#see you at the Sara bareilles concert

[liveforthesound]

Ohhhhh nooo!! MISSY HIGGINS

Im so sorry queers but now we’re all crying!!!!!

[mending-up-your-fences]

Insane Brandi Carlile performances in 2023

(My top ten, in no particular order. Hopefully this blog brought you a smidgeon of joy this year.)

———

Did you know that Brandi sang She Used to Be Mine as a lesbian duet with Sara Bareilles this year? At Girls Just Wanna Weekend 4??? And that I haven’t been the same or ever shut up since????????

She Used to Be Mine - Sara Bareilles (feat. Brandi Carlile)

Annual Grammys performance slot, this time wearing a Versace suit :)

Broken Horses - Brandi Carlile

This is the single best performance of Again Today she’s ever done, and I’m (mostly) not just saying that because I was there

Again Today - Brandi Carlile Band

Your fave (unless it’s them) would never be so unhinged as to perform the Same Song back to back in two different styles in concert, and Have It Work. (Saw this trick live and let me tell you, hook, line, and sinker.)

Right on Time and Right on Time (In Harmony) - Brandi Carlile Band

The Gay Agenda (two married lesbians singing their cover of Closer To Fine that they recorded for the blockbuster hit of the year)

Closer To Fine - Indigo Girls (covered by Brandi and Catherine Carlile)

It’s about the song choice, it’s about the fashion, it’s about the acoustic instrumentation, it’s about the stomping, it’s about the stomping, it’s about PLAYING THIS AS AN OPENER AT THE GORGE FOR JONI F*CKING MITCHELL

Fat Bottomed Girls - Queen (performed by Brandi and the Twins)

Singing this with the Speaker of the House of Representatives in the audience was A Choice

Shine - Joni Mitchell (covered by Brandi Carlile)

Big year for Queen Covers that shouldn’t work, but you see in real life and the band absolutely pulls off because they are that incredible

We Are the Champions - Queen (covered by Brandi Carlile Band)

Lastly, another cover that doesn’t make sense but then absolutely kills. This performance made me more gay. 10/10.

Call Your Girlfriend - Robyn (covered by Brandi Carlile)

The Highwomen as a concept and as a Full Length concert, after four years, but especially this performance. (The whole set is worth watching. Long live the Highwomen, and may Amanda Shires successfully wrangle everyone into a second album.)

Mammas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys - Willie Nelson (covered by The Highwomen)

[graciehart]

1,3, 11, 13, 26 <3

1. What is your favorite song of all time?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and nothing will ever affect me to the same extent and depth as the original 2012 version of “All Too Well” (partially because developmentally speaking, nothing hits quite as hard as the music you listen to at ~14 which is how old I was when I was listening to it literally on repeat for multiple years). The other song is “You Learn to Live Without” by Idina Menzel.

3. If you were to get lyrics tattooed on you, which would they be?

There are so many, but two I've thought of most often are "even now" from "What Baking Can Do" and "for the hope of it all" from "august."

11. What is the best live music show you've ever been to?

Obviously Taylor’s shows are just incredible, but I will say the sound quality has never been as good as smaller shows I’ve been to (but her shows are literally a thing of their own so I’m just letting all of them tie for first lolol). Seeing Sara Bareilles at the Hollywood Bowl was an incredible experience. And my first Idina Menzel concert has a very special place in my heart.

13. What's an album cover that you would frame and put up in your house?

Funny enough that I have album covers framed and used as decorations 😂 Ones that I don't have but would love are The Blessed Unrest (Sara Bareilles), One Cell in the Sea (A Fine Frenzy), and The Good Witch (Maisie Peters).

26. Is there/what is a song that you always associate with a movie or tv show?

Many! Some are associated because of fan videos and others because I hear them from the show. "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North reminds me of Castle (as well as "In Your Veins," of course, and "A Thousand Years"), "Fate Don't Know You" by Desi Valentine reminds me of Suits (because I watched that one specific clip it's in OVER AND OVER), "Love Me Like You Do" by Ellie Goulding reminds me of the Mentalist, "Reflecting Light" by Sam Phillips is from Gilmore Girls... I could go on lmao

music asks!

[commanderbuffy]

This is so awesome! I can’t believe you met your GF at a Sara Bareilles concert, that’s so beautiful. And I’m so jealous that you all have seen Waitress on Broadway! I’m so far away from NYC, and I haven’t been able to make it happen yet. I did see her once when I was like 17 when she was touring the Kaleidoscope Heart album. Top notch stuff.

One nerdy thing I like to do is listen to every version of Gravity in chronological order to hear her voice grow stronger and richer as she’s aged. It’s just a good way for me to relive my own first heart break.

Omg that is SUCH a smart idea re: gravity

[jillianwarts]

Music Ask

1. What type of music are you into?

2. What is your most favorite song?

3. Who is your favorite singer?

4. What song do you sing in the shower?

5. What song always makes you want to dance?

6. What was the first concert you attended?

7. What concert you’ve attended you like the most?

8. Who’s concert would you most want to see?

9. If your life could have a soundtrack, what song would it be?

10. Have you ever written your own original song? Can we hear it?

1. i like most genres pero i'm leaning more on r&b and pop

2. torn between celeste - tothapi and constant - jesse barrera, jeremy passion

3. kehlani

4. you're losing me & foolish one - taylor swift

5. iTwerk - 99 percent

6. considered bang concert yung UP Fair? if yes, UP Fair 2017(?)

7. concert ni peter gene my labs. bruno mars haha.

8. chris brown's

9. she used to be mine - sara bareilles

10. nope, bano me sa poetry lol.

thank you @ameownymous 🩵

[freepassbound]

41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions?

43: Are you stubborn?

47: Do you sing in the car?

50: Ever used a gun?

53: Is Christmas stressful?

54: Ever eat a pierogi?

56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

61: Wear a bath robe?

63: First concert?

67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

78: Who would you like to see in concert?

83: Can you swim well?

90: Can you knit or crochet?

41: You know, I think it's down to just The Economist and National Geographic. Used to have several more.

43: I certainly can be! 😅

47: Definitely - and very badly. 😂

50: Absolutely not.

53: Really, at this point it isn't really anything - pretty much just another day.

54: I'm half Polish! I have pierogi at least several times a year!

56: Professional athlete, of course; architect, computer engineer, writer... that's all that's coming to mind.

61: I have... not for a very long time, though. Don't think I have one now.

63: Not a clue. The local symphony, most likely.

67: Peanuts, hands down.

78: Sara Bareilles - my favorite musical artist.

83: Well? Nah, not really. Just well enough.

90: Nope. Nor sew. Probably don't have the fine dexterity for it.

[thisultraviolet]

Hellooo Olivia! I am making your valentunes playlist. I just want to know some things about you and your music tastes!

Who was your first concert you went to?

What was your favorite concert you went to?

Top 5 Taylor songs

Top 5 non-Taylor songs

Favorite underrated bop

A song that reminds you of your childhood

Song that you scream in the car to

What music/artist do you absolutely hate soI can make sure to avoid them...

Excited to make this for you!

Hi! This is so exciting omg ok

Who was your first concert you went to? P!nk on the Truth About Love Tour in 2013? I think? She's amazing, no-one is doing live performances like her.

What was your favorite concert you went to? Last year I saw Conan Gray on the Superache tour and it was the most fun I've had in years, also his voice is so good live it's insane! That being said I'm actually seeing dodie (my number 1 fav singer ever sorry Taylor) this month, so realistically it will be her very soon.

Top 5 Taylor songs Ok 3-5 is pretty rough because my whole top 10 moves around a lot: 1. Afterglow 2. my tears ricochet 3. I Know Places 4. Forever & Always 5. right where you left me (honourable mentions to Renegade, DBATC, Bye Bye Baby, Treacherous, and TVFN)

Top 5 non-Taylor songs This isn't really an official top 5 just songs I"ve been obsessed with in the past year but anyway: 1. Wish You Were Sober - Conan Gray 2. Boys Don't Cry - The Cure 3. Hot Mess - dodie 4. Angel Baby - Troye Sivan 5. Goodbye Stranger - Supertramp

Favorite underrated bop Jackie and Wilson - Hozier !!!!!

A song that reminds you of your childhood Love Song - Sara Bareilles

Song that you scream in the car to I Know The End - Phoebe Bridgers (and Getaway Car ofc)

What music/artist do you absolutely hate so I can make sure to avoid them... Honestly other than people I avoid for like moral reasons, no one I specifically hate. I don't listen to much techno or anything in that vein but other than that go for it!

Also I feel like I should just let you know that I'm also absolutely a musical theatre girlie so if that's also your thing 100% feel free to put some on there, but if not don't worry about it lmao

[differenzeartistiche]

Gavin Creel is 46 today, time to bring back an updated performance ranking!

I’m adding American Horror Stories since I last posted this last year.

Gavin Creel, 15 performances, ranked!

15. Nick Piazza in Fame

This show has some merits, although it’s definitely not one of my favorites. It’s Gavin’s professional debut and I can forgive him some naiveté in an otherwise competent, beautifully sung performance. His rendition of “I wanna make magic” is lovely.

14. Charles Darnay in A Tale of Two Cities

Ok, so this was a concert performance, so it’s not really fair to compare it to the others, but I’ll just throw it in here. Mainly because it’s such an unusual show for Gavin. It’s something that tries very hard to be on the level of Les Miserables, without much success, and Gavin is not a huge fan of that kind of show. That said, it’s a nicely sung performance of a classic romantic hero role. Nice, nothing more.

13. Jean-Michel in La Cage Aux Folles

Great show, poor but still competent production. The role’s literally the most boring in the whole play, but he gets to sing the cute “With Anne on my arm” and he nails it.

12. Troy in American Horror Stories

Oh this was a fun one, Gavin playing outside of his comfort zone, far removed from his preferred genre and into an over-the-top, sexy role that is rather unique in his career. I wish the material he had to work with was better, but his scenes with Aaron Tveit were superfun.

