#same deal with spirals im just like wtf do i do with your body

[clansunsharp]

anyone got any m snappers theyd like to show off. i need ideas

[petersnya]

sight for sore eyes|| peter b. parker ||

[part. 00; jealousy]

summary:: “I watch your eyes as she walks by…” you pause, tears forming as you remember the way peter looked at her- the way you wanted him to look at you, “what a sight for sore eyes…” || when the realization hits you about peter, it’s too late. but sometimes late is just the right timing… sometimes.

word count:: 1.5k

warnings(for the whole series):: friends>enemies>lovers, mature themes/smut, cursing, slight violence, lots of angst, fluff, clueless peter

warning(for this chapter):: cursing, angst, fluff

paring:: peter parker x fem!reader

[a/n]:: wattup! peter parker (and any other teens mentioned) have been aged up to 17 and turning 18 as the story goes on! i hope you enjoy this and make sure to let me know if you want to be tagged in the parts<3 also! endgame and infinity war did not happen for the sake mine and your happiness though out this ‘book’

“Your going down Parker.”

“Nah man, Im gonna—“

Peter was cut off but the vibration of his controller as you killed his video game character. Taking off your head set and setting down your controller with a calm, soft smirk spread across your face as your side of the TV had ‘winner’ written across.

“No-no! That’s not fair dude! You cheated,” Peter yelled towards you as you walked into the kitchen to grab a slice of pizza. Reaching into the fridge to get a soda, you felt your back being pressed against Peter’s toned chest as he grabbed the soda you had in your hand.

Opening it and taking a sip he chuckle at the look on your face as you turned around to face him. All he did was walk away, back towards the couch, falling back on to it as he picked up his head set.

The look that made the curly headed boy laugh was still on your face as you watched him. To him, you looked annoyed yet humored by him; but really, you couldn’t help this feeling you felt when you felt him against you. Redness began to creep up your neck but quickly faded as you shook the feeling he gave you.

He’s you best friend idiot. You can feel this way for him if all people.

“You coming?” Peter question, starting a new game. You rolled your eyes to make it seem as if you weren’t flustered but the boy a few feet away from you.

“Yea man. Ready to get your ass kicked agin?” You joked as you sat next to him.

“Haha- not funny.” He said with a straight face and a fake laugh that made you giggle as you shoved his shoulder with yours.

The whole night as you a peter played video games back to back, you couldn’t help but think about the feeling of his muscular chest against you. Around 1:20 AM, you and Peter had started to get tired. The boy next to you turned off the gaming console, slowly turning towards you.

“I got the couch, you got the bed.” He said, sleep lacing his voice. You wanted to protest, saying that you could both have the bed; but something stopped you and you just nodded your head, telling him good night as you walked to his bed room. His aunt, May, wasn’t home but made it very clear that she had an eye on both of you so you knew that Peter didn’t want to his aunt May to see you to in the bed together. Even if the two of you were just sleeping.

Laying in bed, Peter’s bed, you stared at the sealing not being able to fall asleep.

The smell of room sent your mind spiraling. Rolling over onto your side, you pushed your arm underneath his pillow as you inhaled his the sent. Peter was the only thing on your mind. The way he smiled, his chocolate hair and honey brown eyes, the light freckles across his nose that you could only see if you were up close to his face. His laugh made your heart skip beats.

“3:57 AM,” you read the clock sign with a sigh. You knew you should go to sleep; so you rolled once again, getting into a more comfortable position. Your eyes getting heavy as you drifted into sleep.

<<<<<<<<

A warm arm draped around your waist, fingers slowly sliding up and down your bare stomach from the shirt that lifted in your sleep.

You smiled softly at the contact, not thinking to check who it was. But the feeling a bare, muscular chest on your back made your eyes fling open.

Slowly, you turned your head to see who was behind you, even though you knew it was—

“Peter?”

“Mhmm,” he hummed back in response, not opening his eyes. You couldn’t shack the feeling of the chill that ran up your spine, and the goosebumps that formed on your body.

“Wha- uh.. what are you doing?” You questioned in a hushed voice.

“Hhmm? Oh sorry. The couch got uncomfortable. I didn’t think you’d mind though.” He said while opening his sleepy looking eyes.

“Oh no-I don’t mind.”

Peter removed his arm, turning with his back turned towards you. You almost whimpered at the feeling of his arm not being around your waist anymore.

