#seeing that kind of stuff at 12 has definitely got to traumatise you

[pigeon-smidge]

The 'Will deserves better' argument falls apart when you consider that Mike could be much better written than the fandom gives him credit for. Yes, he's a bad friend, but there's reasons to that. He's a child who struggles to deal with his own emotions; a lot of this is general to do with a lot of his relationships, but especially with his thoughts surrounding his own sexuality. He's very queer coded and he lives in a very homophobic town in the 1980's with parents who voted for Reagan ... BUT even through all the shit he gives Will, he still recognises when he's fucked up and needs to apologise. He has the chance to change for the better in season five. 

guys help i have a friend who doesnt ship byler (she doesnt really ship mileven either but like she defends their relationship yk) and her only arguments are "i dont like mike." and "will deserves better than mike." or even "mike isnt good enough for will" SIS WDYM???

give me your strongest arguments to tell her that YES mike is fucking enough and even more than enough for will

[thecouchsofa]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

Thanks to @sweet-s0rr0w for the mention! Side note: Nor All That Glisters is beyond brilliant, I can't believe I only found it last month!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

14 - somehow this feels like heaps and nothing at the same time!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

476,709! Half of those are from one fic though

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Only HP at the moment. I'm very much a 'one fandom at a time' person!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Lesson of You (65k, E) - kidfic, family feels, featuring my favourite tag of all time: accidental child acquisition. I saw that tag on a Sterek fic and it was like a lightning bolt of inspiration - I wrote this fic based on that tag alone!

Walk the Line (16k, E) - Draco sees Harry in the Mirror of Erised but doesn't know what it is and asks Harry about it.

Tales of Apparation Gone Awry (12k, E) - humor, Draco in denial, sometimes accidental drunk Apparition.

Potter's Snake Removal Services (3k, E) - humor, misconstrued texts, tent sex, Goyle being traumatised by said tent sex.

Slytherin Eighth Years are Shit at Potions (or are they?) (4k, T) - Draco's friends slip him a love potion and think they've poisoned him when he acts the same towards Harry.

Side note: my top 3 by kudos are 3/5 of the fics I put in an ask response about my favourite fics of mine - apparently my opinion is the same as the general consensus!

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do now, but I didn't used to (social anxiety is a bitch). I make an effort to respond now because I read all of them and they genuinely do make a massive difference. I don't respond to comments on things I posted before this year - there's so many now on certain fics that were posted so long ago that it would feel beyond awkward for me to respond to them now. I wouldn't want to start responding to new comments on those fics without then doing the same for the earlier comments either. So 2023 onwards at this point!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Nothing that's been posted, mine all tend to be very fluffy. I don't really fuck with unhappy endings, life is angsty enough as it is! I like nice cliche endings tied up with brightly coloured bows. That said, a short fic that's going up sometime this month does have an ambiguous ending, so that'll be my answer then.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of my stuff tends to be pretty fluffy at the end. The ending of The Brightest Constellations of Our Souls is pretty bloody saccharine though!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not in my comments section, thankfully. I did see one of my fics get rec'd on tik tok at one point and the teens in the comments section were warning others away from looking at my account because of a certain PWP that's on there, which did make me laugh quite a bit!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Definitely! I find smut the easiest thing to write. If I feel writer's block coming on I sit down and write a smut scene or crank out a PWP! I've got quite a few completed ones that have been sitting in my docs since 2018!

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Nope, crossovers definitely aren't my thing!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of. I don't even know why you would tbh.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I've been lucky enough to have multiple fics be translated!

The Lesson of You has been translated into Russian and Korean, Potter's Snake Removal Services and Silent Night have also both been translated into Russian!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope, but it would be an interesting thing to try!

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Drarry for sure! I have major brain rot for this ship.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The very first fic I ever started writing for this fandom! It was a soulmate AU about seeing colours that I wrote around 8k for and then moved on to something else. I read through all of my half-finished fics when I started writing for this fandom again this year and was like 'hey, I quite like this' and then - shock horror - it got pushed to the wayside again. Maybe it'll get done eventually, who knows!

16. What are your writing strengths?

God, I don't even know. Sometimes it's humor, sometimes it's descriptions. Depends on the day, I reckon!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Pacing, probably. For Brightest Constellations I tried to combat this by literally drawing up a table and writing for each location exactly what stage of their relationship Draco and Harry would be at. I did manage to stick to it with only a few changes, but it was properly hard!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't do it because I'm embarrassed I'd get it wrong! I don't mind reading it though!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

One Direction (lmao). Fourteen year old me wrote a Harry/Louis fic in the notes app on my iPad that will never, upon pain of death, see the light of day!

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

The Brightest Constellations of Our Souls. I wrote this because I wanted to read something like it and I didn't think there were nearly enough road trip fics in this fandom. I also wanted to do a character study on Harry, since many fics focus on Draco's trauma. I absolutely adore this fic and I'm thinking about getting it bound so I can see it on my bookshelf. I'm so heckin proud of it!

I don't know who hasn't been tagged at this point so if you're reading this and want to do it, consider this me tagging you! Feel free to tag me in your post, I'd love to read it!

[bxdybcg]

Young & Nadia

sarcastrophicv — Yesterday at 21:13 Odette just took the head so she shows him the box and fridge and is like... i figured why vampires need fridges

sineater — Yesterday at 21:14 He's glad the head is gone. He doesn't want to see that man ever again [21:14] probably teases her about her and Si becoming besties

sarcastrophicv — Yesterday at 21:15 "I said the same thing but in a weird way? The focus on it helped me process it. Could you feel that?" [21:15] "The gremlin is.... something else. But you were friends at one time too. What does that say about both of us? I start to see why people think we are similar"

sineater — Yesterday at 21:16 "How you process grief is individual to you. Even if it is keeping that asshole's head in a freezer. There are worse ways to deal with it. Does it talk to you or is it just staring back at you?"

sarcastrophicv — Yesterday at 21:17 "It just... I don't know its not that it's his face, it was just a focus I needed. Could have been the empty fridge at this point. How are you coping? How is Hector?"

sineater — Yesterday at 21:22 "We were. He's a good devil on the shoulder but as long as you are aware of yourself he can't do much. We are you are a lot like what I used to be like. Before Maladh anyway. That's not a bad thing why I sired you." "Ah something to put the actual feeling on. I'm getting there. Had my moment with Selin. Hector is being assessed. Kisuke has asked a specialist to come see. Apparently she did the eyes on... Sai. Yeah Sai. He's quite keen to have her so she can hopefully help. As for Hector himself until he gets his memories I'm just going to keep my distance for the both of us. But I keep asking. At least have a vague presence"

sarcastrophicv — Yesterday at 21:27 "I am aware of what I do... most of the time. But I did morbid things too... I don't judge him for that. We are very different but similar at the same time and I can't believe it took me almost two hundred years to figure it out. I'm glad I did because... it helped me."

