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[kthgalaxies]

you’ll see me in the stars

• Pairing: Park Jimin x Jeon Jungkook | Jeon Jungkook x Original Female Character

• Genre: Angst 

• Words: 2.8k+

• Disclaimer: Major character death, mild sexual content

• Other places: ao3  

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He stared at himself in the mirror, his tie falling helplessly on his chest. This was supposed to be the day that he’d cherish in his heart forever, the union of his soul with another. The dull noise of people rushing around him faded into nothing. The new, diamond ring in the box which he held loosely in hand left a bitter, melancholic taste in his mouth. Instead, all he could focus on was his thumping, aching heart, and the silver ring adorning his left pinkie. A promise left unfulfilled by the one he loved the most.

He knew it was almost time. The pianist was warming up on the piano as soft beams of sunlight lit up the small crevices of the old church. He could see his father-in-law whispering quickly into his wife’s ear before leaving to lead his daughter down the aisle. But Jeon Jeongguk was far from excited or exhilarated to marry his wife-to-be…all he felt was the persistent stuttering of his heart whenever he thought about the future which now lay in front of him. One that he had never even thought to envision, one that was forced upon him, one that he had to choose.

Jeongguk found himself staring out of the panelled windows to the hills beyond, to the small town which he could barely see. He loses himself in the memories of the time that was, of the one that got away.

***

It was a chilly, Friday afternoon and Jeongguk had no choice but to leave his house to brave the cold, all for a cake his mother had all but screeched at him to buy. The family next door had just moved, and in true fashion, MrsJeon had set it upon herself to conjure up the most delightful dinner to make them feel warm and welcome. Of course, she had forgotten about dessert until the last minute, sending a flustered Jeongguk to buy the cake in time before the bakery closed. The bell twinkling signalled his arrival, and the heavy scent of bread and pastries overwhelmed his senses. Tired and hungry, he ordered the last available cake and trudged home, disregarding the fact that his mum will probably yell at him for being late.

He had just set and double checked the table when the doorbell rang, sending Mrs Jeon into a flurry. He could hear polite greetings floating from the entryway but waited instead in the living room to welcome the Park family. He first saw Mr Park, a large and beaming man who immediately made Jeongguk feel like everything was going to be okay. He walked over, clapped Jeongguk on the back and thanked him for the dinner invite. His gaze then fell to a quiet Mrs Park, a woman who made him think of home and warmth when she enveloped him in a soft hug. It was hard to miss the bouncing little girl who followed, someone who Jeongguk knew would be an instant friend. But it was the last person who entered the room which made Jeongguk sure that his life would change forever.

Park Jimin. With pastel pink hair, sweet features and soft lips, he had a certain aura about him that Jeongguk couldn’t place. Why he got so flustered and confused when he first saw Jimin, he didn’t know, but the older giggled at his wide doe-eyed stare. Jeongguk remembered how his voice, so low and smooth, introduced himself with the hope of becoming good friends. Despite being distracted by his sheer beauty, Jeongguk was drawn to Jimin’s eyes, ones that he could tell masked pain and sorrow. It haunted him and left him wanting to know more.

As time passed, Jeongguk and Jimin became closer. They came to an unspoken agreement that no matter what, they’d always be there for each other. The two were closer than they were to any of their families, an unexplainable bond tying them together. Soulmates, others called it, the way they came to know each other’s loves, quirks, insecurities and dislikes. They eventually moved to university together and becoming roommates was the only obvious option. Soon, their fist bumps turned into intertwined hands, hugs and stolen kisses in empty classrooms or when the darkness surrounding their bed hid them from the world outside. They’d inscribed their names onto each other’s heart. One particular night, they laid on the edge of the Han River, marvelling at the view of the city sprawled in front of them, but far enough so that the stars outshone the city lights.

“You’ll see me in the stars,” Jimin whispered softly to a sleeping Jeongguk.

Despite their closeness, Jeongguk was always aware of something big that Jimin didn’t tell him, a secret he’d harboured since the day he’d met him a couple of months ago. There were always unexplained absences where Jeongguk would miss the other pink-haired boy for days at a time. Jimin would return, haggard and drawn, trying to assure Jeongguk that everything was okay.

Nothing was okay.

Whenever Jeongguk tried to question his disappearances, the discussion would always end with an argument, betrayed looks and running tears plastered on both their faces. Jimin’s disappearances became a wedge in their relationship, something that they painfully ignored whenever it happened because they both knew that nothing good would come out of arguing over it.

Jeongguk clearly remembers the night it all changed.

