#see the thing is i simply don't think i can fit everything into 12 chapters

[harrisongslimited]

George Chapter of the Day

I Saw Her Standing There #12

Chapter 12

Trigger Warnings: adult situations, swearing, drinking, smoking, sexual tension, slow-burn romance, george and joie romance, friendship.

**18+ only**

Chapter 12

When Joie awoke in the coach house, she was warm and comfortable. The sun was actually shining for a change and lit up the bright yellow walls and sunflower wallpaper. She missed daily sunshine. A lot. Sitting up in bed, she noticed a piece of paper pushed underneath the door and went to see what it was.

"Morning. I'm off to town. Make yourself at home for today. I'll talk to you when I get back. Probably sometime in the afternoon. George xx"

Joie folded the note, tucked it in her purse and headed for the main house. She was going to enjoy this day, even if she remained in George's robe.

"Joie?"

She heard the voice through the intercom from the front gate. "It's Cyn. Open up."

Joie met her at the front door. It was early afternoon and Joie had spent the rest of her morning talking to Freda and dozing on the living room sofa. She felt guilty not doing anything, especially when Freda told her how busy it was, but she felt she deserved this little vacation.

"Cyn!" Joie exclaimed when Cyn came through the gaden gate. "So happy to see you! What's going on?"

Cyn was loaded down with shopping bags and lunch. "Bringing you some clothes...and lunch. George told me you were here and all you had was a robe."

Cyn noticed it was George's robe and gave Joie "the look".

"Come on in...." Joie invited, "but don't get the wrong idea. I slept in the coach house."

Cyn walked in and dropped the bags. "Come on Joie...George is daft over you. You trying to stay one step out of his grasp?"

"No. Not at all...I mean not consciously."

Cyn frowned. "What does that mean?"

Joie shook her head and helped Cyn into the house, setting the bags and lunch on the kitchen table. "Don't know really...but what if I'm giving off the wrong signals?"

"Well, what signals do you want to give off?"

Joie smiled but turned shy. "I like him very much. I just don't have any experience...you know? I've had to fight boys off for the most part."

Cyn nodded in understanding. "John was the fist guy I ever dated. I was just so shy. He would tease me about everything and one thing led to another and I got pregnant. We married after that. So don't listen to me, really!"

They laughed together as Joie produced 2 glasses and Cyn filled them with a lovely smooth white wine.

"Be yourself, be open with George about your feelings. I know one thing--George would never hurt you."

Joie, filled with emotion, hugged Cyn. "Thank you, Cyn. You're a wonderful friend."

Cyn smiled. "Well let's have our wine and look through these clothes. We'll have you ready for George by the time he gets home."

Joie wondered what that meant, but just hugged Cyn again instead. "Thank you," she said simply. "Thank you for all you have done for me."

Cyn waved her hand. "Not to worry. My pleasure."

Joie looked in the bags. There were still tags on the clothes. Tags with prices she couldn't afford and Cynthia saw the look on her face.

"Don't worry about that for now. I know what you are thinking. But I had these in my closet. Never wore them. At least they will get some use. I bought them when I was skinnier and now I can't fit into them. Can't take them back either. So you are doing me a favor. I told John I will have more room in my closet!"

"Oh, I couldn't Cyn...." Joie told her, shaking her head.

"Please let me do this for you. I know how good you were to John on tour. He told me there were a couple of nights he'd had too much to drink and you really took care of him. I appreciate that....and I appreciate that I can trust you."

"You can, you know..." A flash of her hypocrisy exploded behind her eyes but Joie did her best to focus just on Cyn and what she needed.

Cynthia nodded and reached out to hold Joie's hand for a moment. "There are very few women I can trust at this point....and you are one of them."

Joie smiled. "Thanks, Cyn..."

"Now c'mon. Let's pick out some clothes."

.........

When George arrived back home, Joie was in the kitchen cooking. She thought she would give him a good home cooked meal and found enough food in the pantry to make a decent dinner. Chicken, rice and carrots. She had no idea if he liked chicken, rice and carrots, but that's what she made.

"Hello?" George called out. He had her suitcase in one hand and a box in the other.

"How....what....?'

"How....what?" George teased her. "I got you some things from Freda's with her help. And the box...well...I just thought this house needed something and I figured out what that was."

George handed her the box. Something inside moved. Joie jumped, then looked inside. There were 2 kittens...one white, one black.

"I didn't know what color to get....," he grinned.

"Oh my...."Joie exclaimed. She took the kittens out and held them to her. Joie looked at George, almost getting teary. "Oh my...." She said again, sweetly looking at him and leaning to kiss him.

It was quiet between them now as the kittens purred in her arms. Joie believed that right at that moment, right then, she'd never been happier in her life. She wanted to hold the moment in time, remembering the sounds, the smells, the feelings.

"You want to name them?" George finally asked her.

"I don't know..." Joie answered. "What do you think?"

"Let's just see what their personalities are like. Then we can decide."

He walked closer to her and she handed him the white kitten.

"One big happy family...." He joked. Those sensual dark eyes focused on her as she cuddled the kitten.

"One big happy family...." She answered.

..........

"So where were you?" John asked Cynthia when she returned home.

"At George's. Joie is there and needed some clothes."

"Needed clothes?" John laughed. "What the hell is wrong with George? What would she need clothes for?"

"He loves her, John..." Cyn told him seriously. "I think the little boy who followed us around has fallen in love."

"With Joie?"

"Yes with Joie" Cyn told him.

"Does she love him?"

Cynthia smiled. "She does. She just doesn't know it yet."

John shook his head. Walking away from her he said, "Birds....American or British. All the same."

..........

"What time are you leaving tomorrow?" Joie asked George as they cleaned dishes after dinner.

"Come here," George extended his hand. "I want to talk to you."

She took his hand as he led her to the living room where the kittens were asleep on a blanket, their little tummies full. George lit a fire, poured them a glass of wine, and sat next to her on the sofa.

"The car is picking me up at 6am," he began.

Joie shook her head. "6?"

George nodded. "And I'll be gone for 3 weeks."

She missed him already. The steadiness of him. The strength. The way he made her feel...like the only woman in the world he wanted next to him.

"What about the kittens?" Joie asked. "I couldn't take them to Freda's. What are we gonna do?"

"Well, I'd like you to stay here. You can take my car into London for now. We'll figure out what to do with your car when I get back. It's at Mal's now. He took it to be....cleaned up."

"Stay here?"

"Yes."

"George...."

"What?"

"I shouldn't."

"Why?" he asked, his eyebrow hiked up to the ceiling. "Because it doesn't look right?"

Joie shrugged slightly. "Well, it sort of ... doesn't."

George sighed. "Joie, I don't care how things 'look'. We know what we are doing and what happens is private. Let people think what they will. You can't stop them. I've learned that the hard way. If you don't want to stay, don't do it on your own terms. Not because of what people will think."

"I know you're right...."

"And if you are worried about your dad, I'll talk to him. I'll tell him you are staying in the coach house and I'm ... well, I'll be gone," he said. "And you can go into the office because Brian will be on the road with us.If you'd rather just stay here, that's fine. We will work the rest out when I get back."

"I quit NEMS, remember?" she asked, leaning closer to him. "Do you always know what to say and do?"

"Yes," he said in a joking way. "You're fine...work in the office if you'd like or stay here and help me. Staying here would help you get some proper time to work on your report. Don't forget that."

"Ok," she answered. "And don't worry...I'll tell my dad I'm here. Don't worry about that. But I'll have to call him long distance. Can I pay you for using the phone?"

"Joie," George began, shaking his head. "I don't care about that."

"But I do. I don't want to take advantage."

"You won't. I'm not worried about that...." he answered again, reinforcing his lack of caring about a phone call. "Let's say we'll figure it out later, ok?"

"Ok," Joie replied as her emotions began to overwhelm her. God, he was handsome. Those dark eyes pulled her in so effortlessly, like it was a walk in the park. She felt warmed by the fire. By the wine. By George. She wanted to crawl next to him and feel his arms around her. She wanted to sleep on his shoulder. When he got up to stoke the fire, she smelled the soapy clean of him.

Joie watched him for a moment. What was happening to her? Why was she feeling these things when she usually just didn't pay attention to such things?

The wine. She told herself. It was the wine talking. She would do no such thing but it did feel overwhelmingly incredible to imagine telling George the truth. Everything felt good.

They talked and shared another bottle of wine. Joie told him several times that he should get some sleep before the car came to get him at 6, but then they would start talking about something else and the time didn't seem to matter.

"Come with me," he said suddenly, standing and extending his hand. "Come with me."

She didn't know what he meant, but she didn't care. She took his hand. They both stood and George began lead her to his bedroom. Joie was nervous. She didn't know what to think.

"George...." she said, hesitantly.

"Keep me company while I pack a bag," he said quickly and Joie knew that George recognized her sudden nervousness.

"Ok..." she answered with a gentle smile.

He suddenly stopped and turned to her. "Nothing is going to happen unless you want it to, Joie. You have my word."

Joie looked at him in the light from the living room fireplace. His hand was wrapped around hers and her heart felt suddenly so light. Nothing else mattered. Nothing. Joie wanted to take him in her arms and kiss him, and feel his body pressed to hers.

She closed her eyes for a moment. "I know. I know that because of who you are."

He smiled and pulled her close to him. He kissed her lightly on the lips and they walked into his bedroom.

George proceeded to pack a bag as Joie laid down on his bed. She struggled to stay awake...to keep him company....but soon, her eyes closed. She wanted to get up so he could at least lay down to get some sleep, but she just couldn't open her eyes. At one point, she felt him lay down beside her but she couldn't move to get up. Within minutes, she was asleep.

