#selfharming!reader x bsd

[distortedataraxia]

Hi~ can I request yosano x Fem reader. The scenario is like ADA going to a beach with reader but reader secretly se*fhar*m herself so she doesn't want to change and just go to beach with long sleeves and shorts or smth. If you're not comfortable writing it, it's okay, totally understandable. Thank you in advance uwu

Author note : Hello ! I'm really sorry for the reallyyyyy long wait, let's just say i got erm.. Busy? Yes that's totally it - anyways, you might not see this but i honestly still wanted to write it anyways, i quite had A LOT of struggles writing this but i hope i'll improve and that this is enjoyable and that i mostly didn't mess up as theses are important topics here but i kinda did mess it up ahah ^^" I'm not proud of this one at all- I didn't know what you really wanted so i did a one-shot so I hope that's okay to you -

Yosano x selfharmingFem!reader

Character : Yosano

Type : one-shot

Wordcount : 2K

Warnings : suicidal thoughts and self harm

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You can talk to me

It was another day, really, just another day where you would wake up, struggle to do simple tasks, go to the armed detective agency, being a burden, feeling horrible, punishing yourself, and then just trying to sleep at night, the same hell everyday. Sure there are positive things, sure there are fun things that happens , but did you really deserve theses ? Did you really deserve anything good happening to you? Why would you? You were this pathetic, not even able to accept positive things happening to you. Nontheless , why would you even deserve punishment ? Isns't this all just worthless ? Did you deserve anything to begin with?

You entered the detective agency to see everyone's face.. Huh ? The vibes changed in the room, it isn't like the usual, not the same routine where you would just enter to see kunikida working non-stop, ranpo already eating snacks, yosano being bored already waiting for someone to be hurt so that she can treat them, and dazai already on the couch probably thinking about 1001 ways to annoy kunikida or commit suicide. But right now, it seems like they were waiting for something, were they waiting for you? Dazai was clinging into Kunikida begging for something you don't know about "Kunikida pretty pleaseeeee come on aren't we squad fam??? " He begged "In your dreams Dazai, and don't even think about using my money" Kunikida replied, tanizaki turned to you and said " Guys, y/n is here " , they all turned to you, you didn't like this feeling. "Umm... Hello? " You said "Y/n ! You're here, are you ready for the splash of your life? " Yosano said "ehhh.. What?? " You said confused "Oh ? You forgot ? We're going to the beach today, do you have a swimsuit ? " She asked , it looked like your stupid ass forgot something again yayyy .. Wait..the beach ? Oh there's no way you're going there, they are going to see your marks you have given to yourself, they are going to see how pathetic you are, no, there's no way you're going to be more of a burden than you are right now. But you don't know what to say and how to react "umm.. I don't have a swimsuit and i can't swim anyways i'm uh.. Heh.. Scared of water ? " You lied with a voice that showed clear confidence and you looked so certain - no, it looked like no one bought it. "Oh.. That's okay i guess, do you still want to go ? We can still have a lot of fun together. " The pink haired girl asked, you liked her a lot, damn you even loved her, you were tempted to say no because you really didn't deserve to feel theses things and you shouldn't feel them in the first place. But you accepted to go anyways "Yeah.. I guess it'll be fun".

So you went to the beach with them, with... Long sleeves ! That's definitely not suspicious.. But you were used to lying so despites the fact they were detective, it'll be okay right? Ahh i swear to god y/n if you messed up again-

" Y/n ? Why are you wearing long sleeves ? " Yosano asked curious, you looked at your feets embarassed , "um well I... All of other clothes are in the laundry you see.. Eheh " You lied again "you should of told me sooner, i'm sure i have a spare shirt for you " She said you direclty replied without hesitations wich might have aroused suspcions "no no no ! It's fine it's fine don't worry! I'll be okay ! " Yosano seemed hesitant but said "hmm.. Okay, if you say so " She didn't seem convinced but she let it flee, and there we go, you're being a burden again! How awesome ! Congratulations y/n ! What an acchievement ! Could you ever acchieve something that wasn't negative? I mean sure you did succeed in some missions, but the others would have done it better, you're wasting their time, why can't they see it? Why can't they see what you see? You walked silently, head full of thoughts, honestly, it wasn't even worth to talk, you would just waste their time again, why were you even here in the first place ? Why did you wake up this morning? Why are you keeping this up? No no... You shouldn't free yourself from everything, you should feel more pain, you should stay in this hellish place and suffer, but is it worth it if you're being constantly a burden? Suddenly, something shook you away from your thoughts "hey hey y/n ! Race you there ! " Ranpo said a big smile on his face - oh hell you're being too obvious, of course ranpo figured you needed to think about other things than what you're actually thinking about, so to avoid any other suspicions, you akwardly run to race with ranpo to the beach wich seemed to be not really far from you, arrived there, ranpo won the race - there we go, you're being ridiculous again. "Now you owe me a chocolate bar ! " He declared "whaaaat? " You said "rules are rules " He said "but i didn't agree-" You started to defend yourself but got interrupted by Dazai yelling "OOOH ! THE WATER IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND PROFOUND ! THIS IS PERFECT FOR A DEADLY TRAVEL ! " As he gets grabbed by kunikida as he said in a calm tone "there are kids and families there, do not force trauma into their brain just because of your suicidal fantaisies" Dazai complained "awww you're so mean kunikida-kunn.. " Kunikida then let dazai fall on the ground as Dazai immediatly starts to play around with the sand and declared, stars in his eyes "KUNIKIDA I KNOW! bury me in the sand ! This way the kids won't see me right ? " Kunikida stopped to seem calm and his glasses broke again as he yelled and started to shake dazai "I'M GONNA KILL YOU YOU BANDAGE WASTING MACHINE ! " Dazai replied without any hesitations "YES PLEASE STRANGLE ME WITH YOUR DELICATE FINGERS KUNIKIDA" wich made kunikida angrier, things were starting to get a bit weird in there -

