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luverofsupernatural · 4 years ago

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This Pain I Know (7): Your Light

First Book: These Hands of Mine Second Book: This Pain I Know Master list

Last Chapter: Pushing your body too far

Next Chapter: Your Darkness

Summary: Even with Marvin sedated, Chase isn't convinced that they are still safe. And he thinks there is still more he can do to help his family. Protect them and get Jameson back.

content warning: blood, violence, discussion of suicide

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If Henrik had his way, Cat would have been left alone for hours on end. But Chase was smart enough to see the flaw in that plan. If Cat in fact stole, or mimicked, or... whatever he did to replicate Jackie’s powers, that means he also had Jackie’s healing powers. Which, in turn, meant he burned off sedative much faster than any normal human. Evil doesn’t change overnight. And the second he was alone and conscious, he’d either flee or finish off Jackie. Cat didn’t deserve any leniency simply because he was injured.

So, if it meant that Chase was sitting in the medical office, door open so he could watch Jackie, eating mac and cheese alone, that was alright with him. And after he’d scarfed down dinner, he just took to sitting on the chair, listening to the show that his brothers put on to distract themselves. But Chase kept multi-tasking. Checking to make sure Cat was still out cold, looking to see that Jackie was still fine (even if Henrik was out there), and thinking about all the terrible things that had been done to hurt his family. The thoughts weren’t fun, but they kept him hard, kept his mind awake and alert, and reminded him that the cycle never changes, no matter what someone says to convince you they’ve changed. It was only a manipulation to gain your trust back so they could hurt you even more.

But even through the pain, Chase found his eyes starting to slip closed. He tried chugging water, eating sugary foods, but the minutes started to drag on as he fought to stay awake. Henrik noticed and sent Chase to bed. Of course, Chase argued back, saying he needed to stand guard for Jackie’s and Jameson’s sake.

Henrik finally offered back, “Leave them to me. I’m going to be sleeping down here tonight anyway.”

“Ha! That’s rich!” Chase scoffed a little too loud, drawing Jackie’s attention. Henrik closed the door. Trying to make it more private? As if Jackie didn’t deserve to hear what was happening to his tormentor?

“Look, they both need to be monitored. I’d rather be steps away from my patients than have to trek the entire house to get down here.” Henrik was being quiet. Chase wouldn’t be.

“But you can’t guarantee that Cat won’t wake up! What if he wakes and tries to strangle Jackie while you’re asleep!”

“Chase! He’s sedated!” Henrik picked up Cat’s arm and then dropped it. It flopped on his chest and rested there. “He’s not going to wake up during the night! Do you not have any faith in me to do my job?”

Chase nearly smiled at that. “When it comes to people with powers, no. I don’t.” It felt sinisterly satisfying to watch Henrik try and contain the rage inside of him. But that came to a short end when Henrik grabbed Chase by the arm, opened the med office door and started dragging him up the stairs. Chase’s feet marched along to prevent himself from slipping on the ground. And although he tried to grab and loosen Henrik’s hand, the man had a grip of steel that wouldn’t be released by outside forces.

Reaching Chase’s room, Henrik flung open the door and threw Chase in there. It was a miracle Chase was still standing after nearly losing his balance. “You don’t trust me with them? Fine. But you are as human as they come Chase Brody. And as your doctor, I am ordering you bed rest because of the injuries you have sustained today. And if you don’t abide willingly, I will sedate you.” Henrik’s rage wasn’t funny anymore. But Chase never did like to show the doctor that he was intimidated by him.

“Do your fucking job of protecting our family, and I will.”

Instead of another round of berament, Henrik grabbed the door handle and slammed the door shut. Chase could have sworn he heard some wood splinters, but that didn’t matter. Effectively confined to his room, Chase blindly moved around until he could flop onto his bed. The clock read 10:30. He shouldn’t be tired now. But then again, maybe it was the pain meds or the actual beating he’d taken.

And then it dawned on him. Henrik needed to sleep too. And if the “good doctor” was anything, it was predictable. He’d be alert and waiting for Chase to come down during the first hour, maybe the first two if he was really bad. But, at some point, even Henrik would go to sleep. And he’d have an alarm to wake him up every hour on the hour.

If he wasn’t going to readminister the sedative, it would be wearing off soon. Anytime after 1 am would be a good time to expose that Cat was actually just lying in wait. Or, even better, a time when Chase could confront him about their sweet Jameson and not have anyone hold him back.

Albeit, Chase did pause at the thought of hitting Cat again. If Jackie hadn’t stepped in, he wasn’t sure what Cat would do to him. But maybe if he just kept badgering, kept at it, not entertaining any mind games, Cat would crack. He’d finally prove that he was useful.

Chase set his phone’s alarm to wake him up at 1:20. With any luck, Henrik would have finished his check-ups and tried to get back to sleep by then.

It was 1:25 by the time he managed to gain the mental capacity to roll out of bed and get on his feet. Making every step careful and deliberate, he worked his way to the top of the stairs and slowly descended. Peaking below the ceiling, he saw Henrik in the armchair. Moving a bit quicker, he rushed over to the medical office. With the greatest care, Chase slowly turned the door knob and pushed open the door, careful of its creaks, and closed it again, making sure to hear the click before he let himself breathe again.

Even though the window only allowed dim moonlight into the room, it was good enough light to see what he needed and keep his mission stealthy. “Hey,” Chase whispered yelled in Cat’s ear. Nothing. “Hey!” a bit louder this time. Still nothing. Chase grabbed him by the shoulders and started shaking until then man finally roused from unconsciousness.

Unlike a cat, his eyes didn’t glow in the dark. Nothing like what Chase had seen the first night he encountered this man. But he could still see when the man in front of him opened his eyes. See the recognition that it was Chase in front of him. And the bitter turn as he fully returned to his senses. “What do you want?” his voice was low and still full of sleep.

