#seriously go watch sam and max

[lordprettyflackotara]

super rich kids || sam golbach & colby brock

SMUT MINORS DNI 18+. tw: drug usage to like the max extent, snc & reader are highkey all horny rich drug addicts. there are very much angsty undertones. i do not encourage nor condone inappropriate drug usage. threesome, anal, lots of praise honestly, double penetration.

“Well, that’s another party for the books!” Sam cheered.

The three of you had sobered up after a long night of partying, the mansion finally quiet as Colby finished climbing through the secret hatch to the root. The roof tile was rough against your bare legs, your sequin dress riding up your thighs. You had been friends with the boys since childhood, them becoming successful youtubers while you were their undercover manager. The money and fame had been around for quite a few years now, the only thing keeping any of you going being each other. “We throw parties like five times a month dude, this one was definitely tame compared to the others,” Colby countered. The sunrise was coming over the horizon, bright yellows and oranges painting the skies.

“At least this one wasn’t bombarded with fans. ‘Oh my God it’s Sam and Colby!! Oh my God!!’ Like fuck off let me do a line in peace,” You said, brutally mocking the fans who had snuck their way into the boys last party. “Speaking of lines, you got anymore on you?” Sam asked. Colby settled in beside you, bringing his knees closer to him. “I fuckin wish, maybe then I wouldn’t be such a bitch,” You hummed, mentally slapping yourself for not reserving some coke for after the thrasher. You all dug into your pockets, trying to find something to get high off of. You all came up empty handed, a groan escaping your lips. Sam playfully elbowed you, giving you a small grin.

“Relax pretty princess, when’s the last time we’ve all been sober anyways?”

The question stung like a fresh burn, the gears in your head slowly turning. Truthfully you couldn’t recall. When was the last time you all three had been sober together? Coke wasn’t any of your main choices but a party was a party, right? Wealth brought a lot of things. Drugs, fake friends, soul sucking lovers who only saw you for the dollar amount over your head. “Oh look there’s Emma and her crew,” Sam pointed at the white van pulling through the gates. The three of you felt like you saw the boys cleaning crew more than you saw any of your so called social media friends. “We should probably buy them a better car that van looks like shit,” Colby commented.

You tucked your knees up to your chest, watching Sam wave to the cleaning crew. “They should be used to seeing us up here. They know we love this view,” Sam said. You felt like shit, your high having plummeted and leaving you out to dry. “This fucking sucks,” You grumbled, nuzzling your face into your arm. Colby threw his arm around you, bringing you closer to him. “The come down doesn’t last forever, you’ll be alright,” He said encouragingly. Truthfully he felt just as shitty as you did. You leaned your head against him, taking a deep breath. When’s the last time you had been sober enough to feel yourself breathe? “Do you think life will always be like this?” You asked. The boys turned to look at you. “What do you mean by that?” Sam asked. You forced yourself to blink your eyes open, wrapping your arms around your legs. “I mean this can’t be it right? The ecstasy is great but it feels like shit when it’s over. Is money the real root to happiness or am I missing something here?” You asked.

“Are you sure the real key to happiness isn’t xanax?”

“Colby!”

Sam went to reach over you to playfully smack Colby, causing you to chuckle and roll your eyes. Once they settled down Sam spoke again, “Seriously though, I think that all that matters in this life is the three of us. As long as we have each other the rest will turn out fine.”

You could feel your smudged eyeliner burning your eyes, causing your waterlines to water. “Awe cmon, let’s get miss existential crisis cleaned up,” Colby chuckled, helping you rise to your feet. The three of you went into Sam’s bathroom, that shower being the biggest out of the three. Maybe it was some weird attachment issues all of you had, but you each felt the need to be around the others at all times. This included showers, after the time you passed out in scorching hot water from a bad reaction to Valium. How were you supposed to know how much mg it was? You never asked those kinds of questions. After that the three of you were closer then ever, showering and sleeping in each others beds like kids. Even with all the money in the world you only found comfort in one another. The water was warm, a soft groan escaping your lips as you tilted your head back towards the water.

“Feel that good huh?” Sam teased. You splashed water at him, the blonde laughing as he joined you. The shower was anything but small, multiple shower heads hung from the ceiling and marble seating on the sides. It had more than enough room for three people, that certainly didn’t keep you all from staying close together though. Colby shut the shower door, the three of you soaking in the warmth the shower provided. “We should’ve gotten something for the come down,” You sighed. trying to relax. You felt Sam’s arms wrap around your waist, while Colby cupped your face. You melted under their touch, your gaze meeting Colby’s. “Why don’t you let us take care of that?” He purred. One other thing to note about your dynamic with the boys, one that was far more notable than anything previous mentioned, was your love for them.

There were no labels tied to the three of you. But in a world of stds and crazy fans trying to get themselves pregnant to trap them, you only trusted one another. You melted into Colby’s kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him closer. The wealth and drugs meant nothing at all if you couldn’t have them at the end of the day. Sam moved your hair away from your neck, placing his lips against your skin. Sam loved to litter you with hickies. Watching you get all flustered when asked who gave them to you was a sight to see. You groaned into Colby’s mouth as Sam’s hands explored your body, caressing and squeezing every curve. The only high you could never get enough of, one that could never be replaced, was the one the boys provided you. You could feel both boys grow hard around you, your hands slithering down to both of their cocks. Sam chuckled from behind you, slithering his hand down to your cunt.

The hot water and both boys on you like wild animals was suffocating in the best way possible. You pumped both of them in unison, sinful noises from all three of you bouncing around the shower walls. Sam’s fingers slowly swirled around your clit, causing you to moan louder than you had anticipated. “Awe there’s our noisy girl,” Colby praised. Your eyes fluttered closed as he kissed the other side of your neck, just as eager as Sam to litter you with marks. It was hard enough explaining how you gained hickies on one side of your neck, nevertheless both. You tried to focus on jerking both of the boys off, your focus becoming skewed as Sam's fingers began to circle your clit faster. Your moans were becoming louder and more uncontrolled, the boys exchanging devious smirks. "Theres no doubt the maids can hear her," Colby stated calmly, as if he was discussing the weather. He took the opportunity to gently nibble at your neck, causing your ass to press against Sam. "I think that's what she wants, isn't it?" Sam asked teasingly.

The blonde slithered down to your entrance, shoving two fingers inside. "She's already so wet for us Colby, you should feel it," Sam said, rutting his hips into your hand. The brunette stared down at you lustfully, his pupils blown with lost. "I think I will," He agreed. You whined as Colby shoved a finger inside of your cunt alongside Sam's, mimicking Sam's curling upwards. "S-So full," You whimpered, grabbing onto Colby for support. Colby shoved in another finger, your walls spasming as they struggled to take both boys sets of fingers. The four fingers buried inside of you were stretching you to what felt like your limit, your eyes fluttering shut. "Sorry pretty princess, you know i'm not a patient man," Colby chuckled. You bit your bottom lip, your gummy walls clinging to their digits. They matched each others pace, curling their fingers at the same time. You could feel them brush against your g spot, your head tilting back against Sam's shoulder for support. Your hips were moving on their own, involuntarily grinding against their fingers, begging for more.

"What's wrong? Four fingers not enough for you?" Sam asked mockingly, nibbling at your earlobe. Colby grabbed your throat, squeezing the sides, He brought his thumb to your lip, pulling it downwards assertively. "Oh don't be so mean Sam, you know there's only one way she can cum," He reminded him. It was true, the amount of drugs you all consumed affecting the way you were able to orgasm. You couldn't even recall everything you had tried, but you did know a couple of things for sure. While high on whatever was presented in front of you, you could cum in all kinds of ways. There was no limit, the boys able to make you cum off of anything. A brief memory of them getting you off by having you hump the side of the bathroom sink while they watched came to mind. But sober? There was only one way for you to find sweet relief. "You know what to do, jump for us," Sam cooed encouragingly. You did as instructed, both sets of their strong hands helping you wrap your legs around Colby's waist. You relaxed under their grasp, trusting them to know they'd keep you in position.

Their fingers abandoned your cunt, a whine escaping your lips as you clenched around nothing. "Would you do the honors Colb?" Sam asked, rubbing his shaft up and down the molds of your ass. The brunette and you watched as he rubbed his cock up and down your folds, before slowly shoving it inside of you. You moaned his name, both of you mesmerized as your cunt eagerly pulled him in. "Think she's desperate for us," Colby said casually. The boys had an ongoing bit where they talked to each other as if you weren't there, your body a dead give a way you loved every second of it. "Is that so? Hurry up and get in there so I can give her what she wants," Sam chuckled, kissing up the side of your neck to help with the stretch. There was never an issue with whoever took your cunt, the real challenge was whoever took you from behind. You could feel Colby's large hands securely grabbing your ass, spreading it apart for Sam's viewing. His tip brushed against your g spot, your body tensing as Sam spat on your asshole. "Relax pretty girl, you've done this before," Colby cooed, trying to refocus your attention back on him. He brought his lips to yours, entrancing you in a mesmerizing kiss as Sam began to push himself inside of you from behind.

You gasped into Colby's mouth, his teeth grazing your bottom lip as Sam pushed into you. You felt so full, your legs shaking as both boys held you up. Sam was rolling his bottom lip in between his teeth, slowly but surely pushing into you. "Doing so well for us," The blonde panted, the three of you becoming one. Your nails dug into Colby's arm, promising to leave marks afterwards. Both boys had bottomed out in both of your holes, something they had done many times before. "Please m-move," You sputtered, allowing your eyes to flutter shut as the pain and pleasure mixed together as they started to move their hips in unison. The three of you were all moaning messes as they picked up their paces. "Such a good girl, taking us so well," Sam praised, slithering his hand down to your clit. He began rubbing fast circles, the three of you desperate for a taste of euphoria. "So desperate for us, fucking hell," Colby groaned, watching your cunt hungrily take his cock with each thrust. You felt full to the maximum extent, your thighs trembling. You were sure if it weren't for their strong hands you would have fallen. They abused your holes as they pleased, your moans only becoming louder.

"I think she wants the maids to hear her, dirty girl," Colby snickered. Sam pinched your clit, causing you to cry out in confusion, pain, and pleasure. The boys chuckled, your vision seeing stars as they fucked you senseless. "Ah that did it Sam, I think she's gonna cum soon," The brunette continued, fucking up into your cunt. Your eyes fluttered open, the warm water creating small droplets in your eyelashes. "Am nottt," You slurred, the knot in your stomach tightening. They were always able to do this, without even trying. They knew your body so well it was hypnotizing. "Cumming already? Someone really is our personal slut," Sam chimed in. You wanted to argue more, but your body was giving in to their thrust. Their grip on you was steel like, their thrust merciless as they abused your holes. You couldn't even warn them of your orgasm, your body convulsing as you came around their cocks. Your vision was blinded with stars, your body becoming limp in their arms. Spots clouded your vision, your breath growing shallow as you were on the brim of passing out. Your heart worked overtime when you were sober, unable to keep up with extreme forms of euphoria without a substance to assist it.

You could hear the boys talking, their voices mumbled and incoherent as your eyes rolled into the back of your head. As your vision faded into darkness, a thought of getting clean crossed your mind.

"Pretty princess?"

You blinked as you snapped out of your day dreaming state, recalling the events of a couple of months ago. You turned to Sam, who was holding up a silver platter with your favorite white dust decorating it.

"Want a bump?"

You nodded as he handed you a rolled up hundred dollar bill, holding his own to his nose. You watched him snort the line, your veins coursing with excitement. Maybe you'd become sober one day, but not anytime soon. Besides, what super rich kid doesn't live life this way. There's nothing else to make one feel so alive, right?

[clarisse0o]

Camp Wiegman - Part 7

Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Alternate Universe : Military School

Words : 4k

Masterlist

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Friday, October 23rd; 11:35 AM - Cafeteria

I can hardly believe I’m going home. My suitcase has been packed since last night. I couldn’t help but share the news with Alexia when we were alone. She was super happy for me. We’re finishing up our meal. Everyone gets to go home this weekend. I called Sam this morning to confirm my return. We decided to surprise Joan. If I managed to have the permission to leave , it’s all thanks to him. When I saw him on the screen last Saturday, he cried like a baby because I wasn’t there. I realized how much he misses me. I can’t wait to set foot in Barcelona and see everyone again.

"Hey Ona!" Alexia calls out to me.

"Huh?" I reply, snapped out of my bubble.

"There we go, we’ve already lost her," Caudia laughs.

"Sorry," I say, my cheeks red, unable to deny it.

"Are you planning to celebrate your birthday this weekend?" Alba asks.

"I plan to enjoy time with my brother and best friend," I shrug. "No party planned... At least not by me."

"Hey, we need to exchange numbers! I want to hear all about your weekend!" Ale enthuses.

"No problem." I smile at her, agreeing with the idea. It’s true, we haven’t even exchanged numbers yet. The rules significantly limit our phone usage.

"Well, should we give it to her?" Patri asks with a big smile. "We’ll be late otherwise!"

"Yeah, she’s right," Lotte agrees.

I frown, not understanding what’s going on. I seem to be the only one judging by everyone’s smiles. I focus on Alexia, who’s pulling out a square-shaped gift with a little bow on top. I freeze for a moment, looking at her with wide eyes. She smiles, amused.

"Oh no..." I murmur. "You’re not serious, right? Why did you do this?"

"Come on, open it, Princess," Leah encourages.

I don’t know what to say. The tray is taken from me, and Alexia places the gift in front of me. I groan, hating being the center of attention. I take my time unwrapping the gift under my friends’ watchful eyes. As soon as I pull a strip, the contents are revealed. I pause for a moment. I can’t believe what’s in front of me. It’s the new AirPods Max. I look around the table, speechless. I wasn’t expecting a gift like this... Actually, I wasn’t expecting a gift at all.

"You guys are crazy! This thing is expensive!"

"It was Alexia’s idea!" Patri blurts out.

This revelation makes me turn my head towards her. She shrugs with a small smile stretching her lips.

"I know you like listening to music before you sleep. Maybe this will stop me from hearing it," she giggles.

"Ha ha!" I fake laugh. "But seriously, it’s too much! You shouldn’t have."

"You should thank Bronze too," Leah surprises me by saying. "She covered the difference we were missing and took care of getting it... That’s why Alexia ditched us yesterday," she laughs.

"Bronze?"

I don’t hide my surprise. I wasn’t expecting that... It’s very surprising, but it makes me very happy deep down. She didn’t have to do it. I wonder why she did.

"Wow... Thank you anyway. Thanks for everything! I’ll use it right away on the trip."

"Phew, we nailed it!" Alba comments, making everyone laugh.

We have to end this good vibe due to the time. Everyone needs to go back to their rooms to avoid being late. I get everyone’s numbers written down on a piece of paper and take the opportunity to thank them again. With my gift and its packaging in my bag, I return to our room with Alexia. I quickly discard the paper and sit on the bed with the box. I open my gift like a child at Christmas under Alexia’s amused gaze. It’s really beautiful. It’s the best gift I’ve had in a long time. I quickly understand how my new toy works. I test it immediately by connecting it to my phone via Bluetooth. At the same time, I take out the rest of the box. I find a protective case. I smile when the sound reaches my ears. The sound quality is really good. I let Alexia try it while I gather my things. She’s as excited as I am to check it out. When I’m done, she hands back the headset, and for the first time, I take the initiative to hug her.

"Enjoy your first weekend."

"I plan to. I don’t know how the next one will be though..."

I’m not sure about my next outing. For all I know, I’ll be stuck here alone again. She laughs, understanding what I mean. It’s not hard to figure out. It’s my first outing in three weeks. I look at her attentively and can’t help but smile, thinking about all we’ve been through together.

"I really appreciate you, Ale."

"I know."

"Sorry for my issues... You know, with relationships... You’re my friend. Like everyone else here."

"We know, Ona. Don’t worry. Just know that I’m here if you ever want to talk."

I nod, hugging her again. I turn back to my stuff. I have a lot to take for a first return. It’s like I’m leaving for good, but not at all. I just feel obliged to bring everything back with me. Since we wear uniforms during the week, I’m bringing back a lot of clothes that just clutter my closet. I’ll have to sort through at home what will come back since I can only wear them on weekends.

"Are you waiting for Alba?"

"Yeah, she shouldn’t be long."

"Well... See you Sunday night then. Have a good weekend!"

We kiss each other goodbye, and she wishes me the same. I leave with a smile on my face, my Eastpak backpack on and my suitcase behind me. I put my headset around my neck, intending to use it once I’m out of here since we can’t use them inside. My smile broadens when I see Bronze waiting behind the door. We haven’t seen each other since the room check this morning. She promised to accompany me to the exit, and I’m glad to see she kept her word. I didn’t want to leave sneakily, especially after learning about the gift. The least I can do is thank her. For that, and because it’s partly thanks to her that I get to leave. I close the door behind me before starting the conversation.

"Hey Bronze!"

"Nice headset," she begins. "Too bad it’s forbidden in the facility," she retorts, gently taking it off me.

"Hey!" I exclaim, parting my lips slightly. "You’re not going to confiscate it, are you?"

"No," she laughs. "Even though I should. I’ll give it back when you’re outside the camp."

A sigh of relief escapes my lips. I almost thought she’d keep it for the weekend. She would be capable of it, I think. She can be a real viper when she wants. She’s given me enough trouble to know that.

"I wanted to thank you... You didn’t have to do that."

"I know, but it makes me happy," she smiles. "Come on, let’s go. It would be a shame to miss your flight."

I smile, following her. We walk to the fence in silence. She just helps me carry my suitcase down the stairs, seeing I was struggling. It’s heavy with everything I’m bringing back!

"Are you finally going to make room for your uniforms in your closet?"

"Oh come on," I mumble. "I couldn’t have imagined we’d have uniforms here."

"You could have organized your closet in the last three weeks."

"If it bothers you so much, just don’t look in it," I mumble. "I already forced myself to know you rummaged through it."

"I told you I didn’t rummage."

"You did! You’d never have found my computer otherwise!"

"Are we going to debate this again? Where did all your progress from this week go?"

"Still here... For the gift you gave me."

"Good thing I participated then," she concludes as we reach the gate. "Wait here, I’ll be right back."

I nod, watching her head to the reception building without waiting for my answer. She returns a minute later with a package in hand. I frown.

"What’s this?"

"Another gift. Open it tomorrow for your birthday."

"But you already contributed to the headset."

"So? At least I’m sure you’ll keep up your progress," she teases.

"Ah, I get it!" I joke. "Thanks anyway..."

My embarrassment seems to amuse her. I didn’t expect her to give me gifts after making her life hell for three long weeks. I doubt she does this for all her students.

"I expect you not to do anything stupid this weekend. I think you know what I mean by that. And especially don’t try to run away and not come back. I’m not done with you yet."

I roll my eyes. "Don’t give me ideas," I laugh.

"I’m serious, Ona. I’d be capable of coming after you."

"Don’t worry. I’ll be good as gold."

"I’d like to see that!"

"You don’t know who I really am."

"I know. Have a good weekend. And seriously, no nonsense, especially if you celebrate your birthday."

"Promise, mom."

She hits my arm for the nickname that slipped out. I laugh and walk through the door she holds open.

"Thanks for everything, Bronze. See you Monday... Have a good weekend too."

"Thanks, see you Monday, Ona," she smiles.

I smile back and turn to greet my taxi driver. She loads my things into the car. I give Bronze one last wave. I’m about to get into the car but turn back sharply when I see what she’s holding. I walk back, cheeks red with embarrassment.

"You scold me for taking it, but you forget it. Next time, I’ll keep it for the weekend," she smiles, amused.

"Not a chance. Thanks for not doing it," I say, taking back the headset.

"Go on, see you Monday."

I smile and finally get into the waiting taxi. I take a deep breath once inside and buckled up. The driver looks at me through the mirror.

"To the airport, right?"

"Yes, please."

"Let’s go," he smiles, pulling onto the road.

I smile foolishly, still not believing that in a few hours, I’ll finally set foot in my city. Away from this camp and everything related to it. I shut out the world by turning on my new headset to enjoy my music during the trip.

Friday, October 23rd; 11:15 PM - Airport

The trip wore me out. I wonder how that’s possible since I slept the whole way. I can’t even blame jet lag since it’s only 10 PM at Manchester . It’s always amazed me. I’m lucky it’s in this direction. At least if I get up early, it will be later here. I follow the crowd out of the plane. My feet are numb from sitting for an hour. My headset is still on my ears. I’m surprised by its battery life, considering it wasn’t fully charged when I left. I turn it off when I reach the airport. The music gives way to the bustling hall. It’s definitely the best way to wake up. I scan the crowd, hoping to spot a familiar face. I freeze when I finally do. Before I can gather my thoughts, someone jumps on me, clinging to me as if their life depends on it. I hug them back as tightly as I can, grinning widely.

"Oh my God, Maps! »

I can't hold back my tears that roll down her neck. She tightens her embrace and laughs at my behavior. It's not like me to be so expressive in public, but it seems the pressure is finally lifting.

"Wow! Has this camp transformed you or what?" she says, stepping back to look me up and down. "Is it just me or have you lost weight?"

I chuckle as I look at myself. It's true that I had to check the number on the scale twice the last time I weighed myself.

"Yeah, thanks to the sports they make me do as punishment," I reply.

She laughs as we join my chauffeur, who is not far from us.

"Hi Hector."

"Good evening Ona, how are you?"

"Much better since I set foot here," I chuckle, wiping my cheeks.

"Let's get your suitcase."

"Yep."

We head to the conveyor belt where I find several people from my flight already waiting to collect their luggage. I retrieve mine when it arrives. Hector insists on taking it for me. I don't resist, but I don't let him have my backpack that I was able to keep on the plane. We head towards the exit. I take the opportunity to take out my phone and send a message to Alexia. I had promised to write to her upon my arrival. This action doesn't go unnoticed by Mapi.

"Who are you texting?"

"My roommate. She asked me to write when I landed."

"So... I leave you for three weeks and you've already replaced me!"

"Of course not," I giggle, putting away my phone. "No one can replace you, Maps. I'm sure you'd even love her."

"What's her name?"

« Alexia Putellas. She'd be your type of girl…"

« Intresting… »

She raises her eyebrows suggestively while laughing. I roll my eyes with amusement. Luckily, Hector has gone ahead to give us some privacy. That saves him from hearing a lot of nonsense.

"So Octavia could be my type? Anyway, all girls can be my type as long as they're pretty."

"I know, and exactly. She's very beautiful."

"And you haven't hooked up with her yet?" Mapi exclaims.

"I don't do one-night stands," I laugh. "And she's become a friend, so never in my life!"

"You're really hopeless! You never take advantage of situations!"

"You say that, but aren't you in a relationship now?"

"Yeah," she sighs. "I don't know if I made the right choice. I've lost all my freedom... She's super possessive!"

"That bad?" I laugh. "What's her name again?"

« Ana. I'll introduce you to her tomorrow if you want."

"No problem," I say with a smile. "Does she know you're here?"

"That I'm picking up my ex at the airport who is now my best friend? Are you crazy?! She'd kill me!"

I burst out laughing. So she lies to her girlfriend for me. I appreciate that she always puts me first, no matter what. She must have come up with an excuse I'd never want to know. She's so bad at this sort of thing, or maybe I just know her too well.

"By the way..."

"By the way?" I prompt her to continue.

"She knows you're my best friend, but not my ex... So if you could keep that to yourself."

"No problem, I understand. And what are you doing here anyway? I didn't think I'd see you tonight."

"You really thought I'd let you land alone? I canceled all my plans when you told me you were coming back! I immediately wrote to Sam to let Hector know to pick me up before getting you."

I smile. What did I say, always a priority. I'm happy to see her. I missed her a lot.

"Are you sleeping over?" I suggest.

"Of course, what kind of question is that! But according to Hector, Joan has taken over your bed for the night. We'll have to squeeze in."

Joan sleeping in my bed during my absence? I didn't think my departure would affect him so much. He used to do that when I slept at Mapi's. I start to feel guilty for not telling him about my return... I convince myself it's for a good cause. I'd give anything to see his happy little face when he sees me. It will be my best reward.

"It's not like we're not used to it."

"That's true," she laughs. "He misses you, you know."

"I know," I sigh. "I wish I could call him more often, but it's impossible. I can only use my phone and computer in my room. Plus, with all the punishments I've had, I'm exhausted at night and I also have my homework to do and my backlog to catch up on..."

"Is that camp really that bad?"

I sigh, recalling my last few weeks. The answer should be automatic, but strangely, it isn't anymore.

"It's getting better. Well, the first two weeks were awful. I kept getting punishments and arguing with my supervisor," I explain.

"Yeah, I remember. Isn't she the one you find sexy?"

I give her a stern look, glancing at Hector in front of us. She chuckles at my reaction.

"Oh, come on! He knew about us. It's not the fact that you find a woman sexy that will bother him."

"Shut up," I say, blushing.

"So this camp? It's not so terrible after all?" she returns to the main topic, to my great relief.

"Let's say to get out, I had to make an immense effort to do nothing wrong. Since then, my supervisor has become very nice to me. She even bought me a gift and contributed to my friends' present," I say, pointing to the helmet.

"Your friends, huh? And you say you're not replacing me?" she pouts.

"Oh my, I laugh, wrapping my arms around her shoulders. "You know you're still the best, Map."

"I hope so!"

"They're funny and nice, but definitely not as much as you. No one can match you," I reassure her with a cheerful smile.

"They better not! After all the mood swings I've had to endure!"

It's true she's seen a lot of ups and downs with me. I owe her everything. I pushed her away, and she came back when I needed her. Hector's voice breaks the bubble we had created around us.

"Can we go?"

"Yeah, sure," Maps quickly responds.

For the first time in a long while, I sit in the back of the vehicle to spend a bit more time with Mapi. The trip was short as the road was empty. Barcelona is really a better city. After twenty minutes, we arrived home. I remember it took us thirty minutes to get to the airport last time. I suspect Hector didn't stick to the speed limit, which is rare for him. I think he wanted to get home quickly, which I understand given the late hour. I thank him and release him from his duties once the car is in the garage. We enter quietly, without making noise. Silence reigns in the hall. Everyone must be asleep. I offer Mapi a drink, which she gladly accepts. We go to the kitchen, and I act as if I had never left. She sits on one of the high chairs at the bar while I pour us two glasses of Coke. At the same time, I hear an unusual ringtone behind me. I frown, looking at Mapi to see if she knows what it is. I quickly understand the source when I see her panicking with her phone in her hands. I guess it's an alarm she's trying to turn off. She looks up with an apologetic smile, then gets up from her chair.

"Happy birthday, my dear!"

I remain perplexed before bursting into laughter, understanding the meaning of the alarm. It was a reminder to alert her that it was midnight. I accept the hug she offers, wrapping my arms around her neck.

"You're unbelievable," I chuckle. "Thanks, Maps!"

"Always the first. Remember?"

"Of course I remember," I reply, smiling.

I don't particularly like my birthday, but Mapi has always wanted to make sure I do. Since our first year of meeting, we've established that we must be the first to wish each other a happy birthday, no matter what. So far, neither of us has broken this vow, not even when I hit rock bottom.

"Let's go to bed now, I'm exhausted."

"You? At midnight?" I laugh.

« Ana is making me adopt a new rhythm," she grumbles.

I laugh even more. I could never have imagined anyone could tame Mapi besides me. She's usually an independent girl.

"I can't wait to meet her."

"Don't get any ideas, she just tires me out in bed before sleeping."

I take back what I said. I knew it was too good to be true. Mapi can't be controlled by anyone except me. It's mutual, actually.

"I understand why you stay with her then."

"Shut up," she smiles. "She's a goddess in bed, I can't help it," she retorts.

I shake my head in amusement. I head towards the kitchen door when I see something. I stand up, spotting my little brother rubbing his eyes with his little fists.

"Ona?" he says, still half-asleep.

"Hey, sweetheart," I say, approaching him.

He seems fully awake now. He literally jumps into my arms. I crouch to his level to carry him.

"But... Sam told me you wouldn't be back!"

"I wanted to surprise you," I say with a big smile.

"It's not nice to lie!"

"You're right. We'll scold Sam tomorrow," M api intervenes.

Joan laughs, burying his face in my neck. I hold him tightly against me. I missed him so much!

"Sorry if we woke you. We were just going to come up and join you."

"Ona?"

"Yes?"

"Happy birthday!"

"Thank you, sweetie."

He is so innocent and so cute. Mapi takes care of putting our glasses in the dishwasher as Joan doesn't want to be put down. My home is her home, after all. We then go upstairs. When I open the door to my room, I discover my bed uncovered. So he really decided to take over my room, it seems. I persuade him to let go of me when I put him back to bed so I can change. Mapi takes advantage of me looking for pajamas in my dressing room to monopolize the bathroom. I'm glad I left some clothes here. I wouldn't have had the courage to open my suitcase right now. We switch roles when Maps is done. She lies down in my bed while I brush my teeth. Again, I'm glad I bought a new toothbrush for the camp. I join them once I'm done. My brother tries his best to stay awake. He immediately snuggles into my arms once I've found my ideal sleeping position.

"Good night, Batlle," Raven wishes us.

"Good night, Ona. Good night, Mapi..."

I smile, seeing him already drifting into the arms of Morpheus. I kiss him forehead and rest my chin on his head. I let out a sigh of contentment. I feel good. I'm in my bed with the people I care about most. I couldn't have dreamed of a better homecoming. It's a radical change, but very appreciable. I intend to enjoy this weekend to the fullest. I murmur a "good night" before finally closing my eyes.

[cupcakeatsea]

I’m not the only one to have questions about whether Doctor Odyssey is some sort of alternative reality or not. Honestly I’m not sure - part of me hopes for the silly, sexy boat show to just be that, but another part hopes for some sort of twist. So I’m going to brain dump my thoughts here to bring some people along for the ride.

Firstly, what situation are we actually watching? If this isn’t a normal cruise ship, what’s happening?

Theory number 1 is that this is Dr Max Bankman’s coma dream. And I definitely see why this is the most popular. He’s the main character and the Covid flashbacks are vague and dreamlike compared to the way the rest is shot. But while this feels most obvious alternative reality, Ryan Murphy also co -created Grotesquerie which is a coma dream. So I’d be seriously surprised if that was used twice in two separate tv shows from the same person in the last 6 months. NGL I’ll be kind of pissed if I watch this happen twice so close together.

