#send me fun cliffs to yeet myself off of !!

[wanchiispiced]

this is

this is

i have no explanation im so sorry

[kyusunyu]

SUNWOO ↳ “𝕺𝖓𝖈𝖊 𝖚𝖕𝖔𝖓 𝖆 𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖊”

a TBZ frat boyz series.

kim sunwoo x f!reader :: ex lovers/soulmate tropes

warnings: some explicit content 👀, hardly smutty. lots of feels though. (rough edit)

𝔬𝔫𝔠𝔢 𝔲𝔭𝔬𝔫 𝔞 𝔱𝔦𝔪𝔢 𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔯𝔢 𝔩𝔦𝔳𝔢𝔡 𝔞 𝔥𝔬𝔱 𝔰𝔬𝔠𝔠𝔢𝔯 𝔱𝔢𝔞𝔪 𝔭𝔯𝔬𝔡𝔦𝔤𝔶 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔞 𝔨𝔫𝔬𝔴-𝔦𝔱-𝔞𝔩𝔩 𝔟𝔬𝔬𝔨 𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔪 𝔱𝔥𝔞𝔱 𝔪𝔢𝔢𝔱 𝔬𝔫𝔠𝔢 𝔞𝔤𝔞𝔦𝔫 𝔴𝔥𝔢𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔪𝔬𝔬𝔫’𝔰 𝔣𝔲𝔩𝔩 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔱𝔞𝔯𝔰 𝔞𝔩𝔦𝔤𝔫…

“Bite me.”

you were a realist.

far from delusional,

even if the stars aligned on a full moon night.

nothing could convince you to believe that a frat party would be a hell of a good time.

“I have too much shit.” you annunciate, yeeting a pencil in your best friend’s general direction. “Ask Mina. I’m sure she’d find sweaty people and an uncanny amount of booze fun.”

your model of a roommate sulks.

bummed you weren’t like the rest of the girls around here.

like who in their right mind would decline an invite to the biggest frat house in SK?

“Leave it to you to pass on a good time. Boo, tomatoes.”

you send her a merciless smile. “I feel less of a detriment to society this way. Have you seen me in anything other than sweats and a hoodie? It takes effort to look as good as you. Effort I cannot spare for myself.”

“Talk about dramatic.”

dramatics aside,

there was nothing that could possibly be done to drag you out of this dorm room and into the pits of hell called TBZ.

that godforsaken frathood might drive you off a cliff.

you’ll give them the benefit of the doubt.

they were far from hideous— a sight for sore eyes really.

intelligent, sociable, and athletic.

all 11 of them.

even if 2 happened to be both your exes.

once upon a time..

“Well, i’m leaving.” the gorgeous red head flips her hair, model figure hugged in the little black dress she sported. “If i’m not back by morning, send a search party. I love you! Don’t study too hard my little book worm.”

yes.

there were some perks to being roommates and best friend’s with your polar opposite.

a stable social life.

free clothes.

and invites to the biggest parties?

too bad you hardly found any of those to be useful to you.

“Hello?”

“Y/n?” her voice sounds irritated, slightly slurred and strained against the echoing music of the party. “Y/n, can you come get me? Fuck— these people are losers. I’m drunk.”

you grimace.

she’s upset.

it’s only midnight and of all people—

Taeri was upset.

“Did something happen?” you mumble sleepily, sitting up to turn on a light. “Are you okay? DId someone hurt you?”

too drunk to process the question, she groans. “Will you just please come and get me? I feel like I’m gonna explode.”

“O-okay, just give me a couple—“

the call flat lines.

great.

the day has finally come that the stars aligned on a full moon night.

albeit, you still didn’t think the frat party was gonna be a good time,

but i guess you’ll bite.

it didn’t take long to wash up a little, whipping out one of Taeri’s hand me down’s.

10 minutes longer and you had your liner drawn and a simple red tint to your velvet lips.

you absolutely dreaded having to face the day you’d ever come to this—

a strapless top, tight jeans and mid height high heels.

but you had some class.

you weren’t gonna be a detriment to society by showing up in half ass pj’s.

“Hey.”

the hottie by the door makes a double take.

“H-hello.”

your forehead creases, eyes looking into the still much alive party. “Aren’t you gonna ask for my name, pretty boy?”

pretty boy doesn’t respond.

honestly, too stunned to answer.

because god damn.

god damn—

“Damnit.” Eric blinks furiously, wiping at his shirt upon spilling some of his drink. “Sorry, name?”

“Y/n.”

“Y/n, you’re on the list— Y/n?”

at this point, he’s completely disregarded his drink.

the rest spilling all over his thousand dollar shoes.

“Y/n.” you affirm with a slight chuckle. “Taeri called. Is she alright?”

no, of course she’s not.

the sole reason for her coming, being her ex boyfriend who happens to live here—

who undoubtedly was the cause of the phone call in the first place

“Well all hell hasn’t broke loose yet.” Eric manages to make it through a sentence. “You don’t normally come to these things, don’t you? Taeri said you’re not much of a party goer.”

