#sanay po ako mag isa yes po opo

[benefits1986]

lapidali

How do you sum up your life story in one line today, just in case your expiration date is tomorrow?

While Carrerrra is playing so early in June 2024's last Monday, I remember the tears that fell each time I visited mother dragon. The lapida is like a marker that bears her name and how she is best remembered. Its design is custom because I don't want my non-basic bitch mom to be just another statistic in a delulu is the solulu pitik ng inyong ajumma. The design marries spirals and swirls (favorite niya 'yan) and features a fleur de lis which hits home in as far as mom's life is concerned: -Many symbols that include royalty bilang siya ay mayorang-mayora lalo na sa buhay ko -In the bible, it represents the Holy Trinity and the Virgin Mary as a devout Catholic siya talaga like I KENNAT to the point na parusa niya sa akin ay magdasal ng rosary two times pero tumigil na rin kasi I'm not giving shit as non-formulaic girl -Purity because wagas siya in fairness. Walang halong kemikal at natural lang pagkatao niya. Unapologetic pa.

-It's French kasi 'yung maiden name niya (last name) is Frenching talaga and feeling ko talaga andun ang roots ko

-Light because she is my light in the darkest and most hopeless days and nights. Periodtzzz.

-It's both good and bad which is what mom is (like the rest of the world).

-Stands for theological virtues (faith, hope, and charity) very like my mom. Opak. Hindi lang talaga halata kasi sungit levels niya 10000000.

-I read somewhere na may paganap about it standing for "those who lived, those who loved, and those who fought" ngayon 'di ko na makita. Baka natabunan na ng updated content or AI-generated content.

-No photos, just engraving and font style is Garamond (as a Harry Potter girl tayo na wala ring naggawa nanay ko to the point na hindi na ako nagaaral kahit bagsak ako sa Trigo. Ganun kalala.) -It's black and grey. Periodtzz. As an ode to our tiny house na nilipatan namin ng walang pintura sa loob back in the late 90s.

Mom's one-liner which took me a week to down: YOUR LOVE AND LIFE LESSONS LIVE ON. Sana tama ang grammar. LOL. Side Note: Dad ko nung nakita 'yung design: Girl scout ba nanay mo? Me: Puwede rin kasi mala-girl scout siya sa pagiging laging handa. GMG kasi. Please lang.

While anhedonia is my default state of mind and being, seeing mom's final destination visually means shedding a tear or two. Yes. We don't ngalngal in public as much as we can po, opo. Ego e. Pride e. Last Saturday, I found myself walking a familiar path but this time, Dad is downing his daily steps. OPAK. Character arc development right there. Not bad for this 64-year-old pakitong-kitong, right? On a good day, he does 6K.

However, his hips and legs are starting to shake. I could have gone 10K with him as a wing girl even when it's friggin' hot outside. I've been checking his walk. May mali. May super mali. His form is not forming. I egged him and challenged him to gun for 20K steps. Anak, 2K tama na. Sakit e. Hahahaha. There, there, there. He still doesn't want to go all out in his PT sessions. I told him gusto niya yata malumpo na muna siya bago makinig at dibdibin ang kailangang gawin na napaka simple. AMPOOCH. He got back at me real quick saying that he's fine with downing his steps on his own. Sanay naman daw siyang mag-isa. Boomer bomb not so early on a Sunday gaming na naman. Anyway, as I'm walking around mom's eternal space in this lifetime, I can't help but observe the other lapidas. Some standouts are: -One biker who died at a ripe age; his lapida has a minimalist bike element -A few souls that lived for only one day -People my age with names that are from mixing the names of their parents (UGH) -Parent and child na maganda apelyido pero naman apaka sagwa ng layout -The custom design for mom was apparently used by the shop that is affiliated with the memorial park. FUCK. Ang lapit sa puntod ng nanay ko. However, it's super curious because ka-vibe niya mom ko. Inis na inis ako nung una kong nakita. Pero, ayun na e. Iba pa rin ang OG. LELS. 'Di rin maganda layout so, keep up. When my lola died, my dad requested me to customize the design of lapida. Wala kasi kasing pantiyong na sarili lola at lolo ko. LOL. Literal na nakikilagay lang kami ng sa ancestors nung lolo ko. And hassle puntahan kasi need mong mag-over the nitso ng slight. Sabi ni dad, naggawa ko naman ng mom ko, so dapat mas pak sa lola at lolo ko. LOL. In fairness, may pa-masaleo na sila ngayon. How po? From the hati ng family namin sa lupa sa Nasugbu na nabenta sa isang old couple in cash. Hahahahaha. Imagine, that had to wait for so many years? As a middle class from the gutters, syempre palakpak tenga na naman tatay ko. 'Di daw niya sukat akalain magkaka-masaleo sila. With pigil luha at tulo uhog pa 'yan, bitch.