Second theory, and what I’m leaning towards is this is some kind of afterlife. References to the ship being a “paradise”, to it being like “heaven” and to the crew being “guardian angels”. Capt Massey takes his responsibility to the passengers extremely seriously and tells Max as much so the safety of all on board is really important. It’s also considered a “once in a lifetime” trip, which yeah, it would be if you’re dead. I like the idea that it’s ferrying the dead to their place of rest.

So now I’m going to go into some of the reasons I think something is off with this ship.

All the main cast have had near death experiences. Max with Covid, Avery with appendicitis, Tristan with CO2 poisoning and even Capt Massey with his broken heart syndrome. I know in any medical based drama the main cast will have close calls but this is within the first 6 episodes. Suspicious…

We never see anyone board or disembark from the ship. It’s strange to not even have generic establishing shots of people walking up near the ship, to have a green screened few shots of the crew on a harbour side, to have any moment of people coming on or off the ship even as a suggestion. Everyone comes in through the trippy tunnel and that’s it. Now, either I’m too poor to even comprehend such an impressive entryway or this is a visual of “going down the tunnel to the light”. Because I don’t think any cruise ship in existence has an entry like that.

“But Cupcake”, I hear you say, “what about the scenes off the boat? On the islands and beaches?” Well, we might see them on a speedboat if we’re lucky, but not actual shots of leaving or getting on the ship. And we only ever see crew or passengers from the ship at these destinations. The big one here is the passenger whose arm gets trapped in the cave - where are the local emergency services? Where’s the coastguard? An emergency helicopter of some sort? Why is the medical crew of a cruise ship doing extreme emergency rescues? We hear about all these incredible destinations they stop at but we see nothing of them and no outsiders to the ship (the couple lost at sea are sort of an exception but I think you can work it into the theory).

Next thing is something specifically brought up by Sam that I follow on TikTok for 911 stuff (vampirebuckley on X). Dr Max has to be lying about his award for cleft palate surgery (he’s the wrong kind of doctor for that), or it’s a fantasy of being exceptional. But I extend that to all the medical crew. They’re qualified and experienced enough to perform surgery (skin infection debridement and appendectomy), and they have such broad and in-depth medical knowledge they can diagnose (potential) tropical diseases and Huntington’s? Not forgetting they have a CT machine ON A CRUISE SHIP. I’m no medical professional, all I’ve done is watch medical tv shows, but this is out there even for this genre. It’s like the fantasy of being exceptional in your field, but all of this is just insane for a cruise ship however luxurious it is.

Lastly, the name of the show. The word odyssey literally means an arduous journey. Homer’s The Odyssey is about Odysseus facing many trials as he makes his way home from war. Sure, it could just be a cool sounding name or it could be a hint. Also why I’m leaning towards a ferrying the dead situation because that still holds some danger in trying to get everyone to the other side safely whereas the ship just being heaven would be a bit too final and lacking the risk factor a medical show needs.

If you read all this, thank you! I’m new to all this theorising stuff and I honestly might be terrible at it but this was fun. And even if I’m wrong and it just the sexy throuple boat show, I’ll still watch and enjoy the hell out of it.

[heartbreakgrill]

Delicate: Vessel (Sleep Token); Part 8; "My reputation's never been worse."

“This is so fucking stupid.”

I shoved my hands into my hoodie pocket, eyes rolling at the sight of the boys, noise makers between their lips, some jank ass sign unraveling in the wind.

“Your mom’s fucking stupid,” Max fired back with his usual goofy smile, words muffled from the noise maker in his mouth. His knocked his fist against my elbow gently as he passed by, moving to help Cy hold up the poster board.

They’d bought it at a random Walgreens, after having forced the Uber driver to pull over, abruptly. Then, with bumpy hands and terrible penmanship, they wrote out some sarcastic for Sam about returning home from prison.

“Don’t be a sour puss, dude,” Adam replied. His brows were furrowed, chin dipping side to side in disagreement to my negative statement.

I looked to him, watching as he pulled a cone shaped hat down onto his hair, the rubber band snug against his chin. The meer humor of the too-small hat on his head made his words lose any meaning. I wanted to laugh, but instead I shot back, my brows skeptically, sarcasm quick as air, “Who? Me? No, never!”

Adam scoffed a laugh. His hat was finally adjusted now, hands falling to his sides exasperatedly. “Seriously. Just try to be nice, for once. Sam said Daisy’s, like, so sweet.” My skepticism only darkened my gaze, sarcasm sinking into genuine wonder, “So, what, we’re gonna be dancing around some child all summer?”

It was a valid question. When Sam asked us about Daisy joining the tour for the summer, everyone else just jumped on board. I, however, took a little convincing. What business did she even have here, 5,000 miles from home? It’s not like she had any professional connections to touch on, nor was London that interesting. Or, maybe I was just being a pessimist, again…

To say the least, I had trust issues. Or, in my therapist’s more light turn of phrase, I was cautious, careful to new people because I had a lot on the line with my career and had been through numerous situations with others that ended up with me, well…in therapy.

Max battled with the cardboard sign as the wind seemed to be winning the war. He struggled to get the words out as he scuffled to straighten its edges, which seemed to take more work than it needed to, “She’s literally only 5 years younger than you.”

“So, a child?”

“So, a 23 year old, grown woman. She’s really smart, Sam said. I’m sure you can have some fun conversations about the elements and shit.”

“Sam’s biased,” I murmured, focused now on the cigarette between my pointer and middle fingers. I dallied with lighting it, displaced energy in the act. It was early. I was tired.

“Sam’s one of your best mates,” Cy shot me a look. “Listen, just give her a chance. Stop moping just because you think some woman’s gonna take away from our guy time this summer.”

I straightened up, offense hitting my features like a stone wall, “When did I say that? I’m just worried we’re gonna have to cater to some child while we’re trying to literally do our jobs. She’s gonna be pursuing around like she’s in some Taylor Swift video while we’re going to be trying to earn our income. It’s just…weird.”

I’d never mention that fear to them- the fear I had of this trust. I think maybe if they all looked at me a little more closely, they’d see it. They’d see the fear in my eyes. But, I was really good at displacing my anxieties onto a separate, less pressing issue.

If I was ever terrified the sky was going to fall, then, suddenly, I was lashing out about the uncut grass in the front yard, randomly. Gotta love unhealthy coping mechanisms. Cy was still looking at me all judgmentally. I knew he wanted to lecture me further, but he simply reached over, patted my shoulder, and said, “Just…try not to be a dickhead, okay? Let the girl enjoy her summer.”

Max continued on, blabbering about something or the other. “I’m, like…Ollie, have you ever even seen a Taylor Swift video? I am pretty sure not a single fucking one takes place in Europe. They’re all super conceptual and abstract. Honestly, you might actually love some of ‘em. What’s that older one? With the trees and shit?”

“Out Of the Woods?” Adam was quick to fill in the blanks. I looked to him out of the corner of my vision, gaze narrowed. Of course he knew which one it was. He held his hands up, defensively, “What? My little cousin loves her.”

“Mhm,” I nodded, slow.

He trailed off, looking away, “And, maybe, you know, I do, too.”

“Oh, I’m sure.”

Max latched onto Adam’s help, continuing his rant about Taylor Swift, of all things. “Fuck! Out of the Woods! It reminds me a lot of the Fall for Me video! There’s, ya know, water…lots of running…self-deprecation. Fuck, a Sleep Token/Taylor Swift collab would go so hard!”

“Shit, could you imagine some real drums on one of her songs?” Cy perked up at the thought, fingers thrumming against the corner of the sign that he’d now laid his clutches on. “Sick!”

“Oh, God,” I rubbed my forehead, itching more and more to finally light up my cigarette, puff out a few smokey deep breaths. “I can feel the glitter and sparkles starting to fucking suffocate me! Can we please talk about something else?”

“Whatever, Ollie,” Adam flicked his hand towards me dismissively. He went to change the subject when his phone dinged from his pocket. He pulled it out, in one fluid motion, and read whatever text he’d gotten. “Shit! They just got their bags! Quick! Hold up the sign!”

Max shuffled around, all energetic, trying to make everything look perfect. He quickly tried to put a party hat on my head. I had to shove his entire body into Adam to stop him from getting the string down over my chin.

“Fuck off!” I cursed, brushing out the torso of my hoodie. He giggled, annoyingly, knowing he’d successfully gotten on my nerves. Again.

Max turned his attention away from me and to the two people who had just walked out of the airport, suitcases rolling behind them, backpacks looped around their shoulders. I noticed Sam, first, his head dipped down into his phone, curly blonde hair mopped up atop his head. He was dressed, head to toe, in all black. It was a welcome site, the fifth member of our posse back in our home country, our original stomping grounds, even if he wasn’t from here.

I let a smile overtake my features, excitement bubbling in my cheeks. It was actually really good to see him.

I wouldn’t have even paid any attention to the girl standing beside him if she didn’t stick out so much, like a sore thumb. Her bright pink sweater, gray sweatpants, the purples and greens swirled around her suitcase. Every single thing touching her was just…so colorful. Even the expression on her face, wide grin, cheery eyes- though they were circled by tireless bags- it was all so glaring.

I narrowed my eyes skeptically.

As Sam fumbled about on his phone, she stepped forward, excitedly taking an extra noise maker, my left over party hat, from Max. She barely got the hat on before Sam was looking up, our small crowd erupting into joyous ruckus that caused him to nearly drop his phone.

I don’t know why, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. I watched her, carefully, as she went through the motions of greeting everyone. Adam was his shy, introverted self. Cy was charismatic, Max obnoxiously flirty.

And she was just…constant, through it all. Upbeat, grinning, encouraging to every single average word that my friends told her.

And then she was looking at me, offering her hand. My head shook slightly as if to unscramble my consciousness. I glanced between her hand, her own gaze, unsure of what to do or say. I had been too busy watching. I barely brought myself out of that entrapped stare before my name came fumbling out of my mouth.

“Oliver.”

She seemed a little put off, taken aback, after I blatantly ignored her outstretched hand. But, I didn’t want to shake it. I was afraid that, if I touched it, she might shock me, sting me, scorch me with that bleeding sunshine she seemed to have sticking to her skin.

Besides, I couldn’t trust her, right? Right.

I turned my head away, feeling somewhat ashamed for the way I brushed her off. There was a rejected twinkle in her eyes, one that I could not handle. Moving on from that interaction, or in an attempt to do so, I tilted my chin down, glazing my eyes to the concrete. I shrunk beneath the cover of my hood. I didn’t need to feel bad for anything. I didn’t even know her, nor did she know me.

As the others finished up with their exchange of greetings, the group itself began making its way back to the Uber, with Sam and Daisy now a part of the flow.

The car ride back was objectively short, though it felt longer than the time on Apple Maps said. I rode in the back with the guys, pressed up against the door due to the lack of space. My long knees jutted out awkwardly. The bone of my leg ached from knocking against the door with each bump in the road that the car hit.

I stared out of the window, hoping the painful time would pass quicker. The ugliness of London stared back at me. A small, curious part of me kept darting my eyes towards the front seat, where she sat. But I stilled my gaze on the city.

That was maybe part of the issue- I just didn't understand why Daisy was so interested in visiting this place anyways. It was boring, bland. I associated the cloudy gray skies and rainy summers with some of the worst times of my life. This city looked the way I felt for most of it, too. The people were shit, too. Rude, always in a rush, unforgiving and untrustworthy.

What adventure could one find in this wet, concrete maze of hell?

Bored, I moved my attention back to the interior of the car, still resisting that urge to look forward. Adam, Cy, Sam, and Max were a cacophony of lost conversation, catching up, rumbling laughter. I listened for a moment, intently awaiting her to throw in her two sense. She seemed like the type to talk somebody’s ear off. Perhaps I could read between her sentences, find out her motives, her intentions, find something to use against her, so I could easily hate her and put distance between us-

Oh.

She was sleeping.

Her body was slumped against the door, neck pillow twisted around to support her forehead from the glass of the window. She cradled her hands to her stomach, the blanket she had just up underneath her chest.

The curve of her face caught my eye the most, the simple stillness of the lines around her lips, the peaceful flutter that ruffled her lashes every so often. I wondered what she dreamt of- rainbows, sunshine, lollipops. I bet she was the type of person who would respond, "World peace," when asked what she would wish for if she had a genie.

God. I really was an asshole. Here was this stranger, this beautiful, seemingly kind stranger, trying to catch up on sleep after traveling nearly 20 hours…and here I was, creating an entire persona around the two facts I actually knew about her. Maybe I should give her a chance, like the guys said. Maybe I should let her in, even if it was barely past the surface, and try to be amicable.

Maybe she wouldn’t sell my name to the paparazzi. Maybe she wouldn’t leak photos of me online, or call news sites to gain traction on social media.

I nearly flinched as she shifted in her slumber, so lost in my thoughts that the disruption was a panic. Her lips parted, just so, as air deflated from her lungs. The hair that curled around her face ruffled from the gentle gust.

Though she looked like Sam, she really was beautiful. Sure, Sam was attractive, in his own way. But, uniquely, Daisy was…honestly, gorgeous, all doe-eyed, rose lips, freckled cheeks.

I kept staring at her, analyzing, accidentally memorizing.

As I felt myself sinking, into my seat, into myself, into this stare I had on her, I straightened up, shoved myself back in the door.

The poor girl wasn’t even awake.

And I was being far too open.

When we reached the hotel, everyone piled out of the Uber. I went to step out, myself, to begrudgingly helped with luggage. But after I cast a casual glance over my shoulder, I noticed Daisy was still asleep. As though she were his responsibility, I found Sam and went to vocalize the issue with him. But he was busy with their bags.

None of the others were really familiar enough with her to consider her.

No one but me, I guess, because I was reaching out my fingers, touching her shoulder, telling her, "We're here."

I swept myself away before she could wake up and look me in the eyes. - "Where's your sister?" Cy inquired, poking at his dish with the fork in his hold.

Sam shrugged as he continued shoveling french fries in his mouth. "Sleeping, I think. She was fucking exhausted. Could barely get herself to bed this morning.”

"Poor girl," Max pouted his bottom lip. "Has she ever traveled this far from home?"

"Nope."

"Damn. Good for her, then. It's hard to just leave everything behind, to leave your everyday life for this type of thing for this long," Max continued.

I listened intently, though I made it seem like I wasn't even conscious of the guys seated at the table with me. Where they thought I was mindlessly stirring my drink, I was reading between the lines of every vague fact Sam dropped about Daisy.

"Well," he held a hand before his mouth as he chewed, swallowed. He sat back as he began to unload more information about his sister, "No offense to her, but she doesn't have much of a life. She works, like, two-three jobs at any given time. She works at some clinic during the day, waits tables in the evening, then does some stuff on campus here and there."

"Shit. Hope she's taking care of herself," Adam commented, thoughtfully.

"She does. I think. I don't know. We don't really get much time together anymore. Ever since mom died...I don't know. It's been hard to stay connected."

"This summer's gonna be good, then, for you guys to get to see each other," Cy touched Sam’s wrist with his fist, encouraging our friend with his response.

"Yeah," Sam's eyes seemed a little distant then, like there were foggy memories, regrets clouding his consciousness, "Yeah, I hope so."

Max went to speak again when Sam's phone went off. He pulled it out, scrolling through the texts he'd received. "Speak of the devil."

Sure enough, Daisy came padding into the hotel bar. Her hair was damp, twisted up behind her head by some clip. Her features were more prominent this way, skin shining with the care she must have just put into it. As she approached us, her perfume breezed off her skin, off her stupid Taylor Swift hoodie, right past my nose.

It smelled so sweet that I had to look away, focus on something else.

Everyone else greeted her, asking about how she slept, how she felt. I was inattentive, attempting to make it seem like I hadn’t just been thrown off balance.

I needed to do something, say something to her, to be welcoming. To make it seem like I wasn’t such a dickhead, even though I pretty much was. So, I worked on some phrases in my head, hoping to catch her in a side conversation, so there wasn’t so much tension with the others listening in. But, she walked out of the bar as quickly as she'd come.

I found the air to be cooler without her occupying the space.

I shivered and turned my chin towards that freeze.

-

Later that evening, I found myself on the hotel roof.

It was one of my favorite spots, no matter which city we were passing through, which state I found myself to be stuck in. I could go up to the highest floor, even if it wasn’t too far off of the ground, tune out the stress that came with work, and relax into the peace and quiet.

It was one of the healthier coping mechanisms my therapist and I had been working on. I was an antisocial person, to say the least. And when I’d had to be around others for too long, working literal overtime to just function like a normal person, I’d become irritable, withdrawn.

So, stalking off in the late hours of the evening with a book in my hand and some lyrics in my head became a usual, practiced ritual that I was comforted by, especially on tours.

The breeze of London flew past my face, braising goosebumps on my neck. I tucked my chin into my hoodie more. There were these tiki lights, all around me and the intimate seating area I occupied, but the little bits of light did nothing to help me see the book in my hands.

I tucked it away after straining for a few moments and settled on just resonating with myself for a bit. I watched the flames of the fire pit before me, listened to it crackle and pop. I was so focused on the peacefulness, that I hadn’t even noticed the elevator ding, nor the person scuffling across the concrete of the roof.

In fact, I didn’t even notice her until she was sitting across from me, these little alcohol bottles in her hands. The movement of her sitting before me flitted my gaze up, edges of my vision blurred slightly from the intensity of the flames. My hearing focused after. There was music streaming from the speakers on her phone, some Taylor Swift song I didn't recognize. I withheld the urge to roll my eyes and studied her movements.

She read the label on the mini shot of Jack Daniels with squinted eyes. I'd never seen someone pay so much attention to a simple liquor Maybe she'd never drank it before. That would be a strange fact, considering she was 23. Every 23 year old I knew had gone through every liquor known to man. Then, she drank it and I realized why she was so observant. Her face turned up in this grimace, lips puckered, brows furrowed. She just couldn't handle her liquor. Her examination of the bottle was really just a hesitance to consume it in the first place.

I stifled a laugh and instead found my words, urged to tease her for this occurrence, "Gonna share?' Maybe I should have intruded her peace more gently, or maybe I should have said something sooner than I did. Either way, I had spooked her enough that she jumped.

Her once shocked grimace twisted into a deep frown, like she was annoyed I had disturbed her. "How long have you been sitting there?"

My grin widened, though it didn't seem like she found much humor in the situation. "Long enough to know you can't take a shot." I held out my hand, awaiting her to hand over one of the bottles. She didn't do that Instead, her face hardened a bit and she made another comment, “Sorry I’m not an alcoholic. If you want one, you have to come get it, by the way. I’m comfy now.”

I was taken back by her crudeness. Everyone said she was so kind, so sweet. I'd even overheard her niceties earlier, at the airport, at the bar. Had I done something?

Instead of setting the record straight, communicating, though, I became defensive to her jabs. As I reached for one of the bottles, I said, "Comfy with this trash music playing?"

Funnily enough, this made her face sink more, if at all possible. Her frown was deep as a river, and murky as one, too, "Real men listen to Taylor Swift."

I tried another joke, hoping it would salvage the wreckage we were feeding, "Hey, haven't you heard? I'm a vessel, not a man?"

I don't know if it did, but she at least continued speaking to me. "So, vessel, what are you doing up here? Can't sleep?"

I tossed my hand in her direction, speaking with my casual satire, "Obviously." I looked away from her, breathless. I was trying so hard, so incredibly hard to seem careless, chill. I didn’t know why I couldn’t just, actually, genuinely not give a fuck.

I reached for my cigarettes, too stressed out to handle a head that was some sober from nicotine. After a long drag, I felt that familiar buzz of a clear head, the temporary reduction of anxiety.

Cigarettes were always a killer ice breaker, helpful in even the toughest, most awkward conversations. So, when my eyes popped back open and met hers, I offered a hit.

If her face had been disgusted before, it was even more so now. "That's okay, thanks," she almost sneered.

I pursed my lips. Okay, I wasn't the only one killing this conversation. She acted like she was just too good for anything that I had to do with. Like if she were to take a drag from this cigarette, she'd be infected with my sickness.

I voiced the concern with my snide tone again. Her response nearly made me choke on my own spit, “More like my mom died of lung cancer because she smoked for thirty years.”

As quick as possible, I stomped the butt into the ground. "Sorry."

She hummed some sort of response, looking away so uncomfortably. I wanted to grovel, to beg for her forgiveness in the case of such a small moment of misunderstanding, but I settled on another painful jab at a nice conversation.

“I’d ask what you’re doing up, but I figured you wouldn’t be able to sleep after the day you had.” She responded in that same dry tone, "Yeah, no."

Annoyed, I began to wonder where all this sweetness had gone. Earlier, with the guys, she had spoken like she'd known them for forever. Here, with me- she acted like I'd spit in her coffee this morning, like I was holding her at gun point just to have this conversation.

I gave up on trying to be overly considerate and shot straight to the point. I wanted answers anyways, and now I had a good reason to search for them, "What's your deal, Daisy?"

"What the fuck does that mean?" She responded.

I shrugged as I crossed my arms over my chest. What did she want it to mean? "Why are you here?" Instead of just answering the question, she countered me, echoing the question. Good fucking game, Daisy Hallett. Good fucking game.

I stretched my body out as I thought, unsure of how to answer. What was I here for? To do my job, obviously. So, I told her that. But, I should have known she would pry deeper. That were her job, after all, to observe, analyze, pry.

“That’s not what you’re here for,” She rejected my words, shaking her head just slightly, “That’s what everyone else is here for. What about you, Oliver?”

I started making music for myself, not anyone else. In the darkest, most terrible parts of my life, it had gotten me through to the other side with ease. It was my biggest coping skill, sitting at a clear number one on the list my therapist and I had outlined.

Getting paid for it, getting to tour and travel cities…that was all a plus. Touring, performing itself, were two things I was still trying to get used to. It was awesome to get to play my music life for others, to help them through to the other side, but it was sometimes…overwhelming, a hard pill to swallow.

So, I answered honestly this time, “To…worship. To celebrate my music, myself…life.”

She was impressed by this answer, pleased, and I could tell this by the stretch of her lips. That sweet, enticing smile did something to me.

As she held up the shot bottle in a gesture to cheers, I returned the smirk. We danced on the edge of some invisible line.

"To life."

I wanted to hear more of her voice, more of...her, more about her. So, I scrambled and said, "Wait, what about you?"

“There’s no deeper meaning to anything I do,” she waved me off.

I understood her more in this moment than I sometimes understood the people closest to me. She was like- she was insecure, she was scared. She was a little kid with monsters under her bed and in her closet.

So, I affirmed her existence with words that seemed so simple, yet would have meant so much for me to hear, too. “Oh, Daisy, there’s always deeper meaning to everything humans do. Think. What’s yours?”

This threw her off balance, yet somehow kept her from falling off the edge. It made the gears in her head turn, made her question her own thoughts. "I guess…I guess…to find that deeper meaning. To find what I’m looking for, maybe.”

She still didn't seem too sure, but I knew that, once this summer ended, once the leaves turned brown, and she returned back to a place called home, she would know it in her bones.

And I think, maybe, I might know it, too.

Sooner, rather than the later that I hoped for, we were in the elevator. Hours of breathless conversation sat, stale in the air on the roof, abandoned as the steel doors trapped us in silence.

The more she told me, the more terrified I was of her very existence. She was smarter than me, and very good at returning snide comments. Her wit was so profoundly intelligent, that I found myself silenced on more than one occasion.

Above all this- she was a disruption- she was chaos. She made me think differently, harder. She made me laugh.

I was drawn in by all of this, by her eyes, by the way the corners of her pink lips curled up into her cheeks. It took me a second to realize that she was staring back up at me, that our shoulders were turning to face one another, that my fingers were grazing the sleeve of her hoodie.

"You're very pretty, Daisy," the words fell out in a dangerous whisper. I loved the way she blushed, the way the tip of her nose scrunched, and she fell back onto her heels a bit.

I would have kissed her, I knew that for sure, had the elevator doors not opened up, had we not parted ways there, in the barren hallways. And I would have sought her out, would have reached for a simple phone number, another moment on the roof, another conversation about life and college and her favorite fucking color...

had I not made it back to my room and looked myself in the eye, through the smudged reflection of the bathroom mirror. The painful eye contact brought me back down to Earth, reminded me of the ugliness swirled up inside my chest, the bitter desire of my own self interest, selfishness.

I was...I was the chaos. I was the disruption. Here was this beautiful, interesting, smart girl...and here was me, this man-giant, who could barely hold a conversation without feeling like he was going to have a panic attack. Besides all that, her brother was my fucking best friend. I was his boss.

This was territory that I could not enter, not without a guilty conscience and someone's broken heart. So, I would proceed with caution, although it ended up making me seem like the worst person in the world.

-

I knew I could no longer keep up the act only a few weeks in, all thanks to Whitney Houston and this stupid pink fucking dress.

I watched her parade herself all night, guzzling drinks like they were air, batting her stupidly prim and perfect eyelashes my way. She knew exactly how to get me going- how to lock me in, most of all. And I was playing right into the fucking game, weak signs and Achilles heels all exposed from the second that she stepped out of that hotel room.

When I saw that knowing, vivacious smirk- I knew tonight would be different.

It wasn't until she was passed out, in my bed, with my hoodie on, that I realized I was falling for her. I had been able to subside the hunger that I felt, the hunger I felt to speak to her, to consume her with my eyes, my teeth, my hands, my body- God. It was easy to push all these thoughts away when she wasn't there- but then, she'd show up at breakfast or dinner or in my dreams and thoughts and desperations and I'd spiral again.

It didn't help that I was letting it get to me so much- and she was literally trained in analyzing behavior. I exposed my curiosities with even the slightest dip in my gaze or lift in my shoulders. There was a moment, during breakfast, when she told us of her plans for the evening of one our first shows- that she wasn't coming to.

Max had to go and make a stupid joke when I just barly glanced up from my plate, "Even Ollie's hurt!" I stopped coming to so many social gatherings, at least where she was concerned. And, then, I got all the space I needed when we took off on the buses.

Everyone flocked to her side, wanting even a second of her attention, while I kept to myself on the other bus. Because I thought the guys might leave me alone about it, I could almost reside in absolute peace.

But, then, Ronnie came knocking on my bunk.

It was early morning. We were stopped for gas, somewhere in Northern Italy. The bus was deadly silent, with nothing but my own quiet breath and the hum of the outside world to keep e company. Ronnie came in, bounding, like she always did. She slammed the bus door shut, jarring me from the focus I'd had on the game of Mario Kart pulled up on my Switch. Next thing I knew, she was ripping open the curtain to my bunk.

"Why the fuck are you rotting in here like a mummy? I'm close to wrapping you up in toilet paper and shoving you in with the suitcases!"

I rolled my eyes as she spoke and slouched my shoulders away. The hood of my sweatshirt dipped enough that she was no longer in my view. "Sam needs to stop gassing up your jokes. It's getting to your head."

"You're literally just jealous because your jokes are only ever mean and borderline tone-deaf," Ronnie grabbed the lip of my hood and tugged it down over my face.

I wriggled away from her, Switch dropping towards the inside of the bunk. I shoved her hands away. "Says you, Miss Jimmy Carr."

Ronnie's jaw jutted open a bit, "Now that's fucked, Ollie."

I went to jab back again, but she held up a hand, head tilted like she was a tired, annoyed mother of a band of men babies. "Stop while you're ahead, dude. Back to what I came in to harass you about- you need to come join us! We're playing Mario Kart with peaches- Daisy, sorry. You guys would get along sooo great. I know you're, like, weird about new people, but she's so fucking funny. Please, please just come over, hang out, be chill for once in your life."

Peaches. They had given her a nickname. Peaches, as if she weren't already sweet enough to sour the cuts on my skin.

I huffed and puffed at the rant as I pulled my hood down the back of my head. "First of all, I don't play Mario Kart-"

"I literally hear the music coming from your Switch," Ronnie pointed with a dead stare at the device, muffled humming rumbling from beneath my blanket.

I met her eye, absent any shame of my white lie. I took a breath and dove back into my rejection, "Second of all, why the hell do you guys give out the cringiest, most ridiculous nicknames? Like, peaches?What even is that?"

"It's called joy, magic, and fun, you grinch," Ronnie pinched my elbow. I flinched away from her touch again and she snickered. "If you don't like Daisy, just say so. I won't tell anybody. I'll just resent and judge you in silence- silent words, not punches."

What did she mean, that I didn't like Daisy? I knew I'd been passive towards her, but I never made it so obvious-

The expression on my face must have read confusion or shock because Ronnie popped a hip and crossed her arms.

"Listen," she added, "I know that she probably irks you. I get it. You're the bad boy, dark soul type and she's this ray of fucking sunshine and, yes, peaches. Just- give her a chance before you rain all over her parade."

"I literally never said I had a fucking problem with her. Why does everyone think I hate her guts when I've literally only ever had one conversation with her?" I frustratedly spoke, words rushed together. Ronnie stood back a second, reading the scrunch of my brows, the way I pushed myself up onto my elbows. Then, her offended frown morphed into something knowing, as though bits of information clicked in her head.

"Oh," she rhythmed, grinning now, "I see what's going on here. Hey, she's gorgeous.” "Oh, my God, here we go," I stood from my bunk, now, unwilling to just lay there and listen to her try to evaluate my behavior.

Ronne didn't follow me as I made my way to the back room, "Ollie...just remember who you are. And who she is."

And this sentence alone threw me for the biggest loop.

I didn't even know what she meant by that, but as well I knew Ronnie...it was definitely more than met the eye, deeper than any surface level warning anybody else could give. Not only did I know Ronnie well, but she could read me like a book. She knew what to say to make my skin crawl. Who I am...who Daisy is.

Analyzing the statement from top to bottom, general to specific, it was simple. She was my best friend’s brother. And I was his boss.

It meant more than that, though.

Ronnie meant that Daisy…Daisy was delicate. Daisy was meat, fresh off a shattered bone, and I was a hound.

I was always the hound. The Albatross, even. A winged creature always coming in to swipe shiny things off of stormy shores.

Ronnie didn’t want to harm me with the statement, but she sure as hell wanted to humble me. And that she did.

Each time I found myself aching to find Daisy’s gaze, I’d shrink back into myself. Remember my place. Remember who I was.

