#scallop hat

[kindercelery]

What a stupid head

[ironfloret]

cropped tank top i've been plugging away at over the last week or so! i'm not tooootally satisfied with how it turned out but only for reasons that nobody else would probably notice lol. it's just nice to have a larger garment made that i can wear in the current season!

[moonchildstyles]

rosemary for halloween?👀

wordcount: 4k+

—————

Harry frowned at his reflection. 

While he loved (Y/N) more than anything, and would do anything for her, he wondered if he finally found limitations to that philosophy. 

Because dressing up like a sailor just to match with her for a Halloween party was beginning to look like the line he needed to draw in the sand. The ascot was bad enough, he doubted the hat that was looming on the bed behind him was going to make this outfit any better. 

The familiar sound of perfume being sprayed from the bathroom told Harry he didn't have much time left to fiddle with his costume before (Y/N) would appear to fawn over him and make him change his mind. In an impulse move, he attempted to tug off the ascot around his neck and hide it away in a pocket she could see. 

All hope was lost just as (Y/N) emerged from the bathroom in a plume of sparkles and sea salt. Her hair was styled full of pearls and glimmering sea glass clips, matching the shifting blue and purple iridescent glitter spread across her eyelids. There weren't many places on her body that weren't imbued with a sparkling sheen, giving the effect of shimmering mermaid skin. Her top was little more than a decorated bralette cinched in a thick band around her ribs, emulating a pair of scallop shells studded with pearls and shards of sea glass. Her high waisted bottoms were a tight fit around her hips and thighs before fanning out after her knees, mimicking that of a mermaid's tail. The material was a swirl of pearly threads, shifting with pinks and purples, teals and bioluminescent greens. Her bag for the night—the purchase that inspired the costume—was a golden seashell. 

Harry, distracted by the sight of the swathes of skin she had on display—a strip of her soft stomach, the slope of her neck and sparkling décolletage, her pretty, manicured hands—didn't catch the way her entire face lit up when she saw him. 

"You look so cute, honey!" she bubbled, rushing towards him with her hands reaching out towards his collar. 

(Y/N) preened over him, a bright smile on her glossy lips. The ascot he attempted to rip off was smoothed down, his shirt straightened, and the epaulettes on his shoulders patted down. 

He wanted so badly to keep up the attitude he gained while looking in the mirror, but not a shred of it remained when she smiled at him like that. 

"Y'like it?" he murmured, his own lips creeping into a short curl. 

"I love it!" She beamed up at him with her hands going stationary on the planes of his chest. "I know you weren't sure about it, but I'm so happy we match. Thank you." 

Moving on instinct, he lent down and pressed his lips to hers, uncaring about the glitter that would no doubt transfer to his own skin. 

"'M happy we match too," he smiled against her skin, the tip of his nose knocking against her own, "I don't think anyone's going to be looking at me, anyway. Not when 'm standing next to you." 

Her grin turned giddy, only widening when Harry encouraged her to twirl before him. "Do you like it?! I think I put on too much body glitter, but I can't go back now." 

He shook his head. "'S perfect. Look like a real mermaid. Y'would have lured me right to the sea, no doubt." 

She keened under his attention, canting her head with a flutter of her lashes. "I couldn't do that, though—I wouldn't want to hurt you." 

"I'd learn how to breathe underwater, then," he answered simply. He would find any solution if it meant he could be with her. 

Her answering laugh was enough to have him eager to wear any and every silly costume she wanted. This reaction was always going to be worth wearing an ascot and sailor's cap. 

"You're sweet, H," she crooned, surging to her tiptoes to share another kiss. He chased after her when she pulled away, drawing one more kiss from her before she made a step away towards her closet. "Are you ready to go?" 

Harry answered with a nod, hoping she didn't notice the hat missing from the top of his head. 

"Perfect!" she chirped, "I need to put my shoes on, and then we can go!" 

Just short of breathing a sigh of relief, Harry figured himself to be in the clear by the time she slinked into her closet. 

Until, of course, she called out to him. "Oh, and don't forget your hat!" 

He wanted so badly to frown, to groan and tell her he didn't want to wear the hat. But none of that came out. Only a small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. 

There was a time in his life that he never thought he would have anyone that would want to spend these kinds of nights with him, let alone in a planned out matching outfit. Even if it felt a bit silly, there wasn't a single bone in his body that was going to say no to something like this.

"I won't, peach." 

—————

Despite the sweat beginning to slick his palm, Harry didn't pull his hand out from (Y/N)'s. 

While he was growing more used to the idea of large and loud crowds of people—especially crowds that knew him and made a point to say hello when he walked by—but there was still much more progress to be made in that department. Sabrina's Halloween party was one of his bigger trials, that was for sure. (Y/N) was his only anchor, her hold on his hand being the only thing that kept him from running through an obsessive cycle of spying all exits and attempting to scan each face around him for anyone suspicious. 

Though, tonight, it was a bit hard to see from scanning the room, if only to get a view of all of the costumes and decorations around them. Sabrina's annual halloween party was something Harry had only recently learned about, but (Y/N)'s excited descriptions made the space as familiar to him as his own. As she promised, faux cobwebs were stretched across walls and stuffed in corners. Streamers and metallic fringe hung from doorways, the visages of classic horror tropes were scattered on the walls, including decals of blood spatters that Harry made a point not to look at for too long. Everything was orange and purple, black all throughout. Music played throughout the space, though it was decidedly softer than most of his experiences when it came to house parties. 

Harry saw many familiar faces among the party goers, though more often than not they were disguised in costumes and altering makeup. There were plenty of Barbies, and angels, a few fairies and sexy iterations of mundane professions all throughout, being broken up by even more silly costumes. Video game and movie characters stuck out in iconic silhouettes. Many couples and friends were in matching costumes like the one he was in (though there weren't any other mermaids and sailors as far as he could see). More than a few lent into the season with spooky costumes, fake blood and weapons at their sides. Those were not Harry's favorite. 

Especially not when he felt a little flush when he saw the liberal use of blood on some costumes.

There was no way Harry was going to be peeling himself away from (Y/N)'s side. Even if he was beginning to feel a little like a potted plant while he listened to her converse with her friends. 

"But, you don't mind, right, H?" 

Blinking back to earth, Harry saw (Y/N) looking up at him with an affectionate smile and a familiar face from his days of sitting in at the bakery looking at him expectantly. His mouth fell into a gape as he attempted to find the answer to a question he wasn't listening to. 

"Um," he started, wetting his lips with the tip of his tongue, "Sorry, what?" 

(Y/N) didn't look all that surprised to realize he hadn't been paying much attention to the conversation. "You like the costumes, right?" 

"Oh, yeah." He automatically nodded, looking at (Y/N)'s friend. "They were her idea."

A laugh bubbled from the woman, a joke Harry hadn't heard before now coming into play. (Y/N)'s hand pulsed around his own, her smile bright as she gazed up at him. 

"Next year, I'll have to see if he'll be the mermaid," (Y/N) laughed, her nose scrunching while her friend joined in. 

