#selfishly wishing everyone involved in it was dead bc the dead can only haunt one's memory mind and dreams but not their present daily | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mirmidones · 2 years ago

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my mum texted me completely out of the blue 'have you heard from [old friend] lately?' and i had a minor breakdown about it and then 3 hours later resurfaced to text back 'no' pointedly not asking 'why' bc i don't wanna know but now she's answered 'ok thanks' and now i'm mad what the fuck

#upset beyond reason but i was right not to ask and it's better that i dont know #this way i have a chance of getting over it anytime soon #but goddddd will it ever be over no it wont will i ever be ok with it being never over please i am begging you #selfishly wishing everyone involved in it was dead bc the dead can only haunt one's memory mind and dreams but not their present daily #tangible life. i wonder if i could have gotten over it by now had it stayed dead in the ground where it laid #on top of that i saw the psychiatrist and she was like why are you so angry with your father? and since my only defence mechanism is #forgetting i was like 'why AM i angry with my father?' and recalled it all and got angry all over again but oops the time was over so #lol just stay angry until you can forget about it again haha #and now this. hurt that my mum would do this to me again. i feel like im 13 again except im not it will continue to grow except in that #point. i don't know what id do if lucy wasn't here. abysmal day but like at least i had a cat on my lap for a part of it #sigh #delete later

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