#sense of humor whacked up

[solanaceae-piperita]

I'm HOWLINGHSDFJNSDF

SHE THREW A DAMN BOWLING BALL

INTO THE AIR

A WHOLEASS BOWLING BALL PLSJDFHDN

[hoe4sports]

“Take my heart, dont break it”

Alexia Putellas x reader

A/N: You voted and picked Alexia. This is a series based on Myles Smith song called stargazing. No triggers. P2 here.

The fresh Barcelonian air was flowing into your hotelroom as you found yourself sat in the frame of the window m next to one of your teammates, Alexia Putellas. You were both sitting together in silence with your eyes closed soaking up the morning bliss. The sun was slowly waking up as the gentle rays felt like a warm cup of cocoa in December by the fireplace with a book and a blanket. Not too warm, not too cold. You were taking in all the fresh salty air you could possibly fit into your lungs before exhaling through your mouth. It felt blissful, peaceful; like a morning mindfulness class. You could smell the gentle strawberry scent from the tea Alexia had made you when you got up in time for sunrise. You and Alexia had known each other forever. You grew up with her and Alba next door and you had religiously played football with Alexia for your whole life. You did it all together: High school, college, Barcelona and the national team. You sat together on buses and flights. Even though she was entitled to her own hotel room as captain; she still wanted to partner up with you.

“Can I interrupt your peace?” Alexia asked as you opened up your eye to see her still in the same relaxed position with her eyes closed. “If you must” you said as you giggled. Alexia sighted. “No, no, go ahead big al” you corrected as you looked out on the beach below the hotel.

“I’ve been having some issue with Olga; she seems spaced out. She’s there, but she isn’t really there. It’s strange, I don’t really understand and she keeps insisting that everything is all good. I dont honestly know what to do.”

You could sense the tension in the room as the Catalan poured her heart out to you. It was like thunder from a crystal blue sky. They seemingly had the picture perfect relationship. Amazing vacations. Nice cars. Fancy dinners.

“It’s just, I know it’s selfish but I can’t stop my mind from wondering if she is cheating on me. She’s always on her phone, and she deleted her location off of the life360 app.”

You spent a second figuring out what words Alexia wanted to hear and what she needed to hear. It was clear as day that you needed to knock some common sense into her. Who would cheat on one of the hottest women in the world of football? Nobody could ever be able to commit to adultery without anyone taking notice of their famous girlfriend.

“Ai, Ale. Do you want me to tell you what you want to hear or what you need to hear? Pick your poison capitana.”

You looked over at her. She was still sitting in the sun in the window while taking on the fresh air. Her chest rhythmically rising. Her brown eyes were still closed and her blonde hair was up in the messiest Lucy Bronze style bun you could imagine making the sight of her almost wanting you to giggle.

“Hm, buena pregunta…Tell me what I need to hear.” Alexia said softly as she opened up her eyes to look at you showing off her worried grin. Her body language changed. Like she was getting ready for a fight.

“Estúpida, Olga loves you! She adores you. She practically worships the ground you walk on. You need to talk to your girlfriend, and you need to tell her what you told me.” You finished as you looked at her with an attitude.

Later that day at practice, you were doing drills with Claudia. It was evidently warmer now, and you had popped off your shirt to avoid getting overly warm. You kept passing the ball at the right time in the right height to help Claudia with her first touches. It was always fun working with Claudia. Her humor was incredible and if her humor didn’t do the job; her infections laugh would. As you passed the last ball to Claudia, she ended up whacking the ball senseless and the ball went flying into the open field. It caused you to laugh hysterically as Claudia flopped down on the grass. Claudia was a vibe; you got along so well and she’d been like your little sister.

The next practice begun at the gym, and it was individual programs. You, Alexia, Claudia and Ingrid has the same program for the day meaning that you partnered up together. You noticed that Alexia seemed distracted. At first, she had placed the weights in the bench press without securing them causing them to go flying off the pole. The next situation was when she tried filling her waterbottle from the water cooler and she overfilled in for a good 10 seconds before she caught the little spill. The last situation was when Claudia was doing squats and Alexia was supposed to be spotting her right side as you spotted the left. The weights were a little heavier than what Claudia normally lifted so you expected her to need assistance. After four lifts, Claudia went for the fifth and it caused her to fail. You grabbed the pole from the left side as the younger girls hands were wobbly violently to hold up the other side of the pole. Alexia didn’t caught on. “Alexia” No answer. “Alexia for fucks sake, help!” You yelled causing Ingrid to shove her away to help you with the spotting.

In the warderobe that afternoon after everyone left, you decided to stay behind and talk to Alexia again. Alexia liked taking her time in the shower so it wasn’t uncommon for her to be the last woman standing. You approached her as she stepped out of the shower with only a towel wrapped around her lower half leaving her chest open.

“Ale, you have been distant. You could’ve caused an injury. What’s going on?” You crossed your arms as you stood in front of her with a stern look on your face. The feeling you had wasn’t something you could shook away easily. You just couldn’t act in situations that maybe had happened. That wouldn’t be fair to Olga or Alexia.

“Ai, Y/N, it’s just hard. I’m in my head and Olga is too busy to talk. I cannot shook the feeling I’m having in my gut. But I need to trust Olga, right?”

You nodded. Olga hadn’t done anything that wouldn’t give her chance to explain herself. For all Alexia knew, this was all just a big misunderstanding.

Olga was amazing, you knew her from before her and Alexia started dating, and they were perfect for each other. Olga was always so perfect, almost to the point where it annoyed you. Olga was picture perfect and rarely looked out of line or did Alexia wrong. Alexia’s observations were however not unlikely. A few weeks ago you went to a new restaurant with Claudia, and you could’ve sworn you saw Olga with another woman. You couldn’t be sure though because you had excused yourself to the bathroom to get a better look, but when you got out of the bathroom; The mystery woman was out of sight. Quite frankly, she had also been out of mind.

That was until now however, but it couldn’t have been Olga. Olga was sweet, genuine and had a heart of gold. You couldn’t wrap your mind around what Alexia had said, but you could also not tell her that you might saw Olga. You were having an internalised conflict of trying to decided whenever to tell her or not. You didn’t want to seem pushy and like you didn’t like Olga, but you didn’t want Alexia’s heart to break either.

At least, that was the lie you continued to tell yourself.

[wield-the-mighty-pen]

Marinette poll

Adrien poll

[rallentando1011]

Rise Donnie x Plus Sized/Curvy gn Reader Ideas

Content: brief mention of insecurity in oneself, cuddles, intentionally bad flirting, cute fluff

Word Count: 1026

As a man of science and just an overall sensible, thoughtful person, he acknowledges that attraction obviously goes far beyond anything material

Personality, sense of humor, how well the participants click with each other being just a few of the numerous qualifications

However, having established that fact, that was not to say physique was completely nongermane from the topic of attraction

No, certainly not

Physical appearance is the cover of the book; while the best material is inside of the novel, and you shan’t judge a book by its outside, an enticing cover can definitely be admired and appreciated

Especially when that cover has curves like yours

Not to be crass in any regard, but the first thing he gawked at respectfully observed when meeting you was your stunning physicality overall

Your comely smile, your confident stature, those hips, your nice posture, stuff like that

(but seriously he was drinking in your movie star-like looks so adamantly that Mikey had to wave a hand in front of his face, Raph had to yell, and Leo had to bonk him on the head before he was back on this plane of reality)

(Leo was whacked right back, but that’s beside the point)

The point was, by Humboldt, he was not prepared for the Reuleaux triangle that was your waist

Eventually, after seeing you a few times, he managed to externally contain how whipped he was (because, in all honesty, he still admires you and your looks)

However, getting to indulge in learning your personality, reading into you, definitely beats the already auspicious initial impression he had of you

Oh, Galileo, you have a nice demeanor and genuinely enjoyable character?

Yes, please sign him up

Once you two are together, certainly expect him to randomly say the nicest compliments ever, how cool you are, how enjoyable your company is, how much he appreciates you

No prompting, no build up, just the softest, gushiest comments out of the blue

Just sharing the thoughts as they come to mind

He’s definitely the type to drop the worst pick up lines/puns to ever exist, sardonically, of course

But you parry that blade right back

Once while he was tinkering in his lab with you sitting beside him, he abruptly asked if you were Copper and Tellurium

You were puzzled until you pieced together the chemical symbols of those elements respectively - CuTe. That one was bad

You deadpanned before grinning mischievously back at him, asking if he was from Tennessee

Puzzled, he stuttered for a moment before you interjected with “Because you’re the only ten-I-see”

Both of you physically tensed as you said the line, but the awkwardness quickly dissolved into laughter and the exchange of more similar sayings

It was safe to say the pick up line war that ensued meant not much productivity occurred in the lab that day

On Halloween, absolutely expect to have the crème de la crème of costumes

Whether you two are dressing up together or wearing your own attire

Oh, you’re customizing your costume? Are you talking enamel pins, sewing, 3D printing? Whichever or whatever it is he is SO on board and will absolutely volunteer his assistance

That being said, don’t enlist his help unless you’re prepared for it to get needlessly complex, e.x. possibly some mechanics, so many intricate details

It’ll be a project, but the fun times along the way and the killer final product will be worth it

Trust that during the cold months of the year that cuddles will be abundant (insulation in the sewers of New York City shockingly has quite a steep price, so calling you over is easier)

Movie nights, sitting with an arm slung around you, bundled up with your knees ever so slightly resting on his

Working on blueprints or small tweaks in the lab with you swished beside him on his desk chair (Is it a little cramped? Yes. Would he ignore the slight inconvenience of his workspace and ability being hampered for your company? Also yes.)

Sleepovers and late-night cuddles with your back pressed to his plastron, your legs curled with his practically adhered to the back of yours, his arms wrapped loosely around your abdomen, his thumbs soothingly tapping your sides, his chin tucked onto your shoulder

However, cuddles that thorough would only occur on nights where he’s feeling really lonely or tired, like after a long fight, or a mind-melting project, or if it’s been a long time since you’ve seen each other or shown affection like that

Snuggles outside of that domain normally consisted of laying with your sides pressed to each other and that’s it

Or, another typical means of cuddling, both of you curled up on your sides, facing inward, knees and foreheads gently pressed together as you feel each other’s featherlight breaths, soft reminders that the other’s still there

No matter which way you ended up cuddling in, it never failed to send a wave of warm relaxation crashing peacefully over you

Until he fell asleep

Snoring, drooling, kicking, if you name it, he did it in his slumber

Some nights you would wake up to being shoved unceremoniously off of the bed by an innocently sleeping Donatello

Other nights, instead of pushing you away, he pulled you even tighter to him, wrapping you up in each and every limb

His sleeping habits were not suitable for having a companion at his side

You assumed it was because of his dreams or the temperature or something, but all you knew for sure was that every time you slept beside him was its own unique adventure

If you have insecurities or any self-consciousness, whether it be physical or mental, he just doesn’t understand it at first

How could someone so incredible in his eyes not see themself the same way?

But then he considers his own mentality, his own insecurities and doubts, and comforts you any way you need

Words of affirmation? He’s got you

Hugs? He can manage that

Just need him to be there for you? He will be

Bottom line, whatever your size or build may be, he fully embraces and supports you

[goldeunoias]

Soft.

A/N: FUCKING REPOST BC TUMBLR FLAGGED IT 

this is the only flagged thing i’ve ever gotten and literally it was a chubby reader fic screw thaaaaatttttttt

this is for the kinkiest jay stans out there ngl

@jaylaxies​ I DID IT

pspspspsp please tell me how it is/do you like members being written this way please 🖤

Word Count: 5.1k (of insanity)

Synopsis: Chubby! Reader x Sugar Daddy! Jay

Warnings: ..........idk even how to like describe it uh, public teasing, semi-ish public teasing, dirty talk, daddy dom jay for the win, multiple orgasms, guided masturbation, fem oral, men oral, messy sex, like kinky dirty messy sex yall, um, pet names like cupcake and pumpkin and princess, there’s some...let’s say my imagination ran wild and i couldn’t even finish reading it bc i got flustered at my own self

_______________________________________________

How you guys met....