Stop it [y/n]. This is Peter we’re talking about here. But why would he put his arm around me and not expect me to feel some way about it?

The thoughts ran through your head fast, the last on lingering for a while.

You and Peter were the best of friends. If he needed someone, you were there and vise versa. But you weren’t really that girly. So Peter didn’t think of you in ‘that type of way’. You didn’t think of him that way either. The two of you always called each other ‘bro’, ‘dude’, or ‘man’; but you still had that feeling of tingles and warmth—

Your thoughts were interrupted by a loud, tired groan from Peter. The sound going straight to your core. Quickly, you got up and went into his bathroom— making sure to not make a lot of noise as you went, Incase May was home.

Looking in the bathroom mirror you stared at your self in question. You were a tom-boy. You were wearing a pair of rolled up basket ball shorts of Peter’s and one of his very large white Tee’s. You shrugged at your reflection,

“If I wanted to look all girly and ‘pretty’ I could be the hottest girl he would know.”

“Who’s he?”

You jumped at the sound of Peter’s raspy voice behind you. He only had on sweats and no shirt. All you could think was

Damn

“No one, just.. speaking hypothetically.”

“Your wired,” he chuckled as you grabbed a towel from the bathroom closet, mumbling something along the lines of, ‘I’m just gonna go shower in Mays bathroom’. You just nodded, going to take a shower of your own in his bathroom.

After your shower, you went into the kitchen where May stood, making coffee for the three of you. Peter sat on the couch flipping through channels.

“Hey honey!”

“Morning May,” you said as you say in one of the chairs at the dining table.

“Are you going to Florida with Peter, Ned and Mj?” She questioned, you nodded in response. The three of you had been planning this for a while now so you were beyond excited to spend time with you best friends.

You stood for the set you just took, walking over to Peter. He was wearing his usual jeans and flannel but this time had a baseball cap on. As you slumped beside you grabbed the hat and put it on you backwards. Peter chuckled at your childish act, glancing at you from the corner of his eye.

The three of you sat in silence till May was done with the coffee. She brought it over to you and Peter, handing you the mugs. You thanked her as she walked away.

Peter’s and your phone got a text notification— the two of you checking it at the same time. It was a group chat with you, Peter, MJ, and Ned for the trip to Universal Studios.

Ned: heyyyy.. so Liz and Flash are also coming to Disney with us.

You and Peter looked at each other at the sight of what Ned texted. You watched as Peter texted back— his cheeks a blushed red color. You have known Peter long enough to know when he’s turning red from anger. This wasn’t anger. He was… blushing?

Peter: Liz is coming?!

You face fell at the text. Looking down at your phone, you glanced up at young guy next to you; but quickly looked away before he saw you.

Mj: yea Ned! Wtf are they coming for???

Ned: well I was talking about it to Betty and they over heard and kinda invited their selves… srry:(

Y/n: I’m just gonna ignore those bitches and go to Hogwarts like I planned.

Peter looked at, “[y/n], you don’t like Liz?” He questioned.

You shocked your head no, not caring enough to look him in the face.

“How dude? She’s so hot,” he said with a smirk. Your heart sank at the words.

What the hell are you acting like this for [y/n]?

Peter continued to text in the group chat. You silenced your phone— not wanted to deal with this right now.

You had never became jealous of anyone. Confusion over took you as you scrambled your mind for why you were jealous of Peter and Liz. You didn’t like Peter at all. Did you?

Did you like Peter Parker? The thought lingered for a while.

No. No I can’t like him and I won’t. It’s just wrong.

Those words that you promised yourself you would keep was the biggest lie you had told yourself. Peter Parker was like a drug—

How could you not get addicted?

I hope you enjoyed this ‘chapter’ !! Let me know if you want to be tagged in the next part!! :)

[gayregis]

blood and wine rewrite au basic layout

i already posted something like this before but i cant find the post so im just rewriting all of this from the top of my head

everyone’s repurposed roles:

geralt - he’s still a witcher. he’s geralt of rivia. obviously. i don’t have time or interest to think about how to rewrite the entire witcher 3 game to be lore-friendly, but i assume there would be less triss and more dandelion involved in it. for this let’s just take him as geralt having done everything in tw3 but with the personality of geralt from the books because geralt from the games doesn’t have much of a strong personality good for writing or thinking about.

