#sent me a picture of a civic he saw on his work trip

[fullpersonadonut]

One of the best things is when your friend sends you pictures of when they see your special interest in the wild.

[parkpavilion]

Opening Day

If you’re driving along Rainier Avenue near the giant hardware store at the McClellan intersection, you may notice a dingy sign indicating that you’re passing the “Historic Site of Sick’s Stadium.” From 1938 through 1968, this was where the Seattle Rainiers, a franchise in the old Pacific Coast League, played their games. In terms of local history, that’s the location’s main significance—the team was successful for decades and provided a launching pad for one of the city’s favorite sons, Fred Hutchinson. There are several books that cover Rainiers history, but for my money the best of the lot is a picture book called A Ticket to the Pennant by Mark Holtzen, which captures the childlike enthusiasm Seattle once had for its hometown nine.

If the stadium is remembered at all outside of our region, though, it’s as the home field of the Northwest’s first major league baseball team, the Seattle Pilots. They were a squad that started too early (rushed into existence in 1969 to balance the schedule opposite a much better prepared expansion team from Kansas City, the Royals) and finished too soon (the Pilots went bankrupt after a single season and headed to Milwaukee to become the Brewers). They’re barely more than a footnote in the annals of sport, and that they even manage that is thanks to the work of one man, Jim Bouton.

Bouton came into the majors as a clean-cut New York Yankee in 1962, throwing fastballs so hard that his cap would regularly fly off with the effort. He thrived for a few years on the mound, won some World Series games, then blew out his arm and floundered around the minors for a while trying to reinvent himself as a knuckleball specialist. By 1969 his hair was a little longer and his pitching form had improved enough that the Pilots took a chance and called his name in the expansion draft. He had an up-and-down couple of months with the team before being sent down to the minors and then getting traded. It was about as nondescript a season as you could imagine except that he described it in a diary that became the legendary memoir Ball Four.

Ball Four was one of the first sports bios that wasn’t a hagiography. Bouton was frank about his struggles and also about the character of his teammates. Unlike the plaster saints of yesteryear, but like real young men everywhere, they drank, swore, chased women, and generally set a poor example for their impressionable fans. By today’s standards the revelations in the book were tame stuff, but back in the early ‘70s they made its author a countercultural hero and an establishment pariah. He remained persona non grata at Yankee old-timer’s games for thirty years, but found acclaim elsewhere, as an iconoclastic sportscaster and the co-inventor of Big League Chew shredded bubble gum. 

He also continued to write and publish books. I encountered one of these in the most fortuitous way possible. It was 2003 and I’d left my corporate job without having a plan to replace it. At loose ends but with a paycheck or two in my pocket, I took a weeks-long road trip across the US. Passing through New Jersey, I went into a bookstore and saw Bouton’s byline on a cover. I’d heard he was at work on something new but had no idea what, and I snatched a copy to buy without finding out. Started reading it in the car as my companion drove.

The book was Foul Ball: My Life and Hard Times Trying to Save an Old Ballpark, and it was about Bouton’s efforts to renovate one of the oldest stadiums in America and bring a minor league team to play in it. This was Wahconah Park in Pittsfield, Massachusetts*, which happened to be my next destination. Because it was the home of Herman Melville, obviously. But that’s another story.

Flipping those pages in the passenger seat was something like reading a thriller. As the miles disappeared under the wheels, Bouton wrangled with civic leaders and the local media to realize his vision, and I had no idea as I approached the site how the story turned out. It was another battle against the establishment for him, this time with stakes that were more than personal. The town authorities wanted to tear down the old wooden structure and replace it elsewhere at taxpayer expense, while Bouton and his partner promised to invest their own money to keep history alive. The newspaper editorialized against the interlopers; the outsiders discovered that the newspaper owned the polluted, otherwise unsellable land where the new project was to be built. Quid met quo and profit fought with preservation.

Wahconah Park was still standing when I arrived, a charming relic set defiantly in the face of the setting sun (games there featured a unique ritual, a brief suspension when the light on the horizon shone directly in the batters’ eyes) but it was empty. I climbed the outfield fence to look onto the field and felt like a kid peeking through a knothole at a World Series game. The new stadium project fell through, but Bouton didn’t get his team. Nevertheless, he’d won again, turning failure into a different kind of success. Foul Ball was a book about things greater than baseball—politics, corruption, and right versus wrong. It’s out of print now, but it still tells an important story. 

I meant to write about Bouton when he passed away last summer, but life got away from me, as it did for him on more than one occasion. I thought of him again as this year’s major league season was due to start but stalled under the weight of a viral pandemic. With no games to watch, I had more time to read and found a new book written in his spirit, about baseball, history, politics, and more: Stealing Home by Eric Nusbaum. Failure breeding success again. Life gets away, but it keeps going on.

—James

*Another fun Pittsfield fact: it’s where historians found the first recorded evidence of baseball being played on this continent. Minutes from a 1791 town meeting there prohibit “any game of wicket, cricket, baseball, batball, football, cat, fives, or any other game played with ball” within eighty yards of the town hall and its new windows. You can read all about that, and about the true history of the sport going back to 14th-century Europe and beyond, in Baseball Before We Knew It by David Block.

[pcwpolwrestling]

It's Monday Night R-...er...PCW Extreme Political TV

THIS WEEK ON EXTREME POLITICAL TV -Nicholas Tarkowski returns for another visit and discovers the wonders of the marketplace of ideas. -The Bi-Partisan Dream Team (RINO-The Wonk Machine and Blue Dog D) and the new Weapons of Mass Destruction (N-Bomb and F-Bomb) debut. -Women’s Champion of the Political Universe Christa Carmondy stops in. -PCW Women’s Champion Yosemite Samantha vents about her trip to the Blue Brand Show. -PCW Title Match: ‘The One Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism © defends the belt against ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott

================================

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Blue background. The top of the Capitol Building occupies the left hand side of the television screen.

Centered in the middle of the screen: “P-SPAN. THE POLITICAL CHANNEL.”]

P-SPAN Announcer (off screen): The P-SPAN Network bring you long-form public affairs programming from the nation’s capital and are a public service of…

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Logos of twenty three different cable and satellite television companies replace the Capitol Building and P-SPAN graphic.]

P-SPAN Announcer (v/o): …your television provider.

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Returns to the blue background with the top of the Capitol Building occupying the left hand side of the television screen with “P-SPAN. THE POLITICAL CHANNEL.” centered in the middle of the screen.]

P-SPAN Announcer (v/o): P-SPAN. The Political Channel.

