#scat why did you have to be named that any ship name with you sounds awful

[maxphilippa]

hello tdos fandom I bring you content of these other idiots

[oranaro]

@mercurysystem you wanted to be tagged, here ya go

How many works do you have on AO3?

52 if you include the ones on anon

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Dream SMP, Hermitcraft, Doll Eye, that one HC fic inspired by 100 Gecs, and a couple originals

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

(REDACTED), Dolls And Toys, Uncovered, Lucky, Skephalo Smut. All of these except Uncovered contain porn to some degree. 

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Ehhhhhhhhh not really? I used to try to respond to every comment I got, but I quickly learned I’m not good at doing that. I only really reply anymore on request books to let the person know I fulfilled their wish. 

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hard to say since for a while I was fucking addicted to the angstiest shit possible. All my most brutal stuff is on anon though lol. I guess my most angsty fic that doesn’t dip into NSFL territory is All That Mattered. Basically a guy kills his friend in a past life and wakes up with all the memories of it. Meanwhile his friend has no idea what happened and acts like he’s still his bestie. The killer has to live with the guilt of what he did while pretending nothing happened for the sake of his friend’s happiness. 

Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

No. IDK What to say, I just don’t enjoy writing or reading them. 

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Considering what I like to do as well as the sort of stuff I used to specialize in, people have been surprisingly kind to me. Only fandom I’ve gotten any negativity from was Dream SMP. One person told me to starve myself. I’ve also gotten a few people tell me I made them vomit, and made them want to rip out their eyes and erase their memories. That was on my more brutal stuff though, so I just take that as a sign I had done my job right. 

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Heeeeelllllllll yeah. Pretty much everything except underage, age play, scat, and farts. 

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

YEAH TWICE. The first time someone said they loved my fic and asked if they could “adapt” it. I said yes while not really knowing what this person had meant. When I checked their profile the next day they had copy-pasted my fic, its description, and all the tags word for word and changed out the names so that it would fit into a different fandom. At least they credited me in the notes at the end. My fic was waaaaaay more popular though, so I don’t care LOL. I also think it’s flattering that they thought my stuff was good enough to steal. 

The second time I had quickly typed up a oneshot which I would never consider my best work. A few hours later I saw a fic with the same title, description, tags, and general plot posted by someone on anon. I guess they read my fic and thought they could do better. Again, I don’t care since my fic got so much more attention. 

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of. 

What’s your all time favorite ship?

All time favorite? I don’t know, there’s so many to love. That’s like asking “What’s your favorite food?”; it’s impossible to choose one. 

Whats a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Happy Family Coraline AU. I had already written out the scene where the Beldam throws Coraline into that room with the ghosts in it. I had recieved some good feedback on that bit. I did some more world building, but could never figure everything out. It’s been months since I touched it, so I guess I’m gonna call it done forever. 

What are your writing strengths?

I like to think that I’m good at angst. 

What are your writing weaknesses?

Character descriptions T_T. Can I not just give them different pronouns so you know who’s talking and call it a day?

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

This one’s complicated. 

Usually when it’s done it’s when a character only says a word or two in their native language, a sentence at most. Sometimes it’s to show personal relationships (Like an Arabic woman calling her boyfriend her habibi). Other times it’s to exaggerate how ‘exotic’ a character is (Like a Spanish character saying “MADRE DIOS” every time he’s in a scene). Or it’s to sound fancy (Like saying “Cafe de Merde pas Cher” instead of “Cheap shitty coffee”). 

I’m monolingual, so it’s not my business to police or critique how other people write language. But I have spoken to multilinguals, and from what I’ve heard writers rarely do a good job of accurately depicting this sort of thing. Things like having to translate stuff in your head so you seem less intelligent in your non-native language, or forgetting common words in every language you know, or saying things like “hand shoe” instead of “glove”. And sometimes this inaccurate writing can be harmful and enforce stereotypes as well as just not be fun to read. 

As a monolingual, I feel like most of the time it’s... unnecessary. Especially if it’s not accurate to how people of that language talk. Sometimes it works just fine to say “He whispered praises to him in his mother tongue”. Having words of a different language randomly in dialogue can be distracting. (The worst offenders are in movies where even the subtitles just say “Speaking in (language)”). 

We can all agree on one thing though, actually know what words mean before using them. Do some proper research on linguistics instead of relying on Google Translate to spare yourself from becoming a laughing stock. 

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Hetalia LOL. Back in Jr. High. I’m not sharing that shit. 

What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

The Sun Always Came Up. Just a bit of hurt/comfort. 

I also like Sleep-E-E’s. A guy can’t get to sleep, so he pays his friend to kick him in the face until he passes out. 

[saltypicks]

reviewing may’s comebacks (in june, because i have shit to do)

There were a lot of comebacks this month. I guess it's summer now? No idea, there's no summer in my country. The girl groups have started coming back in full force but are not impressing. The boy groups seemed to mostly go the groovy route and now I need an adjective other than 'groovy' to describe songs.

Not The End, Highlight

I'm so glad it's not a ballad. It's not bad.

You are so beautiful, SGO

Everyday I'm grateful for the retro trend and this is a great representation.

Gray Area, Hi Cutie

At some sections I like this song (the verses and the chorus) and at others I dislike it (the trap breakdown, the middle of the chorus). I complained about MAJORS' company having no money previously but Hi Cutie's company is bankrupt. Poor nugus.

Dreamcatcher and GWSN have far superior 'Red Suns' but this song is okay and I'm happy the girls look so happy to have some work (and hopefully some money) at last.

Today, CITI

A nice midtempo song. And no, I did not hear it first from a drama OST.

Make Up Your Mind, AILEE

Sounds like a Beyonce-type song.

MALO, SHAX

Apparently this is a drama OST (Imitation, to be specific. It's based on a webtoon). Basic boy group song but it sounds like it's from the 2010s or something, and that's a compliment.

Hot Sauce, NCT Dream

Initially: Um...at least Renjun looks good? Honestly I don't know what to say about this song. NCT is a group I stan so this will definitely grow on me but...is this really not an advertisement for hot sauce? Also the set resembles the set for SHINee's Atlantis in my opinion. Now: The shouting is annoying and unnecessary. Love Chenle's voice in this; it provides a nice contrast to Haechan and Renjun. Someone said the chanting should've been left to the rappers and I fully agree. Don't know about Jisung and Jaemin but Jeno and Mark would be a good fit with a chant. In my opinion the dance break isn't really needed but is it NCT without a dance break? Also, wtf are they wearing around their necks? Someone should inform the SM stylists that less is really more.

DUN DUN DANCE, OH MY GIRL

It's light and pleasant but if this song was a meal it would be a tiny appetizer that tastes good but doesn't satiate you.

WHATEVER, KEEMBO

I didn't think I'd like it at first but this is groovy and makes me want to dance while doing my chores.

Always, VAV

Song for the fans but if you need a VAV song to listen to I recommend Gorgeous.

Hurt, Baekhyun & Seomoontak

Hasn't Baekhyun been shipped off to the army yet? Anyway, love how dramatic this is.

Waiting for Victor, 015B ft. Dawon

Another great retro song! Also the singer is cute and her hair is cute as well. She reminds me of Chuu a little.

Uncertainty Principle, 015B ft. Dawon

I prefer their other song, but this one is retro as well and it's great.

척하면 척, 강혜연 (Kang Hyeyeon)

Trot that's kind of subdued but still danceable.

Badly, SURA

Loved it from the first second.

BLACK MIRROR, ONEUS

Then: Is it good enough to make up for No Diggity? I don't know about that, but this song is groovy and I'm somewhat okay with it. Doesn't have much replay value for me though. Now: Eh, it's basic groovy boy group song but I won't skip if it comes on.

Breathe Again, BLITZERS

Another boy group with a somewhat questionable name. This song is pretty good as a debut and it's somewhat memorable. I wonder if my rating increeased because of the guitars? District 9 was the same for me, but right now it doesn't interest me. I think this song will stay for a good while on my playlist though. I like the anthemic vocals in the chorus and this song needed more of that.

EASY, WJSN THE BLACK

The girls looked good but the storyline kept getting interrupted by shots of the girls. Yes, we know they're all visuals but I'd be more interested if there was actual action and plot. The song is good objectively but doesn't really interest me. Who knows? Maybe a few more listens will change my mind.

Outerspace (ft. Loco), Kang Daniel

Groovy and better than his last two releases.

Giant, Yuqi

So nice to hear Yuqi's voice on its own. The song was fine until the chorus crushed all my love for it.

Glass of Tears, HONG JA

Appropriately dramatic for a song named 'glass of tears'. It's good and if you like trot you'll like this one.

Taste of Life, Yang Ji Eun

What do you call this? Folk trot? Whatever it's called, it's good.

LOOK AT ME, ICU

OK.

WE GO, fromis_9

It sounds like the token girl group summer song. I don't dislike it, but nothing about this song stands out to me. Honestly with a mini-album called '9Way Ticket' I expected more, because it reminds me of Nine Muses' Ticket everytime I see it. The b-side 'Airplane Mode' is pretty good though and the other one, 'Promise' is a slow song but I don't really mind it, it's fine as background music.

Next Level, aespa

Umm...what is SM's plan for these girls? How can a rookie group from the big 3 have only 3 songs? And only one is an original? The song is not the best thing ever and SM surely can do better but at least it wasn't as bad as M.A.F.I.A. aespa deserves more than this.

Ring Ring, ROCKET PUNCH

Finally after Bim Bam Bum these girls have a title track I enjoy. You can't go wrong with covering Take On Me, can you? It's no Platonic Love or Sea of Moonlight, and it certainly could have done without the rubbish trap section but it's a bop anyway. Meanwhile, the b-side Ride is great and I hope they promote it. This song would be more enjoyable if their voices weren't so shrill in the chorus. High notes aren't a necessity for good songs.

Advice, Taemin

Not the best of Taemin but it's good. I love the fast tempo of the piano and the way it drives everything. Taemin's performance also elevates this song and I'm grateful he's leaving us with a good song before going on his two-year vacation.

RUB-A-DUM, TRI.BE

They're really going all out with this 'tribe' thing, aren't they? It sounds very Middle Eastern to my ears at times, sometimes it sounds African-ish and the other times it is just typical trap kpop. DOOM DOOM TA was better and more fun. At least they got the catchy catchphrase right. Blackpink in your area who? Tri-bee da loca! The b-side 'LORO' is not much fun either. The only difference is it's Latin-influenced.

Shadow, Dreamcatcher

Typical Dreamcatcher song slowed down by a lot. It's not bad, plus it's nice to hear Dami sing. Also what is it with Korea and zombies? With the MV the song sounds a lot better but the MV distracts me. Shouldn't zombies be mindless? How do they use tools and know martial arts? Or is it just my eyes? And can that tiny gun protect anybody? Are you sure that's not a toy?

The beginning of spring, E'LAST U

Not horrible but not for me either.

Oh MAMA, BLING BLING

One of the few new ggs in a while with unfortunate names. They've clearly upgraded in terms of styling and MV budget, but their song quality is no different.

Let Me Know, PIXY

Sonically it sounds nothing like their dark concept. Actually it does sound like a dark concept, if done by a boy group. It's not bad but it's not good. The industrial-like sounds in the back are interesting but the whole song is not.

