#schitt's creek au

[kaaaaaaarf]

karfy!! I hope you're having a fantastic vacation!! I'm in the middle of a schitt's creek binge, and I can't stop thinking about a schitt's creek au. what do you think of the weasleys as roland and jocelyn and then mutt as bill? and who would ted be?? any other thoughts or hc's?? <333

HIIII LYNX!! <33 I'm sorry it's taken me so long to reply to this, my brain was broken again. But! I am back from vacation and ready to ponder the important things in life.

Schitt's Creek au is so important to me. I need to start my rewatch and let the crack simmer like a good soup.

I have been trying so hard to picture the perfect Ted and it is a struggle. I feel like if Alexis is Regulus, then maybe Ted should be Evan??? Genius casting of the Schitt's as the Weasley's. I also think it makes it even funnier that they ultimately become friends with the Blacks. I think you're right about Bill as Mutt. It feels right.

I keep thinking about Sirius and Lily sleeping together and then having the wine convo....also the whole musical situation. I'm still set on Regulus singing "A Little Bit Regulus". We could make it work, by god. Also Remus singing and dancing??? YES.

I'll get back to you with more....

[sweatersinthesummer]

Did I write yet another Schitt's Creek AU? Indeed I did.

This one is Drarry-style, so if you want to see Draco as David and Harry as Patrick, here's your chance!

This was created for a Voiceteam 2023 challenge, so it includes a podfic as well - so you can read or listen.

Welcome to Schittsmeade (T, 3473 words; 19:14)

Draco Malfoy and his family end up in the town of Schittsmeade after they lose all of their money. He wants to open a very specific potions shop. That's where small business consultant Harry Potter comes in.

And an extra-huge thanks to @petrodobreva for the invaluable beta! I could not have done it without you, and definitely not in 24 hours.

[flieslikeamoron]

@r-o-s-e-f-i-r-e requested Schitt's Creek AU.

This is the one voted most likely to succeed in becoming a real fic because I have so much. Like not so much written, but so many IDEAS. Of course there's the main romance with Eddie. (I'm stealing the stuff from the show of Steve kissing him to try to make his ex jealous, and then having UST community service with him. But it's more the framework and I'll do my own stuff with it.) There's an arc for Robin and Steve (she's trying to sabotage and get rid of him, but surprise he's her platonic soulmate and the partner she needs to keep the video store going). There's even a subplot with the kids (they're recruiting Steve to star in the movie they're making for the town's 60 Second Film Festival where people put together short, homemade movies and everyone comes out to watch all the films.) There are other plotlines (one with Nancy and Robin being exes?) that I'm not sure will make the final cut, but it's all pretty silly and romcom-y and I'm very into it.

I need to get the ideas more organized into an actual structure. But here's a little bit from near the beginning that's kind of the tone of it so far.

And that's what Steve has left to his name. Nothing. Just a handful of clothes. And a truly ludicrously small amount cash. It's the kind of money he used to drop on a lunch, or drinks at the club. Nothing. The cars are gone, and the New York apartment, and the house in the Hollywood Hills, and the beach house, and the other beach house, and the European beach house, the jet, so much of his wardrobe it makes him want to cry... The only thing left, the only thing that wasn't in his fugitive parents' name, the only thing he actually owns is a Family Video store in Hawkins, Indiana.

Of all the pointless things. Why couldn't his parents have given him a nice little boat or a cute little ski cabin or something the day he was born? Why did it have to be a video store in the middle of absolute nowhere?

Granted, at the time they'd only owned about fifteen or twenty video stores. The start of a regional chain that grew into a national monster that grew into a media conglomerate. At the time it had been a way to welcome their new son into the family business. A new store. A new kid. Both born on the same day. It was symbolism, not a real gift. He's never seen the store. He doubts they had either. He completely forgot he even owned it, until the lawyers sat him down and laid out the complete devastation of his life for him.

So now. Instead of whatever extraditionless resort in the Maldives his parents fucked off to, instead of a cute little yacht or a Swiss chalet. He's on a bus. A Bus! On which he has been trapped for over twelve hours with the absolute dregs of humanity and the pervasive smell of literal shit wafting from the disgusting excuse for a toilet.

He emerges finally with four suitcases, the last precious remnants of everything he holds dear, into the worst place in the world.

WIP Title Game

@onirislanding tagged me. 👋

RULES: Reveal the titles of the documents in your WIP folder and tag as many people as there are documents. Let others ask questions about the ones that interest them and post snippets or explain the contents as you see fit!