===============================

EARLIER TONIGHT PCW owner Dawn McGill exits her car on the 4th Avenue side of the Jamestown Civic Center.

Who’s waiting for her? One Nicholas Tarkowski.   Nicholas who, you may ask?

REPLAY: Intro Nicholas Tarkowski

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: Hi, I’m Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. I’m sure you know who I am.

A fresh faced young man, probably just out of college, dressed in a nice suit smiles as he approaches her.

Some Guy: I certainly do!

He shakes her hand.

Some Guy: I’m Nicholas Tarkowski. Mr. Nadler’s office sent me here to oversight the PCW show. Who should I talk to?

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: Her name is Dawn McGill. She’s inside.

Dawn McGill: You came back.

Tarkowski tells her that he was ‘severely reprimanded’ by Mr. Nadler for not finding any dirt on PCW last week.

Nicholas Tarkowski: Mr. Nadler told me not to come back to Washington D.C. until I found something on you.

Dawn McGill: Well. Come on. Let’s see what we can find.

McGill and Tarkowski head for one of the entrances into the arena. Tarkowski suddenly stops when he sees two rabid groups on each side shouting and yelling nasty, hateful invectives towards each other.

McGill leads Tarkowski on and both walk right down the middle of the competing voices.

On the left, a fundamentalist group headed up by Professor McCarthy and his Flock. The Green World Order (GreenPete, ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, PeaceNick, and Peta from PETA) are there. So are the Young Jerks (Zenk Cryger, James Idahola, and their foul mouthed valet Anna), Codee Pink, and Emily S. List.  They vow to ‘shout down’ the other side.

On the right, it’s the God Squad heading up their fundamentalist groups. Reverend Oral Hinnrich, Reverend Buddy Flambe, and Sister Mary Marlboro lead the brigade. They shout back ‘YOU’RE ALL GOING TO HELL!’

The left responds in kind. Even Tarkowski gets into the shouting match with the right wing fundamentalists.

Nicholas Tarkowski (shouting): OH YEAH?!

McGill rolls her eyes.

Dawn McGill: Whoa-whoa…turn it down a bit little camper.

McGill convinces him to ignore the verbal bombs being lobbed back and forth between the two groups and enter the building.

Once inside the building, Tarkowski stops and his eyes widen.

Nicholas Tarkowski (incredulously): What…what is this?

Inside the arena, Tarkowski is amazed to see what appears to be a giant bazaar. It’s crowded with PCW fans circulating in the room visiting and talking with PCW wrestlers representing all views and sides in booths.

McGill explains that here, people don’t try to shout other people down. They don’t try to ‘destroy’ other people because they espouse views they vehemently disagree with. They talk. They take pictures with their favorite PCW personalities. They freely exchange views.

Nicholas Tarkowski: I don’t understand this.

Dawn McGill: It’s what we call…a marketplace of ideas. It’s the way it should be. People from different cultures with different viewpoints coming together and being able to talk to one another. That’s not the way it is at the Red Brand and Blue Brand shows.

Tarkowski takes a step forward…and fearfully hesitates.

Nicholas Tarkowski: I’m scared, Ms. McGill.

Dawn McGill: It’s Miss McGill…or Dawn. Just take my hand little padawan…

Tarkowski nervously clasps hands with Dawn.

Dawn McGill: … and we’ll walk this gauntlet together. It’s going to be okay, I promise.

Nicholas Tarkowski: Okay…(pause)…what’s a padawan?

Dawn McGill: Never mind.

McGill leads Tarkowski through the area. He glances at the various displays with wonder.

Nicholas Tarkowski: I never saw anything like this back in college.

Dawn McGill: Yeah…I know. Many colleges don’t promote this kind of free form exchange of ideas these days. Ahh…here we are.

They arrive at Champion of the Political Universe Ray McAvay’s booth.

McAvay is signing autographs and posing for pictures. Next to him? A hot tub.   Inside the hot tub? Dark and Stormy- West Texas Adult Entertainment Legends and McAvay’s valets- both sporting the latest official PCW Ray McAvay ‘Show Up…Punch In…Shut Up…Get to Work’ baseball jerseys. The ladies pose for pictures with the PCW fans.

And there’s a long line of people waiting.

Dawn McGill: Okay. Here’s where I leave you off.

Nicholas Tarkowski: Wait! Mr. Nadler said I had to-

Dawn McGill: Patience, Nicholas…everything will be okay.

Nicholas Tarkowski: But…

Dawn McGill: Ray will take good care of you.

==============================

PCW Extreme Political TV on P-SPAN Monday March 18th, 2019 Jamestown Civic Center Jamestown, ND

Announcer: ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave ==============================

The camera pans all over the Jamestown Civic Center as PCW is on the air!

Spotlights move back and forth through the crowd.

Crowd: PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…

Cut to ringside where ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave stands at the broadcast table next to Colleen Crowder.

Johnny Suave: Hello everyone! Welcome to Political Championship Wrestling on our new night! Monday night!

Crowd: PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…

Johnny Suave: I am Johnny Suave. Tonight we are broadcasting tonight from the Jamestown Civic Center in Jamestown, North Dakota for an exciting evening of political wrestling!

Colleen Crowder’s voice: HOLD ON! HOLD ON!

‘‘Low Level Reporter at the New York Times Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ Colleen Crowder arrives at the broadcast desk and sits down.

Johnny Suave: I thought you were boycotting tonight.

Colleen Crowder: I was going to. But then I realized that only one side of the argument would be presented on the show. So in the interest of fair play, I decided to be here to present the other view.

Johnny Suave: Colleen, I actually agree with you.

Colleen Crowder: The correct view, of course.

Johnny Suave: And now we’re back to normal.

Suave notes that Loose Cannons Unleased from the D.C. Armory is just three weeks away and the PCW, PCW Women’s Title, and PCW Tag Team titles will all be on the line after Women’s Champion Yosemite Samantha lost to Progressive Alliance’s ‘Canadian Cyborg’ Sheline Carrigan last night.

Carrigan now earns a title shot against the Women’s Champion of the Political Universe Christa Carmondy (American Patriots).

Johnny Suave: But tonight, ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott faces PCW Champion ‘The One Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism for the PCW title in our main event.

Colleen Crowder: Johnny, I don’t care. Kevin Scott shouldn’t be wrestling in this match anyways. What we really should be talking about is the blatant coercion and abuse of power being exerted by Dawn McGill right in front of our eyes.

Suave wonders what the hell she is talking about now.

