#samira | zian | 03

[samiraxiyer]

Samira felt her cheeks slightly flush at the realization that she’d just assumed and that hadn’t been the case at all. “No don’t apologize, I should’ve clarified with you,” she admitted with a smile before shaking her head, “he hasn’t done anything though. He was a bit too surprised and as far as I know he hasn’t approached Maya on her own at all either,” she clarified with a small smile. “Thanks,” she rolled her eyes at his words, feeling like they were meant to salvage her pride which wasn’t doing all that great lately anyways. She knew he was attempting to be comforting and for the most part it had been, but it didn’t alleviate any of her feelings and current stressful thoughts right now. 

“No don’t apologize really, you have nothing to say sorry for,” Samira didn’t really blame anyone in this situation. Was that strange? Should she be blaming someone? If anything—she really just wanted it all to fade away and live her life happily with her daughter. At Zian’s question about Maya knowing, her eyes darted up towards her daughter once more before she shook her head. “No, thankfully she has no idea. I don’t even know if Shane’s going to reach out, so telling her now would just complicate things.” Once she understood where Shane was, she could make that decision and see how things went. For now though, Maya was allowed to remain blissfully unaware just like Samira wanted. 

It was nice to hear someone tell her that if she chose to leave for the weekend, it wouldn’t be seen as a moment of weakness. Even if ultimately she’d do what she felt right doing, hearing his opinion was certainly good right now since it soothed over some of those worries. “That’s true—although, I have to admit…I thought about calling the company and telling them to send me anywhere else,” she admitted with a chuckle before shaking her head. She was not a quitter and none of her reasons for quitting were going to push her to that limit. “I will absolutely let you know if I need something,” she said with a small smile aimed his way at the way he gave her that soft kiss to her head. It was nice to know that while her time in Wilmington had been short so far, she’d made some good friends that were actually there for her when she needed them. She leaned into his touch and rested her head on his shoulder for a moment before taking a deep breath. It felt nice to lean on someone and not have it become complicated because truthfully Samira had enough of that in her life right now. When Zian spoke again, she glanced up and gave him a smile. “Yeah? Maybe I’ll surprise you with it one day. But just before I plan anything, what’s your schedule look like before summer break? Only because I don't want to wait until July.”

Zian chuckled at her response, waving his hand to dismiss the miscommunication generated by his own awful wording: "No," The young professor shook his head, rushing to get in the words he should've thought better before saying anything. "I'm sorry, Sam... I meant making a move towards doing something about Maya," Finally, he clarified. It would be too rude of him if he started laughing at his own stupidity , wouldn't it? "Since you said the ball was on his court, that's all. I apologize for making it seem like it was a romantic move towards you." Because he didn't think people were able to harbor feelings towards others, especially ones left unfed, ones left untouched, for so long.

"...Not that you don't deserve romantic moves being made towards you, you know..." He smiled down at her, gently nudging her chin with his knuckles, a gesture otherwise too manly, but, Zian had never really cared about gendered roles and/or how things were considered masculine or feminine. Still, he finished it off by gently caressing her chin, too, so that Samira wouldn't think Zian didn't know how to be tender with a woman.

Hah. God forbid.

From the looks of it, despite being caught in a situation that would otherwise have Zian running to the hills screaming, Samira seemed to be holding everything up just fine, which, once again just proved how unfit for some things he still was. Look at him, all mature and poetic, chasing romance and an utopic life, but the moment things would come crashing down and now that he didn't have his escape to resort to, the young professor caught himself admiring someone for simply holding on.

It showed just how poorly he had been holding on.

"I see." Zian bobbed his head at her explanation. What a mind-fuck situation this seemed to be. What a damn goddess Samira was. "Still, I'm sorry all of this has been happening, though. Does Maya know?" About Shane being her father, he meant to complete his own sentence, but before he could, a ball rolled to his feet and he got distracted for a second there as he looked for its owner so he could kick back to them. Once that had happened and was out of the way, he returned his attention to his friend.