Had she been awake, she would have felt him kiss her forehead again and whisper, "Sweet dreams, love."

..........

She awoke with a start and jumped up from the bed. The sun was up. She called out, "George?" but there was no answer. He was gone. Gone for 3 weeks.

Joie missed him already.

The strength of her feelings surprised her. Was this love? She had no idea. But she knew by the shiver that shot up her spine when George was close to her, something was going on. When he kissed her forehead, she felt butterflies in her stomach. This was all new to her. Charlie was the only person she could even relate this to, and he was a nightmare in comparison. He got very angry when she turned him down to have sex. He'd storm off and Joie found she really didn't care. Her first time was going to be with someone she loved, not some sex obsessed teenager. That she knew for sure.

Joie changed into her clothes and spent the day reorganizing the kitchen and running the kittens to the litter box. They were good company especially when they ran under her legs as she was trying to work. The phone rang about 6pm and Joie answered it.

"Hello?"

"Ah, you are still there," George said lightly. "I was afraid you had packed up and left for the States."

"Nah," Joie told him with a laugh. "The kittens need me."

"How are they?"

"Good. I'll get them to the vet before you get back. Is there anything you need me to do here?" Joie asked him.

"I'm having some things delivered day after tomorrow. If you could be there to let them in..."

"Sure. What's coming?"

"Some music equipment."

"Ok," Joie told him. "How was your flight?"

"It was fine. Tired though. Didn't sleep much last night."

"I know..." Joie answered sheepishly. "You must be exhausted."

"I'll be fine," he laughed. "And Joie, if you need me, call."

"I will. You too," she promised him.

And he hung up.

[airbendling]

Percy Jackson and the Olympians

My thoughts during and after the first two episodes.

Spoilers, spoilers, spoilers!

Disclaimer: This is unedited. The story is still unfolding and this is just my opinion as a long time fan, recently graduated film major, and a storyteller.

I Accidentally Vaporize My Pre-Algebra Teacher

"Look, I didn't want to be a half-blood." AAAA A A AA AAAAAA. I am so hype for this.

"Hey fellas, wanna come hear about the imaginary things I see? Not a thing you want to be saying. To anyone."

The doodles in his notebook! So sweet. And he plays Mythomagic... I'm reeling. Can't wait to meet Nico though I know it's years away.

Percy's very quiet without his narration and such. Wish we had more of it throughout the episode.

His signature and it not fitting in the name box on his worksheet is a nice touch.

Percy owns this emoji 🤨

His friendship with Grover is everything. Swapping sandwich fixings without a second thought, the genuine smiles. I'm loving it.

That Ms. Dodds transformation was clean though I wish she was more threatening.

The insistence of the line "I didn't touch Nancy" caught me off guard. Simply, "I didn't push her." Would've sounded more natural.

Love the Jackson sass in Sally, but I'd prefer more from Gabe. He wasn't angry and irrational enough, not gross enough, he conceded to Sally too quickly. If This guy got turned to stone by the severed head of Medusa I'd just feel kinda bad for him.

I was really hoping for the "Not a scratch on this car, brain boy." and Percy's "Like I'd be the one driving 🙄"

The word vomit from Sally was a little much but Percy's Jesus line was gold.

"You are singular." Just kinda took me out of the moment. Odd wording in such an emotional beat.

I hear all my film professors screaming in my head. Why did Percy stop running when his Mom was fighting the Minotaur? He started, then just stood there and watched. Run, Percy, run!

This moment would have a lot more impact if he was running to her when she disappeared.

His battle with the Minotaur, the lack of music until he rips off the horn, well done. Very well done.

Stunning end credits art!

I Become Supreme Lord of the Bathroom

I'm so happy they're keeping the chapter titles for the episodes.

Okay why was the "You drool when you sleep" so ominous and random. Like it was filmed and edited as an afterthought just to check the "Iconic Line" box without understanding why it's iconic. It's funny cause he's thinking she's gonna say how cool he is or whatever. Then she says "You drool when you sleep." and runs off. Real 12-year-old energy there.

Grover's nervous energy I know and love. Aryan is killing it!

"I think my dad must be around here somewhere. I don't know how to ask for him. I don't even know his name. But I think I should see him, I think I really need that right now. Can you help me?" ...What is this?

Dionysus trying to trick him into thinking he's his father was funny but Percy actually believing it...? Would've loved that inner commentary in this moment.

The Camp Half-Blood grounds looks so barren and underdeveloped to me. The cabin area is wonderful though.

I was so scared that tree nymph with Grover was Thalia. I think this only character design I'm not a fan of so far. Her eyes felt uncanny and too human. Maybe a bit more color variation in her face bark(?) or some kind of framing, textural detail.

Yes! They're including weird demigod dreams!

I'm loving the portrayal of Luke by Charles Bushnell. He's caring, understanding, laidback. The masterful cold delivery of "Hermes is my father," but brushing it off like the Cool Guy he is, "But that doesn't matter, we're all on the same team here."

His arc is going to be devastating.

Oh and Percy's message to his mom, so happy to report he's actually making friends but he's talking about Luke and Chris Rodriguez.

Devastating.

Percy: Hey guys! Can't sleep huh?

This line and the cutaway was utter perfection.

ANNABETH!! !! !!!!!!! My beloved.

Never thought "Sunshine" would be a nickname for Percy Jackson.

Aww Annabeth fixing his crooked armor.

Great Capture the Flag battle scene! Dynamic and interesting. Nice fight choreography.

Percy: No maiming. That's like, the one rule?

Clarisse: Yeah I guess I'll lose dessert privileges for a while. 😌😁I'll live.

Loving it.

Luke's utter shock after Percy getting claimed. Ooohhohoooo.

The Poseidon cabin was a jumpscare. The outside is a little... on the nose. Like, make it look Greek, paint it blue, slap a Trident symbol on there, done. And all the hanging bones and stuff? I mean, sure, I guess. The cabins were so fun and unique in the books.

More "singular" usage by important characters. Is there a reason for this?

Amazing Dionysus casting. Truly.

Final thoughts...

Let's start with some positives.

The set design, production design, and costume design are remarkable. With a handful of exceptions, overall, it looks gorgeous, especially with the A+ cinematography and lighting. Gorgeous!!

The porch of the Big House with the stained glass was an phenomenal choice. I love it so much.

The action is well-paced and dynamic, keeping the fight scenes interesting and believable.

And the acting is wonderful despite the writing.

Oh, the writing... Yeah, I don't like it.

It doesn't do justice to the actors or the characters.

Walker is naturally funny. Watch him in anything, any interview ever. The kid played alongside Ryan Reynolds as a younger version of him. Dare I say he outshined Ryan himself in The Adam Project.

Percy narrated everything, for five whole books. And them some. We know this kid. He's funny. He's observant, sarcastic, imaginative, impulsive, a bit clueless, but sweet.

I think regular or even occassional voiceover commentary from Percy would be gamechanging. I mean that with my whole heart and soul. If I could change one thing about the whole series it would be this.

Walker could really shine but I feel like his dialogue is lacking. And sometimes just a bit odd. Like, who talks like that? (There's my professors again). Sounds kinda AI-generated to me. (not speculating, I think it's just bad writing.)

There was a lot of great lines, don't get me wrong. But I think overall, everyone's dialogue is coming up short. The PJO we know is clever and fun and I don't think it reflects that well at all.

Percy Jackson is one of the most popular series ever with a very distinct style that makes it stand out from other YA fiction stories. I feel like more could've been done to preserve those vibes and translate them to the screen.

Movie/show adaptations of books are often hit-or-misses. I think the PJ fandom has always been so passionate about getting it right is because of that distinct style.

Rick is there. They have a phenomenal cast. It's good, but it could have been extraordinary. It could have been groundbreaking. But they settled.

There were many, many moments I saw could have been instantly improved but the smallest change. But they settled.

All this to say... I'm disappointed, but I'm not surprised, and I'm not mad.

When the rest of the episodes come out, I think it'll come together to be a decent adaptation and a fun show. I'm staying positive.

[is-the-owl-video-cute]

Okay tbf I agree that there's parts of Lolita that have aged poorly and could have been done better to more effectively get the point across, but I disagree that Humbert is meant to be seen as tragic & Dolores as 'cunning' or 'selfish'. This is largely what Humbert thinks of himself and what he projects onto Dolores, who is just a 12 year old girl reacting to a horrible situation where she's stuck in the custody of a predator. Even if she is acting out in reality, it's not for the reasons or with the same intents as Humbert says. For the same reason that innocent acts like her sitting in his lap are obviously not her 'flirting' with him, but because he's the narrator that's how he tells us it happened.

Honestly, I would argue that we do actually learn a lot about Dolores, if we pay attention to what Humbert doesn't say about her as well as what he twists to fit his fantasy. But the thing is, Dolores is not particularly exceptional. She's literally just a normal girl which Humbert is assigning all this mysticism and eroticism to, just like all the other girls he likely fantasised about before her.

That being said, I agree that it's a shame we never hear from her without it being through the lense of Humbert. I think the story could have benefited from a final chapter from her POV instead, where it's revealed that everything he was imagining about her personality and wants were untrue. It would have also been nice if she could have survived and didn't just escape one abuser only to end up with a different one, although I still think Humberts disgust at her older self was important in establishing that he was only ever attracted to her being a child, not ever her herself.