And, then…that damn Whitney Houston song. That damn pink dress.

Ronnie knew I was slipping, when I first spotted Daisy, in the doorway of her hotel room, long legs on display. I caught my lips beginning to party, drool beginning to pool in my teeth. This appreciative smirk came upon my face until I met Ronnie’s frown.

And I moved on.

I kept trying to move on, to fly away, leave the gold necklace on the beach for some other lucky, hopeless idiot to clean the sand off of, treasure for the rest of their sorry days.

I paid for her meal, as some sort of reparation for the damage I must’ve done all evening, being the hungry being I was while she toyed with the lock on my cage.

But, I just couldn’t . Especially not when she was running from the bar, sickness visible on her face. I could’ve left it where it was- Max was shuffling after her, ready to help, ready to hold her hair up.

Before I knew it, my feet were racing me out of the door, my hand was on Max’s shoulder, a kind smile was reassuring him that I could handle it, that he could go back to having fun.

My hands were in her hair, my neck was cradling the crown of her head, she was reaching for my wallet, letting us into the hotel room, laying down on my bed. I was giving her my hoodie, placing a bandage on her leg, caressing her fruity skin.

And then…just like that, as quickly as the rain began, like when you can see it in sheets, pounding into the Earth, just there, off in the distance…then it’s splattering on your windshield, the sound jarring you from your tired drive, the blur harming your vision of the road.

It was raining in my hotel room.

I didn’t have an umbrella.

I spent the entire night, laying there on the bed beside her, faced away, tensed up. Every breath she took stopped my heart. Every wrinkle from the white sheets made my eyes blink.

I was spending so much of my thought process trying to remember the taste of her fleeting lips on my own, pressing my fingers to them as though they were stained from her, as though I could close my eyes and taste them, again and again and again.

Then, in the morning, she returned my hoodie. There was this…look…this distant, worried look. Had she remembered? Had she remembered the words I said? Was this going to change anything? Everything? At breakfast, I ignored her persistent eyes, the gaze burning into my soul for answers. When she told us she couldn’t remember anything, I was little relieved.

If she didn’t remember, I could put distance between us, try to forget it myself- try to forget the way her fingers buried themselves into my hair. Try to forget the feel of her nose, pressed into my cheek, her chest, warm against my own.

While I was able to put physical distance between us this week, being that work kept us busy. But, the mental, emotional yards were harder to climb.

Once we made it through the airport, to Italy, I began my practice of celibacy, against the thoughts of her, against us.

I think part of me knew it wouldn’t last. I think part of me didn’t want it to. I think that’s why I was there- in the elevator, headed for the roof, in hopes that I might find her there. I didn’t even know if it was a place she frequented, but my intuition told me it was a good place to look.

And I was right.

I acted shocked when I first saw her, like it didn’t help my blood pump, seeing her, feet in the water, hair curling around her forehead.

She looked so…tense. Stressed. There was this permanent furrow in her brow. Did she really not remember…anything? At all?

Though it was a relief, I wanted to jog her memory (I wanted to kiss her).

I asked Daisy, barely glancing over at her in the seat beside me. From the corner of my eye, I watched her chew upon on her bottom lip, “Not really.”

Why did it feel like a lie?

She must’ve remembered something. Sure, she had been drinking, but…she was smarter than that. “Okay,” I choked, snatching another look at her.

I noticed Daisy turn her chin to return the gaze and I looked back at the city. I couldn’t look into her eyes, look at her face. I’d crumble.

“Is there something I should be remembering?”

It was timid, shy. But bold.

Bolder than I could bring myself to be right now.

Unable to find my own words, unable to form my own lie, I echoed her.

“Okay,” she copied.

The moment swelled in my mind. I wanted- needed her to remember. I wanted her to feel the ache in my bones at the thought of our lips pressed together. Wanted her to feel the longing Maybe then, she’d be the one to break, and I could blame it on her. Make her out to be the bad guy, going after me.

What a fucked up thing to think about.

Before I could catch myself, I blurted, “You don’t remember-“

At the same time, she went to push further on the topic.

I excused myself, motioned for her to continue. But, of course, she let me go instead.

“You don’t remember coming back to the hotel?”

I knew I was confusing her.

“Not really. you’re sure there’s nothing you want to tell me? Something important I should be remembering?” her knuckles, clasped together, were turning white.

I shrugged and pretended to be unaware, “I don’t think so.”

“Why did you tell me to come sit with you?”

She really knew how to make a guy question his own thought patterns. It would make her a really great therapist- but it just made me want to run.

To hide. To slip away from this disruption in my damaged peace.

I sighed, thoughtful, though still unsure, “I don’t know. Thought it would be nice. Like when we were in London-“

“Like when we were in London and you proceeded to pretend like we never did this? Like when we were in London and you kept interrupting me, so I couldn’t tell everyone we had been up on the roof together?”

So, she was pissed.

I knew she would be. She acted like she didn’t care, but I saw through the disguise. It reminded me of me.

I shrugged, putting on the same play, “Like that.”

I guess that was the comment that sent her off the edge, though. She was too guarded, too respectful of herself to take the bullshit I pushed. “I’m gonna go to bed.”

That wasn’t it for me. I needed to know what she knew. She obviously remembered more than she was letting on.

I slid into the elevator behind her, “Daisy-“

I swear to God, the rhythm of her breathing palpitated when I said her name-

“I need you to be honest with me. What do you remember?”

“Oh, cause you’re such a conscientious person yourself?”

I pulled at my hair, stressfully, “I really don’t think we’re on the same page right now, Daisy. Please, if we could just talk about this, if you could just tell me what you remember-“

Gears seemed to click in her brain. Something I said, the way I moved, the flash of the stars in her eyes, something had triggered a memory in her head. Something suddenly made sense.

I tried to help, though I was probably just being an asshole. “I want to figure this out, okay?”

I wanted to figure her out.

Whatever clicked was- it fucked things up.

“Oliver,” she frowned, “I can’t play this game with you.”

Game?

What game?

I was only ever playing defense- keeping to myself, keeping her away from my heart, trying to maintain distance. She had kissed me- I was the one to turn her away.

My shoulders fell, “What game? Daisy…I’m confused!”

“So am I, Oliver!”

Fuck. The way she said my name-

“I’m- you’re fucking with my head!”

Like she wasn’t fucking with mine?!

I went back to my original question, hoping to continue digging there, instead of worrying about this new hole she was unburying, “What do you remember?”

“It doesn’t matter, Oliver! I just don’t want to do this with you. Max is right. I should listen to him.” What the fuck did Max say? Why was he involving himself in this? How did he even know about- us- when we didn’t even- what?

What was happening?

“I’m not doing this with you.”

The doors opened, and she was leaving me. In her dust. In the swell of her words.

I retreated back to my room, throat tight, chest contracting for any gulp breath I could get. I fell back against the door like there were bullet holes bleeding out of my chest. I wanted to just...be honest. To be honest with her. Tell her what I really thought, what really happened, how I felt about her.

It wasn't the boundaries holding me back now. All my senses of morality and respect for our situation were dead. It was me. I was the iceberg. I was the gun.

I found my way to the bed, lay there like an empty casket. Dead, hollow, shards of wood. Why was I so afraid of her?

Maybe she'd be good for me...better than the last relationship I had, that much I could already tell. But, maybe she didn't want me for that.

Maybe she wanted to scalp me for my money, for my fame, dish out the gossip to the tabloids. Maybe she wanted to love me.

Maybe I deserved something good. Maybe I deserved to take a risk on something. Maybe I needed to. I was outside her door, before I was really conscious to my own movements, knocking, waiting. For barely a second.

She was opening the door, standing there in this barren light like an angel.

"Daisy."

I was kissing her.

Whatever she wanted, whatever she needed, whatever cruel fate she may prophesize or goodness she may expose to my paled skin- I didn't care.

Because she was kissing me.

-

I hadn’t been with someone for over a year.

That was what was so jarring about the entire situation.

It made me cautious, held me back. I’d been on a dating ban since I switched to my new therapist, who wanted me to focus on myself more than I always did on another person.

And for a while, it was going well.

Until Daisy disrupted that.

I knew, for as long as she was alive, breathing my air, I just could never be alone.

Usually, when I dated someone, when I was with them…I still felt that loneliness because I would give so much. And that person never returned it.

Daisy did, by a tenfold. She was…present. She so easily showed up, made time for me, chased me down when I went into those bouts of self isolation.

It was difficult to let her in…to let her join me in the dark.

But she made it feel less lonely. She made me feel…whole.

I started going to breakfast more often, started including myself in the group activities. Not only did she make me feel less alone, but she made me feel like I needed human connection.

“It’s warm, isn’t it?”

I scoffed at my therapist’s words, so simple for something so complex. “Warm. It’s hot. I feel like I’m on fire.”

“Good. Burn,” she responded. “You’re in the light now, Oliver. How do you feel about it?”

“Wow, what a question,” I teased.

Dr. Grime sighed heavily, crossing her arms over her chest. The movement was delayed, due to the time zone different, the laggy wifi in the hotel room. “Seriously, Oliver. Is it…do you feel like you want to snuff it out?”

“Of course I do,” I shuffled on my bed, “you know me. Something good comes and I feel like I don’t deserve it. But…I think it might be okay if I hang around in this for a while.”

“I think so, too,” she smiled. “I like how your language has changed, too. You’d tell me, ‘I don’t deserve this.” Now you say, you feel like you don’t deserve it. You’re recognizing rational thoughts from emotional ones. That’s very important. I’m proud of you.”

I offered a strained smile in response, uncomfortable with her praise. It was appreciated, though, and gave me body a sense of accomplishment.

Maybe I was getting better.

“So, this Daisy,” she leaned forward, more intrigued with the personal aspect of my love life, like some maternal figure.

I chuckled, shaking my head approvingly, “Daisy.”

“Do you…love her?” Dr. Grime poked.

I blushed, deeply, but quickly shoved the thought away, “Oh, no. No way. I…I barely know her. That’s- that’s crazy. Definitely not. No.”

My phone dinged in rhythm with the end of my sentence. It was her.

Daisy: soon as sam goes to bed, i can be over

My eyes lingered on the text, more concerned with this situation now than the accusatory, knowing tone of my therapist’s words.

“Mm,” she paused, “no, of course. So, is this just…a casual summer fling for you? A way to get over everything this, figure out what it is you want out of a relationship? It’s important to have something like this, a stable ground to work up off of for the future, considering you don’t have a great idea as to what love should be like.”

“Maybe,” I shrugged, toying with my phone. I stared at the message, reading and rereading the message again and again.

What…was this.

What was this to me?

What was this…to her?

We’d established some boundaries, mostly that I couldn’t really commit to anything to serious. And she said that had been okay.

Was I still okay with that?

Was that still what I wanted?

I was so obviously falling in love with her, but I would never tell anybody that.

Especially not her.

But it didn’t matter if I loved her- did I want her that way? Did I want this to last past the summer?

I did.

And that’s what scared me the most.

Loving her beyond the swept up dream we were caught in, back home, domestically. Loving her casually, routinely, in the kitchen back in my apartment, through school, sharing plants and bath towels.

I wanted that.

I wanted her…her ends and odds.

I lied, “No. I don’t want that right now. Got tour going on, new album soon. You know. Busy.”

Long after therapy ended, I stared at the message. The sun had set, the day had died…and I just couldn’t think of anything to say.

I think if I were to be around her right now, I might blurt out some passionate, mindless thing that I couldn’t bring us back from.

I needed to do…what I always did. Be alone. Ruminate in my thoughts in the darkness of a foreign hotel room in a strange city. All alone.

This felt…easier. Comfortable. What I was good at.

Yeah…this was easier.

The next day, I couldn’t stay from her any longer.

I needed her and she was needed that, too- however we could get each other.

So I pushed aside the feelings I had for her- put up all my walls and boundaries, and took her into my arms-

We would have this summer, even if it killed us.

–

"Hiya, Ollie, dear!"

My mother's voice was a sweet symphonic sound to my tired ears. We were in near opposite time zones, hundreds of miles apart, and I missed her more than anything. Touring usually took everything out of me and she was the one, separate, stable person I could turn to.

We'd only called once or twice the past few months due to my obsessed perversions with a certain best friend's sibling who had been taking up all of my time- not that I was complaining about who.

It was only recently that my mom and I had established such good rapport. Since I was young, she'd struggled to wrap her head around my career choices. Now that I was fully devoted to the act, and quite successful, she pushed aside her disagreement with it and chose to just keep supporting me.

Though I couldn't always answer, her calls were welcome.

"Hi, mum," I sat up in the hotel bed, my back sighing in gratitude at the change in posiiton. i had been rotting in here for a few hours, a little bored since Daisy was out with her friend. I could've went and hung with the guys, but I honestly needed some time to myself. That time was starting to really feel like loneliness, though. I guess before I met Daisy, they were empty hours full of empty feelings. Now, I was waking up to the reality of my existence. I'd made it so dull.

"Are you in Paris yet? Or are you still travelling?"

"We made it a few days ago," I replied. “Show’s tomorrow."

"Oh, I love Paris," she remarked. I could hear her lovely grin through the tone of her words. "I remember when we went there on a school holiday. My favorite part was the Eiffel Tower. It's so big. Now, I hear that it sparkles. You'll have to take a photo for me."

"Sure, mum."

"Have you gotten out much or are you holing up in your hotel room?"

Sheepishly, I scratched my neck. My response was delayed a bit; we both knew the answer. “Uh...I’m getting out there. Ya know, hanging out.”

“Ugh, Ollie,” I could nearly hear the roll of her eyes through the phone. “You know need a lady friend. Someone to drag you out of your bed. I mean, how many times do you get to see Paris. And get paid for it!”

At the mention of a ‘lady friend,’ I blushed. I hadn’t gotten a chance to tell her about Daisy, and damn did I want to. Though we weren’t even officially together. I didn’t know how to explain that to my mom, so maybe I’d just shy away from the topic, talk about something else.

But I guess my lapse of silent thinking made her think that there already was a lady friend.

“Oh?” she questioned with a cheerful lace to her tone. I didn’t say anything, my brain was unable to come up with anything in response. Acting defensive always made people think the opposite of what I said. Should I just tell her? Get it out of the way? Let her lecture me about my poor choices.

“Well, I won’t badger you. When you're ready,” she was already responding.

I was surprised that she was going to leave it there, to say the least, which only furthered my sentence. She usually pushed until I gave her some semblance of the truth. As she was getting older, I’d realized she gotten more relaxed and didn’t push as much as she used to. I think it was partially due to the guilt she felt for everything between us growing up.

So, I just went to move the subject along when she jumped back on it, “Just- please don’t tell me it’s that Fiona girl. I’m so sorry if it is. I just can’t sit around and watch you be treated so poorly by someone so...so awful. Again. Her personality is just- wow. Though, I shouldn’t be surprised. I went to school with her mum, and she was awful towards me. Apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree-”

I had to stop her while she was ahead. I guess some things never really, truly changed. "Mum, please! I’m not seeing Fiona again, I promise. I’m not...”

I wasn’t offended that she thought I was. It was just...more or so shocking. Shocking that she thought I’d put myself back in that. I had, a handful of times before. But...I was different now.

I guess she hadn't been around me these past few months, but I had truly changed. This past May’s Oliver very well could’ve let Fiona waltz back into his life. But July’s Oliver? He would’ve been hesitant.

And, even more so- Daisy’s Oliver...Daisy’s Oliver was a changing man. Daisy’s Oliver was a better man.

And I wanted to tell my mum that, I decided. She needed to know- it would ease her mind, along with my own. I know she was always worried for me. So, I told her-

“No, I’m seeing someone else. Her name...her name’s Daisy,” that felt good to admit, to put into the Universe, that I was seeing her, and she was seeing me, even if there were no labels attached.

“Daisy?” she perked up at the name. “That’s a pretty name. What’s she look like? You got any pictures you can text me?”

I realized quickly that I didn’t. In the near two months that we had been sleeping together, consuming one another’s souls, we hadn’t taken a single picture. It was probably for the best, just in case they somehow fell into the wrong hands. But- there were so many moments I could’ve- should’ve- captured. Moments of Daisy, hair whipping past her face on the roof, the lights of Italy glowing behind her like she had angelic wings. Daisy, in my hotel room, in the early morning before she had to sneak away. Tired eyes and an even more exhausted smile as she laughed at something stupid, I’d done in my sleep.

I wanted one. I wanted a picture of her, a picture of us, whatever I could get.

For now, all I had was my memories to help me describe her to my mum. It was easy to do so, considering she was etched into the very nerves in my mind.

“No, I don’t,” I breathed out, “but she’s beautiful. She’s got this-this- God, I can’t even describe her to you. Her hair’s darker, like yours. She’s got these brown eyes. Shorter than me, of course. You can always tell it’s her, though, just by the way she carries herself. She’s got this energy. You’d just have to see it to believe it.”

“She sounds amazing, Ollie,” she sighed distantly then giggled, “Well, if she’s so pretty, where are the pictures? I need to see her! Need to see what this talk is all about.”

I chuckled in response, “I know, I know. I suck.”

“It’s alright. I’m sure it’s difficult, with you on tour and her...what does she do, exactly? Where is she from? Would I know her?”

Here came the long winded, shameful explanation of everything between Daisy and me. The feelings that weren’t feelings, the girl who wasn’t mine, the upset sea tumultuous between us. Her brother. Sam.

I tried my best, “Well, she’s working towards her counseling license. So, she goes back to school in the fall. But right now, she’s on tour with us. Her brother works- um...Sam’s her brother. She just wanted to do some traveling before getting tied down for the next few years.”

“Sam? Sam Hatlett? She's his little sister?” There was a bit of shock in her tone now like I imagined there would be. Sam was like a brother to me, and mum knew that. In fact, she loved Sam. She always had.

When she first met him, she’d pulled him under her wing like a mother bird, like she could just feel that he needed her. So, to imagine that I might go after his little sister is rightfully shocking. It was close to home.

“I know, I know. Again, I suck,” I laughed, though I felt so tense. Rubbing my neck didn’t ease the tension in my skin.

“You don't suck, darling. It’s just a precarious situation, I’m sure. How does Sam feel about it all? Was he weird when you first started dating Daisy?”

When I first began to tell my mum about Daisy, I doubted whether or not I wanted to be completely honest. But I easily fell into the comfortability of her warm conversation and realized I could not bend the truth. Not only did she deserve to know it, but she needed to. I knew, too, that she wasn’t going to judge me, tell me I was making a bad decision. It took three times with Fiona for her to begin voicing her opinion.

Above all, I didn't need to jump through any hoops to win her approval. I didn’t have to play a role, fill a part. I was me. And she loved that man.

I realized, subconsciously, that this was how I felt about Daisy, too. Comfortable. Easy.

Loved.

I explained things to my mom, carefully, making sure she knew of the endless boundaries Daisy always ensured we had and the sweet, delicate moments that made everything worth it. I nearly fell into myself, swept up in the reminiscent beauty of it all. God, I missed her, even if it had been only two days since I’d seen her. Her friend Sasha was in town and took up all her time.

I didn’t know what I was expecting my mom to say, so I held my breath after I finished saying, “But, I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s just a summer thing or what. We’re both kinda in weird positions, so we’re not too worried about that, I guess. We’re just...having fun, ya know?”

As the insecurity rose up my throat and choked me out, I sighed out the rest of the air I had in me and added, “We’re not, like, in love or anything.”

I hadn’t expected her to laugh, that’s for sure.

But she laughed. My mum giggled, like things were well and truly hilarious, like I had just told her a joke. I waited there in silence, waiting for her to make fun of me for being so stupid as to let this situation occur. Laugh at me for being terrible at love and life. There goes Oliver again, breaking hearts, getting his heart broken. He can’t even be in a stable relationship! Laugh, laugh, laugh.

She said, “You are crazy, Ollie,” but it wasn’t meant in a harsh manner.

It wasn’t condescending, it wasn’t mean. She wasn’t making fun of me. She was...she was laughing because it was funny.

“You are usually so good at going after things. I mean, look at you with your music, darling. I said no, how many times? I insisted you do something, anything else. I never supported you financially. I never...I never supported you. I was the odds you were testing yourself against and looking at you now! I mean,” her voice cracked. A sniffle followed. My muscles eased from the discomfort I felt into something that wanted to reach for her through the phone, hug her.

“I know your father and I didn’t give you the best example for love. I know we weren’t some movie star-couple that everyone always knew would last forever. We fought. We weren’t there for you when we should have been. Your father left you. And then I held all these stupid expectations up to you, to try to make you better. And you! You’re successful!”

“And I give you all the credit for that. You are...my pride and joy, Ollie. My life. I am so proud of you, darling. But it breaks my heart, still, that you have not been able to find happiness. That you must spend so much time repairing what I broke. We cannot blame everybody else- you can...you can blame me, Ollie. I know I am to blame. And that is okay.”

“So, forgive me for laughing, forgive me for calling you crazy and stupid and wild, darling, but- it's right in front of your face, Ollie! She’s right there in front of you. Daisy. Darling, if you’re still questioning what love is, what it’s supposed to feel like...please let me knock some sense into you! You are wasting so much precious time on believing that it can only leave. It doesn’t have to stay for long for it to be important. If she leaves at the end of the summer, you will regret not telling her.”

I didn’t have to ask her what she meant; what she knew I’d regret not saying. I knew it, I knew it as well as I knew Daisy’s face, even more clear in my memory now.

“You can beat around the bush some more if you’d like, or you can carry on with this facade you’re so deeply transfixed by. Darling, I know it’s hard to let the chaos subside, to let the goodness in, but as I am getting older, I am realizing that it is bright. It is...comfortable. It is good. You deserve to have a lifetime of that. Don’t waste any more time, Ollie. Please tell her, please let her tell you. Please just...hold what you have.”

I had borne a hole into the wall, but snapped out of my still position when I felt a tear roll down the side of my nose. “H-how? How do I tell her?”

“However you need to,” she chuckled lightly. “Although, here’s a hint, Ollie: you are in the City of Love. Take advantage.”

I knew our call was ending and didn’t know when we’d get to speak again. So, like she had told, I took advantage of the moment and I held what I had; “Mum, just so you know,” my voice came out as a whisper, a gentle patter of rain on the roof.

“Yes, Ollie?” she whispered, too, like there was a gentle card deck stacked between us. I think maybe there was- I think there was always some sort of tension lingering from the harsh moments we’d beat into each other; the fighting, the leaving, the crying. I don’t think she ever felt like I’d forgiven her, as if I really needed to. She had been growing up, too, after all.

“I love you, you know that?”

“I know, baby,” I felt relieved that there was a smile in her tone, “now, go. You have some more dreams to chase down. And, Ollie?” “Yeah?”

“Get some pictures for me.”

-

I was lucky that, the next day, everyone was busy with their own plans on opposite sides of the city. So Daisy and I were able to spend some time together, outside of this drywall prison. I was a pretty good listener, too, and remembered all the spots Daisy had gushed about seeing in the little time we’d had together these past few weeks. I was being given the perfect setup to do what I needed to do: we were going to be alone, in the most romantic city on planet Earth. I could finally tell her how I felt.

Of course, so much of me shook with anxiety. What if- she didn’t feel the same way? She didn’t want to risk it? She didn’t want to commit to someone this close to school? Let alone someone who lived across the world from her? These weren't my only fears. There were so many revolving around my career that I could’ve drowned beneath their weight.

Yet, each time I looked at her, I was anchored to her shoes. I couldn’t drift out to sea. I was grounded. Though my fears about how she would react sank, it took another amount of effort to get the words out.

I could’ve done it right away, gotten it out there, cleared the air, so we could enjoy each other even more. That would’ve been the best way: I would've gotten answers, started the day out on the right foot. But, when we got out onto the streets, I was swept up in the busy buzz of the crowds. It was loud in the cafe we grabbed breakfast at, loud on the sidewalks, overly crowded by the river. We finally found a place to sit, breakfast sandwiches and drinks in hand. Though there were still throngs of people all around us. So what good was the City of Love when it was full of ignorant tourists?

The anxiety of what I wanted to do was making me feel grumpy. I shut down a little bit, unable to really engage in much conversation, let alone tell her how I felt. I think it just looked like exhaustion to Daisy, so she didn’t really notice. I did- I was hyperaware of every short sentence, every avoided gaze. All of these people are going to be standing here when I tell her. They’re going to watch her reject me and they’re going to know. They're going to know I’m not good enough. She’s going to walk away from me, leave me stranded in the park, alone with my own rejection and denial. I’m not good enough I’m not good enough.

I thought about what my therapist would tell me, ways to snap myself out of this maladaptive pattern of behavior. My brain lies, she always said. It makes things up, creates false realities based off things others have said to me, or moments of true insecurity rooted in no sense of truth.

Daisy would want me, even if I wasn’t good enough. That was the one assurance I could tell myself to shake off the weary thoughts.

And if she didn’t- well, I don’t think thinking about that was going to help me very much. So, when we got back into the hustle and bustle, shopping around the city, visiting the sights, I opened myself back up.

I didn't know if I’d ever find the confidence. I was on the precipice again, after lunch, when I began spewing cheesy pet names as a sublimation for the words I needed to say. It shocked her at first, hearing such sweet things coming from me. And that stung a little. Was I that monstrous towards her that simple affections made her brows shoot up? Was I that bad? I repeated them once, twice, just so she really knew I meant it.

The day went on and on and I cowered in on myself even more. There were plenty more ample moments, but I just kept letting the clock tick down. I knew we were running out of precious time. If I didn’t tell her now, we would go straight back to secret moments in a hotel room, balancing on a tightrope, pretending like the moment the leaves changed color, we wouldn't be losing each other. I just knew Daisy wanted that about as much as I did.

Just when I was giving up hope, I found my moment, finally. Just after we had stopped to view the Eiffel Tower, some street side scam artist grabbed some pictures of us and was trying to convince me to spend $200 on the copies. At first, I brushed it off, until I caught a small peak at the images on his camera. Before he could spout another line, I was giving him $100. He gave me three photos.

Where my words may fail, these pictures couldn’t. You wouldn’t have to know Daisy and I personally to well and truly and see how infatuated we were with each other. I wasn’t even worried anymore that she wouldn’t want me. I was worried she wouldn’t want the risk, the jump, the caution of a fall.

These would be to convince her to leap. These had to be.

I stopped us outside the hotel, knowing if once we stepped inside, our memories might as well be cleared of the day's events. We would be going back to normalcy, to the real world. Our friends would be waiting there, we would allow the gap between us to grow. I would swallow my words and choke on them.

“I love you,” I pictured myself saying. “I love you, I love you, I love you. I love you, I love you in London, you in Paris, you at home. I love you from the hotel rooms we’ve indented to the streets we’ve wandered. I love you in the plane, on the bus, in every inch of this world.”

But it just wouldn’t come out.

I tried to encourage myself by thinking of who I was just a year ago. By thinking of how I was a year ago, the person I was dating, the situation I was caught up in. Fiona, the endless hours of fighting, of begging. Crying, screaming, the blood sport we played. Hunter and prey, me the victim and yet the one wielding the sword. I thought of Daisy when I first met her. The scent of her in my nostrils, like a clue that I was to hunt for as long as I could run. Of her in my teeth, when I first caught up to her incessant running. The satisfaction I felt, how disgusting that was. How horrible it was that I loved the taste of her blood on my lips.

And how much better I could breathe knowing that I had let go, that I had put my claws away and instead threaded a needle to stitch her skin close. How beautful that was- the beast retracting, the mask falling away. A true creature coming to light, renewed and willing.

Tears welled in my eyes. The words were there, finally, waiting just atop my tongue. She was leaning closer, clutching my hand, clutching those photos like a rosary, like she would sacrifice herself for me. I would, too. I would I would I would I would.

I think I hesitated a moment too soon, or I think she could tell what was happening. I think tha- that, I think that she was running again.

I think she wanted me to chase her or to stop, or she was placing traps in the woods, waiting for the wolf with a bow in arrow.

Because she was pulling away. And our friends were calling our names.

I didn’t have time to think, wrapped up in the swell of the arrival of our friends.

But I felt the death of the moment. It was heavy. It was rotten.

Later, I sat alone in my dressing room before the show, the photo I had kept between my fingers. I swear I could hear her breath, echoing from inside the paper frame of us. Swear I could feel her hands on my arms, grasping as though the wind would take us away from each other. Her lips on my cold ones, warm and fueling like a kindled fire.

I wondered if she threw the photos away. If she stared at them, with resentment. If she wanted to burn them.

Yet, I could’ve lived and died in that moment if I had to. If I was never able to tell her how I really felt about her, I’d be content to waste away, hanging on her lips like a vine, rotting from indecision and cowardice.

Eventually, Sam poked his head in to let me know it was time to go on. I flinched when he first spoke. It drew me back to reality in harsh, cold lighting. I drew the photo from my face, met his eye, and nodded.

I was lucky he didn’t ask any questions about my reserved response, though I knew he was aware that I was getting into character as this vessel. Part of me wished he had asked, though, if only to have someone to share the darkness with again, if even for just a second. And maybe outing Daisy and I to Sam would force me to tell her everything. Force some sort of decision to fall from the loitering hammer that hung above us.

Sam left. I set the photo down on the counter, not even thinking straight enough to put it away somewhere. Then, I hung the mask on my face, edges of my eyes darkened, just like my mind.

Part of me wished I didn’t even have to perform tonight. Every time I put on this disguise, I was reminded of those dark parts of me, the parts of me that were too much like this creature the costume made into. When I’d first come up with the character, I felt so strongly that I was just like Vessel- nothing but a pit of black, music transporting through me like some god had planted it there. I hadn’t been aware of my very real feelings. I just sat there, in that emptiness.

Things were different now.

Maybe I just needed a break from it all, from the costumes and the concerts and Daisy. Well, not Daisy. Not her. Just...everything involving her.

But never her. I just wanted her always, everywhere.

I didn’t get to have that, though, the break nor Daisy.

In fact, all I got was a slap in the face. When I went on stage, I spotted Daisy in the audience. For a split second, there was a lift in my heart, a fire in my bones. She was here. She hadn’t pulled away- she wanted me. She wanted me.

Then, as the lights flickered, I noticed the look of guilt on her face and the hand around her waist, She was here...with someone else.