Colleen Crowder: The fact that the prominent and important Executive Committee member Jerrold Nadler sent one of his aides here to oversee PCW and investigate Dawn McGill…and McGill is attempting to brainwash poor Nicholas Tarkowski by using two hookers in a hot tub to expose him to this ‘free market of ideas’ crap.

Suave points out Dark and Stormy are adult entertainers, not hooker.

Colleen Crowder: Whatever. McGill shouldn’t exposing the kid to this.

Johnny Suave: Adult Entertainers?

Colleen Crowder: Free market of ideas!

Johnny Suave: Why?

Colleen Crowder: It’s dangerous. It’s fake.

Johnny Suave: No it’s not. It upsets your narrat-

Colleen Crowder: Save it. I’ve told you before. We are the ones who determine the narrative. We are the ones who determine what’s newsworthy and important for people to see. We are the ones who set the national agenda. That’s OUR job. Not this free marketplace of ideas.

Suave upsets Crowder more when he points out that Tarkowski is now sitting in the Les Miserables section of the arena with the Champion of the Political Universe ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay.

Colleen Crowder (alarmed): What?

Cut to the Les Miserables section.

Tarkowski is talking to General DeBauchery who looks like a bizarre combination of the AWA’s Colonel DeBeers and Lt. Aldo from Inglorious Basterds, sporting a black captain’s hat right out of World War II, smoking a cigar and grinning obnoxiously.

Gen. DeBauchery: You probably heard we ain’t in the take no prisoner-takin’ business like usual wrasslers; we in the killin’ brewskis business…

General DeBauchery takes a bottle of beer and chugs it down.

Gen. DeBauchery: And cousin, Business is a-boomin.

Tarkowski raises his glass. Hesitates. And chugs his beer down.

Cut back to Suave and Crowder.   Crowder is stunned.

Colleen Crowder: This is wrong. Just wrong.

Crowder gets her phone out.

Johnny Suave: Before you make your phone call to Jerry Nadler, let me give you more reason to be upset and let’s replay Yosemite Samantha’s win last week over ‘Queen of the Trailer Park’ Lani Harlot to win the PCW Women’s title.

Colleen Crowder: I hate you.

REPLAY: Last Week’s PCW Women’s Title Match- Yosemite Samantha vs. Lani Harlot

Yosemite Samantha on the top rope. She flies. Harlot ducks and YS clocks Jaxson from the White Trash Posses with a double ax handle to the head. Jaxson is knocked out and falls to the mat. Harlot spins Yosemite Samantha around. Small package roll up by Samantha! Cover. One. Two. Three.

*DING-DING-DING*

Kimber Marshall right in the ring for the announcement.

WINNER AND NEW PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Yosemite Samantha @ 16:29 (7:00 for TV)

Johnny Suave: Un-freakin’ believable. Yosemite Samantha outlasts the ‘Queen of the Trailer Park’ Lani Harlot and she is your new PCW Women’s Champion!

Suave then really upsets Crowder even more by announcing that new PCW Women’s Champion Yosemite Samantha is going to be here tonight as well.

Colleen Crowder: Johnny, I’m sorry. She’s a joke. She’s a terrible role model for today’s modern woman. There has to be thousands of good, progressive female wrestlers out there who deserve to be the PCW Women’s champion and this is the one who ends up becoming the first champion?

Suave then talks about Jack Fraiser’s win over SNAFU last week to win the PCW Television Title.

REPLAY: Last Week’s PCW Television Title Match- Fraiser vs. SNAFU

Lift…a fourth German Suplex to SNAFU. Fraiser for the title…one…two…th-NO! Fraiser can’t believe it. Blaire can’t believe it. Somewhere deep down, even SNAFU probably can’t believe it. Blaire pulls out a table and tosses it into the ring while Fraiser pulls SNAFU up and leans him in the corner. Fraiser sets the table up against SNAFU and retreats to the opposite corner. He takes off and sprints across and whams into the table at full speed driving it into SNAFU.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP! CANADIAN NATIONAL RAILAWAY!

Fraiser avoids the table as it falls backward. SNAFU takes a step and pitches down to the mat. Fraiser covers. One…two…THREE!

*DING-DING-DING*

Johnny Suave: JACK FRAISER IS THE NEW PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION!

Colleen Crowder: Good. He won. Now he can stop whining about the GWO costing him a title opportunity.

Suave quickly reviews tonight’s show: -The Bi-Partisan Dream Team (Blue Dog D and RINO-The Wonk Machine) and Weapons of Mass Destruction II (Frank Bomb and Newt Tron Bomb) debut. -MAIN EVENT/PCW TITLE MATCH: Stone Chism © vs. ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott

Johnny Suave: We’ll be right back after this.

========================

**COMMERCIAL BREAK**

JETFUEL EXTREME DO IT YOURSELF TAX COMMERCIAL [SCENE: the back yard.

A man holds a garden hose in his right hand and is filling up his above ground pool with water. In his other hand, he holds his cell phone and looks down at it- seemingly confused and perplexed.]

Announcer: This is Tim. He thinks you have to be a mastermind to figure out how to do his own taxes.

[A large brown wooden fence encloses the yard. The right wooden gate opens up and Ray McAvay’s manager, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido, enters Tim’s back yard. (GRAPHIC: “’No Frills’ Chris Escondido, professional wrestler manager)]

Announcer: So we flew in pro wrestling mastermind ‘No Frill’s’ Chris Escondido to help him.

[Escondido peers over Tim’s shoulder to look at his cell phone.]

Escondido: Dude. What does it say there?

[Close up of Tim’s phone. ‘Did you buy a home?’ Press here.]

Tim: It says…did you buy a home?

Escondido: Did you buy a home?

Tim: Ummm…

[Out of nowhere, ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay runs in and whacks Tim in the back with a Singapore cane.]

Tim: YES! YES! I BOUGHT A HOUSE!

Escondido: Then I’d press there.

Tim: There?

*WHACK*

Tim: AARGGHH! THERE! OKAY, OKAY…I’M PRESSING THE BUTTON!

[Tim, in immense pain and anguish, presses the button. The display turns to a green check mark to indicate that he was successful and a message appears that reads: ‘Congrats, you get a big tax break…and a trip to the emergency room.]

Tim: Huh?

*THWACK*

Tim: AAARGHHHHH!

[Escondido nods down at Tim who’s fallen to his knees in excruciating pain.]

Escondido: Okay then.

[He then turns and walks away.]

Tim: Thanks.