Finally, I would say that Lolita is a worthwhile read in that it's a good introduction to the concept of an unreliable narrator. You can't really get any more ham-fisted than "the guy telling this story is literally a pedophile, so maybe take what he says with a grain of salt". I think it's an important piece of literature to analyse in a world where predators are often just taken at their word, while their victims are ignored or simply never get a say in the first place. So long as you don't go into it expecting a 'forbidden love' romance story (which regrettably is what it was marketed as in a lot of the western world), it can be a good exercise in looking beyond how someone describes events and actually thinking about the events they're describing when stripped of the narrator's opinions & emotions. As soon as you set aside Humbert's romantic language and downplaying of all Dolores' attempts to rebuke him, you can see the situation clearly as the story of an awful, insidious creep tearing apart a family in pursuit of his sick interests.

Is the story revolutionary? Not exactly. But imo half of the point is in the realisation of what's actually going on. If the whole story was from Dolores' POV then audiences would not have to do any real thinking to identify the villain, and therefore would not develop the skills to disagree with what they're told at face value. But all that being said, imo it's best read for the first time in English class or something. Unreliable narrators are now much more common in stories, so unless you've never read one like that before, the most you're likely to get out of Lolita is a feeling of discomfort, and confusion over how anyone thought it was a love story.

Anon you misinterpreted my post. I wasn’t saying that was the intent of the novel, I was saying that was the common takeaway by a lot of people (read: weirdos).

Respectfully, I am not reading all of that.

[mtvswatches]

Crazy Ex Girlfriend 4x17 I’m In Love

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) So… they’re doing a big reveal where Rebecca will tell who she has chosen right in front of everyone they know? Now I’m kind of hoping she chooses herself (although please please let her be with Greg!) because if she is about to choose one of the guys then she’ll be breaking the other two’s hearts in a very uncalled for manner…

2) Oh, Tim, what’s going on with your life, dude? First, the vibrator song, and now he’s happy not to be spending Valentine’s day with his wife…?

3) Dream ghost!!! Because Rebecca, in true Rebecca fashion, had another poop attack and fell asleep on the toilet… Dream Ghost is going to tell her about her future. Will we get to see what Rebecca thinks her life will be like if she chooses each of the three men in her life?

4) Oh!!! This is her future!!!

5)  That was a cheap trick, show. You got me. Because she’s now imagining her future with Nathaniel and Josh…

…and she’s not entirely happy in any of them.

5) Oh, god, I knew going into this I’d be an emotional wreck but I wasn’t expecting to be crying by minute 6. There’s just something about watching Rebecca shouting in her own face, demanding to know why she’s not happy. I think I know the answer. I think she just has to choose herself, I think the title of this episode is about Rebecca finally choosing to love herself first and foremost, and above all.

6) And she got the answer, straight from the horse’s mouth…

REBECCA: Tell me. Huh? Tell me why you're so sad. Why aren't you happy with Greg? Huh? I mean, what's wrong with him?

REBECCA 2: There's nothing wrong with Greg. Or Nathaniel or Josh. They're all wonderful.

REBECCA: Okay, then why am I not happy, with any of them? Don't… don't I love them?

REBECCA: You do love them. The problem is, you don't know who you are.

7) Is working at that firm the best fit for Paula if she can’t take the cases she wants to take?

8) Hmmmm.

JOSH: I just want to be in love. Get married, have babies. I'm ready now. She has to pick me.

This really sounds like Rebecca could be replaceable. He’s not talking about wanting or imagining all of these things with her, he just wants them.

9) George has great plans for his future. He’s growing a ponytail. Nathaniel, on the other hand, seems to have nothing going for him except the possibility of Rebecca choosing him. I kind of wish they had brought up the fact that he was bored with his job before the finale?

10) I love them. I’m gonna miss them so much.

11)  I loved this!

There had been some references to how Rebecca creates the musical numbers in her mind but never had we seen if the other characters were aware of what she does or how they react to it. it was a small moment, but it felt like a huge pay-off for four seasons of storytelling in the form of musical comedy.

12) This medley ruined me…

I was a sobbing mess all throughout, I was crying and trying to sing along, and each song brought up so many memories and feelings. I knew I wasn’t emotionally ready for this episode, but damn, I really wasn’t ready.

But thankfully, I also laughed…

13) OMG TIME JUMP!!! And we can tell thanks to George’s lustrous ponytail!!

So her big decision has nothing to do with choosing one of the guys? But what happened on Valentine’s day a year ago?! And everyone’s there except for Nathaniel, Josh, and Greg, or so it seems...

14) Good for you, Valencia!

15) April adopted Hebecca, and she and Darryl are having a baby!

16) Was… Rebecca… masturbating in the hot tub?

I wouldn’t put it past her, and we know Hector is already very acquainted with how much she enjoys self-gratification, but this would be going too far, even for her…

But… let me say that as much as I love the joke, I can help but feel that Heather was underused even in the finale.

17) I did really enjoy the whole back-and-forth between White Josh and Rebecca. She had no idea what had been going on in his life – two massive fires, apparently – and he admitted to never quite liking her, which is absolutely true.

18) Now, this is what earns a “Respect” as a response…

PAULA: The thing is, is, uh and I say this with so much affection, um, either we do this, or I quit.

BOSS: What?

PAULA: I love this job. But I am not gonna walk around with a hole in my heart because there are people out there who need me and I'm sitting up here on my ass in a fancy suit. I have to be true to who I am inside. So. Thanks. I loved it here. Bye.

BOSS: Paula, wait. Let's talk.

19) Nooo. It can’t be him. It has to mean something else…

Which brings us to another person. The person I care about very much. And he's really the reason I'm here. Josh Chan.

I really hope it only means that he’s the one who gave her the courage to find out who she is or something, or I’ll be pissed off.

20) OH THANK GOD! It wasn’t him.

21) $80 dollars a month, Rebecca? I guess she still continues to be terrible with money.

22)  Josh has a girlfriend. I hope he doesn’t mess it up this time.

23) And it’s Nathaniel’s turn now…

NATHANIEL: You don't, you don't have to explain. You only get one life. And you got to live that the way you want. I think everyone deserves that.

I’m really proud of Nathaniel. He truly came such a long way, and even if they are not together, his love for Rebecca had such a wonderful impact on him – he became a better version of himself because of it. I was absolutely floored by how mature and understanding he was, I wanted to hug him so badly.

And he quit his job and he got a job at the ZOO! TALK ABOUT A DREAM COME TRUE!

24) it’s fUCKING GREG’S MOMENT AND I’M NOT READY FOR THIS.

25) What a wonderful moment!

PAULA: What are you doing?

REBECCA: Uh, sorry, nothing, nothing.

PAULA: No, that's not nothing. That's You're staring off into space, like you do. You do that a lot. What's happening when you do that?

REBECCA: I don't want to tell you. It's weird.

PAULA: Oh, come on, any weirder than the many, many weird things you and I have done since we met?

REBECCA: I've just… I don't know I've never told anybody, except for the Dream Ghost and Dr. Phil.

PAULA: What?

REBECCA: What the hell? Okay. When I stare off into space, I'm imagining myself in a musical number. That's how I sometimes see big moments in my life, as musical numbers. And because I do that, so does the show. And by show, I mean the very popular BPD workbook acronym, "Simply Having Omniscient Wishes.” So, yeah, I see myself in these songs.

26) Paula is suggesting that Rebecca should write down the songs that she creates in her mind and that’s what I’ve been saying all along!!!

27) Oh my god, here come the waterworks again…

What an amazing reprise and what a great way to bookend the story! I’m crying but I swear these are happy tears! It’s been such a long time since Paula and Rebecca stood holding each other’s hands outside a party and singing about how Rebecca should go after Josh. And here they are, still holding each other up through thick and thin and being each other’s person. It’s such an amazing moment for so many reasons. I can’t help but be in awe at such a wonderful portrayal of female friendship. It’s amazing that the person that helped Rebecca figured out what she wanted to do was Paula. It wasn’t Josh or Nathaniel or Greg. It wasn’t her therapist or her mother. It was her best friend, the person that’s seen her at her best and her worst and has accepted for the wonderful, weird, chaotic mess that she is. This scene also conveys a much more important and impactful message – that all you need is, well, you. It’s all right inside you. You just have to be ready to find yourself.

28) Oh, the wonderful, wonderful callback!

29) And her break-up with Greg did not feel like a break-up at all. She was basically telling him that she couldn’t be with him right then. And even though he said he wouldn’t wait, he’s still single… I swear to god, I’ve been dreaming of a Settle for Me reprise, and if they deliver one I’ll probably die.

30) It was so fun to see Rebecca working hard and learning how to sing and play instruments and write lyrics. But this part was what really got to me…

REBECCA: I came to this town to find love, and I did. I love every person in this room. Each and every one of you.

I’m so happy she finally realized that! That’s what I’ve been saying all along. She’d always been so worried about finding one person or one thing that would make her truly happy, and there were so many people and so many things that did it for her and she just couldn’t see it.

31) Oh, wow…

32) What a wonderful ending to a wonderful series! It truly was everything that I had hoped for and more. I really wanted the end of the show to be about Rebecca, self-love, and self-awareness, and the show delivered that in such a beautiful and moving way. I know I’ll cry every single time I listen to that medley! I was kind of concerned about the heavy emphasis on the rom-com aspect of the show in the last few episodes, but I’m really glad that was put on the back burner and it was left kind of open-ended – although I’m positive wherever she is, she’ll end up with Greg. This weird, wonderful show has meant a lot to me, and I can’t wait to revisit this story. I’m glad Rachel and Alina got to tell their story the way they envisioned it, and I think it was a terrific idea to end the story sort of media res – just when Rebecca was about to start a new chapter of her life.

I’m too emotional right now to properly convey exactly how much this show means to me and how impactful and groundbreaking I thought it was for many different reasons, but I’m certain the legacy of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend will live on, and I truly can’t wait to see what the wonderfully talented people behind it have in store for us in the future. I know it will be wicked good.

Goodbye, Rebecca. Goodbye, West Covina. It’s been a wonderful journey!