“Where’s Jameson?” Chase returned in kind, malice dripping from his voice. He wasn’t leaving without an answer. But even though it registered, Cat just bided his time, sitting up so he was now taller than Chase by a few inches. “Where are you keeping him, you filthy scum?” Chase repeated himself, feeling heat start to burn at his cheeks.

It took a full minute of Chase just steaming there before Cat would give him anything. “What does it feel like?

“What?” Chase spat out, both confused at the question and annoyed that he was evading his own.

“To know you’ve failed them. Failed all of them.”

“Shut up.”

“Couldn’t keep Jameson safe...”

“Stop it.”

“Actually started to believe that Jackie was mad...”

“It’s your fault.”

“Couldn’t even manage to hold on to your two precious girls.” Before Chase could stop himself, he’d already thrown his fist at Cat’s face. He hit him hard too. Good.

“Don’t you DARE, say their names,” Chase breathed out, trying to find enough control to not beat him senseless.

Cat chuckled a little, placing a hand over his fresh injury site. Wiped his nose before starting to ramble on. “You’re still just as powerless as before.”

“Shut up!” Chase could feel himself losing it, his hands tightening. He closed his eyes, tried to take a few breaths, and stepped back. He opened and tried to keep an even, steady, low tone. “You know where he is. I can still save him.”

“And if you don’t save him? What then? You gonna hit me some more? Put me within an inch of my life? Think that’ll make it all better?” Chase wanted to yell at him. He just didn’t know what to say. “Do you think your brothers, do you think Jackie, will still love you after you do something like that?”

“My brothers will always love me, unlike you, you venomous snake.”

“They sure have a funny way of showing it then. Always berating you, belittling you, babying you because they don’t think you can be left alone.”

“Jameson never...”

“So even if you do manage to get Jameson back, they will still always be your enemies. And if you don’t, and show them your true side, well, you’ll be all but dead to them. Unless, of course, you actually do decide to be dead.”

“Shut up!”

“Maybe I’ve already poisoned Henrik. Maybe when you fail to get Jameson back you’ll kill me. Henrik will turn on you, and Jackie, your sweet protector will be the only one left. But even he will leave you too. After all, it is your fault Jameson’s gone.

“You’re the one that took him!”

“You’re the one that left him alone. Didn’t listen to your brother and stay put, and now he may wind up dead. At least with your two girls you could claim that it wasn’t your fault, that you had no idea it would happen. But with Jameson, that guilt compounded with your grief. I can’t imagine you’ll last one night after that. Oh, and, go for a gun next time. You will truly have nothing left, so why leave yourself open for the cruel possibility of hope someone will save you again.”

His heart was a pit of black. There was a scalpel on the counter. And in a second, the scalpel was in his hand and the blade pressed against Cat’s neck. Chase couldn’t talk. His throat was all choked up and all he could muster were slow breathes. He scowled at Cat. Because how dare he presume everything, try and take his family away.

Cat didn’t say anything back. Just lifted his head up so he could look Chase in the eyes. There was no fear in them. They were just... cold. And Chase tried to press further, actually spill a bit of blood, but then his body started trembling and his mind started crying and his throat was spasming.

And even though this evil man deserved to suffer, Chase pulled away, turning around and dropping the scalpel on the table. His eyes finally spilled tears that Cat would never see. And despite his efforts, Chase was crying out. Softly, but his enemy would still hear it.

“What are you doing here?” Cat sounded genuinely curious. And that tiny question felt like a stab in his already bleeding heart.

“What am I doing here?!” He choked out, trying to get a hold of himself. Chase would have been yelling if his throat could handle it. But for now, he had to settle for just regular talking. “I wanted answers. I wanted to know where you’re keeping my brother! But it seems you’d rather die than do that.” Chase choked down tears. “He’s just a pawn to you. But you have no idea about the man you’ve stolen.”

“I’ve been inside all your heads. Jameson’s been a little puppet for me since I first met him. I know him well enough.”

Chase wanted to strangle him. But he fueled that rage into his words. “No you don’t! He keeps us in check. Reminds us there are still wonderful things and creations in the world. Helps guide our moral compasses and spur us into action if need be. He grew up at a disadvantage, and he hasn’t let it harden him. He is the embodiment of being careful but still loving and kind. He knows the value, cost, and power in trust and love. He is what makes this family good.

“And now that you’ve taken him from us,” Chase started laughing, despite nothing being funny about any of this, “what makes you think we’d ever give up trying to get him back? Won’t do anything to bring back the light of this family?”

“It took you less than 24 hours to go insane. That has to be a record of some kind.”

“You’re a creature of darkness too. When you find someone who brings light, you need them to stay in your life. They make you feel good, feel alright, help justify any misdeeds you may have done.

“... I’ve already had my lights taken and snuffed out once. I won’t let it happen again.” And Chase thought of something he hadn’t yet tried. “You want a hostage? Take me. Use me. Make me your puppet. Do whatever the hell you want with me. As long as they get Jameson back.” Chase wasn’t crying. It was a brilliant plan. And he let himself have hope for an ounce of a second. But Chase couldn’t read Cat’s mind, nor see how his expression changed. It took this fiend he was bargaining with a full minute to mull it over.

“That’s not going to happen.”

Chase wrapped his hand around Cat’s throat. He didn’t squeeze, and Cat didn’t try and resist. Chase let go, his fire fading inside of him. He walked over and sat on the stool that Henrik kept in there. Looking out the window, up at the sky, even the stars seemed to be mocking him.

“What even is your plan?” Chase heard his voice crack as the tears flowed freely and his throat became very narrow and raw. There was no sense trying to hide it now. Cat was their prisoner, but he’d still won. “Kill Jackie? Kill all of us? Or just break us? Make us your puppets? Or maybe just let yourself die and Jameson along with you? Whatever it is, can you just do it already?” He still had trouble getting a breath, but he was talking better. “You’re the one with all the cards right now. Nothing I say or do is going to change your mind or your plan, so just, get on with it already. Okay? You’ve won.”

