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aion-rsa · 4 years ago

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Godzilla vs. Kong: Who Should Win?

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Ever since Warner Bros. and Legendary Pictures announced they were building a “MonsterVerse,” this is the fight everyone’s been waiting for: Godzilla vs. Kong. Fire meets fur. As the undisputedly most popular monsters in movie history, King Kong and Godzilla are responsible for the entire idea of a “kaiju versus” film thanks to their first bout nearly 60 years ago. Since then they’ve each appeared in countless sequels, spin-offs, and reboots. But never again have they crossed paths. Until now.

Some might say that’s because one movie isn’t big for the both of them. After all, there’s a reason why each has coasted to the top of our Movie Monster March Madness bracket, right? But we disagree with the idea that you can’t choose. There should be a clear cut winner in Godzilla vs. Kong, and Den of Geek editors David Crow and Alec Bojalad are ready to go to the mat over who that should be.*

Godzilla Should Win

David Crow: It took several years after the original Ishirō Honda masterpiece, Gojira, was released for it to reach the U.S. When it did, the Western distributors clearly got a lot of things wrong: the awkward inclusion of American actor Raymond Burr; the removal of all direct allusions to the Bikini Atoll nuclear radiation disaster; and not nearly enough mad scientists with eye-patches. But what they got right? The title. It was all right there when the film became an international phenomenon–Godzilla: King of the Monsters! (even the declarative exclamation mark is theirs).

Godzilla might’ve been the second big guy on the scene, but ever since he lit Tokyo up like a Christmas tree, he’s been first in our hearts. From ‘56 to 2019’s Godzilla: King of the Monsters, there’s only been one undisputed reigning titan, and he’s not a gorilla. King Kong is good enough for an island no one’s heard of, I guess. But Godzilla? He’s been the top dog all over the world, and he’s more often used that supremacy to protect all of us from intergalactic aliens and ancient monsters… as opposed to only having eyes for blondes with a healthy set of lungs.

In terms of physicality alone, Godzilla has an advantage in reach that exceeds even his towering height. With nuclear fire breath that can span the length of 15 devastated city blocks, Godzilla should be able to cook Kong before he ever gets down from the Empire State Building.

King Kong Should Win

Alec Bojalad: Who would win in a fight between Godzilla and King Kong? The only possible answer here is the big monke, himself: Kong.

Do me a favor real quick. Head on over to the Homininae Subfamily Wikipedia page. Take a look at the header photo and let me know what you see. A chimpanzee, a gorilla, and… a human being. Of course we all know that humans and gorillas are closely related, but for the purposes of the monster fight to come, it’s important to see just how closely related we are. To argue that Godzilla has a prayer in a fight against King Kong is to argue that a big dumb lizard could ever triumph over the ingenuity of the human species and our homininae subfamily.

As one of humanity’s closest cousins, Kong brings so many things to a fight that his scaly counterpart just can’t. Let’s start with the obvious: Kong is strong. Those rippling arm muscles and pectorals of iron aren’t just for show. Kong is also highly intelligent. Observe his use of tools in his many film appearances throughout the years, up to and including his big whooping stick in the Godzilla v. Kong trailer. And if raw strength and intelligence weren’t enough. Kong is highly lithe and nimble. That should prove quite useful in battle against the largely inert Godzilla

Look, I don’t mean to body shame this very chonky lizard. In fact, I admire his dedication to not skipping meals. But when it comes time to face off against a quicker foe, all that raw strength is gonna hold him back. As any boxing fan could tell you: speed beats strength 100 times out of 100. That’s why Kong won during the pair’s 1962 matchup and it’s why he’s going to win again now.

About King Kong vs. Godzilla…

David: Alec, I’m glad you brought up King Kong vs. Godzilla (1962). It’s a solid throwdown between ape and lizard that arguably invented the monster mash-ups we’re still enjoying to this day. All that said, Zilla was ripped off in the movie.

