#self para ☠ that youll be my last love

[yejixan]

summary : : ye-jin sees his mother for the first time in over ten years. she apologizes, ye-jin forgives her. hyeri feels a bit better, ye-jin feels empty on the inside. content warning for AWKWARD DIALOGUE WITH KASHIA OH MY GOD. 

This was, well, awkward. Extremely awkward.

Freya had finally left, telling Ye-Jin that she’ll meet up with them later and telling Hyeri that it was nice to meet her. Honestly, a part of them wished that the other had stayed, to help with the tense atmosphere caused by the two. Maybe it’s for the best, they thought to themself, gently picking up their cup of tea and sipping from it. I need to do this on my own. I have to.

“Ye-Jin.” They looked up, instantly meeting her eyes. It was both strange and relieving, a part of them thought she wouldn’t look at them. The last time she did, Hyeri held nothing but fear and disgust in her deep, brown eyes. Now, her eyes held shame and regret. Good, they thought to themself, she should feel ashamed and regretful. Sinister and dark words, things that will stay in their head. Because they didn’t have the courage to speak them into existence. “You’ve grown so much. What a handsome boy you turned out to be.”

A half-assed smile slipped onto their face, fighting the urge to sink into their seat or to slide away. “Thank you,” Ye-Jin said. “Luckily for me, I look more like you than Zeus.”

“Zeus. Your father.” Her words were strained and curt. The word “father” sounded so odd and foreign leaving her lips, or maybe it was just Ye-Jin hating the fact that she referred to the God like that. Zeus was more of a sperm donor than anything else. “Have you met him?”

“No,” they answered. “None of us have met the Gods.” He hoped that it would remain that way too.

“Oh.”

Silence fell over them. Hyeri holding tight onto her drink and Ye-Jin looking up at the sky. He wondered what the others were doing. He thought of Grace and Vera, imagining his sister’s enjoying the day with their parents. A perfect family they were, more perfect than whatever he had with Hyeri. He even thought about Alessio, wondering whatever that idiot was up to. Probably terrorizing some poor person, rip. Better them than Ye-Jin. Hell, he even thought about--

“The woman from earlier-- Freya, is it? She’s your… friend?”

He doesn’t look at her for a second, using that moment of silence to figure out if that was the proper way to describe the other. He couldn’t tell his mother that the two of them were enemies with benefits, she would probably lose her mind. Also, Hyeri didn’t need to know that part about him. They weren’t close like that. “Yeah, she’s my friend,” Ye-Jin said, just settling with the safest description, even if it was a lie. “She’s one of my many friends here.” Another lie.

While it was a lie, Hyeri didn’t need to know that. Not when she was slowly beginning to smile. “That’s good,” she said. “I was-- I was worried. That you were lonely here. You didn’t have a lot of friends when you were younger.”

Lips were sealed shut, the demi-god unable to tell his mother that it was because of her that they didn’t have any. Because Ye-Jin had to be the adult and take care of the house and make sure she was okay. No time to hang out with the other children or to go to the park. Their duties as a child consisted of doing homework, completing the shopping for food, and making sure the house was clean. “I didn’t like the kids at my school, they were a bunch of jerks.”

A lie after lie, just to make her feel better. They wondered if Hyeri was able to pick up on this, hoping that she would see through their façade, to prove that she was their mother. That she knew them better than anyone else. But they were met with more silence, more awkward and heavy silence. How did a woman who used to smile so brightly and laugh with such glee lose that spark? Now she was replaced with someone older, a shell of a former self. Was this their fault? No, no, it wasn’t their fault. They couldn’t take the fault for something like that.

That camping trip was not Ye-Jin’s fault, they had to understand that.

Their right hand fell on their knee, cupping it gently. There was pain, it was hurting just like that day. Exactly like that day, as if they were losing their leg for the first time. Not good, not good at all. They needed to leave, go to their apartment, their office, anywhere but here. “Mom, maybe we should--”

“I’m sorry.”

Ye-Jin’s words fell short, the pain and anxiety put on pause, all focusing on Hyeri. Focusing on the pain in her eyes, the tears that were falling, the determination that she held. “I’m sorry, Ye-Jin. I’m sorry for everything. For being a terrible mother, for pushing you to grow up, for leaving, for blaming you.” Her words started off soft before building in volume and confidence. “I should’ve been there for you. I should’ve stayed by your side. Because you were hurting, you were hurting more than me that day. But I pushed you away because I’m selfish and inconsiderate. Ye-Jin--” She stood to her feet, stepping over to the side before she bowed. “I’m sorry and I hope that one day you can forgive me.”

They were speechless. Jaw tight and heart racing. Just a few people were watching them, confused by what was happening, why the older woman was bowing, why Ye-Jin wasn’t telling her to stop. And they should, they wanted to tell her to stop but at the same time… they wanted her to continue bowing. For her to realize how she fucked up, for her to prove that she was sincerely sorry. They wanted to be selfish, they wanted--

“Mom.” They were standing too, their feet moving without them realizing and hand falling onto the woman’s shoulder. “Come on, stand up. It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay--”

“It’s okay, I--” A deep inhale, Ye-Jin squatting to hopefully meet her eyes. And when they did, they could see the tears that were falling like raindrops. “I’m not angry, not with you. Not anymore at least.” They were years ago when Hyeri pushed them away and they were alone. But after a while, the anger shifted into deep sadness before smoldering all together. “We were both hurt and were trying to handle that pain in our own ways.” She sniffled, Ye-Jin felt the tears well in their eyes. No, they couldn’t cry. Not here, not now. “You pushed me away and that… that hurt. So much. I needed you back then, no one else. I needed you, my mother.

“But I’m not angry nor do I hold a grudge against you. Why would I? You were hurting too, not just me.” A beat, as they attempted to smile. “It’s okay, mom, you don’t have to apologize to me anymore.”

They were both silent. Hyeri who was squatting with her arm covering her eyes and Ye-Jin who held onto her free hand. It felt as though they traveled back into the past. To a time Hyeri was crying after a long day of work, of people who looked down at her and disrespectful customers. To a time Ye-Jin, so small and so gentle, took her hand into his and said ‘ it’s okay, mommy! ye-jin will take care of you! ‘. Back when life was simple and they were close. So, so, close.

And maybe they were close again, just for a few minutes. As if their bond had never been broken. As if things were normal again.

Minutes went by before Hyeri finally stood to her feet, though her hand still held on firmly to Ye-Jin’s. Her eyes were puffy and cheeks flushed, Ye-Jin was sure that their face would look like hers later on. “Come on,” they said. “Let’s look around. I’m sure you’re curious to see everything too.”

“Okay.” A beat. “Ye-Jin?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you,” she said. “For not hating me.”

He smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Yeah,” he said. “And thank you for coming to visit me. I… I’m glad that you’re here.”

[yejixan]

☠ tag dump ☠