Me: Wala namang difference 'yan. Ending, patay pa rin naman. Memorial parks are for the living. For posterity lang 'yan, honestly. It does not make sense at all. Periodtzzz. Since it's a collab between me, dad and his boomer siblings, mhieee, jusq. Mga 3 weeks na yata kaming nanenegosyahon. And hindi naman din bayad so 'yung pake ko, wala. CHOZ. Dad actually came up with my lolo and lola's one-liner. Pasado sa akin for the first time with tiny tweaks here and there. SIMPLENG PAGMAMAHALAN, NGAYO'Y MAGKAPILING NA SA WALANG HANGGAN. Opak. Kakanood ng Netflix and curated FYP from me. Lumevel up dad ko diyan. And proud ako sa pakawala niya. Anyway, anong lapida one-liner mo? Ako kasi if kayang literal na isaboy sa Mt. Batulao or sa Mt. Pulag ashes ko, dun na lang. Wala ng viewing because that's another story to tell. Syempre, malaking diskyuson na naman ito. Pero, abangan.

[sunb0rn]

aw sweet ni ate Marnell 😭

tas kanina sabi ni Rem samahan nalang niya ako matulog sa office, kaso bawal na yung ganon eh. sinuggest din nila na kay Aaron ako matulog.

cute lang nila.

buti hindi naman ako matatakutin pero sgro kung ung nakaraan na sobrang down ako at nagigising sa madaling araw, baka makitulog nga ako.

sa floor lang naman ako magisa kanina; pero dito sa dorm, alam ko makakasama ko si Ms. Juliet though wala pa siya atm

//

[moonwonuu]

Feel ko eto revenge sakin sa kakadogshow ko kina cheol omg. Alexa play umuwi ka na baby. 😭😭

Minsan talaga when you wanted to silence the thoughts kailangan mo rin isipin sarili mo no? And despite na maraming people na nagsasabi sayo na bumalik ka, when you’re trying to fight for a peace of mind, you can’t help but show to people na kailangan mo rin ng moment to be selfish. Kailangan eh. It’s like… a calm before the storm ganern. Tas kailangan mo i-silence yung storm kasi delikado. (Nagmmake sense ba ako hahahah)

Soul searching is a good remedy minsan. Kaya lang andaming nagpapanic pag bigla kang nagdemand ng soul searching. Anyway. Love you ate xu. Love you cheol. Noot noot.

- 🌸

“umuwi ka baby di na ako sanay nang wala ka mahirap ang mag isa” ang peg ni cheol po today opo :’) ang question, babalik ba?

yes, after all xu is still learning and growing. hindi siya perfect 🤧 same with cheol. he’s been patient with her from the very beginning pero di niya rin maiwasan ma question kung ano ba talaga nangyayari sakanya despite always telling her na di niya kailangan mag open up if hindi siya comfortable 🤧 ayown lang po.

ni literal po ni ate xu yung finding nemo 😭

[daeigne]

Kwentong Kalandian

nafrienzoned si acoeh

“Ito na ang kwento kung pano ako nafrienzoned ng crush ko. 

