t like my opinions, that’s a shame. They’re my opinions: I’m not bothered by yours. Just don’t get mad when I or other fans correct you on what really happened in the books- spreading misinformation is also a big issue in the fandom.

Really well put and I completely agree

I fortunately have been in a position to not have come across too many toxic fans, although I have had my run ins, but I can’t think of anything recently as extreme as you’ve unfortunately experienced

And yeah misinformation about the books is a big one, and most the time it often ends up being unintentional since it’s so hard for everyone to keep track of everything that happens in these books, I personally never try to spread any kind of misinformation and I try to keep everything I say factual to the books, and I’m more than happy to be corrected if I’m wrong

Honestly given how long I’ve been in this fandom sometimes it feels like this to me lol:

[lovee-infected]

Hello Geo-san, just read your post on Malleus's birthday. It says that his only relative is his grandmother and she still rules the Valley of Thorns. There are theories that his grandmother is none other than Maleficent herself. If that's the case, there are two options here, either she survived her encounter with Prince Phillip or the TW timeline is following the 2014 film. Where she's still alive and ruling the Moors, maybe renamed as the Valley, alongside with Aurora. We'll just wait and see.

I've actually been thinking about this myself, that was much of a shoking reveal!

Aside from revealing the fact that Malleus's parents are dead, this somehow dropped a bomb on "Maleficent being Malleus's grandmother theory"

The main discussion going over the fandom regarding the topic is whether his grandmother is Maleficent or not, which is a really important question!

As someone who strongly supported this theory before this reveal, I can't say I wouldn't be disappointed if Maleficent isn't actually his grandmother, but on the other hand, the possibility of her being Maleficent and still alive would face some strong contradictions in the story:

First off, let's flash back to where this theory begun in the first place:

In Malleus's personal chats, we can find Sebek complimenting Malleus's performance after the classes, telling him that he'd even surpass the witch of thorns herself one day!

Malleus immediately objects to it, saying his powers barely come close to his grandmother's.

Well, to think that they were actually talking about Maleficent but all of a sudden Malleus mentioned his grandmother instead, left us qith a great possibility of him being Maleficent's grandson, to the point that many, including me, considered this theory as canon! But now I highly doubt this theory, even though I wanted it to be confirmed true so much. But since we have more information to seriously discuss the matter right now, here are my thoughts whether this theory is still acceptable or not, which is mainly explaining what would happen if they're actually using the 2014 and 2019 live action movies as a reference:

1) Maleficent being alive would totally WRECK Silver's character development and design!

Come to think of it, there would be no Silver if Maleficent is still alive! Silver's twisted logo is the sword, and the one and only famous sword in the sleeping beauty classic AND the live action movie is the one which slayed Maleficent.

So... If Maleficent's still alive -> There hasn't ever been a sword which slayed her -> Silver doesn't have any special or specific symbol/ character which he is twisted from!

While his name might have something to do with the live action version, where they strongly used Silver to defeat Maleficent, it can also be referring to the fact that dark fairies would immediately be wounded if touched with Silver, which is most likely because of Yana's studies in the fae mythology field (Like how she chose ice cream as Malleus's favorite food since fairies love cream) which isn't necessarily bound to the live action version. But since the sword is Silver's most important role in the game, we can't really stick with the live action version because not only didn't we have any special swords in the live action version, but there also would be a big confusion if there hasn't ever been a sword which slayed Maleficent and Silver is twisted from!

In summary, I'd be honest and say this out loud: Maleficent HAS TO be dead because we need the Silver sword to exist somewhere in the story!!!

2) History of 'Classic Maleficent' vs 'Live action Maleficent'

one of the main points which needs to be considered in this matter, is how different Classic Maleficent and Live action Maleficent are. Maleficent is the very first Disney live action to present a totally different face of a well-known Disney villain such as Maleficent, which also led to a considerable growth in both "Maleficent" and the classic version of "sleeping beauty"'s popularity at the same time! But while 2014's Maleficent was an absolutely amazing movie (to at least) and nearly turned Maleficent into the most beloved villain of Disney's history, the live action (especially the 2019 version) received some strict critiques regarding how they pictured Maleficent: Many of the fans were familiar and attached to the original Maleficent, the mistress of all evil who had control over the powers of hell itself. A REAL villain and an absolutely perfect one. But the live action Maleficent wasn't meant to be a villain, the live action narrated a totally different story from what the classic was.

Though it didn't really lessen the movie's popularity, there were fans who begun to dislike this version of Maleficent after the 2019 version and their reason for disliking the movie actually made sense, the live action went TOO FAR with creating a second Maleficent, almost to the point of not being anything similar to the original, that strong villainous sense they were expecting to see in Maleficent had disappeared.

Now let's talk about twst, what is twst about? Villains. It's basically the world of villains. We need that evil, menacing and demonic sense of villains to be brought back to life through this twisted vessels, as it's confirmed that this school's students have villainous souls. From the Heartslabyul chapter till now, the Pomefiore chapter, his is all we've dealt with: Absolute villains. Each chapter is about a dorm leader (expect for Kalim) discovering and revealing their villainous spirits, which leads to an overblot. They want them to see just as evil and reckless as the original villains, which is why they put them into a mode such as overblot, where they're controlled by a puppet in the shape of one of the great seven.

Is such a story, where they need to make each of the main characters be as evil as possible, choosing live action Maleficent (who is a half villain, half hero character) not only is debatable but ia also a big contract to the previous chapters as they all followed the original villains' stories!

I guess we can all agree that Diasomnia's quite special compared to the rest of the dorms, but going as far as using a different source in character development and plot design compared to the rest of the characters and dorms seems to be a bit too much- I don't think Diasomnia's design and development is planned to be THAT different.

3) Key points about fhat has been officially mentioned in twst

Personal chats are VERY important to go through while doing a character analysis, they're such a wealthy and perfect source of information regarding each and every of the characters!

As for Diasomnia, each and every of the members mentioned something about the witch of thorns and her background, which directly leads us to how and who is the twst's Maleficent:

Lilia: Explains how Maleficent's Chronicles spent 16 years looking for a baby in a cradle -> This only happened in the classic! Live action Maleficent never sent any of her minions to look after aurora as she never had any!

