#samuel&lexie ; thread 001

[loveofcharacters]

Samuel hated seeing her cry, him being the reason for it just made him feel like absolute shit. He watched her leave, and the man felt depleted. He sat on the couch with his head in his hands, thinking about his timeline, his time and how he could shift and manipulate it to be a good dad for Eli while having another child. He was being responsible, that's how he saw it. Hearing the door open again, he looked up, smiled gently. "Okay," he spoke. He gently grabbed her hand when she'd placed the food between them. "Lex, talk to me. Please." He started. "What are you thinking?"

She looked at him when he turned her head. Tears flooded her eyes as he told her they weren't breaking up. It was a complicated conversation. She was starting to feel overwhelmed the more they even talked about it. To know that her whole future was mapped out. That it had to be two or three or five years. There was no just taking day by day and seeing how things go. "I-I'm going to go outside for a second. I need some fresh air." She finally spoke, taking his hands from her face so she could stand up. "I'll be right back." Lexie went out to his front porch, trying to take deep breaths to calm down the panic inside of her. After a few minutes she went back inside, holding a bag in her hand. "The delivery guy came while I was out there." She mumbled softly, coming back over and setting the bag on the coffee table.

[loveofcharacters]

"I know, baby." he whispered, leaning in a little further gently placing both hands on her cheeks and had her look in his eyes. He could see the worry and the sadness hidden behind them. "Lexie, hear me. We're not breaking up." He spoke with confidence, because they wouldn't. He would talk to Vera and they would come together to find a new way to support. "My timeline isn't cement or concrete. I was just voicing my thoughts and concerns out loud. We can come to a compromise. You said two or three years right?" He nodded, "Well, in three year he'll be turning four. I'll talk to Vera, suggest we find a Junior Kindergarten or Early Education. There's no harm in him learning early." He was just wanting her to see the likely of there being a positive. "The latest, is maybe waiting an extra six months until he's in Kindergarten. You know I don't mean until we start trying right? I'm talking about our baby's birthday, or birth month."

Her mind was running all over the place. Was this the end? Should she even spend the night now? Or should she go home? Looking at him as he told her to stop thinking. It was definitely easier said than done. At least he didn’t want to break up. But yet there was still that hint of finality in what he said. That they’d be going by her timeline if there wasn’t Eli. But because Eli was here, they were going to go by Sam’s. There was no meeting in the middle. Swallowing thickly, she nodded her head. “I would never let him feel like he’s second.” She mumbled. No, she loved Eli and would love to be his step mom someday.

[loveofcharacters]

He could see her thinking, her disappointment and a hint of sadness evident from her thoughts, he sat closer to her. "Lex," grabbing her hands. "Stop thinking." He said, nodding, "I agree, but we're not breaking up. We'll make it work." He said, hoping the soft smile on his lips would translate that there's hope. "I want you to know. We'd be living life on your timeline if was just us. I'm just trying to be a good father for Eli and a responsible co-parent to Vera. The first few years are hard, but they get easier when day-care and school are introduced." He wasn't sure if his explaining would make her feel better or worse. "I would never be unhappy with you Lex, if we had a baby tomorrow I wouldn't be unhappy. I worry Eli will feel like he's left behind. I don't want my son to feel like he's second."

Lexie wasn’t sure what to do now. She loved Samuel, had fallen in love with him since day one. But now hearing they want different things, or maybe just different timings, it did make her question if there was a future. Because she wouldn’t want him to force himself to be ready to give her a baby in a couple years. But she also wasn’t sure if getting married and then having to wait half a decade to have a baby would make her unhappy or not. “It honestly makes me feel like we both have to think about this. Because I don’t want us to get in too deep to find out one of us will end up unhappy.”

