#seeing the pages from the search about how ozai said it's ursa's fault for what she did really makes you think

[krimsonrose]

Deep thoughts about how Ursa is the root cause of the fire hazard siblings suffering. Her trying to one up Ozai by lying about Zuko being his son in a letter leads to Zuko’s suffering at his father’s hands. And then the fact that the guilt of such actions she took makes her favor one child (her son) over the other. Said alienated child sees that behavior leading her to act out for attention that makes Ursa treat Azula even worse.

URSA’S ACTIONS AT TRYING TO GET BACK AT OZAI FOR READING HER MAIL BEGAN THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL FOR HER FAMILY. It’s no wonder why she ran away and erased her memories since she couldn’t deal with what she helped do to her family as well as assassinating a reigning monarch.

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Mutilated Mannequin (Part 16)

Azula is lethargic with painkillers, the drone of the overhead lights and constant blipping of the heart monitor are sources of agitation. Had her mind not been dulled by the medication she might still be quivering at the assessment she had been given some hours prior. 

Koh had severed several nerves, apparently, her speech abilities are nothing short of a freakish miracle--or so they say. She refuses to call it a miracle, more so, stubbornness. It has been significantly harder to pronounce things with clarity, having the full use of only one side of her face. The nightmare is mostly of the cosmetic nature, but that does little to console her. 

She holds a packet and reads it over for the sixth time since getting it. A nerve graft. She has heard the term graft as it is used in the cosmetic surgery sense. Skin and bone can be borrowed from somewhere healthy, somewhere that can afford to spare some tissue, and placed in the desired area. Apparently the same can be done with nerves.  

Six months, and that is the best case scenario, is the predicted time frame for her to begin seeing the results of the surgery. But it can take up to a year. 

And in the case of the donor nerve it can take several years to regain feeling. 

The packet details that they will borrow a nerve from a place that has less value. They mentioned two places to borrow from, the leg and the arm. After mentioning the track team the medical team declared that they will likely they will extract the nerve from her upper and inner left arm. It will scar over and leave portions of her elbow and forearm numb. 

But at least speaking won’t be a tedious process. At least she’ll be able to move her face. At least, after another several years, sensation can return to her arm.

Her eyes tear up. She had anticipated the possibility of a appearance-related disaster, but this…

No one had told her that she could lose feeling in her face. She imagines that Dr. Guhira would have discussed the risk factors. 

Azula’s breath hitches. The tears she had been holding back come forward.

Ozai doesn’t scold her for it this time. He sits across the room, heavy in his silence and stern of face. 

He doesn’t demand that she does her school work, but she refuses to fall behind and she needs something to take her mind away from things that are out of her hands. Hospital visits will be semi-regular for the first few months so she ought to get used to doing classwork while confined to a hospital bed. Her father is already working to pay some of her professors extra to tutor her via video chat. 

From the sound of it, physical therapy appointments will be every Monday and Wednesday, after hospital clearance, leaving her room for only astronomy.  

Azula fidgets her fingers for several minutes before mustering up the energy to start on Kyoshi’s newest reading assignment. The woman and many of her other teachers have offered adjusted, easier assignments to cater to her predicament. 

Pride had her refusing the offers, which apparently still stand. 

“Mrs. Kyoshi is willing to teach you through video chats, if you need help on any of the lessons. I also found you a personal tutor who will teach you right here in your hospital room.” Ozai informs. 

“Mmhmm.” 

“I have the best doctors lined up for you, they’ve been operating on cases like yours for decades.” 

He wouldn’t have had to pay for the most prestigious doctors if he had done the same with his plastic surgeons. She almost asks him if she’s supposed to be proud of his generosity. She holds her tongue in equal parts because she doesn’t want him to pull said funds and because she doesn’t want to speak with him at all. 

“They’re success rate is nearly eighty percent. Almost all of their patients make a full or almost full recovery.” Ozai elaborates.  

“Yeah…” 

.oOo. 

The morning of her surgery, a semi-cloudy Saturday, she has a small cluster of guests. Technically only two or three people are supposed to be in the room at once, but the Kasai family name has some influence. For it, her mother lingers at the side of her bed and Zuko at the foot. Ozai remains across the room with Mai and Chan. She has dubbed this row of chairs as the row of shame. They can sit their for as long as they want but that doesn’t mean she will address them at all. 

TyLee had taken the fourth seat in that row. But TyLee has this way of softening Azula. The girl pulls out a panda plushie and stuffs it under Azula’s arm with a bright smile, but not before holding it up to her face. A face painted with a puppy dog pout as she mutters an apology. 

Azula sighs and accepts the gift with a muttered, “don’t be, I yelled at you.” 

Perhaps if her situation wasn’t so dreary, she’d feel elated to have TyLee hugging her and grinning at her again. She steals a look at Chan and Mai, maybe she is being hard on them. But then again they haven’t been particularly friendly either. 