Silver: Explains how the King of a well-known kingdom forgot to invite Maleficent and offended her with this, he wonders what kind of King would ever do such a disrespectful thing? -> Original Maleficent was offended and mad just because she wasn't invited, while the Live action Maleficent was betrayed by the King Stephan, Aurora's father who intentionally refused to invite Maleficent. Keep this in mind that Silver said forgetting to invite her, which is exactly what happened in the classic and King and Queen seriously forgot to invite Maleficent, not to intentionally avoid and decide to keep her away from baby Aurora like what happened in the live action.

Malleus: In his chats with Lilia, he mentions how The witch of thorns once invited the prince of as enemy Kingdom into her own castle -> This is again, something which only happened in the classic, referring to the scene where Maleficent captured prince Philip and imprisoned him inside her castle. Live action Maleficent didn't even have a castle to begin with, note that all she did was to take Phillip to Stephan's castle to give Aurora a chance to live.

Malleus: He explains how The Witch of thorns could turn into a dragon -> Live action Maleficent never turned into a dragon, she just once turned her crow, diaval, into a dragon (2014 ver.) and turned into a phoenix (2019 ver.). The only Maleficent which could and did transform into a dragon is the one we know from the sleeping beauty classic.

Hitting with the lighting: This is something Malleus is capable of doing, he both did this to Sebek back in the manga anthology and threatened Rook with it -> Again, this is something which the original Maleficent and herself only could do.

There are quite a few of other orginal Maleficent references you can find if you carefully go through the story and voice lines, but I'm not going to mention each and every of them because I believe I've already discussed this enough. Note that while there are tens of original Maleficent references in the story, there hasn't been anything mentioned about the live action Malleus so far expect for fan content and stuff.

Obviously, they're using Original Maleficent as the main reference. The question is whether they're using the live action too as a reference or not.

4) A summary + Existing debates

Aside from all of the current theories and headcanons, I guess this is all we can tell about the canon information revealed so far. But before we end, I'd like to add a few of small notes:

Lilia has never referred to the Witch of thorns as Queen of thorns, it's not quite specific to tell but it seems like Queen of thorns and Witch of thorns are indeed to different people.

But then again, why does Malleus bring his grandmother up in the middle of a discussion about Witch of thorns? Could it be that he just used her mother as an example since her too, is a very powerful magician but not exactly the witch of thorns herself, or...??

There hasn't been any information revealed regarding the great seven's current position in twisted wonderland's history, how long ago has their stories taken place? Could it be that some of them are still alive? Did their stories end just the same as orginal stories or did they decide to twist the endings as well?

The main reason why I think Maleficent cannot be alive now is not becuase she died in the original story, it's becuase of Silver, which has already been explained in part (1)!

At last, I'd like to add a final note to this piece: Even if the "Grandmother Maleficent" theory turns out to be wrong, many of the fans are already enjoying the eixisting fanon twst content which are using the live action as a reference! The most popular reference is probably with Malleus's back, where many artists decide to add two wounds on as a reference to what happened to Maleficent's wings in the live action. This is personally one of my FAVORITES and I just love it when artists draw the wounds, though the possibility of Malleus actually having wings is pretty low! We can almost call it impossible lol. The thing is, from how the story has gone so far we can assume that they aren't going to use the live action at all, but if they do, that'll be quite amazing and interesting to discuss!!

[hopeymchope]

Parascientific Escape: The sci-fi “escape room” visual novel-style series nobody talks about

I can’t help thinking that Parascientific Escape would probably have an active fandom somewhere on the Internet if it wasn’t TRAPPED ON THE 3DS ESHOP.

I mean, it’s an escape room-centric visual novel-style sci-fi Japanese game that is clearly inspired by Zero Escape and very anime in its style. There are endearing characters, including optimal waifus/husbandos, plus a gradual buildup of an interesting fictional world full of political intrigue, its own countries, its own companies, and of course... psychic powers. Because you can’t have a trilogy of Japanese visual novel-style games featuring escape room puzzles without mental powers, now can you?

But as I said... they’re trapped as download-only titles for the 3DS. That’s fucking brutal. 

Even so, there’s a pretty big 3DS/2DS user base still in existence. It’s not like they’ve never been translated or something, so at least we have the capability to play them. So if you look into them, what are you getting?

A basic overview: Parascientific Escape is a trilogy of anime-style games about solving escape room mysteries and tracking down evildoers via the use of psychic powers (obvious Zero Escape influences). There’s an overarching plot about a mysterious mastermind who believes it’s time for the recently emerged psychics of the world to take their place as the next evolution of humanity and get their own nation (obvious X-Men influences).

They don’t work very well as standalone stories; each story relies on information from the last one, culminating in a game that stars the protagonists of both parts 1 and 2 together as they finally unravel the motivations behind the events of the whole series and face off with the people behind everything. In addition, the escape room puzzles start out pretty easy in the first game build to be pretty frustratingly obtuse by the tail end of the third. And on top of all that, each game taken on its own only contains about 3-4 escape rooms. So when you bundle all three together, that’s when it all works as a single satisfying package. 

Don’t worry about burning a lot of cash to play the whole series, however. The three games are $5.00 US each on the 3DS eShop and are usually on sale for $2.50 each these days. I got the entire trilogy for $7.50 US!

So let’s break down the gameplay and setup in a little more detail. Don’t worry; I won’t give any spoilers that go beyond the first five minutes of any game in the series. The twists and turns are part of the fun here.

The first game is Parascientific Escape: Cruise in the Distant Seas. You play as  Hitomi Akeneno, a high school girl (because of course she’s a high-schooler) with the dual abilities of mild telekinesis and a type of clairvoyance that lets her peer past barriers or into the insides of objects. She finds herself trapped on a sinking cruise ship where some mastermind keeps systematically locking her into isolated sections while she’s trying desperately to escape. 

I really liked how you could look inside of an object with clairvoyance and then use her telekinesis to manipulate the various switches and levers within, gradually pulling some object you need out from within a maze. I also thought it was clever how the solution to a new escape roomight require you to backtrack to a previous escape room to investigate some object or area that wasn’t relevant to that previous room’s original puzzle. 

(One of the things I found most fascinating about this one is the ethical debate raised by Hitomi’s friend Chisono regarding how Hitomi got herself involved in all this. Chisono offers a perspective that is extremely unusual to see in most fiction. You can even say it’s pretty cold, but it’s not without having some merit to it. I don’t want to say too much about what I’m talking about, though; it’s better left as a surprise.)