[Graphic on screen: ‘It doesn’t take a f@#$ing genius to do your taxes.’ Tim looks down at his phone and winces in pain from the Singapore caneshots.]

Announcer: Jetfuel Extreme Do It Yourself Tax. Taxes done to the extreme.

*THWACK*

Tim’s voice: ARGGHHHH! OKAY! STOP! PLEASE!

========================

PCW ON THE ROAD March 22nd – Silverstein Eye Centers Arena / Independence, MO March 23rd – Qwest Center Omaha / Omaha, NE March 24th – Sanford Pentagon / Sioux Falls, SD March 30th – Taft Coliseum / Columbus, OH March 31st – Mayo Civic Center / Rochester, MN April 6th – Loose Cannons Unleashed PPV @ the D.C. Armory / Washington, D.C. April 12th – Buccaneer Arena / Urbandale, IA April 13th – McLeod Center / Cedar Rapids, IA April 14th – McElroy Auditorium / Waterloo, IA April 19th – Owensboro Sportscenter / Owensburo, KY April 20th – SIU Arena / Carbondale, IL April 21st – Gibson Arena / Rolla, MO

========================

BACKSTAGE PCW Backstage interviewer Paige McGillicutty has the Bi-Partisan Dream Team (RINO-The Wonk Machine and Blue Dog D) with her.

The first question Paige asks is why they have returned to PCW.

RINO: We want balance, Paige.   We all know that we’ll never completely agree on everything. But we believe that deep down, people on both sides agree on more than what they believe they do.

Blue Dog D: Paige, both sides seem to have allowed a more extreme element to take over. It seems like everyone is screaming at each other and you can’t get any discussion going because there’s way too much noise being made.

RINO: We’re not asking for Kumbaya here.

Blue Dog D: But we do believe that we all need to start listening to each other a little more.

RINO: So tonight when we take on Weapons of Mass Destruction, we’re going to show that people with differing views from the left and right…

Blue Dog D: …can still work together for a common cause.

RINO and Blue Dog D head for the ring.

Paige McGillicutty: That’s the Bi-Partisan Dream Team. Johnny? Back to you.

Cut back to Suave and Crowder at the broadcast desk.

Colleen Crowder: They’re naive. You have to choose sides. And more so, you have to choose the right side. In fact, we tell you what side you should side with in the narratives we present to you.

Johnny Suave: Yeah, I don’t need your narratives. I can think for myself.

Colleen Crowder: That’s your opinion Johnny and you would be wrong.

Johnny Suave: If that’s the case then it’s my right to be wrong. Now, let’s mention the Bi-Partisan Dream Team’s opponents here tonight- Weapons of Mass Destruction II. Newt Tron Bomb and Frank Bomb debuted two weeks ago on Extreme Political TV and made a big stink. Literally.

REPLAY: 3/3/2019 Extreme Political TV

People in the front rows frantically put gas masks over their faces.

Frank Bomb and Ensen DeAirey-Bomb put on gas masks.

Colleen Crowder: Okay, why is everyone putting gas masks on?

Johnny Suave: Think Halitosis’s breath with a larger blast radius.

Colleen Crowder: Huh? What?

Too late. Suddenly, Professor McCarthy clutches his throat and tries to cover his nose.

Johnny Suave: SILENT BUT DEADLY! SILENT BUT DEADLY! (out of the side of his mouth) Oh…geez. What the hell did he eat earlier?

Colleen Crowder (she gets what’s happening): Son of a b-ohhhhhhh……..(THUMP)

McCarthy, AOC, PeaceNick, Peta- all down and out.

Several people in close proximity to the ring not wearing gas masks- down and out.

Colleen Crowder- out.

…

Newt then gets on the microphone. N-Bomb says they’ve been sent to PCW for a purpose.

Newt Tron Bomb: Last week, Dawn McGill cost our brothers a match. We are here for payback for the best tag team that’s ever graced a PCW ring. We are also here to make sure that the Advocates of the American Military Complex continue to have a strong presence in PCW.

N-Bomb warns the Island of Misfit Wrestlers…Rah and Halitosis…their days as PCW Tag Team champions are limited.

N-Bomb drops the mic and WMD head to the back.

Johnny Suave: It’s a double in-ring debut and it’s coming up NOW!

MATCH #1- Weapons of Mass Destruction: Frank Bomb and Newt Tron Bomb vs. The Bi-Partisan Dream Team: RINO-The Wonk Machine and Blue Dog D Ring announcer Kimber Marshall is inside the square circle.

*‘Let’s Work Together’- Canned Heat*

The Bi-Partisan Dream Team RINO-The Wonk Machine HT: 6′ 0″ WT: 275, HOME: Detroit, MI FIN: Spear! Blue Dog D HT: 6’ 0” WT: 195 / HOME: Chattanooga, TN FIN: Blue Bayou

Rino and Blue Dog D shake hands on the stage. They walk down towards the ring together.

Kimber Marshall: And their opponents…

*“Hit Me Like a Bomb”- Third Day*

Ensen DeAirey-Bomb comes out first pulling a wagon containing the wooden statue of General Patton. Then N-Bomb and F-Bomb follow.

Kimber Marshall: …they are Advocates of the American Military Complex…

Weapons of Mass Destruction II MGR: Ensen DeAirey-Bomb aka…I-Bomb HT: 5’ 6” WT: 112 / HOME: Alamogordo, NM Newt Tron Bomb…N-Bomb HT: 5’ 11” WT: 190 / HOME: Alamogordo, NM FIN: Silent, But Deadly Frank Bomb aka…F-Bomb HT: 6’ 2” WT: 200 / HOME: Alamogordo, NM FIN: F Bomb SUBGROUP: General George S. Patton (Deceased)

Ensen pulls the wagon with General Patton inside towards the ring. N-Bomb and F-Bomb follow.

Johnny Suave: Well? This incarnation of Weapons of Mass Destruction isn’t nearly as explosive as A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb was. But, they still pack a punch…and a stench.

Colleen Crowder: Okay. If I had to support anyone, it would be the Bi-Partisan Dream Team…even though the idea they are presenting is tragically and naively wrong.

*DING-DING*

F-Bomb starts against Blue Dog D. Fans on both sides of the aisle are already choosing their favorites. Both men circle and Collar and elbow tie up. Not much between them in strength. Blue Dog D gets F-Bomb to the ropes and there’s a break. F-Bomb comes right at his opponent. Facelock by F-Bomb. Then clubbing forearms. Blue Dog D fires back with his own forearms and whips F-Bomb into the ropes. Arm-drag takedown by Blue Dog D. F-Bomb hits his own arm-drag. Armbar by F-Bomb but Blue Dog D slips out and tags RINO in. The Wonk Machine sizes up F-Bomb. F-Bomb decides to bring in N-Bomb.

