#screw the rest of the game features. im just going to watch them work out now 🤣

[zaynes-left-chesticle]

The devs are going to give me heart palpitations with this one 🤤

[until-we-fall-in-love]

la volpe

Pairing: Ransom Drysdale x Reader, slight Marta Cabrera x Reader

Summary: You and Ransom have a complicated relationship.

Warnings: Smut, slightly dub-con because Ransom is an asshole, slightly unhealthy relationship, mild bdsm, rough sex.

If you are under 18, you should not be reading this!

A/N: hello everyone!! no one asked for this and yet here it is!! i hate ransom!! but alas, now i have this smutty fic of him so lmao enjoy?? also i’m physically incapable of writing ana de armas and not making it somehow romantic im so sorry i just have too big of a crush on her and marta

let me know what you thought of this!!!

***

The musical clinking of glasses and cutlery is soft against the piano twinkling in the background. The lights are low and glowing, candles and sparkling, dim-lit chandeliers overhead. The restaurant is dark and lavish, velvet and smelling rich and spiced and enticing. Wine is placed before you, plum and bitter berry tasting. It’s fine and expensive and you swirl it delicately in your sparkling glass. 

Your eyes flicker up to the man across from you, seated casually, leaning back in his chair with broad shoulders covered in a black, finely knit sweater. It’s expensive, you can tell simply by looking at it. Designer, you’re sure. You know his shoes have blood red bottoms. He drips wealth still, smug as ever, handsome as ever. 

“You look good.” He says with a smile curling at his lips. 

You take a sip of wine. Your back is straight, the black, cashmere turtle-neck clinging to your figure. The delicate, ruby earrings glint under the low light, your hair pulled back elegantly. 

Of course you look good.

“What do you want, Ransom?” You ask, setting the glass down carefully. You study him with cutting eyes, skeptical, but composed. 

“Can’t I take my girl out to a nice dinner?” He asks, his eyes glimmering. 

“Haven’t been your girl in months.” You counter, drum your crimson colored nails against your glass. You grow impatient, sigh lightly and glance away from him.  

“C’mon, don’t be like that, princess.” He croons all low and soft, leaning forward onto the table. You like when his eyes flash like that, sincere for you. Just on the right side of desperate. He deserves it, since it’s been months since you’d last heard from him. 

You’re actually certain he has a new girl on his arm now. 

And you want to make him squirm a little. 

You roll your eyes at him, at the way he tries to butter up to you with the nice dinner and a few compliments. You know he wants something. He always wants something and the gleam in his eyes is too sharp and pretty. Greedy, greedy man that would gorge himself on you, on this life, if you’d let him. 

You bite your lip, watch as his eyes track the movement like a predator. 

He at least needs to work for it.

“I could be doing a thousand other things right now, Ransom. Why am I out to dinner with you?” You ask instead, your lashes fluttering prettily as your eyes land on him once more. Your features are aloof and cold and haughty. It makes his blood boil, you can see it in the curl of his lips. 

He huffs lightly, “Oh, yeah, busy Harvard graduate student, isn’t that right?” His voice is just shy of a sneer when he asks, “How’s the dissertation going, kitten?” 

“Well, thank you.” 

You look down your nose at him as his own eyes settle into a glare. The blue of his eyes burns and smolders, bright and sparking on you. Your gazes are as sharp as knives, gleaming and ready to gut each other. 

You wait until he relents, takes this loss to hopefully get a win. He lowers his eyes with another breath, concedes. 

He’ll give you another compliment, maybe reach across the table to touch you. Then he’ll ask you for what he needs. 

“I am glad to hear that.” He says smoothly, “I know how much it means to you. I’m sure it’s incredible.” And he offers you an earnest look, the one you’re sure he’s used to get into plenty of girl’s panties. 

And like clockwork, he reaches over to brush his fingers against yours, which are gently resting on the stem of your wine glass. 

He gives you a smile like that’s supposed to work.

You roll your eyes, pull your hand from his.

You watch the heat and anger rush over his features and wonder if he’s going to make a scene. Now that would be fun. You wonder if you’ll get to toss your wine all over that expensive sweater, storm out only for him to follow hot on your trails. And he’ll drag you to the car and you’ll scream at each other until you’re kissing and your nails are biting into his skin and he’s trying to teach you a lesson in manners—

If your cheeks flush, he doesn’t notice, because he snaps, “Are you always such a brat?” 

You smile for the first time that evening. 

“No, you just bring out the worst in me.” You quip back before taking another slow, savored sip of wine.

He scoffs, “I could say the same of you.” 

“Then why am I here?” 

Now he does soften a little, “I want you to come home with me for my grandfather’s birthday party.” 

Your brows furrow and you settle back into your chair, skeptical. “Don’t you have a girlfriend right now? Why not just bring her?” You ask, even though you already know the answer to your own question.

“You know you’re the only one I bring home to my psychotic family.” He says and now he captures your hand with his, brushes his thumb over your knuckles, leans close and in your space. His cologne is familiar and washes over you, spiced and warm and musky. Expensive.

“You’re psychotic, too.” You respond, but allow your fingers to slip into his. His hand is warm against yours and it slides against your palm, open and large. His fingers brush over the pulse in your wrist, move along the sensitive skin there. 

“That’s why you fit in there, princess.” He says and gives you a shark’s smile, so hooked and gutting. He lowers his voice for you, “And,” His eyes roll up to catch yours, “I’ve missed you.” 

The hint of vulnerability in his face makes you hum lightly, amused or pleased or warmed by it. You’ve missed him, too, in truth. Nobody is like Ransom.

There’s something about him and you that always keeps you two returning to one another. He’s inevitable, you think. You’ve never known anyone to get under your skin in such a way, to burrow their way into you and refuse to leave. 

He’s a disease. 

One you can’t cure yourself from. He’s ruined you for anyone else. 

But you think you’ve ruined him, too. 

It’s been months since your last fling with him. Years since you officially dated but you’re both always circling back to one another. He doesn’t bring any other girls home besides you. He was only ever serious about you. You’re both fated in some way, your stars entwined, looped and crashing into one another again and again. A dance that never ends, that you never want to end.

“Yeah?” You ask, soft and breathy, leaning towards him now, too. “Whad’ya miss about me, Ransom?” 

His eyes flicker lower, over your form and they roam slow and savoring. He licks his lips fleetingly. “Well,” He begins, “I miss fucking you.” 

The vulgarity shouldn’t shock you, it shouldn’t make you flush, but it does. You blame the little wine you’ve had. You pull from his touch once more, continue your game of cat and mouse and try to keep your thoughts from sliding into memories of him on top of you. At your neck with teeth. Parting your legs.

“Pig.” You scoff, shaking your head and pulling your hand from his. “You have a girlfriend.” 

“Yeah, but she’s not you.” He muses, “No one’s you.” He adds, tilting his head slightly. “So c’mon. Come home with me, baby.” He then almost purrs and smiles again, slow and charming this time. He means it now and it’s the kind of smile that gets him out of trouble if he ever tried to wear it. It could be boyish, if it wasn’t so hungry. 

You pick up your wine glass once more, glare over the rim before taking another sip. A bigger one this time, let it burn down your throat and warm your chest. You think your heart is beating faster than it should as he looks at you as if he wants to lay you out on this very table. 

“Get me a diamond bracelet and I will.” You tell him, your bottom lip sticking out a little as you gaze back at him. 

His eyes spark, dance with the flame of the candle. He looks a little crazed now, like he’s lost a few screws and hasn’t bothered to find them again. He looks a little wild-eyed and it’s enticing, the uncertainty in him. The promise of pain and pleasure and the fast pace life of the wealthy. All beautiful and dirty and filthy fucking rich.

He takes your hand and kisses it, slides his lips to your palm. To your wrist where your pulse flutters underneath his mouth, beneath the touch of his tongue. The threat of teeth. He murmurs then, his voice smooth and low and so lovely it makes you shiver;

“Anything for you, princess.” 

***

The Cartier white-gold, diamond bracelet catches in the sun proudly and flashes brilliant light as your hand slides into Ransom’s while he helps you out of his car. You step out onto the gravel driveway and smooth out the tight, leather black skirt hugging your hips and thighs. You inch it down as you ready to see the Thrombey’s once more after nearly a year. You adjust your cream, turtleneck sweater, too. The knitting chunky and loose, oversized on you but chic and soft to the touch.

You have to be sure the wine dark bruise on your neck is covered, the red marked rings around your wrist are drowned in the sleeves of your sweater. Can’t have his family realizing his tastes in bondage, not that you think he would care, but you certainly do. 

In fact, the mere memory of it makes you flush with heat in the crisp autumn air. 

You’d barely gotten into Ransom’s apartment in the city before he’d shoved you hard against the door. A picture rattles, swings precariously. He kisses you with a brutalness you haven’t felt in months, the quick cut of his teeth at your bottom lip. His hands on your body, hungry, greedy hands that want to take and take and take. 

You’d shoved him back, tried to get him off you as you glared up at him with fever dark eyes. Your chest was already heaving, rising and falling in quick bursts, your face flushed with color. 

You’d already look frazzled, hair slipping from the updo it’d been in. His little hell cat, little brat that’s gotta try and fight him on everything. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” You’d gasped, your lips already raw and spit-slick and he’d wanted to absolutely fucking ruin you--

He had smirked lazily, as if the whole world was his to take. But there was a restless bite to him, a deep seated and painful desire. A desperate hunger that was raw and open on his face as he looked at you like you were his for the taking.  

 “C’mon, baby,” He purrs, nearing you again, despite your palm going to his chest. As if that’d keep him back for long. You could tell by the look in his eyes, the dark, sharp gleam that he was going to get what he wanted. “I just wanna show you how bad I missed you.” 

And you could feel how bad he’d missed you, the hard line of him now pressing back into your hip as he crowds you again. Your back hits the wall again, his hands already dragging under your clothes to find sensitive, bare skin.

He groans slightly, maybe at how soft you are, maybe because he does just fucking miss you. 

But you’re not done protesting, even if your stomach is twisting in excitement. Even if there’s heat building on the inside of you, making you grip at his broad shoulders slightly. 

“Get off me, Ransom.” You try to snap, but your voice is getting all high and breathy like he loves. You squirm, try to push him off once more. 

He laughs slightly as you manage to wriggle out from beneath him. You dart for the bedroom and if you’d truly not wanted him, you would’ve slammed the door in his face. But you leave it, let him follow after you. 

He shuts the door behind him, then. Strolls in leisurely. 

“You think after months of not speaking, you just get to take what you want?” You ask in the haughty little way that makes his blood sing. It’s more to taunt him, more to test is control. 

You could tell he didn’t have much left. 

“Yes,” He drawls, arrogant, pushing up the sleeves of his sweater. “Now, why don’t you be a good girl and get on the bed for me?” 

You inhale sharp and quietly, your wide eyes staring at him as he wanders closer. The bedroom, though large and luxurious, now feels too small. Like there’s no more oxygen and a single spark would send it up in flames. 

“Make me.” You say, just to watch it all burn.

Within seconds, he’s on you, pushing you back onto the bed where the air leaves your lungs in a taken, guttering breath. His knee comes right up between your legs, his hands back on you and roughing you up. 

You wrestle with him and he laughs again, excited, dark and knowing. “Oh, you wanna fight, huh?” He rumbles, grappling with your wrists. His strength shouldn’t make you all hot-blooded for him, shouldn’t make you want to sink into the silk sheets and let him do whatever he pleases but it does. 

You ache already, in the core of your body. 

He gets your hands down on the bed, pins you with his weight and his strength and his large hands. You arch your back, pull at your wrists to try and free yourself. Cry out when he squeezes harder. 

“Am I gonna have to tie you up?” He says through his teeth, manhandling you, keeping you down with his weight. He releases your hands, but he’s on you, and it’s only so he can loosen his belt and slip it off. 

You’re like a little doll, so easily possessed by him. So easily detained. You squirm and kick uselessly beneath him. The belt is slipped around your wrists, the cool leather tightening as he loops it in such a way that binds your hands together and above your head. 

You’re about to snipe something about how the hell he’s supposed to get your clothes off now, but suddenly he grips the front of your t-shirt and just rips. 

You gasp, mouth popping open in surprise for a moment. 

“Fuck you,” You curse then as he starts pushing the shirt to the side, baring your chest to him, which is clad in a lacy, creme bra. His hands immediately glide over the skin exposed, the soft skin of your chest. 

“Yeah, that’s what I want you to do.” Ransom snarks, fingers sliding over the soft fabric of your bra, digging in like he might—

“Don’t you dare!” You hiss, “This was expensive!” 

“I’ll buy you a new one.” He tries to wager, pulling at the fabric a little, forcing you to arch up for him. And what a pretty picture you make for him, already all disheveled and roughed up, eyes shining, hands bound on his bed.

“No!” You try not to whine too much but your voice pitches upward as he palms a breast roughly through your bra, watches you with dark, hooded eyes. And thankfully, for whatever reason, he takes mercy on you and only pulls it downward, so your breasts spill from the top.