“Great observation, pretty boy. I was summoned. If Taeri wasn’t in trouble, why’d she call me then?”

he aimlessly shrugs. “Hyunjae hasn’t touched your hot model bestie all night. I mean Sunwoo’s back in town so maybe—“

oh god.

OH MY GOD.

fucking hell on earth.

“Hey, didn’t you and Sunwoo—“

“No I don’t know a Sunwoo.” he elicits a pressed panicked grin by you. “And Sunwoo doesn’t know me. Are we understanding each other? Do I make myself clear, pretty boy.”

the pretty boy grins back. “Fucking crystal.”

you pray to the stars in the sky to disarrange.

you pray for anything but the storm that brews ahead.

you pray for the sake of your roommate,

that this was nothing but a coincidence.

“— that Sunwoo’s back in town, can you believe it?”

you refrain from putting that stranger into a chokehold.

wanting nothing but to be home in your covers.

you’re no cinderella but,

it’s past your damn bedtime.

“Where the fuck is she?” you mumble to yourself incoherently, searching the heavily intoxicated crowd for your best friend.

leave it to her to make you the damn search party.

these heels were killing you.

but those heels on you weren’t just killing you,

it was killing everyone else too.

“You won’t believe who just walked in.” Eric came back to his group of troublemakers, kissing his lips through a devious smirk. “God damn, you won’t believe me when I tell you. Who just walked through our fucking doors.”

Sunwoo’s a little less interested.

tired is a simple word to describe his current attitude.

he just got back into town, man.

it’s been a stressful week for him.

the last thing he wants to deal with was Eric’s crazed nonsense.

Hyunjae’s shoulder’s perk from on top of the counter. “If you’re talking about my god forsaken ex again, we’ve already crossed paths. Like fourth party in a row.”

“Not your ex.”

Eric’s feverish.

he’s only heard about the legend of y/n.

the closed-off maths geek Sunwoo had a boner for freshman year.

the hardly qualified best friend of the hottest model on campus.

“But she’s so fucking hot though.” Eric dreamily drools, nodding from the corner in which they gather. “She’s drop dead gorgeous, Sunwoo. How could a star soccer player like you, drop a once in a lifetime shot like that?”

“What the fuck are you on about, you— you’re kidding.”

the star soccer player can’t remember the last time he saw you.

well, to be fair, the last time he saw you,

you were in an oversized hoodie, worn-in sneakers, and sweats doubled your size.

now people are expecting him to believe his ex girlfriend stalked the halls of his house—

in stunning Louboutins nonetheless.

leather tight top hiked too far up the stomach, cleavage half out and bed hair making you look like a 5-star Michelin.

those heels.

the heels are killing him on you, he doesn’t know what to do.

“You’re fucking kidding.” Juyeon jumps from his seat, the rest of the males following suit like a pack of hungry wolves. “That’s her?”

Sangyeon whistles at all that. “I’ll be damned.”

Sunwoo can’t say a thing.

nope.

he’s not allowed to.

leave it to you to sweep the entire party of their feet right after he did.

“Taeri!” you call, unbeknownst to the lingering eyes around you. “Taeri, where are you!”

your heels click at the tiles,

excusing yourself in the crowd like the prim you are.

noting to run as soon as you find,

“Kim Sunwoo.”

your breath’s taken away.

haphazard and eyes blown out of their sockets.

you can’t run if he’s the one that finds you.

“Sunwoo, I—“

he doesn’t let you manage even a word.

clearly won’t let you say a thing.

not that you weren’t allowed to.

after all,

he’s the one that got away.

“Not you.” you tear his hands from tugging on your wrists. “Of anyone in this damn frat house, not you, Kim Sunwoo. I want absolutely nothing to do with you.”

leave it to Sunwoo to look at you like the mad man he is.

the hot shot playboy of IST,

this was your sumptuous ex boyfriend.

your only ex boyfriend.

“— the last thing I want to see. Get away from me.”

his eyes roll and he pins you to the wall of his bedroom,

making sure to lock the door behind you.

“The last thing I want to see is my beloved ex girlfriend showing up half naked at one of my frat parties. But life’s unfair isn’t it?”

he elicits a pitiful snort and you dare yourself to retort back. “The thought never bothered you before when you begged me to be your damn side piece, once upon a time.”

“Once upon a time, you were mine. Let me make myself very clear, you were my girl. And right now, I don’t get that luxury— i’m not allowed to call you that.”

“If you’re looking for permission, you’re far from it. I’m not here for you, i’m here for Taeri.”

Sunwoo’s never liked that girl.

always trying to get you to wear the skankiest clothes.

present you like a centerpiece.

taking you whenever she wanted.

(she had her work cut for her)

when all he wanted was you all to himself.

“Trying to prove yourself by being hotter than her?”

you pry his body off of you,

heated.

absolutely heated you could explode.