Hah... an escape, you say? Something to help you run away from and ignore all your problems? Never heard of it before, says Zian to himself, as if it wasn't the biggest lie he's ever told ever since his fifteenth birthday and he got a taste of that Vicodin-induced haze during one of the Hearst glamorous parties.

"A weekend away is hardly a cop out, Sam." Although unsolicited, Zian still voiced his opinion. Again, he knew that far too well... running from his problems. "It's a weekend away with your daughter, enjoying some peace and quiet. You're not packing up your bags and moving away again." He said as he easily changed his cup from one hand to the other so he could move one arm over Samira's shoulders and pull her close. "And even if it were... what is it to anyone?" Zian gently shook her shoulders, as if trying to cheer her up. God, he was terrible at this, wasn't he? Where were beautiful words he so adored when he needed them the most? "No one has the right to judge you for the way you choose to deal with your problems, you know? This isn't just some minor inconvenience." With that, he pressed a kiss on the crown of her head. "And if you need anything, just let me know, will you?" He looked down at her, before moving his other arm around her shoulders too, being careful enough not to let his hot coffee go-to cup touch her skin.

Moments like these made Zian realize how glad he was that things hadn't worked out romantically between Samira and him, because right now, he needed a friend more than he needed a lover. He needed to know he was surrounded by good people instead of telling himself he was dragging someone into his mess. At this point in his life, everything was very touch and go whether he would find a way to detach himself from the person he used to be in the past, or whether he would be able to become someone else in some aspects. His poetry had already been influenced by the lack of illicit substances in his bloodstream and he now considered himself to be a fraud of a poet. Maybe he would soon start considering himself to be a fraud of a professor, too.

"I appreciate it, Sam. Maybe you should take me on those weekend getaways with Maya." He chuckled as he looked down at her. "I'm all for escaping my problems like that." / @samiraxiyer

[samiraxiyer]

“Ah don’t be,” Samira said quickly enough, a perfect false smile aimed his way. She was used to this. She was used to taking on things on her own and seeing them through. She was used to life through the worst curveballs her way all too often. She was used to all of this but this time she’d been stupid enough to believe maybe it wouldn’t be so hard to make this move to Wilmington. Funny how that had worked out. “No my god,” she let out an awkward laugh before shaking her head. “It’s not like that. It’s been…gosh it’s been over seven years, he’s not looking to ‘make a move’. I think he was more shocked than anything,” she mused softly before giving him a quick shrug. “After all, t’s not every day you run into your ex-financée with your kid, now is it?” 

She didn’t miss the way Zian looked at her as if he was finding it hard to believe that the father and daughter had met and honestly she’d felt the same way too but clearly she’d seen them interacting. in front of her own eyes which solidified the fact that Maya had actually met her father without either of them knowing how they were related to one another. “Yeah it was really random. Maya had been at day camp and they took them to the local library to pick out some books to read and bring back for the afternoon session. I guess he was there and they got to talking? Maya mentioned it that day of course, but just because she’d mentioned meeting someone having a similar eye color to her own—didn’t mean I was going to put it together.” Samira murmured before sighing, “especially since I had no idea he had ties to this place. Just my luck huh—out of all 50 states in this country, and of all the cities in this particular state…this is where he ends up.” She glanced up at him with a smile when he tried to comfort her before shrugging and looking back at Zian when he spoke in that way about Shane. 

It didn’t sit well with her. And it probably never would. No matter what had happened between them, with him walking out on her…she would never think of him as some horrible man. He’d been the love of her life at one point after all. “Nah—he’s not doing anything wrong. He approached me because it has been years and he knew I was uncomfortable so he didn’t ask anything from me. I was the one who handed him my contact information if he wanted to talk.” But when Zian mentioned how this was probably making her anxious she sighed and nodded, “I honestly don’t know what I need at this point. It’s tempting to just take a weekend trip with Maya, take her somewhere we haven’t been before but it feels like a cop out if I do that.” And Samira Iyer was too strong and too resilient to do something like that. 