The second title, Parascientific Escape: Gear Detective, almost seems standalone at first. You play as Kyosuke Ayana, a private detective and actual adult (!) who is 22 years old. A young woman shows up at his office and asks to hire him for protection. See, there’s a serial killer on the loose, and she believes she’s the next target.

We are swiftly told that Kyosuke was once in an accident that necessitated the replacement of his left arm and right eye. He volunteered to be a guinea pig for some very special prosthetics that granted him artificial psychic powers. As such, he now has “chronokinesis” — to the power to look back in time. However, he can only look back for five days, and he only has limited ability to move or manipulate the things he sees in the past. 

Naturally, Kyosuke’s investigation winds up trapping him within some escape rooms that require use of his unique abilities to solve. Some of the hints at the proper timestamps or exactly where you should be looking when you peer into the past are a little vague, though, which can cause momentary frustration. Because I like to always be making forward progress, I actually preferred Hitomi’s telekinesis/clairvoyance powers from the first game. Still, Hitomi had some pretty basic puzzles in her rooms. I can’t deny that these puzzles took more thought.

Outside of the escape rooms,  everything is undeniably a huge improvement. The first game presented strictly linear segments of storytelling between the rooms, but this one is more of an adventure game. You can choose where you go, select from a limited menu of things to do when you get there, and do all of it in any order you like. There’s usually a correct sequence order to progressing the story, but it’s typically pretty clear what the next step is, so it’s not like you’re just flailing about and trying a bunch of locations blindly. Besides, there’s no way to get stuck, so don’t stress it. There are even a lot of actions you can take that have no impact on story progression at all — they’re just there to generate additional dialogue that further develops the characters. 

The tradeoff is that you actually get fewer escape rooms overall. The first game had four, but the second only contains three. This is also the first game in the series to introduce multiple endings; you get a number of dialogue choices throughout, and unfortunately, it’s far too easy to trigger the “bad” ending. There are guides online to help you trigger the Gold Star “true” ending, however. Just hit up GameFAQs. You might want to use the guide on your first playthrough, because I can say from experience that it’s annoying to have to replay all the dialogue sections just to make the correct choices. (Luckily, you can skip over any irrelevant sections of each chapter — including the escape room puzzles.) 

In spite of my above whining, the second one is probably my single favorite story in the Parascientific trilogy. It’s a lot of fun.

The final game in the trilogy is Parascientific Escape: Crossing at the Farthest Horizon. Mysterious characters who were plotting offscreen for the previous two games are finally given faces, locations that were talked about extensively in both are finally visited, and the two protagonists of the first couple games finally meet and team up. It’s absolutely a culmination of what they set up in the first two.

The narrative jumps around from the perspectives of many different characters, but the most time is undoubtedly spent with Hitomi and Kyosuke. Sadly, there is no gameplay usage of Hitomi’s powers this time; the escape rooms are all done with Kyosuke, and they are more devious now than ever before. Personally, I found the next-to-last one to be incredibly obtuse and frustrating. I ultimately had to consult a video playthrough on YouTube for that. (The YouTuber in question didn’t seem to have the same issues figuring things out that I did. So I guess your mileage may vary.)

The “adventure game” segments make a return here as well, although they’ve also become a bit tougher to figure out. There are a couple of times when you might find yourself wandering the various location options, clicking on every possible action to try and progress. Luckily, there aren’t so many default options that you’re left flailing for very long. Even the longest period of clueless wandering lasted me a maximum of 15 minutes.

Once again, you have to make the correct dialogue choices if you want a positive ending. And once again, GameFAQs is your friend and co-pilot.

Ultimately, even the gated endings and occasional puzzle frustrations did little to curb my enthusiasm. I really had fun with these characters and their stories, I greatly enjoyed the majority of the escape rooms, and I was pretty satisfied with how it all wrapped up. The character designs/artwork get better and better as the series goes on. The selection of music tracks may be the same throughout the whole series, but I really dug on them, so I can’t complain. Do I have any other misgivings? Well, just one; the English localization is pretty sloppy. There are a pretty large number of typos, and the dialogue can sound stilted and awkward at times due to being a direct translation. It’s actually at its worst at the start of the first game. Luckily, after about 30 minutes of playtime, it settles in and finds its voice.

Seriously, they should really figure out a way to re-package these games for another system that doesn’t use the the dual-screen setup. Put all three of them together, and it’d easily be satisfying as a full retail release!

But for now, if you have a 3DS/2DS, they’re only $7.50 in total most of the time (and $15.00 at the worst). Do you like adventure game-style mysteries and visual novel-esque progression and, of course, escape rooms? You should give these a shot! And I hope these devs get to make games with bigger budgets and better localizations in the future.

[autumn-foxfire]

Guess what I'm doing lmao. By far the boldest thing I've ever done for a school essay. Because who writes about a MANGA?! Exposing myself lol. We had to write about a controversial topic and I chose everyone's favorite, the debate that's the bane of our existence, you guessed it! Gonna awkwardly hand in papers about the Hawks vs Twice debate to my teacher 😌 I have too much work to add more work in choosing a normal topic so I went with what pleases the self-interest brain to make it easy.

Cont. This of course, presents a new challenge. I have to respectfully show both sides of the argument and when I sat down to write it 🙃 I recall the absolute nonsense- So we're just gonna skip over the whole "TWICE WASN'T GONNA HURT NOBODY YOU HAD NO PROOF, HE WAS UNARMED AND CRYING-" 🙊 I do not have the strength to expose this or take it seriously. Thankfully some sane and still refutable arguments exist. Hiding 90% of it all so it seems fandom had a civil, sound chat instead of a shitshow.

Haha, at least you've got a lot of posts you can look through to find both sides of the argument!

I take it this is a more informal essay where you don't have to provide sources because imagine having to turn in a paper where one of the sources is "dabisballsack" or something similar XD

The debate was an interesting time in fandom though, it revealed a lot about the thought process of the fans at the time. Plus it's always good to read the arguments of the other side even if you don't agree because it helps you solidify your own argument.

I hope it turns out good, Nonnie!

