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myownworstenemyyy · 5 years ago

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All I Wanted - Part 6

a Javier Peña x Reader series

Word count: 4k (gif by @pedropcl)

Warnings: FEELS, violence, mentions of blood/cuts/bruises, insinuation of having sexually assaulted someone (like, what?), PAIN, #justhospitalthings, dat angsty angst y’all know I love

S/O: my super lovely Tumblr wife Sarinaaa @captainclod (she writes AMAZING Pedro fics, go check her out - respectfully)

A/N: this is all from Javi’s POV, right after Part 5 (with flashbacks of course) Also, sorry if some of the medical lingo is super technical or completely incorrect - i hope y’all enjoy this one! Thanks for reading 💜 (masterlist in bio)

Part 6 – Feeling Sorry

“Wait - they put her into a coma?” Javier asks Connie incredulously, his hands propped on his hips. He’s been in the waiting room for hours, worrying, hoping, and sometimes even praying - though he only did that once Steve left him alone to interrogate one of your captors.

“Yes, a medically-induced coma. She suffered severe trauma to her brain and chest, Javi. The doctors were able to control the bleeding in her abdomen but all the bruising needs to heal on its own while she sleeps. She–” Connie takes a second to clear the lump that’s formed in her throat, “God, I don’t know how she survived all that,” Connie says softly, a pained expression plaguing her features.

Javier runs a shaky hand through his hair as he closes his eyes, but all he sees is your bruised and battered body being rushed on a gurney into the emergency room.

“Javi, you can’t come back here - it’s hospital staff and patients only,” Connie tells him quietly but urgently. She places her hands on his chest when he continues to follow the group of people wheeling you into the ER.

Steve had called Connie - who works as a nurse in the hospital - when they found you in that cabin, informing her of the extent of your wounds, so she could prepare hospital staff for your arrival. She met them at the hospital and Javier felt the tiniest bit of comfort knowing she would be there with you when he couldn’t.

“Connie,” Javier’s voice cracks when he looks towards her, reluctantly peeling his eyes away from the double doors they rolled you through just minutes before. For the first time in his life, he feels completely and utterly lost. When he’d barged into that room and seen you tied to that chair - seemingly lifeless - his whole world had shattered.

“I know, Javi. We are going to save her, but you need to stay out here, OK? I’ll come back with any news as soon I know anything,” Connie squeezes his arms in reassurance before rushing through the doors where hopefully - God, did Javi hope with every fabric of his being - the doctors could save you, even if it was only so he could have the chance to tell you-

“Javi?” Connie asks hesitantly when he doesn’t respond. He nods to let her know he’s still listening, though he’s struggling to focus on anything other than the fact that you’re somewhere in this hospital, fighting to stay alive, and in a coma.

“Can I,” Javier clears his throat before he continues, “Can I see her?” he asks quietly. He grabs Connie’s hand with both of his, whether to plead with her to let him see you or for his own comfort, he’s not sure.

She gnaws on her bottom lip as she looks behind her to the nurses’ station and back at Javier again. “Give me a second,” is all she says before she walks back to the counter and converses with one of the other nurses for several seconds. Javier remains awkwardly standing in the middle of the waiting room, picking at the bandages Connie had insisted on wrapping around his hand and wrist after seeing them bruised and swollen. He releases a shaky breath, feeling about as weary and hopeless as he looks.

Connie returns saying, “OK, I can take you back there now, but it’s family-only, so…I had to tell them you were her fiancé,” she says with the slightest of smiles before she continues, “I would’ve said ‘husband’ but I didn’t want you to have a stroke,” she tries for a light chuckle and Javi appreciates her attempt at humor, given the grave situation at hand. And though he’d never tell her, he really wouldn’t have minded if she’d told them he was your husband. His stomach flips just thinking about the hypothetical situation, but he quickly shoves that thought aside to dwell on at another time - like when you’re not lying unconscious in a hospital bed.

He nods in response and motions for Connie to lead the way through the double doors of the intensive care unit. The two of them walk silently down a long hall until they come to a stop in front of the very last door on the left. Javier takes a long, deep breath and motions forward before he’s stopped in his tracks when Connie gently grabs his arm, saying, “It’s - she looks pretty banged up, but she’s stable - for now. I just - wanted to warn you, I guess,” Connie’s sentence dies out when she sees the expression on Javi’s face. He looks like a zombie, the bags under his eyes making him look years older than he is and his hair is sticking out in odd places from him running his hands through it constantly.

Without a word, Javi turns and pushes the door open slowly, thinking he doesn’t want to wake you - but then he remembers you’re in a coma, so the likelihood of you being woken up by a creaky door is basically nonexistent. He takes about four steps into the room until he sees you lying in the hospital bed.

His heart nearly stops from the sight of your injured body decorated with an assortment of bruises and bandages, lying completely still - save for the subtle up-and-down movement of your chest. It’s that motion alone that has him moving his feet closer to the bed - she’s breathing, she’s alive, he reassures himself as he slides into the chair that rests by your bedside. He immediately reaches for your hand that’s resting on your thigh above the blanket. But then he stops just before making contact, looking to Connie for permission because he doesn’t want to hurt you in your already-fragile state.

Connie nods softly and takes a couple more steps into the room, closing the door behind her. Javi intertwines your fingers in his and the first thing he notices is that your hand is freezing, so he brings his other hand to cover the top of yours, trying to share his warmth with you. “What are - all these machines?” Javi asks, never looking away from your face.

“She has a couple fractured ribs, but the doctors didn’t think she was strong enough to fix them in surgery, so they’re keeping a close eye on her breathing and heart rate in case–” Connie cuts herself off, unsure if she should proceed with Javier already being so shaken.

“Say it,” he turns his head slightly toward her while keeping his hands intertwined with yours. Connie takes a deep breath through her nose and continues, “in case one of the fractured ribs punctures her lungs, and they need to resuscitate and intubate her - so she can breathe.” Connie looks down at her feet, afraid she might start crying from seeing the fear and pain in Javi’s eyes at hearing how perilous the situation is.

He nods his head, feeling desensitized to everything. He hasn’t really felt much of anything these days - ever since he’d discovered you had been captured. But at that moment, it’s as if he’s not really in his body - he feels your hand in his, slowly becoming warmer by the second, but that’s the only part of his body that has any sort of sensation. Every other part of him is just - numb.

Javier takes in a shaky breath and doesn’t release it until he’s sure the tears welling in his eyes won’t fall - not in front of Connie, at least. “I’ll leave you alone with her, stay as long as you like,” Connie murmurs as she slowly backs away towards the door.

“Hey, Connie?” Javi calls after her with a little more strength in his voice. He releases your hand and takes a couple steps until he’s standing in front of Connie. She stops and turns, looking at him expectantly, “Yeah?” He looks down into her now-glassy eyes, trying to convey how much he appreciates everything she’s done for you - for him, “Thank you - I don’t know what would’ve happened - what I would’ve done - if you weren’t here.” He takes her by surprise when he pulls her into a strong embrace.

Connie slowly reaches her arms around him and returns the hug as they stand like that for a few seconds, each trying to find comfort in the other. When Javi releases her and steps back, he watches Connie wipe her cheeks with her sleeve and sniffle. “Of course, Javi. You don’t have to thank me. I care about her too, and - it kinda sorta is my job to care for the sick and injured,” she laughs lightly and sniffles again.

Javi nods his head with the smallest of smiles and waves to her as she turns to leave the room.

He stands there facing the door for what feels like hours, but really is just a couple minutes. He can’t help but think that if it were anyone else - maybe even Steve - in that hospital bed right now he wouldn’t hesitate to walk through that door and never come back - not even for a visit. He’s always hated hospitals - hated the way he could practically feel Death lurking around in every room - but as he takes a step closer to the door and closes it with a click, he’s never felt more sure of himself - and more determined to keep Death from so much as thinking about entering your room.

Javier walks back to your bedside and sits in the chair, exhaling heavily. He takes your hand again and brings it to his lips as he leans his elbows on the bed, looking up at your sleeping face.

“You know,” he whispers, “that first day I saw you at the DEA - all smiles and greeting everyone like you’d known them for years - I thought ‘This girl’s not gonna last a week down here’,“ he smiles at the memory, "Then when I actually met you and I tried to mess with you with the whole ‘what’s a girl like you doing in a place like this,’ line and you smirked at me,” he chuckles to himself, “I thought maybe I had a chance at getting you into my bed. But then - you knocked me on my ass when you said, ‘I’m here to catch Pablo fucking Escobar. And you - what are you doing here?’” Javier closes his eyes as he remembers the details perfectly, “And you offered me the sweetest smile I’d ever seen. It was right at that moment that I knew I was in trouble.”