"Yes. It was just... a thing. Mhmmm... that's good, I trust Sai, I trust his judgement. Selin and you are... better (assuming she knows bc duh she gotta know it all)? See, I feel the same way about him. And Mark. I don't know I was not ready to see or hear from anyone. Not even you. Sorry I pulled away but I needed this. The head helped me numb all the confusing feelings. You, Raisa, Shin. She was the first person I saw because she just showed up. Kind of glad she did because otherwise the head might would have started talking to me. hehe."

sineater — Yesterday at 21:38 "I have in the past too, started wars. Not something to be proud of. Si's a controlled evil I guess is the best way to put it. Yue knows how he ticks and so uses that to his advantage. Our anger is similar. I just have not had much cause to be that angry and hopefully it will be a while until I will get that angry again"

"There is no judgement here. If you feel better for it then that's all that matters. I didn't realise they were twins. I met Kai a month ago maybe a bit longer? Not that part matters. I know Yue works with them. If he trusts them then they are doing something right. We are... getting there. Something I have to work with but I rather that than her out of my life. You don't need to apologise for how you deal with grief as long as you are not a harm to yourself or to others that's the important thing. Could have started singing 'another one bites the dust' or 'burn baby burn' would be apt with the chemical burns."

sarcastrophicv — Yesterday at 21:59 "I know, and our bodycount is not much different from each other. I just did it in the name of duty at the time and didn't start them. I know I will be less prejudgemental about Si, his progeny -- vampires in general. But hey, as long as he can channel this sadism into something productive? because this now? no idea what went down but Odette is... doing medical stuff on it. Yes, I hope so too. If it wasn't for Sai just grounding me.... I would have burned the building down with all of us in it. I am glad I didn't. Speaking of... how is Jae? I think she is the next person I need to see -- if she wants to."

"They are both my bosses and I adore them. You really should get to know them. Each of them somehow a genius in their own way? Like Sai, he's got the whole tech thing going on so... Well, you did mess up but you both love each other and have found just the perfect fit. I think she also knows its worth holding on and working it out. That's the thing, I knew if I didn't pull back I would have eventually harmed others but instead I was just... processing. Hmm... Interesting. But I think I will ask him about it because he might just... wants to get excited about it and I am ready to hear it -- shh, no spoilers. I already sent Si thank you flowers."

sineater — Yesterday at 22:21 "They are similar yes... I did it out of anger. A lot of anger and a devil on my shoulder. You can be cautious about him there is never harm in that. He's just different and very much likes to use those around him for his own gain. Yue always has to be at least one step ahead of him and that was why he pretty much exploded when he found out about Si running for mayor. Because for once Si was ahead of him. Which can be dangerous. Yue channels it not him he is very much on a leash with Yue you just don't see it because though Si would never say it. He is very loyal to him. Medical stuff... I guess I'll avoid my labs for a bit then. Ah so that was what he was doing. I am glad he was there then. Jae, well I think she has retreated somewhat. I think she will be with Marcus. He'll ground her. I think something like this being played like that it has caused her a lot of humiliation. I just hope she doesn't completely retreat from us. I am not happy at the situation but I know she was played like the rest of us. I think Yue will try and get her out."

"I will especially since you speak so fondly of them. They also seem to care a lot for those that work with them. Don't see that a lot. I did and I will never say I didn't. I own up to my mistakes not hide them. We'll see but I am cautiously optimistic about it. It takes a lot to know yourself I'm glad you did take the time. . You sent him flowers. I think he'll appreciate it. "

"So what else did you want to talk about because i know you are excited about something and the things I have come up with is found someone else to sire or something big has happened?"

sarcastrophicv — Yesterday at 22:37 "I don't let others use me, that's not going to be a problem. Well, the mayor thing had me really angry too but then... Well, he definitely is something else. Don't worry, she will return me the skull. I don't think she will leave any of it in recognisable shape too. Which might... not be a bad thing. Maybe if I had gotten just the skull from the beginning the whole head situation would be less weird."

"I don't know who Marcus is either -- I am so behind on family things. I will... reach out to Yue. Yes. I need to get to know him better. As for Jae... whenever she is ready... or maybe I should just try? What do you think? Maybe she needs to hear it from me? Or do you think better not. Well, first of all I wanted to apologise for disrespecting her property, but I don't regret it. At least we got Hector our alive."

"They care. They do. They are wonderful. And their brother is the mayor. I am very... weirded out by the whole situation, yes. And I am not a fan of tech -- you know i barely handle my smartphone. But I trust Sai. I didn't know what else so I thought... yes. But I had to send him a thank you."

"Well, a few things. Also Mark but I think that's something I need to figure out on my own. Don't get me wrong but I don't want any kind of influence on it, whether it be good or bad -- I am only angry at him. Nothing else. But, moving on... I know this girl and she has asked me a million questions about vampires last night. And basically... what if someone dies with two kinds of vampire blood in them? I thought if anyone you know about it."

sineater — Yesterday at 23:12 "I didn't think so. I was a lot younger and very stupid.  He's a gremlin, looks cute but if conditons are right... absolute monster. Good, I think that face will make me see red for a very long time. Thank goodness I don't see any way of me seeing it anytime soon. It is what it is and I really wouldn't think too deep on it"

"I have met him through times of being a Liaison. He's a nice guy. I think he has his hands full with Jae's latest progeny from what I hear. You should meet Yue. He may act cold but he does care for his line. I think he does want to get to know you more too. He's not one to push though. I think she would appreciate it coming from you. I'll approach her soon as well. It's something for us all to face. I don't think what you did was wrong and I will stand behind you on that. Yes alive but traumatised for sure."

"Ah the Virgin mayor. I know Yue was keen on having him in. He doesn't like power imbalance and he was keen to have someone neutral. No ties means no favouritism or subconscious bias. Tech I can live with but I am good with being as I am. Don't think I can pull off the heart eyes like Sai can. He does actually like flowers believe it or not. Though not like roses more like spider lilies. I think."

