#sailor moon I can understand due to the bad 90s adaptation

[kideaternomnom]

Can JJK, ATLA, and Sailor Moon fandoms not come up with a god horrendous objectively wrong take for just…one second?

[jippy-kandi]

Digimon Adventure 02 Blood Types (+ Astrology)

The Chosen Children (DigiDestined) in Digimon Adventure and 02 do not have official birthdays. However, Toei Animation officially gave Miyako the star sign Gemini and the blood type AB. But I’ve always focused on the astrology aspect of their source of inspiration -- and completely disregarded their blood types.

That was wrong of me. Their blood types are almost as important as their Western zodiac signs, no matter how ridiculous I think the idea is.

Taichi ‘Tai Kamiya’ Yagami: Aries Sun, Blood Type O

Hikari ‘Kari Kamiya’ Yagami: Taurus Sun, Blood Type A

Miyako ‘Yolei’ Inoue: Gemini Sun, Blood Type AB

Mimi Tachikawa: Cancer Sun, Blood Type B

Daisuke ‘Davis’ Motomiya: Leo Sun, Blood Type O

Jou ‘Joe’ Kido: Virgo Sun, Blood Type A

Ken Ichijouji: Libra Sun, Blood Type AB

Sora Takenouchi: Scorpio Sun, Blood Type O

Takeru ‘T.K.’ Takaishi: Sagittarius Sun, Blood Type B

Iori ‘Cody’ Hida: Capricorn Sun, Blood Type A

Koushirou ‘Izzy’ Izumi: Aquarius Sun, Blood Type AB

Yamato ‘Matt’ Ishida: Pisces Sun, Blood Type AB

Blood types are even more popular than astrology in Japan. And, more importantly, every single anime character with an official birthday is always listed with both their star sign and their blood type. Because it matters. The blood type is there to either offset or complement the Sun sign.

I’ve recently fallen into a bit of a Sailor Moon hole (nostalgia at its finest!), and noticed that the main character, Serena (Usagi), was officially a Cancer with blood type O.

So I actually decided to look up what blood type O meant -- and it gave Serena an outgoing, friendly disposition with leadership skills.

Ah. That’s cheating! XD;

So, yeah, it only took me 20 years to really acknowledge that Miyako was given an official blood type, and that it might actually mean something, lol.

Apparently, only around 30% of people in the US know their blood types, whereas at least 90% of people in Japan know their blood types.

Yeah. Blood types are a MASSIVE DEAL in Japan (and South Korea and Taiwan . . .). Even bigger than astrology, apparently.

I still find the whole thing utterly ridiculous, but I forced myself to read up on it because I’m interested in the “origins” of the Chosen Children (character trivia is interesting to me!). Because, as Sailor Moon showed me, their blood types should either complement or offset their Sun signs.

I’ve also never thought about the “impact” of their blood types because I’ve never had an issue with identifying a character’s Sun sign. Whether an anime character with a Sun sign was introverted or extroverted was never an issue to me because, well, if you’re really knowledgeable in astrology, it’s really easy to see “through” that and see the “core” of their character anyway.

Mimi being an extroverted Cancer, for example, was never a barrier to me -- because all Sun signs can be introverted or extroverted, especially in an anime series created by writers who can do whatever they want with their characters. It’s the “skeleton” of the character that lets you know exactly which Sun sign inspired them. So I’ve always just accepted, “oh, the writer wanted to create an extroverted Cancer”, for example.

I just didn’t know that the writers actually gave a reason for their characters’ extroversion or introversion -- via their blood types.

It’s been in front of me this whole time . . . but I just ignored Miyako’s blood type because I personally think the whole blood type thing is ridiculous. I still think it is, but it was wrong of me to ignore it -- and I think anyone who is actually interested in figuring out the origin of the characters would be wrong to keep ignoring their blood types, too. It goes hand-in-hand with astrology.