Javi leans back in the chair, your hand still entwined in his, “I knew I had to stay away from you - that I shouldn’t–” he wipes his other hand down his face with a sigh, “I couldn’t risk spending time with you or getting to know you because I knew - I knew I could fall in love with someone like you,” he’s quiet for a minute as he watches you sleep, seemingly lost in his own thoughts when he murmurs, “Guess I never stood a chance, huh?”

He throws his head back against the chair with a sigh, feeling the weight of the past few days finally taking its toll on him. It’s only a matter of seconds before he falls into a restless sleep.

“Fuck this,” Javi curses as he shoves his door open and jumps out, barely noticing the DEA vehicles driving toward him.

“Peña, what the fuck are you doing?!” a fellow DEA agent shouts from one of the approaching vehicles, but Javier doesn’t even acknowledge him as he sprints across the dirt road as quick as he can with the heavy weight of weapons and ammunition lining his bulletproof vest.

He barely stops to think as he approaches the front door of the cabin, taking the few stairs two at a time until he reaches the porch. With his back up against the wall, opposite the hinges of the front door, Javier takes a deep breath and closes his eyes for a moment to collect his thoughts. Please, God - whoever’s listening - please let her be alive. Please don’t take her from me.

Javier opens his eyes to find his partner approaching with a handful of agents following, all with their guns drawn and ready to take down anyone that walks out the front door unannounced. Steve looks his way with a nod - I’ve got your back, brother, he seems to be telling him when he and the group of agents come to a stop on the other side of the door.

Javi nods back and puts his hand on the door knob slowly turning it and, to his surprise, finds it unlocked. Those smug fuckers didn’t even bother locking the door, Javi thinks as he reaches into his vest for the smoke bomb he pocketed there earlier. Pulling the pin out with his teeth at the same time he opens the door, Javier tosses the bomb inside and waits one second, two seconds, then BANG, the bomb goes off just as it’s intended to and Javi swings the door open with his gun drawn.

He hears the voices of two men cursing, no doubt because of the flash of light that went off just before the smoke erupted from the bomb. He scans the open area quickly, looking for the sources of the voices, when suddenly he’s getting tackled from the left side. He hits the ground with an oof! but quickly throws an elbow into the face of his attacker. The smoke clears as the two men get to their feet. Javier faces Serpiente, who now has blood leaking from his nose thanks to Javi’s elbow.

"¿Viniste a rescatar a tu novia preciosa?” Serpiente mocks, “¡Adelante! Yo ya la probé y - bueno - ella sí es un polvo MUY deliciosa,” he smiles darkly, baring his blood-coated teeth, and Javi reacts instantly, lunging at the other man with vengeful purpose. Serpiente knows it coming and goes to dodge, landing a punch to Javi’s jaw - but Javi recoils quickly, the assault only stoking the flames of his fiery rage. He shoves his foot downward onto Serpiente’s kneecap, sending him crumpling to the ground in pain. Then Javier really lets him have it.

Grabbing the man by the collar of his shirt, he roughly lifts him to his feet only to pound his fist into the fucker’s face, sending him back to the floor. He continues to pummel Serpiente’s face with his fist, all the while shouting obscenities in two different languages, “MOTHER-” a vicious strike, “-FUCKER,“ another merciless blow, “HIJO DE,” punch to the gut, “PUTA,” Javier slams his fist into the man’s face with a crack. Whether the crack is from Javier’s own hand or the other man’s mangled face, he doesn’t know - and I don’t give a fuck either, he thinks.

Javier leans into the man’s face, so close their noses bump. "Te voy a matar, cabrón,” he seethes as he clasps his hands around Serpiente’s throat with an iron grip. He’s so blinded by an all-consuming rage that he doesn’t notice Serpiente reach for the blade in his pocket until it’s raised above his head, ready to plunge into Javier’s heart.

But he doesn’t get the chance to bring the knife down on Javier before a bullet is put between Serpiente’s eyes. Javier snaps his head up and turns around to see Steve, his now-smoking gun aimed at Javier - no, aimed at Serpiente, whose body hits the ground with a dull thud.

Breathing hard from the exertion of the brawl, he struggles to find his bearings until Steve offers him a hand, pulling him upward. “Thanks,” Javier tells his partner, referring to more than just Steve helping him to his feet. Steve nods and tilts his head toward the center of the room. Javier looks around the room and sees another, more hefty-looking, man bleeding from his stomach on the floor across the way, but he couldn’t give two shits about ese cabrón.

Then he sees you, seated in - no, tied to - a chair in the middle of the space. Javier shoulders passed Steve and doesn’t stop until he’s standing toe-to-toe with you. ¿Dios mio - qué te hicieron? He thinks as he stumbles to his knees in front of you.

Your chest and arms are covered with various cuts and bruises - your shirt having been ripped open, leaving your chest exposed. Your bottom lip is split open and one of your eyes is bruised black. There’s a long gash on the side of your forehead that goes down to your temple and your cheeks are bruised various shades of purple and blue. Javier rests a shaky hand on your knee, “(y/n)? Hey, wake up! C’mon, hermosa, look at me,” he begs, his voice cracking.

When you don’t respond he places his hand on your cheek, careful not to touch the cuts on your face. His heart nearly flies out of his chest when you begin to stir - and even smile. “Please - please open your eyes,” he says your name in a voice that sounds as desperate as he feels.

“Ja-vi,” you croak out when you open your eyes, and he swears he’s never heard a more beautiful sound in his life. Sí, mi amor, soy yo - aquí estoy contigo y nunca te voy a dejar, he thinks, unable to speak because of the emotions overwhelming his senses and gripping his heart like a vice. You’re alive, you’re alive, his brain repeats like a mantra as he stares into your eyes for the first time in what feels like years.

And when you smile - God, he’s missed that smile - sunbeams burst through his chest. But then the pain-filled expression on your face brings him back to reality and he quickly goes to work untying you from the chair.

He notices the puddle of blood before he sees the stab wound in your side. The joy and relief he was feeling just moments ago is quickly snuffed out when he looks back to your face and notices for the first time how pale your skin looks compared to the last time he saw you.

“Javi I–” you start but it quickly turns into a wince of pain, making Javier’s stomach drop.

“Don’t speak. Save your energy. We’re gonna get you to the hospital,” Javi rushes the words out to prevent you from trying to speak again. It feels as if time is slowing down as he watches your eyelids start to close again. “Tell that ambulance to hurry the fuck up!” Javi shouts to the other agents in the room, his desperate tone instantly putting everyone on edge. No, God, please, he thinks as he cradles your face and looks into your eyes, “Hey, stay awake. You’re gonna be OK, mi amor, I promise,” his eyes frantically search yours for any indication that you’re hearing him. C'mon, hermosa, please - stay with me, but even his thoughts are laced with despair.

Then in a strained voice, “‘Mi - amor’?” you whisper and he nods his head, feeling a small ounce of relief that you’re still responsive. That’s right, mi amor - stay awake, let me see those beautiful eyes, he smiles softly and brushes his thumb over your cheekbone with just a feather of a touch. But his face instantly falls when your eyes close again, mumbling, “m-m - love.”

“No, no, no. Please, hermosa!” he repeats your name over and over while shaking your shoulders with desperation, but you never open your eyes again.

Javier wakes with a start, nearly falling out of the chair. His breathing is unsteady and he thinks he’s about to pass out again when suddenly he remembers where he is. He looks up and sees you lying in the hospital bed in the same position as when he first drifted off.

Breathing deeply, he leans his head back against the cushion of the chair and closes his eyes, but he quickly re-opens them because all he sees is your body sagging in that chair, completely lifeless. Fucking dream, he curses to himself as he finds your hand to take in his again. He leans forward and presses a soft kiss to your pale knuckles, which have gone cold again while he was sleeping.

How long was I out? He looks at the clock mounted on the wall and his eyes nearly bug out of his head, “Six hours?!” It felt like he was out for ten minutes, not six hours. Fuck - I don’t even feel rested after that fucking nightmare.

“Oh, you’re awake,” a quiet voice comes from behind him. A small, older woman with shoulder-length brown hair walks into the room carrying a tray with what looks like a medicine vial and a long needle. If she wasn’t wearing nurse’s scrubs, Javier would’ve grabbed his gun from his holster - the gun he had to give to Steve to take home because they didn’t allow firearms in the hospital rooms. Oh, right, Javier runs a hand down his face, willing himself to wake the fuck up.

“Sorry,” he mutters, not entirely sure why he says it but feeling the need to anyway. “No se preocupe. You must’ve been in a deep sleep. You didn’t even notice when I came in to check her vitals - twice,” the woman explains with a chuckle. He’s surprised she knows english so well, though the nurse has a bit of an accent, but he’s too tired to question any further. She practically skips to the opposite side of the bed and sets down the tray she’s carrying on the bedside table.

