#sasha imagine

[ohimsummer]

what it’s like to date them (girl vers + hange!)

- mikasa, sasha, hange, historia, annie

- fluff, modern! au

[male vers!]

MIKASA

• doing most of the talking in a conversation because she can say a lot with few words (and also just loves to hear you talk)

• her laughing when you pout because she doesn’t always give in to you

• being surprised with gifts

• getting squeezed tight (sometimes a little too tight) and gently swayed during hugs

• her pinching your cheeks or flicking your forehead when you’re being annoying

• letting you make a lot of the frivolous decisions because she’s really just down for whatever you wanna do

SASHA

• taste testing each other’s food

• her spam texting you things that remind her of you

• getting up late because “5 more minutes”, which turn into 10, 20, even an hour if you let her

• nose kisses, dramatic cheek kisses (”mmmwah!”) , lighthearted kisses on your fingertips 

• her face-down mumbling at you as if you can understand what she’s saying

• pointing out things you find interesting to each other whenever you’re out together

HANGE

• them softly kissing the top of your head while you’re cuddling

• carefully running their fingers through your hair and admiring your peaceful face while you sleep

• whispering to each other under the sheets before bed about anything and everything, only illuminated by the muted television

• never sitting in silence, you always have something to tell each other about

• “there’s my favorite pretty ___ :))”

HISTORIA

• movie nights in each other’s bedrooms (that may end up in you both making out)

• good morning/good night texts whenever you’re not together

• self care nights with face masks and cucumbers on your eyes, she might even paint your nails if you let her

• her bopping you on the head with rolled up paper when you’re being troublesome

• always doing your nightly routine together, even if it’s over facetime

• both of you being half asleep but still mumbling replies to each other

ANNIE

• getting used to her stoic demeanor and quietness but checking in with her all the time anyway, and her pretending it’s annoying but secretly loving how much you care

• leaving you on read when you text her asking for stuff, even though she fully intends on buying/bringing it for you

• her being secretly overprotective (beating up that flirty, sleezy guy when you weren’t looking)

• you stealing her hoodies and giggling because you know she wants them back, but doesn’t have the heart to take them from you (most of the time)

• “babe”, “hon”, “love”,

• her being the big spoon when you cuddle, and always falling asleep with her face tucked in the crook of your neck

[artlefty]

wolfythewitch art got me thinkin bout TIM AGAIN OH DEAR

[moominmammaonhero1n]

Jonathan Sims is like a shit wizard with googly eyes stuck to his head claiming he’s the prophet

[hanjisungslag]

attack on titan headcanons #14

synopsis: when attack on titan characters make you cry 💦

characters involved: eren, mikasa, armin, jean, sasha, connie, reiner, annie, bertolt, levi, erwin and hange.

notes: 2 posts in 2 days! arent you a lucky bugger x

☆ eren jaeger

it’s really situational for eren, he cannot take you seriously if you’re in a bad situation. if you’re on the battle field or doing anything important to do with titans, strategy plans etc. he will tell you that you can’t be crying in that moment. HOWEVER, if you’re not in any of those situations he is so empathetic!! my little baby is so sweet to you like, he’s like putty in your hands especially if he’s the one making you cry, oh my god. he would just DIE and probably cry with you.

☆ mikasa ackerman

her eyes soften… her eyebrows pinch together… her lip quivers and tilts into a frown… SHES SO DISTRAUGHT, HOW COULD SHE DO THIS? SHES SO STUPID GAHHH. super mellow, super quiet and of course, super sweet. she’ll approach you like you’re a fragile animal in the woods that she doesn’t wanna scare. she genuinely couldn’t think of anything worse in this world than upsetting you and her being that reason? HER HEARTTT, she’ll drop her nonchalant dread head act immediately and silently reassure you with physical affection.

☆ armin arlert

breaks the boys heart. he is absolutely and utterly DESTROYED. his self-esteem reaches an all time low in that very moment, as soon as that one tear fell of the apple of your cheek, GOD. he wanted the world to swallow him while to be honest, he was so upset and embarrassed he made you cry! but obviously, he really tried not to be selfish and start crying as he didn’t want to take any attention off you but trust, by the end of it, he will be crying alongside you.

☆ jean kirstein

god he is just so gentle, so caring, so comforting, so patient. he KNOWS exactly how to comfort you - he apologises profusely, sits with you, hugs you, talks the whole situation through with you LIKE UGH, and whatever it was that made you cry i can promise you this man WILL FIX THE FUCK UP! he lives to serve you and make you happy 🙇.

☆ connie springer

very quiet afterwards… he just feels really awkward, he wishes he could reverse time and just pretend nothing happened 😭. he’s like, do we break up now orrr…? he will eventually say sorry and become less awkward but, he definitely shows his sympathy through physical affection. after everything’s died down, he cracks a joke or two.

☆ sasha braus

SHES SO SWEET, definitely also awkward and she doesn’t realise you’re being serious for the first 2 minutes but afterwards oh my god, she’s so apologetic!! she gives does acts of service as an apology and of course, says sorry. profusely.

☆ reiner braun

breaks him into a million bijillion pieces. he turns into a puddle like, he just dies. HE made YOU cry? his life is over. sooo apologetic & he makes sure to let you know that he is! he will not be over this for days, days i tell you, he will continue to make it up to you even if you’re over it in like an hour.

☆ annie leonhart

she’s in shock honestly. she didn’t think you would be so upset over what she had said… but most of all, she’s shocked that seeing you upset had such a big impact on her. what- what was this? oh my god, she’s crying? because you’re crying? she’s in deepp😭. keeps her tears to her self and apologises to you and you make sure to tease her because you saw those tears!!

☆ bertolt hoover

crying with you. not in a way that would steal any attention from you or what he did to make you cry, he really tried to stop himself but after trying to not cry and apologise, he breaks down and now you’re both crying. a lot of ‘i’m sorry’ and ‘i love you’, ‘i won’t do that again‘s are being thrown around and it’s just an adorable sobbing, loving mess.