“Trying to prove myself by not being a damn joke. Isn’t that what I was to you, once upon a time Kim Sunwoo? The reason you dropped me because I could never prove myself to be the girlfriend in Kim Sunwoo’s hot fucking life.”

his chest rises and falls as fast as his blood boils.

he always loved firing you up.

you were so hot, he couldn’t tell you why.

but he always wanted to strip you out of your oversized clothes and get you completely naked anyway.

the thrill of seeing you naked being a blessing in disguise.

right now,

you were already half way there.

“I loved you.”

“Loved me?” you laugh incredulously. “The sex was good but other than that, what can you say you loved about me? Other than lying to my face, nearly ripping out my hair, telling me your cock only belonged to me? But digging it inside other women like that didn’t matter at all.”

he’s taken by surprise.

that dirty mouth of yours.

he’s been needing a stress relief.

and suddenly, he’s not that stressed about any of his circumstances.

especially the ones he faces right now.

in fact, he’s more laxed than he’s ever been in his entire life.

“Still thinking about my cock, are you?”

“Yours and 5 others, baby. It stopped being all about—“

his lips crash against yours and the wall is suddenly your best friend.

so much for Taeri—

god, Kim Sunwoo was just so irresistible.

“You.” he growls into your lips while ripping off his shirt. “It’s always been all about you, hasn’t it?”

an arduous moan escapes your tethered lips,

melting in the hands of your inconceivable ex boyfriend.

“Im gonna make those 5 others look like training wheels, baby. I’m going to make sure you know who you belong to.”

it’s been 2 years.

you weren’t gonna wallow over your breakup with Sunwoo forever.

yes, you’ve slept with other people but damn.

other people will never be Kim Sunwoo.

“I won’t even have to beg for you to be my side piece when i’m finished with you.”

Taeri and Hyunjae were fine.

Taeri was upset but hey,

Hyunjae beat you to it anyway.

while Sunwoo’s beating into you,

Taeri stops to look at her ex, “Have you seen y/n? She said she was gonna come get me.”

Taeri’s never really liked Sunwoo for you either.

he was always possessive.

always center of fucking attention.

too big and mighty for her little know it all.

but god damn.

if there was anyone who made you happier than she’s ever seen you,

it was that poor unfortunate soul.

“She’s gonna eat him alive.” Taeri chuckles with her hand on her ex’s lap. “Poor thing, y/n’s balled up her anger for him for years. You think he’s gonna be okay?”

that was the thrill of you, you know.

always one step ahead of everyone else,

Sunwoo had to put a leash on you.

he was so tired of chasing,

“You’ve let go, Sunwoo.” you’re hyperventilating over his broad chest. “Where’s all that control you had now?”

you were gonna be the death of him.

he had to juggle loving you, paying the frat, his soccer career—

“I’m sorry.”

3 rounds later and Sunwoo’s spent.

ravishing in your beauty,

the yearning of something he didn’t think he needed in a long time.

you made him the happiest man alive once upon a time.

“I don’t deserve you.”

3 rounds later and you were convinced.

ravishing in his warmth and comfort—

you haven’t felt this content in a long time.

“You deserved all of me.”

you loved him.

god you loved him and you don’t know how to stop.

2 years later and he’s still the man you love.

“I loved your wide smile. I craved your touch. I wanted your attention every damn day and you deserved every minute of having me. I loved everything about you, Kim Sunwoo. But you made that decision to let me go a long time ago.”

he kisses the places your tears stain,

fingers shakily threading through your now long hair.

“I was tired of convincing myself all of that were true. Tell me, baby. What else did you love about me?”

you catch your breath, nose brushed against his.

“Your eyes. Your nose. Your dick.”

his throaty laugh fills your ears like music on christmas morning. “What else, baby?”

you lean in, humming against his cheek.

eyes shut in absolute bliss.

remembering the subtle scent of bergamot and sage that stained his skin.

“Your lips? The way they move when you kiss me. How they feel when you tell me you love me.”

his arms clasp around your hips.

high on your euphoria with you pressed against him like this.

the stars were in his favor tonight.

perfectly aligned in the sky when he finally tells you,

“I love you.”

you’re convinced he’s joking.

you have to convince yourself he was making you a joke.

but Sunwoo holds you like he’s gonna lose you.

afraid you were gonna let go.

“I’ll never deserve you but i’ll love you for the rest of my life if I have to in order to convince myself I do.”

“What do you love about me, Kim Sunwoo?”

the full moon is in your favor.

illuminating the room just enough to meet his colorful eyes.

just enough color to remember how he looked at you once upon a time.

“That you’ll be the only girl that I get to love in my entire life. I don’t want to be with anyone else but you, baby. Not even if the stars start crossing in the sky.”

you a side piece?

hardly.

no, Kim Sunwoo never left your side.

he was like an overbearing parasite,

only having to move elsewhere when he wanted to be on top.

or when he kneels in front of you to ask you to be his wife.

and to think he would’ve had to beg once upon a time.