Some of these are just story notes, and not all of them are steddie.

Hive Mind

It'll Last Longer

Jury Duty AU

Schitt's Creek AU

Sleight of Hand

Top Gun

If you haven't already done this one, tagging @lemonistas, @pressdbtwnpages, @ohnutkin, @r-o-s-e-f-i-r-e, @teddywesworl, @geddyqueer

[missingthemantaray]

new to small town life, steve harrington, who has been cut off from his family, told to make something of himself for once, yelled at about how easy his life is, how little they ask of him and how ungrateful he is, exiled to hawkins (the town his dad bought drunk one night as a gag).

there he meets robin, the sarcastic, mean, and wonderful owner of the motel steve is staying at (ew.)

and eventually eddie, the patronizing, unaware of personal space, and lovely (god, so lovely) guy who is going to help steve acquire the permits and grants to renovate the motel with robin, bit by bit who has big brown eyes and wild hair and wears basically the same tight, ripped jeans and loose button down with rolled sleeves everyday, while steve primps and styles and steams.

they fall in love, obvi, but not without a healthy dose of reality check for steve, family drama (boo, harringtons!), the best friendship (with a couple moments of shudderworthy attempts at more), steve cringing at eddie’s musical inclinations, meeting the rest of the town (mayor hopper, his wife, joyce, the gang of children steve is unsure of which parent they each belong to, and who make sure he never eats at benny’s alone (though he would maybe like to, just once!), the workers of the town-staple that is benny’s, jonathan (cook, high always) and argyle (waiter, high always, slightly more functional, but with more insane storytelling where you can’t tell if he’s making it up or telling the truth), the editor in chief of the hawkins paper, nancy, who has taken over the paper and declared that serious journalism must prevail in hawkins (think rory gilmore taking over the gazette and everyone going crazy because she took out the poem (i know, too many AUs at once))), an open mic, demolition in the motel with sweaty, gorgeous, hairy steve, lots of skin car routines, mental health crises, full blown disownment, happiness, love, friendship, joy, community, and small-town loving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(steddie, ronance (robin helps nancy learn to love the mundane, nancy helps robin deal with change) (😭), lowkey jargyle (ive only heard of the drama of FoH and BoH star crossed loving and i live, but this would be decidedly less drama, they would simply be dating, like no labels but they love each other and kiss and hang out), lesbian eleven (she’s everything), a flirtation with byler (why not!), steve finding family, gayness, etc.)

[raphael-angele]

If Hades raised Nico and Bianca Part 34 (feat Melinoë)

Nico: MELI! MELII!

Melinoë, sitting in a field: No need to shout, Nico!

Nico: Papa told us to take you home!

Melinoë: Who exactly did he tell to take me home?

Bianca: Achilles. Patroclus came along.

Achilles: We've come to take you home!!

Melinoë: THREE DAYS LATER!

Patroclus: Young lady, nobody knew where you were!! Your siblings couldn't contact you!

Melinoë: I Iris-Messaged Zagreus!

Bianca:

Nico:

Achilles:

Patroclus:

Zagreus: Wha- I'm sorry for not responding to like, ONE Iris Message, Meli!

[flieslikeamoron]

Sleight of Hand [Steddie Fic - 19/19]

It took over a year, but IT'S DONE. 140K! Put it on my tombstone! 

Okay, it's long as shit... But what’s it about you say. 

IDK, friend… It’s about two dudes figuring out the hard way that they’re worthy of love. It’s about getting more than you bargained for. It’s about the ways we hide and the lies we tell, and being brave enough to let someone see you, love you. Being brave enough to want and to hope and to try. About inching incompetently toward love. Also a shit ton of fucking. But sometimes the kind of fucking one person in the comments described as “the most emotionally devastating blow job scene I’ve ever read.” It’s a post season 2 AU. It’s my magnum opus. I hope you like it.

TITLE: Sleight of Hand FANDOM: Stranger Things PAIRING: Steve/Eddie RATING: Explicit WORD COUNT: 143K (Complete!) SUMMARY: Steve needs a weed dealer. He gets a bit more than that.

CHAPTER 19 to finish | CHAPTER 1 to start | Playlist

[sits-bound]

Bound: You Are the Only, Only, Only by DesignatedGrape

This was the second book I ever bound, but I was relying on the kindness of a friend to deliver it, but it made its way into the hands of its intended recipient (the author, the delightful @designatedgrape, who I followed into the Check, Please fandom as well, so I am very grateful for them) this weekend!