"Mark... I'm not going to give my opinion on that as he is your progeny. It's not my place to say anything so unless you ask I won't offer. Ah, been curious about this myself actually in theory it could create a double bond. Our blood has magical properties to it. I think bound to the curses Shiva weaved to create us. It's not been knowingly done because it would be a lot on the newborn. They would be linked to the emotional states of two sires. They would have to be sound of mind and stable emotionally and so would the sires. It's a cool concept thhough always wanted to try just would have to get a lot of others involved if I ever were to do so"

sarcastrophicv — Yesterday at 23:22 "If anything, it helped me find... closure."

"My aim is to meet everyone. Tell me about cold. I have been avoiding everyone. You let me find my own way but I was wrong. And thank you, that helps me. In all of the things. You know what? All those years, we are distant, together. But no matter what I do... you are the most important person I have ever met. Not only because you gifted me an eternal life. You made me, shaped me into who I am. Even if I get angry at you... That's it."

"Oh yeah. Do you think that's true? The virgin thing? I mean it's a running joke ever since but it didn't really harm him either. He won. Well, we all were on the same page then. My ex ran but... I voted against her."

"Good to know because I sent him just those I think? They looked weird enough to be like his thing. Roses I wouldn't have considered for him. Even if real black one's were to exist."

"I think I will talk to you after I saw him first. I mean I do need someone to process it and you are the first person I usually tell my stuff too. Even if I did not do it in a long time."

"Well. I like her. So... I guess what I am trying to ask you is... should we ask Shiva about it before we do it?"

sineater — Yesterday at 23:43 "That's the important thing"

"Good you should. I let you be you everyone takes their own time to get to where they want to be doesn't make you worse or better. It makes you, you and I wouldn't change that. I was also worried if I tried to pull you to us you would pull away completely. Which is the last thing I want you to do. You are also important to me, don't forget that. I have lost enough progeny in my life. You and Hector are important to me. I would start a district war with no regrets should any of you come to harm. I have a habit of that."

"It's a total rumour. He was nervous and he wasn't really policing his words. How they may be interpreted. I'm good at reading people he is no virgin just may not have a lot of time for a lot of partners. Which is a shame he's really good looking. Considering the ordeal we just went through I am glad you did."

"Spider lilies signify death or final goodbyes. Though they are hauntingly beautiful as well which is also right up his street. Spider lilies are safer much safer"

"I am happy to listen as always. He is your first progeny after all."

"We? I mean yeah of course I would love to no ownder you got so exicted about this. I would really like to look into this"

sarcastrophicv — Yesterday at 23:51 "A war won't be needed for me. But I know where you are coming from. I would do the same for Raisa and Shin. And this is why I don't cling to either, Raisa came back to me and Shin loves to travel. See, you taught me that. You as a sire made me into a good one."

"I figured that. And I agree but.... hmmmm... boss brother, you know? Maybe you should... you know, score with the mayor. You and Selin together."

"He is but he fucked up majorly. i decided to not blame myself after he said he wanted to be better than us. US? no, he disgraced us."

"Who else would I be asking? I considered Raisa or Shin might be ready for their first sire but i think, seeing as this is a special case let me just praise myself and she will get the best option available. How do we contact Shiva?" 18 March 2021

sineater — Today at 00:20 "Would still start one and I don't think I would be the only one either. How are Raisa and Shin? I never had any doubts of you being a good sire"

"Yeah I can see that would be awkward. I can see if she is up for it. If not then I wouldn't mind it being more intimate"

"He said that? that would not have sat well with me if he said that to me. Sure we are not exactly unique but we are special in what we are. The bond, our ability to live forever. See the world change and learn with it. Wouldn't give it up for anything"

"True, still privileged nonetheless. Shiva could be found at her work she works with Kisuke at the hospital I believe. Best bet to try there first."

sarcastrophicv — Today at 00:27 "Good. Raisa was a little bit worried about me but I assured her I'm fine. I can't pull away like this again. Next time I will let all of you know."

"Have fun and don't spare me on the details."

"See? If it was not for that then I would have felt guilty. Excused cutting the bond because of pain  or some shit -- We are fucking perfect and it's sad it took for this to happen for me to realise."

"Oh perfect. Do you want  me to reach out to her or do you want to?"

sineater — Today at 00:32 "I think we would all appreciate that"

"I won't"

"I know Yue would have not liked to have heard that. I would not beat yourself up for it. You have all the time in the world it doesn't matter how long it takes to fully accept being a vampire"

"I think you should meet her. Would be a good opportunity for you"

sarcastrophicv — Today at 00:36 "I'm sorry. I just wanted out of there and home and not deal with the world. But I know for the future."

"He... heard it. But I didn't see his reaction. He just... handled it wonderfully professional and although I can't feel him, I just know he was angry. Is he okay? I really should meet him again."

"Alright, I will schedule my appointment with a therapist."

sineater — Today at 00:44 "Enough apologies what is done is done and you didn't hurt anyone so stop it."

"He wasn't a fan of the situation as a whole. Yue has had a lot recently but then considering the life we have been through he is not a stranger to a lot going wrong at once. Most of his progeny learn quickly though he may appear calm internally he's a storm sometimes. He doesn't like to open up though."

"We all need one. Highly recommend it"

sarcastrophicv — Today at 00:46 "Wow, okay. I am trying to make up for the lack over the years. But okay. Thank you for making me feel better. I would be... not me if it wasn't for you."

"I have seen his newest there too. I missed out on so much, I didn't even know there was one until I saw her."

"of course you would."

sineater — Today at 00:52 "You are you, I accept you as you and you do not need to apologise for being you. Hmm I just helped you along the way. You took the steps"

"Lavinia, I like her. She will be a lot of good for Yue. She just has to survive his temper spikes. "

"Damn right I would."

[purpleskiesandpaperflowers]

Introducing me(us???)?

Ok no that's a terrible freaking title. We are not the jonas brothers.

Who's we? Haha honestly I'm not even sure anymore. This is a hard one to write because I literally don"t tell anyone about my "inner world" which is why I'm keeping my blog anonymous for now .

I guess I'm just a wierd human with a messed up brain that has no reason to be messed up. I'm in the process of figuring it all out .

Long story short "we" is me and my ... I'm not sure what to call them I used to think they were just imaginary freinds , but they have become something so much more real.