Back in ‘62 , Godzilla was the new kid on the block, and Kong was the legacy pick, with King Kong (1933) being the paterfamilias kaiju movie before Toho Studios made that word a thing. However, they did make it a thing, and Godzilla was already doing monster battles with glorified armadillos in Godzilla Raids Again (1955), back when a “King Kong vs.” movie was still a twinkle in special effects guru Willis O’Brien’s eye. So as the sentimental fan favorite, Kong was basically rigged to win while Zilla was just playing the Heel. But I’m going to let you in on a secret every wrestling fan knows: deep down everyone all prefers the villain.

So yeah, the lizard lost round one, but he took a fall for the good of the genre. Almost every time since then, however, he’s been on the side of the angels (or at least Venus princesses, look it up), protecting us from three headed dragons who’d eat Kong’s lunch.

And saying Godzilla isn’t smart? This is a beast who, in the American MonsterVerse, has been around since the time of Atlantis. Kong is just the youngest in a long line of gorillas while Zilla has the age and wisdom of a god. Underestimate that experience at your own peril.

Alec: Sure, David, we all enjoy a good villain. But how often do they win? Godzilla’s resume is just L after L. Godzilla lost to Kong in ‘62, he lost to an oxygen destroyer before that in ‘54, and he lost in ‘98 to Matthew Broderick (but to be fair, we all lost with the existence of that movie). And doggone it, he’s going to lose again in 2021.

Perhaps I shouldn’t have denigrated the beast’s intelligence because I must concede that Zilla is pretty sharp for a lizard. Kong, however, is smarter, more adaptive, intuitive, and quicker in thinking. Godzilla’s nuclear-powered fire breath is certainly formidable to lesser monsters, but Kong is just too elusive for it to prove that big of a threat. Imagine Godzilla’s confusion upon watching Kong simply sidestepping a fire blast. Huh, Ghidorah didn’t do that. Yes, Godzilla, that’s because Ghidorah is very slow. Just like you, I’m afraid.

A Skull Islander or the Savior of the World?

David: First of all, that was not Godzilla in ‘98. It was a stinky-breathed fish-eater from the hacks who got lucky once because of Will Smith. Toho Studios corrected them though when the real Godzilla turned that American monstrosity into a marshmallow in Godzilla: Final Wars (2004).

But if you don’t remember, I can understand since Godzilla has won far more bouts than he’s lost over the years, from American embarrassments, onward. That’s because Zilla has been putting in the work. Ghidorah? A three course meal. Biollante? Fertilizer. Gigan? Who even cares. Mothra, arguably the smartest of all the kaiju, and a celestial creature with the gift of flight and her own cult, more often bows down before Zilla as a friend. Why? Because of respect.

Meanwhile what’s Kong been doing? Hiding like a coward on a rock in the Pacific. If he’s so tough, why didn’t he ever leave Skull Island in the MonsterVerse while Godzilla was busy saving the world? Because he’s scared. He knows pound for pound, he doesn’t have the strength or the cunning of Godzilla. The original Kong was slaughtered by biplanes; Zilla eats jets for breakfast. Filmmakers had to size the new Kong up to even have a ghost of a chance. It won’t save him.

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Alec: There is no doubt that Godzilla’s won more bouts than he’s lost because Godzilla only faces monsters he can defeat. Biollante is literally a plant. What, was Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors not available? Mothra bows before Godzilla? Well, I would too if I were a highly flammable bug. Ghidorah is a solid enough victory, but Ghidorah also doesn’t have Kong’s advantages.

Sure, Kong spends most of his time on Skull Island. You know why? Because he appreciates some gosh darn peace and quiet like the king he is. Kong doesn’t need to prove his mettle by trading fisticuffs with whatever misguided kaiju comes knocking at his door. He’s perfectly happy to spend his days eating comically big bananas and kicking back. Why not outsource the world saving to Godzilla, who seems pathologically obsessed with proving that he’s a big, scary monster whenever he can? Kill all the Ghidorahs and knock down all the buildings you want, dude, it’s not gonna make up for the emptiness inside.