The fic is a Schitt's Creek baseball AU, and I had a lot of fun with that when designing it. I used two different baseball-themed endpapers, and chose a grass green fabric for the cover. The chapter headings featured the corresponding number of baseballs.

My favorite little secret surprise, though, is in the endbands. This was made before I ordered premade endbands, so I had to make them out of fabric. And I found the perfect fabric...

Once you know what the fabric is, you can see it but otherwise they just look like normal endbands.

Fonts used: Body: Corundum Text Titles: Industry Inc

[desertsunoversea]

[Playing pool together]

Evangeline: How did you get so good at this? Lala: Hm, you learn pretty quickly when you're in a Ugandan diamond smuggler's villa playing for your friend's freedom. Evangeline: Right, right. Wait, what?

[tyfinn]

Post Fic Blues

Over 2 years (and 119,014 words) these characters lived in my head and heart. Yesterday I posted the final chapters of the UNBROKEN series, and today I am feeling a little Post Fic Blues (Is that a thing? If not, it should be...)

The comments I've received in that last two years gave me the courage to continue writing and expand this universe. Every single one meant the world to me, especially the comments about my Maddy girl. I put so much of myself in her because I wanted to write and read about true ace representation.

Legacy follows the younger generation making plans to carry on the family business, David helps a dream of Maddy's come true, the Apothecary celebrates 50 years, and a much older David Rose reflects on his life.

[stereopticons]

sc monthly drabble challenge: aegean

David takes one last look at the startling blue of the Aegean Sea and sighs before tugging open the on-deck bar’s door. This trip was supposed to be a reprieve after Sebastien, but it’s only made David feel lonelier than ever. 

“Congratulations, you’re my first customer of the day,” the bartender says. David takes in his button-down the color of the sea and his eyes the color of whiskey and feels something flutter in his stomach.

“What do I win?”

“A drink of your choice, but you still have to pay for it.”

David laughs. Maybe there’s hope after all.

Also on ao3

[sleepnoises]

saw one gifset of anne hathaway as daphne kruger and nigh immediately rewatched oceans 8

[flieslikeamoron]

schitt’s creek au 👀🙏🏼

I need to just give myself permission to write the fun parts of this and let the rest sort itself out because I got kind of bogged down in things like I don't know how real estate and video store franchising work. And also how do I keep Robin from killing Steve when he first gets there. But here's the meet cute.

---

The party is exactly what Chrissy said it would be. Big bonfire. A couple kegs. A bunch of locals getting drunk, getting loud, hooking up. Steve looks around for Chrissy, making his way through the crowd. He doesn’t see her, and being around these yokels is depressing. He grabs a beer and does another pass through the crowd, looking for anyone who’d make a good picture. He doesn’t need to advertise that he’s at a shitty party, but a kiss with someone hot might make Stavros regret not taking Steve to Greece instead of that inferior twink.

Steve looks through the crowd around the fire to a guy standing a bit away from the rowdy center of the party. Long hair. Leather jacket. Shit-kicker boots. Steve can see a tantalizing bit of ink on his hand as he lights a cigarette. A bit more ink peeking out of the worn neckline of his tshirt. He looks like the kind of guy that'll sell you drugs or steal your wallet.

Perfect.

The camera is already open on Steve’s phone as he steps in close to the guy. Steve takes a fist full of his shirt in hand to keep him from stepping back as Steve plants one on him. The phone clicks and Steve's glancing over at it, about to take one more. The guy cups Steve's chin. Warm fingers insistent, turning Steve away from the phone. Turning the glancing, awkward mash of their lips together into something that catches. Steve opens up, unthinking, for the heat of his mouth. The hand tight on his waist urges him closer, into the brush of leather, the heat of a body up against his. There's a lazy confidence to the way the guy slips him a little tongue. Steve leans into it, into him.

And the guy steps back.

It takes Steve a second to let go of the grip he has on the guy's shirt. To remember why he came over here. His phone. Right. He never did get that second pic. He licks his lower lip. His eyes still on the guy. On his mouth. When he looks up enough to catch the guy's eye, the cocky quirk of his eyebrow, he can feel his face going hot.

Jesus.

Why is this guy even getting to him? Steve's flirted his way out a Saudi prince's compound. He made it through two countries without a passport. He got into KissKiss without a lock of human hair. He does not get flustered. Especially not by small town guys with hair like they've been in a bunker since the 80s, and tattoos, and rough fingers and that infuriatingly amused look on their face.