Johnny Suave: I think you will see the Bi-Partisan Dream Team rely on teamwork more than WMD. WMD will be the more combustible group.

Colleen Crowder: Again, even though the team is united by a false and naïve premise, I lean towards the Bi-Partisan Dream Team to come out ahead in this match.

N-Bomb and RINO circle. RINO uses his superior size and strength to kick and club N-Bomb into the ropes. RINO goes to send N-Bomb for the ride…N-Bomb reverses and telegraphs a back body drop. RINO boots him in the gut. Snapmare to dropkick drives N-Bomb down to the mat. Cover…one…two…N-Bomb kicks out. N-Bomb tags F-Bomb back in. Now both men circle. Tie up and RINO fires forearms. Spinebuster by RINO and cover. One…two…F-Bomb kicks out. RINO whips…F-Bomb reverses and sends RINO running the ropes and N-Bomb trips him up. F-Bombs goes to drop an F-Bomb but RINO pushes him away. RINO whips F-Bomb corner to corner. F-Bomb reverses but runs smack into RINO’s elbow. Blue Dog D hops on the top turnbuckle and springboards. F-Bomb gets clear. Blue Dog D lands on his feet and runs into a N-Bomb clothesline. They brawl out of the ring. RINO looks to tag out but Blue Dog D is not at home. F-Bomb then attacks- F-Bomb to RINO and immediate cover…one…two…power out by RINO.

Johnny Suave: And here’s where RINO and Blue Dog D aren’t on the same page. Blue Dog D tried to help him out but in doing so, he’s out of position when RINO- who’s clearly tiring- needs to tag out.

Colleen Crowder: This is mildly entertaining. Not as entertaining or relevant as the Blue Brand show…but entertaining.

Johnny Suave: You’re going to be really pissed if Yosemite Samantha ends up winning the Women’s Title of the Political Universe.

Colleen Crowder: I will leave the country if that actually happens.

Johnny Suave: If that happens, I have what you just said on tape.

RINO finally tags out and it’s Blue Dog D back in. N-Bomb back in for F-Bomb.   Blue Dog D gets the jump with kicks and a drop toehold. He drop elbows on N-Bomb. Blue Dog D connects with a dropkick. Cover…one…two…N-Bomb gets the shoulder up. Blue Dog D drags N-Bomb up. Body shots. N-Bomb whipped into the corner. He walks out and into a dropkick. Blue Dog D covers…one…N-Bomb kicks out. Blue Dog D goes to whips N-Bomb again…this time, N-Bomb blocks and tries to go around him. Blue Dog D blocks. They go around and around, and it’s N-Bomb who finally succeeds. Package roll up. One…two…Blue Dog D kicks out. N-Bomb turns and sticks his butt in his face. Blue Dog D uses both feet to push N-Bomb across the ring.

Colleen Crowder: Dammit, I was about to dive under the table.

Johnny Suave: N-Bomb was going to try to hit his finisher- Silent But Deadly but Blue Dog D had it well scouted and pushed him away.

Suave notes it’s commercial break time and the finale of the match will come after these messages.

========================

**COMMERCIAL BREAK**

PCW RANKINGS

PCW Title Champion: The One Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism #1 Contender: ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott Contenders ‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan (Les Miserables) ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson (SEC) ‘The Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan

PCW Women’s Title Champion: Yosemite Samantha #1 Contender: ‘Queen of the Trailer Park’ Lani Harlot Contenders ‘Former Hooter’s Waitress’ C.J. Lewis ‘Queen Cool’ Leah Iris Ninja Kitty

PCW Tag Team Title Champion: Island of Misfit Wrestlers: Rah and Halitosis #1 Contender: The Dork Dynasty: Leonard and Sheldon Robertson Contenders The Sports Entertainment Coalition: ‘Dastardly’ Dave Miller and ‘Dangerous’ Dan Williams Truckin’ Average Company: Ken Worth-American Trucker and Brad Company Rough Justice: D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice

PCW Television Title Champion: Jack Fraiser #1 Contender: SNAFU Contenders Big Oil (Jill Berg Enterprises) Average Joe Ultratron-Five ‘The New Age Cybertronic Criminally Insane Rogue Sentient Robot Wrestling Machine’

========================

PCW ON THE ROAD March 22nd – Silverstein Eye Centers Arena / Independence, MO March 23rd – Qwest Center Omaha / Omaha, NE March 24th – Sanford Pentagon / Sioux Falls, SD March 30th – Taft Coliseum / Columbus, OH March 31st – Mayo Civic Center / Rochester, MN April 6th – Loose Cannons Unleashed PPV @ the D.C. Armory / Washington, D.C. April 12th – Buccaneer Arena / Urbandale, IA April 13th – McLeod Center / Cedar Rapids, IA April 14th – McElroy Auditorium / Waterloo, IA April 19th – Owensboro Sportscenter / Owensburo, KY April 20th – SIU Arena / Carbondale, IL April 21st – Gibson Arena / Rolla, MO

========================

MATCH (continued) Suave says we are back.

…N-Bomb kicks away at RINO. RINO grabs and spins N-Bomb around. N-Bomb blocks the first belly to back suplex but not the second. N-Bomb lands on his feet though but Blue Dog D pushes N-Bomb into RINO and he atomic drops him. F-Bomb in. He shoves Blue Dog D forward and N-Bomb alertly nails him flush with a mule kick. RINO vertical suplexes F-Bomb. Cover but the referee correctly notes F-Bomb isn’t the legal man in the ring. N-Bomb jumps on RINO’s back and slaps on the sleeper. RENO throws N-Bomb up and over his head but then Ensen DeAiry Bomb (I-Bomb) slips in and low blows RINO. F-Bomb drops an F-Bomb on RINO. Blue Dog D back in and he goes after F-Bomb and I-Bomb. RINO drags himself up to all four. N-Bomb turns and sticks his butt out.

Colleen Crowder: HOLY *BLEEP*! DIVE!

Time suddenly stands still. RINO’s eye widen and then start to water. His arms and legs give out and he collapses to the mat.

Johnny Suave: SILENT BUT DEADLY!

N-Bomb on the cover…one…two…THREE!

*DING-DING-DING*

WINNER: Weapons of Mass Destruction II (Frank Bomb and Newt Tron Bomb) @ 6:10

The Bombs celebrate in the middle of the ring.