Ultimately, however, I’m confident in a Kong victory over Godzilla for one reason above all. Godzilla has such a glaring physical weakness that it almost feels rude to point out. When things get really heated in this matchup, and the punches start actually flying, what is Godzilla going to do with those itty bitty T. Rex arms? I’ll believe Godzilla has a shot against Kong when I see him raise his arms over his head.

Final Round

David: Don’t worry, Alec. You’ll see him raise them high enough when he stands victorious over Kong’s smoldering corpse. With fire breath like that, his reach far exceeds whatever big rock the wittle bitty ape thinks can save him. And while I cannot see the future, I suspect on March 31 we’ll both see the denizens of Skull Island bow down in awe. They’re about to meet their real god, and this one won’t die on them because of “beauty.”

Alec: Damn, now I almost want Godzilla to win just to watch him try to raise up his baby arms. Sadly we won’t get to see that spectacle. Come March 31, Kong is going to make Godzilla rue the day he ever crawled out of the sea on his belly.

Godzilla vs. Kong opens in theaters and premieres on HBO Max on Wednesday, March 31.

*Editor’s Note: This conversation was recorded before either editor reviewed Godzilla vs. Kong.

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aion-rsa · 4 years ago

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Monster Madness: Vote for Your Favorite Monsters

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Every season is monster season in our hearts. But this March is a particularly good time to celebrate our enormous, scaly, and/or hairy friends. In the film world, the long-awaited Godzilla v. Kong arrives on March 31. Meanwhile on television, the final season of behemoth anime Attack on Titan is in the midst of its final season right now. Given that many of us are already primed for bracketology in March, we decided to create a bracket of our 32 favorite monsters for you, the monster-lover, to vote on.

In honor of Godzilla, Kong, and Attack on Titan’s many titans, we’re electing only to include kaiju-style monsters on this bracket. All of these monsters must A. be their own distinct individual (not a species like “cave trolls” or “aliens”) and B. be able to knock down a building (or at least cause catastrophic structural damage). That’s why you won’t see any Universal-style monsters (Frankenstein, Dracula, et. al) on our list.

If you’re unfamiliar with how a bracket works, never fear – each round we will present monster matchups one-by-one for you to vote on via our Twitter and within this post. The rules here are simple: peruse our list of 16 matchups and vote for your favorite monster. And whether “favorite” means “which monster would win in a fight” or “which monster I like the most” is up to you.

You can vote over at Den of Geek‘s Twitter or within this post.

Whichever monster receives the most votes will advance to the next round to face another victorious monster. This will lead to five total rounds with round 1 featuring 32 monsters, round 2 having 16, round 3 having 8, round 4 having 4, and round 5 having 2. The full voting schedule will be as follows:

Round 1 (32 monsters) – Voting Opens March 15 (Closes March 16 at 12 p.m. ET)

Round 2 (16 monsters) – Voting Opens March 18 (Closes March 19 at 12 p.m. ET)

Round 3 (8 monsters) – Voting Opens March 22 (Closes March 23 at 12 p.m. ET)

Round 4 (4 monsters) – Voting Opens March 25 (Closes March 26 at 12 p.m. ET)

Round 5 (2 monsters) – Voting Opens March 29 (Closes March 30 at 12 p.m. ET)

Results – March 31

With the monster rules and arena set, let’s get into the round 1 matchups!

Godzilla Region

1. Godzilla vs. 8. The Blob

You know that saying “if you come at the king, you best not miss?” Well in this monster bracket, Godzilla is the king. The big lizard is the iconic kaiju, having appeared in over 30 films and countless other bits of media. Who dares challenge his monster supremacy? The Blob. The Blob is…well, a blob. Best of luck!