In the back of his mind, Harry was sure he should have tuned back in when the chattering started up once more, but he just couldn't. Was there ever going to be a time when he wasn't completely enamored, just short of being brought to his knees, when she muttered something so innocent like plans for the future? Was that ever not going to steal his breath? The idea of having a future and stability and someone for the rest of his life? 

(At least, he hoped (Y/N) would be with him for the rest of his life. He'd just have to scrounge up the courage to ask her one day).

Soon enough, (Y/N)'s friend bid a short goodbye, promising to see them around the party, before they were left to meander around. 

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom to look at my makeup, if you want to come," she said, looking up at him with a soft smile, "Unless you want to go get a drink or something." 

He didn't have to think before he was shaking his head. "I'll go with you." 

(Y/N) turned with that pretty smile on her face as she led him through the partygoers, taking a seemingly familiar route towards the restroom. Sabrina and others spotted (Y/N) as they passed, saying hello with glassy eyes and praising her costume in slurred comments. Every slowed step while she engaged in the short conversation, she never left him out, immediately pointing out that they went together. 

Harry was sure a flush was beginning to creep up his neck by the time the third person stopped them.

Lucky for them, by the time they successfully reached the restroom, it was empty. Slipping inside, Harry shut the door behind them. It was a small bathroom, leaving little room between them while (Y/N) turned towards the mirror. 

In the quiet of the restroom, Harry felt his lungs finally expand to capacity. It wasn't hard being at (Y/N)'s side while she was a social butterfly, but it was exhausting trying to remind himself everything was okay when there were so many people around them. He'd learn one day; his body would catch up one day. That's what (Y/N) told him, anyway. 

"You doing okay?" she asked, catching his eye in the mirror while she scraped a rogue glitter away from the corner of her eye. 

"Yeah," he muttered, nodding his head. "Jus'... a lot still, I think." 

"I know. We don't have to stay too much longer, though. I just want to hang out with Sabrina a little bit, and then we'll be free." 

"'S okay," he shook his head, his fingers a knot behind his back, "We don't have to leave until y'want. I'll be fine." 

Abandoning the reflection, (Y/N) turned towards Harry with a cant to her head. Her features were made of soft lines and affectionate eyes. "It's no fun if you're not having a good time, H." 

"I am, I am," he insisted, even if the deep breath he took in wasn't all that convincing. "Halloween is fun." 

At this, she couldn't help but to let out a bubbling laugh. "Is it?" she teased, crossing the short space between them to wrap his middle in her arms. His body moved on instinct, draping his arms around her shoulders. "If you have to say it like that, I have a feeling it's not really true." 

He could feel his expression loosening as he gazed down at her. If this were another life, and he were a sailor out on the sea, it would only take a glimpse of her between the waves to have him swimming out into the unknown. Though that was what he figured his real life was like anyway; she was the lighthouse that guided him to a new shore, away from everything he knew before. Now, here he was, at someone's home on Halloween night in a sailor's costume. And he wouldn't want to be anywhere else. 

"I jus' like being with you, peach," he admitted, "If you're happy, so am I." 

"You're gonna make me cry," she laughed, eyes shimmering like her eyeshadow, "I really do want to go home soon, though. This outfit isn't as comfortable as I want it to be." 

A pinch appeared between his brows. He knew the corset-like fit of her top was what she wanted, but he'd worried about how well she was going to be able to breathe. "Are you okay?" he asked, his hands beginning to frantically trace around her form. 

"I'm okay, honey," she assured, leaning up to press a soft kiss to the point of his chin, "I think I'm just ready for some pajamas." 

He could work with that. He could make sure they were safe and comfortable at home soon; if he was fast enough, he might even be able to throw her pj's into the dryer while she takes off her makeup, leaving them warm for her once she was ready. 

"'M ready whenever y'are, peach." 

This time, when she raised to the tips of her toes, she met his lips with her own. It was a short kiss, hidden away from the rest of the world, but still more than enough to draw his heart into pounding against his ribs. 

This kiss was urging him to take back his earlier words. He should have told her he wanted to head home immediately. 

—————

"Oh my god, did you put these in the dryer?" 

Harry couldn't contain the smile stretching across his face when he heard (Y/N)'s shout from her bedroom. He didn't respond when he heard feet padding across the floor, coming right towards where he was tucked into the cushions of her sofa. 

Still with her mermaid hair and makeup on, she now had on a light purple crewneck and teal blue sweats. She wanted to stay within the spirit of her costume for when children would inevitably knock on the door for candy, but Harry could see she was much more comfortable in her new clothes. 

"Harry," she crooned, looking to him with softened features. Warm, pumpkin lighting filled her home, candlelight flickering over the glitter pasted to her skin. 

"(Y/N)," he said, parroting her affectionate tone. 

"You're so sweet, honey. Thank you." She crawled atop his lap as she spoke, fitting her knees on either side of his hips. 

He moved instinctively, his hands landing on her waist while she looped her own around his neck. Looking up at her, Harry let a smile bloom over his lips, a warmth bubbling under his skin. 

"Do y'feel better?" he asked, running his hands over the curve of her waist, "More comfortable?" 

"Much," she affirmed, pursing her lips to dot a kiss on the bridge of his nose. The sparkle in her eyes rivaled that of the flecks sticking to her skin when she pulled away. "Thank you for coming with me tonight. It was more hectic than I thought, but it means a lot that you came anyway." 

Harry's smile turned shy at her praise. It was still a very hard thing to hear these kinds of sentiments directed to him. The honey of (Y/N)'s voice made it just a touch easier to take, at least. 

"I know 'm not very fun at these things, so thank you for staying with me." Shifting to bar his arms around her middle, Harry pulled her into a hug as he perched his cheek on her shoulder, nose skimming the column of her neck. 

(Y/N) slid her fingers into the curling locks on the back of his head, threading through the waves in comforting trails. "It'll get easier, H. You're already doing so much better than you think." 

A flickering silence settled over the room. "Thank you," he murmured into her neck, "I want to keep getting better. With you."

In that moment, Harry was brought back to a motel room. He was sitting on a much stiffer, mustier sofa with darker thoughts clouding his brain. But he still had (Y/N) in his arms, reassuring him that he could—and would—get better. That she was right there with him, would be right there as long as he needed her. 

He held her tighter at the memory. 

She didn't make any move to pull away, letting Harry get his fill of her before eventually peeling away to gaze up at her. 

"You're still alright with me spending the night?" Despite posing the question, he didn't think he would have an easy time getting out of this spot even if she said no.

"Of course—who else is going to protect me on Halloween night?" 

She spoke with a teasing smile, canting her head with a slight pout puffing her lips. This was one of those moments he had to remind himself that he wasn't occupying his previous life—this was nothing more than a joke, something flirty that (Y/N) said to draw an affectionate reaction out of him. There was nothing real, nothing coming to get her in the middle of the night. 

A short smile touched the corners of his mouth. "I think I can manage that, peach." 

She must have sensed the brief hesitation, causing her to push a soft kiss to the curled corner of his mouth. 

"If you start some popcorn, I’ll pick a movie for us?" she offered. 

He responded with a quiet nod, pulsing his hands on her waist before she climbed off of him. He left her on the couch as he started towards her kitchen, the ghost of her warmth clinging to his front. Keeping an ear out, he rooted through her cabinets in search of a packet of popcorn—a snack she seemingly always had on hand, though he hadn't caught her indulging in the kernels more than once in the last months. 