Chase kept his head up. Jameson had always told him to keep his head up when things were at their lowest. Something about a placebo effect. God I wish you were here Jameson. I’m sorry I let this happen to you.

There was the sound of movement behind him, feet shuffling. Then some lower murmuring. Chase closed his eyes to take a large breath in and out. Tears flowed down his cheeks still. He could imagine what Cat was doing right now. Slowly making his way over to Chase, picking up the scalpel Chase had tried to use on him. Getting ready to finally get revenge on Chase and add to their family’s grief. He was so tired. Maybe this was the only way it would ever end. Pathetic, useless, and brought on by himself. “If you’re gonna slice my throat,” Chase started, sure Cat was nearly on top of him now, “try and hit an artery. Makes it quicker, so I have less time to scream.”

There was a beat. Chase wasn’t sure he’d get any last words. “That’s good to know.” Cat wasn’t close. Chase turned slightly and saw Cat still sitting on the medical bed. “But I’m not the one who’s going to kill you, Chase.” He turned more, now facing Cat fully. The man took a large breath in and out and looked at the floor. “It’s not my intention to kill any of you. I just need Jackie to suffer for betraying me. I know you may be the only one in this family that understands that.” Chase wanted to believe he was lying. But they’d all nearly died by his hands.

“Why should I trust anything you tell me?” Chase wasn’t accusing, just tired. Tired of having to fight all the time.

“Are you dead?” Not a very convincing metric. “I promise, I will try my best to keep Jameson alive.”

Chase finally got up to start heading back to his room, knowing that unfortunately, he could do nothing more tonight. “You’d better keep that promise. Jameson hates it when you break promises.”

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Author Note: So, I do hope you are still enjoying this series. And I hope these characters actions still seem to line up with how I've written them so far. I sometimes love the dialogue I write too much to change it, even if it might be a bit out of character. But they are all dealing with so much anyway. how the hell are they supposed to react.

anyway, i'm just rambling because I've written myself into a corner in chapter 10 and am unsure how to get to the scenes I've already made in my head. I really think you'll like 8 and 9 though, once I edit and post

taglist: @autumnrambles, @sa-sxken, @septicuniverse, @scubacatwoman,

#writersofjack #jse fanfiction #jse egos #jacksepticeye egos #chase brody #henrik schneeplestein #marvin the magician #marvin the malevolent #jameson jackson #sapphirerubywrites #these hands of mine #this pain i know

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luverofsupernatural · 4 years ago

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some more headcannons

cause I can’t bear to write right now

Chase and Henrik were both fathers

Jameson likes to go to local art and music festivals.

Henrik basically raised each of his brothers during their baby/toddler years.

Henrik doesn’t like saying ‘I love you’

Jackie will say I love you just cause he hasn’t said it to you in a hot minute

Jackie got hurt real bad when he was ~16 and he fell into a coma for a couple days.

Jameson is afraid of hospitals

Henrik has taught Jameson, Jackie, and Chase basic first aid skills and how to do stitches.

Jameson works as a pianist at a country club. His hands get exhausted after a long day, but it’s good enough pay

Henrik is an orthopaedic surgeon, with a specialization in trauma

Jackie is the hugger of the family

Chase and Stacy did have their own place at one point.

Chase had to move back in to his family’s home after Stacy and him divorced

The custody case took a toll on Chase’s mental health

Jackie had moved in with his girlfriend, but moved back to the family home once they broke up

Jameson is the best cook in the family

Chase is messy, but tries to be better for Jameson (at least, in the common areas)

when Henrik gets emotional, it’s dialed up to a 10.

Jameson did have a YouTube account where he posted cover videos and compositions he played. he hasn’t posted a video in over a year though. can’t find the time anymore.

#headcannon #jse egos #these hands of mine #sapphirerubywrites

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luverofsupernatural · 6 years ago

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She hadn't thought about hey past in a long time. Well, until today that is, when she saw him, or more aptly, herself. Her four year old self, walking along the fence, picking the flowers he managed to find. Wearing that one red shirt that wasn't yet completely faded to peach. Unaware of what would await him.

She leaned against the side of the brick garage she was standing in and just watched her former self play his little game. A little chuckle escaped her mouth as she watched little Derek pull so hard on the dandelion that when it finally escaped the ground he toppled over. She had almost forgot what innocence she once possessed. And how such a cute child she was.

“Hi!” Sky jumped back, frightened by the sudden words. She looked across the street saw little Derek waving at her. “Sorry, didn't mean to scare you,” he shouted at her.

Sky didn't know what to do, I mean this was herself. It was one thing to see her younger self (or at least the boy she thought was her younger self) and a whole nother to talk with him. “You like my flowers?” Derek's yell interrupted her thoughts.

It took Sky a couple moments to think of what to say. “They're lovely sweetie.” She didn't want to disappoint Derek.

“I gots some more over there!” Derek pointed to a tree that wasn't more than a good stone's throw away. “Wanna come and see? Plllleaseeee.” Derek gave her that puppy dog face. Which, was a lot more effective back then compared to now. Maybe she could stay for just a few minutes.

Sky crossed the street and entered the park through the broken fence gap. Her curls got a bit tangled up in the cross wiring, but she managed to rip them away without losing too much hair. “I'll race ya!” Before Sky could even see Derek, he was already in front of her, running towards the tree. She felt that childlike urge to win the raise, but held back. She didn't need that trivial validation anymore. Sky simply walked and arrived a few seconds after an out of breath Derek. “How do you move so fast?” Derek inquired as he plopped down against the tree bark.