His fingers are gentler than you thought they’d be as he rolls your nipple slowly. He leans down to consume you in another bruising kiss, mouth hot and demanding, a little slick and open-mouthed. Messy in its roughness. 

His fingers turn into a sudden, stinging pinch and you mewl lightly into his mouth. He swallows it down hungrily. 

And then his lips drag to your neck, leaving you gasping and squirming, his teeth setting to fragile skin, mouth against your pulse. He sucks hard, until it turns into a blooming bruise of pain and heat. 

“Ransom!” You yelp when it becomes too much, but the damage is done and you know there will be dark marks where he wants. You know there will be evidence of him all over your body by the end of this. 

The rest of your clothes are removed in a hurry, tossed aside, thankfully intact. 

He always gets what he wants, it seems. 

It’d make you livid if it also didn’t make you so--

“Oh, princess, you’re so fucking wet.” He nearly purrs, fingers sliding through where you’re silken and petal-soft, velvety and flooded with heat. 

He gets over excited, too desperate for you, only loosens his trousers, pulls himself out. You feel overexposed with his clothes still on, your bare skin littered with evidence of him, open and vulnerable to him. 

He strokes himself, slow, with your slick before positioning himself. You can tell he’s painfully aroused, too impatient, because the smooth head of him glides along where you’re weeping and sensitive. You mewl, try to twist away from him but he grabs your waist with one, strong hand and holds you still for him.

“Do you have a condom?” You ask, breathless, watching as he makes another slow pass through your folds. 

He snorts slightly, too fascinated with the feel of you, the way you glisten on him to even look up at your face. “No,” And then, “Aren’t you still on the pill?” 

“Well, yes, but--” 

He presses in a little too easily, just the head, and you gasp sharply at the stretch of him already. But! Your mind frets, but you should still be cautious! But it hasn’t been a full week of your new pack! But, but, but!

“Ransom,” You warn, wishing you could push at his thighs, straining slightly with the belt still holding you together. “Don’t-- unless you have a condom.” You get out. 

“I’ll be careful,” He says flippantly, sliding out slowly and back through your aching folds.

He teases you more, makes you ache something awful. Makes your hips buck up and a whine be pulled from your chest. Gets you all desperate until he glides all the way in, bare, and fitting far too snug inside of you. 

“Ransom!” 

He groans, which falls off into a dark, rumbling laugh at the way you keen and squeeze achingly tight around him despite all your protests. A little velvet vice, and he’s delirious and heady with you, struck breathless at the sensation. 

“But you just feel so fucking good like this,” He gets out, drops his head onto your chest, wraps his arms around you tight. You shouldn’t, but you give in to him, let your head drop back and moan, broken and soft, as he fills you.

He likes to fuck close and intimate like this, deep and dirty and with this violent sort of tenderness for you. He likes to make you lose yourself in the slow, rough push and pull of him, so you can’t do anything but take him and cry doing so. 

Your memory is abruptly cut off when Ransom’s hand comes down on the back of your neck, the heated flashes of images you’d been thinking about burning through you. As if he can sense where your mind has gone, (and maybe he can, maybe he can see it in the way your eyes glow and get all wide-- the same way they do when he says something dirty that you shouldn’t like, but do, the slight soft desperation in them), because he smirks slightly. Hooked and curved and too sharp.   

He quirks a brow, “Let’s make this quick.” He says, “So we can leave and I can push that skirt of yours up and--”

“Behave,” You hush, even if your cheeks are still burning, and you pinch his side for good measure anyways. 

He hisses and swats your hand away before you tip your chin up and stride forward, only for the dogs to come rushing out towards the pair of you. Ransom grows upset, jolting back at their jumping and barking. He hates these dogs, whereas you’re able to press onward, allow Ransom to wallow for a moment. 

He shouts at them, before hurrying after you and into the safety of the arching, dark doorway. 

The party is already in full swing; you’re both late, of course. Ransom wanted to spend as little time as possible here tonight. But upon entering, you’re quickly and eagerly greeted by his mother, who has a drink in hand. 

“Oh! Well, isn’t this a pleasant surprise!” She says, perhaps too loudly, but rushes forward to wrap you in a hug. You’re well-liked by most of his family surprisingly, who usually let loose scathing remarks about Ransom not deserving you. 

And you put on a good face for them, try to put on the air of the Harvard princess; you know wealthy people well, even if you haven’t always been the richest. Mundanely middle class for most of your life, but you worked hard to go to Harvard, to play in the big leagues. You know what they like to hear from you and see from you; so you play rich. 

“It’s been far too long!” She continues, pulling away to look at you, and then, “Didn’t think you would’ve stayed with him!” She snarks then, squeezing your arm and you force out a laugh.

You know not to mention you haven’t been with her son. 

“Well, you know Ransom,” You shrug lightly, a dainty, graceful lift of your shoulders,  “He doesn’t like to come around much.” 

“No, the little shit.” She shakes her head, but her smile reappears after a moment, “C’mon, let me get you a drink!” 

And you are led deeper into the house, deeper into the Thrombey’s absurdity and vanity and spiraling greed. 

~ 

 Playing rich is fun for awhile; your diamond bracelet sparkles in the low light and the clothes are expensive and flattering but there’s only so much you can take. You grow tired of putting on your best fake, glittering smile and parading around the big house. 

A moment of reprieve when you speak with Ransom’s grandfather, the man of the hour, Harlan. 

He’s always liked you dearly. Not because you have expensive boots on or because you’re poised and can put on a mask of wealth for an evening, but because you study literature. As an author, he thinks it’s one of the most noble pursuits, one of knowledge found in digging through books, getting lost in the stories only to emerge with concrete ideas and arguments. Larger concepts and critiques of society, a bigger picture that so few seem to grasp and pay attention to. 

So Harlan asks, as he does when he sees you, “What are you reading right now, my dear?” 

And he doesn’t mean what you’re studying, but what you’re enjoying. 

“The Beautiful and Damned.” You tell him and a sudden laugh rumbles from him. 

“A good one to revisit while you’re with my family, surely.” He says, all good natured and warm. 

But the moment is fleeting with everyone vying for his attention, and the evening slinks onward. Petty squabbles are had, more drinks are poured, food taken and eaten and taken. 

While Ransom talks privately with his grandfather, you rest on the couch beside Marta, tucked away in an alcove, reclining leisurely beside the girl you’ve met the past few times at the Thrombey gatherings. She’s lovely and doe-eyed and she smiles very sweetly at you. It’s a little timid and soft and you wonder how her dark lashes might feel against your cheek. 

You offer her wine from your glass, which she declines with a shake of her head. Her smile is earnest and you manage to make her laugh somehow, soft and quiet sighs and giggles that fall from both of your lips. She is slow to open up but now she unfurls before you, petal soft and wonderful and glittering eyed in the softly lit room. 

“You’re my favorite part of the Thrombey’s,” You tell her with a slip of a smile, take another sip of your wine and you think her eyes are following your lips. You feel a flush crawl along your face. 

“Not Ransom?” She asks, because you think she’s wondering. Everyone wonders about you two, about him. No one knows your relationship, no one understands it. They don’t have to, but while you can hear Ransom faintly from the other room begin to raise his voice, you let out a huff of air. Almost a scoff at her question.

“Please,” You say, eyes flickering over to the closed door, where Ransom and Harlan hide behind. “I haven’t been Ransom’s girlfriend in years.” You admit and maybe it’s the wine that makes the words slip from you, drop like precious diamonds from the cave of your mouth. Maybe it’s the honesty of her face, the twinkling empathy in her eyes. She’d be soft, so soft and gentle and--

“I hadn’t even seen him in months until a few days ago, when he asked me to come.” You add, take the last sip of your wine bitterly; it’s turned sour and puckered and dry in your mouth. You set the glass down.

“That’s awful.” Marta says quietly and you don’t realize how close she’s gotten, your thighs touching, almost hip to hip. Your arm is leisurely thrown over the back of the sofa, behind her. 

“Yeah, well,” You say and it comes out breathier than you intend, “That’s Ransom.” 

“Why did you come?” She asks then, not rudely, but genuine. 

You hold up your wrist and your diamond bracelet sparkles in front of her eyes, catches in the darkness there to look like a star. “I got a diamond bracelet if I came.” You say and it’s meaner than you intend it to be, but maybe you’re a little more upset than you thought. Maybe you wanna throw a fit. Maybe you want Marta to comfort you with lips and soothing words. 

Maybe it’s just the wine. 

“That’s not the only reason you came, though.” Marta probes gently, “Is it?” 

Your jaw ticks and your lashes flutter as you turn to face her. “Why else would I?” 

“Because you love him.” She whispers. 

“Love’s a big word, Marta.” You respond, hushed and secretive, and your fingers slip into the hair at the back of her neck. A strand of it slides over your knuckles as you twirl the chocolate lock slowly, silky soft against your skin, “It’s so heavy.” 

She blinks slightly, a rush of pink spreading over her cheeks. “Sometimes.” She whispers, leaning into your touch. 

You wonder if she’d whimper if you pulled her hair, how she’d feel against your throat with teeth and tongue. If she’d cry out all pretty and soft, if she’d give what she gets. 

“It is with Ransom.” You say, but you don’t think it would be with her. It’d be as light as the sigh that escapes her, the little breath that comes from her chest. As light as feathers and silk, snowflakes that swirl in the night sky, petals on the wind. 

A door explodes open, rattles on the hinges, through the whole house. It makes you both jolt away from each other. 

Ransom barrels out. You huff, spring up quickly as you watch him grab his coat and wrench the front door open. 

“I’m sorry,” You tell Marta, “It was nice seeing you.” You say earnestly and then move to follow, to find your coat, and hurry out the door and into the chill of the night. 

“What the fuck?” You shout to Ransom as you slam the front door shut behind you. 

His eyes flash dangerously in the darkness, “Get in the fucking car.” He says, “We’re leaving.” And he slides into the front seat and slams the car door just as hard. 

He’s in a mood, then. 

You hustle over, slip into the passenger side and he peels out of the driveway and down the dirt path.

He’s eerily quiet. Uncharacteristically so. The growl of the car fills the silence with rumbling, with an unsettled sound that rattles through you.

You don’t dare break the quiet first. 

And the quiet stretches and stretches, stretches thin until it breaks--

“I forgot something.” He says suddenly, jerking the car to the right, pulling off the road. 

“What’d you forget?” You ask, browns furrowing. He doesn’t answer you, though, only stops the car, kills the engine. He stares in silence for a moment, as if he’s making a decision. You can feel your heart in your chest, the steady thrumming that skips when he raises his eyes in the darkness. The red light of his dash casts him in crimson, in unnatural white light. 

The whole world feels at a stand-still, on a teetering precipice.  

“I’ll be back.” He says and he leaves you, slides out of the car and into the night. Your stomach sinks for some reason, the plummet catching you off guard. 

So you wait for him, alone, as a decision that changes everything is made.

***

Ransom is quiet still, pensive, when you both return to his apartment. After all that anger, you thought maybe he’d take it out on you. You’d both yell and scream and then end up making up on the kitchen countertops, furiously trying to rip away clothes and egos and pain.

But he’s uncharacteristically gentle with you as he lays you out on his sheets. Silver light from the moon, the faint stars, cut across the bed like a knife. Slices over his face in a diagonal, one half eclipsed, and the other luminous and sterling silver. 

He gets rid of your clothes with reverence, looks over you with hunger and thinly veiled tenderness. A violent sort of need that makes him seem wolfish, even in his gentleness. He covers you, enfolds you in shadow and the curling strength of his arms. 

He slides down your body, parts your legs and rolls the warmth of his tongue against where you’re most vulnerable and soft. He flutters his eyes up to you, threads his fingers through yours so you have something to hold onto.

He doesn’t stop until you’re crying, arching off his sheets, twisting and turning and tormented. Until tears slide from the corners of your eyes and you’re aching and open and then he gathers you in his arms, nudges his waist into the crook of your own and fits himself in the depth of you.

You gasp, open mouthed, as he finds home. His own groan blooming from the pit of his chest and out against the hollow of your throat. His hands are bruising, gripped too tight, but you don’t even care, not as you toss your head back, let it fall against his pillow. 

The way he looks at you is somewhere between desperation and viciousness. He wants to possess you, he wants to make you delirious with him. Maybe because you’ve made him as mad with you. He wants to infect you the way you’ve infected him.

He wants to belong, he wants to keep you forever. He wants to give you everything, and you think maybe he says so. Maybe he gets it out into the crook of your neck, maybe he presses it into your skin besides all the marks he gave you. His, his, his. 

He curls around you afterward, slides his hands over your vulnerable belly, the skin soft beneath his broad palms. 

“Let’s leave and never return.” Ransom says and you blink, bleary and sleepy, glance at him with a flutter of your lashes. 

“Where would we go?” You murmur, carding your hands through his hair. 

“Paris, maybe.” He rumbles into your skin, fingers creating a strange, swirling pattern on your stomach. 