"Um," Steve says. The guy's smile gets wider. Fuck. 

[blackandwhiteandrose]

David’s fingers are skimming along the inseam of Patrick’s dress pants when an incoming call from the funeral home lights up the dash display, startling them. David makes a move to answer it, but hesitates halfway to the screen. “It’s not my night. I specifically asked…” 

Patrick reaches to connect the call. He knows David had asked to not be on rotation, so it has to be something important.

Funeral Director David and teacher Patrick are back! Still a love story! All the feels!

“beloved” got a sequel.

READ IT ON A03!

[queenmabcreates]

Tonight is Game 1 of the NLDS… seems like an appropriate day to share this banner I made for my baseball AU. 💙⚾️🖤

[tyfinn]

WIP Wednesday

Thank you @ramonaflow for tagging me- Last week on my way to work I came up with a new fic idea, and made time to start it. So, fresh words! New fic!

***

“This is ridiculous! I’m a grown man and run my own business! Why do I need a chauffeur?”

“Because, Son, you have wrecked three cars in less than a year! You’re lucky they weren’t any of the antiques!”

“Oh, my God. The last one should not even count! It’s not my fault that the entrance to Prada looked like a parking garage!” David mumbled.

“Yeah, well lucky your mother is good friends with the manager, otherwise you could have been arrested and be on probation right now.” Johnny Rose looked at his son and adjusted his reading glasses.  

“It’s not bad, David! I really like mine!” Alexis twirled a piece of her long blonde hair. 

“I’m glad it’s working out, Sweetheart. Ted is proving to be a very valuable employee.”

Last month Johnny hired Ted Mullins to drive Alexis around, and to keep an eye on her. After last summer’s hostage situation on David Geffen’s yacht by Somali pirates, Johnny decided they needed to keep better track of their daughter. He also promised Ted a bonus every time he was able to keep Alexis from running off. He has already paid Ted two times, and it has only been a month. 

“Fine! Whatever! So how does this work? Are they on speed dial or something? And how is it anyone is available to drive at a moment’s notice? The whole thing sounds pretty sketchy to me.” 

“He is an employee, David. He was told what the job would entail. He has a work phone, and we already programmed his info in yours. He is aware that you work three days a week at your gallery, and that you, uh, like to go out every weekend to whatever clubs you kids go to nowadays.”

“You know, David, you could probably use him as, like a date, or something, too. That’s what I do with Ted. And then I find my friends and he does whatever it is he does until I’m ready to go!”

David glared at his sister. “Absolutely not. I haven’t even met him yet, and I’m 87% sure he would not fit in with my friends. Is there any way out of doing this?”

“I don’t see how, Son. I really can’t afford for you to wreck another car. Now, if you want to move back to New York where you don’t need to drive, I’m pretty sure I could get another gallery going. We have plenty of friends in New York…” Johnny’s voice trailed off. 

“I’ll have to think about it. And, what do you mean you have plenty of friends in New York? What would that have anything to do with me moving back there?”

“Hmm? Oh, nothing. Just thinking out loud. Now, kids, I’m supposed to meet your mother in an hour for dinner. So, David? We are clear about using the chauffeur?”

“I guess. What’s their name?” David threw his hands up in the air. 

Johnny pulled out a paper and scanned the information. “It says here Patrick. Patrick Brewer. He came highly recommended by Ted.”

No pressure open tag for anyone who may have something to share.

[laiqualaurelote]

(this is a bit belated but I have been In The Countryside all weekend with next to no Internet - anyway! I was a guest reccer for @thereccenter last week. I've been the beneficiary of many kind recs in this newsletter and wanted to pass it on, so I made a list of my favourite heist AUs. I am thrilled it has appeared in the same edition as Michelle Yeoh's Oscar win.)

Laiqualaurelote adores AUs and crossovers, often incredibly niche ones. She is the author of the Ted Lasso heist AU “they will see us waving from such great heists” and can be found on Tumblr here.

Someone once described heist fic to me as the Little Black Dress of AUs—it’ll go with anything, provided you can pull it off. The joy of the heist AU lies in how it deploys its tropes—it’s delightful to see an ensemble you love cast in the archetypes of the heist crew: the Mastermind, the Grifter, the Hacker, the Hitter, the Thief, the Driver, the Forger, the Person Who Blows Stuff Up, etc. (All the better if this unfolds in a Recruitment Montage.) Most heist AUs riff off Ocean’s Eleven and/or Leverage, but the good ones are especially ingenious in how they adapt the cons to fit the fandom and manage to keep the reader guessing till the final sleight of hand. Heist heist baby!