She turns to face Javi suddenly, saying, “You are Javi, right?” He nods his head, assuming Connie must have told the nurses who he was - he wonders if she also told them he was your “fiancè”. The nurse’s face glows with delight at his answer as she goes to work giving you medication. When she’s done, she looks up at Javi again and says, “I think she’s been dreaming about you,” she offers a sweet smile.

Javi furrows his brow in confusion and responds, “What makes you say that?” He sits up, suddenly very interested in what the woman has to say.

She brings her voice down to a whisper and leans forward like she’s sharing the hottest gossip in town, “Well, I was already in the room when they brought her in here and I heard her say - very clearly - ‘My Javi’ just before they put her to sleep,” the woman ends with a smile so wide, even Javier’s cheeks begin to hurt.

My Javi - he looks down at the very woman they’re talking about like he’s just seeing you for the first time. Your breathing is even, heart rate steady, and he swears there’s a bit more color in your cheeks than there was six hours ago.

My Javi - your hand is warmer now, so much so that you’re the one providing him warmth. He turns your hand over and kisses your palm, then places it against his cheek as he continues to gaze at you with adoration and awe and love.

My Javi - he closes his eyes and imagines you saying those words, the light bouncing perfectly off your skin and the way your eyes smile at him. He could fall asleep just like this and hope to never wake up if it meant being this close to you.

Javier is so lost in thoughts of you, he doesn’t notice the loud beeps of one of the machines until it turns into a low, consistent tone like a - flat line.

His eyes shoot open just in time to see the nurse smash a button on the wall as she shouts, “CODE BLUE! AYUDA!”

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Translations:

Viniste a rescatar a tu novia preciosa? - Did you come to rescue your precious girlfriend?

¡Adelante! Yo ya la probé y, bueno, ella sí es un polvo MUY deliciosa - Go ahead! I’ve already tried/tasted her and, well, she is a VERY delicious fuck.

Hijo de puta - son of a bitch

Te voy a matar, cabrón - I’m going to kill you, motherfucker (loose translation on the last word lol)

Dios mio - qué te hicieron? - My God, what did they do to you?

Sí, mi amor, soy yo - Yes, my love, it’s me

Aquí estoy contigo y nunca te voy a dejar - I’m right here with you and I’m never going to leave you

No se preocupe - Don’t worry about it/No worries

Ayuda - Help

****I was going to make the whole exchange between Javier and the nurse be in Spanish, but I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how “Code Blue” would translate in a Columbian hospital lol so I decided to just leave it in mostly English

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What’d you guys think?? This chapter is probably the one with the most angst throughout, so we’re only going up from here lol i hope you guys enjoyed it, and thank you all SO MUCH for sticking with the series. it means a lot to me 😚💕

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@captainclod @stevieharrrr @zeldasayer @cptnbvcks @spacegayofficial @themandjalorian @hiscyarika @mandoispunk @madadlorian @pedrolorians @forever-rogue @longitud-de-onda @certifiedskywalker @dindjarindiaries @no-droids-allowed @aerynwrites @buckyodinson @lannister-slings-and-arrows @gooddaykate @fanfiction-trashpile @arrowswithwifi @letaliabane @thinemineours @ham4arrow @kaelyn-lobrutto24 @thisainttheway @bluemoon-glen @katialvi @theforceofdarkandlight @24kgolden @livasaurasrex @c-ly-g @womp-ratt @fangirl-and-stuff @mrsparknuts @and-i-swear-we-are-infinte @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead

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myownworstenemyyy · 5 years ago

Text

All I Wanted - Part 7

a Javier Peña x Reader series

Word count: 5.3k (gif from @pedroispunk)

Warnings: hospital/medical lingo; umm mentions of licking (NOT the sexy kind); mentions of blood/gore/stabbing; tickles

S/O: the beautiful Sarinaaa @captainclod my lovely tumblr wiiife

A/N: this goes back and forth in POV, but it’s mostly the Reader’s perspective; i kind of struggled with this one cuz I kept going back and forth between tragedy/happiness lol hope you guys like it! 😚💕 (translations at the end | masterlist in bio)

Part 7 – The Only Exception

You’re standing in front of a blue house you’ve never seen before, the dark wooden door being the only thing separating you from what’s within. You don’t remember how you got here, but somehow you know - you feel - that this is your home.

You reach for the doorknob and find it locked, but as you let your arm fall to the side you hear something clink on the wooden porch below your feet - a key. You bend down to pick it up and place it into the keyhole, feeling the lock shift and click open as you turn the doorknob. When you push the door open, a bright light beams in your face and you have to cover your eyes with your arm to block it out.

Suddenly you’re standing in a hallway, the cream-colored walls on each side of you are covered in picture frames of various shapes, but the photos are all blurry so you can’t make the images out. You reach out to touch one but you’re quickly startled by a high-pitched scream coming from somewhere in the house. You instinctively reach for the gun in your holster but when you reach back all you feel is the material of your shirt. That’s weird, you think to yourself, I practically sleep with that thing on.

You hear another scream and your adrenaline spikes as you sprint down the hallway to find the screaming person and help them, but your feet skid to a stop when you reach what looks like the living room of the house. The borders of the room appear fuzzy, almost fluid-like, and you see shadows moving in the middle of the space. You take a cautious step forward and then–

“Mommy!” a small child is crashing into you, wrapping their small arms around your middle. You look down at the child - a little girl, no older than five - as you pick her up and squeeze her close to your chest, planting a kiss on her cheek. Somehow, you know that this is your daughter, but you can’t seem to remember her name. When she leans back from your embrace, you notice she wears a necklace with the letter M on it - this must be the first letter of her name.

“Hello, my love. What are you doing up so late?” the words fall out of your mouth like you’ve said them a million times before, as you rub your nose against hers, making M giggle. She begins to speak but is interrupted by another voice coming from the middle of the room, “Mommy’s home!” as another child - a little boy, appearing to be the same age as M - runs to your side and latches onto your leg, resting his cheek against your thigh when he looks up at you - your son. He also wears a necklace, but with the letter P on it. You set M back on the ground, bending at the waist, and reach for P to pull him into an embrace, “And you, sweet boy. What are you both still doing awake?” You can’t help but notice how much he looks like–

“Uhh, that might be my fault - actually,” a deep voice comes from above. Placing your hands on your hips, you stand up to your full height and shake your head at Javier, “Mhmm, and why exactly is it your fault that our children are still awake at this hour?” you ask with an amused smirk when he bites his lip like he’s trying to come up with a good explanation.

The twins giggle amongst themselves as they look from you to Javier. He walks forward, closing the gap between the two of you, “Well, it’s kind of a funny story–” he starts when P speaks over him excitedly, “We were having a tickle fight!” and he and M burst out laughing, the high-pitched sound resembling the screams you had heard when you first entered the house.

You look back at Javier with mock horror, “A tickle fight?! Without me?!” you say as you reach for the two little ones and pull them towards your body, tickling their tummies as you hold them close. They’re combined laughter makes your body shake as well, or maybe that’s from your own laughter bubbling to the surface. Javi stands back with his arms crossed, chuckling to himself and just watching you play with the children.

You meet his eyes and find yourself smiling just as wide as he is, saying, “Don’t think I’ve forgotten just how ticklish you are, Daddy,” you say with a laugh as the children gasp at one another like they’ve just discovered a long-lost treasure. Releasing the twins with a wink, you waltz your way over to Javier, innocent as can be. He watches you with hungry eyes, and something much softer - a mixture of awe and devotion. You wrap your arms around his waist and lean forward like you’re going to kiss his lips and then–

“GET HIM!” you shout as you lock your arms around him, holding him in place while the children run and jump on the both of you, sending the four of you crashing to the ground with a soft thump.

“Tickle Daddy!” P exclaims to his sister as he goes to sit on Javi’s lap and tickles his ribs and stomach. Javi’s rumbling laughter is so contagious, you find yourself falling back onto the floor, unable to control your own laughter. You turn and find his laughing eyes watching you as you say, “I think it’s safe to say you’ve lost this fight, Javi,” you chuckle.

“My Javi!” M shouts as she bellyflops onto Javi’s chest, wrapping her arms around his neck. He clutches her to his chest in a bear hug, “That’s right, mi amor - I’m all yours,” he says as he kisses the top of your daughter’s head.

P comes around to your side and jumps onto your chest the same way M leapt onto her father’s and says, “My Mommy!” you wrap your arms around him and squeeze tight, brushing the (Y/H/C) hair back from his face, “Sweet boy, Mommy loves you SO much,” you kiss his cheek and let him rest his head against your chest as you turn back to Javi.