Even at first glance, you were the absolute cutest.

“Is it just a table for one?” You asked him softly, Jay almost missing the question because he was too busy staring at you.

Jay snapped out of it and shook his head, clearing his throat. “Uh no, I’m expecting a client here soon so for two please,” He remarked, giving you a smile.

You smiled back at him and his heart couldn’t help but sing at how the roundness of your cheeks became accentuated.

Adorable.

Jay spent the next two months visiting the same restaurant at the same time, clinging onto the moments when you’d smile sweetly at him or get bashful and look down at your feet as you led him to his table. He constantly made the excuse that this restaurant was close to his office and clients liked coming here, which was true, but of course, there was more to his motives.

“Table for one today?” you asked him like always. Perhaps on purpose or by accident the button-up blouse you wore was buttoned down lower than usual and he felt like such a pervert but he couldn't help but internally swear at how soft your cleavage looked. To add onto it, you also wore a pencil skirt instead of your normal black slacks and at that point, he would’ve given up his investments just to be between your plush thighs.

As he followed you to his usual table he quickly took a couple of motivating breaths, fidgeting with his hands slightly.

“So, what are you doing after work?” Jay inquired as you led him to his usual table in the back.

You chewed on your cheek in thought as you set down his menu, looking around to make sure your boss wouldn't see you loitering around.

“Probably nothing, maybe watch some trashy television or something,” you shyly giggled, fumbling with your hands as you felt his carob-eyed stare.

“Then, if you would like of course, would you like to go out on a date with me? I promise I won’t take you out to dinner here,” Jay joked, your heart racing as you saw his expensive smile.

Your eyebrows raised in surprise at the remark, mind faltering for a bit.

Jay only chuckled at your silence, fumbling with the edge of the menu.

“You may say no, as long as it’s not the whole I’m not worthy of love and affection or something along those lines,” he joked plainly. His sense of humor was rather dry but it made you giggle nonetheless, playfully whacking him with the spare menu you had.

“I’m not that cliche of a person, though maybe thirteen-year-old me would have said something along those lines. I just well,” you stood up a bit straighter, “I just thought you’d never ask y’know?” you spoke playfully, looking around before leaning down near his face so your coworkers wouldn’t hear any of what you were about to say.

“I mean between you and me, the food isn’t that great for the price you’re paying. Someone coming here routinely to eat is either a. Trying to be sly and smooth and is falling miserably, or b. Is a crazy person for thinking the food is actually worth the price to enjoy so routinely.”

Jay clutched his hand over his heart at the subtle dig you made at him and could already feel his heart swelling with your personality as well as how gorgeous your features looked up close.

“So, can I safely say that this failed attempt to be sly and smooth has won over the girl I’m currently pining for?”

You pouted brightly in feigned thought before smiling and nodding at him, grabbing a sheet of paper and pen from your pockets to write down your number and availability.

“See you around then,” you remarked before smiling and walking off, Jay having to kick himself internally for staring at you walk away a bit too intently.

****************************************************

Present...

****************************************************

He couldn’t touch himself.

He made a promise to you and it would be unfair to break that to you when he asked you of the same. Instead, Jay rested his head against the shower wall with his eyes squeezed shut, trying to think pure thoughts but his mind kept circling back to sticking his member between your chubby thighs and hearing you whimper as he moved in and out of them, or perhaps your plump cheeks filling up as you tried to wrap your mouth around his tip.

He was going crazy and he’d never felt so desperate or horny, not even when he was a teenager going through puberty. He turned the water to cold in the hopes it would bring him back to sanity since you were already fast asleep in his bed, and he’d feel like a complete jackass to wake you up for something like this.

Unfortunately, the cold water wasn’t helping and his heart picked up in speed when he heard you knocking on the door, his absence soon waking you up from your nap.

“Jay? Is everything good? I thought you were just going to the bathroom. Why are you taking a shower at 2 in the afternoon?” you inquired innocently through the door.

His mind went blank because he had no idea what to come up with besides the truth, though he wasn’t sure the truth would be something you’d want to hear.

“I just, um….thought I needed to take one to reset my brain y’know” Jay lied measly, never being the best at this sorta thing.

“I’m coming in you’re being weird,” you told him, opening the door Jay’s heart was pounding in his ears as you saw through the glass door the very prominent erection that was in front of your eyes.

“Oh,” you stated, shifting on your feet awkwardly. “Were you about to…touch yourself?”

The eyes you gave him went straight to his heart as he avidly shook his head, clearing his throat.

“Well, no quite the opposite actually I…well you…. shit, princess you looked so adorable in your sleep shorts and t-shirt it just did something to me, “ Jay awkwardly rambled out, wanting to sink onto the floor.

You nodded and went to the shower door, opening it before getting down on your knees, and shifting back and forth on the bathroom rug.

“Princess you don’t have to-”

“I-I want to. But I don’t know if I will be as good as you want,” you informed him, opening your mouth and softly wrapping your mouth around his tip.

“Shit, wait princess let me sit down first” Jay breathed through gritted teeth, his cheeks getting rosy.

“Then I’ll join you,” you whimpered out gently sitting up on your knees and moving inside the shower with him, clothes still on. As Jay sat down on the bench in the shower he couldn’t help but stroke his member with the fervent drops of precum leaking out: the cool shower water was partially soaking your head and getting onto your shirt as well, the temperature causing your nipples to prod against your shirt more prominently.

Hesitantly you leaned forward and took his tip inside your mouth, saliva already beginning to coat his member in anticipation.

“Fuck princess” Jay groaned deeply, his legs shaking as his eyes fluttered to the back of his head. You watched his reactions to make sure you were doing things right, satisfaction coming over you when his abdomen clenched at the texture of your tongue running along his vein.

“Seongie, look at me” you huffed, slowly licking a long strip on the side of his member to get his attention. At the sensation, Jay couldn’t help but buck into your mouth some, hurried apologies leaving him when he saw your cheeks get full.

“Here princess, hollow your cheeks out some more? Just like that~, good girl~” Jay praised through half-lidded eyes, watching as tears rolled down your plush cheeks. His praise made you want to take more of him in your mouth despite the ache, Jay noticing it and stroking your cheek affectionately.

“Careful cupcake, don’t hurt yourself. Come up for air yeah?” Jay teased, gently pulling you off of him. Your face was disheveled and your breathing was ragged as you licked some of the saliva that coated your lips, a slight whine leaving you when he wouldn’t give you wanted what you wanted.

“More please,” you rasped out, a yelp leaving you when Jay tugged at your nipple.

“More?”

You nodded.

“More what?” he teased, flicking your nipple with his index finger. Your breath hitched and you shifted as you felt drops start to collect in your underwear, feeling bashful all of a sudden.  

“Princess, can you do something for me?”

“I-it depends on what it is,” you countered, biting down on your lip when Jay gestured for you to sit between his legs with your back against his chest, Jay’s hands massaging your inner thighs.

“Can I touch you pumpkin?”

You nodded and Jay tsked, his breath tickling your ear as his hand found its way between your legs.

“Daddy likes it when his princess uses his words, mmkay?”

The sound of his voice made you squirm and you couldn’t help but clench around nothing from the sound, rushing out a timid “yes daddy”. You felt bashful at your own mouth saying the words, watching as Jay reached for the shower head and turned the water to something warmer, one of his hands holding one of your thighs open.

“How does this feel?” Jay questioned gently, tilting the shower head so a stream of water was hitting your puffy clit. Even through your shorts and underwear, the sensation made your toes curl, a choked groan leaving your mouth as he clicked the setting to something harsher.

“It feels weird-oh god,” you whimpered out, eyes closing shut at the fluttering sensation.

“I wonder how sensitive your chest is princess, shall we find out?” he quipped with a smirk, moving the shower head so streams of water pressed lightly against a pert nipple. Your body felt hot at how much whining you were doing at such simple feelings, your moans getting caught in the back of your throat as an effort to suppress them.

It only made Jay tsk in “disappointment” at your attempt to hide your sounds from him, giving you the shower head in one of your hands.

“Aw princess, you know I told you not to be so shy around me~”

You could only whine in reply, having a feeling where this was going.

Jay hummed and guided your hand so the water was pressing against your clit once more, Jay using his other hand to wrap around your free hand and guide it to your chest.

“Look at how turned on you are princess, your nipples are just begging to be teased,” he whispered in your ear, guiding your hand so that you rolled the hardened bud between your fingers. Your jaw went slack and the back of your head dug into Jay’s shoulder, Jay using your other hand to press the water even closer to your clit.

“Daddy Iwantmore,” you gasped out, writhing as you felt such delicate but intense sensations.

Jay chuckled and kissed your temple, turning off the shower water while one of his hands guided yours into your shorts and past your underwear. “Such a good girl princess using your words for me,” he praised softly against your ear, grinning against it when your breath stuttered when you felt your slippery arousal.

“Have you ever fingered yourself pumpkin?”

You shook your head and stuttered out a “no”, squirming against his back when he slid both yours and his inside. Jay had to hold onto your waist to keep you from squirming around too much as his and your index fingers pushed passed your walls, the lewd sounds from your core echoing against the shower wall.

“Mm, aren’t you just the cutest? Here let daddy help you, yeah?” He cooed softly, pushing his and your finger inside until you both felt the spongy part of your walls. “You feel this princess? If you press against it, like this,” your breath caught in your throat as he did so, “it feels really good doesn’t it sweetheart?”

“Yes but i-it feels weird,” you couldn’t help but note, your eyes fluttering as he slid another one of his digits in. He guided his and your hand so the movements inside your core were languid, your toes curling every time your fingers pressed against your spongy walls.

“Raise your shirt up f’me princess, so I can see those pretty nipples of yours.”

His blunt way of dirty talk instinctively made you clench around now just his fingers as you used both of yours to roll your shirt up, shivering as the cool air made contact with them.

“Play with them, show me how you make yourself feel good,” he purred gently in your ear, his thumb rubbing over your clit gently as a means to convince you.

You gulped but massaged your breasts softly, whimpering when you tugged at one of your hardened nipples then switching to rolling the tender bud between your fingers. Jay couldn’t help but grin since with every ministration you gave yourself he could feel you clench down on his fingers like a vice, the lewd sounds echoing against the shower walls as you soaked his digits.

“What am I gonna do with you princess, you’ve already soaked my hand from a little foreplay,” he teased, speeding up his fingers as drops of essence ran down his hands. He suddenly stopped much to your displeasure and chuckled when he held his fingers in front of your face, sticky white-tinted droplets running down his fingers.

“Not only that, but you’re fucking creaming yourself as well. Have you ever done that before sweetheart?” He inquired as he sucked the digits, groaning at the taste. You shook your head and he smirked as he held his middle finger to your lips, exploring your mouth with the digit as you tasted yourself.

“You can be messier than that. Add more saliva,” he commanded with gentleness to his voice, using his free hand to tug at the other nipple you didn’t get to. You groaned against the digit and did as he instructed and let the droplets of saliva gathering in your cheeks run free and drip down his hand and some onto your chest.

“Good girl~, the more saliva the less your mouth won’t blister when you take me in your mouth,” he informed, gesturing for you to get back on your knees for him. You eagerly did, your body buzzing with excitement and lust as you were face-to-face with his member.

“Are your knees okay on the shower floor princess?” Jay inquired tenderly as he stroked your plump cheek, finding the way you puffed them up in thought adorable.

“Mhmm, it’s okay it doesn’t bother me,” you soothed him, sticking your saliva-coated tongue out as an obvious hint for him to give you what you wanted.