I felt myself retracting, cocooning, not for growth, not for birth into something good, something with fluttering wings...but into that moth. Into that darkness.

Into that vessel.

In my fury, I laid claim to Daisy in all the wrong ways. I held her by the throat and let her dangle from my lips, reminded her how desparate she was for me, reminded her just how much she relied on my game. It had never been and never would be our game. I was the villain. I was the hunter.

She was my prey.

I was losing hope for my own reconciliation, for my own change. Maybe I would just always be detached, dark, monstrous. Maybe I would never be able to commit, to give in, to be someone’s something.

Maybe I was just this vessel, and maybe this vessel was just me.

Maybe I was never good enough for Daisy, but just enough to satisfy her furious need for that bad. And that was enough for me.

-

Things got worse when Fiona started blowing up my phone.

I wasn’t sure how she had gotten my number. I had changed it back in March, when I’d ended- really ended- things with her. And, with my career, it wasn’t like I’d just handed my number out to any person on the street. I had, maybe, ten contacts on my phone.

Daisy was one of the few I responded to.

But, somehow, someway, Fiona had gotten hold of my number and began blowing my phone up with messages. I blocked her the minute I noticed, after a show when I had time to get on my phone. Then, a few days later, she started messaging from a different number.

They were innocent claims- she kept saying I had left things at her flat and needed to come pick them up. But I knew her better than that. She was trying to use this to weasel back into my head, my heart. She’d convince me to come pick everything up and then, when I was there, she’d start crying. Start saying how much she loved and needed me. She’d convince her into her bed, and we’d start spiraling down into that same old waltz we both knew too well.

After I blocked this contact, I guess she evolved. She started using an unknown number, so I couldn’t even block the contact. I called my manager immediately and told him I needed to get a new phone number. Apparently, all the stores around us were closed for a few days, which just so happened to be my fucking luck. But he promised to get something for as soon as possible.

In the meantime, I just had to ignore her.

So, I booked a last-minute therapy appointment.

I glossed over everything with my doctor, telling myself that things with Daisy were hopeless. She obviously thought me to be disposable. I mean, I had watched how quickly she’d pulled away, how quickly she found another empty face in the crowd.

I didn’t want to admit that shameful situation to my doctor. I didn’t want her to know I’d let myself fall again.

Instead, we talked about Fiona, about the temptress knocking on my door. My doctor kept reminding me to, “Stay strong. Know your worth.”

Easy words for someone in a healthy, happy marriage.

All it would take was one more wrong look from Daisy and one wrong text from Fiona, and I’d end up back off the cliff.

So, I clung to the guys. Daisy had been...not so distant but detached. Cautious. She was taking the lead, so I followed. We still hung out, still fucked like we had been doing. Still had these meaningful, deep conversations that made me wonder, over and over, what the fuck was going through her head. But honestly, I now spent some of that extra time with Max, Cy, Adam, or Sam. We were due to begin working on the next album and I had plenty of ideas floating around in my head.

It was peaceful, quaint. Something I’d missed. Maybe I wouldn’t be ready to start dating again if something like this caused me so much stress.

Adam was texting me now, wondering if I wanted to hang out sometime this morning, talk about the album. I told him I’d let him know what time, considering Daisy was in my bed. And Fiona was blowing my phone up like fucking crazy.

The whole situation threw me off. She wasn’t really concerned about it, but made numerous, passive jokes about me having a secret girlfriend. I don’t know if it was because she really, truly wanted me to be exclusive to her, or if it was just something to do with her pride.

Signals were still mixed, even after we’d had a conversation about how committed we were to each other. Part of me wondered if it had just been an act, her agreement to never see anybody else, her admittance that she was, “mine.” If it had just been something brewed from the heat of the moment. But, when I answered the phone, set it back on the nightstand, I swear to God I saw something in her eyes shift, like she had been bothered at the thought of me with someone else.

Or it would be shitty in general if I was seeing someone else.

I weighed telling her, every single, how I felt about her. I don’t know that if I told her I loved her it would change anything. I had all but done so, and she still was unmoving. She still had gone and found that faceless nobody in the crowd.

Today, I felt like maybe I should. Tell her.

As soon as she had left, someone knocked on my door. I didn’t think it was Daisy, considering Sam would be waking up soon and she needed to get back into bed. When I looked through the peephole, Adam was there, staring over his shoulder sort of strangely.

“Hey, dude,” I started as I opened the door, then turned to make my way over to the bed where my book bag was. I reached in for my notebook, continuing, “so, I’ve got a few good ideas rattling around-” probably a few too many about Daisy, “that I wanna show ya.”

He slowly entered the room, shutting the door softly behind him, “Yeah, uh...” he approached me sort of hesitantly, distant confusion in his pupils, “I think we...should talk about something first.” He didn’t seem too sure of himself and the words he was saying were cautious. So, my tone slowed, hardened “What-what’s up?”

He finally met my eye and I felt like a sword had been shoved down my throat, “I just talked to Daisy...out in the hallway.”

I set my book bag down, hands having been frozen around the straps like someone cursed me into the stoic, icy position. All I could think to say was, “Oh.”

Adam nodded half-heartedly, “Yeah. Oh. I... don’t know what to say, really. I knew you guys had been...like, it was obvious. To me and I think Max, at least. Sam is kinda clueless and, he and Ronnie are totally sleeping with each other.”

Well, that was obvious. So obvious that I could have snorted, but I was too focused on the wild realization that everyone basically knew. All of that sneaking around, trying to be secretive- well, it didn’t fucking matter. And it didn’t seem like it really mattered that much.

“Are you gonna, like, scold me or something?’ I sat on the edge of my bed, running a wary hand through my hair.

“No, I’m gonna tell you that you’re fucking stupid.”

“What?” I looked up from the ground, shock widening my eyes.

Adam finally softened his expression and chortled, though it was short before he was in on me again, “You’re stupid, Ollie. I don’t think you’re doing it on purpose. I think you’re just...Fiona fucked you up. And I’ve watched you slowly start to heal over these past few months. Daisy has everything to do with that. And...she fucking loves you, dude. She thinks the world of you. And you’ve both, I guess, been dancing this dance with each other, walking around the whole thing. I just told her, like- stop thinking less of yourselves. You both deserve something good. You’re both worthy of each other. So, stop being fucking stupid and just tell her.”

My face was hot. I clenched my hands together, knuckles turning white as all these rampant, loose feelings released in my chest, in my head. “She doesn’t love me.” Adam chuckled again, “That’s a bold fucking statement. She just told me herself how much she adores me.”

“Well, yeah, she likes me, that’s obvious,” I waved him off, “she wouldn’t be sleeping with me if she didn’t. But...I think I’ve made it clear so many times how much I want her. And she, just, doesn’t care. Or she turns away.”

“She’s scared!” Adam exclaimed, making me flinch just slightly. “Sorry,” he spoke quieter, like he had shocked himself with his tone of voice. “She’s scared, Ollie. She’s...she doesn’t know who she is. That’s why she came here. That’s why she pulls away, why she seems unsure.”

“Well, I know that,” I scoffed, “I know her better than anyone. You haven’t seen the way she...how she denies it. I know she denies it. She denies us- me.”

“Okay, tell me,” Adam nearly popped a hip at this, a sassy tone overtaking his authoritative one. “Tell me how she denies, what she says and does that makes you think she doesn’t want you. Tell me that she doesn’t love you.”

I thought, long and hard. I could've mentioned the very recent time when she had been dancing with another guy, at our concert, a prowling look in her eyes. Or, of the time when I was on the brink of telling her how I felt, then she pulled away. Or-

Wait.

Am I fucking stupid?

I’m so fucking stupid. I am the dumbest, stupidest idiotic idiot to have ever existed.

It was all right there, clearing up now like I was wearing new glasses. I had a new perspective- I had an unbiased, outsider’s view of the world I had been suffocating in. And Adam’s view was- a breath of fresh air.

I was so obviously the one turning away from her.

From the beginning, I’d been denying her, us, for fear that she wouldn’t want me that way. For fear that someone would find out, for fear that I might die if she ever looked away from me. And I’ve been covering it up with the excuse that I was broken, or hurting, or-or...worthless.

I knew differently. I’d known it differently for a while now but had been unable to act upon this rationality. I was too emotional, too, in my head. And that made me seem manipulative, and asshole-ish, and- fucking stupid.

Adam watched me carefully, watched me as I processed these past few months. My eyes were narrowed, confused, though they widened as the information unfolded in my mind, as the notches clicked together.

“You’re…right.”

Instead of worrying myself with the evidence that she, too, was afraid, I felt my head flood with memories, as tangent on my skin as the cool air of my hotel room. Memories of her devotion, her promise, her love. Memories of us in the stale morning, sharing stories of her mother and that little apartment back in America. Memories of us on the roof, atop the world, atop the feeling, a private sanctuary where even just the flash of her eyes should have told me everything that I needed to know. I was going to tell her I felt the same. I was going to pull her up to the roof, one of our most sacred secrets, and pour everything out onto the barren concrete between us. And I knew she would say that she loved me, too.

It was delicate and I would have to handle it as such. Any sudden movement, and we’d be falling apart, all over again.

But, then Max was bombarding my hotel room, spewing some nonsense about Daisy and Ronnie getting tattoos. He was dragging us to Sam’s hotel room. I was practicing the lines in my head, over and over, a prayer.

Daisy was looking at me with these doe-innocent eyes, like she, too, was praying to some old god. Altering herself for a breath that he may resurrect what was dying between us even now.

I found more words, new words- lyrics, pummeling my skull in wondrous discovery. It was right there- everything was- My phone wouldn’t fucking stop ringing and I thought that I might explode into atoms. I ignored the call, watching as Daisy’s face fell each and every time that it did. She well and truly thought that I was seeing someone else.

Enough was enough.

I took a step towards her, fully intent on putting a rest to the strangeness and awakening what was already there. But, then my phone rang again.

And Sam began making some joke about Fiona calling me, a knowing, devious smirk on his features. He didn’t know- how could he know? I couldn’t be upset with him, but I wanted to strangle him into the carpet.

But I couldn’t focus on that anger for too long-

Because Daisy was leaving like we both always left, one too many times, in one too many silent glares of this something that we just may never get right.

The delicate threads of us bent and snapped.

[mack-timelines]

Would Sam know what the disease is?

Does he just beg max to tell whoever it is that he loves them just so his best friend can be saved?

OK sorry for the LATE response, i'm not one for answering asks- heh TvT

As for the question, Yes but also no. Yes as he knows what it is now- but No as not when it was seriously bad. Like- He'd know after- or when Max is getting better WHICH ISNT REALLY BETTER AS LIKE Sam would get paranoid as what if Max repressed his feelings again, would the flowers come back? And bro was watching his best friend kinda die so he doesnt want that again

an lil doodle of them to go along with this he he :3

[lonelym00n]

Max Fox x Reader - Headcannons

this is for all the max fox girlies out there. if you're a mikey madison fan and haven't watched better things just for her, shame on u.

this is likely going to contain max snippets from every season, so don't read if you care about spoilers.

GO WATCH BETTER THINGS!! seriously it's a really good show about a single mother raising three daughters.

also, LOOK AT BABY MIKEY. LOOK AT HER.

Pre-relationship

when max isn't with paisley or her boyfriend of the week, she's with you

you're the most chill of all her friends so she hangs out with you mostly when she doesn't feel like causing her mom an aneurism

sam loves you more than max's other friends

you always thank her for her hospitality and do the dishes for her if she cooks when you're around

max's favorite thing about you is that she doesn't feel the need to worry about if you think she seems cool or not

you love watching old movies with max because she always has such thoughtful comments on the cinematography

you always arrive early to her band's gigs just so you can cheer her on from the front row

you are max's personal Lyft driver when you get your license (sam is thankful that the bill has gone down significantly)

How you catch feelings

you fall for max first

your feelings for her start when she begins opening up to you about her dad and how much her parent's divorce has affected her

she tells you about the jealousy she holds for how much she has to share her mom with her mom's job and her two sisters

she also opens up about how she has no clue what to do once she graduates

you tell her that sam loves her just as much as she did before her sisters were born and that there's no rush to decide what path she wants to choose post-graduation

you realize your feelings for max when she surprises you by playing your favorite song on the guitar

the smile she gave you after she finished playing made your heart leap into your throat

you knew you had it bad for her after that

Unrequited feelings

you're too much of a chicken to admit your feelings to max because you don't want to ruin your friendship

you are horrified when she starts dating the 34 year old man, you tell yourself that it's not because you're jealous, but because max is only 16 (it's definitely because you're jealous)

max cried on your shoulder when she learned her dad had stood her up on her graduation day

you threaten to train chewy to bite him for the next time he shows up to interrupt her life

she laughs and your heart skips a beat at the sound

when max tells you about her decision to go to college in Chicago, you try not to cry (let's pretend you chose to go to college somewhere in LA)

you do cry when you drop her and sam off at the airport on their way to Chicago (cry is putting it lightly, you full on sobbed into max's shirt)

Other people notice your feelings

with max off at college, you have a hard time figuring out what to do with yourself when you aren't attending classes

you take to moping around the fox's house

frankie is the first to catch onto your feelings for max, after seeing you sniffle pitifully into a carton of ice cream for the third weekend in a row, they figured you must've loved max more than you let on

frankie doesn't say anything to you about their realization, concluding that you probably hadn't yet registered that you harbored more than friendly thoughts for max

sam doesn't question why she keeps finding you fast asleep on her living room couch, so she remains none the wiser about your love for her daughter

when max calls you crying one night and tells you about how she doesn't think college is right for her, it takes everything in your willpower not to encourage her to hop on the next flight back to LA

you tell her she has to make the decision on her own but that you will wholeheartedly support her either way

when she does return, you don't even hide how ecstatic you are

the pain of hiding your feelings for her does return, but it's nothing compared to how heartbroken you felt while she was away

when she starts dating olivier, you feel more depressed than you do jealous

max notices your more frequent sad moods and her heart pangs dejectedly whenever she asks if you're okay and you brush her off

you feel lost and decide to confide in rich about your love for max, you always thought he was such a good second dad to her

he isn't fully surprised at your feelings for the other girl, having sensed that something more was likely going on between you two

he's so happy that you decided to tell him and offers you words of advice that he had picked up from being in similar situations to yours

from that moment on, he's silently rooting for you and max to get together

Max realizes her feelings for you

with her new love for photography, she innocently invited both you and paisley to model for an idea that she wanted to shoot

paisley agrees excitedly while you agree with more reluctance

the pictures with paisley turn out great

when it's your turn, max is in utter awe at how gently your beauty comes across in the photos

you fit the image she had wanted to capture so perfectly and as she continues to photograph you, her heart thumps wildly in her chest

the slow groundbreaking realization of the love she so deeply holds for you creeps up her spine

she pushes you away the next week and the week after that, filled with panic

now that she has figured out how she feels about you, she knows she'll never be able to hide it from you

you feel hurt that max is avoiding you, but you figure it's because she's spending more time with her boyfriend (max didn't tell you that she had broken up with him directly after the photoshoot)

max tells rich about her feelings for you and he only just barely manages to hide his joy at the news

he reassures her there's nothing wrong with the way she feels about you and that her family would accept and support her regardless

after a week of gathering up her nerve (and a third week of avoiding you), she reveals her feelings for you to sam

sam is shocked but reassures max that she is so happy and proud

when max falls asleep for the night, sam rushes to frankie's room for advice on ways that she could be there for max

Confession

one morning, frankie urges max to confess to you

needless to say, max is pissed at sam for telling frankie

a big fight starts between the three of them (max upset with sam for telling frankie, sam mad at frankie for telling max that she had told them about it, and frankie yelling at max to just tell you how she felt)

you, completely fed up with being avoided by max, stomp into the fox household to give the girl a piece of your mind

the fighting comes to a halt when you walk in the door, frankie and sam quickly scurry away

just as you're about to speak, max gently grabs your arm and tugs you outside with her

she shushes all your attempts to talk and apologies for avoiding you

she looks nervous and so uncharacteristically max as she takes your hand in hers

when she tells you she was avoiding you because she realized she was in love with you, you nearly forget how to breathe

she looks at you so worriedly while she waits for your response

when you tell her you feel the same, her eyes crinkle in happiness

max leans closer and the two of you share a soft kiss

max lovers you better cause some commotion in the comments!! she needs more love and I won't be silent about it anymore!

[jonathanbyersphd]

🥳 Will Byers 53rd BDay ficlet 🥳

Will can hear his husband rummaging through the hallway closet as pulls his jacket on. He wonders what he could possibly be searching for. Both of their umbrellas are by the door, he already gave him the new Princess Peach game as a birthday present this morning and he’s already wearing his jacket. Will checks his watch again, they’ve got seven minutes before they miss the train. 

“Mike come on we're going to be late”  Will calls.

“I'm looking for betrayal at the house on the hill, have you seen it?” Mike yells back.

“You seriously think Nancy's going to play board games?” he laughs.

“Well, it is her favorite brother-in-law’s birthday,” Mike argues.

Will is about to defend Holly’s husband but there’s a crash from the hallway before he can. 

“Are you-”

“Found It”

Mike meets him in the foyer, wide grin spread on his face and a stack of board games in his hands. Will smiles in spite of himself.  

“Besides, Jonathan and Matty definitely will ” He declares before giving Will a quick kiss.

“I thought Matty couldn't make it?” Will asks. 

“No, Sammy can't. Midterms. Geez old man keep track of your kids” Mike teases, packing the games into a bag.

“Haha very funny”

“Don’t worry no matter how old you get I'll still love you” he promises with another kiss.

“Remind me again why they can't come to dinner here?” Will sighs, and he swears Mike’s smile fades for the briefest second. 

“When in the last twenty years have those two ever come to Brooklyn?” Mike complains with an eyeroll

“They used to for the kids birthdays” Will reminds

“And we were pushing our luck then, Babe” He contends. 

“I'm just saying we could stay in, get pizza, crush you in Mario Kart” Will shrugs checking his pocket for his keys one last time. 

“If that's really what you want I can text the group chat” Mike offers quietly. 

When he turns around, he can tell that Mike doesn’t love the idea and he tries not to feel too guilty about not wanting to go into Manhattan in the rain. 

“But Nancy already picked up your cake” Mike entices

Ok, so maybe he’s been thinking about a double chocolate all week but he’s sure they have the ingredients in the kitchen. 

“And Jonathan's making lasagna” Mike coaxes. 

And sure, no one can replicate Karen’s lasagna recipe like his brother can but pizza is fine. 

“Let me guess, Matt’s already there?”  Will questions hesitantly, not wanting the answer. 

“Yea, but he's spending the weekend. So that's not a big deal” Mike shrugs, and Will’s surprised that he’s coming around. 

“Jordan did fly in from L.A. though” Mike admits. 

“Just for my birthday???”

“It's a family thing you know how she is with family things and you're her favorite uncle” Mike grins.

“Bull” 

“Look, whatever you wanna do it’s fine. We just better decide before it starts pouring” Mike encourages. 

Will can tell he’s not telling the full truth. He’s not sure why their niece would fly in for such an unremarkable birthday. But, he would feel a little bad if she wasted the trip. Not to mention that changing the plans means Matt drove into Manhattan from Burlington for no reason. And as much as he wants to stay in he’d feel way too guilty about doing that to his kid. 

“Let’s go” he resigns. 

Half an hour, one horrible subway ride, and a short walk in the rain later they're standing on the porch in Greenwich Village and Mike is frantically texting. 

“Just ring the bell” Will admonishes right as the front door swings open. 

“Hey Buddy, happy birthday” Jonathan greets with a hug. Practically pulling them into the house.

They quickly take off their coats and shoes. 

“After you birthday boy” Mike insists cheekily and Will rolls his eyes but leads the way up the stairs. 

When they reach the kitchen, the lights are completely out and before he can say anything someone flips a switch illuminating the room. Noisemakers and shouts of ‘surprise’ fill the room. He barely registers that Sam is there before El excitedly pulls him into a hug and Dustin, Lucas and Max quickly follow suit. He tries to ignore the tears forming in the corners of his eyes. 

“What are you guys doing here?” Will beams with only a couple sniffles.

“We heard there was a party” Lucas jokes. 

Before Will can joke back about coming all the way from Chicago for some cake. Matty and Dylan start a spirited, if off-key, rendition of Happy Birthday with his fire-hazard of a cake in hand. 

“You going to be able to get all those” Jonathan teases from behind his camera as Will takes a deep breath to blow them out. 

Somehow, he gets all fifty-three candles in one go and Nancy swiftly takes the cake away to cut slices at the kitchen table with Jordan. Sammy crosses the room and gives him a tight hug. Will doesn’t even think to chastise him for not being at school.

“I can’t believe you did all this” Will smiles. 

“Yea well, it’s not everyday you turn fifty-three” Mike jokes as he places a birthday hat on Will’s head and hands another one to Sam. 

He chases down Matt to give him a matching one and Jonathan takes their picture. The four of them must look ridiculous but he’s so happy to be with their family he doesn’t care too much.For the tiniest second, Will worries that there’s no way he’s going to be able to match this surprise for Mike’s birthday. But Mike tenderly squeezes his shoulder and the feeling is gone just as quickly as it came. 

“What’d you wish for?” Mike asks once Jonathan finishes his photoshoot. 

“Nothing, I don’t need anything else, this is perfect. Thank you” Will admits quietly, trying not to get over-emotional. 

“It’s nothing really, just a couple phone calls” Mike shrugs. 

“I’m impressed you kept the secret�� Will commends. 

“The things we do for love” he responds, dramatically. 

“I love you” Will responds leaning in for a kiss.

“But I’m still gonna crush you at Mario Kart” he taunts and Mike laughs.

[buckysgrace]

Forty

“What are these?” Kim asked as she walked downstairs, dressed in a warm sweater and a comfy pair of jeans. She was surprised Rosemary wasn’t bustling herself in the kitchen already. She walked over, joining Sam on the free couch. Eddie was still snoring, his mouth wide open as everyone gathered around him. 

“Old photos,” Rosemary smiled, “I was going to go through them, compare some baby photos.” She nodded her head as she flipped through the albums, stopping to show a few pictures off to Russell. Billy raised his eyebrows, sitting behind them looking unamused. She sent him a bright smile before she turned away again. 

“Can I see?” Kim asked, trying not to sound too eager. The thought of seeing more baby pictures of Billy excited her. He really was the cutest baby she’d ever seen. She thought they’d have adorable babies one day, when they were both ready.

“Of course,” Rosemary scooted over on the floor so she could join her. Kim wiggled down happily, grinning as she looked at the photo album, “He loved to bathe in the sink.” Rosemary cooed, pointing to a picture of baby Billy sitting in a sink full of bubbles. He was giggling, a wooden spoon up to his lips as a mass of bubbles on his curly hair.

“He was so chunky,” Kim breathed out, admiring the little rolls on his arms and tummy. His eyes were wide and amused, with thick eyelashes bringing out the dark blue, “Very cute.” She grinned as she glanced back towards Billy, watching as he sent her a sly look. Rosemary laughed as she continued to look at the photos, but looked like she was stuck in a distant memory. 

“It’s because he ate everything,” She said seriously, “He was such a happy little baby.” She glanced back towards him, a smile on her lips. Kim examined her for a moment, noticing the sadness that lingered in her eyes and features. She felt bad for her suddenly, like she knew what Rosemary was feeling. 

“Hey,” Max spoke up suddenly as she looked through one of the books, “Kim, this is you.” She stated, looking a little confused as she glanced down towards the picture again. Kim tilted her head in confusion, feeling a spark of interest forming in her chest. 

“Huh?” Kim wrinkled her eyebrows together, glancing at the photo album to confirm that it wasn’t hers. It was a pretty blue, full of different stickers and a pretty font that spelled out Billy’s name. Definitely not anything that Susan had made for Kim. Susan's photobooks had been messy and cluttered, but still full of love. She just wasn't as artistic. 

“Is it another school picture?” Rosemary asked curiously, referencing the one that she had already shown to Kim. Kim settled back a little bit, figuring that it must’ve been that. Max shook her head, her hair going everywhere from how fast she moved her head. 

“No, it’s later,” Max said as she pushed her hair out of her face, “I think I’m in it too.” She said at last, gaining their attention as Rosemary and Kim scooted over to her. She shot a glance towards Billy, noticing that his eyes were filled with the same curiosity she felt. 

Kim peered at the picture, her eyes widening in shock as she looked at it. It was taken on one of the beaches here, Kim thought that perhaps it was the one Sam used to take them to quite a bit. Their feet were buried in the sand, her hand tightly connected to Billy’s as she awkwardly held a toddler sized Max in her arms. They were smiling widely, their cheeks red like they’d been out in the sun for too long. Or playing too hard. She stared at it a little longer, trying to gain some sense of recognition. 

“Oh wow,” Rosemary paused, looking a little stumped as she leaned back onto her heels, “I remember that now. You two played so hard, oh. We had a little ceremony on the beach. You insisted on getting married.” She said, like the memory was suddenly fresh on her mind. She laughed, looking amused as she looked at the picture again. 

“We got married?” Billy asked softly, gaining Kim’s attention as she glanced towards him. She smiled sweetly, feeling her heart fluttering roughly inside of her chest. It made her feel giddy, happy. She couldn’t believe her life had been linked with Billy’s for so long. 

“Yeah,” Rosemary grinned, “No kissing of course. I think I had the two of you dance or something like that. It was pretty cute.” She mused as she looked down at the picture again. Kim stared at it for a second later, her heart fluttering as she looked up towards Billy again. He smiled at her softly, his eyes already lingering against her features. 

“Ew,” Russell said a second later, “You married your sister.” He wrinkled his nose up, but was giggling like it was something to tease them about. Kim felt her cheek flush, ignoring the unimpressed look that Max sent the both of them. 

The knock of the door drew their attention away from the photo album. Rosemary stood first, an excited look on her face as she crossed the room. Kim brushed her finger across the photo, wondering if Rosemary would mind if she took this one too. She chewed on her bottom lip, deciding it would be best to wait. She didn’t want Rosemary to be suspicious of them. 

“I’m not too early, am I?” Tommy asked as he walked into the room, looking around a little awkwardly before sending them a wave. Billy cocked his eyebrows in response before he popped another piece of gum into his mouth. Kim had noticed he’d been chewing gum a lot more frequently. 

“No,” Sam said softly, “You’re fine on time. We’re glad you’re here.” He nodded his head as Rosemary walked back towards him. She gave him a soft squeeze, still looking like she was beaming. Kim hoped that this day turned out well. 

“Probably would’ve been earlier if it wasn’t for Gina,” Tommy mumbled as he joined Billy on the couch, “She’s freaking out over not knowing how to make a turkey. They’ll probably have breakfast for their dinner.” He proclaimed proudly, looking quite smug over it. Billy snorted as he shook his head. 

“What?” Rosemary asked as she dropped her hands from Sam’s waist, “Well invite them over.” She said quickly, looking like it was an urgent manner. Billy’s features wrinkled up in dismay as Tommy turned towards her confused. 

“Who?” He asked slowly, his ears burning a little red as Rosemary looked over at him in surprise. 

“Your sister and her boyfriend,” She said quickly, “Oh they shouldn’t be alone on Thanksgiving.” She told him, her features knitted together like it was an awful thing. Kim chewed on her bottom lip, thinking that it would suck to be without your family for the holidays.

“Mom,” Billy paused for a second, “Do we even have that much room?” He questioned softly, looking like he was less than pleased about the direction the conversation was heading in. Kim felt a grin pulling onto her lips, unsure if he looked more upset or if Tommy did. 

“It’s fine,” Rosemary reassured him, “I’ll move some more chairs in. Sam? Can you give me a hand?” She asked in excitement as she bustled out of the room. Tommy exhaled deeply, dragging his feet as he made his way towards the phone. 

Kim paused for a moment before she scooted her way towards Billy. She chewed on her bottom lip, making sure that Max and Russell were out of earshot before she decided to speak up. She desperately wanted to rest her chin against Billy’s knee, to soak up some of his warmth. 

“Looks like we’re star crossed lovers.” Kim said dreamily, teasing him as she rested her elbow up on the couch cushions near him, “How about that?” She sighed softly, enjoying the warm expression that spread over his features. 

“Sounds like I was a smart kid.” He mumbled as he nudged his finger over her nose. She wrinkled her nose softly, enjoying the softest touch from him. His lips curled into a gentle smile as he slowly dropped his finger down the side of her cheek. 

“I remember looking at surfers, feeling like there was someone I needed to find,” She said softly, “Just funny how that works. I’ve been looking for you my whole life.” She mused softly, feeling a soft blush spreading over her cheeks as she reminisced on it. 

“Now you’re getting cheesy,” He chuckled softly, “Guess you were just made for me.” He told her truthfully, his eyes lingering across her lips as he watched her. She felt a smile grinning, knowing that he felt the same way despite the way he was teasing her. 

“Fuck!” Rosemary cursed loudly, “God damn it.” Kim’s head snapped up in alarm as the sound of pans clattered around in the sink. She rose quickly, gripping a hold of the cushions as she followed Billy towards the kitchen. She winced, watching as Susan and Wayne left the kitchen at the same time they entered. 

“What do you need help with?” Billy asked first, looking a little worried as Rosemary snapped her head towards them. Her cheery demeanor was gone, replaced by intense anger as her curly hair frizzled out of her ponytail. 

“I need everyone to stay out of my damn kitchen until I’m good and ready,” She said shrilly, “And Kim, I love you, but keep that cat out of here before she becomes an appetizer.” She said hotly as she pointed her wooden spoon towards Pearl, who was standing up against the side of the counter meowing loudly. 

“Come on, Pearl,” Kim said urgently as she picked Pearl up, whispering underneath her breath, “I don’t think she’s teasing.” She mumbled truthfully as Pearl began to drag her rough tongue against Kim’s cheek. She had just fed her, but figured she could sneak her in a few treats. 

Billy nudged her out softly, his fingertips pressed lightly into her hips as he pushed her forward. She chewed back a smile on her lip, walking forward as she rocked Pearl in her arms like she was a baby. She liked it though. Pearl flopped around, wiggling her little body closer into Kim's arms. She was like a little doll. 