A ring of the doorbell succeeded by muffled giggles had Harry's muscles bunching for a split second. It's Halloween, he reminded himself. Of course there were going to be people at the door, and (Y/N) wasn't going to hesitate with swinging it open. 

Old habits die hard, even the ones that were already in the process of being buried. 

Hurriedly shoving the packet into the microwave with numbers punched into the pad, Harry moved across the kitchen. Peeking around the threshold, he had a clear view of (Y/N) with a large bowl in one hand as she answered the door. 

The giggling grew louder as she pulled open the door. From the angle she was standing before the threshold, he had a view of her smiling profile as she took in the little critters at her stoop. The children, flanked by parents standing a few feet away, all smiled brightly up at the mermaid before them. 

"Trick or treat!" 

"Wow, look at you guys!" (Y/N) cheered, balancing the candy bowl on her hip, "You look amazing! Such cute costumes!" 

"I'm not cute, I'm a zombie," one of the children contradicted, a lisp in his voice. 

(Y/N)'s smile only grew wider, before she fell into a shocked character. "Woah, you are really scary. I don't have any brains, will candy do?" 

Harry was vaguely aware of the way the children cheered for her, the giggles and smiles filling the doorway as she handed out bundles of candy, but he only had eyes on the mermaid. 

He doubted she even knew just how fearless she was. More than once, he'd heard her describe herself as shy, boring even. Never doing anything new, sticking to her routine. She had no idea what kind of effort Harry would have had to exert to do this simple task she did so easily. 

She had no idea just how special she was in the most mundane ways. He would never run out of things to admire about her. He was sure. 

Waving goodbye to the children and their parents, (Y/N) shut and locked the door behind her. It was then that she caught eyes right on her. 

"They were cute, don't you think?" she chattered, unwitting of the fact that he could barely recount any of the details of any of the trick-or-treaters or their costumes. 

"Yeah," he agreed anyway, a dreamy haze smoked around his voice, "Really cute." 

Before she could offer a response, the microwave beeped. The fragrance of buttery popcorn scented through her home, drawing him away from the entryway. He made quick work of emptying the packet into a pastel pink bowl, rushing to head back to her side out on the sofa. 

Curled up, legs under her bottom with a pumpkin-printed throw blanket across her lap, (Y/N) flicked through her chosen streaming service on her television. It wasn't until he was seated at her side, his peach lifting up the edge of the blanket to allow him to slide in next to her, that he saw what she was looking for.

True to the season, he was looking through a section of Halloween movies. Though, not quite the kind he was sure was playing in many other houses in the neighborhood. 

"I know it's not really scary, but I was thinking Scooby-Doo might be fun to watch tonight," she muttered, looking through the various classic movies available for streaming. One Harry remembered watching as a child caught his eye.

Definitely a better option than the home invasion or slasher films he never really found the appeal of.

He moved to overlap her legs over his thighs, spreading her warmth across the side of his body. "That sounds better than anything scary." 

Moving to pick through the popcorn bowl settled on his lap, Harry saw from the corner of his eye the way (Y/N) turned her attention to him. 

Her eyes were impossibly soft, tracing over the planes of his face. She canted her head as she looked at him, just enough so that the light caught the glitter on her face. He wasn't sure what she saw when she looked at him like that, but whatever it was enough to draw her closer to his side. 

"H—" 

Before she could finish whatever it was that she was going to share, the doorbell rang. She hesitated before removing the blanket from her lap. 

"I'll be right back," she murmured, "You pick. 

A soft kiss was pressed to his cheek, just where his dimple devoted his skin. 

Remote in hand, Harry absently scrolled through the title cards though he was listening instead to the giggling conversation happening at the door. 

The sound of her voice soundtracked the beats of his heart. He heard the way she bubbled to these children, playing along to whatever tricks they pulled for the treats in question. He could still feel the press of her lips against his cheek, the warmth a point of clarity as he sunk into the amber-tinted moment that was his own life. Never would he have thought he would ever find himself in a place like this.

"I'm already starting to run out of candy," (Y/N) exclaimed as she made her way back to the couch, "I'm probably giving out too much, but I feel bad if I don't give out, like, handfuls." 

(Y/N) slid back into her spot, as natural as breathing. Entirely fearless, always. 

"You're so sweet, peach," he breathed, much too heavy an answer for something so simple. 

Though it was entirely worth the smile she gifted him. 

Harry wasn't sure if he was ever going to be a huge fan of Halloween, but he could see why others enjoyed it. Especially if these breezy nights went on like this. 

—————

happy (late) halloween everyone! thank u sm for reading, sorry for any mistakes, and if you have any fun ideas or requests of your own, please send them in!!

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

how about that uhhhhh Fantasy Julie. she gets her sword <3 no one can take it from her <3

rambles:

SIKE you get an extra, lower quality doodle

SIKE AGAIN here's the rambles

yeah... i caved and gave her a tail... I'm Not Sorry! it's cute! i wanted to stick with her sorta flower motif - it's stronger in her princess look, since I imagine that when she was part of the royals she was very blatantly flower power based. it was her Thing!

but a Julie free of her noble shackles... she deserves her big sword. like yeah, she has flower magic, but who needs it when she has a Giant Blade??? on the royalty vein, and if we're classifying "rainbow monster" as a species, i feel like horn size/curve would be a status symbol of some kind. maybe Julie would have kept her horns filed short. but if she ran away from that life... longer horns! i like to imagine that they'll keep growing until she has a pair of Extra Weapons attached to her head! curved forward like mammoth tusks maybe!

i imagine that like Frank, she goes with minimal armor - range of movement over protection, yk? some scale mail over her front, a thick leather flower over her chest w/ scalloped leather pauldrons, wrist armor and metal knuckles! i'd think that the faux-suspenders include a back sheath for her sword... i wish i'd thought of that Before i finished the little ref! i don't feel like going back and editing!

i imagine that she was forced to cut her hair when it got caught in something (a gelatinous cube, mayhaps). it didn't look good! don't let anime and Mulan fool you! cutting your own hair with a blade will not look nice! but someone - Eddie, probably, he's good with scissors i'd assume - cleaned it up for her. and hey, it didn't look bad! plus, Julie probably liked being able to just tuck up her long strands into her hat when she's feeling a bit more like a Julius than a Julie!

it's been a fun challenge transforming their canon outfits into a similar variation with fantasy flavoring and twists! i want them to suit the setting but still maintain Themselves! Julie's was tough i gotta admit. i was messing around with the princess look and the fighter look side-by-side. it worked better when i sat back and thought "fighter Julie is Julie unrestrained. that version would be more aligned with her canon look"

i wanted her princess form to look Restrained! she has to be a ~delicate flower~, a noble woman, pristine and poised and very much a princess. soft colors, poofy clothing, bright white gloves that are not to be sullied. carefully bundled up hair! jewelry! that dress must be Heavy and hard to move in! her tail must be so cramped under there!

but Julie Unleashed? violent pinks! rose gold accents! short skirt so that she can sprint and Kick! fun boots that she can be active in and delight in watching them get dirty! her hair is free to whip in the wind and get caught in things! fun straps and Deadly Accessories! a sword that she stole from the royal armory on her way out the window! she has forearm wraps both to match Frank and to support her wrists!