11. Hollis Bessemer in Bounce

Sadly a lesser show by Sondheim, I still love some aspects of it, and Gavin’s wide-eyed artistically-inclined dreamer is one of them. His big solo “Talent” is the best song of the show and touches me on a very personal level.

10. Matthews in Rapunzel’s Tangled Adventure

Gavin voicing a Disney villain! A Disney villain with a secret! A Disney villain with a French accent! Talk about playing against type. There’s something of Kodaly here, and of Lumiere and of Pepé Le Pew. You can tell he had a blast recording this role, and the design is exquisite.

9. Bill in Eloise at the Plaza / Eloise at Christmastime

Effortlessly hilarious on screen as he is on stage, he goes full-on old-time Hollywood star in the Christmas-themed sequel and I love it. A mix of Dick Powell and Fred Astaire.

8. Dr. Pomatter in Waitress

Sara Bareilles’ little gem of a musical often finds its strength in the absolute realness of its characters, flawed human beings looking for a little sparkle of happiness. Drew Gehling’s Dr. Pomatter was awkward and fun and sad-eyed, but I think Gavin wins infusing the character with tenderness and truly lived-in melancholy. A few weeks in a well-worn musical could be seen as a footnote in a great career, but it’s such a lovely performance, enhanced by the incredible chemistry he has with Bareilles.

7. Bert in Mary Poppins

My introduction to Gavin and since then I’ve come to appreciate him as heir to impossibly gangly male leads like Dick Van Dyke, so this feels like such a natural fit. I find the show a little bloated, but watch him defying gravity in that one “walking on air” scene: it’s irresistible.

6. Ugly in Honk!

Having him play the ugly duckling ALSO feels like a natural fit. Gavin’s at his best when he plays lost and confused dreamers, and the fairytale touch with the surreal setting makes for a wonderful variation on that theme.

5. Steven Kodaly in She Loves Me

Easily the odd man out of the list. The evil, scheming, suave and self-centered Kodaly is a delightful departure from all the romantic leads and clueless buffoons of Gavin’s career. The showstopper “Ilona” brings out all the manipulative nature of the character, a snake that always finds a way out and always gets what he wants. A remarkable performance that makes me want to see him branch out into even more strange territories.

4. Jimmy Smith in Thoroughly Modern Millie

Again with the old-time charm and humor. Millie is a show dominated by women, and Gavin’s male romantic lead manages not to be swallowed whole by them by being so wonderfully easy-going, hilariously aloof and occasionally sassy. It does also help that in “What do I need with love” he has one of the catchiest numbers of the show.

3. Cornelius Hackl in Hello, Dolly!

PUDDING. That alone deserved the Tony. It’s an overwhelmingly funny turn that makes the best of the original, almost vaudevillian nature of the show. So full of tricks and ticks and winks to the audience, deliciously aware of its own absurdity, it’s the kind of scene-stealing performance that not every actor can pull off. And oh my god, has anyone ever sung Jerry Herman’s beautiful tunes so gorgeously? You almost wish he could have sung “Put on your Sunday clothes” in its entirety.

2. Elder Price in The Book of Mormon

Somewhere between the rubber-faced humor of Jim Carrey, the earnest straight man hilarity of Jack Lemmon and the physicality of Dick Van Dyke. A perfect combination that captures the sarcastic, yet disarmingly sweet nature of the show, with its hints of meanness and self-devouring doubt.

1. Claude Hooper Bukowski in Hair

Unquestionably the masterpiece of Gavin’s career. A towering performance that starts with the iconicity of the role and the visuals associated with it and finds the core of Claude’s humanity: a scared, earnest, sometimes self-centered, mostly clueless young man that has to face something so much bigger than himself, something that is so far from the made-up world of fake accents and films in space that he has created for himself and that will eventually consume him. Moments like “Where do I go” and “The Flesh Failures” are moving and brutally honest.

[greyeyedmonster-18]

heyy greyy

how are you?

i have slept maybe three hours I'm surviving purely on coffee and my mind's going in 15 different directions and the usual shyness that keeps my thoughts locked has left me stranded so uhh i may be asking these very important questions that you definitely don't have to answer but anyways here they are

1. besides taylor what are your favourite artists /genres to listen to ( a song in currently obsessed with is sidelines by pheobe bridgers 10/10)

2. what are you favourite cuisines to try out? (this is inspired because of my friend making red thai curry for me bless her I'm not an adventurous eater but it was so good 15/10 recommend)

3. sirius in your stories loves maths, is it something inspired by you or just a hc for him? god bless y'all who enjoy maths I'm gonna cheer on you guys while i work with biology

4. ooo do you love nail paint/ nail art ?

5. see this is my kinda think but when I'm bored or just sitting idly is i have a pen I'll just draw stuff on a paper (can call them doodles but they aren't really) but yeah these days i gravitate towards making an eye or fingers for some reason ( like those witchy creepy cartoony ones)

6. its an imaginary world with no responsibilities and not considering logical housing situation then what animal would you have as a pet ( i once was in a lengthy discussion with my mom how hypothetically giraffe would be a good pet- they could carry all your groceries to you apartment floor with no issue but then i saw them fighting and I'll stick to cat and dogs for now)

uhh yeah these are it for now- i have more but i dont want to overwhelm you (too much)

-ash

(if these weirded you out I'm so sorry but uhh yeah bye i find you very cool and Inspiring and uhh you give me hope that the clusterfuck of bad desicions and noooo why did i think this was a good idea that is your early 20s work itself out in the end )

also if you ever want to see badly drawn witchy fingers that i have no idea why i have started to draw pls ask :)

friend! hello! please sleep. these are all very sweet, very cute, and I'll happily oblige answering sleepy silly questions, and here is more information than you ever wanted to know!!! but also, this is the third time this week i have been called cool and i just....i promise i'm not. i promise i am just a Big Dork who Does Her Best. But also...not mad that i give off a vibe that i made a bunch of bad decisions in my twenties, which i am still technically in. Not mad at all <3:

-music genre besides taylor swift: i tend to have either the music taste of someone...much older, or much younger. like i went to a josh groban concert, sat VERY close when i was 23? and was the youngest person in the crowd who wasn't forced to go with their parents by a long shot (made friends with an older woman who wore a fur coat and pearls and i decided im going to be her when im older)

but to name a few-- one direction stan (and zayn, harry, and nialls solo careers only), sara bareilles, josh groban, ariana grande, billy joel, elton john, paul simon/simon and garfunkel, and then i also listen to a lot of instrumental stuff...like...film scores (the film score to Much Ado About Nothing is my favorite ever).

-cuisine: i am not a picky eater at all, i will eat dry wall if it has a dipping sauce and tell you its the best thing in the world. and im a latinx household, so a lot of my daily cooking is...that. but when i venture away, i tend to take inspo from my friends/their recipes (made sushi pizza last week? very good, 10/10 recommend), and try out what THEY eat regularly.

-maths: while i do like maths, this HC wasn't inspired by me. sirius is a very black and white thinker. he is pragmatic, and logical by nature. this is canon. he's also....canonically very smart, and provided the black family has a lot of money (and a lot of paranoia, i don't think Orion Black and his predecessors would've let anyone else touch the books other than family, i wouldn't be surprised if they were charmed either) and its just a HC of mine that sirius had to learn about managing money and numerology and maths from a very young age to prepare for... heir-hood. (i do like doing math, and i am good at it, however its not something i would ever make a career out of...exclusively.)

-nails: this might be disappointing, but i don't do my nails. they wouldn't last a day. the only time i do is when im obligated to for an event/wedding, and they literally barely make it through the ceremony. nails are kept short, unpolished.

i love witchy hands!!!

pet: i would hands down have flamingos in my front yard. like a cute little pond and they would just stand there on one leg like Misty Copeland and be cute and pink and mind their business <3

[graciehart]

5, 6, 11, & 12 for the music asks <3

thanks bestie hehe <3

5. Is there a song that always makes you cry, no matter what? What is it?

There isn't because my relationship with crying is very weird, but the first song to move me to tears was "Falling Slowly" from Once.

6. Is there/what is a song that you secretly love but you hate to admit it?

Basically every glee version I listen to lmao

11. What is the best live music show you've ever been to?

Obviously Taylor’s shows are just incredible, but I will say the sound quality has never been as good as smaller shows I’ve been to (but her shows are literally a thing of their own so I’m just letting all of them tie for first lolol). Seeing Sara Bareilles at the Hollywood Bowl was an incredible experience. And my first Idina Menzel concert has a very special place in my heart.

12. Who is a band or artist that you've never seen that you're dying to see?

Now that I can say I've seen Sara (scream), I'd say Maisie Peters! (also Katie Rose Clarke)

music asks!

[blurglesmurfklaine]

do you ever have moments where ur like. I can’t believe what my life is??? in a good way??

by Halloween I’ll have spent Labor Day weekend in NYC with two of my best friends watching Sara Fucking Bareilles, one of my all time favorite musicians, play the lead role in Waitress on fucking Broadway, I’ll have gone to Dallas to meet up with an internet friend for the first time in my life!!!! I’ll have gone to one of my best friend’s bridal shower, and then have spent four days in Virginia with another friend and my cousin who I haven’t seen in nearly two years (MAYBE EVEN SEE MOTHMAN???? no that’s not a riverdale reference I just think mothman is cool), I’ll have seen Stevie Nicks live in concert??? BC THATS NOT A THING I THOUGHT ID EVER GET TO DO!!! and I’ve already gone through one of the hardest years of my life, losing friends and moving away from my family and not even having my cat for the first year of that and idk!! I feel like I’m out of my red era officially into my 1989 era which is IRONIC I KNOW but ALEXA PLAY WELCOME TO NEW YORK

[commanderbuffy]

OMG YOU GUYS!!! I am also a Sara Bareilles stan!! My girlfriend and I met almost 12 years ago at a Sara Bareilles concert (we’re both obsessed) and have since seen her 3 more times in concert and watched her front row center on Broadway in Waitress. When I say seeing her on Broadway was an out of body experience for me, like I can’t even explain it.

