#send this to a friend

[trippymockingquake]

*sighs* While I’m still optimistic for whatever intuitive and anxious reason should this all go to shit are there any women on this app looking to get married to a woman that don’t live in the US or live in a safe state in the US?

I promise it can be an open marriage but like please take me away from here. I’m overly supportive, I love cuddles, I don’t like going out (I’ll take you on dates and to parties but the parties aren’t my thing), I can cook, I can not bake unfortunately, I can play guitar, I can dance a little, I can make funny voices (it’s just a gremlin voice atp), and I can talk about random stuff. I don’t have looks going for me but my personality is fantastic from what people tell me. Um I have a degree in CJ with a cybersecurity certificate and will try to work in the cyber security sector (the job search has suddenly expanded to several other countries). I’m yeah you know. Oh and I’m if there is a payment you need in return we will need to set up a payment plan which hopefully you’ll or they’ll be fine with. Also I’m biracial feel like that’s important so we know what I mean going somewhere safe. And um yeah so if you are looking or know of anyone looking for a wifey um send them to my dms.

Like we don’t even have to talk or anything… like this was meant to be a joke but I’m deadass. I don’t have a lot to offer except love and a never ending mind ready for conversation.

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[inbabylontheywept]

I was walking out of the Walmart today, and a car passed me, and I got this incredibly vivid impression. It wasn't really in words, but if I had to put it into words, the two key points would be

a). I needed to watch that car and

b). That I needed to be careful, because the driver of the car was a massive bitch.

It kind of took me by surprise, because I really had no reason to be beefing with that car, and I also hadn't really had an impression like that since I was religious, which was in my teen years. Right? It'd been a decade since I had a little voice whisper in my ear, and I'd basically written it off as nonsense.

Anyway, I watched the car, because The Spirits or whatever were very insistent that I did. Car drove fine, went into the parking spot, inched forward, and right when it should've just stopped, the driver gunned it for some reason and it ran into the curb and cracked its bumper.

So, the driver got out, and she went to the front of the car to check that yes, she had cracked her bumper, and then she turned to look at me. The parking lot wasn't empty, but we were the only two people standing in that row, and I'd probably been staring at her for tenish seconds now.

She demanded very angrily to know why I hadn't warned her of the curb. And I could have said I didn't know you were about to gun it or is it my job to help every stranger park, or even could you have even heard me, inside your car?

And all of those would have been fine, but I was really, really busy digesting that I had somehow communed with Mormon Jesus again for the first time in fifteen years, and that the communion had mostly been there to let me watch someone park badly (?), so what I responded with was:

"Because it was foretold."

And I can't tell which would be funnier, if she went silent because there's not much to be said to that, or if she went silent because in Utah, she might actually believe me, but we parted ways without more words.

I'm still kind of digesting this myself, actually.

[bismuth-209]

[tawnysoup]

You both jump in place for a bit, grinning.

[vampiricsheep]

artists rb this with your favorite thing about prev's art-style in the tags

[katblazeparttwo]

listening to season five shenanigans

Inspired by (and og pics at) this post !

[oliviawhen]

[laurellala-comics]

What if the characters in Ace Attorney all texted each other. Because they're friends. <3

(My alt text descriptions were a little long so I've added the individual text exchanges below, btw if there's any way I can improve my alt text please let me know!)

[id: drawing one shows text history between Maya Fey and Phoenix Wright on Nick's phone, starting with older texts at the top

Maya: ramen? (Nick has given this a thumbs up)

now we see texts from today at 11:37

Maya: Burgers?

Nick: sorry, not today, big case :(

Maya: Aww Nick

Maya: I'll pick it up and bring it over!

Maya: ... can i use your credit card (she punctuates the sentence with a big smiling face emoji) /end id]

[id: drawing two shows text history between Phoenix Wright and Miles Edgeworth on Miles's phone, starting with older texts at the top

Edgeworth: This was a riveting article, I thought it might interest you.

now we see texts from today

Nick sends a screenshot of a twitter post that reads: Lawyers help people get through the worst day of their life. They're good at it because they have experience getting through their own worst day, which just so happens to be every waking day of their existence

Miles: Ha.

