#save me y'all every time i sit down to write the last big couple of scenes i end up adding a new unrelated scene instead

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

I am at 59k on this Ninjago fic i swear I'll finish it this month I will work on nothing else I am going to finish this--

[steve0discusses]

S5 Ep 50: Tristan Hates Horses, I Think

Been a while! Tumblr’s annoying as hell changes to the text editor took a lot of wind out of my sails, ngl. It had some problems they're resolving as they go, but it was really annoying to use and to edit if you write any amount of youknow……words….

And I was talking to a friend about this, and they were like “have you tried writing it in google docs and copy pasting it after?” And I happily realized when you copy paste from google docs, it also copies the PICTURES. This has literally saved hours of my life, y'all. It has turned something that was so frustrating I didn't want to open tumblr again into something that is no longer an obstacle so I can write once more!

So lets travel to Yugi’s brain, where Tristan desperately has to make up for all the work he hasn’t done because he was just a wee tiny bit possessed.

It may be hard to pick up where Tristan is on this picture, and I hope I recorded it somewhere in OBS like 2 months ago when I finished the series because it was such a funny animation, but hot damn this boy has hops.

And  you can see him there on the ground in the bottom left corner, that isn’t a rock, that’s Tristan having toppled a man with his bare hands, a man who had a sword and was sitting on an armored horse.

Can you believe this guy ran for school president? And then lost and humbly became the janitor?

Meanwhile, Joey discovered magic.

Confirmation that duel disks are made out of old tank parts.

Realizing for the first time that magic exists, they decide to peace out.

Back in the real world, Mokuba and Roland don’t know where the hell Seto went. Which is weird, I figured Seto would at least leave a note or a text message or…anything…but apparently even if he did, he just disappeared at some point down in Marik’s old living room.

So Roland and Mokuba decided that in order to find him, they would have to take a massive Boeing 747 to find their lost child.

Some kids have a motorcycle, some kids have a scooter, Mokuba just wants the most boring ass big commercial plane that is meant to sit a couple hundred people in an awkward way. That’s what Mokuba wants.

Just Mokuba things.

My bro who edits these for me wrote in huge ass letters "ROLAND SIGHTING" While saying "ROLAND ROLAND ROLAND" so I want y'all to know how much we appreciate a good Roland in this house.

Speaking of, I know it's like season 5 but...who is the other guy? He wears funny sunglasses but I have never heard his name, not once.

But this is when the plane was filled with heavenly light.

They begin to see the fight happening between Seto Kaiba (the OG Seto, the one that is cool and isn’t depressed because his not-wife died) and Bakura (who is now Zorc). Don’t ask me how the time stuff works, and why we see it now of all the times in human history, and right over Egypt in the sky. Don’t ask me why.

I assume it’s time compression shenanigans, just like FF8, so maybe it’s just every moment in time is able to see this UFO in the sky, but overall, it’s here because it looks cool. The fact that this right here is actually not a physical place, but is actually a figment of Yugi’s imagination shaped by Pharaoh’s botchy memories--is neither here nor there. Instead, it’s everywhere. 

Seto is unimpressed by this, because he knows how science and timelines should work, and this wouldn’t pass Kaiba Corp inspection.

Back at the yellow palace made of cheese and mario blocks, Pharaoh is still knocked out from that time he summed all 3 dragons last episode, which to me feels like just eons ago. 

But it’s OK, he’s fine now.

Typically he’d be dead, because his dragons died on the battlefield and their life force is connected to their monsters. But not only is Pharaoh 1.) already dead and 2.) the author of this universe and cannot die or this universe ceases to exist he’s 3.) got the puzzle, which means he can’t actually perma die, unlike everyone else in his court who is perma-gone.

He is not surprised by what is currently happening in Egypt’s downtown strip.

This is probably every day in Domino. Every day Seto Kaiba wakes up everyone in town with his three-headed dragon princess just because he can. Hell, Seto was doing this fight with Bakura on the top towers of Domino just this morning (or last morning…not sure if time passes in real life the same way it does in puzzle life)

The audacity of Yami right now, the one moment Yugi isn’t there to scream about ledges, this boy is leaping joyfully off that ledge. 

He fuses with the dragon which gives him this familiar outfit.

I thiiiiink it’s the same outfit as Alexander season? I’ll be real with you though, I don’t really want to look it up. Either way, good to see the return of putting on a ton of armor in a card game, I don't think we've seen it Canonically since that one time Joey did it against Valon, and ever since then, Joey kind of forgot it was a thing he can just do.

But unlike Joey, Yami doesn’t take the opportunity to punch Zorc in the face, instead he just loses yet another time.

This time he didn’t even pass out, he barely even died. This is progress, truly.

But as Zorc is powering up the peepee missile to fire in Yami’s face (what a way to die!), Shadi has decided to inform us why he’s been stalking these kids for this entire show.

So there’s two ways to read this. 1.) Shadi was Hassan the entire time but had to go back in time from this moment in order to do it or 2.) Shadi possessed the power of Hassan last second so Yami could avoid death one final time.

Both of these explanations don’t fully make sense to me, I’ll be honest, because in order to know that he’ll be needed in the first place, Shadi had to know that Yami would die at this particular moment--a moment that is a different timeline than has ever existed before.

So really, Shadi was just going by a hunch. He was like “I dunno, I’ll see how this goes.” which is more in line with the Shadi we know and love.

Is it a crying shame that Shadi, who has been with us for so many seasons, and it so integral to this show had such an unceremonious death? Yeah. I feel like I didn’t quite get the closure I wanted but I’m also sort of confused as to…what happened. But I’ll leave it there because apparently we get more Shadi content in Dark Side of Dimensions.

Anyway, I have no idea if these images will even fit into a post with how how tumbler does posts nowadays, and I'll be real I had to re upload the last bit of it, which I suspect was over 15 images???? Not sure??? but we found a workaround! google docs works!

Also, Seto didn’t die today! Instead it was Shadi! For a SECOND time!

I cannot believe how freakin lucky Mana is, this girl is still kicking and if Mana survives everything I am…going to be astonished, that’s what. Mana secretly OP, who knew?

And always you can read the rest of these here

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

if I turn it into a link it doesn't work right because the text editor is really, really bad. I hate it a lot. But uh...feel free to copy paste it until I can get links to cooperate.

[mysticgoblinwriter]

Driving In A Cold Sweat; There Is No One On This Highway

Warnings- Murder, infidelity, swearing, food imagery, shitty parents, i made Steve the villain who’s in the HOA and a politician, adult content, dark!reader, cheating, a bit of flirting, mental health joke (mental health is NOT a joke, y’all), religion symbolism, dark!steve, peggy x bucky,

Word Count- 1.9k

kudos to @blackberrybucky for being my soundboard, and @fandomsandxfiles for being my beta reader. Love y'all

a/n- This is inspired by Hypothermic by Goodnight Texas.  Its really dark, and I surprised myself writing this but I like it. I also changed the landscape to desert. Leave comments if you want! As many as you like, I fangirl over my work too. All writers should, its selfcare.

IF YOU WANT SOMETHING FLUFFY AND SOFT TURN AWAY NOW; MINORS DNI

DO NOT COPY OR REPOST ANYWHERE. A REBLOG IS APPRECIATED. A REPOST IS NOT.

Bucky looks you up and down, taking you in like you are the gods own ambrosia.  “So, doll.  What brings you to this shit hole?”

You laugh to yourself.  “I murdered somebody.”- was the sentence that also inspired this but its not in the actual story.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The radio gave out miles ago.  It was emitting nothing except for crackling and static.  Every now and then it would cut back to a sermon, funnily enough it’d been the same one that was on when you started your trip.  Sunset was a little ways off.  If you looked hard enough you could see coyotes just off the asphalt.  Alive, yes.  But just how long had their souls been gone?  Someone was screaming.

A man.  You’d heard that scream before.  Seared into you memory like that steak you had for your 15th birthday. It was right next to you.  Oozing blood and raw-red.  You could hear the clink of the knife as it scraped against the plate.  Shaking your head to clear it, you notice an exit with a gas station.  “Now’s a time as good as any to stop.”  Gravel crunches as you slide up next to the pump. The neon beer lights from the bar across the road are calling.  But you can’t answer. The gas handle is slick and grimy, you’ve felt something like that before, but you can’t remember what.  A fuzzy noise in the back of your ears gets your attention.  Another truck has pulled in.  Right in the spot next to yours, never mind the dozen others that are free.  A bulky man steps down, his face hidden by a rangers hat.

You could tell he worked out though.  And had hair in need of a washing.  Clunk.  The tank was full.  You thought it best to leave before anyone could place you, but your stomach needed something other than greasy two-bit fast food.  You glance around, looking for any sign that promised a hot meal.

“Looking for something, doll?” You let out a small gasp.  He was staring straight at you now.

“Does this shithole have a place to eat?  I might have to start eating the cactus.”

He lets out a soft laugh, “Yeah, there’s a diner about half mile down the road.”

His face brightens like he just thought of something.  “You wanna meet me there?  I’ll buy dinner?”  You weigh the options.  You can’t have anybody recognize you; but your cash is getting low and however you can stretch it, you must.  You nod once.  “Sure.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The diner is every trope you’d seen in the movies your pops watched when he got off work.  Flies buzzing, neon sign flickering, checkered tile.  It even had the shiny red leather booths.  What a dream.  “Getcha a seat anywhere, honey.  I’ll be right over,” came a perky voice from the back.  Presumably a waitress. You choose the booth near the back exit.  Its always good to have a backup plan.

The man said he needed to get something at the mini-mart, that you could go ahead and he’d catch up.  Somebody screamed right next to you, causing you to jump out of your seat.  You whip your head around.  No one was even in the dining area.  It sounded so real.  Like you could reach out and grasp the shattering inky blackness.  You take a couple of deep breaths.  Try to remember your happy place.  Tahiti, its a magical place.  Or so you’ve been told  You just picked it from a magazine that was open on the coffee table the night your mother set fire to the curtains in the living room.  The flames had licked up the page, burning the island resort into ash.  Boots thudded as they made way to where you were.  He slides in across from you.

“Um, the waitress’ll be right out,” you said softly.  He barely heard it over the rickety air conditioning.  He nods to show he heard.  He’s sitting close.  Closer than you’d thought another human would ever sit next to you again.  His hands are rough and calloused.  The sleeve cuffs of his hoodie are frayed; as if someone clawed at them.  Eyes traveling up his body, you take in more details.  The hoodie isn’t faded, its brand new.  He wears a bracelet of leather on his right hand, with a charm you can’t quite see.  His necklace is corded hemp, plain and understated.

A light stubble that’s maybe three days old covers his jaw.  His eyes... are piercing right through you. You take in a quick breath, not being able to look away.  You’d never seen that shade of blue before.   He’d been watching you watching him.  Quirking an eyebrow, ”See anything ya like, doll?” You start to sputter an answer but the waitress comes over.  “Sorry about the wait.  Here’s your-”  Blue eyes interrupts her, “We don’t need those.  I’ll have the special and she’ll have the ‘Its Impossible To Go Away Hungry’ plate”  “Okay, then.  I’ll get that right out to ya folks.”

You glare at him, he mirrors it with dicky nonchalance. “Why did you order for me?”  He leans forward, tilts his head the right the tiniest fraction.  “You’re starved.  I really don’t give a damn what kept you from eating but I ain’t gonna let you go without giving you a meal.  The steak plate is the biggest meal they have.  You can take a to go box, that is if you don’t eat the whole thing.”

“Oh.”  You cast out a huff, “Well, thank you.”  He flashes a killer smile. Pearly white teeth in a straight line.  Not an imperfection to be found anywhere.  A silence falls between the two of you.  You can’t decide whether its comfortable of not.

“My name is Bucky.  I thought you wouldn’t like eating with a stranger.  I like to doodle in the margins of my books sometimes.”  “Please tell me not library books.”  He scoffs as if you suggested the impossible, “Never.  Do you think I’m crazy?”

“Jury’s out on that, Bucky.”  He looks at you more intently now.  “Really?  Same could be said about you.  When I first spoke to you it was like a deer in headlights.  Ya running from something, sugar?”  He’d said it jokingly but you didn’t laugh.

“No.  Nothing like that.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Shirley came back with your plates, and two root beers.  She left the check at the end of the table and Bucky swooped it up.  The meal passed by in the comfortable sounds of silverware clinking and ice clacking in the cups.  You both ate in record time.

You were careful to save enough for a second meal. That went into the to go container.  Now both cups were drained and plates scraped clean.  You start to slide out of your seat, mumbling a thanks but Bucky stops you.  “Wait, won’t you sit here a while longer?  I’d be kinda sad sitting here alone.”  After a moments hesitation, you resume your position.  “What do you wanna talk about?  It can’t be the weather.  Its been dry as bones for weeks.”   He ponders for a moment, “You.”  He shifts a little, resting one ankle on the opposite knee.

“I want to know what you’re running from, and see if I can offer...a distraction.”  That shocks you.  “Life?  Aren’t we all running away in some form or another?  I just happened to take the mobile route.”  You shrug, “What do you want me to say?  It was all shitty so I left it behind.  And as for the distraction part, I got a whore last night, so don’t bother.”  He is silent.  Just sits there and gazes at you.  You cock your head, getting impatient.  “Am I allowed to leave now?  Or do you want to talk about our feelings?”

“I slept with my best friends wife.”

“I-I’m sorry you what??”

“I slept with my best friends wife.  He owns half the town, what with him being mayor and all.  I couldn’t take it anymore, he’s always been the golden boy.  Always been the beacon of light.  I just wanted a slice of what he had.”  He looks up, his eyes are dead.  “She was willing, and I just... took her.  There on his desk.  He’d been out for lunch with some bigwig, and I made her cum twice on my cock.”  He chuckles darkly.  “That’d been the first time.  All the other times don’t matter, he doesn’t know about those.  But he does know about the time in the craft shed.  Peggy did pottery.

Had a nice little workshop, it was connected to the mansion they had.  I wanted to bring her pleasure in the place where she gets frustrated often, so she’d have something else to think about.  Steve caught us on the floor.  A big bunch of daffodils in hand.  Stupid, those weren’t even her favorites.”  He was gone now, lost in memories, not even knowing he was talking.  “Said he had come by to take her to lunch.  That was always like Steve.  Expected her to clear her schedule at the drop of a hat but never doing the same for anybody. He didn’t even get mad.  He just walked away, muttering something about his office.

Peggy said she could talk some sense into him.  The next day I found her in the garbage when I took out my trash.”  Your sharp inhale and big eyes do nothing to catch his attention.  “Steve comes strolling out of nowhere, said that she was a threat to his image.  Said that I need to leave or face the same.  I asked why he left me alive and he said ‘So you can remember the pain until you lay down in the ground and the mice and carrion drag your body up from its silk cocoon to feast.”

But that’s not all.”  He said the last bit so quietly, it was as if he said nothing.

“What?”  He’s crying now, tears are forming rivers in his eyes.  “She knew.  She knew  he was going to be there and that’s how she wanted to go out.”  Your puzzled expression makes him laugh.  “Don’t know many politicians, do you?  Good.  Keep it that way.  That day when the mail came I got a letter.  From her.  It said how she wanted to divorce Steve ever since he became the HOA president.  But she couldn’t.  He had threatened her once, just once and what he said was so blisteringly awful.  And he did it.  He is a man of his word, after all.  He kept his damn word.”

“So...she used you as an out?”  He winces.  You hadn’t meant to sound like that.

“Yes.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Out in the diners parking lot you say goodbye to James.  Wait.  No, no.  His name is Bucky.  He’s got a green  Chevy and blue eyes.  Or was it red?  It doesn’t matter anyway.  You back out and head for the next state, ignoring the blood leaking from the tarp in your trunk.  The screams have stopped.  And the moon is bright.

[ninak803]

Elitist Nightmares

Chapter two is here! I hope y'all enjoy it! I have to say I love Regulus.

@whataboutmyfries thank you sooo much for beta reading it & listening to me when I am screaming my thoughts at you again!

& thanks to @lumosinlove for creating our cute boys!

Chapter 2

Remus

It was calm outside, everyone still asleep except for him and Leo. The sun was rising and Remus parked the rental car in a good distance from the Black's mansion, but not too far so he can still watch who’s leaving and arriving.

He had picked up the car last night from a rental agency at the airport. He’d given them his fake I.D., no one needed to know who he really was, and it was much safer that way. He tried to be as unremarkable as possible: He wore blue jeans, a black sweater, no hat and no watch. He was polite but not too polite; he was forgotten right after the conversation. The only thing he persisted on was that his car was white.

White cars are the most common around, so he would be even more unrecognizable like that.

No one would pay attention to a random bloke driving a random white car. And that was his goal. No attention.

“And now?” Leo asked him.

Remus took a sip from his tea, trying to get rid of his tiredness with the caffeine.

“Now we wait for something to happen, for Sirius to appear. And then we’ll see.”

They sat in silence for a good while. 

The street came to life slowly. The first people showing up, taking their dogs for a walk and buying breakfast at the close bakery. Some were already outside for a run.

Remus had never understood the urge of going for a run, let alone early in the morning. He did go for a run once in a while, to keep himself fit and healthy, but he wasn’t addicted to it like some people were. He did it because it was essential for his job to be in shape, not because he actually enjoyed it.

The Black’s mansion got busy shortly after.

“Okay, now just watch who’s leaving the house. Write it down: Who left the house when, who’s arriving when. Give a short description of what they look like, so we recognize them again. Write it down or memorize it.”

At 7:37am Orion and Walburga Black left their house. They sat down in the shiny, black car that was parked in the parking lot. The driver sitting inside was already waiting for at least 30 minutes.

They left, probably for some state business.

It took another hour until their target finally left the house: Sirius Black.

Remus sat up straighter, his eyes not leaving Sirius. He wore dark jeans and a white button down, no tie. His hair was longer now than the last time he’d seen him. It reached just past his shoulders. His face didn’t show any kind of emotion, it was set in stone.

He was followed by another guy in a suit with dark and messy hair, probably his bodyguard. They headed for a car.

Remus stretched his back a bit.

“Here we go.” he said and turned the engine on.

Finn

“Can you believe this? We’re going to eliminate a Black! A Black!” Logan said excitedly as they entered their flat.

Finn felt Logan's hands on his shoulder, then he was shaken gently.

“Regulus Black, Fish! Dumbledore trusts in our abilities so much that he gives us this job!”

Finn laughed. He looked into Logan’s perfect green eyes. His heartbeat quickened because of the touch and the proximity. He could kiss him,if he just moved a little more forward, but instead he took a deep breath and stepped away a little bit from his best friend.

“Okay, yeah Lo, I’m just as excited as you are about this, but calm down okay?” Finn said but couldn’t quite suppress his grin.

It was a big deal. No, not big. It was huge.

They had other jobs before, of course, but they’ve been smaller, not so important for all of them. Observing Umbridge, trying to find out what she was up to next, for example. Sure, it was important, but it didn’t have the same impact on the country as eliminating a black did.

“Who do you think has the older brother?” Logan asked and sat down on the couch in their living room.

There was a short silence, then:

“Lupin.” they said at once, not one ounce of uncertainty in their voices.

Finn sat down next to him.

“Okay, I’m going to make us coffee & then we’ll have a lot of work to do before we can actually start this.” he said, leaning back and looking at Logan’s profile.

He had a crush on him since… well, forever. Finn couldn’t quite remember a time he wasn’t longing for him. They lived together for two years now. It had made sense then: They were working a lot together, being a perfect team. They did spend every minute together, so why not save some money and share a flat? Finn hadn’t thought about the fact that this meant no Logan-free space anywhere, which wasn’t exactly helping him, considering the fact that he was in love with a boy he couldn’t have.

“Ouais. Okay.”

Finn got up and went into the kitchen to make coffee. He poured some milk into his cup and an incredibly unhealthy amount of sugar into Logan’s. How could he drink this stuff? It’s a crime to still call that coffee.

He went back into the living room, placed the cups on the table and sat down on the floor across from Logan, who’s still sitting on the couch.

“Thanks.” he said and reached for his cup, took a sip of his coffee and then they started working.

“I think this actually sounds like a good plan. He isn’t that close to his brother, is he?” Finn asked.

He stared at the paperwork in front of him. He was still sitting on the floor. They were working for a couple of hours now, collecting everything they knew, comparing it with what Dumbledore had given them and writing down everything they still needed to know and what they planned on doing. 

Finn looked up as he didn’t get any answer from Logan, only to see that he’d fallen asleep on the couch. Finn had to smile at that sight, so the sugar and caffeine high finally had worn off.

He stood up, took the light blanket from the couch and covered Logan with it.

“Good night, Lo.” he whispered and brushed his hand gently through Logan’s brown curls.

Sirius

This day never ended, at least that’s what it felt like for Sirius. The business meetings lasted forever and there wasn’t any free time between the last meeting and the dinner.

All Sirius did now was rush home, change into something his mother might approve more than his choice of clothing this morning and say goodbye to James.

“Take care. Don’t do anything stupid.” James pleaded.

Sirius snorted.

“Yeah. Because I do stupid things on purpose.”

“You do. Sometimes.”

James hugged him quickly.

“I’ll be back tomorrow morning. See you.”

“Tell Lily and little Harry I said Hi.” Sirius called after James.

---

Sirius hated dinners like this. Actually, he hated every activity that included his family, but those business dinners were the worst. They talked endlessly over state issues, how to regulate this better, how to get the most out of that. Sirius really wasn’t interested in it, but he had to have an opinion on every topic as the heir and of course his opinion had to be the same as his parents’. If he had another opinion, his parents would make him change his mind, so he was better off lying; he told them what they wanted to hear, despite the fact it was against everything he believed in.

“Have you ever thought about giving them something back? Like a tax return? Or lowering the taxes in general?” Sirius said against better knowledge.

That simple statement earned him furious glances from his parents, confused looking guests and a kick in the shin from his brother.

He threw an angry look at Regulus, before looking back at his parents.

“You must be kidding, my dear son. Who would ever think of something like that?” his mother said sweetly, but Sirius didn’t miss the threat directed at him.

“Of course I am joking, mother. Of course I am.” he laughed in the most charming way, but he suddenly felt really sick inside.

---

An hour later he was back in his room. He tried to undo his tie with shaking hands and after several attempts it finally was off and he threw it in the corner of his room. 

Why? Why was he the goddamn heir? He couldn’t do this! He wasn’t like them. He didn’t want to be like them!

Sirius moved his hand through his hair several times, a gesture he got used to doing when he was nervous and tense, which he was more often than not around his family.

There was a sharp knock on his door and Sirius froze mid-movement.

Oh no. This had to be his mother or his father, maybe both.

“Just a sec.” he said, his voice a little shaky.

He hated it, he couldn’t even control his damn voice, then how was he supposed to control a whole fucking country.

After he took several deep breaths, Sirius went to the door and opened it, preparing to brace himself against the angry faces of his parents, but it was Regulus he found outside his room. With a plate full of food.