regis - a bitch. nah jk. he’s same regis but just what he was like 100 years ago when he got his head cut off. he’s less spiralling-into-doom than he was then, and is less desperate and hopeless overall, but is slowly getting there once again. he doesn’t remember anything about learning from his mistakes and becoming a good person, because this regis didn’t get any of that. to this regis, it’s like no time has passed at all since he died, and he’s ready to start partying again without any thought of the consequences. he’s moved to toussaint because everyone’s already tipsy there and the north is plagued by war so it’s not a really great source to be drinking from (like if there was a sewage leak near the vineyard you sourced your wine from). he doesn’t remember anything about maturing up or about becoming a surgeon or about the hansa, so that sucks.

dettlaff - not a fucking maniac. actually a character geralt will likely spend a good amount of time talking to. total character overhaul because he does not have a personality in the actual DLC. he arrived in toussaint because he had heard that regis had returned and wanted to fix things wih him, he had previously left him.

syanna - not a fucking dumbass, yet still naive in her own way due to being blinded with the promise of power. in this, she is planning to stage a coup on the duchy (because she is the older sister, so it IS her right by law) and she supports regis’ slow dive again into uncontrollable insanity because it helps her prop up rumors that her sister’s reign is ineffective against real threats and is cursed. but this alliance does not go as she planned...

orianna -  in this, she is the owner of a gladiatorial school (instead of an orphanage), and is still like in canon a wealthy and influential individual of beauclair, yet reclusive from human society. she is regis’ best friend and goads him on, because she never fixed her own issues with alcoholism and now is elated to have him back and forgetting that they had disagreements which drove them apart in the first place. they’re best friends (NO romance) and it’s just good to see how insanely different orianna and geralt are because they’ve both been regis’ close friends at different points in time.

the purpose of this:

fix regis’ relationships with the vampires. he slowly drove all of his good friends away by going off the deep end and many are likely wondering whatever happened to him. but books regis would never consider partying like that again, so we bring the party regis back and then slowly de-escalate him into normal books regis again, and we finally get closure with him and his old friends.

cool dramatic stereotypical vampire shit. i’m talking about a final battle or conversation in a giant dark castle with large open windows and billowing drapery.

regis’s hairstyle

give syanna actual agency as a character and give her motivations that extend beyond pure revenge (although they are related to revenge) and make her more unique so she is not just a ripoff of renfri. 

demonstrate anna henrietta and geralt’s relationship as it was in the books. he was genuinely intimidated by her and i interpret him as being jealous of her relationship with dandelion, so he in practice was quite withdrawn around her as she was her overemotional and embellished self

give dettlaff an actual character, holy shit. i hate how sorely underdeveloped he is in the game. i understand why because it’s not meant to be writing, it’s meant to be a video game, but come on. i hate having the vampire with the cool character design be the ultimate villain of the whole narrative. in this, he’s someone geralt can talk to and sees himself in. he’s emotionally mature and doesn’t mix with the other vampires. since we already know what regis is like, we don’t have to sit through dettlaff making excuses for him and trying to describe what his character is like. we also get a better view of regis’ past through dettlaff’s lense. 

give orianna an actual character, holy shit. i hate how they didn’t even try with her and just used her as a “surprise, she is quite evil!” gimmick. have her actually have a larder for blood that is lore-friendly yet still jumps out at the audience as morally wrong.  give her more personality and development.

examine regis’ backstory without actually getting into every single year of those 4 centuries. we can examine how it started good, turned bad, went worse... there’s a lot of loss involved and i think this would be nice to process it.

roughly what happens (under cut because if i ever do write this fic out, this is spoilers, literally the synopsis of the whole thing):

anna henrietta sends envoys to geralt. they establish that the duchess has no conflict with geralt and that her conflict was with dandelion, only. she has requested his help because he effectively dealt with many monsters while he was in beauclair and established a trustworthy reputation (also, he’s famous, and toussaintoirs are superficial). instead of the beast of beauclair killing particular victims, it’s the countryside which has been plagued by vicious attacks of the devil knows what.

