#selfishly wishing everyone involved in it was dead bc the dead can only haunt one's memory mind and dreams but not their present daily
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my mum texted me completely out of the blue 'have you heard from [old friend] lately?' and i had a minor breakdown about it and then 3 hours later resurfaced to text back 'no' pointedly not asking 'why' bc i don't wanna know but now she's answered 'ok thanks' and now i'm mad what the fuck
#upset beyond reason but i was right not to ask and it's better that i dont know#this way i have a chance of getting over it anytime soon#but goddddd will it ever be over no it wont will i ever be ok with it being never over please i am begging you#selfishly wishing everyone involved in it was dead bc the dead can only haunt one's memory mind and dreams but not their present daily#tangible life. i wonder if i could have gotten over it by now had it stayed dead in the ground where it laid#on top of that i saw the psychiatrist and she was like why are you so angry with your father? and since my only defence mechanism is#forgetting i was like 'why AM i angry with my father?' and recalled it all and got angry all over again but oops the time was over so#lol just stay angry until you can forget about it again haha#and now this. hurt that my mum would do this to me again. i feel like im 13 again except im not it will continue to grow except in that#point. i don't know what id do if lucy wasn't here. abysmal day but like at least i had a cat on my lap for a part of it#sigh#delete later
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