[thatwasthenightthingschanged]

🐣🐨🦔🐢🐄🐸🐧🦭

DID YOU LIKE MY COUNTDOWN!? That was fun! I had fun. That was actually more fun than I thought it would be! There were too many good posts to name. It was very fun reading all your comments and theories.  Though side note: animal anon has no problem with people joining her BUT it must be animals and it must not mess with my countdown. No statues! Animal anon does animals, not statues. Side side note: can someone settle the debate of if that emoji is a hedgehog or a porcupine? Because I have no idea. Side note side note side note: sorry if you got multiple asks in a day...my system isn't perfected yet so sometimes I send two (or three) because I forgot I sent one and didn't want to accidently miss anyone (also sorry if i did miss you, still perfecting the system, no one has been animal anon blacklisted, i promise!)

Anyway, GUESS WHAT TODAY IS!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 It's been one year since I started animal anon! How exciting is that?! Phew, what a year we've had together! I mean what better way to start this second year than some chaos since that's how animal anon started to begin with! I will admit, it was slightly stressful coming up with something to meet the occasion of this event. I hope the countdown and this post live up to it. No, I'm not going to reveal myself just yet.. maybe that will be for year 2...😏😏. BUT I will give you some fun facts about me! So let's see; first, I'm from the Midwest (so not Canadian, but close so I do have a slight accent), but I currently live in the TriState area. Second, I am a MASSIVE theater nerd. No, seriously I have been to 21 shows since Broadway reopened in September and I'm actually going to my 22nd tonight. I don't know if this makes that fact better or worse, but I've really only been to about 12 different show because out of those 22, 10 of those are one specific show. Third, I am fluent in German and English. Though, I suck at writing in German, I never learned how to, so don't ask me to do that please. Fourth, my favorite color is red, so you can guess my favorite Taylor album (and coincidently also the show I've been to see 10 times on Broadway...). Fifth, I love to talk A LOT if you couldn't tell by the essays I send yall. And lastly, I can also confirm I am not Taylor...but I will say that I do share something very important with her... tell me your guesses down below as to what very important thing you think Taylor and I have in common, and I'll send some extra animals to whomever I see gets it right first!

So contuining on with my dissertation here, this week I have been trying to figure out a prompt to live up to this occasion. As I already mentioned, my system isn't perfect! And I've been thinking a lot about community lately and how that's been lacking for so many because of Covid. So what I want yall to do is if you get this dissertation of mine, please send a message, post, anon, whatever you want to at least 1 other blog (though you can do more), telling them something you like about them and giving them an animal emoji! That way we can keep spreading the love all day long to as many as possible! 🥰

As always, you are all brilliant, kind, worthy, beautiful and as this past week has shown, hilarious and unique human beings. No seriously, some of your posts had me kneeling over in laughter. If you would so like, you can tag #animalanon so I and everyone can read all your lovely posts! IM STARTING EARLY TODAY SO WE CAN PARTY ALL DAY LONG BECAUSE I LOVE YALL SO MUCH 🎊 🦥🦁🐯

I loved your countdown sm!! thank you so much for your wholesome messages - I'm sure they not only make my day but that of the entire fandom!!

imo it's a hedgehog🧐 and don't worry about sending asks twice, it's ok!! ☺️

ahh I'm a theatre nerd as well!! though not that much into musicals this far 🥲 (but I'm currently trying to get into them!) have fun at your broadway show tonight!! now I'm curious which show it is🥺 and yay German! also impressive that you're fluent in it, that's such an accomplishment!! ohh do you maybe share Taylor's birthday??

and that's such a cute idea of yours🥺 love u!!!

[dragonseattofu]

School Days (TWEWY Fanfiction)

Summary

As the gang prepares for the annual school cultural festival, Shiki's not hiding in Eri's shadow anymore, and other people are starting to take notice. At the same time, Neku learns that the line between more than friends yet less than lovers is starting to blur.

Notes:

So to try and somewhat contribute to the very smol neshiki twewy fandom, I wrote this self-indulgent piece. It might come off as OOC, but at the end of the day I hope it’s enjoyable to at least one person out there (even if that’s just me). Dedicated to @altorav​ and @trashcan-of-a, in their efforts to show the world how wholesome neshiki is, you’ve inspired me. I hope you like it! (Plus we needed some fluff post episode 3 angst).

Preview:

It was that time of year again, the annual school cultural festival. A time of ostentatious costumes, overly enthusiastic maid/butler cafe hosts/hostesses, and even more unnecessary social interactions that Neku would rather just avoid school all together.

What a drag, the teen thought as he drowned out his classmate’s debate on what theme they should do.

Looking at the window from his seat, Neku was grateful he listened to his mother this morning and grabbed an umbrella. The cumulus clouds hung low, their edges tinged grey.

“Okay everyone, that’s it for today. Make sure to sign up for your roles before the end of the day!”

Pulled out of his reverie by chairs scratching against the worn linoleum and erupting chatter, Neku stood up from his seat and walked over to the bespeckled girl two rows down.

“You weren’t paying attention, were you?” The petite girl asked before he even got out his greeting.

He picked at one of his spiked out strands of hair, “is it that obvious? Festivals are such a bore.”

“They are not! And this year we have Beat and Eri to celebrate it with. Even Rhyme’s coming! It’s going to be fun!” She was really enthusiastic about this, and not the false happiness she tried to pull during their time in the Reaper’s Game, but genuine excitement. He couldn’t help but mirror her smile.

“Yeah well, what are we even doing?” He turned his attention to the board and shuttered.

“Seriously? A play … Cinderella? Cliche much? Yep, this is going to be torture.”

“Oh come on, it’s not going to be that bad! Eri and I are going to be in charge of costumes, you could help us—“

“Hey Sakuraba!” Yuji shouted from the front of the classroom, “thanks for signing up for props and set, man! We’ll have a meeting after classes in the auditorium at 3!”

Neku looked at the class president as if he had sprouted reaper wings, “what the?”

“You signed up for set-up?” Shiki asked him, getting up with her books and supplies all gathered neatly in her bag.

“Hell no, who signed me up?”

“I did.” A streak of pink wandered over to the pair. Before the young boy could protest the predicament she put him in, the girl placed her arm around Shiki’s shoulders protectively.

“I found some of your sketches in Shiki’s notebook and I figured you’d be really good at making the sets. Plus, this way you can walk Shiki home after school when it gets late. Kill two birds with one stone, right? Eri ended her explanation with a wink, much to Neku’s chagrin.

Just as quickly as Eri appeared, in a blink she was gone, yelling over her shoulder, “see you later guys! Shiki, let’s get started on the costume designs after school today!”