☆ levi ackerman

errrmmm, it’s kind of tough for him. he’s been very desensitised to mostly everything, even horrid things like people being eaten alive by titans, literally watching them be ripped limb from limb yk? the usual stuff! anyways, he does feel bad though because of course, he loves you. and he never wants to hurt you or be the cause of your pain so, he does apologise even if it doesn’t sound very normal coming from his mouth, lol.

☆ erwin smith

he feels bad, of course. he’s a very respectable, normal man so, as any other person, he’ll apologise for making you feel that way, say he won’t do it again, say he loves you and move on with his day.

☆ hange zoë

NOOOO THEY CANT BELIEVE THEYVE DONE THIS!! tragedy has struck 😔. they will do everything in their power to make it up to you, they will do a simple, straightforward and sincere apologise HOWEVER, afterwards they’ll do something extra for you, just as a cherry on top like, a candle lit dinner in your house or something along those lines ^o^.

[parisoonic]

He saw a bird and got distracted your Honour.

[oh2bloved]

When they- when th- whe- * explosion sound *

[aru-art]

long time no tma, here's the archival gang in my friends' & i's outfits :]

[papayadays]

🎻 102 + Lando please xx

a/n: ahhhh sasha!! ilysm because i was just so inspired for this 😚

102 — night changes by one direction

“does it ever drive you crazy just how fast the night changes?”

you and lando stepped out the packed venue, hands intertwined. as you two made your way in the throng of people, you were stopped by quite a few people who wanted to talk to the driver’s championship runner up. of course, it was expected at the fia end of year gala. you made sure to dress nice for today, wearing a red dress that had been around for a few years, but was one of your favorites. before you had left, lando was dangerously close to ruining all of your makeup, claiming your dress as the cause.

now, as you two walked out into the cool evening air, the night was wrapping up. lando’s fifth season in f1 was wrapping up. you’d been by his side since his first race and you couldn’t be prouder of how far he’d come. all the highs and lows, you’d seen it all. but it still didn’t quite sink in that it had already been five seasons. five years.

you glanced down at your dress, slightly self-conscious. five years you and lando had been dating. but that was a long time to stay with the same person, especially for a global celebrity with countless of people vying for a chance. you couldn’t help but feel like maybe lando would start to get sick of you, or that his feelings for you would fade over time. it was silly, but with all that time, you felt that you were holding him back in a small sense.

“hey, the gala’s over, no need to fuss over your dress,” lando chuckled, pulling you from your thoughts as he lead you to his car. once you two were in the more secluded area of the parking lot, lando grinned, adding, “and plus, you look beautiful in that dress.”

you smiled, getting into the passenger seat as lando started the car. as the car passed by buildings and towns and parks, your eyes stayed fixed on the moon, casting a glow inside the dim car. the windows were down and the breeze tousled your hair as you tried to stop it from flying. but as you reached a red light, lando didn’t think he had seen a more beautiful sight.

your eyes flitted to the moon once more, mind wandering to all the times you had looked at the moon before, thinking of lando. if only you knew how many times he had done the same. you felt lando take your hand in his, giving it a small squeeze. “lan?” you asked.

“yeah?” he responded, eyes still on the road.

“i’ve been thinking, and it’s already your fifth season,” you said softly. “isn’t it crazy just how fast everything changes?”

lando grinned, bringing your hand up to his lips and pressing a gentle kiss to your knuckles. the mere action made you blush despite all the years being with him. “i wouldn’t have it any other way, love,” he murmured. “and we’re not going to change.”

you turned to look at him. “no?”

“no, of course not,” lando replied, so confidently that hope surged in your chest. “even if everything else is changing, me and you won’t. we’ve made it this far - five whole years. and i can’t wait for the next five. and more. y’know why?”

“why?” you asked, playing along.

“because i love you,” lando said simply, and it made your heart flutter.

you squeezed his hand. “i love you too, lan.” with a smile on your lips, you turned your gaze back to the night sky, content.

joyce's birthday bash! 😽

[snekberry]

past!jon dreams of polyarchives kisses

time travel au masterlist

close ups:

[agalychnisspranneusroseus]

I'm sorry was anyone gonna tell me Anne wrote this fucking YA novel ass shit about Sasha on Marcy's fucking journal or was I supposed to find out by myself

[jeankirsteinsgrlfrnd]

how would the girls feel about their so participating in no nut november

no nut november, according to your aot girlfriend!

18+ | MDNI | NSFW

(pretty tame but still, also ymir & historia are vague but written with female readers in mind, no i won’t change it and no i won’t apologize.)

mikasa thinks you’re idiotic for wanting to do something like this. not that she thinks you don’t have any self control, more or less she knows you don’t want to have any. she’s pretty blunt about the whole thing, telling you you’re going to fail. she puts money on it.

sasha mainly knows about nnn because of connie and his incessant blabbing. she wants you to ‘win.’ but per her rules, that rules out any act of sex. she can’t possibly be the reason you lose! its the ultimate mind game. you bust a nut or you don’t get close at all, there’s no in between.

annie, like mikasa, bets against you. she berates you and laughs at the idea but ultimately encourages you just so she can prove you wrong. there’s no way you’ll last the month. she’s just waiting to catch you slacking so she can shove it in your face.

historia’s got the wrong idea but she’s got the right spirit. she wants you to, like, ‘better’ yourself and practice self discipline but you can’t expect her to keep her hands to herself. she encourages you verbally about lasting the month but her actions are a direct contradiction. she’s a sweet teaser, nothing extreme, just enough to make your mind wander.

ymir takes it as a personal challenge when you announce your participation in nnn. it’s the ultimate opportunity for her, to get you off as many times as she can. she’s a wonderful girlfriend, always respecting you when you say no to her advances. but that never stops her from teasing you.

hange surprisingly has never heard of the challenge but she encourages you to take part in it if you want. she’s curious too, about how long you’ll last and what will make you cave in. she decides to join in on your challenge, determined to beat you even if she isn’t entirely clear on the rules.

pieck giggles at you and pokes fun at the ridiculous idea. she doesn’t believe in you, whatsoever. she doesn’t even have to worry about purposefully trying to make you lose, she knows your willpower is weak when it comes to her. so, she enjoys the ride and waits for you to beg her to help you out.