I remember being 5 years old and having imaginary freinds like any other child. I cant remember much but I'm pretty sure my home life was perfect. I have an amazing mum and dad and even had two grandparents at the time. I remember happiness and my cat who really wasnt a fan of me , but I adored her regardless , even if she did end up scratching the living hell out of me on many occasions. My main issue at the time was serious separation anxiety, I couldn't handle being away from my parents , it got better towards the end of the school year I think after a lot of spending most of the year screaming until my dad would pick me up. I found it hard making freinds as I was somewhat anti social and liked playing on my own often, but I found a freind in the end. I think we got on so well cause she was different too. Turned out she had Autism, something that I'll probably talk about a lot here. Anyway as I said back then was when I first remember having imaginary freinds , and constantly daydreaming . I used to watch my dad play video games a lot so a lot of my daydreams would be based off the video games . At the time It was perfectly fine. I was just a strange kid who had an over active imagination, zoned out a lot in school , and often enjoyed my own company, but couldn't understand why my peers didnt like the antisocial wierd kid. I remember getting teased as I have a harmless autoimmune skin condition that I developed aged 3 and I felt alienated for it . The serious bullying didnt start until later in primary school though .(I think age 11 or thereabouts, was when shit really hit the fan) Anyway the imaginary freinds were originally just that . Unfortunately things changed when my one freind from school left and moved across the country. I had no freinds so that's where I began to use my imaginary freinds to replace real people. By the time I was 13 I'd almost completely isolated myself , I didnt know how to interact with real people.

I eventually thought I'd got it all under control . I found a group of people that were all a bit wierd. Originally it was cool and I fit in okay.

When I went to sixth form college, stuff started to get weirder though. I'd been struggling throughout secondary school I'd spent a lot of time kind of going back into my alternate reality . Even at freinds parties I used to pretend that I was a different person in my alternate reality doing something with my inner world family. I mentioned it once or twice to someone at CAHMS (The british child mental health services) that I was seeing as I'd struggled a lot with anxiety and self harm , but I never wanted to be fully honest about it . I was embarrassed.

Aged 12 I remember "pretending" to be a character called Casey. At the time I was spending a lot of time pretending I was Kasey and I was making a talk show with my other imaginary freinds . Eventually another character called Paulie took Casey's place .

Paulie's whole existence is kinda embarrassing. They're a typical queer cringe OC That you know a 14 year old neurodivergent weirdo would make up. I kind of originally used them as a way to explore my special interests. And to understand things about the world . In many ways Paulie was kind of a reflection of myself and you know everything was fine . Paulie is a 5ft7 young non binary person . Born male but definitely presents more feminine. Some of the other details about them came from me incorporating things I'd learned from various medical documentaries and things I'd researched on the internet. (One of my special interests always was science , particularly biology, when I was young I wanted to be either a doctor or a vet or something like that. I dont know why I find it so fascinating. It's kind of my party trick - boring people with the details of a random medical condition that they absolutely did not ask for.) I'll go into full details at some point . I find it kind of embarrassing to talk about it all.

Anyway It used to be great we used to pretend to do makeup on our youtube channel that of course did not exist .(the deeper I get into this the more I want to delete my life) it became to the point where I was doing daily "vlogs" in the inner world as Paul , again just something I day dreamed about. It was getting beyond the limits of normal daydreaming.

At some point I came across a video about "Maladaptive daydreaming " for once in my life I didnt feel quite so alone. I couldn't believe that I wasnt the only one who did this! Ever since then I've toyed with the idea of opening up about it , maybe through some sort of blog or youtube video etc. However, I wasn't ready until now. I'm still not ready to be completely open with my freinds and family (the one person who even knows 1/3 of this stuff is my mum) which is why I'll remain anonymous for now .

In the last 2 years things have gotten increasingly more strange and confusing. When I was in sixth form college (british equivalent of high school) Paulie started to be kind of phased out of my daydreams. Then Eric showed up.

Again , it was just daydreaming that had gone a bit too far at this point, however I soon realised that my personality appeared to have changed to become much more like Eric. I stopped wearing makeup so often. I began to feel dysphoric about my body , I began to wish I was Eric.

From then it's just been confusing. It's never just been Paul , Casey or Eric . At first i thought I'd just made an imaginary family. I've been saying that I have literally no idea why because my family are great. But I wonder if it was because I lost my nan and then metaphorically lost my dad.

My dads not dead , hes alive (just about I mean he smokes like a chimney so it's probably only a matter of time) Our relationship is so wierd. I try to be grateful for him purely because hes not a completely bad person. He gave me a great childhood and has never laid a finger on me. But when I was about 13 , I lost him. He became self absorbed in his own past.

Around about that time one of my dads ex freinds died. Since then dads been remembering things from his past and is convinced that this ex freind emotionally abused him and traumatised him for life.

Hes told me the stories so many times because hes so caught up in it that I should probably remember more of what he told me but honestly I think after the third time I just gave up with talking to him. Dad never cares about what you're talking about . He only cares about himself.

I'll spare you the details for now. Maybe I'll make a post about it. I suppose that's his shit not mine though . I dont deny that his ex freind wasnt exactly nice to him and cheated him out of a relationship. But I just feel like he should maybe you know go to therapy rather than sitting at home , freeloading from my mum , mumbling to himself all day about things that happened in the past.

Its very selfish of me because I know even though dads not exactly had the worst life, and he is a little bit of a narcissist who thinks that hes had the worst life possible , I know hes hurting. But I used to have a dad , now hes just not there. We used to do stuff , and I used to adore him, However hes just not my dad anymore. Theres glimmers of him there . But hes so entangled with the past , (and also a bit delusional) that I cant have a normal father daughter relationship with him anymore.

I guess maybe the combo of that , the strain its put on my parents marriage (they're still together but they argue more now) and the fact that I'm a sensitive little snowflake who really cant deal with anything unpleasant, is the reason I created my imaginary family. I don't know if I want to put it down to that though. I feel like that makes me sound like my dad , blaming my problems on what feels like insignificant past events.

Anyway. I kind of hate the fact that I have another family on the inner world. Because even though my dads a bit of an asshat , hes my dad and as a multitude of people have told me " at least you have a dad , at least your parents are still together" and I adore my mum. Like shes as close to a perfect mum as you get in this world. Of course she has off days and it's not always sunshine and rainbows , but shes amazing. She loves me , she supports me through everything and she does so much for me. No matter how many times I screw up she just sighs and helps me move on. Mind you. I havent got anyone quite like her in the inner world.

Since I've been more honest with myself (and the boys) about the fact that I am in fact daydreaming and its not real , the boys have begun to accept my mum as their own almost. Obviously they have real mums, but I know they love her to pieces.