“You can read and study and write.” He says and for some reason, your heart squeezes painfully. For some reason, you’re still foolish to imagine it. Sitting pretty in a cafe, a worn book in your hands, glasses of wine between the two of you. He’d look stylish and handsome against a violet rose sunset. 

“And what would you do?” You ask softly, a whisper.  

“Anything I wanted.” 

Quietness falls upon you both again, slow and heavy. He fingers the skin of your stomach, slides over it in strange rhythms only he knows. You’re nearly on the brink of sleep when he turns his face up to you, totally shadowed now, and says;

“I have to tell you something, baby.” 

And you can tell by the look in his eyes that this is the beginning of the end.    

***

He’d said it was his hour of need and you’re smart so you listen and you absorb. You’re appalled and you’re a little shocked but you-- 

You keep your head on straight. Ransom starts to unravel. 

The moment it’s discovered that his grandfather apparently comitted suicide, he starts to slip into a dangerous edge. He starts ranting and raving and then he’ll go deadly silent and then he’ll become prickly and hot. You are cool and collected. 

You are waiting for your time to strike. 

A detective is hired by Ransom in an attempt to win it all; and you are careful, walk the tightrope slow and steady. You keep him sane and dull the sharp part of him. 

And then, the way a ribbon is pulled apart, Marta slips right into Ransom’s jaws. His plan didn’t work; Marta didn’t kill his grandfather. Ransom technically didn’t, either. 

You think, maybe, it could’ve been put to rest here. You think maybe he could've walked away. But Ransom never half does anything, doesn’t ever not finish the job. He spirals. 

You wait for a time to strike.    

***

Your time is quick and fleeting and you remember piece of a conversation, a snippet of information that could change everything. 

You speak with Fran on the outskirts of the family as they discuss heavier matters. She chatters a lot, on and on about just about anything. And you carefully weave the conversation, guide it slowly but surely towards this one factor;

“You have a friend that does toxicology, don’t you?” 

She nods enthusiastically, tells you about what he does, how interesting it is. How long she’s known him. You gaze at the family, at the way they try to be hush and talk and end up bickering. Fran’s voice comes in and out, the world turning slow. 

Another argument breaks out. Voices raising, cutting over each other. Ruthless. And poor Marta who has to deal with them all, whose only in this position because--

You glance at Ransom, watch his handsome face screw up into a mocking smile as he speaks with his relatives. Smug, greedy, too arrogant. You think about what he said; running away to Paris. To Rome or anywhere in the world. You wonder if you could’ve been happy with him-- dream about a life never lived. A path never taken. 

Because later, when Ransom tells you to keep watch so he can slip the antidote back in Marta’s bag, you step away. You hide in the bathroom, peak through the crack in the door, breathe slow and quiet as you watch Fran catch Ransom in the act.

Watch as it all comes crashing down; a domino effect that will slide into place now. You watch as you tip the first scale, as you set the life you could’ve had with Ransom up in flames. Fran disappears, obviously upset and reeling with what she’s discovered. 

You emerge once more, greet Ransom with a kiss on the cheek. 

A Judas kiss, betrayal placed softly upon his skin. 

You force yourself to look into his eyes, so he doesn’t suspect a thing. You smile at him, the kind of smile that makes him kiss you. Hard and quick and furious. He calls you his Bonnie, says so against your lips. 

You laugh and hope it doesn’t come out as tumbling and mad as it sounds to your ears. 

 ***

When all is said and done, Ransom ends up behind bars, just as you knew he would. Just as he should be. He thinks you had nothing to do with it, he thinks you’re gonna help him out of this one, too, somehow. 

So you visit him in prison, dressed in Chanel and fur and the Cartier white-gold bracelet that flashes so prettily. Your heels click against the cold, tile ground as your approach the stall to speak with him. He sits behind the glass in an orange jumpsuit, garring and horrible. It’s unzipped slightly, showing his broad, muscled chest, rolled up at the elbows. A far cry from his lavish coats and scarves and sweaters. 

His eyes glint when they see you, a tilting of his head that is arrogant and predatory. His smile is hooked when he sees you. 

With all of your grace, you glide to him, take a seat in front of him. In front of the glass. You both stare at each other a moment, his eyes always so hungry and wolfish. Heat flares slowly inside of you, an inkling of torment from hell, from the devil before you. 

Slowly, with measured ease, he picks up the phone to speak with you. 

You reach for it, too, your eyes still on him. 

“Hello, princess.” He rumbles into the phone. 

“Hello, Ransom.” You say almost hushed. 

“I miss you,” He says with his curling smile, a flash of sharp teeth. You think of them at your neck, on your pulse that beats rapidly. 

“When I get out of here, let’s leave.” He then says, soft and murmured, “Let’s leave and never look back. I’ll take you wherever you want.” 

You hum on that, look over him slowly, and you think that seeing him here, in the jumpsuit, behind the glaring glass, leaves your dreams of Paris dashed and destroyed. The idea of loving him, sitting on that balcony with a book in your hands and his hand on your thigh as you watch the city fall into dusk shatters right in front of you. You can put it to rest once and for all, dig a grave inside the pit of your chest and bury it. 

“I don’t think you’ll get out for a long time, I’m afraid.” You tell him finally. 

His eyes darken, brows furrowing, “What are you talking about? I’ll get the best lawyers, you’ll help me--”

“I won’t.” You say, finding his eyes, shaking your head the slightest amount. 

His eyebrows shoot up, his face becoming cold and hard and outraged, “You won’t?” He asks, and then, “Thought you were my Bonnie?” His jaw ticks in anger, in pain that bubbles up inside of him, “You know I could get you here on assisted murder. I protected you. You knew everything--” 

“Oh, Ransom,” You say, a slight sigh, pitying and soft. And now it’s your turn to be sharp-smiled, a slip of fox’s wit, “Who do you think led Fran to look into the toxicology reports?” You ask lightly. 

He blinks, his mouth suddenly falling open. 

“How do you think she caught you replacing the antidote to Marta’s bag?” You ask him, tilting your head, the look in your eyes cunning and quick and burning. 

He stares in disbelief. 

“I know I’m psycho,” You sigh, lift your finger to the glass, draw a swirling pattern as if you’re stroking his face. All that you feel is the cold, clear glass. “But you didn’t think I’d let you get away with this, did you?”

He sits back in shock, staring at you. And then a laugh bursts from him, rough and hard and he looks at you with awe, with a wild sort of amazement. 

“Backstabbing, rotten bitch.” He says, but it’s with fondness. Like he can’t believe someone bested him, like he can’t believe you could be so cutthroat or ruthless, “You really were made for me, weren’t you?” 

He looks at you like he wants to take you up against the glass in front of everyone, like he wants to punish you and praise you and love you so violently that you can’t see or feel anything but him. 

But there is no rough love making, there is nothing but the glass between you and the triumph and the ache inside your ribs. 

“It seems so.” You say and you let your hand fall away from the glass, your diamond bracelet clinking lightly. You take a last look at him, sear him into your memory like this, looking at you like you’re both the best and worst thing the world could ever give him.

“Goodbye, darling.” You purr, even if your heart is burning, even if your breath is tight. And then you hang up the phone and rise, graceful and elegant as ever. 

You can hear his laughter, feel the way his eyes try to keep you here, brand you and scorch you. 

You walk out with your head high, a too-clever grin touching the corner of your lips and a weight off of your shoulders, but a sinking feeling in your stomach.

You’ll miss him, you think, even if all the world knows you shouldn’t. 

[survivormanhattanbeach]

Episode 3: “She hates girls”- Dani

I AM PISSED. I AM SO MAD AT BRANDAN RIGHT NOW. WHAT THE HECK. I WAS TOTALLY TRANSPARENT WITH HIM. HONESTLY??? I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUtT FLIPPING WITH HIM AND JULIAN IFFFFF THEY WOULD HAVE ASKED ME. AND JULIAN?? I TOLD HIM I HEARD HIS NAME, I TOLD HIM. WHY IS HE ATTACKING ME FOR BEING HONEST??? I'm so glad I have Lucy and Andreas but Brandan better waTCH OUT BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN NOTHING BUT HONEST WITH HIM. WHAT THE HECK i'm sorry, i'm just so MAD right now

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO all my alliance members are on different tribes, I am so sad. ALso I'm with Brandan. -___________- I don't know who else is even on my tribe. I like Kevin and the others are all okay but UGH WHY BRANDAN WHEN I AM SO IRRITATED WITH HIM STILL?? bring me back lucy and andreas :( 

Okay so yay for a tribe swap but uhm it's kinda homophobic that not only am I not on a tribe with Dani or Ryan, but that I can't even speak to them now!! I'm still drinking with Dani on Saturday though so suck it hosts. This tribe is alright, like I said not my favorite set up but I don't feel completely screwed. I'm with Joey which is good because he's loyal to me, but people are going to assume we're working together since he picked me, also he isn't good at talking to new people so idk if that's gonna end up bad for us lolol. But yay for being on a tribe with Sarah! Idk she's iconic and I'd like to work with her. I talked to Andreas for a bit and he was nice, I'd hope we could work together. I started talking to Junior again before the swap so I don't feel completely off on him. Billy is the only one I've barely talked to, but he was on Sarah's old tribe so I think they're gonna stick together??? I just hope that we can win some challenges so that I don't have to worry.

when trace and johnny give you lemons.... (ie- brandan) you make lemonade. I am currently kissing brandan's ASS right now. i told him that if he and julian asked me to flip i would have and all kinds of other lies just because i don't need any drama with him on this tribe going forward, I NEED numbers so whatever i'm going to be his new best friend and pretend to forget about tribal but I'm still PISSED. 

This tribe swap is fucking disgusting. Why do i have to be on a tribe with junior. Im just glad jake is here and maybe him, billy and i can work together and grab someone else to work with us if we go to tribal 

Okay so last night I was on call with Joey and he was like "someone told me you wanted to vote me out round 1" and I was like yeah it's true but you didn't have to say it. And big surprise it was Keaton that told him this. So now it's a new day and lo and behold I'm on a tribe with Keaton's snake ass and as much as I don't trust him I have to play nice because the boy knows WAY too much about my game and my personal life for me to risk crossing him so basically I just go from one migraine to another bouncing between my exes. If I get swap fucked I will be showing up in Johnny's PMs with virtual pitchforks. xoxo Madison

https://youtu.be/5oLRQqS00UU

VL Confessional Cause you tried to play both sides You got caught up in your lies And now you're runnin' You're runnin' out of time Try again, cause the game is over https://imgflip.com/gif/2vicz3

Wtf! Why did we switch tribes right as I felt so good????? Now I’m in a tribe where I feel like I can’t connect to anyone except dan and sometimes Tom. I made an alliance with Tom, Madison, and Dan. I’m trying to ensure our safety Incase we do go to tribal. Keaton came to me and said he wants to target Madison and honestly I’m really down for that. So I think I can use this as an advantage. I can either tell Madison Keaton is after him and we get him. Or I can team up with Keaton and Lucy and get one other person to flip and we get Madison. Tbh only down for Madison because she doesn’t seem to like me at all. I’ve also heard she hates girls. Which is a little obvious :p. I hate that. GIRLS GOTTA PROTECT GIRLS. But nooooo she loves attention. Ok ranting done.

VL CONFESSIONAL I feel like Jake is my #1, but Dani is visiting him today(lucky girl.) I feel like I would do a disservice to a majority of straight men in this game if I didn’t hum the intro to “Ether” at least once. Also, fuck Jay-Z.

Heya, time for a little update! As of now, I am getting a little frustrated with my tribe (love Jake though). But before I get carried away, let's see how well we do in the immunity challenge. I am not sold on the song choice, but I appreciate that a few people give active input. I'll do my part as best as I can and hope that it'll be enough for at least 2nd place... Should we lose, I'll try to get a solid group with Jake and Junior, and add a player, who one of the other three wanna vote for. At this point, none of Joey, Sarah or Billy play a major role for my future plans in this game. Billy could become a close ally as he seems to be very underrated in this game. Sarah could become a close ally because she's a cool cat. Joey idk about. We're not bonding that well rn. 

I have no faith in my tribe at all I somehow feel like this video is about to be 3 minutes of just me and a cameo of mark and his adorable kids x_x Time to make my cousins make some videos with me so I have a lot to edit in because I SURE can’t rap in time with this song 

Okay Isaac is sending weird clips of himself from challenges I’m not sure if that will cut it but I’ll take whatever I can edit together at this point DJSJS

Me seeing the other videos and prepping to go to tribal... also a picture of Tom booty poppin should be on the dvd cover

VL CONFESSIONAL THANK YOU JUDGESSSSSSSSSS! YOU GUYS ROCK! JESS LET ME BUY YOU A BUNCH OF TIM HORTONS. Alyssa, fried chicken at Red Rooster on me when I visit😃?