He brings a finger to his lips, gesturing for her to not make any noise, and points down toward M, who’s now snoring as she sleeps peacefully on Javier’s chest. You feel P’s breathing even out as well and you know he’s fast asleep. Your heart feels completely full in that moment, as you gaze into Javier’s eyes, which are swirling with emotions similar to your own.

You mouth, “My Javi,” with a silent chuckle and a roll of your eyes. Javi grins and lifts his eyebrows as if to say hey, what can you do? You shake your head lightly at him, your smile growing wider.

You stare at each other for a while, listening to the children breathe as they sleep, then Javi mouths, “I love you.” You’re about to mouth the words back when suddenly you feel a stabbing pain in the left side of your chest.

You look up and gasp harshly, trying to pull air into your lungs but you feel like you’re drowning. You look back to Javi for help but he isn’t looking at you anymore. He’s staring up at the ceiling, a blank look in his eyes. The children have disappeared as well and you feel an icy chill run down your spine to the tips of your fingers and toes. Then your body is being thrown into a metal chair that appears out of nowhere. Still struggling to breathe, you look down at Javier and that’s when you notice the blood spilling from his mouth, his eyes half-lidded and empty.

You feel tears fall down your cheeks, but they’re cold as ice and they freeze painfully to your skin as you start to hyperventilate. There’s another pain in your side and when you look down towards the area, you see a large blade sticking out of your chest. Your eyes trail up the arm of the person holding the knife until you reach his face and they collide with the tall, lanky man.

He’s smiling down at you - his teeth jagged and sharp - as his tongue, like that of a snake, slithers out and licks the side of your face. He pulls the knife from your chest and you try to scream but nothing comes out.

The last thing you see is Javier’s lifeless body being devoured by a river of blood before the monster slices his blade across your throat.

~~~~~~~~~

“What happened?! Why is she-” Javier cries out in desperation as a couple nurses proceed to push him back towards the door.

“Lo siento, señor. Tiene que esperar afuera mientras atendemos a la paciente,” one of the nurses tells him as they close the door in his face. He rushes over to his left, trying to see anything through the small window of your room, but the curtain around your bed is blocking his view and all he can see is the silhouettes of the doctors and nurses frantically moving about.

Will someone just tell me what the fuck is going on? Javier thinks as he runs both hands through his hair, tugging harshly from the frustration of being separated from you - again.

One minute he’d been flying high from the thought of you dreaming about him, and the next minute - everything went to shit.

“Javier - what’s wrong?” he turns at the sound of his partner approaching, holding a bouquet of flowers Javi assumes were meant for your bedside table. Steve looks confused and grows more concerned with every second that passes without Javier responding.

“I - I don’t know. She was fine - I mean, she’s in a coma - but she was stable and then–” Javier stops abruptly when the door to the room opens and several nurses begin to file out, all wearing faces of exhaustion. Javi spots the nurse who he was speaking with before all the chaos and he implores, “What happened? She’s - is she–” he swallows hard, unable to voice his biggest fear.

The nurse gives him a sympathetic smile and says, “One of her fractured ribs punctured her left lung, causing it to collapse and the doctors had to - uh, no sé cómo decirlo en Inglés,” the nurse offers apologetically.

“Intubate?” Steve asks, familiar with the medical lingo thanks to his wife.

“Eso - yes, that. The doctors had to intu-bate her, so she could breathe. She’s stable now, but still very fragile. You can go back in if you like, but be very gentle,” the woman tells them, keeping her eyes on Javier. She gets called away by one of the other nurses, but before she walks off, she reaches for Javi’s hand saying, “Ay muchachito - veo que tú la quieres mucho. Estamos haciendo todo lo que podemos por ella, pero también tienes que tener fe. Dios sabe lo que hace y estoy segura que Él no la tomará antes de que ella sepa todo lo que sientes por ella.” She rests her other hand on Javi’s cheek for a brief moment before walking away towards the nurse’s station.

The woman reminds him so much of his mother - the way she used to touch his cheek when he was sad or scared, offering him words of comfort. To this day, the sweet sound of her voice echoes through the hallways of his mind.

Tienes que tener fe - his mother would assure him as she lay dying from a sickness he didn’t understand as a boy. Easier said than done, mamá, he thinks as he turns to enter your room, preparing himself for the worst.

You look the same as you did just before he was forced out of your room, save for the giant tube taped to your mouth and snaking down your throat. He takes a few steps closer to your bedside as he hears Steve walk in behind him, inhaling sharply. This is the first time he’s seen you in the hospital, so it doesn’t surprise Javi when Steve stops in his tracks.

“There’s - she’s - fuck, why does she need so many machines?” Steve asks, placing the flowers he was holding onto the foot of the bed.

Several seconds pass before Javi whispers “she’s dying,” as he gently places his hand over yours and leans back in the chair at your bedside. He settles in, prepared to stay the whole night, the next day - the whole fucking month if he has to - until you wake up and he can hold you in his arms again.

~~~~~~~~~~

4 days later

The first thing you notice when you wake up is the annoying beeping sound coming from your left. You squint your eyes open, blinking several times to adjust to the bright letters being displayed on the heart monitor.

Heart monitor?

You open your eyes a bit wider to get a better look at your surroundings. I’m in a hospital bed, you reason to yourself as you look down and see an IV port sticking out of your left arm. Your tired eyes scan across the room until they land on Javier - Javi - who’s lightly snoring as he sleeps in the chair next to you. That’s when you notice for the first time since you woke up that he’s holding your hand in his, resting them both on the right side of the bed.

Javi, you try to say but your throat feels like you’ve been guzzling dry sand for days - how long have I been out? When your voice fails, you grip Javi’s hand as tight as you can, causing him to stir in his sleep.

Without opening his eyes he mumbles, “Ya te dije, señora - I’m not leaving until she - wakes up,” he yawns as he speaks. You dig your nails into his skin, urging him to wake up and look at you. Hello, genius, I am awake, you think with a small grin when he finally starts to open his eyes.

They widen instantly when they make contact with yours and Javier bolts forward in his seat, “You’re - Dios mio, you’re awake,” he laughs to himself, his breaths coming in fast. Still holding your hand in his own, he runs the other through his hair while he struggles for words. With a voice full of awe and incredulity, he says, “I - fuck, I can’t believe - I was so scare– wait, how do you feel? Are you in any pain?” he scoots his body closer to you, his ass nearly falling off the edge of his seat. You shake your head and you feel butterflies soar in your stomach at seeing him so concerned for you.

“I’m OK,” you rasp out, bringing your other hand to your throat as you swallow dryly. Javi instantly stands up and reaches over you to the table on the other side of the bed, the scent of soap and everything Javi follows him. After a few seconds, he sits back down, holding a small styrofoam cup with a straw in it.

“Here, drink this,” he says quietly as he brings the straw to your lips, careful not to spill water on you. He keeps his eyes on yours, barely blinking for fear of losing even a second of seeing you, eyes wide and full of life. You drink slowly, wincing the first couple times until you feel your throat becoming less dry. “Better?” Javi whispers when you stop drinking, neither of you looking away from the other person. You nod in response and take a deep breath as he sets the empty cup on the bedside table closest to him.

The silence in the room feels heavy, but not in an awkward way. No - it’s heavy with words being left unsaid, each of you afraid to voice the emotions rooted deep within. Your heart is racing and you hope he doesn’t notice the beeping of your heart monitor speed up as you continue to stare at one another. Javi gently strokes his thumb over the top of your hand still being held in his comforting grip as he whispers, “I thought I’d lost you, hermosa - when I saw you tied to that chair, I just - I thought–” he swallows and looks away for a moment, his eyes haunted.

You lean forward slightly while biting your lip to keep from crying out as pain shoots up your left side. Lifting your free hand to rest on his cheek, you gently turn his head to bring his gaze back to you - to bring him back to you.

“You didn’t lose me, Javi,” you whisper as you caress his skin, “I’m right here - a little bruised and sore, but I’m alive - because of you,” your words become almost inaudible because of the lump forming in your throat from all the emotions rising to the surface, “You saved me and–” you pause to take an unsteady breath as Javier hangs on your every word, his eyes never wavering from yours.

You swallow hard, the words on the tip of your tongue as you start, “And I lo–” just as the nurse walks in with a gasp, unintentionally speaking over you, “Dios mio - you’re awake!” she exclaims with a wide smile. She aims her smile towards Javier, who returns it with a small, but genuine one of his own. He squeezes your hand in reassurance when the nurse walks over to you and places a hand on your thigh, “Ay señorita, no sabe la alegría que tengo a verle despierta - estábamos todos preocupados por usted,” her smile turns more playful when she leans in and continues, “Sabe, su prometido no se ha ido de su lado en todo este tiempo,” she breathes a dramatic sigh, “i hope my husband takes care of me like that - bueno, si es que algo grave me pasaría a mi.” She nods to herself as she walks out of the room, presumably to go grab the doctor to come check on you.