“I just don’t understand-,” Susan paused as they approached again, facing Wayne on the couch, “Oh. Hi there.” She said stiffly, her eyes bouncing back and forth between her and Billy. Kim paused for a moment, her throat feeling dry. It suddenly felt tense. 

“Hi, mom,” Kim smiled softly, glancing around awkwardly, having a feeling that Susan may have been discussing her with Wayne, “Did you meet Pearl?” She asked curiously as she held Pearl out again. Despite being so small, she was lanky. Kim even thought that she liked to be held this way.

“Your dad got you a cat?” Susan scoffed in disbelief, turning to get a better look. She turned to look over Kim’s shoulder, like she was trying to see where Sam was at. Kim slowly pulled Pearl into her arms, feeling a little defeated suddenly. She didn't want this to turn into a war between Susan and Sam, but that was certainly the route it was taking. 

“Billy did, actually,” Kim mumbled as she held Pearl close to her chest, “She’s a good kitty.” She replied as she glanced over towards Billy. He pressed his hands into his pockets, smiling stiffly as he looked back at Susan. 

“I see,” Susan sighed, “So are you going to get her a ring or what’s going on with this relationship?” She asked, almost too loudly as she pointed her finger back and forth between them. Kim stalled, staring in horror as her face burned. 

“One day,” Billy smiled awkwardly as he held his hands in his pockets, “I can’t give the surprise away, can I?” He asked, looking more nervous than usual as he avoided looking at Kim. The mention of a ring made her feel sick with guilt all over again. She still couldn't believe that she had lost his ring. She had searched again, but to no avail. It was gone. She looked down at Pearl, wrinkling her eyebrows together curiously as she wondered if the kitten may have somehow swallowed it or carried it off somewhere. 

“Even though both sets of your parents have been married?” Susan tilted her head, instigating as she watched them. Kim still felt stalled, not finding the right words to say. She felt like this was a challenge. Wayne gently nudged Susan, mumbling softly underneath his breath that had her sighing deeply. 

“Doesn’t bother me any.” Billy said, sliding back into his normal self as he shrugged his shoulders. Kim pressed her tongue against her teeth, smiling brightly as she nodded her head in agreement. She didn’t care either. 

“It doesn’t bother him,” Susan turned towards Wayne and began to laugh, “Did you hear that?” She asked him, her features wrinkled up into forced amusement. Billy stiffened next to Kim, looking like he was bewildered by Susan’s attitude. Kim wondered if she should point 

“Mom,” Kim sighed deeply, “Please. I want everyone to get along. Rosemary is so nice, you’re nice too. We can all get along. Please.” She said briskly, trying to sound as upbeat as she could. She really thought that if everyone tried hard enough, they’d get along. 

“Alright,” Susan exhaled deeply, “I’m sorry. I’m just a little on edge.” She said a second later, a sense of remorse in her eyes. Kim nodded her head slowly as she glanced towards Billy, having a strong urge to link their fingertips together. 

“It’s going to be fine,” She nodded her head softly, “We can all be a big family.” She said, trying not to sound too stiff as she spoke. Susan’s eyebrows raised high on her forehead, looking like she was ready to protest again. 

“Morning,” Addi smiled as she joined them, interrupting whatever Susan was going to say “It smells really good.” She complimented as she glanced into the kitchen. Kim glanced back, nodding her head in agreement as she listened to the sound of Rosemary bustling around in the kitchen. She felt bad that Rosemary was alone, but was also too scared to help her. She wondered if that's why Sam had busied himself doing something else. 

The door was pushed open again before Kim could respond, Tommy holding it open as Steve and Gina walked in. Gina’s smile was tight, her cheeks slightly damp like she’d been crying. Steve had a soft hold on her waist, a reassuring grip as he guided her inside. Kim wondered if it had to do with her family. 

“Oh, Jesus,” Eddie mumbled as he peered at the group of people, “I didn’t realize I’d be surrounded by a bunch of preps.” He looked disgruntled as he held his nose up. Kim chewed on her bottom lip, turning away to give Gina and Steve a kind wave. Billy sighed deeply, looking like he was just as frustrated with everyone being here. 

“Eddie,” Addi laughed as she swatted at his hand, “He’s just teasing.” She reassured them quickly, although Kim was sure that he wasn’t. Billy shifted next to Kim, looking even more pained as he began to lightly tap his foot against the floor. They stood in a circle for a moment, no one quite knowing what to do first.

“Russell,” Rosemary yelled out a second later, “Why don’t you pass the appetizers out, alright?” She peeked her head around, a bright smile on her lips despite the stressed lines across her features. 

“Sure,” Russell stood quickly, looking like he knew there was no way he’d deny what his mother wanted. Kim felt a smile pull to her lips, despite how awkward and tense it currently was in the room. 

Russell was back in a few minutes, setting down different trays of snacks as everyone adjusted to their own corner of the room. Kim lingered on the loveseat with Billy, figuring it wasn’t that suspicious to sit so close to him when everyone else was involved in their own conversations. He gave her a soft smile, still looking rather tired as he traced his finger up and down the design of the couch. 

“Damn,” Tommy muttered as he held the plate of deviled eggs over his chest, “These are amazing.” He wiggled himself between Billy and Kim, nearly making her pop off the side of the loveseat. Billy glanced over in irritation. 

“They stink.” Billy grumbled as he wrinkled his nose up, looking displeased as he shook his head. She watched the way his earring swayed with his movements. She wondered what he was feeling, if this was just as insane to him as it was to her. She'd never had this many people over before. It felt odd and made her just a bit too nervous. 

“They taste pretty good,” Kim admitted, leaning behind Tommy to whisper into Billy’s ear, “I’ll brush my teeth before I kiss you again.” She teased him playfully, liking the way his eyes sparked in interest. Tommy grunted as he shook his head, making a soft blush form on Kim’s cheeks as he clearly heard her. 

“Don’t eat them all,” Russell said pointedly as he walked by, “I want some more.” He furrowed his eyebrows together, his lips pouted before he turned away to pass out some more snacks. Kim watched him in amusement, wondering how he was adjusting to everything as well. 

“Mhm,” Tommy smiled kindly until Russell left again, “Dude, I’m gonna eat all of these.” He shrugged his shoulders as he began to dive into his eggs again. Eddie narrowed his eyes together as he watched Tommy slowly devour each egg. 

“So,” Eddie said slowly, “Has anyone else had their ass kicked by Billy?” He asked curiously, looking like he genuinely wanted to know the answer. Kim felt her eyes widen a little bit, surprised at how forward he was. 

“Yes.” Tommy and Steve answered at the same time. Tommy jerked his head down to the right, glaring at where Steve was sitting in front of Gina. She snorted underneath her breath as she ran her fingers through Steve’s hair. 

“I never kicked your ass,” Billy said in defense as he looked towards Tommy, “Don’t be such a baby.” He said gruffly, shaking his head quickly. Kim chewed on her bottom lip, wishing to reach across and give him a reassuring squeeze. 

“He’s sweet,” Kim grinned as she lightly patted Billy’s knee, before forgetting she wasn’t supposed to be so touchy with him, “That’s all in the past.” She nodded her head reassuringly, knowing it to be true. Billy could be a little hotheaded, but she was sure that he’d get along with all of them now. She thought that it was cute that Steve was trying to be friends with him now. She knew that he deserved good friends. 

“He actually beat me up,” Steve said as he peered up to look at Tommy, “Twice. I’d say that gives us history.” He smiled brightly, like he was purposely trying to irritate Tommy. Kim could immediately tell it was working by the way Tommy stiffened up. 

“Steve-” Gina began to protest, looking exasperated like this fight had happened before. 

“Oh, history?” Tommy’s brown eyes were wide, “I mean you were supposed to be my best friend but then you went and knocked my little sister up. Who does that?” Kim paused, knowing that Billy hadn’t knocked Gina up but he had slept with her. She stalled, wondering if Steve even knew about that. 

“Drop it, Tommy,” Gina said between clenched teeth, “Leave him out of this.” She looked over at him sternly, like she was tired of this same fight. Kim glanced towards Billy, watching the way his eyes darted back and forth. 

“Just curious why he thought it would be okay to date my sister,” Tommy snapped, “We were best friends.” He rushed out quickly, sitting up a bit to set the tray down on the table. Kim shifted in her spot, sharing a curious look with Billy. 

“You stopped being my friend long before that,” Steve sighed in frustration as he petted his hands through Pearl’s fur, “It had nothing to do with Gina.” He mumbled underneath his breath as Pearl began to climb up his chest. 

“So you admit you were just fucking her out of revenge?” Tommy spat out, blinking rapidly as he leaned forward to the edge of his seat. Kim glanced around, beginning to feel a little awkward at the scene that was unfolding in front of her. 

“No,” Steve furrowed his eyebrows together, “What is wrong with you?” He asked seriously, looking irritated before he began to nuzzle his chin against Pearl’s cheek. Kim shook her head, understanding where Pearl’s alliance stood. He stopped from saying anything else, temporarily distracted as Pearl began to form into a ball on his chest. 

“Knock it off, Tommy,” Gina threatened as she narrowed her eyes, “Or I’ll tell everyone about your little secret.” She warned him, pointing a finger at him like she was already a mother. The room went silent for a moment as Tommy settled back into his chair, muttering underneath his breath as he crossed his arms. 

“Thank you, baby.” Steve spoke up happily as she bent over to kiss the side of his cheek. Billy rolled his eyes and huffed as he turned to look at Kim. She grinned softly, thinking it was still sort of cute. 

“What’s his little secret?” Addi asked curiously, leaning forward to whisper in Kim’s ear. Kim shrugged her shoulders softly, honestly having no clue as to what Gina was speaking of. 

“I don’t know,” Kim admitted as she glanced towards Billy. He shook his head, but his features told her that he knew it too, “I’ll find out later.” She promised, still whispering as she wondered what it could be.

/////////////////

By the time that dinner rolled around, Kim was ready to retreat to her room on her own. She’d prefer it to be with Billy’s company, although she knew it wouldn’t be allowed. She wondered if they’d be able to sneak out together again, do something before they were forced to be apart again. 

“Oh, you should give her a kiss.” Rosemary grinned as she pulled her camera towards her. Kim blinked slowly, feeling a little confused before she realized that Rosemary was motioning towards Kim and Tommy. She glanced towards him quickly, her eyes turning into saucers as a flush spread over her cheeks. She parted her lips, then shut them again. 

“Huh?” Tommy’s voice cracked as he snapped his head towards her, his dark eyes wide as he came to the same realization. They stared at each other for a moment before Kim quickly snapped her head around, barely meeting Billy’s flashing eyes. His eyes flashed with jealousy, looking like he was seconds away from getting up and crushing the camera. 

“Oh, I don’t think so.” Kim laughed nervously as she played with her hair, wishing that they would have created a better lie about her and Tommy. She should’ve mentioned that they’d politely broken up. She glanced over towards Billy again, noticing the angry way he was still staring at Tommy. 

“No, no,” Susan grinned from ear to ear as she nodded her head, “I think that would be so cute. Go ahead Kim, kiss your boyfriend.” She said eagerly, resting her chin on her fingers as she waited for them to continue. Kim parted her lips, trying to think of what to say as Steve snorted from across the table. 

“Susan,” Sam rubbed the back of his neck as he looked towards them, “They’re young. They shouldn’t be kissing.” He shook his head, sending Kim a soft look. She breathed out deeply, thankful that Sam was on her side. 

“Well, they do a lot worse than kissing, let me tell you that.” Susan muttered underneath her breath, shaking her head as if she was erasing some terrible memory. Max muttered something underneath her breath, like she was agreeing with their mom. 

“Mom,” Kim breathed out in embarrassment, her cheeks burning harshly, “Can you please stop?” She begged her softly, looking at her pleadingly. She desperately wanted Susan to drop the attitude, really hoped that she would. 

“Just give him a kiss,” Rosemary tried to convince her, “Please, it’ll be cute.” She said with a bright smile, motioning for them to squeeze together. Tommy sighed loudly, sending a worried glance towards Billy before he wrapped his arm around Kim’s shoulder. She had a sudden feeling that Tommy may end up with bruises as his hands dipped a little too low on her shoulder. 

Kim leaned forward, pressing her lips against the side of Tommy’s cheek as softly as she could. She could feel her face burning from how everyone’s eyes were on the two of them. She felt dumb and guilty at the same time, like she was playing some sort of joke on Rosemary. Everyone else but her and Russell knew the truth. She pulled away a second after the flash went off, quickly downing her punch as Steve began to obnoxiously wolf whistle. Max and Russell joined in a second later before they made kissy lips at Kim. 

"Awe," Susan mocked as her lips curled into a bright smile, "That was a very sweet kiss, wasn't it Wayne?" She asked, looking over at the other man curiously. He nodded his head softly, looking like he wanted nothing more than to disappear. Eddie smiled cheekily before he did a terrible job at discreetly sending Kim a thumbs up.

"Hold on," Rosemary smiled before she began to move around the table, pointing at different people as she took pictures, "Everyone looks so good." She cooed, looking quite proud of herself despite the tension that lingered in the room. Kim's hand shook for a moment before she rose.

"I can get one of you and dad." She offered softly, feeling bad that Rosemary would take all the pictures and get nothing in return. Rosemary's blue eyes lit up in excitement before she handed Kim the camera and made her way towards Sam. Kim waited for just a second, smiling in amusement at the way Rosemary climbed onto Sam's long legs. She positioned herself easily, looking like she belonged as she pressed her cheek against Sam's and smiled brightly.

Kim took the picture, still smiling as she handed the camera back to Rosemary. She was suddenly glad for Sam and glad for Susan as well. Susan may be going through something rough, but Kim was sure that she was happy with Wayne. Things must've been better at Hawkins, Kim was sure of it. She passed the camera back to Rosemary before she took her seat, suddenly feeling a little happier. Perhaps it wouldn't be a bad evening after all.

"Go ahead and eat," Rosemary said softly as she put her camera back on the counter in the kitchen, "I hope everyone enjoys it." She replied, sounding a little nervous as she held her fingers together over her stomach and watched them. Kim glanced down the long table of food. She'd made a turkey and a ham, along with rolls and green beans, mac and cheese, sweet potatoes and regular mashed potatoes. She'd also made stuffing, creamed corn, cranberry sauce and at least four different pies. Kim wasn't sure how they'd end up eating all of this.

"It is nice," Susan agreed softly, having a sharp look in her eyes as she slowly took a bite, "I just can't believe you made this life with him." Susan didn't look towards Sam, nor did she mention his name, but Kim already knew who she was talking about. She sighed softly as she bit into a roll, hoping that the conversation would change again. She glanced down towards Billy, noticing the irritated expression that had developed over his features. 

“Sam is very good to me,” Rosemary said cheerily, “I'm very lucky to have him.” She spoke truthfully, a dreamy look lingering in her eyes as she looked over towards Sam. His cheeks were slightly red as he sent her a bright smile and began to open his lips. 

“I guess,” Susan shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t know how you get around all that talking.” She sighed dramatically, like it really was a bad thing. Kim lowered herself in her seat a bit, thinking about how irritated Susan would get when Kim and Sam would discuss something they were both interested in. 

Rosemary dropped her silverware with a loud clang, a tight smile pulled onto her lips as she stared forward at Susan, “Well, I personally love Sam’s facts. He’s so smart. I always learn something new from him. Everyday.” She nodded her head, like that should be the end of the conversation. Susan tilted her head, clearly feeling challenged. 

“Well,” Susan paused softly, “It’s a good thing sex isn’t everything then. I don’t know how you get around that.” She laughed like it was funny. There was a sudden silence at the table as her words settled around everyone, like a bomb ticking off. Sam’s face was even brighter. 

“Mom,” Kim spit out in horror, “Stop it.” She said quickly, her eyebrows raising high in horror. She couldn’t believe Susan would bring up such a thing in front of everybody. 

“Actually,” Rosemary smiled just as unfriendly, “I’ve never had an orgasm before Sam. He’s very focused on me and my needs.” Sam’s eyes bugged so wide that they nearly popped out of his glasses and Kim felt that her eyes widened just as much. Her face burned for her father as the table settled into an awkward silence.

She glanced to her right, noticing how Steve had paused with a forkful of turkey. Tommy and Gina both shared the same stunned expression, meanwhile Addi had raised her hand over her mouth. Eddie’s eyes darted back and forth, an amused expression on his features while Susan continued to ruin dinner. 

“Jesus,” Billy said dramatically as he dropped his fork, “I don’t think anyone wants to fucking hear about this.” He said a little forcefully, looking like he was seconds from stomping off. Russell looked at him curiously, making Kim wonder if he even understood what the adults were talking about. 

“Sorry, sorry,” Susan raised her hands softly, “I’m just trying to understand how someone finally managed to live with Sam.” She shook her head, still looking disgruntled. Kim began to rub at her temples, realizing that things were about to get a lot worse than better. Rosemary was too defensive of Sam to just let Susan’s insults go. 

“He’s a great person and a very loving father,” Rosemary answered softly, “I think I’m very lucky that he came into my life.” She mumbled as she lightly dragged her fingers through Sam’s dark hair. He smiled towards her, his eyes soft but Kim could tell that he was seconds away from hiding underneath the table. She furrowed her eyebrows together, feeling bad as she knew she’d be just as embarrassed. 

“Which football team do you root for in Hawkins?” Sam asked suddenly, his face as red as the cranberry sauce as he turned to face Wayne. Wayne thought about it for a moment, looking like he was just as confused with Susan’s outburst. 

“We like the Steelers,” Wayne answered slowly as he shifted in his seat. Kim tried to hide further in her chair, a little embarrassed that Susan had caused such a scene in front of so many people, “What about here?”

“I’m not much of a sports person,” Sam admitted, “Although, I have heard that the Steelers are doing fairly well this season.”  He mumbled as he pulled his cup up to his lips. Kim watched the way he chugged it and wondered if he was imagining he was drinking something else. For once, she couldn't blame him. 

“Sam is a communist,” Susan said suddenly, like she wasn’t able to stop, “In case anyone missed that.” She glanced down the table, meeting everyone’s eyes like she wanted them all to remember that. Kim looked at Billy again, wondering why they had to be so far apart when she felt like she needed his reassurance right now. 

“I’m not a communist,” Sam sighed deeply, “I just don’t think that just because someone is born from a certain area means that they’re bad people.” He shook his head, looking towards Susan in disbelief like it was that simple. 

“That’s a nice explanation.” Wayne said softly as Eddie nodded his head along in agreement. Kim chewed on her bottom lip, wondering if everyone else was as embarrassed as what she currently was. 

“Gina,” Steve did his best to whisper, “Are communists the Russians or the Germans?” He asked her seriously, before Susan spoke up again. 

“He also thinks that the world is going to end because of hairspray.” She spoke with her hands, laughing in the same manner as she had with Billy earlier. Kim glanced towards Billy again, watching the way he was slowly rolling his tongue out against his inner cheek. He slowly dragged his eyes towards Kim, shaking his head as he shared a knowing look with her. 

“I have never worded it that way,” Sam defended himself, “And I was partially right. They found a hole in the ozone layer earlier in the year.” He mumbled underneath his breath as he stabbed his food with his fork. 

“So don’t use hairspray,” Susan laughed, “It’s going to kill us all.” Steve’s lips parted, his eyes wide as he glanced down towards the table in worry. He opened his mouth like he was going to begin questioning Sam before he was cut off. 

“I don’t think that’s what he means,” Rosemary said gently as she twirled her fork between her fingers, “Politics isn’t fun to talk about anyways.” She shook her head, her curly hair bouncing with her movements as she brought her fingers up towards her temple. She rubbed her skin in slow circles, like she was trying to erase the image of Susan. 

“Just trying to start some conversation.” Susan replied breezily, almost suggesting that everyone was bored. Kim shook her head quickly as she rubbed at the back of her neck, suddenly feeling tense between her shoulders. 

“How is your pregnancy going?” Rosemary asked after she pulled her hand away from her head. She smiled warmly at Gina, but Kim could tell it was a little forced. Gina quickly nodded her head, like she understood that there needed to be a conversation change. 

“Uh, good. No more morning sickness so that’s nice,” Gina said softly as she rubbed her hand over her tummy, “I’m excited, a little nervous.” She breathed in deeply as she lightly traced her nails across her belly button. Kim wondered if their baby would be fairly big, or if it just had to do with Gina being so small. 

“Oh that’s natural,” Rosemary reassured her, “Tommy, do you want kids?” She asked kindly, like she was trying to keep in charge of where the conversations were heading. Kim breathed out softly as she took a bite of her roll. 

“Uh, I’m not sure,” Tommy admitted, “I haven’t thought much about marriage in general.” He said slowly as he shrugged his shoulders. Kim pulled a smile on her lips, trying to act as supportive as she could as Rosemary turned towards her in confusion. 

“Billy,” Susan drew out as she rested her chin on her fingers, “Are you seeing anyone?” She asked, peering all the way over Wayne and Eddie so she could make eye contact with him. 

“No, I’m not.” He muttered as he brought his cup up towards his lips. He took a slow gulp, like he was waiting for her to say something at the worst time. Kim didn’t blame him. She felt bad, wishing that they were able to be honest with everyone. 

“Oh he had so many girlfriends before,” Susan said cheerily, “Always had someone new .” She dragged out as her eyes slowly fell to Kim again. She felt her face flush as she looked down at her features, trying not to let her moms words feed into her growing insecurity. 

“Are you drinking?” Max snapped at last. Sam turned towards her quickly, shooting her the same look that Rosemary did. Susan settled back in her chair, looking a little uneasy, “What? She’s acting rude.” She said roughly, looking like she was done with Susan’s attitude. 

“Max didn’t mean that,” Sam reassured Susan quickly, “She’s just teasing.” He tried to brush it off, but everything Max said was true. Susan was being mean for no reason. And despite all of that, Sam was still trying to save her feelings. 

“I mean,” Max shrugged her shoulders, “I’m fairly certain we all know about the alcohol issues. Well, now all of us do.” She said as she glanced towards Wayne’s side of the table, then at Tommy’s like she was ensuring that everyone already knew the truth. 

“My brother is a pervert,” Tommy spoke up suddenly, his cheeks red like he couldn’t believe he’d said that, “If that makes you feel any better.” Kim shifted further into her seat, suddenly feeling nauseous at the mention of Logan. She felt her pulse quicken, her chest tighten as if he was actually here. 

“Logan?” Gina looked over confused, her lips parted in disbelief as she leaned forward, “What do you know?” She furrowed her eyebrows together tightly, a worried expression on her features as Tommy parted his lips to speak again. 

“Let’s not talk about him.” Billy snapped quickly, a worried look growing in his eyes as he glanced towards Kim. Gina jolted back in her chair, suddenly looking disturbed. Kim felt the corner of her lips twitch, hoping that it was enough of a smile to let Billy know that she was fine. 

“I really like the turkey,” Addi spoke up, smiling brightly, “It’s really good.” She nodded her head encouragingly. Kim wondered if her family acted like this.

“I just-,” Susan paused as she looked towards Sam again, like she couldn’t let it go, “I don’t understand you. How dare you. You think you can just rob me of my life and then pull me here to brag about how you’ve tricked everyone into thinking you’re so perfect.” She told him seriously, looking at him in disbelief. Kim pressed her lips together, wishing that Susan hadn’t been invited in the first place. 

“He has not tricked anyone,” Rosemary spoke sternly, “He has his faults and he’s made mistakes but he’s also made those up. You know this. He’s tried with you but you refuse to do anything.” She defended him quickly, her chin held high as Sam pulled his glasses off and began to rub at his temple in frustration. Kim wondered if this would be his snapping point. 

“I refuse?” Susan looked at Rosemary stunned, her lips parted in irritation. Kim shifted uncomfortably, trying to think of a way to get the two women separated. 

“That’s what I said,” Rosemary said louder, slower as if Susan couldn’t understand her, “Would you like me to list all the ways he’s tried?” She asked Susan seriously. Rosemary's features tightened in the same way Billy’s did when he was angry, her demeanor just as challenging. 

“Rosemary it’s not-,” Sam shook his head quickly as he placed his glasses back over his ears, trying to avoid conflict once again. 

“If you’re talking about him trying to buy my forgiveness you can both shove that up your-” Susan started to speak, her lip curled up in disdain as she pointed roughly towards Sam. 

“Mom!” Kim protested, eyes wide as she stared at her in disbelief, “Can you just stop?” She pleaded, her cheeks burning from embarrassment. She met Susan’s eye, giving her a pleading look. She just wanted to get through the evening without another scene being caused in front of so many people. Susan slowly relaxed her tense features, seemingly holding onto the rest of her grievances until later as the room fell silent for another tense minute. 

“What did he do?” Eddie asked slowly, whispering underneath his breath towards Wayne as he disrupted the brief pause. 

Everything broke out at once. Susan began screaming insults towards Sam, calling him things that made Kim’s ears burn. Rosemary was up in a second, her chair flying out behind her as she angrily pointed her finger towards Susan and began to shout back. Sam had a look of irritation as he ignored Susan’s words and held Rosemary back from climbing over the table. Wayne stood in between them, likely doing the same.

“Is this what all family dinners are like?” Steve questioned, looking intrigued as he helped himself to his third serving. He winced, rubbing at his arm from where Gina had smacked him.

“What the fuck?” Billy questioned, his eyes wide as he looked down at the fork that bounced off of his chest and scattered onto the floor, “What the fuck did I do?” He asked seriously, looking like he was unsure if Susan had meant to throw it at him or if Rosemary was just that good at ducking.

Sam hoisted Rosemary into the air, sighing loudly as he took large steps around Susan as he carried Rosemary down the hall. Susan stomped her foot in irritation, beginning to tell Wayne something as he gripped a hold of her shoulders. Kim heard the door down the hallway shut, but could still hear Rosemary shouting profanities. 

It was silent for a moment as Susan collected her breath, looking like she had just ran a marathon as she held onto Wayne for support. Kim was silent, unsure of what to say to help her. Most of them jumped a second later as Pearl made her appearance, diving in for a roll. 

“Damn it, Pearl!” Several people shouted at once, “Off the table!” Kim winced, watching her poor kitty go scrambling down the hallway as she ran away to hide. Kim shook her head as she placed her elbows on the table and held her face in her hands for a second. 

Wayne dragged Susan outside a second later. Kim felt slightly guilty, sure that Susan was beginning to cry based on the sniffling. Kim breathed in deeply, willing for the tension to leave her own body. She knew things wouldn’t be good, but she didn’t expect them to be this bad either. 

“This is really good,” Steve said as he filled the room with sound, “What? I’m giving my compliments to the chef.” He looked at Gina in confusion, like he didn’t understand why she was shaking her head. Kim looked up again, noticing that Billy had taken it upon himself to light a cigarette. 

“I’m really confused,” Russell piped up a second later, “What did my dad do?” He asked seriously as he glanced towards Max, who was shaking her head. He looked towards Kim next, a hopeful look on his features but she was too tired to try and explain the history of her parents. 

“Okay I might be crazy but,” Steve paused as he turned to face Billy, “I don’t remember seeing this little miniature version of you the other day. How long has he been here?” He asked as he jerked his thumb towards Russell. Russell made a face, seemingly offended by Steve’s statement. 

“Jesus.” Billy cursed as he took a long drag, shutting his eyes as he did so. Kim began to fumble with her chair, fully ready to place herself next to him as she was sure he was just as tense as she was. 

“Are you okay?” Addi asked softly, distracting her movements. She halted for a moment, feeling like that was a loaded question. Her nerves still felt shot, like something was racing through them. Most of all, she was embarrassed. She couldn’t believe that Susan would come all of this way just to continue belittling Sam. 

“Yeah,” Kim nodded as he licked her lips, “I wouldn’t expect anything else from my mother.” She said a second later, pulling a tight grin on her lips. She didn’t know if it was a fair statement, but she was too bitter to care at the moment. 

Everyone fell silent again as the door down the hallway creaked open, then quickly shut again. Kim listened to the soft footsteps that pattered down the hallway before she turned to look, noticing the sheepish look on Rosemary’s face. Her hair was in disarray, the lines on her face tight like she was still debating about whether or not she should continue her fight. 

“I’m sorry,” Rosemary apologized, “You must think the worst of us.” She breathed out deeply as she crossed towards the table again, beginning to pick up the empty dishes from the table. Kim wondered if Rosemary needed to stay as busy as she could to keep her mind off of other things. 

“Never,” Steve spoke up first, “You shouldn’t be insulted in your own home.” He spoke quickly, his tone slightly dreamy as he watched her. Gina shook her head, while Billy snorted quietly before he placed his cigarette out. Rosemary didn’t say anything, but Kim was sure that she saw it. She seemed too tired to care. 

“No harm no foul,” Tommy said a second later, looking like he was trying to kick at Steve’s chair, “You truly deserve better.” He said with a smile, to which Billy scoffed louder and audibly rolled his eyes as dramatically as he could.

“It was a really good dinner,” Gina said as she stood, “But we should really get going. Thank you so much for everything.” She said kindly, looking like she meant it before she began to make her rounds across the table. She gave Billy’s shoulder a soft squeeze before she gifted Addi and Kim a tight hug. She lingered in Kim’s touch a moment, giving her a look that Kim was quickly able to understand. She inhaled deeply, nodding her head. 

“We’re leaving right now?” Steve asked, looking a little offended. Gina flashed her eyes towards him, giving him a knowing look to which he was nodding his head frantically, “She’s right we really should go.” He said, stumbling quickly as he began to do the same thing. 

He paused at Billy, like he was unsure of what to do before he eventually gave him an awkward handshake. Kim felt a real smile forming this time at the exasperated look in Billy’s eye as he returned the motion. Steve moved to Kim next, giving her a brief hug before he scooped a protesting Max up into a bigger one. Tommy sent a brief wave towards everyone, looking like he was more than ready to leave as well. 

“Thank you all for coming over,” Rosemary smiled tightly as she walked Tommy, Steve and Gina towards the front, “I hope we didn’t scare you away.” She said honestly, looking a little worried. Kim glanced towards Billy who shot her the same irritated look. She smiled softly, feeling like he was too far away. 

“Do you think-,” Kim paused, speaking a little quieter as she moved down to sit by Billy, “That all of our holidays will be like this?” She questioned as she placed her foot on the bottom of his chair, sandwiching her leg between his.