 32)  Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

[kiraelric]

Hello good afternoon I got a question about in chapter 82 where katsuki told izuku to "stay back" or "don't come" was that out of pride or was concern for izuku due to him being injured and if he went to the portal he will surely be killed by the villians? Also PS spoiler for s3 episode 7 sorry.

No Spoilers No Worries. I’m still on Tumblr after all. I just haven’t heard voices yet.

I’ve already discussed this topic Twice.  You can see them Here and Here.

But to discuss it in greater detail, this is the scene in question as seen in the official English Translation from VIZ Volume 9. :

Now please. Please wipe all previous connotations from your mind and remember that they have know each other at this point in their lives for at least 12 years.

They are 15 years old and they have always been together for 12 of them.

These two know each other and they know each other well. Izuku knows Katsuki’s anger, but he also knows him well enough to paint in the light for the reader in a way of singing his praises.  Katsuki knows Izuku well enough in a way to show that Izuku is human to the reader by showing us his faults.

While others praise Izuku for his self sacrificing behavior, Katsuki has no time for it.  He is the one to show us that the mighty hero Izuku is trying to become has a lot of work to do. They are each other’s literary foils. Their purpose is the mirror one another.

So in this moment, in this moment where Katsuki has learned that the villains are targeting him, he was taken by fear, as any 15 year old would. The look on his face that is shown when he first sees Izuku and the utter wreck that is his body now shows his concern, even in the aspect of ‘what the hell happened?!’

This is real, this is life or death and Katsuki knows that. Please never forget that Katsuki Bakugou is 3rd in his class. He’s not dumb. He’s not the stereotypical anime brute with all brawn and no brains. He’s calculating. He knows what these people can do and now he’s seen what one or more of them have done to his childhood friend.

His childhood friend who is refusing to feel pain in the name of his safety. His childhood friend who is so stupid he’s going to get himself killed if he keeps going.  

You all heard his voice in the episode. I’ve read the posts and been informed that I was correct when I read the fear in his voice when I first read these chapters.

Katsuki wasn’t not prideful in that moment. He had no pride to put out. He was scared out of his mind to the point that he didn’t even think to use his own quirk. He froze in the hands of the enemy and all he could see was Izuku charging forward towards death again.

Again?

What do you mean again?

Remember this:

The beginning of the series?

He was suffocating and being controlled by this monster of sludge and when surrounding pro heroes gave up on the idea of saving him Izuku came running to the rescue. Quirkless and weak came running in with everything he had.

He should have died.

I wouldn’t be surprised if he was sure that both of them would have, but we all know how the day was saved.

So here we are months later at the training camp and here comes Deku running after him with everything he had. There wasn’t a competition in his voice or a betterment in eyes.  No. All Izuku could show was the sheer desperation to not lose the one person in his life that meant the most to him, and Katsuki knew that.

He knew that Izuku has followed him everywhere he went since they were at least 3. Why wouldn’t Izuku follow him now?

“For once in your life don’t follow me.”

Katsuki knew full well that Izuku would follow him. Katsuki knew that Izuku was nothing more than primal in that moment. He would have fought people off with his teeth if he had to and Katsuki knew he’d die for him if he followed him.

Katsuki protected Izuku in that moment.

There was literally no pride about it.

__

Because Sorry spoilers

See how when they go after him anyways, he calls them “idiots”? That’s directed at all of them, not just Kirishima. Do you think he’s dumb enough to not know that Izuku was one of the heads of operation “Save Kacchan”? He knows full well who’s plan it was. He always does.

Why do you think he screamed at him during the Sports Festival and pinned Uraraka’s actions on him. Because he’s hung up on that fact that Izuku overthinks everything. 

He knows how over active Izuku’s mind is so I have no problem believing that Katsuki simply wanted him to Stay Back in that moment.

__

My Meta Catalog:

“My Best friend’s a nerd and an idiot, and God he pisses me off” (Katsuki’s POV on his relationship with Izuku) (spoilers)

“Just because you’re an asshole doesn’t mean I don’t care.” (Izuku’s POV on his relationship with Izuku) (spoilers)

Katsuki Bakugou and Society (spoilers)

Katsuki and Izuku’s relationship verus Katsuki and Kirishima’s (spoilers)

A look at Katsuki and Izuku’s Childhood

Katsuki’s childhood and how he was raised (spoilers)

Todoroki’s Childhood and Bakugou’s Childhood (spoilers)

Training Camp: About Bakugou’s Quirk

Quirk Training Exam Info (Manga Scans)

Katsuki’s smirk in chapter 1

Did Bakugou’s character development happen too fast? (spoilers)

How to read the boy’s traits All Might gives them in the final exam

Supplement from Hirokoshi concerning Izuku’s 1,000,000% smash (Manga Scan)

Bakugou is not an abuser and never has been

** Please note that all Meta I write are my opinion. They are not the be all end all answer to things. Please ship what you want to and enjoy the series however you see fit.

[sage-nebula]

for the meme uh... 12, 15, 16 (revolutionary and whispers if you don't mind both) and 36 owo

12) Who is your favourite character to write for? Why?

Mmm, it really depends on the fandom! Well, for the most part, at least.

Alan from the PokéAni is my boy, and I’d say that he’s also the easiest Pokémon character for me to write for, simply because we have so much in common and our thought processes are so similar. I once saw that someone said he’s hard to write and I just … mind boggled for a moment, because he comes to me so naturally. So Alan is definitely up there, in terms of favorite characters to write for. I adore him.

But that said, again, it can really vary by the fandom. In Yu-Gi-Oh!, my go-to is deifnitely Jounouchi, and I do love writing that boy. His snarky attitude and temper can make writing for him really fun, but at the same time, the love and devotion he has toward those he cares about (as well as how awful his life can be at times, even as he continues to push through it) can make writing for him emotional, too. But in the same fandom there is also Hirutani, and oh my god I adore writing for him. He’s so awful! He’s probably the most awful character I write for, and I mean that in the best possible way because he’s such a garbage person that writing for him is unbelievably fun. His depravity knows no bounds, and since I tend to write in very limited third-person (which can almost feel like first-person at times), that gets to shine through in the narration. Someone once tagged a fic I wrote from his POV with:

And honestly, what a compliment. I’m so proud. Honored. And glad to do it, because it was fun to get to write from the perspective of someone who is that fucked up, honestly.

Meanwhile, when it comes to Voltron, Keith is my favorite for reasons similar to Alan. Given that those two are so similar, it makes sense that I relate a lot to Keith as well, and thus his thought processes, actions, and dialogue come pretty naturally to me. Likewise, though I’m still getting used to him, I also enjoy writing for Lotor, particularly since his narration tends to be a lot more eloquent, which (at the risk of sounding arrogant) is actually one way in which I feel that I differ from Keith, and is something I often have to watch whenever I’m writing from Keith’s perspective. I don’t have to hold back when wirting Lotor, which can feel a bit freeing.

That said, honorable mention goes to Ezor, because wirting her dialogue is always fun. There’s an instance in my Big Bang where she’s going to get to quote a meme without knowing it’s a meme, and it’s going to make perfect sense in context, but also feel natural coming out of her mouth, and I can’t wait.

15.) If you write OC’s, how do you decide on their names?

Again, it really depends on the fandom!

For Voltron: Legendary Defender, most of my OCs are galra (and are in the Blade of Marmora because otherwise we’d have pretty much no Blade members to use for fics because the writers keep killing them all off, but that’s neither here nor there). One thing I’ve noticed about galra names (and the galra language altogether, tbh, but mostly the names), is that by and large galra names are filled with hard consonents and sharp sounds. Usually, with few exceptions, they’ll have consonents in the middle and end. To run through a list:

Zarkon

Kolivan

Antok

Ulaz

Thace (this counts, because the “e” is silent)

Regris

Lotor

And so on and so forth. “Krolia” does place emphasis on vowel sounds (the “o” in the middle and the “a” at the end), but her name seems to be the exception rather than the rule when it comes to galra names, and no, I don’t think this has to do with gender, either, because:

Zethrid

Ezor

Acxa

Narti

Trugg

Gnov

Ladnok

Even though Acxa’s and Narti’s names end with vowels, they still have those hard consonent sounds in the middle. When you say Acxa’s name, most of the emphasis is on the “kk-shhh” sound that the “c” and “x” make in the middle. Likewise, it’s the “r” and “t” sounds that get the most emphasis when you’re saying Narti’s name. Those consonents still stand out, moreso than they do for “Krolia.” 

So when I come up with galra names, I throw letters together in a way that places emphasis on hard consonent sounds in the middle and end (and sometimes at the start, but as we see with characters like Antok and Ulaz, that’s not strictly necessary):

Garus

Torvik

Pezak (note: I also chose this name for him because it reminded me of “pissant” and he’s an asshole who deserves it)

Didrin

Vidor

Mezri

And so on. That said, that’s just for galra. While it’s not too often that I come up with non-galra OCs for Voltron, I did have to choose a name for Keith’s dad for the very first fic I ever wrote, and since I’m sticking to the headcanon that he is Japanese until the writers explicitly say otherwise, I chose a Japanese given name for him to go with his Japanese family name of “Kogane.” For that, I went to my kanji dictionary to select a name, and I ended up choosing the name “Ryuuga,” which in this case is written with these kanji: 竜賀. The 竜 kanji means “dragon,” and the 賀 kanji means “congratulatory; joyful.” So his given name “Ryuuga” means “joyful dragon,” and put together with the kanji for Kogane (黄金) means “golden, joyful dragon.” I feel like that’s both a name a parent would likely choose for their child, as well as one that’s fitting for Keith’s father, at least in the sense that … well, a dragon would sire a boy as magnificent as that, am I right?