geralt arrives and examines the scenes of the attacks. the sincere majority of the victims are alive, so he speaks to them. they remember nothing, but woke up with their village fucking absolutely trashed and with vomit everywhere. they all have wounds on their necks. geralt thinks he knows what’s up, but is reluctant to deal with it because of his memories of regis, who he misses

damien de la tour is assigned to geralt as a sort of backup. they argue and geralt manages to get him to stay put in beauclair while he rides to a village they believe will be attacked next. it’s not even a full moon so the vampires don’t even come out in their bat form (disappointing) but instead just mesmerize their way in in humanoid form. dettlaff sneaks up on geralt who is (ahem) staking out the situation, and is like hey dont kill regis hes not evil hes just misguided!! and geralt is like REGIS? EMIEL REGIS? THTS WHO’S LEADING THEM? i ..... i know him.... and dettlaff’s like what the fuck how... then they get caught and regis is like oh hey dettlaff who’s this guy and geralt feels very left out :( and also sad bc regis doesnt remember shit and geralt even lists the hansa members by name and regis is still like O_O ok yeah im just going to hypnotize you to get lost ok goodbye! but dettlaff prevents him from doing this and they both get thrown out of the party.

after the party geralt is a mess and is like wtf so hes back and what... how... huh... and dettlaff doesnt know how he returned or why he returned either but they compare geralt’s knowledge of how regis died with dettlaff’s knowledge of how regeneration works and they figure out that regis just regenerated from his past body and that’s why he doesn’t have any of his memories from when he turned good.

then they eavesdrop a little more and find out that syanna has been talking to regis and making deals with him (its... not really like she thinks, regis really hasnt been doing anything he doesnt want to. shes just like “hey can you attack this village here” and regis is like yeah i was gonna host a party there tomorrow night ...) so they are like who the fuck is this woman and track her down to her base of operations, and then they find out that THEY got followed by damien de la tour, who identifies her as sylvia anna. geralt is a little miffed on behalf of dandelion that damien seems to be so close to anna henrietta but i digress.

geralt reports his findings to the duchess but does NOT mention regis because the duchess knows who regis is. then we get the same vampire talk from canon b&w where the duchess and damien are sorely misinformed on every single thing ever.

geralt is defeated and has no idea on how to fix this and hes looking hard into a mirror by candlelight and then decides to go to bed so he turns around and regis is right behind him like hey. cue ‘holy shit what the fuck’ moment and freaking out. regis explains himself and says that he doesnt remember him but the fact that he gave so many specifics weirded him out and he kind of wants to know more out of curiosity. also he wants to talk to dettlaff but feels too bad about how he argued with him like 3 centuries ago that he cant just ask him directly.

so they talk and geralt is all :(( and regis is like ok well. i kinda want to get these memories back because they sound pretty significant and also im pretty miserable. but also im not going to stop partying bc its the only thing that makes me feel alive rn. so long!

geralt and dettlaff talk to orianna and she dislikes them both but still talks to them and then regis materializes and also begins bothering them and its quite civil but this scene just serves to demonstrate how annoying they are as friends lol

there’s scenes where you can either save damien / syanna from being unalived by the vampires’ / regis’ hand, only if you let syanna die will the duchess be mad and accuse you of being heartless like dandelion is and then geralt and the duchess actually get into an argument bc of that comment but geralt ofc loses bc hes scared of her lol

no matter what you get regis his memories back but your decisions to either continue helping him or not is what makes him change or not. even after he gets his memories back (or because he gets his memories back?) he decides to raze beauclair bc hes just so fucking miserable and geralt has to talk him down, if you are harsh and not understanding and shame him etc then he doesnt change, if you condemn his actions but still offer your support then he does.

if you offer your support > geralt talks about the hansa like For Ever and regis then adds in everything and yay regis is back to normal. theres like a wholesome montage of geralt being like “just TRY to sew up a wound i promise you you will be good at it” and regis does and hes splendid at it. regis and dettlaff finally make up and are bros once again. we help orianna with her issues and she realizes stuff but is still going to have a drink once in a while. if syanna is alive she doesnt hate on any of this but just decides to make up with the duchess and then become captain of the guard (damien gets fired for being a dumbass).

if you do not offer your support > regis goes to cry in a delapidated creepy old castle and you have an epic fight (geralt is backed up by dettlaff) and he turns into a bat and geralt almost dies, they manage to decapitate regis again and put him in the ground and set a timer for 50 years

if you redeem regis then there’s an ending scene where the duchess is like “oh regis i didnt know you were in town” and hes just like <:) ahaha... yeah...

cue crying about milva/cahir/angouleme For Ever. maybe link this with the fic where geralt and regis bring them all back as ghosts/real ppl and then they have to deal with those consequences

[dumbbitchfrommars]