I know I haven’t been around much. But I hate this swap. I hate this tribe. I know NO ONE who I feel will be willing to keep me safe with them. So I actually have to work hard to talk to people. Music videos are not my forte. But I have to contribute because if we lose then I’ll be someone on the chopping block for sure. And I can’t have that. I’m just hopping we can slam challenges and then we can make it to the next swap. But I hope Sarah and Jake stay close with me. I really like them both. Jake is really cool to talk to and he’s not bad to look at either. Sarah is my soul sister. Then there’s Joey, who has this plan to get rid of Andreas and honestly I’m kinda ok with it. Anyone but me is how I’m feeling. I just gonna find somewhere to sink my teeth into this game and take a bite. I don’t want to be a background day player with no story line and shitty gameplay.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=zfISjcq23KU

Okay so I think I'm gonna go for Billy this round. I didn't want to lose because I think I have good connections with everyone on our tribe, but someone's gotta go. Billy makes me worried now because he said in our tribe chat that Tom told him we lost, so bitch you cross tribaling??? Andreas and Junior both told me they like me and each other so I think they're trying to form a group of 3 there? Sarah also said she liked me and Billy and I like Sarah but it might be hard trying to get her to vote Billy out. Joey originally said he wanted Andreas out and that he likes Billy, but Billy told me and Junior that Joey was spreading Andreas name, so I let Joey know that Billy's doing that, and I think Joey trusts him less now. We'll see what happens. I just don't my name going around like last time. I just need another tribe swap ASAP.

So now were going to tribal bc johnny announced the results wrong. Johnny is a pissy player and cant stand when other hosts mess up but wants us to understand when he does..hm TEA Anyways ill see what i can do to make sure I do not go home. I think i have junior, and jake and billy but we shall see

Literally fuck off. HOW IS IT FAIR THAT THE HOSTS fucked up and they wont give us an extension??? INTERESTING????????? Why does one tribe get over a day and we get less than 12 hours..lol ok what ever maybe get your fucking shit together before fucking over ppls games 

Well look at it, we lost again. Great! Just great! And people seem to be thrilled to go to Tribal Council! They're so excited that they throw the challenges! So me being a straight shooter, I immediately target Billy, who has slacked the most on this new tribe and would be a fair call (on paper). But it's only natural that people have their own agenda and I am being targeted by Joey and Billy at least. Sure, Joey might still be up in the air, but either way, I NEED to believe in Jake and Junior here to vote for for Billy, or I am toast. And if Billy doesn't step up next round, so are Jake and Junior. I have nothing against Billy, but this season we don't really get along too well. We had a fun chat today, but it felt like it was too little to late for me in this season. Let's see what happens in this mess of a round :D Love Johnny though, I don't blame him. I really wanna stay and fight for all the people on my tribe to stay in this game!

Ok, so as per usual in premerge, my fate rests within other peoples hands. That's just how I play and that's totally okay with me. The scenarios I can see are: 4-2 Billy/Me (which is what's being sold to me sort of with Billy and Sarah voting for me) 4-2 Me/Billy (if Jake sticks to Joey and they decide to ride the tide and vote out Billy over Junior if they lose another TC) 5-1 Me/Billy (if they all wanna be safe lmao, but Junior seems really sincere, so I doubt this happens!) I can't scramble too hard at this vote, because I really feel that Jake wants to keep me around and me reaching out to others will make me appear like a bigger name to write down. I 50:50 Hate/Love each tribe I'm on and I hate that I am such a sulky old man in this season, but that's just a new facette of good old me.

https://youtu.be/i6ZY0hrvDaM

I am SO glad that we won! the judges were HARSH, huh? But it's okay, we still won! I really hope that andreas is going to be okay tonight, I'm just a little worried but I think maybe Billy will be the one to go?? Maybe. 

I fucking wrote out a long ass confessional and then it refreshed and I wanna die, so here are the highlights: I love how Johnny has progressed enough in life to recruit 5 iconic female judges in the name of feminism, but has not progressed enough to perform basic arithmetic I want the f5 to be original Robinsons and I trust them as follows: Mark > Dani = Ryan > Junior I want a f3 with Mark and Junior because Dani is a big social threat and I would always vote for a woman over a man because fuck men, and it’s like the laws of feminism I’m really happy I haven’t had to go to tribal yet, let’s keep it moving and NO DOUBLE OR TRIPLE TRIBALS PLSSSS

It looks like this is a wrap y’all. Unless sarah actually pulled some miracle out of her ass and convinced them all to vote Andreas then it’s time to blow my flame out. I’ve been on the outs ever since I was picked last. So I guess this shouldn’t be a surprise. 

[survivormagictreehouse]

Episode #11 “Revenge? is a dish best served cold” -Ali

-all i have to say. all i have to say. is revenge? is a dish best served cold. that whole vote was a nightmare. but i've promised to be nicer in my confessionals/host chat so i'm gonna keep it nice. chips is completely a liar, like he just played into the bodhi plan for no reason and its so annoying! he thinks he is playing the middle with tact, but he is just playing it really like... wobbly. jess? never dissed. was honest with me, tried to keep me calm. I STAN JESS. i think she will probably win the season and i'm? here for it. i also love gavin and i feel so bad that he burned his idol for no reason. i feel like none of me/cindi/ruthie is making it to the end, so i hope to be able to vote for gavin or jess. collin is a sweetheart, definitely the best player on his side. i also love rachael now that is also a sweetheart. timmy i do not vibe with, am never hear for men calling women bitches. as men we can and should do better than gross crap like that. birch is lovely, they never seem to know whats up in this game JKFDAS but they are a sweetheart never the less!. anyway so i gave ruthie the idol? because i stick with my allies. and if people are calling us a trio, why not keep cindi as the big threat and ruthie as the disconnected 'easier vote', keeps me cushioned comfortably in the middle mhmm. it was definitely risky but also having two idols was making me feel literally SICK. so agenda moving forwards? work down from that. i also have a jury of men who are likely to dislike me so what can you do about THAT, i'm here to have fun and pull off some cracked shenanigans and i sure did just do that. would LOVE to continue voting off men next round, chips or timmy suits me fine idc which one. my agenda this season is to make sure one of gavin/jess/ruthie/cindi wins the season JNKFDAS screw the rest. they can all GO. but once again bodhi... this is what happens when you tussle with me. in the words of that one game of thrones character (i havent seen the show)... tell bodhi.. i want him to know it was me.

-two final thoughts: - trent has pointed out that this is the third vote out in a row where i said twenty-four hours before tribal 'i want it to be' and then said who left. that streak will DEFINITELY end tho JNKDAFS - i feel like idoling bodhi while unambitious, was good for my game. he has the capacity to come after me lategame, he was connected to people i wasnt, breaks up that voting block of 4 while keeping in collin/rachael who trust me more. im... at peace.

-https://youtu.be/Yy5THF05qjg (from the day after Bodhi left)

-hello okay so today has been... so illuminating? main points are that i do not trust jess, and do trust collin and rachael again? also chips is full of LIES. and as i took a 10min break from writing this i started second guessing myself again, maybe collin is lying. honestly everyone on this tribe is confusing. i've been defending this trio narrative all day but people maybe dont even care. also i feel bad for bodhi that is a king even tho he is so shady all the time as a player NJDFKLAS. cant wait to join him in jury.

-okay so i am once again frustrated. ruthie, gavin and cindi never dissed. rachael and collin are also all good, but the rest whewie. first up jess. jess is my friend and this is by no means a reflection of her as a person, but as a player oh my GOD she is so frustrating. she just has no like... conviction as a player? like jess what do you stand for in this game, what are you as a player. i said in my host chat but talking to her is like trying to staple jelly to a wall, as a player she just... is so. so hollow? idk i just wanna see her have conviction and to see her fight for something . chips is also frustrating as a player he just sits and has an agenda of 'splitting up groups', but all that happens is he gets picked up by a group to target another group, what has he... actually done? he is #2 on my angry list, and top spot is taken by... timmy. timmy i am talking to for the first time in a few days today and its incredibly frustrating. he is sending me this wall of excuses and i? do not want to hear it. i should not have to explain to a grown man that calling a woman a bitch, and he can say he 'snapped and crossed the line' and that it was out of character all he wants but i- do not want to hear it. timmy can be mad all he wants after he gets blindsided and say the entire tribe talks down to him, but then when he leaks cindi's ENTIRE PLAN, cindi isnt allowed to be mad at him? and cindi also kept it as GAME. this is what is so frustrating to me, i've had videos made about how annoying i am in games, i've had people say all sorts of gross personal stuff about me and so i dont wanna hear it. i've had people call my game the worst they have EVER see and i just sat there and took. i. do. not. want. to. hear. it. this game has reminded me of three things, how much i love ruthie (my undisputed closest ally at this point), how much i love olivia and lukas and how much i hate men.

WELL, WELL, WELL... another round of complete and utter RADIO SILENCE. with allegiances to almost everyone left in the game aside from chips, bodhi, and collin, this round was destined to be extremely hard to navigate. there was a lot of talk about breaking up the "trio" of ali, cindi, and ruthie. while i can recognize the danger of keeping a trio in, it is also an enormous target ahead of myself and my duo with jess. an alliance was formed between myself, jess, timmy, and rachael, and we essentially wanted to vote with timmy and rachael to avoid them feeling discluded from the vote and having no trust with us. despite the silence, ruthie's name began to rise above, which as much as i love ruthie, i wanted to be able to appease to timmy and rachael while still being in a "middle position" where i could play both sides that are starting to form. however, during the final fifteen minutes of the vote, CHAOS broke free. bodhi's name started get pushed by ruthie and ali, and as much as i loved that idea, the numbers were not there. so, i encouraged ruthie to play an idol on herself if she had one because otherwise she was leaving, so either way, i would not be at fault for her getting votes. however, bodhi began to try to push a back-up plan to get votes on me instead of him... and when ruthie played her idol, i couldn't risk it knowing how few votes it would take to control the outcome of the vote. so, i wasted my idol. HOWEVER, this seemed to work out well for me, because people seem to trust me a lot more and were very sympathetic towards me wasting it... so i am going to ride on that sympathy for the next few rounds.

So class, today we're going to talk about the difference between a villain and a bitch. I think the class is confused about the distinction. A villain plays the game for themselves. They do not take their alliances seriously or they use them to steam roll. I have been guilty of both of these within this game. I am a villain in this game. You can call me that and I will give you game-related sass back because that is what villains do. Call out my game. It has been chaotic and has a lot of flaws. It's ugly. It hurts people who thought they were close to me (almost everyone thought they were close to me at merge so someone's gettin hurt). A bitch is a personal insult. To call someone that implies that they have explicitly hurt you personally within this game. I would consider a bitch to be someone who, I don't know, attacks someone's personality because they didn't align with them in-game. I'm done with Timmy. He can continue pulling his "No one talks to me" card all he wants, it's a game move that I will never respect, especially when people did talk to you about the Keegan vote. And to be clear, people did talk to both Timmy and Rachael about the Keegan vote. They can claim no one talked to them but the idea was floated by them and they shut it down and Keegan found out about it shortly after. So someone leaked it to him. So when we're looking to get him out last minute I'm sorry that you are not on my list of who to call to vote him out. I've been a shit ally to both Rachael and Timmy and I legitimately was going to try to make that better. Now I think I'm just gonna keep voting Timmy till he's gone and if Rachael stays I'll switch to her. I probably won't actually do that, but I'm over it. I will not vote with Timmy, if I learn he's in on a plan I'm throwing my damn vote somewhere else. 

-SO... ALI SENT ME HIS IDOL and I used it and I didn't go home!  It sucks that I got so many votes and it looked like the one that blabbed was Chips which is disappointing but oh well. I can't believe at one time I trusted him more than Cindi and Ali.  I'm so glad I told her about the counting to get an advantage and not Chips because I really thought about it but Cindi was the last person I had PM'd and had kept  me in the loop so I told her.   Also we made another alliance with the three of us annnnd Gavin and Jess who were both down but as soon as I made it, neither one of them talked? Like...  I know everyone has a life but I expect people to be around when I make an alliance chat!! :k So... we will see what happens with that, the three of us may be screwed after all, lol. 

-I really hope that Cindi is going to stay... time will tell what will happen and who people can kind of trust. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcNPArwK8PM&feature=youtu.be

hello I am drinking at a wedding and hope I don’t get voted out ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

This vote and this round are sad and ugly because it became personal. I still really don't know what to do but am sticking with the first person who talked to me today. Hoping that once either of the two is out of the game that this can turn back into being a game.

After the confrontation with Cindi last round, I knew this round was going to be tricky. In the challenge, we all had two secret books we had to figure out who's books belonged to who. I was able to somehow get everyones except for Ruthie and Cindi. Cindi lied about her books to someone else and they told me the lie (not knowing it was a lie) so the 4 points I missed were both of their books. After the vote, Cindi posted in the main chat that it had to be her or I who went home this round, which tore a lot of people up because they are friends with both of us and do not want to choose sides. I do not believe that Cindi posted that for people to choose sides, but more for her mental health. Sadly, to find that closure it does involve people choosing sides. So far, everyone besides Ali and Ruthie have told me in a way they are saving me, but this is survivor anything can happen. I am on my guard, but we will see when the vote comes down today. If I survive, this could become a large turning point for my game.

an exhausted gavin has made an appearance to his confessional... my main goal was to win immunity after misplaying my idol last round. can we talk about how embarrassing that is? luckily, i think i am positioned well enough where i am no one's first target, and if i am, not enough people would turn against me. i have been trying to play the middle, and this vote between cindi and timmy has definitely put that position into jeopardy. i just need to do my best to remain close to ali and ruthie, and then from there i can focus on taking out people like collin who is in a similar position as i am trying to play the middle. unfortunately, this vote is breaking my heart, but i don't want a trio to dominate the game as much as i love cindi. so, at this point, i am voting for her... but i am not opposed to her staying.