[loveofcharacters]

Samuel didn't want to let Lexie go, he didn't want her to be unsure about him or their future. He hated the hurt that spread across her facial features, he was the cause of it. He did the math, in relation to how old his son would be, in his mind. Samuel nodded, "Two or three years." He looked at his son, bouncing happily. "That's a fair timeline." He couldn't agree with it, not yet, he knew he had to give Vera the courtesy of a heads up, a voice in conversation. "Eli would be in Kintergarden." he spoke before looking back at Lexie. "I'm sorry I brought this up. I didn't want to upset or surprise you with my timeline later, I thought if we spoke now it would be smoother. I'm an idiot regardless. I don't want this to ruin our night."

She hated that the conversation was almost heading towards breakup territory. But this was an important conversation to have. Because if she wasn’t willing to wait and he wasn’t willing to budge on his idea of waiting for Eli to be in school, she knew there would only be conflict. “Um, I’m not sure.” She spoke honestly. “If we got married in let’s say a year, I’d probably want a baby a year after that or even half a year. So I guess I’m thinking two or three years.”

[loveofcharacters]

He looked down at his hands, wanting to hide the hurt he felt. He wasn't sure what outcome he'd expected when starting this conversation, though he'd hoped it would be positive. He's learning he was foolish for thinking it to begin with. The idea of losing Lexie broke him. He looked back up at her, why did it feel like they, no, he cracked their foundation. How does he get it back? "No, it doesn't have to be that black and white. I-" He shook his head, "What would your timeline be? If it was just you and me, no Eli or Vera."

Lexie knew him bringing up the ex was inevitable. And she had actually met Vera before she met Eli. She felt it was only fair. And his ex was super nice, they seemed to have a decent coparenting relationship going on. So that really didn’t bother her. What did bother her was that she would have to be okay with waiting until Eli was in school to have her own baby. Now she was confused, because she wasn’t sure if she was willing to wait that long. “I don’t know if I can wait that long.” She said honestly. “So basically if I’m not willing to wait we have to end it?”

[loveofcharacters]

Samuel sighed, this was the reaction he'd expected from this conversation, but he coudln't avoid it. "That isn't the final number, but I'm thinking around then. I'm just- Here's my thinking. Whichever child I parent, I want to be there, I want to be present. Eli's about to turn one, I want to be present in his life for as long as I can and I want to be there to help Vera," He didn't enjoy bringing his ex into the conversation, though she was an important piece to his life. "Five years from now, Eli will be in 1st grade, he'll be at school all day, then he can learn to be a big brother on weekends." He was hoping she can understand his rationale. "Lex, I love you. I want that future you're dreaming of, I do. My timeline just might be a little more delayed. Maybe not the married piece, but the rest of it."

"Oh, phew." It kind of scared her that he was maybe having second thoughts. All this talk about their future she was worried she had freaked him out enough to back away. "Okay..." She looked at him as he told her he didn't want another baby for a few years. Her heart sank a little, her eyes moving down to the couch and not on him anymore. "Five years?" That was a long time, and while no she wasn't ready to have a baby right now, she'd at least one after they potentially got married. "Not even after we were to get married or something?" Looking over at his baby, Eli did give her baby fever so it did hurt to hear it probably wasn't happening anytime soon.

[loveofcharacters]

Samuel began shaking his head almost instantly. "No, Lex, I'm not breaking up with you." He turned his body to face her, "I just wanted to talk about our future. I want to be honest and open with you, so you can then make your decision before you really jump into the deep end with me and Eli." He let out a sigh, "I'm sorry, I don't mean to make you scared or panicked, I just want to-" Sam shook his head, choosing to drop it and just get to the point. "Anyway, you said we would have a kid one day and I would love nothing more, but I want you to know, I don't think I can be a father again for a few years. I mean, like five years. Maybe less, but that's my thinking." He looked at her, wondering if he'll see her deplete or be disappointed. "What do you think about that?"