“Tap my thigh three times if it becomes too much for you,” he reminded you as you took the whole tip in your mouth, humming contentedly. The deep groan he let out against the shower walls was more than enough motivation as you tried to relax your throat to take more of him, Jay’s hands coming on either side of your face to stroke the tears forming in the corners of your eyes. You could tell when he was looking fully at you and when he wasn’t because every time he did so you’d feel him twitch in your mouth, hollowing out your cheeks so the saliva trapped in pockets could coat his member as well.

Jay bit down on his upper lip and rested his head against the shower wall to keep his composure, his thighs shaking and abdomen clenching being a glorious site to you. Feeling like teasing him a little you slowly pulled off of him and called his name softly, Jay staring at you through half-lidded eyes as he caught his breath.

“Daddy, don’t you want to look at your princess?” you asked him sweetly as you licked the underside of his member, your saliva coating every expanse of it. Jay groaned out your name and shuddered at the feeling, a knot forming in his lower abdomen as you suckled softly at the tip, sticking out your tongue to cushion the underside.

“Shit wait princess I’m close,” he panted out, trying to gently push you off of him. You hummed around him and shook your head no, the vibrations making him choke on his own breath. He’d never felt this level of need before and he couldn’t help but wonder what the hell was up with him.

But he knew it was you, the girl who he’d become so enamored with that as soon as he looked down at your soft and pleasing eyes he felt the knot in his stomach snap, holding your head in place as hot ropes of white enter your mouth.

“Spit it out princess don’t swallow,” he pushed softly through ragged breaths, already feeling bad that he came in your mouth in the first place.

“Like this?” you questioned with innocence, letting your jaw go slack so drops of his cum trickled from your mouth and down your jaw some even landing on your still-exposed chest.

Jay swallowed thickly at the sight and could already feel himself get hard again at the sight; though he never considered himself a person for messy sex, the way you looked in front of him had him questioning and disregarding any morals that pertained to the topic. He grinned and pressed two fingers against the center of your tongue to gather the remaining droplets of his cum that may have remained, holding it up some so that it leaked down onto your chest with the other droplets.

“Mm princess, just like that.”

****************************************************

After much convincing, you’d found yourself being taken to perhaps one of the most expensive shopping centers in the city, practically everything that you’d looked at having at least four numbers for the price.

It didn’t seem to bother Jay in the slightest, almost encouraging it when you’d shyly point to the shoes or skirt that had caught your eye. You’d never been one to go out shopping in public, something about the anxiety and the stares always getting to you. However, it seemed Jay had a knack for picking up on any slight change in your emotions, squeezing your hand, or kissing your cheek while whispering to you how beautiful you were any time negative thoughts entered your head.

While Jay went to the bathroom your eyes couldn’t help but stare at the size 00 mannequin wearing the loveliest lingerie you’d seen: it was a babydoll dress with lace straps and accents, all in an alluring shade of crimson. You were so enamored by it that you didn’t see Jay come up alongside you and rub the back of your hand, causing you to jump slightly.

“What’s got you staring so intently princess?” Jay drawled, following your stare as he looked at the lingerie. “Do you want to go inside and try it on for me? I’d love to see you in it,” Jay couldn’t help but remark, his hands massaging your hips.

“It wouldn’t like that on me you know,” you couldn’t help but remind him, cheeks getting hot.

“I know that, that’s why I want you to try it on because you’ll look so pretty in it,” Jay complimented, gently grabbing your hand and leading you to the store before you could protest.

As soon as you walked in you felt the store clerk’s judgemental eyes on you and you immediately wanted to cower away, Jay noticing and squeezing your hand.

“Excuse me but I was wondering if you had that lingerie on the mannequin in my lovely girlfriend’s size?” Jay asked confidently, holding a stare with the store clerk.

“It’s gonna cost more because of extra fabric you know” the clerk chided pointedly, her demeanor disappearing when she saw Jay take out his black card.

“Ma’am if you don’t want me to disrespect you as a worker on commission then do not disrespect someone who I care about please,” Jay said through a dazzling smile, the store clerk cracking and doing as he said without another word.

Now you stood in a large and fancy dressing room with Jay’s honey stare on you as you held the expensive fabric in your hand, rocking back and forth on your heels.

“Close your eyes while I get changed please,” you asked softly, still not entirely used to being undressed in front of him.

Jay complied and closed his eyes, though his brain was racing with so many thoughts that he thought his mind would explode.

“Okay uh, I guess you can open them,” you remarked softly, watching intently as Jay’s chest rose sharply.

“Shit~ I should’ve asked you to try it on at home so I could say all the things I’m thinking,” Jay whispered, standing up and moving until your back hit the mirror.

“You’re just being silly,” you giggled out, your heart beating a mile a minute as his hands danced on the hem of the dress.

“I’m not, I’m being serious kitten,” Jay cooed even softer so only you could hear, his hands massaging your soft thighs. He bent down some and started kissing your jawline softly and you couldn’t help but shiver at the sensation, his hands going up to tug at your hardening nipples through the silk.

“Stop sucking in your tummy princess you know how cute I think it looks,” Jay purred, sinking to his knees and raising the dress to lay soft kisses on your stomach his mouth going lower and lower.

“J-jay what if the clerk hears,” you whispered softly, clamping your mouth over your hand when you felt his tongue prod at your clothed clit.

“Can princess wait until she gets home then?” Jay inquired as his index finger pressed against your sticky wet patch, circling it with the pad of his finger. “Your cunt may soak my seats at this rate,” he teased as he stood up. “But I can wait princess, so let’s get you changed and you can take this home and model it for me yeah?”

“O-okay,” you whined out, Jay teasing you even more by squeezing your face so your mouth went agape, his tongue gently flicking against yours for a second before pulling back. The entire time he led you outside the mall you felt like you were in a daze, Jay opening the car door for you with a sinister smile.

He started up the car and buckled your seat belt for you, his deep voice whispering in your ear sending shivers up your spine.

“Take your underwear off for me princess,” he ordered gently, Not moving the car until you complied, watching as he put them in the pocket of his jeans. You couldn’t help but shift side to side as you felt sticky beads leak from you and onto the expensive leather seats.

“Aw, princess must be dying to be touched huh? I can already see your cunt leaking on the seats and we’ve barely left the parking lot.”

“J-jay” “Is that what you should be calling me right now?” He warned you, looking at you with a raised brow.

You gulped and your face got hot, moving around as you felt more droplets escape you.

“Daddy please I just want to be touched don’t be mean, please,” you whimpered. At a red light, Jay turned and looked at you, loving how your eyes were already welling up with tears rolling down your soft cheeks.

“But when I’m mean you get wetter, so shouldn’t I tease you a bit more princess? Make you finger yourself with those small hands, knowing they can’t reach any of the places I can? You probably get off to that thought when you touch yourself don’t you,” Jay pouted, squishing your face as he looked back at the road again.

“No, I listened to you. I don’t touch myself as you asked, see I’m being a good girl so reward me please,” you choked out, his harsh words indeed making you so wet you felt arousal cling to your inner thighs.

“That’s my good girl~” Jay praised, his hand that wasn’t on the steering wheel going between your sticky inner thighs. You eagerly spread them and let out a staggered mewl as you felt his warm hand come in contact with your slippery clit, your legs instinctively spreading at the feeling.

Jay chuckled as he saw you in his peripheral, a twisting and desperate mess. “So cute of you cupcake. You used to be so shy with your sounds, now look at you, legs spread eagerly rutting into my hand as you’ve never been fucked before,” Jay stated matter of factly, your hand gripping his wrist as a way to usher his fingers inside of you.

“You made me like this,” you panted out, head resting on the car window as he slid his middle finger inside, his thumb gently stroking over your clit.

“I did princess?”

You whined a “yes” and groaned when Jay slid a second digit in, curling them briefly before pulling them both out. You wanted to complain but his essence-soaked fingers were quickly in your mouth, and you eagerly swirled your tongue around the digits.

“Such an obedient princess, good girl~” he hummed, retracting his fingers from your mouth and cleaning them off with his own, sucking your saliva and essence onto his tongue.

He pulled into the driveway and it felt like you could barely walk as he opened the car door for you and tossed the keys to his attendant, thanking them sincerely as he grabbed the bag carrying the lingerie.

“Wanna go upstairs and get changed for me?” he whispered in your ear, rubbing his hand over your stomach and hip affectionately. You gulped and nodded, still feeling like you were in a lustful daze as your legs struggled up the stairs.

“Since Maria just cleaned the master and spare bedroom meet me in my office yeah? I’d hate to mess up all her hard work, or distract any of the workers with our chattering” he said with a sinister grin. You knew that wasn’t the only reason why as you rushed out a bashful okay, going upstairs to the bathroom.

It was because his office was the only room that was soundproof.

You changed into the outfit and put a sweatshirt and some shorts over your entire, just in case you happened to run into the many staff that worked there. Gathering up your courage you knocked on his door and opened it when you heard his voice, body getting hot with anticipation when you saw him at his desk.

The top buttons of his dress shirt were undone and he’d set his glasses on the table as you stepped in, raising his brows.

“Hi princess,” Jay drawled as he leaned back in his office chair, flicking his head towards the door. “Go ahead and lock it for me yeah?,” he hummed, his hand going down to massage the bulge in his pants.

You turned around and did so and shimmied out of your shorts and sweatshirt, Jay biting down on his lower lip and leaning back in his chair as he took you all in. Slowly but surely you shuffled your way behind his desk so you stood right in front of him, leaning against the desk while he drank you in.

Jay chuckled and cocked his head to the side, a side grin on his face. “Princess is still wet isn’t she?” he remarked, grabbing a pencil and pressing the eraser head against your swollen bud. Even through your lingerie underwear, the sensation made your legs waver as you hummed in agreement, your face burning as you rutted into the sensation.

“Did I make you this needy sweetheart? So desperate to cum that you’re rutting something as simple as this,” He teased as he stood up, his body now pressing yours against the desk even more so as he circled the pencil slowly. You let out a “yes” and buried your face in his dress shirt, your breath getting heavier from such a degrading sensation.

“Turn around princess and spread yourself for me,” he commanded in that same gentle voice he always had when he was turned on, rolling up his sleeves as he kneeled down so his face was right in front of your soaked core.

“W-what are you gonna-” Your cheek pressed against the cool oak as Jay pulled your underwear down and slid a digit in, his warm mouth simultaneously coming to envelop your swollen clit.

You rested against your desk and let out a muffled groan as the knot broke almost instantly, your legs shaking as you struggled to hold yourself up while your core pulsed around his digit.

Jay pulled back and let out a deep chuckle, your ears perking up when you heard the sound of him unbuckling his belt.

“You came as soon as I slid a finger in princess?” Jay inquired, kissing the tops of your thighs and massaging them with his hands.

You gulped and nodded, feeling slightly embarrassed. “You’d just been teasing me for so long I-I couldn’t hold it back,” you murmured whimpering when Jay slid two digits in and started scissoring your core. Your back arched slightly when Jay came to hunch alongside you, his breath tickling your ear as you spoke.

“You wouldn’t believe how many times I have to hold myself back sweetheart,” Jay rasped in your throat, the bulge between his legs resting against the side of your thigh as he continued to scissor your core. His breath was heavy and he was slowly losing his mind, kissing your shoulder messily and nudging your head with his own to tilt your head back. He began leaving messy marks alongside your jaw and neck, the warmth of his tongue and saliva being felt across every expanse of skin he could find. Jay chuckled when you whined and try to hide away your face, causing him to stand up and remove his fingers, motioning for you to sit up and sit on his desk.

In doing so the syrupy essence that leaked profusely from you was now spilling onto his desk, and you were doing your best to show restraint from rutting your core against the cool wood, your head dizzy was a pleasure.

Jay put the two essence-soaked fingers against your lips and hummed a “good girl” as you sucked, holding your chin in his other hand as you stared at him with hazy eyes.