Bessy, alam mo ba? Syempre hindi. So eto na nga, I had a crush in this dude kasi I thought he was cool. He was a year older than me, hindi siya ganon kagwapo pero may appeal kaya marami-rami rin ang nagkakagusto sa kanya. 

Mabait siya. Matalino. Masayahin pero tahimik. Basta siya yung type ko na guy. Preparation nun sa culmination ng english club, vice president ako kaya I always attend every meetings and practice ng theater club para ma-manage ko din sila. Member siya ng theater club kaya dun ko siya nakilala. 

At first, wala talaga akong pake sa kanya. I was like ‘okay he’s cute pero I’ve seen better’ pero habang tumatagal I wasn’t aware na nadedevelop na pala ako sa kanya (yeah I know, very creepy haha)

Months passed, confirmed, sobrang crush ko na siya. Lahat ng classmates ko, more like the whole campus knows na crush ko siya. Kaya everytime we see each other I couldn’t help feel very shy and awkward. 

ELECTION DAY. I was a comelec, I assist every voters kasi first time ng school namin na mag online votation. Unexpectedly, he was seated sa assigned area ko. WTTFFFF. It was like heaven and hell for me. Alam na niya bes na crush ko siya, thanks to his bestfriend na friend ko din. Yung atmosphere sa computer lab nun was very very very very toxic. Nakakamatay yung hangin, sobrang tahimik tapos they were all staring intently at me with weird grins. 

AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER; WE HAD A FREAKING DECENT CONVERSATION MGA BESSS.

(take note: magkatabi kami bes. hindi ako makahinga)

Him: anong gagawin ko? Me: log-in ka muna *gives him the details sa account niya* Him: hindi nagwo-work yung password Me: capital letters kasi yan  Him: sabi ko nga *natawa* Me: *tahimik pero deep inside AUDUIWEHFIWEF* Him: hindi talaga siya nagwowork Me: ako na nga *kinuha ko yung keyboard tapos ako na yung nagtype* Him: thank you *tumingin sakin tapos killer smile* 

*cue awkward silence* 

Aalis na sana siya pero tumigil ng sandali kasi ano hahahhahaha tiningnan niya ako WUAHDIWQAHDIWQHF9IWQHF tapos ayun buo na ang araw ko. 

3rd week of March. Gusto ko na sanang mag confess sa kanya, pero nahihiya ako. One of my best friends suggested na through chat daw ako magconfess pero still DI KO KAYA. Dahil nairita na ako sa self ko. I sent him a strong message kasi it was 2 am, and as you all know, sobrang sabaw ng utak ko nun. I didn’t even notice na I message him kung hindi lang nagreply si crush hindi ko mapapansin na ginawa ko yun. Omgg, I love myself talaga!

“ANG HIRAP MO PALANG MAGING CRUSH, DI NA KITA CRUSH”

He replied with a laughing emoji na may “Well, that was unexpected” 

I KENNOT GUYS, I FREAKING KENNOT!

So I made-up some stories to him, na pinagtripan ako ng mga kaibigan ko. 

“hahahahahahahahaha that’s okay ren" “Lol. Sige po kuya, pasensya na talaga”

He didn’t reply and I was nabitin sa conversation namin. Kaya dumadamoves ako. I was like SUSULITIN KO TO DAHIL MALAPIT NA ANG SUMMER. 

I asked him stupid questions kasi that’s how I flirt. HAHAHAHAHA sorry na. Hindi ako sanay eh. Our conversation went like this:

Me: I have a question. Him: Ano yun? :) Me: Do you drink water? 

(If he says yes, I was planning na “Wow. Ako din, siguro meant to be tayo” yung parang ganun haha)

Him: Haaays *crying emoji*           Syempre naman. *laughing emoji*

Me: (fvck. I failed)          Pwede naman kasing hindi haha         Last question (I know, lumalandi na talaga ako)

Him: Haays. Sige :)

Me:  *may naisip na joke*           Wait. Bakit palagi kang naghaha-haays?           Mag hello ka :)

(I know sobrang corny pero YOLO)

Him: Hello          Awww          Nag joke ka pala. *laughing emoji*

Me: Opo. Pero hindi mo nagets *ay sheyt, ang slow niya*

Him: Haays. I cri Me: Tears of joy? Ganun kafunny? hehe

✓ seen

BWISIT! NASEENZONED AKO PERO OKAY LANG KASI NAGCHACHAT NA KAMI. I’M SO HAPPY!