Okay well I fucking caved and reopened that chapter (if only briefly) to see if my ex … FUCK THIS SAD IN ITSELF.. anyway to see if he’s updated his pfp cause I’m curious and wanna see him now. So there’s nothing and I felt pathetic anonymously searching him but on his Spotify he has a new playlist called “See I need your love x” WHAT THE FUCK???? What does that even mean??? And the caption says “it doesn’t but does”. WTF???? Why do I even care to want to decipher this drug induced babble. The photo is of his dog at the beach. Why do I care????? Why am I curious. I guess if he’s moved on I hope she’s good for him, better than me? But also. I want him back???? No I don’t. I def do not. But I do still care clearly. I’m pissed at the other guy. I think it’s not gonna work with him. I get too in my head and he’s too insensitive for me. He doesn’t see that I’m deeply emotional underneath all armour and seriousness. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK MAN THAT BUG IS BACK?!??!??!??! This time I caught it and it’s staying under that cup until tomorrow morning. Fuck dealing with that right now. I cannot believe this rn. I’m fully fucking manic rn and spiralling. If there was a time to try xannies now would finally be that time. And now I’m thinking abt that OTHER GUY who was actually safe and comforting and sweet and perfect apart from his stupidity with the female gender. God I am fucking mess.

I’m so jealous rn. Just seeing that photo. There’s been two whole years of new memories made to replace our old ones. I’ve barely done anything with my pathetic life. I’m so disappointed in myself. I keep avoiding this shit but in reality it’s hovers over me like a cloud, fucking putting my entire life in its shadow. I feel like I spent a year at the psychologist and learnt nothing about myself. I question myself. I don’t trust myself. I don’t truly feel safe within myself. I might love myself on the surface, love my body and my physical appearance, but inside I am deeply fucking flawed and I despise it. I push EVERYONE away. I’m like a walking fucking STAY OUT sign. Nobody wants to come near me cause I can’t hold any relationship together. Any friendship or relationship. I act like I’m a kind person but what if I’m actually a terrible person, just patching it all up with fakeness? Am i fake? What’s wrong with me? Why do I care so much about things that no one else worried about? Why can’t I be more normal… normal is nothing like what I want but you know what I mean. Im so self critical still and I’m not learning how to be better and I keep doing the same things over and over and over.

How many more failed friendships before I find someone to share my thoughts with? My feelings? To stop feeling so goddamn lonely? To not take things so seriously? Life is supposed fun and simple and light. I AM NOT OF THOSE THINGS. my entire life experience is difficulty and stress and pain and struggle and complaining and just selfish disdain for the world. WTF HAPPENED TO ME AS A CHILD THAT I FORGOT? Why am I so deeply fucked in the head?! What is wrong with my perspective of everything?! How do I even fix it? I don’t have any clear instructions or help. And I know that’s growing up and life and learning to be independent. But it’s so hard when I’ve been fending for myself since I was little. So much fucking trauma in a single human being. Fuck I’m angry. I’m so angry. I’m fucking enraged. It’s not fun. It’s childish rage. I’m still a fucking child inside. It keeps slipping out and I feel so weak and pathetic. I fucking hate this I hate it I hate it.

[burning-cigarillo]

1. What’s one thing that’s happened to you that has made you a stronger person?

I think being in relationships and friendships were I was constantly belittled and didn’t even know it. It took me years of realization to find out my worth. It’s still a process but I am slowly getting there.

2. What’s one thing that’s happened to you in your life that made you feel weak?

I think in my life there hasn’t been one specific situation that has made me feel weak. I think there are constant little situations that make me feel weak rejection, heart break, and feeling judged. This really hurts my soul.

3. Where is one place you feel most like yourself?

I think when I go to a music festival or am surrounded by like minded people it really helps me feel the most like myself.

4. Where is your favorite place to escape to?

I love going to beaches or warm locations.

5. Who do you think has had the largest influence on the person you are today?

I think my parents even though we have such different values. I can see why I am the way that I am because of them, but also why I am the way I am -not caused by them. Does that make sense?

6. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

I think sometimes i overthink way too much and focus on the wrong things. This really sends me down a spiral whole. I constantly focus on the wrong people and things that won’t help me succeed in life. I need to learn how to say fuck it more and not dwell on things that wont matter 5 years from now.

7. If you had one day left to live, what would you do first?

I think I would apologize or reach out to people I haven’t in a while and tell them how much I care. And just try to have the most craziest night ever.