“Stay focused on me princess~” Jay cooed, shaking your head slightly to tease you.

“You have a long night ahead of you.”

-----------------------------------------------

if you liked this PLEASE PLEASE let me know bc the i’d be inclined to do this sorta thing for other hyung line members 👁👁💕

likes don’t tell me anything and don’t make me more likely to write for members, i go off feedback <3333333

[ordinaryschmuck]

David Zaslav is on the phone as he enters his office.

David: It's nothing personal, it's just business. But don't worry, once another buyer offers eighty million, you'll have your property back. Okay? Okay. Goodbye, Mom. Love you.

He hangs up and notices a package left on his desk.

David: Huh. That's peculiar.

He walks over and sees that it's addressed to him. With a shrug, he opens it up.

*WHACK*!

And gets hits in the face with a springy boxing glove.

***

A burlap sack is ripped off David's head. He looks around and sees he's in a form of a warehouse, with the only light being the shining above him. In the shadows, he hears a crunch of somekind.

???: Eh, *tsk-tsk* What's up, Doc?

Out from the shadows comes Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, Yosemite Sam, and even Foghorn Leghorn. They do NOT look happy.

David: Who...Who ARE you? WHAT are you?

Sam: OOOOOOOOOOOH!

He pulls out his guns.

Sam: Now I KNOW y'all didn't just say that you--

Bugs waves a hand in front of Sam.

Bugs: It's okay, Sammy Boy. Can't blame da poor, dumb, foolish suckah. (To David) Do ya know who Mickey Mouse is, Doc?

David: Is...that who you are?

Daffy: Doeth he look like a MOUTHE, you buffoon?!

Bugs: Daf. (To David) Mickey's the mascot of Disney, YOUR competitor. Fer bettah or woise, he represents da company. And to dis day is the backbone dat made Disney what it is. As for me and my compatriots, dat's who WE are for Warner Brudders.

David: I-I'm the CEO of Warner Brothers DISCOVERY.

Foghorn: Which is, I say, which is the result of merging with WARNER BROTHERS, ya dumb pig! No offense, Pork.

Porky: N-N-No-No-No offense taken.

Bugs: (To David) Ya see, Doc, we're da Looney Tunes. Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, Foghorn Leghorn, and Yosemite Sam. Ya see, while Walter was makin' the mouse dat would rule the world wid a goofy cartoon mouse that entertained the kiddies, we's was making some CLASS. Cartoons dat dee adults AND kids could appreciate, wid witty dialogue and cartoonish slapstick. Me and Daf, here? We made bank off a short where we discussed who got shot by Elmer Fudd, where da joke was ALWAYS Daffy getting hit.

Daffy: Took a lot of shotth to make that comedy gold. LIterally.

Bugs: And it worked. Wid a poifect simple premise dat people always remember, wid people going "Wabbit Season, Duck Season" to dis day. Dat's who we are, Doc...And ya messed it all up.

Sam: Ya messed with the WRONG pardners, Davie!

David: H-How? How did I mess with you?!

Bugs: Hey, don't feel too bad. Warner Brudders' have been messing wid us for years, but we always took it on the chin. Dey want us to do TWO basketball movies? Dey want us to get rid of Pepe Le Pew? Why not. He stunk anyway and we wanted him out for years. Dey want our iconic image for an animated sitcom? We did it. 'Cause we're da Looney Tunes. We can sell ANYTHING.

Porky: I-I-I actually l-l-li-lo-li-lo--Really enjoyed the sitcom.

Bugs: Okay, it can be argued dat da sitcom is criminally underrated, but dat's besides the point. What I'm getting at is dat we're willing ta sell anything just as long as we get some of dat green ourselves. But ya made a mistake, Doc. Ya see, you went after one of our own.

He makes a "come here" gesture, and both Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner come out from the shadows as well, with Road Runner comforting the Coyote.

Bugs: Pepe Le Pew is one thing. We understand that his sense of humor doesn't fit well wid dis day and age. But Wile? Oh brudder, why did ya have to mess wid him?

David: What did I do to him?!

Bugs: Coyote Vs. ACME. Ringin' any bells?

David: That...movie no one wants to buy?

Bugs: A movie ya overselled for a quick buck. A movie dat people worked night and day on. A movie written by James Gunn, yer golden boy who you have fixin' yer DC franchise.

Foghorn: Which is, I say, which is a whole DIFFERENT can a worms.

Bugs, ignoring him: A movie dat stars our very own Wile E. Coyote. A character who's toons and silly antics are timeless and, I'll admit, makes bank better than me. Wit no dialogue, just expressions and goofy signs, him and da Road Runner are characters where the possibility is limited by da power of imagination. And a movie where he sues ACME over their failed gadgets? Well, I'd watch that. Wouldn't you, boys?

The others all murmur in agreement.

David: Well, it might not make a profit--

Bug: Space Jam 2 made TWICE of what yer trying ta sell Wile's movie for. Ya would think that a man desperate to make money would release a film featuring their most iconic brand to get him MORE money. But, no, that's what a GOOD business man would do.

David: Please! I-It wasn't anything personal! I didn't even WATCH the movie!

The Tunes all stare at him.

Bugs: ...Ya didn't WATCH it?

David: N-No?

Bugs: You were willing to sell, shelve, and even DELETE a movie from existence because ya don't think it won't make a profit. Except ya nevah THOUGHT ta watch it yerself and make yer judgment?

David: ...Running a business is REALLY hard--

Bugs: You MAROON. You marooniest maroon that's ever marooned. I can't even comprehend how not only did you get yer job but how ya STILL have a job despite all da STOOPID decisions you've made in--How long has he been in charge?

Porky: A-A-A--Nearly t-two years, boss.

Bugs: TWO YEARS. Ya've been in charge for TWO YEARS and managed to cost da studio so much money that ya could compare it to da GREAT DEPRESSION! If Disney loses dat money, dey can make it back wid anothah Marvel movie or a live action remake of Moana! WE ain't Disney, Doc! We need every dime we get and we're losin' it because a YOU!

David: ...

Bugs: Honestly, we was initially thinkin' a beatin' the snot out a yous and leaking da movie to da public. But now? Woof. NOW I know yer as dumb as an animal. And an animal needs to be treated as an animal.

He pulls out a dog whistle and gives it a blow. Within seconds, a small, brown tornado bursts through a wall in the warehouse and zooms over to the group, stopping its spin to reveal The Tasmanian Devil.

Bugs: Have ya heard of the Tasmanian Devil, David? Who am I kidding, of COURSE ya haven't. Well, let's just say that he'd be happy to meet you.

Taz looks at David, licks his lips, and starts jumping for joy as he heads over to him.

David: No. No! NOOOOOOOOOOOO--

***

David stands before a press conference, clothes torn up and his body bandaged.

David: I am now announcing that I'm stepping down as CEO of Warner Brothers Discovery...And as my last act, I will release Coyote Vs. ACME to the public.

Reporter: And are you going to release Batgirl too?

David: Well, no, that movie's unreleasable--

A batarang lands in front of him.

David: ...Batgirl and Coyote Vs. ACME. Both coming soon...to a theater or streaming service near you.

[deepcollectionredbird]

Eric had no clue how difficult holding his bladder would be when he got pregnant. With the baby taking up so much space inside of him, putting pressure on his organs, things are all out of whack. He can't seem to contain himself at all anymore, no matter how hard he tries. Whenever the floodgates open, there's nothing that he can do to stop the flow.

Like most of his other symptoms, his urinary incontinence began as nothing more than a mere inconvenience... an occasional dribble here and there, or a small splatter in his underwear. He found it funny whenever he would feel himself leaking — that disgusting sense of humor, that most boys his age tend to possess — but as the days turned into weeks, and the problem intensified, Eric's bladder seemed to have taken on a mind of its own.

He could never quite make it to the toilet on time, and always ended up soaking himself before he could get the buttons on his pants undone. It was as if Eric's body had forgotten how to control its basic functions... like it had relinquished all authority to his unborn baby, without his say-so.

Whenever he sneezes, laughs too hard, or moves in a certain way, something inside of him releases. The pee just comes gushing out, like spilled water... and he's powerless in stopping it.

Even while he's in class, he has to be mindful of what he does. There's always that voice in the back of his brain, questioning if he's had too much to drink, and telling him to stay focused, so that he doesn't have another accident in front of everyone. Just the thought of flooding the classroom with his odorous urine again leaves him red-faced and mortified... and, to make matters worse, he's the only pregnant student in the entire 11th grade — the student that everyone stares at.

These last few months have been really tough for him, with so many pants, shorts, and briefs soiled and gone to waste... but, as embarrassing as his peeing problem may be, he hasn't lost sight of what's important. His fear of humiliation is far outweighed by his elation that he feels when he thinks about meeting his baby for the very first time. As he imagines ten tiny little fingers, and chubby toes, he feels like it's all been worthwhile.

[quitealotofsodapop]

What would the swk's think of our boy tang?

LMK: Complicated. Since LMK!SWK had such a student-teacher (maybe even fatherly) dynamic with his Tripitaka, it feels weird to be sitting down and chilling with someone wearing his face but none of his graces. Wukong sees Tang as a friend, and a darn good one too! It's just that... he gets wistful thinking about his old mentor...

HeroIsBack: "Liuer!?" Instantly assumes from the hair and outdated robes that Tang is an older version of Liuer, and panics thinking he missed out on seeing him grow up. After his Liuer wanders in and confirms Tang isn't him, HeroIsBack!SWK breathes a sigh of relief. Ultimately thinks Tang is lazy, but is a good person to banter with over noodles.

Reborn: "...whomst?" He knows for a fact that his Sanzang is alive and well, and that Tang lacks his master's mole + baldness, so to see someone with the Golden Cicada's soul just sitting there in this new world is a bit jarring. Thinks Tang is a lazy coward. But one who's getting better at it.

NewGods: Is really quiet. Sits down next to Tang without breaking eye contact, like he's trying to figure something out. Once Tang breaks the tension by introducing himself, NewGods!SWK takes on the vibe of an old man who thought he recognised an old friend. NewGods likes Tang's sense of humor (and in noodles), but is clearly a little sad when the scholar talks about the Monkey King's adventures and companions.

Netflix: "When did grow your hair out??" He just met his Tripitaka, so he's just getting to know him. He likes Tang though! He loves hearing the stories about himself, and he loves how chill Tang is about Netflix!SWK's more anxious habits. He hopes his Tripitaka is as cool as him...

2000sCartoon: "Hi! You smell like my Master! But you are not him! Prepare to be vanquished!" :3 Assumes by gut reaction that Tang is an imposter demon and tries whacking him with his staff. LMK!SWK has to pull him off to explain. Afterwards he treats Tang like his "back-up master" and gets confused when he gets conflicting intructions from the two of them.

Smash: "What the fck. I was only gone for like a few days!" I hc that his Tripitaka is a younger guy (Smash Legends do be having fantasy cyberpunk vibes), so the first time Smash!SWK sees Tang, he's thinking his Tripitaka (or "Trips" as he calls him) has aged rapidly. Afterwards tho, he treats Tang like a boring history teacher. Yawning and making paper airplanes mid-backstory intro and all.

Edit; forgot Meihouwang

Meihouwang SWK & LEM: They have no idea who the Great Monk is, but they really like Mr Tang! He tells all these cool stories about monkey heroes and friendship, and he lets them flip through his books! He'd be loved as a storyteller back on the mountain.

[xysidhequeen]

I adored the new chapter I get the feeling that Dick fully approves of Danny as Jason's boyfriend. Like Saving Jason from a second death and helping him adjust to the powers that came with his revival gave him major brownie points in Dick's eyes. But being generally a good person and having a similar sense of humor to himself means that Dick will skip the shovel talk and get to teasing Jason about his crush.

