#see he may have thought he wasnt afraid of them being freed as he thought he won but who he WAS afraid of was of her rskzjjzjx

[thedeadthree]

graves running for the hills the second isidora is freed from her cell and can now fulfill her promises in eleven different languages all the elaborate ways she’s gonna k*ll him sjsjzhzhz

[opal-owl-flight]

Its time to go home.

It took a week.

After Mags convinced Galacta of the change in Storm, it took a week for them to convince the Wardens to set him free.

Its really hard to convince the defenders of the galaxy to release a being that has the potential to wipe out the galaxy. A being that nearly wiped the entire race off of the star charts once again. A being that caused widespread misery and destruction across the galaxy.

But Mags is willing to fight tooth and claw for this kid. Nova-dammit, hes going to do everything he can so that this kid will continue to receive the love that he needs.

“The reason why he did that in the first place was because he was scared!!! He was angry because he was never given what he needed!!! Trapping him there would only fan those flames, dont you agree?”

While Mags was out there, the Wardens decide to see things for themselves. Has Storm really changed? Its not that they dont trust Mags’ word — they just want to make sure. There may be a chance that the mage’s judgement was clouded by emotion.

So what do they do? They conduct interviews with the kid. Asking him about his backstory, his current thoughts, his power…and a lot more. They probably force him to spill things he doesnt want to tell them. And he doesnt know why.

He doesnt know that hes being processed to see if hes fit to be freed. All he knows is that these Knights are coming in, grilling him with questions he doesnt always want to answer (or know the answers to), with some of them even intimidating him to confess thoughts or actions he doesnt even have or have done…and the worst part is, he hasnt seen his papa for that entire time period.

He felt as if hed been abandoned again.

Its not like Mags didnt want to see him…he wasnt allowed to. The Wardens fear that he may influence the kid, give him hints on whats going on. For that whole week, Mags was worried sick about Storm. Kept in the dark on the details of the processing.

It wasnt until he sees him again that he sees the damage done.

The flinch when the door was opened.The frazzled fur. The fear in his eyes before he recognized who it was thats come to visit him. Oh, the boy acted tough during the whole visit. Told Mags that he was able to handle everything. He didnt want to be rejected by him, be left behind again because he was “acting like a weakling”.

Mags knew it was a front. All of it. But his fury will have to wait. After an apology, and telling him of the Wardens not allowing to see him…Storm happily forgave him for everything. He wasnt even mad at all. Just…happy.

Mags only smiles as he listens to Storm telling him how brave he was. Then he tells him stories of his own past adventures. Adventures where he was scared. Adventures that made him more…honest with what hes feeling. Trying to tell Storm that its okay to be afraid. He wished so desperately to tell him that he’ll be freed the next day. But hes not allowed to. The Wardens fear a sudden change of power that they may not be able to control or a reveal of a betrayal. They are still afraid of him.

And then the signal sounds. And Storm’s facade comes crashing down. As Mags turns to leave, the child called to him, with pure desperation in his voice…begging him to set him free, take him home. He strained against the crystal, crying, pleading…

He doesnt want any more questions. He doesnt want to be left alone again. Not with the Knights. He wants to go home. He wants to be with his papa.

Mags, against the Wardens’ wishes, stays right there beside the child the entire night. Galacta allows him — he cant stand hearing this kid cry anymore. Its painful. Even for him.

Pure relief sweeps through Storm…happy to be with Mags for the whole night, for once. More stories. More songs. More gentle headpats. He wishes that the night will last forever…

But he doesnt have to wish for an endless night to keep experiencing this kind of safety and love.

Because once he wakes up the next morning… hes already cradled in his papa’s hands.

[jolie-auletta]

Lose Yourself, To Find Yourself.

So, I had the honour of being part of an international women’s day seminar yesterday. Hosted by the beautiful Gaia Rose, at her annual awakened woman gathering.

Part of a 7 woman strong team, I made my first public speech.

Stood in front of 50 women I didn’t know, I spoke about something that had impacted my life. How I fully and completely lost myself, but found my true self by doing so.

So here goes;

When I first found out I was going to be speaking today, I was an anxiety ridden mess, I was almost automatically filled with all kinds of insecurities. What if my story isnt as exciting as everybody elses. What if people judge me. What if I dont even inspire any one?

And as normal as that thought process is for someone who has never spoken in public before, it isnt actually very logical.

While I was writing this speech I sent it over to my friend to read over and I told her I felt somewhat guilty for mentioning someone from my past.

I am literally about to say things to a room of strangers that I've never even said a loud before!

But that's when it hit me, I want to be part of teaching our daughters and the next generation of women to not be afraid of simply speaking the truth!

I was always an intelligent kid. I taught myself how to speak other languages, play musical instruments, top of the class.. so I should have been a grade A student, gone to uni and I could have been living 'the dream' right now.

I know that the dream is just perspective. The dream is what you make it. But what I’m trying to say, is I could have had a smooth and easy life, if things had been different.

I don't dwell on that though, devine alignment is something I speak of often. All that is meant to be, will be.

My secondary school days were awful. I started later than I should have, so perhaps that had something to do with it? I don't know. But I felt like I was just always having to try harder than normal, just to make friends. Constantly seeking approval from my peers, constantly trying to be ‘one of them’.

What I've realised it comes down to, is I've just never had good social skills. Which no body believes when I tell them because I come across so confident and eccentric!

But honestly I'm what I like to call a social chameleon. I can blend in with any group, but it's all down to analysis of behaviours and mimicking. In a sense it's just acting.