[royalsealy]

My coord for the BB&B Boston Tea Party! Journal entry to come, best event I've been to yet 🌹

JSK: Sweet Cream Strawberry Days Tutu by Baby the Stars Shine Bright

Blouse, KC, OTKs: Metamorphose Temps de Fille

Shoes: Axes Femme Kawaii

Bag: RU_frill

Mini hat: Marble

Royalsealy is caught at a 3/4 angle facing the camera midwalk, his front foot planted firmly with the back foot raised up slightly. He is in the middle of a dark brown wood door frame with stairs going down behind him. A chandelier is partially blocked by his large curly dark brown hairstyle. On one side he wears a flat red and white horizontal stripe hair ribbon, with a black minihat on the other side. He has dark thick rimmed glasses and the bottom of his face is censored using a sticker of latte art. He is wearing a long sleeve sheer bordeaux blouse with a ruffle collar and ribbons on the neck and wrist. He is wearing white and red horizontal stripe socks with a vertical black cat and biscuit card pattern. An ivory JSK with black polka dots is layered on top. The top of the bodice and bottom of the skirt have a black and red design featuring cherries, strawberries, and candies. The bodice features a black and white vertical stripe ribbon. The bottom of the skirt has a black tulle trim. He is wearing black wood block shoes with a scallop edge and bows on the toes. A red heart shaped cake bag with a gold chain lays across his chest and onto his skirt.

[beansprean]

I just think she's neat

(ID in alt and under cut)

ID: 1. Knees up of the Guide in her maid uniform from s5e6 Urgent Care: a knee-length white smock over a knee-length black dress with a turtleneck, turned-up white cuffs at the elbows, starched white collar, elbow-length black leather gloves, black tights, black heels, and a scalloped white kerchief on her head. Her hair is pulled into a low bun at the base of her neck and she is posing with a big smile at the viewer, holding a silver tray with a single ornate goblet in both hands and one foot popped up cutely behind her. 2. Full body of the Guide, hair gathered up in a large loose bun with several curly strands falling free, wearing Yvette's maid outfit from Clue (1985): a short black dress with a poofy skirt, long sleeves, and a revealing Queen Anne neckline, white ruffles decorating the bust and wrists; a small white apron tied around her waist, a black choker at her neck, fishnet stockings, black peep-toe heels with a bow, and a white doily hat pinned to her head. She is smiling coyly at the viewer, leaning forward with one leg straight and the other cocked flirtatiously, both arms held down and braced on her knee to push her breasts together. 3. Full body of the Guide, hair half-up in a small bun, wearing a party city style sexy maid costume: a short black dress with a deep v neck and poofy mutton sleeves, white ruffles at the cuffs and underneath the equally poofy miniskirt; a white apron with a frilly hem tied at the waist and behind the neck, ruffled sleeves covering her shoulders; a small ruffled cap, a tattoo black lace choker, black leather half palm gloves, white thigh high stockings with black lace trim and suspenders, and black slingback heels. The Guide winks at the viewer with a smile, posing with one leg cocked flirtatiously, one hand on her hip, and the other holding up her thumb and first two fingers. The background is mottled reddish-pink. /end ID

[phrynefishersfrocks]

The first ensemble of "Murder and Mozzarella" (Season 3, Episode 3) features Phryne's classic car coat on top of her printed silk chiffon blouse and classic navy wide-leg pants.

Miss Fisher's usual travel outfit, she wears a flattering red and white silk chiffon blouse patterned with outlines of stacked gingko leaves. Cut in the same style as many of her other shirts, it has a v-shaped neckline and a long tie that loops around the neck and either fastens together or hangs loose at the front. Underneath is a white square-neck camisole with decorative scallop edging along the top.

She pairs this with her navy wide-leg pants and dark heels, as well as her linen hat and matching travel coat. Known as the "ode to detectives" by Marion Boyce, the costume designer, the linen coat is both practical and dramatic, suitable for weathering the elements while traveling or exploring. It has a line of brown and cream horn buttons to fasten the coat, and a wide collar with rounded points. This coat is the most reused item of clothing in the series, with twenty separate appearances across all three seasons (twice in 1x02, 1x03, 1x04, 1x06, 1x08, 1x09, twice in 1x13, 2x01, 2x04, 2x06, 2x07, 2x10, 2x12, here in 3x03, twice in 3x04 and twice in 3x08).

Phryne accessorizes with her linen bucket hat, often seen accompanying her coat (twice in 1x02, 1x04, 1x06, 1x08, 1x09, 1x13, 2x02, 2x03, 2x04, 2x06, 2x07, 2x10, 2x12, and here in 3x03 as well), and a pair of frosted white earrings with silver caps (bottom left of the costume exhibition photo). As suitable for an adventurous lady of the '20s, she also wears linen crocheted driving gloves with leather accents, and a large cream handbag.

Season 3, Episode 3 - "Murder and Mozzarella"

Screencaps from here, promotional photos from here and here, costume exhibition photo and hat photo from the official Pinterest.

[plaguedocboi]

can we learn more about the aquarium? Like maybe your favorite animal? (Perhaps the sassy scallop)

I’ve worked at a few aquariums! You can see highlights in my “best fishes” tag. I don’t work at the same facility as the sassy scallop anymore but last time I visited he was as sassy as ever and was wearing a fashionable anemone hat

But my personal favorite animal at all the aquariums I’ve worked at are the moon snails :3

[anxiousarchitect]

The Spellman Mortuary (Light CC) - V.1

I did promised I would share this lot, didn't I ? Now then : the house is playable, but isn't 100% furnished and polished. I have many projects for this lot, but that involves more time than I currently have, so in the meantime I'm sharing with you this first version. Expect updates !

LOT INFORMATION :

Size : 50x40 Original location : Copperdale CC included with this lot : My Rêverie Macabre set, my John Bauer Set, and a few new creations I made for this lot. CC !NOT! included with this lot, and required : - Vintage phone by Around the Sims - Vintage sewing machine by Around the Sims - Grandma stairs by kirsicca - Jaipur fringed rugs by Brazenlotus - Solid colors candles by Brazenlotus - Pillow Galore Collection by simsi45 - Vintage gramophone by Lonelyboy - Buncha books by Magnolian Farewell - Single candle holder by plasticbox - Fanciful dome by Ruby Bird - Magic tomes and spell tomes by myshunosun - Simmify speaker and stack of LP by myshunosun - Lamps of many hats by Kris - Brick fireplace by silverhammersims - Scallop firescreen by mycupofcc - Skelly planter by Nolan-Sims - Tassle lamps, Botanical wall art by Anachrosims - Spring and sparrow double bed by faded-springs - Gently draping lace curtains by Peacemaker - Dark academia wall art by Sims4Luxury (sorry, just realized it was curseforge, feel free to pass on that one, i'll replace it asap) - OMSP Shelf by amoebae - Vampire lamps recolour by amoebae - Divinify tarot cards by MADLEN - Palm reader from the Drifter's Wonders set by Jools - Cottage windows by Severinka (a recolour is included in the lot file) Recommanded : Photographic memory by Ravasheen, if you want the polaroids in Sabrina's bedroom.