“Well-”

“Is it because you're bigger than me? Or are you like an alien or something?” Sky had to laugh at that. Children had no filter and just spouted out whatever.

“No, I'm not an alien.” Sky joined Derek on the ground.

“Then how come you look so bright and sparkly?” Another gem of a sentence. Although, maybe to a kid, she would look strange, especially if they hadn't had much exposure to the different people.

“I like the way these clothes looked.” It was the best answer she could think of. A girl wearing a neon blue crop top with purple streaks and a leather jacket matched with bedazzled leggings does stick out. The fact that her hair was dye varying shades of blue and she had five ear piercings didn't make her look any more normal either.

“Hmm.” Derek appeared to examine her from top to bottom. “I like them too!” He put up his hand for a high five. Sky met his tiny hand with hers. “I'm Derek by the way.”

“I'm Sky.”

“Sky? Like the sky up there?” Derek pointed up. Albeit, he pointed at leaves from the tree, but Sky knew what he meant.

“Yes, like the actual Sky.” She smiled, and Derek's eyes widened, a smile creeping onto his face too.

“So, are you like, a god of the sky, like can you control what it looks like?”

Sky got a full body laugh from that one. “No.. no, I wish,” Sky managed to get out when she could finally get air in her lungs.

“Aww.” Derek's lips turned downward and his tiny sparkle faded some. “I thought you were magic.”

“Well,” it wouldn't be good to lie, but Sky also knew that Derek would need some *magic* in life right about now. “I do know a lot of things, which is kinda magical, right?” A little glint in his eyes.

“Like what?”

“Well, uh, let's see.” What would be something harmless... “I know that you are a very special kid. And I know that you are going to do some awesome things when you get older.”

“But I'm not special. My mommy said so.” That was why Sky needed to be there.

“Well, you don't need to listen to her. Because remember how I'm magic and I said that you are special?” Derek looked up at her. He nodded slowly, his face a kind of blank sadness. “Then that must mean you are special, right?” He shrugged his shoulders and looked back towards the ground.

“Well, I can also turn invisible.” His face shot back up.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I can turn myself invisible to all adults.” That wasn't a lie. Most people in this town made an active effort to try and not notice her.

“Like my friend Po-po?” Ahhh, Po-po, the imaginary fish who swam around the house. Po-po was a good imaginary friend.

“Kinda like Po-po, but I can talk.” I smiled and giggled a little.

“So does that mean that I can see you all the time?” Now Derek was getting really excited.

“Well, I can't go with you everywhere, but I'll always be here, everyday, if you wanna talk or just hang out.”

“Yeah!!” Derek jumped onto Sky's chest and hugged her tight. Sky, after a moment's pause, brought her arms around him too. She would be Derek's *imaginary friend.* And what she would remember, he needed to have a good, solid friend in his life. And what better friend than yourself.

“You're a lot harder than Po-po.”

“Yeah, I guess I am.”

((So, I haven’t written anything in a long time, like 2 years, but I got really inspired when I saw this prompt. It’s short, but that’s okay. I would really appreciate any feedback you have, love or hate or just meh.))

You are your younger self’s imaginary friend.

#writing #back to writing #writing prompts #imaginary friends #self love #be you #love yourself #befriend yourself #my writing #short story #sapphirerubywrites

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luverofsupernatural · 4 years ago

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I finished chapter 12 today. It'll still be awhile before I post chapters again though.

#ruby rambles #update #sapphirerubywrites #chapter thoughts

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luverofsupernatural · 4 years ago

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Guys guys guys!!! I'm getting close to finishing my JSE fanfiction novel!! I can't believe it's nearly here. Not only am I happy that I created this storyline and am happy how it developed, I also feel like I got better at writing, especially character development and implementing foreshadowing along the way.

I still have a couple chapters to write (and now, 5 to edit and then post), but I'm really excited for this.

This is the first time I feel I've been purely happy in the last two weeks. And it is lovely

#ruby rambles #sapphirerubywrites

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luverofsupernatural · 5 years ago

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Birthday Boy, Chase!

Chase had planned to wake up early today. But opening his eyes, the clock glared 10:00 AM. There was a vague memory of seeing the red of 6:45. Maybe he’d hit snooze by accident.

Dragging the blanket off his bed, he wrapped it around himself and started a tried shuffle out of his room downstairs. Stepping onto the ground floor, he could hear voices coming from the kitchen. Investigating (and hoping to make some tea), Chase poked his head into the room. Jackie was working on the counter and Marvin was moving food around the kitchen. “I don’t get why we can’t just-” Marvin’s eyes locked with Chase. Suddenly, he was charging his older brother. “Out out OUT!” Pushing Chase into the couch, Marvin sat him down. “You stay out here for now. Now, if you need anything, I am your servant today.” Marvin took a bow. Chase knew it was supposed to be like a servant, but he ended up curtsying, like when he just ended a show. “Is there anything I can get you today?”

Snuggling deeper into the couch and his fuzzy blanket, Chase actually started feeling good. “I was just gonna make some tea is all.”

“Got it! The finest tea and chocolate chip birthday pancakes!” Chase snickered at that. Marvin, always one with a flare for the dramatic. “I shall return soon. For now though,” Marvin picked up the TV remote and grabbed Chase’s hand, “your scepter, sire,” he finished, delicately placing the device in Chase’s grip. With that, he flew back to the kitchen, and started loudly communicating with his kitchen partner. Switching on the TV, Chase had a single thought. Maybe today will actually be a good birthday.

#jacksepticeye #jacksetpiceye egos #jse egos #chase brody #marvin the magician #jackieboyman #writersofjack #jackseptceye fanfiction #marvin the magnificent #marvin #sapphirerubywrites #birthday celebration #fluff

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luverofsupernatural · 4 years ago

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Okay. I acknowledge that my writing is not as bad as I think it is. Because I have read and re-read it so many times. I crafted sentences out of thin air. I changed scene dynamics with a single turn of phrase. Yes, no action may happen. But I make my characters deal with complex emotions.