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Click HERE to watch the Round 11 Cast Assessment 

[survivor-iceland]

Ep. 5 - “i want to see a live reaction to this in the reunion chat” - Maynor

Stephen

Ahahaha by the grace of the inactivity gods im still here. This is my karma for suffering through the preseason of Erinsborough. Now, I may not have actually gone home, but who knows I had an gut feeling and those are usually right.

Stephen

*laughing about surviving* Jay: Music Videos! *stops laughing*

Dylan C

me: [volunteers to edit for this challenge] me: [regrets this 5 min later]

John

ok i have a LOT of tea that needs spilled so sit back, relax, and enjoy this feature presentation:

-first things first, cormac. why couldn’t you have just voted. i would have one more ally and stephen would be out. so thanks.

-second, zoe told me about her advantage and how she has connections to the other side so that we should have a group of 5 at the merge. so that’s mind blowing. i’m just like in shock because in a way, cormac getting pulled allowed me to be zoe’s number 1. and that’s amazing. we stan.

-third, sierra is driving me insane. constant overdrive from her, and she’s starting to cross the divide between helpful and micromanaging. she can micromanage herself out of the game for all i care.

-fourth, timmy is ADORABLE. i’m definitely trying to get a cross tribal alliance with him bc wow. he cute. like really. he’s cute.

Keith John

Well if episodes are named here, This title of this episode would be "How you get screwed When tribal council gets Cancelled."

From being in a safe position last night to waking up and realizing that I am screwed in this game.

First of all, THANK YOU CORMAC for going out at the worst time possible. Last night my name was thrown out by Stephen. So obviously people entertained the idea.I do feel that I would have stayed but Cormac's evac has changed alot.

I had a planned final three with Cormac and Zoe, with Cormac gone. I'm down one alliance member.

Stephen is still in the game. And I know he is targeting me.

Maynor never spoke to me about the vote much. Inspite of me approaching him before tribal to see if he wanted to work together

John. who said he would have my back and would tell me if anyone would throw my name out. Never told me about Stephen's plan. I am sure he knew about it.

Sierra and I haven't bonded much personally. A little my fault there.

And Lastly Zoe. I know for now she definitely has my back. And I have hers but it feels like my game is extremely dependent on her. I feel alot of people want to work with her. And how long will she want to work with me? That I don't know.

Honourary mention: JAY thanks for throwing a challenge that I would suck at the most. I hate being on camera, Hate singing unless I wanna punish someone. 

Raffy

Cormac being gone kind of relieves me since he has been giving me bad vibes ever since day 1 of this game. Now that's just one more person that I do not talk to out of the way. I figure that merge is happening at 11 because Jay said there was a twist which can only mean that it is merge or that someone is coming back into the game. Maybe both. I'm just going to focus on winning this challenge for my tribe by providing the lip sync of my life. This shit is about to be so FIRE.

Raffy

I think I am fully in crackhead behavior. I just messaged 6 people at the same time trying to have conversations with them. This one world has made a mess of me, and I do not like it. Also, I am pretty much giving up on the idol because I don't want to go through the effort of hunting for it. So, instead, I'll just pray that it isn't used against me.

Maynor

Well. Now im not sure if Stephen vote was true or not but i have to rely on that my allies were gunna be with me. Its sad seeing cormac go since he was someone i connected with. But im glad it was done before tribal and not after tribal. Im hoping we could win immunity this round since im still feeling a little nervousish. 

Maynor

Catch me voting out John for calling Timmy cute.

Omg. Like i want to see a live reaction to this in the reunion chat. Them finding out we are dating. 😂😂

Raffy

I kind of put my neck out there in this challenge by suggesting the song. While I am not editing the video, I did make the song suggestion which is almost as important. Perhaps this could lead to my downfall. Furthermore, I talked to Dylan and they said that only themselves, Ellie, Justin, and I submitted videos which means we are missing Timmy's and Joseph's. Plus, editing takes a long time, so Dylan might not even use their videos if they are late. I just hope what people managed to film is enough. I've never won a music video challenge, and I am hoping this game can change that. I'm not that confident though. 

Raffy

I think I have made some strong connections in this tribe and the other. The people who I have talked about staying strong and working together include Justin, John, Dylan, Ellie, Timmy, and Keith. This seems like a diverse group of people that I can fall back on if one ends up turning their back on me. I always have to have back-up allies, otherwise I am liable to get voted out early in merge which I suspect is soon. I just want to establish myself in another alliance, but that seems hard in this game. I don't know who would be in that new alliance, but it would be some combination of the people I mentioned and others who I get good vibes from. Let's pray for me!

John

if rupaul was judging this music video challenge, she’d be telling us to sashay away. we are literally on the level of valentina with her mask on bad.

Ellie

Let’s hope that this damn video comes togather 

Stephen

We’re losing this challenge. Theres only about 4/5 of us in the video, a lot of the video is from the original music video and the rest is... ok, but not great. Dylan CI wanna say we have a better video but I'm gonna be the most biased on the tribe since I edited the damned thing for about four hours. I had to sacrifice some synchronicity a little bit towards the beginning to get Ellie in for the 10 seconds for the extra points. I had originally trimmed her clip to what I could match up the best, but then I double checked the post lol. Hope the judges don't care too much there.

Dylan C

I'm not even gonna go feral. I'm just gonna lay face down on my kitchen floor for a while.

Stephen

I.... okay, im not complaining. But yeah judges thanks but the fuck?

Dylan C

I'm like, actually upset right now? Like not so much that we lost, but that I spent all that time editing, when I've been worried about getting all my homework done this weekend but I volunteered to edit and wasn't about to back out cos that'd be shitty!!, only to lose by 20 motherfucking points. And also? I worked with what my tribe gave me bitch!!! Raffy was the only one who recorded the whole song, Justin did like half, Ellie and Joseph only gave me short clips, and Timmy was sick so he didn't film anything? I just wasted my entire afternoon and evening on this when I have real life shit I should've taken care of, but I made a commitment to my tribe, and for what? Tribal that's going to be happening while I'm at one of my Thanksgiving events! Granted, that was going to occur regardless upon losing since I'll be busy both Thanksgiving and the day after. But fucking still. Kinda just wanna ghost the world atm.

John

i’m kinda torn that we won. on one hand, we’re safe. on the other hand, i wanted to vote out stephen. so like, i’m feeling mixed emotions. these people will be dangerous to take to the merge. i hope it’s not next.

Dylan C

Kinda funny how I was so zazzed to be strategic at the start of this but I really haven’t been since. Strategy? I don’t know her. Also I’ve been ass about socializing one on one with ppl on the other tribe so I have a feeling that’ll bite me in mine. 

Sierra

By some miracle, we’re safe! I’m so glad that we don’t have to vote anyone out right now... especially because I don’t have my vote right now. Maybe I can make it to the merge and hide for the first vote there without having to vote. 

Joseph Collins

I am confusion. Dylan did such a good job editing. Our tribe and group is such a great mix of personalities and stories. And they came together to blend and make an amazing video. I actually got emotional watching it. I was very surprised to find out we lost. And now, we have to vote someone off our tribe. I hate it so much. I feel like it’s gonna be Timmy. He was absent in the time-crunch immunity challenge. Even Justin showed up and showed out which I thought was awesome. I like Timmy. And I feel like this is a hard vote for others so now I have to go be cutthroat Jo

Justin

Alright, so another tribal for us. I feel better than last time, but I'm still not 100% confident I won't be targeted again. Before the results for the challenge came in though, Raffy approached me and started talking to me some more about working together which makes me feel better keeping him around. Especially since I realized that he talks to me more than Ellie, so honestly I want her out now cuz whenever I talk about working together she leaves me on read. So, in conclusion I don't want you in the game lol. At least Raffy talks to me and says he wants to work with me, even if it might be fake. I told Joseph that I would like Ellie out, but he says Timmy cuz he doesn't talk to him and he feels Ellie could be our shield. I don't want him to go yet because I feel like he would vote with me, but I'm not jeopardizing my game to save him since he barely talks to me too. Although Joseph makes a good point that Ellie can make a good shield, I feel like we have other shields to hide behind in Raffy and Dylan. Plus, I feel like she has more connections than Timmy could get if he keeps playing the way he is.

Maynor

Im so happy that we were able to pull of the win in immunity. Im making it to the final 11. I really want to make it far in this game. I am really hoping Timmy stays alive. Like i know its bias cuz we are together. But we normally dont play the game together. Im just hoping we can make it far together this time. Plus ❤️ Jay. It would be amazing if i won this game. Me winning my first and last game would be pretty awesome. So im going to try my hardest.

Timmy

So apparently Justin is going around saying my name. Does this idiot not realize that I’m the reason he stayed last tribal we went to. Like seriously, and apparently he’s telling everyone the same thing that he’ll be with them always. And he calls me inactive, like sorry you message me at 9am when I’m walking into work and j can’t answer you until like 5pm when I get out. He better leave this tribal. I wish it was happening tonight just to also move things forward.

Dylan C

Me? Lying by omission to Ellie? It’s more likely than you’d think. Justin gave me her name earlier, and I tried to talk him out of it. He made a comment about keeping it between us. Now Ellie’s told me that Justin through her name out. “Between us.” Sure, Jan. And hey, I never mentioned it to Ellie or Raffy in our alliance chat (which exists as of last night). So I did keep it between us unlike him. Didn’t mention it because he had a decent point about Ellie’s strong social game, but now isn’t the time to try to get her out, IMO. Especially since I’ve just allied with her. Granted, I’ve turned on allies shortly after making alliances before but that’s not happening in this game. No way. So, I just acted like I didn’t know when Ellie told me and I’ll keep on that. That’s how I’ve been doing a lot: acting like some information people has given me is new to me (usually with Joseph tbh) when it isn’t new at all. Just kinda agree, maybe say I was already thinking about that, but not imply that I’d been Discussing it, depending on how I’m talking to.  

Ellie

So Justin is scrambling like HARDCORE, He threw Timmy’s name out and hen my name out right after saying that we were tight, and he’s so paranoid and it’s driving all of us crazy. Like we have until tomorrow night, chill out. And Jospeh really wants Timmy out but I’m like IF WE TAKE JUSTIN TO MERGE HE WILL FLIP WITHIN FIVE MINUTES!! Timmy might not be the most active but at least he’s fucking loyal. Raffy, Timmy, and I want Justin out so badly. Dylan is trying to listen before making a concrete decision, and Joseph and Justin want Timmy out. Justin even wants me out apparently.

RaffyA lot happened today, so I am going to break it down. Last night, Timmy, Ellie, and I (Just Go With It) discussed the vote early. Timmy suggested that we might want to get rid of Joseph or Dylan since he thought he would be able to sway Justin, since he considers Justin a close ally to him. That's when we all compared notes that Justin had claimed his apparent closeness to everyone on the tribe. This immediately put him on my radar as it could be a sign a double-crosser later down the road. As was not going to push anything since tribal was two days away, however I did talk with Ellie a little bit and she seemed down to vote Justin since she had a close relationship with Joseph and Dylan. While this was happening, Dylan created the Hypothetical Alliance with Ellie and I. This is great news since that means Ellie and I have control over two other votes (Timmy and Dylan) based solely on votes. In this way, whoever I wanted gone would go. Justin messaged me early in the morning asking about the vote. He heavily suggested that we vote for Timmy because he is inactive and bad at challenges, but those are the things that I want in an ally going into a merge. Besides that, Justin was asking incessant, paranoia-filled questions regarding the vote and would not let up. It is safe to say that he doesn't get that he's being incredibly messy and scramble-y when he doesn't have to be. The vote isn't until tomorrow, yet he's acting like it's in thirty minutes! The King of Crack right here! Anyways, so I told Ellie and then she was experiencing the same thing, so we then told Timmy. Timmy instantly wanted him gone which meant what I wanted from the beginning was going to happen. Furthermore, I learned from Ellie that Justin does not trust me and that he thinks I am vague and noncommittal. Not only that, apparently Ellie heard him say her name from someone. This dude is incredibly dangerous for my alliance! So, I was determined to see him go and to get everyone to go after him. Joseph was a tough nut to crack. He was very adamant today about voting out Timmy and keeping Justin. Apparently, Ellie got through to him, but I do not know how well that worked out for her. I have a feeling that Justin also said that he was tight with Joseph to the latter as he did with everyone. And Joseph thinks it is serious which means they'll be a powerful duo going into merge. I have to keep my eye on Joseph and make sure he doesn't slip from my grasp. Other than that, I managed to get Dylan on board with the vote as they thought Justin's paranoia and overall messiness was also a danger going into merge. Finally, Zoe approached me today asking who I felt good with. I knew she was sniffing for an alliance so I said Ellie, Dylan, and Timmy. She suggested that, since a merge was coming soon, that we create an alliance with Dylan, Timmy, and John making us a strong 5. I immediately agreed of course. A strong alliance helps me navigate the merge more comfortably and easily. Plus, in that alliance, I have Dylan and Timmy to have a majority over the decisions. So, if it came down to us 5, I would be good. Not only that, but this means that Dylan and Timmy will vote together in this tribal along with Ellie and I, ensuring that Justin goes to EoE. This is all working out for me. I do not know whether to tell Ellie about this alliance eventually, but I am planning on keeping it pretty tight-lipped for the most part. What doesn't kill her makes her stronger. And that's what you missed on Glee Johndamn. who knew i’d align myself with the perfect ride or die. she has an advantage and NOW she has an idol?! she is STACKED, and now i gotta protect her at all costs.