Future projects for this lot : finishing the furnishing, polishing everything up, making new CAOS CC, writing an article on this house, making a partnership with Lisa Soper (a girl can dream, right ?)

Download (SimFileShare, no ads)

[chic-a-gigot]

La Mode illustrée, no. 22, 30 mai 1869, Paris. Toilettes de Mme Bréant-Castel. 28.r. N.ve des P.ts Champs. 28. Collection of the Rijksmuseum, Netherlands

Robe en foulard drap de soie violet uni, garnie d'un volant froncé ayant 40 centimètres de hauteur, surmonté d'une ruche double plissée et d'un biais ayant 4 centimètres de largeur. Casaque ajustée, pareille à la robe, avec biais (3 centimètres de largeur), ruche double et très-large, volant en dentelle de Chantilly. La casque, drapée de chaque côté, est ornée sur ses plis d'un nœud renversé en ruban de satin violet; même garniture sur le bord inférieur des manches. Chapeau de dentelle noire avec plume violette posée en diadème. Ombrelle violette doublée de blanc.

Plain purple silk foulard dress, trimmed with a gathered ruffle measuring 40 centimeters high, topped with a double pleated ruffle and a bias binding measuring 4 centimeters wide. Fitted gown, similar to the dress, with bias (3 centimeters wide), double and very wide ruffle, Chantilly lace flounce. The helmet, draped on each side, is decorated on its folds with an upside-down bow in purple satin ribbon; same trim on the bottom edge of the sleeves. Black lace hat with purple feather placed as a tiara. Purple umbrella lined with white.

—

Jeune fille. Robe de foulard rayé, rose et blanc; sur le bord inférieur, large volant très-peu froncé ayant 30 centimètres de largeur, surmonté d'une ruche à coquilles faite en taffetas rose. Petite tunique pareille à la robe, garnie de la même ruche et d'une frange de soie blanche, relevée par derrière de façon à former des paniers. Corselet pareil à la robe, corsage décolleté, en mousseline blanche plissée, manches courtes en même mousseline. Ceinture de taffetas rose.

Young lady. Striped foulard dress, pink and white; on the lower edge, large, very slightly gathered ruffle, 30 centimeters wide, topped with a shell ruffle made of pink taffeta. Small tunic similar to the dress, trimmed with the same ruffle and a fringe of white silk, raised at the back so as to form baskets. Corselet similar to the dress, low-cut bodice, in pleated white muslin, short sleeves in the same muslin. Pink taffeta belt.

—

Robe de linos, nuance feutre, garnie de trois volants découpés et festonnés, teinte sur teinte. Tunique pareille, garnie d'un volant, drapée sous de grands nœuds en même étoffe, à contours festonnés. Berthe carrée, formée par un volant festonné, très-étroit, posé en coquilles. Chapeau de paille rond, nuance feutre, avec roses rouges.

Linen dress, felt shade, trimmed with three cut-out and scalloped ruffles, shade on shade. Similar tunic, trimmed with a ruffle, draped under large bows in the same fabric, with scalloped edges. Square berthe, formed by a scalloped frill, very narrow, placed in shells. Round straw hat, felt shade, with red roses.

[bantarleton]

Who Wants a Non-Hessian German Troops of the American Revolution Uniform Identification Flow Chart?

Now you too can roleplay as a harried British staff officer trying to identify which troops are encamped where, or a devious rebel spy collecting intelligence.

As folks may or may not know, only roughly 50% of the German state troops who served the British Crown during the American Revolution were “Hessians” from Hesse-Cassel. There were six other states that provided “subsidy troops.” Here’s how to tell them apart at a glance.

Are their uniforms predominantly dark blue? If yes, go to the paragraph numbered 4. If no, go to the para numbered 2.

2. Are their uniforms predominantly white? If no, go to the para numbered 3. If yes, those are troops from Anhalt-Zerbst. The only German state involved in the war to take its uniform and organisational cues from Austria rather than Prussia, the single Anhalt-Zerbst line regiment deployed to America wore white regimental coats faced with red. Their grenadiers wore bearskins rather than metal-faced caps (the only other German state to do this was Waldeck). One battalion also, according to one shocked British officer, had one of the most outrageous-looking uniforms of the war, including hussar hats, red and yellow waist sashes and red cloaks - these may have been “pandour” irregulars from the edges of the Austrian empire.

3. The coats are neither white nor blue, so they must be red. In this case, the troops are Hanoverian. While still mostly following Prussian style, because they shared a ruler with Britain, Hanoverian troops wore red. Five Hanoverian regiments assisted Britain with vital Mediterranean defence during the American Revolution, before going on to fight in India. They were the only redcoat Germans fighting for the Crown outside the British Army.

4. Your Germans are wearing blue coats. Are the buttons on the coat lapels arranged 1-2-1, and do the cuffs have a “Swedish” style slit to them? If no, go to the para numbered 5. If yes, they’re from Brunswick-Wolfenbüttel. Brunswick provided the most soldiers after Hesse-Cassel, and arguably the most rounded force, with four line regiments, one dragoon regiment, one grenadier battalion and one light infantry battalion. But whether jäger, musketeers or grenadiers, they almost all had coat buttons in groups of 1-2-1 and the slit-style cuffs. Fun fact; the Brunswick crest of a racing white horse on a red field was the same as neighbouring Hanover’s.

5. Your Germans are wearing blue, but don’t have buttons in 1-2-1 and Swedish cuffs. Do they have yellow facings, and cuffs with buttons placed both horizontally and vertically? If no, go to the para numbered 6. If yes, they are from Waldeck. This German state usually provided troops for the Dutch, but raised a new unit, the 3rd English-Waldeck Regiment, for service in America. They mostly fought against the Spanish in the Deep South, where they were decimated by disease. If the unusual position of the buttons on the cuff isn’t enough, look for the belt plate bearing “FF” for “Fuerst Friedrich,” the state’s ruler.

6. Do your blue Germans have red facings, cocked hats and unusual lace on their coats, shaped like a figure-of-eight? If no, go to the para numbered 7. If yes, they’re from Hesse-Hanau. This state was closely related (in the sense of its ruler, literally) to Hesse-Cassel, yet remained independent. While it provided a small amount of artillery, jägers and freikorps light infantry, its main contribution was a single line regiment, Erbprinz. Their distinctive features were scalloped lace on their cocked hats and the figure-of-eight “Brandenburg” style lace. There was also a Hesse-Cassel Regiment Erbprinz (even sharing the same colonel-in-chief), but they were fusiliers with caps rather than the Hesse-Hanau musketeers with their cocked hats. Check the mistake made by this artwork - these are Hesse-Hanau soldiers from the Infanterie Regiment Erbprinz, but they’re wearing Cassel fusilier caps. Bonus fact; Hanau and Cassel’s crest both features a rampant lion with red and white stripes, but there are subtle differences - they face opposite directions, the style of stripes are slightly different, and the Hanau lion lacks the Cassel one’s crown, but does wield a sword.