@kyusunyu / @kpopinesss / @atinybitofau

[justal0wk3yg4mer]

Things I've Said: Assassin's Creed Valhalla (Spoilers)

Guess what I finally finished!!! Well actually I finished this game a few months ago but I kind of procrastinated because I'm trying to keep this post mainly storyline stuff and it was gonna take me a minute to go over everything. So...yeah...this post is going to be another long one. But still, I LOVED this game! It was so much fun and there was so much to do that I never got bored. However, this meant that I would get distracted easily and run off to do some random thing instead of the story. Still, no regrets. Now, on with the post! Me:*Player/My actions* Character Dialogue

This looks so cool. End of story, no more comments...holy shit the sounds!

I fucking love that loading symbol.

This is wholesome, like the beginning of Assassin's Creed 2 wholesome...fuck.

Where the fuck is the title screen? *Literally a hour later after exploring* There it is, now I know exactly how I'm going to be doing in this game.

I promised myself I wouldn't do this but here I am, literally doing everything else BUT the story.

Hytham: Will you follow me? Eivor: Lead on. I'll follow that sweet baby cinnamon roll anywhere!

*Reaches an anomaly* Oh, I'm getting so many AC2 flashbacks.

If I could romance Valka I would. *Couple of minutes later* IF I COULD ROMANCE HYTHAM I WOULD.

I legit met this bear 5 minutes ago and I am devastated by her death.

Bigfoot! No wait this is England.

Is that? OMG it is, the saxons are playing D'n'D.

Step on me? Glad to know that was a kink back in the day.

Bad bitch, Soma's a bad bitch.

Part of me is intrigued to go find clues and hunt for Order members. At the same time, I didn't ask to play hide and seek with these MFs.

Annnnd I need an adult.

*Gets stabbed* You're askin' for it old man.

Do I sense betrayal?

HAVE YOU SEEN MY SON??!?!

There is a reason I don't fuck with zealots, don't give them my fucking name.

You tryin' to raid the raven clan? Not today son, not today.

Fight me Dag 😡

*Goes to see Hytham and sees options* Can I please have a conversation with this man?

This guy is a keeper and Valdis knows it. So you two can fuck off.

He's fine, it's just a cliff. I've seen assassins go higher.

Finnr:...and a nap. Same my dude.

Can we discuss the Dag situation? Cause if he keeps being a bitch, Imma send his ass to Valhalla sooner.

The Ratae Bureau? Oh shit I forgot these were a thing. *Cue another hour of NOT DOING THE STORY*

Wow, everyone got the message and just dipped? Were they being hunted after Imperator Honorius died or was just like 'nope, Britannia got too weird for us.'

This 'Lady' that they keep mentioning...is it Aya? *Few minutes later* It is My Queen!

BAYAK!! 😭😭

May the father--...oh that's rich.

Ubisoft, why can't I romance Hytham?

Vinland? Either it's Hytham's accent or that's just what they use to call Finland back in the day. *Checks* Oh I'm fucking stupid. It's America.

Basim, you rub me the wrong way.

Sigurd WTF

*Hears Juno's voice* Fucking bitch.

How did you get an Apple?!? Yeet it. Yeet that bitch to the farthest depths of the ocean.

That's the wall. That's the wall from AC3. *Eivor gives the apple to the tribe* That's the apple from AC--THIS IS CONNOR'S TRIBE!

Hey uh, Bishop Deorlof...that's an interesting cross you got on.

What if the woman was the mastermind? I would fucking salute her.

NO CEOBERT MY BABY BOY!!

King getting his ass whooped with a fucking stool.

...here is an idea, what if the bishop did it? I mean, that is an interesting necklace.

That's why he kept saying Ivarr's name! My bad Bishop and Ivarr WTF?!

Basim is doing what I would be doing if I could travel back to puritan times. Mad respect. But still, fuck you Basim.

Is that a Da Vinci Code reference?

Lady Estrid be like (¬‿¬) *Few minutes later* Estrid: Is my virtue safe with you? I fucking knew it.

Why am I getting Witcher vibes? Nevermind, no disrespect Jeskier.

That's called arson...you are arsonist.

Reda, my guy, you are LITERALLY talking about Bayak and Aya and I am deeply hurt.

It almost pains me how badly I am disrespecting these fuckers in their own house.

Goodwin, you tryin' to smash?

Yes man is mortal but, if his work is passed on, is immortal. *My friend: That was deep...and you need a break.*

RAVEN GANG FOR LIFE BITCH!

Why is your titty out like that bro?

*Recieved the 'We're in the end game now' trophy*...is the game trying to rush me?

Fuck Goodwin, hello Vili.

Guy is like the pervy purge trooper all over again, but I'll allow it.

You know, I've always hated Juno in the series, however you *Fulke* have taken the cake.

Sigurd you are borderline Stockholm Syndrome my guy.

Oh you're up to something...and the result sounds like your death.

This is moldy cheese...is the cake a lie?!

Not gonna lie; this is probably the most fucked up death in the game and y'all called me a murder.

Um, Sigurd. You okay bud? A little depressed?

*Watches the last anomaly* There is so much to digest here but I will ask...does Basim know?

Sigurd is 100% that dumb white friend in horror movies.

Oh no, not this Groundhog's Day BS.

Okay so Sigurd remembers. Eivor doesn't or does and just doesn't care. Basim has to know, there are too many redflags. *Few minutes later* I fucking knew it, come here bitch.