2. King Ghidorah vs. 7. Destoroyah

Though Godzilla may be the king of monsters, only one kaiju is bold enough to include “King” in its name. That would be King Ghidorah. This three-headed beast first appeared in the fittingly named 1964 film King Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster. He’s appeared in multiple eras of Godzilla films as an enemy to Godzilla and Mothra. Opposing Ghidorah is Destoroyah, an unholy combination of crab, insect, and bat.

3. Biollante vs. 6. Colossal Titan (Attack on Titan)

Kaiju movies are happy to turn just about anything into a terrifying monster. Case in point is the plant monster Biollante. Despite its rosy origins, Biollante is a fearsome foe to all. Meanwhile the Colossal Titan can knock down just about any wall put in front of it. He’s not the most dangerous titan in Attack on Titan, but he’s unquestionably the most iconic.

4. Yongary vs. 5. Quetzalcoatl (Q: The Winged Serpent)

Yongary looks quite a bit like Godzilla and that’s by design. The monster was introduced in 1967’s Yongary, Monster from the Deep to rival the success of the iconic monster. Suffice it to say, Yongary did not reach Godzilla heights, but he’s still pretty cool. Its opponent Quetzalcoalt comes from the 1982 film Q: The Winged Serpent. In some ways, Quetzalcoatl is the American answer to Godzilla, drawing from Aztec myth to create a winged beast.

King Kong Region

1. King Kong vs. 8. El Blanco (Tremors)

Only one monster can challenge Godzilla’s claim to the monster throne. And that’s the MONKE. First appearing in the 1933 film bearing his name, King Kong pre-dates Godzilla by 20 years. He comes from a simpler time where monsters could exist naturally and not as a byproduct from man’s vile nuclear experiments. King Kong rules. Trying to take the gorilla down is El Blanco, a notable graboid from the Tremors film series.

2. Mechagodzilla vs. 7. Hedorah

What could possibly take a big nuclear lizard down? The answer is so simple it’s been staring us in the face all along: a ROBOT lizard. Mechagodzilla was first depicted as an alien in the 1974 film Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla. Since then he’s frequently turned up as a mechanical creation from mankind to keep Godzilla in check. And he does a decent enough job to be considered Godzilla’s archenemy. In this matchup, Mechagodzilla is opposed by Hedorah – who is just a big ol’ pile of toxic sludge.

3. Anguirus vs. 6. The Mind Flayer (Stranger Things)

Anguirus holds the honor of being the first monster to go toe-to-toe with Godzilla in battle. It didn’t go well for the massive Ankylosaurus but that didn’t keep him from becoming a mainstay in the Toho Godzilla movies. Meanwhile, Stranger Things isn’t hurting for notable monsters, with the Demogorgon being the most well-known. It’s only season 4’s The Mind Flayer, however, who has the strength and size to compete in this tournament.

4. Kraken (Clash of the Titans) vs. 5. Clover (Cloverfield)

The Kraken has had quite an impressive pop culture run. Who could forget Davy Jones crying “release the kraken!” in Pirates of the Caribbean? The Clash of the Titans version of this monster (both in the 1981 film and its 2010 remake) is undoubtedly the most fearsome. Opposing the Kraken in this competitive 4-5 matchup is the unnamed monster (oft nicknamed “Clover”) from the 2008 found footage movie Cloverfield. Viewers don’t catch many glimpses of Clover but when they do it’s clear he’s among the biggest and most dangerous monsters in the film canon.

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Mothra Region

1. Mothra vs. 8. King Caesar

Mothra is undoubtedly the most famous monster to come out of Toho’s kaiju films aside from Godzilla himself. As her name implies, Mothra is an enormous flying insect inspired by the “imagos” of silkworms. While many of the monsters in this bracket are destructive and villainous by default, Mothra is actually pretty chill and at times darn near heroic. Furred weirdo King Caesar draws the unenviable task of taking Mothra down.