8. What decade do you feel you most belong in?

I always say like the early 90s. I would love to be my age around then or the disco era NYC.

9. Who are you closest to in your family? Why?

I think my sister and I are pretty close or are closer now. We are very up front and honest with each other. It has taken a while but we are pretty much there.

10. Who is the one person in this world that knows you best?

I think my sister. But sometimes I feel like no one really knows me.

11. What is your favorite quality about your best friend?

I have a bunch of good friends and pretty much some best friends. I like how they accept me for who I am.

12. When you were younger what did you think you were going to be when you grew up?

I never really thought about like who I was going to be who i was going to marry or shit like that. It never crossed my mind. I never had this future image of myself. Is that bad?

13. If you could identify with one fictional character (from a book, show, or movie) who would it be?

I have a couple and I am going to reanswer this question in a while. But I was recently watching Shameless and can relate to Fiona. To be honest I am not as much of a hard worker and family person as she is. But the way that she deals with pain and being hurt is just like me. She honestly holds everything in until she cant take it anymore and just self destructs. And I do that a lot.

14. Do you easily accept compliments? Or do you hate compliments?

I hate/love compliments sometimes I take them dont believe them. Or sometimes when I’m not getting complimented im just like wtf is there something wrong with me. Do they not find me attractive, pretty, blahh.

15. Is your favorite attribute about yourself physical or non-physical?

I mean i don’t have a particular favorite attribute about myself. I’m trying to learn to accept myself for who I am, and realized this is the body that I am going to be with my whole entire life so might as well deal with it ha.

16. What is your favorite physical attribute about yourself?

I like my skin, and I do have a proportional body.

17. What is your favorite non-physical attribute about yourself?

I try to be very un judgemental and open minded. Because I hate judgemental fucking people.

18. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Um sometimes I feel like it can happen depending on the person and people. I think when it comes to love it happens to some people, but some people it will never happen to them unfortunately. To me like some people with become rich and some people wont. Some people will fall in love and live happily ever after and some people it will never happen to them.

19. Do you believe in soul mates?

This kind of goes with the question from above. I think some people have “soulmates” like the ones you see in the movies. Like that guy or guy that sweeps you off your feet and you live happily ever after. I feel that anyone you really connect to with your soul is a soul mate. This can be a family member, friend, hook up, or random person on the street. Anyone that has touched my soul has been a soul mate to me.

20. How seriously do you take horoscopes?

I don’t believe in horoscopes in like i’m a Taurus so the month of February is going to suck for me. But personality and relationship connections I do believe in it. I just feel like everyone that I’ve met when I find out their zodiac sign I’m just like fuck that is you.

21. Have you ever been in love? How many times?

I feel like I have but then I have not. Because once it ends I realize woah that shit wasn’t even real I was just blind as fuck. I feel like at the moment i thought it was love but confused it with lust or someone manipulating me, which sucks. Because I would love to have genuine love one day, but at the same time I feel like I am not prepared for it. 

22. What makes you fall in love with someone?

For me it is a combination of things attraction, compatibility of souls, sexual connection, and a free soul. To me the most attractive thing is when someone doesn’t sugar coat themselves and is free to be free. I think sometimes I like or am attracted to people that are too free. You know speaking about my current situation right now. A couple of weeks ago I hung out with two guys- one guy was super nice took me out to eat picked me up from my house, very sweet did the whole proper thing. I wasn’t feeling it.

The other guy from the moment I saw him - I was just enamored by his demeanor his fucked up soul because I felt like I could see beyond it. It made me angry with myself because I’m like wtf why don’t I like that person that really likes me back. And I realized something about myself, for me there is something about pain that I love. Also that guy was super nice to me but I felt as if he was trying to hard to do everything so right so perfect that it was a turn off to me. Because I myself know thats not who I am. Like he spent so much money on me trying to show me hey this is what you can get with me nice ass things. But to me those things matter, but at the same time it doesn’t make a difference. Because like you trying so hard doesn’t show me who you really are idk if that makes sense. Lol I’m just fucked in the head.

23. What does vulnerability mean to you? What has the ability to make you vulnerable?

Vulnerability means letting that ego down and just surrendering yourself completely. That’s my problem I fucking hate being vulnerable. Fuck that shit it fucks me up so bad. Because once I am vulnerable bad stuff happens to me and I fucking hate it. But VULNERABILITY is key to living your life. When you are not vulnerable you miss out so much on what life has to offer whether it is accepting a job half way across the world, moving far away from friends and family, traveling, or being in a relationship. 