Gravity, Hold My Heart, and Breathe Again are beautiful break up songs. 💕 Kaleidoscope Heart is my favorite album of hers. But there all 💯🔥.

YOU MET AT A SARA BAREILLES CONCERT?!!?!? OMG

I saw Waitress twice on Broadway, but never got to see her in it which I'm DEVASTATED by.

I love allllllll those

[rkrispyt]

I need suggestions!

I’m making a list of iconic dances from films, tv shows, music videos etc. to start learning as part of this project (I may only end up doing a one minute-ish bit of it in the end, we’ll see).

Below is what I’ve got so far - would love love love suggestions of things to add!

Rumor Has It/Someone Like You (Glee)

Something In The Air (High School Musical the Musical the Series)

Dirty Pop (*NSYNC)

Disco Inferno (Glee)

Say A Little Prayer (Glee)

Single Ladies (Beyoncé)

Halo/Walking On Sunshine (Glee)

We’re All In This Together (High School Musical)

Thriller (Michael Jackson)

Tik Tok (Glee)

Light Up The World (Glee)

Raise Your Glass (Glee)

The Rockefeller Skank (She’s All That)

Run the World (Glee)

Survivor/I Will Survive (Glee)

You Drive Me Crazy (Britney Spears)

Rhythm Nation (Janet Jackson)

Come On Over (Xtina)

Cold Hearted Snake (Paula Abdul)

Stick to the Status Quo (High School Musical)

Work It Out (High School Musical 2)

Getcha Head In the Game (High School Musical)

Born To Be Brave (High School Musical the Musical the Series)

Brave (Sara Bareilles)

Truth, Justice, and Songs In Our Key (High School Musical the Musical the Series)

1-2-3 (High School Musical the Musical the Series)

Ain’t Seen Nothin’ (High School Musical the Musical the Series)

Sometimes (Britney Spears)

Promise of A New Day (Paula Abdul)

Amber Riley’s freestyle (Dancing With the Stars)

And You Don’t Even Know It (Everybody’s Talking About Jamie)

We Got The Beat (Head Over Heels)

Oops…I Did It Again (Britney Spears)

Bad Romance (Lady Gaga)

The Sign (Pitch Perfect)

?Maybe also:

Bust Your Windows (Glee)

Another One Bites The Dust (Glee)

Baby One More Timr (Britney Spears)

River Deep, Mountain High (Glee/Glee Concert)

Loser Like Me (Glee)

Boogie Shoes (Glee)

Bop to the Top (High School Musical)

[dearmrsawyer]

kit @nightwideopen tagged me to answer 30 questions and then tag 5 people, thank you! :)

name/nickname: jamila/aja

gender: girl

star sign: aquarius, i think i’m whatever the opposite kind of aquarius harry styles is 😂

height: 160cm i think

birthday: 9 feb, i'm freshly minted at 30!

favourite bands: 1d, the oh hello's, patd, fob, mcr, green day, i think if your bandname doesn't turn into an acronym your chances aren't good LOL

song stuck in my head: i'm listening to kiss you rn so that :)

last movie: UGHHHHHHHHHH

last show: up to the s5 finale of spn in my rewatch!!

when did i create this blog: i think in 2012. i had another blog briefly in 2011 but it didn't stick right away

what do i post: well atm you are all suffering through my emotional spn rewatch, so primarily 1d/louis/spn/whatever other shows i love that appear on my dash (all the shows i love are on this website too few and far between)!

last thing googled: 'shakshuka' bc i wanted to check whether i need 1 or 2 cans of tomato

other blogs: a bunch of fests i've run and @notjustalibrary which is my library blog that i constantly FORGET to post to because its not a side blog so its not in my face, and i try to use it during work hours, and work has been off the walls nuts for the past 12 months so i have not have time :'/ but it is always lurking in the back of my mind causing me guilt lol

do i get asks: mostly just if i reblog a meme! 

why i chose my url: a reference to my fav Lost character :)

following: 169

followers: 1,210 (i think 25 of you are active/real blogs lol)

average hours of sleep: usually 7 frequently interrupted hours

lucky number: i really don't have one, but i do always get a good feeling if i see a Lost number

instruments: a brief stint with piano in my teens that i enjoyed much more before i started taking proper lessons

what am i wearing: pyjamas ALWAYS. grey pants with white stars and a S.T.A.R. Labs tee

dream job: sort of what i'm doing! i guess in the most ideal of library worlds i might like to be a YA librarian but i love being an academic librarian, and i love having my hand in so many pots/knowing the whole library inside out as the sole librarian of a small library, rather than specialising in a particular department

dream trip: round-the-world trip to see all my friends and maybe go to a concert with said friends!! everyone lives so far away!! the injustice!

favourite food: potato in any form

nationality: italian/lebanese heritage but i live in australia

favourite song: the song i've most recently fallen in love with and played a LOT is 'bright lights and cityscapes' by sara bareilles

last book read: 'a beautifully foolish endeavour' by hank green (omGGGGGGG)

top three fictional universes i'd like to live it: the 'i'd like to live in' qualifier REALLY narrows this down 😂 ok hp, star trek or POKEMON. god i want a little pokepal so bad 😭

i shall tag: @candybarrnerd @virglows @niallandtommo @gratitudecafe @youcancallmedoctor

[mysticalhearth]

J

Jagged Little Pill - Broadway - February, 2020 (StarCuffedJeans's master) FORMAT:  MP4 (HD) CAST: Elizabeth Stanley (Mary Jane Healy), Celia Gooding (Frankie Healy), Sean Allan Krill (Steve Healy), Derek Klena (Nick Healy), Ezra Menas (u/s Jo), Kathryn Gallagher (Bella), Antonio Cipriano (Phoenix), Logan Hart (Andrew Montefiore), Nora Schell (Pharmacist/Therapist), Kelsey Orem (s/w Jill/Teacher), Heather Lang (Courtney), Jane Bruce (Denise), Ebony Williams (Barista), Zach Hess (Drug Dealer), Max Kumangai (Doctor), Annelise Baker (Kelsey), John Cardoza, Kei Tsuruharatani, Kelsey Orem, Ken Wulf Clark, Nora Schell, Yeman Brown NOTES: Begins in the middle of the opening number. Clear picture and good sound throughout. Jagged Little Pill - Broadway - November, 2019 (Preview) (StarCuffedJeans's master) FORMAT:  MP4 (HD) CAST: Elizabeth Stanley (Mary Jane Healy), Celia Gooding (Frankie Healy), Sean Allan Krill (Steve Healy), Derek Klena (Nick Healy), Lauren Patten (Jo), Kathryn Gallagher (Bella), Antonio Cipriano (Phoenix), Logan Hart (Andrew Montefiore), Annelise Baker, Ebony Williams, Ezra Menas, Heather Lang, Jane Brusch, John Cardoza, Kei Tsuruharatani, Ken Wulf Clark, Laurel Harris, Logan Hart, Max Kumangai, Nora Schell NOTES: Stunning HD capture of the Alanis Morrisette musical in Broadway Previews. Filmed from the left orchestra with a mix of wides, mediums, and closeups. Fantastic performances all around with the action well-followed. Jekyll and Hyde - Broadway - December 19, 1999 (Major's master) FORMAT:  VOB (with smalls) (SD) CAST: Joseph Mahowald (u/s Henry Jekyll/Edward Hyde), Coleen Sexton (u/s Lucy Harris), Christy Tarr (u/s Lisa/Emma Carew), Stuart Marland (u/s Gabriel John Utterson) Jekyll and Hyde - Broadway - 2000 (Pro-Shot's master) FORMAT:  MP4 (HD) CAST: Rob Evan (Henry Jekyll/Edward Hyde), Coleen Sexton (Lucy Harris), Andrea Rivette (Lisa/Emma Carew), George Merritt (Gabriel John Utterson), Robert Jensen (Simon Stride), Corinne Melançon (Lady Beaconsfield), Martin Van Treuren (Lord Savage), Stuart Marland (General Lord Glossop), Bill E Dietrich (Sir Archibald Proops/Spider), David Chaney (Bisset) Jekyll and Hyde - Dortmund - October 18, 2019 (Rumpel's master) FORMAT:  VOB (with smalls) (SD) CAST: David Jakobs (Henry Jekyll/Edward Hyde), Bettina Mönch (Lucy Harris), Milica Jovanovic (Lisa/Emma Carew), Morgan Moody (Gabriel John Utterson), Tom Zahner (Sir Danvers Carew), Florian Sigmund (Simon Stride), Johanna Schoppe (Lady Beaconsfield), Mario Ahlborn (Bishop von Basingstoke), Georg Kirketerp (Lord Savage), Georg Kirketerp (General Lord Glossop), Jessica Troncha (Nellie) Jekyll and Hyde - Lancaster, Pennsylvania - 2020 (Pro-Shot's master) FORMAT:  MP4 (HD) CAST: Randy Jeter (Henry Jekyll/Edward Hyde), Molly Grace B (Lucy Harris), Madison Paige Buck (Lisa/Emma Carew) NOTES: A special 90 minute version made with the collaboration of MTI and Wildhorn, streamed officially due to the novel Coronavirus. Jersey Boys - Las Vegas - December 22, 2007 FORMAT:  VOB (no smalls) (SD) CAST: Rick Faugno (Frankie Valli), Bryan McElroy (Tommy Devito), Jeff Leibow (Nick Massi), Andrew Rannells (Bob Gaudio), Joyce Chittick (Mary Delgado), Jonathan Hadley (Bob Crewe), Ken Krugman (Gyp De Carlo), Jonathan Gerard Rodriguez (Joey), Jason Martinez (Norm Waxman), Julia Krohn (Lorraine), Lauren Tartaglia (s/w Lorraine), Natalie Bradshaw (Francine), John Salvatore (Billy Dixon), Michael James Scott (Hal Miller), Kristofer McNeeley (Hank Majewski) NOTES: A little shaky at times, and a little obstruction from some heads downstage. Great energy from this cast, which became the original Las Vegas cast, from master. A- Jersey Boys - The Netherlands - 2013-, 2014 (Highlights) FORMAT:  MP4 (SD) CAST: Maarten Smeele (Frankie Valli), Martijn Vogel (Frankie Valli), René van Kooten (Tommy Devito), Robbert van den Bergh (Nick Massi), Dieter Spileers (Bob Gaudio) NOTES: Minimal highlights includes: Walk Like a Man (Martijn), Walk Like a Man (Maarten), Sherry (Maarten) and Big Girls don't Cry (Maarten). Jersey Boys - The Netherlands - July 27, 2014 (Closing Night) (Highlights) FORMAT:  MP4 (HD) CAST: Tim Driesen (Frankie Valli), René van Kooten (Tommy Devito), Robbert van den Bergh (Nick Massi), Dieter Spileers (Bob Gaudio), Barry Beijer (Bob Crewe), Hugo Haenen (Gyp De Carlo), Willemijn de Vries (Lorraine), Myrthe Maljers (Francine) NOTES: Highlights from the last show in The Netherlands. Highlights include Beggin, Bye Bye Baby, Cant take my eyes of you, Dawn, Oh what a night, Sherry, Working my way back to you. No good quality at all, heads in the way, sometimes focused on the heads )the obstruction ones' instead of the stage, no zoom at all Jesus Christ Superstar - 50th Anniversary Tour - February 18, 2020 (screechout's master) FORMAT:  MTS CAST: Aaron LaVigne (Jesus Christ), James Delisco Beeks (Judas Iscariot), Jenna Rubaii (Mary Magdalene), Tommy Sherlock (Pontius Pilate), Alvin Crawford (Caiaphas), Tyce Green (Annas), Paul Louis Lessard (King Herod), Eric A Lewis (Simon Zealotes), Tommy McDowell (Peter), Brian Golub, Brittany Rose Hammond, Chelsea Williams, David André, Erick Patrick, Garfield Hammonds, Jacob Lacopo, Jasmine Schmenk, Keirsten Nicole Hodgens, Pepe Nufrio, Sandyredd, Sara Andreas, Sarah Parker, Sheila Jones, Wesley Barnes NOTES: Some blurriness and washout, especially when not zoomed in, but mostly complete and unobstructed. Jesus Christ Superstar - Live In Concert (NBC) - April 1, 2018 (Pro-Shot's master) FORMAT:  MP4 (HD) CAST: Jason Tam (Peter Patrone), John Legend (Jesus Christ), Brandon Victor Dixon (Judas Iscariot), Sara Bareilles (Mary Magdalene), Ben Daniels (Pontius Pilate), Norm Lewis (Caiaphas), Jin Ha (Annas), Alice Cooper (King Herod)