Son of Beast, TO1

TOO rebrands as TO1 with this song. It's groovy.

HAPPEN, Heize

For the first time I like a Heize song. The MV is interesting too, the story was cliche but I liked the visuals and aesthetics.

FEVER, ENHYPEN

Rhis song was from the [BORDER: CARNIVAL] mini. I listened to that mini but I remember not really liking any of the b-sides except the outro and the intro, so this is a surprise.

My Flower, Kim Jaehwan

Nice upbeat song with guitars all over it. I like it.

Corazon Perdido, Yesung (Super Junior)

Initially I wasn't going to review this because I didn't even review the title track but the final moments of this song are beautiful and it deserves a mention.

Butter, BTS

The song is smooth as its title. The MV is fine except for that ARMY thing; I cringed so hard.

Bonnie and Clyde, Yuqi

Better than the other one.

Ride, ROCKET PUNCH

This is so great and I'm glad it got its own video, even if it was just a dance video glorified as a 'Special Stage'. Now if only I could stop chuckling whenever I hear "looks rike a lainbow".

Rush Hour, GAHO

Love it, especially the guitar strumming moments and the chorus when the electric guitar comes in.

GEMINI, AB6IX

Love how the vocals don't distract from the great instrumental.

FIRST, EVERGLOW

In a comment section someone said La Di Da was a fluke and I kind of agree. Everglow returns to their usual style (chanty chorus + catchy riff repeated over and over) and this song is in the same vein as Adios. I like the chorus but the rest of the song is hard to recall. Siyeon, Aisha and Yiren are the only ones who actually look good and EU needs more lines and her blonde hair back. Also why does kpop think that moving the camera around a lot creates the illusion of motion? All it does is make me dizzy.

Like It Hot, GWSN

Sometimes I like GWSN title tracks, and sometimes I don't. I don't think much of this song, but their album is great.

Je T'aime, Joy

I love you Joy but this is boring. If it was meant to be a lullaby then SM succeeded.

Burned All Black, Kim Jaehwan

His other song is a ballad which is somewhat pleasant. Well, it was until it slowed down in the first chorus.

Purple, woo!ah!

Still not one song from woo!ah! I like.

GGOMA, Tae Ho (IMFACT) and Choi Ye Geun

Loved Choi Ye Geun's Scarecrow so I was happy to see her again. The song is groovy but the chorus sounds somewhat...empty? Love the scat at the end, should've been longer. This is also a great example of a bright boy group song. See? Upbeat and bright boy group concepts don't have to be childish.

DIAMOND, Sparkling

Another Imitation OST. I honestly doubt that there are actual kpop songs as bad as this.

7days Tension, Weeekly

Ad song. Bright and the chorus is nice.

0X1=LOVESONG (I Know I Love You), TXT feat. Seori

The angsty opening line caught my attention, then the verse after it dropped the energy. It picked up again in the chorus and pre-chorus, thankfully. It's very much pop rock, except there are no guitars in this. Doesn't stop the song from being good though.

Hello, Joy

I love Joy's voice as always but this song doesn't do much for me even though it's upbeat. A few more listens might change my mind.

Call Me, Omega III

Another Imitation OST. Doesn't do much for me, just like all the Imitation MVs. At least let us understand what your drama is about. Instead we get these random shots of what idols are supposed to be like? I don't know much about idol life but it's obvious these girls would be called nugus in real life, and I honestly doubt nugus have such nice living conditions.

No Answer, LA LIMA

Jiyeon from T-Ara is on this one. This and MALO are my favourites from the Imitation OST so far. The song is nice with a sleek catwalk vibe to it but like the rest the MV is boring.

Show Me, Tea Party

Are these the Omega III girls? Not sure but I think so. MV still boring, song doesn't interest me.

Let me go!, The Volunteers

Great rock song, I just wonder why it's all in English (I'm not complaining).

[fantasy-pens]

United By Love, Rain And Forgotten Umbrellas

Her eyes as blue as the merciful drops from the heaven. His eyes as green as the happy grass enjoying the heavenly showers. A tale of how forgotten umbrellas in the rain bring together the four lovable sides of the Love Square.

Chapter 4: When Our Paper Boat Floats in the Water of Love

Summary: Love is like a river, a never ending stream. Love is shared by each other, To answer someone's dream. (~~Mon Kolom)

And in the water of this stream my love, our little paper boat floats, capable of braving any heavy rains that may come our way, because it was rain itself that tied together our red strings of fate.

Read on Ao3 here

Read on FFn here

(Kudos to @nyanms​ for the beautiful art that extremely suits the chapter!)

(Mild swearing has been used here)

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“Will you go to the ice sculpture gallery with me?”

 Silence reigned in Miss Bustier’s classroom. A silence so heavy, so dense, you could cut it with a saw. 

Such was the silence, that the fifteen children in the room could hear the cars outside on the road honking, the hum of the desktop computer and the soft squeal of someone shifting on the cushion they sat on. 

 Fourteen pairs of eyes turned to the petite blonde girl in the back. “Sorry,” Rose whispered, shrinking a bit in her seat as Juleka patted her back comfortingly.

 The attention shifted back to the front. Specifically, to the two dorks over whose just a friend relationship most of the class had bet nearly three whole months of pocket money.

 “Mat do you wean?” Marinette blubbered, her eyes bulging out at how stupid her words really sounded that moment. 

The boy smiled. “What do I mean?” he replied, chuckling as the girl felt her cheeks heat up. “Will you go out with me? Like a….uhm, a date? If you want?” His hand reached up behind his neck, a sheepish smile crawling on his face.

 Silence again. Well, near silence, considering a brown-haired Italian girl in the back was gritting her teeth too noisily.

 Marinette blinked, then blinked again. This must be a dream. It had to be a dream!

Was Adrien Freaking Agreste really asking her out?

 Her brain started its quick mathematics (with a speed that she wished she possessed in Ms. Mendeleiev’s pop quizzes). Adrien asking her out = Adrien having feelings for her = 99.54% chance of Adrien eventually falling for her (given her clumsiness might account for the 0.46% uncertainty) = Adrien and her getting married in future = Emma, Hugo, Louis along with her dream house, a cat, NOPE, a hamster being a reality and the cute little hamster would finally get the name she had decided 3 years ago, that was-

 “Marinette? Will you?” Coming back to reality, the girl saw the question swimming in Adrien’s eyes.

 Oh goodness, it really was happening! Why was it happening? She couldn’t be so lucky. Yeah, there was-

  “NO WAY THIS IS HAPPENING!”

 Shocked silence. A resounding facepalm. Green eyes clouded with the pain of rejection.

Bluebell eyes bugged out with the realisation that she had just spoken her thoughts out loud at the worst time possible!

 Mon Dieu! It is too early to put that 0.46% uncertainty in action!!

 Clasping her hands over her mouth, Marinette did her best to undo the blunder, “MEEP! I-I-I did-didn’t me-mean th-that! It wa-”

Her messed up words were drowned out by the class’ sudden uproar.

 “Of course you didn’t mean that!”

“No way she just rejected him after all these years!”

“Girl, girl, girl…”

“Marinette, you couldn’t have meant that! Fairy tales aren’t supposed to go like that!”

“Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous! Accept that proposal, Dupain-Cheng, I’m not losing like that!”

 “Alya, I won! Now give me my….”

The triumphant voice trailed off as Lila noticed the scathing glares her peers gave her.

 Silence reigned in the room again, this time tensed, as the attention shifted back to the front.

Marinette was still freaking out at the stupidest mistake of her entire life when a sigh nudged her back to reality.

 Adrien was speaking.

 “It is okay, Marinette.” He shrugged.

  Okay? Nothing is okay! I messed up big time!

    “Adr-Adrien..” 

 “I get that you do not like me…”

  Of course I like you! I have not been romancing all your photos, ads and cutouts for practising Romeo and Juliet!

 “...You have told me the same on many occasions…”

  Just to prevent you from knowing that I have a universe-sized crush on you! Seriously, I thought about things and I feel. Freaking. James Bond style. Stalkerish. Is that even a thing? And no Alya, you DO NOT GET TO FACEPALM knowing how idiotic things happened between me and Adrien in the wax mueseum!

 “It is-isn’t like tha-”

 The boy smiled ruefully, “I know you are saying this just to make me feel better. But I am all good! I know you have feelings for Luka…”

  Luka? Luka Couffaine? How the hell did he strum his way into this mess?

 “...and that he feels the same for you..”

 Her eyes bugged out. “WHAT?” 

  LUKA FEELS THE SAME FOR ME? BU-BUT, IS-ISN’T HE…

 “My brother has a boyfriend,” a quiet voice spoke from behind.

  EXACTLY! Thanks Jules!

 “Oh!” Adrien seemed...surprised. But catching himself, he continued, “Still, I know you see me as just a friend and…”

  Just a friend.

Just A friend.

  JUST A  F...R...I...E...N...D…

 Something raged inside Marinette, hearing those Three. Damned. Words. “Oh goodness, I SWEAR on the name of EVERYTHING holy and lovable!” she screamed, shocking everyone in the room. “Fuck this Just a Friend drama and..,” Grabbing a petrified Adrien Agreste by his collar, Marinette kissed him on the lips, pouring out the frustration of all the years into that one sweet gesture.

 As she pulled back from the dazed-but-certainly-ecstatic blond, the class erupted into wolf-whistles, cheers of “HELL YEAH! IT HAS BEEN TOO LONG!” and thunderous applause, perfectly masking out the angered string of Italian words being spewed out from an unknown corner. 

 “So...so I take that, as a yes?” the smirking Agreste asked the now-flustered girl.

 “OMG! You guys just made me a fortune! I am going to celebrate! The Adrinette ship is finally sailing!!!” Alya squealed, counting the thick wad of Euros Lila tossed at her, grumbling.

 Adrien couldn’t help but laugh as the love of his life hid her flushed face in his jacket. 

 Three years back, Marinette had caught his attention right from their first interaction. On later thought, he had found the feeling refreshing. The feeling of not being treated as the Adrien Agreste, but just like some random new kid.

 Somehow, the clumsy girl who got herself caught in the umbrella had found a special place in his heart. Her opinions, her advice, her happiness, everything, big or small, had mattered to him. He simply had been in denial of his feelings for way too long.

And it was his sheer luck that Marinette waited for him. That even though she had multitudes of people who cared for her and showed their affection for her, she ultimately chose him.

 Alya was partially right. Adrinette was finally sailing. But it was not a ship.

  No.

 Adrinette was a paper boat. Tiny and meagre, yet a true beauty in its own. A paper boat that sailed in the rains. The rains that had brought them together.

 Yes. Adrinette was a paper boat that now sailed in the waters of love.

 Everything was just purr-fect.

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This is followed by the development of the Ladynoir side of the square in the next chapter, so do make sure to read that if you are following the fic! 

With that, Mini Scat!

[izzy-b-hands]

I Can Hear Music

Modern AU Sledgefu is go! 

Playlist for this fic can be found here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5KzkeIXXwi5zUm5a9JvXp7

in case anyone wants to listen as they read! Songs are in order as they are mentioned/sort of referenced in the fic, because if they were out of order I’d literally not be able to handle it lol.