[bainutwater85]

men who keep you high maintenanced because they look the way you look dolled up, covered in cute clothes and your favorite perfume. He never fails to disappoint when he comes home with bags on bags of clothes n shoes for you.

IZUKU, shoto, HAWKS, KIRISHIMA, connie, onyankopon, alucard, HECTOR, leorio, kurapika, CHLORIO, kakashi, JIRAIYA, choji, DILUC, kaveh, NEUVILETTE, ZHONGLI.

women who do you both a favor and go shopping with you and split the bill. Does it matter tho cause you 2 end up sharing clothes snd vibrators at the end of the day..just as friends tho! Also takes you both to get a full manicure and pedicure set, also splitting the bill.

SASHA, mikasa, historia, INO, sakura, tenten, YAE MIKO, yelan, SHENHE, mirko.

requests open!

[howlonomy]

listened to tma so heres some favs as little creatures :]

[twilovesshuake]

Aot Characters: *How they would respond after hearing Y/n say "Will you marry me?"*

Eren [Season 1 to 3]: Hell yeah, I will!

Eren [Season 4]: Does it even matter anymore?Everything's meaningless in our lives now.

Armin: You complete me. Yes!

Mikasa: Yes, I’ll marry you.

Jean: I wood say yes to you anytime.

Sasha: Yes! Oh and I want all the food in our wedding.

Connie: Yeah, but will you marry me?

Hange: I do! Wait...I mean, yes!

Levi: Tch, will I marry you? How about you marry me instead?

Erwin: Yes. I’ll be yours eternally.

[seredelgi]

Just thinking about how bf!Levi would let you know he’s fed up with a social gathering.

pairing: Levi Ackerman x fem!reader

tw: fingering, teasing, smut, voyeuristic behavior, alcohol consumption, profanity, explicit language, reader gets tipsy at a dinner, levi wants out, modern au, mature content, 18+

You’re sitting at a restaurant table, listening to your friends talking, drinking a tad more than usual. You start getting tipsy early on, your cheeks turning red. And maybe that’s why you laugh a bit too loud at one of Jean’s jokes, suddenly catching Levi’s attention.

The next thing you feel is his hand gently coming to rest on your thigh. Its warmth spreads against your skin like a fire, but you think of an innocent affectionate gesture at first. As soon as you let yourself giggle again tho, he dips his fingers in your flesh, gripping at it like a silent warning.

You quietly catch your breath at that, starting to feel a bit dizzy. You don’t want to draw attention but you feel like your boyfriend needs yours, so you turn around to find his eyes on you, dark with an intent that you struggle to recognize.

You’re sure you’ve seen it already, however, you can’t put a finger on it right at this moment. So you sigh and turn your attention back on the silly conversation going on just across the wooden table you’re sitting at.

You should’ve known it was coming, if you had read his expression correctly, you could’ve easily anticipated it, maybe even counter-acted it in time.

You try to listen carefully to your friends but it’s made impossible by the way Levi’s hand has started rubbing down your inner thigh, and you suddenly flush, shifting uncomfortably in your seat.

You try but fail miserably to feign yourself unbothered, ‘cause he knows you too damn well. He knows you’re trembling at the idea that his hand could scout further up, reaching in between your thighs, right where your heat is now already aching for it.

But you can’t very well indulge in such thoughts. You’re in public, and you’d made him promise to behave and try to make it ‘till the end of at least one dinner this week.

It’s crazy how difficult it’s been up until now.

You blame him. He’s so anti-social, you bet he’s probably not even pretending to care about what Jean and Eren are fighting over right about now.

But you have to be honest, it’s not his fault alone. You’re just too weak to resist him. You could very well move his hand away, even now. You could stop it from skimming past the hem of your skirt, looking for your heat, but you find yourself unwilling to.

So you’re forced to hold back a moan, yet again. You’re forced to focus on trying not to look too flustered or in any way bothered by his fingertips starting to feel you out through the smooth material of your panties. You can feel your juices staining the cotton white fabric already, and you gulp nervously when you catch Mikasa’s eyes looking at you.

You’ve got to dart your hand to seize Levi’s wrist, heart pounding in your throat, eyes probably way too big, languid with both your emerging arousal and the thrilling excitement provided by the risk of getting caught.

Levi looks at you, but your eyes are still on Mikasa.

Luckily she quickly turns to look at Eren, as always. 

The breath you exhale then has you dissipating some of the tension gathered up, and you’re not completely conscious of the way you absentmindedly let go of your hold on him.

He’s now free to slip one of his fingers in between the slim space separating your underwear from your naked sensitive flesh. Your hand comes to grip at the edge of your seat, your knuckles turning white as you feel his fingertips trailing up from your entrance to the swelling little nub that’s desperately started aching for his attention. And he knows how to give you just that, with the softest touch, the most exquisite amount of pressure.

He brushes on your clit teasingly, playing with it and letting you squirm a little. You hate as much as he loves how you’re unable to buckle your hips up to meet his touch, unable to move at all. You’re only allowed to wait patiently for him to grant you more.

You just know that he’s gloating at the way your eyes have started fluttering, your chest faltering with the growing intensity of his stimulation on your sweet spot. You bit at your bottom lip to restrain from moaning out loud. But then his middle and ring finger scout down again and you catch your breath in anticipation, so high on it that you barely care anymore who could be watching. Your nipples are perkily peeking through the sheer fabric of the dress you’ve got on, a sight you know he must be enjoying way too much.