Take Jackie for example. I had him lose his powers and then try and suck-it-up and accept that he was just going to be a regular civilian without giving him the space to grieve. Or to acknowledge that even if part of him likes the idea, it doesn't know what to do now since Jackie has never really been idle before.

Or Jameson. He's always seen as their baby brother, no matter what. They want to try and encourage him for the small things, but they constantly underestimate how he actually is. He may not have thrown himself into danger like the rest of them, but being that different, he has to have a thick shell in order to survive. He knows how to fight (thanks to Jackie), how to care for others (in part, based on Chase and his kids), and how to talk about hard things (because of big brother Henrik). He knows how to be a human and adult. It's easier/safer with his brothers, but they just.... don't understand him like they should. And right now, he thinks he loves Emma, but what even is love? Because what he feels is nothing like what his brothers have described, or what movies show it as.

And Chase? Well, he is trying to recover from a depressive episode and suicide attempt. And his brothers are so timid around him and babying him with small tasks. He admits, the small tasks are great, but if he were to say "I don't have the energy today" to even go out on a walk, they wouldn't come back with "just, brush your teeth today. Don't want tooth decay." No, they'd go on about how it's simple, he'll feel better afterwards. If he's lucky, one of them would actually accompany him on the walk. But more than that, he's hiding the fact that he knows what happened to his kids ((and I actually have tk rewrite a bit, since J thought of this at ch 20)). He knows they are dead, but absolutely cannot tell his family. Why? Well, maybe he feels ashamed that he couldn't save them. Or maybe he thinks they'll pity him even more. Or maybe, maybe he doesn't want to believe it true. ((I haven't actually figured out why)). But he can't suppress his grief always. And when he does, the others don't understand it. They feel like he's overreacting or just being lazy. But he was like this before he learned of their deaths. it's made it worse, but he's still the same person struggling to even live normally again. And now Jackie is trying to be a martyr, and Jameson almost got killed, and he can't accept more loss because it'll destroy him again. It already opened his tightly kept grief box wide-open so that now he can't hide it anymore.

And Henrik. He's always a sourpuss, off-putting, and a hard person to love. Maybe he thinks that's easier. But when no one is looking, he has all the love in the world for his family. Because he can't dare show he loves them. They're loud, demanding, naive, screwed up, and have this sense of 'lets save the world' instead of basic self-preservation. But he'll be their caretaker. It's literally what he's done his entire life. To not have that would be like a part of Henrik is missing. But, he tries to remind himself of the human aspect in all of this. They get hurt, and cry, and need support, and someone to snuggle and say they love them. And Henrik is great- he's fantastic at making sure they have their basic needs met and he can be a rock for them to lean against. But he's never been great at the soft emotional side. Maybe because he never had a chance to just cry for himself unless he was alone. Or felt like he had to be the strong stoic rock. He can't say I love you. Because that's too much mush. So he says "eat your food, drink your water" because then they are cared for and looked after.

And Marvin? Well, let's just say he's been manipulated his entire life. He doesn't know how to trust. Only trust himself and his powers.

#ruby rambles #long post #sapphirerubywrites

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luverofsupernatural · 5 years ago

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These Hands of Mine Masterlist

So there are two parts: the chapters and the "Lost chapters” (essentially, random backstory in an effort to write more).

Chapter story

Chords I am officially removing this from the series, but this is where it all started

Shock to the System

Interference

Prodigieux Fall

Morning, Breakfast

A Typical Day

Relax, Wind Down

Nightmares

Morning After

Planning for the Future

It’s not as bad as you think

Resolve

Wednesday Words

Empty Spaces

Emotional Balance

The First 24 Hours

Home, Sweet Home

Chicken (not soup) for the Soul

Stillness

Push Through

Strike A Chord

Running in Circles

Homecoming 2

Flood Gates

Bedtime Story

This can’t be real

There’s Too Much to Explain

Love & Consideration

Powerless

In the Darkest Times

And Good Can Still Prevail

Even Through Trauma

When You're Left with the Impossible...

The Truth Becomes Clear

Idling

Early Monday Morning: 1am - 3am

Early Monday Morning: 4am

Early Monday Morning: 5am

Rest, Weary Traveler / I'm home, but feel so far away

Pieces Fit Only to Shatter

Which Reality?

Sin of Wrath

What Are You Willing To Sacrifice?

Lost Chapters

Finding the Muse

Trauma

Sound in the Silence

Heart Ache

His first house

Being Bold

Late Night Plans

Never Planned

Early Night In

Stars in Her Eyes

Blanket Statement

A small list of head-cannon/backstory

Promise that I’ll make short chapter descriptions soon. And this will get updated as I go forward

cut is here so you can see the updated post (if you click and redirect to the og post)

yep, that’s it

#sapphirerubywrites #these hands of mine #masterlist

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luverofsupernatural · 5 years ago

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Hey, so i do write jse, but with my school workload, it's kinda hard to put stuff out regularly (but I feel like I put something out every two weeks). BUT, all my writing goes under my tag #sapphirerubywrites. My current series I'm writing is "These Hands of Mine"

And, if you're on desktop, you can see my whole master list I've compiled (it's a page I made on my blog)

hey i don’t usually do this but i want to make sure i’m keeping an eye on a lot of different writers now that the fandom on here is a little smaller. are any of you active jse writers who would want me to have a look at their fics? feel free to link me to a fic or tell me your writing tag in the comments, reblogs, or dms. send me an anon, even, and even though i won’t post it i’ll assume it’s a friend recommending you and i’ll check it out.