Anyway, so this big imaginary family. Has become more than that. A lot of the dudes are still just imaginary freinds but with a few of the boys , whom I've introduced you to two out of the three, have become scarily real. Eric is the main one. The last couple of years it's progressed to the point where sometimes , I'm not sure if I am me or if I am Eric , or if Eric is me. Sometimes I feel like I'm thinking in his voice. Sometimes I look in the mirror and see him. And sometimes he looks in the mirror and sees me. I think as Paul was so feminine. It didn't show so much. We could just pretend we were me on the outside. But when Eric is in my headspace, I hate my feminine body, I've bought a binder and my wardrobe is becoming less feminine. Because I just dont feel like the same person. I'm honestly so confused I really dont know what is going on or why it's happening.

In some ways the inner world is still just me navigating the world and my way of making sense of things. But it's also kind of like , parts of my personality, as little people that live in my brain , but not quite , I cannot begin to explain it .

And then of course, just when I'm trying to figure out the Eric saga and who the hell I even am anymore, Vlad pops up.

I'll always have a soft spot for Vlad. Hes Paul's older brother and has been in the inner world for quite some time , but has been more I suppose, in my headspace as I call it in the last six months or so. Hes the only one that I've managed to do a successful drawing of thus far although I'll try and do some of the other dudes at some point. Only issue is Vlad would much rather we doodle bugs than the other boys. Vlad has been my way of exploring the whole prospect of having Autism , I'm not diagnosed yet as the waiting lists are frankly ridiculous (yay for the tories?) but I've based vlads character around the traits that I have, and he helps me not be so ashamed of being neurodivergent. He also kind of helps me deal with my Emetophobia (the fear of vomiting) and my issues I have around food - which I honestly thought weren't that bad until I got told that the issues I've been having with my stomach and swallowing for the last year , are completely down to my anxiety. And it was at that point that I realised I may have been a teensy bit more traumatised by my phobia of vomiting than I originally believed. In fact vlads backstory is based off of my whole fear of being sick and what started it off (that time the norovirus kicked my ass, big time) .

Uhh so theres a bit about us . I'm not ready to fully open up yet . I want to eventually tell you more about the inner world but baby steps hey. I plan on trying to post more but , I'm useless so I wouldn't count on it.

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 14x03 “The Scar”

i.e. me enjoying Dean’s freckly arms, the amount Dean and Cas say each other’s names, and Claire’s confirmed queerness

02:53pm

looking forward to some dean/cas head massaging i guess???????

-

02:55

i suppose the “it’s not just michael we’re talking about / it’s dean” script served the purpose of being a recap soundbite

but it did sound out of character at the time

-

02:57

OH MY GOD DEAN’S FIXATED ON SAM’S BEARD

WHAT A (TRAUMATISED) DORK JUST TRYING TO FIND NORMAL THINGS

poor bean

-

02:58

soooooooooooo.. they drove dean back to the bunker, and he clearly spent a moment having a shower and redoing his hair WITH GEL AND HAIRSPRAY

AND THEN HE PUT THE MICHAEL CLOTHES BACK ON???

edit: okay no IT’S EVEN WEIRDER. HE DIDN’T TAKE A SHOWER YET BUT HIS HAIR MAGICALLY GELLED ITSELF INTO DEAN-HAIR

-

03:00

them hearteyes !!!!!!!!!!!!!1

AND THE FUCKING VIOLINS PLAYING IN THE BACKGOUND

SOMEONE TELL ME THAT AIN’T A ROMANTIC VIOLIN NOISE

the violins were kind of soft and tense when jack came out but only started the romantic swoop when cas came out

-

03:04

could’ve done with a hug right there

WHERE’S THE HUG

I DEMAND A SOFT, TIGHT HUG WITH CLOSED EYES

-

03:06

i miss the handprint

also jensen has REALLY nice arms

so many beautiful freckles ;~;

also i was thinking, dean ends up with waaaaay more physical scars and injuries that just about anyone on this show. the handprint, the mark of cain, this thing. and i guess it’s kind of a metaphor for how damaged and scarred he is inside, emotionally.  people and creatures leave their mark on him, stake their claim, and he’s been used and abused a lot over his lifetime..

certainly more than sam

he always belongs to others, and lives to love and care for others (like baby sammy), never for himself

and funnily enough this makes me miss charlie more than anyone. because she was the one who helped dean be dean, and take time for himself, and come out of that goddamn spiked cocoon of emotional damage

one thing i rEALLY REALLY want this season is dean connecting with AU!charlie the way he did with original!charlie. >:{

he needs a charlie

-

03:15

and gorgeous hands too ;A:

i think delicate man hands are my favourite kind

you can TELL he’s a guitar player, his hands are artist’s hands

i hope he writes his own songs and sings them to his children and misha

and i hope one day he’ll release an album of original songs

ugh

ughgugguuhuh

-

03:17

i can’t believe half of the interaction between dean and cas goes like this:

cas: isfsjdkfdjcjdf dean sdkgfdkfgkjfgjfdk

dean: jashfsgjfj cas jdfjdjghjgjgh

cas: dean...

dean: cas! c’mon

they just........say each other’s names??? and that’s the whole conversation??? and they can change each other’s minds like saying their name is a whole argument????

i swear to fucking god i could write a fic where literally the ONLY thing dean and cas do together is say each other’s names with different inflections and tilt their heads and make pouty faces or frown or gulp or touch each other’s arms or breathe in certain ways, and by the end of it they’re kissing and it’s not even out of character

i know there’s a bunch of you who just nodded and you’re gonna message me to write that aren’t you

-

0323

omg dean’s little bumpadabump on the table

“hit me”

-

03:24

i wonder if that sword was an ACTUAL michael sword

or the wielder was a creature from kaia’s nightmare universe

-

03:26

oh yes i was right, it was one of those au creatures

OOH DO WE GET TO SAVE KAIA NOW

and have her and claire smooch please (and be a destiel parallel)

-

03:29

WHO IS SHE

CAN SHE BE A REGULAR WHO DOESN’t DIE PLEASE

okay yeah i’m definitely noticing a tiny trend this season of more women and people of colour

-

03:21

AW MAN

i don’t want MORE reasons why cas can’t go too

but hey at least they’re giving him actual important things to do in the meantime, rather than him just disappearing without explaination

-

03:34

the smile on dean’s face when he sees jody!!!!!!

also i thought there was a goat in the background of this scene but nope it’s just out lamb astra calling for someone to give her some milk already