Jesus Christ Superstar - UK Arena Tour (2012) - 2012 (Pro-Shot's video master) Format: MP4(SD) CAST: Ben Forster (Jesus Christ), Tim Minchin (Judas Iscariot), Melanie C (Mary Magdalene), Alexander Hanson (Pontius Pilate), Pete Gallagher (Caiaphas), Gerard Bentall (Annas), Chris Moyles (King Herod), Giovanni Spano (Simon Zealotes) NOTES: Proshot of the UK Arena Tour at Arena Birmingham. It was broadcasted to cinemas worldwide on the 29th October and 1st November 2012 Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat - Los Angeles, California - February 16, 2002 (House-Cam's master) FORMAT:  VOB (with smalls) (SD) CAST: Roger Befeler (Joseph), Eden Espinosa (Narrator), John LaLonde (Pharaoh), Matt Logan (Simeon), Jennifer Rias NOTES: Single camera house-cam recording Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat - Tecklenburg, Germany - 2014 FORMAT:  VOB (no smalls) (SD) CAST: Alexander Klaws (Joseph), Sandy Mölling (Narrator), Julian Looman (Pharaoh), Reinhard Brussmann (Jacob), Alexander Bellinkx (Reuben), Marco Herse Foti (Napthali), Thomas Hohler (Simeon), Andrew Hill (Levi), Sebastian Brandmeir (Gad), Jürgen Brehm (Issachar), Benjamin Witthoff (Asher), Jan Altenbockum (Dan), Florian Theiler (Zebulun), Sebastian Smulders (Judah), Cihan Demir (Benjamin), Sebastian Brandmeir (Butler), Jürgen Brehm (Baker), Juliane Bischoff (Mrs Potiphar), Benjamin Witthoff (Potiphar) Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat - The Netherlands - 2009 (Pro-Shot's master) FORMAT:  VOB (no smalls) (SD) CAST: Hein Gerrits (u/s Joseph), Renée van Wegberg (Narrator), Paul Walthuis (Pharaoh), Leo Hogeboom (Jacob), Robin van den Akker (Issachar), Mathijs Pater (Zebulun), Yves Adang (Benjamin) Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat - The Netherlands - March 4, 2009 FORMAT:  VOB (with smalls) (SD) CAST: Freek Bartels (Joseph), Renée van Wegberg (Narrator), Leo Hogeboom (Jacob) NOTES: Recorded from the mezzanine. Restricted view due to some heads in the way and wandering by master. Wide shot on an angle. Audio is good. Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat - The Netherlands - April 14, 2009 (Highlights) FORMAT:  VOB (with smalls) (SD) CAST: Freek Bartels (Joseph), Renée van Wegberg (Narrator), Leo Hogeboom (Jacob) NOTES: Good zooms but sometimes the camera is a bit unstable and there are some heads in the way. It's recorded between two seats so you cannot see the full stage. Unfortunately, it's only Act 1. Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat - The Netherlands - April 14, 2009 (Highlights) FORMAT:  VOB (with smalls) (SD) CAST: Freek Bartels (Joseph), Renée van Wegberg (Narrator), Leo Hogeboom (Jacob) NOTES: Good zooms but sometimes the camera is a bit unstable and there are some heads in the way. It's recorded between two seats so you cannot see the full stage. Unfortunately, it's only Act 1. Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat - The Netherlands - July 26, 2009