"What? No, no I don't mean that. I just meant, never mind." She would never think of Eli as just her practice. If they were to ever have a future and have kids of their own she'd obviously think of Eli as her kid as well. But the look on Samuel's face just showed her that he was kidding. Nodding as he told her what to do, she sat down on the couch and just watched Eli while he bounced. Lexie was happy that he trusted her to leave her alone with him. Turning the tv on a Disney movie for him, she looked up as Samuel came back in the room. "He's still alive." She smiled. But when he said they should discuss their future her brows furrowed. "Are you about to break up with me?"

[loveofcharacters]

Samuel raised his brows, a small smile appearing. "Oh yeah?" they'd never really talked about a family, they'd only recently spoke about their commitment to one another. "So, Eli is a practice run?" he joked, knowing wholeheartedly that's not what she meant. Samuel laughed lightly, "Right now, you can sit, relax and keep an eye on him while he bounces." He smiles, "Remember, you're also my guest." he left them for a few minutes to put in their food order, it might have taken a little longer than usual since he was putting a lot of energy ignoring a comment she'd made a moment ago. When returning to the living room, he smiled and sat next to her. "He's still alive I see," He teased, "So something you said, had me thinking about things. Us. Our future," he looked awaiting her reaction.

Lexie rolled her eyes playfully. "Someday we will have our own baby. I'm going to have to get up with them in the night too." Maybe it was too soon to even bring that up. But she loved Samuel and saw a future with him, saw children and marriage someday down the road. She hoped it didn't freak him out, but he did say he loved her. "Guess I'll have to just move in." She teased lightly. "So what can I do to help you? I want to be able to help when I stay over. So tell me, coparent, what can I do?"

[loveofcharacters]

Sam couldn't help but chuckle, "You're going to regret pushing to stay over." He laughed. Taking a step away to search for his phone to order them dinner. "He's going to want you to cuddle him every night. You'll never be able to leave." He chuckled, not adding the point that he'd want her around more too. On the weeks where he wasn't responsible for Eli, he'd loved having her around. Though at times, it felt like something was missing when it was just the two of them. Eli completed them, even though she wasn't his mother, they were forming a family. Slowly, but surely.

She knew it wasn't going to be easy staying the night with a crying baby. Lexie may end up regretting this in the morning. But she missed Samuel, missed sleeping next to him. She can't even remember the last time they were intimate. But when he agreed to let her stay, a sigh of relief left her body. "Thank you." She rested her forehead against his after the kiss. Smiling as she heard Eli, she turned back to the baby. "Oh? Is that right, baby boy? You want Lexie to stay the night with you?" She went to sit on the floor next to the wing so she could be near the baby. "I just love him so much."

[loveofcharacters]

Hearing her sigh, he'd furrowed wondering what it was that she was going to say and worried it might be something negative towards him or what he'd said. When she'd finished speaking her truth, he closed the gap between them again. Chuckled at her last note of their food order. "And I love you," he repeated, smiling down at her before leaning in to press his lips against hers. "So it's settled," he smirked as he spoke softly. "Sushi and a sleep over." He chuckled, then his son let out a happy whine. "Sounds like Eli approves."

"I just..." She let out a sigh. "I hate that I have to leave once we start getting tired. I love you and I want a future with you. And if that means I have to split the midnight feedings with you, I will. I love Eli and I'd do anything for him. For you." Lexie shrugged. "Peace and quiet is all fine but if you're not in the bed with me it's not that great." She spoke honestly. "I love sushi."

[loveofcharacters]

"Are you sure?" Samuel scanned her face, "I mean, yes, I want you to stay. Don't think I don't want you to stay, but he's going to wake up maybe four or five times." He looked at her, "I don't know anyone who would purposely stay over when they have access to a bed with peace and quiet." Samuel chuckled and shook his head lightly, "Alright, alright. How about Sushi?"

"Isn't it up to you?" She asked, pointing out the obvious a little. Lexie knew he just was thinking more so of her sanity, not wanting to overwhelm her with the baby. But she loved him, and his son. Staying over wouldn't bother her. "You know, I could stay tonight if you want. I don't mind getting up in the night to feed him or change him." Shrugging, she just didn't want to have to leave and go home again. "Oh, you made me decide if we're cooking or not. Now you need to decide what we're having."