It’s when his digits finally push past the soaking wetness of your walls that you can’t resist anymore, finally letting go of a deep breath of satisfaction.

Silence sets among your friends before everyone turns to look at you.

Levi’s stopped. You can’t look at him, but you just know he’s smirking proudly right about now.

You can just hope you don’t look as frenzied as you feel. Breaths short and ragged, you clear your throat and finally feel his fingers slip out, probably already highly confident that you’ll excuse yourself before the situation gets any more awkward. Damn, you hate that he’s won again. But you need him to sate the hunger he’s grown desperate in your lower abdomen, and you want it sated now.

He owes you that.

“ I’m sorry guys, I’m not feeling very well” you manage to mutter, and excuse yourself from the table, leaving everyone confounded and a bit worried, as per usual.

Levi just gives a short nod in their direction and then he’s after you on the way out. 

“ I wonder what that’s about…” Jean considers, scratching at the back of his neck.

“ Yeah, she’s always feeling sick lately” Sasha chimes in, stuffing a chicken thigh in her mouth right after.

“ They’re probably going to blow off some steam in the parking lot” Connie wiggles his eyebrows cheekily and smirks to himself.

“ Gross” Eren lets out, eyes rolling “ Why are you constantly thinking about sex, Connie?”

“ Oh, they’re definitely having sex” Mikasa considers, unfazed.

Everyone turns to look at her, but she shrugs and adds no more.

[j2hoes]

Eshay Baby. (Anthony Vaughn x Chook's Sister Reader)

Word Count: 5.8K

Y/N Cooper and Anthony Vaughn had a complicated relationship, which becomes even more complex following the reveal of the incest map.

WARNING: This work is not intended for those under the age of eighteen as it does have mature content. This story deals with alcohol, sexual content, drugs, explicit language, violence, death and triggering topics such as sexual assault and abuse.

A/N: I really hope you enjoy this fic as much as I do, I am a sucker for an ex's to lovers trope! This will be an ongoing series with each chapter correlating to a different episode! Love you! x

Fuck you Monday.

I am not a bad person. At least, I don’t believe I am. Research suggests that people become products of their environments, in fact, there’s an entire theory surrounding the self-fulfilling prophecy which suggests that if environmental factors such as the people and community surrounding you believe you will turn out a certain way, you will. It’s something to do with the phrase ‘if that’s what people think I am, then that’s what I will be.’ For as long as I’ve been alive, I have done my best to combat this. Not wanting to prove the countless social workers, mental health professionals, teachers and police correct. I am a good person.

My brother on the other hand, that’s slightly more complicated. He’s four years older than me, he understands and remembers more of our childhood than I do. It’s not something that we often talk about, him opting to avoid the subject entirely not wanting to reminisce on the past. His words not mine. I don’t blame him for this, nothing I can remember is positive. Being passed from one distant relative to the next, each being significantly worse than the last. Until one day we ended up at the home. I can only imagine what other horrors he may remember.

Hence why I stated it’s complicated, everything he does, he does for us. That’s the way it’s always been. Not once has he failed to protect me, agreeing to be my legal guardian the moment he turned eighteen in order to remove me from the clutches of any government mandated home. I’ll forever be grateful to him for that, and so I could never argue that he isn’t a selfless man. Not when it comes to family.

Others may disagree with me, believing he is cruel, callous and cold. Inherently evil is a term that has been used to describe him many times before. I’ll be the first to admit that there are times when I don’t agree with his actions. However, I don’t believe this defines him as a person. People are so complex and have many different layers that somebody cannot be defined by one small thing. So would I say he’s a good person? No, but I also wouldn’t say he’s a bad person. He’s just different.

“Your brother said to tell you he’s setting off in ten minutes so to make sure you’re ready.”

The soft voice at my doorway startles me, too focused on applying my lipgloss to notice the boy standing in the doorway. As I glance up at him through my mirror, I’m hit by the unmistakable stench of marijuana that seems to flood the room. My nose scrunches, slightly disgusted by the thought of my brother and his friends getting high in the living room at eight am on a monday morning. Continuing to apply multiple layers of the shimmery pink gloss, I notice the figure is still standing in my doorway, his back turned to me, stance appearing almost awkward as he scratches the back of his head nervously.

“Cash you can come in.”

He turns to face me, hesitantly stepping through the threshold into my bedroom with a small smile on his face. Closing the old wooden door behind him, only to almost be knocked out by the numerous bags I have hung up on the back of my door.

“That’s a lot of bags.” He comments, resulting in a small laugh from me due to him stating the obvious.

Beginning to gather my textbooks, notebooks and any other supplies I may need for school, I notice Cash standing silently simply observing my bedroom. It’s a stark contrast to the rest of the house. Walls painted a burnt amber with photos and posters plastered up anywhere I could reach. Crocheted blankets are thrown over every piece of furniture in the room and my window stays wide open, allowing the bright morning light to flood the room, the gentle breeze blowing just enough to allow a melodic hum to reverberate through my wind chime.

“Your bedroom is nice. It’s homely.” Cash tells me, waiting patiently as I continue to throw things into my bag.

“Not a chance in hell was I letting Chook decorate my bedroom with graffiti.” I laugh, throwing my chunky black cardigan over my shoulders before the eshay opens the door for me, being the gentleman that he is and allowing me to exit first. “There’s another spray paint to cover a skatepark in here as it is.”

My finger traces one of the many swirls of blue spray paint that lines the hallway as I speak, eliciting a chuckle from the boy that follows behind me. Entering the lounge, I find Jayden and Tilla sprawled out on the sofa, eyes glazed over and it’s clear that they’re both stoned out of their minds. Chook sits on the armchair that he’s claimed as his own, nobody else dares to sit there, knowing it’s his seat. He’s playing with the car keys in his hands, eyes fixed on the unconscious man laid out at his feet. Occasionally nudging him with his foot in an attempt to humor himself.