A lot of things were happening at the same time, Atsushi was with kyoka building sand castles, Dazai was messing with Kunikida left over neurons , Kenji was... Taking care of a cow ? Honestly, you weren't even surprised at this point.Finally , Yosano and ranpo were having a fight consisted of splashing water at themselves, and you were just there, alone, sitting in the sand as the worthless persson you could be , they were all having fun without you. It's cool for them. It's not like you deserved anything more anyways, what do you expect ? This was already too much for you, you started to feel an urge. If only you could just live a normal life without all theses thoughts , without being a burden in the first place. Why did it have to be you? Why did you have to have this happy, lucky and blessed life? Why weren't you grateful? So many people wish to be in your shoes.. So why not them? Why did it have be you out of all people ? If only you could do something about it, if only there was a magic wand to erase this you and replace it with another completly different person. You're a complete mistake, why did you even face this world ?

The members were starting to go up to you and were proposing stuff to do with you and you declined - Really, you just didn't feel like it, and who said you deserved anything good to happen to you anyways ? God y/n you're being too obvious today..

After the 365th time of you declining any activites , you feel a hand in your shoulder behind you, the person said "hey y/n are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere ? You know we can still go back to the agency so that i can treat your wounds" You felt weird at her voice, did she knows about your wounds?? You jumped a bit - Oh no this can't be good , wait maybe it's not what she meant calm down- "Ah ! Uhhhhh... No no i'm good ! " You said sounding yet again, very convincing. Yosano thinked and then she said "Na you're coming with me y/n " She said grabbing your arm "ouch-" You said out loud by accident "oh, did that hurt? I'm sorry" She said as she stopped grabbing your arm and held your hands instead , making you blush, something in her voice was sweeter than usual and her holding your hands seemed more relaxing.. You were a blushing mess and so you decided to look at your feets as you walked. It seemed Yosano had something to tell you - she wasn't wearing a swimsuit anymore, she was wearing a normal outfit meaning she was planning to talk to you and you didn't even notice that, were you thinking that bad? I guess you were.

So you both walked in silent in the streets as yosano held your hands. Finally, you both arrived, she oppened the door of the treatment room for you as you stepped in, a little scared of what's about to come, hoping she only wants to talk to you about anything trivial, you always avoided treatment to avoid revealing your cuts - it was kinda hard but somehow you always managed to avoid treatment. "So.. Why did you bring me here? " You asked , as she entered the room and closed the door. Yosano then said "Y/n..i need to check something, can you roll up your sleeves please? " Oh no this can't be good how could you escape this situation ? You already felt like you were about to shake "umm.. What do you even need to check? " You asked "Don't worry i won't judge you, just trust me. " She responded, in a serious yet gentle tone. She knew she definitely knew and there's nothing you can do about this situation, just show your pathetic self to the one person you love, feels great. You slowly roll up your sleeves as you start shaking , yosano take your arm carefully and look at them examinating them. "I-I'm sorry" You apologized "don't apologize y/n it's okay.. It can be that hard " She said making you reply ; "b-but it shouldn't be - I-I'm just that pathetic-", you started crying, yosano replied " Don't say that y/n.." As she went to hug you and say "and let me tell you one thing y/n.you're not pathetic, you're probably one of the strongest person i met, you never failed to amaze me. " You didn't understand " H-how-" was all you could say as yosano was rubbing your back "and you were always fun to hang around with" She decided to say "you don't have to deal with this alone, you can talk to me if anything is bothering you y/n, that won't bother me the slightest bit" She continued "we love you for who you are y/n and we'll always have your back , do not forget that" She finished, you continued crying silently , you were tired and didn't know what to think about so all you said was this one sentence "yeah.. Thank you", you stopped the hug and whiped away your tears. " Do you want to go clear up your mind and go shopping ? " She asked wich didn't really surprise you "no.. It's okay, i'm tired.. " You replied "you can rest in one of the bed here" She said as you went to one of the bed and lied down" Do you need anything else? " She asked "actually.. I'd like uh... Cuddles? " You replied a bit embarassed "hm? sure " Yosano reacted as she smiled and went to cuddle with you as you both fell asleep like this, let's say the next time you woke up was quite interesting as it was when your boss was in front of you surrounded by your colleagues. Such a fantastic way to start another hellish day.. Or maybe after this it won't be that much of an awful day and it will all slowly and finally change?