FORMAT: video CAST: Mathijs Pater (Joseph), Renée van Wegberg (Narrator), René van Kooten (Pharaoh), Leo Hogeboom (Jacob), Robin van den Akker (Issachar), Mathijs Pater (Zebulun), Yves Adang (Benjamin) NOTES: Recorded from the left balcony. Decent quality, decent audio. Some zooms but restricted. Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat - Vienna - June 17, 2000 FORMAT:  VOB (with smalls) (SD) CAST: Hannes Muik (Joseph), Lucy Thoulds (Narrator), Uwe Kröger (Pharaoh), Peter Faerber (Jacob), Peter Faerber (Potiphar) Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat - Vienna - June 17, 2000 FORMAT:  VOB (with smalls) (SD) CAST: Hannes Muik (Joseph), Lucy Thoulds (Narrator), Uwe Kröger (Pharaoh), Peter Faerber (Jacob), Peter Faerber (Potiphar) & Juliet - Manchester Opera House - September 14, 2019 (Matinee) (Preview) (Highlights) (queenofthedead's master) FORMAT:  MP4 (SD) CAST: Miriam-Teak Lee (Juliet), Cassidy Janson (Anne Hathaway), Oliver Tompsett (William Shakespeare), Jordan Luke Gage (Romeo), Tim Mahendran (Francois), Arun Blair-Mangat (May), Melanie La Barrie (Nurse "Angelique"), David Bedella (Lance), Jocasta Almgill (Lady Capulet/Nell), Ivan de Freitas (Lord Capulet/Sly), Kirstie Skivington (Eleanor/Benvolio), Antoine Murray-Straughan (Augustine), Nathan Lorainey-Dineen (Gregory), Alex Tranter (Henry), Rhian Duncan (Imogen), Grace Mouat (Judith), Kieran Lai (Kempe), Danielle Fiamanya (Lucy), Dillon Scott-Lewis (Richard), Kerri Norville (Susanna) NOTES: This is PARTIAL. Only a few minutes are missing from act 1 but video ends mid-way through act 2. An hour and a half of footage split into 8 mp4 files. Minimal heads obstructing view, however has problems with focus and washout. This was the show’s 5th ever performance in Manchester. & Juliet - West End - January 2, 2020 (Matinee) (wheredidtherockgo's master) FORMAT:  AVI (SD) CAST: Miriam-Teak Lee (Juliet), Cassidy Janson (Anne Hathaway), Oliver Tompsett (William Shakespeare), Jordan Luke Gage (Romeo), Tim Mahendran (Francois), Arun Blair-Mangat (May), Melanie La Barrie (Nurse "Angelique"), David Bedella (Lance), Jocasta Almgill (Lady Capulet/Nell), Ivan de Freitas (Lord Capulet/Sly), Kirstie Skivington (Eleanor/Benvolio), Antoine Murray-Straughan (Augustine), Christopher Parkinson (s/w Fletcher), Nathan Lorainey-Dineen (Gregory), Sophie Usher (s/w Gwynne), Alex Tranter (Henry), Rhian Duncan (Imogen), Grace Mouat (Judith), Kieran Lai (Kempe), Kerri Norville (Susanna) NOTES: 28 files. I was seating next to a speaker so the sound isn't great especially during the songs. filmed with a spycam so not a good quality. Filmed blindly and I was holding the cam near my face so you can hear my ugly laugh. Date stamp wrong. & Juliet - West End - December, 2019 (queenofthedead's master) FORMAT:  AVI (SD) CAST: Miriam-Teak Lee (Juliet), Cassidy Janson (Anne Hathaway), Ivan de Freitas (u/s William Shakespeare), Jordan Luke Gage (Romeo), Tim Mahendran (Francois), Arun Blair-Mangat (May), Melanie La Barrie (Nurse "Angelique"), David Bedella (Lance), Jocasta Almgill (Lady Capulet/Nell), Christopher Parkinson (u/s Lord Capulet/Sly), Kirstie Skivington (Eleanor/Benvolio), Antoine Murray-Straughan (Augustine), Nathan Lorainey-Dineen (Gregory), Alex Tranter (Henry), Rhian Duncan (Imogen), Grace Mouat (Judith), Kieran Lai (Kempe), Danielle Fiamanya (Lucy), Dillon Scott-Lewis (Richard), Kerri Norville (Susanna) NOTES: Video occasionally has minor obstructions at the bottom of the screen but no action is missed. Doesn't include the ‘can’t stop this feeling’ finale. & Juliet - West End - February, 2020 (hitmewithyourbethshot's master) FORMAT:  MTS CAST: Grace Mouat (u/s Juliet), Cassidy Janson (Anne Hathaway), Oliver Tompsett (William Shakespeare), Jordan Luke Gage (Romeo), Tim Mahendran (Francois), Arun Blair-Mangat (May), Melanie La Barrie (Nurse "Angelique"), Ivan de Freitas (u/s Lance), Jocasta Almgill (Lady Capulet/Nell), Christopher Parkinson (s/w Lord Capulet/Sly), Kirstie Skivington (Eleanor/Benvolio), Antoine Murray-Straughan (Augustine), Sophie Usher (s/w Gwynne), Alex Tranter (Henry), Rhian Duncan (Imogen), Kieran Lai (Kempe), Danielle Fiamanya (Lucy), Dillon Scott-Lewis (Richard), Kerri Norville (Susanna), Josh Baker (s/w Thomas) & Juliet - West End - March, 2020 (queenofthedead's master) FORMAT:  MP4 (SD) CAST: Grace Mouat (u/s Juliet), Cassidy Janson (Anne Hathaway), Oliver Tompsett (William Shakespeare), Alex Tranter (u/s Romeo), Dillon Scott-Lewis (u/s Francois), Nathan Lorainey-Dineen (u/s May), Melanie La Barrie (Nurse "Angelique"), David Bedella (Lance), Jocasta Almgill (Lady Capulet/Nell), Ivan de Freitas (Lord Capulet/Sly), Antoine Murray-Straughan (Augustine), Billy Nevers (s/w Cuthbert), Sophie Usher (s/w Gwynne), Josh Baker (s/w Henry), Rhian Duncan (Imogen), Kieran Lai (Kempe), Kerri Norville (Susanna) NOTES: Lots of wide shots with some nice close-ups too. A good video for seeing the set and choreography. Grace has really grown into the role since her debut! & Juliet - West End - March, 2020 (2) (Highlights) (queenofthedead's master) FORMAT:  MP4 (HD) CAST: Miriam-Teak Lee (Juliet), Kirstie Skivington (u/s Anne Hathaway), Oliver Tompsett (William Shakespeare), Jordan Luke Gage (Romeo), Tim Mahendran (Francois), Arun Blair-Mangat (May), Melanie La Barrie (Nurse "Angelique"), David Bedella (Lance), Jocasta Almgill (Lady Capulet/Nell), Billy Nevers (s/w Lord Capulet/Cuthbert), Jaye Marshall (Margaret/Benvolio), Antoine Murray-Straughan (Augustine), Nathan Lorainey-Dineen (Gregory), Rhian Duncan (Imogen), Grace Mouat (Judith), Kieran Lai (Kempe), Danielle Fiamanya (Lucy), Kerri Norville (Susanna), Josh Baker (s/w Thomas) NOTES: 2.53GB in mp4 files/1:06:55 Notes: Mostly very obstructed but a fun cover show with Kirstie as Anne, Billy’s Debut as Lord Capulet, Josh as the bathroom attendant and Jaye as Benvolio. & Juliet - West End - November, 2019 (queenofthedead's master) FORMAT:  MTS CAST: Grace Mouat (u/s Juliet), Cassidy Janson (Anne Hathaway), Oliver Tompsett (William Shakespeare), Jordan Luke Gage (Romeo), Tim Mahendran (Francois), Arun Blair-Mangat (May), Melanie La Barrie (Nurse "Angelique"), David Bedella (Lance), Jocasta Almgill (Lady Capulet/Nell), Ivan de Freitas (Lord Capulet/Sly), Kirstie Skivington (Eleanor/Benvolio), Antoine Murray-Straughan (Augustine), Nathan Lorainey-Dineen (Gregory), Sophie Usher (s/w Gwynne), Alex Tranter (Henry), Rhian Duncan (Imogen), Kieran Lai (Kempe), Danielle Fiamanya (Lucy) NOTES: First video released of the show in London and Grace’s amazing Juliet debut! Sophie swings on in her track. Video wanders a little bit in the first 5 mins but then great. Not obstructed by any heads. Includes HQ bows. Nft until 1st april 2020 & Juliet - West End - November, 2019 (2) (hitmewithyourbethshot's master) FORMAT:  MTS CAST: Miriam-Teak Lee (Juliet), Cassidy Janson (Anne Hathaway), Oliver Tompsett (William Shakespeare), Jordan Luke Gage (Romeo), Tim Mahendran (Francois), Arun Blair-Mangat (May), Melanie La Barrie (Nurse "Angelique"), David Bedella (Lance), Jocasta Almgill (Lady Capulet/Nell), Ivan de Freitas (Lord Capulet/Sly), Kirstie Skivington (Eleanor/Benvolio), Antoine Murray-Straughan (Augustine), Nathan Lorainey-Dineen (Gregory), Sophie Usher (s/w Gwynne), Alex Tranter (Henry), Rhian Duncan (Imogen), Kieran Lai (Kempe), Danielle Fiamanya (Lucy), Dillon Scott-Lewis (Richard), Kerri Norville (Susanna)

[idkthisisjustforfanfic]

two years too late, chapter f o u r

Jake Newcomb was tall and blonde and probably one of the most sarcastic people you’d ever met. When you were ten, you had told him that if you never married anyone, you’d be marrying him. He took it in stride, really, seeing as you informed him of this decision rather than asking for his take on the matter. 

You liked to think of him as the brother you never had, the one you’d go to for advice or reassurance if he could handle being serious for more than five seconds. He’d probably called you by your name only fifteen times, ever--Smalls had been a mainstay since it’s origination in 2007.

Adam Penter met Jake when they were in nursery school--only a year before they were in the same class as Harry in Year 1. Adam was just as loud and just as funny as Jake and Harry--but he was a much better listener and couldn’t stand the Rolling Stones.

He’d been in and out of relationships with girls the whole time you’d known him, seemingly always with ones who turned him into some type of puddle the second they left him. He was sensitive and sweet and put up a good front: his humor just a shield for his emotions. 

Jake and Adam together sometimes felt like babysitting--avoiding blowouts and roughhousing became second nature when everyone was together.

“M’probably just gonna beat the shit out of him as soon as he gets here,” Jake laughed, his elbows resting on the kitchen table at Adam’s mum’s. The curtains over the window were the same for the last thirteen years: a red and white toile pattern that always seemed to remind you of history class.

“So you’re serious when you say he paid for you ticket?” Jessie’s eyes were kind of wide, she leaned in on the table to stare at you more directly. 

“Yes and I thanked him a thousand times already, very sweet of him, I know.”

“Did he say anything about why he suddenly wanted to hang out with you?”

Adam’s question had no ill-intent, but the words still stung like a skinned knee. 

“No, I dunno--he said he was glad, though, on the plane.”

“Hmm,” Bryn sipped at the beer in her hand, eyeliner thick around her eyes for a night on the town. Holmes Chapel, that was. 

There was never much going on in the sleepy town where everyone knew everyone’s business. Save for the few days before Christmas and New Years when your generation would flock home, momentary pauses on their lives in London or Manchester, a drive up to the countryside to get sloshed at the Red Lion before some quality family time. 

Bryn was leaning against a wall, right next to Adam. As soon as Harry showed up, you’d head downtown. “And you still haven’t talked about it?” 

“No!”  You said quickly, setting your beer on the table with force. “And none of you are going to bring it up tonight, yeah? Cause that’s seriously the last thing any of us need having not seen him in so long.”

They seemed to shrink at that, averted gazes and hunched shoulders as Jake cleared his throat. “S’fine, Smalls. None of us will bring it up and it sounds like he won’t either.”

You hadn’t told them that he’d tried. You didn’t tell them about your emergency trip to the toilet  for a minute to clear your head. 

“And you’re--are you, like--” Jessie treaded carefully, you knew the question she was posing before she could even form a full sentence. 

You cut her off. “No. I’m not. I will not. Let’s leave it.” You were not falling in love with him again. 

Jessie Alby had been your best friend since you showed up at their school at ten years old. She  was bold and brazen and sure, quite loud and energetic, a thick accent inherited from her Northern parents. She’d been dreaming about going back to school, a PhD in Creative Writing. She now had her sights set on being a Uni professor. You couldn’t really picture her in that role, though, not with the mouth she had.

“Oh fucking relax,” she rolled her eyes. “M’just asking.”

Bryn Miller was quite the opposite, really. Poised, posed, and rather posh, Bryn was smarter than the rest of you by far. She started working in finance straight out of Uni and she probably made twice your salary. She’d be running her own company in a few short years, you were sure of it. 

There was a knock on the door, Jessie danced over to open it, revealing a hooded Harry on the front step of the tiny house. His hands were in the pockets of a denim jacket, dressed down in a sweatshirt and black jeans. He offered a wide grin into the house before stepping in from the cold.

“Well hello,” Jessie greeted excitedly, his arms wrapping around her with a squeeze. The rest of them rushed over through the living room, socked feet padding on the brown carpet that had endured one too many alcohol spills in your teen years. You trailed behind, giving them space and time to take a look at him--like parents whose child had just come home from their first weeks at school.

A chorus of greetings echoed through the living room as they all took turns hugging him. Jessie then Adam then Bryn and then Jake. 

“Smallsy,” he offered a two-finger salute in your direction. “Two days no see.”

You forced a laugh and smiled in return, all eyes in the room on you. You shrugged your shoulders. “How’s your mum? And Gemma?”

Adam seemed to motion for you to all follow him back into the kitchen. 