Also, did a bit of historical tweaking here-they’re still soldiers, still Marines, but considering this is a fic focusing on them settling back in after being shipped out, having fun and being happy and in love, I didn’t go into detail as to where exactly they’d been shipped out to for this au. If I write another piece for this au to go with this one, then I promise I’ll get that all figured out and in proper detail for y’all. For now, this is just a lot of good music, dancing, and also some smut. 

Thanks to all who read/like/reblog! Hopefully you’ll like this one-be gentle lol.

Clubs weren’t necessarily his thing. He didn’t mind them, even liked them some nights, but he always felt a little bit awkward at them. 

Snafu didn’t have that problem though. He was there to have fun and dance, and he didn’t let anyone get in the way of that. He also helped relieve some the anxiety of the whole experience-there was no way to feel too awkward or unnerved when Snafu was dancing with him, grinning brighter than the sun. 

And they went anywhere-to clubs more industrial, some straight up disco, others a mix of everything from the hardest sounding songs to pop dance tracks. 

But this night was different. Snafu had insisted they leave earlier, because he wanted to stay out even later than usual. But it was weird to be dancing in the club when the sun was still shining in through the windows. 

“I’m gonna get you to loosen up, before the sun goes down. Little bit of sunlight shouldn’t stop you from havin’ fun,” Snafu said, pulling him onto the dance floor of the first club while Body Language played loud. The floor wasn’t quite empty, but it also wasn’t as full as he usually wanted it before he felt able to go out and dance. 

“Eugene, c’mon. I know you love this song-don’t let me down, lover boy,” Snafu was as close as he could get, hips grinding, feeling the beat like it lived in him every day. 

He tried to ignore everyone else, and focused solely on Snafu. He was fluid, able to shift with the songs easier than Eugene figured anyone could. Body Language slipped into Action This Day (he figured it was Queen night at the club-most of the places they frequented had one such night, at least once a month if not more, which was part of the reason why they frequented said clubs) then to Staying Power. 

And with that he had no choice but keep his full attention on Snafu. The club could have been rocked by an earthquake, but he wouldn’t have noticed with Snafu singing the song at him as he danced, smiling in a way that Eugene could only describe as utterly delicious. 

Little things like that usually sent them home early-after a certain point, the teasing got to be too much. But this was early in the night-he’d have to match Snafu’s teasing if he wanted to make it through the night without dragging him home to bed. Snafu occasionally hit that point and was the one doing the dragging, but not nearly as often as Eugene. It would be a point of pride to drive him crazy enough that he’d be the one to cut things short. 

The club dropped things down a bit as the dance floor emptied a bit-he figured most were hitting the bar. My Love is Dangerous was just the right beat he needed though. Just slow enough to justify grabbing Snafu by the hips every now and again to pull him close, and wind his fingers down to rest playfully against the waistband of his black jeans. 

From there, the floor started to busy up again, and a new favorite of theirs came on . He didn’t speak the language, so he couldn’t understand it, and though he couldn’t pronounce the name of it (he’d had the club DJ write it down for him- Hatrið mun sigra by an Icelandic group) he found himself in love with it. It was fast and loud and intense enough that even with the sun streaming in, he found the confidence to dance like it was pitch-black inside. Whether that was good or bad, he wasn’t entirely sure, but he figured he didn’t dance worse than anyone else. 

Another song (Spillingardans-he could remember the name of that one a bit better, for some reason) by the same band came on after, and as much as he wanted to keep dancing he found himself dying of thirst. Snafu was already on the same page, taking him by the hand and gently leading him through the growing crowd to the bar. 

“Start out with water. No gettin’ drunk till we get to the end of the night,” Snafu yelled over the pulsating music. 

“You plannin’ a marathon tonight or somethin’?” Eugene asked as the next song, X, started up. It had a few quieter moments that made it easier to talk, and shout their order to the horribly busy bartender. “How many places are you planning on taking me?” 

“Let’s try for double-digits tonight,” Snafu replied with a mischievous grin. “Think you got it in you?” 

He had plenty of thoughts in regards to what he had in him, as well as what he wanted to have in him by the end of the night. But he just nodded, and downed the water. 

“What say we hit the place next door after this next song?” Snafu shouted as the song started. 

“Sure. This place already got you feelin’ worn out, you need the break?” Eugene teased. 

Snafu rolled his eyes, smiled, dropped payment for the drinks in the bartender’s hand, and pulled him back into the crowd.

It was a little bit easier now, with the club starting to fill up and the sun finally going down. But it also made leaving a pain in the ass. 

“You may as well unbutton a bit too-only gonna get warmer,” Snafu said once they were out in the cooling evening air as he unbuttoned the tropical-themed short-sleeve shirt he was wearing. 

“Could-but maybe I want someone else to do it for me,” he replied, and enjoyed the blush that made its way across Snafu’s face. 

Inside the next club, it was like they’d jumped back to the start of the first club’s playlist. But he didn’t mind-Living on My Own was another one they spent a decent amount of time bouncing around the house, singing along to-neither of them could match the scatting portion of the song, however. And it was nice to change the pace up again, to have a song playing that gave him a moment to let a hand linger on Snafu’s hip, or up the back of his now open shirt to rest on the small of his back. It was the little things that seemed to really get at Snafu, to make him stare at Eugene hungrily, with enough energy and intensity behind his eyes that it was unsettling in the best way. 

It wasn’t even mid-way through Back Chat when Snafu started to get antsy. He pulled him in for a kiss, hard, his hands gently but quickly opening the first few buttons of the white, loose, short-sleeved button-up Eugene wore. 

When they broke apart, Eugene smiled. “What happened to double-digits? You really gonna drag me home now?” 

Snafu smiled right back. “Nah. Just givin’ you a taste of what you’re gonna get later. But you’re gonna have to wait till we’re at those double-digits before you get the full meal, if you catch my meaning.” 

He did, and it was a killer thought. But this was truly a bit of friendly competition now, and he wasn’t about to lose at club #2. 

He unbuttoned a few more of his buttons as Stop All the Fighting started up, fast and smooth, and watched as Snafu’s eyes trailed down his chest to watch his fingers work. 

First Time He Kissed a Boy beat through the sound system right after, and it took him back-it had been playing the night they’d gotten back, over a year ago now. The idea had been that Snafu would drive him home, then return to New Orleans. They’d danced around their feelings for each other carefully while they were away, in part due to the other Marines, but because (as they would both admit later) they were afraid of hurting one another. 

But that night, in Snafu’s car, barely out of New Orleans, this song had come on, and it was like a dam broke. They’d ended up pulling over in the back parking lot of a truck stop, unable to keep their hands off of each other. It had been a fever, which broke after and left them not just happily satisfied, but finally able to admit their feelings properly. 

At that point, he’d told Snafu to turn back around, and he’d been living in New Orleans with Snafu ever since. The one nice thing about the city was how many clubs and bars it had that let them make a night of this-dancing and relaxing and not worrying about anything but having fun and each other. He was still getting used to it, but any city would have been fine with him, so long as Snafu was there with him. 

A Childish Gambino song followed, with a beat that let him pull Snafu close again, to grind and press a few quick kisses to his neck. He occasionally worried about being so affectionate while on the dance floor, but a quick look around showed him that if anything they were still being fairly polite. 

The playlist fell into pop then, but he was only half paying attention to what was playing. Watching Snafu sweat and sway was mesmerizing, and damn him if he didn’t know it. 

He kept tossing Eugene shit-eating smiles with half-lidded glances, biting at his lower lip in the way that he knew made him weak in the knees. It took all his energy not to pull Snafu to a back hall and kiss him until he was breathless. 

“The place down the road?” he shouted suddenly, just audible over the heartbeat drumming of White Teeth Teens. 

“Sure. You gonna lead us out?” Eugene asked, suddenly aware of the very sizable crowd around them. 

Snafu grabbed his hand, kissed it, then carefully pulled them free of the crowd and out to the street. The cool air was a shock, but nice all the same, and it made the warmth of Snafu’s hand in his all the more noticeable. 

They were nearly to the next club when Snafu pulled him into a slightly secluded corner. “We aren’t goin’ home yet. I just can’t go in there without doin’ this.” 

His lips were warm too, as he kissed Eugene like his very life depended on it. The strains of Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy playing in the little hole-in-the-wall bar near them floated by, and he had to smile in between the kisses. It was another one that Snafu sang at him often, usually at random while making dinner or something else mundane. It had eventually led to that as one of their nicknames for each other-and had also led to a few burned dinners, after they’d gotten ‘distracted’ after the song had finished. 

It was incredibly hard to pull away, especially as Get Down, Make Love started up next. He simultaneously loved and cursed the bar for that, and Snafu took his moment of sighing in frustration to gently bite at his neck, turning the sigh into a gasp. 

“You sure you’re gonna make it to another club?” he teased. 

Snafu licked at the spot he’d bit and grinned. “Could ask you the same thing.” 

After another moment, they’d composed themselves enough to make it to club #3, which was well into the throes of the night. He recognized the song playing as they walked in as one from the same Icelandic band being played at the first club, and let himself melt into the song and the crowd, pulling Snafu gently behind him towards the center of the dance floor. 

The crowd at this one were pushy, but he didn’t mind. It meant that Snafu was essentially forced to be right up against him, and he could tease to his heart’s content. Had Snafu told him to stop, he would have of course, but he clearly wasn’t interested in stopping it. He leaned back into Eugene, letting his head fall back against his shoulder and exposing his neck to the gentle touches and kisses Eugene put there. 

However, their second song at that club was only just over, and suddenly Snafu was pulling him to the bar, ordering them water again. They both downed them quickly, and then Snafu was pulling him back outside. They were barely into an empty alley before Snafu was on him again, moaning and grabbing at the buttons of Eugene’s shirt until it was open, then running his hands over Eugene’s chest. 

He stopped Snafu as he softly cupped his face in his hands. “Double-digits?” 

“I’m not givin’ up yet,” Snafu replied, pressing his hips as close to Eugene’s as he could get. “But yeah, I don’t know that we’ll make that goal. Maybe we can get to five.” 

“That’s at least two more clubs,” Eugene replied, rolling his hips to Snafu’s, watching as Snafu blushed and moaned, dropping his head to Eugene’s shoulder. “Why don’t we walk for a bit, then head into another. See if we can make it that far.” 

Snafu nodded, and they made their way back out to the street. Pop music spilled out of various other clubs they passed, some slower, some faster, but all of it feeling like it fit in perfectly with the night and Snafu’s hand wrapped around his, their skin cool as the sweat dried onto it. 

The next club had retro night going on-Two of Hearts blared as they walked in, and it was his turn to make Snafu blush, singing the song at him as they moved to the dance floor. 

“You’re driving me wild, you know that?” he murmured, his lips literally next to Eugene’s ear as they danced close. 

“That’s the idea darlin’,” Eugene murmured back, moving his lips down from Snafu’s ear to press a kiss just behind it. “And you still got one more club to get through to make your goal of five.” 

Love Kills came on, and gave them a chance to dance close, but with a bit of space, and strangely enough the break worked. It made him all the more eager to get his hands back on Snafu, and from the glances Snafu was shooting his way he felt the same. 

The club had moved to faster rock, with Let Me Entertain You. But that was fine too-that one being sung at him made Snafu blush even more than Two of Hearts, particularly Freddie’s lines in the first bit of the song. He figured Snafu knew exactly how he meant those words, and he could only imagine what after-club scenarios Snafu had running through his head. 