Johnny Suave: Frank Bomb and Newt Tron Bomb pick up their first PCW win here on Extreme Political TV.   I thought that RINO and Blue Dog D worked together pretty well but clearly, they were not on the same page at critical junctures in the match.

…

Silence.

…

Johnny Suave: Colleen?

Colleen Crowder (from under the table): Is it safe to come out yet?

BACKSTAGE Paige McGillicutty has the challenger in tonight’s PCW Title match- ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott.

Paige asks him about the match tonight.

Scott says he knows Chism well. Chism knows Scott well. Chism used to have the intangible advantage over him when he affiliated himself with the Hollywood crowd. Chism had the stroke of big Hollywood behind him and the muscle of the Hollywood crowd backing him to make sure he didn’t fail.

Kevin Scott: He doesn’t have that anymore. And I think I can beat him.

Paige asks about his (Scott’s) legacy.

Scott recalls when he started in PCW in 2007, he was the ‘Original Rookie Sensation’ Starz N. Stripes, wrestling in some high school gyms, wrestling in other smaller venues. In 2008, he won the title by defeating O’Beck Bahama and Halitosis. He held the title until Bahama defeated him at Extreme Election Night 2008 in what at the time was considered the greatest match in PCW history. He remembers that his second run with the PCW belt as Kevin Scott wasn’t as memorable.

Johnny Suave (v/o): Right. Scott defeated Towel Boy to win the title and then lost it just over a month later to Yamamoto Tanaka…who himself would eventually become a four-time PCW Champion.

Kevin Scott: But tonight, a win over the ‘One Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism would make me a three-time champion. Not quite the pinnacle. But not bad either.

Paige thanks Scott and sends it back to Suave.

Johnny Suave: All right Paige. About two weeks ago, Christa Carmondy of the American Patriots defeated PCW legend ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin to become the new Women’s Champion of the Political Universe. In three weeks, she faces the Progressive Alliance’s Sheline Carrigan in her first title defense. Tonight she is here and in the ring. Christa?

CHRISTA CARMONDY PROMO Christa Carmondy is in the ring.

Christa Carmondy AGE: 29 /HT: 5′ 9″ WT: 150 /  HOME: St. Louis, MO FIN: Mean Girl Crush

Christa Carmondy: Ladies and gentlemen. My name is Christa Carmondy and I am the Women’s Champion of the Political Universe

Christa talks about being so close before she finally won a major title. What was going through her mind on the Red Brand’s Politico is War show?

Christa Carmondy: Honestly? I saw Tessa switch off for that split second and knew what I had to do. It was just a gut reaction on my part. The rest of it is just a blur. All I remember was sitting in that ring and realizing what I’d just done.

Christa notes she’s knocked on that door so many times in the past only to be denied. She says she learned the most from Tessa Martin. Tessa held herself down here in PCW over the years in a way a true champion should hold herself. She took on all comers and never left anything in the ring. One hundred percent effort night in and night out. Take nothing away from Tessa Martin, she is a great wrestler and I wish her the best in her future now that she’s retired.

Christa Carmondy: I want to thank a few people. First, the fans. Second, my older brother Jason Carmondy for never letting me take a shortcut for anything. You never just let me have my way. You made me earn everything and for that, I am greatly appreciative.

Christa raises up the Political Universe Women’s title belt.

Christa Carmondy: I promise you all this. I will do everything in my power to bring honor to this belt. And I will give my best to anyone who steps into the ring with me. Thank you.

The crowd stands and applauds.

Cut back to Suave and Crowder.

Johnny Suave: Christa Carmondy with some positive and uplifting words to the PCW faithful.

Colleen Crowder: It’s just empty rhetoric Johnny. I mean, she thanked her brother? Really? What is she going to do to further the women’s agenda now that she’s the ‘champion?’ She’s with the American Patriots.   A better choice for the Women’s Champion of the Political Universe would have been someone from the Progressive Alliance. Someone with a better ear to the women’s movement and their agenda. And hopefully that happens at Loose Cannons Unleashed when ‘Canadian Cyborg’ Sheline Carrigan relieves Christa of the title.

Johnny Suave: Thank you for reading your narrative. Paige has our PCW Women’s Champion Yosemite Samantha with her backstage.

YOSEMITE SAMANTHA APPEARS TO GIVE HER 2 CENTS Paige has a very agitated PCW Women’s Yosemite Samantha with her now and she’s got a few things to say about the state of the Political Universe’s Women’s division.

Yosemite Samantha is hopping mad about what went down last night at the Blue Brand show. She considers it a clear sign that the Establishment is doing everything possible to screw her, and PCW, out of the Women’s Political Universe title.

REPLAY: Blue Brand House Show- Sacramento, CA Yosemite Samantha vs. ‘Canadian Cyborg’ Sheline Carrigan

Yosemite Samantha has Carrigan’s shoulder pinned down. But the Blue Brand referee takes an inordinate amount of time to walk over and start the three count. By the time he does, Carrigan has recovered enough to power out.

…

Again, YS has Carrigan pinned. Again, the referee is extremely slow to respond. Again, Carrigan kicks out after receiving ‘extra’ time to regain her bearings.

…

Carrigan hits the Canadian Destroyer on Yosemite Samantha. She covers. The Blue Brand referee literally runs to the spot and quickly does the three count.

…

Post match, Miley Vyrus, ‘Pop Songstress’ Taylor Switt, Peta From PETA, Codee Pink, Emily S. List, and the foul mouthed sidekick from the Young Jerks, Anna came out and attacked Yosemite Samantha.

Yosemite Samantha: Do you think I’m going to sit back and let Carrigan cut the line? Hell no! Do you think I’m going to sit back and let the Progressive Alliance get away with attacking me while they refused to allow the Hanson Sisters into their arena? Hell No! No more Ms. Nice Girl. The Establishment brought the army in to prevent her from getting her shot at the Political Universe’s Women’s champion?

Andrea, Melissa, and Charissa Hanson aka…The Hanson Sisters…come out dressed in their retro Charlestown Chief hockey uniforms and armed with hockey sticks.

Yosemite Samantha: I’ve got an army of my own and I ain’t goin’ down without a fight.

Paige wraps up and sends it back to Thunderbolt and Hall.

Johnny Suave: Main Event coming up and it is a PCW Title match! We’ll be back right after this.

========================

**COMMERCIAL BREAK**

A package of Skank Mitchell’s Awesomely Awesome Beef Jerky is superimposed in the middle of the picture with a shot of a lake surrounded by trees in the background.