“They’re good,” Harry said casually. “S’good to be home for a bit. Adam, are your parents here?”

“Yeah,” he answered. “Downstairs, I think.” He opened the fridge, tossing a beer in Harry’s direction once you’d all reclaimed your seats around the kitchen table.

Of course he’d ask--he’d always been the one friend to make sure he said hello and thank you to whoever was hosting. But Adam’s parents meandered upstairs a bit later when they heard the laughter in response to Harry’s story about he and his sister fighting over the bigger guest bedroom. 

One of the first things Harry had done after the band started making money was buy his mum a new house on the outskirts of town. An upgrade from their townhouse with a small garden, the one where you’d watched scary movies on Halloween and where you did homework at the kitchen table once in a while. 

The new house was set back from the street, almost out of view when you drove by. You’d been only once--beautiful shrubs maintained by a stranger in a landscaping shirt still stuck out in your memory. That was probably the summer of 2012. 

You watched and stayed quiet as Harry reintegrated into the group, his laugh just as loud as it was at sixteen, only now he had a five o’clock shadow and an extra four inches in height. He told them all about your midnight walks through the village--the Pad Thai you’d eaten and the Sara Bareilles concert. 

He asked them about their jobs and their families, nodding thoughtfully as they took turns giving  him an update. You wondered, as the stories and updates unfolded, if anyone else was feeling angry by the way he’d faded out so easily. 

Jake and Adam had always been quick to defend him, even when he royally fucked them over. They’d make an excuse. He’s busy, he’s in a foreign country and doesn’t get good reception. As far as you were concerned, it didn’t matter.

So maybe it angered you a little bit that things seemed to click back into place like puzzle pieces--once apart but never changing shape.  But maybe everyone else was more forgiving because they hadn’t been in love with him when he left. 

**

The inside of the Red Lion was frozen in time. The brick fireplace in the corner always seemed to keep the dim room warm as you threw back drink after drink. Tiny wooden tables were cramped together as always, bodies and chairs spread around the room as music leaked from the speakers overhead.  

You’d all shown up a bit late--a fair amount of old classmates already settled when the six of you walked in from the car park. 

Kieran Chesna, Mollie Amsbury, Kenny Tilley, Maddie Winslow, Amy Goodwin, Michael Waite. Familiar faces greeted you with hellos and how are yous, but you certainly noticed the buzz and the whispers that spread when Harry stepped in behind you, pulling a beanie off of his head when he was shielded from the wind. 

You could only imagine how strange and out of place he must have looked to them all--making a rare appearance as if he was still one of the gang, not an award winning musical artist who had enough money to buy the Red Lion out from its owners. But if he was nervous he hid it well, offering hugs and handshakes to people you’d both known since you were kids. 

 You’d made your own rounds with Bryn and Jessie in tow, getting an update from Amy about her engagement and from Kieran about his sister’s wedding. After grabbing a cocktail from the bar, you sat back down between Jake and Mollie, answering their questions about your work in New York.

“So you don’t ever think you’ll come back?” Mollie smiled up at you, her blonde hair was shorter  than it was last Christmas when she brought a new boyfriend to the meetup. Apparently he wasn’t in the picture anymore. 

A shrug of your shoulders and sip of your drink. “Not here, at least. Maybe London, but it’d take a really good reason to get me out of New York.”

“So cool that you’re writing for The Scoop,” she cooed, resting her chin in her hands. “You’re kind of famous, y’know!”

You shook your head but laughed. “M’not famous--I just have some dedicated readers I guess. And I’m an idiot on the internet, so that helps.”

Jake lifted an arm to pat you on the back, his lips pulling into a smirk as he looked between you and Mollie. “Leave it to Smalls to post her own embarrassing date fails on twitter for the whole world to laugh at.”

You couldn’t disagree--working at The Scoop had completely changed your life in a lot of ways. You were way more comfortable poking fun at yourself, your followers growing each time you shared an article or got into funny quarrels with celebrities on social media.

Your list about the fifteen most embarrassing things about millennial culture really seemed to seal the deal. Your stories were getting millions of views, your inbox was being flooded with messages from strangers, and most importantly, Whitney was impressed and appreciative of the humor you were bringing to The Scoop. 

It was nice to know that your classmates were impressed with your work and the fact that you moved to the other side of the Atlantic, but the excitement in Mollie Amsbury’s face increased tenfold when Harry sat down next to you.

It’s not like there was a competition to see who’d been the most successful as an adult, but if there was, Harry would win. Which was fine. You loved your job. You loved New York and you didn’t need Harry Styles in your life to be happy.

“The album is amazing, Harry, as always,” Mollie’s eyes glazed over, Harry took a sip of his beer before setting it on the table. 

“Oh, thanks, Molls--how’re you, though? How’s work?”

“S’good, s’whatever,” she laughed, her eyelashes fluttering as she offered a coy smile to Harry. Jake offered you a knowing look between them as he ran a hand through his hair. 

Harry was funny like that--there were moments when he hated the attention and wanted nothing to do with it. Some nights he’d show up at the Red Lion and seem annoyed by anyone even mentioning that it’d been a year since they saw him. 

Other moments he ate the attention up, hungry for the reassurance that your former classmates still loved and adored him, despite his long absences and poor communication. 

“Tell me about tour though--so cool you’re doing it all by yourself now!” Mollie was more than happy to give Harry the attention--she still rested her head in her hands, watching the words fall out of his mouth like honey. 

“S’cool, definitely different than being in the band, but s’good. Busy for sure, so I’m glad to have some time off for the holidays.”

A smile pulled at Mollie’s lips, a knot in your stomach. 

“So amazing,” her voice was high-pitched, like a bird singing in the sunrise or maybe a whizzing blender. Either way, you took another sip of your drink. 

You liked Mollie Amsbury. She was sweet and friendly and never gave you any trouble in school. She was just as bad as the rest of them, though, becoming more enchanted by Harry as his net worth grew and suddenly missing him so much more than she ever did before he was famous. 

To save Mollie’s reputation in your mind, you decided it’d be best to do a lap and visit with others. After all, hearing about someone’s job as a cashier would be more entertaining that listening to her gush about how talented and special your friend was. 

“Hi,” you found Jessie at the bar and pulled up a stool beside her, letting your elbows rest on the counter in a sign of defeat. She sat with Adam and Michael Waite--both incredibly enthralled by a video on Adam’s phone, their faces squished together to watch whatever it was. 

“Hi,” she turned to take a good look at you. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” you sighed, the bartender took your empty glass and offered a refill. “Just sick of hearing Mollie drone on about how amazing Harry is.”

Jessie peered over her shoulder, a quick glance in their direction to take in the sight of Jake still stuck between them. “Yeah, well, you know how it is,” a sigh escaped her lips, turning back to your before offering a smile. “S’fun, though, to see everyone, right?”

You stared at her suspiciously, eyes scanning her face as the bartender set down a new drink in front of you. 

“What?”

“Why do you want me to be having so much fun?”

“Y/N, just relax, will you? You’re so...on guard about him being around again you’re not even able to enjoy the fact that we’re all together.”

You rolled your eyes, blinked a few times, took a sip of your cocktail and contemplated her words. She wasn’t wrong, but she wasn’t right either. When you didn’t say anything, she kept talking. 

“He’s being fine, okay? He’s normal and he’s not mad about it or anything, so just, relax, okay?”

“He’s never said anything about it to you, has he?”

“No,” she said quickly, “not even last--”

She cut herself off and her eyes doubled in size, her face going white before she bit at her lip, horror washing over her face as you leaned in to lower your voice.

“Last when? Did you see him?”

“I didn’t.”

“Jessie,” you spoke her name calmly, even and controlled as your fingers tightened around the cold glass in front of you. 

She let out a dramatic groan--almost more of a whine--and let her head flop to the side as she grimaced. “We saw him last Christmas--he was home and texted Jake and then, I don’t know, we just tagged along.”

Your jaw hung open, eyes unblinking as Jessie tried to twist her mouth into a smile. “We didn’t tell you because we knew you’d be upset and he asked us not to because he figured you didn’t want to see him.”

“Are you kidding me?!”

Jessie leaned forward to grab your hands, holding them in hers with force. “I’m so sorry--we’re total knobs and you have every right to be mad and we suck, alright?”

“You do suck,” you pulled your hands from her. “You’re liars and traitors and--”

“Why is she a liar and traitor?” Bryn appeared beside you--her hair pulled back into a pony, her glasses framing her face in the dim room. 

“You’re one too,” you said angrily, leaning back to the bar to reach for your drink. You’d need at least three more if you were going to let them off the hook for this. 

“I let it slip that we--y’know--engaged with the enemy.”

“What?” Bryn’s head dipped to the side, her eyes narrowed as she waited for Jessie to explain. 

She looked around the room, mostly to search for Harry. When she located him--now standing with Maddie Winslow and Kieran, she turned back to the two of you. “We saw Harry last year. I told her. She’s pissed.”

Bryn’s face contorted into one of hesitance. “Oh, Y/N, we didn’t--we were just--we missed him, you know?”

“He literally ditched us! Then he shows up in 2015 and lets me make a fool of myself and then you two go engaging with him?” You borrowed Jessie’s word, the two drinks you’d already had lending themselves to the flurry of emotion rising in your chest.

Anger. Betrayal. Jealousy. Guilt. Confusion. On one hand, you were proper pissed. They’d thrown caution to the wind and gone behind your back. They’d lied and kept something from you for a year and as far as you were concerned, you had every right to flip a table or light something on fire. 

But then there was the guilt. They wouldn’t have to lie or sneak around if you’d not been so uptight about seeing him or talking to him or anything in between. Or, realistically, if you hadn’t been such an idiot to begin with. 

The scene in the bathroom played in your head for the ten thousandth time. 

“What do you mean?” He asked, his head turned to the side to watch you for a second, but you couldn’t get over the cool tile on your bare skin. 

“Dunno,” you slurred out the word, a whine escaping your lips when he cracked a smile. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” He laughed, his finger reaching over to poke you in the stomach. 