-

03:35

sam’s sassy smile when he looks at dean

JODY LIKES HIS BEARD

i actually like it too tbh. the fact i don’t notice it unless someone points it out means it suits him

-

03:41

aaaah good they remembered sam’s obsession with serial killers

-

03:43

i love that this episode seems to be making full use of the bunker’s interesting rooms, plus the people who live in it and their interests

-

03:46

OHSAJHRFDJESUS CHRIST THAT MADE ME JUMP

MY CAT JUST CAME IN TO SEE IF i‘M OKAY

i wanna say that was great directing but i feel like a specific “it’s just a memory.... NOPE IT’S RIGHT NOW” shot would’ve come directly from the script

so kudos to berens for that

but also robert singer too for pulling it off

wow

-

03:51

YEEE THEY FOUND KAIA

god i want a dress like that

-

03:53

woman whose name i wish i knew (jules?): “sage, pyrite, and sheep’s eye? we got that here?”

cas: “yes.. storage room, red cabinet, bottom drawer. it’s marked... gross stuff”

three guesses who made that label

also regarding the pyrite - they must go through a lot of cyrstals doing these spells. i wonder if they have to do trips to the local crystal shops or if they buy wholesale

and who did the original buying? imagine dean and cas visiting the shop and dean being like “ooh shiny” and cas being like “dean that’s literally glass”. and dean sniffing ALL the intense. and then frowning at how expensive crystals are, then taking them all home and unwrapping them and spending an hour labelling them all

-

03:56

lauren/laura? [about cas]: “is that your dad?”

jack: “one of them, yes”

now i want an au where jack is in school and everyone assumes his parents are a gay couple but actually they’re just team free will who unanimously adopted him

but spoilers, dean and cas become a couple after repeated hints from other people and visiting the parent-teacher evening together and having everyone assume things so they just roll with it, and it not even feeling weird by the end of the night

maaaaan i wish i was less exhausted all the time so i could just write everything immediately and every day

-

04:00

oh shoot i’m not even halfway through this yet

really enjoying it btw

-

04:02

the necklace is probably cursed

-

04:06

jody: “anything connected to kaia and she’s a powder keg. first love strikes quick, and to lose it like that?”

DREAMHUNTER CONFIRMED

DESTIEL PARALLEL CONFIRMED

GAY CONFIRMED

NEEDS MORE GAY and more destiel parallel

but fuckigng g YES i love this 12/10 what this show needed AND WHAT WE WANTED IN WAYWARD DAUGHTERS goddammit

-

04:14

don’t they take jewellery and other effects off the bodies when they put them in the morgue?

also called it, the cursed necklace

(undoubtedly written so the audience guesses it first)

-

04:20

she just................j umped out th  fuck ing win dow

but of course she’s gonna go get her spear

-

04:25

proud momma bird

-

04:03

oh no jack.....................

:/

-

04:30pm

IT’S OVER THAT WAS GREAT

so happy to see kaia’s face gain, i really hope actual kaia can be saved somehow?? idk if that’s possible given that she Properly Died

but cas doing stuff, even if that stuff is being proud of jack

TWO WOMEN OF COLOUR WHO DIDN’T DIE YEE (is this a first? because even with missouri and patience, missouri died. and with alicia and her mother, her mother died. kaia may already be dead but her face isn’t) (would be BETTER if they interacted too but heck i’ll take it)

it was also really nice to see dean again

and his freckly arms

and cas doing the hearteyes

but BY FAR THE GREATEST THING IS CLAIRE/KAIA BEING CONFIRMED ROMANTIC 

WE ALL KNEW IT, BUT CONFIRMATION !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HELL YES

10/10 episode, i am thoroughly content

[buildarocketboys]

Books read in 2018

It's been a pretty good year for reading for me, and I actually kept a list of all the books I read, so I thought I'd make a list and write a mini review about each one. I've read 22 (and a half) books this year in full - this doesn't include any that I just started, or have read bits of.

1. When The Moon Was Ours by Anna-Marie McLemore

Magical realism + gay and trans characters! Pretty great although I wouldn't necessarily read it again. Mostly read in lunchtimes at work.

2-4. LOTR trilogy by J R R Tolkien (started somewhere between 17 and 29 March) (first book finished 4 April) (finished 30 May)

Dates on this one as I spent most of the first half of the year reading the Lord of the Rings. The Fellowship of the Ring was almost certainly my favourite, got a bit bored towards end of Two Towers/start of Return of the King, and the long descriptions and battles (and long descriptions OF battles) are something I generally prefer to do without. But they're really good books with a lot of cool (and gay!) stuff in them, and though the films don't include everything from them, they're pretty damn good adaptations. (I only wish the films had kept Beregond).

5. The Inescapable Logic of My Life by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

By the author of Aristotle and Dante, I actually can't remember much of this book, I remember it being pretty good though. It may have made me cry?

6. Cloudbusting by Malorie Blackman (REREAD)

Easily the shortest book here, this book used to make me cry. It's a simple story told through different types of poetry, but it's so beautifully done. Didn't make me cry this time sadly, but still good. Read it sitting by the river taking a break from working on a job application.

7. Nation by Terry Pratchett (REREAD)

I reread this pretty much every year (I found myself a few weeks back wanting to reread it again) and it's brilliant every time, enough said. Think this is the only Pratchett novel I've read this year, which is a shame. Thoroughly recommend it though, even though it's not part of Discworld.

8. And The Mountains Echoed by Khaled Hosseini

Bought this from a stall in Bristol, at the time it was the only one of his I hadn't read. It was one of those novels I just ploughed through, really quickly. Really good, really sad (and a gay character where you least expected it).

9. Wicked by Gregory Maguire

Borrowed this from my girlfriend after having seen the musical in May. The book is...really weird, but really good. A lot more of an obvious dystopia than the musical is, right from the get go pretty much and Elphaba is an icon - grumpy, traumatised, irritable, angry, hopeful, guilty, revolutionary. I love her. Oh, and her and Glinda are still really gay.

10. Harry and the Wrinklies by Alan Temperley (REREAD)

Now we come to the books I reread in August when I had some time off work. Harry gets orphaned and is sent to live with his elderly relatives and their elderly friends (hence the title). Little does he know, they're all ex-cons and pretty much modern day Robin Hoods. Also, badass. Still a great book, even if it's technically for kids. I need to reread the sequels sometime.

11. Maximum Ride by James Patterson (REREAD)

Edgy as fuck but I still kind of love it. Ngl the younger kids and Iggy are a lot more fun than Max and Fang though.