Mai stands, “I’m wasting my time aren’t I?” She slips her hands into her pockets. “I can be helping my mom watch Tom-Tom…”

“You’re not wasting your time.” Azula mumbles. For her low effort, the statement is unclear. So she repeats herself. 

“You haven’t said one word to me or Chan since we got here.” 

“It’s hard to talk.” That much is true enough. She hasn’t really spoken to Zuzu or her mother either. In fact, she is fairly certain that TyLee is the first person she has vocally responded to all day.

Mai sighs, “right. But you can at least acknowledge us.”

“Acknowledged.” 

She feels Ursa’s thumb rubbing the back of her hand. Somehow the dragon pendant around her neck seems more apparent. 

“You’re still angry aren’t you?” Chan asks. 

“At you?” Azula asks. “Pissed.”  Yet she doesn’t have the heart to tell him to leave. She can’t say that she wants him to. 

“Azula!” Ursa 

Katara shows up a little later, Sokka tagging along. Azula half expects Ozai to make a fuss about the elections. To try one of his trademark intimidation tactics but he remains quiet on the other end of the room, opting to glare crossly instead. 

“Sorry to hear about all of this.” Katara sets a small vase of flowers onto Azula’s night stand.”Moon lilies.” 

But Azula is more interested in the black pot holding them. It seems to be a hand painted piece. In neon green is a cartoony alien surrounded by bright yellow stars and a white and red rocketship. Dotted lines loop and swirl in an equally cartoony indication of movement. Towards the other side is a UFO and a cluster of comets. “Sokka helped me paint it.” 

“So that’s why I can’t tell what that is.”

“It’s an astronaut!” Sokka declares. 

“I suppose that it can pass for an astronaut that got mauled by one of those aliens.”

“Is she always this friendly?” Sokka asks.

“That’s just how she talks to people.” Chan shrugs. “You get used to it after awhile.”

Azula runs her fingers over the petals and reaches for her drink. 

“It doesn’t hurt as much, does it?” Katara asks.

Azula points to the bottle of painkillers. “I’m sure it does, I just can’t feel it.” It does help that they have since drained the seroma. With most of the swelling aside, she can see fully out of her left eye again.

She heaves herself upright and reaches for her phone. Zuko hands it to her.

“I’m glad that you’re okay.” Chan says.

“I’m not okay.” Her eyes seem to dim.

“But you will be!” TyLee gives her a light squeeze. “It’s like when we were kids and you fell out of that tree. You got right back up again.” 

“TyLee.” Her voice hitches. “I’m not getting right back up this time.”  She swallows, bunching the bedsheets up in her palms.

“I can’t see you staying down for good.” Zuko shrugs. 

She stares at her lap. “This didn’t have to happen. I could have said no.” And she supposes that, that is the heart of what tears her up. “I could have just gotten the nose and chin job and quit while I was ahead…” She pauses. “I thought that it would fix things.” 

It is a wonder that Katara and Chan haven’t hit her with a classic, ‘I told you so.’

 “I did this to myself.”  

“You had some good help.” Ursa fixes Ozai with with a sharp and piercing glare. The sort that could cut diamonds. Her father’s face remains impassive under it. 

“A lot of help.” Chan mumbles. 

Azula puts her head back against the pillows. “It doesn’t matter whose fault it is…it’s done.” 

Ursa’s hand tightens around hers. At least she isn’t alone. She takes in the cluster of people around her. There are more people present than she thought there would be. She checks her phone to find well wishes from Suki, Toph, and Ruon. And a small, ‘get well soon’ from Aang on her social media page. 

From Yue, she finds a, ‘your face isn’t too fucked up, right?’ Azula thinks that this might be her way of displaying concern. But she isn’t sure. She searches for a message from Jet and finds none. 

She looks up from her phone to see the head doctor step into the room, “the operation room has been prepped.” The woman says. “Please wrap up your discussion so we can begin the operation.” 

Azula bites her lip, ignoring the small twinge of pain. She takes a deep breath. “Thank you for coming to visit me.” She isn’t sure who she is addressing, she supposes that it is just general gratitude. “Especially you, asshole.” Another stern look from Ursa. “I know that you’re still mad…” 

Chan rubs the back of his head. “I don’t really think that it matters anymore. It was kind of a dumb argument.” 

She wouldn’t say that it was. Within it there had been some valid points of discussion, but she doesn’t have time to get into that. “We can talk about it some other time.”  

He nods. 

Ursa pulls Azula into another hug, brushing a hand over her hair. 

“Good luck, Azula.” Mai speaks. 

“Yeah, we’ll see.” 

 One by one, the room grows vacant until only her father remains. And then he is shooed away. She takes a deep breath. She supposes that it will be hard to make her situation much worse. At least this time, she has some real doctors.