Few days passed and it was our moving up ceremony. I posted a status sa facebook na 

“Hooy crush, i-congratulate mo naman ako, isa ka sa mga motivation ko kaya natanggap ko tong mga awards and medals. Hooy!

He freaking PMed me guys. Alam na niya talaga! 

“HIIIII REN :) CONGRATSSSS!”

(yes guys, capslock talaga yung format ng message)

Me: May nag-utos sayo, no?   Him: Nope. Pero diba? Crush mo ako? *laughing emojis* HAHAHAHA Me:  HAHAHAHAHA No comment. May nag-utos talaga sayo, alam ko. Him: Promise, walang nag-utos sa akin.  Me: Hays. Don’t me! Wag mo akong paasahin. Pero thanks, I appreciate naman :)  Him:  I read your status kaya ayun.  Me: *operation make landi*         susulat sana ako ng loveletter para sayo pero nakalimutan ko na wala               nga pala akong papel. Papel sa buhay mo!

Him: HAAAYSSS (o diba? speechless siya guys)

I sent him corny jokes guys tapos binully niya ako kasi sobrang waley daw. May pa eksena pang ganito:

Him: I can sleep peacefully na, sobrang corny kasi eh!  Me: Pero atleast I made you smile. YIEEEE. Wala na akong hiya! YOLO! Him: *natawa* Me: Hindi na talaga ako magpapakita sayo hahahahaha Him: San ka pala mag-ggrade12?  Me: 11 pa hoy! Excited lang? HAHAHAHA Him: Ayy hahahahahahahahahaha. 11 rather Me: Di ko pa alam. I’m still debating whether I should stay or mag transfer. Him: Nalilito ka kasi dito nag-aaral yung crush mo HAHHAHAHA Mahirap iwanan. Hayyyss *3 laughing emojis* Me: Gago HAHAHAHAHAHA Him: HAHAHAHAHA. Oo nga pala, FRIENDLY ako. May malaking possibility na maging friends tayo hahahahaha Me: Ay sheyt. Na friendzoned na ba ako? </3 Him: HALA HALA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Loko ka talaga Me: Don’t worry. It’s fine. Bye na friend. Magmo-move on na ako. Him: Sige friend. Ikaw lang yung nagkacrush sakin na gusto ko maclose kasi sobrang kalog mo hahaha Me: Chos. Pogi naman dis boi. Daming admirers!  Him: Hindi naman sa ganun  Me: May chance ba ko sayo? *wink* Him: Grabe. Ikaw lang talaga yung nakapagtanong sakin niyan. Aral muna girl Me: Nag-aaral naman ako ng mabuti boi. Hindi naman sa pagmamayabang pero 3rd kaya ako pero sana 1st ako sa puso mo! Him: hahahahahahaha iba! May kapareha ka ng personality Me: Sino?  Him: Kaklase ko :) Me: Akala ko pa naman, unique ako.  Him: HAAYS Me: Nadidirian na ako sa mga pinagsasabi ko. I’ll stop na Him: HAAYS Me: *he’s not interested*

 Forget all the things I said, but don’t forget me JOKE HAHA Titigilan na kita. I won’t bother you anymore. Bye friend.

Him: Goodnight friend.

-END OF CONVERSATION-

That was it guys. Hindi siya nadala sa mga pickup lines at banat ko huhuhu pero that’s okay. I had fun naman pero I will never go back. Magmo-move on na si aketch. First time kong gumawa ng damoves sa lalaki and I think I did good. Hindi ko na ipagpilitan yung self ko kasi alam ko ang worth ko. There’s a reason for everything. It’s not yet my time to have a relationship so all is well.