He had to laugh as Snafu pulled him out of the club as the song ended. “One more club. And we gotta stay for more than one song.” 

Snafu pulled him into the very next club they walked past, and it was like someone was watching over them in terms of playlist. Dancer was playing, and he happily let Snafu drag him onto the dance floor. 

They were close as could be again, and he had to gently tap Snafu’s shoulder once or twice when he got a bit overly handsy. The crowd was big, but there was still a chance someone might notice how Snafu had undone not just the button of his jeans, but the button on Eugene’s jeans as well. 

“This song is so long,” Snafu sighed into his ear, barely audible. 

“It isn’t even four minutes long, darlin’,” Eugene replied. But at the same time, he got it. He could barely wait to get Snafu home, but he wasn’t going to break the rule he had set up. They had to get through one more song. 

He hadn’t heard the next song before-it was slower, and gorgeous. A nearby crowd member dropped the artist name-Tyler, the Creator, and he made a note to look it up the next day. It was just fast enough with a good beat, that left Snafu alternating between bringing his hips close, then swaying away, but always keeping one of Eugene’s hands in his. 

It was also long. Halfway through, he couldn’t hold back. He pulled Snafu in for a kiss, and knew they were going to head home. 

There was no music aside from more random pop and rap strains floating into the street as they worked to get home. It was a longer than usual trip, with interruptions to find secluded corners to get in a kiss or a roaming hand. By the time they were up the stairs of their apartment, Snafu had ripped his shirt off and was working on Eugene’s as well. 

They nearly tripped over their cat, Delilah, as they came in, attached at the hips and the lips, not really paying attention to where they were going after the door was shut and locked behind them. 

After a few trips and near misses, they made it into the bedroom, and disrobed like it was their life’s mission. There was no time for more foreplay-hell, the whole night had been foreplay. He managed to grab the lube from their bedside table while Snafu kissed and left hickies on his neck and chest, moaning wantonly, loud enough he figured the neighbors could probably hear. 

“Get yourself inside of me,” he told Snafu, tossing him the lube once he’d come up for air. 

“With pleasure,” Snafu sighed. 

Snafu working him open was always a gift. He had a way with his hands that Eugene couldn’t quite explain, but it always left him a begging mess. 

Finally, Snafu was inside and he pondered if he was already as close to finishing as he was. 

A moment later, he got his answer in the form of Snafu no longer able to properly enunciate, just moaning and groaning with a smile on his face as he moved his hips. 

He didn’t time how much longer they made it, just let himself drift into the pleasure of Snafu inside him and against him, until he came. 

He knew he was moaning too loudly as he did, but he didn’t really care-let the neighbors enjoy the audio show that was his full-body orgasm. He was left so blinded and out of it after that he only just registered when Snafu came, with the sweetest strangled groan, then murmured ‘I love you’s’ in between kisses pressed to his stomach and chest. 

Neither of them were able to get up and grab anything to clean with, which made Eugene suddenly happy for Snafu’s habit of tossing a towel near the bed, just in case. They cleaned up just enough, then fell into sleep, warm against each other. 

The next morning, Eugene woke up to music playing. As he got up and went out to the kitchen and living room, and smiled at the sight waiting for him. 

Snafu, half dressed in pajama pants, making them breakfast, singing along to Freddie Mercury’s cover of I Can Hear Music. He turned, and motioned for Eugene to come closer as he sang to him, pulling him into a lazy almost-waltz, just quick enough to match the music. He didn’t want the song to end-it was a perfect moment, soft and warm, just like Snafu’s lips on his. 

Without a word, Snafu danced them over to his phone, and tapped the screen until it set the song to replay. The toast might burn a bit, but it was worth it, to keep dancing and holding each other. 

[moonwolfhowl]

Octo Exchange Letter!

Hiyo, first off I’m moonwolfhowl on tumblr and nightmoonz on AO3. I’m really excited that you got me and I just want to thank you so much and I hope you have a bunch of fun with this!! 

Secondly, here are a couple things that I like and dislike, (and some prompts but you can take ‘em or leave ‘em). If you’re not 100% sure on if something is or isn’t my deal my ask box is open and the anon option is turned on.  

Ratings: T-M

General Things I Really Like:

Things I like!

AUs! No, seriously, every kind of AU

Humor! Especially: sarcasm, witty banter, etc…

Angst and hurt/comfort are awesome!

Slow Burns

MUTUAL PINING  and idiots who don’t realize they like/are in love with each other

found families

Fake relationship/dating/marriage you know for a cover/mission/(fill in the blank)

friends to lovers

enemies to lovers

enemies to friends to lovers

strangers to friends to lovers

Happy Endings!! 

General Things I REALLY Dislike/Do Not Want:

Character Bashing

Abuse of any kind

Cheating

Harm to animals

Non-Con/Dub-Con 

Incest

Mpreg

Major Character Death

Unrequested Pairings

Scat and/or Watersports

Spiders especially Tarantulas, this is a huge trigger for me

Okay! I’m gonna put a break here because this is a long post. 

some ridiculous prompts!

So these are just some silly prompts that you can take from or ignore altogether! It’s really just some ideas that you can look to if you’re stuck or need a jumping off point.  And please, if you already had an idea please feel free to go with that instead, I’m sure it’s awesome!! 

Also if you have any questions the anon option is turned on for my ask box.

I’ll separate these prompts with character specific prompts and then have gen/shippy and/or platonic relationship prompts so you have a couple of options. 

Again I just want you to know, I seriously will not be offended if you don’t want to do any of these prompts I really just want you to have fun  =^__^=

Character prompts

Therion

My little trash bandit!!! (Who I will fight, die and kill for) Ok, I know this is cheesy but Therion having his first Apple Pie ; __ ;

it can be when he’s little or an adult, AU, Canonverse or Canon divergent

it can be a Birthday treat to himself, it can be the first thing he pays for with money he earned on his own, if you want to include any character I put in my sign up sheet please feel free! And if (and only if) you want to include Cyrus or H’aanit then by all means go for it!

Therion actually pursuing acting! 

But in all honestly I just really l want to see Therion happy and for him to have nice things  ;;; __ ;;;

Prim

I don’t really have a prompt for her but I can tell you I picture her as the troll-y big sister type. I feel like she adopted this persona in Sunshade or maybe just with the octofam, either way I just see her making everyone’s life hell just cuz and it’s fantastic XD.

(I would not object to seeing Prim enlisting Tressa and Ophilia teasing Therion XD) 

Tressa

My adorable little gremlin who has never done anything wrong in her life. I will fight and die for her. 

In canon she has a pet squirrel which is so adorable and so her! So if you want to go wild with an ‘A girl and her squirrel’ type of story I won’t complain.

Tressa spear fishing

Leon

I love how much of his character is wrapped up in mystery so I was thinking maybe: 

What his life was like in Victor’s Hollow? 

Did he stowaway onto the first ever ship he sailed on

Did he ever buy a ship before he rebuilt Baltazar’s? Or did he just steal them >:3 (speaking of which if you wanna include Baltazar you definitely can but please don’t feel like you have to <3 )

Does he have a thing for the arts? Is that why he’s particularly enamored endeared to Tressa spotting the painting? What was it like when he obtained the painting Tressa would later admire?  

Cordelia

I love Cordelia and I think she’s underrated. She’s been through quite a lot and her faith in my best boy helped him in so many ways ; w ; 

I would love to see her having a huge struggle with her writing. You can include everything and anything from: head banging against a desk, crumpled up pieces of paper, scowling at her notebook or doing something else to take her mind off of it for a bit 

I also wouldn’t mind to see her walking through Bolderfall visiting each layer of the city and helping it thrive

Tbh anything. I love her and she deserves the world

Ophilia

I don’t really have any prompts for her but she’s so sweet, I just wouldn’t mind seeing or knowing more about her!

Gen, Shippy and/or Platonic Prompts

Cordelia Ravus/Therion (Thordelia)

Actor & Author releationship: AU, Canonverse or Canon divergent you name it! (This can be platonic or shippy! I have a personal preference towards it being shippy but if it’s not your ship that’s totally okay!) 

So remember when Prim told Therion actors make more in a day than thieves make in a year? And lol Cordelia wrote cool stories of a romantic nature (The Princess and the Noble Thief XD) and sent them off to Noa? 

I dunno I just think this would be really really cute if Cordelia and Therion worked on a play together. She’d write it and Therion would act in it, they could either just become friends or... friends to lovers XD. Also I would not be opposed to Prim and Tressa teasing TF out of Therion. 

Actually ngl anything with them, it can be fluffy, hurt/comfort, mutual pining. Anything. my thirst is real

Tressa Colzione/Leon Bastralle

gods I love them so much.

Any kind of them traveling together and developing feels on the open seas

Meeting at an Art Museum AU

Actually again ngl like Thordelia above anything feel free to go where your muse takes you

Some or all of the characters I requested (and if you’d like you can also include Cyrus, Olberic, and H’aanit but of course you are not obligated to do so <3)

Prank wars! 

Exactly what it sounds like, everyone plays light hearted pranks on each other. 

You can use any setting for this Canonverse, Canon divergent or AUs

Really ANY and ALL AUs (Coffee Shop Au, Mechanic AU, College AU, Tattoo shop AU, Magical School AU, Fantasy AU, Pac Rim AU, legit all the AUs in the world are pretty chill with me)

Tressa Colzione & Ophilia Clement & Prim Azelhart 

Good Old Fashion found family bonding!

I’d love this to be about them being close and/or bonding! I found their travel banter with each other very sweet and I just think some lighthearted teasing, gossiping (or ruining their fellow traveler’s lives by teasing them) would be adorable. 

Very Shippy prompt! Tressa x Leon or Thordelia (however if you wanna include other side ships like Olberhardt or H’aanit x Ophilia for example you can go for it!)

Masquerade! Can be Canonverse, Canon Divergent or AU! 

A Masquerade ball in which

They can either know each other beforehand or not

Halloween Party, Adults, College AU

idk this is just something to have fun with and hey lol if you wanna make it more mature feel free

If none of these appeal then please don’t worry! I just hope you have fun!!!

[fireflyfish]

Obi and Hondo, 7? (Can be just goofy, whatever spin you want to put on it.)

Hello Nony! I bet you thought I forgot about you didn’t you? Well never fear! I… er…

I wrote 9K words of this… So! I present to you and the rest of tumblr…

Ohnaka v Skywalker: Dawn of Nonsense

It all started when Anakin fell afoul of some Weequay pirates on the Outer Rim.

He and Ahsoka had stopped off at a way station to refuel their starfighters when the planet, a forgettable ball of rock by the name of Gital 3, was suddenly besieged by a fleet of pirate ships jumping out of hyperspace. Of course, they had sprung into action, the noble Jedi that they were, and ran for their fighters, intending to defend the planet from the invaders.

They never got the chance as one of the ships sailed through the atmosphere and blasted Ahsoka’s aethersprite sky-high. Fortunately Artoo had been trailing after his master and the tiny astromech was left unscratched. Sadly, the same could not be said for Ahsoka’s Arfour but nothing good ever happened to an Arfour unit when Skywalker was around.

Pinned down by the pirate ships, the master and padawan scampered back to the building they had been eating at, telling the occupants inside to run for shelter and take cover.

“Why should we?” one of the patrons at the bar sniffed. “We don’t have anything Mama Ohnaka could want. We just pay our fee and go on with our day.”