Once the nurse is out of earshot, you turn to Javier, “‘Prometido’? You told them we were engaged?” and he looks anywhere else but your eyes. There’s a slight tinge of pink on his cheeks, the same shade you think yours must be as well.

“Technically, Connie’s the one that told them that. I just - went along with it,” he says with an innocent look on his face as he shrugs. You shake your head lightly as a grin starts to form on your lips, “Wow, Peña, one night with me and you’re already hearing wedding bells,” you joke, relishing the familiar feeling of playfulness between you.

Then Javi aims an intense stare your way and the air in the room seems to shift, “I don’t know about wedding bells, but,” his eyes turn a darker shade as he leans forward, his voice rich and deep, “that sure was one unforgettable night.” His gaze falls to your mouth and you instinctively lick your lips, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth. His lips are only a couple inches away from yours, but he might as well be across the room with your limited mobility, thanks to your injuries.

Javier realizes your predicament a moment later and he looks into your eyes as if asking for permission, not wanting to hurt you in your fragile state. You nod your head subtly, unable to find your voice because you’re so focused on his closeness.

And when his lips finally meet yours, your skin erupts into flames that feel both blazing hot and ice cold all at the same time. You think Javi feels it too when he responds with a moan that shoots straight to your core. You bring your other hand to the lapel of his leather jacket and tug him closer, ignoring the sharp pain in your side from the sudden movement. The kiss starts out fierce and hungry - like coming up for air after being underwater for hours - and you open up for him instantly, sucking on his tongue. He puts a hand on your inner thigh and squeezes with the slightest pressure that sends a shiver through your whole body, making you moan.

But your movements slow and the kiss morphs into something softer, more gentle, yet it still makes your toes curl under the bed sheets. When you pull away from each other to catch your breath moments later, he leans his forehead against yours, looking up at you through his lashes. You feel those damn butterflies fluttering around in your stomach again and you smile when you feel how fast his heart beats under the palm you’re resting on his chest.

Javi reaches for your hand and brings your palm to his lips, kissing it lightly as he closes his eyes, “I’ve never felt so scared in my life - and everything you must’ve gone through, I - I am so, so, sorry, mi amor.” He opens his eyes to find yours filled with tears threatening to fall at any moment. A look of concern washes over his face but then a small smile tugs at your lips as you whisper, “Mi amor?” repeating what you’d said before - well, before you passed out and woke up in a hospital bed.

He brings his hand to your cheek, wiping away the tears that fell as you smiled, “SÍ, mi amor - that’s what you are to me - because,” his heart is pounding in his chest as he bears his soul to you, “fuck, because I love you, hermosa. I’m in love with you and - the thought of losing you,” he pauses, releasing a shaky breath. “I don’t think I could survive that,” he whispers.

You fall silent as his words sink in - into your mind, into your soul, into your very being - clutching your heart like a vice. “Javi,” you breathe just before crashing your lips unto his, letting your emotions take over. Every part of you calls out to him, begging to be shattered just so he could put you back together again with his words, his touch, his love. It’s all-consuming and unprohibited and you think he must know how you feel with the way you pour all of yourself into that kiss. But you can’t risk another moment passing without saying the words yourself.

You break away from him, both of you gasping for air as you cradle his face in your hands, his eyes glassy from unshed tears. You feel his warm breath drying your own tears and you smile as you breathe, “I love you so much, Javi. When I was in that room, all I could think about was you - how I might never see you again,” you rest your forehead against his as you continue, “how I’d never get the chance to tell you that–,” you sniffle, the words caught in your throat. Javi gently places his hands on each of your wrists, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles on your skin. You release a shaky breath and meet his warm brown eyes, whispering, “I never should have left that night. I should’ve stayed in bed - with you - then maybe none of this would have happened.” You drop your hands and look away as fresh tears fall on your cheeks.

But Javi is right there, wiping them away before they can even reach your jawline, “No, mi amor, don’t do that to yourself - none of this is your fault. You couldn’t have known any of this was gonna happen. Please tell me you know that?” Javi pleads as he takes your hands in his. You can’t bring yourself to look at him, too lost in your own thoughts. One of his hands touches your cheek, gently turning your face towards him - much like you did to him just minutes before.

“Hey, look at me. You did nothing wrong. Do you hear me, hermosa - nothing wrong,” he leans forward and kisses your forehead, then pulls back again to look into your eyes, “and I am so fucking grateful that you’re alive and okay and that I can look into those beautiful eyes of yours - and tell you that I love you. OK?” His gaze is steady, determined to make you believe that every word he says is true.

You swallow and release the breath you were holding as you nod at him, though you’re not totally convinced that you don’t have some fault in this. But for now, you’ll allow yourself time to process everything - and to lose yourself in everything Javier’s just admitted to you.

With a small smile you go to intertwine your fingers with his, but your smile turns into a gasp when you notice for the first time that his hand is wrapped in bandages, “Javi, what happened to your hand?” your words laced with concern.

He simply shrugs, saying, “Ah, this is nothing - you should see the other guy,” he chuckles dryly but you see something in his eyes that gives him away - like he’s remembering something he would prefer to forget. And then you remember the day that Javi found you - and how the lanky man with the blade - ‘Serpiente’ I think green button-up called him - was lying dead on the floor next to you, his face beaten to a pulp and a bullet between his eyes.

“It was him, wasn’t it?” you ask quietly, your eyes level with his. He stares at you for a moment and clenches his jaw before he says, “Yeah,” in a voice that’s just above a whisper. He takes a deep breath as if he’s trying to calm himself and you instantly regret bringing it up - forcing him to remember what must have been an awful experience for him.

You bring his hand up to your lips and kiss each of his knuckles over the bandages, ending with a soft kiss to his palm. He watches each of your movements with such affection that you have to close your eyes to keep yourself from tearing up again.

“All better,” you say softly as you hold his hand in your lap. He offers a small smile but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. You notice how tired he looks, with dark circles under his bloodshot eyes. “When’s the last time you slept in a bed, Javi?” you ask, though really you want to ask when’s the last time you slept at all?

He looks up towards the ceiling like he’s calculating the numbers in his head, “Probably about six days ago?” he answers, though his expression makes you think it could be longer than that, but he doesn’t want to tell you. Regardless, that’s about five days too many for you to be comfortable with his response.

“Six days?! Wait - how long have I been unconscious?” you look around the hospital room for a calendar or something that will give you a sense of what day or time it is. The look in Javi’s eyes becomes weary when he mumbles, “almost five days” and your eyes practically fly out of their sockets.

“Five da–I was in a coma?!” you ask, feeling a sudden wave of nausea. Seeing the queasy look on your face, Javi quickly gets to his feet and walks around the bed, and refills the styrofoam cup with water. He sits on the edge of the bed carefully, so as to avoid squashing your leg or any of the numerous wires you’re hooked up to, and brings the cup with a straw to your lips again.

He sighs and says, “Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction, too - when Connie told me.” His eyes land on the screens of the various monitors by your bed, though the distant look on his face makes you think he’s not really seeing them. His expression becomes more distressed the longer he stares.

You take the cup from his hand, making him look at you, “Hey, I’m OK, remember? I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere - well, metaphorically at least. I do eventually wanna leave this lumpy-ass bed,” you look down, gesturing to said lumpy-ass bed and pulling a chuckle from the man slowly coming back to life in front of you.

You place the half-empty cup back on the bedside table with a small wince and when Javi reaches forward to offer you a hand, you wave him off, “I’m fine, I’m fine, but–,” you bite your lip, looking off to the side with a coy glint in your eye. “Can we maybe - make out some more - pretty please? I think it’s improving my health immensely,” you nod to yourself and blink your eyes innocently.

Javi gnaws the inside of his cheek and squints his eyes like he’s trying to decide if you’re tricking him or not, but you know you’ve got him when he scoots his ass up the bed, closer to you. He leans forward, placing his hands on either side of you, and just before he connects his lips with yours he whispers, “Only because you said ‘pretty please’.” You slide your arms under his jacket to wrap them around his middle and pull him closer, moaning when he plunges his tongue in your mouth.

You’re so lost in each other, neither of you realize when the doctor walks in. He quickly averts his eyes and clears his throat, saying, “Eh - um - perdón - vine a revisar a la paciente,” you lean back immediately, breathing heavy as your cheeks get warmer by the second. You look towards the foot of the bed where a short, balding man in a white coat stands, glancing back at the door as if planning his escape.