Maynor

Ive been talking to Keith a lot more now but heard from Timmy that people have been saying that he has been doing that with everyone so idk what to think of our bonding. Like i would like to think he would be on my side but who knows. We been talking about pokemon cards and the funko pops that i have. Its been fun. Im really glad talking to him more. 

Keith John

Due to thanksgiving. Tribal was moved a day ahead and everyone was busy celebrating. So things have been slow.

I decided to take the opportunity to complete the fox portion of the idol hunt. which turned out to nothing, As Zoe already informed me and Cormac that she got the advantage. after informing her I told her I will give the other path on the idol hunt a try. didn't want to go behind her back and do it. especially we are expecting a swap. this is my first time playing so I'm not sure that its a sure swap or another twist. 

Also finally I messaged Timmy again. After he didn't reply to me the first time. which was like 10 days ago. I know since I felt that I wasn't in the best position possible during the last tribal. I should have made an attempt before to talk to him as I need people, any people who want to work with me. But since I have had previous instances when I worked abroad, when people immediately snubbed or ignored me or changed their attitudes towards me when they found out that I am a Pakistani. N for a moment I felt like Timmy had decided that he didn't want to work with me. And me being a Pakistani was the reason. Which I guess is stupid on my part, I saw he added other people from the game to his skype. But didn't even reply to me. So When Zoe brought up the possibility of working with him. I decided to approach him again. This time he did reply. he seems nice but reserved. hopefully, we swap on the same tribe since we might have mutual friends who want to work together. But I would also like to make a genuine friendship with him and whether that becomes an alliance or not. that's to be seen.

OK Signing off for the night.

Timmy

People are quiet today in PMs but i hope that’s since we talked about tribal yesterday. Justin better be going bc he’s a snake ass bitch and I can’t deal with that shit.

Zoe

I got an idol, folks!!!!!!

I'm incredibly surprised at the rest of the tribe's laziness, considering I now have an advantage and an idol. The downside of the idol is that I have lost my vote next tribal, so now I really have to have trust in my tribe members and alliances cross tribal to keep me going through the twist, unknown as of five minutes before tribal. I predict a swap, but (not) knowing Jay makes me doubt that as well.

I'm still really sad about Cormac, but it's my game, not his game. As long as I can still count on my other connections, I'll just have to go on strong and know that it wasn't his time.

[asksansweredpdf]

1:  Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. i don’t have one particular favourite movie per se. but  star wars: i binge watched them at my friend’s house just before the ast jedi came out. i knew nothing about star wars and watched everything within 2/3 days. then, about a week later i watched the force awakens. and that was purely because we decided to watch the last jedi (which had just come out in cinemas) the next day. honestly, i didn’t care for star wars much skdjfhdjk but the force awakens really got me into it. and the last jedi fully sold me. then i went back and rewatched and i loooove the empire strikes back. now they’re my favourite movies. marvel: again, i hadn’t seen any marvel. but i had pretty much every friend i had yelling at me to catch up before end game came out. i loosely planned on watching them, but didn’t really get around to it until i got baked at a friends house and we had nothing to do. so we watched age of ultron and iron man and some others (i was too stoned to remember). i was sold i loved every second. and the fact that i was very high and rdj was very cute didn’t hurt. i went home the next day and watched ragnarok which happened to be probably the best movie i’d ever seen at that point. the next day, we got stoned again and watched infinity war. it was so fucked but amazing. i booked tickets for me and my dad to watch end game this saturday. 

2:  Talk about your first kiss. oh god. i was 15 and there was this guy who i thought was cool. he was a friend of my very gay crush at the time. me and the crush had a falling out later on. and a lot of other fucked up shit happened around that time period. i moved to his (the friend's) neighbourhood as it happened. we got talking because we had the same taste in music. and my best friend at the time put in a good word for me. i didn’t think of him as much more than a friend tbh, but my life was going to shit and i wanted to get out of the house ad have fun. so we organised to meet up at our town’s centre shopping place. i told my parents i was going with [insert random female names here] to hang out since we moved into a new place. they bought it and offered to drive me. i honestly thought we were just going to chill out and eat food. i was also nervous that this was a set up from his friend who was my crush, since the crush hated me and probably would have plotted to do something fucked. however, it turned out not to be a set up. we ended up walking around the suburb. this was much to my disapproval, because i was not very fit and had a strong dislike for exercise. he could tell i was tired and we decided to stop and sit down on this brick wall thing at the corner of a street. there was some terrible flirting on my part, and the next thing i know i was kissing this guy. i was pretty excited because every 15 year old girl wants their first kiss. and especially edgy ones who needed a distraction. i came home with no lipstick and chapped lips. lucky my parents were too busy to notice. 

3:  Talk about the person you've had the most intense romantic feelings for.  most intense? i could list best friends, but in terms of intensity i think it would be this guy that i moved out with for the first time. i know this sounds terrible, but he was my best friend’s boyfriend at the time. i was pretty sure i was a lesbian at the time and i’m also not fucked up. so i wasn’t expecting this at all. because of the whole gay thing, and me being a flirty shit with anyone, i ended up very shamelessly flirting with him. he was sooo pretty, and im not just saying this. objectively, he is still probably one of the best looking people i’ve ever seen. and i own mirrors. anywayyyy, i took my sister to this lana del rey concert one day. not a lana fan personally, but borns was opening and i like him. turns out i like borns a lot. a hell of a lot. next day, i found myself talking to my best friend and her boyfriend and being like “hey i think i might be bi”. their reaction can be quoted as “oh cool okay.” the night after the concert, we got drunk. not a great idea, because i love to flirt when sober. so when i’m drunk and have literally 0 shame it’s a lot of fun but also an entire disaster. my friend bought her friend over and they were talking, which left me and the bf. the boys started teaching me self defence and were doing the whole smooth thing where they stand pressed up behind you and move your arms for you. they put me into headlocks and taught me how to get out and stuff. i was so drunk the ground kept spinning. a lot of terrible outrageous flirting ensued, like choking, touching adams apples, arm tickles, hugs that lasted 10 minutes while he had a knife in his pocket for whatever reason? more hugs like that but now featuring grinding. we slept in the same bed (just slept. nothing else. don’t get too excited). cuddling while in the same bed. laying on his chest and falling asleep. him playing with my hair. one time he played with my tiddies. this was over the course of like 9 months. whenever we werent 2 seconds away from like ..... jumping each other, we were just flirting in the most unsubtle way. obviously nothing happened, because he had a gf and everything. and as much as i didnt want to, i started to get some reeeeeal feelings. turns out the guy was a dick who only flirted with me whenever his gf wasnt paying attention to me. i later cut the whole thing off, and he started to act like a real dick to me. but yeaaahh. that was some intense shit. 

4:  Talk about the thing you regret most so far. probably not getting a license for any vehicle. that’s held me back so much the last 5 years. i wouldn’t have had to go through half the shit i did, if i could just drive

5:  Talk about the best birthday you've had. my 15th birthday! i had raspberry chocolate bullets, watched movies in class because it was end of term, my friends bought me presents to school. the guy i had a crush on came to where i was sitting and sung a song to me in front of everyone. i think my friend bought me a club penguin membership? i ate pide and played league with crush and crush’s crush.

6:  Talk about the worst birthday you've had. my 18th. i don’t want to talk too much about it because im very drunk atm but basically, i was suuuper depressed already that year. my mum was doing cocaine every spare second she could, and screwing men for it so she could get it for free (of course, none of us knew this at the time). whenever she wasn’t doing coke she was screaming at everyone for like, not taking pictures of her enough, or for eating dinner without asking her, etc. she and my dad were constantly either yelling at each other, or were 2 seconds away from yelling at each other. we went to a clothes shopping outlet. which i very outwardly expressed my hatred for, btw. my mum got mad because my dad told her not to look at clothes, because it was my 18th. my mum didn’t talk for the rest of the time we were in the shopping centre. i could feel the tension rising because they were in the 2 seconds away from having a fight period. i came home and watched sailor moon in my room alone. later my parents brought a cake and lit the candles. dad said to me “my god i am so sorry. this has been the most amazing birthday, hasnt it? you should thank your mother. she’s just the best. i’m so sorry! i never wanted this for you”. and, you know, my coke fuelled mother just screamed her lungs off and gave it right back to him. and my aries dad just yelled right back. and the candles were lit in the dark room and wax was dripping onto my chocolate birthday cake. and i hated chocolate flavoured cake. and i just wanted to run away all day because i knew this was going to happen. and they couldn’t even hold it together for me? or for my 18th? so i just sat there and cried as they screamed at eachother. i blew out the candles and ran into my bedroom and watched vines in my room. the end! :D

7:  Talk about your biggest insecurity. honestly, i don’t have a lot of insecurities. i have a lot of fears, but not insecurities. i guess i’m insecure about my body in certain places. i have a scar from an operation i had when i was 9 and it makes my stomach look chubby, but only on one side? it’s out of proportion and weird. and i have violin hips. 

8:  Talk about the thing you are most proud of. honestly, it’s so simple, but i’m really proud of still being alive. i thought for sure i’d be dead by now

9:  Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. i love my back! it sounds weird, but i have a rly nice waist and my back is sooo soft and smooth and it goes in at the waist and its so nice to touch and look at. and i have really nice and toned legs. and my arms are getting toned now too because my work makes me carry a lot of heavy stuff. and my baby sister is getting bigger and i’m usually the one to hold her. and i have nice hands too. but my favourite thing is my face and hair.

10:  Talk about the biggest fight you've ever had. oh god. not going into much detail about this at all because i spend like 3 or 4 years crying about this. it featured: 2 best friends of mine who i had been friends with for 10 years; my crush at the time; random people off the internet i’d never met before. like i said before, i was a 15 year old with a lot going on. maybe that didn’t make it okay for me to be as annoying as i was, but it’s done now. they all got into a skype group chat together without me. and call it paranoia, but i call it intuition. i knew they were all shit talking me. i could tell there was something up for a while now. they all started changing their online profiles to something that very clearly mocked me, they started making posts about me, and posts that were clearly parodies of my posts. and i sort of went along with it because i dont like to stir up much trouble. but the posts just got worse and worse to where it was like ‘you were so weird and creepy’ and calling me names and stuff. honestly, i can’t even remember anymore because i spend a while blocking it out. but it was pretty mean. but it hurt more because there were all the people i was closest to, all saying fucked up shit about me. and then random people who lived in my city who i didnt know. after the fight ended, we never spoke again. but i spend the next 2 years afraid that i would bump into somebody from online in person and they would recognise me, and the whole thing would happen again

11:  Talk about the best dream you've ever had. tbh i dont remember a lot of my dreams. i usually have nightmares anyway? i think i had a dream i could fly and had like magic powers and stuff. i was 8 or something and it was fun. 

12:  Talk about the worst dream you've ever had. after i moved out of my parents house, i had a lot of nightmares about my mum. again, i don’t remember specifics because i tried to block out the memory, but i remember feeling terrified, and then waking up relieved to remember i was out of there. after that, i started smoking weed which meant no dreaming which was good

13:  Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. i haven’t had like..... sex sex yet. i’ve been almost raped a few times? skfsdkjfl that sounds so cringey. but yeah! i dont know though, i imagine i’ll probably be super drunk for my first time. or maybe high. they make me more confident than usual. and for some reason i dont really like the idea of sex when im sober. i don’t think i’d be willing to be vulnerable with someone unless it was in a circumstance like that, maybe. and i’d be sure i wouldn’t have to see them again later on unless i wanted to. that way if i embarrassed myself, it wouldn’t matter. it would just be a terrible memory no one else would ever have to know about. 

14:  Talk about a vacation. i want one of these answers to not be about a fucked up memory of mine but i ...... truly can’t recall something? i guess there was a christmas i had when i was a kid (maybe around 8 or 10) and i’ll leave out the fucked up bits. but i stayed with my mother’s family and my grandmother owned a holiday apartment thing which had a pool and my uncles had horses and i got to see everyone and my uncles were super funny and let me play video games with them.