“The cute smile thing.”

“Can’t help it,” he shrugged. “You bring it out of me.”

“Why’s she staring off into space?” Adam appeared beside you, leaning an arm on your shoulder, his question posed to Bryn and Jessie as he finished the last sip of his drink. A shaky breath escaped your lips as you pulled yourself back into the present.

“Jessie blabbed that we saw Harry last Christmas.”

You looked up at Adam, his face dropping quickly when your eyes landed on his. “Smalls,” he said your name slowly, apologetically, even. 

“Save it,” you said, pushing yourself up from the stool before hopping down to the floor. “I’ll get over it. I just--I need a minute.”

They watched you walk away, doing your best to avoid Harry’s gaze as you passed him in the middle of the room with Jake and Kieran by his side. You slipped out the front door of the Red Lion, the main street through town still busy despite the late hour. 

You leaned up against the side of the building, thoughts swirling in your head like the wind in the sky. 

You smiled up at him, your lips pulled into a thin line to avoid the smile that so badly wanted to plaster itself on your face. The bathroom was dark, the noises of a muffled party were seeping through the door. Jessie’s laugh, Jake talking loudly over the music. 

But you felt safe in here--secluded and cozy and best of all, it was just the two of you. You turned to look at him quickly. “Why’d you show up tonight, anyway?”

He brought his gaze to the floor quickly. It wasn’t necessary a question you needed to ask. His band was done. Who knew what he’d do next--though you knew he’d figure it out--maybe a quick stop in Holmes Chapel was enough to get him grounded. 

You blinked quickly, forcing out the memory like it was a bad taste in your mouth--stubborn and harsh as the door to the Red Lion opened. Jake appeared in a sweatshirt, a cigarette between his lips when his eyes landed on you. 

“What’reyadoinouhere?” His words jumbled together, a combination of the alcohol and his attempt to keep the cigarette in place. 

“Avoiding you five,” you laughed, anger fading from your veins as he came around and draped an arm over your shoulders, the heat from his body a welcome change from the night air. 

“What’d we do now?” He brought a lighter out of his pocket and held it up to the butt--you lifted a hand to help shield the wind. 

“Hung out with Harry last year and didn’t tell me.”

“Hmm,” he nodded, taking a puff before letting the smoke return to the black sky. “Surprised the girls kept it quiet that long.”

“Me too,” you said. 

A moment of silence passed between the two of you. You were appreciative of the fact that he didn’t try to make an excuse or explain it away. Instead, he took another puff of the cigarette and then looked down at you. 

“Y’know, Smallsy, I do think you should talk to him about it.”

You let a groan escape your lips, a churning in your stomach reminded you of why you hated this particular piece of advice.

“Why do you think that, Jacob?”

“Because he doesn’t care.”

You let out a small laugh, amused by Jake’s level of intoxication but also intrigued by his statement. A few people walked up to the front door--faces you recognized but couldn’t quite name--and headed inside. 

“Why do you think that, Jacob?”

“He told me.”

Smoke danced up from his mouth, swirls of gray against the black sky above. “He told you?”

He nodded, his lips pursing together. 

“Wh--what did he say?”

“He said ‘it was two years ago, doesn’t matter,’” he imitated Harry, his face twisting into a serious grimace with dipped eyebrows. It was a good thing that Jake was some type of Marketing and Analytics pro in London--he didn’t have a future in acting. 

You let out a snorted laugh at his impression--his face immediately delivering a frown, he pulled his arm from around you and took a step back. “Laughing at my impression? I thought it was spot on, honestly!”

“It was shit,” you said simply, folding your arms over your chest before another gust of wind fluttered by. A small Holmes Chapel bus slowed across the street, depositing passengers onto the sidewalk. 

Another puff from his cigarette between words. “I think you’re being a baby about it, Y/N.”

You looked up at him, his tone more serious than before. Your shoulders tensed, suddenly more defensive. “M’not being a baby--you weren’t there, you know. You didn’t see what happened.”

He rolled his eyes. “Heard all about it though from both of you.”

You shrunk at that--silently questioning how Harry’s retelling was different than yours. Did he recount the temperature in the bathroom, hot air blowing from the radiator nearby? 

“It’s so fucking hot in here,” you said suddenly, your fingers working towards the buttons on your shirt. Shiny, silky, green. 

“So hot,” Harry said, his voice lower as he slumped against the wall in the dark. He crawled towards the radiator on his hands and knees. “What is wrong with this thing, anyway?”

He looked up quickly, the corner of his mouth pulling up when you drunkenly slipped the shirt off of your shoulders. 

“Too hot for this,” you said, tossing it to the ground, the buttons making tiny taps against the tile. 

“Alright, s’freezing. Fuck this.” Jake put out his cigarette and tossed it to the ground--you heard Alyssa’s voice in your head about saving the environment, but you didn’t have the energy to fight Jake on his disposal or ask any more questions about the night your life fell apart. 

He took two big steps to the door, held it open, allowing you to cross under his arm. One look around the room to see Jessie and Bryn laughing hysterically at something Harry said--a determined march to the bar. Your card smacked down on the surface. Another drink. 

Two more. 

Then a third. 

Then dark. 

**

You heard the clanging of pots and pans before you opened your eyes. One blink, two, a pounding in your head that felt more like a jackhammer on the pillow beside you than a headache. Grey walls, the scent of waffles--no, pancakes. 

“Morning,” his voice was behind you--stood over the bed as he folded a t-shirt and placed it into a drawer. 

“Jesus,” you flinched at the sound, pulling the sheet up to cover your fully clothed body as you twisted on the mattress to face him. “What happened--why am I here?”

“Relax,” he laughed, a dimple appearing in his cheek. “You didn’t want to go home--said your mum and dad would be livid if you showed up so trashed.”

You let out a breath of air. That was true, really. They would be. Harry padded around the bed and sat down beside you, his eyes steady on your face as you ran a hand through your hair. 

“I just offered to bring you to mine because the rest of the gang was pretty toasted too.”

You got a glimpse of the bar in your memory: Maddie and Mollie both hugging you goodbye, almost tripping over the legs of chairs in the crowded bar. 

You didn’t know if Drunk You was trying to actually avoid an issue with your parents, or if she was really just bold enough to find a way to sleep in Harry’s bed. You shivered at the thought. 

“Need an aspirin? I’ll get you some water, too.” He was up and out of the room in seconds, giving you time to throw yourself over the sheets to reach for your phone on the side table. Composing a message to Jessie and Bryn, you typed furiously. 

Y/N L/N (9:13am): Which one of you let my drunk ass go home with Harry?!

Jessie Alby (9:13am): GOOD MORNING BEAUTIFUL. 

Bryn Miller (9:13am): You were a mess and he offered. You should be thankful, not angry!!

You rolled your eyes, tossing the phone back to the mattress when he reappeared. 

“Here,” he said, handing you a glass half full, a tiny red pill in his hand. You took it, threw it into your mouth, and took a big gulp. He took back the glass and placed it on the night table. 

“I’m sorry--I hope I didn’t, you know, say anything stupid.”

He laughed, a small smile before he shrugged and shoved his hands in the pockets of his joggers. “No--s’fine. I offered, really. Wanted to make sure you didn’t choke on your own vomit,” he gestured down to a plastic bag on the floor, immediately causing a flush to rise your cheeks. 

“Great. Wouldn’t be the first time,” you forced a laugh. He smiled at that--less tension in the room than moments prior. 

“My mum’s making breakfast downstairs--Gemma’s here too. M’sure they’d love to see you.”

“They don’t think we, like, did anything, right?”

“I slept on the couch downstairs, so, they’re aware of that.”

“Good.”

He stood there for a second, silently watching as you licked at your dry lips. You didn’t remember throwing up or falling down or anything, so aside from waking up in a bed that wasn’t yours, last night seemed like enough of a success. 

“I’ll, uh, get dressed.”

“Right,” he nodded, heading out of the room to shut the door behind him. 

An exhale when you were alone. 

You remembered the fifth drink--the last, you were sure. Jessie and Bryn had followed you into the bathroom and Mollie walked in on you taking obnoxious selfies. She joined in and then, suddenly, Jake staggered in. 

I thought this was the men’s room, he laughed, before posing for a photo as well. 

When you stood from his bed and looked down at the clothes on your body, you realized they were his. A pair of sweatpants he’d had forever--Holmes Chapel Comprehensive School stretched down the leg in maroon lettering. A black t-shirt, advertisements from local banks and shops on the back, from his Year 9 footy team. 

You found the pile of clothes from the night before--a ball of dark colors on a chair in his room. Luckily, they were versatile enough to be worn in the daylight. 

It wasn’t how you expected to see Anne and Gemma after so many years--you’d imagined that maybe it’d be at someone’s wedding, hugs with cocktails while you caught up. Instead, it was over pancakes and coffee and in the comfort of their own home. 

They were thrilled to see you--Anne didn’t even seem to mind that you ended up in her home due to your staggering lack of decorum. When she hugged you and pressed her cheek to yours, she smelled like honey and whispered in your ear, so good to see you, love. 

It was fine, it was nice. You’d always liked his mum and sister and, after sweating out a hangover in Harry’s sheets, you were starving. But that didn’t stop you from bolting out the door as soon as the plates were cleared and the washing up was done. 

If you had to sit in the car beside him while he drove you home, the least you could do was get it over with. 

“Hey, whoa, Y/N, what is up with you?” His voice was loud enough for you to hear it over the morning wind, you turned quickly, unaware he’d even followed you out the door after you’d said goodbye. 

Your lips parted, nothing but a breath emerged. You looked around the front garden--hedges and grass and a cloudy gray sky. “I just--I feel bad, I didn’t mean to impose.”

“You’re not--I don’t,” he paused, cut off by the shutting of your door as you climbed inside his car.

“What?” You asked when his opened, he shook his head and pushed the key into the ignition.

“I don’t know why you’re acting like all of this is so weird. Like me being your friend is so weird.”

“Because I don’t know how to be that with you anymore.”