“Come back here Pinkie!” The boy hissed at her retreating shadow.

Shiki laughed at their antics. She grasped Neku’s fist he was shaking at her best friend gently and smiled at him before repeating, “hey, it’ll be fun, okay?”

A slight pause and resigned sigh were her only responses.

“This never reaches my mother’s ears. I’ll never hear the end of it.” He threatens, knowing full well that Shiki and his mother had each other's numbers saved as favorites.

~~~~~

Reluctantly, Neku made his way to the auditorium after school. To his surprise, he learned that the play was going to be a parody of sorts, a “Cinderella in Shibuya” story. The sets would be modeled after iconic spots in their neighborhood, one of which would be inspired by CAT’s mural in Udagawa! Even though Neku was still sulking in his seat for having to stay after school, he didn’t hate the concept.

“So gang, we’ll need a couple of supplies to start with constructing the sets and painting them.” Yuji started speaking as he walked up the steps leading to the stage.

“Takeda-sensei mentioned that we have some spray paints left over that we could use to save on budget.” Taking a seat at the edge of the stage, the class president looked into the crowd of faces and asked, “Has anyone used spray paints before?”

The answer was quite clear from the deafening silence. Neku could just sit quietly in his seat, admire the ugly clock above the stage, ticking away at the wasted minutes he could be spending with his friends if he wasn’t stuck here…

Or he could take a page out of Mr. H’s book and expand his world. Push his horizons out as far as they'll go. If Shiki was trying to overcome her insecurities and expand her world beyond Eri’s, then maybe he should too. Plus, he could use the practice.

“... I have,” Neku hesitantly muttered, not used to voluntarily bringing attention to himself. The room suddenly felt ten degrees warmer as all the eyes in the auditorium turned to him.

Yuji’s surprised expression was replaced with a huge grin, “Sweet man, thanks for volunteering! You good with the Udagawa set? It’s the only one that would look wild spray painted.”

Like he needed to ask, “yeah.”

“Cool!” Yuji said, “now let’s move on to the Hachiko set. Anyone good with sculpting?”

The remainder of the meeting was spent dividing up the work. They’d start assembling the sets tomorrow, and painting would start in a couple of weeks depending on how long it took to build everything. Satisfied that he could finally go home and relax, Neku sauntered out of the auditorium, flipping open his phone to see if he had any messages. None from Shiki, huh, I wonder if she went home already?

He didn’t get a chance to dwell on why he thought of Shiki just now because he spotted the girl in question sitting outside under one of the awnings at the main entrance.

“What are you still doing here?” Neku asked, slowly approaching the brunette. Shiki turned to the sound of her name, recognition dawning in her eyes and she waved at him.

“Eri forgot she had a doctor’s appointment today, so she had to leave right after classes. I had to stay late with Mina and Ai for the costume supply list, and I wasn’t sure if you had left already.” Shiki looked up at the sky, watching the rain fall around the bench she was sitting on. “I’m waiting for the storm to let up before heading home.”

He had to stop himself from admiring her, she looked stunning surrounded by the falling rain, the setting sun reflecting off of the droplets that shimmered like jewels falling from the sky around her.

“You forgot your umbrella didn’t you?” He asked, seeing her flinch at the accusation confirmed his suspicions. With a sheepish smile, she nodded.

Neku pulled out the folded umbrella from his knapsack and opened it up, leaving room on his left. “Let’s go?”

“Yeah,” she replied, getting up to join her companion as the sounds of two pairs of footsteps splashing in a nearby puddle reverberated off the school buildings.

After a couple of blocks of comfortable silence, Shiki asked, “So how did your meeting go?”

He adjusted the umbrella before muttering, “Boring.”

“Oh.” Shiki wasn’t entirely surprised. The festival seemed like more of a nuisance to him.

“... The play’s going to be a parody in Shibuya?”

“Yeah! Isn’t it interesting? Eri and I decided to do a fusion of victorian punk for the costumes!” Neku could practically see the stars shining in her eyes, “fairytale gold with midnight navy, flowing dresses with chains and netting! It’s going to look awesome —“

So enthusiastic about the creations in her mind, Shiki didn’t see that she stepped into the bicycle lane beside her, with a cyclist approaching at an alarming speed. Neku tossed the umbrella from his left hand to his right and grabbed Shiki’s shoulder from behind, pulling her into his chest in one swift motion. Not a second later did the wind pick up next to the two teens, the bicyclist flipping the middle finger as he passed them.

“Watch where you’re going!” Neku shouted.

“You watch it kid!”

As his senses started the return to normal from the brush of danger, Neku asked Shiki if she was alright. He didn’t move away from her, only bringing the umbrella over to shield the rain that started to drip on his hand holding her shoulder. The rhythmic pattering of droplets hitting the umbrella slowed her heartbeat enough to reply.

“Yeah, a little shaken though. Thanks for the save,” Shiki said, their eyes meeting. The proximity of their faces caused their already flushed cheeks to redden a deeper hue, both quickly turning away in embarrassment. Shiki reluctantly removed her hands from his chest, and with a little hesitation, Neku released his hold on her.

Confined to the edges of his seemingly small umbrella, Neku cleared his throat and offered the girl his arm, “I-I think you should hold on to me, you know, in case I need to save you again.”

This time she pouted, “I saved you a couple of times too, you know,” Shiki commented, her nose held high defiantly. Without hesitation, she accepted the arm that extended out to her, cheeks dusted pink from frustration because he was teasing her, and that she was holding onto the person she may or may not have feelings for. With their arms now linked, the two continued their walk home as the rain started to get heavier.

“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll be sure to thank Piggy when I see him next time.”

“Ugh, gosh Neku, Mr. Mew is a cat!” She pulled the black stuffed animal out of her bag and shoved him in the boy’s face for good measure.

“Hey there Piggy, thanks for saving me back in the UG. Think you can save me from your master’s death glare?” Neku chuckled while guiding Shiki across the street. She was getting more annoyed with him by the second, but he couldn’t help himself. As they waited for the crossing signal to change, Neku took the time to admire the way she crinkles her nose when she’s arguing with him, and how she tightens her grip on his arm when they can proceed across the street. He’s staring too long at her, he realizes and he blushes because may or may not have feelings for her.

They were dancing around where they stood with each other for months now. Definitely more than friends, but a little less than lovers. Neku couldn’t deny that if he ever would be with someone, it would be Shiki, but they were both still learning how to be themselves. That was more important than being branded as something they weren’t yet ready for just to satisfy other people. Shiki was important to Neku, and vice versa because they were partners, and if anything was going to happen beyond that, would just happen on its own. Right now, Neku enjoyed having Shiki this close to him, talking about what the next couple of weeks would be like as they walked home together, and that was good enough for him.