“You ate almost nothing at dinner, thought you might be hungry.” he said and walked past Sirius, who let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

He closed the door behind him and followed Regulus to his bed. The both boys sat down and Sirius started eating. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was.

“Thanks, Reggie.”

[ot3tropetober]

Eliot and Hardison are travel journalists for rival publications who keep showing up in the same places 

Fic for this (~3500 words) is below the read more! Some notes: 

[backstory on why Hardison is writing these comes from this post]

[Eliot, Parker, and Hardison are all commenting on this document, think of it like the chat in Google drive? In-document comments from Eliot are italicized, from Hardison are in bold, and from Parker are plain text] 

By the time Will Coffey stepped off the plane in Dallas, all he wanted was a nice long shower and to sleep in his own bed for once. Being a travel journalist for a leading travel magazine had its perks– a month-long trip across Mexico, for example, all expenses paid or at least reimbursed – but after a month on the road he was dead tired and ready to be home. 

Is this supposed to be me? Why am I living in Dallas? 

Yes, and also, you don’t actually live in Dallas, Eliot, you live here, in Portland, with us. 

I know that, I just– you know what, never mind. 

Well, Will Coffey likes Dallas. 

I am Will Coffey!! 

That’s the spirit. 

The other thing about being on the road for a living was that sometimes it felt kinda lonely, and as relieved as he was to be home, the first couple of minutes after he walked in, turned on the lights, and looked around at an empty place, that was always a little bittersweet. But the only other person he’d really seen in any kind of serious capacity the whole time he’d had this gig was a fellow traveler who spent just as much time on the road as he did, so it just kinda was what it was. He set his keys and his bag down and headed to the kitchen for a beer, but he hadn’t even opened his fridge when his phone buzzed a couple times. It was a text from Sarah, his editor. He’d known her forever– they shared a couple classes in college. Now they shared the stress of managing a print publication in an increasingly digital world. 

“Did you see this?” she had written. There was a link in the next message. “How does this guy get this stuff up so fast?“ 

Will already knew what he was gonna find before he clicked the link, and sure enough, it directed him to a popular travel blog called The Travel Geek, which was a ridiculous name for a travel blog but people absolutely went wild for it. Will liked it too, not that he would ever really admit it, but that probably had more to do with the guy who ran it than anything else. They had…not a thing, exactly? It was hard to explain whatever was going on with Jeremy Edwards, who by rights Will should probably hate for stealing his stories and his audience. But the problem with that was mainly that the guy was so goddamn likeable. 

I’m guessing that’s you. 

You would be correct. 

You think I think you’re likeable? 

No, I know it. 

he is pretty likeable

Yeah, yeah. 

Will had met Jeremy a couple of years ago, right when he was just starting out with his blog. Jeremy said he’d been reading Will’s stuff for a while and would love some advice from a pro. It wasn’t like Will didn’t know it was a little bit of flattery, and it wasn’t like he didn’t know it was a little bit of flirting, either. It also wasn’t like Jeremy was bad to look at. So Will said sure, he’d be glad to, and they were in Belgium, so they shared some beers, ate fries from a baraque at one in the morning on a park bench, shoulders pressed together, while Will tipsily rhapsodized about gaufre de Liège while Jeremy laughed and laughed. 

I have never *rhapsodized* about anything in my damn life. 

Have you heard you talk about food? This is not a criticism. I could listen to that all day. 

Nothing really happened, in the end, just a good conversation and the promise to keep in touch. That turned out to be easier than it should have been, because they started covering the same damn things, all the time. One big world, and somehow they were always sharing part of it: Will was in India on a camel safari through the Thar Desert, and Jeremy was there, keeping Will up at night tappity tapping on his keyboard. Or Will was in Oatman, Arizona, for a piece on Route 66, and there was Jeremy, taking selfies with the wild burros roaming the streets of the town. Or Will was traveling around Japan, doing a feature on onsens, and Jeremy was there, too, acting like he wasn’t looking in Will’s direction while they sat, very naked, in the soothing hot water. It went on like that for a while until finally one night in Barcelona, in front of Sagrada Familia, he looked at Jeremy, tall and handsome in this absurd brightly patterned scarf, and said, “This is ridiculous, man,” and pulled him in for a long, lingering kiss. 

Do you honestly think it would have taken me that long? 

I don’t know, baby, it took your cowboy ass five years in real time, so Will’s doing a lot better than you. 

OoooooooOooo 

We had a lot goin on!!! And what is that supposed to be, parker? are you some kind of ghost? 

it made more sense in person 

I’ll take your word for it. 

It wasn’t a relationship, exactly. It was just something they did, sometimes, if they happened to run into each other on the road. It wasn’t like he was getting invited home for the holidays, or anything, and he was fine with that, really. The long and short of it was, they’d basically been circling each other for years now, professionally, personally, whatever, but the professional stuff was definitely getting in the way of anything else. Because Will would sit down and write out his long, detailed articles with carefully selected photographs that would look just right on the page, while Jeremy had already turned out quick blog entry after quick blog entry, listing off places people should visit with witty little one sentence summaries, and people just ate it right up with a spoon while Adventure., Will’s magazine, slowly saw its sales circling the drain. It stung a little. Maybe more than a little. It wasn’t like he could say the guy wasn’t working hard, but damn. Hell, the best selling issue they’d had in a couple years was the one where Sarah had masterminded a collaboration between Will and Jeremy. Blogging was definitely here to stay. 

That night in Belgium was five years ago, and at the time it seemed impossible that the internet would ever really fully overtake print. But bloggers and phones had both gotten smarter over the last five years, and now everyone wanted their news in little chunks that they could read on a screen during their commute, so travel blogs were the hot new thing. Will grimaced as he looked at the blog entries Jeremy already had up from Mexico, where they’d run into each other at least half a dozen times. 

Five Reasons You Need to Visit Mexico City Right Now; What You’re Missing Because You’re Not in Monterrey; Everything You Wanted to Know About Agave But Were Too Afraid to Ask 

“You gotta be kidding me with this,” he muttered, staring at his phone and thinking about the half-written article he had saved on his laptop detailing the history of agave and how to experience Jalisco as more than just the birthplace of tequila. 

He pulled up Sarah’s number and dialed. 

“I don’t know how we can compete with this,” he sighed, when she picked up. 

“We’re going to have to adapt,” she said. “You know that. I can hear you making a face." 

"I don’t want to blog,” he complained. “I like print." 

"I know,” she sighed. “I’m working on it. Anyway, I’m glad you called, I was going to call you. I need you to go to Italy. Flight leaves tomorrow." 

"No way. Not interested,” he told her. “I just got back to my apartment, Sarah, I’ve been in Mexico for a month. I’m beat." 

"It’s not my fault that you spend half your time on extracurricular activities,” she teased. 

“You can just say sex,” he said. “I won’t be offended. And it’s not half my time. Like, maybe twenty-five percent. Anyway, I get the job done." 

"Yeah, and you’re very good at it, which is why I need you to go to Italy,” she said. 

“I’m not saying yes,” he told her, “and I’m not interested. But what’s in Italy that’s so important for me to get to?" 

"You’ll love this one,” Sarah promised. “It’s a food festival." 

Okay, maybe he was a little interested. "Oh?”

“Yeah,” she said. His phone buzzed in his ear. “I just emailed you the details. Including your flight info." 

"Dammit, Sarah–" 

"Oops, emergency, the printer’s on fire, gotta go!” she chirped, and the line disconnected. 

Yeah okay that’s Parker huh

Yep!

I do know y'all a little bit. 

“Dammit,” Will said again, and opened Sarah’s email to read up on his next destination. 

+ 

The food festival turned out to be a week long international celebration of local food from around the world. It only happened once every few years in October, when a world of people descended on the city of Torino, and more specifically the park by the River Po, where they set up tents and stands and served pretty much every kind of food you could imagine, and Will loved food and could imagine a lot, so that was saying something. It was pretty cool, seeing all these people from all over the planet showing off food that was important to them, sharing it with strangers. It really was the whole planet, too, the way the park was set up you could walk through a continent at a time, with all the countries on it represented at their own space. He figured he’d pay his respects to the hosts first and start with Italy, which was definitely the largest section. Halfway through the displays he found a stall with some folks from Campania selling fresh mozzarella di bufala the size of his fist for a Euro. It was speared on a stick like a candy apple so he could walk around with it, nibbling on the sweet cheese as he checked out the festival’s other offerings. Aged cheeses covered in mud and straw from a little town in France. A swanky tent with wood plank floors where the Filipino agriculture offices had a set up with big displays dedicated to traditional food and heirloom crops. Six different kinds of wild rice were layered in a glass display bottle in the booth dedicated to Indigenous agriculture in North America. There were folks from the Yucatan peninsula displaying cured meats and wild honey. There was a whole series of displays about preserving, protecting, and raising Maasai red sheep, from Kenya. The whole event was really impressive, actually, and even though his body had no idea what time zone he was in, he didn’t feel too tired– although that might have been more because he’d been downing every cup of coffee from anyone selling it. 

Okay, this actually sounds pretty cool. But now you gotta fake a whole food festival like this if we ever use these aliases. 

I don’t have to. That’s a real thing. Happens every couple of years. I was gonna ask if you wanted to go to the next one. Parker can probably find us a job after, anyway. 

I’d love– like that. 

Hardison. HARDISON.

Why isn’t this deleting the things I tell it to delete??? 

Ooh, forgot to tell y'all, this chat records your keystrokes? You know. Just in case you happen to type something sappy about how much you love me, and then delete it before you send it in the chat. Pretty much exactly what just happened. 

Dammit Hardison I’m gonna delete YOU

Baby, that doesn’t even make any sense. 

im w hardison on this 1. it’s ok if u love things eliot. especially food . or us 

Just let me finish reading Hardison’s make believe story so I can get back to dinner prep, ok? 

(he loves us) 

I know :) 

Will strolled around the park, snapping photos here and there, jotting down notes. He talked to folks from all over who came here to run their country’s booths, locals who had come out to enjoy the day, and people who had traveled long distances to be there. After a couple of hours and a really good lunch, he found an unoccupied bench near the river and posted up there for a while, notebook open next to him as he flipped through photos on his phone, the story he could tell about this event already starting to take shape in his head, and he had to admit, at least to himself, that Sarah had been right about this one. Nobody else on their staff knew food enough to get this right. But even though he had a good idea where to start, he couldn’t help feeling a little overwhelmed, too. You could spend two weeks here and still not talk to everybody, and it seemed important to try, somehow. 

“Well, well, well,” said a voice, and Will looked up from his phone and his notes to see the tall form of none other than Jeremy Edwards. 

“Dammit, Edwards,” Will swore. “You’ve gotta be kidding me. Again?" 

Yeah it’s pretty much EXACTLY like that every time

Mmmhmm. You talk a big game, man, but no one here believes you. 

What he said ur like that stuff u put on the dessert u made 4 us last wk

Stuff on dessert– the Italian meringue? You really comparing me to Italian meringue?! 

Is that the stuff that was kinda hard and crunchy on the outside but actually really soft and sweet inside? 

Yep that’s the stuff

This is the worst conversation we’ve ever had. 

It’s weird how I can hear you smiling right now, though.

Shut up, Hardison, I’m reading.  

Got him! XD 

"Looks like it,” Jeremy said. He took a seat next to Will on the bench, despite the fact that Will had absolutely not fucking offered it to him. He grinned. Will looked back at his notes before he smiled back. “We’ve really gotta stop meeting like this." 

"Yeah, well, trust me, I’m working on it,” Will grumbled, and risked a look at Jeremy again. Still handsome, and still smiling, unfortunately. He thought about the blog a little and made himself frown. “So, you’re here to blog about this, huh? How many blog posts have you done already?" 

"None so far,” Jeremy said, scratching his chin, “but I am working on one right now. Tentative title, How to Tell The Guy You’re Casually Seeing And Have Been Chasing All Over the Globe That His Boss Sent Me Here To Work With Him." 

Well, there was a lot of information there, but Will decided maybe sticking with the professional stuff was better for now. "I’m sorry, you’re here for what?" 

Jeremy shrugged. "Sarah really liked that collaboration thing she got us to do last year, I guess, wanted to try it again for this. I said yes. It’s good for your magazine and it gives my blog some credibility with all you snooty print folks." 

"We’re not snooty,” Will said, although that wasn’t exactly true. Maybe they were, a little. He unlocked his phone and saw the email from Sarah, the subject line of which read: “DON’T ARGUE IT WILL BE GOOD FOR YOU/US/THE MAGAZINE.” He sighed and looked back at Jeremy. “I can’t believe she sent you to a food thing." 

"I’m offended,” Jeremy said, although it didn’t much sound like it. “I know food." 

"Oh really? So last year when we were in Beijing and you were looking for a McDonald’s that was just you knowing food, huh,” Will drawled.

“Sometimes you just really want a Happy Meal,” Jeremy joked, and Will just shook his head.

“I guess we should figure out what we’re doing, then,” he said, and Jeremy raised his eyebrows. 

“About the story,” he said, “right?" 

"Yeah, about the story,” Will grumbled. 

“Whatever you say,” Jeremy said affably, just like always. 

+

It was actually pretty easy to figure out how to cover the festival now that he had a partner in crime. They worked out a plan that afternoon, sketched out a couple of pieces, a collab for Adventure., a short guest piece for Will on The Travel Geek, and a short story in the magazine for Jeremy. Sarah signed off on everything from afar– “What time is it where she is? Does that woman ever sleep?” Jeremy asked, as they both got email after email. “I don’t think she does, man,” Will laughed– and they got to work pretty quick. There was plenty to do and they were both here for a few days, so they wandered through the park as they worked, stopping occasionally to sample food or take photos.  Eventually they walked all the way out of the park and into the city, up to a big plaza, Piazza Castello, in the center of the historic part of town. They got gelato from one of the many carts set up nearby for the festival, and sat outside, eating and talking as the sun set. 

It was nice. It was always nice, when they ran into each other. That wasn’t the problem. But they’d been stuck in the same routine for years now: they’d find themselves in the same place, Jeremy would laugh, Will would pretend he was annoyed, and then they’d spend a good chunk of their time together enjoying each other’s company in as many ways as they could find, and then they’d head to the airport and go their separate ways. And that was that. This shouldn’t be any different, but somehow it was. Maybe it was the sunset lighting up Jeremy’s skin, or maybe he’d just been lonely too long, but maybe they needed to figure out what they were doing with more than just the stories they were here to tell. 

“You wanna get dinner?” Will said, before he could talk himself out of it. 

“Yeah,” Jeremy said, smiling again, and this time Will let himself smile back. Just a little.  

They asked around for recommendations and ended up at a little restaurant in the city, a few blocks from the Piazza. They split a bottle of wine, a margherita pizza, and some perfectly fried fish, and they didn’t really talk about work at all. 

“You know,” Jeremy said, about halfway through the wine, “not for nothing, but I’ve gotta say, this looks and feels a lot like a date." 

"I wasn’t under the impression that you’d be opposed to that,” Will said.

“Oh, I’m not opposed,” Jeremy told him, “I’m just a little surprised you’re asking. I figured at this point it was gonna have to be me who said something." 

Will eyed him carefully, thought back to a lot of nights on a lot of trips. "How long exactly have you been waiting around?" 

"I mean, don’t get the wrong idea, here, I haven’t been pining away for you like some Victorian in a bad novel,” Jeremy said, and Will snorted. “But yeah. I played a long game, man. I gotta say, though, after that fishing boat incident in Guyana I really thought you figured out we had a thing." 

"Yeah, well, I didn’t have time to notice, I was too busy taking pictures of you hiding behind that skinny British guy when that big old fish jumped out of the water,” Will snickered. 

“Big old– that thing was two-hundred and thirty-four pounds of ichthyological torpedo headed straight for yours truly,” Jeremy said, and Will chuckled. “Big doesn’t really describe it.”

“Hmm. It was kinda wild he thought we were gonna get in the water with it,” Will mused.  He winked. “Glad you finally remembered you owed me dinner for keeping him from pushing us into the river." 

"Ha. You know Sarah wants us to work with that guy again, right?" 

"Aw, hell,” Will said. “Really?" 

"Yeah,” Jeremy confirmed. “She said she was gonna talk to you about it when we got back from this. Canada this time, so when Mister Fisherman tries to throw me in the water at least the hypothermia will probably get me before the monster fish does." 

"Nah,” Will said. “Don’t worry about that. Nobody throws you off a fishing boat. Except maybe me. No. Well. Maybe. No,” he concluded. 

Hah. I mean, okay, that does sound like me. 

Oh, I am aware, trust me. 

“Sarah maybe also mentioned we might do a few more of these little…collaborative things,” Jeremy said, drawing invisible circles on the table. “Maybe even in a more formal capacity." 

Will raised his eyebrows. "No way she talked you into giving up the blog." 

"Oh, definitely not,” Jeremy said. “But funnily enough, people keep sending me emails about wanting a print version of some of my photographs? But I don’t really have the publishing connections. A magazine, though…” he shrugged. “Me and Sarah figured we might come to some kind of mutually beneficial arrangement, somehow. Might be seeing more of you, is what I’m trying to say." 

"Can’t say I mind that,” Will said, and reached out across the table to cover Jeremy’s hand with his. 

“I was hoping you’d say that,” Jeremy answered, and this time Will didn’t try to hide his smile. 

/end 

Okay? 

Okay, what? 

Well where the hell is the rest of it? 

What rest of it? It’s clearly implied that they’re dating now. They’re dating, they’re happy, they’re gonna work together for real, happily ever after, et cetera. 

they should have at least kissed. i would be into that 

This is what I’m saying. Where’s the resolution, here? 

Baby, anytime you want a kiss, you know where to find me. 

What I want is for you to take this seriously since you’re making us read all of it. 

Wow, okay. Here: 

They walked around the city for a long time after dinner, still holding hands, and the kiss they shared later under the moonlight felt like a promise. The Actual End. 

Y'all happy? 

too sappy 4 me but idk what eliot thinks

Not your best work but it’ll do, I guess. 

Are you still in the kitchen? 

Yeah, why? 

I’m gonna come give you a demonstration of my best work, that’s why. 

Bring it on, man. 

do i get a demo too

You know it.

[tyrustrash]