Men/Relationships make me very vulnerable and I hate it. Because when I really am into you I give me 100% all. And I hate it cause I always am vulnerable for the wrong things/people.

24. What’s one thing you’re scared to ask a man, but really want to?

I’ve never been afraid to ask a man anything. Because I’ll just ask one of my guy friends or a guy and I feel like they give me an honest opinion. But I will be afraid to ask men I am interested in certain things....

25. If you were a man for a day, what would be the first thing you do?

Have sex with a woman to see what it felt like. I feel like when you have a dick sex feels 100000x better.

26. What do you find most attractive about each sex?

I think girls are super attractive I would love to get with girls, but emotionally there is nothing like a man’s embrace. There is something warm and comfortable about a man. I just think its unfair that there are way more attractive woman on this earth than there are attractive men. Am I right?

27. What’s one thing you’d love to learn more about?

I don’t know because i feel like I am constantly learning new things! I would love to learn something new and interesting though.

28. What is something you’ve never done that you’ve always wanted to do?

I think scuba diving or anything extreme underwater. I’ve always wanted to do things like that or travel around the world.

29. Why haven’t you done it yet?

I am a horrible swimmer water freaks me out. Maybe that should be my new years resolution become a better swimmer!

30. If money didn’t matter, what would your dream job be?

I always say this I would love to be a porn star. If it wasn’t for my family I think I would have started to do it a long time ago. I don’t even think I would care about what people would say about me, but I know how disappointed my parents would be and I’m just the type of person that couldn’t do that to them.

Also deliver babies, or just have a job where i could travel all the time.

31. If you had off from work today, what would you do?

Sleep watch tv/netflix #rainydayz

32. What was the last thing that made you cry?

I was just frustrated on why things were the way that they were. How my head can be so fucked up sometimes it frustrates me.

33. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

I think I was watching a funny video.

34. What is your favorite memory?

UHHH tooo fucking many memories. I’ve had a lot of favorite memories. Can’t choose one.

35. What’s the last thing that REALLY embarrassed you?

I don’t really get embarrassed easily, so I don’t really remember.

36. What is your biggest fear?

Not being able to leave my hometown or home state. At least for a little while, it literally fucks with my head how much I keep setting myself back.

37. Do you have any regrets? What’s your biggest one?

I try to not have any regrets, but my biggest one is to stop letting my inner demons get to my goals.

38. Have you ever broken a law? If you haven’t what is one law you’d love to break? YES i’ve broken a couple. And I have no idea.....

39. What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done?

I’ve done way too many crazy things I can not just name one.

40. Would you have a conversation with a stranger?

I always do, I am that person.

41. Would you tell a stranger they have toilet paper hanging from their shoe? Or their dress tucked into their underwear? (Or anything else that is embarrassing to be seen in public)?

YUP, thats me I’m a pretty quite shy persons sometimes. But I am always that person, because I would want someone to tell me if that was me.

42. What’s your favorite joke?

Don’t have one. Anything on a meme.

43. Are you a dog person or a cat person?

I would like to say both.... but catz all day

44. If you could be any animal, what animal would you be?

I think I would like to be a cat, dolphin, koala bear, or my fave an OCTOPUS

45. What’s one show, movie, or book, you’re embarrassed to admit you enjoy?

that show are you the one on MTV so fucking embarrassing its so stupid, but i love watching it whenever its on

46. How do you think your parents would describe you as a child?

They said I was super outgoing, caring, lovable, always laughing thats why they were so confused when I changed

47. If you could go back to any age or time of your life, what age or time would it be?

I think I would have done high school completely different. I was very obnoxious and just so oblivious on things, I think I would have made way more genuine relationships if I was different. But I feel like it is the reason why I am the way that i am today.

48. What’s something you believe in that not everyone else does?

I really don’t know. Treating people with respect.

49. What’s one thing you would say that makes you unique from other people?

I think I am not afraid to express myself and  be who I am

50. What is one thing you feel your life is missing?

I feel like where I am supposed to really belong is what I am missing. I feel like me being in my hometown is disabling me from living life how i really need to live it. But change needs to start within myself. So that is my goal to find where I belong and try to leave here.

I am telling myself I am going to repeat this a year from now and see how my answers have changed. I am kind of excited to see what will be different. Because I know how much shit can change in a matter of a year.