Finally giving my man Desmond some credit 😤

I'm not surprised. Should have duct taped the staff to her hand.

Desmond? 😩

Why are y'all talking to this man? I'd slit his throat, bury the body and call it a day.

You?!? That's awesome! Such a slap to the face, even bigger than Shay's betrayal.

And finally, we are at the end. There was so much to go through and sort. Too be honest, I know I said that I wanted to make this strictly about the storyline but, I was trying to remember what was story and what led into the story but I had fun so I can't complain. Thank you for stickin' it til the end!

[trensu]

Episode 13: The One where WWX’s Gaydar is Completely Nonexistent

YOU GUYS, THIS EPISODE, THIS EPISODE YOU GUYS

IT’S THE ONE WITH THAT CAVE SCENE

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT

But in case you don’t know, I’M GONNA TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT

So we start off with wwx offering to carry lwj

Lwj, being the Repressed Gay that he is, flatly refuses: “how boring”

Pretty sure the thought of wwx touching him gives him vapors

Also? LWJ, You gotta come up with some new stuff; this line’s getting old

And wwx is completely immune to it by now

Wwx: *internally* such a stubborn fool!

He’s annoyed that lwj isn’t letting him help him in any way

And, like, i get that

I understand, wwx

But, WHO ARE YOU TO TALK?? MR. I’M GONNA SACRIFICE MYSELF FOR OTHERS AT ANY GIVEN OPPORTUNITY

Okay, moving along now

WE GET A PAPERMAN!! A CUTE LITTLE YELLOW PAPERMAN!! SAY HI TO THE PAPERMAN, EVERYONE, LOOK HOW ADORABLE HE IS!!

And ~Their Song~ starts playing as soon as we see the paperman appear

Wwx sends it floating over to wen qing

Paperman!wwx: plz find a way for lwj to get some rest

Actual!wwx: *hovers at lwj’s shoulder TOTALLY READY TO CATCH HIM IF HE FALLS*

WQ pulls through like a BOSS and everybody takes a break from walking near a river

Poor lwj looks so tuckered out here as he sits down on a rock

Wwx: i’ll go get you some water lan zhan! *runs off to get water*

Omg wwx, you are not subtle

LET ME TAKE CARE OF YOU LAN ZHAN

LET ME LOVE YOU LAN ZHAN

LET ME TENDERLY TREAT YOUR WOUNDS LAN ZHAN

LET ME INSPIRE SOME KINKY NURSE FANTASIES LAN ZHAN

How do you not realize what you’re doing wwx. How.

Ewww, now wc is talking, double ewww, he’s talking Plot Things

Gross, now his gf JiaoJiao is talking and is annoying and unfortunately necessary for a future wangxian moment so we have to acknowledge her existence

I know it hurts guys, but i promise you it’s worth it

She’s all “alright losers, go find us that cave with the cave monster thing”

Wwx releases a talisman (no Dramatic Twirl tho) which then locates the cave

Right, the cave.

The very important cave

The cave that will give us lots of quality wangxiantics

That cave.

And now we’re in the cave!! The best cave!! I mean, it’s way bigger and way scarier than the other cave, but still! (Dancing Fairy Cave, who??)

Plot stuff happens, wc is being an asshole, nothing new or exciting here

Then we see everyone find a cliff within the cave!

Wwx: wow, that looks like a bottomless pit

Wc: let’s see if that’s true! *yeets wwx off the cliff* (WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WEN CHAO)

Lwj: Wei Ying!! 

he not-quite shouts this, it’s more of a startled yelp than anything

Be grateful bc when he starts yelling his name for realsies in this show IT’S NOT GONNA BE FUN

ALSO if wc was not at the top of lwj’s shit list before, he’s definitely there now

So now that wwx confirmed that the pit is NOT bottomless, the hostages i mean visiting disciples throw down some rope and start to climb down

Uh, why didn’t they use that BEFORE chucking wwx down like a bag of trash?? Oh right bc wc is an asshole

Once they reach the bottom, lwj ALL BUT RUNS to wwx’s side

AND HELPS HIM UP!! HE GRABS HIM BY THE ARM AND HELPS HIM UP

BC HE LOVES HIM

I’m gonna give JZX a moment here bc this episode is chock full of wangxiantics and jzx was in snark-master mode

Wwx: well, i know why LWJ and JC came down to check that i wasn’t eaten by a monster, but why are you here, jzx?