“Who’s that?” I question, capturing my brother’s attention for the first time since we set foot in the lounge.

“Fuck knows brah, couldn’t handle his drinks though clearly.”

With one last surprisingly gentle kick to the stomach, Chook rises from the chair. Ruffling my hair as he strolls past me and towards the front door, much to my annoyance. I sigh quietly, swiftly smoothing my hair down, to which Cash does his best to muffle his laugh as we follow my brother out the door. Stepping over yet another unconscious man as we leave the house.

Hartley High is only a twenty minute drive, most of which I spend in silence, trying my best to enjoy the drum and bass that erupts out of the speakers as we fly down the streets of Sydney. Chook was never one for following the speed limit, no matter how many times I lectured him on the importance of driving safely.

We pull into the car park outside of school with an ear piercing screech, slamming to a halt directly outside the gates, the unnecessary amount of noise causes many students to look in our direction. Many whispering to their friends as they gawk at us, I do my best to keep my head down as I clamber out of the vehicle. Embarrassed by the commotion Chook has caused.

“Don’t get expelled!” Chook yells out of the car window as Cash and I trudge reluctantly towards the quad. Not wanting to dignify him with a response, I simply throw my middle finger up behind me, hearing his raucous laughter followed by the screech of his tires on the asphalt once again.

“You reckon this year will be any better?” Cash inquires, knuckles white due to how tight he is clenching the strap of his fanny pack that is thrown over his shoulder. He’s nervous. Contrary to what people believe, Cash is a sweet boy. He’s so loving, caring, considerate and kind, he has a lot to offer the world we live in. Nobody seems to see this though. Believing Cash is a good for nothing eshay that will make nothing of himself upon leaving school, most likely following in the footsteps of his mother and ending up in prison. Even he himself believes this.

“I don’t know mate, maybe for you, I mean you technically don’t even need to be here. I don’t have a choice unfortunately.”

“Yeah but that just means you’re stuck with me for another year kiddo.”

“I am literally a year younger than you.” I sulk, giving him a gentle shove in order to express my annoyance. “Besides, you wouldn’t have screwed me if you saw me as a kid.”

Cash stops in his tracks completely, I smirk, pleased that I’ve rendered him completely speechless and offer him a quick wink from over my shoulder as he jogs to catch up to me. We agreed to never speak of it. A one night hook up when we were both heavily under the influence of certain illegal substances. My heart was in pieces following the breakdown of mine and a particular church going brunette’s secret relationship. If you could even call it a relationship, we never exactly labeled anything, nor made anything public. However, it felt as though my heart had shattered, I’d never experienced anything like that before. Not even the pain of my childhood compared to this.

One thing led to another and Cash and I were stumbling into bed together. Both of us knew it was wrong, Chook would kill Cash if he ever found out. Fortunately it only happened once and while I wouldn’t say that I regret it, it did definitely put a strain on our friendship for a while. Mostly due to him being terrified of me telling my brother.

Remembering the memory, I can’t help but smile to myself. Even if it was just for that one night, Cash made me feel whole again. Like I was worthy of finding love. The dopamine from the positive recollection seems to crash like a wave over my body, uplifting my mood drastically despite heading into what is ultimately prison for the next seven hours. That is until I catch a glimpse of the one person I was hoping to avoid completely for the next year.

Anthony Vaughn.

“Oi there’s a fully gacked sex map in the old stairwell.” Shouts from the redheaded girl catch my attention and I’m grateful to be provided a distraction. “It’s called the incest map!”

Students from all directions flock together in a sprint towards the old stairwell. The scene could be described as something out of a nature documentary when a pack of wild animals chase after their prey together. It’s wild and chaotic, completely undignified. So, with a quick glance at one another, Cash and I also follow the crowd, taking off in a run to identify what a ‘sex map’ truly is, and why it is so interesting that the entirety of our school is racing at full speed just to catch a glimpse.

I thank my lucky stars that I’m not claustrophobic when I eventually manage to squeeze my way through the horde of students. Names are scrawled in huge letters across the wall, each with different lines and symbols linking one to another. There’s a key chart to the left hand side and it’s safe to say nobody’s sexual endeavours were safe due to how graphic the key chart was.

The usual suspects are on the map, those who aren’t quiet about their partaking in hookup culture, such as Darren and Dusty. Those in relationships are also unsurprising, for example Missy and Sasha are of course linked, having only just recently broken up. Other names however do manage to shock me, for one I was not expecting to see Quinni’s name on the map, nor was I expecting Cash. Following the three lines connected to his name, it’s only then that I realize in bright red letters accompanied by a pair of devil horns, is my name.

Y/N - hooked up - Cash. Y/N - blowie - Spider. Y/N - fucked - Ant. Y/N - destined - Ant.

With each passing second it feels like my heart has stopped, secrets revealed to the world that were supposed to never see the light of day. How did anybody know about this? Sure, Spider may have blabbed about me giving him a blowjob, most likely bragging to his two best mates about it as though I’m his latest conquest. However, what happened between Cash and I, as well as Ant and I was meant to be kept quiet.

With trembling hands, I begin to anxiously scan the room, looking for any sign that somebody other than myself may have noticed my name. Catching the eye of the brunette, who stands timidly between Dusty and Spider, I discern that he is just as concerned as I am. Fearful of the consequences of this coming out.

“Yo Ant, you fucked the eshay’s sister? Nice one bro.” Dusty shouts, clapping his friend on the back which only leads to the red blush on his face to creep to an even deeper crimson.