(“But why can’t Keith have a cool name—” Because Krolia named him because she heard the name “Keith” in an Earth movie and liked both the sound of the name and the character, that’s why. No kanji dictionaries for her, she names her children based off her favorite characters.)

For Yu-Gi-Oh, I did kind of the same thing, depending on the character. If the character was unimportant, such as the beanie kid from Hirutani’s gang or Anzu’s coworker at Burger World, I just chose a random Japanese name and called it a day. But if they were important, such as Honda’s sister Ayumu or when it came time to give Hirutani a given name, I once again went to the kanji dictionary and chose something meaningful. (Except for Ayumu’s family name now that she’s married; Sawashiro comes from a Japanese voice actress I like, haha.) So again:

Ayumu: 天由夢 = (heavens/sky + wherefore/reason + dreams)

Kimio: 王央 = (king + center)

I was particularly proud with “Kimio” for Hirutani, because when put together with the kanji from his family name (which reads as “leech valley”), Hirutani’s full name means “the king at the center of leech valley.” Fitting, don’t you think?

Lastly, in the event that I need to create OCs for Pokémon, first I decide if they’re going to have a type-specialty (and, in that, if they’re going to be a Gym Leader or Elite Four member or something) or not. If they are, then I choose something punny, as is series tradition. If not … I might look at a name dictionary, might not. It really depends on how important they are overall.

16.) How did you come up with the idea for Whispers in the Dark and Revolutionary?

For Whispers in the Dark, I think I mentioned it in another ask right before this one, but it was in response to a fic prompt meme. The meme had people send me ships and quotes that they wanted used in a fic for the ship, and someone asked for wishshipping with “don’t fucking touch me.” I remember sitting there for a moment, wondering how in the world I was going to make that IC. It’s just not something that Jounouchi or Yuugi would ever naturally say to each other. And as I tried to think up circumstances where it might occur, I remembered chapter eleven, and how Jounouchi had pretended to not know Yuugi in an effort to end the situation before it could escalate and keep him safe. And I wondered … what if he tried a different tactic? What if, instead of saying he didn’t know him, he instead acted aggressive and cruel in a bid to get Yuugi to stop caring about him and leave him alone, to keep him safe that way?

So I wrote the first iteration of the first chapter (as you know, I cleaned it up much later) based around that idea. But someone else had sent in a wishship request with “what happened doesn’t change anything,” and when thinking of a way to incorporate that … well, my mind was still on that canon divergence I had written for the other prompt, so I used this prompt as an excuse to write a “sequel” (actually chapter two). And everything flowed out from there.

As for Revolutionary, Keitor Week last October had “What If?” as the prompt for the last day. A person’s mind can go to many places with a prompt like that, but my brain jumped to “what if Keith was one of Lotor’s generals, and what if they were all the Paladins of Voltron instead of the ones we know?” I was really excited when I came up with this idea, and honestly really scared for a while that someone would beat me to it (but thankfully, though others wrote things along the lines of “what if Keith was one of Lotor’s generals,” making them the Paladins of Voltron stayed squarely in my court), and I was absolutely thrilled that so many found it as interesting as I did. Once I came up with the initial idea and started writing it out, so many other things came to me. Keith having his little line about how Earth, from what little he saw of it, was so unlike Revender planted ideas for that backstory in my mind. The idea for how they all came to bond with their Lions came to me. Their relationships with each other, how they came to bond with each other and join the team, what life is like on Hauli for Allura and Coran (because yes, I know that, too!), and also what happened to the Shiro, Lance, Pidge, and Hunk of that reality since Keith was not there to help them out … yeah, I know all of that. And someday, if everything works out as it should … hopefully I’ll get to share all those stories.

36.) Can you give us a spoiler for one of your WIP’s?

MMMM … okay. So, for this one for my Dual Blades that I’ve been working on since December (or late November, really), Keith and Lotor are sent on a mission to what I have been calling “space NYC” in my head, but is actually the city of Xandoorun on the planet Liindoryx. Because they’re undercover, they can’t go in their Blade uniforms, but they also can’t go their standard wear because:

Lotor is wanted by the Empire, and

Keith’s Earth clothes do not match Xandoorun fashion

As such, they have outfits prepared for them by various Marmorites (Garus prepares Keith’s, while Ilun and Vrek prepare Lotor’s). Here’s a brief excerpt (that may be cut from the final product) of Garus trying to figure out what Keith should wear while Keith is eternally exasperated because a.) they’re just clothes, and b.) oh my god stop fussing Garus:

The door no sooner finished clicking shut behind Lotor before Keithturned back to Garus (who, to Keith’s … astonishment or annoyance, hewasn’t sure which, was already examining a wide array of clothing spread outover the table on the opposite side of the room) and said, “I don’t really carewhat I wear. Just give me whatever so I can go.” He paused, then added,“Please.”

“It may not matter to you, but it does to me. It’s important that youwear clothes that are adequate for your mission.” Garus didn’t so much asglance back at Keith as he spoke, so focused was he on the outfits (three ofthem, Keith thought, but the way they were folded and stacked atop the tablemade it hard for him to tell which piece was supposed to go with whicheverother piece) spread out on the table before him.

“I’m sure that whatever you’ve picked out is adequate,” Keith said.

“I thought so too, at first, at least when it comes to these three,”Garus gestured to the clothes with a wave of his hand, “but now I am not sosure. Or rather …” He turned back to look at Keith at last, frowning. “Istill feel that these options are generically suitable, at least conceptually,in terms of both function and fashion. But now that I have you here, I’m not sosure that they are suitable for you.”

“They’re fine,” Keith said,and he was sure that he was failing to keep the impatience from his voice.“They’re just clothes. It really doesn’t matter—”

“It does,” Garus said, and Keith huffed. “Come here for a moment,please.”

Knowing that the sooner he cooperated, the sooner it would be overwith, Keith did as requested and crossed the room. When he did, Garus selecteda light grey-purple top from the table and held it up against Keith’s torso,humming a bit as he tilted his head, considering.

“This one is nice. I believe it would be a good choice,” he said, andhe stretched out the sleeve to hold it against Keith’s arm. “The material is abit … unusual for Xandoorun,given that it is the same material we use for our uniforms, eldravan steelwoven into the fabric and all, but I don’t believe anyone will notice unlessthey get close enough to touch. The sleeves are long and a bit loose; that willbe good for allowing you to draw strapped knives in a pinch. And I do believethis color is a good choice as well; it brings out your eyes.”

Keith was planning on letting Garus talk himself into a decision beforethat last bit, at which point he sputtered, “Brings out m—?! Who cares aboutthat? What does that have to do with anything?”

“It’s a factor to consider,” Garus said, as he returned the shirt tothe table.

“No, it’s not. It doesn’t have anything to do with anything,” Keithsaid flatly. “I just need something to wear and it really doesn’t matter what,so—didn’t you tell Kolivan that you had everything picked out already?”

“Yes, and I do. I have it narrowed down to these three potentialoutfits. But I need to see you with them to be sure.” He paused, frowning as hetapped his finger against his lips, and then shook his head. “I think you willneed to try them on. I’m having a difficult time visualizing how they will fit.I need to see you in them to be sure.”

“I will try on one,” Keith said.

“You will try on all three. The last thing we need is to have yoursafety compromised because you were not able to draw a weapon in time,” Garussaid. He gathered the three selected outfits in his arms, and pushed them intoKeith’s. “Now, go on. You can change behind the textile fabricator.” Hegestured to the large machine in the center of the room, and Keith turned tolook back at it. So that was what itwas called. “You are small, so you should have enough privacy back there.”

Keith scowled as he turned back to Garus.

“I’m not small,” he said.“I’m of average size for a human.”

“Perhaps, but you are also galra, and by our standards, you are small.”Garus paused, and then pulled his tablet free from the carrying pouch he had hookedaround his waist. “I will make a note to have more protein added to your diet.That should help you grow at least a little.”

Keith could hardly believe his ears. “I don’t need—!”

“There! That should do the trick.” Garus finished whatever note he hadmade with a few taps against his tablet screen, and though he was smiling as hesucceeded in his (pointless, Keith swore) task, his smile faded into a sternerexpression as he looked up at Keith. “Now, please go try those on. We don’twant to keep Kolivan waiting for too long.”

[phati-sari]

(2/2) I don't think he makes her sleep by the poolside. You may have explained it in previous chapters, but I don't seem to recollect at this moment. Shyam was vile as always ughh! Doesn't Anjali find Shyam's excitement odd? I loved the way you ended the chapter. He came! For her! She longed for his presence and there he was! Can it get any better?? Special mention - I am absolutely smitten by the Arnav you paint. Right from his first disheveled look in the morning to his presence next to Khushi

(½) Yayyy Colors…Holi hain!! Finally :-) The day started with such a toe curling moment

Hey @gauriv80 :)

So the asks are out of order because Tumblr lost the first part and refused to let me see it.

Yes it’s HOLI and I’m super happy to finally share these chapters. They’re special to me for a number of reasons, mostly because I love the Holi episodes and enjoyed the chance to make them fit into Charade.

Haha yeah, Arnav was in a good mood. I’ve always felt that he was in the mood to flirt that morning (in the serial) but he still had a voice telling him it’s wrong to like Khushi and enjoy her company so he didn’t act on it. In this story, that voice is much fainter so I felt it was right to show him being flirtatious.

Arnav is in a very weird place right now. He’s decided to trust Khushi, which means that he (mostly) understands she didn’t encourage an affair with Shyam and is his victim. But there are still unresolved issues between them, the largest being that he still hasn’t come to terms with the fact that she (and her family) hid everything from him (and his family). That Khushi didn’t trust him.