~~~~~

A couple of days had passed since the shared umbrella incident, and yet again, Neku found himself staying after school, moving one of the newly constructed sets into the west wing of the auditorium. It wouldn’t be long before he could take the massive blank mural outside and start spray painting the design he had been ruminating on. With the last of the sets neatly tucked away, Neku silently nodded at Yuji to signal his leave, before picking up his things and heading out. The fluorescent “20:35” shined on his phone as he tapped it to life, lighting up the shadowed hallway as he walked further into the school.

Neku heard her voice on his way to the classroom. He knew she was probably still working, oftentimes the last person in her group to leave, but what surprised him was the presence of another, more masculine voice in response to her quiry.

“Most people don’t know about that collection, it sold out within a couple of hours after release.”

“Wow, did you manage to get anything? Oh, lift your neck a little higher.”

“Sure thing.” There was a pause and Neku took the opportunity to peer into the classroom through the silt in the door. He could see Shiki standing on a stool, intently working on the collar of their classmate’s costume. The voice belonged to Hiroshi Minaru. He was casted as the prince in their festival play, and it looked like most of his costume was complete, sans a couple details Neku knew Shiki would never overlook. She was so deep in thought that her face was barely inches from the boy’s neck. “It was a bloodbath at 5 in the morning, but I grabbed the limited edition mint polo before this other dude and I thought I was going to die!”

Neku heard Shiki giggle, and he subconsciously clenched his fists. He felt like he shouldn’t be there, eavesdropping on her. With another guy… She’s clearly still busy, and it’s not like they had planned to leave together. He debated whether he should just go, make up an excuse as to why he didn’t wait. He felt uncomfortable, and he didn’t know why.

“All done! How does it feel, too constricting?”

“No, It’s perfect Misaki-chan, you’re so amazing with a needle and thread! You really have a talent for sewing.”

“Thanks,” she said bashfully, “now, give me a good turn!”

The boy took a step back and spun around, his cape flowing around him, “how do I look?” He put his hand to his chin, and smirked at her with a lifted brow.

“Like a dashing prince charming.” Shiki replied with a friendly smile, the ones Neku had seen time and time again.

“I’m really glad we got to work together like this for the festival, it’s nice to talk to someone about fashion with an eye for clothes making.”

“Yeah, me too. Most of the time it’s just Eri and I…” Shiki looked down, steadying herself to step down from the stool. Hiroshi offered her a hand, which she gladly took.

“M-Maybe ... sometime I could show you some photos of my Mus Rattus collection?” Hiroshi said, looking up at her from below, their faces mere centimeters away.

The pair made eye contact and the next thing Neku knew, he saw her pitch forward.

“Misaki-chan!” “Shiki!”

Thankfully, she landed on her feet, still holding Hiroshi’s hand. Both heads turned to the door that was forcibly ripped open, leaving the orange haired teen standing alone, concern written on his face.

“Shiki, are you okay?” Neku asked, walking toward the pair. He saw her slide her hand out of Hiroshi’s as she redirected her attention to him.

“Yeah, a little shaken but I’m alright.” She turned to Hiroshi, “Thanks for catching my fall Hiroshi-kun.”

“No problem Misaki-chan. You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she beamed at Neku, “while you’re here, what do you think?” She asked, gesturing toward Hiroshi, to which their classmate posed with a smile.

After a second or two, “I think I see a button loose.”

“WHAT, where?!” She scurried to Hiroshi, who stiffened at the sudden scrutiny.

“...made you look…”

“Neku, jeez!” Shiki puffed her cheeks. He just smiled as she attacked him with a series of punches to the arm.

Clearing his throat, Hiroshi excused himself. It was quite late already, and he felt like he was intruding on what seemed to be a private moment.

“See you later, Misaki-chan, Sakuraba-kun.”

A comfortable silence soon fell upon them. Shiki moved to gather her belongings, tidying up her projects neatly to be continued tomorrow.

“Let’s go?” She asked, holding her bag behind her back.