7. Do your blue-coated Germans have a black eagle on their flags and grenadier cap plates? If no, they’re probably from Hesse-Cassel. If yes, they’re from Ansbach-Bayreuth. This German state consisted of two provinces, Ansbach and Bayreuth (funny that). Besides jägers and some battalion guns, their main contribution was two infantry regiments, one from each of the two provinces. Their ruler’s crest was a black eagle, similar to the Prussian one.

Of course these posts don’t account for the uniforms of the jäger corps, or musicians, or any artillery, but it can serve as a rough guide. For the proper detail, you’ll have to buy my forthcoming book on the topic!

Also would be pretty cool if someone made an actual flow chart out of this, just saying!

[thetriumphantpanda]

I Was Enchanted To Meet You | J. Miller Drabble

Summary | Literally just a Drabble about Joel being an era's tour dad, meeting a pretty girl in cowboy boots and flirting. That's it. It's dumb. This goes out to my girl Doni @morning-star-joy who is going to see Tay-Tay tonight and can now be delulu about meeting Joel Miller there. And also therapy for me because I'm in the UK and got waitlisted for tickets, so CRIES. I wrote this in like an hour so excuse any spelling/grammar errors.

Joel Miller didn't exactly understand when he'd signed up to take Sarah to her first concert. When she'd asked to use his credit card to buy the tickets, he'd just nodded and handed it over. When his bill came through the next month, he almost passed out from the cost. But stood here now, in seats that might very well give him a nosebleed, watching Sarah almost lose her mind over the fact that Taylor Swift was about to appear on stage, it was all forgotten. All Joel ever wanted was for his little girl to be happy.

He'd spent weeks listening to the songs, learning the lyrics so he might be able to sing along with Sarah. He watched her sit in front of the television each night making bracelets to trade, and he squirrelled away as much money as possible so he could buy her a t-shirt or something on the night too.

Joel was watching as Sarah swapped friendship bracelets with two girls to her right when something else caught his eye. Two people shuffling into the two seats that had been vacant in front of Joel and Sarah for most of the night. One of them, around Sarah's age, was almost as excited as his girl, bouncing up and down, looking around the stadium with eyes as wide as saucers, taking it all in, but you? You were something else entirely. You had a white cowboy hat sat on top of your head, not dissimilar to his own apart from the colour and the fact yours was covered in sparkly rhinestones. You had a white dress on, falling to your mid-thigh, made of lace and scalloped edges, and a pair of beat-up old brown leather cowboy boots. The literal picture of heaven on earth as far as he was concerned.

He watched as you pointed to the two seats in front of him and Sarah, motioning for the other girl to sit down so you could hand her the soda you were carrying. He noticed your wrists were covered in the same type of bracelets his daughter had been going wild for all evening. Almost on cue, Sarah leans over, tapping your shoulder.

"You wanna trade?" She asks, holding up her own plastic-laden wrist to show you.

"Hell yeah," You smile, nudging the girl with you, "Why don't you give this little superstar one of yours too?"

Joel watches intently as you let Sarah scan your wrists for the specific bracelet she wants, picking one made of pink beads, swapping it with one of hers that was made of black and gold. Joel had no idea what any of them meant, all he knew was that the bill for friendship bracelet materials on his credit card nearly rivalled the bill for the tickets.

"You want one as well, mister?" Your voice cuts through his thoughts, "Can't come and see Taylor and leave with empty wrists I'm afraid."

"Well, I ain't got anything to trade ya with." Joel shrugs.

"That's okay," you smile, "I'll forgive you, this time."

Joel keeps an eye trained on you as you search your wrists, obviously having something incredibly specific in mind for him. You find it, eyes lighting up as you pull it from your wrist and hand it over to him. He takes the delicate thing in his big palm - red, white and blue beads with letters in hearts that spell out 'Cowboy Like Me'. Very fitting.

"Thanks, Darlin'," He smiles, slipping it over his hand, "You been waiting to find the perfect man to give that to all night?"

You let your head fall back in a laugh and Joel thinks you might just be the prettiest goddamned girl he's ever seen in his life. Sarah is pulling at his wrist so she can see exactly what bracelet you've given her dad, laughing and then leaning forward.

"I made him wear the hat!" She exclaims, "Told him he had to fit in."

"Well, you made a good choice," You grin, "He looks mighty fine in his cowboy hat."

You finally turn your attention back to your companion - judging by your likeness he assumes it must be your little sister. You're pointing out things around the stadium for her to look at, and he can't help but find it endearing how she's bouncing in her seat at every little thing, much like Sarah had done when they'd taken their seats.

Joel feels a nudge to his side, Sarah is looking up at him with that glint he knows and loves so much - she's got an idea.

"She's really pretty, dad."

"Sarah!" He chastises, eye flickering to you to make sure you didn't hear what she'd said, but you look completely oblivious.

"She is though!" She retorts in a hushed whisper, "I think she likes you."

Joel brings a finger to his lips to try and get this devil of a girl to be quiet, but he can't help but indulge her - Sarah was right, you are really pretty, "She don't know the first thing about me," He finishes the conversation, "Now you sit tight, I'm going to find you a soda."

When Joel returns, to drinks in hand, he can see Sarah leant over the seats speaking to you. He dreads to think what she's been trying to cook up, seemingly obsessed with making sure he's not so lonely in life anymore.

"Move over," He asks, Sarah shifting to the seat he was in before he left, "Don't drink it all at once, you'll need it for all the screaming you're gonna do." He says, handing the soda to her.

Once he sits back down, you turn in your chair to speak to him.

"Sarah says you're a builder?" She asks, clearly just trying to make polite conversation with him whilst your sister speaks to Sarah.

"Contractor actually," He shrugs, as if it matters, "But yeah, I build stuff, what do you do?"

"I'm a teacher," You smile, "Teach 4th grade." He's about to ask you another question when every single person in the stadium starts screaming, he thinks by the end of tonight he might actually be deaf, "Well, you enjoy the show, mister, hope you learnt some lyrics."

Contrary to what he'd thought, Joel actually does enjoy the show. He sings along to some of the songs he remembers, dances with Sarah for most of the night and keeps a close eye on you during it all. You know every single word to every single song, just like your little sister and he has to admit that when you're throwing your hands in the air and screaming to the lyrics, he finds you prettier than he had done all night.

When all is said and done at the end of the night, you say a polite goodbye to him and Sarah. When he finally sits in his truck, waiting for the scores of traffic to clear so he can get them home, he kicks himself for not asking for your number, but resigns himself to the fact that it was fate. Meant to meet once and that was it. It's not until he's finally carried Sarah up to bed, fast asleep in his arms and settled down to unwind in front of the TV that he pulls his phone from his pocket and sees a message from an unknown number.

I was enchanted to meet you, Joel. Drinks? Saturday @ 6pm?

[anonymouspuzzler]

silly little doodle page i've been chipping away at the past few months! what if Habits in an Outfits...

Original reference links for: Emoticon T-Shirt | Sheer Daisy Shirt | Fluffy Coat | Lily Sweater | Foopball Sweatshirt | Coat & Beret Outfit | Hairy Jewish Guy Hooters

[Full image description under cut!]