Huge Updates

Hey, all! As you know, the world is in a certain state right now causing us to change our daily lives. One change for me is that I now have more time and motivation to write. Also, I published a book on Amazon!! It is a collection of short stories, some of which you have seen but with some changes (For obvious reasons) The link is this: Orientation https://www.amazon.com/dp/B085RRGQ2N/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_919HEbGVEBPPR Also, I am in the process of writing three more books!!!! Which is what I wanted to share with you. The chapters below will be the first two chapters of my young adult novel. The story is about two guys from seemingly different paths meet each other and bond over their shared pain. Theo is a member of a band that is trying to get signed to an agency, while Lucky is his college's best soccer player trying to get his team to nationals. They begin a secret relationship as they uncover more about themselves and their dark pasts. Some more info about the book: the couple is white-latino/asain, contains some sexual content, eating disorders, self-harm, and more. The other novels in development are as followed: 1. A story following a group of guys on a reality competition show competing to be members of a new boy band. 2. A group of teenagers gaining special powers and forming a team to save their town, and the world, from danger. (Has potential to be a series) 3. The other book I mentioned is another collection of never before seen short stories. I hope y'all enjoy the preview of my first novel! Chapter 1: Lo Mejor Comienza The crowd cheered their lungs out as they hyped up their favorite band, Going After You. The sold-out stadium held 40,000 of their fans holding every bit of merchandise the group had. There were a few fortunate fans that struggled their way onto the stage to get ahold of a member, but security managed to drag them away. However, one fan was able to grab the edge of Lucas' shirt and pull off a piece as she was being dragged off. Lucas didn't mind it though, he took it as a sign that he was their favorite, which he had that thought for all the fans. The members of the band looked out into the crowd and smiled as they continued their set. Lucas made sure to make his perfectly white teeth reflect the stage lights into the audience as he gave his perfect smile while he sang. His posture gave off high-end clothing store mannequin vibes: same old them as the rest, but somehow seen as better since where it came from. Gabe banged the drums while giving his rounds of pterodactyl screeching in between beats. The sweat coming from his head flew across the stage because of his hair flinging around caused by his head banging. Blake played his guitar with his swift fingers as he harmonized with Lucas. He had this chill aura around him that seemed to say that he was going with the flow. Lastly, Theo focused his attention on his keyboard. Unlike his bandmates, Theo chose to maintain his attention on his instrument. Not because he didn't appreciate his fans, all the hours spent writing letters and sending autographs said otherwise. He found it hard to multitask since he would get caught up in one thing and ignore the other. At one point in the concert he attempted to nod and smile to the fans, but he got off-key and played the wrong notes. Other than that one mishap, that night had gone well. The band stayed after for three hours to do the meet and greet with the fans. Although their entire bodies were hurting like hell, the pain was worth it if it meant making their fans happy. Everything was running smoothly. Fans stood in a straight line, which was harder than it seemed given they would let their excitement control them and try to form a tsunami, then they would get a picture with the group. So on and so on. This whole cycle repeated itself, concert and after show activities, for three weeks, with another six to go, they never wanted it to end. It was what they always dreamt about. All the hard work, all the nights without sleep, all the tears shed due to the stress-induced anxiety. All of it was finally worth it. However, sometimes it seemed liked hell on Earth. The pain and scars on their hands from their instruments. The times where they lost their voice from singing for up to eight hours a day. The visits to the hospital for when fans get too wild and would manage to make contact with a member. It was challenging in the beginning to form a balance, but it eventually happened. They wanted stardom to continue. They wanted to win a Grammy, star in their own movie, and go down as one of the greatest bands in musical history. Aside from those generic goals, each member had their own goal. Lucas wanted to be a model in New York Fashion Week. Gabe wanted to be the new owner of Playboy magazine. Blake wanted to start a non-profit organization. Theo wanted the loud banging would end. The loud banging. Theo rapidly blinked his eyes and looked around, suddenly snapping out of his daydream. He felt the cold water of the shower over his body. He wiped some of the water off of his face, also while taking a deep breath. He was at a loss of words, mainly because there was nothing for him to say at this point. "Two and a half hours." Lucas softly yelled, but in a nice way, from the other side of the door. "Hurry up. Some of us need our beauty shower." Although his time in the shower always took at least two hours, which all the others knew at that point, it felt like ten minutes. He always tried to shorten his time, but he never got around to fixing it. He never got around to fixing himself. "That's not a real thing." Theo heard Blake make the comment. "Oh shut up" Lucas said as his voice faded off, presumably going off to get his bathing kit from his room. Theo looked down and realized that there were still bits of thrown up food on the floor of the shower. It was rare that he would go off into his imagination after his habit. His shower routine typically consisted of beginning contemplating life, then spend most of his time dreaming, and end with him panic purging while rushing to get done. But lately he has been under a lot of stress. He finished up cleaning and turned the shower off. He placed an extra towel on the floor, per the request of Lucas, so that water didn't get all over the floor. As he dried himself off, he wiped off some steam that was on the mirror. The way he looked at his reflection, it was like seeing someone he didn't know. It was like there was something missing, something wrong. He looked around the room and his eyes fixated on random objects. Blake's razor that he always left out. A pair of Gabe's underwear, something that the boy always forgot to take to his room once he finished showering. Judging by the pair it seemed like it had been there for two days. His eyes locked on the can of air freshener sitting on top of the toilet. He felt short of breath seeing the tiny droplet of blood on the bottom of the can. He picked it up and turned it. Feeling the aluminum on his hands made his breathing stagger, it made his lip quiver. He inhaled sharply as his hands gripped the can tighter. Bringing the can closer to his body, a tear rolled down his cheek. Before he could do anything else, Lucas shouting stopped him, for now. "I need to get in now if I plan on getting enough sleep tonight." "I'm almost done." Theo said monotonal. He wished he meant it, but it's only the beginning. Gripping the can, causing his hands to fade into red, he turned his attention to the door. What was on the other side could have helped him, but it was no use. He was of no use. Not wanting to do anything else, he came back to his normal state of mind and brushed his hair with the brush that he has had since he was eight. He checked his phone for any notifications, but there was nothing. He frowned thinking he ruined everything. He put on his night hoodie and shorts then exited into the hall. Upon entering the hallway, he took note of Lucas and Blake arguing over some skincare routine. Lucas swore he needed to spend at least an hour on his routine for it to work, however, Blake counterattacked that he shouldn't be rushing Theo since he would spend as much time in the bathroom. Lucas grabbed his suitcase-sized bag of products and carried it into the bathroom. Theo grew worried that he was the one who had caused their argument, then wished he had used the can. Blake sighed as he plopped down on the couch. He turned on the TV and Pitch Perfect was playing. He turned up the volume but made sure it wasn't loud enough to wake up Gabe who was already asleep. They had their TV set to just music-themed programs, thanks to Gabe's technological skill. Last night they watched the first season of Glee. They wanted to watch every known music-related thing so they could take inspiration and help with their band. Their band. Although they had only been active for a year, they managed to gain a steady following and regular gigs at some small clubs that would allow a group of high schoolers to perform. Going After You was named after them chasing their dream to be the next big thing, which didn't make sense to some people but it was the group's style. However, they have yet to make any real progress in the real world. Maybe it had to do with them constantly changing their music style, but whatever it was, they needed to buckle down. Theo walked to the kitchen and poured himself a big glass of milk, with a bendy straw to go through the lid. He contemplated for a bit before he made the cup, but he needed something to ease his stomach. He made his way over to the couch and sat next to Blake. "Just like my showers, you should be used to Lucas' skin routine." Theo said as he brought his legs up to sit crisscrossed. Blake chuckled as he took a bite of the sandwich he had made earlier. "I know, but it still gets annoying. Mainly because he thinks it'll actually work. He's been doing that shit for a year now and it hasn't done a damn thing." Theo laughed a little, nearly causing him to snort out milk. "Come on, you're supposed to be the nice one of us." "Can't be the nice one when Lucas has been keeping me awake for the past two hours because he needed someone to complain to about not being able to get into the bathroom." "Sorry." Theo said with a soft voice. "Don't worry about it, I had some fun messing with him. It's so fun freaking him out." Theo gave out a soft laugh before Blake straightened himself a little. His face became a mixture of concern and stern, making Theo tense up and scoot away from him. "So, you know you're supposed to be last in the bathroom order." Theo looked down at his cup. He tried not frowning, but kept his feelings to himself, like always. "It was just that I had dinner before you guys." "What does that have to do with anything?" Before Theo could answer, Gabe walked in from his room, in only his underwear. He scratched his lower back as he made his way to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and drank some milk straight from the jug. Blake let out a heavy groan, but Gabe didn't care. After that, Gabe grabbed a beer and went to sit in the recliner. Gabe was the one that didn't care about how he looked, he always had high confidence in himself that he didn't care what others thought about him. One time he went to school in a skintight spandex suit that outlined some of his more prominent features, resulting in him having to be sent home to change. Another time he went streaking across the neighborhood. He even managed to outrun the cops that were called. As he sipped his beer, Gabe adjusted his crotch which caused Blake to make a face of disgust. "Bro, I'm trying to eat." "Don't act like you've never adjusted yourself." Gabe replied while keeping his focus on the TV. He took another sip. "We're all guys, we've all done it." "But at least I have the decency to not do that while someone's eating." As the two discussed crotch touching and other typical guy things that Theo never understood or cared enough to learn more about, Theo stared blankly ahead, focusing on nothing. The world around him started fading and his surroundings transitioned into a new setting as he went back into his dreamworld for the eighth time that day. This time he imagined them all performing at his future wedding. He was marrying the person people expected him to marry, but he was sharing the moment with his closest friends, nothing could ruin it. Well, one thing. The person he imagined he was marrying. It was the wrong person. Wrong for him, but right for his parents. As he played his keyboard, he used his peripheral vision and he saw his parents sitting in the front while cheering his name. Their cheers grew louder and louder. Every time they said his name, he found it harder to concentrate. The loudness became unbearable to the point it snapped him back to reality, where he found where he heard his name being shouted. Theo sat between his two friends as they were both looking at him. Gabe patted Theo's shoulder as he leaned closer. "So, which is it?" "Which is what?" Theo asked as he became confused. He looked at the hand on his shoulder and started to build up panic. Blake let out a sigh as he tossed his paper plate in the trash can next to the couch. "The theme for our gig tomorrow night. I wanted to go for more modern and pop-ish since it would fit the crowd, but Gabe wants full out punk and rock and roll." "I thought y'all were talking about crotches." Theo remarked as he stirred the straw in his cup, seemingly easing himself. He scrunched his face thinking about his friends talk about touching themselves. "We were." Said Gabe. He finished his beer and tossed it towards the trash can, but missed. Blake picked it up and threw it away. "But it turned into trying to finalize what we're doing tomorrow." "I don't care. Just decide. It's just a soccer game that we're performing at. I mean, who even does that? And a college game too." Gabe chuckled as he patted Theo's back. "It's a paid gig, and it's exposure. "You say that every time." Blake told him. "Well, it is. And it would be one of the biggest crowds we've performed at. Anyone could be watching, like an agent, or scouts for a reality show." "You also say that every time." "Man, what's your deal? You don't seem like you care." "I care. It's just that if we keep changing our style for each performance, then it'll be harder to get signed to a label." "It's called having range. It shows we can do any genre." Gabe turned back to Theo. "So, what style? "Pop, I guess. We've done that the most and it seems to be a crowd pleaser every time." Theo said after thinking for a second. Like Gabe, he was just as eager to get signed. But like Blake, he had the mindset of sticking to one style until they get signed. Another moment in their band career that seemed to be one of the most challenging things. Before Theo could get up and go to his room, he noticed the marks on Gabe. There were kiss marks made from pink lipstick covering the area above Gabe's boxers. He pointed at them, resulting in the other two to look. "What's that?" Gabe laughed. "Come on, man. I know you haven't been with a girl, but I'm sure you know what this is and where it came from." "Is she here now?" Blake asked as he stood up. His face getting redder than a teacher's mark on a test when they give someone an "F". "I mean, obviously. I came out of my room when we finished. Fucking my girlfriend really makes me thirsty." "Bro, you know what the lease says. No overnight guests." "What they don't know won't hurt them." "Hold up, how long has she been here? When did you bring her?" "About four hours ago. We've been at it that long, a new record. Had to miss dinner, but don't worry, I ate alright." Theo shook his head. "Wait, she's been here for a while? Usually you two make as much noise as possible." "Wanted to try it out to see if we could, now we know we can do it even while y'all are asleep. But it was hard getting it one while having to hear y'all argue over some damn skincare routine, but perhaps the arguing helped cover it up a little." "No no no." Blake interjected, completely ignoring the second part. "She is not allowed overnight." "Come on. It's not that serious. She has stayed over countless times before and no one noticed." "What! Do you know how much trouble we'll be in if we're caught? We could be evicted!" "Calm thyself. We haven't been caught yet, and we won't. As long as you don't snitch. Besides, don't act like you've never broken that rule." Blake fell silent for a quick second. He blinked rapidly before speaking with a slightly higher-pitched voice. "I don't know what you're talking about." "Melissa. I know she has stayed over before after one of your escapades." "That was different." "How?" "It was accidental. We went to sleep immediately afterwards and forgot." "Yeah right." "Theo, you have anything to say right now?" Blake asked as a way of changing the subject, but no response. He and Gabe looked back and saw Theo standing at the side of the couch staring blankly at the wall. "THEO!" Theo blinked rapidly and gazed his attention to the two of them. "What now?" "Nothing." Blake sighed. "Just go to bed now. You really need the sleep." Before anyone could do anything else, the bathroom door opened and Lucas stepped out. His face was covered with one of his face masks. "Can y'all stop arguing, please. The yelling isn't good for my skin." "The hell." Gabe said. "How is us yelling upsetting your skin?" "I'll have you know that people yelling makes me stress, and stress can cause breakouts. I can't have any of that, especially at tomorrow's gig. In fact, I can't have that ever. I have to stay looking flawless." Before Lucas could continue with his routine, he turned to Blake. "Before you freak out again and we have a repeat of tonight, I've also broken that rule. Better get your rage out now and soon. Can't have too much more yelling." Blake couldn't say anything to him since he quickly slammed the door. With a final huff for the night he went to his room. Gabe smirked. "It's adorable when he loses." "Maybe." Theo said. He went to the kitchen and rinsed out his cup. While he was there, he began doing everyone's dishes, not because they had a rotation, but because he wanted to. "Sometimes it's hard dealing with an argument over the smallest things." "But sometimes it's fun. Right?" Theo smiled a little. "Yeah. Can be." "That's the spirit!" Gabe grabbed two more beers from the fridge and before he headed to his room, he went beside Theo. He placed a hand on his shoulder, causing Theo to become worried. "Hey, you'll find a girl someday, just keep looking. And I'll make sure to not tell Blake if you bring her over and you want her to stay over." "Thanks." The faintness of Theo's voice was barely audible. He didn't even look at Gabe, only keeping his head down. Gabe went into his room, leaving Theo alone. He looked around and took in his surroundings. Just a plain and small apartment the group found a few months ago. They saved up from all their gigs for nearly a year to be able to afford it. It wasn't anything to brag about, but it was better than what he had before. His family, his neighbors, everything about his old life, it was too much. He wanted to leave it all, and he did. Or so he thought. After pushing back any memories from his past he wanted to forget, and also finishing washing the dishes, he made his way to his room. Along the way he heard moaning coming from Gabe's room. Before he could enter his own room, Lucas stepped out of the bathroom, bare naked except for some scrub covering most of his body. Theo attempted not to look, but failed since Lucas always made a presence when he entered a room. "Ayo, Theo." He said, his hand on his hip, hip sticking out. "Don't worry about what Gabe said. You know how he is." Theo could barely form a sentence. "How do you know what he said?" "Dude, the apartment is smaller than Gabe's brain. You can hear everything." They laughed. Theo turned the handle of his door. "Nice to see you taking time out of your routine to console me." Lucas shrugged. "No biggie. Besides, I had to let my body scrub settle." "I can see." He thought for a second. "Well, I don't want to see. I've always questioned what you did in there for so long, maybe I didn't have to know." "Well, know you do. Now, what do you do in the shower that takes two hours?" Theo's eyes slightly widened. He felt short of breath but pulled together a response. "You'll never know." He said in a quick and sassy tone. Lucas nodded at Theo before he went back inside the bathroom. Theo opened his bedroom door and went in. He slammed the door and leaned back on it. He exhaled heavily. After standing for a minute, he made his way to his bed. It helped clear his mind by looking around his room and seeing all his favorites things. His room was decorated with posters of his favorite musicians, including various Kpop groups, mainly Got7, Kard, Twice, CLC, Day6, and Girls' Generation, and posters of American artists like Ariana Grande and boy band In Real Life. He had lots of stuffed animals scattered around the room. There was a box of snacks beside his bed that held snacks that he saved up for weeks. He sat on his bed the main dating app on his phone. He opened the chat he had started with someone he has been talking to for the past few weeks. Still no new response. He plugged his phone onto its charger and placed it on the windowsill next to him. He pulled out and opened his laptop and pulled up his search engine. He began researching the college they would be performing at. Although it was in their town, he somehow knew nothing about it other than that it valued sports over academics, like most American schools. He mainly focused on the soccer team. He found articles talking about how the team has had a mixed season so far and was unsure if they'll qualify for nationals. Searching further, he found profiles for each member. He spent the next hour reading about what each person was like personality wise and about their skill level. All of them seemed impressive on paper, but somehow weren't on the field at times. They had never qualified for Nationals, which made them the only team at their university not to do so. Statistics show that this season was their best, which wasn't saying much since it was like a toss of a coin if they won a game or not. During his time reading, one player in particular caught his attention. Lucky Moon. Not just because of his name, but his other attributes, he stood out. He made the most goals this season, given that he was the striker. Off the field, he helped volunteer by tutoring other students and being an assistant coach for a little league team. He seemed like the model student, the perfect person. Theo smiled reading more about him. Delving deeper, Theo learned that the college actually did halftime shows for all the sporting events. One time they had an aerial acrobatics group perform at a volleyball match. Although it seemed weird for a college to go all out for a sporting event, it could pay off for their band in the end. Hopefully. Shutting down for the night, he put up his computer and covered himself with his favorite blanket, the one he had since he was a child. He laid his head down on his green monkey pillow as he thought about tomorrow. How it could be the best day of the group's career. All the possibilities that could come from it. The best began tomorrow. Chapter 2: Stop the Rain The mixture of rain and sweat covered Lucky's face as he ran across the field. He didn't bother wiping it off, it made him stronger, it built up endurance. The grass was harder to run across because he hasn't been cleaning his shoes properly and almost had moments where he almost slipped. There was only one set of lights on, somewhat keeping him warm. He kept on running, while also kicking the ball, for what seemed like forever. He had just reached the halfway point. Every so often he would tighten his fists, which kept him awake. It was two in the morning. He had hardly gotten sleep the night before, and the night before that, and basically every night for the past week. Soccer cleared his mind, made all the stress go away. Not only was this time in the early mornings useful for extra practice, it was his time to think and relax. His schedule was filled with classes and practice that he doesn't get a break. Whenever he was in his dorm, his roommate made too much noise with his gaming stuff and the occasional party. Lucky started getting up early to get some alone time on the field before he went back to his dorm to get a little more rest before his seven o'clock class. It wasn't the healthiest schedule experts might say, but it worked, it helped him stay stable, physically and emotionally. Something that he always needed work on. He shook his head thinking about his wounds, he needed to focus. Focus on his future, his grades, his happiness, but most importantly the ball he was kicking. He finally reached near the goal to shoot. With a hard kick, the ball leaped off the ground and swerved to the back of the net, nearly tearing it. He slightly nodded and gathered the ball. He made his way to the nearest bench, which held a towel and his water bottle. He sat down and wiped his face with the towel, which was about useless since the rain had gotten it damp. What it did was absorb what it could, but his face had streaks of liquid. In the end, he didn't know why he did anything with the towel other than it was muscle memory, the rain would just get his face wetter. He took several chugs from his bottle, the water moisturizing his dry throat. Picking up his bag, he placed the bottle in the side pouch and the ball in the back. While he was standing to leave, he saw a figure walking towards him. Upon closer examination, it was Coach Jupiter. She carried an umbrella and was dressed in her coaching attire. Coach Jupiter held out the umbrella to Lucky, but he remained in his spot next to the bench. She slightly nodded and got as close to him without making him feel uncomfortable. "What're you doing out here at this time of day?" Lucky shrugged his shoulders. When he opened his mouth his words came out bold, yet calm. "Extra practice." "It's not good to practice out in the rain." She came closer to him to try getting him under the umbrella, but he stepped back. "It helps build stamina." He said with even more boldness, but with a kind inflection. He didn't know if it was true, he thought it sounded like she would believe him. "Also helps with feet work." "Need someone to practice with?" "I was just leaving." "Too bad. I thought since you were here at this hour you were committed to the team." "I am!" Lucky shouted. Upon realizing that he raised his voice, he lowered his head in shame. "Sorry." "No need to apologize. Besides, how did you even get on the field?" Lucky kept his head down, feeling ashamed at what he did. "I picked the lock on the gate. But I always make sure to lock it back up when I leave." "Always?" She said while raising an eyebrow. Lucky realized what he said and step back a little while scratching his leg with his foot. "You've done this before? When? How long?" "Every day for the past two weeks." His voice was weaker than before. He sat down on the bench, resting his head in his hands. He began sobbing, his words becoming semi-inaudible. "I'm so sorry. Please don't kick me off the team." Coach Jupiter sat down next to him and held the umbrella over both of them. "Hey, calm down, it's alright. You're not off the team." "Really? Isn't what I did against some kind of rules?" Coach shrugged. "Yeah, most definitely, but I'm not going to report you or do anything." "Thank you." He said with a sigh of relief. However, he raised an eyebrow. "How did you know I was here?" "I got a notice from a bystander saying the lights were on. I came to see what was up." Lucky nodded a little. "I didn't mean any harm." "I know, but," She started saying, causing Lucky to look up and gulp. "If you wanted more time to practice, why didn't you contact me and set up an extra schedule? I would've worked with you. That's what I'm here for." Lucky stayed silent for a minute. Coach looked at him with her wide eyes, trying to figure him out based on his body language. He was hunched over, feet shaking, his right hand was brushing through his hair, and he still had a few tears coming out. "It's okay." She said. "Take your time." Lucky took a deep breath. Thoughts ran through his head and he didn't know what to say. He could tell the truth, which was more than likely a bad idea. Or he could say what she more than likely wanted to hear. Whatever he said, he made sure to make it seem better what was the truth. "I just wanted to practice some more. I know nationals means a lot to the team, and to you since it'll be your first one as a coach, and I felt like since the others look up to me, I needed to be better so we can win some more and qualify. I didn't ask for your help because I wanted to improve on my own. To show that I have the discipline and dedication." All Coach could do was nod and pat Lucky's shoulder, which seemed to calm him down. "Lucky, you are an amazing player, perhaps the best one on the team." "And I want to be better." He interjected. "I want us to go to nationals. I want to see that trophy in our case." Coach Jupiter let out a soothing sigh. "And we will, one day. Maybe this year, or maybe next year, but we will win it. But we won't if we're not in our best condition. Next time you want extra practice, talk to me and we can work out a healthier and somewhat better schedule. How does that sound?" Lucky looked her in her eyes. He couldn't form any kind of facial expression. But Coach made a face though. She seemed like she cared. He was happy to have someone in his life that seemed like they cared about him, someone who wanted to spend time with him, but he shook his head. "Thanks, but I'll see about it." He told her as he stood and put on his bag. "Let's see how we do at this next game." Coach stood up. She gave him another pat on the shoulder before she walked off, leaving him standing in the rain. Lucky looked up at the sky. A few drops of rain hit his eyes, causing him to blink rapidly. As he started walking to his dorm, he wiped some rain away, kicked some grass, and sighed heavily. He managed to get to the door and lock it back up, making it seem no one was ever there. As he walked away, the single set of lights that was on started flickering, then went dark. Lucky entered his dorm building and pushed the button for the elevator. He rested his hand on his hip as he waited. The elevator always took forever, even though there were only five floors. He didn't mind waiting, especially after practicing. It gave him a little time to cool off. The elevator dinged. The doors opened and there was only one person getting out. "Sup, Lucky!" The guy said as he went into a bro hug. Lucky accepted the hug. Although he wasn't too close to him, they did have some sort of friendship through Lucky's tutoring sessions. The guy left and Lucky took his spot in the elevator. He pushed the button for the fifth floor and watched the door close. The elevator always felt like it was going slower than a snail. He thought since they were paying a ridiculous amount for housing, the service would be good quality. The long time, the interior falling about, and the constant smell of sewage, and all that was just for the elevator. The rooms were worse. Upon coming onto his floor, he looked around at all the decorations. Each floor had a different theme, and his theme was the ocean. Cut-outs of different ocean animals covered the wall, along with streamers of different shades of blue. A pinboard hanging on the wall next to the elevator held mini questionnaires filled out by the residents of the floor. One of the questions was if they were a sea creature, which would they be. Lucky answered dolphin, because they are sleek, fast, and that people often make assumptions about them and have no reason to worry. He reached his assigned room at the end of the hall. He looked at his name tag, which was a dolphin, which he thought was a coincidence. He tapped the head of the dolphin before entering, a ritual he had since he started college. Touching his name tag before he entered his room. The first thing he saw was one of his roommates, Matt, asleep on the couch. Lucky grabbed a blanket form the rack in the corner and covered him up. Matt let out a weird groaning noise and turned but stayed asleep. When Lucky went to open his bedroom door, it was locked. "I'm busy!" His main roommate, Spada, yelled from the room. "Come back in a few minutes!" Before walking off, Lucky could hear the noise of a bed squeaking. Grunting, he went to the little kitchen area. Every time he really needed to get some rest, Spada pulled some shit like that. Every time he was gone for longer than thirty minutes Spada had her over. But he never had the strength to say anything. Opening the fridge, his face remained emotionless at the sight of a basically empty fridge. At that point, he was just over his roommates not keeping up with the one simple task of grocery shopping. The only thing edible he could see was some milk, a few slices of leftover pizza, and a half empty ketchup bottle. He grabbed a slice of pizza and poured him a glass of milk. As he chewed, he pulled out his phone and opened a dating app and went to the message section. There was only one person who had a conversation. Lucky smiled for the first time that day. He thought he might've met someone but didn't know if it would work out. He didn't know what to respond with. He hadn't replied for at least five hours. The right words had yet to come, even though the other person's message was really simple. It asked what he was like when he was younger. They had been getting to know each other better, but he has been picky about what he shared, especially life before college. He didn't want to change the subject since it seemed rude, but he also didn't want to make them mad by lying. He began typing a sentence but stopped when he heard his bedroom door open. Spada's girlfriend lurked out of the dorm, waving to him as she exited. Spada came out next, only in his boxer briefs. He went to the fridge and sipped some of the milk straight from the jug. "Can you please use a glass?" Lucky said as he took another bite of the pizza. Spada placed the milk back in the fridge. He maneuvered his way around the tiny kitchen space and leaned up against the counter next to Lucky. "You already have some." "Besides the point. Others might want some later and they more than likely don't want your germs. Besides, I know where your mouth has been." Before Spada could respond, he finally got a sniff of Lucky and nearly gagged. "Dude, you stink." Lucky sniffed his own armpit and shrugged. He has grown accustomed to his stench that he built up an immunity to it. It took him really trying to sniff to catch it. "Yeah, I do. It's called sweating. It's what comes when one is physically active." "I'm physically active." "Sex and parties don't count." "Hey, don't diss those. I be sweating pretty hard while doing so." Spada crossed his arms. "You need to shower. I don't want to be smelling that the rest of the night." Lucky turned to him and scolded him. "I was going to when I got here, but you were busy." Spada stood straight up in a defensive manner. "You know the rule we set up at the beginning of the year. If one of us has company over, we shall give them privacy." "But I didn't think it would include the middle of the night." "There weren't any time restrictions when we made the deal." "Whatever." Lucky sighed as he made his way to the bedroom. Before he took off to the shower, he looked back at Spada, who was shaking his head. "You know," Spada started saying. "I wouldn't mind waiting out here for whatever amount of time you needed. That's if you ever bring a girl over." With that, Lucky slammed the door. There were times he despised Spada. Times where just his presence caused annoyance. He had the typically rich daddy's boy vibe, but lacked the rich daddy. Whined whenever he didn't get his way, bitch until he does, just plain punchable. On the other hand, there were times Spada was kind of tolerable. The times where they got drunk together were nice and good bonding moments, but those were rare sense Lucky didn't want to risk showing up to class or practice with a hangover. Spada once invited him to a threeway with his girlfriend on the terms that they wouldn't do anything with each other, but he declined out of respect. One time they to the arcade and made a mountain with all the tickets they had earned, then destroying it by jumping into it and rolling around. Putting all those thoughts behind him, Lucky went straight to the bathroom and locked the door. He stood in front of the mirror and stood straight into his eyes. He began that state of being where everything around him became too real and where he started contemplating life. What life was, what he was doing there, and what will happen if he dies. Or in his case what would've happened if he had died. Or what things would be like if he was never born. Shaking his head rapidly, he got out of those thoughts. He turned on the shower and waited for it to get hot. In the meantime, he took off his clothes and placed them neatly in the corner. Remaining in only his black briefs, he went back to staring at himself in the mirror. This time he stared at his body. At the wounds he had. The cuts across his six-pack. The bruises on his sides. The everlasting burn wound on the upper part of his arm. As he ran his fingers over it all, he tried staying strong. He kept reassuring himself that it'll all be over soon. He wanted to continue looking, but the mirror fogging up stopped him. He took off his underwear and stepped into the shower. The hot water hit him sharply, giving him the best feeling he has had for the day. He simply stood in the middle of the shower and let the water go all over him. It took him a good minute or two to begin. He poured some of his Axe body wash on his hands and started rubbing his body. He took it easy around his wounds since they were sensitive. He used the green apple shampoo his sister got him, only because he was out of his regular kind. He let his hand slip down his body until he reached his v-line. He tapped his fingers across it, enjoying the tingling sensation that slowed throughout his body. He let out a soft moan as he reached lower. He grasped his crotch and let out a louder moan. His head flung back and his eyes closed. Just the feeling could've made him finish since it had been forever since he had felt some sort of pleasure. He started moving his hand, the shampoo helped made a smooth rhythm. He used his other hand to rub his chest. His hands became synchronized in motion resulting in a higher amount of pleasure. All the feelings going through his body sped up his hands and he couldn't stop. It felt like electricity going through his veins, lighting was about to be next. Just as he was about to release, there was a loud bang on the door. It startled him so much that his hand sharply gripped over himself and he released over the front of the shower. His knees felt like jelly and he had to hold onto the rail so he wouldn't fall to the ground. "Hurry up, bro!" Spada said. Lucky took a moment to catch his breath. "I can't fall asleep with the shower running." Lucky groaned as he cleaned up, again, and turned the shower off. He stepped out, dried off, and wrapped the towel around his waist. He wiped off some of the steam on the mirror and brushed his hair. In the corner, he saw some of his residue on the corner of the tub. He took the edge of the towel and wiped it up so that Spada wouldn't complain. Finally finished, he grabbed his dirty clothes and walked into the bedroom and over to his dresser. He took off his towel and tossed it and the clothes into the basket. He opened the top drawer and pulled out a pair of light blue briefs. After he put them on, Spada turned on his bed and faced the ceiling. "Sorry about earlier." Lucky went to his bed and got under the covers. He took note of Spada's weird change in attitude, which wasn't uncommon. He adjusted himself and his pillows before responding. "About what?" "About saying if you ever bring a girl over." Spada let out a sigh. "I didn't mean to come off snarky." "It's fine." No it wasn't, but it wasn't the time. "Don't worry about it." "My thing is," He started, resulting in a soft groan from Lucky. "You're so attractive, no homo, you can get any girl you want. You're the star soccer player, a people helper, and you're Asian, girls love ethnic guys now." "Don't say that!" Lucky slightly yelled. He hated it when people brought up his race, not because he was ashamed, but because he thought it was never needed to be brought up. "I thought you were tired? Why don't you get some sleep, maybe it'll help your brain." "Hey, don't get upset at me for stating facts." "Well I don't want to hear your so-called facts." "Well, what do you want to hear?" "You sleeping." Spada chuckled. "Man, I can help you." "I don't need your help." Lucky turned to face the wall. "What's your type? Blonde, brunette, redhead? Maybe another ethnic person." Lucky became furious. He grabbed a bottle of water from under his bed and threw it at Spada. "Stop saying that! As I said before, I don't want or need your help. Stay out of my personal life and leave me the fuck alone!" Without saying anything, Spada made a face of confusion with a mix of anger. He tried throwing the bottle back, but it failed to reach halfway across the room. He huffed and turned to face the wall. Lucky wept silent tears. He pulled out his phone and went back to the message conversation. He scrolled through the entire thread, wanting to relive one of the happy parts his life had. From where they talked about school, hobbies, and dreams for the future. Although he had a gist of what he wanted for his dream, all he could think about was making a new dream reality. After a long time of thinking, he finally decided what to say. Let's talk, in person, after my soccer game. I know a place we could go and be alone. With a simple click of a button, his life changed. Whether it was for good or bad, that was debatable. What wasn't was his feelings. Feelings for soccer, feelings for freedom, and feelings for the one person that could truly care about him. A ding. Lucky looked back at his phone and formed a small smile at the message notification. He smiled more when he read it. I'll be there.