He nodded as she walked out of the classroom, shutting the light, and closing the door behind them.

~~~~~

The evening air whistled in his ear, a chill nipping at his nose. The weather was getting colder, the days shorter, and staying in school longer for the festival meant commuting home when the sun was either gone or disappearing beyond the horizon. He pulled his scarf tighter around his neck in a feeble attempt to fight the shivers moving up his spine. He looked at Shiki to see how she was fairing.

He saw that her cheeks were pink, from the cold or something else he didn’t know. He moved to look at her eyes, surprised when his eyes locked onto hers. Shortly after both teens looked away in different directions, a little more flushed than before.

“So Hiroshi-kun’s costume is coming together really well. The gold accents Eri wanted really worked out better than I imagined,” Shiki said.

“That’s because you brought it to life.”

Shiki looked at him with wide eyes. Neku’s always been blunt to a “T,” never sugarcoating his thoughts regardless if they were well-received or not. When he says things like this, Shiki can’t help but feel elated. He believed in her and her abilities, it was just a simple truth.

“Thanks Neku.”

She heard a muffled mhmm from his scarf.

A couple steps later, “... what were you and Hiroshi talking about?”

She gave him a thoughtful look. “Hiroshi-kun is really into Mus Rattus’ recent fall collection. Some of the pieces had some pretty neat fabrics and we started talking about textiles and fashion. I didn’t know there would be someone else that liked fashion as much as Eri and I.”

Neku grunted a reply. Realizing that he was a few steps ahead of her, Shiki quickened her pace to match his.

“Is something … bothering you?” Shiki questioned the boy, subconsciously giving him the doe-eyed look he found both irritating and endearing.

Neku felt agitated; more so frustrated because he didn’t exactly know why he was agitated. Flashbacks from that rainy day came to mind, Shiki holding onto his arm under a shared umbrella, walking home side by side, more closely than before. The memories made him feel warm and excited. Then he remembered the princely-dressed Hiroshi holding Shiki’s hand as if she was his princess he had come to rescue, and he grunted in displeasure. He came to a stop, trying to sort out his emotions. It showed on his face enough for Shiki to raise an eyebrow in concern.

“Let me in,” Shiki said quietly, “trust me?” She placed a hand on his arm delicately.

It’s not that he didn’t trust her, it was more like he didn’t trust what would come out of his mouth coherently. He looked at her hands, and with great care, took her hands into his own, slightly larger ones.

“I … ugh … want to … hold your hands.” Neku mummered, so low and into his scarf she barely caught it. But after a couple of months of getting to know her partner, she knew how to really listen when he verbally or wordlessly communicated something.

Not exactly sure where this was coming from, Shiki just replied with the first thing that came to mind, “I want to hold your hands too,” she said with a soft smile.

That was a good sign, right? Neku was nervous, but an excited kind of nervous. They were going into a very delicate topic, one that they had been carefully tiptoeing around since they came back to the RG. He didn’t know if he was ready to take the next steps, but now’s a better time than never he reasoned. He slowly realized that he didn’t want to wait any longer.

“Can we talk about…this, us?” He said, looking down at their joined hands, giving hers a light squeeze.

A pregnant pause ascended, and Neku didn’t realize he was holding this breath before he heard her speak.

“Well, I like hanging out with you, being with just you.” She closed her eyes in thought, “and I like when you walk me home.” She gestured to their hands, “this is nice too, I would like to do this more often.”

Shiki opened one eye to gauge her companion’s reaction and took a leap of faith, “I guess I’ve kind of had feelings for you for a while now, since the first time you saw me in the RG, the real me. I was super embarrassed when you told me that I was prettier than Eri. I thought you were just trying to cheer me up so that Beat and Rhyme wouldn't worry, but then I remembered that you don’t say needless things, that you really believed it, so I started to believe it too.”

Looking him straight in the eyes, Shiki continued, “I like the way you make me feel, like I’m a better person than I think I am, and I want to be the person that you see in me…”

He still hadn’t uttered a word, slowly processing what he was hoping wasn’t a dream. His silence continued and Shiki was beginning to lose her nerve, “and you should say something now because this is super embarrassing with you just looking at me like that!” Gosh, she wanted to pry her hands away so she can bury her face in them!

So the feeling was mutual all along, Neku thought, and he couldn’t stop the goofiest smile that emerged on his face.

“Well … you were my entry fee,” he replied, trying to look everywhere but her. Neku had told Shiki and the gang about his three week experience immediately after they returned to the RG. He was so apologetic for dragging her back into the game again that he didn’t see her embarrassment about what being his entry fee really meant. If he didn’t want to dwell on it, neither would she. However his comment had greater weight now, and she blushed knowing what he was implying, but she still wasn’t satisfied.

“Geez, I just gave you a whole monologue! I want something more than that. Say it!”

“Alright, alright, geez stalker don’t get your undies in a bunch,” he chuckled, and with a little bit more confidence said, “Shiki, I like you too.”

It felt like a veil had lifted, like the metaphoric waltz they were dancing finally concluded and they just stood there, hand in hand. Neku swore he heard music in his ears, the Shibuya’s metropolitan sounds harmonizing with Shiki’s melody into a rhapsody only he could hear. One day he would tell her about it, her song that was playing in his mind when she told him that she liked him. But for today he would just burn her smile into his memory, the smile she had when he told her that he liked her.

Neku didn’t know what the near future would hold, neither of them doing well under the pressure of their friends that had been right about them this whole time, but he wanted to do this right, and take it slow. For now, all he just wanted was to be with her, and hold her hand a little longer.

“Let’s take the long way home, through the park?” Neku suggested, bringing her knuckles to his lips.

“Y-yeah.” She stuttered as he boldly gave them a chaste kiss.

So into their own world, hands laced together, setting a different course home, did the young couple not realize the chuckle in the wind at the bet he just won on who would confess first.

[set-phasers-to-whump]

“please come back”

febuwhump day 2

prompt: “please come back” (alt no.10)

whumpee: eddie diaz

fandom: 911

hi people! i promise tomorrow i’m gonna actually do one of the main prompts lol. anyway this is pretty light emotional whump but what can i say. thats just how it went. hope u enjoy? this is set during the lawsuit.

Eddie’s drunk. Not mind-numbingly, not enough to make any seriously bad decisions, but drunk enough to be...inhibited. He’s alone. Chris is at the Wilsons’ for a sleepover. Shannon is gone. Buck is...where is Buck? 

At home, his brain supplies. Not quite, he thinks. There’s something else...something which is completely escaping him at the moment. 

Whatever that something is, he figures, it’s nothing that would keep them apart. He laughs at himself for even thinking that. As though anything would ever keep them apart! And seeing as there’s nothing separating them save for distance, he decides to call Buck and see whether he wants to hang out. 

His phone rings and rings and rings, then goes to voicemail. He pulls it away from his ear, looking at the screen to make sure he’d hit the right contact, even as Buck’s recorded voice comes through the speaker. “This is Buck, I’m not here right now…” 

Maybe he’s busy. His hands might be full, Eddie figures. He’ll call back in a minute. 

Thirty seconds later, the phone is ringing again. And ringing, and ringing…