There is also the issue of Arnav not really knowing where he stands in Khushi’s life. Shyam broke something between them when he told Arnav it was all an act:

“What did you think, Arnav? That she wanted you? The dancing, the earring, that kiss by the poolside? Did you think it was real?”

“It was never real. It was all a distraction.”

– Charade, Anguish (Interlude 1)

Half the time Arnav isn’t sure when he’s acting for the charade. He can’t even begin to unravel Khushi’s intentions.

[H]e wanted, so much that it was sure to destroy him, especially when she was so unguarded with her own desire.

How much of it is a farce? How much of it is real?

She seemed utterly guileless, unaware of the potent desire that ran in his veins.

“What did you think, Arnav? That she wanted you? The dancing, the earring, that kiss by the poolside? Did you think it was real?”

– Charade, Ambush (Interlude 2)

So he got into that situation, wanted to kiss her, and then abruptly pulled back because he’s not entirely sure what either of them wants.

The current sleeping arrangement began after the Muhn Dekhayi ceremony:

“And Khushi … don’t sleep outside tonight. I’ll take the sofa, you can have the bed.”

– Charade, Crimson (Chapter 12)

The next morning, Khushi glanced at the clock as she folded her blanket. She’d managed to haggle Arnav-ji down from giving up his bed to an arrangement that involved them switching between the sofa and the bed every few nights. He’d still insisted on sleeping on the sofa first.

– Charade, Collision (Chapter 13)

They each get the bed for two nights. I posted an image that shows where they sleep here.

Arnav sent her to the poolside on the first night but then carried her inside when it started raining. He comforted her and then slept next to her on the floor instead of taking the bed. But when Khushi stood between him and Shyam, looking like she was trying to protect Shyam from him, Arnav got angry and made her sleep outside. So she slept at the poolside once in Charade, but never again.

The thing about Shyam’s behaviour on Holi is that it’s not super weird. It seems that way because the audience knows who and what he is. Shyam is the damaad of the family, there’s technically nothing odd about him wanting to welcome Khushi into the household. It’s Arnav’s household, sure, but he’s not there to do this. Neither are his father or Nana. Shyam is the beloved damaad, Arnav’s respected elder, and most importantly, Arnav always looked up to Shyam as a father figure. Of course Shyam would welcome Arnav’s wife to the family. His eagerness seems creepy to the audience because they know his intentions. The rest of the family simply thinks Shyam is performing a duty.

Hahah, yes he did come! He’s always been able to hear the deepest desires of Khushi’s heart and turn them into reality – like how he sat with her for the Muhn Dekhayi.

Thank you so much, I am glad you like the picture I paint! I like describing Arnav through Khushi’s eyes :) She kind of starts speaking like a teenager with a schoolgirl crush haha, which I love.

Thank you for reading and for taking the time to send such a lovely message. I hope you enjoy the rest of the Holi adventures!!

[aesirfalling]

A: How did you come up with the title to all of your fics (seriously your titles are so good)? H: How would you describe your style (don't say acid ok)? K: What's the angstiest idea you've ever come up with? R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence? S: Any fandom tropes you can't resist? okay I must stop or I might as well cut and paste the entire thing here and there's a word limi

RII NO

A: How did you come up with the title to all of your fics (seriously your titles are so good)?

Like the wannabe poet and symbolism addict that I am, I collect quotes and words on tumblr and in the things that I listen to or read. Some quotes and words just stay with me, and I keep track of them in various ways (including naming stupidly expensive fictional dragons after them - you should see my horde of dragons named after things like Eve, Rapture, Insomnia and Asterion). Some fics were written around their titles since the idea in the title was what inspired the fic in the first place (see: Zhi Yin, Oblique Asymptote, And the Sky Tonight is Luminous). Other fics take their names from the central ideas explored by said fics (see: Black Poppy, Episteme). Some fics reference a fitting emotion or line (Together We Brought the Moon Down, From What We Cannot Hold).

… And then some fics just were titled on the fly (And Light be the Path to Home, Ubuntu).

H: How would you describe your style (don’t say acid ok)?

BUT ACID LACED WITH RAW EMOTIONS IS SO ACCURATE

… Stylistically, I’m heavy on symbolism, metaphors, loooooong sentences, fragmented sentences, and short scenes. I like stream of consciousness/internal monologue stuff and feel the most at home in second person. I try to focus on character emotions and motivations before all else, and that often leads to botched plots and acid-y meandering.

K: What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?

FWWCH’s sad ending? .w. or FWWCH’s premise in general?

My OC writing is heavy, heavy angst, although I rarely post it up here so no one except @voceanic will get it haha. Out of the things that I have posted… Euterpe is very angsty for a very simple premise (terminal illness) if just because I dissect it very thoroughly, my League Asylum AU with @sheriff-caitlyn is hyper angsty by virtue of how utterly broken Jayce becomes (I once called the writing process for that “taking a hammer to my own brain and trying to pick up the largest pieces”), and the Hope chapter in Together We Brought the Moon Down hurts me a lot even though it’s not the most meticulously crafted thing and also probably requires a reading of my Ark!Hope theory to even understand.

R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence? 

Oh man. A lot of writers have influenced me super heavily. My parents once owned a small book full of… scripts of famous movie scenes, English and Chinese side by side. I got bored as a child and read that book a lot. I got into Wuthering Heights. I read Wuthering Heights when I was like, 8 years old. And it’s never left me. All my obsession with irrational passionate characters and acid trip prose can be traced back to Emily Bronte.

My mother kept a subscription to a popular Chinese magazine when I was young, and it’s really influenced my writing style as well as general outlook. It was something in between Reader’s Digest or Chicken Soup for the Soul, and there were some seriously touching short stories in it. Those stories painted things like human pain and joy in truly meticulous and reverent ways and now I always strive to do the same.

东方骏真 was a Chinese writer in the Digimon fandom in the mid 2000s that I really admired. His Takari work referenced things from Greek myth to The Water Margin and included truly impressive ensemble casts, and showed me just how cool fanfiction could be. I started writing my first fic because of him and even now FWWCH heavily echoes his magnum opus. His depiction of things like loyalty, chivalry and love floored me when I was 12 and continues to floor me when I’m 23.

@voceanic is a blessing and I’m still so glad that we encountered each other and have become great friends. Their work (in the League fandom or original) has a Celtic myth quality that I simply adore, a storytelling mood that means I can sit and listen to them for hours and days, a heart that I want to just reach and hold, and… so many words.

I wrote this about her work a while ago so let me just copy it over now

“When she breathes she fills the air with broken winged doves and fiercely brilliant auroras.”

Dellaluce wrote briefly in the Homestuck fandom and their FFX crossover If the Sun Won’t Rise remains one of my favorite things ever. If you’ve read that you can probably catch glimpses of references littered everywhere in my work. The ending to that fic just blows me away every time and I just. I cry ok. That fic also got me interested in FF before I’ve played any of the games or read anything on the series…

S: Any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

I don’t know if they are “fandom tropes” (I tend to think of them as just “tropes” because I love them in everything) but:

Artists/poets falling in love, especially if it crashes and burns in spectacularly melodramatic fashion

Hope and Light as a symbolic pair, especially when some kind of divinity is involved

Trauma, Hurt-Comfort, and Survival (faith and a wish to survive are musts. I don’t like angst just for the sake of angst, it’s always about hope and a burning, living desperation for me)

Carpe Diem

The idealistic child (or adult acting like a child) with an insatiable thirst for knowledge, truth, and wonder

Abandoned people trusting and believing in love, and desperately seeking it at all costs

Idealistic self-sacrifice, especially when foiled (see: Yuna)

Self-fulfilling prophecies

Alternatively, just look at Hope Estheim because he probably embodies everything I’ve ever loved in a fandom character LOL

[spicycreativity]

Soft-Shoe Shuffle - Ch 2

Chapter: 2/12 Additional Notes: See Ch 1 for more information. Read on AO3 under "WizardGlick." Any formatting/italics errors are holdovers from AO3 that I was too lazy to fix. Chapter Content Warnings: Forgetting to eat, fainting Excerpt: "You can’t stand seeing Hot Daddicus Finch sad. You want to fix it for him. It’s funny, actually.” To illustrate his point, Remus gave a shrill, hyena cackle. "After all those nights complaining about his, what did you call it, 'saccharine simpering,' it turns out you --" he poked Janus in the chest-- "have a sweet tooth." “I--” All of Janus' instincts were screaming at him: deny, deny, deny! But shock stilled his tongue and left him staring at Remus as a horrifying realization dawned on him. Remus seemed to reach the same conclusion at the same time. "Holy shit, was I right? I was just teasing!"

Speak easy on the grapevine Keep shufflin' in a shoe shine Old tin lizzy, do it 'til you're dizzy Give it all you got until you're put out of your misery

A gentle tapping on his door interrupted Janus' fitful attempt at sleep. It couldn't be morning already, could it?

He chalked it up to sleep deprivation when the sight of Patton's face in the doorway actually made him smile. After all, irritation flooded in soon after. Janus had been trying (and failing) to sleep .

"'Morning!" Patton said, his own smile a touch strained.

Janus hid a yawn behind his hand and blinked slowly at Patton until his higher reasoning kicked in. "Good morning, Patton. I assume you need something from me? Or have you developed a magnetic attraction to my door?"

"What?" Patton stopped leaning on the doorframe and stood up straight. "No, I-- I was just about to make breakfast and I thought I'd come see if you wanted to join me."

Janus could practically feel the steam coming out of ears as he tried to come up with a way to decline that wouldn't hurt Patton's feelings. "I don't usually eat first thing in the morning," he said, only just managing not to stammer.

"Coffee, then? Black coffee."