(no real people shipping please, no non-mute Jameson unless you’re leading up to a throat injury, and please don’t be offended if i don’t reblog yours or something. i have a list of people i check in on and might just leave it at that) i just really like to know who my fellow writers are!! helps me keep my finger on the pulse and miss less of the freaking amazing writing you guys put out. especially since, as some of you know, I don’t really like being on taglists. don’t want to lose you in the shuffle!

(i’ve listed some of the blogs i’m aware of below and i would prefer it if the writer themselves recommended themselves to me because many of you know whether or not i’m aware of you! but if you want to reblog it with your own recommendations that’s all good)

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luverofsupernatural · 5 years ago

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These Hands of Mine (13): Wednesday Words

Previous: 12-Resolve, 14 - Empty Spaces

Master List

Summary/Lead Up: finally, we get to see Jameson’s perspective on his life ((just, kinda, ignore the first chapter that is))

Also, please let me know if you want to be added to/removed from the taglist (bottom of the post). I’ve just been trying to guess who likes this based on likes and reblogs.

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Wednesday nights were always his favourite nights. The country club he worked at always had a late night Ritzy act or band that would supply the entertainment after 8pm. Even so, Jameson would still be getting home near 10:30 every night. For that long gap, he’d always be working out what he should say to Emma. More so, work up the nerve for more than just the common pleasantries that is. He always helped her clean up after her shift was over, and accompanied her out the entrance every night, and wished her a goodnight.

Despite his experience, Jameson did what he could to talk himself down. Say that it was just a crush, that he wasn’t in love, that they were just work colleagues. It was never a good idea to put someone on a pedestal because everyone had their flaws. But sometimes she’d start talking about her real life. About her cat, about the places she wanted to travel, about the painting that she was currently working, or about how she had bigger plans for her life than just bartending. She’d always said he was a good listener, unlike a lot of other people she knew. In truth, he would listen to her talk all night if he could. Because every little bit of information she rambled off only made him more interested in spending time with her. Yes he could tell she was attractive, but nothing could compare to the light she got in her eyes and the inadvertent smile and the sparkle in her voice. He just... never had the nerve to tell her how beautiful she was.

Maybe it was the nagging fear of how terribly his last crush ended. Maybe it was fear that she’d misinterpret his words. Maybe he was too afraid that it would ruin their relationship at the moment. Letters, every Wednesday night. Trying to find the correct wording, always ending up in his jacket pocket, and being deposited into his trash bin at home.

Tonight though, he didn’t get the luxury of churning over how to tell Emma that he liked her. Tonight, he was too preoccupied with the people he already knew he loved and loved him back. Henrik had gone quiet silent ever since his stay in hospital. The doctor had assured Jameson that his absence was merely exhaustion and a lot of tough cases at the moment, but it couldn’t have been just that. Perhaps he was going through, what was it Henrik called them, episodes of relapse .There had been no night terrors, like usually happened, luckily. But there seemed to be extra weight on him when he walked anywhere in the house. And his mind always seemed to be somewhere else whenever Jameson would try to strike up a conversation. Of the talks Jameson did manage to engage in, the despondence and dragging in his voice couldn’t be masked. Even if it was something as simple as choosing a show to watch. Jameson wished he knew of ways to help Henrik, but his eldest brother always seemed to magically get “fixed” after having a particularly life-saving day at work. Still, there was a desire to help more than just “waiting out the storm.”

Chase had been doing. . . better. Getting out of the house more, and maybe even jovial most mornings. Of course, Jameson only got to hear the chap rushing around his room before Chase was off for the day. But sometimes, he’d hear Chase through the walls, crying in his sleep. There hadn’t been any lunch texts from him either, not that Jameson ever really enforced them on Chase. The thought remained though, was Chase actually doing better going out? If he was hanging out with his mates, why was he so sad? And was he still doing his mantras and remembering to eat? Jameson had brought Chase dinner last night, but found it barely half eaten this afternoon. He didn’t know what was going on, if these were the same troubles or new ones, but he needed to talk with someone, even if that someone wasn’t Jameson.

Finally, there was Jackie. It was a relief to know that he was just on assignment, but it wasn’t like Jackie to just ghost him like this. Leaving without saying goodbye in person. He had been a bit more distant these past few weeks as well, but Jameson had just thought it to be exhaustion from all the work he was doing. The man even changed his sleeping patterns so he slept partially at night and partially in the noontime, just to try and help more citizens at what he called “the critical night hours.” Hopefully Jackie wasn’t running himself ragged. Jameson drew out his phone and sent Jackie a quick photo of a puppy dog, just to let him know he was thinking of him.

It never was easy to bring up any of these hard topics. The lot of them usually tried to change the subject when he brought things up. Recent times had seen more issues though. Perhaps his family had been infected by an invisible plague of silence, or bad luck, or misfortune as of late. But, where there was darkness, there had to also be light. There was always light if his family was together.

A strong hand landed on Jameson’s shoulder, making him jump in the air. “Hello there chap!” A voice boomed from behind him. Jameson turned his gaze towards this person interrupting his thoughts. His eyes grew wide at the impossible. This man looked exactly like Jackie. The face shape, the sparkle in his blue eyes, the slight curve in the bridge of his nose, even the small smirk in his smile. But, the longer Jameson gazed, the more he realized this wasn’t his brother. There wasn’t a scar going through his left eyebrow. The man’s facial hair was far more well groomed. And his hair was longer with strands coloured a deep purple. Jameson felt himself sink down, disheartened that this wasn’t the man he wanted to see.

“Didn’t mean to startle you, I just wonder if I could speak with you for a moment.” Jameson raised his eyebrow curiously, enough so the man could understand his confusion. He may have looked like his brother, but that was where the friendliness ended. Either the man was thick or just determined, because he took the seat beside Jameson with such a swagger, as though he’d been invited to the conversation. He got the feeling this man invited himself into people’s lives a lot. Jameson kept his eyes trained on this man; something about him just didn’t feel quite right. The man seemed right at home though, lazily sitting back in his chair as he faced Jameson.