I literally can't wait for Dick to see Jason in Ghost mode. I get the feeling that Dick even though Jason hasn't told him his new name yet is going to recognize him immediately. I get the feeling that the magical rings of transformation that halfa's have are both going to be a great source of teasing and Evny. Teasing because doesn't the phrase magical girl transformation sequence ring any bells? Envy because Jason can now go from civilian to hero in less than the second.

Dick definitely approves of Danny as boyfriend material for Jason. Yeah he kinda chewed him out, but that just means he'll protect Jason. And Dick gets a brother in law who will indulge him in a pun off so Dick can't really lose here. I can't wait for Dick to show up again, he's already a favorite of mine to write and I didn't expect that at all. I'm actually going to have a minor new subplot added to the story where we deal with some stuff that apparently was happening to Dick around the time Jason came back (someone unfortunately informed me of Canon events. I asked for it. I just didn't expect them to be so awful, the events not the person)

Dick, meeting Phantom and Red Hood for the first time: my brother senses are tingling

Phantom: hey Di-

Red Hood, shooting Danny to shut him up: The fuck you want here hero?

Dick: >.> yo Jason you can stop pretending. There's like 5 people in spandex with a body type like yours and I know none of them would willingly come to Gotham

Red Hood: Well shit.

Dick will have so much new material to tease Jason with. He'll just start playing random magical girl show openers everytime he sees him. Even in costume. The goons are really confused because now they're getting beat up while the Sailor Moon intro plays in the background and WHY DOES IT FIT?!

A treat for giving me interaction which fuels me

💚

"Mmm, time to play whack a clown," Dannt sung softly as he twirled the bat, rings of light covering him and shifting his form to a more comfortable one. Danny let invisibility wash over him as gravity ceased holding any command over his body.

Danny took to the air and flew off, heading unerringly in the direction of the Asylum, the feeling of fear and rage growing as he approached.

[mickmundy]

demoman headcanon thread! a kind anon on twitter asked if i had any thoughts on him, and since he is one of my favorite mercs... i definitely do! :-) i hope you enjoy! <3

demo is one of the most selfless of the mercs! he's smart, capable and just because he has a great sense of humor doesn't mean he's stupid! he's just as fun to party with as he is to make bombs with... either way, the chemistry is explosive!

speaking of weird science, i don't think there can be any science party without demo! he'd undoubtedly have SO much in common with medic and engineer, and would converse with them often about what they're all working on!

tavish is a great one to have around, no matter who you ask. he adjusts himself around who he's hanging out with: a rowdy night out with scout and solly? he's in! a quiet night around a campfire with engineer and sniper? of course!

quick to forgive. gah, there are other things to worry about in life! water under the bridge and so on! just don't make it a habit, lad! he's a generous spirit and isn't above settling things with a good talk... or a fight! ha!

absolutely a great listener. is able to give you honest advice, or crack a joke to lighten the mood and make you laugh! that said, he loves making people laugh. i think he likes it best when everyone's having a good time! always has a quip or a fun anecdote or story to share with people!

workaholic! but that can be said for a lot of the mercs. takes a lot of pride in what he does and takes his job very seriously! don't let his good sense of humor fool you into thinking he's unprofessional!

prefers to be the one helping, not the one needing help! i think he'd be quick to divert attention away from himself if the conversation got Too personal for him. is Reluctant to accept help, but not unwilling, and will always be grateful!

when he's comforting someone, he always seems to know the perfect balance of humor, a gentle touch, and good advice. you might have a good cry with him, but he'll make sure you leave with a laugh!

big on family/loyalty. values the team's lives as his own and will do anything he can to make himself useful! i think he and sniper became their closest after his parents died; demo checked in on him often once they returned back to the base, and sniper never forgot his kindness.

i think he loves literature! i have a running headcanon that spy, heavy, engineer and demo all meet up for a book club meeting every so often! ^_^ enjoys fiction and nonfiction pretty equally, but knows a great deal about mythology of all kinds!!

puts a lot on himself. wants to make his family proud, do right by his mom and make sure everyone is taken care of. very sensitive to the needs of those around him! he's a big softie!

i also love to think about him playing piano... him and spy love playing classical tunes together, or if he's hanging around medic, they'd absolutely make some ruckus with dueling pianos!! HEH

briefly mentioned above, but is a very talented chemist. frequently consults with sniper (natural remedies) and medic (clinical killing tips) and engineer (manmade remedies and killing tips). knows a decent amount about respawn technology and engineer's sentry technology too!

is very touchy-feely. will always greet you with a clap on the back or a tousle of the hair or a smack upside the back of your head (if you're scout!) and a jolly laugh! very warm, rough hands... he knows when to give a tender pat or a loving whack!

loves tropical birds! teaches his macaw how to talk and swear at the mercs!! calls archimedes 'archie' (to which medic gives a Frown. he names his birds with intention!)... even though ol' archie enjoys his company very much! :-)

isn't a great driver, but can sail a boat blindfolded with his hands tied behind his back (according to him)! he can drive the mercs home from a long night at the bar without a problem, but on long road trips he prefers if someone else takes the wheel... preferably sniper!

has very low spice tolerance. the other mercs have been trying to build him up over time with some decent success though! but all in all he'll always prefer the flavor of his own traditional dishes!

the other mercs have fun pranking him with really spicy foods. once he puts out the fire in his mouth, he thinks it's pretty funny and gives them credit for being able to trick him!

talks with his hands and often slams them down on the table (or his own thighs) when talking! very animated, always a joy to listen to whether he's yelling at you or laughing with you!

very social, but can also enjoy some alone time now and then. greasy food, a comfortable chair and his comfy pants are great company sometimes... with a bottle of his favorite scrumpy of course! even if he prefers to share his "quiet time" with someone else, too!

often converses with sniper and engineer about parental hangups and living up to what their families raised them to be like. they take it hard, but he loves his family, even if being a demoman isn't always easy!

demo's a liquor connoisseur, but not just for the taste! it's all about chemistry! he can taste a drink and be able to break down its composition down to the real nitty gritty... and recite it to you if you ask!

can always tell when spy cooks with wine, and exactly what type and how much! sometimes spy tries to throw him off, but tavish's instinct is never wrong! can taste something and break down the exact makeup of it, which spy and heavy appreciate when they cook!

[respectthepetty]

With My Dear Bro Day Two & Three

Love Tractor's leads got sent to El Nido in the Philippines by the production company and recorded it for With My Dear Bro. I got nothing but time, so I'm binging it and writing it up in three posts: One, Two, Three.

This place is gorgeous! Yoon Do Jin says hi to everyone including the dogs on their walk along the beach, but Do Won is tired and focused. He gets them to where they need to go.

Yoon Do Jin pulls an Unintentional Love Story and speaks one Spanish word.

They have a tiff on the boat in front of God and the driver BECAUSE Yoon Do Jin starts with the dad jokes (baby sharks!), and, per usual, Do Won does not respond.

This is Thailand's Tay and New traveling together but the Korean version.

Yoon Do Jin is dangerous, so thank goodness his sense of humor is whack to balance out his beauty.

Because Do Won hates him. In fact, he puts on his sunglasses, so he can ignore that beautiful man properly.

Do Won was in the military, so he knows a thing or two about the water. Pretty Boy Do Jin apparently was a Marine, but he doesn't even help paddle at times because he is teasing Do Won AGAIN! They rock, paper, scissors to see who rows, and Pretty Boy Do Jin LIES his way into not rowing.

And in their normal fashion, Do Won tells Yoon Di Jin to rest (even though homeboy has been chillin' the entire time!).

This man plays too much.

They are hungry from all the playing. Yoon Do Jin wants Do Won's pasta again (ahhh!), but Do Won is too tired, so since he knows Yoon Do Jin LOVES bread, he suggests a bakery. Yoon Do Jin goes all out and gets everything. Then, they get coffee, but Yoon Do Jin, who is the extrovert and always speaks while Do Won handles the money tells Do Won he has to order instead. This is him practicing! And Yoon Do Jin pats him on the back!

Now it makes sense why the production company sent them on this trip because their banter is amazing! Yoon Do Jin compliments Do Won on his "shy glasses" (a joke from earlier when Do Won put on the sunglasses to ignore Yoon Do Jin). Do Won tells him the glasses are for counting the money Yoon Do Jin spent on bread. Yoon Do Jin eats a cookie with a fork. Do Won serves Yoon Do Jin more bread. It's amazing!

Episode three wins! Do Won wants to stay in the next day. Yoon Do Jin wants to go out. They decide to do their own thing BUT Yoon Do Jin needs money to go out, and he wants 1,000 pesos, so he has to haggle with Do Won who isn't budging. But just like the ladies at the market on day one, Yoon Do Jin is a dangerous man when he wants something.

Another bug appears, and Yoon Do Jin earns his paycheck after Do Won asks in English to "help me, please." They are wearing blue and green and I have no comment.

Episode 4 and THEY ARE COLOR CODED in the opening credits like they were in Love Tractor! Oh, they got me! I'm obsessed now.

Yoon Do Jin wakes up first and has to maneuver off the one bed to not wake up Do Won. He makes them breakfast, but it's very I-don't-know-what-I'm-doing-but-I'm-gonna-do-it-anyway breakfast.

He leaves a note telling Do Won to eat well and to meet him at 2 at a place, then heads out in the rain. Do Won thinks the food is sus. But he approves of it after numerous offensive faces.

Do Won draws. The posters behind him are his and the dog one says: "Without Love There is No Life" and "I Just Love You. Do I Need A Reason?" so he stayed in to recharge

and to finish drawing Yoon Do Jin a poster that is about being loved since everyone loves Yoon Do Jin so much.

Yoon Do Jin is out making a bracelet at a bar, and just like the hairdryer, he is taking it very seriously. If this is a friendship bracelet, I'm gonna lose it.

IT IS FOR DO WON!

They meet on the beach to go to SUNSET YOGA, my beloved, but Everyone's Best Friend Do Jin is getting loved by all the locals as he plays sand volleyball, so Do Won waits patently for him. Do Won tells him that breakfast was good.

Do Won wants to swim. Yoon Do Jin tells him to swim. Do Won says he can't because of the scheduled yoga. They get in another tiff with the yoga instructor as a witness. As everything they do, it's adorable.

Do Won, per usual, wants to carry all the mats and won't accept Yoon Do Jin's help.

They do sun salutations. The boys are not finding the peace they seek.

They look pissed, actually. Well, Do Won does. Yoon Do Jin looks amused that Do Won is so upset.

They go to a Spanish restaurant for dinner and order paella, croquettes, y gambas with sangria. Essential Spanish food, but Do Won gets upset that Yoon Do Jin starts drinking without saying cheers first, then refuses to drink. A tiff is had.

At the house, Yoon Do Jin notices the posters, but touches the other one that doesn't have the sentimental note from Do Won written on the back.

Yoon Do Jin notices that his breakfast note is still on the counter, so he writes something else as he screams "Hyung" eighty times as he has done each and every episode (which is why this show is called With My Dear Bro)

And CAMPING IS NEXT!

[shads-shipposts]

Anachronism Ch 1

We did it chat

We surpassed the "Fandom is six people and a shoelace" meme. We are now seven people and a shoelace!

This calls for celebration.

In the form of another full chapter of my fic Anachronism! Unproofread of course, because this page is still the furthest thing from polished and I am to keep it chaotic.

The prologue is here!

CW: Language

Wordcount: 3086

------------------------------------------

It’s all fun and games until it happens to you.

Oh, sure, we’ve all laughed at someone else’s misfortune. I’ve done it, even at the most inopportune of moments. Like a kid tripping and eating asphalt.

Or when a character gets sucked into fanfiction and must survive the HorrorsTM.

I’d read my fair share of those fics in my fair share of fandoms. Star Wars, Assassin’s Creed Three and Four, and Tintin seemed to be the main ones.