12. The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger (REREAD)

This one I reread every couple of years or so. One of my favourites, the way the non-chronological (by design and necessity) plots works so well, in both building and retaining suspense, the prose is beautiful (if a little pretentious at times), the characters are...mostly kind of dicks, but in a real, multifaceted kind of way. I kind of love all the references to various books/authors/bands, even if it is kind of pretentious. I discovered Rilke through this book. Jeder Engel ist schrecklich.

13. Simon vs The Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli

Read this a little while after seeing the film. Obviously they changed a fair amount, but I love them both. Really easy to read in about a day.

14. Leah on the Offbeat by Becky Albertalli

Read this on the same weekend as Simon. Loved it a LOT. I relate to both Leah and Abby a whole lot and it just felt so real to the experience of being a (bi) teenage girl. Wish there'd been a bit more to the ending maybe? But maybe that's just me being greedy. Still trying to persuade @judasisgayriot to read it. This might well be my book of the year.

15. Vox by Christina Dalcher

After I finished Leah on the Offbeat I was looking for something else to read. Picked this up in Waterstones because it sounded like an interesting concept for a dystopia (women are only allowed to say 100 words a day - if they say more, they get electrocuted by a bracelet attached to their wrist). The main character is white, straight and middle class, so that's definitely the majority of the experience we get to see, but there is some examination of being gay and/or a poc in this dystopian culture. Overall an interesting examination on how language can be used as a weapon, and to control people. A Handmaid's Tale with a difference and (spoiler!) a happy ending.

16. The Upside of Unrequited by Becky Albertalli

I didn't get/read this one at the same time as Leah and Simon because I was put off by how het it sounded, lol. The main character is straight (afaik) but it's still a pretty great book and she's pretty relatable.

17. My Mum Tracy Beaker by Jacqueline Wilson

Tracy Beaker all grown up! As told through the eyes of her (much quieter and less troublesome) daughter. Pretty great and interesting to see Tracy all grown up but still very much Tracy. Lots of drama and Justine Littlewood ruining everything as usual. Complete with an implausible happy ending (but it's great anyway, and tbh we all need those sometimes). Also, Cam is a #confirmed lesbian.

18. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak (REREAD)

I'm not sure how many times I've reread The Book Thief now, but it must have been at least ten. I reread it at least every year but often it's been more than that. Still amazing, obviously, but I dunno, I didn't feel as into it this time? I didn't cry (for the first time ever!) while reading it, although that might have been because I read it at work. Mostly I was reading it to prepare for Zusak's new book, which I got for Christmas.

19. Holes by Louis Sachar (REREAD)

First time I've reread this since high school, and it's still brilliant. 'Nuff said.

20. The Bi-ble: An Anthology of Personal Narratives and Essays about Bisexuality edited by Lauren Nickodemus and Ellen Desmond

Bought this from Gay's The Word when I was in London back in May, only got round to reading it in December. Some really good stuff in here, I related hard to a lot of it (and not so much to other parts). Recommended reading for anyone who's bi or wants to understand more about bisexuality.

21. Call of the Wild by Guy Grieve

I picked this up on a whim from my pile of unread books because I wanted something to read before I got new books for Christmas. (Unfortunately, despite my best efforts, I only finished it on Boxing Day). Really interesting, I'm so fascinated by life in very cold, harsh, unforgiving places (only partly because of the wolves) and this was a really interesting true story of how a guy (called Guy) from Scotland manages to build his own cabin and live out in the wild of the Alaskan Interior through the Winter.

22. Combat Magicks by Steve Cole

A Doctor Who novel (the first of three I got for Christmas!) and the last book I read in its entirety in 2018. At the site of a battle between the Romans and the Huns (which is why I chose it first, sounded really cool), so-called "witches" manipulate everything both sides do. Surprise! They're aliens. The Doctor calls Yaz her bestie a lot and it's adorable. Ryan gets a girlfriend who stans the Doctor (she's basically part of Roman Torchwood and she's awesome). Graham has a bath with a witch (well, nearly).

Currently reading:

Eat Up! by Ruby Tandoh

I'm about half way through this, so it doesn't quite count as a book I read in 2018, but I thought I should include it. Anti-diet culture, embracing food for what it is, everything it is, while examining the different things (gender, race, class) that affect our relationship with food.

[midnight-circus]

another bullshit meme

from sidebloggable

answered for logan and lucius bc i dont talk about my big dumb idiot enough

and im actually gonna answer for their original Fable timeline bc ive been feelin nostalgic recently

Their physical weak spots

Logan - depends on his age and/or stress-levels. He has a fair amount of upper body strength from swinging twin swords around all the fucking time, but it wouldn’t be ridiculously hard to overpower him if you could disarm and get hold of him - however, he’s fast, agile and extremely skilled, and it’s getting hold of him in the first place that’s the issue. In the middle of his reign, on the other hand, his body condition takes a dramatic dive - he’s pretty severely underweight and loses a lot of his muscle tone, and it really wouldn’t take much at all to best him. 

Lucius - Lucius is a big, heavy mercenary who fights with a broadsword, so it’s hard to get the best of him in a one-to-one melee fight. However, he’s missing his left eye and is deaf in his left ear - subsequently if you use a little bit of stealth and come at him hard and fast from the left, you’ve got a pretty good chance of getting the jump on him. He’s also into middle-age and despite having decent reactions, a younger man of the same build as him might just pip him to the post.

Their emotional/moral weak spots

Logan - oh god lmao. Logan’s a mess, but his primary emotional weak spot is his siblings - be they his original two (hey queenie and dorian) or Morgan. I think he feels a bond that’s closer to paternal than fraternal, and I think the only way he can really justify to himself the pain he puts them through is telling himself he’s doing it for them. ok honestly, he will do fucking anything for them. at the climax of the revolution, the primary thought running through his head is how fucking proud he is. be nice if he said it out loud every once a while - hell, itd be nice if he’d just asked for some fuckin help before causing the literal death of hundreds of people - but yknow. thats just going one step too far i guess

Lucius - he’s a bleeding heart. when Morgan and his little band of rebels rock up in the Dweller village, Lucius is already there running supplies up and down the mountain to them; he watches way too many kids starve to death, and joins up with the rebels in order to lead them through Mourningwood. then he gets a crush on morgan’s little bitch face and just like. never leaves lmao. He’s easily blinded by injustice and gets worked up really quickly when he sees wrong being done - it can lead him to act recklessly or thoughtlessly at times.