“You got further with her than I ever did.” Spider comments, a mischievous smirk spread across his lips. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

Ant simply lowers his head, eyes focusing on his shoes which appear to be a lot more interesting than the map in front of him. I can’t lie and say it doesn’t hurt that he won’t speak about us, but at the same time, I understand. With mates like his, I would want to keep things hidden from them too, especially if this is how they react. Not to mention his overly religious family upbringing and the overwhelming amount of shame he is afraid of bringing on his family.

“Hey, you okay?” Cash whispers, hand faintly grazing mine in a subtle attempt to offer his support.

“I was just about to ask you the same thing.” Offering the mullet wearing boy a forced smile, trying to cover up the embarrassment of suddenly being the center of attention.

Continuing to stare at the map in disbelief, only the shouts of rowdy teenagers can be heard as they find more and more connections on the map that they hadn’t seen upon their first inspection. A few even run out in tears, the map ruining many people’s relationships, outing people and just causing pure humiliation for everybody that has their name scribbled across the wall.

“Hey, do you reckon if we ask real nice, Y/N will let us double dick her?” Spider asks Ant obnoxiously loud, nudging him as they both look over in my direction. Humorless expression evident on my face. “What, we’ve both already been there.”

Spider’s comment is directed to me, with him and Dusty both finding the utmost amusement in the entire situation. Ant, on the other hand, looks as though he wants the floor to swallow him whole, unable to make eye contact with me.

“Are you sure you’d be able to get it up? You and I both know how difficult it was for you last time and that was just for a blowie.” Without giving Spider a chance to respond, I’m pushing through the sea of teenagers, who are now staring eagle eyed between the blonde boy and myself. Invested in the very minor argument between us, a chorus of laughter can be heard at Spider’s expense. Even Dusty seems to take amusement in the mortification of his friend. As I brush past the trio, it’s hard to ignore the self-consciousness on their leader’s face. I can’t help but feel a small sense of pride, knowing that my comment really got under his skin. Eyes trailing over each of the guys, I notice that Ant is already looking at me, a regretful look on his face.

Unlike his two mates, Ant has always been the more caring of the three. Whilst still partaking, somewhat reluctantly, in the shenanigans that the other boys rope him into, he has always had more of a guilty consciousness. Often disclosing the amount of regret and guilt he felt due to some of their actions. Though, he made me swear that information to secrecy, not wanting the boys to view him as weaker. It’s one thing we regularly argued about, with him being unable to fathom the idea that having morals and a consciousness doesn’t make you any less of a man.

The deafening shrill of the school bell sounds whilst I stomp across the quad, alerting me of the fact that I should be headed towards the gym for the mandatory back to school assembly. Yet, I can’t bring myself to face it. Wanting to avoid Spider for a little while longer while I can in the hopes of steering clear of another confrontation. Half an hour into the new school year and I’m already wagging, what a great start.

Without turning to look back, I can hear the shuffle of feet as everybody begins to pile out of the old stairwell. Heading into the main school building, still, I tread on. Doing my best to sneak behind the science block and finding solace in the old dunnies that were closed off to students back in the nineties. Technically, nobody is supposed to be back here, I’m risking detention just by being here, though Cash and I continue to use it as a safe space to hide from the world whenever we need peace.

Rummaging through my bag, I’m quick to find the box of Marlboro Gold’s that I always keep stashed at the bottom, just on the odd occasion that I do feel the urge to smoke. It used to be a rare occurrence, these days, unfortunately it seems to be more of a recurring problem. I’ve hidden the habit from just about everyone in my life, not that Chook would care, he’s done far worse that I ever have. I just don't want people to perceive me as any less that they do now, I know smoking is a dirty horrible habit and yet I can’t seem to quit. So, as I spark my lighter, inhaling the toxic fumes, I begin to take comfort in the calm that fills my body from the lungs outward.

“Shit, sorry, I didn’t think anyone was gonna be in here.”

My eyes sweep up from the ground, and if the baggy jeans and tie dyed jumper weren’t enough of a give away as to who stood before me the cross chain hanging from his neck certainly did. It’s the first time he’s actually spoken to me directly since the night everything came crumbling down eight weeks ago. When my eyes lock with his, I can’t help but take in his beauty as if it’s the first time I’ve ever seen him and before I can react the cigarette is falling out of my fingers.

“I didn’t know you smoked.”

He points to the ciggie that is now beginning to burn out on the concrete floor. With an awkward laugh, I quickly pick it up, stubbing it out on the wall, humiliated that he caught me.

“I don’t really,” Playing with the ends of my hair as I desperately try to think of an excuse that doesn’t truly reveal the extent of my habit.

“Just needed to destress after this morning.”

“Yeah, crazy morning, right?” Ant asks, leaning against the doorframe as he attempts to make small talk with me. “Actually, do you have another one of those?”

With raised eyebrows I nod swiftly, pulling the pack out of my bag and offering them to him along with my lighter. He lights his and I do the same, after all I didn’t exactly get to finish the first one on account of dropping it on the ground.

“You wagging assembly too?”

My voice is quiet, unsure on whether he actually wants me to make conversation with him or he’d prefer to sit in silence. Despite my best attempts to not make it obvious, I watch as he takes a drag from the ciggie, allowing the smoke to delicately fall from his lips. It’s awkward not knowing where I stand with him, sure, what happened was a while ago now and I’d assumed we’d both moved on but that doesn’t make the entire situation any less awkward.

“Couldn’t face it, Spider and Dusty wouldn’t stop hounding me for all the details and I just needed some space.” Ant admits, picking at the skin around his fingers between drags.

“Oh right, I can leave if you want some space, I don’t mind.”

Grabbing my bag and hauling myself off the window ledge, I throw the end of my ciggie to the ground, ready to leave. That is until his hand grabs mine gently, his touch soft as I’m forced to stop and look at him.

“No, stay. You should stay.”