Asking him how things were with him felt natural and she listened intently as he told her how stressed he was in the last few weeks and nodded before giving him a small smile, “I get that…hopefully the summer break arrives sooner rather than later, but hey—you tell me if you need anything okay? I appreciate you letting me vent and want you to know that I’m here if you need to do that too. Even if I know nothing about your classes or anything,” she said with a small smile, hoping it would make him laugh a little.

His fingers tapped gently on the to-go cup Zian's been holding onto and it was still hot enough to burn his fingertips, but if he focused on it, then maybe other things would hurt less. Maybe then, his brain would focus on Samira and her issues instead of his constant battle with his cravings. "I'm sorry, Sam." While he had no children of his own that he knew of, Zian could only assume just how hard it was being for Samira after having gone through what she had with her ex-husband. "Has he tried to make a move or anything?"

Zian was halfway up to taking a sip from the all-too-hot cup of coffee when his friend shared the information on Maya having already met her father, which, kind of made everything all that much worse, didn't it? "What... she has?" The young professor blinked a few times as it actually hard to believe that this had all happened while he was cooped up in his apartment feeling sorry for himself and finding a way to stay away from daily temptations. "How did that happen? I mean, Wilmington is no San Francisco, but it's not super small either?"

He did reach over and gently squeezed her knee as an attempt to comfort her somehow, although, Zian knew for a fact that was little to almost nothing he could possibly do to truly comfort her in that case.

"You know it's not a sob story, Sam." It was sad, sure, but it wasn't Samira's fault that her ex seemed to be one hell of an asshole walking this Earth. "There's no actual excuse for what he seems to be doing," That being no reaching out. "I can't imagine how anxiety-driven this must be to you. Can I help in any way?" He offered. Maybe Sam could tell him what to do, since Zian was coming off short of ideas to help her.

When the question was turned to him, the young professor finally took a sip from his coffee, hoping that caffeine would help answering that question. "Honestly? I've been looking forward to summer break. It's been... kind of packed last couple of weeks. It feels like there's too much going on at the same time." Besides, his step-father was now in town, which made things slightly less comfortable to him, especially since he could no longer resort to his previous type of recreational drug usage. "I'm managing, though." He lied. "In the best way I can." / @samiraxiyer

[samiraxiyer]

Samira had been quite pleased with the invitation from Zian to hang out. And seeing as she'd already promised Maya a visit to the park, having him meet them there seemed like the perfect plan. Not only would she be able to keep her eye on her kid but she also got some time with her friend. His question hadn’t been a surprise since she’d told him about running into Shane last week and shrugged instantly, a natural reaction before she looked back at him. “Honestly I’ve just been trying to think it was just a dream or something, you know?” 

“Because I mean—it was so sudden and random, and finding out that Maya and him have already met…that was a curveball I hadn’t expected.” Samira admitted this softer because she didn’t want Maya to show up suddenly and overhear them. “But I haven’t heard from him yet and I’m trying to decide if that's for the best or not…but at this stage, the ball is in his court and I’m trying to just stay clam, for both our sakes.” Samira told him this as calmly as she could, mainly because every single time she realized his delay in reaching out could mean he didn’t want to know anything hurt her more than she’d be willing to admit. “But—enough about my sob story,” she turned to him, a dimpled smile on her face as she spoke. “How have things been going with you?” 

SETTING: lincoln park; saturday morning AVALABILITY: closed starter for samira iyer | ( @samiraxiyer )

He watched as Maya ran around with a few other children in the playground area of Lincoln Park. Nannies and other mothers surrounded them, some wiping snot off their kids' noses, others giving them bottles of water to suck on the rubber straw to keep hydrated. Zian wanted to capture a few of these moments with his camera, but at the same time, he didn't want to come off as weird or invasive, so he kept his camera by his side as Samira and him chatted.

"How have you been holding up?" He asked, eyes trained on Maya for a moment, before shifting his gaze towards the mother. "With her father in town, and all..." He didn't have kids, and from the looks of it, it didn't seem he would become a father anytime soon, but after hearing about Samira's ex being in town, he couldn't help but wanting to shelter his friend and her daughter from any possible problems.