It had been a particularly annoying day for him because he’d ended up missing the bus, spilt coffee down his new white shirt and handed in his assignment late, earning a stern lecture from his professor. Exhausted, he’d stumbled into their apartment just as the sun began to sink into the horizon, sending streams of blues, pinks and oranges streaking across the sky. His eyes fell on Jimin, dancing beautifully in front of their floor to ceiling windows, overlooking the city. The setting sun cast a soft spotlight on the dancing boy, illuminating each move and curve as he moved. Jeongguk had to stop, wide-eyed, as he stared at the sight in front of him. Jeongguk could hear a haunting song floating from the speaker system, Jimin’s dance moves, matching its mood perfectly. Jeongguk could sense a deep yearning and desperation in step and turn. Jimin paused slightly when he sensed Jeongguk’s presence, before continuing his movements.

Jeongguk dropped his belongings haphazardly on the floor and stepped closer to Jimin. The other stopped again only for a moment when Jeongguk reached for his cheek, turning into the soft touch. The music continued to play around them, the notes hovering and coaxing them to move.

And they did.

Jeongguk and Jimin moved as one, dancing around each other. Though neither could understand the English lyrics, they understood the pain behind them. The final notes of the song saw them come together. They rested their foreheads against each other, trying to catch their breath. As Jeongguk stared into Jimin’s eyes, he could see a storm raging behind them. He could see the boy breaking down in front of him, raw emotion and sorrow evident through the deep brown of his eyes. A million questions raced through his mind at that moment, anxiety settling into the pit of his stomach.

“What’s wrong?” Jeongguk pleaded.

Jimin slowly fell to the floor, tears running down his face. Jeongguk, alarmed, fell with him, cradling his jaw, whispering reassurances in his ear. The crying boy ignored Jeongguk, instead choosing to hold him close. His tears soaked through Jeongguk’s coffee stained shirt as he clutched onto it. Jimin looked up, his eyes finding Jeongguk’s as leant towards him, capturing his lips in a fevered kiss. They fell backwards and landed on the hardwood floor as they both fought for dominance. Jimin reached down to rest his hand against Jeongguk’s bare back, fingering at the waistband of his jeans. Jeongguk pulled back, gasping for air, enamoured by the way the golden rays fell on the contours of Jimin’s face. He kissed Jimin again, softer this time, and flipped him over so he was on top. Jeongguk’s lips travelled to Jimin’s jawline, peppering kisses down his neck. Jimin groaned in response, fisting Jeongguk’s shirt, trying to pull it off. Jeongguk broke away to take a breath and threw the shirt to the side, then continued to kiss Jimin.

Jimin and Jeongguk had only been together as a couple for only a few months and had never strayed past making out. Jeongguk didn’t want their first time to be one surrounded by sadness, but at that moment, his need for more clouded his judgement.

Jimin stared into Jeongguk’s dark, hooded eyes as he ran his hands down the planes of Jeongguk’s chest, once again pulling him closer for another kiss. Jimin’s loose hoodie in between them became too much for Jeongguk and he pulled it off, breaking contact for only a second. Jeongguk pulled back to admire his dancer’s body but was instead shocked by what he saw. Jagged scars and needle marks littered his body as if pierced and cut multiple times, some as if it had just healed. Jeongguk drew in a broken gasp, still panting, staring at Jimin in horror. In the months that he had known him, Jimin had never mentioned anything about this, but he quickly put two and two together.

Questions raced through his mind.

“What’s wrong?” Jeongguk whispered, not wanting to hear the answer he dreaded.

Everything that Jimin had been trying to hide had come out in a moment of weakness, a moment where he had stupidly allowed himself to let go and feel loved.

Jimin paused for a minute. How was he going to tell his boyfriend, his soulmate, his best friend, that every promise he had sworn, every dream they’d dreamt, was all for nothing? He shook his head at himself for not realising sooner how he always hurts people around him. Stupid.

Jimin let out a long breath, running his hands repeatedly through his now messy hair. Jeongguk knew that this was a sign of his nerves…he tried in every way to hold Jimin close and make him feel okay, but he shrugged it off. Hurt, Jeongguk sat back, leaning against the cool window.

The sun had long set by now, the first stars just starting to make slow appearances. Jimin lifted his eyes over Jeongguk’s shoulder to gaze at the stars. They sparkled faintly against the dusky blue backdrop of the sky, somewhat overpowered by the bright city lights. That’s how Jimin felt at that moment. Overpowered. Lost. Defeated. Hopeless.

Helpless.

He returned his eyes to Jeongguk who was sitting against the window, the lights behind him casting shadows on his face. All he could see were his tear glistened eyes, waiting for an answer. “Perhaps this is for the best,” Jimin thought, “that I can’t see his face when I break his heart.”

Jimin took a deep breath, then spoke.

“I have Congestive heart failure. My heart is dying.”