“Yeah! It’s just business!” came the drunken snarl from an Ithorian’s translator in the back. His call was echoed around the joint and the Nikto bartender shook his head as he looked over at Anakin and Ahsoka.

“You better hide those sabers,” he offered. “If Mama sees those, you’re as good as bantha scat. She’ll ransom you triple your worth and still doublecross your Republic.”

“You don’t mess with Mama,” one of the humans at the bar said, shaking his head, the chimes hanging from the ends of his dreadlocks tinkling.

“I don’t suppose this… Mama is related to the pirates based out of Florrum, by any chance?” Anakin asked, a low, twisting feeling in his gut as he glanced back at Ahsoka. If what they said was true, he had to get his padawan out of there and into a safe place.

“Oi! Olack! What was the name of Mama’s kid again?” the bartender asked the sullen Ithorian.

“Hando, I think?” the hammer-headed alien grumbled into his drink. “Either way, you Jedi are karked.”

“And then what happened, Ahsoka?” Obi-Wan asked, her voice soft and gentle, soothing to the poor frazzled Togruta’s montrals. She was sitting tucked up against the Jedi Master’s side, a warm cup of honeyed tea in her hands and a blanket wrapped tight around her as the older woman traced soothing healing patterns in the Force with her fingers.

Ahsoka let out a heavy sigh. “And then Anakin hid Artoo and I under some rubble from the remains of my ship and when the pirates came, they overwhelmed him.”

“Ah…” Obi-Wan exhaled and Ahsoka felt the briefest flicker of something in the Force, something hard and sharp, like cold-forged durasteel. And then it was gone again, replaced with the calming warmth of her of her spirit. “And did you see them take him onto their ship?”

“Yeah…” Ahsoka closed her eyes as she tried to recall every last detail of that moment. “I heard them say they were taking him to their boss back on… Catooine? That doesn’t make sense.”

“Klatooine,” Obi-Wan murmured. “On the edge of Hutt Space and far too close to the Separatists for our peace of mind.”

“We have to get him back!” Ahsoka insisted, shrugging off her blanket and turning to face her master’s master. “We can’t let them sell Anakin to the Separatists or to slavers! We have to go after him right now!”

“And I will, Ahsoka,” Obi-Wan said, squeezing Ahsoka’s shoulder as she stood up. “We’ll have Master Windu contact this… Mother Ohnaka and you and he will work on extricating Anakin through legal channels.”

“And… what are you going to do?” Ahsoka asked, glancing up at the Jedi Master, who stood up and commed Commander Cody and requested a small transport ship. “Master Obi-Wan… where are you going?”

“To Florrum,” Obi-Wan replied with smile that had far more in common with the predatorial she-wolves of Tython than the serene mentor Ahsoka was used to. “To see just how close Hondo is to his sainted mother.”

Florrum was a dust ball planet floating in space like a particularly malignant piece of trash someone had forgotten to throw away. It was not a place Obi-Wan Kenobi relished returning to, nor was she particularly inclined to be serene and equanimous about it.

But Anakin needed rescuing and so Obi-Wan went.

When she rescued him and brought their tally down to a much more manageable 6 rescue attempts owed, then she would discuss his habit of trolling the edges of the Outer Rim with only his Padawan and Artoo for support.

Obi-Wan was all too well aware of the fate of whatever unfortunate Arfour was strapped into Ahsoka’s fighter and to be honest considered them tragically disposable.

After landing her ship at a distance far enough away that she wouldn’t be immediately shot out of the sky, Obi-Wan lowered the gangplank and walked out a small hover bike.

I hope that theatrical buffoon is at home. I do not have the supplies necessary to retrieve Anakin from a capable pirate’s nest.  

The Force buzzed and Obi-Wan swerved just in time to avoid a direct hit by a laser cannon. It seemed Hondo’s men were out and doing their level best to protect their boss and his operations. The next few minutes of travel were punctuated with laser fire and a disconcerting cheer in the Force, as if it found Obi-Wan’s travails terribly amusing in the middle of the quagmire that was the Clone Wars.

Obi-Wan supposed it was better to have the Force laughing with her as opposed to at her and she took it in stride as the walls of Hondo’s encampment grew larger and larger until she was running the hover bike up the wall and vaulting off of it to land in a somersault into a crouch.

Her lightsaber growled to life in her hand and the next few minutes were pleasantly mindless as Obi-Wan made short work of Hondo’s henchmen’s weapons. She was careful not to kill anyone but there was that one gentleman who stubbornly refused to surrender and he found himself flung off the top of the wall onto some soft tarps below.

The loud metallic clattering and the ensuing howl did not sound good but that was what bacta was for.

Confident that Hondo knew of her arrival, Obi-Wan lightly leapt off the battlements and landed in the middle of the yard where an odd assortment of small fighters to light freighters were laid out in a clever array that gave the pirates plenty of places to hide and snipe at an approaching assault party.

Not that they did much good against a Jedi who simply did not have time for this nonsense.

Some pirates went flying and few more fell off their perches. One set was thrown together with a rather nasty sounding crack and Obi-Wan grimaced and reminded herself that she wasn’t here to hurt anyone. Just because Anakin had gotten himself kidnapped, again, and was possibly going to be ransomed off to the Separatists,      again    , did not give her an excuse to engage in wholesale wanton destruction.

“Put yer hands up, you Jedi Bitch!” One particularly ugly Weequay pirate snarled.

Obi-Wan rolled her eyes and the rude bastard went flying backwards into another pile of junk and parts, letting out a yelp of pain as something landed on a rather precious part of his anatomy. “Now that was just lazy and rude. I was expecting something a bit more colorful from the pirate horde of Hondo Ohnaka.”

Coming to a stop in an open area, Obi-Wan waited patiently for Hondo’s men to spring their trap, encircling the diminutive seeming Jedi with at least twelve men with blasters and enough glowering faces in need of some personal hygiene to give even the most roguish of Jedi pause.

“Stop right there or we’ll slag ya!” one of Hondo’s more capable lieutenants shouted, feeling fairly secure behind a small laser cannon that was warming up with a cheerful hum.

Obi-Wan arched an eyebrow at him, her hands on her hips. “Is Hondo here? I would hate to think I’ve gone to all this trouble only to find out I’ve missed him.”

She needn’t have worried.

“Kenobi!” A warm voice boomed from the awning-covered depths of the Hondo’s base. The pirate boss in question emerged from the shadows, a broad grin on his grey lined face and his squawking creature shrieking on his shoulder. He gave her a deep and ridiculous bow before continuing. “What brings the most beautiful Jedi in all the Galaxy to my door? Have you come to arrest me again, my sweet? That didn’t work out so well for you last time.”

“As I recall, last time you double crossed me and Anakin and tried to sell us to the Separatists,” Obi-Wan pointed out, walking over to Hondo. “I see piracy has been going well for you.”

“It would be better if you were by my side,” Hondo leered, his beady eyes shining in the afternoon light of Florrum. “Come! Come-come-come! My lady Jedi has returned to grace me with her beauteous presence! We must have a feast!”

Obi-Wan took a deep breath and rolled her eyes as Hondo’s men let out a cheer at the promise of a party. “Hondo, I don’t have time for a feast. I require your assistance in a small matter.”

Hondo paused and turned around, slow and theatrical. “What’s this? Does the ravishing and powerful Obi-Wan Kenobi require my assistance? Do you hear that men? She does love me!”

The men let out another cheer as drinks started to flow and the chattering creature on Hondo’s shoulder let out a high pitched giggle of glee. Obi-Wan swallowed back a groan and marched over to Ohnaka, her hands curled into fists. “Hondo! I do not have time for this! My Pada… Anakin has been captured by your mother and I need your help to free him!”

Hondo stepped behind a bar and pulled out two large glasses, filling them with whatever firewater swill he and his men called alcohol on this forgotten dustball of a planet. He gave Obi-Wan a louche smirk as he handed her a drink. “Why should I help my romantic rival for your affections, my sweet? If Mama has caught the brat then that means I can have you all to myself!”

Obi-Wan went still at that, her mind freezing up at the very notion that Hondo and Anakin Skywalker were rivals for anything, let alone her romantic affections! The very idea was preposterous and she was going to illustrate to Hondo how wrong he was when she remembered that she needed his help to get into his mother’s castle without being shot or attacked.

Taking a deep breath, Obi-Wan centered herself in the Force and trailed after Hondo. “Hondo, my… dear. Anakin is not a… rival to you. He is my former Padawan. I practically raised him! He is like a… a… a little brother to me! A very large, annoying, easily captured little brother.”

Hondo gave Obi-Wan a long hooded look, his voice low, in a possible an attempt at being sultry. Obi-Wan refused to think too hard about it. “Is he now?”

“He is,” Obi-Wan smiled, sharp. “And he snores like a sarlaac. You can hear him through the bulkhead.”

“How terrible,” Hondo sighed, shaking his head as he handed Obi-Wan a mug of whatever noxious concoction he had created. “I wish I could help you, my sweet, but, I cannot! I simply could not deprive my dear mother of her favorite wall hanging! What kind of son would I be?”

“Wall hanging?!” Obi-Wan snapped, slamming her hand on the bar, shocking the shrieking little beast up into the rafters. “Ah ha! So he isat your mother’s compound on Klatooine!”

Hondo grimaced at that, holding his hands up. “No, no, no! You misunderstand my dearest Obi-Wan! It was just a figure of speech! My dear mother is… uhm… very fond of Jedi artwork and… Oh alright. He’s at my mother’s castle.”

Obi-Wan leaned over the bar, her eyes narrowed as she took a hold of one of Hondo’s lapels and slowly pulled him closer to her. “And did it not cross your mind that your dearest Obi-Wan might have been interested in this lucrative information?”

Hondo shrugged. “Uhm… no?”

Obi-Wan’s eyes widened in annoyed fury. “Hondo…”

Somehow managing to untangle himself from the Jedi’s gasp, Hondo danced backwards, holding his hands up as his men continued celebrating. “Mama made me swear not to tell anyone! She said she didn’t want anyone to know she had him before she made an offer to the Separatists!”

“Hondo!” Obi-Wan snapped. “You can’t let her sell him to the Separatists! They will torture and kill him!”

“Well… at least I won’t have to do it!” Hondo shrugged and drank his booze a little sullenly, unwilling to meet Obi-Wan’s gaze. “He’s too damn big to take down by myself.”

“Had it ever occurred to you, Hondo, my love,” Obi-Wan bit each sugary word off like they were poisoned. “That if my dear Padawan were to die that I would be inconsolable? However could I go on with my life without his support?”

Obi-Wan closed her eyes and gazed at the heavens, secretly fuming behind her shields. “How could I ever love again, knowing I had failed my poor little brother? My heart would be too broken to accept another.”

And with that melodramatic speech, Obi-Wan leaned against the bar, giving Hondo her biggest, saddest eyes as she pulled out the golden pin that held her current hairstyle in place. Golden copper tresses fell down around her face and shoulders, settling down her back like a river of fire. Obi-Wan watched with smug satisfaction behind her mental barriers as Hondo mouth hung open a bit, staring at her in tongue-tied lust.

“Please Hondo,” Obi-Wan pleaded. “You’re my only hope.”

Hondo blinked at her for a moment before he slapped a hand on the bar. “I will do it! On one condition!”