You hear what sounds like a choking noise and turn back to Javier who’s trying his best to keep a straight face but you see his lips twitching as he struggles to keep from laughing. You pinch his forearm and widen your eyes at him like you’re two school children sitting in the principal’s office.

“Sorry,” you mumble to the doctor, his face red as a tomato. “Eh, señor,” he looks at Javier, “¿Puede esperar afuera por favor?”

Javier instantly stiffens and looks at you, his eyes full of uncertainty. Your heart aches at the concern etched in his features, but you don’t want to worry him anymore than he already is, so you offer him a reassuring smile as you squeeze his hand, “Why don’t you go get a coffee or something to eat? I’ll be fine.” He gnaws his bottom lip as he considers your words, eventually nodding his head in agreement. He bends down to place a kiss on your forehead, then leans his own against yours, promising, “I’ll be right back - I love you,” he whispers slowly, drawing out the last three words as if he’s tasting every syllable and savoring the sound of each one.

Your stomach flips from the look of devotion in his eyes and the sincerity in his voice. You bite your lip to keep from smiling wide like a love-stricken idiot, bringing your hand to his cheek and lightly kissing him on the lips, assuring, “I love you - I’ll be right here.” He closes his eyes - letting your words soothe him - as he nods his head, which is still connected to yours so it makes your head bob in time with his. You laugh softly, the sound bringing a smile to his lips as he stands to his full height and starts backing up towards the foot of the bed.

You watch Javi turn and nod towards the doctor, who offers a tight-lipped smile in response, but Javi doesn’t seem to notice as he struts out the door, fishing for something in his pocket. You continue watching him through the window, and just before he slides his aviators over his eyes he meets your stare and winks at you, biting his lip to contain his smile.

You chuckle to yourself, feeling lighter than you’ve ever felt in your life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Translations:

Lo siento, señor. Tiene que esperar afuera mientras atendemos a la paciente - I’m sorry, sir. You have to wait outside while we tend to the patient.

no sé cómo decirlo en Inglés - I don’t know how to say it in English

Ay muchachito, veo que tú la quieres mucho. Estamos haciendo todo lo que podemos por ella, pero también tienes que tener fe. - (muchachito literally means “little boy” but it’s used as a term of affection for a young man) I see that you love her very much. We’re doing everything we can for her, but you have to have faith.

Dios sabe lo que hace y estoy segura que Él no la tomará antes de que ella sepa todo lo que sientes por ella. - God knows what he does (what he’s doing) and I’m sure He won’t take her until she knows everything that you feel for her.

Ya te dije, señora - I already told you, ma’am (he’s referring to the nurse from earlier)

Ay señorita, no sabe la alegría que tengo a verle despierta - estábamos todos preocupados por usted - Oh Miss, you don’t know how happy it makes me to see you awake - we were all worried about you

Sabe, su prometido no se ha ido de su lado en todo este tiempo. - You know, your fiancè hasn’t left your side this whole time

bueno, si es que algo grave me pasaría a mi - that is, if something were to happen to me.

perdón - vine a revisar a la paciente - excuse me, I came to check on/examine the patient

¿Puede esperar afuera por favor? - Could you wait outside, please?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What did you guys think?? i decided to give y’all a break from the cliffhangers lol but I reeeeaally hope you enjoyed this one 😊 thanks for reading 💜

tag list: (let me know if you wanna be added/removed)

#aiwwy series #all i wanted #all i wanted was you #all i wanted series #javier peña #javier pena #javier pena x reader #javier peña x reader #my ff #ff #my writing #paramore #narcos #fanfiction #fic #fanfic #pedro pascal

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myownworstenemyyy · 5 years ago

Text

All I Wanted - Part 10

a Javier Peña x Reader series

Word count: 4.9k (gif by @pedropcl)

Warnings: angst, trauma triggers (mentions of blood/gore), SMUT, unprotected sex, mentions of scars, fluff, mentions of vomiting, ANGST, cliffhanger (let me know if i need to add something please!)

S/O: my lovely Tumblr wife Sarinaaa @captainclod 😘

A/N: this takes place right after part 9 (the morning after, anyone? 😏) i really hope y’all enjoy it! thanks for reading 🥰 (masterlist in bio)

Part 10 – Misguided Ghosts

You’ve been awake for some time now but you’re so comfortable in Javier’s warm embrace, you can’t bring yourself to get out of bed. He has one arm draped over your middle and his face is buried in your hair, his breaths tickling the skin on your neck. Throughout the night you would feel him pull you closer to his body, but even in his unconscious state, he was mindful not to squeeze you too tightly so as to avoid exacerbating your injuries.

Occasionally you would hear him mumbling in his sleep, things like sí, mi amor and love you and be safe. And you’d smile to yourself, knowing he was dreaming of you.

Eres el amor de mi vida, he had promised when he was making love to you - when you were making love to each other. The moment he said those words it was like the tether between your souls solidified, forming an unbreakable bond that both fills you up and steals the air from your lungs. Since that moment, every breath you take is like the first - so new and pure. You see the world with brand new eyes and you know you’ll never be the same.

Javi stirs behind you and pulls you impossibly closer to his chest, sleepily planting a kiss just behind your ear. You think he might be waking up but then you hear his breathing even out again and you chuckle lightly at how exhausted he must be after your activities from the night before.

You wish you could stay like this forever, but your bladder seems to think otherwise. You intertwine your fingers with his and bring his hand to your lips, pressing a kiss to his knuckles, before you slowly slip out from under his heavy arm.

“¿A...dónde vas, hermosa?” he whispers when you stand up from the bed. You turn and find him watching you with sleepy half-lidded eyes. His lips are plump and slightly pursed and you can’t resist pressing a kiss to them. He instantly deepens the kiss as he plunges his tongue into your mouth, pulling a moan from you.

He places his hands on your hips and starts pulling you back onto the bad. Reluctantly, you press a hand to his chest, whispering against his lips, “bathroom.” You chuckle when he pouts and lets his head fall back against the pillows, “hurry back,” he pleads and you almost roll your eyes at the childlike expression on his face.

You shake your head with a smile as you turn towards the bathroom. When you reach for the doorknob you hear him call your name, making you turn back towards him with questioning eyes. After a beat of silence, which he spends ogling your naked body, you fight a blush and breathe, “Yes, Javi?” and you place a hand on your hips as you face his heated gaze head-on.

His lust-filled eyes travel back up your body and finally land on your eyes, saying, “Nothing, I’m just - admiring,” while he licks his lips. Feeling bold, you wink at him and bite your lip, making sure to turn extra slow as you saunter into the bathroom and close the door with a click.

You lock it out of habit and lean against the door as you place a hand on your stomach, trying to calm the butterflies that took flight just from that small interaction with Javier - he is just pure sex, you sigh as you push away from the door.

After you’ve done your business, you look at yourself in the mirror and your jaw drops when you see how disheveled your hair is, though your skin practically glows. You run your fingers through your hair, trying to untangle the numerous knots but with little luck, so you decide to just take a shower - especially after you realize how…sticky your skin feels.

Without a second thought, you step into the shower and turn the water on. Normally the water takes only a matter of seconds to turn warm, thanks to the sweltering heat this time of year. But as soon as you feel the freezing temperature on your skin, your stomach drops and your heart hammers in your chest. The hairs on the back of your neck stand up as goosebumps rise all over your skin. “No,” you croak out as you lean against the tile wall for support but find yourself sliding downward, knocking over a couple bottles of soap along the way. Your vision becomes blurry as the memories flash in your mind–

You’re then greeted with a bucket of ice water to the face as a voice exclaims “MIRA quién por fin se despertó,” the sound echoing off the walls and making your eardrums ache.

“¿Sabes qué, putana? I change my mind - why don’t you shut the fuck up so I can actually enjoy what I’m about to do to you.”

“No! Stop–p-please,” you screw your eyes shut and cover your ears to block out the loud banging coming from somewhere in the room as another wave of memories crashes down on you.

“Good girl,” Serpiente says before he lowers the knife and plunges it into your stomach.

“Hey, stay awake. You’re gonna be OK, mi amor, I promise,” Javier’s eyes frantically search yours for any indication that you’re hearing him. “‘Mi - amor’?” you whisper.

The rope burns into your wrists and ankles as Javier’s lifeless body is consumed by a river of blood, just before the monster slices his blade across your throat.

“NO!” you scream when you feel warm hands wrap around each of your arms. You push back as hard as you can but your back hits the wall and there’s nowhere for you to go.

