#seraph trauma dumping accidentally is a mood

[offrozenmemoirs]

“ Seraph. You said once that you wished to be ‘friends’, yes? I am curious to know your reasoning. “ Sebastian tilts his head.

Unprompted Asks || Accepting! @eraba-reta-unmei

"That's a pretty silly question, isn't it? I want to be your friend just because we've been traveling together for so long. I know I spent a while away, but frankly, I trust you. You've saved my life plenty of times, and whatever's going on between you and my father doesn't involve me."

Seraph was busy with his prayers, both to Winter and Pharasma. Even if he hadn't heard from them since they left Rivera, it didn't stop him from his usual rituals. Did Sebastian sometimes terrify him? Absolutely, but then again, first meeting his father had been terrifying and even if he knew Winter would never harm him, it didn't change the fact that he was capable of a great deal of destruction if he wished it.

"I guess, after coming back, while it was only a few months for you all, for me, years passed. It felt nice to come back to a regular timeflow. My only regret is that I wasn't fast enough to prevent Lenora's death...Even if I don't necessarily agree with how she treated you."

Seraph doesn't really know Sebastian, and maybe some would say that he's a bit foolish to try and befriend a spirit he doesn't know too well.

"I want to be your friend because I guess...I wouldn't want your only experience to be akin to a master and servant relationship. Not to mention, I guess I see a similarity in us kind of figuring out who we are? With you gaining more and more insight to yourself, while I'm trying to find out who I am outside of my various duties. A life spent in servitude isn't much of a life, I suppose."

Even now, the elf thinks about himself, wondering who he was outside of his devotion to Pharasma and his newfound status as the Champion of Winter. If he spent most of his life serving...Would he ever have time to appreciate his friends? His loved ones?

"Eternal servitude doesn't sound appealing to me. I think that if I burned away all of myself, and focused purely on what I needed to do, I would wind up miserable and regretting not spending enough time with those I love. I know I'm going to outlive Soup and Sino, I don't like it, but I can't ignore the truth of the matter. I will outlive them, and I can't stop the passage of time, as much as I may want to."

Even now, during their time in Abarlio, most of their, "vacation" had been spent fending off attacks from the Cetaceans, rogue spirits and helping yet another spirit gain a form of actualization of their self. Soren comes to mind, and he wonders how the spirit is doing. Elise and Antonio were family, the girl had latched onto him and in turn, he was a new father.

"We haven't had any real time to rest. I'm sure that at some point, we'll have an actual vacation where we won't have to fight for our lives, or prevent the destruction of a city. But, gods above, I'd like time to just have a real date, with dinner and maybe a night under the stars."

Seraph feels a growing irritation, and he can't stop the rant that he feels coming.

"My relationship with Soup is more or less physical and I can't even settle down to actually ask him what he wants out of what we have, and it doesn't help that he's reminded me that I'm going to outlive him either...And Sino...I don't know where to begin, I know that emotionally, I have a closer connection, and I worry for them. Maybe it's because I see a lot of myself, with their devotion to work, but I can't judge because it's not like I actually say what I mean or need to say enough. I'm a mess, mentally, and for the rest of my foreseeable life, I'll have to live with the fact that a chaos god has taken residence in my mind, and is waiting for whatever moment he can to take me over."

Seraph stops his rambling for a moment to notice his left hand coated in ice. He sighs, before he knocks his hand against the table, knocking it off and shaking the last shards off.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to just...dump all of that on you, Sebastian. Like I said, I want to be your friend because I want to. You're kinder than you think, and even if other spirits find you intimidating, I'm happy to help you whenever you need it, or just to be a listening ear."