“I was hired to be a matchmaker here. Management thought it might make some of the guests...” The man gazed around the room, making Jameson’s eyes wander too. Nothing exceptionally unique about tonight. “Happier,” the man concluded, turning his attention back to Jameson. “And, well, I think you could be of use in that endeavor.” Jameson wasn’t giving an inch. Instead of signing with his hands, he folded his arms across his chest and leaned back in his chair. This man seemed so entitled, like Jameson was just a service to be used. “Ah, I see you have your doubts. But let me explain.”

The man laid his hands on the table and started moving them in tandem with his speech; talking with his hands without actually talking with them. “See, all I would need you to do is change up your tunes to something, brighter. Or some old-fashioned love songs. Something to subconsciously make people feel something ...” His hands started spinning round each other and for a moment Jameson thought he saw green sparks start swirling around with them. “To feel unwittingly joyful.” That was putting it mildly. Get them ‘in the mood’ or horny was probably more what he wanted to say (not that his songs could create such feelings). But, Jameson appreciated the politeness with the subject. “And I know that it would take time to change over and learn something new, and you’re thinking why bother? Well, I can offer you a trade of services. You change your set, and I can offer you my services, free of charge.”

Now, Jameson was generally a nice man. He probably would have added some new songs into his set if asked nicely. After all, it was kinda fun to learn something new. But hearing that this man would set him up with someone, that made him drop his stoneface. Match-making. Someone who worked to set you up with someone you could love. The thought both excited and terrified him. Because what if this man could actually do that, but what if it just ended horribly? Jameson had a front row seat to the destruction of each one of his brother’s romantic relationships. And that was only long term. He’d already known the pain of short term humiliation and did not end to relive it again.

“Or,” the man’s suave voice drew Jameson back to reality, “if you don’t want the full-on match-making, I can simply provide dating tips, in case you already have a special someone in your eye.” Jameson’s eyes darted over to the bar. Emma was swarmed with patrons, but he could still see the swing of her ponytail as she worked furiously to keep them all happy. Yes, he wanted to be closer to her. Did he want to date her? Possibly. Did he love her? He wouldn’t use that word. What he would say is that he valued his time with her and enjoyed her company. Maybe it would be worth his time to listen to this man. Maybe he could help with Jameson’s dilemma.

“Do we have a deal?” Jameson looked at this man, this not-Jackie man. And the longer he stared, the more he felt a strange pull, almost like a compulsion to trust him. Green sparkles appeared around him, making him dazzle, like he was a shining beacon of hope. And in that moment, all Jameson could see was Jackie. Someone who would help him, protect him, be there for him. Jameson felt his hand rise and extend forward. As soon as the man grasped it, the spell was broken and he was back to the dapper matchmaker. Had a good handshake too. Strong, just like Jackie... “Good man! Let’s get started, shall we?”

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tag: @sayrvespen, @alvie-ashgrove, @sadcat5555, @randowaffle, @friezzzboiii, @maybekatie, @theblackphoebe, @end-of-iconic, @pugsepticeye004, @artsy-wallflower-001, @septicuniverse

#jse egos #jameson jackson #marvin the magician #writersofjack #jacksepticeye fanfiction #jacksepticeye egos #jackieboy man #chase brody #henrik schneeplestein #these hands of mine #sapphirerubywrites

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luverofsupernatural · 5 years ago

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Late Night Plans

These Hands of Mine AU

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Opening the door to taunting and yelling and exacerbated sighing was such a startle from the quiet outside. Even lovelier was the sight of his three brothers on the couch, each with a death grip on his controller, hunched over, giving it their all. Jameson with his tongue sticking slightly out just past his lips, controller firmly in his grasp and comfortably on his lap. Jackie's arms bent and tucked in so tight and controller so close to his mouth he must have felt the heat from his breath on his hands. Henrik, controller moving from this position to that one, almost like moving to these exact positions gave him skills.

Chase waited until there were two sighs of defeat before stepping into view. “Sup fellas?” Jameson looked up and smiled open mouthed such that it reminded Chase of that :D face. And he did this big enthusiastic wave before remembering he had legs that could carry him to his older brother. Enveloping him in a hug, Chase looked down at his younger brother, tossling his hair a little. “Missed seeing you too Jamie,” he added with a chuckle.

“What you doing here?!” Jackie yelled a bit too loud for the house.

“What, like I need a reason to check in on you dweebs?” Jameson retreated, having fulfilled his hug quota with Chase.

“No, but some planning would be nice.” Henrik fiddled a little with his controller before finally standing up. Went over and gave Chase a handshake, pulling him into a quick pat on the back hug.

“You never are spontaneous though, doc. Gotta learn to live a little,” Chase teased. It always was fun to see Henrik fume for a few seconds.

“It’s still great to see ya though.” Chase whipped around to find Jackie, but nothing. Suddenly, his vision was dark. “Up here dumbass!” Flipping his cap up, Chase smiled as Jackie looked back down mischievously.

“So, whatcha boys been up to?”

“Mariokart,” Jackie landed his feet back on the ground, “ever since my night freed up.” Curiosity tingled on Chase’s tongue. Sounded like Jackie wanted to elaborate too, the way it was worded. His initial thought was to just leave it alone, but every since getting with Stacy, he’d developed a habit of asking when those leading words turned about.

“You got a free night?”

“Lexi got sick and canceled plans tonight. S’okay though.” Jackie shrugged like it was no big deal, but Chase saw his lips turn into a smile without the accompanying light in his eyes.

“So, why are you here then?”

“To prevent the spread of infection,” Henrik called from the couch, making Chase only know realize that Henrik had snuck away.

“So? You’re supposed to go over there and cuddle and bring chicken noddle soup. You like her don’t ya?”