Jeongguk shook his head in denial, confused. He’d heard of that condition. It meant that Jimin’s heart couldn’t pump blood properly. But, how? He looked at Jimin up and down, wondering where and how he missed the signs.

The twinkling lights cast an ethereal glow to Jimin’s face. The boy stared back at Jeongguk with a look of resignation, silently asking him to accept the truth.

Jimin’s long absences came to mind, where he’d return home drawn, thin and seemingly broken, from the inside and out. As he looked at Jimin now, the signs were slowly starting to make sense. Dark circles, his constant lack of appetite, despite Jeongguk trying everything he could to beg him to eat something.

Jeongguk’s heart cracked.

“For how long?” he asked.

Jimin closed his eyes, pained.

“Since last year.”

Jeongguk��s heart trembled.

“What does this mean, Jimin?”

A tear rolled down Jimin’s cheek, then another, and another. “I’m sorry,” he thought.

“I’m dying, Jeongguk. I don’t have much time.”

Jeongguk’s heart shattered. It cut him, wounded him, pierced him. He tried to breathe, but he couldn’t, breathing short gasps instead. He could see his world, his dreams, his hopes, all crumbling in front of him. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the pain, clenching his hands into fists. His body trembled violently, racked with grief. Jimin, his heart breaking, reached forward to cradle the younger’s face, wiping the tears that were silently streaming. His hands then held Jeongguk’s fists, slowly smoothing them out, releasing the tension, threading his fingers through, clutching them tightly. Jimin’s hands snaked around Jeongguk’s neck, drawing them together, their foreheads touching.

With their hands intertwined, Jimin caught Jeongguk’s lips in a slow kiss, trying to convey all the love he felt for him. They pulled apart, breathing heavy, their tears mingling together.

Jimin looked fondly at Jeongguk, a melancholic smile dancing on his lips.

“You’ll see me in the stars.”

***

They’d been laying next to each other some days later when it happened. Jimin had turned to look at Jeongguk and weakly reached out to hold it. Jeongguk turned into the touch, covering Jimin’s hand with his own, eyes not leaving Jimin’s. As he stared at him for the last time, Jeongguk tried to commit Jimin’s face to memory. His soft, pink hair, the deep brown eyes, his plump lips, the way his eyes became crescent moons when he smiled. Jimin moved to hold Jeongguk’s hands tightly.

“You’ll have to let me go. I know it’s hard to say goodbye, but I can’t run anymore. I love you with my whole heart, Jeongguk. Let me be a star in your cosmos.”

The funeral was the hardest thing that Jeongguk had to endure in his entire life. He’d stopped crying ages ago, and existed in a state of numbness, not registering anything except for the hollow pain in his heart that Jimin used to fill.

***

The peal of wedding bells left Jeongguk disorientated for a moment as he forgot where he was. He closed his eyes, willing the heartache away. He shifted slightly, his legs aching from standing in the one position for so long. As the pianist started to play ‘Here Comes the Bride’, the doors of the church swung open to show his fiancé walking down the aisle. His heart clenched painfully…she was not Jimin. She can never be and will never come close to being who he was in Jeongguk’s life.

As he met her eyes, they both had the same, bittersweet smile on their face. His in-laws wanted their daughter to marry and have kids, but they didn’t know that she was unable to bear children. She found Jeongguk at the lowest point in his life – they’d met in a bar at 2 am on a Tuesday morning, each drowning their sorrows over a bottle of whiskey, and quickly formed a strong friendship. They both helped each other with their demons, Jeongguk’s being his heartbreak, hers being the pressure from her parents and the acceptance of her condition. Her parents mistook their closeness for romantic love – and pushed her to the edge, demanding her to marry him, claiming that Jeongguk was the perfect man for her, even though they were unaware of his past and sexuality. They eventually decided to marry as they both knew that they would not be able to find anyone else or find happiness. They loved each other but could never be in love with each other.

As Jeongguk took her hands and help her step up to the altar, his eyes caught upon the silver ring on his finger, a promise given by Jimin nearly ten years ago, a promise to be together forever. It was uttered in the darkness of the room, the hopes of forever whispered and promised to each other’s lips.

***

Jimin sat invisible to others at the back of the church, watching the marriage take place. His being ached with longing and sorrow, as he thought of what could’ve been. As he watched his boyfriend get married, he wished fervently that his stars weren’t cursed. That he could’ve had the chance to live his life to the fullest with Jeongguk and allow himself to be loved. As the newlyweds walked out of the church, Jeongguk’s eyes swept over the guests, pausing when his eyes rested in the space where Jimin’s soul observed quietly. Jimin stared back at the unknowing Jeongguk, trying to convey his love and reassurance.

“One day, we’ll meet in the stars,” Jimin whispered.

_