Announcer: Skank Mitchell’s Awesomely Awesome Beef Jerky presents *BLEEP*-ing with McGill.

Scene: Four college students- two male, two female are enjoying a day at the lake. They’ve just come out of the water and are toweling off.

Boy #1: The water’s great, bro.

Girl #1: It was so fun.”

Boy #2: It was awesome.

They see a figure wander in and it gets everyone’s attention.

It’s Dawn McGill out for a morning run. Dressed in running shorts and a tank top, she stops at the lake’s edge to splash some water on her face.

The four college students watch. A girl with reddish hair snacks on some Skank Mitchell’s Awesomely Awesome Beef Jerky. She suddenly gets an idea and devilishly grins. She looks at the yellow towel on the tall boy standing next to her and gives him the ‘look.’

The boy gets the gist of it and puts his finger to his lips to shush the others. Then he sneaks down and rolls up the wet towel. The other three titter and snicker while waiting in great anticipation as he sneaks up behind Dawn. The boy pauses, sets himself, and snaps her in the rear with the wet towel.

Dawn McGill (laconically): Seriously?

The boy turns back to the others and they all get a big laugh out of it. Well, at least until McGill kicks him in the groin from behind.

Girl #1: Oh?

Then McGill spins him around, puts his head between her legs, lifts, and McGill-Bombs him to the ground.

The other three students look on in shock and McGill stares right at them and simply says…

Dawn McGill: Boo.

*Mass screaming and hysteria*

The three students trip all over themselves trying to run away.

Final scene: a package of Skank Mitchell’s Awesomely Awesome Beef Jerky superimposed over the college student writhing in pain on the ground after being McGill-Bombed.

Announcer: Skank Mitchell’s Awesomely Awesome Beef Jerky. Feed your irrationally foolish side.

========================

PCW ON THE ROAD March 22nd – Silverstein Eye Centers Arena / Independence, MO March 23rd – Qwest Center Omaha / Omaha, NE March 24th – Sanford Pentagon / Sioux Falls, SD March 30th – Taft Coliseum / Columbus, OH March 31st – Mayo Civic Center / Rochester, MN April 6th – Loose Cannons Unleashed PPV @ the D.C. Armory / Washington, D.C. April 12th – Buccaneer Arena / Urbandale, IA April 13th – McLeod Center / Cedar Rapids, IA April 14th – McElroy Auditorium / Waterloo, IA April 19th – Owensboro Sportscenter / Owensburo, KY April 20th – SIU Arena / Carbondale, IL April 21st – Gibson Arena / Rolla, MO

========================

Cut back to Suave and Crowder at the broadcast desk.

Johnny Suave: We are just minutes away from our main event.   But-…hold on.

Suave announces there’s a bit of a disturbance in the Les Miserables section.

Colleen Crowder: Well of course there is. Think about who’s sitting there?

Johnny Suave: The last time I checked, Nicholas Tarkowski was also sitting there.

Colleen Crowder: Oh.

Then she gets it.

Colleen Crowder: OHHHHHHHH!

Colleen pulls her phone out and frantically dials.

LES MISERABLES VS. THE COUNTRY CLUB SET The American Patriots/Never Trumpers/country club set (Bill Kristol. Charlie Sykes. Jonah Goldberg. David French. Tom Nichols. David Reaboi. Jennifer Rubin. David Brooks. Mitt Romney (UT-American Patriots)) are seated next to the Les Miserables section again sipping their cognac and looking down at their neighbors.

PCW owner Dawn McGill is engaged what appears to be a relatively heated conversation with Bill Kristol.

Bill Kristol: These ‘deplorable people’ do not belong in these seats. Do you see people like them (points to ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay and the others sitting in the front row) sitting in the best seats at sporting events? Hell no. It’s bad enough that these people are responsible for Donald Trump becoming the CEO of the Political Universe. But the fact you keep catering to his mob is…well…deplorable.

McGill wants to know what the problem is tonight.

Bill Kristol: These ‘people’ simply do not belong.

He points over to the Les Miserables.

Dawn McGill: Besides that.

Conservative Inc.’s Steve ‘The Elk’ Elkins walks in.

Elkins complains about the lack of special dispensation for VIPs. He tells McGill she needs to stop pandering to people who don’t deserve to be treated like VIPs and to learn how properly take care of the needs of her affluent clientele.

Steve ‘The Elk’ Elkins: Let me explain it to you in words even you can actually understand.

McGill’s hands ball up.

Steve ‘The Elk’ Elkins: These rubes over there are bad for business. Sure, the American Patriots want their support and things are good when the masses stay in their lane, march in step with us, and deliver us the support we need but otherwise keep out of the way of our agenda. We were perfectly happy with “moral victories” against the Progressive Alliance because it, for a long time, presented the illusion that we were actually “fighting” back. But as long as my brokerage account has over $200 million in it, I’m good. And so is Conservative Inc.

Elkins leers at McGill.

Steve ‘The Elk’ Elkins: So darling, how about you go make those changes and while you’re at it bring me back a beer sweetheart.

Dawn stares over her ‘imaginary glasses’ at Elkins. The crowd revs up.

Johnny Suave (v/o): Whoa.

McGill spreads her arms and eggs the crowd on.

Crowd: DAWN’S GOING TO KILL YOU (clap…clap…clap-clap-clap)

Colleen Crowder (v/o): Okay. I’m never on Dawn McGill’s side. But I’d be okay if she killed him.

Steve ‘The Elk’ Elkins: Well? Where’s my….

McGill decides not to kill him.

Steve ‘The Elk’ Elkins: …YYYYYYYYYYYEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP! TESTICULAR CLAW!

Instead, McGill decides to kill his testicles by squeezing the holy hell out of them. Elkins does the whole exaggerated ‘pee-pee’ dance with his legs high stepping back and forth.

Elkins’s face turns red. Then blue.

McGill rears back and pops him with a right hand that sends Elkins tumbling down to the floor.

Cut back to Suave and Crowder.

Johnny Suave: Actually, what probably pisses them off most is how they’ve been exposed the frauds they are. Their phony-baloney livelihoods, built always on the foundation of lies and deceit, are now in actual jeopardy. This was not supposed to happen. They’re pissed off at Trump because he’s doing exactly what he said he was going to do.

Colleen Crowder: That’s the problem. PCW would be a lot better if everyone simply followed our narratives and thought the same way we did.

Suave takes a deep breath.