[sometimesimawriter]

Mirror Effect

Part 3

A/N: so a little confusion but big gaps and/or switch in perspective or sudden shift in scenery often means a new paragraph for my style of writing! But yeah, have some budding romance and more newly found information. Stick around for the next part and see some more rising action and intensity- every story needs a build up.

Side note: after I’m done posting this whole story, I’m going to start up with another Academy fanfic because yeah well it’s my favorite show. Definitely plan for more action in that one though.

And back to your regularly scheduled program:

"This place is amazing" Klaus kept walking around the lab, touching the plants Kayla had deemed nonpoisonous, and opening then closing cabinets. The old house had four levels, a basement, kitchen/living area, bedrooms and infirmary, and then the attic which had been transformed into a greenhouse and lab area. It wasn't modern, and some panels above the plants looked as if they had been shattered, possibly by time? Kayla's work area was clean, save for a few papers scattered about, filled with formulas and equations. Klaus picked up one piece of paper, he didn't understand all the symbols on it, but he recognized a name, "Maximus Battle? Badass name."

"Yeah thats Razor, and not so much of a badass as he is a pussy." Kayla walked behind him and looked over his shoulder at the paper, "That's his DNA makeup, basically what I've figured out is that he heals faster than a normal person, his bone's are thicker due to a higher calcium concentration in his blood, and since he heals faster, thats makes sedating him real tough. Horse tranquilizers just make him yawn and then he's back at it." She scrunched her nose a bit, "Gets real fucking annoying when someone won't just lie down and knock out, you know?"

Klaus giggled at this, he liked her, she had a personality sometimes. He turned around to her and studied her for a bit, and his eyes landed on a gold chain tucked inside her shirt. He lifted one hand and gently picked it up, and a gold cross fell across her chest, "You're a Catholic?"

She gave a devilish grin at this, "No where near it. I guess I'm agnostic, I like studying it though. Religion is a strange concept, but what i do believe in is an afterlife."

Klaus gave a bright smile, "Woah, I'm agnostic too! Though i did have some questions after i met what i think is god; she was a little girl on a bike with flowers and pointed me to a cabin where my father who apparently killed himself gave me a real nice shave..."

He stopped when he noticed she was giving him a strange look.

"Wait let me explain more, so I can- um-" He gulped, hoping this wasn't going to ruin his chances with her, "I can talk to the dead."

Her mouth opened, then it looked like an idea popped into her head,

"So can you like, find out if Kurt Cobain actually killed himself or if Courtney Love murdered him?"

This caught him off guard, he was used to people dismissing him, normally his brothers and sisters, but she accepted this so...easily.

"I mean, I could try- no guarantees though."

"I suggest you try to not move this arm so much, I have a sling you may want to use." Christina fidgeted a bit around Five, obviously still flustered from the scene in the kitchen. She rummaged through drawers, and Five looked around the room. There were posters hung up, some about the biological makeup of a person, different bones, muscles, etc. One poster was of a kitten hanging on a branch with "Hang In There!" In bright pink letters. Christina caught him examining that one poster and blurted out "Oh no thats not mine! Kayla.. put that..there". Again, her faced turned pink and she kept moved through drawers. This was definitely her space, it was a complete mess. One corner had a nice alcove near the window, overlooking the neighbor's gardens. It had some papers on the floor around it and pasted on the walls near it. Lots of Beatles and Arctic Monkeys posters, like, a lot.

"You like alternative music." Five stated- no shit Sherlock but we'll let them have this moment.

"Yeah, love it actually. When Kayla and I were 16 we went and saw Arctic Monkeys in (God i hope I'm right im sorry chris) Brooklyn. It was in a tennis stadium, and she didn't really know a lot of their songs but it was a great time. I am in love with Alex Turner." She turned back around, thinking "Why the fuck did i say that last part ?"

But thankfully, Five turned out to be a music nerd too,

"If I weren't straight, I'd go gay for him too."

She let out a laugh, kind of choked, but eased into it as Five laughed with her.

"So Kayla and Emma were telling me that you play music, tell me more."

Christina beamed at this, she loved talking about music- so much so that Kayla and Emma tend to leave the room once she begins a tangent.

"Well, I really go solo as of now. I write some of my own music but I do a lot of covers too. I play the guitar and occasionally the ukulele."

Five leaned towards her, he was still sitting on the cot where she had just reexamined his arm.

"And-um- I try to get discovered. Really has opened some doors for me. Kayla and Emma go to every show they can. I've had some producers come up to me after shows, they seem a little shady though. I don't want to get trapped in some record deal either."

"That's understandable. What do you think of Bowie or Arcade Fire?"

Christina turned back around at him, beaming. "YES."

Five slipped off the table, moving next to her and lifted a sling from the drawer, "Is this what you were looking for?"

"Oh um yeah thats it, I guess i didn't see it. If you want me to put it on for you i can-"

She was silenced by his slow, lazy movement, leaning closer to her face. He stood about six inches taller than her, and he hovered above her, tension building between them. He moved closer, about to kiss her...

"ChRISTINA I- well we- FOUND SOMETHING" Emma's voiced boomed outside of the infirmary. Five cursed under his breath and retreated, "Hopefully something worthwhile, Diego?"

Diego and Emma moved into the room; Christina noticed that Emma had left the house with her hair in a messy bun, but now she had it hanging past her shoulders; something she would only do when she absolutely needed to look decent. Emma saw her studying her and made a face, with an unspoken message: "say something and i'll hit you".

Diego spoke up, "yeah, found a blood trail. Led a few blocks down to an abandoned storage facility." He then held up two limber blades and smiled, "Got my knives back."

Five looked between the two, "Did you go inside?"

Emma crossed her arms and tipped her chin up at him, obviously not liking his condescending tone, "Of course we went in,"

"Went in where?" Kayla questioned, entering the infirmary with Klaus trailing behind her.

Emma turned to face her, "remember that storage place on East Ave? Where Brendan had that party that got busted last week?"

"Oh yeah, i got fucked up there, man. Oh and him and Matt are coming over today, they got word that the Academy was in town."

Klaus perked up at the mention of two other guys, "Who's Brendan and Matt?"

Christina answered this, "They're our verbally adopted brothers."

Five gave her a questioning look, "what does that even mean?"

"We grew up with them, so, why not call them our brothers. That's what you guys do."

Diego snickered, "yeah, that makes sense when you put it that way. So why are they coming here?"

Kayla turned to him, "Well they also have their abilities-"

Five looked at her incredulously, "Wait, how many people do you know with powers?"

Emma, seemingly deciding she didn't like him, remarked, "if you kept up with your origins, there were 43 women who gave birth on the same day, same circumstances. Y'all a'int that special."

"So what are they're abilities?" Klaus seemed unnerved by this.

"Brendan's like a shapeshifter, minus the shape shifting. He can turn into any material he touches. Matthew is a telepathic son of a-" Kayla was abruptly interrupted by a voice, but it wasn't connected to a body, except it was in her head, well, everyone's heads.

"Fuck off maybe?" The voice rumbled.

Kayla started in, obviously accustomed to hearing voices in her head, "Yeah well how about you show up so i can kick the shit out of you?"

Then another voice, behind the group, "Bet."

Two men, one with a buzz cut and the other with a middle aged man's haircut stepped into the room. Buzz cut then placed his hand on a medical metal tray, and his fingertips turned silver, as did his forearm, and then the rest of his body. His now metallic eyes turned to the other guy, presumably Matthew, "Your turn."

Matthew grinned at him, and a millisecond later Metal Man flew across the room, smashing into the cot that Five was on a few minutes ago.

Kayla crossed her arms at them, "Hey asshats, stop wrecking shit in my house."

The Academy brothers looked at the two new guys, Diego and Five looking torn between deciding to fight or continue to stare in awe, and Klaus was holding in a laugh at the scene. Matthew looked each brother up and down, then glanced at the distances between each guy from girl. He knew Kayla, Emma, and Christina long enough that at least one of them had to be trying to get with one of the brothers, and seeing by the proximity of each to the other, he could make out the forming couples- not even needing to read their minds to figure it out. He then extended his hand to Klaus, him being the closest, "Matthew." Klaus tried to mimic the formality Matthew had just introduced himself, despite the hilarious scene of Brendan trying to untangled himself from the wrecked cot, "Hey pal, name's Klaus, sometimes I go by Seance though."

Matthew looked at his hand, noticing "goodbye" was written on it, "Yeah, you're the medium of the Hargreaves family."

Diego was the next one to approach him, "Diego, and if we're giving super names, Kraken." Matthew shook his hand and nodded, pulling his lips tight together as he did it. He had a habit of doing that, made his cheeks look real chubby. Next, he approached Five, "Five. No super name."

Brendan finally got himself to his feet, now his skin resembled the linen on the cot. He nodded towards the group, "Brendan. My girl calls me Metamorph."

Klaus looked at Matthew, "I think your name should be... Professor X- no wait, copyright- Mind Seeker- no too wordy... Psionic!"

Matthew seemed to think this over, "I like it. So Kayla, what's the deal with Max. I heard he's responsible for a bunch of the murders?"

She looked down, visibly upset by the situation, Matthew moved closer to her a put a hand on her arm, "Hey, sorry, that was too harsh."

She gave him a weak smile, and moved away, taking in a deep breath. "We're working on it, trying to find a way to take him out without killing him."

Brendan turned his skin back to a normal human hide, "I say we take out this motherfucker, I wanna strangle him."

Emma rolled her eyes, "Brendan his nails can rip through metal."

"So I'll turn into a rock."

Christina sighed, "Dumbass, metal is stronger than rock."

Brendan gestured towards Matthew, "Why doesn't he just get into his head?"

"Tried that. The guy doesn't have a single coherent thought. Dumber than the guy who can turn into a rock, surprisingly." Brendan flipped him off. "How's the tranquilizer going, Kayla?"

Klaus spoke up in her place, "Not well, we gotta-"

Matthew didn't like this, "I'm sorry, didn't realize your name was Kayla. Speaking of, where's your engineering degree, huh buddy?"

In return, Diego didn't like someone picking on his brother, "How about you calm down pal-"

Matthew turned on him, "No i won't calm down, I just saw one of my sisters get out of an abusive relationship, and there's no way in hell I'm letting that happen again-"

"Well my brother isn't fucking abusive, you self-worshipping bit-"

"Both of you shut the fuck up," Kayla's voice was low, and it was a distinct change from her normal, happier temperament. "We are working on something, I was hoping Klaus could help. Matthew, I am fine. Diego, don't start with him. Got it?" She looked between the two, and they nodded. "Good. Now, why don't we go back to the storage facility and check for anything?" She turned and left the room, and slowly everyone followed.

[shay-iamiam]

°Still°

Pairings: Boxer!Bucky x poc!reader (Can be read if your not a Poc! You won't go bald 😂. )

Warnings: Smut and Fluff 18+

A/N: I dont want to "mansplain" myself so I'll be putting my A/N at the end.

| WC: 1.7k

°If I told you this was only gonna hurt

If I warned you that the fire's gonna burn

Would you walk in?

Would you let me do it first?

Do it all in the name of love°

_____________________________

“Sugar come on now don't be mad at me. You know I did it for us, you know that baby?”

“Buck, you know I don’t care about the damn money, I hate seeing you come home every night  with a black eye or a broken nose every week.”

Fighting, it was one word you had heard ever since you were a kid. Growing up dirt poor  in a small town didn’t exactly scream “I got it easy”.

Your mom worked at the local library and bartended on weekends just to make ends meet. Your dad skipped out when you were ten.

Life was never easy for anyone in the small town. The majority of your clothes were hand me downs and goodwill was were you did your back to school shopping.

You knew life wouldn’t be a walk in the park for you ever since you could remember, but when you met Bucky you started to become optomistic. Maybe the card’s could fold in your favor.

Working two jobs one bartending at a local restaurant and the other working at the library on the weekends. You and Bucky struggled to make ends meet. You all decided together that you wanted to leave the small town behind.

“Come on Y/N don’t be mad at me.” He leaned down to kiss you.

Trying to make light of the situation. Bucky decided to take up boxing a “quick way to make cash” was the way he put it.

He wanted to leave town as much as you did. He felt like you deserved the world, he always felt bad that he couldn’t even give a you slice of it.

Good jobs in your town where hard to come by, neither one if you could afford college

“Come on Buck stop it I’m not doing shit with you tonight.” You rolled out of his arms and marched to the bedroom. Nothing was going to happen tonight.

You walked off to your bedroom. You hated what he was doing; tearing himself apart for you.

Bucky let you sit alone for awhile giving you enough time to calm down and not tear him a new one. He entered your shared to find you sitting against the headboard. You looked p at him to find a small smile adoring his face.

“Come on sugar at least give me some sugar.”  He laughed out loud at his own joke, Bucky always had terrible sense of humor you couldn’t help but laugh with him, all your previous anger disappearing.

You scotted towards of the bed and wrapping your legs around Bucky backside.

Knowing you both needed this tonight, being in each other arms for the first time in weeks.

Bucky worked odd jobs in between boxing trying to make ends meet. He hadn’t been home much.

The only thing you two had time for at end the end of the day was a quick peck on the lips before you sunk into the bed.

“I just hate seeing you hurt… Saving up to get out of here just doesn’t seem worth it if  you literally have to kill yourself to do it.” tears had began to well up in your eyes.

Bucky worked so hard no matter what job he had.

You watched  as he chipped away at himself little by little all for the love of you.

“I know baby but I promised you that we would get out of this town. I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure it happens .” His hand gripped onto your ankles gently rubbing circles into your feet.

This man would move heaven and earth to see you happy. He didn’t care if he had to break himself in half to do it.

Bucky moved off the bed throwing off his dirty gym clothes. Today had been long for both of you; the only thing you wanted to do was be balled up in his embrace.

Following his lead you thru you let your clothes scatter on the floor, hearing the faint sound of the shower dribbling down.

One thing that you and Bucky joked about was not being able to afford some big fancy spa you both always said the shower was your “free getaway” spot.

Grabbing your robe you padded down the hallway to met Bucky in the shower. He was lend against the counter waiting for you.

“Come on sugar the water is warm.” he half heartedly joked.

“Baby you know we can’t do that the water bill will be out the roof this month.”

You rarely took long hot shower in fear the water bill would be more expensive.

“Don’t worry about that. I worked a double at the mill friday we can afford one long shower Y/N.” He grabbed the ties pulling each one slowly, pushing the fabric over your shoulders the floor softly hit the floor. Bucky’s eyes traveled up and down your naked from smiling to himself.

“I feel like we haven’t been together in awhile, come on baby get it.” he grabbed you by your hips and let you settle in the shower first.

The warm water felt amazing on your skin; it felt good steam building up quickly in the small bathroom.

If only the water could wash away your problems not only the dirt you accumulated along the day.

Bucky grabbed your loofah and loaded it up with your favorite body wash. Swiping his hands over your collarbone moving down to your breast, rubbing the soapy sponge over your nipples working his way down to your core moving slowly nodding for you to spread your legs further apart.

He worked slowly until your skin had been covered in body wash. It was like he was remembering your body again. He moved slowly over every area spending extra time gliding his hands over your skin.  

The act was  slow and simple but you couldn’t help moaning out when he run a fresh town over your folds.

His hands worked slowly as he began rubbing your inner thighs. You knew what he wanted, you wanted to feel connected to him to; remembering the way his skin felt under your hands.

Skimming his fingers he rubbed fast and slow circle on your clit causing you to throw your head back and relax against his chest.

“Bucky hold on.. Let me take care of you.” shuffling to move Bucky under the warm spray of the water. You lathered up his towel and began to glide the soapy foam over his skin just as he did for you; taking your time on every area you touched. Working your way down to his erect member.

His hand hit the shower wall with a loud thud as you counited washing over his lower half.

“Baby slow down.” his voice was horse from his fast approaching release you’d caused.

“I’m not cumming without you.”

Bucky grabbed you by the waist and hiked your leg up on the bathtub leng, parting your folds with his fingers skimming down on the sensitive area.

He scissored his fingers inside you preparing you for the stretch of his cock.

“I love you baby i’m right here with you.”

Bucky moved into you with one slow motion rolling his hips; grasping onto your breast massaging them in his hands. He moved slowly the drag of his cock along your core made your head spin.

The slow lazy pace continued until felt you appending release.

“Bucky I- I’m going to cum.” your voice was barely above a whisper. The feeling was so intense you felt as if you wouldn’t be able to breath.

Your hand smacked against the shower wall, you bgan to bounce back on his cock moaning out his name the faster you went.

Without a word Bucky spilled himself into you, his release caused your own. Your legs where shaking the feeling of his cum cok pumping inside of you caused your walls to clamp down on his cock again.

“Y/N your-your squeezing the shit out of me baby..Fuck.”

Bucky counited to spill into you his cum filling you up until it dripped on the shower floor. He slid out of you leaning his back against the shower wall.

You dropped to your knees and took him into your mouth licking up everything that was left.

Bucky eyes winded at the sight of you. He was still sensitive but with the way you looked up at him he knew he would cum again.

He grabbed your arms and yanked you back up to your feet. He pushed you against the wall and hiked your legs around his waist.

“Fuck baby the way you were sucking me, God Y/N how do you expect me to be able to calm down after the first one.”

His cock slid into your entrance again sliding in and out like there was no tomorrow.