“Yeah, but. I-” Jackie had his finger up to protest, but he eyes started processing. His head made those little tilts when he trying to think. Suddenly, his eyes grew wide and he was racing off to the kitchen. Chase started chuckling a little.

“Guess I’m taking his spot in Mariokart then,” he called out, finally removing his coat and shoes.

“What makes you so sure?” Henrik could be such a bother sometimes.

“Because,” Chase trailed, waiting until he was squished up in the middle of the couch between the oldest and youngest members of the family. “It wouldn’t be fair to JJ if he won by default. He deserves a proper win.”

“I’m only 2 points behind!” Henrik barked, furiously grabbing his and Chase’s controllers.

There was a whole lot of clanging and objects moving from the kitchen, and Chase laughed a little again. He may have had a flare for the dramatic, but he could be clueless on the little subtleties sometimes. Not that Chase was any better, but he was learning.

They chose the track, and all Chase could think is that hopefully this would make his night better. Spending time with his favourite brothers (well, only brothers). Hanging out like it was the good ol’ days. Just plain old having a night of fun playing games. “Bye!” Chase heard Jackie yell before the slam of a door.

“Tch, dumbass.” He hoped that he’d made Jackie’s night better. Seemed like it with how eager he was to race out of there. Looked like Lexi made him happy. That was good. That was always good.

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tag: @sayrvespen, @alvie-ashgrove, @sadcat5555, @randowaffle, @friezzzboiii, @maybekatie, @theblackphoebe, @end-of-iconic, @pugsepticeye004, @artsy-wallflower-001

#chase brody #jameson jackson #henrik schneeplestein #jackieboy man #jse egos #jacksepticeye egos #writersofjack #jacksepticeye fanfiction #these hands of mine #sapphirerubywrites #fluff

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luverofsupernatural · 5 years ago

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Early Night In

These Hands of Mine AU

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Jackie was at the family home earlier than he’d expected. Gave him time to relax and recharge before heading out for patrol late that night. But, at the sound of clattering metal and a barrage of curses, it seemed that his night was taking a different turn.

Chase’s irate exclamations emanated from the kitchen. Peering around the corner, “Did you need any. . .” There was meat and sauce splattered on the floor, the lines tracing back to a now overturned pan. Water was rushing out of the faucet, the sound so loud but Chase hunched over the sink, allowing Jackie to only see his back. The room was quieter now, except the occasional sniffle that was increasing in frequency. Flying over the mess, Jackie landed himself on Chase’s left, putting a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “You alright?”

Lifting his head but still facing the sink, Chase acknowledged Jackie’s presence. Fresh tears were flowing from his eyes and dripping from his chin. “I–” Chase looked back down at the water, Jackie’s gaze following suit. There were small pink bubbles on the back of Chase’s hand, surrounded by red flushed skin. “I wanted to have dinner ready before you were back,” he blurted out, another couple of sniffles accompanying it.

“It’s okay,” Jackie tried to comfort, trying to remember what to do for burns. Was that RICE? “Right now, let’s just get you patched up.”

Chase rubbed his thumb over the boils. “But Henrik will be home soon and he had a really big surgery today. He’s always going on about how food is essentially to keep the body working. I can’t– I can’t just disappoint him like that.”

“If it’s that important, I can just order us food in. How do you feel about Chinese?” Jackie was trying to keep his voice up. Happy. Positive. He could feel himself shifting into trauma mode.

“No, no no. Have you seen the budget? Since I moved back in, money’s been much tighter. I heard Henrik talking with Jamie one night. Agreeing that they both would take more shifts to get some more money for the house. I swear I’m trying to find some job, but I can’t do much. So, if I can’t do that, the least I can do is give them both good home-cooked meals when they get home. Because that– that always made me feel better, so they would probably like it too. And it’s cheaper than buying out. But I can’t even–” Chase suddenly slammed his knee into the cupboard, and then his mouth opened so wide as he shrunk down and balanced on his good leg, his hands cradling his now damaged knee. “Ow.” It was so soft. “I should be able to do this much,” he spat through gritted teeth, the tears now rolling back down his face, breathing in and out quickly through the pain. “It’s the only thing I can provide,” he resolved, standing back straight and placing his hand under the forcefully cold water.

“Chase Brody,” Jackie was forceful, pulling on Chase’s shoulders so the man was forced to look his brother in the eyes. “You listen to me. It’s not your job to try and take care of us. We truly do appreciate you making efforts, like making us dinner a lot of nights. But, you are not a service. You don’t have to provide goods. You’re going through a shit time right now. We just want to make sure you’re okay. Okay?” By now, Jackie could feel tears welling up too. This burden Chase had placed upon himself, the pain he held right now, he didn’t need to do this alone. Just seeing the utter disbelief in his eyes right now that Jackie would dare say these things and mean it. Didn’t he understand his family would always be there for him? Because that’s how they’d been raised, to protect each other, help each other, love each other.

Before Jackie could pull Chase in for a much needed hug, Chase lowered his head and collapsed onto Jackie’s chest. “It’s alright Chase.” Jackie moved a bit closer so he could fully hug his brother. Chase lifted his head onto Jackie’s shoulder, giving them even more room to be closer. “It’s alright.” There were loud sniffles and what felt like a large weight on his heart. But Jackie was used to this kind of thing. He hugged Chase tighter. They’d all get him through this.

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tag: @sayrvespen, @alvie-ashgrove, @sadcat5555, @randowaffle, @friezzzboiii, @maybekatie, @theblackphoebe, @end-of-iconic, @pugsepticeye004, @artsy-wallflower-001, @septicuniverse

#jse egos #jacksepticeye egos #jackieboy man #chase brody #jacksepticeye #writersofjack #jacksepticeye fanfiction #these hands of mine #sapphirerubywrites

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