“Name it,” Obi-Wan beamed in fake delight.

“After we rescue your oversized brat of a Padawan,” Hondo leaned over the bar, practically rubbing noses with Obi-Wan. “We will be married and you will give up your Jedi ways to become my pirate queen! And together we will discover profit and riches untold!”

As much as Obi-Wan wanted to refuse Hondo’s offer, as much as she wanted to punch him in his little pug nose and run back to her fleet with instructions to flat out invade Klatooine to rescue Anakin, she knew such actions would be frowned on by the Jedi Council, to say nothing of what Chancellor Palpatine and the Senate. This was the only way to get into the pirate’s compound without raising undue suspicion or the attention of the Separatists or the Hutts for that matter.

There was really no other way.

Obi-Wan took a deep breath and delicately held out her hand. “Nothing would bring me greater happiness, my love.”

Besides, Hondo’s proposal had given Obi-Wan an idea.

In the grand scheme of things, being taken captive by Mama Ohnaka was not nearly as bad Anakin had feared. Yes, she did electrocute him a few times and, true, he was suspended against a wall by ray cuffs but if Anakin were being completely honest, Mama had nothing on Count Dooku or that crazy shark sentient on Mon Cala.

Just thinking about those electrocuting eel things made Anakin’s skin crawl.

To say nothing of Jar Jar Binks and his pressurized spit.

“Ugh…” Anakin shivered. “Poor Padme.”

“Are you uncomfortable, my beautiful Jedi?” Mama Ohnaka asked from her throne where she sat, enjoying the wild revelry going on around her. There were dancing beings and all manner of rowdy shouting, drinking and gambling. It seemed like exactly the kind of place someone like Hondo would grow up in. In a way, it almost made Hondo’s outfit seen like an efficient and spartan operation. “You know… If you would take me up on my offer, I could make you   very comfortable indeed.”

Anakin changed his mind.

Humanoid older ladies hitting on him rated a big fat ten out of ten on his Unpleasant Places to be Held Prisoner List.

“Thanks but no thanks, your majesty,” Anakin muttered, turning away from the wrinkled visage of Mama Ohnaka. He could not believe he was calling some random pirate “majesty” but apparently this was what he had to do while suspended on a wall in her castle. “I’m… uhm… already spoken for.”

“You and your stupid monastic order! Hah! I care nothing for your vows!” Mama snorted, waving a hand that was practically armored in bejeweled rings and other gaudy pieces of jewelry that would have offended Padme’s fashion sensibilities. And probably Obi-Wan’s.

Hell, even Jar Jar would have been offended and Anakin knew for a fact that the Gungan loved shiny things.

“Yes, well, my Queen,” Anakin managed to grit out as he tried to find a position that would let him stretch his shoulders, which were threatening to cramp up on him. “It is that dedication to my vows that makes me a Jedi. And isn’t that what you find attractive about me?”

Please say yes. Please say yes. Please just let this is some weird Jedi kink she’s got.  

“No,” Mama grinned, leaning forward to put her chin on one hand as she leered at him. “That is the least attractive thing about you, beautiful boy.”

Anakin turned his face to the ceiling and tried not to roll his eyes before spitting out a strangled. “Oh. I see.”

Force damnit! Where are you, Snips? What is taking you so long to get back to Obi-Wan to rescue me?  

“This is what makes you a Jedi, my adorable little Naboo peachling,” Mama Ohnaka cooed, holding up Anakin’s lightsaber and practically moaning in delight. “A true working lightsaber! I have always wanted one and now that I have it… Oh! It’s just so big and impressive! I never thought they would be so… so… and the blade!”

As if Anakin’s day couldn’t get any worse, she ignited his blade and proceeded to wave it around the room like an overly large conductor’s baton. “Okay! Okay! Yes! It’s a lightsaber and it’s very dangerous, your majesty. Just please, put it away? For me? Your little… peachling?”

He gave her his best sheepish smile, hoping it didn’t look as fake as it felt.

Thank the Force Obi-Wan isn’t here. She would never let me live that one down. Peachling? What does that even mean?  

“Does seeing a woman holding your saber intimidate you, my sweet boy?” she asked, sauntering down from her throne to walk over to where Anakin was praying incessantly for the Force to take him now because he could stand no more. “Don’t worry, my wild little Jedi. There is still time before Dooku arrives for us to renegotiate our arrangement.”

It was like being hit on by some kind of nightmarish combination of Asajj Ventress and Hondo Ohnaka and Anakin wanted to be rescued yesterday if it was at all possible.

“Why don’t I let you down from here and you can show me how your… saber works,” the Weequay woman purred, running her fingers along the edges of the ray shielding.

Anakin swallowed hard and told himself that this might be his only chance of escape and it would be foolish to throw it away because he point blank refused to flirt with the wrinkly old horned biddy that was Hondo’s mother.

But on the other hand, he wasn’t exactly excited about being tortured and then executed by Count Dooku either.

Anakin was a little appalled with himself that there was even a moment’s hesitation. If Obi-Wan were here she would have flirted the privateering matriarch into a swoon and they would have been gone before sundown. Of course, Obi-Wan could stomach flirting with Asajj which Anakin equated to flirting with a particularly rabid and vicious gundark. Her tolerance for conversation partners was perhaps set a bit lower than his.

C’mon Anakin! You can do this! It’s this or painful death at the hands of Count Dooku!  

But lucky for Anakin he was saved by the groaning howl of the blast doors being opened up and a truly theatrical bellow of a greeting.

“DEAREST MOTHER! I HAVE RETURNED!”

Mama Ohnaka both turned towards the door, her eyes narrowed in suspicion. She immediately turned back to her chair, unfortunately carrying Anakin’s lightsaber hilt out of reach as she draped herself back onto her throne, one leg jauntily kicked over an arm.

Craning his neck to see, Anakin watched in stunned silence as Hondo and a group of his pirates strolled into the hive of scum and villainy that made up the den of Mama Ohnaka, the Scourge of the Far Reaches of Hutt Space. The core group, numbering roughly ten pushed and shoved their way past drunk and drugged spice freaks, bounty hunters, ladies of the night and more than a few thieves, slicers and other disreputables.

Hondo made his way to the foot of the dais where his mother was lounging, giving her a flourish of a bow. “Hello, Mother! You are absolutely ravishing today! Have you changed your hair? It is stunning!”

Mama gazed down at her son, her black eyes scanning his face. Anakin had no idea what the relationship was like between Hondo and his mother but he hoped it was a friendly one because he did not want to be stuck to a wall as a pirate shoot-out went down.

“Why are you here, Hondo?” Mama Ohnaka asked, her head tilted back and one hand held out for a kiss. “I thought you were playing with your friends on Florrum? What was it you said to your dearest, old mother? ‘I want to become my own man and build my own pirate empire!’ And after I offered to cut you in on my profits too.”

Hondo glanced around the room at the unfriendly and slimy chuckles coming from the shadowy corners of the throne room. Anakin couldn’t quite make out if Hondo’s men were fully armed but he could definitely tell they were on edge.

Was Hondo going to shoot up his own mother’s castle? Was this how the Ohnakas handled family disagreements? With blaster fire and death?

And Anakin thought he and Obi-Wan had trouble discussing their feelings.

“I have come to bring you great news, Mama!” Hondo gestured, his long, spindly fingers spreading wide. “I am to be married and soon you will be a grandmama!”

“A what?” she sputtered, actually sitting up a little in surprise. “You… you found someone to marry you? After you rejected all of the beautiful women I sent you? It had better not be that albino whore with the antenna! Hondo, I have told you a thousand times to never trust a bounty hunter! They are the only beings in this galaxy who love credits more than we do!”

Was she referring to Aurra Sing? Did Hondo and Aurra Sing have a relationship?

Someone found Hondo attractive enough to marry?

Anakin was going to be sick.

“No, no, Mama!” Hondo soothed his mother, carefully climbing his way up the dais to take her hand and kiss one of her rings. He patted the back of her hand and gave her his best and most disreputable grin. “I promise, Mama that she is truly worthy of the Ohnaka name. My bride is as beautiful as she is deadly. And unlike my ex you so rudely insulted, my radiant goddess is not motivated by credits or profit! She is driven by the pure love she feels for me in her heart.”

Mama Ohnaka arched an eyebrow at Hondo and held up a hand to his forehead. “Hondo, are you ill? Do you have a fever? What kind of lies has this strumpet been telling you?”

Anakin had to admit he was a little curious too. What kind of woman would willingly agree to marry Hondo?

Backing his way back down to the floor where his men were, Hondo held his hands up to placate his mother. “No lies, my dearest Mother! I promise you that my new bride is too honorable for that.”

Mama rolled her eyes and waved off Hondo’s words. “My son, how many times have I told you? We are pirates and have no need for honor! We care only for treasure and profit! Now tell me about this… grandchild.”

“Well… what can I say?” Hondo boasted, holding his arms wide. “I am a very virile man! My bride cannot get enough of me! We are already pregnant.”

Yup. Anakin was definitely going to throw up whatever was left in his stomach.

Sweet Force please kill me now. Anakin gazed skyward and prayed for his end to come on swift wings when something tickled the edge of his awareness. He turned his attention back to the squabbling mother and son, watching to see what was going to happen next.

“So you mean to tell me you knocked up some tramp and now you’re going to marry her?” Mama Ohnaka glowered at her son. “And let me guess, you’ve brought this tramp to my house for my blessing, haven’t you?”

Hondo shrugged. “Well… when you put it like that, yes. I did. Darling! Mama will see you now!”

Anakin watched in utter fascination as Hondo’s bride glided into the room, taking small, immaculate steps. She was garbed in some kind of white diaphanous assemblage that seemed to have been thrown together from several different cultures. There was the white horn-hiders from Iridonia that floated down over the woman’s face in an almost opaque veil. There was the white, many layered splendor of a Nidai wedding robe and peeking out underneath that was a vermillion sheath of a Corellian wedding dress. The stark white of the ensemble seemed to glow in the half murk of Mama Ohnaka’s throne room and Anakin heard more than a few guests gasp and “ooo” in a kind of stunned awe.

But there was something about this diaphanous, floating creature that didn’t quite sit right with Anakin and he stretched out his neck, trying to get a better view of her. There was something predatory about the perfect placement of of her hands, about the way her feet moved lightly but never demurely. They were braced, shoulder width apart and the toes of her boots were carefully hidden behind a waterfall of white silk sleeves.

Anakin was starting to regret his earlier curiosity into the kind of woman who could find Hondo attractive. She did indeed look dangerous.

“Darling!” Hondo enthused, rushing over to his intended and taking one dainty delicate hand and pressing a kiss to the tips of her fingers which were quickly yanked back into her sleeves. “Please forgive me, Mama, but we are on our way to our wedding ceremony.”     

“Ceremony?” she squawked, slamming a bejeweled fist on the arm of her throne. “What the hell does that mean? I have not given you my blessing yet! And I don’t trust this girl! What kind of proper daughter-in-law comes into my throne dressed like some kind of Chandrillan priestess?”

Hondo took a breath and gave his mother the sweetest smile he possessed. “A respectful and modest one, my dear, sainted mother.”

“Respectful? Hah! I’ll believe that when I see it!” the Pirate Queen barked before she pointed at Anakin. “Peachling! What can your Jedi senses tell me about this vain strumpet who has bewitched my precious little Hondo?”