His head dropped to crook of your neck as he continued to slide into you,knowing he was close you decide to help with his release.

“I know your close go ahead Bucky cum inside me again.”

Your words of encouragement caused Bucky release. Calling your name as he collapsed against you and the shower wall.

You snuggled into Bucky s side as you listen to rain drip down on the earth. Not remembering the last time you held each other in a warm embrace.

“Baby?”  Bucky’s voice broke the silence in the room. You turned to your side to face him.

“You know I would do anything for you. And if that means comin home with a couple of bruise every night than by all means that’s what I’ll do. I made a promise to that we could leave this town together. I don’t care how hard it gets I’ll do everything I  possibly can do to make it happen.”

You knew not to fight Bucky. When he made a decision it was final it was almost impossible to change his mind especially when it was something regarding to you.

“I love you baby I just hate seeing you hurt.” you skimmed your fingers across his lips. “I know you wont stop so i’ll be behind you every step of the way.

“Thank you Y/N, without you I would have gone insane.”

“Well we can be crazy together baby.. I’ll be anything for you.”

Part 2

___________________________________________

°A/N: I hope this clears up any confusion. I'm rewriting this series! I stared this a couple of months ago. But at the time I was writing for validation from others and not for the enjoyment of myself😌. I'll be writing this series because I genuinely want to! So I'll be finishing this series it's only going to be around five parts. °

°The next part is actually already written (Y'all I never do that 👀°

°I was going back and forth on the whole tagging people thing. But if you would really like to be tagged just let me know! 😌°

Feedback is beautiful and amazing! But if you don't want to leave any I'm pretty sure I'll live.

[whateverisbeautiful]

Reveling in Richonne

#99: The TLC (7x16)

Every time Rick and Michonne have a scene, or even just a moment together, it’s electric. Like every single time, since the beginning. 💯

They can make such a huge statement with something as small as a gesture. Which leads me to the final Richonne moment of season 7. 😋🎉

So we have this montage of all the happenings after the battle. We see all these different activities and what people are up to and then we get a visual that shows us why Rick is the realest of ones. 👌🏽

Y’all I seriously love that they included this moment in the montage of Michonne resting up and Rick being right by her side holding her hand. 😊

It’s so good and Rick is a man who has his priorities all the way straight!

I loved the way they pan over from Tara and Rosita and then for a moment you just see Michonne lying in the nearby bed and then they reveal what I’ve been saying since the start of these posts which is that Rick and Michonne are legitimately magnets. Cuz sho nuff, Rick is right there with her. 👌🏽

I remember watching this moment the first time and just being like…

Cuz this was such a nice way to close out the Richonne of the season. It's kind of mind boggling how much camaraderie, chemistry, and just pure love is conveyed in just this one shot. 🙉☺️ Like there’s so much good stuff about this single wordless moment.

Like One; It really does show how R&M are always a priority to each other. Cuz Rick is ASZ leader and it could be easy for him to get occupied with a bunch of different things as all these communities are now looking to him to guide them but I love that none of that is going to stop Rick from being in the most important place for him to be which is by Michonne’s side.

Two; This was also nice just cuz like Rick isn’t necessarily buddies with Tara and Rosita but he’s in this room because he’s going to be there for Michonne regardless. Like here’s the Rick Grimes sitting in this room with these ladies because this is where his woman is so this is where he wants to be as well. 😊 I love that they are always such a unit and package deal. 🙌🏾

Three; It’s precious to know how much Rick wants to take care of Michonne. Like this is such a husband and wife moment and you just knew Rick’s going to be dedicated to making sure her healing process is as smooth as possible lol. 

And it’s especially sweet cuz he’s not just sitting by Michonne’s side, he’s holding her hand and just trying to provide some form of TLC cuz Homeboy always wants to be useful and cuz magnets. Here for it. 😋

Four; I adore the little subtle smiles. 😊  

Like y’all these two are the cutest and they make each other so happy. I love that you can always see the gratitude Rick has for Michonne radiating off him and especially here as he smiles and nods he just seems so happy that she’s okay and that she’s still with him.

Five; This moment really parallels the moment when Rick was by Carl’s side when his eye was shot out. 

And I love that we get to see how committed Rick is to his family and that Michonne really does get the same treatment from Rick cuz he knows she’s his immediate family. 

Like she truly does share the place in his heart where his children are and I love that their love goes that deep.

Six; During this whole montage we hear this voice over with Rick and mainly Maggie speaking and I love that the part of the voice over that’s spoken during this Richonne moment is Maggie saying, “That was the decision that changed everything.” in referencing how Glenn saving Rick really started this whole chain of events. 😭 

It’s super sweet and it’s fitting that this line is said over this image of Richonne cuz this line is also super significant for Rick and Michonne too.

Cuz everything in R&M’s journeys led them to each other. And when they came into each other’s lives everything changed and slowly but surely got better for them.

I love that in a world with so much loss, Rick and Michonne still gained something so invaluable when they found each other. And I love how visibly and authentically they cherish what they’ve found in each other. 😊

As I thought about this relationship, even outside of them being a couple, I realized just how crucial and important the character of Michonne is for the character of Rick in this story.

Cuz before she came into the picture, Rick’s relationships were mainly with people who were more like younger siblings or elders. Like he didn’t exactly have someone who was explicitly a peer that he himself could lean on and look to.

But ever since Michonne came into his life it’s allowed us to see a different more free and human Rick. A Rick that even seems new to himself because of how liberated he can be with her. So she really did change everything for him. 👌🏽

And he changed everything for her when he carried her into that prison rather than just take the formula, cuz he gave her a family and she gave him his true self. 😊

I seriously love how Rick and Michonne really have met their match and their equal and their future and their soul mate.

And this closing image of them just let you know that Rick and Michonne are going to stay side-by-side, even if not always physically then mentally, no matter what and for as long as they live. (Which should be a long time since they're the ones who live 😋)

Season 7 really did bless us with some Richonne gold. Like the handling and depiction of Richonne remained quality no matter what else was going on cuz they are the GOAT. 🙌🏾

I feel like seeing this last Richonne moment of season 7 really established that we’re only going to see their bond get more unbreakable and their love get even deeper when they returned back onto our screens. 

Cuz they had a lot thrown at them in this season and yet they only continued to get closer and rise above together. That’s the real deal love, y’all.

And I love that we end their first full season of canon with them side-by-side and more together and in love than ever. 😊

One thing that really impressed me is how after every golden Richonne moment I’d always think there’s no way it’ll get better than this, but it did. They top themselves all the time. 💯👌🏽

Like I saw the Kiss of Life and was like this has to be the best it can get and then we’d get the cell scene and then we’d get the cat callback and then we’d get a whole heavenly episode made of Richonne gold and so much in between. Gift. That. Keeps. On. Giving. 🙌🏾

Rick and Michonne’s scenes, from the fence arrival in season 3 all the way to Rick being by her bedside in this room in season 7, are just so good and meaningful and authentic and special...which makes sense cuz Richonne is all those things too. 😊

So all I know is we’re blessed and I have a feeling we have a lot more Richonne gold coming our way. 😌

Naturally, the obvious way to close out my final post of season seven is to reference a rap verse (??🙈😂), but it just really applies lol, so I just have to say; 

Richonne’s the best yet and yet their best is yet to come. 🙌🏾💯😋

Oh yeah and one more thing y'all...

We Made It!! 🎉🎉🎉

Y’all thank you so much for reading all these posts and for spending the last two months of the hiatus with me!

I started this on August 22nd and was determined to be consistent with my posts all the way until October 22nd to get us to the season 8 premiere. And here we are! 

And I’m seriously so grateful for the support and especially for every comment and message. Like to hear people take time out to express that they enjoyed my posts or that my words actually made them smile or laugh 😂 or see Richonne in a new light made me so happy. And in particular to hear that my thoughts on certain moments were actually something that was looked forward to was really encouraging to me. It all sincerely made my day. 😊🙌🏾 So just know...

I started writing out all my thoughts on Richonne not even knowing if I’d share it. I just had to finally put my analysis and novels-worth of thoughts on paper. And then I thought maybe just maybe someone else would enjoy reading them too since I know how much I enjoy other’s Richonne analysis. 

I meant it in my first post when I said if my break downs just make one person smile it would be worthwhile, so to receive so much kindness and support was such a pleasant surprise and really helped me stay consistent with my goal. 

I was nervous at first cuz I was like what if I sound repetitive or make a mistake since people know so much about them already (and I def did make some mistakes (cannon/canon😂 😂 )) and plus I’m the one who was late to the Richonne party but y’all were still so kind so I ended up having a lot of fun doing this and y’all are a big reason why.

As I wrote these posts I just realized more and more what a masterpiece Richonne is. Like they really are something special. 😊💯 Even their deleted scenes are special, y’all...

And it’s so nice that for as many moments as Richonne has, they’re still not done. 🙌🏾Like I managed to find 99 moments to talk about in regards to Richonne (and I didn’t even go into “Clear” and some of their other great standout pre-canon Richonne moments that I missed in the moment due to being in the sunken place (analysis coming soon😉)) And Richonne isn’t even what the show is all about but they’re that good and make the most of each scene to the point where there can be so much to talk about.

And it’s crazy that in a few hours, we will have some new Richonne gold. 🙉 

And y’all I have no idea what to expect for the premiere, like I really don’t know anything going into this season but I have hope that TWD will remind everyone why this is the show we all fell in love with.

Cuz yes there have been some major missteps made in the series, but at the end of the day it’s undeniable that there was something really special about this show and specifically these characters. So while I’m going into this season with realistic and sober expectations I also believe TWD still has some quality stories left to tell and so here’s to hoping it delivers as best it can.

And the cool thing is that no matter what else happens I know that the Richonne moments we’re going to get are going to deliver like always. 👏 Whether it’s just a few moments or a lot, they’re going to be great. 🏽And I’ll be ready to take note of all of it like…

I’m so touched that some have expressed wanting to know to my season 8 Richonne thoughts and y’all already know I’m gon’ have some thoughts lol. 😂 So my 100th reveling moment will be the first Richonne moment we get in the 100th episode. 👌🏽

So y’all thank you for letting me recap scenes you already know so well. You know how people say “I could go on forever about this”? Thank you for listening to me actually go on forever about Richonne and talk about them in-depth. 

Also thanks for letting me just be my extra and silly self and for letting me say “magnets” a million times in these posts (lol I mean but R&M really are magnets tho 😋)

We all have a story about when this show became more than a show and when Richonne stole our heart so thank you for letting me share mine.

These posts were started cuz I just wanted to share my journey with falling in love with Richonne’s journey. So thanks for going on this little journey with me.

And thanks for reveling with a sister. 💕😊💕

Season 8 Richonne gold here we come! This should be fun. 😋👌🏽

[survivorreelsmagicwithin]

Episode 10- “My only purpose in this game now is to serve my ever loving lord and savior, Ruthie”-Dan

I am crying for Owen leaving.  I don't know WHO did it, I can't math and this really fucking hurts my heart I don't know who was lying about it. 

12 minutes later

I've made a zillion confessionals and the fact that lily and landen went behind my back and freaking orchestrated the entire owen vote REALLY makes me mad.  things I told them in confidence that they have probably shared with EVERYONE that is left it just really makes me EXTREMELY mad. I've got to put my game face on but I am really disappointed in all of them. Like if they would have come to me and said, lets get owen!  I WOULD have thought about it because I've said all along that they are the ones I trust the most and I'm just SO livid right now.  I have a slew of messages from Lily and like THE ONE PERSON HERE I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST GOES AND DOES THIS TO ME. Okay I'm breathing but I still haven't replied to anyone I tried  to post something witty in the house chat LOL. like abby lee miller says... SAVE YOUR TEARS FOR THE PILLOW!  I'm going to get my game face on and try to see... if I'm in good with anyone at all I don't even know.   The competitor in me knows that Owen NEEDED to go if I want to win but this was all SHADY AS FUCK.  I NEVER CURSE AND I HAVE CURSED MORE IN THESE THINGS TODAY THAN I HAVE IN A MONTH. 

WHEW. BIG WHEW. That was the most wild day of my life but I’m really proud with how I handled myself and took charge of my game. I didn’t like how things were going ruthie or landen. I crawled and scratched all day talking to almost everyone. I start the day with Owen and somehow through all this it happened. I guess that’s why you don’t settle on a vote! Landen and I were so close to settling. I was also close to voting chips. I literally changed my vote three times. Joanna then chips then Owen. I’m happy I’m making moves and finding my own but I am nervous with how this will end. Dan is PISSED. I didn’t mean for him to play his advantage but in the end I’m glad he did. I wondering how the rest of this game is going to go but I’m hoping that those who really say they have my back have my back. Owen added me to an alliance with me ruthie and dan because he trusted us most. I thought that was odd since Owen hadn’t talked game to me privately since I had voted him at the last tribal. In the end I think he would have tried to work with me but I think Owen and dan if they make it to the end they have a high probability of winning. I don’t know if I can trust to work with Dan at this point. I think he is too mad and will play me later on which I get. This game definitely isn’t getting any easier!

oh y'all are in for a treat- we doing video confessionals ALL merge kids! Welcome to the 3 part saga of the Final 11 Vote, where I get cut off by my birth control alarm, the tribal council call, and some bullshit all in the span of 30 minutes whew

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ShZLFvoQ96aSRUHBUMzuoNkxB93eph60/view?usp=sharing 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SBAw--aQAtzQCtUwSP9EaCeMRTymJ8P3/view?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Vyag5Bijk1-L7NyAumeYDk7z3z_Q2p6m/view?usp=sharing

Sorry for ugly crying y'all LSDJFLDSJF.  Also, this happened while the video was uploading but Dan ALSO gave me some other kind of advantage that I don't really understand I'm... confused. Anyway, I hope that things get better soon so that he and I can take on the game together. <3 https://youtu.be/745M9EmNtT4

Well well well! You know it wasn't exactly the prettiest path there, but at the end of the day, I got what I wanted with the vote. I have to admit my feelings are just a little hurt, because at the beginning of the round, when I pushed to vote out Owen with Autumn, Kevin, Juls, Jules, and Lily, Autumn was so irritated with me that she began to push the target onto me and blow things way out of proportion when I was literally just pushing a simple idea. Anyway I then had to fight with everything I have to make sure the votes were on Ruthie instead, I had to have Juls and Jules go up to bat for me, while also pitching my case to Owen and Kevin and getting all the votes back on Ruthie. I did all that work and then 5 minutes before the Deadline Kevin says one thing to Jules and that's enough to entirely shift the vote and get Owen eliminated? Like it doesn't matter when Ravenclaw is clearly coming for me (Fuck off Dan), I'm expendable, but now that they're coming for you, oh, Hell will be rained down upon us. Yeah that's bullshit, but it's fine. Unlike some people, I'm not going to let my emotions impact my game and go on a targeting tirade against Autumn or something even though she really rubbed me the wrong way today and lost a lot of my trust and faith in her. That's her bad for having a messy social game, when she could've kept me as a close ally who was blindly ready to follow and trust her and she fucked that up, so that's her mistake. Not my loss, I still have half the game wanting to protect me yo. The jury as it stands right now does not look too hot in regards to my winning chances.. :P Max would definitely vote for me I think, but Jacob C and Owen.. yeah probably not. I could see Owen voting for me but I think he's understandably pissed that he sacrificed a lot for me and it didn't go well for him. But again that was his mistake, I told him to keep the vote on Ruthie and that we shouldn't be trying to do any secondary plans, and he didn't listen to me. Everyone keeps not listening to me and it's very frustrating bc I keep being right about everything, but oh well. Sometimes that's just the way it rolls in Survivor and you have to accept it until you have the power to get what you want done DONE, that's the patience and hard work of Hufflepuff speaking luv. TENACITY! .....Now, Dan reacted to this vote terribly. Honestly I would pop off and write a bunch of essays, but let's just say Dan has always been really condescending and just dismissive. He has an incessant need for control in the game and he literally like.. BLEW THE FUCK UP because of one simple vote??? So useless, and so gaslighty. Disrespectful to act like he's gonna quit, too. Just quit then. But whatever, Dan's tantrum is just adding more of a target on his back and taking all the target AWAY from me so I'm more than okay with that!! :D I think there will also be another target on Ruthie yet again because people will still be nervous about Hufflepuff numbers. Possibly a small target on Joanna for her inactivity and just general bad position in the game (which sucks to say given what's going on in her personal life, but that's just how it goes sometimes). At this rate though what I really need to focus on is jury management and improving some of my rockier relationships, because I think after this vote, I have survival down pat for a few rounds, which is great since I also have the idol to use for later when it comes down to it. We'll see what all happens though, this has been me reporting on the mess... What a time!

My PM's are EXTREMELY dry and it really irritates me.  Right now I feel like the entire tribe (minus Dan) are against me.  Landen and I talk every morning and it just sucks.  I did a lot of thinking last night and I've come to the conclusion that Landen is running this game and he is TIGHT with everyone.  I think that I can play off that I still want to work with him and Lily but I have to figure out a way to get Jules or Juls out to weaken him.   Owen gave me a lot of information yesterday that Juls and Jules were pushing for me to go and that Dan and Autumn wanted Landen to go.  I'm pretty sure Dan will vote however I ask him to and if Autumn and I could form some kind of bond... I need to see where Lily and I are because maybe she, Autumn and I... and maybe Kevin and someone else? could work together to bring someone out of the group of Landen/Juls/Jules down, and Dan would definitely vote with us. I ultimately feel like my name is mud right now, so this round I am going to just sit back and do more listening than talking. 

It has been rough in real life for me these past couple of days. In game drama doesn't make it better. Apparently Owen wanted to vote me out and then messaged me that he was worried his name was being thrown around. I, who was in the middle of having a mental breakdown, did not respond. It's funny when all I want to do is vote with the majority I don't vote with majority. I'm really frustrated with real life right now, I don't want this game to be frustrating too. I'm still going to try my best because I want to win this game, I just wish it was easier to do so.

OF COURSE.... I tie... with the person that wants me to go home, LOL. We were talking right before results though and have maybe cleared the air.

Now here comes my favorite part of the game where we all wait until tomorrow with like 4 hours left to the deadline to scramble and agree on the vote when if people just stopped being fake and safe and all angsty about "PARANOID BULLSHIT" then we could all easily come to the conclusion that we are splitting the votes on Dan and Joanna now instead of like 10 years from now. Pls. i don't see anyone other than the 2 of them and ruthie getting votes here, and if it happens this game is cancelled.

Chips is literally the only one talking to me right now and it is SO awkward, LOL. UH.  lJFJSLF i shouldn't feel so guilty HE WAS VOTING FOR ME!!!!  I AM NOT THE ONLY BAD GUY IN THAT EQUATION. 

My only purpose in this game now is to serve my ever loving lord and savior, Ruthie

It's so quiet today! I'm trying to figure out why... Did Lily tell people about my idol in a bid to change the vote yesterday and now this is a plan to flush my idol now because they couldn't get rid of it last time? Is Lily completely loyal to me and Im wrong for even SUSPECTING that and I'm just super paranoid and really people are just busy/don't wanna come online rn? That doesn't seem to be the case... I've definitely lost before because I don't trust my gut about the day being quiet as hell. *I GLANCE AT YOU THREE HOSTS VOTING ME OUT IN THE QUIETEST DAY EVER.*  I feel like I need to do more to survive but I've been put in an awkward position because I was told last round that I am 'too much' and should stop fighting to survive bc people view me as paranoid and pushy. So I am trying to exercise some self-restraint, but also I don't want to wait too long before I have a chance to genuinely figure out what the hell is going on and change this vote. I feel like there are some likely scenarios. 1 - People know about my idol, and they're trying to flush it by spooking me out when the vote is really on Dan 2 - People are trying to vote Dan but are very worried about him having 2 idols, so they're maybe putting some votes on me as well? 3 - People are trying to vote out Ruthie and don't want to tell me and Lily because of how they think that we're the ones who worked overtime to keep Ruthie safe and they're very concerned about Hufflepuff numbers 4 - People are straight up trying to vote me after Ruthie made up with Jules last night (maybe Jules revealed that I sold Ruthie out?) I am getting really ominous vibes from just the whole layout of this vote right now. I don't like it at all and I feel like something mysterious is going on, like people definitely did something weird that I don't understand and I'm just trying to put my mind 2 steps ahead of everyone else and I feel like I'm falling backwards. I have no idea what's going on tonight but I know it's not as simple as people are telling me like people are not being honest with me and that's pissing me off because I've been nothing but honest and kind with these people, consistently. :/  WHY. ARE. THERE. MIND GAMES. RN!

Honestly, this is a make or break part of the game for me. I had my tantrum and now, I'm trusting everyone to not vote me out tonight??? Autumn did some leg work to try and get the vote on L*ly.  So I'm hoping that happens. I could play my idol tonight and throw a vote on like Kevin or Landen or somebody just in case there is another idol play? I'm not sure. All I know is that if I play my idol, I'll be here for another round for sure, but if I don't, I could be the dumbest player ever!

I... don't know how I keep getting myself into these messes, haha. I don't know what I'm going to go, here I am thinking everything is going to be all fine and dandy and kind of chill and KEVIN HEARD THAT I THREW LILY'S NAME OUT... which I didn't, Dan mentioned Autumn would vote her and I told Autumn that I didn't really trust Lily and Landen and she just kind of went with it but then... if it got back to Kevin I kind of think that it was my idea I think that I'm screwed. I just feel like there is this huge wedge between the two people that I was the closest to in this game and me now and I don't know how to fix it so I'm just going to vote one of them out??? I...  have been so messy this season, lol. I gave Dan back his idol but he says he is going to send it back to me if he decides not to use it... we are playing idol tag. 

I am a damn TRAINWRECK this round!! I tried so hard to hold myself back from talking to people a ton and getting worked up and into a frenzy about this vote but here I am, now trying to hit up like seven different people. I've never felt so confused about a vote before, it's so weirdly quiet and I have no idea why and nothing makes sense and what the HELL is going on???? Like I'm... I'm straight up lost and confuzzled. At this rate I'm just gonna drop that idol like it's hot regardless because I have no idea wtf is happening and it's better to waste it than to go out with it in my pocket, right? ...I think???? Or maybe stuff will come out and I'll feel more confident later and I won't play it, I dunno! All I know is whatever's going around right now doesn't match the vibes I normally get from these people ever and it's FREAKIN me the hell out. 

So pretty opposite of the last vote. No one is talking. No one is sharing ideas. No names. Except dan and it’s 8:30? I think it’s gonna be a split vote tonight because who knows if dan is really gonna play his idol. The only person at this point that I trust 95% is Landen. He has told me the truth about what he thinks genuinely and told me he has the merge idol. I feel a little sketched out by Kevin and Ruthie from last round but I do think they would at least be honest and tell me if I was going to be the one voted out if they knew. I’m trying hard to work with autumn but she’s a tough cookie! She has something up her sleeve and I’m not sure of what just yet. All I know is it’s hard to trust anybody out here but is that really a surprise?

tell me why this game is still stressful...when i have immunity and PURPOSELY aint trying to do anything besides vibe...WHY AM I STILL STRESSED!!!!!!!!