And that's what school was like for me, I shuffled between groups, making friends then falling out with them over things I just didn't understand at the time

It's like I just didn't know how to integrate with people , or be myself.

So along with feeling like I has no real friends.. I was actually bullied too. The entire time.

I remember having to leave school early just to avoid confrontation. The worst part is, I didn't tell a soul I until I was 25? So a whole 10 years went by without even telling my own mum that I was bullied!

That's something I really regret now. Because I believe it all stems from there and if I had reached out to someone, it could have all been different.

Anyway, the last year of school rolled round and I'm obviously so happy to leave!

But then this fear kicked in. What if I get bullied again!?

So I had an ingenius plan. (in hindsight this was not an ingenius plan at all)

I firstly completely went off radar. I chose a college in a new area, where no one would know me and heres the ingenius part. I made a new personality. Who is the most unbullyable person, I thought? All my previous bullies where quite 'rude girl' personas, so thats when i pieced everything together and decided who I’d be.

And it worked. No one picked on me and I was actually popular.

The mask was working, but that’s all it was, a mask.

I was still constantly seeking approval from people, always trying to be what I thought other people thought was cool, not what I actually thought was cool.

About 8 years ago, i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and BPD. I was on medication but I took myself off of them when I fell pregnant. I did see a psychiatrist for a number of years, but I'm due to have another evaluation because I tick a lot of the boxes for autism!

This was literally a lightbulb moment! When I found out I could be on the spectrum- everything in my life made sense. And it turns out its really common for women with autism to go under the radar, or be diagnosed with depression, anxiety or bipolar/bpd like I was, and that's it, autism isn't even considered.

I am quite obviously high functioning, but every day scenarios like dealing with my emotions, sensory predicaments and simple socialising are a daily battle for me.

I have done A LOT of self healing and I have made a lot of progress, but I have come to the conclusion that whether I'm one, none, or all of the above , I just don't fit in a box and that's okay!!

I found my release in music, it was a coping mechanism, a world to get lost in.

But this leads me onto the second part of my story. During my music years, I met someone who would change my life.

A narccissist.

As i said before i do believe everything happens in devine order and its all lead me to where I am today. And I don't even hold a grudge towards this person. What's done is done.

And we were actually friends for a long while before getting together, we were best friends in fact, I can't even fault the friendship.

But the relationship was TOXIC!

The mental abuse was off the scale. And he also introduced me to cocaine. Now, in the beginning, it was all fun and games. Parties, recreational and I had no responsibilities in life so I thought why the hell not.

But it became more than that. He got me involved in not only taking it, but selling it too.

The entire relationship became based on that.

And ultimately it was detrimental to my soul.

I didnt even recognise myself. My family didn’t recognise me. It was like I had all these layers of personality I had invented to hide behind, but I couldn’t even remember who I was underneath it all!

I became more and more involved in this crazy lifestyle, so much so I ended up in prison because of it.

Honestly I look back and just think, how could I be so STUPID. It took me so long to admit that I was in a controlling and abusive relationship.

This guy had a hold on me. The kind of hold only a narccissist can have.

This wasnt some teenage crush where i 'loved' him so much and I'd do anything for him. I was a crushed soul, bowing down to a dictator.

I did what he wanted, when he wanted. I didn’t even exist. It was all about him.

My mental state was in pieces.

Im honestly so embarrased to tell people Ive been to jail. I mean even saying the word jail. It makes me cringe. I rarely tell people. There are family members that don’t even know!

But that prison freed me. From the jail that was my own body.

Its almost heartbreaking to think of myself all alone in a cell, no friends or family , but I had time to be on my own. With ME! The actual me, not the me I had been playing the part of for the last god knows how many years.

I honestly remember the day the penny dropped, it was when I put my nose ring back in. It sounds so crazy, but when I put it back in, all the pieces of me started to sort of fall into place too. I wore the clothes I wanted. I wore my hair how I wanted and I was starting to love being me again.

The mask was off! I existed again! And that was a beautiful feeling!

I can’t believe I’d kept up this charade for so many years! I should have been an actress, seriously 😂

So fast forward to today, I have a daughter, My Isabella Amethyst. I honestly love her more than I ever thought was even possible and she has played a major role in me becoming the person I am today, because she deserves me at my best and no less.

Another point to make is… As some one who was too foreign for the white folk; yet too white to be black… my whole life I had never fit in to a ‘group’.

I started researching my ancestral heritage and had a deep spiritual connection with the Italian and Spanish parts of my DNA. I even discovered I had Amerindian and oceanic DNA. Which was amazing and even more soul grabbing for me, it gave me a sense of belonging.

A lot of people say wow jode, you've changed so much!

But i am now, who I actually was before I was pressured in to believing I wasn't good enough as myself! Before I invented a new me, just to fit in with everyone else!

So along with becoming a parent, Ive managed to start my own holistic business too!

I do everything I love now, everything that makes my soul happy. I say yes to my intuition and say no to anything that doesn't serve me. We as women have to learn put ourselves first! We have to learn to trust ourselves, love ourselves and actually learn to be a bit selfish!

Life has given me some lemons, as they say. My world was incredibly sour at times and I have found my self in the darkest of corners, alone. But as clische as it is, after the darkness comes light.

I can wholeheartedly say that although I may not be 'living the dream' I could have been, if I had chosen all the 'right' paths in life, I am infact HAPPY. My soul is content and I am ME.

No matter what any of us have been through in life, we not only grow through it, we can flurish beyond it. These awful things happen to us, but they do not define us.

Sometimes we just have to lose ourselves, to find ourselves.