“Hermosa, it’s me! It’s Javi,” the concern in his voice breaks through your brain’s assault. You open your eyes, trying to catch your breath but it’s like your lungs refuse to expand, making it impossible to breathe. You see spots in your vision and find his eyes through the steam of the now-hot shower. He’s somehow managed to squeeze into the small bathtub with you, his knees pushing against yours as he squats in front of you with the water from the shower raining down his naked back. He brings his hands to your face, saying, “Breathe - it’s okay. I’m here - you’re safe, mi amor.”

Your teeth are chattering and your whole body shakes uncontrollably. It’s like you’re still in that chair, frozen to the bone though the water in the bath is almost boiling hot. “Th-the w-w-water,” you stammer and as soon as Javi understands what you’re saying he turns and shuts the water off with one aggressive turn of his wrist. “There - it’s off. OK? You’re safe,” he keeps repeating until the look of sheer terror on your face crumples with a shuddering sob.

Your head would’ve fallen forward against your knees if Javi wasn’t holding it in his hands, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles on the sides of your cheeks as you weep. He doesn’t try to shush you or stop you from shedding the tears that have been building up inside you ever since the day he found you. He just sits with you as he alternates between resting his forehead against yours and pressing gentle kisses to your skin, quietly reminding you, “Aquí estoy - you’re safe.”

When your breathing finally calms down and you regain control over your limbs, you bring your hands to Javi’s wrists, causing him to lean back and stare at you with concerned eyes. “You wanna talk about it?” he asks quietly as he brushes hair away from your face.

You stare back at him for a second, then without warning, you crash your lips against his and wrap your hands around his neck to pull him closer when he starts pulling back from you. You trace your tongue along the seam of his lips until he allows you entrance and when he does, you plunge into his mouth with a moan. He puts his hands on your hips, his fingers brushing the undersides of your breasts and you break away with a gasp, your chest heaving against his.

“Fuck it out of me, Javi,” you breathe against his lips as he watches you with confused eyes. You place your hands on his shoulders for balance as you tuck your legs under you so that you’re kneeling in front of him, the tops of your thighs brushing against his shins.

You reach for one of his hands and place his palm against your throbbing center. “Wait–” he starts to pull his hand away but you tighten your grip, pleading, “Help me forget - please,” you swallow the lump in your throat as you search his eyes for - for what? Understanding? How could he possibly understand what’s going on with you when you don’t even understand it yourself? Christ - you were just having a panic attack and now you’re asking him to fuck you?

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Your shoulders drop in defeat as you look away from him, your bottom lip quivering from trying to contain another wave of tears rushing to the surface. Maybe I should just...leave. You look towards the door and notice that the doorknob is hanging from where it used to be embedded in the wooden door, and chipped pieces of wood litter the tile.

Jesus, he broke the fucking door. You look back at Javi who watches you with a worrisome expression. He holds one of your hands in his and when a stray tear falls down your cheek, he squeezes your hand. He swallows hard and shifts his body so that he’s on his knees, the two of you mirroring each other.

“Please,” your voice is barely audible and you wonder if he even heard you when all he does is stare back at you - his expression unreadable.

But then he’s reaching for you, his strong arms wrapping around you as he kisses a spark of life back into you. You almost sob from relief, and another emotion you don’t quite comprehend. He lifts your hips and helps you to your feet, but he remains kneeling in front of you. Your breathing speeds up when he presses a kiss to the inside of your knee and makes a trail of kisses up your inner thigh until you’re practically hyperventilating from anticipation. Then he looks up at you through those beautiful lashes of his and whispers, “I love you,” before he buries his face in your pussy, flattening his tongue as he licks from your wet folds to your sensitive clit.

You moan his name as you thread your fingers through his hair, and your legs nearly give out when he starts circling his tongue over your clit in an intoxicating rhythm. You feel one of his hands slide up your stomach until he reaches your breast and expertly rolls your nipple between his thumb and forefinger.

Your head falls back against the tile with a desperate cry when he slowly inserts one finger into your aching cunt as he simultaneously sucks your clit into his hot mouth. He’s only pumped into you four times when you start to feel that jolting tightness deep in your belly.

“Oh, god - Javi,” you breathe when he adds a second finger and moans, the vibration nearly making your knees buckle beneath you. He must sense your impending demise because he lowers his hand from your breast to your hip, holding you steady. He curls his thick fingers inside of you and sucks hard on your clit, sending you plummeting over the edge of an orgasm so intense your knees actually give out. But Javi reacts quickly and he’s standing up to catch you with one arm while his other hand remains between your thighs, his thumb vigorously massaging your clit to draw out your orgasm.

Your whole body feels like jell-o as you place your hands on his shoulders for balance, pressing your lips to his and dipping your tongue in his mouth to taste yourself. He brings a hand to your ass and squeezes, pulling a gasp from your lips, “Fuck - you taste even sweeter than I remember,” he breathes into your neck before sucking on your skin with a pressure that will surely leave a gorgeous bruise.

You reach between your bodies and find his cock stiff as a rod, dripping into your hand as you slowly start to pump his length, “I want you inside me, Javi,” you murmur into his shoulder before biting into his flesh, pulling a surprised hiss from him. He pulls back and captures your lips in a bruising kiss.

When you pull apart he takes a step out of the tub, presumably to lead you to the bed, but you tug him back, saying, “No, here. I want - I need–” the words get stuck in your throat as you try to think of a way to express what you’re feeling.

I need to replace a bad memory with a good one. It sounds simple in your head, but for some reason, the idea of actually voicing it out loud is utterly terrifying - because it makes it real. It gives life to all of this. Your fear and your pain - all of it becomes real the moment you acknowledge it to the rest of the world. But you’re not sure if you’re ready for that yet.

As if he can read your mind, Javier steps back into the tub and cradles your face in his hands, promising, “Anything you want, mi amor - I’m here.” He presses a gentle kiss to your lips, but you instantly deepen the connection, needing to be so overwhelmed by his touch and his love that you forget about everything else in existence.

Breaking apart from him - and before you can change your mind - you reach behind him and turn the water on, your body instantly tensing when the cool liquid hits your skin. You close your eyes and try to focus on the warmth of Javi’s body flush against yours as he slides a hand down your ass to lift your thigh and hook your leg around his hip. You wrap your arms around his neck and bring his lips back to yours with a newfound purpose.

This is real - Javi is real - I’m safe in his arms, you think as Javi reaches between you and teases the head of his cock along your entrance. And when he taps it against your clit, you moan loudly from the current of electricity it sends throughout your whole body, your cries echoing off the walls of the intimate space. He rests his forehead against yours as he looks into your eyes and thrusts his entire length into your throbbing cunt.

“JAVI,” you cry out from the intense pleasure of being completely filled by him. You dig your nails into his shoulder blades with a grip that’s sure to draw blood if you press any deeper. He slowly pulls out of you only to slam his hips back into yours, swearing, “I’ve got you, hermosa - never letting you go,” he breathes into the crook of your neck as he starts to move with more rhythm.

You feel wetness on your cheeks - either from your own tears or from the water cascading down Javi’s back and splashing onto you, you don’t know. But it doesn’t really matter because all you feel - all you are - is Javi’s body connecting with yours over and over again as he brings you both closer to that state of absolute euphoria.

He fucks into you with fervor, hitting a particularly exquisite spot deep in your core, and you whimper against his shoulder when you feel the pad of his thumb press down on your clit. “Fuck, Javi - s-so good,” you praise as you thread your fingers in his damp hair and bring his lips back to yours.

You’re teetering on the brim of another earth-shattering orgasm, every snap of his hips inching you closer and closer to the edge. Then all of a sudden he’s lifting your other thigh and wrapping your leg around his waist, pinning your body against the cold tile as he drives his cock home with more urgency.

You dig your heels into his ass to push him deeper as your walls begin to clench around him. He drags his teeth along your throat as he groans, “Love the way you grip my cock - ’s fucking incredible,” he breathes into your skin and when he bites down on the region where your neck meets your shoulder, you lose all sense of reality as your orgasm takes over.

Javi follows you right over that blissful peak as his hips stutter against yours, his warmth filling you in the most primal way. He pumps into you a few more times as he comes down from his high and you bring a hand to his cheek, captivated by the lines of his face as his expression softens when he meets your eyes. You run your thumb along his bottom lip, swollen from your own lips’ passionate embrace. The warm water streaming down his face continues down your hand and onto your breast, leaving goosebumps on your skin.

Your legs slide down his body, your feet silently landing on the tile while he slowly pulls out of you. He winces from the overstimulation as you release a quiet moan. You rest your head on his shoulder, both of you still breathing hard and too exhausted to speak. You look down and watch as the water from the shower streams down his softened cock and washes away his release mixed with yours.