Jzx: i’d rather fight an unknown monster whilst weaponless than listen to wc and jj talk for another minute

SAME, JZX, SAME

Lol, everyone is like yeah, that makes sense

More stuff happens and eventually wc and his flunkies catch up with everyone else at the bottom of the cliff and want to lure the monster out

Wc: lets bleed some of this cannon fodder as bait bc i’m an asshole

Jj: i pick mianmian

STAY AWAY FROM MIANMIAN, YOU HORRID PERSON, HOW DARE YOU

And of course everyone loves mianmian so they jump to her defense 

Now there’s a showdown between the wens and the hostages, i mean visiting disciples

LWJ IS SUCH A BADASS HERE, GUYS

HE’S TAKING PPL DOWN LEFT AND RIGHT USING ONLY TORCH WHILST INJURED 

AND HE MAKES IT LOOK SO CASUAL. DUDE’S NOT EVEN BREAKING A SWEAT

HE FREAKING SNATCHES A SWORD OUT OF A WEN FLUNKIE’S HAND LIKE NBD

While he’s doing all that, wwx is completely humiliating wen chao by reciting some of the wen clan rules

WC: stop talking shit

Wwx: uh, i just quoted the wen clan rulebook sooooo you actually just insulted your ancestors

Wwx: what did the rulebook say was the punishment for insulting the ancestors…? Oh yeah, EXECUTION. Prepare to die!!

Wwx proceeds to take wc as a visiting disciple, i mean hostage on top of a giant rock in the middle of a pond inside the cave and we’re at a standstill

It probably could’ve gone on forever except 🐢🔪🐢🔪🐢 SURPRISE MURDER TURTLE!! 🐢🔪🐢🔪🐢

THAT’S NO ROCK

IT’S A MURDER TURTLE SHELL

LWJ, being the clever boy that he is, notices that the Murder Turtle has bad eyesight

Lwj: quiet, don’t move! It can’t see us *🎶jurassic park theme plays🎶*

Maybe i should call the Murder Turtle something else. It looks more like a loch ness monster tbh

A distant cousin perhaps?

Nessie: oh, that guy? We don’t really talk to that side of the family

Murder Turtle: *is murderous*

Nessie: yeah, he makes family dinners awkward…

Ahem, anyway

Wen chao is a coward and instead of staying quiet and still like lwj says, he starts screaming like the world’s ugliest baby for wen zhuliu to save him

Murder Turtle does not like this noise coming from it’s shell so wwx and wc end up leaping off of it and landing back on shore and all hell breaks loose

In all fairness to the Murder Turtle, I too hate listening to wc

Murder Turtle starts, you know, murdering. And the hostages i mean visiting disciples don’t have weapons and the wen flunkies are awful

Shit’s happening is what i’m saying

And while all this goes down, jj shows us that she is the MOST AWFUL DUMBEST PERSON ALIVE

THERE’S A GIANT KILLER REPTILE TRYING TO EAT EVERYONE

AND SHE’S MORE CONCERNED ABOUT GETTING BACK AT MIANMIAN FOR BEING BETTER THAN HER IN EVERY WAY???

PRIORITIES MUCH??

She has two of the wen flunkies hold mianmian in place and is about to stick a wen crest branding iron on her face (WTF, JJ)

But oh, WWX TO THE RESCUE!! He shoots an arrow in jj's arm and she ends up throwing the branding iron at mianmian but wwx dives in to stop it!

(and we’re just gonna ignore how terribly fake that dive looks, okay?)

Anyway he dives and blocks the branding iron but oh no, it somehow manages to hit him square in the chest with enough force to burn through his clothes and into his skin!!! 

(we’re not gonna question this, just roll with it)

And he drops the Medicine Bottle he hid away to use on lwj eventually

(we’re gonna also ignore the fact that it somehow fell out of where it was securely hidden in his robes even tho he was literally just thrown off a cliff and the Medicine Bottle manages to stay with him and not break at the time)

(look we’re ignoring a lot of things bc we've already determined that special effects are not a high priority in this show AND all this is gonna lead up to great wangxiantics and that makes all of it worthwhile)

Okay so all that happened and then the wens FLEE LIKE THE COWARDS THEY ARE and totally ditch their hostages i mean visiting disciples

Then the bastards not only run away, but cut the ropes leading up the cliff and THEN block off the cave entrance WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU WC

The hostages i mean visiting disciples start freaking out. Like oh no, we’re stuck in here forever, WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE

Wwx diffuses the panic by being like, hey CANNIBALISM LOL I’M ALREADY PARTIALLY COOKED. i am a snack FOR REAL LOLOLOL

After all this, AFTER ALL THIS PLOT-ISH NONSENSE I HAD TO EXPLAIN, we get a little bit of wangxiantics. As a treat.

Mianmian is crying her heart out and apologizing profusely bc she feels bad for getting everyone trapped in this cave EVEN THO IT’S NOT HER FAULT AT ALL PLZ DON’T CRY MIANMIAN ILU

Wwx obvs agrees with me and goes to comfort her. Which he does in a weird way

Wwx: mianmian, why are you crying? I was the one that got branded! It hurts so much mianmian, won’t you stop crying and say something nice to me to make me feel better??

BUT HE SAYS THIS SO CHARMINGLY??

HE EVEN PUTS ON THE MOST ADORABLE, FAKE-HURTING FACE

If jzx had tried this, he’d have sounded like a douchebag BUT WWX? WITH HIS SUNSHINE SMILE?? HOW COULD ANYONE RESIST THAT???