Speaking of Tintin…

Maybe it was an odd sort of gift, granted by the universe with her oh so funny sense of humor. College had my stories stuck in a rut, so this could be the big breakthrough to jumpstart my creativity once more. Or this could be karma for never finishing my own universe-yeet Tintin fanfiction.

The Day Karma Bit Back.

I figured my habit of never finishing fics all the way through would eventually bite me in the ass.

I just didn’t imagine it’d be in the form of me waking up in a 1950s style apartment in the Tintin movie, something immediately apparent by the realistic yet stylized environment.

Slowly sitting up in confusion, I peered around at the room.

That only left me more confused when I saw my phone charging on the nightstand, and my laptop charging on a dresser.

Not the weirdest dream I’d ever had, because hellfire I’d had some off the wall ones that no amount of backtracking through my day could explain.

Useful for wilder story concepts, though.

Maybe college had finally pushed me to the breaking point. When I say I contemplated dropping out last Fall… damn those fruit flies and their entire lab-grown lineage to hell.

“Mornin’!”

I yelped and flipped out of the bed as a voice sounded right by my ear. Jumping into a right fighting stance, guard up, I found myself staring at a familiar face.

Not a sailor, or a reporter, or even a Tintin character at all.

Instead, I was looking at one of my characters.

Tan skin, shoulder length black hair that fluffed in every direction, mischievous green eyes, and a body built like a brick shithouse.

“T-… Trevor!?” I sputtered, blinking rapidly as if he were merely an illusion and a few resets would make him disappear.

How was he here? Yeah, sure, he originally started showing up in a Tintin fic snippet I had from like 2017 or 2018, so him in Tintin wasn’t too outlandish… but why was he in my room?

He flopped on my bed, rolling onto his back and grinning up at me.

Hell, those teeth are sharp.

“The creator recognizes me!” He flipped back onto his stomach, pointing a finger gun at me. “Ya know, still waitin’ on you to draw me.”

“Wait-”

“I mean, come on!” Trevor sat up and gestured to himself. “You only just recently settled on a design! I’ve just be a vague consciousness that plagues your story with no set corporeal form, do you know how hard it is to flirt with people like that?”

I shook my head, waving my hands in a weak attempt to get him to stop talking so I could get a word in. “Hold it! What kind of whack-ass dream am I havin’ that you’re in?” I exclaimed. “You’ve never shown up in my dreams!”

Yeah, college really has driven me past the brink of insanity. I’m really out here arguing with a figment of my imagination asking why he showed up.

Ain’t the weirdest dream we’ve had.

True that, but still!

Trevor’s grin, somehow, got wider. “Dream? My dearest creator, this isn’t a dream!” He frowned, scratching behind his ear like a dog. “Though, suppose it is in a way. Dream come true for your hyperfixated self, gettin’ to roam the Tintin movie from 2011! Ya know, the reason you’re writin’?”

I grimaced. “Ugh, please don’t remind me of that old role-play nightmare.”

“Hey, it was a start!”

“A cringey start at that,” I muttered, then shook my head violently to erase it from my brain like an Etch-A-Sketch. “Hey, stop changin’ the subject!”

“What subject?” Trevor asked, an innocent smile on his face.

“The subject of what the hell you’re doing here, in my dream. I know you’re self aware, you little shit.”

“That I am! Well, since you’re so persistent.” Somehow managing a backflip off the bed, he then raised his arms above his head like a successful gymnast.

“Try hard,” I snorted.

“Ah, but who designed me so?”

“Yourself,” I shot back. “I never even created your dramatic ass, you just started showin’ up. Like the personification of the plot or somethin’.”

“Ah, but you can’t say I ain’t useful!”

“Broken clock is right twice a day.”

“I could boot you back to the ‘waking’.” He used air quotes around the word. “World if you’d prefer!” His teeth flashed in a devious grin. “I’m sure the Spring semester would love to welcome you in.”

Nausea rose up my throat and I felt the beginnings of a tension migraine behind my eyes.

“Ugh hard pass.”

“So stay awhile!” Trevor suggested, spreading his arms wide. “Besides, what do you have to lose?” He winked at me. “Like you said, it’s just a dream.”

Boy, I do not like the way you said that.

But, he had a point. Or, I guess my subconscious did. This wouldn’t be the first time I lucid dreamed, or was self aware in a dream. And what else could it be other than a dream?

People didn’t jump between universes. That just wasn’t a thing.

A dream.

That was it.

Just… just a dream.

Given that it was just a dream, wouldn’t hurt to go rambling. It was odd the scene hadn’t shifted yet, since my dreams were usually pretty chaotic, but maybe this was the time for a scene shift.

May as well make the best of it before I wake up on Winter Break again. Happy New Year to me.

“Alright, fine,” I groaned. “I’ll bite.”

“You sure do!” Trevor looked at his watch-less wrist. “Welp, gotta get goin’! Things to do, places to be.”

Really?!

What cosmic entity did I piss off to earn this nightmare?

“Hold it!” I barked, following him as he started for the door. “Can’t I get at least a little explanation?”

“Nope!” Trevor turned to face me, grinning ear to ear. “This is not a well-thought-out and carefully crafted type of fanfic, no no! This is a wild ride of a fic where we just take the cards we’re dealt, and we run with them!” He shrugged. “All there is to it!”

“But-“

“Besides! Explaining things only slows the chaos down, after all no one has time nor patience for exposition dumps. That’s not why they’re here! They’re here for nonsense to fuel their escapism and yearning for found-family that would kill for them!”

“Who the fuck is they?” I exclaimed, gesturing at the empty apartment. “We’re alone.”

“Are we?”

“Hey, don’t pull a Polar Express train hobo,” I said, jabbing a finger into his chest. “Can’t I get a little info?”

“It’s a dream, right? They don’t do info dumped they go straight into the crack!” He held his hand up. “But if you insist.”

The moment he snapped his fingers a wave of images and information slammed into my brain and knocked me off my feet.

Dark alleyways, crowded marketplaces, peaceful courtyards, musty attics, cluttered apartments.

Quick glimpses really, like the faded, hazy memories of dreams. Enough of a visage to distinguish where I was, to feel a sense of familiarity, but not really anything more.

Blurry snapshot rather than a true picture.

Sounds muted and unclear, like hearing things from underwater. Just past the point of deciphering. Voices, lots of those. Gunshots? Yes, those too.

One particular scene came into focus.

The library, its aisles dark and shelves overturned. Books everywhere, some intact some not. Adrenaline pulsing through my veins, something heavy scalding my hand.

A pistol, recently and frequently fired.

Echoes of gunfire, accompanied by yelling. Angry, threatening yelling, the roughness and pitch unmistakably masculine.

Yet there was another above the din, a lighter tone that had yet to really mature into the lower base of a grown adult.

A glance to the side revealed a familiar freckled face and ginger quiff, its owner hunkered down behind an overturned table with me. A flash of white fur near his leg, adding his barks to the cacophony.

Was Tintin shorter than me? No, yes… maybe?

It was always so hard to tell when crouched, as I was all leg and hardly any torso at all.

Height didn’t matter here, but numbers did.

And we were losing.

Tintin grabbed my hand, yanking me towards a fallen shelf as he fired over his shoulder and forced the attackers to take cover.

Were they the sailors? Another faction? Simple thugs?

I didn’t know, and would apparently never know as the scene vanished like a mirage on an old dirt road during a summer heatwave.

In its place came the headache of the century.

“Hellfire,” I groaned, gripping my head. “I know they say to avoid infodumps in stories, but this is a-whole-nother bitch. What the fuck, Trevor?”

I received no answer.

I slowly sat up, cursing as the room spun. “Trevor?”

No one, just me in the room.

One of the windows to the fire escape was open, however, and with great difficulty I got to my feet to see if he’d escaped that way.

You better be gone gone, ‘cause boy if I get my hands on you you’re donezo.

I staggered to the back window, leaning heavily on the windowsill as the low drone of a ship’s horn echoed off the alley walls. A quick scan of the lower street revealed no Trevor, and as I blinked away the spots from my vision I also saw no sign of him along the rooftops.

“Trickster bastard,” I grumbled, rubbing my temple.

Another low drone from a ship caught my attention, and I looked towards the source. Just over the tops of some of the building, I could see the crane arms moving back and forth.

Go.

You know you want to.

It’s a dream, right?

My eyes moved to the sketchpad on my nightstand.

What do you have to lose?

My phone chirped, which was quite odd given I’d had that sucker on silent since 2015. The screen brightened, and as I picked it up, I found myself looking at the lockscreen.

My persona Scarlett Bloodsmoke embracing two dear friends, Thatcher Morgan and Skipper Anders, on the enchanted shores of the dreamrealm.

My eyes drifted to the text alert banner, and my nose wrinkled in a scowl as I read Trevor’s name at the top.

The contents of his text only deepened my frown.

“May as well get reference sketches for the Caroline even though you sink her!”

Of all the character deaths I concocted, the wreck of the Caroline and all the men who went down with her was probably the one that hit me the hardest. It’d been two years since I drafted the scene, and two years since I’d last read it because it was so painful.

It was also the reason I had my phone thrown at me by two of my friends.

Thatcher and Skipper had perished in the wreck, something that would haunt both Scarlett and me.

And got me yelled at by my therapist, but it was honestly very deserved.

I looked again out towards the distant cranes as yet again a ship’s horn echoed off the brick walls like a siren’s call.

This was a dream. It had to be. So any pictures or sketches would remain in my consciousness only as I couldn’t pull them into the real world . But even so…

Dreams had given me very handy inspiration before.

At the very least, I could update the Caroline’s design.

She had her roots in the Karaboudjan anyways, just like Thatcher had his roots in Allan and Skipper had his in Tom.

“Alright,” I muttered, heading to the closet to find something comfy to wear. “Let’s get some inspiration.”

-Allan pov-

The hair caught Allan’s eye first. 

Dark bluish-purple in the shade, a more vibrant reddish-purple in the sun. 

The owner of the hair only piqued his interest more.

He, or she, looked so out of place it was almost hilarious. At least among the dockworkers. She had enough sense to stay out of the way, sticking close to a large wall where she was cloaked mostly in the long, mid-morning shadows cast by the warehouse. But she wasn’t even trying to blend in with the rest of the men, sitting cross legged atop a crate scribbling furiously in a sketchbook.

The odd sight wasn’t exactly concerning, but the fact she frequently looked at the Karaboudjan was. 

Surely she couldn’t be a reporter or journalist. 

Then again, that ginger nuisance Allan and his men ran across near Egypt also didn’t look like a journalist but had caused a world of hurt for Allan’s operations. Looks could be incredibly deceiving. 

But there was something else.

He couldn’t be sure from this distance, but the kid almost looked… familiar? 

Maybe…

No. 

Surely not.

His dream that morning was making him paranoid, that was all. It was embarrassing really, that a simple nightmare had him so rattled he saw Scarlett’s face everywhere now. 

Yet his eyes remained trained on her. 

He had to know. Had to know why the hell she was sketching the ship. 

It was because of her clear fascination and focus on the ship, nothing more. He just needed... needed to keep an eye out. The FBI and Interpol could have spies everywhere. 

It was purely business.

It wasn’t personal.

It wasn’t dire.

It wasn’t Scarlett. 

“Hey, Al, what are ya lookin’ at?” Tom asked, coming up beside him. 

Allan dipped his head towards the kid. “We got a watcher.” 

Another one of Allan’s men, an Australian named Neil, joined them. “Yeah, she’s been there since I started unloadin’.”

Allan glanced at him. “Talk to ‘er?”

Neil shook his head. “Didn’t see a need to. She’s outta the way, and is mindin’ ‘er business. Ain’t botherin’ anyone.” 

Allan turned his attention back to the kid. “Right.” 

“Should I have?” Neil asked. 