Image ID: A full page, black-and-white, digital ink drawing of Boris Habit from the game Smile For Me, wearing various outfits. There is an off-white paper texture in the background. Going roughly clockwise from the top left corner, the drawings are as follows:

A full-body drawing with an outfit consisting of a knee-length dress with a pointed collar and pleated skirt, a loose striped tie, a long open coat with a pointed collar and trim along the collar and inner edges, knee-length socks, Mary Jane style shoes, and a beret with a pom-pom. Habit's hair is tied up in a loose bun, with his bangs loose. He is smiling and looking off to the side, posing with one arm to the side and the other holding up a lily, one leg crossed over the other as if mid-twirl.

A half-body drawing (from roughly hips up) with an outfit consisting of dark pants, a turtleneck sweater with a large lily flower and stem embroidered on the front, and a kitted hat with a large pom-pom. Habit's hair is loose under the hat and he is standing with his hands in his pockets, looking off to the side with a casual expression.

A half-body drawing (from roughly hips up) with an outfit consisting of dark pants and a sheer, long-sleeved blouse with a frilly collar and cuffs, and embroidered daisies patterned all over. Habit's hair is down and has a flower tucked behind one ear. He stands with his hands braced in front of him as if leaning against a counter or table, and he is looking off to the side and winking with a goofy grin.

A half-body drawing (from roughly stomach up) with an outfit consisting of a low-cut shirt, a dark collared blazer, and a long simple scarf. Habit's hair is also braided, with the bangs loose. A bit of chest hair is visible over the collar of the shirt. There is wind blowing in his face, sending the braid and scarf blowing back behind him. He is braced against the wind with his eyes closed and a big goofy grin with his tongue sticking out.

Two three-quarters-body drawings (from roughly knees up) showing the same outfit from the front and back. The front view shows Habit leaning back as if sitting on a surface, with a wink and goofy grin with his tongue sticking out. He is wearing jeans and a t-shirt with a large, sideways winking emoticon printed on the front. His hair is down. The back view shows him standing with left arm to his side, pulling his hair over his right shoulder, revealing the same shirt with a sideways surprised emoticon printed on the back.

A half-body drawing (from roughly hips up) with an outfit consisting of a blouse with elbow-length sleeves and a Peter Pan-style collar with scalloped trim, a loose, sleeveless flower-pattern top over it, round sunglasses, and a large floppy sunhat with flowers lining the brim. Habit's hair is loose under the hat, and his mouth is open as if in the middle of talking. He has one hand roughly at his hip, and the other is holding up a glass with an icy drink and a little paper umbrella decoration.

A three-quarters-body drawing (from roughly knees up) with an outfit consisting of a sleeveless collared blouse, jeans, a belt with a square buckle, and a small ascot tied around Habit's neck. His hair is tied in a ponytail while his bangs are loose. His hands are held behind his back and he looks off to the side with his mouth slightly open, as if in the middle of talking.

A half-body drawing (from roughly stomach up) with an outfit consisting of a frilly, off-the-shoulder, flower-patterned blouse that is tied into a bow on the back. Habit is slouched forward over a table or counter with his head peeking out over his folded, hairy arms, with his loose hair spilling forward. He is looking up curiously, sticking his tongue out.

A three-quarters-body drawing (from roughly knees up) with an outfit consisting of jeans and a printed sweatshirt with a graphic of a football, reading above the graphic "FOOPBALL", and below, "AMERICA'S SPORNT". Habit's hair is tied back in a ponytail with his bangs loose. He is giving double thumbs-up and has a silly expression with dot eyes and a big, open-mouthed smile.

A half-body drawing (from roughly stomach up) with an outfit consisting of a dark, baggy top slipping off Habit's shoulder, as seen from behind. Habit's hair is tied up in a big, sloppy bun with the bangs loose, and he has very light, patchy stubble on his face. He is looking off to the side with a sleepy expression, as if he's just woken up.

A full-body drawing with an outfit consisting of a long, open coat with thick frilly trim along all the edges, a low-cut top tucked into flower-patterned bell-bottom pants, and chunky platform boots. Habit's hair is tied up in a messy bun with the bangs loose, and he is wearing round sunglasses. A bit of chest hair is visible over the edge of the low-cut top. His legs are crossed and one arm is swinging behind him as if he's in the middle of dancing, and he is smiling wide with a little cat-mouth grin.

A small drawing of the puppet Habit. He is seen from behind with his hair tied in a ponytail, looking up and smiling wide.

A three-quarters-body drawing (from roughly thighs up) with an outfit consisting of very short, roughly cropped jorts and a similarly roughly-cropped tank top reading "HAIRY JEWISH GUY HOOTERS", with the last word being the Hooters restaurant logo. Habit's hair is down and quite a bit of body hair is visible on his arms, tummy, and chest. He is posing with one hand on his hip and the other in a V-sign, leaning forwards, with a silly expression with dot eyes and a big, open-mouthed smile.

A full-body drawing (from roughly ankles up) with an outfit consisting of denim overalls with cuffed legs, and a ringer-neck t-shirt with cuffed sleeves. Habit's hair is tied back in a ponytail and he looks off to the side with a neutral expression, standing with one hand at his side and the other at his hip.

A full-body drawing (from roughly ankles up) with an outfit consisting of roughly-cropped jorts and a spaghetti-strap tank top. Habit's hair is tied up in a ponytail, and he is also wearing simple round stud earrings. He is seen from behind mid-walk, one hand on his hip, leaning his head back to look over his shoulder with a big smile.

A small drawing of the puppet Habit. He is sitting on the ground with his hands splayed at his sides, wearing round sunglasses with frames that makes them resemble flowers.

End ID.

[oh2e]

A (long) Collection of TTOI Quotes

He’s as useless as a marzipan dildo

I’m going to have to mop up a hurricane of piss here

He and Hewitt are tight as arse cheeks

‘How fucked am I? On the fuckometre?’ ‘Oh 12’ ‘yeah 12’ ‘out of what?’ ‘50’ ‘oh…. mine was out of 10’

Tiny little dick the size of a bookie’s biro

There’s no time to go home I’ll pass myself on the way back in

I can only cook with what I’m given. You give me Hugh Abbot I’ll give you bangers and mash, you give me Jerry from home office then I can raise it to fucking risotto and scallops

I am king of remembering my own password

‘Shagging your way to the top is it?’ ‘Yes well I’m not Scottish so I’ve got to get in somehow’

How much shit is on the menu and what flavour is it?

‘What do you want Malcolm’ ‘Two bits of tit. Two titties.’

Come the fuck in or fuck the fuck off

“What about just firing him at a wall from a cannon?” “I know we force feed him a mixture of garlic and Dettol in cup a soup” “What about the old red hot poker up the arse?” “I’d like to nail him to a tree through the head and watch lice slowing crawl over his body eating off all the flesh”

“Has security checked this [plant]?” “For little terrorists?”

This is the problem with the public - they’re fucking horrible

Not only was it a shit idea to ruin my holiday, it was a shit idea you stole from the government to ruin my holiday

Ah that’s like smoking dead skin that is

You’re the fucking shittest James Bond ever - you’re David Fucking Niven!