"Like my soul," Janus said automatically.

Unfortunately, Patton seemed to take this as an agreement to join him. "Great!"

His smile wavered a little and his eyes kept flickering to the top of Janus' head-- "Just a moment." Janus ducked back into his room, put his hat back on, and followed Patton down the hall, surveying himself with distaste. His outfit was wrinkled after a night of tossing and turning, and that simply wouldn't do. Janus focused and watched in satisfaction as the creases receded from his clothing.

Then he did some mental math.

Even now, there was no chance that Janus was Patton's first choice of companion, and Patton would have at least had the good sense to warn him if any hostile parties awaited them in the kitchen. At the moment, Logan, Virgil, and Roman all counted as 'hostile parties.' This being the “light” side, Remus didn’t factor in. Ergo, Janus and Patton must have been the only ones awake or willing to come out.

The eerie silence lent credence to that conclusion. The Light side was usually full of such spirited bickering that Janus and Remus could hear it on the other side of the curtain if they listened.

It was a bit odd that Virgil and Logan weren't showing their faces. Virgil in particular couldn't have known Janus was there unless Patton had told him, but Patton had given no indication last night that he was planning on speaking to anyone.

It was quite the mystery, and Janus was more than happy to let it lie until he was better-rested. Last night's headache had returned with a vengeance and exhaustion clawed at the corners of his mind. His capelet may as well have been wet denim, the way it weighed down his shoulders.

"Black coffee," Patton handed Janus last night's ouroboros mug, "espresso-ly for you!"

Janus shook himself. He hadn't even realized they'd arrived in the kitchen. "Thank you," he said, for once at a loss for something sarcastic to say. He thought about much smoother his day would go if he didn't have this budding migraine to contend with and quickly swallowed down the aspirin that appeared in his palm.

"You're sure you don't want breakfast?" Patton asked. "I could make something light. After all, you should know better than anyone not to skip breakfast, Professor Self Care."

"I'm not skipping anything," Janus said, trying to keep a lid on his irritation. He leaned back against the counter and forced himself to take another long swallow of bitter black coffee. "Just delaying it."

"Okaaay," Patton said, sing-song, "but you're gonna feel icky later."

Janus almost responded that he felt pretty 'icky’ now and the nagging wasn't helping, but managed to keep his mouth shut. It didn't help that Patton was technically correct.

Now there was an uncomfortable thought.

Janus leaned against the counter and let his mind wander, idly watching Patton crack eggs into a skillet.

Janus had work to do. Now that Thomas was prepared to listen, Janus' subtler methods of suggestion would serve him no longer. He had thought patterns to dismantle and others to build, not to mention that he wanted to see Remus and find some time to take a nap if possible. And of course, he would have to find time to eat breakfast. Just not now. Not with Patton.

However… Patton's aversion to being alone meant that Janus would have to wait until another side emerged so he could pass off the baton.

Speaking of…

"Patton?"

"Yeah?"

"I understand Roman's hesitancy to show his face--"

"Hey."

"--but surely Virgil or Logan aren't scared of me. I'm a bit surprised Virgil hasn't shown up to try to run me off."

Patton bit his lip, his brow creasing. Janus hadn't been trying to upset him, but Patton looked like he'd just been forced to give his favorite puppy up for adoption. "Probably not." A beat. "Every time I try to talk to Virgil, he just says he's 'going through it' and won't open the door."

Janus hurriedly raised his mug to his lips so Patton wouldn't see his smile. That certainly sounded like Virgil. "Surely Logan has been more forthcoming."

"I knocked on his door a few times, too, but he won't answer at all. I think he's upset with me."

Now that was an interesting development. And problematic, because that meant Janus was going to have to babysit Patton until something gave. "I thought Logan didn't get upset."

"You heard him yesterday. He said we didn't care about him!"

Janus studied the seams of his gloves, feigning disinterest. "Yes, I did think he was being a little melodramatic. Of course I didn't hurt him."

"He wasn't being dramatic!" Patton insisted. "If Logan feels like we don't care about him… It must have been going on for a while, and none of us noticed. We're supposed to be his friends!"

"I'm sure he'll get over it soon," Janus goaded.

"I don't know, Janus." Patton fixed him with a sorrowful look before turning back to the stove. "I've never known him to get this upset about anything. It feels like everything got really bad all at once and I don't know how to fix it. I don't know what to do."

Janus downed the rest of his coffee and immediately went for a refill. Of course Patton couldn't fix it; the Lights needed more than nagging and platitudes, more than just the Band-Aid solution of superficial apologies with no changed behavior. No, they needed someone to help them introspect, someone smart enough to see through their self-absorbed nonsense.

"Penny for your thoughts," Patton said.

Janus didn't jump like he'd been electrocuted. "My thoughts are worth far more than that," he said, recovering smoothly.

"Can I get a friends and family discount?" Patton asked. He switched off the stove and carefully levered the eggs he'd fried onto a bagel.

"I was thinking about all the work I have to do today," Janus said. It was never too early to start dropping hints.

"Don't forget about breakfast,” Patton said. Nagged. “I could bring you something later, if you want."

Something in Janus' head clicked. Roman and Logan both seemed like the type to get caught up in their work and forget to eat. Patton had probably grown used to babying them. "Don't worry, Patton. Unlike certain other Sides I can actually take care of myself."

"Oh?"

"Yes, it would make perfect sense for the embodiment of self-care to forget something as basic as eating ."

Patton circled around the counter and hopped onto one of the barstools. "Sorry, I wasn't trying to be pushy."

He looked at Janus with an expression of earnest regret, his eyes sparkling in the overhead lights. Somewhere deep inside him, Janus' heart pounded. He set his coffee mug aside. Patton must have brewed it strong; it usually took at least three cups to get his heart racing like this and he hadn't even finished his second yet.

"Janus?" Patton looked at him over the tops of his glasses.

"Hm?"

"Did you hear me?"

"...Yes."

Patton smiled. "I asked if you wanted to work in the living room. You know, since, um. It's just gonna be the two of us."

"No," said Janus automatically.

"No?"

"Yes."

"Now I'm confused."

So am I, Janus nearly said. He schooled his expression behind the distraction of another sip of coffee. "I have business with Remus I need to attend to." Why was Patton's bereft expression so unbearably painful? "Maybe later we could," don't, "play cards again."

Patton's sun-bright smile was so dazzling that Janus nearly had to look away. "I'd love that!"

Janus tipped his hat and sank out before he could sign himself up for any more bonding activities.

--

The Dark Side was pitch black. Janus stood very, very still. "Remus?" he called tentatively, not wanting to interrupt if Remus was focused on a project.

A spotlight clicked on, illuminating Remus standing in the center of a stage. "Oh!" he said, glancing in Janus' general direction. "Hi!"

Janus looked down with annoyance to find that his sensible black oxfords had been replaced with pointe shoes. He changed them back with a concentrated effort. "What's this?"

"I was working on a nightmare for Thomas." In a blink, Remus restored the living room. He flopped down on the couch and kicked his feet up on the coffee table, revealing blood stains on the tips of his own pointe shoes. “Little early for day drinking, don’t you think?”

Janus realized he was still holding the coffee mug Patton had given him. He switched the contents out with water and took a long drink. The aspirin had barely touched his headache and the nagging, low-level pain invited in nausea and lightheadedness. Better to take care of that before it escalated into something worse.

He sat beside Remus on the couch and ran a hand through his hair, knocking his hat askew in the process. “You have no idea what it’s like over there.” He straightened his hat and squinted at Remus' shoes. “Wait. A nightmare about ballet?”

“You remember Black Swan?”

“Oh. Well. As much as I’d love to waste your time when you clearly have something better to do, I can always come back later.”

“No, no.” Remus changed his pointe shoes back into boots. “You look like shit. What did they do to you?”

“I do not!” Janus set his water down and summoned a hand mirror. He did look, perhaps, a little tired, but that was easily fixed with a small illusion. He sent the hand mirror back to his room and didn’t glare at Remus. “I do not.”

Remus’ smile shattered into a laugh. “Go on, what did they do to you? Wrap you up in a blanket and make you cookies? Wash your feet with scented oils?”

“Yes, right after the parade they held in my honor.”

"And then they all took turns sucking your--"

"Please put that image in my head."

Remus just gave an apologetic shrug and settled back into the couch cushions. "So what's really going on, hm? It hasn't even been a day and you're already running back to me to bitch about it. They’re not still fighting, are they?”

“Ugh, Remus.” Janus tilted his head back, pressing the back of his hand to his brow in an exaggerated swoon. Still, he was careful to keep his voice low in case anyone was listening. “They're all locked in their rooms pouting. Except for Patton, who keeps following me around like a lost little puppy. "It’s so…" A litany of words sprang to Janus' mind; to his horror 'endearing' was among them. "Ugh," he said, waving a hand vaguely.

“You like it.” Remus’ grin was positively demonic.

“Oh, yes, I do so enjoy having a nagging little tagalong,” Janus said, but it was too late. Remus had latched onto the idea like barnacles to a boat's hull.

"You like him !"

"Oh, yes, Remus, I've been planning out our wedding all day. I just love the sad little puppy dog look he gives me whenever I try to leave the room. It was love at first self-righteous lecture."

Remus' grin widened until it threatened to split his face (a very real possibility when he was involved). "The snakey doth protest too much, methinks."

" No, I--"

“What’s your plan?" Remus interrupted. "Going to seduce him? You going to write a love poem ?”

“Oh, definitely ," Janus sneered. "What rhymes with ‘exasperating’?”

“Masturbating? Kind of a slant rhyme, but I think you could sell it.”

“Charming.”

“Hey.” Remus shrugged. “You came to me for romantic advice.”