“Yes,” Billy answered quickly, his blue eyes twinkling in amusement as he watched her, “I guess that just means we’ll have to separate each holiday with which parent.” He mused softly, slowly letting his fingertips fall across her knee.

“Or we could do double,” She suggested softly as she thought about it, suddenly feeling less tense with him being so near, “Or we can just do our own.” She said again, fine with whatever scenario as long as she had him with her. 

“Double would be fun,” Billy grinned as he traced small shapes into her skin, “That means we’d have to go back to Hawkins though.” He raised his eyebrows softly as he slowly dragged his eyes up to hers. She parted her lips, feeling a slight blush forming as she thought about it. 

Susan and Wayne came back in through the door. Kim exhaled deeply, already recognizing the look on Susan’s face. She was still angry, and was still looking for a fight. Kim wondered what Wayne thought of all of this.

“I want you to apologize to me.” Susan stated as she rounded up on Sam, who was still trying to get Rosemary to relax. He sighed deeply, looking down at her as he rubbed at his shoulder.

“I’ve apologized to you hundreds of times, Susan,” Sam reminded her softly, “But if it helps. I am truly sorry. I should’ve never put you in such a position.” He said truthfully, his eyes sorrowful. Kim watched, feeling a weight settling over her chest.

“What is your issue?” Rosemary demanded of Susan as she held her hands up to her forehead, “You’re acting like a child.” She spoke tiredly, looking exhausted like she was regretting this whole event. 

“Probably because he took my childhood!” Susan shouted as she pointed directly at Sam, “It’s all his fault.” Wayne gripped her arm softly, slowly lowering it as he mumbled something in her ear. She shook her head, protesting as she continued to gesture over towards Sam. 

“No, no,” Rosemary said sternly, “You were the one that told him you were over eighteen. It is not just his fault that you got knocked up.” Rosemary was standing up again, looking rather defensive as Sam slowly blinked in irritation. 

“He ruined my life.” Susan spit out, her brown eyes full of tears as her voice broke. Kim wasn’t sure why it affected her so badly, perhaps she was just tired of all of it too. 

“Thanks mom,” Kim smiled stiffly, “I really feel the love tonight.” She shrugged her shoulders softly, feeling her own anger forming deep in her chest. It vibrated around, knocking against her bones. 

“Don’t ever start with me, Kimberly,” Susan spoke with her eyes closed, her lips pursed tightly as she pressed her fingertips together, “Don’t even go there.” She said roughly, warning her. Kim listened, silencing herself instantly. She didn’t want Susan to admit anything. 

“She’s allowed to be hurt,” Rosemary said in defense as she moved towards Kim’s side, “You’re being very hurtful right now.” She lightly squeezed Kim’s shoulders in her defense. Susan’s eyes were wide as she stared, looking even more furious. 

“This is me being hurtful?” Susan nodded her head, looking amused as she thought to herself, “Do you know about them ?” She didn’t point towards anyone this time, but Kim stiffened in horror as she quickly knew who Susan was speaking of. 

“Okay,” Sam stood up quickly, “Let’s go out back and calm down. It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” He shook his head as Rosemary continued to protest, looking like she was seconds away from turning the conversation into one with fists. Susan started to cackle, making Kim shift further into her seat. She was fairly certain that Susan had to be drinking to be acting this harsh.

“What do we not know?” Russell piped up, looking inquisitive as he stared towards Susan. Kim felt her heart pound roughly against her ribcage, feeling like it was getting harder and harder to breathe. Susan paused, looking like she understood before she turned her attention back to Sam. 

“A lot, but especially about him,” Susan was pointing wildly towards Sam again as he continued to try and push Rosemary out towards the dining room, “Do you know that-,” Susan began to start before Sam spoke up. 

“Russell,” Sam interjected as he cut Susan off, “It’s nothing. Come on, you need to go get ready for bed.” Susan’s eyes darkened, looking like he had just insulted her in some sort of way. Russell began to whine but Sam nodded his head, giving him a stern look. 

“You stole money! You cost me my job!” She accused him, shouting with tears in her eyes, “You ruined my life!” She sobbed, her shoulders shaking as she let her feelings be known. Billy gently tapped his fingers against Kim’s thigh, like he was trying to draw her attention back towards him. She parted her lips, unable to look away as she watched her mom break down. 

“That wasn’t his fault!” Rosemary shouted back, jumping away from Sam’s hands as she stood in front of him. Sam sighed deeply, looking rather stressed as he tried to nudge her back again, “At least he didn’t strangle a bunch of chickens with his car!”

Billy exhaled deeply, his foot tapping next to Kim’s as he slowly pressed his fingers into her skin. She moved her hand down, linking their fingers together underneath the table. She glanced towards him, sure that she felt a tremble in his touch. She wondered if his mind was elsewhere with all of the yelling. 

“Neither of you should even have the kids,” Susan spoke harshly, her tone laced with venom as she shook off Rosemary’s insult, “Look at how messed up they are from the two of you.” She placed the blame on Sam and Rosemary, making Kim feel even worse. She had a feeling Susan wasn’t speaking about Max. 

“I think I’m fine.” Russell mumbled to himself. Max shushed him softly by tapping the top of his forehead, shaking her head softly so he wouldn’t get involved. 

“Excuse me?” Rosemary’s tone was dangerous as she stared forward at Susan, like she couldn’t believe what she had just said. 

“The kids are fine,” Sam spoke up this time, sounding a little more harsh, “Just drop it. That’s enough. If you want to scream at me, do it outside, the kids don’t need to hear this.” He looked at her in disbelief, shaking his head softly. 

“They’re fine? Fine?” Susan questioned him as she burst into hysterical laughter, “Do you know what your daughter has been up to?” She asked as she gestured back towards Kim, her tone still broken up as she continued to cry. 

“Fuck.” Billy mumbled underneath his breath, his body stiffening as he scooted himself away from Kim. She followed suit, moving away as fear crept up her spine. She brought her hands to her stomach, pressing her fingers together roughly in irritation. 

“Susan,” Sam breathed in deeply, “Just drop it.” He glanced towards Kim in worry before he looked away. She glanced down at the floor, glad that he was at least sticking up for her. 

“It’s okay,” Susan smiled brightly, “The girls will come back with me and we won’t have to worry about you ruining them anymore.” She said with a nod of her head, as Kim snapped her head up in shock. She shook her head, knowing she wouldn’t go back. Not without Billy and there was no way Susan would let Billy go with them. 

“You’re not even going to ask us?” Max asked in disbelief, her dark eyebrows furrowed together in her own anger. 

“You're right, Kim is an adult,” Susan said snarkily, “But you’re coming back with me.” She said pointedly, like there was no other way around it. Kim stiffened a bit, not wanting to be that far apart without her sister. 

“She can make her own choice,” Kim spoke up softly, “She should be able to pick if she wants to live with you or dad.” Kim nodded her head towards Max, knowing that she had a choice in whatever she wanted to do. Even if it wasn’t what Kim wanted. 

“Sam’s not her dad!” Susan shouted, “He’s not! There’s no way that he is. She’s coming back with me.” She was past the point of no return, hitting the rock at the very bottom as she exposed her truth to everyone. Kim stiffened as the room turned silent, suddenly wishing she could pull Max away from all of this. 

“What do you mean?” Max asked softly, her blue eyes wide as the hurt spread across her tiny features. Kim felt her heart hurt, her lips part as she thought of a way to explain Susan’s outburst. This wasn’t the right way to tell her, to expose the truth to her. Kim suddenly wished she’d told her a long time ago. 

“I cheated with Neil,” Susan said, laughing as she covered her mouth like it was funny, “He’s your dad.” She shook her head as more tears continued to fall, like she’d just realized what she had said. 

“Did you know?” Max snapped her eyes to Kim, “Did you know?” She asked again, her voice slightly breaking. Kim felt her shoulders drop as little pins began to poke at her heart. She’d betrayed Max, she knew that. She paused, wishing there was an easier way to explain why she hadn’t told Max. 

“Not for sure,” Kim said in defeat, “Just what mom told me, but she said she didn’t know.” She reminded Susan as she glanced back towards Susan in anger. Max was clearly hurt and announcing it in front of everyone did no good. 

“Why’s this matter?” Rosemary asked in irritation as she rubbed at her temple again, “Sam has raised her, blood shouldn’t matter.” She said at last, like it was something silly. Kim knew that Rosemary really meant that from the way Sam had become a father to Russell. She nodded her head towards Max, hoping she’d understand. 

“Oh my God,” Max’s features wrinkled up in disgust as she stared at Kim and Billy, “You knew and you still- Oh my God!” She shouted dramatically as she shook her head this time as the truth fully hit her.

“What?” Russell asked in confusion, only to be shushed by Sam. He moved towards Max, trying to tell her something before she waved him away in anger. He sighed as he took a step back. 

“Is it that bad if you’re my little sister?” Billy started to tease, although his features were tense. He shifted in his chair, trying to ease the accusation that was forming on Max’s lips. Kim braced herself, cowering herself into her chair. 

“It’s bad when you’re with my sister!” Max shouted out in anger, “Ew! You’re gross! Disgusting!” She spat a handful of words at them, directing it at both of them as her face burned bright. Russell’s eyes snapped towards them curiously. 

“What is she talking about?” Rosemary piped up suddenly, her eyes turning wide as she followed Max’s gaze. Billy rolled his tongue around his bottom lip, sighing deeply before he ran his fingers through his hair. Kim shot Max one last hopeful look, praying that this wouldn’t be the way they’d leave things. 

“She’s fucking Billy! Her brother!” Susan said loudly, loud enough that Kim was sure the neighbors could hear them, “Do you know what I walked in on? She’s being a little slut for her big brother!” She aired out the truth, leaving Kim flustered at the way she presented the information. 

“Susan,” Sam spit out in horror, “Why would you say that?” He asked her seriously, looking at her in disbelief. Kim stared forward at her plate, suddenly feeling like there was ice inside of her chest from how cold she’d grown. She felt ashamed suddenly as she felt eyes lingering on her and Billy. 

“It’s not fair that she sits there all high and mighty and acts like you’re not flawed when you’re letting this happen,” Susan spit out in anger as she pointed roughly towards Rosemary. Kim shifted, noticing that Billy was beginning to laugh next to her, “You think this is funny?” She questioned him in disbelief. 

“Yeah,” Billy said at last, “I’m glad you’re showing off your true colors.” He responded a little smugly as he leaned back in his chair and stretched his legs out. He crossed his fingers over his chest, like he was waiting for her to accuse them of something else. 

“Susan,” Wayne touched her arm gently, “I think that’s enough.” He said at last. Kim shook her head softly, wishing he would’ve said that a long time ago. She couldn’t look up, sure that Rosemary and Russell were still staring at them. 

“You’re not my dad?” Max turned towards Sam, her features curled into hurt, “Did you know?” She asked him, sounding like a small child as she spoke. He tilted his head, looking at her softly as he slowly fell to his knees in front of her. 

“It’d been mentioned before,” He said softly as he squeezed her hands with his, “But that never changed how I felt about you. You were my daughter regardless.” He told her honestly, blinking softly like he hoped that she would believe him. 

Kim stood up suddenly, tired of the conversation as she walked towards her room. A sense of humiliation and bitterness spread through her chest as she blindly guided herself there. She wanted to be alone, to wallow with herself as her right to tell people when she was ready with Billy was once again ripped away from her. 

“Kim,” Susan started as she followed Kim to the door, “Look I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-,” Kim listened to none of it as she slammed the door in front of her mom’s face, hoping that she got the hint. Kim didn’t want to see her, and didn't want to do anything with her mother from now on. 

She curled up onto her bed, letting out a little sob as she pulled Pearl to her chest. Pearl snuggled up to her, rubbing her cold nose against Kim’s skin as her whiskers tickled against her cheek. She purred softly, like she knew what Kim needed at the moment. 

She wanted something to get her mind off of what had just happened, to help her forget the pang in her chest and the way her nerves were roughly pulsing. Pearl only scooted closer, her little paws sticking up in the air as she fell asleep, making Kim wish she could do the same thing. 

“Living room,” Rosemary said a little shrilly as she pushed the door open, “Right now.” She responded, not giving her a second to think about it before she left again. Kim paused, slowly untangling herself from Pearl as she was sure she’d be yelled at for her relationship with Billy again. 

Kim followed slowly, shuffling her feet as she felt her shoulders slumping the whole way to the living room. She wrinkled her features up in dismay, noticing that Addi and Eddie were still in the room. She didn’t want to get told how disgusting she was in front of her friend again. 

“You two,” Rosemary inhaled sharply through her nostril, “You can go stay in Kim’s room tonight.” She said a little more kinder, jerking her head in that direction. Kim exhaled softly, a little relieved that they’d be alone. 

“Come on,” Addi said as she dragged Eddie forward. She passed by Kim slowly, giving her hand a soft squeeze, “Good luck.” She told her quickly before she left with Eddie trailing after her. Rosemary paused, waiting until she heard the door shut before she turned towards Kim and Billy. Kim shuffled closer to Billy, wondering if it was safe to sit near him again. 

“Why would you two think this was okay?” Rosemary asked in disbelief, but looked like she genuinely wanted to know. Sam was standing behind the couch, nursing a cup of water the same way he would when he used to drink cheap alcohol. 

“Mom, please don’t make this into a big deal,” Billy sighed as he looked at Kim, “We’re together. Nothing you say or think is going to change that.” He mumbled as she shifted in his seat, pressing his legs up against Kim’s. She gulped, unsure if it was safe to be so close to him yet. 

“Billy,” Rosemary sighed deeply as she rubbed at her temple, “This is insane.” She said softly, shaking her head like she could somehow fix their feelings and make it all go away. Kim breathed in deeply and shook her head. People could say what they want, but she wouldn’t stop being with Billy. 

“I care about him,” Kim spoke softly, her voice shaking as she did so, “I want to be with him too. I don’t care what anyone else says.” She glanced towards Billy, meeting his eye as a gentle smile crept onto his lips. She felt her heart flutter, knowing all of this trouble was worth it for him. 

“Okay, okay but you can’t be with each other,” Rosemary said in disbelief, “You’re siblings.” She reminded them, looking like she was trying to keep her cool again. 

“Step siblings,” Billy corrected quickly as he looked at Rosemary defiantley, “And I like fucking her.” Kim stared at him in shock, hurt by the harshness in his tone. It was like he was trying to prove a point to his mom, but she didn’t understand. She waited for him to mention that he loved her, that there was no one else but her. He didn’t. 

“You can’t,” Rosemary replied, looking frazzled, “It’s not allowed. There’s morals, rules. I know you’re not related but you can’t do this.” Billy huffed as he crossed his arms, looking more defiant than ever. 

“Why do you think you have any authority over me?” He asked her seriously, snapping as he sat up a little bit. Kim began to pick at the material of her skirt, tired of all the fighting. 

“You’re young, you’re both so young,” Rosemary said as she leaned forward, “I know how I felt when I was your age. I was even younger when I had you. Feelings can be confusing but one day you’ll meet someone who makes you happy. Someone who doesn’t have a shared sibling.” She tried to explain it to them, like she could somehow make their feelings go away. 

“I love him.” Kim said softly, quietly. She was tired of this same argument, of having to prove that her and Billy belonged to one another. She didn’t feel like she had to explain her feelings to anyone. If she wanted to be with Billy, she would. They belonged to one another. 

“I know,” Rosemary nodded her head as she leaned forward to hold onto Kim’s hands, “I thought I loved Neil when I first met him. Sam thought that he loved Susan. Sometimes love gets confusing.” She explained to them, speaking breezily like she was trying to make them understand. Kim shook her head softly. 

“My parents never loved each other,” Kim said honestly, as she glanced towards Sam. She didn’t mean her words to be hurtful, but they were true, “There’s nothing confusing about how I feel towards Billy.” Rosemary sighed deeply as she dropped Kim’s hands. She turned towards Sam a second later.

“Sam,” She breathed out, “A little help here.” She asked him desperately, looking like she was fighting herself from having a breakdown. Sam sighed deeply as he pushed his glasses up, avoiding Kim’s eye contact for a moment. 

“I mean,” Sam shifted uncomfortably on his feet, “There’s not any laws against it. It’s not like they’re actually related.” He explained softly, looking like he knew how Rosemary would react. He glanced towards Kim, giving her a soft nod. She felt a soft smile forming on her lips, glad that they had someone on their side. 

“Jesus,” Rosemary’s eyes widened in disbelief, “You’re supporting this.” She stated, like she already knew the answer. Billy dropped his hand softly, linking his pinky around Kim’s and squeezing softly. She returned the motion, reminding herself that they were in this together. 

“I think they understand the stakes,” Sam said at last as he held eye contact with Kim, “It’s not our place to force them apart, no matter what we think is right or wrong.” He nodded his head, like that was his final word on the subject. Rosemary gaped at him. 

“Oh my God,” Rosemary held her hand up towards her temple as she shook her head, “You can’t be serious right now.” She told him, looking frantic like he was also losing his mind. Kim wondered if Sam had mentioned that he already knew about them. 

“Listen,” Sam took his glasses off as he rubbed at his eyes, “It’s been a long day. I really don’t care about any of this right now, no offense. Max is really upset and I’m pretty sure she thinks that I hate her right now. All I want to do is drink right now, so I’m going to go out to my garden and distract myself.” He explained roughly, allowing himself to sound frustrated. He paused, setting his cup down before he did exactly that. Kim watched as he disappeared, feeling a bit saddened to see him go. 

“Shit,” Rosemary rubbed at her temple again before she peered at the two of them, “Absolutely no going into each other’s rooms. Ever. We’ll talk about this more in the morning.” She said quickly, looking more exhausted than usual. 

“You can talk about it all you want,” Billy said a second later, “It’s not going to change how I feel.” Kim watched as Rosemary dropped her head into her hands as her shoulders began to sag. It took her another second to realize she was weeping. She parted her lips, unsure of what to say or do. 

“I’m sorry,” Rosemary heaved out, “This is all my fault.” She replied seriously as she wiped at her eyes, looking crestfallen as she looked up towards Billy again. 

“What are you talking about?” Billy shook his head incredulously, looking just as bewildered at her reaction. Kim pursed her lips, sitting forward a bit to gently rub at Rosemary’s shoulder. 

“Susan was right,” She said between choked sobs, “We messed you both up because we weren’t around. Of course you’d try to find some comfort with each other because I’m sure you were both lonely and just wanted to feel needed.” She explained her own thoughts, like it was that simple. Kim didn’t know what to say, didn’t have anything else to say. 

“Jesus Christ,” Billy shook his head, “You need to lay down.” He said as he stood up to lightly grip a hold of her arm. She continued to cry as he dragged her down the hallway, guiding her towards her room. 

Kim stood in her spot for a moment, feeling like she might burst into tears from how exhausted she felt. She wasn’t sure where to go, or how to handle everything that had blown up around them. She breathed in deeply, finding herself moving to Max’s door. She knew she could at least make one thing right. 

“Max,” Kim tried again as she knocked on her door, “Can we talk? Please?” She questioned hopefully, staring at the wood that decorated the door as she waited for Max to hopefully answer her. She didn’t want them to end on such bad terms as the evening was growing to an end. 

“I don’t want to talk to you,” Max spit out, “You’re disgusting and I hate you.” She shouted from the other side of the door. Kim listened for a moment, hurt but knowing that Max didn’t mean her words. She paused softly as she rested against the door, sure that she heard sniffles come from the other end. 

“I know you’re mad,” Kim replied softly as she leaned her head against the door, “Just come out. Please. We can talk this through, I can explain what I know.” She tried again, hoping to give Max some reassurance. She wasn’t sure how everything had come forth at once. 

“I’m not going to listen to anything you have to say,” Max replied firmly, “I don’t want you or Billy in my life. Leave me alone.” She shouted again, making Kim jerk away as a loud thud sounded against the door. Max had thrown something, proving a point. 

She dragged her feet, heading outside as she wasn’t sure where to go from this. She didn’t want to be alone, not just yet. Everything felt like it was too much and she didn’t know how to handle it. She figured that someone else would know how she was feeling right now. Someone else knew had to handle what she was craving at the moment. 

“Hey,” Sam said softly as Kim joined him on the ground, “Penny for your thoughts?” He asked as he continued to stare up at the sky. She drew her eyes up there, looking at how peaceful the night was on the outside. She breathed out deeply, fearing that if she really answered Sam she’d never stop talking. There were too many things racing on her mind. 

“I didn’t know that things could be so complicated.” She said at last, feeling a little numb as she pulled her knees up to her chest. She rested her chin on her skin, sighing deeply as she wondered if the stars held an answer for her problems. 

“They won’t always be,” He told her gently, “You don’t deserve to go through all of this.” He played with her hair softly, trying to reassure her. She scooted a little closer, suddenly feeling like she was a little kid again. 

“I think I really hurt Max by keeping that from her.” She admitted in dismay, feeling terrible for keeping such a secret from Max. She should’ve told her right away, even if it made things worse for Susan back then. 

“It wasn’t your secret to tell,” He told her quickly, “Don’t blame yourself. Max shouldn’t blame you either. It’s my fault, but I think she forgets that you’re a kid too.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, giving her a reassuring squeeze as she rested her head on his shoulder. 

“I’m eighteen.” She responded, trying to control her breathing as she felt her bottom lip beginning to quiver. She didn’t feel like she was eighteen. She felt like a child. 

“Eighteen is so young,” He said with a soft smile, “You still have a lot to grow from and learn.” He leaned his head down, pressing his cheek against the top of her head gently, She wrapped her arms around his arm, wondering if he had all the answers she was searching for. 

“I feel like everything is falling apart.” She told him truthfully, blinking away her tears again. She was too tired to cry. She wondered what Billy was doing, if he was seeking the same reassurances from Rosemary. 

“That’s life,” Sam nudged her softly, “And nothing is falling apart. Things are just hard right now.” He laughed softly like she was acting silly. She stayed silent for a moment as she rested against him. 

“Do I disgust you?” She asked him softly, almost afraid of his answer. Despite pretending not to care what he thought, she really didn’t want Sam to think little of her. He pulled his arm away, looking at her confused. 

“No,” Sam answered quickly, “Never. You know, I think some of the best stories come from those who were forced to be apart?” He smiled softly as a twinkle formed in his eyes. 

“Yeah?” Kim asked softly as she leaned her head against his shoulder again, “Can you tell me one?” She whispered quietly, feeling the need to be reassured from someone that this would all be okay and worth it. He nodded his head softly, pausing for a moment as he began to speak.

She moved in closer, her head falling onto his lap as she gazed her eyes up towards the stars. His story danced in her ears, the images of his words coming to life as they once did as when she was little. Her eyes fluttered shut despite lying on the hard ground, her posture relaxing as the wet grass pressed against her skin. Sam’s fingertips lightly danced through her hair as the darkness engulfed her in a cool hug. 

[chaos0pikachu]

Hi chaos,

I don't know if you've heard of the Ohm-Nanon fans going to Nanon's concert wearing Ohm masks but it happened? (I don't know how to end that sentence.) (Sorry, English isn't my first language.)

You have written about parasocial relationships so I wanted to ask why are people still involved in Ohm-Nanon? Bad Buddy ended so long ago and they are still doing all this. What makes Ohm-Nanon so special? We haven't see such huge bad behaviour from other pair brands.

Please never ever apologize for how you sound in English which is a dumb broken language anyway lol fr you're English is great

anyways um, what in the fucking purge?? lmao sorry the masks thing is just taking me out I'm imagining it and the image in my head is giving kdrama to the max with the discord music and everything lmaoooo

I had not heard of that b/c I don't follow actors like that at all this is very much Brand New Information.gif for me whew wow

Soft disclaimer here I am not an expert behavioral science or anything related so like, anything I say in regards to this is based only on what I've read, can link to from experts in the field, and speculation.

I don't think OhmNanon are necessarily "special" tbh like this behavior is extreme but I wouldn't call it "new".

In western fandom you had or still have fans behaving like this we just call them "tinhats".

Like, take Larries for instance, Louis just spoke about it in an interview that nothing he can say will deter the conspiracies theorists so he's kinda stuck. This article from VOX is old (2016) but it features a pretty clear cut timeline of the theories, and obsession tinhats have with Larry. Even before Larry there was J2 (Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki from Supernatural):

I want to note that One Direction stopped being an active band in 2016, almost 8 years ago. And neither Harry nor Louis have been spotted like, hanging out~~ in public for almost that entire time. Meanwhile Jared and Jensen have been been married to their wives since 2010, almost 15 years.

To play fair, Caitríona Mary Balfe (best known for Outlander) is also at the root of a tinhat conspiracy with her costar Sam Heughan. Caitriona has been married since 2019.

Western fandom likes to pretend this environment of fan entitlement, and obsessing over costars relationships is an East Asian entertainment only thing. I thoroughly disagree, and I'm sure the people involved in these various tinhat conspiracies, many who have been thoroughly and ruthlessly harassed along with their spouses, family, friends, and anyone else caught in the crossfire would also disagree.

For me the only arguable difference between like MewGulf and Larry is MewGulf played up skinship as a means of capital and for work, while Louis and Harry were just two dudes in a band.

[I even watched the old school MewGulf videos of them during Peak Fanservice Era and I gotta say it's all so obviously hilarious fake and played up I would have never taken them seriously as a true blue couple. They reminded me more of Adam Lambert making out with his bassist during his FYE tour (Tommy, who from what I remember is straight but idk 100%) for the fun and rock n roll of it all.]

I'm getting off track, I don't think OhmNanon are "special" by-the-by because I've seen this entitled and obsessive behavior with other tinhat ships. The length of time doesn't really matter, what matters is sunk cost fallacy:

"the phenomenon whereby a person is reluctant to abandon a strategy or course of action because they have invested heavily in it, even when it is clear that abandonment would be more beneficial."

Fans have invested time, love, and literal money into Ohm and Nanon, therefore giving them up - and thus giving up the "community" they've build with other Ohm and Nanon fans - is unthinkable and painful.

Combine that with general fan entitlement towards public figures, the para-sociality of believe you, individually, know what's "best" for this person - aka this STRANGER - and there's a belief that you can change or force an outcome that suits your needs and wants.

There's a lot of dehumanization involved in fan entitlement, ppl stop viewing public figures - especially actors and musicians - as products rather than people. And with a product if you leave a bad review, and enough bad reviews the company will fix and change the product.

But people aren't products, and you can't force them to do what you want or be who you want them to be just because it upsets YOU individually.

So at the end of the day, what's gonna happen with Ohm and Nanon? Well, they'll probably just keeping doing what they do. Filming their individual shows, maybe one of them will do another BL - I think Ohm already has one in the works? - and try to move on with their lives. They're coworkers and from what I've seen seem fine being coworkers. I'm not interested in speculating what their relationship is, or was, publicly, they've said they're fine with each other so I'm very es lo que es about it.

For fans, well they're probably slowly taper off eventually with only a core group of "true believers" or whatever like some MewGulf, BrightWin and others have. As fans I think the only thing we can do is discourage the behavior, and be empathetic towards the people being harassed.

Now I'm gonna leave you with my favorite debunk of a tinhat post:

[itsohh]

One For the Road

A/N: Hhhh first thing I’ve finished for a while. I keep losing passion for the things I’m writing but I ended up finishing this at like 5am this morning with the ol listen to a song on repeat non stop trick.

Summary: Finally taking a break from work, Taina finds you having a good time at the organisation's 'unofficial bar'. At the end of the night, the pair of you plan to head home but one quick trip to the bathroom is required.

Word count: 2225

Warnings: Smut

AO3 Masterlist

It wasn't too often that she ended up in The Rec Room anymore. With her position as a squad leader, a lot of her time was spent agonising over details and plans. With Nøkk, Eliza Harry and Jordan all out of the picture there was much heavier pressure on her shoulders. It made sleep harder and the days longer. Yet, with the help of Yumiko, Gustave and Sam it was never too much. Yumiko was a solid strategist who worked well with her. Gustave allowed her work to continue without question or the limelight and then Sam was a rock that ensured that she made the correct decisions.

Sam also happened to be the one that made sure that she had a work-life balance. Which is why she was locked out of her own office. Sure, she could break in if she really tried but Sam gave her that look, one that told her to listen. "Go relax. Enjoy yourself. Working yourself to death isn't going to help anyone."

His words rang in her mind as she entered The Rec Room. It was more of a bar than a proper rec room, certainly not to normal regulation. It wasn't their proper rec room, it just had the same name. It wasn't part of their base, therefore, not against regulation. It was, after all, a public place. A public place that only Rainbow operatives knew about. A secret little underground bar that had plenty of business from them all.

Her first intention had been to hit up the bar for a drink but a group of loud laughter caught her ear. In the almost completely deserted bar, three people seemed to be enjoying themselves by the pool tables.

Ana, Max, and most interestingly, you. Taina's travelled to Ana who leaned against a post. She watched as you and Max dramatically sang and danced to the music. The pair of you seemed like you didn't have a care in the world while Ana was content to enjoy the display.

"I can't get her off of my brain." In a dramatic turn to face Max, the back of your hand flew to your forehead. A pained and closed-eye expression spread across your face. Max braced his hand on the side of the pool table and leaned closer to you. He had a fake shocked expression as he poorly sang the next line.

"I just wanna go to the party she gon' go."

Your hands fell out and your arms flew into a shrug. "Can somebody take me home?"

There was a pause between the pair of you as the song picked up. A devious grin spread across your face, one that was mirrored on Max's.

"Love me, hate me, say what you want about me. But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy." The pair of you sang off-key at each other and Taina couldn't help the way her lips curled upward at the sight. Her silent footsteps had her approach and at first, only Ana noticed.

"Having fun are they?" Neither of the two women looked at each other.

"They said and I quote 'this is our song', I presume there's more to the story." Ana raised a brow and Taina pressed her lips together.

"It's not one I know."

"Are they like this often? We were playing pool." Ana glanced back to the table.

"All the time, it's one of the reasons they don't get paired up together very often in training."

"Why's that?"

"I imagine in a real scenario they would be fine but in training, they can't take it seriously enough."

"At least they know how to make the mood light." Ana smiled and Taina glanced down for a second.

"Hey, Cav!" Max's voice had you spin around and her eyes snapped up to meet his then yours. Your shoulders dropped and your smile drew into a large grin.