“This is Buck, I’m not here right now…”

Eddie sighs, hanging up. Buck always answers. Some nagging thing in the back of his mind says that there is a reason Buck isn’t answering, but he ignores it. What if something’s wrong? What if Buck needs him? (What if he needs Buck?)

He’s too drunk to drive, but that’s okay. A walk will do him good, he thinks, maybe sober him up a little so he’s not falling over on Buck’s doorstep. 

Halfway through his walk, the thought occurs to him that he could’ve gotten an Uber. It’s started to rain, heavy drops falling through the dark sky. No point in calling one now, Eddie figures. He’s already wet. He walks a little faster. 

He arrives at the door of Buck’s apartment soaked and slightly shivering, despite the warm night. He feels a bit less drunk, though still out of it, and the nagging feeling of there being something up with Buck returns to his mind. He knocks, leaning against the doorframe, wondering for the first time whether this wasn’t a stupid idea. Maybe Buck’s out for the night. Maybe he has someone over (the thought barely crosses his mind before he’s dismissing it, for reasons he doesn’t entirely understand). But he’s here now, and he thinks it would be more stupid to not at least knock. 

He knocks, and waits. Footsteps approach the door, which he slumps against in relief. Buck’s home. His mind begins to formulate more what-ifs and why’s, but he’s stopped from thinking through them by the door opening. 

He half falls over as the door swings open, catching himself with a hand against the doorframe. He looks up, and smiles. Buck’s here. 

But he looks…angry isn’t the right word, though it’s one that comes to mind. Confused, maybe. Surprised. Definitely not glad to see him. 

“What are you doing here?” Buck asks, and he sounds almost accusatory. Eddie flinches back reflexively.

“Wanted t’ see you,” he says, the slightly slurred words slipping out of his mouth before he can think of anything better to say. 

“Eddie, you can’t,” Buck says, sounding a little worried now. Eddie doesn’t like that. The last thing he wants is for Buck to worry. 

“Why?” he asks. 

“Are you drunk?” Buck asks, and now there is no mistaking the worry. “Eddie, you can’t be here. The lawsuit?”

And shit. He does remember now. His whole body shivers with the sudden realization, and he turns to leave, nearly tripping over his own feet, turning his face to the ground to hide the tears forming in his eyes. 

An arm around his bicep stops him in his tracks. Before he can ask “what’re you doing?” Buck is dragging him inside and closing the door, then walking away towards the stairs, leaving Eddie dripping water onto the kitchen floor.

He stares after Buck, blinking the tears out of his eyes, thoughts racing through his mind as quickly as they can. He’s at Buck’s. Buck is mad at him. They are not supposed to see each other. He is drunk enough to have forgotten that fact. He’d forgotten. How had he forgotten that he wasn’t allowed to see his best friend? Why had Buck decided to do this stupid lawsuit anyway? Why had Buck even let him into his house?

Eddie is jolted out of his rapidly spiraling thoughts by Buck throwing a towel and some clothes (his own clothes, he recognizes, left over from the last time a Buckley-Diaz movie night had turned into a Buckley-Diaz sleepover) at him, a little harder than is necessary. He wordlessly points to the bathroom. Eddie hurries off towards it before Buck can change his mind and kick him out.

Once in the bathroom, Eddie barely restrains himself from sinking down to the floor against the door. He shouldn’t be here. Buck clearly doesn’t want him here, even if he’s letting him stay. He looks down at the clothes in his hands, brings them up to his face. They smell like Buck. He smiles reflexively, then begins the slow process of stripping out of his soaked clothes, drying off, and putting on the dry ones. 

Once he finishes that task, Eddie feels slightly more steady, slightly less drunk, and a hell of a lot more embarrassed. He’d come here on pure instinct, too out of it to realize that he wasn’t wanted, and now he’s in Buck’s bathroom wearing his own clothes that smell like Buck, who is in the same apartment as him but might as well be a thousand miles away. 

He briefly debates just staying in the bathroom forever. Buck is going to kick him out, and then he’ll have to go home alone in the pouring rain, and everything will be exactly the same and he’d still miss Buck even though he’s right there…

“Eddie?” There’s a knock at the door.

“Coming,” Eddie says quietly, dropping his wet clothes into Buck’s laundry hamper in the vain hope that, later, Buck will wash them and ask Eddie to come back over and get them. 

He opens the door. Buck is standing there, the ghost of a smile on his face, his hands wrapped around a steaming mug (Eddie’s favorite mug, he notices, and tries not to notice that he’s noticed).

Buck hands the mug to Eddie, who wraps his lightly trembling hands around it. It’s hot chocolate, Eddie realizes, the kind Buck sometimes makes for Chris on chilly days. The thought almost makes him smile, were it not for the fact that he feels like crying. 

“Come sit down,” Buck says, and walks to the couch before Eddie can say anything in response. He follows numbly, focusing on the warmth of the mug slowly seeping into his hands.

A moment later, the two of them are settled into their usual spots on the couch, and Eddie is staring into the mug of hot chocolate so that he doesn’t have to look at Buck. So that Buck can’t see the emotions that he knows are written clearly across his face. He really wishes he felt a little less drunk, a little more in control.

“What were you doing, coming here in the rain half-drunk when we’re not supposed to see each other?” Buck asks, and he sounds genuinely concerned, rather than angry. Eddie relaxes minutely, risks a glance at the other man.

“I didn’t think,” he says, honestly, hating the way his voice nearly breaks. “I knew there was something...something I was forgetting, about you, but I couldn’t think of what it was. I was drunk and alone and I wanted to see you.”

He’d usually never be this honest about this kind of thing. He’s half-glad to finally speak his feelings aloud, half-mortified of the truth that’s come out of him. The glad, drunk part of him wins out over the mortified, sober part, and before he knows it, he’s talking again.

“I wanted to see you,” he repeats, hopping back onto his train of thought, ignoring the way his voice definitely breaks. “I missed you. I miss you so much, but you’re right here. You’re right here and I can’t even see you and I miss you so much and I don’t want you to leave, not after Shannon- after she left, and I just want to be around you again. Please come back, Buck.”

“Eddie,” says Buck, and his voice is soft, softer than Eddie deserves for being here, for being weak, for telling him all of that…

A soft hand brushes under his eyes. He hadn’t even realized that he was crying. Now that his attention‘s been drawn to it, though, he can’t seem to stop. A broken sob escapes him, and suddenly Buck’s arms are around him, warm and comforting, and Buck is speaking softly into his hair.

“I never wanted to leave, Eds. I was...I was angry and hurting and I thought that this would fix my problems. I didn’t know how far it would go. Maybe I should have, I dunno. But I didn’t think. All I want is to get my job back, get my family back. I want to come back, to the 118, to you, Eddie. That’s all this has ever been about. Please believe me. I never wanted to leave you.”

Eddie sniffs, burying his face deeper into Buck’s shoulder. “I believe you,” he whispers, his voice scratchy and quiet. “‘M sorry.”

“I’m sorry, Eddie,” Buck says. “I was hurt, but I didn’t think about how much this might hurt you too.”

Eddie nods into the fabric of Buck’s shirt, taking a deep breath. He pulls away from Buck’s arms, dragging a hand down his tear-streaked face. God, he’s exhausted.

“You look like shit.”

“Thanks,” Eddie says, almost laughing. Almost laughing with his best friend, who is right here and not upset with him and not leaving him and -

“Hey, hey, Eddie, what’s wrong?”

Eddie shrugs. “I missed you,” he says, not bothering to wipe his tears away this time.

“I missed you too.”

thanks for reading this!! it might suck idk but oh well. such is life.