Hm.. found out in the last ten minutes before votes were due that a bunch of people were voting me. Unsurprising (I guess at this point...) it is led by Owen someone who is supposed to be in a alliance with me. Choices? Anyway, Jules let me know that I was being thrown under the bus and asked if I would be down to flip on Owen. Yeah. Sure. If he wants to vote me I'll vote him?? Looks like something similar is happening this round. It might not be be me but why let myself think so. Dan is the "obvious vote" because he decided he's not aligned with anyone and outed that he had an idol but the group wants to turn on Lily this round. I dunno I guess I'd be cool voting Lily? She hasn't really worked solidly with me so far and I need to get into smaller numbers before I feel safe making any "bold" plays since a lot of these people have been wishy-washy up to this point.

HAHAHAHAHA I’m at work !!! AGAIN!!!! anyways people wanna do lily but that’s sketchy bc dans idol needs flushing I think autumn is working with dan I just told landen and lily who weren’t supposed to know about the vote bc I don’t want lily to go I hoped one of them had an idol but they don’t so well. Here we are. I might’ve screwed myself over here but I think I was screwed either way tbh just with how the rounds would’ve played out with Lily going then probs Landen (dan maybe plays idol) but then me juls/jules are in trouble after that point bc I think autumn and dan have something going on and Ruthie is in on it bc she is close to dan so. Here we are. Good Luck Charlie. (I’m Charlie)

I honestly feel so bad right now.  Lily does NOT deserve this but I think that it will appease everyone and she is a great player that I would not like to be sitting at the end with, I feel like she would easily win over me. 

I just got into an alliance chat with Lily and Landen (Double L cute) with me and Autumn my F2 and then Joanna who apparently knows nothing until Autumn tells her. It's neat because I ALREADY know how I'm setting myself up not to win this season more and more as I continue to play the merge portion poorly. We are going to vote out Ruthie because she's a double agent with Kevin so maybe they are another duo in the game? Guess we'll see how this goes.

[ask-svt-hearteu]

Hogwarts! Joshua

Anon requested: “can you write seventeen hogwarts au? Joshua is possible?”

Genre: fluff

Word Count: 2783

everyone knew about Joshua Hong 

the perfect perfect

he was a fifth year Hufflepuff 

same house and year as you 

so you saw him often as you both shared classes 

it came as no surprise when he was chosen as a prefect 

but he was surprisingly cool, letting minor things go if it didn’t endanger anyone or if it was for special occasions 

especially if they were his friends, he just couldn’t say no to them 

everyone’s favorite prefect because he was so nice and liked giving warnings rather than punishments 

caught out past curfew by a few minutes, 

he’d show you a secret passage to getting back to the dorms without running into teachers 

if you passed him on the train, he’d stop to compliment you after asking you how your summer went 

and no surprise he knew the lady pushing the trolley around on a first name basis 

and asking her how her family was and everything 

and complimenting her uniform

she always slipped him chocolate frog cards he didn’t have for his collection 

and he’d thank her and buy out half the trolley before sharing it with all the kids in the next few carriages 

Joshua was good at everything, smart and friendly too 

not a single person could find something wrong with the guy or criticize him in any way 

no matter what house someone was in, they new Joshua Hong

because the guy did everything 

perfect exam scores in charms, potions, DATDA, transfiguration, herbology 

you name it, Hong Jisoo did well in it 

and he was so nice to everyone and a gentleman wherever he went  

holding open doors to classrooms for people or picking up fallen quills or books that people dropped and returning it to them with a small smile 

one time a girl accidentally set the quill she was writing with on fire from a wayward charm 

Joshua had quickly extinguished it with aguamenti and gave her a new quill 

suffice to say, plenty of witches had crushes on him 

and no one could hate the guy for anything 

literally, if you tried hating him, Joshua somehow managed to make you like him 

disliked him for being too smart? 

he’d say he wasn’t really smart, he just tries hard to study his best and he has smart friends who show him how to do stuff 

and then talk about some random episode of spongebob bc it’s Joshua

which plenty of people wouldn’t understand except the other muggle borns 

he’d be a huge dork quoting random episodes and just being a meme 

everyone was always asking him for advice or to look over their homework for them 

and although he never lets anyone copy his 

goody two shoes you know

he somehow had the time to always give advice to everyone and save their grade 

he played as a chaser for Hufflepuff’s Quidditch team too 

it wasn’t enough to be intelligent, he was athletic and dedicated too

spending even stormy days out in the field practicing long after some of his teammates had called it quits 

looked damn fine in quidditch robes too yes 

in his third year, he had led the Hufflepuff team to victory 

scored 30 points in the last minutes before their seeker finally caught the snitch, bringing the score to 270-300 

he was every teacher’s favorite too 

they couldn’t help it 

he was always offering to help out teachers with anything they may need 

although he didn’t sit in the front of any of his classes 

and he was too quiet to raise his hand to answer any questions sometimes 

if a teacher ever made the mistake of assuming Joshua wasn’t listening to the question 

they got roasted as Joshua Hong not only got the question right, but probably corrected some error they made in their lecture earlier 

which he would only point out in the most respectful and polite way

“Professor, did you mean to say aconite or monkshood instead of mandragora?“ 

and if no one knew the answer to a question 

all Joshua needed was a glance from the teacher and he’d have the correct answer ready to go 

the boy sang in chorus too 

his voice was heavenly 

some magical entity had to have graced Joshua with every goddamn talent in the universe 

he supposedly played guitar amazingly well 

only his dorm mates knew though, he always packed his guitar in his trunk somehow 

and brought it out to play sometimes 

it always surprised everyone when they found out he was muggle born

like he was too good at everything wtf how have you only been doing magic for a few years 

but no one dared say anything about it 

bc he had so many friends from all the houses 

say something mean about Joshua or just something even remotely critical 

and like five different people will interject saying how he’s basically a human unicorn 

and how dare you call Shua anything but the perfect prefect 

and he could easily beat anyone in a duel if his friends dragged him into one 

and probably profusely apologize while bowing at ninety degrees and helping bandage and heal any injuries he may have caused 

it was theorized he might have a time-turner 

how else could he get all his papers done and still manage quidditch practice and chorus? 

and also reorganizing textbooks in the library with his wand while the librarian recommended him books he hadn’t read before since he had read many of them 

and helping the kitchen elves by explaining the concept of lactose intolerance and gluten free and other things that helped people with dietary restrictions and food allergies feel comfortable eating all food 

he also helped an elf who once tripped over the recently mopped floor

Madam Pomfrey was always glowing about Shua bc he always brought students who were sick flowers and books to read and always gave her chocolates 

he also was often seen consoling random paintings and ghosts in Hogwarts and he knew all of them by their first names 

and while some people wanted to hate Joshua 

he could say a few words and any negative feelings you had toward him were gone 

“You really deserved that win, you guys have been practicing so hard lately on the quidditch field, good job!" 

"How did you you come up with a way to start your potions paper so well? I should be asking you to edit mine." 

"you have to show me that spell you did the other day with the lights and confetti, I want to use it for a friend’s birthday.”

“My owl? Oh his name is Flufferson, I have a picture do you want to see? He’s probably somewhere flying around, enjoying the fresh air, the cutie.”

“I have a puppy at home, it’s a Maltese and I named it Sebongie, I think it’s a cute name." 

on weekends, you could probably see Joshua buying sugar quills for some third years who had forgotten their silver sickles or bronze knuts

or in the common room teaching kids how to use his iPhone to watch YouTube and anime 

always with his group of friends from all the houses 

his group of friends was big, 13 of them in all 

his best friends were Jeonghan from slytherin and Seungcheol from Gryffindor since they were all the same age 

one time, Jeonghan had tried to prank some Hufflepuff students by hexing their book bags into releasing a bunch of little rubber snakes 

but he was caught by Joshua 

and Joshua made him apologize 

you don’t mess with Joshua’s kids 

the next day Jeonghan’s clothes kept dropping rubber snakes everywhere

"SHUA YOU BETTER FIX MY CLOTHES I CANT WALK INTO POTIONS WITH THESE THINGS WORMING THROUGH MY UNDERWEAR”

Joshua would hide his laughter behind his hand and then compose himself 

“That should actually keep you awake in potions then." 

and everyone around them would be dying from laughter and patting Joshua on the back 

for a gentleman the guy knew how to be savage sometimes 

ofc as a fifth year in Hufflepuff you knew Joshua 

you even sat pretty close to him in charms 

and although you couldn’t hate the guy 

it gets low key annoying when your friends always act like his biggest fan

"Shua’s practicing down at the quidditch field, GET THE SIGNS GIRLS!" 

"We have a transfiguration exam y'all what are you doing?" 

"Supporting our Hong Jisoo, y/n. The quidditch match is next weekend and we want to beat the slimy smiles off of those Slytherins’ faces." 

one day in charms the professor had to assign a partner project 

naturally everyone paired up 

and you’re like chill I’ll just ask

you look around and all your friends are already paired up 

and of course you’re like great forever alone that’s me I need to get me an even number of friends… 

"Y/n do you need a partner?” Joshua asks you from the seat two students down from you 

and everyone goes quiet

because Joshua usually always partners up with one of his friends 

and you look to his normal friend group 

and see sure enough all of them have partners too 

“Sure, Joshua.” You say scrunching your nose

at least you’ll actually have a partner who tries and doesn’t make you do all the work by yourself (LIKE LAST TIME COUGH COUGH YOUR FRIEND) 

you both decide to meet at the library the next weekend to work on it 

“OMG y/n Joshua never asks anyone outside his friend group. What if he likes you?!?!? You guys would be such a power couple ACK." 

"Shut up.” you laugh and playfully hit your friend’s arm while packing your book bag 

“I’m not pretty enough for everyone’s golden gentleman Joshua, he was just being nice because you all ditched me." 

"I’m glad we did, make me the maid of honor at your wedding and thank me later." 

when you reach the library, Joshua is already there talking to Jeonghan 

"The girl in your charms class? Well whatever we can hang out next weekend. But Shua that assignment isn’t due in weeks… makes sense the both of you are smart aleks." 

you clear your throat 

"welp bye Joshua, oh and we’re all getting butter beer later at hogsmeade don’t forget." 

Joshua laughs and waves Jeonghan goodbye 

"it’s a nice day, should we sit out by the lake and say hi to the giant squid?" 

"sure I guess" 

you didn’t want to have a crush on Joshua 

bc then you’d be one of those girls, the ones always trailing behind him and trying to get his attention 

and walking by fluttering their eyelashes and saying "Hey Joshua." 

but as you were both crossing the grounds to the lake 

you kept giving him sideways glances 

the way his light brown hair became lightly tousled in the breeze - or his small smile 

or the gentle humming of a song you weren’t familiar with 

Focus you’re working on an assignment geez 

you both sat down at the edge of the lake and brainstormed ideas for your project 

and somewhere along the way the convo shifted to just talking about summer and your home 

"You’re muggle born too? Then have you ever watched Naruto?" 

Joshua was a dork you realized, a cute one 

"Sebongie? Yea I miss her like crazy, I was tempted to bring her in my trunk but I have Flufferson already." 

ah shit 

you were starting to like like Joshua 

he was too nice and cute especially when talking about his pets and how they brightened his day 

or the many hilarious adventures he had with his friends 

or how he missed his family 

he was a good listener too 

you talked about your hamster at home 

it loved eating carrots and you had originally wanted to name it mochi 

but you had settled for Carrot after it’s favorite food 

and you told Joshua about how you had always loved playing quidditch with your family but you never tried out for the Hufflepuff team 

his friends must have caught on to your feelings before Joshua did, Joshua was kind of clueless about all the crushes people had on him

Jeonghan ended up putting his arm on your shoulder while walking to the library to meet up with Joshua 

"You should just tell him you like him." 

"and get a pity rejection, lmao in what world would I do that Jeonghan.”

“Suit yourself.” He said giving you a sly smile 

right before shoving you into a broom closet 

and locking the damn door behind you 

“JEONGHAN YOU’RE DEAD YOU HEAR ME." 

"You should thank your friend later, she told me about your little crush on our Shua, luckily for you I approve." 

you tried unlocking the door with your wand but to no avail 

you even tried picking the lock with a hairpin 

"Hey y/n listen to this." 

"Jeonghan I’m telling the head of slytherin later get ready for your ass whooping." 

but you hear someone running down the hallway outside the door 

"Jeonghan what do you mean y/n got in an accident? Where is she?" 

you go dead silent, it’s Joshua 

"Yah, look you came running and everything if you like her just tell her geez." 

you hold your breath as you hear what Joshua says next 

"She probably doesn’t like me back ok? I’m not good at these things, she’s cute and interesting and I’m boring and I don’t know ok Jeonghan, just tell me where she is no time for jokes we have to work on the project.”

“alright, I’d like to just say that you brought this upon yourself and you can thank me later." 

"what are you talking about Jeonghan-" 

and the closet door clicks open and Jeonghan pushes Joshua, where he bumps into you sending the both of you sprawling on the floor and the door slams shut yet again

"THIS IS FOR THOSE SNAKES SHUA I ALWAYS GET THE LAST LAUGH. See you two later…" 

Joshua picks himself up and helps you up 

and even in the dim closet you can see him blushing like crazy 

you’re probably no better you feel like you have a fever that won’t. go. away. Goddamnit. 

"Jeonghan underestimates me.” He said giving a nervous chuckle and reaching for his wand 

he easily unlocks the door 

and Jeonghan is out there bending over dying of laughter 

and both you and Joshua are just blushing like crazy and awkwardly standing next to each other 

“Did you hear everything?” Joshua says so quietly it’s almost a whisper - “yes?” You say 

Joshua’s eyes widen and he gives Jeonghan (who’s still laughing even harder now at the sight of the two of you) a glare 

Joshua points his wand at Jeonghan LIKE boi I’ll be seeing you later - Jeonghan runs away cackling down the hallway 

“You can just pretend it didn’t happen.” Joshua says flustered looking everywhere but your face 

“I’ll understand if you don’t like me ba-" 

"It was driving me crazy did you really not know I like you too Joshua?” Wow did I just say that, stupid stupid stupid whyyyyy you think to yourself

he looks up at you in surprise 

“Wait really? Jeonghan isn’t paying you to say that right?" 

"lmao no I’m going to murder Jeonghan after this." 

"I’d help you but he’s my best friend so…" 

"Do you want to maybe just get a butter beer at Hogsmeade instead?" 

"I’d love to." 

and from then on you two were known as darling couple 

Hogwarts’ gentleman Joshua and you 

basically everyone’s relationship goals 

and your friend groups both took responsibility for getting you two together

Joshua would send you little notes that were folded into cranes and bewitched to float over to your desk 

and everyone would sigh and think how sickeningly adorable seeing you read his message 

and looking at all the little hearts he had doodled during class 

"Joshua Hong, let me repeat the question.” The professor would say 

“I never usually have to ask you twice what’s wrong?" 

"Joshua got a girlfriend, professor." 

and the whole class would burst out laughing with you and Joshua blushing like crazy and his friends wolf whistling 

you’d walk with each other to your next class with your hand in his 

"Get a room Shua, no one needs to see this.” Jeonghan smirked as he walked towards the potions classroom in the dungeons - you and Joshua both just ignore him 

“Let’s hex his clothes again with those snakes." 

"Better yet, can we lock him in a broom closet?" 

"Deal." 

and you both walk into your next class, plotting Jeonghan’s imminent doom together

The Seventeen Hogwarts AU Series:

| S.coups | Jeonghan | Joshua | Jun | Hoshi | Wonwoo | Woozi | DK | Mingyu | Minghao | Seungkwan | Vernon | Dino |

MASTERLIST

[recentanimenews]

It's Time for the GREAT CRUNCHYROLL Re:ZERO REWATCH!

  With the GREAT CRUNCHYROLL NARUTO REWATCH finishing its last chapter, many have asked "Is it really the end? Will you cover another show? Are you going to watch Shippuden?" My dear readers, the answer to those questions are yes, yes, and yes, but we need a little break from all the Naruto watching! We'll dive right back into the ninja action, but we need a bit of a palette cleanser. We're going from ninjas to an Isekai show, and the show we've chosen for our latest rewatch is the popular Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World-!

    Natsuki Subaru, an ordinary high school student, is on his way home from the convenience store when he finds himself transported to another world. As he's lost and confused in a new world where he doesn't even know left from right, the only person to reach out to him was a beautiful girl with silver hair. Determined to repay her somehow for saving him from his own despair, Subaru agrees to help the girl find something she's looking for...

    I wonder what she's looking for... and if she'll find it. I myself haven't watched the show yet, so I have no idea what's going to happen! The only thing I know is that there are twins, and people really seem to like one of them a great deal... and that there's a lot of death? Oh geez, what have we signed up for here?

  So here's how it's going to work: starting on September 20th, we'll be discussing 5 episodes of Re:ZERO until we're done watching the show. Each episodes' host will have a few questions for the Features team, and you're also welcome to answer the in the comments! You can also ask us your own questions, which we'll answer in the following week's installment.

Some of our Features team members will be talking about their great journey through Re:ZERO on their Twitter accounts, using the hashtag #CrunchyRewatch. Make sure to keep an eye out for our thoughts as we watch on, and please do join in the commentary on Twitter as well!

Before we embark in our journey, I prepared some preliminary questions for our Features team to answer, and to give y'all a taste of how our discussions will look like! Here's what they had to say:

Do you like or dislike Isekai shows? Do you think the genre gets a bad rap for being overplayed?

Joshua: I don’t think comments about there being too many Isekai shows lately are unfair, and the fact we’re starting to get more parodies probably means there is too much? I still find myself enjoying some of them though, so maybe I’m part of the problem?! For me, it comes down to each individual show. Some are definitely too generic, but others can have fascinating, original set-ups, or nail a simple premise with their execution. There’s some great Isekai shows out there, and hopefully we can introduce you to one of them!

Kevin: In general, I tend to like Isekais. I’ve always loved RPGs, fantasy games and the like (heck, I’m a Dungeon Master for a D&D campaign), so an anime set in basically an RPG video game world is something I’m predisposed to like. There’s almost certainly way too many of them at this point, but I can’t bring myself to hate the trend as a whole. 

Noelle: Admittedly, I think I like Isekai more on paper than in practice. As much as I enjoy the fantasy genre as a whole, and find people being thrown into wild situations really interesting, Isekai more often than not doesn’t really have much to say, I feel. It more often than not ends up feeling like a power fantasy and sure, that’s fine, but I think I’d like my power fantasies to say something meaningful. As of now, the genre is absolutely oversaturated. 

Carolyn: I couldn’t really say. According to top Isekai anime lists, I haven’t seen much isekai. I’m drawn to darker storylines so maybe that’s why? I have nothing against it in theory, but apparently I’ve never been tempted to really check it out.

Kara: I remember once a light novel publisher was running their annual contest and put a nix on Isekai entries because the market was genuinely saturated. I think we’re not getting nearly as many Isekai anime as we are light novels, but if they can make a chibi crossover series like Isekai Quartet, that kind of says something. To be fair, the general concept behind Isekai is much older than anime. That’s literally what The Wizard of Oz and Alice in Wonderland are (not accounting for modern modifications to the trope, of course). So I don’t dislike the genre, but there are a couple routes I don’t like seeing it go down that it… tends to go down.

Paul: I have no strong feelings about the Isekai subgenre. I think it's over-saturated at the moment and some series don't deal with thorny thematic concepts (like slavery, racism, misogyny, etc.) in a very graceful manner.

David: I usually dislike Isekai. Even back when it was oriented differently, like InuYasha, I wasn’t a fan. Getting a bad rap for being overplayed though? Absolutely. It has a ton of potential and people shouldn’t write it off as just being a failed genre.

Danni: I’ve honestly had a hard time sincerely getting into the Isekai genre. I do think it gets a bit of a bad rap, though. The same way every genre that rockets to sudden popularity does. In a few years anime fans will look back fondly at the good ones while rolling their eyes at whatever the new genre fad is. It happens every time.

  Jared: I can’t say I really have a strong opinion one way or another. Although I didn’t find a show in the genre I actually enjoyed until this year as some of the more modern shows I tried watching,I didn’t get too far into. I think it does get a bad rap because it seems like one of the more popular genres out there currently, which leads to an influx of series that might not be at the highest of quality.

Austin: Generally, I really like Isekai shows. I tend to get really excited each time a new Isekai anime gets announced and look forward to them as they come around to airing. That said, I do think genre is extremely overplayed and it definitely gets a bad rap for that, it's just an overplayed genre I really like!

Have you watched Re:ZERO before? If not, do you know anything about the series?

Joshua: I watched and loved Re:ZERO while it was being simulcast, and even bought a Rem plush that sits at the end of my bed! I envy those of you who get to watch it for the first time!

Kevin: I have indeed seen it before! In fact, I watched each episode as they came out, and it is one of the shows that I watched with my mom when I was trying to expose her to a bunch of different kinds of anime, watching it myself for a second or third time in the process. You can make the judgement for yourself whether that was a good idea or not.

Noelle: I haven’t watched Re:ZERO at all. I pretty much don’t know anything about the series… except that people seem to like the twins?

Carolyn: I have not seen the show before and I don’t know very much about. I understand there’s lots of dying?

Kara: I’ve never watched Re:ZERO before. All I know is the jokes I’ve seen in Isekai Quartet and that Rem and Ram are really popular. You can’t really go two days in the newsroom without seeing a new Rem figure go on sale.

Paul: I haven't seen Re:ZERO before. What little I know I've picked up from cultural osmosis. I know the general premise and I can identify most of the main characters, but other than that, I know almost nothing of the actual story.

David: Yes! And... no comment.

Danni: I haven’t actually. All I know is that the protagonist wears a tracksuit and that everyone adores the wrong maid. 

Jared: I haven’t watched Re:ZERO at all. I know it was relatively big when it came out and that people have differing opinions on the girls and what not. Other than that, I don’t really have a clue.

Austin: Yes! I watched it as it aired and loved it a lot.

Anything you're looking forward to watching Re:ZERO as a group as opposed to on your own? 

Joshua: Back when the show was airing, the anticipation in the days between each new episode was painful. Now, I’m looking forward to sharing things we may not have noticed before, and watching with twisted glee as new viewers react to things for the very first time!

Kevin: I’m really interested to see how a small group of people react to the more memorable scenes of the show, and how the semi-binge watch style of the Rewatch changes how we feel. As I mentioned, I followed the show each week on Reddit for a while, but the Rewatch will get more of people’s real time reactions, while also allowing for more measured discussion since people will be consuming five episodes per week, instead of one. 

Noelle: I’m looking forward to seeing everyone’s opinions! I think it’s really fun seeing what other people manage to pick up that I didn’t, and I’m down for more of that. 

Carolyn: Group discussion for new forms of entertainment is always fun! Seeing how others form their opinions while consuming the same product is always interesting to me.