"Taina! You're finally out of your office." Your hand twitched slightly and she could tell that you were itching to hug her but refrained from doing so. You respected her public boundaries.

"I am. Sam made sure of that." Taina pretended to sound annoyed but didn't stop the slight smile on her face.

"Told you she would listen to him." Your hush voice spoke to Max and nudged him with your elbow. Taina raised a brow and you pretended to be innocent.

Taina didn't push the matter. "What are you two drinking?"

"Cranberry juice." You picked the glass off the high-end table next to you and Max showed her his bottle of Corona.

"How 'bout I buy you a drink Boss?" Max asked and Taina shook her head.

"Don't plan on staying too long." Her eyes met yours and the pair of you silently communicated.

"What about a game then? We have been killing Ana." Your hand emphasised your words alongside your voice. When Taina looked towards Ana she recover a shrug.

"They are surprisingly good at the game."

"It's because they spend all their time playing rather than practising." The scold didn't have any venom to it. It was a tease.

"Hey, you're his boss, not mine. I think Yumikos quite happy with my training  habits."  

Taina rolled her eyes at you and picked up Ana's cue that rest next to her. "Come on then, one game."

-

What started as a lighthearted game turned into something more. Sure, you and Max made a good team but Taina just happened to be good. Really good. What she really focused on though, was the way you bent over that table. Your eyes focused on the ball in front of you. Lined up perfectly, you were almost completely flush against it. With your leg hiked up on the table she got a decent view of your back. Just before you hit the ball, your eyes flicked up to meet hers. Your tongue darted out over your smiling lips.

In that second it seemed like all of eternity, a slow-motion moment that didn't stop. But you continued, with the wink of your left eye time sped up once again. Taina's breath hitched and she watched as you sunk the ball in.

A loud sound came as Max high-fived you. He bent over the table and one by one the pair of you perfected the entire game. A smug smile graced your entire face and your hand slapped into Max's once again. The pair of you pulled into each other and nodded.

"That's how it's done Goose." You laughed and he grinned back at you.

"Sure is." The pair of you basked in your glory before you turned to Ana and Taina.

"Good game ladies, maybe next time there will be a different outcome."

"Uh-huh." Ana folded her arms with doubt.

"Well, that was the one game."

"You off to hit the sack?" Max asked before he took a sip of his drink.

"It's late."

"Gotta get those eight hours of uninterrupted sleep huh?" You teased and licked your bottom lip before you continued. "I'm gonna head to the bathroom and I'll be right with you." The look in your eyes was all Taina needed to know.

"I'll come with you." Her eyes were of a predator and Max shrugged to Ana when the pair of you promptly left the pool table.

"See you later guys!" You waved over your shoulder and slipped off towards the bathroom.

The pair of you had barely stepped into the woman's bathroom before she was on you. Her soft lips pressed against your throat while her palms shoved your shoulders. The force had your back slam against the tiled bathroom wall. A moan escaped your mouth as your head tilted back. Eyes closed, the moan turned into a breathy choke before you swallowed.

Taina's hands found the side of your thighs where she pawed and squeezed at the side of them. Open-mouth kisses continued to litter your neck, she nipped and sucked on the flesh but not hard enough to leave a mark. With a solid grip on your thighs, she pulled them apart and slotted her body in between them. In the same motion, she lift you up off the ground and you automatically wrapped your legs around her waist.

"Is this what you wanted when you got Sam to do your dirty work?" Taina's voice purred out but there was also a slightly aggressive undertone to it.

"I- ngh -genuinely wanted you to take a break. We all did."

"All?" She pressed her clothed cunt against yours. No friction but the pressure started to get to you, joint with the manhandling groping she did on your thighs.

"Me and everyone in Ghosteyes. You come to bed so late and push yourself so hard."

"I always push myself hard." Her lips detached from your throat and made itself up to your ear.

"Yeah, but this is unhealthy hard. You’re just as bad as As-" You cut yourself off and the pair of you stiffened at the thought. "I might not be in your squad or a squad leader but I'm here for you Taina. I miss you." Your head lowered and your pleading eyes met hers. "We're a team." She paused and looked into your eyes.

Taina slowly leaned in, far softer and slower than all her earlier movements. Those soft lips finally graced your own and she poured all her emotions into it. It ramped up and your hand tangled in her hair. That kiss always a promise. Everything that had been building up over all the weeks finally came to a burst.

Your hand tugged at her hair and that was it. She practically growled against your lips and pulled you away from the wall. The cool touch of the sink basin made contact with the bottom of your thighs and Taina pulled away from your body. Your mouth gaped open slightly when she sunk down on her knees. Her hands grabbed the side of your shorts and pulled them down with her, you lift your hips slightly to help. Soon she had dropped your shorts on the floor, her eyes on yours for a moment before her focus was on your cunt before her.

Taina didn't bother to remove your underwear and only pulled them to the side. The cool hair against your cunt had you shiver and you gasped when her tongue ran the entire base against you. From the bottom of your lips to the top of your clit she firmly dragged her tongue against it.

Your hand flew to your mouth to prevent yourself from crying out her name. She had that smug look on her face but didn't repeat the motion. With two fingers Taina pushed your lips open. This time her tongue dipped into your cunt and lapped at your juices. Her mouth pressed against your cunt firmly and she sucked on you before she pulled back.

Caveira lets go of you for a moment and pushed her hair back. She stretched her neck slightly and found her grip on your thighs once again. You watched when she rolled her shoulders and then forced back in.

The tip of her tongue traced the outside of your lips. She dragged it against your entire cunt. The tip of her tongue made little kitten licks against your clit which had you bury both hands back into her head.

You bucked slightly against her mouth and swore out as she alternated between long swipes and more focused smaller ones. Each one firm against your cunt. Her nose pressed against your skin and you leaned against the mirror while she ate you would with everything she had.

One hand let go of your thigh and she pressed two fingers against your now swollen cunt. Already abused from her mouth, she started to rub it in circles. "Taina." Your moan of her name rewarded you with a light bite against the inside of your thigh. She always did love the way you dragged out the end of her name.

"Close aren't you?" Her tongue danced over her teeth with a smile. "Come on, you don't need my permission. Cum for me."

Her eyes stayed on yours as she expertly continued to run your clit. Your face shivered and you bit down on your lips to prevent yourself from crying out. A muffled whimper slipped through as pleasure tipped over the scales and you moved your hips against her hands. Your thighs squeezed shut and she had to catch them as you came.

"There's a good girl." She let go of your cunt and helped put your underwear back into place. A wet patch soaked through and she stuck her coated fingers into her mouth. With a humm, she sucked on your taste. "I'm sorry for making you miss me." Taina rose to her feet and nestled her way against you. The pal of her hand slapped against the mirror and she leaned in.

A slow wet kiss full of tongue shared with you, her tongue licked against your own and you could taste yourself on her. "I'll make it up to you." She promised and you let out a little whine.

"I want you to look after yourself." You murmured against her lips, only barely disconnected.

"Two birds one stone."

[ellena-asg]

For the tumblr game: Danno

Thank you, Meri! ♥️

So, Danny...

Sexuality Headcanon:

The same as Steve's. Ever since I watched the show I see them both as "not hetero, not gay, not bi but the secret X thing" 😉

At the begining I felt they're aromantic (and forced so much by the show writers to woo/date/marry ladies) and I still feel they're definitely platonic when they interact with other people. But to each other - they're super romantic.

They're best friends and they're the special ones to each other. They feel (real) attraction/love only to each other. So I headcanon both Danny and Steve as definitely uniromantic and The Pilot is a very special episode to me cause the scene in the garage is like kind of "Geez, I'm interested. In THAT way. For the first time in my life I really fucking feel... Geez!" (also: "Gosh, I'm in love. With this irritating handsome guy? Gooood, Jeeeeesus, Maaaary, Anyone?" 😂).

So, uniromantic. And they're the first and only characters in my fandom life whom I see in this way 🙂

Gender Headcanon:

Man. Cis.

A ship I have with said character:

Only Steve, only McDanno ♥️

A BROTP I have with said character:

In some way it's still Steve. Best friends forever - being married doesn't change it 😉

But speaking about completely platonic brotp: Chin. Chin is like an older brother. But Lou and Jerry and Kame, all boys in Ohana are true brothers ♥️ And ladies! ♥️ Kono is his sister so much! Mary too. Abby. I also love his brotp with Amy (Meka's wife). And of course Gracie! His daughter is his brotp. His Big Friend!

What I see on screen is also brotp-to-be: Danny & Sang Min. Seriously, both are Daddies, they love their kids so much, they'll do everything for them. They understand each other as fathers (scene in the prison and in Danny's car/on the beach ♥️). They both are loyal to Ohana. They ARE Ohana. And both are sassy and silver tongued 😂 (just imagine poor Stevie with these two 😂😂😂). Both are Masters of Dorkness. In Sarcasm they trust.

And sometimes they both are BAMF! Sang once was on the dark side and Danny... when he fights for victims or his Ohana, for Grace and Steve especially, when he's furious or in vigilante mood, yeah sometimes he's close to darkness, he knows the Fire (like in that episode with Marco Reyes).

And they both would give Steve their livers (Danny gave his part and Sang: "I woulda offered you my liver, McGurrett, but we both know it’s no god" 😄).

Oh, and Danny is from Jersey, Sang is from China but they both love Hawaii and it's their home forever.

A NOTP I have with said character:

Any person who is not Steve 😉 Speaking about show's canon ones: Melissa (I like her but she and Danny are veeery NOTP), Gabby (l love her much but again: NOTP with Danny). Other ladies he dated. But especially: Rachel (sorry, I'm allergic to abusers). She and her family were highly toxic to Danny and Grace. She's like Doris, even worse sometimes. I feel anxious (and mad at show writers) every damn time she's somewhere near Danny or Ohana generally.

A random headcanon:

I once had a dream about Danny so here is my a bit angsty fluffy AU with happy end:

Kono (like in the canon) feels tired and sad and thinks about leaving Five-0 and going (with Adam) to the mainland & fighting with human traffic criminals. Chin and Abby think about living in San Francisco. Max and Sabrina think about Africa. Meanwhile Rachel comes (with her mother Amanda) to Hawaii (Rachel was somewhere far away with Stan) and claims she is sorry and wants Danny back. Williamses from Jersey also come to Hawaii. They more and more ask Danny about Rachel. Bridget mentions that they all miss Danny in Jersey.

Stevie is devastated, he is sure that Danny will go to Jersey with his family and with Rachel. For sure "for Gracie". He also can't imagine living in Hawaii without almost whole Five-0, his Ohana. So Steve decides that he will go back to the Navy (*drama*). Danny is devastated. Governor Sam is devastated too, no Kono, no Chin, no Max, no Steve and no Danny... He thinks that Five-0 has no future and promises Lou and Jerry that he'll find them a new job.

Clara, hearing about Five-0 news, says that her cousin from Italy has mentioned recently there's a job offer in Italian police with higher rank and higher salary and so on. Rachel's mother is like "oh, Italy, finally some civilized place and a job for ambitious people". Danny's family is like "Well, your friends want to leave Hawaii, we're so sorry honey, but... maybe you'll think about Italian offer? Your grandma spoke Italian, you are so brilliant, you can learn it too and...". Rachel smiles and smiles and is soo sure that she will go to Italy with Danny and Grace (sorry, I've got issues with Charlie's plot so he isn't there 😂).

So all other Ohana members talk now about The Four and Max and so on leaving them. Kono, Max, Chin and Steve decide they will leave Hawaii next year. Governor then says to Danny "Better take that job in Italy, Danny. It's a really good offer".

Danny is like "What the hell they all are talking about?!". He only listens to them and says nothing. He's too much anxious, surprised, devastated and veeeery pissed off. What? No Kono, Adam, Chin, Abby, Sara, Max, Sabrina... No Steve the hell???!!! No Hawaii?! No Ohana?! No Five-0? He and who? Rachel? Buahahahahha. No funny. No fair. Nightmare! She will never change, he knows. And he can't love her. And he loves... Steve. And why the hell they all are so sure he is okay with this? He's NOT okay. They can't decide what is better for him - Italy, Jersey, no Hawaii. Seriously? All he wants is his home, his Honolulu. His beloved job and beloved police unit. His beloved Hawaiian people. And beaches. Pineapples. His Ohana. His whole Ohana. And Steve the hell. And Grace. No Rachel, no Italy, just NO.

Danny is so devastated. He's sure that he'll never see his guys again. He'll never see... Steve. He's in his darkest mood. Anxiety attacks, panic attacks, ANGER attacks, they come back to his head.

One day at some party he drinks too much. Gracie sees it. Some other day when he and Grace are crossing the street Danny is almost hit by a car cause he suddenly stood still like frozen and Grace had to scream his name to make him safe. He generally is more and more quiet, each day he looks like "something bad happened" and even though he pretends all is okay, he's good, Gracie sees it all.

One day she just asks. He says all is okay. She then says she feels him cause she doesn't want to leave either. She wants Ohana. Uncle Steve. And Danno, her beloved daddy. He asks her about Jersey, Italy, Rachel. She says NO, NO and... NO. She says that she knew he's sad and she knows how much he loves this place and these people. And her. She says he can't always think only about her. And that he CAN always have both: her and uncle Steve. "What you mean, Monkey?" he asks.

She says she noticed his reaction on Rachel and Amanda (and also Williamses' words about leaving Hawaii) and wanted to know finally what's going on. So one day, when Danny was sleeping hard in the living room (when he drank a bit too much beer for a second time) she checked his room to find "anything". And she finally found. His old letters/messages to Rachel and to the court. She also found something like his diary or letters-never-sent. There was all in them, Danny's pain, truth about his marriage, about her grandmother and mother's cruel plan aka You Will Never See Grace Again, his fear that he would lose Gracie, his love for Grace and Ohana. His pain after losing Matthew. His memories of wanting to kill himself when Rachel took Grace. His bad days and good days. His soul healing in Hawaii with Ohana. With Grace. With Steve. And photos. There were many photos of Ohana being together. And happy.

So, Grace tells Danny that everything will be all right. That NOW they're Super Team. They have to fight for the happiness. They're staying in Hawaii. They need to change Ohana's minds by showing them how wonderful this land is. How many people still need Five-0. How much they all love each other. Danny is amazed. Grace talks and talks. She has so many ideas. One of them is: Gracie will go to court with Danny and say she wanna be under Danny's sole custody (cause the situation and Gracie's feelings have changed so much). She says that the judge will listen to her and she doesn't need as much money as Rachel to win. Danny is speechless. Then Grace says: "We're staying here. Forever. We need to be more Hawaiian, daddy". She has a plan. Danny is very intrigued.

Danny and Grace, when they're with Ohana, pretend they are excited about Italy. Danny says he and Grace learn a lot about their "promised land" (nature, culture, whole history etc) and they also learn "language of love", "language of their Ohana" (Clara is happy and thinks about her mother 😂) with Captain Tanaka's help (his wife knows Italian and some other languages). Lou jokes that Tanaka helps Danny cause he never liked Danny much and that Tanaka is happy that Danny will leave this land. Danny laughs and only says "Maybe, maybe not". When they are like "So, maybe you'll show us your language skills?", Danny says "No, not now". And when they try to ask Mrs Tanaka about Danny's progress, she only joyfully says "He learns so fast, he's truly a brilliant mind, what a memory, what a voice, when he talks I can see all: the sun, the sea, sand, the wind... he melts my heart, he sounds... like his people. His level? He'll be native one day, I'm sure!". Rachel is happy. Steve is devastated.

One year later. Steve, Kono and so on organize the Farewell Party. With looooong tables, with a big stage and microphones (to say Aloha to all their people), with flowers and all that jazz. There are so many people there on the beach. All of them. Whole Ohana and their little Ohanas. All people who know Five-0: survivors (rescued - forever grateful - victims), Hawaiian people, Ruth, Dekker, Victoria models, guy from the gun store, aunt Deb and her Leonard, HPD, SWAT, Williamses, absolutely everyone. So, they all celebrate and then Amanda says "So, Daniel. Your language teacher claims you're a master now. It's time to prove it, right?". Rachel's face is like "Aww, Italy, we're coming. I only need Danny to like me hmmm how to change his mind...". Steve fights with his pain. Deb asks "Maybe some song for your Ohana?". Danny smiles. "For my Ohana, you say? Well, I did it all to save my Ohana so...". When he said "to save my Ohana" all eyes were on Rachel and Grace. Danny continues: "So yeah, I can sing for Ohana too. Come on, Monkey. We'll do it together".

So they all wait there to hear some Italian words but then, on stage, Gracie grabs something and... she starts playing on ukulele. Then Danny starts singing... in the absolutely Perfect and Beautiful Hawaiian. He's singing Hawai'i 78. Soon Gracie is singing with him. All people around are in damn shock 😂😂😂 Kawika, Mamo, Kono's mama, all native guys are like *we're sorry, our brains are now loading, please wait a while*. Chin, Kono, Danny's parents... Lou, Mary, Gerard, Odell, Kame, Sang Min 😂 They all CAN'T BELIEVE 😂 And Stevie... Gosh, he can't breathe. Somebody ventilate him, quickly! 😆 Rachel? She realizes that she lost.

When Danny and Grace sing "Cry for the gods, cry for the people, cry for the land that was taken away and then yet you'll find... Hawai'i" - Steve and their Ohana, they all have tears in their eyes.

Soon Danny and Grace sing (with sassy smiles on their faces) some other Hawaiian songs for Ohana and in the end they and Steve and all Ohana talk about their feelings, Gracie explains her and Danny's plan to save Ohana, Danny finally fights with his anxiety, insecurity and all other demons and asks all his sunshines to stay with him in Hawaii. He whispers Hawaiian "I love you" in Steve's ear. Ohana laughs, they ask if Danny is bewitched or what. He answers "By you guys, yeah".

Of course all will stay in their beloved land, Five-0 is safe, Ohana is safe, all are happy together. They cry and laugh. Rachel comes and starts ranting and shouting at Danny but then Gracie gives her a card and only says: "What? You'll take me away from Danno? Not this time. By the way, it's MY lawyer's number. Call him. Goodbye!". Steve needs some air again 😂 Clara and Eddie are soooo happy that Danny finally fights for himself SO MUCH. They understand all and Clara is like "Hmm, Eddie, maybe WE TOO will have a home here?" 😆 And Eddie is like "But they don't have Papa's Tomato Pies here, honey. And you know, I love our place in Jersey and... We can visit. They can visit. You know".

Okay, I just wanted to say that my random headcanon is that Danny loves Hawaii more and more and one day he wants to be "one of these people totally" so he learns Hawaiian. Because he CAN. And because he is like One Big Surprise. He's booooorn to be wiiiiiild 😂 (and here he's free thanks to Gracie, he's determined and motivated and "I'll show you all!" 💪💪💪).

General Opinion over said character:

Danny? Danny is The Sunshine. The Warrior. The Protector. Care Bear Number One. He's anxious and strong. He's sassy and kind. He's sensitive and BAMF! He's wise. He's a lovely dork. He's the best parent, son and friend ever. He's Steve's everything. He is a great cop/detective. He CARES about people so much (and much more than about himself). His heart is golden. He's precious. Soo precious. Ohana loves him. Fandom loves him. He deserves absolutely the best! ♥️♥️♥️ We all can write looooong essays about him and his kindest heart, right? 😍

[popculturebuffet]

Sam and Max Beyond Time and Space Retrospective: Moai Better Blues (Patreon Review for WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy freelance police and welcome back to my look at the sam and max telltale games! We're onto season 2 episode 2. After a little christmas in august we're having a science fiction double feature for halloween as this review ended up behind due to a new member of the family.

This is Maddie. She's 5, she's precious, she's very loud , and she's very attached to me.

But even new fluffy good girls with spangly collars can't stop the march of sam and max.

Following up from our heroes adventures in the north pole, this ep finds our heroes dealing with an adventure that's weird even by sam and max standards. And I want to let that sink in because we spent last season stopping a child star hynosis crime ring, starring in a one episode sitcom with a british chicken don knotts, inflitrating a mafia chuck e cheese, running for president against a horny lincoln memorial, murdering the internet and finally facing down with a sentient plankton colony via psychic powers and magic tricks on the moon. And that's not even getting into that guy who would never put his hands down. What was his deal?

So what lies in the greatest mountain of sam and max madness? Stoned Moai, triangular portals, sea monkeys, ghost godlfish, baby jimmy hoffa and horny statue love triangles. So join me under the cut for the madness.

We open with our heroes returning from the North Pole a month after the previous game, with it now snowing, providing a nice atmosphere to things. Before they can get back to the usual banter some fresh nonsense comes in: A triangle chasing their beloved friend Sybil.

It has a neat design too, red, pulsating with lines... it's an excellent triangle all things considered. B+

At any rate we need to stop it, so we go to the wisest sage for weird shit there is: Bosco. It's a nice way to keep him still useful while not having him be one of your item guys. Bosco is getting ready to bunker down from T.H.E.M.

But tells our hero their new foe is a bermuda triangle, an eldtirch shape that sucks people up to another place, and can only be stopped with most of the shapes. Most.. never come into play and are just for a good joke, like blue polyheadrons making them really want to roll them dice and maybe start a live play with a dungeon master with long hair and the voice of god.

The important one is red hexagons stop them.. and the game was REALLY unhelpful with this one. I did have my hints flavor blasted up to the maximum max could do without bursting a kidney.. but he just kept saying the shape and outright told me to go back to the office.. where it entirely wasn't. WE do have a new trophy though, boxing betty. So.. that's nice?

The solution lies in Stinky's diner, where i'd gone earlier since the Cops can't do buisness over the sound of screaming. Amateurs. Stinky can though even with the racket outisde and gives us a granite sandwitch that i'm pretty sure just.. sat in my inventory all chapter. Seriously you don't relaly use it for anything even when you think it'd be obvious like replacing a stone max's ear, and it's more just to set up getting a basalt sandwich from her later. It's on the kid's menu only though.

She is useful in that she has a stop sign for you and with some spray paint from your headquaters, you can make it deep red. Before we go though another beloved supporting character makes a cameo: Flint Paper. I just love how despite being grizzly and willing to beat up random strangers for money, as are we, Flint just.. cheerfully greets our heroes with a hey fellas every time. He's just so happy to see our heroes and they have a deep genuine admiration for him. Like with Sybil in the first episodes, it's nice to see someone our heroes actually like and unlike Sybil, it's nice to see there's at least one person they haven't traumtized. Yet. He's watching Bosco for Bosco's Mom who'se understandably worried about her son because you know, his whole deal.

For now though we go to stop the triangle in the name of love... only for hilariously this all to be mostly pointless as once Sybil stops, Abe shows up , gets sucked in and she goes after him. It's off to Easter Island!

Turns out Sybil and Lincoln are fine and are just enjoying the nice weather. Once again.. this is a dead end puzzle wise as the two are just there to move their subplot along. Unlike the sandwich though, it's at least entertaning.. and mildly creepy as Abe perves on one of the moai present.

Why the bermuda triangle lead to easter island.. is not something we'll be getting into here. What matters is the moai see sam and max as their savior. Well the middle one, a kindly lady moai abe's creeping ion, is. The left one has half his face buried and is contstantly upset, projecting storm clouds when pissed off that are naturally useful, and the right one is

And is largely useless, mostly just sniping at you.

Each has a power of the elements: Rain for the buried one, wind for the nice one and earth for the pedantic douchebag. The fire one was sadly was scattered to the winds long ago, but he did leave behind a son at least to carry on his legacy

At any rate before we can use the powers of nature itself for fun and profit, we have some problems: As it turns out the nearbye volcano is about to erupt and murder them all due to some understandable but tragic errors

Problem is someone's guarding his lair... and if you haven't played the game yourself, I warn you: You are not remotely ready. I sure wasn't. So whose in our heroes way? Why it's Jimmy HOffa in the body of a baby!

Yeah... look I love Sam and Max for being so gloriously weird. Weird as hell is one of my faviorite kinds of humor as long as their's direction behind the chaos. But It's still easily the biggest what the fuck moment the franchise has thrown me so far and that's with this happening last chapter

Granted I got spoiled there is some sort of payoff to the Mariachis via a thumbnail, and there is some actual logic behind this.. but even for this franchise "Jimmy Hoffa whose in the body of an infant because he drank too much from the fountain of youth pointing a gun at yoU" is a bit much. And more to the point they NEVER explain why he's working for the episodes big bad.

I.. can't help but love it though BECAUSE it's such a uniquely stupid swing: they had this idea, found a way to have it logically make sense and then put it in the game in full, all while giving us a ton of great jokes as Sam cannot ressit teasing him on the fact he's a baby.

We'll deal with this teamster later, for now we meet the other rugrats on this island: Amelia Earheart, DB Cooper, and The LIndburgh Baby... .

Their mostly here to set up a surfboarding mini game which frustrated me. It's not the game itself, it's a fun enough little distraction if fairly hard to get the analogue controls down on my switch version. It felt like the kind of browser game i'd play as a kid.

My annoyance.. is that the game dosne't tell you that you get nothing for it until you've triggered the right story event. So I went through the whole thing for nothing. Thankfully I also enabled mini game skipping.... I still will TRY not to use it often as these are part of the game and thus need to be evaluated as much as the point and click parts, but in this case i'd already done the actual task so when it asked me to again. As for why again, the trick to getting rid of our little friend involves serving him a drink, using a tiki glass you can pick up at the bar those dumb babies are at. But he'll only take union waitstaff, so you have to play the game to get cerfitied by him. IT makes about as much sense as it sounds. Ah back to normal for this franchise.

To actually do anything though we need some fountain of youth water unfortunately there's something in it

So to take care of them we have to complete a few other tasks

First is the COPS. As i'm guessing is standard for every chapter,we have another driving VR Game from them, this time a fun rythum based one with the beats going as you drive on them. THey thought it'd change the world.. those poor dumb bastards. It's clearly a jab at guitar hero, but it's a decent challenge while still being a lot of fun.

With that we get a car horn and that's the key to our next puzzle: We need to help Glenn Miller, a wwII era band leader whose also now a baby, stage his comback by giving him that new sound he's been looking for. Since the horn plays i've been workin on the railroad, it's just the ticket. He just needs a whistle sound, which you easily get by dumping some gasoline disguised as a drink into a nearbye fire, setting off a tea kettle. He gives you a conch with the single recorded on it. Apparently The Bermuda Triangles also visited skypeia.

Using the dial, we can finally solve our pirahana puzzle.. in theory. In practice it's utterly frustrating if you can't figure out the trick, not helped by Max CONSITENTLY telling me to use the thunder storm moai.

Breaking it down: using the glen miller dial conch, you play it for the nice moai, which gets her whistling. Now when you tick off her half buried friend next to you, which naturally max does with ease and maybe too much glee.. in fact i'm starting a " Going to Hell For This" counter, for each time we ruin someone's life, torture them or what have you to progress, or just for funzies, as we did it a LOT last season and so far have done it a lot. Now I"ll make acceptions for say outright villians or people who deserve it. And even then it'/s about proportions. For example, pelting the soda poppers with urine and bleach? Acceptable, their the soda poppers. Need I say more. But even if Jimmy Two Teeth sucks a LOTTT, nearly driving him to unalive himself is a bit much, not helped by Max's reaction essentially being

He certainly thought it hard enough. So we'll count that one, still keeping leonard hostage after almost a year, sending santa to hell (even if he was possesed), and not bothering to actually help save christmas. So going into this episode we have

Things We're Going To To Hell For: 4 And we can add from this episode taunting that poor moai.

Things We're Going to Hell Fort: 5

So I assumed both from the hint ONLY mentoing the moai , who creates a little storm cloud when uspet and the wind we were supposed to blow it at jimmy hoffa. Instead... it does nothing. It just dissipates if blown too far and never gets near him. Instead we use the portals, which are frustrating as the game makes it clear the two near the entrance are connected.. but dosen't make it clear EVERY portal is connected this way.

The solution is to open one by the fountain of youth, then open another next to the underground moai, have the good moai blow the cloud and boom, a LOT of dead pirhanas and a free fountain of youth. Also

Things We're Going To Hell For: 6

And with that we can use the glass to scoop some up, give it to hoffa... and blink him out of existance. THings We're Going To Hell For: Still 6 (He Deserved It Yo) It's REALLY sad when killing someone by making them age themselves out of existance isn't the worst thing we've done today. Or even this month.

This event also moves along Sybil's subplot for the season and who boy. Strap yourselves in because I haven't seen a character nosedive this fast in many moons. So the whole episode, Abe and Sybil have been picnicking, only doing that on Abe's suggestion.. and only so he can oggle the middle good moai. Yeah after several episodes of at worst being out of touch and mildly annoying.. abe's somehow lept straight to the bottom and is perving on someone right in front of his girlfriend and THEN asks her to have plastic surgery to look more like the moai.

Sybil runs off in tears.. and SOMEHOW, SOMEHOW, this gets worse... as Abe THEN tries to hit on the moai. To her credit she shoots him down fast and we get a great response out of him, a casual "that's fair". So he's still funny he's just WAY more of an asshat. I mean granted we just committed two murders in a row, so i'd SAY we can't judge.. but those murders were to save a LOT of lives from death and were of a bunch of fish and a murderous infant man.

Anyways with this we enter our final puzzle set, continuing from the formula laid out last time. Sadly.. they also fall into a fairly trite, terrible stereotype. It's forgivable enough for the time.. but it's still pretty tone deaf. I can't blame them for fixing it as unlike the various lines corrected for save the world, this is a large part of the plot and thus really coudn't be futzed with.. but it's still not great.

Okay so for our final stretch our heroes run into your standard tone deaf "the natives are stupid and belivie anything is their god" plot only this time it's sea monkeys.

Yeah.. they.. really coudl've thought this one out a bit more. We have to convince them max is their god/chosen one/whatever instead, in order to replace an old advesary: Mr. Spatula, sam and max's goldfish whose mad he's died and thus is willing to take an island with him. Now you may recall, even if I didn't name him last time, he died. And he did. THIS IS HIS GHOST.

So to prove ourselves we have to do three tasks. The first is easy and I stumbled into accidently: We have to make the water into BANANG!, an energy drink powder bosco happens to have a lot of.