15:  Talk about the time you were most content in life. there was this period for about ..... 3 months in my last year of high school just before i graduated. all my assignments were over, and my major works were all finished. i was just putting the finishing touches on them. and all i had to do was study for exams. i got into the swing of school. and my friend got her license so she used to drive us places after school and we would hang out and do dumb shit together. i didn’t care what anyone thought of me because i knew i wouldn’t have to see them again in 6 months unless i wanted to. the next time was this few months after i’d just moved out of my parent’s house. probably 4 or 5 months. i had been dreaming of having my own place for like, my entire childhood. and i finally did! and it was with my best friend and this guy i really liked. and all i did was go to uni for a few hours a day. and then that was it! my time was all my own to do whatever i wanted with. i didn’t have a lot of money but i was so so so happy. i used to take myself to the movies. i was in walking distance of a train station and uni. so i could go wherever i wanted, whenever i wanted. i just felt so free

16:  Talk about the best party you've ever been to. the first part of my house-warming party was probably the best. i got really drunk, and someone’s mum brought weed so i was reeeeeally drunk and then reeeeeally high. i was dressed in the cutest outfit and a few people were flirting with me. actually, i think i made out with like 3 different people that night. and my friend bought me flowers! which i loved because no one had ever bought me flowers before. and we went to the park and i was so high and drunk and the little swing ride i was on felt like a rollercoaster. 

17:  Talk about someone you want to be friends with. hmmmmm to be honest, i’m trying not to make friends at the moment. i have a lot of other stuff i need to focus on. and having friends only leads to disappointment and heartbreak. i have a few friends i’ve accidentally made, but i’m trying to keep my distance from them so that we’re just ‘friends’ and not ‘good friends’ or anything like that. but secretly, i do love them a lot. 

18:  Talk about something that happened in elementary school. me and my best friend at the time were doing a school play about mary the saint (i went to catholic school). there were 3 of us: me, my best friend, and some guy who didnt have friends so we let him in our group. anyway, i wanted to play mary, but for whatever reason, this dude reeeeeeally fucking wanted to be mary. he started like yelling and stomping and being like “NO! i want to be mary!” and then just as he stomped his foot, a branch from a tree fell right on his head. and, without missing a beat, my friend goes “well, that branch hit you on the head so now you can’t be mary” and i laughed my ass off and he cried 19:  Talk about something that happened in middle school. omg these are all going to be funny stories because why not. so this one time in like 6th grade, we had to use calculators to do some complex maths work. and there was this one calculator that kept fucking up and giving the wrong answers. i  knew enough basic maths at that point to know that the calculator was faulty. anyway so me and my friends gave it to this other kid just to punk him a little right. turns out he didn’t realise it was a broken calculator and he finished his work and handed it in to the teacher, and proceeded to get in trouble sjlfsorerjlksjr

20:  Talk about something that happened in high school. omg so in high school i did this multimedia class. so we would film events like chapels (i went to a christian high school) and assembly, etc. and what we filmed would go on the big screens for everyone to see. kinda like a concert. and anyway, one time this kid got in trouble in front of everyone, and my classmate did this dramatic zoom on our multimedia teacher as he stormed out of the auditorium, dramatically walking out to get the kid in trouble

21:  Talk about a time you had to turn someone down. oh so this one time after i finished school i started going through rough patch #2 and i just needed a friend to talk to. and this guy from school was sort of the only friend who kept checking up on me and inviting me out places. and i liked that. i didn’t always have enough energy to do stuff or talk, because, depression. but i appreciated the fact that he cared. never thought much about it. until one day, we hadn’t spoken for like a month and he tells me suddenly that he has feelings for me. and of course, that’s so sweet and i did love the guy. but i wasn’t in the headspace for a relationship at all. i really just needed a friend. and i felt so terrible

22:  Talk about your worst fear. my worst fear ever? it used to be dying. but i think now it’s just having to go through what i went through again. my worst fear would be being a child again and being at the mercy of others and having to rely on them. my worst fear is trusting people and having them completely fuck you up. again and again. and not being able to do anything about it because you need them. 

23:  Talk about a time someone turned you down. hoo boy. i was 15 and made friends with someone on the internet who turned out to go to my school. developed a crush on him, but he was very gay. i ended up telling him for whatever reason. and that went just about the way you’d think

24:  Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.

i don’t know. most people don’t know what they’re talking about when they give me advice. and i’m not saying that to be arrogant, but just most people haven’t been through much and not to sound self-pitying but i’ve been through a lot in a short amount of time. these are just facts here. so i don’t really believe what people say. i used to have this friend who was and will probably always be the only person who could ever make me laugh. genuinely. it felt like soulmates, but i was like a kid. but we had exactly the same sense of humour, and she was so witty and quick and would always have the best comedic timing. i really admired her and still do. anyway, one time she called me effortlessly funny. and that meant a lot then and still does now. 

25:  Talk about an ex-best friend. i just did, but sure. i’ll keep talking about her because i’m already thinkig of her. i’m pretty sure she was a capricorn rising. she had this really deadpan humour and it was always hilarious. we were friends since we were 4 years old. and i dont think i appreciated it as much as i should have at the time, but we really did grow up together and in each others arms. she was very cool and closed off and serious. and i got to see her funny and silly side. but what was even cooler than that was that i got to know her emotionally. she had a twin, and looking back, i don’t think her twin even saw as much of that as i got to. we used to have talks about anything and everything. you know those people who you can stay up all night laughing with and talking to and it doesn’t even feel like it’s been 10 minutes and all of a sudden the sun is coming up? but it was so effortless and fun and. yeah. it was like that. i still haven’t met anyone like that since. we later had a falling out and i met her again after like a year but we both had our walls up and that’s sort of when i realised how much we really trusted each other. you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone kinda thing. 

26:  Talk about things you do when you're sick. complain. bitch. complain some more. i usually buy nasal spray because having a blocked nose is SO ANNOYING. and otherwise, i don’t mind being sick too much. like obviously it’s not ideal but you do what you can. if i’m truly annoyed with being sick, i just sleep so i don’t have to be awake to deal with it

27:  Talk about your favorite part of someone else's body. i love girls tummys and waists

28:  Talk about your fetishes. idk i like some light bondage, light choking, a biiiiit very much maybe potentially kinda into rapeplay, and spanking is fun

29:  Talk about what turns you on. most of what turns me on is like dom/sub power dynamics. im into scanarios that have a looooot of sexual build up and tension. it’s pretty much foreplay for me personally. especially if it’s like flirty banter or implications, and dirty talk can be fun if done right. 

30:  Talk about what turns you off. absolutely not into anal at all. complete turn off. not at all into the thing where people get off on girls acting like kids, or people who think fucking someone who is asleep is hot. idk i like most normal shit tbh. anything else is probably weird for a reason

31:  Talk about what you think death is like. i think it’s probably the most painful experience you’ll ever have physically. and then everything goes black and that’s it

32:  Talk about a place you remember from your childhood. i remember my childhood house’s backyard. it was massive and had like a step in the middle where the grass changed levels. there was a swingset with a slide. and for the majority of my childhood my parents were doing renovations, so there were lots of holes in the backyard that we used to dodge. we used to catch lizards and i used to collect bird feathers. and at the very back, right in front of the back fence, my parents planted little trees and chillis

33:  Talk about what you do when you are sad. i immediately find the fastest way to be alone. i immediately listen to music. i drink or smoke or get high on something. or i try to make myself laugh if i’m at work and can’t do either of those things. if i can’t make myself laugh, i try to talk to a customer and pretend to be happy hoping that whatever they have to say will distract me from whatever i’m sad about. 

34:  Talk about the worst physical pain you've endured. eugh. every year i somehow get sent to the hospital because i can’t stop vomiting. i dont know how because its always for different reasons. but i always end up puking an excessive amount on an annual basis. the worst pain is when you can’t stop vomiting, so your stomach just cramps and cramps and cramps and you vomit but nothing happens and it just cramps again. it’s literally worse than period cramps. and mine are so bad.

35:  Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. having anxiety. i overthink a lot which doesnt help either. the thing is that i studied psychology, and i still don’t know how to stop myself from being so anxious. like i know how much it affects my work and stuff but i just can’t stop feeling like i’m about to die at any given second.

36:  Talk about your guilty pleasures. drinking, drugs, smoking, im not even guilty about those. idk. to quote niall hora- i mean pink, i’m not guilty about any of my pleasures

37:  Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. an old best friend. different to aforementioned best friend. we were friends for 6 years. not as close as the other one, but close as i’ve been to someone since. we were both depressed and going through stuff and both flirted with each other just for shits and gigs. idk. i think we really only bonded because we were both depressed and suicidal and having someone else around who is going through the same stuff makes everything so much more bearable. once i stopped being depressed i stopped being as close and as in love. but at the time, it was really nice and beautiful, we truly could talk about anything together. i could have opened with “i love being dominated in bed” instead of “hello” and she would have just rolled with it. we used to dream about the future together and hold hands and hug. idk. we used to just hang out together and there was never any pressure to do anything or be anyone. it was just us being our dorky selves.

38:  Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. goodbye stranger by supertramp reminds me of above mentioned friend, two of us by the beatles reminds me of first mentioned best friend, and i love her by the beatles reminds me of this friend group i had for 10 years. princess by shortstack reminds me of this friend i had for a few years who i almost had a thing with because i knew she liked me but neither of us ever said anything. 

39:  Talk about things you wish you'd known earlier. i wish i’d have known that it’s not a good or admirable trait to be so open with people so quickly. you shouldn’t immediately show people that you trust them or like them, and you definitely shouldn’t get so excited about things for them. it makes you look naive and they will definitely just use you.�� i wish i’d known to get my license earlier i wish i’d have known what weed was like earlier. it really would have helped me out a lot.

40:  Talk about the end of something in your life. the end of high school was really hard. i know a lot of people hated high school. and i did. but once i got to my final 2 years, i had this confidence that comes with being older in school and it was really nice. i love the routine we had and the forced structure school made you have in your life. i enjoyed mucking around with teachers and that feeling of starting assignments before they’re due. being at school was nice because i mostly kept to myself and was generally well-liked. so i had this big support system that got me through a lot. and school ending meant that the support i had also ended. and then i had nothing and nobody and went through so much and had to be alone for it all. the end of school coincided with the worst period of my life #2, probably because i was at home to experience a lot more. 

[survivornavarino]

Episode #11: I’m Gonna Beat Your Ass In Massachusetts Bitch -Julia

ok im rlly high and i accidentally joined this tirbal drama call and now im in too deep to leave and im crying julia is crackdt

Woo we love plans working out last minute

So I was just made out to be this terrible person and almost got eliminated, and I remembered how terrifying that is to have people upset with you. I don't think I'm gonna try villainy anymore (what just happened wasn't my fault btw even tho I was trying villainy I had nothing to do with this) it's hard to be a villain when you like everyone so I'm gonna stick to my hero stuff

Tesoro Tribe Call

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nq_3DCxuV3g&feature=youtu.be

Daaaammmnn Matt deserved better..... AND SO DID I WHAT THE FUCK https://i.imgur.com/sSWMk6p.gif How am I not supposed to feel some type of way when I get bamboozled by AAAAALLLL these people? 7 DIFFERENT PEOPLE LIED TO ME yet I'm not on the bottom! Gee thanks I can really tell with all this deceit in the air. Like the only person who would've had probable reason to lie is Heather because we don't even talk. The other 6?? I talked to within 2 hours of the vote aka when all this fuckery was going down so that means they actively lied, actively kept me out, and actively don't trust me. Fucking up my game and my villain edit?? Unacceptable- I worked HARD for both of them but now I gotta pop off just to stay alive... like fuck https://media.giphy.com/media/yKibNueqBiqU8/giphy.gif And is Jake serious right now? The amount of dirt I have on him could bury him in a second but he's gonna blindside me, the person with the power to make or break his game. Eddie and I gave him the world and he just flipped like THAT? Inch resting. And the Drew thing isn't even relevant because Jake got a heads up, did actually have a working relationship with Drew, was indeed down for that alliance that didn't come to fruition, AND actually snitched about the Drew vote to Drew so take a fucking seat. It doesn't matter that I wanted him in the dark because I knew he would snitch and spoiler alert: HE DID #noregrets. This would only be the same if I found out about the Matt vote and blew it all up to Matt, yet I didn't and somehow Jake is no different than me. Save it- the difference between us is I actually treat you like an ally and you treat me like a fucking number. But I am somehow supposed to trust Jake when all I do is give Jake more chances to prove he's reliable and trustworthy and he flops. There shouldn't be multiple instances both from this game and Crossroads of you being a shitty ally- that's ugly and well all know it. Jake enjoys screwing me like the selfish manipulator he is and he cost himself real allies over people who throw his name out all day everyday. I can't wait for him to read all this back, know who really had his back, and just how badly he played himself BECAUSE THAT'S NOT WHAT ALLIES DO!!! AND THE FACT THAT YOU KEEP DOING PULLING THIS SHIT MEANS YOURE NOT REALLY WITH ME AND IF YOU KNOW I COULD EXPOSE YOUR ASS WHY ARE YOU TESTING ME?!?! Big mistake https://media.giphy.com/media/ynxEIAfEyXjzO/giphy.gif https://media0.giphy.com/media/11LARa1r9DA4mI/200.gif And Julia really cut me deep because I thought her of all people would actually be honest with me out of respect. She's essentially saying she doesn't trust me with the Matt vote and that's why I got left out yet it's not what it looks like and I shouldn't be mad. But did we or did we not call earlier so we could "talk everything through?" You left a lot out sis, just so you know. MY FAVORITE PART is me and Rebecka calling her out on call as the Mo source but since she got the vote to be Matt and kiss-and-made-up with Mo, it's all good in the hood. Ummm NO IT'S NOT ALL GOOD and fuck this "do you guys have any more questions?" Get that condescending bullshit out of here- how we a pre-made Final 2 and you running blindsides on me? Keep it- Heather can have your allegiance I don't want it. I can't believe I gave these Crossroads snakes a fair shot and this is how they repay me- by making me look like boo boo the fool. That's ok though: Jake, Julia, Heather, Shoib- they all walking into jury next just watch also I recant from before- I love Eddie and he's the only person I actually ride with (besides Rebecka and lowkey Mitch). Like yes he's probably a bad influence and has Dr. Brenner tendencies but at least he's loyal. Everyone else will flip for anyone and anything and I'm like where is your self-respect. All I know is once I get power it's over for these hoes cause they just made enemies with the baddest player out here so let the games begin https://78.media.tumblr.com/e89499d0128508de7390015ff96fcbbf/tumblr_odd64ysiZI1snzc37o1_250.gif