“Yes, that was why I came to see you. Not to complain about how The Great American Nag won’t stop following me around and sighing wistfully about how his friends are sad, boohoo.”

Remus’ eyes sparkled. “You do have a plan to deal with him.”

“One that doesn’t involve seduction via dirty love poetry, I’m afraid," Janus said, making an exaggerated pouty face with accompanying hand gestures.

“Boring," Remus replied.

“But you’ll listen anyway because you love me ever so?”

“Like flies love dookie.”

Janus held up a hand to stop Remus from actually summoning a cloud of flies. “If I can at least get Logan out of his room, then Patton will stop following me around and I can get back to--”

“Lusting over Daddy in the shadows?”

Janus took a long, measured breath. “I’m not lusting--”

“Face it, Snakehole."

"Ew."

"You can’t stand seeing Hot Daddicus Finch sad. You want to fix it for him. It’s funny, actually.” To illustrate his point, Remus gave a shrill, hyena cackle. "After all those nights complaining about his, what did you call it, 'saccharine simpering,' it turns out you --" he poked Janus in the chest-- "have a sweet tooth."

“I--” All of Janus' instincts were screaming at him: deny, deny, deny! But shock stilled his tongue and left him staring at Remus as a horrifying realization dawned on him.

Remus seemed to reach the same conclusion at the same time. "Holy shit, was I right? I was just teasing!"

If Remus were any other side, Janus would have thrown an insult at him and made a tactical retreat. Instead, he stood, fussing with his cape so he wouldn’t have to look Remus in the eye. “I have to go speak with Logan.”

“That means I’m right, right?” Remus cackled again, longer this time. “Careful, Jay, you’re getting predictable.”

“No, this was all according to plan,” Janus said, already walking away. “You’re just a pawn in my vast chess game.”

“I prefer checkers,” Remus called after him. “Good luck! Don't forget to wear a condom!"

--

Janus chose to appear right outside Logan’s door, the better to avoid an accidental run-in with Patton. Despite Remus’ taunting, Janus really didn’t want Patton to know what he was up to, and not because he thought it might hurt Patton's feelings, and certainly not because he feared the effect that Patton’s starry-eyed gratitude might have on him. He just preferred to handle his dealings in the dark, that was all.

Strategy remained something of an afterthought. Remus' teasing had left Janus too flustered to focus, and now he was outside Logan's door.

Well.

First, he had to get in. Then he could draw the details out of Logan and improvise from there.

Janus knocked on the door with the back of his hand. “Logan? It’s Janus. I had a question for you, if you’re not too busy.”

It was gentle flattery, but flattery all the same: Janus humbling himself before Logan’s intellect. It was also an appeal to Logan’s natural curiosity; surely he would want to know what it was Janus needed help with.

Sure enough, Logan opened the door a crack. His eyes were blank behind his glasses, his mouth a straight line. “Did I hear you correctly? You want my help?”

“No.” Janus couldn't help but roll his eyes. “I was hoping to have an intellectual discussion with Roman. Isn’t his door blue?” His head throbbed and he realized with some irritation that he had forgotten to eat something before getting on with his business. Patton had been right after all.

Logan didn’t budge. “What’s your question?”

“Logan, I’m surprised at you. I'd think you would know better than to leave a guest standing in the hall.” “I'm sorry, but I don’t desire company at this time.”

“Well.” Janus straightened up. “Maybe I will ask Roman instead. For all the good it'll do me."

It was an obvious bluff: Janus weighing Logan’s jealousy against his anger.

The scales tipped.

Logan opened the door properly and stepped aside. “Come in.”

Janus fought to keep the smile out of his voice. “Thank you.”

Logan shut the door behind him and crossed to the opposite side of the room. He neither sat nor offered Janus a seat, only stared at him with cold expectation. “Your question, Deceit.”

“Janus.”

“Excuse me?”

“Call me Janus.”

“Very well.” Logan stared him down. “Your question, Janus.”

“What’s that? ” Janus had never been the best at eye contact whereas Logan insisted on it. Janus had flicked his eyes away from Logan’s icy gaze and caught sight of a line of sickly blue bruises on the side of Logan’s neck. An instinctive wave of guilt made his stomach clench.

“They are bruises,” Logan said matter-of-factly, though his facial expression displayed an intense desire to talk about something else. “Bruises form when capillaries, small blood vessels near the skin’s surface, are broken, usually due to an impact with something hard.” He hesitated for a fraction of a second. “Something like a wooden shepherd’s crook, for example.”

Janus chose to avoid meeting Logan’s gaze; his capelet was sliding off his shoulder and he needed to adjust it. “You know as well as I do that injuries only affect us if we believe in them. Or have you forgotten Remus’ little throwing star lobotomy?”

“I’m aware,” Logan said stiffly.

Another dizzying wave of guilt threatened to knock Janus over. He took a half-step backwards to keep his footing. “Look. If it’s any consolation, Logan, I wouldn’t have done that if I had known it was going to hurt you.”

Logan’s face twitched with something that Janus recognized a split second later-- suppressed rage. “Janus,” he said, his voice somehow even. “I do not believe you.”

"Oh, yes," Janus spat, every word laced with venom, "You're right . I love causing unnecessary bodily harm to other Sides, that sounds exactly like me."

Logan gave a slight shake of his head. “You-- all of you --have made it abundantly clear that my presence is neither welcomed nor, in many cases, even tolerated. You would have done whatever it took to get me out of the way so you could pursue your agenda, and the others would likely not have stopped you even if they had known. Or rather, had they tried to stop you, it would have been in the service of doing just that: stopping you, rather than in service of assisting me ." Janus' defensive anger gave way to something very like concern, but Logan was still going: "They have given no indication they care about me; in fact, I believe they have grown to dislike me.” Logan broke off, breathing heavily. He didn’t seem to notice the way his fingers dug into his neck. "So, no, Janus. I do not believe you. Kindly ask your question and leave."

“I…” said Janus, for the sake of not making Logan feel judged while he came up with something of substance to respond. He hadn't been expecting that . “Didn’t Patton come check on you?”

“He left,” Logan said. “I waited, and he left.”

“You wanted him to apologize,” Janus guessed. “You wanted him to notice that he’d hurt you and apologize for it.”

Logan adjusted his tie. “I do not feel, and therefore I do not want.”

Janus didn’t even have to respond to that, only raise his eyebrows and look at the bruises that marred Logan’s skin (the bruises he had left).

“Janus, I do not understand what you stand to gain from this conversation,” Logan said. “I don't believe you would have come here just to watch me embarrass myself. Did you have a question, or was there something else you wanted from me?"

Janus ignored the question. He had just landed on his strategy. “Would you like to learn something, Logan?”

“Always.”

“Even though you might not like it?” “It is irrational to dislike knowledge.”

“So it doesn’t bother you that 85 is divisible by 17?”

For a moment, Logan looked like he might argue. Then he sighed, and might even have smiled a bit. “Go on.”

"You," Janus pointed at him, "have been derelict in your duty." He waited for Logan to look suitably offended before he continued, "Not as Logic, but as a friend."

Logan frowned, not offended, but puzzled. "I have?"

Janus thought it might be a bit too much to change Logan's room into a stage, but it was alright; he didn't need the physical change to feel the spotlight on him, to see Logan sitting, rapt, in the audience. “If you haven’t told the others how you feel, you have no right to expect them to just know . Patton and Roman especially have a difficult time intuiting how others are feeling unless you spoon-feed it to them. You cannot lock yourself away and expect them to come crawling on their knees, begging for your forgiveness. You need to communicate. You need to tell them how you feel .”

“How,” Logan said drily, “does one ‘spoon-feed’ emotions?”

“Please keep trying to deflect; you're so good at it."

“But you’re saying that I should explain to the others that my f…”

“ Go on.”

“Feelings are hurt.” Logan winced.

“Growth is often uncomfortable,” Janus said, adding a silent ‘ not that I would know’ for his own benefit.

“And you’re sure they’ll listen?” Logan, for the first time since Janus had known him, looked unsure. He adjusted his tie, which was already immaculate, and stared at Janus.

“One can only hope, since they claim to be your friends," Janus said to reassure him. "And you know, use ‘“I” statements’ instead of ‘“you” statements,’ you remember elementary school.”

A pause.

“Janus? Please elaborate on one thing for me."

"Yes?"

"Why are you helping me? Last time we were in proximity, you gave no indication whatsoever that you cared for me or my 'feelings,' nor for anyone else's. What changed?"

"It's complicated," Janus said, trying to evade the question.

"It's my job to handle 'complicated.' So tell me: Why are you helping me?"

Oh, Janus just loved feeling cornered. His eyes kept finding their way to the bruises on Logan's neck, tangible proof of all the pain Janus had caused. "Quid pro quo," he lied. "Patton misses you and I owe him a debt." His head swam and he forced himself to stand perfectly still to try to keep his balance. Blue bruises dominated his vision.

"Falsehood."

"Fine." Janus curled his lip. "Because I felt sorry for you--"

"Janus," Logan said in a tone of patient annoyance, like an irritated schoolteacher, "please."

Janus took a breath and tried to swallow down the sick guilt clawing at his chest. He wished Logan would have offered him a chair. Now was probably a bad time to ask. “It's because I’m sorry . I--” The room tilted sideways and he staggered in a bid to keep his balance, as there was nothing to steady himself against. “I’m sorry I did that.” He gestured at Logan's neck, fighting for breath. Every word seemed to require twice as much oxygen as usual. “It was wrong of me to silence you. And…” Deep breath. “Even though I thought it wouldn’t affect you--” Telling the truth didn’t usually hurt like this; he felt a little like he was going to be sick. What was going on? “It did, and I'm sorry."