“Not sure yet,” Allan replied slowly. 

And he hated that he wasn’t. Uncertainty could put you at risk to be blindsided, and blindsides were a death sentence in Allan’s line of work. 

“Nice hair, though,” Neil commented with a small laugh. “Reminds me of my sister, she always liked dyein’ ‘er hair fancy colors.”

Tom tilted his head as he watched her scribble. “Purple, though? Bit anachronistic, don’t ya think?” 

Neil glanced at Tom and elbowed him with a sly grin. “Didn’t think you could manage big words like that, Tommy.” 

Tom glared at him, clearly fighting down a smile of his own. “Piss off,” he growled, shoving Neil.

“Stow it,” Allan snapped as the pair started going for headlocks and rib shots.

This was just too weird to ignore, too odd to brush off as mere coincidence. 

He had to figure out why exactly she was here, and who exactly she was. 

“What’s wrong?” Tom asked, smacking Neil’s hat off in one last blow.

Tom, you well-meaning but unobservant idiot.

“Look at ‘er face.”

Tom gave him an odd look, but peered across the docks. “Is there… somethin’ I’m lookin’ for?”

“She doesn’t remind you of Scarlett?”

Tom’s eyes widened. “Oh… shit, yeah. I see it now.”

Neil frowned. “Who?”

“Someone we ran across a few months ago. She was…” Allan struggled to find the words to describe her that wouldn’t make him look like a madman spouting about aliens. “Unique.”

“She kinda just vanished without a trace,” Tom added. “We’re still not exactly sure what all happened those few days she was ‘round ‘ere.”

“And you think the sketcher is her?”

Allan shook his head. “Not a chance. Scarlett had some… unmistakable traits.”

“Like what?”

“Not important right now.”

As far as you’re concerned, Neil.

Neil glanced at Tom, clearly hoping the man would shed some light on the First Mate’s statement. When Tom offered nothing, eyes focused on the young woman, Neil looked back at Allan.

“Am I… missin’ somethin’, boss?”

Should he offer a little more information? Neil had proven himself a reliable secretkeeper, and fairly unshakable no matter what Allan threw his way. Harry Hobbs also spoke highly of him, assuring Allan that Neil could be trusted with their… more secretive operation.

“There’s a good chance,” Allan began carefully. “Scarlett wasn’t… earthly.”

Neil blinked. “An alien.”

“She had a bloody tail.”

“A fluffy one,” Tom added. “Black and white striped. Furry feet and ears too.”

“Ah.” Neil looked at the sketcher. “That explains the fascination. Really think this kid has a connection?”

“Think I’ll go find out myself.”

Tom looked at him, somewhat alarmed. “What if she bolts?” He gestured to the both of them. “We’re not exactly the most friendly lookin’.”

“Good point,” Allan muttered, then turned to Neil. “Go try and talk to ‘er.”

Neil wasn’t exactly any less physically imposing than Allan or Tom, but him alone may not be as threatening.

“Keep ‘er distracted, but don’t engage. No threats, got it?”

No need to make a scene, not yet. Usually he wouldn’t care, after all if you acted like you had something to hide people got suspicious, but after his nightmare coincided with Tom’s, he was on edge for anything unusual.

Her face, even from this distance…

It was just so damn close to Scarlett. Blood relation close. 

Could Alphians shift into humans? He thought he recalled Scarlett mentioning that once, but he couldn’t be sure. 

Either way, he could not let this kid escape without seeing if she knew the Alphian. 

“Not… gonna do anythin’ to ‘er, right boss?” Neil asked, a new hardness to his tone. 

“No, she’s not in any danger.” Not yet. “I just have questions for ‘er.”

Neil still didn’t seem convinced. 

“Just go,” Allan ordered. 

As Neil left, Allan turned to Tom. “Alert the boys. Get ‘em to block the exits, but discreetly. Wait for my word, this could be nothin’.” 

Tom nodded and left to carry out the order. 

Allan turned back to watch the kid, eyes narrowed. 

Nothing personal. 

I need answers. 

And you’re not goin’ anywhere until I get them.

[tabl3]

elaborating on the mm trio's relationship with each davenport family member

donald: they all despise him. he hates them back. that's about it lols

douglas:

skylar - skylar and douglas are good friends. he appreciates that she gets his dry humor and is approving of her and bree. at first he was apprehensive because the idea of aliens was whack, but she grew on him really quickly. he especially appreciates that she took on what had been adam's role in the original team, protecting his kids. skylar thinks he's a silly goofy guy that loves his children and reminds her of her own father (horace), so she likes him a lot too, and teaches him about calderan tech/biology

oliver - douglas likes oliver well enough because he's quiet and doesn't get on douglas's nerves 24/7, along with taking an interest in douglas's nerd science and being a good assistant when chase isn't around. oliver likes that douglas is incredibly blunt and doesn't ever hide his opinions, meaning he doesn't have to sift through whatever he says to figure out what he means. they aren't super close, but have a mutual respect for each other (and douglas is fatherly to him on accident a lot) even though oliver pissed douglas off a lot in the beginning because of his nasty attitude, once oliver got over it, they became chill

kaz - kaz drives douglas up the wall ALL the time lols. he doesn't trust him nearly as much as he trusts skylar, making him be more overprotective of chase around him. they started out with kaz being a general annoyance but just in a teenager way, to douglas approving of the way he treated chase, to decimation and flipping the idea on its head. douglas hasn't fully trusted kaz since. kaz himself tries his best to prove himself, as well as calls douglas sir/goes to attention if douglas addresses him which is very funny imo. they're a case of opposites do NOT attract. even though douglas isn't kaz's biggest fan, or a fan of chase telling douglas to fuck off about it, douglas still very deeply cares about kaz, and kaz respects him back and wants to show him that he's better now

tasha:

skylar - tasha adores her, and skylar pays that back in full. she never had a maternal figure in her life, so tasha does a similar thing to what she did with bree when they first met, having those mother-daughter relationship moments. tasha thinks skylar is a great partner for bree, a great friend to chase, and a great leader for the team. she also loves how good she is with naomi :)

oliver - complicated. (spoiler)oliver has lost three maternal figures at this point(end) and isn't comfortable around tasha most of the time. it's nothing that she's done, and they both know that. it's simply that oliver reacts very poorly to motherly affection because of everything that has happened. he thinks she's a very kind and warm person, but he tends to stay arms-length with her. tasha completely understands this, and respects his boundaries. the only time she will ever give him individual affection is when he expresses that he needs it

kaz - tasha is one of kaz's favorite people. he loves her like his own mother, has accidentally referred to her as mom before, and holds her in the highest regard. tasha also loves him very much, despite decimation-requite's events because she knew he was a lost child that needed some sense of stability in his life. he's also really good with naomi, and takes care of chase. all-in-all they have a close bond and he considers her more of a parent than either of his biological ones. she likes to tease him and skylar that it's okay to call her mom because they'll eventually be family through marriage, solely to embarrass her kids

adam:

skylar - at first adam was semi-wary of her because he's overprotective of his sister, but that faded quickly. they understand each other very well, being the only ones who understand their struggle of both strength and invulnerability and the fear that comes with that. skylar likes adam a lot because they click well and provide similar roles in their teams. adam likes skylar because he thinks she's fun and a good protector for his siblings. they have scheduled dates in the future when the chaos ends to be gym buddies :)

oliver - oliver and adam aren't particularly close. adam sees him as a friend of his siblings, and oliver sees him as bree and chase's older brother. that's about the extent. they don't have any animosity at all, but just don't hang out or interact enough to be friends. they're friendly, and adam still crushes him with bear hugs, but they're probably the least close of any pairings so far and ones to come

kaz - they started out rough. adam was chill with him until he found out about him and chase being in a relationship. due to what happened to chase on the island and adam's intense guilt over it, he immediately associated those feelings with kaz and straight up hated him over it. kaz didn't reciprocate it as much but was put off by chase and adam's unconventional dynamic with adam seeming physically aggressive (he isn't at that point in the story and stopped far before) and verbally aggressive too. read tension on ao3 for more in-depth stuff lol. after their catharsis moment, they're actually bffs and adam keeps complaining that he wants him and chase to get married already so he can have a new little brother

leo:

skylar - leo and skylar aren't super close, but they both get along easily with people, and transfer that to their relationship. leo was in awe of her for a hot minute because he's a nerd and there was a comic book hero casually chatting with him, but they're completely chill with each other. he is grossed out by her and bree though lol

oliver - leo and oliver have gradually become more friendly throughout the series. leo is very respectful of oliver's boundaries and his monophobia, which makes oliver more comfortable around him. they often have shared rooms because leo volunteers to do so to help ease his anxiety. oliver greatly appreciates that, especially because leo never makes a big deal about it. in summary they're very wholesome and leo slays :)

kaz - they're best friends. in an accidentally setting fire to everything they touch way. they have similar interests and hobbies and click well together. even though they don't see each other often they love it when they do because they're genuinely very close :) although once again leo gets traumatized by him and chase lmao

[hockybish]

What are some traits/quirks that the Au babies got from their parents?

idk if i've answered this correctly. but here ya go :) if anyone wants to help develop any of the kiddos more I would love that. I have ideas about them and that refects in how much I have written about them.

Freddie looks like a Hughes. She is tall and a bit lanky like Luke and has Luke's curly hair but it is ginger like Maisie's. She is more out going than both her parents almost like her uncle Jack and Auntie Lola

Axel is shorter and quieter and introverted like Maisie. He's not big on sports, but he does like art and music, things that Maisie likes.

Freja likes spending as much time as she can outside. She likes nature and adventures kinda like Nico. She also gets her looks for Nico too.

Lars likes everything neat and in it's place like Svea does. He likes rules and structure (one reason he's so facinated with Mollie Rempe). He looks like the Bratt side of the family, especially Filip.

I'm still working on figuring these two out, if anyone has any ideas let me know!

Mollie is a complete chaos child. Like I said she runs around in a tutu whacking people with a hockey stick, and then lets her Aunties, GiGi, and Mama know how pretty they are. I'm pretty sure Matt was chaotic too when he was a kid. I mean according to sources he threw himself down the stairs on purpose, Mollie has defintely done that. She loves the rough and tumble of hockey and likes being a pretty ballerina princess she gets that from both her parents. Mollie also has Matt's eyes

Ema is a daddy's girl. Like she is obsessed with Matthew, but where as Freja will share her Papa with people Ema will not! That is her Daddy, no one can have him. Especially not Mommy.

Jace is more cockier and bold when playing his sport. He's a good chirper. He liked both basketball and hockey, but feels pushed to play hockey more because his dad's the coach. He tends to be a bit mean at times.

Sure Callen is a hockey boy, and a musician. Like Matthew, he picked up the guitar and is a complete romantic. He watches Matt with Nico and takes notes. He and his older brother are more of a mix between between their parents looks wise. They can look one direction and look like Matthew and the other direction and look like Nico.

All five Zegras boys are almost carbon copies of Trevor. Zephyr's and Izzy's eyes are a different color. Zephyr is everyone's best friend, he's nice to everyone and an empath which wears on him a lot. Percy is stubborn kind of like Bean and the shortest of the boys, and likes fighting. Evan and Rion got Trevor's goofy behavior. They're mischiveous little stinkers who like to play pranks on people. And Izzy, is laid back and easy going.

The Hughes kiddos (Hattie, Beck, Eden) are a healthy mixture of both mom (you) and Quinn. They look like each other and you can tell who they are.

Zuzu has the same dry sense of humor that Mason has and the same unruly curly dark hair.

Lacey has the dark hair too but her's has more wave to it like Lola's.