Bamboozled- a memoir 

Ok so last vote I felt like having a little fun since there was no drama and that's boring. Mo came to me and asked me what happened with the Ben vote and I told him that someone told me about a 5 person faves alliance so I panicked and voted out Ben. So the part where I heard about the 5 fave alliance is true BUT I heard it from Jake. I told Mo that Eddie told me about it and I also told Mo that Julia is the one who leaked it to Eddie. So then the vote is between Julia and Mo because Mo starts going around and throwing Julia and Eddie under the bus. Julia gets online and is PISSED OFF, she starts gunning for Mo. Eddie was sitting pretty since he was safe from vote off despite me telling Mo that Eddie leaked to me. Then Julia and Mo make up and turn the vote to Matt and he ends up going home. Out of all the 3 names spread last round none of them were fans names. Now this round we have Eddie and Julia murdering each other and I am just sitting pretty, this is perfection. Eddie and Julia will go for each other til death do them part. This will come back to bite me soon but for now imma enjoy it.

I love Julia but, LOVE BE SAVING MY ASS RN. HER FIGHTING EDDIE IS AMAZING. SORRY HUN

I’m so over this drama, I’m sure somebody else explained what went down in their confessionals but now there was a huge fight between Eddie and Julia. A pineapple gown with glitter on it, bitch? Girl I just can’t take this, it’s too much, gimme my pocketbook I’m leaving.

These kids think I'm floating, that's it I have had it. Time to crank it up a notch

Ok so last vote I felt like having a little fun since there was no drama and that's boring. Mo came to me and asked me what happened with the Ben vote and I told him that someone told me about a 5 person faves alliance so I panicked and voted out Ben. So the part where I heard about the 5 fave alliance is true BUT I heard it from Jake. I told Mo that Eddie told me about it and I also told Mo that Julia is the one who leaked it to Eddie. So then the vote is between Julia and Mo because Mo starts going around and throwing Julia and Eddie under the bus. Julia gets online and is PISSED OFF, she starts gunning for Mo. Eddie was sitting pretty since he was safe from vote off despite me telling Mo that Eddie leaked to me. Then Julia and Mo make up and turn the vote to Matt and he ends up going home. Out of all the 3 names spread last round none of them were fans names. Now this round we have Eddie and Julia murdering each other and I am just sitting pretty, this is perfection. Eddie and Julia will go for each other til death do them part. This will come back to bite me soon but for now imma enjoy it.

i just love to start drama

so julia called me after the mo vote explaining that the whole eddie vs julia fight started with jake shit talking eddie. now i got them on call and hopefully they can work things through because i want them both to target eddie over each other so WOOOO let's see what happens. love you amanda lynn

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME THE ENERGY AND STRENGTH TO GET THROUGH ANOTHER DAY IN THIS GAME WITH JAKE AND JULIA I AM FUCKING EXHAUSTED!!! ALL THEY DO IS LIE, TIPTOE AROUND TORCHING MY GAME, AND SPREAD FUCKING CHAOS AROUND CAMP AND I HATE IT. I'm at work? Julia and Jake are stirring the pot. I'm on my lunch break? Julia and and Jake are stirring the pot. I'm out with my family and using my 8% of phone battery to do a mastermind challenge for Atomic? Too bad because Julia and Jake are stirring the pot. I tried to take a fucking nap today and you know what happened? IT GOT INTERRUPTED BY EDDIE CALLING ME TO TELL ME THAT YEP YOU GUESSED IT: JULIA AND JAKE ARE STILL STIRRING THE POT. CAN I FUCKING BREATHE AND OPT OUT OF THESE JULIA AND JAKE NOTIFICATIONS THAT I NEVER ASKED FOR??!? JESUS FUCKING CHRIST https://78.media.tumblr.com/2ff5849875cf45c8711b1b55220c4adb/tumblr_inline_oqvdwiJ7vP1qmpins_540.gif FUN FACT: SNAKES SLEEP BUT YOU CAN'T TELL BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE EYELIDS! WHY DOES THAT SOUND FAMILIAR??? OH RIGHT! BECAUSE THERE ARE SNAKES IN THIS GAME WHO LOOK LIKE THEY'RE ASLEEP CAUSE THEY AINT RESPONDING TO ME BUT DON'T WORRY! THEY'RE AWAKE THEY'RE JUST ON CALL IN PMS STILL SERVING FRESH TEA AT 2:04 IN THE MORNING ON A FUCKING WEEKDAY SO MY PARANOID ALLY WONT GO TO BED AND APPARENTLY THAT MEANS NEITHER CAN I AND IM SICK OF IT DAMMIT https://media1.tenor.com/images/9ce8330ea91f82d27ef3ceefbb69f277/tenor.gif?itemid=5307285

ok this is for julia post game. listen BITCH. i only leaked what you said to eddie twice (i think) well two major times so stop thinking that i’m a snake who leaked everything you said like YOU did to me with Ned in Crossroads. i told eddie you told me about your alliance with Rebecka/Matt but that wasn’t to put a target on you, Eddie did that by coming up with the idea to tell Matt you leaked it. Also I told Eddie that you said he was a snake in games and fucked over his friends because I wanted to know the truth. So yeah. I recorded a video confessional that i’ll post soon.

ok so i pulled out my macbook and im sittin here like xoxo gossip beckka.  so heres the gossip!!!!!!!: a. i have no fucking clue how i won touchy subjects and im thankful for immunity but now it makes me look like i know what the fuck is going on in the game and i DONT i really really DONT!!!! much spook very scare. b. i missed a lot of the drama this round. like really im so confusion.  i accidentally answered the call the other night right after tribal and then had to stay but i was too high so i said see ya later pals!! and went to sleep.  Then yesterday at work the main chat was blowing up and i didnt have the energy, patience, or phone battery to keep up with it.  Now this morning im in my alliance chat with eddie and autumn and theyre like referencing "what happened last night" and im like fuck i went to bed at 9:30 right after cash show like FUCK why am i always high or sleeping???? i should talk to my therapist about that tbh.   c. eddie comes to us with this mastermind plan that we need to get out not jake, not julia, but SHOIB.  what has shoib done? where are these numbers coming from?  how is that not going to come back to haunt us next round? d. ive goat a bad feeling about tonight.  instant tribal? fuck.  i was prepared for it to be a physical endurance comp when amanda asked if we'd all be around with a computer bc i know i can probably win that but its not on cam so FUCK ME RIGHT????? e. im rlly tired f. when i get voted out and put in jury im going to respond purely in cortana suggestions for a day or so and not tell anyone and see if anyone notices g. ok thats it for now tata, cya later alligator, hasta la pasta & all that jazzy stuff bye!!! xoxo gossip beckka

update 5 mins later: eddies heart is telling him he cant vote jake. autumn and i rlly picked the wrong ally huh 

also i miss matt double also i wish heather left instead of ben 

Update: 5 hours before tribal and Jake rlly be coming to me spilling cold dollar store tea with a broken tea bag and there's just gross, cold,  loose leaves floating around 

I just wanna win man, send em all home.

happy to be immune bc the chances that we're going to rocks I'll put at like 70% hehe 

i literally don’t even know how to process what the fuck is happening shit changed every 2 seconds i’m so confused ok so basically i helped flip the vote on matt last round because julia started to think that mo was being used and i knew that matt might have the idol bc eddie told me he probably did so i did that but left eddie and autumn out of the vote obv eddie was wicked mad and started going off on in the main chat and julia suspected that i leaked stuff to him based on what he was saying last night trixie called me and told me that julia was saying that i was a snake so we all called her and she said that eddie threw me under the bus to her and was leaking everything i told him about julia so i admitted it i was upset so i basically confronted eddie and he told me that he never leaked anything to julia and that she actually exposed me etc so i got pissed the fuck off and told eddie autumn rebecka trixie shoib that i wanted julia out julia gets home and immediately confronts me so i know someone leaked and trixie told me she was pretty sure that autumn or rebecka leaked and i don’t think trixie wanted me and julia against each other so we called our chat and i got julia to admit that autumn was leaking stuff to her and telling her that i wanted to vote julia out and that autumn wanted me out and autumn said that all the boys wantrd her out so now i’m fuckign freaking OUT BECAUSE AUTUMN IS A SNAKE AND PLAYING ALL SIDES AND JOW IT SEEMS THAT PPL WANT AUTUMN IUT I OFJT KNOW WHAT THE FICKNTO DO JM LITERALKY FREAKJNG OUT OMG FJQJSJDNSNSBS WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPNING THIS GAME IS LITERALLY CRAZY

I am very upset rn. I have had the hardest time just trying to survive this merge because everyone is againts me. I first have jake throwing me under the bus to eddie. FOR WHAT JAKE. i am still furious about it because he legit had NO right to do me like that. Like NONE. So ive been calling him back and forth but there is apparently a bigger snake in the game. Hi autumn! She wants to lie and say the boys all want me gone. She only did that to ensure heather and i were left out of the vote. How fucking low of her. I deadass opened up to her and Eddie, and I get done like this. Its a Shame truly. Anyways, i have to now worry about surviving yet AGAIN, and to get autumn voted out.

Im at work and i think autumn will officially be out of season! 

My mood is Julia and Heather selling me out on International Women's Day as the Julia leak to be with power snake Jake and ugly ass Shoib but doing it in front of Eddie, who told me immediately, so not only am I staying but one of these antifeminist hoes is getting rocked out. Can we talk about that I KNOW Heather and Julia are full of shit so how has no one thought that maybe I forced all this?? Like they wanna clock me for playing the middle but the gag is I'm about to chop the tribe in half and there will be no middle as of 9 PM EST. Me still surviving the strategic mess I accidentally created? More likely that you think- legends never die. I was scared about tribal, sure! And then I remembered who I am so I'm  excited for this messy ass 5-5 vote and why wouldn't I be? I now have 4 strong allies in the other faves, Mitch is turning on Shoib, Eddie is going against Jake, I found the right people who can keep a secret and have my back, and a line is being drawn in the sand tonight. Jake and Julia ain't going to rocks over no damn Shoib and I surely will call their bluff. The snakes are working hard but I'm working harder https://78.media.tumblr.com/4d981ac983bcb46cbba1ef0358d4b27d/tumblr_oq0f7ahXLt1qb87xmo5_r1_250.gif I can't believe Jake and Julia have the audacity to make an enemy out of me THIS EARLY. They thinking about Crossroads when they need to studying All Stars and Himalayas cause Crossroads was the exception in my org career not the rule. I'd like to politely remind everyone that my brand is flipping votes, poisoning jury, forcing ties, and getting shit done. So the way I see it is I'm just getting started- I have enough votes to stay by forcing a power play and I'm blowing this whole tribe up. I cannot wait for Jake and Julia to see who they're dealing with and shut the fuck up for the first time all week. And don't let me win immunity cause it's REALLY a wrap. Timing is everything in this game and I simply don't believe tonight is my time. It is time to take the trash out though and I got my gloves on and my Lysol ready https://78.media.tumblr.com/f28b1221360a1842c17d4a5af90fe6ec/tumblr_op2o8k2P9u1slyfzno1_250.gif

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pt_dZVzZUXc&feature=youtu.be

SHIT WERE AT TRIBAL AND I FORGOT THIS KSNFLSDNFSDKF WERE GOING TO ROCKS I HAVE BURGERS AAAAAAa