[loveofcharacters]

"Oh that's a known fact." He laughed, knowing a few of his friends still tease him about that night. They were all there to witness how she'd struck his attention and has never let go. "I'd have you over every night if it was up to me." He smirked. "If I didn't have Eli i'd keep you trapped here tonight." He smiled. "That kid saved you from a sleepless night of soothing, diaper changing and caressing. You can thank him when he's five." Ordering in it is. The next hard hitting question: What do we order?" He laughed lightly

"Guess you just couldn't resist me." She smirked. Lexie hadn't been looking for a relationship either when she met Samuel. But one thing was certain the minute she met him he became a big part of her life. "I love you." She repeated, because she just felt like what he just said deserved another I love you. "I never mind cooking for you. But let's order in tonight. I'll make sure to cook again tomorrow, if you want me to come over again."

[loveofcharacters]

Samuel laughed lightly, "I hadn't planned on dating anyone, so I didn't really think about it." He shared honestly, Lexie had been someone who caught him by surprise. "The minute you walked into that bar, I was a goner. So, I just happen to be very very lucky to have begun dating someone who loves him and will drop everything including their boyfriend to hold him." He joked. "Do you feel like cooking?" he asked hoping she'd give an honest answer. "I'm more than okay to order out." he admits.

“Hey now. I bet when you started dating again after your ex that you wanted someone that would love your son. And look you found someone who would drop everything to hold him.” Because even though he wasn’t hers, she still loved him like he was. “I love you too, Sam.” Watching him as he moved about, she shrugged. “I don’t know. Want me to go see what you have and cook us something? Or do you want to order out?”

[loveofcharacters]

"Except give me attention while my son is around." He joked squeezing her a little tighter, leaning his forehead against hers. "I love you Lex," he smiled stealing one last kiss before breaking away. "What are you thinking for dinner?" He asked, as he moved to start clearing out the overnight baby bag that his ex had left for him to have.

Lexie laughed as he ran back in to hug her. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she kissed him back sweetly. "They are the true heroes." She grinned as she stole another kiss. Every day she fell more in love with this man. He had captivated her from day one and her feels just got stronger. Everyday they were still in that honeymoon phase. "Yeah? That's good to know." Not that she asked him to. "And I'd do anything you'd ask me to."

[loveofcharacters]

Samuel rolled his eyes and made his way to the kitchen to get himself a soda. "Hell yes I do." he laughed jogging back tot he living room, wrapping his hands around her waist. "And thank the scientists for the that." He chuckled leaning into press his lips against hers, while closing the gap between them and pulling her chest to lay flush against his. He pulled away to look her in the eyes. "I would wrap it, if you asked me to." he admitted with a smile. "I'd do anything you asked me to."

"You'll get your turn later. When he goes to bed." Winking at him, she kissed the baby one more before bringing him to put in his little swing. "Okay, okay. No baby in my hands. You want that hug and kiss?" Wrapping her arms around him, she kissed his cheek. "We both know you don't like to be wrapped with me. But that's what really good birth control is for." But the fact he even thinks about that just made her blush.

[loveofcharacters]

"Yet, I'm not the one getting hugs and kisses." he pointed out lightheartedly. Samuel threw his head back chuckling, at the apparent blame being on his shoulders. With every day that passes, Samuel fell more in love with her, and watching her hold and care for his son so naturally his like kryptonite. "Looks like I better be careful and stay wrapped with you then huh? God knows I wouldn't even get acknowledgement if your beauty were added to the mix."

Lexie gave her boyfriend a look, holding the baby against her chest. "Oh, please. I missed you too." She kissed the top of the baby's head. From the day Samuel introduced her to his son, she had fallen in love instantly. He looked just like his father, had his eyes and his nose. He was beautiful. "Not my fault you made such a cute baby. You only have yourself to blame."