His shoulders slumped. He let out a sigh and then started the car. “Maybe we don’t have to be friends.”

“And do what? You’ll fade out again like last time, like both times, and we’ll just pretend all of this never happened? Why do you just get to decide when you get to be in my life? Who made that rule? S’not fair.”

He turned to look at you from the driver’s seat, hesitant, like direct eye contact might make you explode. He put a hand on the wheel and put it in reverse. “I know I’ve fucked up, I’ve said it, like, a bunch over the last week. But you won’t talk to me about it. You won’t even allow me to even begin going there because, what, Y/N, you’re embarrassed? You’re still so caught up about that night that you won’t have a conversation with me?”

You kept your eyes on the winding road once he pulled out of the driveway. “I tried, Harry. I tried to have conversations with you before you left and I tried that night and maybe if you just didn’t suck at being a friend we wouldn’t be doing this right now,” you motioned around the car--black leather seats and black carpet beneath.  

“Well maybe if you weren’t so stuck in the past you’d wake up and notice we’re in the present, okay? Things don’t have to always be the same as they were back then! Jesus, I mean--”

You held up a hand to silence him. He stopped. The radio hummed in the background and the heat puffed out of the vents. 

“I never should have said anything to you that night. I shouldn’t have even talked to you because I was mad that you left and I’m sorry, alright? I’m sorry that I went and made it messy--

I was drunk and it was two years ago and I don’t feel anything I said anymore.”

Quiet. 

“You don’t?”

“No.”

You didn’t really buy it, but you hoped it sounded convincing. 

The door was still locked. He pulled at the knob again but it didn’t give. He turned around and looked at you--a drunken smirk on his face before you could even speak.  

“If I’m locked in a bathroom with anyone, m’glad s’you.”

Maybe he said it because you were shirtless--but the four gin and tonics you had liked to believe otherwise. 

“Ditto.”

He didn’t say anything until the car slowed in front of your house. You unbuckled the seat belt before he put it in park, the only sound was the beeping from the dash, angry that one of you was unprotected.

“Smalls.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m not going to disappear again. Promise.”

“Okay.”

Your heartbeat slowed with the shift in the energy. Just like always, your heart didn’t know  whether you hated him or loved him, but with the headache and nausea that was setting in, you figured now wasn’t the time to decide. 

“Let’s do something for New Years, yeah? With everyone.”

You nodded--the five of you had been doing it together forever, it was just always a crapshoot as to whether he’d show up. “Sure, yeah.”

The door shut behind you and your mum waved from the door at Harry--who offered a smile and wave in return before pulling back onto the road. 

You typed out a message to Bryn and Jessie. 

Y/N L/N (11:03am): I shouldn’t have ever thought we could be friends. 

**

You were sure he wouldn’t show up. More sure than when you were sure you failed a chemistry exam in Year 10 and more sure than the time you knew Jake was going to royally fuck up his date with Laura Dalton. 

In years past he’d spent the new year in London--in clubs, no doubt, with alcohol and women and other celebrities who were much too cool to be sipping on vodka in someone’s parent’s basement. 

The plaid pattern on the couch was straight out of the eighties--the cushions on which you sat were older than all of you. Jessie appeared at the bottom of the stairs with a bottle of rum. “Who wants one?” She asked, her voice excited and lilting as she made her way over to you.

“You need one,” Bryn answered for you, her eyes narrowing in on your permanent pout. 

“I’m fine.”

“Right, and I’m straight,” Bryn laughed, her eyes rolling so far back in her head you were sure they’d disappear. 

Jessie let out an obnoxious laugh as she reached for a red solo cup. She poured a mouthful of liquid in and handed it to you. “Drink.” She ordered.

The wood paneling on the walls had heard many secrets and giggles over popcorn when you, Jessie, and Bryn had tried to fall asleep at slumber parties. Like the time Bryn took a deep breath and admitted her crush on Penny from her science class. We know, you and Jessie had smiled, excited that she’d finally just come out with it. 

“I still feel like shit from before Christmas.”

Jessie gave you a dismissive glance, Bryn was enamored with her phone. “You had Christmas eve, Christmas day, and the five days since to recover. You’ll live. Your liver has practically regenerated by now.”

“I don’t think it works that way,” you told her, squeezing your eyes shut before tipping the cup back to your mouth. A harsh taste--swallowed. Bryn was watching you when you opened your eyes.

“So--you’re done with him?”

“I’m done. There’s no point.”

“And what did he say again?” Jessie plopped herself down on the carpet, terribly eager for all of the details in person before Jake and Adam arrived.

“That I’m stuck in the past.”

“Prat,” Bryn let out scoff. 

“He has a point,” Jessie widened her eyes at you. You shot her a look that made her course-correct. “I just mean I think it’s good for you to close the chapter. You’ve spent a long time having feelings for him and maybe it’s just time to let it die.”

You sighed, she was right. “I should have never even talked to him that night--and I said that! I told him I regret it and that I was drunk and I don’t feel anything now that I said I did.”

Jessie tilted her head to the side. “Do you?”

“No.”

“Y/N,” Bryn lifted an eyebrow.

“I’m trying not to,” you confessed.

Jessie let out a sigh. “I vote you get drunk tonight and ignore him if he shows up and who knows--maybe we’ll go to the Red Lion if people head that way and you can make out with Michael Waite.”

“M’not making out with Michael Waite.”

“I’d make out with Mollie Amsbury,” Bryn said. 

“We know,” you retorted quickly. “No one’s making out with anyone. We’re staying here.”

“Fine,” Jessie said, her phone buzzing on the carpet beside her. “Adam’s here.”

She disappeared up the stairs, Bryn plugged her phone into a cable and played music throughout the room. When Jessie descended the stairs--two at a time out of excitement--she was trailed by three people, not one.

Adam. Jake. Harry. 

Harry, Jake, Adam. 

Jake greeted you and Bryn with a smile and hug, speaking over his shoulder to Jessie, who’d reminded them all that they were welcome to spend the night. Her parents were out of town to see her older brother, they’d return the next morning. Bryn opened up some snacks, Adam set up a dart board on the wall. 

“Let’s talk later, yeah?” Harry spoke to you quietly, his back turned to the rest of them while he poured a drink. 

“About?”

“Us.”

“Us?” You didn’t know there was an us. 

“Yeah,” he nodded. 

“Maybe.” You said. 

He walked away, leaving you to wish that refilling your drink would erase the tension and the awkwardness. As if drinking more would make it less likely to come up. So you did what you’d grown used to over the last two years. You avoided him and did your best to act like you weren’t secretly watching his every move. As if twitter didn’t suggest his username when you opened the search function--or like your discover page on instagram wasn’t littered with pictures of the boy who walked home with you in the rain in Year 8. 

And you thought you were getting away with it. You both drank more and Jake seemed to get more and more competitive over the current game of darts he played against Bryn. So when you felt it was safe, you wandered upstairs to find the bathroom on the other side of Jessie’s parents’ living room.

The same blue carpet sat in front of the toilet--the crime scene of your first drunken night at 15. 

You wiped your hands on the towel, the flush of the toilet muffled noises from downstairs--it was close and you knew it. You weren’t about to miss the countdown and the cheering, the midnight shot of whiskey that usually left you on the floor. 

You opened the door, ready to race down the stairs to find them all excitedly crowded around the television. Instead, the living room was dark, but Harry stood in the middle of it, the blue light of a small telly let his figure glow. 

He had on the same show that you could hear floating up from the basement, but the show in front of you was muted. A busy scene in London unfolded--crowds and cheering as people waited for 2017 to exit. 

“What are you doing up here?”

“I wanted to talk.”

“I don’t think now is a good time,” you said, motioning to the growing excitement on the screen. Neon pink numbers flashed in the corner. Thirty seconds, twenty-nine, twenty-eight. 

“I’m sorry that things were a mess two years ago. I’m sorry it was such a--”

“Terrible night?”

“Yeah,” he laughed. “We were both really drunk.”

You stared at him, the room going silent just like the plane had. Twenty-one, twenty, nineteen. “I’m sorry I made things awkward.” 

He shook his head. “You didn’t, Smalls, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you--if you’d listen.”

Thirteen, twelve, eleven.

A shrug of your shoulders, you glanced back at the telly. “We should go down there.” 

“We could stay here.” He took a step closer to you.

Your stomach seemed to get warm and for a second, you feared it would happen again. You could still feel your palms pressed to the floor, holding up your weight that night.

“I wish you still did feel the way you said you did two years ago,” he said.

“You do? Why?���

Five, four, three.

Instead of answering your question, he shrugged, looking over to the telly as confetti blasted over everyone on the South Bank. Noise erupted from the gang downstairs and Big Ben chimed loudly through the basement speakers.

“Always thought we’d be good together.”

“What?” You stuck your head out, unsure if you’d heard him correctly or if the two drinks you’d had were landing heavily on your still-recovering liver. 

He shrugged. “S’fine, though. I--I guess I missed my chance. I get that.”

“What the fuck are you two doing up here? It’s 2018!” Jessie flipped the light switch on quickly, her eyes going wide when she assessed the lack of space between you. You looked down, also unaware that somehow, you’d brought it down to a matter of mere inches.

A giant step back. “Coming down, sorry, I peed.”

“In the bathroom? Or out here?” Jessie’s face twisted into one of inebriated confusion.

“Yes in the bathroom,” you grunted back at her, a laugh escaping Harry’s lips. 

“We’re good, yeah?” Harry offered a hand between the two of you, to shake as if you’d finally closed a deal.

“Oh,” you looked over to Jessie, hoping she’d get the hint that now would be a good time for her to leave.

She didn’t though, she stared at both of you with a happy and drunk smile on her face. 

“Yeah,” you said, reaching forward to let your hand meet his. “We’re good.”

read the other parts here

AN: Thanks to everyone who has been sharing my excitement about this fic!!! Thank you for the messages and the love and for just READING IT!! Definitely some more hints in this chapter about The Incident. I hope you’re all excited to CRINGE over the full flashback.

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