2. Slattern (Pacific Rim) vs. 7. Pateesa (Star Wars)

Aside from the sprawling Godzilla franchise, Guillermo del Toro’s Pacific Rim provides the most potential monster candidates for this list. Given that they’re all confined to one film, however (and make no mistake: there is only one Pacific Rim movie), we’ve opted to choose the most powerful PR kaiju to represent them all. That honor goes to Slattern, the biggest and baddest subterranean monster our heroes encounter. In the other corner is the Rancor (named Pateesa) from Star Wars – Return of the Jedi. Pateesa can be pretty fearsome…as long as there are no gate doors above him.

3. Cthulhu vs. 6. Monster X

H.P. Lovecraft’s Cthulhu is one of the most terrifying monsters in all of literature. In fact, Cthulhu’s appearance is said to be incomprehensible and enough to drive men mad. Well, movies and television have had little issue depicting the Great Old One, with him frequently appearing as a squid monster in everything from 2020’s Underwater to a series of South Park episodes. Lovecraft’s version of Cthulhu would probably be unbeatable, but the film and TV version of him is a fair match. It’s up to Monster X, a skeletal kaiju from 2004’s Godzilla: Final Wars, to take Cthulhu down.

4. Smaug (The Hobbit) vs. 5. Gwoemul (The Host)

Most of the monsters in this tournament fall a bit short of human intelligence. That is not the case for The Hobbit’s massive dragon Smaug. Smaug is a clever fire drake and possibly the last great dragon in Middle-Earth. He can cause some real destruction, if he can be bothered to leave his treasures unguarded. Meanwhile, Gwoemul is the creature from Bong Joon-ho’s 2006 The Host. It’s also quite smarter than any fish monster has a right to be.

Rodan Region

1. Rodan vs. 8. Demon (Night of the Demon)

When it comes to Monster Madness battles, the ability to fly is never a bad thing. And that’s partially what makes Toho all-star Rodan so effective. Rodan is one of the Godzilla studio’s “big five” alongside Godzilla, Mothra, King Ghidorah, and Mechagodzilla. That place of honor is well-earned for the irradiated Pteranodon. Rodan has the strength and the skill to go far in this tourney. The eight-seed that will try to stop him is the demon from 1957 British horror film Night of the Demon. Like the Cloverfield monster, this demon is little-scene but still quite powerful.

2. Gamera vs. 7. Zigra

If you want a sleeper monster on this bracket, look no further than Gamera. This giant prehistoric turtle is a mainstay in kaiju movies and is often known as “The Friend of All Children” or “The Guardian of the Universe.” Alongside Mothra, he is one of the very few monsters willing to stick up for the little guy. His competition, Zigra, on the other hand is a total dirtbag. Gamera and Zigra’s matchups go way back to the 1971 film Gamera vs. Zigra. Gamera handled Zigra quite easily then. Can the loveable terrapin succeed again?

3. Megalon vs. 6. Gyaos

Megalon is a mainstay of monster comics who has also enjoyed a couple of film appearances. He’s yet another insectoid-style kaiju but he also brings some awesome drill arms to the table. Opposing Megalon this round will be Gyaos. Gyaos is a bat-like kaiju who first got a shot at monster-stardom in 1967’s Gamera vs. Gyaos. He was treated quite shabbily in that but perhaps he has a shot against this new opponent.

4. Gigan vs. 5. Reptilicus

This bracket already had some alien cyborg representation with Mechagodzilla but you know what they say “you can never have enough alien cyborgs.” Thankfully, Gigan is around. This red-eyed, be-chromed monster first appeared in the 1972 film Godzilla vs. Gigan. He’s since popped up in several more movies to give Godzilla a hard time. The monster that hopes to take Gigan down is Reptilicus, a sea serpent, who hails from a 1961 Danish-American movie bearing his name.

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