You feel his fingers under your chin, gently lifting your head so that you’re forced to look him in the eyes. His brow is furrowed and his eyes are glassy as they search yours, “You OK?” he asks quietly, his words nearly drowned out by the water raining down on you. You close your eyes and inhale deeply, nodding your head as his thumb strokes your cheek. He presses a soft kiss to your lips before wrapping you in his arms and pulling you in close. You weave your arms under his and bring your hands to his shoulders, leaning your forehead against his as you whisper, “Thank you.”

You barely notice when the water goes cold some time later - the comfort of Javi’s embrace providing all the warmth you could ever need.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One month later

“Are you nervous about Monday?” Connie asks you as you stand in front of your closet, trying to pick an outfit for your first day back to work.

“Not really - I’m on light duty, which basically means my ass is gonna be glued to my desk chair for the next three weeks,” you sigh as you rest your hands on hips and gnaw on your lower lip.

Truthfully, you can’t wait to get back to work, even if it’s just to sift through some boring-ass paperwork until your eyes bleed. Over the past few weeks, you’ve done nothing besides eat, sleep, read and then reread the few novels you had brought over with you from the states, and of course spend time with Javi, which obviously was your favorite pastime.

After the time you spent together in the shower that day - an activity the two of you have since enjoyed on a frequent basis - you and Javi have become closer than you ever thought was possible. You’d stay in his apartment while he went to work and he’d call you at least three times a day just to check in.

“Yes, Javi, I already ate breakfast,“ you shake your head against the phone receiver as you put the last of the dishes you just used into the sink.

“What about your meds? The doctor said you need to take them–”

“For two weeks to avoid infection, I know,” you chuckle at his probing questions, but your heart swells at the concern in his voice - no man has ever cared for your wellbeing the way Javi does and you’re still getting used to the feeling. “I’m good, Javi, I promise,” he’s silent for a minute before he responds, “I know, I–,” you hear him release a nervous breath before continuing in a voice barely above a whisper, “I just want to make sure you’re OK.”

You swallow the lump that’s formed in your throat, wishing he were here so you could comfort him and prove to him just how OK you really are. “Thank you, Javi - truly. But I don’t want you to worry about me, OK? I’ll be right here when you get home.” He hums in approval, and the baritone of his voice reverberates over the line when he says, “I like the sound of that - coming home to you.”

Your breath hitches and your heart hammers against your ribcage as you take in his words - home? Sure, you were the one who just brought it up, but coming from his mouth it sounds so - tangible. Yes, you do feel at home whenever you’re with him, even if the two of you haven’t exactly discussed any plans for the future - especially given the whole Columbian drug war situation.

But when this was all over - then what? You love him and you know he loves you, but your life back in the states - back home - is completely different from this way of life. Over there it’s less demanding and, sure, not having to worry about getting kidnapped by some narcos assholes (again) is obviously a plus - but - will the love you share for one another still burn just as bright as it does here?

“Hermosa?” you hear him ask and you have to shake your head to focus, “Yeah, sorry - I’m here.”

Javi sounds uncertain when he says, “Maybe I should head home a few hours early” - and there was that word again. God, pull it together - it’s just a word. “No, no, I’m fine - besides, I told Connie I’d help her with something later tonight so there’s no reason for you to come - home - early,” the words tumble out of your mouth in one breath and you hope he doesn’t call your bluff about helping Connie tonight.

You hear someone call his name in the background and breathe a sigh of relief for the distraction, “OK, I gotta go - I’ll just - see you later then, “ he sounds annoyed, but not at you - most likely at the person who interrupted your phone call because he quickly continues with a soft, “Te quiero,” and you instantly feel at ease.

You smile and respond in a voice just as quiet, “I love you, too,” before ending the call.

“Ooh, I like that one,” Connie raves when you pull out a plum-colored button-up top to match your black pants. It’s one of your favorites actually, but then you realize how low-cut it is - low enough to show the jagged scar running down your clavicle - and suddenly the thought of wearing it out in public makes you slightly queasy.

“I think I’ll just go with that gray one,” you mumble and Connie’s expression turns to one of confusion until she realizes what the problem with the other top is, responding with a simple, “Oh, okay,” and a small smile but you see a sympathetic glint in her eyes.

It’s not that the scars themselves bother you - you’re actually starting to accept them as a part of you now, thanks to Javier’s constant reassurance as well the therapy sessions the DEA made you attend in order to be able to go back to work. No, you’re not ashamed of them, but you really don’t feel like facing the stares or, god forbid, any questions from your colleagues - at least not yet. So for now, you stick with the safer option.

There’s a knock on your apartment door and Connie stands up from where she was seated at the foot of your bed, saying, “That’s probably Steve with the food,” as she goes to open the door. Sandra, one of the secretaries at the embassy, had called you earlier that day to tell you she was going to send you some of her famous enchiladas - which were to die for - as a celebratory feast to welcome you back to work. You nearly cried from gratitude as you thanked her for her kind gesture - and also probably because you were super excited to devour those enchiladas - they were that good.

You drape your top over the sofa that sits in the corner of your bedroom and follow Connie out to the living room. As soon as she opens the door to greet her husband - who’s holding a covered tray in his hands - you’re met with the scent of chile and spices that…

Make your stomach turn violently.

You quickly rush off to the bathroom, your hand covering your nose and mouth to block out the scent that caused such a repulsive response. You barely make it to the toilet before bile rises in your throat and your stomach heaves, sending you face first into the toilet bowl. Hardly anything comes out, seeing as you hadn’t really eaten all day because you were looking forward to having the enchiladas - the thought of which has you leaning over the toilet once more.

You feel a small hand on your lower back and another holding your hair out of your face as Connie reassures you in her motherly tone, “It’s OK, you’re OK - breathe,” and you start to relax as she rubs soothing circles on your back. You cough and spit into the toilet a couple of times before you slump back against the wall, letting Connie flush the toilet for you.

You’re about to get up and grab a glass of water - and a toothbrush with a whole tube of toothpaste - when Steve steps into the doorway of the bathroom, holding a glass of water out for you to take. He looks a bit sickly himself as you quietly thank him and gulp down the entire thing. Then Connie turns to him from where she’s seated on the edge of the bathtub next to you, and says, “Could you give us a minut–”

“Yup,” he answers immediately as he’s already walking away towards the living room. The guy has seen dead bodies - the aftermath of massacres, even - but he can’t handle the sight of a little vomit, you laugh internally, your stomach still too sensitive to handle even the slightest movement. You look up at Connie who’s been silently staring you down with a suspicious look in her eye. You furrow your brow at her and ask weakly, “What?”

She’s quiet for a few more seconds before asking, “How long have you been feeling like this?” her expression is unreadable as you think of the answer to her question. “Uh, a couple of weeks I guess - I’m pretty sure it’s a side effect of the antibiotics - the doctor had me taking,” you say slowly as you take deep breaths when another wave of nausea hits you.

“But that was weeks ago, hun. You shouldn’t still be experiencing those side effects. When was–” she clamps her lips shut as if she’s second-guessing whether she should ask the next question. You raise your eyebrows expectantly as you think, spit it out, already.

“When was your last period?” her words come out rushed and it takes you a second to decipher what she’s said. You look up towards the ceiling while you think, “Like…the week before I was - before they–” you swallow hard as bile starts to rise in your throat again, but then it’s like your brain finally catches up to the conversation and you slowly start to comprehend what Connie’s implying.

Wait, no - oh, shit.

“No,” your head snaps up.

“Yeah.”

“No.”

“Yup.”

“It can’t - I can’t be–” you trail off, too distressed to even think about finishing that thought.

“Well,” she winces as her shoulders shrug upwards, “if that was your last period - which was like over six weeks ago - then, I’m just saying, it is a possibility.” Your jaw nearly hits the floor from shock, but your brain refuses to accept the very probable truth.

“But I take birth control - for years, I’ve taken it and it’s never failed,” your heart hammers in your chest and the ringing in your ears makes you feel light-headed.

“What about when you were in the hospital? I’m pretty sure you didn’t take it while you were in a coma,” Connie suggests as she offers you a hand when you start to stand on your feet. The realization hits you like a ton of bricks and you instantly regret leaving the safety of the floor because the room starts to shift a little.

Oh, god - how’s Javi gonna react if we’re - if I’m - I’m–

“We can go to the hospital right now and have them do a blood test to be sure,” Connie holds you steady as she gently squeezes your arms with unwavering support, “I’m here for you, OK?”

–pregnant.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Translations:

Aquí estoy - I’m (right) here

Te quiero - I love you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aaaah shit, what’d you guys think?? I super enjoyed writing this, especially that last part 😉 any feedback is always welcome!

p.s., there’s only one chapter left! 😱😭 but I’m thinking about writing an alternate ending in addition to the last chapter - I’ll keep you posted 😁

tag list: (let me know if you wanna be added/removed)

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