You’re like a sweaty octopus trying to unhook a bra

You take the piss outta [Al] Jolson again and I will remove your iPod from its tiny nano sheath and push it up your cock! Then I’ll plug some speakers up your arse and put it onto shuffle with my fucking fist

I thought you said no one reads these except political obsessives and mad Christians in wheelchairs but loads of people read mine

“I am not the story here” “Well no you kind of are though Malcolm, they spelled your name right and everything”

Come with me before I put your nuts in a book and squeeze them so hard that they come out like pressed fucking flowers

You’re The Ben….Ben Nevis…Bentally Ill…

Tickety fuckity boo

“Anyone seen Jamie?” “Oh don’t tell me he’s gone feral cos he was fucking terrifying when you had him on the leash.”

I’d love to stay and talk to you but I’d rather have type 2 diabetes

Mr Baby New Potato Head

It sucks cock so deep the bell end is wearing your appendix as a little hat

This is an operations room so unless you want your tonsils out by keyhole surgery from this key here, piss off!

Cliff Fucking Lawton! Nice. Was the Cilit Bang man not available?

To a guy who loses it so bad he needs a sat nav to find his own nipples

I’m feeling about as up to date as a Gregorian calendar

“You couldn’t organise a bum rape in a barracks.” “Au contraire”

You’re about as secure as a hymen in a south London comprehensive

Stop fucking blinking or I will take your optic nerve and fucking strangle you with it

Hanging round like a couple of school secretaries in the summer holidays

It’s like a prostate consultant’s waiting room in here

You will be sorry you inflatable cock!

I am going to have your intestines as a skipping rope and your lungs sundried and turned into a fucking waistcoat

Or will Dan Miller pull his scalp off and use it as an oven glove?

Enough of the pleasantries let’s just oil up and get fucking

A towel rail shouldn’t take up a whole wall, that’s not a towel rail it’s a climbing frame.

I’ve got a to-do list here longer than a fucking Leonard Cohan song

More on my plate than a spinster at a wedding

The only other candidate is my left bollock with a fucking smiley face drawn on it

Feels a bit like my head’s made entirely of smoke alarms

Fuck the Is and fist the Ts

May as well ask what I think of skirting boards, I’m sure we need them but I don’t know why

“No no I didn’t say that” “Well you sort of did with your face”

Let me row back a little bit, perhaps all the way back to the boathouse

She’s not bent either in the sense of being corrupt or being gay and by the way that’s an incredibly homophobic headline you massive poof

Omnishambles, from bean to cup you fuck up

I’m on my way to wipe my arse on pictures of Nick Robinson

“And I’m not doing terribly am I?” [Malcolm looking out the opposite window] “I love the way they’ve sandblasted here. It looks so clean.”

No no, don’t get up - I’m not viagra

He’s a fucking knitted scarf, he’s a balaclava.

The only thing John Duggan is doing here is depriving a village somewhere of a twat

You write almost entirely in generic meaningless buzzwords don’t you?

I will tear your fucking skin off, I will wear it to your mother’s birthday party, I will rub your nuts up and down her leg while whistling Bohemian Fucking Rhapsody

She’s behaving like a squirrel in a pedal bin.

Or I’ll have to tear my eyelids off and scrunch them up into fucking earplugs

I’m flypaper for dickheads

I think you’re wrong Malcolm you’re like a sultana in a salad

Sorry I can’t make espresso but I’ve made this so thick and black it’ll be like drinking fucking plimsoles

Well fuck a pot noodle. Sam, prepare my horse. I ride to DoSAC

The only fucking vibe you need to worry about is the one your wife hides in her knicker drawer

See you later and remember my door is always locked

* Tintin’s sexy sister to Ollie

What I really need is to shoot you all in the back of the head FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. but I can’t because it’s illegal.

I reserve this level of anger for when I’m flying Ryanair

As about a strong defence as ‘the fertiliser in my homemade bomb was organic’!

She’s a fart in a frock and we both want her wafted out of here

She’s going to have to fall on her sword, which means that we’re going to have to stick one in the ground, trip her up onto it and get someone jump up and down on her back for ten minutes

She’s going to kick her own head in which’ll be easy because she does yoga

I’m looking for Mr Oliver Reeder? He looks a bit like a Quentin Blake illustration

“Is she fucked?” “Like Caligula’s favourite watermelon.”

Can I bring you a shot glass? And some bleach?

You can’t look a gift corpse in the mouth

“It’s over the fat lady’s singing” “No she’s not, the fat man from the go compare advert is talking”

I’ve got my cock out, it’s covered in breadcrumbs and the fucking pigeons are circling

Have I just stepped through a portal into a sausage machine because this is making mincemeat out of my head

Sit there and ogle me like a page three girl

I’m as busy as a two-twatted hooker

Now I have to step in your shoes but after you’ve shat in them

I don’t just take this fucking job home you know. I take this fucking job home, it ties me to the bed and it fucking fucks me from arsehole to breakfast then it wakes me up in the morning with a cupful of piss flung in my face then slaps me about the chops to make sure I’m awake enough to kick me in the fucking bollocks. This job has taken me in every hole in my fucking body.

Everything is fine I’m like lube at a funeral

If you pull off again I’m going to stick the meter so far down your throat you’ll be able to tell the price of your next shit

You closeted regency homosexual

It’s been a bit like renovating an old, old house. You can take out a sexist beam here, a callous window there, replace the odd homophobic roof tile, but after a while you realise […] the foundations are built on what I can only describe as a solid bed of cunts.

Shit in the couscous

[okameeznuts]

Turned em' snipers into snakes cause I'm bored. Should I call em' Snikes or Snagas???

Both sea snakes can be found in New Zealand. I hated drawin' scales at first and I suddenly learned how to draw em' for no reason. Scallop shell ontop of BLU Snake Sniper's hat cause yessss. Yeah, I know what I'm doing to the black line on the neck of BLU Sniper. Supposed to keep their scruffy beard but reptiles has no hair. I keep drawin' em but I think the design is a bit weird. But since some snake or mermaid designs that they have human skin on their head and torso, only the bottom part is reptilian, so HOW ABOUT FULL REPTILE SCALES???

Sea Snakes has the ugliest ass teeth I've ever seen wth.

I think they like havin' two wiwis. Anyways, my purpose on makin' em' snakes cause I love snakes.

[scr-ppup]

Satanic pope occuden flag

Satanic pope occuden: an occudeen flag for those who are satanic pope occudens.

Requested by @righteousimperator .

[ID: two identically designed rectangular flags of 7 uneven horizontal stripes, the 2nd and 6th stripes are thin with outwards pointed scalloped edges and the 3rd and 5th stripes are medium sized and have scalloped edges pointing outwardly. In the first flag there is a hexagon shape on the center symbol with an inner black colored thin stripe and dark green colored fade under that, with the inside being white with symbol of a popes hat (a semi triangle shaped hat with a width bottom and rounded corners, there is a white band on the bottom and a cross on the body.). And the second flag is the same without the symbol. The colors go from top to bottom as white, dark red, dark wine red, black, darn wine red, dark red, and white./end ID]

Taglist: @radiomogai @obscurian @rwuffles