[maplesyruplover]

LATE ON THE ASK BUT OMG. I DIDNT WATCH THE SHOW YET BUT OH GOD ISAMI IS SO CUTE, HES SO URGHHGHRUHGHGH I WANT TO EAT HIM UP 😭😭 HERE I THIUGHT ID BE A BRAVERN SIMO OR STH BUT IM SO BRAVERN RN

I have absolute Bravern brain rot 😂💀 I'm trying to infect my SIL with it but no luck yet. Such a good anime, 10/10! The comedy with Bravern is top tier too, but my sense of humor is WHACK

[inventors-fair]

Partner Commentary: It Takes Two

I don't play politics, I don't play 2HG—this contest really was for the gimmick, wasn't it? Not that there's anything wrong with that but my goodness do I not know how to evaluate anything past individual cards... Or not, like, I get how cards are supposed to come together. But that's different than how we all come together here as designers to share our love of the game! Sort of. Maybe I'm trying not to let this metaphor go out of whack. Maybe I should just take my lumps.

One of those lumps is the fact that most the cards this week were really darn good. Like, I had a hard time really choosing a favorite, and there's something that I liked about each and every submission. It's a shame when there's a huge discrepancy in design strengths, and a unique gift when there's strength everywhere. Not too many entries, but I ain't gonna complain. This wasn't the easiest contest, after all.

As my partners do their own things in this office, I'm typing away here, and shall remind folks: Judge Picks are cards that have a specific feature I wanna showcase and/or they were just cool and I wanted to gush about them. Let's skip off into the sunset together and read some commentary!

@deg99 — Famed Poet & Ghost Writer (JUDGE PICK)

Poetry, my lifeblood! So there's the implicit team-versus-you issue to be handled (that's not really an issue at all I suppose) where this feels like a singleton card more than a team card at first glance, but the more that you read the more that you can actually work with these cards quite well. I think that I'd've worded the Poet's trigger to say "from graveyards" instead of "from a graveyard" because then you can both hose your opponents' cards AND help the Ghost Writer. These cards work oddly well, actually.

And as for the flavor, Lorehold and Silverquill (...those were the names, right?) do indeed come together for a neat little flavor package. I actually expected the ghost to have flying, but that's up to you, and the spirits not having flying was kind of on par for Strixhaven. These are an odd flavor couple, and I think I'd want to hear more about it—is the writer writing for the poet, or is the ghostwriting pun just a pun? What's their relationship in-universe? I would also understand if they're just buddy-buddy but you've made, again, an implicit link that's mildly frustrating to puzzle out—frustrating in a fun way though! Am I overthinking? [Editor's note: always.]

~

@horsecrash — Ruin Explorer & Ruin Hulk

I wouldn't call these these the most unique mechanical pair. It also follows that with team stuff, these cards don't necessarily help in any 2HG play. For single-player, though, this is a limited slam. The Ruin Explorer is a great build-around-me card for an archetype, and the Hulk can go into any deck without really worrying about what else you need. Big constructs are big. Or rather, not a construct, but a golem. I was wondering, and constructs/golems do indeed have different vibes. I like the vibe of Golem here, good choice.

Does every card need to have teammates in mind? I know I didn't say it was 100% necessary, but there are some benefits to it. Putting counters on creatures that aren't your own could matter, as could having other players make treasure tokens. But just to end on a strength, the Zendikar feel resonates with me strongly here and the relationship makes sense. One more thing that's cool is that the colorless golem, as I mentioned could go into any kind of deck that needs it. That's still a cool concept for the team implication, that one player can just have it in without forcing color.

~

@i-am-the-one-who-wololoes — Inspired Scholar & Muse of Magic

It's cute! It's quite cute, actually, and I think there's almost a throwback to Dominaria, old-school Tolarian kids, where the humor hits for me. I did chuckle at Inspired Scholar's line—is it a bit sitcomesque? Well, yeah, but it's still funny. And the reply on the Muse's card is heartwarming! The relationship between the pair of them on the cards comes across as well, so you've nailed that aspect.

Mechanically, I'm stumbling on the fact that, without the other, these are basically dead cards. Like, literally vanilla. It's a flavorful win that they need each other. We have to keep the mechanics in mind as well. So, how would we go about fixing this? Not too hard—just have a mechanic that's kinda-decent but gets better if you have a card of a certain type. What if the wizard reduced the costs a little, but by 2 instead of 1 if you control a Spirit? Something like that. BTW, for the muse, red's ward costs have been pretty centered in life instead of mana, but I don't know if that's a standard. Might wanna check up on that because I don't have an answer.

~

@jestingmaniac — Reckless Roustabout & Dogged Detective

[Sorry about the lack of @/tagging, Tumblr is acting up!]

Perhaps typing your art direction into your submission when you send it in can make things a little more legible? Also, uh, did the flavor texts get reversed? There's a lot happening here, and it's not the least of your worries that Dogged Detective is already a card name. Let's slow down, ease up, and be more methodical and less Roustabouty. I really do like this relationship you've built between cards! Genuinely love it. These two have that cat-and-mouse feeling you wrote about and I can see that playing out great on the battlefield as well.

For the Reckless Roustabout: Haste and the can't-block line should be separate lines. I actually didn't see the haste part of it, and thought it would give itself haste. Regardless—for multiplayer shenanigans, perhaps it could just give up to one target creature haste, to help out a friend in need. For the Dogged Detective: aside from a name change, this card's pretty awesome. If you wanted to up the team side, the ability could be: "When ~ enters the battlefield, target player may return up to one creature they control to its owner's hand." Win-win all around. Again, lots of awesome ideas, friendly flavor, but we gotta work on presentation as well. I want to read all the stuff you're sending in!

~

@just--a--penguin — Disrupting Geist & Demanding Fiend

This is an odd little grouping, isn't it. Double flying creatures is pretty crazy, but not the strangest thing in the world. I particularly enjoy the parts where you have opposing goals for different deck types, or at least you can slow-roll one and aggro the other. Kind of. I don't know for sure; these do feel like they want to be part of the same deck, less team-based and more eat-your-face-off in a single UB flash deck. If both teammates are playing flash decks, that's even worse, but I'm not opposed.

Not sure how the AD is supposed to be depicted here, TBH? Maybe from different angles, but these both feel Innistradian quite comfortably by themselves. I wonder what the true relationship is between spirits and demons on the plane. There's some kind of partnership being forged, yeah, and I don't know if I'm necessarily sold. Again, each card works great individually and both feel like they can inhabit the same space. The sense of togetherness isn't quite hitting me.

~

@misterstingyjack — Bonded Lifeweaver & Fanged Lifegorger

Make the lifelinkers even lifelinkier, and make the vampires even more vampyrical! I am hesitant to point out: there are no vampires on Ikoria. I checked, and as best I can tell, yeah, no, not a single one. Nightmares might have been the better option to go for. All the same, yeah, the cards are still good together. If the Lifeweaver had had an "up to one" clause without "you control," might've been better for the team side of things, but that's about all the mechanical and flavorful quibbles I have. They're big gameplay quibbles; that'll only come out on the battlefield, though.

Paying the life for the card advantage can get absolutely bonkers but the restriction is fine. How much life does one person need to gain before it becomes negligible? I'd play that card in my Kambal deck for sure, and following that, in a limited format where you can perhaps buff it with cards like the Lifeweaver, well, then you're all set to jam. Very powerful all around, and I like that you pushed the power level there! Some of these cards feel like folks were holding back, but I might be used to FIRE design...

~

@sombramainexe — Tenth District Insurgent & Tenth District Assassin

So strange how two different upbringings can result in two different mindsets, with the same kind of goal on the same street. These cards have quite a dichotomy between them, and the deckbuilding reflects that in sensible ways. Small attackers meets a lose-lose situation and all. I think that either one of them going down can be still strong for your team. If you wanna go for team-based stuff, you can replace "you control" with a similar clause that's "during your turn" and it'll be the same result.

I'm a little curious about the assassin, actually. What's up with the vivacity of the flavor text? They both feel rebellious, but the assassin feels like they need a little bit more, like, survival instinct. What ever happened to the covert side of it? The Massacre Girl may be more inspirational than we could've hoped for... What I mean is that it feels a bit off-flavor, personally, to have an assassin use a rebel's line. The Insurgent feels on-point, so that's all good, and I get how the flavor's trope reflects the mechanical aspect. Feels like it could've been a bit skewed towards the subtleties of contract killing, that's all. 

~

@sparkyyoungupstart — Displaced Orchid & Nyxborn Pollinator (JUDGE PICK)

I'm so sorry to start with this, but both the "it's" in your orchid's flavor text should've been "its." Anyway, this kind of relationship is fascinating and I'm actually kind of floored that you brought back this analog—yes, I'm familiar—in a manner that works so perfectly. Mechanics critique: I don't think you needed the Inspired action on the Pollinator, but I like what the card is doing. (And I know it's an uncommon, lol, small tweak.) The Orchid is fine, too, perhaps a little single-player coded, but whatever, you gotta have your own garden. The Pollinator could make plants for you and each person on your team if need be.

Still, the Pollinator has to sow in order for the orchid to reap. That's perfect! If the pollinator dies, the Orchid only has itself to work with, until the plants die out. That's perfectly anguish-inducing! But that's just their relationship, isn't it... And the fact that the Nyxborn of Theros have the connection to the underworld, or at least they can be and they come across as such here, is a joyful throwback that shows an acute knowledge of how to connect MTG worlds and real-world ideas in an thoughtful and impactful manner. I'm truly impressed. What I wonder is for the worldbuilding, if the Orchid could've perhaps been a Dryad instead? Or a Caryatid, because Caryatids are the only plant-types on Theros that I can find. "She sings ardently in the grove, but her petals fall in silence." I dunno. Something schmaltzy. 

~

@tavi-en-astra — Sweetheartist & Maestros Heart Thief

This is a card that I'm really not sure works in the rules. Honestly, it's also far too narrow unless the whole set is based around soulbond, and I'm not convinced that that's reasonable. The amount of text on these cards is already pushing it with partner there. Conceptually, there's a lot to like about the relationship you've build. What I feel happened, and correct me if I'm wrong, is that the strength of the relationship turned into a story where every part felt like it had to be captured, and following that the cards ended up with the amount of text that they do to get those niche details.

Sweetheartist is honestly fine, if narrow. Most of the baggage falls to the Heart Thief. Put simply, soulbond doesn't allow you to pair with your opponents' creatures, and even if it did, soulbond reflects shared abilities; there's no mechanical resonance with how soulbond is supposed to work and what it's doing on the Heart Thief. If you want to make creatures attack, that's all fine and good. Firkraag is actually a card you could look at! If creatures had to attack, there's a bonus to be had, and that's basically what the Sweetheartist wants. So, there's a lot happening here... I think the killers' connection is nice, the multicolor cards are daring, and the flavor text is well-written. Narrowing your focus allows for the mechanics to do what they're supposed to do.

~

@wildcardgamez — Prodigy Gemcrafter & Filigree Firefox (JUDGE PICK)

Where does this pair live? I'm going to assume Kaladesh, because I wanna. Kamigawa was my first thought because of Reconfigure but I'm flexible. Either way, I love the manner in which these cards feels like they belong to and with each other, and the joy of crafting that comes with one and the other. Treasures abound, which is nice, and continuing to give double strike is going to be wonderful if you can get the pinging off the Fox. Now, I had to reread Simian Sling, but that "it" in the text box is so frustrating to me, and I know how it's supposed to work and I hate how it's just barely getting there in my brain.

Hardly matters, though, because the rules say what they say and what can I do about it. Uniquely, this is the only monocolor pairing that we have! I think that in a team game, the ability to fetch something up for yourself will be useful, and if you're playing casual/EDH/whatever by yourself, you'll be fine, so that's all set. What would it be like if two players on a team each had a single color? That would be quiet interesting indeed, not impossible, but certainly hard to pull off. Splashing is fun, too. Who knows? Either way, the whole shebang feels neat enough to point out as being, well, neat enough.

That's all! Tune in tomorrow for cards, cards, and more cards. @abelzumi