Nick: Just one "ha"?

Miles: Not your best work.

Nick sends a frowny face :( /end id]

[id: drawing three shows text history between Miles Edgeworth and Maya Fey on Maya's phone. The text bubbles from Maya here are green as a result of her, an iPhone user texting Miles, a google pixel user. Maya has also sprinkled several emojis into Miles's contact name, the libra scales, the angry face emoji, the shouting emoji, and the clashing swords emoji. They're mid conversation and Miles has sent a text bubble so big we can't read the whole thing.

Miles: -completely unnecessary. Doing a Steel Samurai reboot so soon after the series ended is a foolish decision, everyone will be directly comparing the two from the moment the first episode drops. I don't believe they even have a fresh direction for the show, the only difference will be the cgi. God forbid we rock the boat and follow a new character! It's abundantly clear to me that the studio executives are cowards.

Maya: Oh my gosh, and did you see the new outfits? Maya includes a sobbing emoji

Miles: Oh, don't get me started.

we see three dots at the bottom of the screen indicating that Miles is still typing. /end id]

[bovineblogger]

the sloppeerrrrr

HOLY FUCK THE SLOPPEERRR

[inkskinned]

i wrote an interactive poem for my girlfriend in 3 parts. she said you need to read it.

go here: take only the final quiz or take all 3. i don't mind. it's sad, though. this is a poem about choice. about fate and mental illness and how love fits inside of all of it. this is a poem about a long dark hallway. mostly this is a poem about mango sushi rolls.

good luck. i love you. despite it all, i'm hopeful.

[thatbuddie]

okay so, everyone is always telling buck that eddie has a resting bitch face, right? and buck is so so so adamant that he doesn’t and he fights everyone on it. he really can’t understand what people mean. he’s baffled when chimney makes jokes about eddie scaring patients with his stony expression. he is so confused when maddie tells him she was a bit intimated by eddie before they ever talked. buck just can’t believe that this is something people think.

until one day hen shows buck a video of eddie just chilling at the station while reading a magazine. and he looks so serious, so frowny. a little bitchy if buck is being totally honest. and then, in the video, buck walks up the stairs and as soon as eddie sees him he lights up. suddenly he’s all sunshine and rainbows. he’s all smiley and he just looks so soft.

and that’s how buck finds out that eddie does have a resting bitch face but buck never sees it because eddie always looks ecstatic when buck is near.

[barghest-land]

drawings from paleo expedition to dagestan, done right on the trip. sometimes messy when it was cold and rainy, but i won't correct it. i think it's cool to leave it just the way it was done, and not retouch it after. there will be more drawings later, but those will be done from home

[mmxxviii]

everyone is talking about the sub dm prompt but i need everyone to know this will stick with me forever

i can’t stop watching it

[meowmeowriley]

Soap comes back to base after having teeth pulled and is not expecting Ghost to pounce the second he gets through the gate.

Ghost: "So where are they? I wanna see."

Soap: "What?"

Ghost: "The teeth. Gimme"

Soap: "I didn't... keep them?"

Ghost, upset: "They didn't let you?"

Soap, growing more confused by the second: "I didn't ask?"

Ghost: "You didn't- Johnny what the fuck?" 😟

Soap: "I was in a lot of pain, Lt., and still am, mind you-"

Ghost: "But... I woulda took 'em if you didn't want them."

Soap: "Ghost, my teeth were far from perfect, there's a reason they had to come out, not exactly great specime-"

Ghost: "THAT'S WHAT MAKES THEM SPECIAL!"

Soap: 😶

Ghost: "ONE OF A KIND!"

Gaz, who walked up in the middle of the conversation: "Think I've still got my baby teeth somewhere, you want 'em?"

Ghost, still distraught: "At least GAZ loves me."

Soap: "... my mouth hurts..."

[collophora]

I resurrected my tumblr just to post this