Kara: I always prefer to watch things in a group. A lot of times it actually changes my conception of what I’m watching. People’s input and enthusiasm has a way of seasoning things. Also, I learned from the Naruto rewatch that the best way to get me through a series is to set a schedule and have “accountability partners.” Which makes it sounds like going to the gym, but there you are.

Paul: Emotional support. I haven't watched Re:ZERO before, because I've heard it's a sad show, and I can't watch sad anime unless I'm braced for it in advance. Hopefully the other viewers will help prevent me from slipping into a media-based depression.

David: Yes! When it originally aired, I showed the first episode to as many people as I could force to sit in front of a TV. I was extremely excited to share it with people, and I’m glad even more new people will be seeing it here.

Danni: Like with Naruto I’m looking forward to having other people to talk with about a show that has kind of fallen out of the spotlight since its heyday. 

Jared: Watching it as a group makes it easier to just start and watch it in general. If I was by myself, I might not try and stay with it if I wasn’t really feeling the first few episodes or so. Plus, it’s much more fun to watch stuff with other people.

Austin: Seeing how people react to all of the things that happen in just two cours! This show can be quite an emotional roller coaster at times so I expect a mix of remembering the highs and lows as they happen and seeing others experience them for the first time.

Considering the last show we watched was hundreds of episodes long, what differences do you expect out of a far shorter group watch?

Joshua: While I didn’t participate in the Naruto rewatch, I applaud my friends for their patience and endurance! Hopefully a much shorter show means our enthusiasm stays at its peak until the end!

Kevin: I’m expecting two things: first, that the questions are going to be much more detailed, potentially each question focusing on a completely different aspect of the show or a different episode. And second, I think any show less than 50 episodes is going to feel like it is over almost instantly.

Noelle: Considering Naruto lasted forever, this will really feel like blink and it’s gone! It’ll be a lot more compressed for sure, but also I imagine this functions very differently than a shonen anime from the 2000s. 

Carolyn: I’m expecting to be very surprised by how quickly this flies by. Also, less filler and probably a tighter story as a result.

Kara: I expect tons less groaning about filler arcs. It’s also going to feel weirdly speedy, I think.

Paul: Since we have less material to cover, I hope we're still able to tackle some interesting questions. It's a big change going from a 200+ episode series to one that's only 20 episodes.

David: I am mostly hoping we are going to go more in-depth on sets of episodes. Naruto is great, and we talked the heck out of it, but there was so much I felt like we didn’t go super far into anything. Shorter watches hopefully means more thoughts, basically.

Danni: Less filler?

Jared: We won’t be stuck in months of filler, which is a huge plus. The weirdest aspect might be that it’ll go by extremely quick compared to what we did previously. Plus, less episodes to watch each week can allow for a more in-depth discussion each week.

Austin: While I've watched very few shows as long as Naruto, I think this show will go by a lot faster—especially with people to watch it with!

Based on what you know of Re:ZERO going in (no spoilers if you've seen it!) from promo images, any particular characters you think you'll like? Descriptions are fine if you don't know names!

Joshua: Temporarily wiping my brain of future knowledge and looking at the promo art like it’s for the first time, I have an all new appreciation of Beatrice. Everyone else looks good but also rather simple compared to those gold curls, that frilly dress, and the striped stockings! She definitely makes a strong first impression.

Kevin: As someone who has seen the full show multiple times, I opt to not give any answer to this for fear of spoilers.

Noelle: The princess with the white hair seems interesting. Always here for pretty girls in nice outfits. 

Carolyn: There’s somebody with blue hair and a David Bowie looking makeup job. That’s pretty neat.

Kara: Not sure, but I have a sneaking suspicion I’m going to like Ram. She seems pretty wild.

Paul: I expect I won't like Subaru very much. Aside from that, I don't know.

David: HARD NO COMMENT!

Danni: When Re:ZERO was airing it felt like I saw it everywhere, but somehow it took me traveling to Japan and seeing a big promotional setup for the new movie to find out it has a rich, twin-drills girl in it. Frankly, I am upset that it took me that long to find out Re:ZERO has its own version of the best type of anime archetype. Where is the justice?

Jared: I think the only characters I actually know of via just social media and what not are Subaru, Rem, Ram, and Emilia (I think that’s their names, that’s how out of the loop I am). No idea which of them I’ll actually enjoy. I’m guessing I won’t like Subaru? That could be just general chatter and what not influencing me at the moment though.

Austin: I really like Emilia! There's honestly a fair bit of bias in that opinion as I'm a big fan of her Japanese voice actress, Rie Takahashi, but if she's anything like I remember I'll probably still end up liking her the most.

And there you have it! Some Features team members seem to be looking forward to the reactions of those of us who haven't seen Re:ZERO yet... Soon we'll know what they know! 

Here's our upcoming schedule:

- Next week (Sept. 20th), Jared will be our host, covering the first 5 episodes as we set off on our journey

- The following week (Sept. 27th), Kara will be taking over as the host

We hope you join us on the GREAT Re:ZERO REWATCH! See ya next week!

Have you watched Re:ZERO? If you haven't watch it yet, what are you expecting from this rewatch? Sound off in the comments below, and do send any questions you have for us as we watch on the series!

    ----

Nicole is a features writer and editor for Crunchyroll. Known for punching dudes in Yakuza games on her Twitch channel while professing her love for Majima. She also has a blog, Figuratively Speaking. Follow her on Twitter: @ellyberries

Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[twistedkinkedgent]

Writing I do....

Foursome Fun

  So after a long week at work I had a three day weekend coming up. We made plans to go out for a Saturday night out drinking and dancing with a bunch of friends. As we spent Saturday fucking and toying we finally decided it was time to get up and do all the pre night out requirements. Shower, sex, food, sex, laundry, sex...err wait we stop at the last sex and decide to save some energy for tonight. About 7 my buddy Alan shows up with his usual bottle of Crown and Cabo, just in case we party afterwards as we are prone to do. He hates drinking and driving (one too many DWIs) and therefore is going to ride with us. In order to not make him seem like a third wheel since we seldom can keep our hands off of each other in front of numerous friend we invite one of your girlfriends to right with us as well. Erica is a cute curvy blonde who has serious moments of blondness but she is sweet and bubbly and always amusing with her semi innocent but oh so leading questions about the kinkier kind of sex life she knows we live. We have made halfhearted suggestions about her joining and finding out but nothing serious and so far she has demurely declined, although never without seeming to give it serious consideration. You are fairly sure it is due to her self-body issues she has cause she has nipples that protrude quite a bit and is always worried someone is going to find it gross more than her not wanting too. You have been slowly but surely ensuring her that we would never be those kinds of people. The four of us gather on the porch discussing the approaching evening and drinking some mixed drinks for the pre-game. The evening air grows very still and the wind dies down and dark black storm clouds roll in and a heavy rain begins to pour down interspaced with massive rolling thunder and the evening sky being lit up with giant bolts of forked lightening. Soon the porch becomes soaked as we dash for the door trying to get in without getting soaked anymore than necessary. Sadly for us the driving sideways rain and blowing wind make that all but impossibility. You run to the guest bathroom and grab towels for everyone as I turn on the computer to see the weather report. As you come back into the living room I look at you "Seems like this is just the beginning of a massive all night red cell thunderstorm" You laugh and point out that according to the weatherman it was only a 10% chance of rain tonight. We dry off and sitting around the living room sipping our now water downed drinks (thanks rain) begin the age of question of being responsible adults and canceling the night or acting like we are all 21 again and going out regardless of the weather. We haven't reached a decision quite although you and Alan are both leaning towards going out, him since he has been teaching crazy high school kids all week and wanting a massive relaxing drunk and you cause you found got a brand new slutty outfit and lingerie to out in and show off for Daddy. Erica leans more towards staying in just cause the weather is calling for possible hail and high winds and she hates being out in that kind of weather. Before I can cast my vote the choice is taken out of our hands as the loudest crash of thunder shakes the house and without goes the power. We sit there for a few minutes waiting to see if it is going to come back on. My cell dings and I glance at it. "Well we aren't going out for sure, power is out all through town and the bars are closing down early" You pout and stomp your foot with a muttered "Dammit" I quickly snatch you down onto my lap grabbing your hair, jerking it back. You release a throaty growl as I nip you neck and tell you no pouting. Our friends have missed the entire exchange do to the low lighting provided by cell phones. "Well no one is driving in this mess and we have no power to watch movies so how bout we play a board game with candles and flashlights" I suggest. "Oh Daddy" you practically gush "I know the perfect game for tonight" and rush for not the closet which holds our board games but for our playroom's closet which only hold very adult style board games. I grin a wicked smirk at the thought of what tonight might end up holding. And then I have to explain to a wide eyed Jessica that you calling me Daddy is just one of our little deviant sexual lifestyle choices, Alan on the other hand has hung around us enough to not even be slightly shocked. I quickly explain to them that if I know my little slut, prompting another catch in the breath of Erica, that you are going to pick a game that is going to push the limits sexually. Alan of course is an old friend and one I have in the past shared some quite enjoyable times with girls with so he thinks for a minute and tells me whatever your rules are I'm game. Erica stands in her slightly still wet blouse and even in the dim light of the candles and cells we have pulled out while you rushed off, I can see her nipples pushing against her shirt. Her small tits don't require a bra but she wasn't lying when she said her nipples stuck out at least a couple of inches. Alan has also noticed this fact and just looks at me and smiles. She slowly seems to think about what I am saying and the words we have used so far in front of her and with a slow nod of her head says "I am down for whatever you and Kari can come up with tonight." You get back in the room holding the box for Hookers and Hoes board games and say with wicked smile "Let the games begin then. As we start to play Pimps and Hoes again the sexual tension level has definitely risen especially since we all maintain our state of dress or undress as the case may be. Erica's flushed face and disheveled hair give testament to the powerful orgasm Daddy just recently gave her and Alan's boxers do little to hide the hard on my slutty little kitten gave him with her hands and mouth. As we draw the cards that have sexual overtone there is a much more pronounced sexual component for all of us. We all make dirtier gestures and comments and amp up the charade cards sexual acts. But it just isn't quite enough. Too much downtime is passing and with that comes up the inhibition levels and we just can't have that if Daddy and his Little Slut are going to have the fun they want to have now. So I call the game for lack of progress and bust out a deck of cards while you go and get everyone fresh drinks making Erica and Alan's slightly more strong then you make ours. I quickly deal out a hand of Kiss The Bride and explain the rules including the optional rule that it has to be dealt one time by each person for it a be a complete game and every time a new person deals they get to add a new rule. I quickly explain my extra rule will be the classic Seven Heaven rule meaning a seven sends a person to the right or left depending on card color to the bathroom for seven minutes of whatever they want to get up too in there. As luck would have it the first cards I deal has all drinking a great amount. Then I deal a Queen to you, I look at you and say "Girls kiss" You reach over the table and grab onto Erica's face pulling her towards for a deep wet sloppy kiss. Your tongues probing each other’s mouths while outside the scope of the game y'all hands are not hesitant to stroke some tits while you kiss. Alan and I both enjoy the view of your panty clad asses bent over the table for the long and hot kiss. The next face card has your mouth coming to mine and us falling into our normal deep kisses that are filled with promise and desire as always. As you break the kiss for lack of breath you whisper in my ear how sweet her pussy tastes on my lips. I deal more cards with more drinks coming then you get a card for you to kiss Alan, you don't hesitate to scoot next to him and give him a deep kiss. I see your lips on his and for a split second I see red at him tasting what is only supposed to be mine but I wrestle it under control and remember that in the end we belong to each other no matter who we play with. The next kiss card has Alan and Erica kissing and whether it is the booze or the sexual tension they don't seem to have any qualms about it as they kiss. Then the first seven is flipped and it is you and me in the bathroom. We all share a laugh knowing that there will definitely be dirty things happening when we walk in there. We set the time so no one has to keep track. We barely get the bathroom door shut before I shove you against the mirror jerking your panties to the side exposing that sweet wet cunt and plunging my dick deep inside it. My arms are around your tits pulling you back against me as I fuck you hard and fast. I tell you in your ear that when I fuck your friend’s mouth I want her to taste you cum on my cock. As we play on the next card comes up that is not a drink card sends Alan and Erica to seven minutes. As they are preoccupied for a bit, my little slut wastes no time telling Daddy the new devious rule she has come up with. She has the idea that the rest of the Seven Heaven cards should be done right there in the living room where the others can watch. By this time, between the sexual tension, drinks, and sexual tension lol Daddy is ready for anything. When Erica and Alan finally come back into the living room it has been more like 15 minutes but it is fine with us since I've used the extra time to finger Kari's pussy and get her even more soaking wet. She is literally dripping as we explain the new rules to the others. Alan again shows he is used to our lifestyle by nonchalantly agreeing but you can see Erica think about it. For all of two seconds before grinning big and if at all possible her already protruding nipples seem to stick out even more. The next few rounds are drinks or simple kiss cards. Then the next seven lands. "Erica and Kari" I say with a smirk. Kari wastes no time grabbing Erica and starts to kiss her all sloppy and wet. Strings of their spit still connect their lips when my little slut orders her friend up on the table. By this point all inhibitions have fled and Erica sits on the edge of the table, her legs spread so her shaved little cunt is already gaping open. My lil slut buries her face in that wet pussy like she needs it to live. She fastens her mouth on Erica's clit while pumping two fingers in and out of her cunt. Erica reaches up a shaky hand and begins to stretch and pull her own nipple. Anyone watching closely, which Alan and I totally are, can tell she is pulling it hard enough to cause pain to herself but it only seems to make her pussy get even wetter. By this time us guys are beyond any though of discretion and are openly stroking our cocks watching this glorious girl on girl action. But soon Daddy is tired of watching his lil slut’s ass move as she eats out her friends pussy and he stands and quickly buries two finger from behind in Kari's dripping wet snatch. She lifts her head long enough to moan and huskily ask for more. Alan seeing what I am doing wastes no time climbing on the table and pulling Erica's head down to his crotch. She opens her mouth and begins to suck his hard dick, drooling spit all over from the motions as Kari keeps eating her out. Daddy buries his thumb in his slut’s tight lil asshole to accompany his fingers in her pussy. Her legs begin to shake like they are going to give out. Unfortunately that is not what gives out first. Our table isn't used to two people being on top of it like that and collapses inward spilling Alan and Erica to the floor. Given that Kari's face and fingers are fully buried in Erica down she goes as well. And my fingers were in Kari so we can all see how this ends. As we lay there moaning an entirely different kind of moan we manage to check for injuries. Luckily as drunk as well all were we didn't have the reaction time to tense up. As we figure out we are all ok and untangle ourselves from the pile we begin to laugh. We can't seem to stop and as we finally minutes later wind down it's clear the sexual mood has been somewhat broken by this. Erica and Alan glance at each other and seem to have a silent conversation and make their good nights before closing themselves off in our spare bedroom. Kari giggles and sits in my lap asking if I would go sit on the porch swing with her. "Lil Slut it is still pouring rain" I point out. With a wicked grin she smile and whispers "I know" as she leads me to the door. It was a dark and stormy night, although cliché it was a totally true statement as Kari lead me out onto the porch. We sat down up the wet wood of the swaying porch swing. She leaned against me and began to casually run her nails across my chest every once in a while puling on a taut nipple ring. My lil slut knows exactly how much I love her playing with my nipple rings and how turned on it gets me so she knew exactly what she was doing when she leaned her head down to catch one between her teeth. "I want you inside me Daddy" she moaned as her fingers rubbed circles on her clit. Although the world sees it as Lil Slut belonging to Daddy the truth is closer to a mutual ownership of each other based on loving and pleasing one another. So how could I refuse her request? I went to move her but she stops with a finger and with soulful puppy dog eyes begs me to take her in the rain. I chuckle to myself given the fact that almost every time it rains she gets me to fuck her out in it. We dash out in the rain and JESUS its cold. Stupid thunderstorms. She leans back against the hood of the car and lewdly spreads her legs and screams against the wind for me to fuck her cunt. To fuck her like the dirty little slut she is. I brace my arms against the hood of the car and slam my hard cock all the way inside in one move. While not some massive cock it is still a shock to have it all shoved deep in one move like that. She grunts a mixture of pleasure and pain as our hips slap together with a meaty sound. Her moans and cries are interlaced with pleas for me to fuck her. I hold nothing back as I slam into her over and over as hard as I can. I know my lil slut well enough to know the signs of her impending orgasm so I keep it up. She reaches a hand to grab one of my hands and pull it from the hood to her neck. I know instantly what she wants. Lil Sluts orgasms are always stronger with a bit of breath play involved, usually me choking her as she cums for Daddy. I wrap my fingers around her neck and begin to squeeze, cutting off her air. Her pussy clamps down tightly as she begins to gush; I release my grip on her neck. As she gasps and keeps cumming it pushes me over the edge and my cock throbs release thick jets of cum deep into her pussy. I collapse on top of her as she wraps her arms and legs around me holding me tightly. I kiss her deeply, still tasting Erica's pussy juices smeared on her lips, as I whisper into her ear how much I love my lil slut. We lay motionless on the hood of the car, our sweaty bodies slowly being washed by the ice cold rain

[theworstbob]

the thing journal, 5.7.2017 - 5.13.2017

capsule reviews of the cultural things i took in last week. in this post: manchester by the sea, 2.0, old baby, no burden, we cool?, the far field, after laughter, stories we tell, brooklyn nine nine s2, hopeless romantic

1) Manchester by the Sea, dir. Kenneth Lonergan: So in one of the first couple Thing Journals, I gave a glowing review to PWR BTTM. I won't say something stupid like "I wish I could take them back," because I can't take back how I related to something at the time, but I do love it less than I did even just last week. So now I have to ask myself why I'm okay disowning PWR BTTM, but I still made time to watch and think about this movie. Casey Affleck isn't the whole movie, of course, there's several minutes' worth of credits showing that this movie is more than just one person's contributions, but he's the main part of it, this movie is about his character, this movie is about a dude who did something horrible and has to face up to the consequences, and Casey Affleck, who did something horrible and had to settle a case out of court, is playing that dude. It's a film about redemption, and everything about it (save the score, which, you're gonna make a film about lower-middle-class Boston and set it to opera? why...y?) is masterfully done, the teen boy isn't a whiny puke he's a person that does shitty teenager things and never has illegitimate angtsy feelings, the way people react to the Casey Affleck character coming into town is perfect, I would say this film is worth pushing past any discomfort one might have with the lead actor. It asks questions that one can argue require casting someone with a checkered past, namely, how do you decide when a person who did something awful deserves redemption? But: there are women who are permanently scarred by what Casey Affleck did to them, and if you can't push through that to see an A- film, that's a choice I can agree with. Art should be difficult, but everyone has limits, and all limits are valid.

2) 2.0, by Big Data: Well now that THAT'S out of the way, hey, this was just nice and good! This was a fun indie/electronic album with which I spent 40 minutes on a nice Sunday! I don't have much else to say, I don't do a lot of indie/electronic so I don't have a lot to compare it to, and it's just shallow enough that even when listening to it I couldn't come up with a lot in my mind other than "this is nice! this is also nice! just so many nice songs!" Which brings to mind one of the flaws of Thing Journal, which is that I'm turning each experience into a sort of solo thing, when I probably should be discussing the things I take in with other people so that I can develop more informed and better-rounded opinions on the things I enjoy, rather than bandying my opinions about in my own mind and growing all the more self-involved. So hey if anyone else wants to discuss a two-year-old indie/electronic album I've already forgotten, HIT ME THE HELL UP.

3) Old Baby, by Maria Bamford: If there's even a list of comics better than Maria Bamford going right now, it's probably a pretty short list. It's the same material as 20%, which means we get the joke about Maria Bamford telling her husand he CAN swim great distances if he really wants to, but I love the spin on the traditional stand-up setting: I think anyone coming to a Maria Bamford special understands what stand-up looks like, so this special devotes itself to the process, testing out jokes in front of smaller audiences or even just yourself, seeing how people react up close before you put them on a stage where you can't so easily gauge how an audience responds to them. It's just a treat. Maria Bamford's just a treat.

4) No Burden, by Lucy Dacus: It's funny how we come to albums sometimes, right? This came to me via Julien Baker's Twitter, via Dan Campbell's Twitter, via Grantland all those years ago. I really dug this one. I should have either taken more notes or put down these thoughts to WordPad before the day I needed to post a Thing Journal, HAHAHA REMEMBER HOW I FUCKED UP LAST WEEK WELP DID IT AGAIN Y'ALL, but I'm definitely down with what she's doin'.

5) We Cool? by Jeff Rosenstock: One of my favorite genres of music is "world-weary punk scene veterans who're still making music," and I thought this was a dope enough entry into that genre. I might revisit this, connection issues on the bus ride home meant I had to restart my phone twice while listening to it, but there's a lot I like here, like a less-folky Frank Turner sort of thing. Two sentences, that's enough, right, that's why this dude made an album to score two sentences on some dude's recap of things he barely thought about last week?

6) The Far Field, by Future Islands: I resisted listening to Future Islands for a long time because I wanted their Letterman performance to remain Perfect. I didn't want that thing, which is something I believe in whole-heartedly, to be sullied by knowing that Future Islands as a whole was something I might not be terribly into. But! I need to do 7 things a week, and they dropped a new album not too long ago so AWAY WE GOOOOOOOO I thought it was fine, mostly. I think it's quite obvious that this is a band that makes their trade performing live -- albums at this point are just flyers for live shows, but with this band, and that Letterman performance from several years ago, it truly feels like albums are perfunctory for this band, and what's great about their songs comes out in the live performance. So, hey, maybe one day I'll actually go to a concert? What a weird idea, to actually support artists! Might be fun tho

7) After Laughter, by Paramore: this is such a fucking amazing album about being depressed, about saying "fuck it" and being impatient with optimistic people and not knowing where to go or how to extricate oneself from the darkness. every song on here is amazing, and the new sound is great without being that dramatic a departure for paramore -- it's new, but it's also a logical next step, if you can't be pop/punk forever hey guess what POST/PUNK, and the cheery '80s backdrop is the perfect set for this album about feeling empty and seeing no way out. It's not even an album about a way in; there's never any reason given for being depressed, no one died, nothing was lost, it just happens, which is true to the reality of mental illness. This is a classic, and it's gonna take a hell of a thing to supplant this as 2017's #1 album.

8) Stories We Tell, dir. Sarah Polley: This is a brave piece of art. The effort it must have taken to get all the parties to agree to do this, to tell their story of Sarah Polley's mother and her parentage, is just unfathomable, convincing all these people that the project is a good idea and that there is a clear vision and that their voice is needed to paint the whole picture. And, man, they really nail it -- I love the way everyone's accounts inter-mingled, people contradicting each other, people all agreeing that one person did something and that person saying someone else was responsible, it's all woven together to create something beautiful. One of the best moments in this film is maybe one of my favorite moments in any film, something that made me sit up and say "Oh, fuck yeah" to this documentary on my laptop, when one of the storytellers rails against the very idea of this movie by stating exactly why this film needed to exist, it was this beautiful, Real moment. The more i think about this, the more I find I really dug it.