Johnny Suave: Kimber Marshall? Let’s get this main event under way.

MAIN EVENT/PCW TITLE MATCH: ‘The One Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism © vs. ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott Kimber is in the middle of the ring.

Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen! Our main event tonight is a one fall…

Crowd: ONE fall!

Kimber Marshall: …and it is for the PCW Title! Introducing the challenger…

*’Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue”- Toby Keith*

‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott – former 2 time PCW Champion and PCW Television Champion (as Starz N. Stripes). PCW’s Original ‘Rookie Sensation.’ HT: 6′ 3″ WT: 250, HOME: Ottumwa, IA FIN: American Stars and Fujiawa Arm Bar

Scott comes out in his red, white, and blue trunks.

Kimber Marshall: And his opponent…he is the PCW Champion!

*‘No Smoke Without a Fire’ – Bad Company*

‘The One Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism –2 time PCW Champion and 2 time PCW Television Champion HT: 6′ 2″ WT: 225 / HOME: Hollywood, CA FIN:  Anti-Hollywood Blockbuster

Chism comes out with the PCW title slung over his shoulder.

Johnny Suave: Kevin Scott. Stone Chism. PCW Title. This is going to be a good one.

Colleen Crowder: Sorry. I have a call I have to take.

*DING-DING*

1st MINUTE Scott and Chism quickly tie up and jockey for position. Scott pushes Chism to ropes. Chism pushes back but Scott grabs him to put on the ropes. Chism backs off but lets fly a right. Scott ducks the sucker punch and takes a headlock. Chism pulls hair to power out. Scott and Chism collide but neither falls. Chism taunts Scott and goads him into trying again. Scott falls for it. Both men collide again. Both men do not fall.

2nd MINUTE Scott chops Chism. A second chop. Whip into the ropes. Chism dodges on the return and speeds up to run Scott over! Scott back up. Chism dropkicks Scott back down! Scott bails.

Johnny Suave: Stone Chism gets the better of that exchange. Kevin Scott decides to take a break.

Scott walks around the corner and climbs up on the ring apron. He slides back in but gets another dropkick. Chism slingshots off the ropes and takes Scott down.

Johnny Suave: Chism for the win!

3rd MINUTE Cover…one…two…Scott gets the shoulder up. Fans cheer Chism as he drags Scott up. Chism whips Scott hard into the corner turnbuckle. Chism throws haymakers. Boot to the gut. Chism ducks under a wild right. Chism steps in…wraps his arms around Scott…and belly to belly suplexes him. Chism goes to pull Scott back up.

Deep State Deep State 1 HT: 6′ 2″ WT: 246 / HOME: Washington, D.C. FIN: Deep Valley Driver Deep State 2 HT: 6′ 3 WT: 266 / HOME: Washington, D.C. FIN: Deep Valley Driver SUB GROUP: The Antifa

Green World Order Valet: Peta from PETA HT: 5’ 8” WT: 123 / HOME: Los Angeles, CA GreenPete HT: 5′ 11″ WT: 195 / HOME: Los Angeles, CA FIN: Harpoon (modified spear or gore) ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee HT: 6′ 3″ WT: 192 / HOME: New York City, NY FIN: The Juicer PeaceNick– HT: 5′ 10″ WT: 180 / HOME: Bremerton, WA FIN: Choroform SUBGROUP: Union Jack Taylor, NPC, Ultimate Social Justice Warrior, Codee Pink, and Emily S. List

The Young Jerks MGR: Anna- the foul-mouthed sidekick Zenk Cryger HT: 5’ 11” WT: 270 / HOME: Los Angeles, CA James Idahola HT: 6’ 0” WT: 200 / HOME: San Francisco, CA

Johnny Suave: IT’S PROFESSOR McCARTHY AND HIS FLOCK!

Deep State 1 and 2 hit a double-team Deep Valley Driver on Chism.

GreenPete holds Scott up. ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee hits his finisher ‘The Juicer’ on the American Citizen.

The GWO lays the boots to Scott. The Deep State and the Antifa do the same to Chism.

Johnny Suave: It’s a fourteen on two beatdown on Chism and Scott!

The crowd roars.

Johnny Suave: AND THE ODDS ARE ABOUT TO GET A LITTLE MORE EVEN!

The run-ins begin.  First…

The Island of Misfit Wrestlers MGR: Regina McGill AGE: 29 / HT: 5′ 7″ WT: 136 / HOME: Kalamazoo, MI FIN: Pepsi Plunge ‘The Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis HT: 5’8, WT: 170 / HOME: Chattanooga, TN FIN: Breath of Death Rah!: The Sunshine God – motivational speaker by day. Pseudo deity complete with eclectic entourage by night. HT: 6’-8” WT: 295 / HOME: San Diego, CA / FIN: Eye of RAHHHHHHH! (Jackknife Powerbomb) Rah’s Followers: Happy Mango, Bob Nye-Foot Fetish Guy, The BeachBronze Suntan Bikini Girls

Johnny Suave: IT’S RAH AND HALITOSIS!

The PCW Tag Team Champions race down to the ring.  Next down…

Jack Fraiser HT: 6”3” WT: 205 / HOME: Saskatoon, Saskatchewan FIN: Canadian National Railaway Valet: ‘Oootlander Blaire Rendell

Johnny Suave: AND JACK FRAISER!

Next…

Les Miserables MGR: Bert the Janitor ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay HT: 6’ 3” WT: 215 HOME: Fort Stockton, TX / FIN: McGill Bomb MUSIC: ‘Do You Hear the People Sing?’- Les Miserables Valets: West Texas Adult Entertainment Legends Dark and Stormy William Daniels Bryan– ‘The Prairie Populist’ -3 time PCW Champion. Former PCW Television Champion HT: 5’10″ WT: 180, HOME: Platte, Nebraska / FIN: Cattle Mutilation/Crane Kick SUBGROUP: General DeBauchery, Al Cahall, Nic Koteen

Johnny Suave: AND RAY McAVAY AND WILLIAM DANIELS BRYAN! AND YOU KNOW WDB WANTS TO GET HIS HANDS ON THE ANTIFA AND THE DEEP STATE WHO BROKE HIS LEG IN OCTOBER.

Bryan begins to Crane Kick every member of Professor McCarthy’s Flock in sight.

Johnny Suave: THAT’S ALL FOR THIS WEEK. WE WILL SEE YOU NEXT TIME!

[‘Trumpet Concerto No. 2 in D major – 3 Allegro assai’ begins to play in the background and P-SPAN quickly cuts away to another political event.]