Hondo rolled his eyes and let out a sullen. “Mama… Wait? Did you just call him Peachling?”

Anakin grit his teeth and rolled his eyes. “It’s hard to tell from over here, your majesty. I can’t really see her.”

“Hah! I will not fall for your Jedi mind tricks, my sweet Naboo Peach!” she guffawed, shaking her head. “You think I will be seduced by your handsome face into letting you down but I know Jedi and you do not need to see this strumpet to      see     her.”

Anakin sagged against his restraints and tried not to groan. “Yes, your majesty.”

Thinking of it as an opportunity to test out just what it was that Hondo was planning to do, other than nauseate Anakin and annoy his mother, he reached out with his senses, letting the Force unfurl from his control like a river bursting free from the dam holding it in place. His awareness stretched out to fill the room, the essence of who Anakin was reaching and expanding until it seemed to bump into another unique and distinct individual in the Force.

A very familiar Force sensitive.

Oh. There you are. Could you get me out of here? Anakin grinned a little as he finished his scan and retreated back into himself. He rolled his shoulders back and took a calm, steadying breath before he answered the privateering matriarch.

“My queen, your son speaks the truth,” Anakin announced with a loud voice. “His… bride is indeed the most beautiful and dangerous woman in the galaxy.”

Mama Ohnaka glanced at Anakin, unnerved by her Jedi’s observation. She slowly stood up, her black beady eyes narrowed on the woman garbed in white at the foot of her dais. “Hondo… who have you brought into my home, the very bosom of your mother’s empire?”

Hondo shrugged, holding his arms up. “Why Mama! I already told you. I brought my Queen.”

Anakin wasn’t sure what set the pirate queen off, if it was the tone in Hondo’s voice or the Force or just plain maternal instinct but he knew before the command was given that she didn’t like the white-garbed woman who had apparently bewitched her son.

If anyone was going to wind Hondo around their pinkie it was going to be his mother and no one else.

“Oh Hondo… I am so disappointed in you. I thought taught you better than to betray someone to their face. In the back, my boy! We always stab them in the back!” Mama Ohnaka sighed as she waved a hand. “Kill her.”

There was a loud clattering of guns being shifted into position before the familiar and anxiety inducing sound of blaster fire. The room lit up in an explosion of ricocheting bolts as Hondo’s bride seemed to explode up towards the ceiling, her veil drifting down over a particularly drunk clutch of partiers who let out a cheer when the shooting started, too drunk to realize they needed to get some place safe. With a precise flip, the bride landed right in front of Mother Hondo, a brilliant blue-white lightsaber in her grasp and a jaunty tilt of her chin.

“Hello, Mother Dear,” Obi-Wan almost trilled in a kind of malevolent cheerfulness. “That’s not a very nice way to start a relationship with your future daughter-in-law, now is it?”

“Jedi scum!” Mama Ohnaka hissed, backing away from the blade pointed at her crepey neck and the ridiculous amount of necklaces hanging there. “I knew it! I knew you had bewitched my precious little boy!”

“Do you really find it that hard to believe that Jedi would not find Hondo roguishly charming?” Obi-Wan asked, her head tilted to the side. “I have found myself growing quite fond of him and his complete dedication to his own greed and avarice.”

“See? She does loves me!” Hondo cheered, earning an echoing cheer from his men who were all huddled behind their leader and the Jedi woman. “Come Mama! There is no need to fight! All my bride desires is a wedding gift from you and then we will be gone! Poof! It will be as if we were never here!”

What wedding present? Anakin frowned, flexing and stretching with his bound hands, trying to call out to his lightsaber from where it rested somewhere on the throne. If he could just get free then this whole farce of a betrothal could end and he and Obi-Wan could get far away from this crazy family.

“A gift, eh?” Mama Ohnaka sneered at Obi-Wan, who remained as still and as placid as a lake, her blue gray eyes focused with laser sharp intensity on the pirate queen before her. “I knew it! I knew you had come to steal from me, my baby boy! Which one of my treasures does your Jedi want to take back with her?”

“Sadly my darling Hondo’s residence leaves something to be desired,” Obi-Wan replied with a sharp grin. “I was hoping I could ask you to spare a wall hanging. Something of Naboo design perhaps?”

Anakin stifled a groan, realizing now that not only had Hondo heard his mother’s pet name for him but not Obi-Wan had as well. I am never going to live this down. Ever.  

“Naboo?” the pirate queen gasped, her gaze darting from Obi-Wan to Anakin and then back again. “You have come to steal away my prize? How dare you! I am a… erk!?”

Mama let out a squeak of worry when Obi-Wan moved her blade a few centimeters closer to the older Weequay’s leathery neck. Her posture was relaxed but Anakin knew from experience that Obi-Wan was anything but. He had seen the face that went along with that stance before and he was glad he was not in the receiving end of that she-wolf smile and too-bright blue eyes.

Just a little bit more and his saber would be free.

“I’m afraid I must insist, Mother Ohnaka,” Obi-Wan’s lip twitched in an almost sneer. “I have already told my darling Hondo how devastated the loss of my darling little brother would make me. I might even lose the baby in grief.”

Mama Ohnaka widened her eyes at that. “Do you honestly expect me to believe that?”

“No. Not really,” Obi-Wan nodded to Hondo. “Now, my sweet.”

Hondo shrugged at his mother and held up a detonator. “I am sorry, Mama, but, you are correct. She has bewitched me, body and soul!”

There was a loud and ominous boom that went off somewhere in the lower room, shivering up through the whole building, and then a loud and piercing siren went off. The lights started flashing and then the pounding of feet echoed from the hallway.

“How much explosive did you use?” Obi-Wan blinked at Hondo, surprised by the force of the explosion. “You were only supposed to blow out a door, not take the whole bloody place down!”

Grinning, Hondo folded his arms over his chest. “I could not resist, my love! And besides, it is my birthday next month! Mama can think of it as an early birthday present.”

“What do you mean a birthday present? We’re only here for Anakin!” Obi-Wan glared.

Shrugging, Hondo replied, “Well I thought while we were here I would pick up my birthday present!”

“Hondo! You greedy bastard!” Obi-Wan gaped.

“Mama!” one of the minions shouted from the doorway. “They’ve blown the vault outer wall open! They’re stealing the treasure!”

“What?!” she gasped, turning her attention away from Obi-Wan to glower furiously at Hondo. “Guards! Protect the vault! Seize those thieving pirates!”

Obi-Wan took the opportunity to surreptitiously back away while mother and son squabbled in the ruckus.

“Is this your doing, Hondo?! Have you betrayed your own family for cold, hard, credits?” the pirate queen seethed, stomping down the stairs of the dais to poke her finger at her son. “I… I have never been so betrayed. Or so proud! Come to Mama, my sweet little boy! This is such a clever plan! Double crossing even your new Jedi bride!”

Obi-Wan and Anakin both gaped in a confused kind of awe as the privateering matriarch and her equally profiteering son embraced as the chaos of a bank heist was going on around them. Hondo’s men were fleeing out the door as mother and son pulled apart, tears in their eyes. “I knew you would appreciate my genius, Mama!”

“Fine, I will grant you the Jedi as a wedding present,” Mama Ohnaka sniffed, dabbing at her eyes with a golden cloth as she waved a hand.

The ray cuffs deactivated with a sigh and Anakin let out a grunt as he collapsed forward, catching himself on the corners of the alcove he had been positioned in. He stepped around the edge and summoned his saber which flew to his hand with a satisfying thwack! Obi-Wan was still on the defensive and he took a moment, trying to ignore the sirens and distant sounds of battle to work out any sore or tweaked muscles from hanging on a wall for a day or so.

“Are you alright?” Obi-Wan asked, her voice low and carried to Anakin via the Force. “I think we’ll be getting out of here shortly unless my dear mother-in-law changes her mind.”

“Please tell me you didn’t actually marry that raisin-faced buffoon,” Anakin muttered as he stepped up next to Obi-Wan, his face morphing into a glare as he waited for the Ohnakas to finish melodramatically embracing each other.

“No, of course not,” Obi-Wan answered, a teasing lilt in her voice. “Why? Are you jealous, my Naboo Peach?”

The frown on Anakin’s face threatened to turn into a thunderous scowl as he quickly shot a dirty look at Obi-Wan, who was still wearing the many-layered white wedding robe and the rather scandalously low cut red silk shift beneath it. “Where did you get all of that?”

“Would you believe Hondo picked this out for me?” Obi-Wan chuckled, shaking her head. “Did you hear? I bewitched him!”

Anakin rolled his eyes and tried to remember that the bombastic prune was helping him avoid a terrible death at the hands of Count Dooku and it would be considered terribly rude of him to murder the pirate.

“And now I must go, Mama,” Hondo sighed, giving his beloved mother another tearful hug before he took a step back. “Thank you for the wall hanging by the way. I think he’s a good match for the carpeting.”

“Ah… about that,” Mama clicked her tongue and waggled her finger at Obi-Wan and Anakin. “I am not so blinded by love as my son and I know for a fact that you are not some random bimbo he picked up on Florrum, are you?”

Obi-Wan risked a glance at Hondo before giving his mother a bland expression. “I’m afraid I don’t understand, Mother dearest. What seems to be the trouble?”

“You are Obi-Wan Kenobi,” the Pirate Matriarch announced, her voice somehow carrying on over the chaos of downstairs. “I’ve seen you on the holonet, running all over the galaxy with my sweet little trinket over there. Do you expect me to believe that you are going to throw that all away to marry my son?”

Anakin rolled his eyes this time and let out a groan. “I am not your sweet little trinket… your majesty!”

“Mama!” Hondo protested, actually sounded a bit insulted. “Are you accusing the beautiful and deadly Obi-Wan Kenobi, the great Negotiator and War General of the Galactic Republic, of lying and deceit? In front of her own future husband?”

Mama Ohnaka glanced from Obi-Wan to Hondo and back again. “Yes, I am.”

Obi-Wan stared the Pirate Queen in the eye and nodded. “Fair enough. If you doubt the veracity of my affection then allow me to demonstrate the feelings that flutter in the depths of my bosom.”

Anakin had no idea what Obi-Wan just said but he had the horrible feeling it was going to somehow involve Obi-Wan kissing Hondo, a fate he considered worse than death.

“Beloved?” Obi-Wan grit her teeth and held out her hand to Hondo, who took the delicate pale hand of his favorite Jedi and pulled her close.

“You know… I am really starting to think you do love me, Obi-Wan,” Hondo all but purred. “Don’t worry. I will make it look convincing.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Obi-Wan muttered and Hondo did just that and they kissed, a good solid embrace that appeared to be just passionate enough that if one squinted hard and tilted their head just right it was almost believable that Obi-Wan Kenobi did in fact love Hondo Ohnaka. Which she did not but the things one did to rescue their captured Padawans…

And, to his credit, Anakin did not throw up but he did make a mental plan punch Hondo at his earliest convenience. Which would be in another ten seconds if he didn’t get his stinking hands off Obi-Wan.

After a moment of genuine surprise not having expected the Jedi to commit to her lie so convincingly, the privateering matriarch groaned in disgust. “Okay! Okay! Get a room you two! Honestly! Is it not enough that you rob me blind, steal my favorite bit of Jedi beauty and now you enchant my only son?”