(apparently mianmian can, bc she keeps crying and doesn’t say anything nice to wwx)

HERE’S THE WANGXIAN BIT

Lwj takes one look at wwx & mianmian being all cozied up to each other and you know, spilling feelings everywhere and turns away in a snit

Lwj: *internally* what am i willing to put up with today? Not fucking this.

Jc: lwj, where are you going??

Lwj: to the pond bc it has a way out not bc i can’t stomach the sight of wwx flirting with mianmian

(if you hadn’t been so proud earlier, lwj, you could’ve had wwx carrying you lovingly in his strong arms i’m just saying)

And now we get another example here at how well lwj and wwx work together

So obvs wwx zooms to lwj’s side as soon as he realizes lwj’s going somehwere without him (again!!) and he’s all “there’s a way out??”

And all lwj says in response is “maple leaves”

That’s it. Two words.

BUT WWX INSTANTLY CATCHES ON

Wwx: oh, yeah, the leaves couldn't possibly come from the cave so there must be an opening in the pond where the leaves are floating in!

THEY’RE JUST SO IN TUNE WITH EACH OTHER??

HOW DID HE GET THAT FROM JUST TWO WORDS??

THEY’RE GENIUS SOULMATES, THAT’S HOW

Now everyone’s coming up with a plan to escape the cave and the Murder Turtle

Details don’t matter here

Skipping that

Nearly everyone escapes the Murder Turtle Cave!! Because of teamwork and the buddy system!! It’s very heartwarming and inspiring AND WE DON’T CARE BC IT’S NOT WANGXIAN

But oh no, at the last minute when lwj and wwx are oh so conveniently the only ones left in the cave, the Murder Turtle notices them!!

It tries to attack wwx!!

But lwj SWOOPS IN TO GRAB HIM AND THROW HIM BACK TO SAFETY WHILE HE FACES THE MURDER TURTLE

ON A STILL INJURED LEG

AND THEN HIS DRAMATIC TWIRL OF DODGING ISN’T DRAMATIC ENOUGH AND MURDER TURTLE DOES MORE DAMAGE TO LWJ’S LEG

Wwx notices right away and goes to grab lwj and pull him to safety now

It’s nice having partners willing to share duties like that

Like, oh, you washed the dishes yesterday? I’ll do them today!

Except, you know, at a more intense level what with the whole “barely escaping the jaws of death” thing they’ve got going on

But same thing basically

So now our wonderful injured boys are in a different part of the cave that the Murder Turtle can’t reach.

Wwx: lan zhan, it’s fine now! The Murder Turtle is asleep or smth

Then shoves the tattered robes around lwj’s leg out of the way to get a better look at the wound, and he’s got his worried expression on!! WHILE ~THEIR SONG~ PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND

Wwx: wait here!!

Lol, where do you think he’s gonna go wwx, it’s not like HIS LEG HAS BEEN MAULED AND THE ENTRYWAY IS GUARDED BY A MURDER TURTLE OR ANYTHING

Wwx comes back with a branch that he turns into a makeshift splint

HE’S TENDING HIS SOULMATE’S WOUND GUYS AHHHH

And now he steals lwj’s SACRED FOREHEAD RIBBON to tie the splint on properly

LOL LWJ’S FACE

HE IS AGHAST

Wwx: chill out about the ribbon, we have MORE PRESSING MATTERS, like how your LEG IS PROBS GONNA FALL OFF IF WE DON’T TREAT IT

Wwx: oh hey, Medicine Pouch! Wait where’s Medicine Bottle?? I saved it specifically for…*meaningful look at lwj* uh, never mind

what’s the matter, wwx?? why so shy suddenly???

are you embarrassed to show how much you think of lwj?? is that it?

OMG GUYS HERE WE GO

THE FIRST OF TWO OF THE BEST WANGXIANTICS SCENES OF THE SHOW!!

Wwx: *internally* gotta find a way to get lwj to spit out that bad blood he’s so obviously choking down

Wwx: the only possible way to accomplish this is by STRIPPING BOTH OF US OUT OF OUR CLOTHES

Wwx: hey lan zhan, take off your clothes!

Lwj: *GAY PANIC*

Lwj: you want me to what now??

Wwx: strip! Both of us! Since we’re all wet from the pond

Lwj as you might guess, does NOT start stripping in front of the Love of His Life

Wwx notices that lwj is not stripping even tho he himself has already divested his black outer robe and is clad in only his red inner robe

(AND I LOSE MY GODDAMN MIND OVER IT EVERY TIME, LOOK AT HIM WITH HIS TINY WAIST, THOSE ROBES ARE OBSCENELY FLATTERING)

Wwx reaches over and starts tugging at lwj’s robe

Lwj: WHAT ARE YOU DOING???

Wwx: BEING HELPFUL!! But i guess if you don’t want my help, i’ll finish getting myself naked

Lwj: *turns around and pukes out the bad blood from the sheer strength of his Gay Panic*

Wwx: haha! My plan worked! Now all the bad blood is out!

Lwj: oh. Right. That. 

Lwj: thanks

Wwx: noooo, don’t thank me! I can’t handle it when ppl thank me!!