Ant offers me a small smile before letting go of my hand, the touch so fleeting and yet it still manages to make my heart flutter even just the tiniest bit. Sitting beside him on the cold, mucky floor, not minding the dirt if it means that Ant and I are one step closer to mending our friendship. Truthfully, I miss him. I miss him as a friend more so than anything. Our bond was one that you don’t find much in life, one that others struggle to comprehend.

“I owe you an apology.” His words catch me off guard, unaware that he felt the need to apologize to me, let alone, doing so on the first day back at school. Granted it hasn’t been any ordinary first day back. “I was a complete dickhead to you and you didn’t deserve it-”

“Ant you don’t need to explain yourself.”

“Nah, I do. I think I knew I couldn’t be the guy you deserved, and I got scared. It’s no excuse, I know that. Just believe me, I didn’t mean any of the stuff I said to you that night, I was so pissed, honestly, I hardly remember any of it. All I know is I woke up with the worst hangover of my life and you weren’t there.” He stops for a moment, collecting his thoughts with furrowed eyebrows, trying his best to put what he wants to say into words. “You weren’t there and then I saw the messages. Y/N, I’m so sorry. I didn’t ever want to hurt you.”

He’s staring at me intently, eyes trying to find any glimmer of emotion on my face in an attempt to determine what I’m thinking. Opening my mouth to respond, I find myself rendered completely speechless. As I focus on Ant, I can see the worry in his eyes. Uneasy as to what I may have to say.

“Shit, sorry, I’m no good with words, I-”

“Stop talking Ant.” I mumble, putting an end to his rant before he can even properly begin. “Cheers for the apology, it means a lot.”

“Do you hate me?” The question is blurted out before he can stop himself. Shocking even himself judging by the way his widened followed by his head falling to his hands.

“I could never hate you. You should know that.” I tell him, his whole body instantly less tense as the relief floods through him. “I’ve actually really missed my friend. We should’ve never complicated things.”

I almost miss it, but there’s a flash of pain in the browns of his eyes as I say those last words, though he nods in agreement. The silence that follows is no longer awkward, instead it’s tranquil. Plainly embracing the warmth of the early morning sun in one another’s presence feels relaxing compared to the events that unfolded prior. Blissfully enjoying the reblossoming of our once torn apart friendship.

“If it isn’t Anthony Vaughn and Y/N Y/LN. You’ve not even been back a day and you’re already wagging.” Ms Woods’ tone is extremely unimpressed as she addresses us, evidently not happy that we’re getting into trouble this quickly. Ant and I can’t help but hold in matching mischievous grins. “My office now!”

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------- “So what were you and Ant doing in the dunnies together?” Cash mumbles the minute my brother is out of earshot and inside Harry’s diner, no doubt trying to chat up all the girls who are trying to eat their chippies in peace.

Slapping him straight in the chest, my eyes flicker towards the door of the diner, wary that Chook will pop out at any second and overhear our conversation. He feigns annoyance, dramatically throwing his hand up to his chest, acting as if I’ve just shot him.

“Oh my god, nothing!”

“I saw your names on the map Y/N, can you blame me for thinking you were trying to cop a root?”

“Shut the fuck up! Nothing happened okay?” I whisper as aggressively as I can, playing with the hem of my pinstripe mini dress in the hopes that I can distract myself from this conversation.

“I dunno, Amerie seemed to think you two were destined.”

“Who’s destined?”

Chook’s voice alarms me, head snapping up to spot the slightly older, male version of myself walking only mere feet away from Cash and I. His casual demeanor suggests he hasn’t overheard the rest of our conversation for which I’m thankful. Locking eyes with Cash, I shake my head in the subtlest way possible so he knows not to say a word. If Chook found out about the map, not only would I be dead, but Cash as well, so it’s in the best interest of both of us not to open our mouths about yesterday’s events.

“Spider and his imaginary girlfriend. That boy is gonna be in a serious relationship with his hand for the foreseeable future.” The lie slips off my tongue so easily that it’s rather concerning. Chook doesn’t question me, though why would he? I learned from the best.

“Sure. You prepared for the cemetery tonight kid?” Chook asks Cash, not even bothering to look up at him as he stashes the boot of the car with countless amounts of junk food he had just collected from Harry’s. “Thank god you stayed at school for another year, since this little bitch didn’t wanna take over as our connect.”

“My bad that I didn’t wanna be running around, pushing drugs for you for the rest of my school life.” I argue, Chook pulling faces as I speak in response. Deciding that this is an argument not worth having today, after all, it’s one we’ve had many times before.

“Yeah, all good brah.” Cash chimes in, answering Chook’s question to put an end to our petty argument before we can take it even further. Before we can get physically violent, even if it is only in a playful manner.

“You two best get going hey, maximize profit and all that.”

Cash doesn’t need any further instruction, hopping on his motorbike after passing me his fanny pack to store in the bag on the back. Something he always does in order to ensure that all his supply is kept perfectly safe while he drives. I’d consider it smart if I didn’t know it was drugs he was keeping safe. Chook jumps in his car, nodding in our direction as he flies out of the car park with Jayden and Tilla shouting out of the window at us. I can’t help but smile at their antics.

Cash offers me a hand on to the back of his bike, hiking my tiny dress up even further so that I can throw my leg over the vehicle. Wrapping my arms around his waist tightly, he watches in his mirror for me to nod before taking off. A habit he picked up when he first began to drive me around on what I like to call his ‘death trap’.

Dance music is belting from the many speakers when we arrive at the cemetery, a fire pit glowing in the middle of the makeshift dance floor as people crowd around it. The sun is already setting as we arrive, illuminating the party in a way that looks angelic. Upon reaching one of the many piles of drinks, it’s hard to notice Amerie dancing crazily, along with Darren, Quinni and Malachai. I point it out to Cash, the pair of us surprised that she has any friends left considering her actions.