(General content warning for criminality)

“Rose’s Eleven” by leupagus (@leupagus). 50K words, rated Explicit. Fandom: Schitt’s Creek; Ships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose, Ted Mullens/Alexis Rose Backstory: Schitt’s Creek is a show about a wealthy family losing all their money and being forced to relocate to a small town they once bought as a joke. (I have never actually seen it, which is how good this AU is.) In this fic, David Rose, released on parole, assembles a team to rob the Met Gala as vengeance against the man who got him sent to prison, Sebastien Raine—who seems to be dating David’s ex-husband Patrick. Rec: This AU appears at first to be your standard Ocean’s Eleven dynamic combined with an Ocean’s Eight plot, but there’s a lot more going on. I was bowled over by the complexity of the heist, with its double-crosses and triple-crosses. Love the criminals who are also working mothers. Content warnings: N/A

“The Kansas City Shuffle Job” by arboreal_overlords (@peri-hellion). 45K words, rated Teen. Fandom: The Magnus Archives; Ships: Jonathan Sims/Martin Blackwood/Tim Stoker, Basira Hussain/Alice “Daisy” Tonner Backstory: The Magnus Archives is a horror podcast in which fear entities manifest in the world through human avatars, who are granted eldritch powers. In this Leverage-based AU, the characters still have their avatar powers, only they use them for crime. Jon, who left the Magnus Institute after his assistant Sasha was murdered in a conspiracy involving his boss, is hired to lead a heist team comprising hitter Daisy, hacker Melanie and thief Tim. When they are double-crossed, they have to bring on board the best con man in England, Martin. Rec: Wonderful reimagining of the Magnus universe as a criminal underworld, with an intricately plotted heist and character studies carefully woven into the cons. “Let’s go steal an Institute!” Content warnings: Canonical character death, some canon-typical suicidal ideation

“Three Card Monte” by enjambament (@enjambament). 14K words, rated Teen. Fandom: Harry Potter; Ships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Caradoc Dearborn/Fabian Prewett, Lily Evans/James Potter Backstory: In this non-wizarding Marauders AU, Sirius gets out of prison and looks up Remus with a plan to rob the casino at Hotel Voldemort and steal...a piano. Rec: A clever, compact Oceans-esque heist with fun twists on canon, from grizzled hacker Mad-Eye Moody to young thief Tonks, still learning to grift on the job. Content warnings: Mention of past abusive relationship

“The Casterly Rock Job” by Netgirl_Y2K (@netgirl-y2k). 3.2K words, rated Teen. Fandom: Game of Thrones; Ship: Yara Greyjoy/Daenerys Targaryen Backstory: Daenerys’ plan to steal the Lannisters’ dirty little secrets for their business rival Olenna Tyrell involves enlisting Arya’s burglary skills, Margaery’s knack for seduction and Yara’s speedboat driving. Rec: Love an all-women heist crew! Criminal mastermind Dany has a delightful swagger, seen through the eyes of hard-bitten mobster’s daughter Yara.  Content warnings: N/A

“i don’t need a parachute (if i’ve got you)” by thewestwinged (@aberfaeth). 6K words, rated Teen. Fandom: The Locked Tomb; Ship: Gen, Camilla Hect & Palamedes Sextus Backstory: Thief Camilla teams up with the hacker known as The Warden to one-up his mother, the legendary grifter Juno Zeta, Who Met God And Convinced Him She Was One Of His Angels And Then, Ostensibly, Stole A Lot Of Money From Him. Rec: Spot-on voices for Camilla “hides a taser in a fake gun” Hect and Palamedes “uploads erotica onto Elon Musk’s website” Sextus. I would watch an entire series of Cam & Pal Commit Crimes. Content warnings: N/A

“Provenance” by rageprufrock (@rageprufrock). 20K words, rated Teen. Fandom: Inception; Ships: Arthur/Eames, Dominic Cobb/Mallorie Miles Backstory: Inception is technically canonically about a heist, but in this AU there is no dream technology and it’s about art theft instead. The theft of a Raphael painting from the National Gallery reunites Interpol agent Dom, insurance company representative Arthur, and the painting’s owner Eames, who may or may not have stolen it himself. Rec: Brilliant, funny, unusual in that it follows neither the Ocean’s Eleven nor Leverage moulds but strikes out on its own. The long-suffering hapless POV of Dom Cobb, usually a hugely unedifying character, is priceless. Content warnings: N/A