After THAT PHENOMENAL STRIP TEASE, wwx goes back to tending lwj’s wounds

He applies stuff from the Medicine Pouch bc Medicine Bottle is gone forever now

He does this very carefully and is very focused on his task

BC HE LOVES HIM

I LOVE THEM

THERE’S A LOTTA LOVE HAPPENING IS WHAT I’M SAYING

Then lwj snatches a bit of the medicine and presses it into the burn on wwx’s chest

Wwx: owww, that huuurts

Lwj: you’re welcome

Lwj: *internally probably* omg i just touched wwx’s chest, be cool be cool bE COOL

Then they have this cute little exchange where wwx tells him how he got injured all the time bc he was a rambunctious tyke (no, surely not you, wwx! I’m shocked!) so he doesn’t need much medicine and lwj’s injury is more serious so he should get more medicine anyway

AND NOW WE GET TO THE OTHER BEST WANGXIANTIC

Lwj: if you know you’re gonna get hurt, don’t be so rash all the time

Wwx: it’s not like i got myself injured on purpose!!! 

Wwx: I had to protect mianmian! She’s so pretty 

(he says distractedly while staring at their campfire and COMPLETELY MISSES LWJ’S LONGING LOOK) 

Wwx: what if she’d gotten her face all scarred up?

Lwj: but now you’re scarred for life!

Wwx: that’s different!

(bc he has issues with self worth and ALWAYS RISKS HIS LIFE FOR OTHERS AT ANY GIVEN OPPORTUNITY)

Wwx: i’m a guy. Scars are cool for us!

(that too, I guess)

Wwx: besides, it’ll be a reminder of the time i saved a pretty girl who now will remember me always~!

GOD WWX YOU’RE SO DENSE

Lwj: *bitchy* oh, you’re sooo sure she’s gonna remember you, huh

Wwx gives him a wounded look, like, sincerely confused and hurt at lwj’s tone: “why are you mad?”

And, good god, lwj sees that expression and can’t keep looking at him. He has to turn away, like FUCK i’ve hurt his feelings, shit, i’m getting my feelings all over him

It’s actually kind of painful to watch, POOR LWJ

So he looks away and says: if you don’t mean it, you shouldn’t go around flirting with people

Wwx: *pouts* it’s not like i was flirting with you

THAT’S THE PROBLEM WWX

HE WANTS YOU TO FLIRT WITH  HIM AND MEAN IT, YOU COMPLETE MORON

Remember how i said wwx is dense? Here’s another example

Wwx: *teasing* ohh, you like mianmian~! 

Like, really teasing. It doesn’t sound like he believes what he’s saying either

Lwj gives him an incredulous look and we get some slo-mo here WHILE ~THEIR SONG~ PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND AND THEY GAZE SOULFULLY AT EACH OTHER FOR A SOLID 10 SECONDS 

Wwx’s face gets this befuddled look and after staring at each other for 10 continuous seconds he says much more seriously, “oh...you really do like mianmian?”

Why do you sound so disappointed wwx? WHY ARE YOU SO CONCERNED ABOUT IT, HUH?

And omg guys, i will NEVER get over the expression LWJ gives him after he says this

It’s an expression that says R U FUCKING SRS RN

HIS WHOLE FACE IS SCREAMING, “FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE”

AND I’M DYING BC WWX, YOU’RE TALKING TO AN ENTIRE GAY BOY WHO IS SO IN LOVE WITH YOU, YOU IDIOT

Then wwx laughs to diffuse the situation (it’s so cute, my heart bursts with rainbows)

And we’re winding down now

Lwj: why should i talk about these meaningless things with you here?

Wwx: you don’t have a choice pal, it’s just you and me stuck here in this cave

Wwx: hey, lan zhan, i think this is the longest conversation we’ve had!!

Omg why’s he keeping track of that? How did he even notice this??

THERE’S NO STRAIGHT EXPLANATION FOR THIS BEHAVIOR

WWX: even after all we’ve been thru, you still don’t talk much. You lan clan types--

*awkward silence*

Wwx realizes he’s stepped in it and taps his mouth as a reprimand for being insensitive

Then he changes the topic about how long they can survive without food/water and how long it will take for help to arrive

And here we have lwj verbally acknowledge what’s happened to him for the first time

He explains that they won’t get help from gusu

Lwj: the cloud recesses has been burned. Uncle is badly injured, brother is missing.

His tone is so matter-of-fact but HE ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE HE’S ABOUT TO CRY!!

OH GOD MY HEART 💔💔💔

And then lwj is like, welp, that’s enough Emotions for the day! And falls asleep.

THEN WWX TUCKS HIM IN WITH HIS OUTER ROBE ALL GENTLE AND LOVINGLY

BC THEY’RE SOULMATES

And that's the end of the episode

SO MUCH QUALITY WANGXIANTICS GUYS

I LOVE THIS SHOW

EVERYTHING IS GREAT (I MEAN, EXCEPT FOR THE HEARTBREAKING PARTS)

LOOK AT THESE TWO SOULMATES IN LOVE, LOOK AT THEM

Return to Masterpost