“My apologies, Mother Ohnaka,” Obi-Wan smiled as the compound was rocked with an explosion. “But I am known for my thoroughness. Now if you will excuse us, our ride should be arriving shortly.”

With a wave of her hand, the three were dismissed, leaving the great Matriarch to scream at her retainers and subordinates to not let those thieving Jedi and her ungrateful son escape from the complex alive.

“Okay so now that the romance is done,” Anakin glowered at Hondo and Obi-Wan, “How are we going to get out of here?”

“Oh don’t worry, Peachling!” Hondo chortled as they carefully picked their way through the detritus of a firefight that had already made its way down to the vault where the two brigades of pirates were fighting for gold and riches. “My men have already planned a perfect getaway! Come! We must hurry! I do not want to lose any of my new treasure. Or be late to our wedding, my sweet!”

Obi-Wan followed after Hondo, gathering up the long layers of her robe as she picked her away around dead bodies, the unconscious and the injured. Anakin managed to catch up with her and grabbed her arm, pulling her back into the protective shadow of his larger frame. “Is he serious? Why does he keep talking about your wedding? You’re not going to marry him, are you?”

Looking back up at her partner, Obi-Wan rolled her eyes. “Anakin, I am a Jedi. And we are going to be late to our evac. Now stop scowling and hurry up.”

With a sniff and an almost flounce, because Obi-Wan was far too serious of a Jedi to flounce even in a ridiculous wedding ensemble, she was off down the hallway, deflecting stray blaster bolts as guards tried to rush forward in an attempt to stop them from their escape. Anakin let out a muttered Huttese curse and followed after her.

After an uneventful dash to the vault, Hondo, Obi-Wan and Anakin came upon a fierce firefight between Hondo’s men inside the vault and Mama’s men outside of it.

“I think we should try to take them by surprise,” Obi-Wan commented from where they were peering around a door jamb. “Anakin and I will go in first and Hondo, you can order your men to evacuation point.”

“No,” Anakin glowered as he stepped past the other two, cracking the knuckles of his left hand.. “I’ve got this covered.”

“Anakin! What are you doing?” Obi-Wan hissed at him but it was too late and she gave chase, Hondo strolling after them, occasionally taking aim at a brigand who was trying to steal back the treasure Hondo’s men had already stolen.

There was a flurry of deflected shots and several pirates went flying through the air as Anakin made short work of the cluster of enemies firing on Hondo’s men. Obi-Wan hurried after him, a bit dismayed to see that her assistance was not really required.

Hondo was just chortling to himself. “My dear Obi-Wan, I think your little brother might be a tiny bit jealous of our impending nuptials.”

Obi-Wan rolled her eyes and gave Hondo a hard glare. “Hondo, I swear to the Force that if you don’t stop antagonizing Anakin, I am going to have to muzzle you… dearest.”

“Well… if that’s what you’re into,” Hondo leered and Obi-Wan let out a loud and disgusted groan, hurrying to keep up with Anakin. “Don’t forget my love! We’re going straight to church after this!”

“As if you could let me forget!” Obi-Wan snapped, already inside the vault and unable to see the true humorous beauty that was Hondo Ohnaka waltzing his way down the hallway humming an old Galactic standard “Runaway Bride”.

Inside the vault, Anakin and Obi-Wan stood to the side as what was left of Hondo’s men were carefully loading a large safe full of credits onto a nearby air skiff, wind thrown up by the repulsor lift boosters whipping debris around the room.

The Vault had been ransacked except for two walls of lock boxes and a stack of storage crates. Clearly Hondo had instructed his men to not take everything from his dear mother and from the looks of it, Mama Ohnaka was going to be just fine when washed out in the end.

“How are we going to get out of here?” Anakin asked, frowning at the skiff. “We’ll be completely exposed trying to make it to another ship.”

“Patience,” Obi-Wan answered, pulling a com out of her robe and tapping a code into it. “We’ll be out of here shortly and back on the Resolute before you know it.”

“Men! We have taken enough from my sainted mother!” Hondo announced as he proudly strutted into the vault. “It is time for us to make our dramatic escape! To the ship, men! And then… To my wedding!”

“I think he seriously thinks he’s going to marry you!” Anakin gaped at Hondo and his men, who were hurrying to the giant hole in the wall. Almost half of the pirates were able to fit onto the air speeder that pulled away from the side of the building and took off in the direction of the distant saucer shaped starship.

“You just focus on finding our ride out of here and I will focus on Hondo,” Obi-Wan said as they all waited for the skiff to return and take the rest of the assembled crew. “Did you know? He fancies you his rival for my romantic affections.”

“What?!” Anakin gaped, moving just a little too late to accurately block an incoming blaster bolt and instead he sent it ricocheting at Hondo’s ship. “What do you mean ‘rival for your romantic affections’? In what galaxy is Hondo my rival?”

“In the one of his own making I suppose,” Obi-Wan shrugged, tapping out another mysterious message into her comm before standing up assist Anakin at defending their position from incoming ship fire. “Our ride will be here shortly.”

“Five people will have to stay behind and wait for the next one, my love,” Hondo announced over explosive percussion on turret fire the whining roar of the approaching air speeder. “I’m am sorry, Little Brother, but you will have to stay here. But do not fear! I will let no harm come to our beloved Obi-Wan.”

Anakin narrowed his eyes at Hondo, his hand curling into a fist. “I am not letting you go anywhere with Obi-Wan. You got your credits! What more do you want?”

“Now now,” Obi-Wan soothed, stepping between the pirate and the Jedi. “There’s no need to be angry. I’m sure we can make room for Anakin. He is terribly important to me after all.”

Hondo narrowed his eyes and glanced at Obi-Wan. “Hmm… I don’t trust him, my precious! He is clearly jealous of our deep and eternal love!”

“What?!” Anakin gasped, his eyes going round with shock. “Are you serious? Obi-Wan doesn’t lo…”

“Obi-Wan doesn’t want to talk about this right now, boys!” the Jedi in question interrupted, pushing both Hondo and Anakin over to the skiff that had finally arrived. “Go go! Let’s all go together on the skiff and get out of here before reinforcements… Oh and here they are.”

Another round of blaster fire chased them out of the now empty vault and the next few minutes were spent returning fire or deflecting bolts. Anakin was too focused on the immediate moment to notice another ship, a T-6 painted in Republic red. But he did let one or two bolts land a little closer than Hondo would have liked.

“Are you trying to get me killed, Peachling?” Hondo shouted over the roar of battle. “That is no way for my future brother-in-law to act!”

“Obi-Wan is not marrying you!” Anakin shouted back. “She’s a Jedi and Jedi don’t get married.”

Hondo smirked. “Oh? Well then that means she’s not marrying you either!”

“Oh dear! Look at the time,” Obi-Wan snapped, bullying her way in between the two men. “Anakin and I really must be going, my dearest Hondo. I’m so sorry to leave you at the altar like this but you do understand of course. It would never work out between us. We both know you will never love me as much as you love credits.”

Hondo let out a truly great sigh. “This is true, my Obi-Wan. Although I have tried to make it work for your sake. But a promise is a promise!”

“Then I shall follow your example, dear Hondo, and break that promise,” she smiled.

And with that, Obi-Wan climbed up onto the railing of airspeeder, saluted the assembled pirates, and jumped off the ship. Anakin and Hondo both raced to the edge of the skiff and watched as Obi-Wan landed on the wing of the Republic ship below them. There was some kind of cord tied down to the wing, allowing her to stay upright while the ship hovered beneath them.

“Oh!” Hondo gasped in heartbroken melodrama. “Such betrayal! Such deception! I have taught her so well! You had better go too, Naboo Peach.”

“That is NOT my name,” Anakin snarled as he pointed a finger at Hondo, who waved him away as he took over command of the air skiff. With a roll of his eyes Anakin promptly vaulted himself over the side of the airship.

Once Anakin was safely out of reach, Hondo shouted over the railing, with a flourish. “Thief! Scoundrel! Come back with my bride, you double crossing Jedi!”

Paying the Weequay no mind, Anakin landed on the wing of the ship, catching the restraining strap that was attached to the door to the cockpit, where Obi-Wan was standing, the crisp white sleeves of her wedding dress flapping in the breeze. Rex stood behind her gazing up at the pirate ship overhead, one of his blasters pulled out and Anakin could just barely make out Ahsoka in the cockpit with Cody.

Wrapping the strap around his arm and balancing himself with the Force, Anakin carefully made his way to the cockpit of the ship, the belligerent bellowing of Hondo growing fainter with each step. By the time he got to the juncture of the wing and the ship, he couldn’t hear the pirate at all, and he happily let Rex and Obi-Wan pull him inside.

“Glad to have you back, sir,” Rex said as Anakin stepped past him and Obi-Wan, who was politely waving goodbye to the pirates.

“You too, Rex,” Anakin grunted, hurrying past them to the front cockpit. “Snips? I want you to bring us up level to the skiff. I have a bone to pick with Hondo.”

“Oh, hi Master!” Ahsoka muttered as she shot a glance up at him. “I’m happy to see you too. We were worried about you but I’m glad you’re back to your grumpy self.”

“Anakin?” Obi-Wan called from the back cabin. “What are you doing? We need to get out of here before Mother Ohnaka decides to mobilize the rest of her air support.”

“Just one last thing,” Anakin glowered as Ahsoka brought the two ships side by side. Obi-Wan stayed next to the door as her partner held onto the top lip of the doorway. “Hey! Hondo!”

Hondo looked up from the helm, actually puzzled that the Jedi hadn’t made their escape already. “You are still here, Peachling? Go! Shoo! I am consoling myself with my… how much did we take from Mama?”

On of the pirates spoke up, “A hundred thousand credits sir and two lock boxes of weapons and ammunitions.”

“One hundred thousand credits?!” Hondo gaped, actually sounding a bit stunned at his sudden largess. “Do you hear that, my Obi-Wan! I am a wealthy man now! But it is too late! My heart is too broken! Farewell my love!”

Obi-Wan rolled her eyes and covered her face with her hand. “Truly, my soul is crushed. However will I go on? Anakin, what are we still doing here?”

“This,” Anakin grunted and leaned over to pull Obi-Wan close enough to kiss, which, unlike her kiss with Hondo earlier this one was considerably longer and infinitely more pleasant, once she got past the fact that they were standing next to an open door on a starship and could possibly plummet to their deaths a thousand meters below. And considering the turbulence kicked up by Hondo’s airspeeder’s repulsor lifts and the atmospheric disruption, Obi-Wan had to cling just a little bit tighter than was professionally necessary to Anakin’s shoulders, who didn’t seem to mind in the slightest.

Hondo, on the other hand, found their dramatic kiss to be an utter delight and pounded on the shoulder of his nearest henchman. “Ah HA! I knew it! I knew you were jealous of our eternal love! Do you see that men! I have a Jedi for a rival! I told you, Obi-Wan! Have fun with your Padawan, my dear!”

And with his treasure secure and his hide intact, and that of most his men, Hondo Ohnaka flew off into the sunset, to be picked up by his own vessel and flown to safety on Florrum.

Captain Rex watched the pirates fly away and wondered when exactly would be a good time to interrupt his generals and if he would need to do so from the safety of the cockpit. He risked a glance at the two and decided that there would be no harm in waiting just a little bit longer.