Scars or painful spots

Logan - asides from the obvious scars across his lips (fencing wounds when he was a boy), he took some nasty damage from the Crawler during the three days he was trapped in the Auroran cave - he’s got a network of scars on his back that look a little like lashmarks. they hurt when they’re touched and he Does Not talk about them. he’s also got a few other scars here and there on his arms and chest from miscellaneous scraps and scuffles, and he has a deep puncture scar on his abdomen from an assassination attempt, but the less said about those the better.

Lucius - lmao Lucius is literally missing half his face to scar-tissue. he was attacked by a dog as a boy and it left him heavily messed-up. he’s also a merc, as i said, so he’s got a lot of miscellaneous old wounds but nothing quite as obvious as the ones his face. 

Best places to kiss on their body

Logan - oh, the neck, bitch. he’s also kind of a slut for being kissed on the insides of his wrists; anywhere vulnerable, basically. if you could kill him there, kiss him there. freak-ass bitch.

Lucius - dude just likes a nice traditional french kiss man nothing crazy. but also definitely give him a blowjob. i know this question said kissing but lets be real thats kind of a kiss.

Guilty pleasures

Logan - he reads really terrible novels. like…really terrible. he pretends he’s reading something highbrow and intellectual but its actually a shitty romance recovered with something suitably acceptable and nobody can know

Lucius - he doesnt have any ‘guilty’ pleasures tbh, he just enjoys stuff unashamedly. he’s too thick to feel guilty

Their vices (physical or emotional)

Logan - lets be real, he’s probably done, like. an impressive amount of coke. i guess the terrible sleeping and eating habits are probably also a vice but like. it’s mainly the coke

Lucius - he smokes like a fuckin chimney

Their tickle spots

Logan - not only does he not have any, but you would also die for trying. Elrick disagrees.

Lucius - his ribs, but he is uncontrollably violent when he’s tickled so its a real good way to get a broken nose. he doesn’t mean to do it, he just spasms. 

Bad memories/experiences

Logan - lmao. I’ll skip the most obvious (the 3-Day Auroran Extravaganza) because i think that goes without saying - it left him with crippling PTSD and damaged his mind heavily and insidiously. he was already pretty traumatised by his childhood and i think being forced into so many responsibilities so young also messed him up a little. it’s more like….rather one one or two specific experiences, its more just a general feeling of Bad that has stuck with him throughout his life. It was worsened by his later experiences, and essentially primed him for failure.

Lucius - yknow i was thinking about how to word the answer to this question and i realised that i accidentally made Lucius into Batman. His family farm was attacked and burnt to the ground by bandits when he was about 12; his parents and siblings were killed, and he only escaped by hiding in the coal-cellar. Later, he joined up with the mercenaries to try and track down the group that targeted them. fuck hes batman. i didnt mean to batman

Humiliating memories

Logan - oh man his father was a pro at humiliation. mistakes or oversights werent just punished, they were fuckin learned from, and he figured the best way to do this was humiliation - generally through public displays of What You Did Wrong and repeated recitations of the mistake in front of the people whose opinions Logan valued. It was kind of the catalyst for his inferiority complex and intense desire to succeed without input from others. 

Lucius - again, Lucius doesn’t really experience embarrassment - he’s kind of too laid-back for it. yes, it was embarrassing the one time he fell over carrying two milk buckets and threw them all over himself in front of the handsome boy from the next farm over and the guy started laughing at him but like. you live and learn and the dude turned out to have a really ugly laugh anyway so who cares

Fears/phobias

Logan - he’s always had claustrophobia, but after the Auroran Experience this intensifies to a whole new level, and he also develops crippling nyctophobia. part of this is due to his hallucinatory psychosis - he sees things pretty much constantly, but it worsens in low lighting - but it’s also due to the fact that there may very well be actual Things in the dark and he struggles to tell reality from hallucination

Lucius - dogs. fuckin dogs. he hates dogs theyre literally so scary even the small ones bc the small ones move so quick and you never know when theyre gonna come at you

Bad or petty habits

Logan - oh, he’s just a petty bitch. he’s also outwardly arrogant, even if his internal feelings don’t match up to that. drily sarcastic, too, tho a person only really sees that when they get past the walls he throws up - Elrick is very familiar with it. 

Lucius - he’s constantly standing to the right-hand side of people and then he wonders why he cant hear them properly

Grudges and vendettas

Logan - he’d hold a grudge against his father if he wasnt dead. he also holds a pretty heavy grudge against Theresa for not just fucking telling him.

Lucius - at first, only against the bandits that killed his family, but once he deals with them hes kind of at a loss as to where to go next. fortunately Logan starts starving people shortly afterwards, so if nothing else it gives him a kickstart into the rest of his life. Subsequently, Lucius will hold a vendetta against Logan for the rest of his life, even after he has been in a relationship with Morgan for years - he will never forgive him for the shit he put the common people through, and he doesnt really give a shit about the ~pressures~ Logan was under at the time. fuckin excuses, man. 

Ingrained habits/forces of habit

Logan - his terrible sleeping/eating patterns. even before trauma and night-terrors made it almost impossible for him to sleep peacefully, he didn’t get more than 5 or 6 hours a night, if that.

Lucius - if something is smaller than him, he’ll protect it. he’ll also protect things bigger than him, if given half the chance. hes basically a golden retriever in human form, which is ironic considering his feelings about dogs.

What it takes to make them cry

Logan - would rather die than cry, quite literally.

Lucius - his heart is softer than butter, he’ll cry at anything. he’ll cry at an injured pigeon on the street. 

Dark secrets/’skeletons in the closet’

Logan - never, ever, ever talks about what happened in Aurora. The details die with him.

Lucius - he doesn’t really have any - he’s not ashamed of much in his life, and he’s never done anything terrible enough to render it a skeleton. 

People they’ve hurt or indirectly killed, and how it affected them

Logan - L M A O. yes, it affected him terribly, but tbqh however much its affected him kind of plays second fiddle to how much his actions affected other people.

Lucius - has killed a lot of people who deserved it during his mercenary years, and justifies it to himself by being absolutely certain that they did deserve it. sometimes he doubts this, though, and that doubt plays a big part in his eventually getting out of the game entirely

People who’ve influenced them greatly

Logan - Walter, tho he’ll never admit it in a million years and he still definitely kneecapped him right at the start of the game so idk what that says about him

Lucius - Morgan. it’s real gay, i know, but there it is.