9) Brooklyn Nine-Nine s2, cr. Michael Schur & Dan Goor: This made a leap, yep. I thought the Peralta/Santiago romance worked a lot better this season, mostly because they accentuated Santiago's teacher's pet/hall monitor tendencies -- they took steps to paint Santiago as someone who isn't that much more mature than Peralta, but without completely tearing her character down, only down enough that it made the romance more believable. Rosa in a relationship was great, giving Andre Braugher an enemy and letting that character seethe with rage was always gold, and the show used guest stars perfectly this season. I love Craig Robinson as a recurring thing, Kyra Sedgwick was outstanding as Wuntch, and I always forget that Eva Longoria's a talented comic actress. It didn’t quite make the leap into greatness; the show thinks that Hitchcock and Scully are funnier than they are (and it’s really hard to derive humor from incompetent white cops in 2017 when the cops that are committing atrocities are the Hitchcocks and Scullys of the world; there was a way for them to know this when the show started, if not in a way that was readily apparent, and as time goes on and we learn more, those characters are really tough to accept as harmless boobs), and Joe Lo Truglio sometimes seems like he’s on a different show (he’s great I love him, but even on this show he is way too cartoony, he and Andy Samberg aren’t the chillest comic duo in the world y’know?), but even if it’s not one of The Greats, I don’t think I can point to an episode from this season I would grade lower than a B. Solid stuff.

10) Hopeless Romantic, by Michelle Branch: This is kind of like the Acceptance record from a couple months back: it is lovely to hear seasoned professionals doing the thing they do best. I am unlikely to revisit this, I think I've pretty much nailed down how I feel about this (I feel it is nice and the songs are fine), but the thing Michelle Branch is best at is writing songs, and it was a pretty much okay way to fill a walk on a nice Saturday afternoon.

[finalportfoliostevens]

Nothing but Second Chances

Prompt: Imagine you are writing a memoir and be sure to include in it an experience that taught you a lesson.

Original

Nothing but Second Chances

           Headphones in, blasting music as usual. I struggle to listen as my shoes crush each piece of gravel under my feet. I’ve been walking, walking for what seems like hours but has actually only been about twenty-five minutes. I continue walking on the levee, watching the Mississippi river that’s muddy like a rapper’s cup with lean in it. In the distance, I begin to spot a familiar figure. Longer legs, with a short torso trudging along as his freeform locs jump with every step.

           Its been about two weeks since I’ve seen my best friend… well sort of my best friend. Lately we’ve been more so falling under the “It’s complicated” category. We perform our signature hand shake and end it with a big hug. I laugh as he thinks I don’t notice his hand dropping from the small of my back to cupping my ass. We make our way to the loading dock, just sitting down talking about irrelevant stuff until he poses his signature question, “You wan smoke?” I nod my head in agreement, hell I was always down to smoke with him. We get up and walk to this abandoned building nearby. It was sometimes frequented by homeless people for shelter but for the most part, we were always alone there.

           I watch him break down and roll the weed and I'm mesmerized. When he’s rolling a blunt you can tell he’s passionate. He’s focused, making sure no pieces fall out and that it pulls just right. The only other time I see him showing this level of concentration is when he's playing baseball, the boy can hit anything that comes his way. He licks the gar and seals it with his lips black like the cast-iron skillet moms had back home. I get lost watching the flame flicker as he ignites the blunt. The smoke climbs up in the air and I feel relaxed already.

           I look over to him and his head is cocked to the side as he gives me that signature smirk of his that I could never resist. He slithers closer to me and his fingers began trailing down my back. I hear some rustling in the distance but I don’t pay it too much attention. His hand is on my ass tighter than mama’s ponytails she used to do in my hair back in the day. Things always seem to flow together whenever we’re high. I sit on his lap and he starts biting and kissing my neck. In this, I lose all track of time. Whichever direction he moves, I follow. My trance-like state is broken when I hear people talking and their voices getting louder.

           I see two white men approaching us and immediately I’m on defense, warning him that we should go. As usual, he doesn’t listen saying that we should just chill here because they’re probably just passing through. I push him off of me and start gathering my things, preparing to leave. I didn’t like the situation we were in, technically trespassing, high, and being cornered. As they got closer and I could make out what they were doing, they seemed off, really off, almost behaving like drug addicts. Every couple of feet, they would bend down and search for something in the grass.

           We slowly begin trying to walk away from the building when they corner us in and ask us the last question I was expecting. “Do y'all know anywhere we can get some weed?” I immediately spit out no as he goes on to talk to them like the businessman he naturally is and explains to them he can get them what they need. He tells me he’ll be right back and to wait here. I follow along, damn near screaming at him that he has me fucked up if he thinks I’ll be waiting with those creeps. He explains that I can’t come to the drug deal because I’m what you would call an “unfamiliar”. We end up arguing for twenty minutes until I walk off, saying fuck it to whatever happens to him because of his stubborn ways.

           The ferry is taking forever to cross back and then I notice the time. It was after 7pm, where it only crosses once per hour and I had just missed it. About 45 minutes later, I’m left rushing down Canal Street because it’s getting late. Halfway there, these drunk white guys are trailing me hollering out obscene comments. I tried to ignore but they only got louder as my lack of attention towards them just pissed them off more. They screamed “Do you know what white cock feels like? Are you interested in finding out?” I couldn’t believe they could be so vulgar especially when there was no question I was underage and they were well over thirty. I cling to a black mother and her kids to escape their remarks.

           I finally make it to the bus stop and notice my phone is low on battery so I try to save battery by not checking the live bus route updates. Hours pass and I lose count of how many guys try to get my number or bums ask me for spare change. As the night sets in, I become more frightened as downtown New Orleans is no place for a fifteen-year-old girl at night. I decide to go in Walgreens for safety, and to try and clear my head. It was then that my night took a turn for the worse. An officer from the New Orleans Police Department was in the Walgreens doing a security detail. When I passed him on my way in I immediately thought it was odd they’d place a white officer in a predominantly black area. I felt his gaze beating into my back just like the slave master used to beat my ancestors with whips and chains. He presumed to follow me from aisle to aisle while in the store waiting for the bus. After a while of paranoia that every black person can relate to in the presence of law enforcement, I decided to turn to him and look him dead in the eyes and ask “Why are you following me?!” He immediately looked shocked and then angered that I even had the nerve to question his authority. He ordered me to empty out my pockets and as I refused he reached for his weapon. By this point, we had drawn a crowd of onlookers. Embarrassed and frightened I emptied my pockets to reveal a small wallet and an iPhone, but surprisingly to him it seemed no stolen items. The crowd began calling out cries of him being racist and trigger-happy. My heart was racing at the thought of a man not thinking twice about raising his gun to a fifteen-year-old girl who’s barely five foot two inches tall. As the crowd began verbally attacking him, I slipped out now even more eager to just get home.

           I ask an older woman when would my next bus be coming and she tells me not until after midnight. Its 10pm now. I start panicking as I flip flop between calling my parents and risk them smelling the weed attached to my clothes like a newborn to their mother’s breast or waiting it out for the next bus. I impulsively hop on the next bus, knowing it will place me about a mile away from my house. I nervously anticipate the route I’ll take once I get off. I pull the line for the next stop and a group of five black hooded males get off at my stop too. As I was about to step off the bus, the bus driver catches my hand and pulls me back. “Please be careful out there, it’s dangerous around these parts this late!”

           I hit the pavement taking off in a sprint. I was able to make it about seven blocks before the burning from my asthmatic lungs was too much to bear. I still had about five blocks to go when the group of five guys appear but I can make out a girl with them as the sixth figure. I hoped they would just leave me alone but I was wrong. They began screaming out ribald comments like “I’d like to hit that!” and “Come slob on this black dick with those nice lips of yours!” I break out in a jog, but two of them had the audacity to run along with me. I gave the girl more credit than she deserved when I assumed she would tell them to stop but she just laughed with the rest of them.

            I finally make it to my house and I’m trembling as I stick my key in the lock. I tried to head straight for the shower to rid my body, clothes, and hair of the weed smell but my mother stopped me. “Are you just getting in?” I answer her yes and she then asks me why was I so late. I shrug as I walk off saying that I missed the normal bus I would’ve taken so I had to take the other. She asks me why didn’t I call her or my brother to pick me up. I confidently reply “Well I knew you had work tonight, so I didn't want to wake you up early”. I lay in bed that night marveling at how I escaped this situation successfully this time but thinking of all the negative turns the night could've taken. Before I go to sleep, I promise myself that I won’t allow myself to be in such a dangerous situation like that again.

Revised

Nothing but Second Chances

           Headphones in, blasting music as  usual, I struggle to listen as my shoes crush each piece of gravel under my feet. I’ve been walking, walking for what seems like hours but has actually only been about twenty-five minutes. I continue walking on the levee, watching the Mississippi river that’s muddy like a rapper’s cup with lean in it. In the distance, I begin to spot a familiar figure. Longer legs, with a short torso trudging along as his freeform locs jump with every step.

           Its been about two weeks since I’ve seen my best friend… well sort of my best friend. Lately we’ve been more so falling under the “It’s complicated” category. As sophomores in high school, we’ve known each other since we were twelve years old. We perform our signature hand shake and end it with a big hug. I laugh as he thinks I don’t notice his hand dropping from the small of my back to cupping my ass. We make our way to the loading dock, just sitting down talking about irrelevant stuff until he poses his favorite question, “You wan smoke?” I nod my head in agreement, hell I was always down to smoke with him. We get up and walk to this abandoned building nearby. It was sometimes frequented by homeless people for shelter but for the most part, we were always alone there.

           I watch him break down and roll the weed and I'm mesmerized. When he’s rolling a blunt you can tell he’s passionate. He’s focused, making sure no pieces fall out and that it pulls just right. The only other time I see him showing this level of concentration is when he's playing baseball, the boy can hit anything that comes his way. He licks the gar and seals it with his lips black like the cast-iron skillet moms had back home. I get lost watching the flame flicker as he ignites the blunt. The smoke climbs up in the air and I feel relaxed already.

           I look over to him and his head is cocked to the side as he gives me that seductive smirk of his that I could never resist. Whenever he did this, his dimples showed and I fell deeper and deeper in love with him every time. He slithers closer to me and his fingers began trailing down my back. I hear some rustling in the distance but I don’t pay it too much attention. His hand is on my ass tighter than mama’s ponytails in my hair back in the day. Things always seem to flow together whenever we’re high. I sit on his lap and he starts biting and kissing my neck. In this, I lose all track of time. Whichever direction he moves, I follow. My trance-like state is broken when I hear people talking and their voices getting louder.

           I see two white men approaching us and immediately I’m on defense, warning him that we should go. As usual, he doesn’t listen saying that we should just chill here because they’re probably just passing through. He never seems to listen to me even though time and time again, I pretty much always turn out to be right. I push him off of me and start gathering my things, preparing to leave. I didn’t like the situation we were in, technically trespassing, high, and being cornered. As they got closer and I could make out what they were doing, they seemed off, really off, almost behaving like drug addicts. Every couple of feet, they would bend down and search for something in the grass.

           We slowly begin trying to walk away from the building when they corner us in and ask us the last question I was expecting. “Do y'all know anywhere we can get some weed?” I immediately spit out “No!” as he goes on to talk to them like the businessman he naturally is and explains to them he can get them what they need. He tells me he’ll be right back and to wait here. I follow along, damn near screaming at him that he’s out of his mind if he possibly thinks I would wait with those creeps as he went to make a sale. He pleads with me that I can’t come to the drug deal because I'm what you would call an “unfamiliar”. He couldn't grasp the concept that I simply did not feel safe with two complete strangers asking for drugs, white men at that. We end up arguing for twenty minutes until I storm off, saying fuck it to whatever happens to him because of his stubborn ways.

          As I begin the long walk back to the river, reflecting on how a great afternoon took a turn for the worst, it just confirms that him and I just aren’t on the same page. A single tear rolls down my cheek as I realize sadly we probably will never be. I begin to think how could my own boyfriend put me in danger like that to make a couple of dollars? Then the harsh reality sets in, that no matter how much I liked him, no loved him, he simply didn’t feel the same about me. It seemed that smoking and the occasional hook up was enough for him. But was it enough for me? I knew I secretly did want things to be more serious between us and actually have a commitment but I just couldn’t fathom how to bring it up to him. I snap back to reality as I recognize that there was barely any daylight left as I was walking.

           The ferry is taking forever to cross back and then I notice the time. It was after 7pm, where it only crosses once per hour and I had just missed it. About 45 minutes later, I’m left rushing down Canal Street because it’s getting late. Halfway to my bus stop, three drunk white guys are trailing me hollering out obscene comments. I tried to ignore but they only got louder as my lack of attention towards them just pissed them off more. They screamed “Do you know what white cock feels like? Are you interested in finding out?” I couldn’t believe they could be so vulgar especially when there was no question I was underage and they were well over thirty. On the verge of tears because I had never been spoken to like that, I was feeling desperate. I scanned the sidewalk and I clung to a black mother and her kids to hopefully escape their remarks. I assumed that if they did not at least have the decency to not make sexual comments towards a minor then they might respect the presence of an older woman. The moment I begin trailing the black woman’s side, she gives me a look that signifies that she understands and is here for me. She begins conversing with me as if I were her child and pulls me closer to her so I can walk in front of her. I let her know that my bus stop was just at the next corner to the left and she hugs me, whispering in my ear to be safe before she lets go.

           I finally make it to the bus stop and notice my phone battery is low so I try to preserve it by not checking the live bus route updates. Hours pass and I lose count of how many guys try to get my number or bums ask me for spare change. As the darkness sets in, I become more frightened as downtown New Orleans is no place for a fifteen-year-old girl at night. I decide to go in Walgreens for safety, and to try and clear my head. I ask an older woman when would my next bus be coming and she tells me not until after midnight. It’s 10pm now. I start panicking as I flip flop between calling my parents and risk them smelling the weed on my clothes or waiting it out for the next bus. I impulsively hop on the next bus, knowing it will place me about a mile away from my house. I nervously anticipate the route I’ll take once I get off. After a twenty-minute ride, I pull the line for the next stop and a group of five black, hooded males get off at my stop too. I was feeling a little uneasy about this decision and wished I had just called my parents and risked getting in trouble. I also began to wonder why had my so called “best friend” not called or even text to see that I made it home safe. I call him twice and he doesn’t answer and the second time he even had the nerve to send me to voicemail. I tell myself that once I do in fact make it inside, I would send him a text letting him know exactly how I feel. His lack of concern for me and the fact that his romantic feelings weren’t reciprocal were really starting to become a problem for me.

           As I was about to step off the bus, the bus driver catches my hand and pulls me back. “Please be careful out there, this area can be dangerous this time of night!” I hit the pavement taking off in a sprint. I was able to make it about seven blocks before the burning from my asthmatic lungs was too much to bear. I still had about five blocks to go when the group of five guys appear but I can make out a girl with them as the sixth figure. I hoped they would just leave me alone but I was wrong. They began screaming out ribald comments like “I’d like to hit that!” and “Come slob on this black dick with those nice lips of yours!” I break out in a jog, but two of them had the audacity to run along with me. I gave the girl more credit than she deserved when I assumed she would tell them to stop but she just laughed with the rest of them.

            I finally make it to my house and I’m trembling as I stick my key in the lock. I tried to head straight for the shower to rid my body, clothes, and hair of the weed smell but my mother stopped me. “Are you just getting in?” I answer her “Yes” and she then asks me why was I so late. I shrug as I walk off saying that I missed the normal bus I would’ve taken so I had to take the other. She asks me why didn’t I call her or my brother to pick me up. I confidently reply “Well I knew you had work tonight, so I didn't want to wake you up early”. She paused with her questioning and I wasn’t going to miss this get-a-way opportunity to escape.

            I trip as I nearly ran away to the safety of the bathroom. She poked her head back out of her bedroom and asked what had gotten into me and was there anything wrong because I seemed off. I reassure her its just because the food I ate wasn’t sitting well with my stomach. I jump in the shower and stand under the water stream as the weed smell, his unforgettable earthy aroma, and the smell of sweat rinses off of my body. I hated lying to my mom but if she knew of all the careless, dangerous decisions I made today, I knew she would lose trust in my judgment skills. I lay in bed marveling at how I escaped this situation successfully this time but thinking of all the negative turns the night could've taken. I mean I could’ve easily been robbed by the two men looking to buy drugs or I could’ve been stranded across the river or even worse, raped by those drunk white men. Even the thought of those possibilities leaves me trembling slightly. Before I go to sleep, I promise myself that I won't allow myself to be in such a dangerous situation like that again. 

[bluewillowmom]

Exerpt from an anti-racism protest in Vancouver.

Reprinted from FB.

I never cry in front of white people who have hurt me. It’s a rule I maintain for my own well-being. I never cry in front of them because I believe my tears are sacred and white antagonizers do not deserve them.

[This is a story, 5 minute read, tw. racism and mentions of physical violence @ yesterday’s March against Racism]

There’s an elder I see at every single anti-racist/decolonial march that happens on unceded Coast Salish territories. You’ve probably have seen her too. Her name is Lily. She is a Japanese-Canadian lesbian who is a survivor of the internment and is turning 70 next year. Every march, she wears a brown rainsuit, a small backpack, and a beaming grin that will break your heart. She is 5’1 and one of the strongest people I know. She’s been out here marching on the frontlines and fighting for grassroots justice for over forty years. She tells me that she’s still hitting the streets today, because she is doing it for us.

Lily doesn’t know this, but I see her as my “march elder.” Usually I’ll find her at the back of a march chatting with volunteers and other elders. She’ll always save time for us to walk together, just her and I, where she’ll tell me stories and whip out her phone to take a selfie with me.

Yesterday, at the March against Racism, Lily told me a story about how white kids in her neighbourhood used to bully her for being Japanese. So, one day, she took out a baseball bat and hit them. She turns to me, her face shining. “And that was that.”

At a previous march, Lily told me a story of how a drunken white couple came up to her on a dark street in Kits. She was walking alone, with a toque on her head, and it was nighttime. As the couple passed her, the man reached over and grabbed her head and shook it aggressively like a football. He laughed and said to her, “You cute little Asian chink,” and walked away. As she tells me this story, Lily pauses and says to me, “Kay. I was FURIOUS. I am not a chink. I am Japanese woman!”

And so, on that cold night in Kits, Lily rolled up her sleeves and ran after the couple. She reached them from behind and punched the man in the kidneys: onetwo, rightleft. Just like that: bam-bam. She shouted at the big white dude twice her size, now bent over in pain, “Don’t you dare do that to me again.” Then she went home to ice her fist with frozen peas.

This is my march elder Lily.

**********************

Yesterday at the March against Racism I met up with Lily and we found chairs to sit down on, as far away possible from a growing gang of neo-nazi white supremacists jeering at the rest of us. We sat quietly on the plastic chairs in the corner. Lily was just telling me about the baseball bat story as a commotion started to break out. The neo-nazis had begun to enter the peaceful crowd, shoving through people, and menacing the group, consisting mainly of Black, Indigenous, people of colour and some white allies. I put my arm protectively around Lily, as we could both feel the menacing energy of the crowd approaching. The aggression in the air was heavy and palpable.

We were two small queer Asian womxn, sitting quietly on plastic chairs when the fray descended.

Before we knew it, we were in the middle of the fight. White men were growling and shoving each other, knocking chairs over and yelling. Punches were thrown. Smoke bombs went off. Apparently there were allies there to “protect us” but it was hard to tell who was who, because the energy was all so violent. Lily shrank into my arms. From our sitting position I could not see a way out of the tangle of people. A man started to head towards us and I saw another man behind us. I stood up with Lily in my arms and yelled “THERE’S A FUCKING ELDER HERE.” Somehow we both got out safely and found some qpocs in a corner to stand with. By that time, we were both shaking and crying. Despite me having my arm around Lily, I swear she was holding me up more than I was.

**********************

White supremacy is physical, psychological, ancestral, spiritual violence. It is naturalized violence. I was not surprised when this happened. I was not surprised how viscerally my body responded with shaking anger, with fear, with tears, with that thick, choking feeling of being small and brown. I was not surprised when the same group of neo-nazis showed up at a street-corner to threaten myself and 4 other qpocs when we were leaving the march. They circled the corner like a pack of dogs. I was not surprised when they showed up in my nightmares last night.

I am tired and triggered and do not have the energy to analyze the situation. I just want to write because I must.

The VPD was ostensibly there to “protect citizens” but enabled neo-nazis to intimidate, harm, and hurt BIPOCs. This is settler colonial violence and anti-Blackness running so deep you can see the scars on the land, feel the pain and resistance of Black and Brown bodies. How different would this situation have been if the race-roles were reversed? White allies, can you do the work of standing up to this, of talking to your communities, of showing up in larger numbers?

**********************

Since leaving the march I’ve been replaying the moment on the street-corner over and over in my head, because it was the last taste of everything violent that the March represented. I wish I had said something. I wish I had a baseball bat. I wish I had punched them in the kidneys like Lily would have. I wish I had said, “You harmed my elder today. Don’t you dare do that again.”

Instead, I turned to face them on the corner, my black and brown friends standing with me, all of us tiny and queer and unarmed. I stood and looked at the group and they looked back at us. Nine men on the sidewalk like dogs, scrabbling for power and position amongst themselves. Vile masculinity, toxic whiteness, the kind of privilege so virulent that it makes you hurt others. Settler-racists, misogynists, transphobes. Small vicious eyes, watery blue and laced with bloodshot lines. Even smaller hearts.

I took a breath and stood full and peaceful in my brown body. My people next to me, with all our ancestors standing nearby. I looked each of the men in the eye. I did not give them my tears.

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Shared with gratitude and permission from Lily Shinde. Further shares are welcomed and appreciated. Many thanks to the folks who checked in with us, stood with us, held space for me to debrief and process and rage: Cicely-Belle Blain Ayesh Fatima Jaffer Vilayvanh Jessica Leung Kay Ians Erica Hiroko Daniyah Angel Sh Ace Doe | Photo taken by Fatima Jaffer.

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EDIT: Friendly hello to ALLIES wanting to show solidarity! Solidarity can look like a lot of things, but one thing you could consider is supporting my writing and labour by e-transferring a donation to photosbykho@gmail.com.

I have class privilege and financial stability; all I want to do is take Lily out for dinner and the rest will be donated to a grassroots org on coast salish territories working towards indigenous sovereignty, black liberation, and combating Islamophobia, as well as some funds being transferred to badass femmes of colour in my community who are cash-poor and paying their way through school and/or needing support for therapy. Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. It goes a long way. Xoxoxo

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EDIT: Amazing clarification about the Kits story from Lily, who just shared with me: "The story about the getting assaulted in Kits neighbourhood was not a white couple, it was four big white guys coming out of the pub around the corner late at night. I've often told this story but perhaps we got mixed up in the different racist incidents I told you. Just wanted to clarify that because it was a bunch of white guys, not a couple."

FOUR BIG WHITE GUYS, NOT ONE. Y'ALL.