To get it away from him, we have to torment him.. again. This time we simply radio in, claim to be THEM

And Bosco goes deeper underground, there's too much panic in this town. So we got the powder.. but we also traumtized a friend for life so

Things We're Going To Hell For: 7

Next is adding an ear to a rock formation that looks like max. Once again the sandwitch is useless.. except as a clue. We finally need that basalt sandwitch for kidz, so it's time to use the fountain of youth water on ourselves.. and ONCE AGAIN the game gets frustrating as you transform back very fast from drinking it. The trick is to use a gong I honestly forgot about in Stinky's diner max reminded me of. I can't tell if I just suck at adventure games or this is poor level design.

Anyways we get the Basalt and get a really funnys equence with douchecanoe moai as it turns out dude just needed to blaze it and basalt gets moai REALLY good and fucked up. With that he casually laughs and dislodges a stalctite we use to finish the max.

We then finish this section. The stone feet of the buried moai are needed to anoit us. Also yes they have hands and arms stuck in there. We simply use the shell again, this time on a portal next to the best moai , she whistles, he taps his toes and we win. Kinda.

Problem is the island's still errupting with Mr Spatula planning to take us with it. The only way to stop it? Some clever puzzlery. We get a high preist medallion from the Sea Monkeys, dip it in some red slime, then shoot the triangle, using the portals to send the red triangle through it , eating the lava.. and presumibly murdering someone but we won't worry about that. Our ride home is gone though but Abe offers a lift while the moai celebrate.. before being sad they can't move. Then their abducted by what seems to be aliens!

Moai Better Blues... is a very mixed bag. The writing as usual is hilarious, and while it's a very

Sort of chapter, it's a FUNNY sort of what the fuck is this, from the various babies, to the black comedy shenanigans as usual, to our heroes riding out on Lincoln's head. It continues episode 1's mean streak, but the weirder setting and more over the top weird black comedy bits like unexistinsing hoffa help it feel far less opressive than last time. The deaths and what we do to bosco are way more over the top. Even abe and sybil's breakup, acompained by the mysterious maraichi's, is more funny than genuinely sad. I DO feel bad for Sybil, but abe is such a dick and he gets karmically punished for it as the moai lady SHARPLY rejects him, multiple times if you want, and he looses Sybil.

Gameplay wise.. it's a lot more obtuse. A lot more relying either on memory (Which isn't good for me but is at least fair) or hoping you figure it out and with most of the max clues being way less helpful. It's a pretty meh chapter all things considered and hopefully as we get spooky next time, we also get back to our quality. Speaking of which

Next Time: VAMPIRES! Just in time for the season. And since it's the 2000's their angsty emo eurotrash vampires! Oh BoY! Thanks for reading!

[redwoodrecords]

038. a road trip across country, music blaring through speakers

with the gang of ROs?? or wtv character(s) you like <3

love this one!! i’ll do it with the ros and mc. this mc will just be called mc so it’s easier for me to write <3 i’ll also be using m!ali, m!max, f!frankie and f!sam for this prompt. also this is really dialogue heavy i'm so sorry in advance.

“why is alistair driving? i wanted to drive." samantha pouts from her position stuck between max and frances. the five of you had decided on renting a car to drive down to a vacation town not too far from redwood.

"it's nothing against you sam." you smile from the passenger seat. "ali rented the car so it's easier if he drives. when we rent the next car, you can drive."

"no! she can't." frances blurts out as everyone gives her a confused look. "i just don't really want to die anytime soon."

"don't be so dramatic frankie. if you're so scared of my driving, why don't you drive then? oh wait, you can't!"

"i think," max starts loudly to interrupt. "i think we should play some music and also, i should sit in the passenger seat. my legs are cramping stuck in the back."

"hey, i'm tall and you don't see me complaining maxy max." sam rummages in her handbag for some lipgloss as she speaks. she applies a thin layer. "wait. actually i will complain. i should drive and maxy should sit in the passenger seat." "that's not fair." frances says.

"life isn't fair honey and max and i are the oldest. we have the most life experience of driving and being in the passenger seat." max nods slowly at sam's explanation. "okay." alistair says, as everyone looks at him. "i'm going back to the car rental place."

"wait? what?" you say.

"i need a bigger car."

"for my legs?" max asks.

"for me to drive?" sam says. "because i'm fine driving this one."

"no, i need a bigger car with a bigger stereo system so that i don't have to listen to you guys."

"now that's just unnecessary." sam pouts. "i'll be quiet. i promise."

"thank you." ali smiles in the mirror so that samantha can see.

"but, i want to play some music."

"okay, that's fair." ali nods to you to pass sam the cord to plug her phone in. she smiles at you and taps on her phone for a few moments before suddenly a recognisable song plays. flooding the car with guitar noises. it's life is a highway by rascal flatts.

"seriously sam." ali's lips are flattened. "the cars soundtrack?"

"c'mon ali." frances grins. "it is a good song."

max nods as samantha sings along. after a moment, all three of the passengers at the back are attempting to sing. you roll your eyes and join in after a while. alistair keeps his eyes focused on the road but you can see his lip quirk up for a moment.

"best impromptu car concert ever. you really brought it all together with your backing vocals." samantha nods at max as he places a hand on his heart.

"thank you samantha. backing vocals is really where i shine." "we should start a band maxy."

"i was thinking the exact same thing!" "we're in sync." the two start to dramatically point their index fingers against each other in a synchronised gesture, as the three of you stare in confusion.

"this wouldn't happen if you let samantha drove." frances said.

"but you said she couldn't drive and she'd kill us!" you respond.

"yeah, well, i changed my mind. anything is better than watching this."

you all laughed at frances' deadpan expression. obviously the possibility of a band forming might have been a whimsical idea, but the bonds you were building were very much real, woven tightly together by the threads of music and the open road.

[tracle0]

Wordsearch

Hello hello! Tagged by the radical @albatris thank you thank you tidings of blood and fangs upon ye

Finding: Storm, bite, bring and settle and I am going to do it from The Crows Death woag

Storm

“Sorted now.” Sam scowled at the bushes she had originally approached, then gestured him over. “Dolly just needed some help.” “I did not!” She stormed into view, their imposter trailing behind her, her face like thunder. Atlas watched with amusement as she approached, stuck a finger out, and then snarled, “And you!” Andy paused his progress of picking his way out of the bush. “Me?” “You!” She marched forward, and he shrank back, and they tried not to smile too wide. “You are making my job here as hard as possible! You need to stop running off without me all the bloody time!” “I didn’t, I just-“ “You’re going to get yourself killed! Do you understand that? Does that make sense to you?” “Yes, yes, I’m sorry, I’m not-“ “Or do you want to die? Is that it? You’re so eager to kick the bucket already? It’s like you’re not even trying to stay alive!” 

Bite

“Shut him up,” Max instructed sourly. “I don’t want to listen to him talk.” “What, you don’t like his cute little accent?” The man advanced on where Andy had fallen, and he shrank back. Please, please, please. No, no, no.  “Cute,” she echoed.  “Sure, it’s adorable.” He crouched down beside Andy, the cloth in hand, and when Andy clenched his jaw, wondering if he should bite again, he tutted, put on a terrible impression of his Glalis accent. “Now, now, li’le Crow. Dhon’ be irriday’ing me. Maxie here’ll s’ring you uhp if you ghive her a ‘hance.” “Don’t call me that,” Max said. Her smile had vanished. “And hurry up. Stop playing with him.” “I’m not playing. I only play with people I like. Unlike-“ “Titch,” she said, a low, cold note of warning in her voice.  The man - Titch - sighed dramatically, the cloth stretched between his hands. His nails were a void-like black rather than the pale pink they should have been. An actual servant to the Fox. Exactly what he wanted. “You used to be fun,” he grumbled, then looked down at Andy. “Are you going to bite me?”  “Yes,” he said. “Don’t touch me.”

Bring

“It’s - one of the people I went with, a… my friend, he…” they huffed. “He got… kidnapped just before we got back. I want to…” “Track him?” There was an emphasis on his words, an unspoken offer. Atlas realised what he was implying at the exact same time as their imposter, and where horror drew across their face, a flicker of hope danced across their imposters. “Wait,” Atlas blurted, lurching forward. The floorboards didn’t even groan under their feet, their own home falling for their imposter's trick. “Wait, no. No, you - he can’t come. He can’t come as well, he’ll - he’ll die. You’ll kill him. You’re going to kill him.” Every word was fully ignored. Their imposter pulled away from Olly’s shoulder to study him, the start of a smile edging across their expression. “Yeah,” they said quietly. “Track him. Bring him back.” A primal scream started to rise in their throat, desperation and premature grief loud and clawing. “Don’t,” they begged. “Hey. Hey, seriously, please, don’t. You’ll kill him, I can’t - I can’t live without him. Do anything else. Please. Please. Listen to me, don’t - please.”

Settle

When he twisted his head around, he found its source; a decayed rodent laying an arm’s length away from him, flesh grey, bones jutting through the rotten meat. A maggot squirmed in the tiny carcass. His gorge rose, and the smell of death swept over him, encased him, claimed him. Stay calm. Stay calm. Stay calm.  He had just about settled his nerves and calmed his racing pulse when the long-dead, barely held-together skeleton moved. One of its remaining paws twitched, spasmed, and dug into the ground, dragging the festering body closer.  It moved again.  And again. 

Tagging uhhh @loopyhoopywrites nd @ace-malarky nd @polyaubergine to find uh break, mold, ring and grin

[pagerunner-j]

Some TLOVM new-episode notes, under a cut 'cause there's some great stuff here and I, uh, went on for a bit:

Not gonna lie, I was halfway expecting the theme to The Neverending Story after that Falcor-looking fucker flew by.

Watching an animated version of something I watched happen in person in a live episode is a damn trip. I feel like I should be sitting in a movie theater on Pico all over again...

Grog all torn up over hurting Pike: *tinysob*

Put...the sword...down....Grog...

Okay, putting it down in a rock will do. More dramatic than a pocket dimension, anyway.

Percy, stop trying to sound like an expert and get on with flirting with grass.

Hey! Laura found her best friend from the next campaign! Convenient!

Honestly, I'm kinda liking how they're shifting things around with Grog. Having this fit in with his whole "where do you get your strength?" theme works.

Hi there, Billy! Nice to hear you here!

Arta -- ahem -- Garmelie drawing dicks? Fancy that.

Vax, you're cruising for a bruising here, and by that I mean my palm across your face. Chill.

Ashley and Sam going full country twang: bwahahaohdearhelpme.

(it works, though)

Pikey made the Scan-man bluuuuuush...

PokéTrinket!

...I think I read this in a fanfic once.

(istg it's fucking pollen they knew what they were doing)

Diplomacy in action! About time.

Well, the boys are talking again. That's good.

"We are all just prisoners of our own anxieties...." Keyleth wasn't wrong about that part, at least, before the rainbow vomiting started.

Sylens, stop being an arrogant jackass and start being useful--oh wait. Wrong narrative.

Ripley consorting with dragons: *chef's kiss*

Twin angst incoming!

--

Syngorn is indeed pretty AF.

You don't want to tango with pixies, indeed. You might, on the other hand, want to steal their furniture for your dollhouse. *side-eyes Percy*

(yes, that was an actual thing that actually canonically happened in the campaign)

(I will love it forever)

Heh, I've heard THOSE lines before. Wink wink nudge nudge. Little sudden in this context, but I certainly can't complain that they're here.

can't complain at all

nope not me

VELORAAAA

Velora's owlbeaaaaar

Velora so cute

Troy sure does do a good job at playing a pretentious ass.

(cough)

Wilhand!!

And there we go with the namedrop. This time it pretty much worked.

stop giving Vex's character moments to Vax challenge 2k23

We're about a handsbreadth here from Miracle Max and honestly I can't really be mad about that part.

"You'll need to amend one name, though."

Watching that happen in person was so fucking satisfying, I'm not going to lie.

All right, I have notes here and there about how they're adapting this, mostly just because it's having to happen too quickly for all of it to land (the eps are short, what are you gonna do), but I love this conversation between Percy and Vex. They finally got to work in Percy making things for her, too!

"I gotta stimulate myself? Okay..." "Back it up." Sporfle.

Nice frog-to-not-quite-a-frog transition there. (Ribbit.)

Saundor, you creepy fuck. HANDS OFF OUR GIRL.

"Sweet, broken Vex'ahlia." I love that line and hate it in equal measure, and I want her to shoot him in the fucking faaaaaaaaace.

Hey, THERE'S that line I wanted her to yell at her father! Slightly different context here, but hey, I'll take it.

"My heart is someone else's." <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

"How do you fight a tree?" With FIRE. Seriously, this was one of Keyleth's coolest moments and best strategic decisions in the campaign, and I love that they're going for it.

"Twig dick." I say again: sporfle.

Okay, they're making this fight look absolutely badass.

SHE'S USING

PERCY'S

ARROWHEAD

see, this is how you do it

Stubby

Garmelie Artie, you little fuck.

(The traveler, hmmmm?)

(And thank god that was Matt. I mean, who ELSE could you cast?)

KILL BOX INCOMING

--

So the herd is fucking terrifying. Appropriately. But dang, this got grim in a HURRY.

Mythcarver has been so much more useful in this show than in the campaign that it's kind of hilarious.

One thing I love about this episode: Grog has, legendarily, an intelligence of six, but it's easy for the animated version of him to slip into all-doofus-all-the-time mode in the way the campaign never did -- in part because Travis is clearly so damn smart and you have him out of character as part of the picture. So it's nice giving Grog more depth here to do its part in balancing things out.

Pikelan cuteness: <3

Grog backstory! Grog and the gnomes! <3

KAYLIE

I wouldn't flirt if I were you, Scanlan

I mean: I really, really wouldn't

for reasons

Grog saving Wilhand is everything I hoped for.

In a word: ouch.

Dark-haired Pike! <3

I want to hug them both, okay? They deserve hugs.

....Scanlan, please, hit the brakes before you hurt yourself.

Good to see some tabaxi out and about in the world! Now please save the wee one.

"I swear, I know that voice!" Iiiiindeed.

Kevdak, you're an asshole, and you'd be nothing without your magic toys, and you know it.

"Your armor's not exactly the quietest." Oh, Pikey. Never the stealthiest, are we.

Scanlan, I'm not gonna say this again. COOL YOUR JETS.

Nice magic tricks, though.

saaaave the kiiiitttyyyyyyy

you're not doing this on your own and we all know it so listen to Pike okay

...all right, save the KILL BOX INCOMING for next week, but we're well on our way!

[ar-agon]

Ash and Blood Pt. 6

Note: well this took longer for me to finish than I thought it would. Life has been busy. -Ar

Summary: His brothers dragged Ash to the cave saying they need his help. What happens wasn’t really part of the plan.

Length: 3422

“Ash, wake up!” One of his brothers yelled as they entered his room. Ash groaned, the exhaustion already had settled back into his bones this time stronger than the last. Though he did manage to sit up in bed and came face to face with his brothers. They were both dressed in their usual combat gear.

“What?” he asked, annoyed. Ash was glad that he had decided to close his blinds last night. 

“We need your help,” Edgar stated. 

“With?” 

“Taking down the vampires,” Alan answered. The words made his blood run cold like someone just dumped a large bucket of ice water on him. He fought to keep his composer and not skin his teeth into the boys for such threats. He didn’t know why he reacted that way, he knew this was going to happen. 

“I’m guessing last night was a bust?” He asked managing to keep any malice out of his voice. He knew it was since Sam had let it slip last night but he wanted to hear it from his brothers. To solidify that Max wasn’t the head.

“Max passed the test, he’s not the head. It has to be one of the bikers that Michael hangs with,” Edgar responded. 

“It’s not one of the boys,” it came out more defensive than he wanted it to be but he couldn’t just let his brothers kill the boys or put their own lives in danger.

“Did they tell you that?” The look of suspicion was back in Alan’s eyes. 

“And if they did?”

“You can’t trust them. They’re creatures of the night, Ash, killers.” 

“And what will you be if you kill them? The saviors of Santa Carla?” Ash questioned sarcastically, “or killers just like them?”

“More people will die if we don’t,” Edgar stated harshly, “more missing posters on the billboard.” 

“And if you fail, it’ll be me putting up your posters,” Ash spit out.

“That’s why we need you to come with us.” 

“I gotta get the gear ready,” Edgar said moving towards the door, “are you coming or not?”

“I’ll come. If only to make sure you two don’t get yourselves killed.” Edgar nodded before exiting Ash’s room. 

Alan stayed behind, “Ash,” he said seriously, taking a step towards his older brother, “they turned you. Didn’t they? You’re a half.” 

Ash sighed sitting down on the edge of his bed, “I didn’t want to tell you.”

“You haven’t killed anyone, there’s still time,” he pointed out.

“I know.” 

“So why are you so against killing them?”

“You wouldn’t understand,” Ash tells him, running his hand through his hair.

“Try me,” Alan moved and sat down next to his brother.

“You mentioned it once, a long time ago. About vampires having mates,” Ash said vaguely. 

“Which one is it?”

“All of them.” 

They sat there in silence for a bit as Ash waited for his younger brother’s response. It was like he was taking all the information in and trying to think it through. 

“Is that why you don’t want us to kill them?” he finally asked.

“It’s a part of it I guess. I also don’t want you guys to get hurt. I’m the one who’s supposed to protect you, not the other way around.”

Alan laughed, “Well, we’re not the ones in trouble right now. It’s safe to say, it's our turn to protect you.” 

“Fine, just this once though,” Ash stuck out his hand and Alan was quick to shake it. 

“Come on,” Alan said standing up, “get ready, we’re leaving soon.” Ash nodded watching him go. He sighed in relief and flopped back against his bed. That didn’t go as he thought it would but he was grateful for that. Alan knew about his predicament, but Edgar probably didn’t yet. He was sure if Edgar knew it would have been just as ugly as he thought it would be. With a few more quick deep breaths Ash got up and got ready for whatever plan his brothers had. 

“We’re going, where?” Ash asked. Walking down the stairs as he tucked his shirt into his pants. His sunglasses had found their way back onto his face easing the effects that the sun was having on his eyes. The exhaustion was starting to make him feel as if he was walking through water. It was causing everything to be difficult but focusing on trying to save both of the boys and his brothers made it seem worth the struggle. He leaned against the railing staring at his now decked-out brothers. Their backpacks now had stakes secured to them and who knows what else they had inside them.

“The Emerson’s house,” Edgar answers.

The drive to Emerson’s house was slow as Ash kept falling asleep at the wheel. Being awake during the day had started to become harder and harder the longer he was a half. The moment Ash parked in the Emerson's driveway his brothers practically jumped out of his car before it was stopped. Ash sighed at his brothers’ actions as he finally put his car in park and got out. He could already hear his brothers questioning where Michael was. When he walked into the house Sam was helping Michael down the stairs. 

“Ash,” Michael greeted with a nod. 

“Hey, Mikey,” he said, back voice rough with sleep. He was leaning against the doorframe, it was like trying to fight the sleep was just draining his energy faster. They two stared at each other for a few moments before they were dragged outside by their brothers. 

“Come on,” Sam said, pushing Michael out the door, “there is no time to waste.”

“What car are we taking?” Ash asked as he followed them out, “doubt my car will fit everyone.”

“We’ll take Grampa’s car. Hurry up.” Sam was getting impatient, obviously wanting to get this over with so he can fix his brother. 

All Ash could remember of the drive was getting in the car. The moment he sat down he fell asleep as he let the exhaustion take over. 

The combination of the car stopping and his brother Edgar’s saying “Weapons check,” was what pulled him out of his slumber. He looked around and saw that they had already made it to the cave. He pushed himself out of the car and watched his brothers check their equipment.

“Do you want a stake?” Alan asked, looking over at him.

Ash shook his head, “no I think you two have this.” It was more of the fact that Ash could not even think of using it on any of the boys.

“I don’t want you going down there,” he heard Sam say from behind him. 

“I’m going,” Michael answered, “this isn’t a comic book, Sammy. These guys are brutal killers.” Ash shivered at that statement knowing that he was right but a part of him didn’t care. Those were his boys.

“So are the Frog brothers.” That statement made him laugh, his brothers had killed anyone or anything before. They were kids still, at least in his eyes.

“Who would you rather go down there with you? Them or me and Ash? If something happens, I’m not gonna have the strength to protect you neither does Ash.” 

“Well, this time I’ll protect you, bud,” Sam tells his brother, “even though you’re a vampire, you’re still my brother.” That got to Ash, that statement. He knew his brothers didn’t feel the same way, at least Edgar didn’t. It was solidified by Edgar threatening Michael just a few seconds later.

“Listen, just so you know,” he said as he was making his way up the stairs, “if you try to stop us or vamp out in any way… then I’ll stake you without even thinking twice about it.”

“Easy there, Edgar. We are here to save him. Not kill him,” Ash snapped as he followed them into the cave. Alan glanced at him as if saying they were saving him too. Sam and Michael came up behind them. Once he got into the cave, it looked just like it did when he was last there. The smell of the boys was everywhere. 

“Holy shit,” Edgar exclaimed. 

“Vampire hotel,” Alan answered.

Ash watched them move around as he stared at the couches. A glimpse of what happened the night he turned came back to him. He had to push down that warm feeling in his gut as he walked to the fountain. His head snapped to the beds he hadn’t noticed before as his brothers moved closer.

“Here’s one. Come on, let’s stake her, man,” of course, it was Edgar who said it. It didn’t surprise Ash at all that his brother wanted to hurt the other halfs as well. 

“Don’t you touch her! You stay away from her!” Michael yelled from where he was still leaning on Sam. Ash’s own anger flared up with the threat, having no idea why. Edgar looked over at him and took a step back with an eye roll.

“Come on. Vampires have such rotten tempers.”

“If only you knew,” Ash whispered to himself. His anger had vanished the moment the threat was gone. He followed his brothers as Michael started to take care of the other half. 

“The rest of them have gotta be around here someplace. Let’s find them.” 

There was too much going on for Ash to really focus on anything but the pull in his chest. He knew that they were getting close to finding a way to them. He didn’t know who he was more protective of him now, his brothers or the boys. He knew that he would try and stop his brothers from killing them. He trusted David when he said that none of them were the head vampires.

“I feel a draft. I think there’s something up here,” Sam stated standing in front of an opening in the cave.

“Let’s check it out, Sam,” Edgar said, moving quickly to the opening.

“Come on,” Alan urged Sam.

“Let’s go.” 

“I’ll be right back, Mike!” Sam called as he followed the Frogs further into the cave. Ash heard him whisper, “I hope.” They all made their way through the tunnel 

“You don’t have to come,” Alan tells Ash from over his shoulder, “we got this.” 

“You think I’m going to let you guys out of my sight in this place?” 

“We know what we are doing,” Edgar argued.

“Really, how many vampires have you guys actually killed? I know for a fact it's zero.” 

“We’re more prepared for this than you are.”

“Right…” Ash rolled his eyes.

“You’re really bringing us down Ash,” Sam said, bumping him in the shoulder.

“I do my best, Sammy,” he answered with a laugh. After a few more moments the flies started to buzz around them. Ash had to swap away some as they flew at his face.

“Flies.”

“We’re on the right trail,” Edgar stated as he moved further into the cave, “Flies and the undead go together, like bullets and guns.” Ash rolled his eyes at the statement but knew it was true as the sinking feeling in his stomach began to dissipate. 

“What’s that smell?” Sam asked, smelling the air. Ash did as well, the boys’ smell was strong here. It was like being wrapped in a warm blanket.

“Vampires, my friend. Vampires,” Edgar informed him, that was when they all started to cough but Ash didn’t know why. There was nothing bad smelling here to him, it was just the boys’ scent. It was nice, familiar. That was when they got to a large opening. 

“It’s freezing in here,” Sam said, rubbing his arms to try and keep some body warmth. 

“It looks like a dead end. Let’s head back,” One of his brothers urged. Though Ash stayed put knowing that the boys were there somewhere. He felt whole again. Ash began looking around the place. They must be here but where.

“They must have hidden the coffins around here someplace.” Ash wanted to laugh. Coffins? Did they really think that cliche was true? 

Sam shined his flashlight as he agreed. Though he screamed when he accidentally flashed the light to the ceiling, “Jesus! I thought they were supposed to be in coffins.” Ash looked up as well seeing the boys hanging from pipes like bats. They looked peaceful like that, thought Ash. 

“That’s what this cave is. It’s one giant coffin,” Edgar stated looking up as well, “Right now they’re at their most vulnerable.” His brothers moved to a ladder that led to the pipes. 

“Easy pickings,” Alan agreed. Ash followed them up getting in between his brothers on the ladder.

“Remember, you have to kill the leader,” Sam reminds them from the ground.

“We don't know which one the leader is,” Edgar said, grabbing a stake from his belt as he got to the top.

“I guess we'll just have to kill them all,” Alan said. That caused Ash to grip the rung of the ladder hard. Marko was the closest one in range of the ladder. He looked like an angel was all his mind could come up with.

“Let's start with the little one. First come, first staked,” Edgar joked. A protectiveness washed over Ash at the statement. He knew he would do anything to stop his brother from killing them. None of them were the head, this wasn’t going to help Michael or himself. It was just merciless killing. They would be just as bad as the boys. 

“What was that, a little vampire humor? It wasn't funny,” Sam called up as Edgar got closer to Marko. Too close for Ash. He got closer to his brother ready to jump in when he had to.

“No! Don’t even,” Sam yells up to Edgar, who was now level with Marko. 

“Good night, bloodsucker,” Edgar stated, reeling his hand back.

“Don’t do this,” Ash said, grabbing a hold of his brother’s wrist before he could force the stake through Marko’s heart. Ripping the stake out of Edgar’s grip he threw it to the ground below causing a dull thud to echo in the space. The ladder creaked under their feet as his brother moved so he could stare at his older brother.

“You… you traitor. This was not part of the plan,” his brother yelled at him in disgust, “how could you side with the enemy?”

“Because, he’s their mate,” Alan stated, face filled with sorrow.

“Alan,” Ash whispered, feeling betrayed by his brother. He had thought he would be the one that he could trust the most. What a foolish thought.

“I knew something was up with you. They changed you didn’t they?” Edgar growled, “You were always on their side, weren’t you?”

“No, Edgar. I wasn’t.” 

“I don’t believe you. How could I when you didn’t tell us what you were when it happened!”

“Because I knew how you would react. You always act before you think. This is the time to think.”

“They’re killers Ash, if we don’t do this you will be too.”

Ash shook his head, “is that what you think?”

“Yes.”

“Then just kill me, do it. If that is all I am to you right now. Stake me.”

“Ash,” Sam yelled.

Everything happened too fast after that, Edgar had let his anger control him as he took another stake from his backpack. Ash didn’t even have time to react before he looked down at his stomach. There lodged into it was a stake, his brother’s hand still tightly wrapped around it. He lost his balance as the pain finally washed over him. He would have fallen a good couple of feet if a pair of arms didn’t catch him. The sound of screams and scrambling became background noise as his body was wracked with shudders of blazing pain. He gripped tightly at the arms around him as they lowered him to the ground. Blood had started to fill his mouth and in a twisted sense of fate, he liked the taste of it as it coated his tongue and slipped past his lips. Ash managed to get another glimpse of his brothers before they rushed out of the den. The look of regret and pain on Alan’s face was now burned into Ash’s brain. Alongside it was Edgar’s look of betrayal. Sam had tears in his eyes as he stared at Ash and the blood that was starting to soak through his shirt.

“You're dead meat!” David yelled out before he started to chase the younger boys out of their cave. His face twisted into hard edges and yellow eyes. He bared his fangs at the kids before they all scrambled to turn back the way they came.

“Let’s get out of here! Let’s go,” Alan yelled wetly, pulling Edgar away from Ash. Sam was right behind them pushing as well. 

“Go! Get out of here!” Sam urged the Frog brothers away from the danger that was coming after them. David had fallen from the rafters, adding to Sam’s panic, “Run! Go!” His voice faded as they entered the crawl space.

“Don’t,” he called when he saw David rush after them, “don’t leave me alone.” Even now that his brothers left him dying on the cold cave floor, he couldn’t stand the thought of them dying for it. He reached out to try and grab the blond only for the stake to move. He cried out in pain before it turned into a coughing fit.

“Hey, don’t move,” Dwyane’s voice came from behind him, “you’ll only hurt yourself more.”

“Just don’t hurt them, please. They’re my brothers,” Ash tells them. David had stopped his pursuit the moment he heard him cry out. His face softened and changed back to normal. He moved to kneel next to the injured half.

“Is it bad?” Ash asked not wanting to look down again at his stomach. He knew his shirt was probably soaked in his blood right now. 

“You’ll be fine,” David stated.

“Yeah, babe,” Paul agreed, grabbing Ash’s hand in his. Ash held onto it like it was a lifeline, “we’ll take care of you.”

“But you have to drink,” Marko said softly. Ash felt him run his hand through his hair soothingly. He shook his head, if he turned now his brothers were sure to kill him. His chance to be human back would be gone. He would be a vampire, he wouldn’t grow old or see the sun but he would be with his boys. No, it would just be better to go now surrounded by them. The pull between them was helping him keep his mind off the pain that flared every time he took a breath.

“Ash,” David purred, worry lacing his voice. Ash looked over at him. He was holding out his wrist to him. 

With a defiant hand, he pushed David’s wrist away. His breathing had started to get shallow and his body was getting too tired to hold up his eyelids. “Ash come on, you can’t leave us,” a far-off voice urged, the grip on his hand tightened. It was only a few moments before a new smell entered the air, something sweeter than his own blood. It became stronger when it was brought right under his nose. He felt his fangs push past his gum without permission before biting down on whatever was in front of him.

“That’s it, babe,” Paul’s voice was now a bit clearer as he drank whatever was filling his mouth. It was sweeter than anything he had ever tasted before and metallic. It went like that for two hours, the same thing with a slightly different taste every fifteen minutes or so but time didn’t actually feel real to Ash anymore. It was like he was hovering in space and time. In between life and death so to speak. His body would gain strength for a while then quickly become weak again as well. It was like his body was trying to put itself together but it just wasn’t strong enough for the injury he had received. The stake was still in his stomach, it was the only thing keeping most of his blood in. If any of the boys pulled it out now it would surely mean the death of Ash and none of them wanted that. So, they kept feeding him their own blood. It wasn’t enough to heal the wound altogether but it was enough to keep him alive just until the sunset and they could find someone for him.