Parting ways with the eshay I find taking a swig from one of the numerous vodka bottles before grabbing a bottle of bus, watching as Cash immediately begins to get to work, Sasha instantly running over to him the moment she spots him alone. Rolling my eyes, I plant myself further away from the party, sat with my back against one of the decrepit headstones.

I’ve always been more of an introvert. Opting to be a wallflower and observe rather than be the center of attention, unlike my fellow classmates who all seem to thrive when the spotlight is on them. I hate Amerie for forcing me into that spotlight.

Between sips of the slightly warm lager, I begin to roll myself a joint, figuring I may as well attempt to have a good time at the party. Even if it isn’t my ideal Tuesday night. I couldn’t let Cash come on his own though, not when he’s working for my brother.

“You are a bad girl Y/N Y/L/N.” Ant’s voice shouts from a short distance away, strolling towards me with a cheeky grin slapped across his face. “What is this? The second time I’ve caught you smoking now?”

“Right well I was just about to offer to share this with you but I guess not now.” I joke, lighting it up as Ant flops down beside me. “And technically, I haven’t even smoked this yet so you’ve only caught me once.”

“It totally counts!” Ant argues, waiting patiently as I take a couple of puffs before handing him the joint. “How’d your brother take it when he found out about the map?”

“You’re safe if that’s what you’re asking. I haven’t told him and he’s not the type of bloke that answers the phone when Woodsy rings.” He hands the joint back to me, fingers brushing mine tenderly. “Your mum?

“Not great. Amerie really fucked things up for me, I have to go to church three more times a week now, all because of one wristy and well you know.”

“Did you tell her the truth about us?” I inquire, wondering if he did come clean completely about our situationship of sorts.

“Nah, I told her it was just the once.” He admits, glancing at me sheepishly, almost embarrassed to recount the memory. “Figured that was better than telling her the truth. I may have also turned her that you were my girlfriend at the time, you know, to kind of make it better. Not that she approves of premarital sex or anything and I know we didn’t label what we were but it sounded better in the moment. I hope that’s okay.”

“Lying to your mother Anthony, that’s not very christian of you!” I gasp, to which he snatches the joint back out of my hand in retaliation, laughing along with me.

“Fuck yourself.” Ant chuckles, blowing the smoke directly in my face without any warning, causing me to descend into a fit of coughs.

“What’s the deal with you and Cash anyway? You two a thing now?” Ant’s not looking up at me when he speaks, all his attention fixated on the crowd of teenagers partying in the distance. Anxiously pulling blades of grass from the ground beneath me, I continue to gaze at him, a sigh falling from my lips as I had hoped he hadn’t noticed the line between Cash and my name. It was inevitable that it was going to come up, I had just hoped it would be something that people skirted around, not asking any direct questions.

“Nah.” The word is faint, shaking my head, my eyes fall on the boy in question, completely unaware that we are speaking about him as he stands in conversation with Darren. “We’re just mates.”

The boy nods besides me though I can tell he doesn’t truly believe me, still unable to look in my direction. Nudging him slightly, I give a small smile when he does hesitantly face me. “We hooked up once a few weeks ago, I was pretty much black out and he was just there. It was a fucking stupid decision.”

“Just mates though?” Ant asks, more of a rhetorical question, as if to reassure himself, much to my confusion as I can’t see why it would matter to him whether we were just mates or not. “Okay but who was better?”

Bloodshot eyes and a lazy smile indicate to me that the joint has hit him quicker than either of us expected. Warm blush present on his cheeks, his head tipped back against the headstone , gazing up at the stars that begin to light up the late summer skies.

“You’re so stoned.” I comment, completely dodging the question in the hopes that he’s too high to remember what he had even asked.

“Just like old times, yeah.”

Ant’s fingers brush over my hand just barely, the touch so slight that I wouldn’t have felt it had I not been looking in that direction. Thumb softly tracing circles across the back of my palm, skin feeling as though its been set alight with every small movement. Turning my head, I find Ant already staring at me, mouth curved upwards into a slight smile.

“I wish I never cooked it with you.”

Despite knowing that he is as high as a kite, his words still manage to catch me off guard. Forcing me to pull away, leaning back to take him in properly. From his somber expression to the deep intensity with which he looks at me, awaiting a reaction.

“Cops!” Before I can respond, shouts from the party grab my attention. Head spinning round to see the chaos unfolding, teenagers running in every direction, some scream, whilst others laugh. “Cops! The cops are coming!”

“Oh shit.”

Discarding the bottle I had been nursing, I hop to my feet within seconds, Ant, who now looks surprisingly sober, does the same. Without hesitation, he is grabbing my hand before we take off in a sprint, running in the opposite direction of the flashing lights and sirens that are rolling up to the gatho. As the crowds disperse, I find myself scanning through the seas of people, looking for a certain eshay that would get into a lot of trouble, should he be caught. “Where’s Cash?” Voice breathy, I force Ant and I to a halt, searching my entire field of vision for any sign of him, head spinning so fast that I’m shocked I didn’t give myself vertigo. “Ant, I can’t see him. Where’s Cash?”

“Y/N we need to go.”

With his free hand, Ant easily slides it around my waist, using all his strength to pry my feet from the pavement. Regardless of my unwillingness, I allow the boy to lead us away from the party. Not wanting to run the risk of getting caught, so instead I recite prayers in my head that Cash also hasn’t been caught.

Upon reaching the locked gate, Ant wastes no time in easily pushing me up so that I can scramble over the metal. He does so with ease, a proud display of his strength and it makes me blush. Reminiscing on the ways he used that strength before.

Running hand in hand down the noiseless streets of Sydney, I find myself giggling at tonight’s events. The prospect of an exciting, if slightly chaotic year eleven rises upon the horizon and I can’t help but display my enthusiasm at seeing where the next few months take me. (Hopefully, with Ant by my side, but nobody needs to know that.)