Fortunately, there are only four blood types, so reading up on it was pretty easy. But, as there are only four, it’s a lot more restrictive than astrology -- and a lot of traits are contradictory, especially when you give one character a blood type, as parts of it will fit and parts of it won’t.

(This blood type system is just as bad as the Hogwarts Houses. Honestly, I never understood its popularity -- it never made sense to me and is such a terrible system. Hermione is a Gryffindor because she’s brave? So . . . all Ravenclaws are cowardly intellectuals? And not one Slytherin stayed to fight in the final battle, so all Slytherins are pure evil? OK, I’ll stop. I’ve just been disappointed in JK Rowling recently.)

Here’s one summary of the four blood types (note: there are tonnes . . . so I recommend googling for some more to get a better idea!):

Type A -- “The Farmer” Best traits: Warmest, reserved, sensible, patient, responsible, perfectionists, wise, and cautious. Worst traits: Fastidious, over-earnest, obsessive, stubborn, the least temperate, inconsiderate, jealous, cold, angry.

Type B -- “The Hunter” Best traits: Passionate, active, creative, animal-loving, flexible, cheerful, friendly and optimistic, vocalizing personality Worst traits: Irresponsible, forgetful, selfish, lazy, impatient, unreliable and "going own way".

Type AB -- “The Humanist” Best traits: Creative, calm, rational, sociable, intelligent and adaptable. Worst traits: Critical, indecisive, unforgiving, aloof and not trustable

Type O -- “The Warrior” Best traits: Confident, self-determined, ambitious, strong-willed, intuitive, agreeable, competitive and athletic. Worst traits: Unpredictable, spiteful, self-centered, cold, aggressive, arrogant, envious and ruthless.

(Source: Wikipedia)

The Japanese population consists of approximately 40% blood type As, 30% Os, 20% Bs and 10% ABs. This is actually important because the As and Os are considered the more “popular” (”socially accepted”) blood types, whereas people really consider the minority, ABs, as “weird” . . .

The associated traits are also kind of all over the place, depending on which source you’re reading. And there are a lot of them . . . so it can get pretty confusing! But I found it a lot easier and simpler to break them down into groups of introverts and extroverts:

Type A: Introverted

Type B: Extroverted

Type AB: Introverted or Extroverted (AB is A + B combined, hence, AB!)

Type O: Extroverted

I also read some anecdotal descriptions from Japanese people or people who have lived in Japan -- and what their Japanese peers think of the blood types (so a “real world” impression of them). Because it gives me a better idea of the “general opinion” from actual people (therefore a reflection of “common knowledge”), which gives me more context and understanding than just reading a set of traits.

For example, guys with blood type B are considered playboys -- so a lot of women (who believe in this crazy blood type personality indicator) generally avoid dating them. Blood Type As are considered the “stereotypical” quiet Japanese personality, blood type Os are considered the best people in general to be around, and blood type ABs are considered “weird” and social outcasts.

I even read someone saying that they’ve never seen people in Japan being discriminated against due to their star sign, but that they have seen people being discriminated against due to their blood type (usually AB). Apparently ABs don’t “play well with others” to the extent that some Japanese companies avoid hiring them. Some Japanese politician even exploded angrily at work, subsequently resigned, and his apology was, “Sorry, I’m blood type AB” . . .

Yeah. Crazy. But it gives me a really good idea of what the blood types “mean” (no, I do not believe in blood types -- I’m just seeing what the “rules” about it says!).

Because I like to be thorough, I also wanted to see the blood types “in practice” -- with Sun signs, too. So I looked up the Sun signs and blood types of some official anime examples to give me a better idea and understanding of how anime creators/writers use and execute star signs and blood types together. I think these characters are popular enough that most people would be familiar with a few of them, too.

Sailor Moon: Cancer Sun, Blood Type O

Sailor Mercury: Virgo Sun, Blood Type A

Sailor Mars: Aries Sun, Blood Type AB

Sailor Jupiter: Sagittarius Sun, Blood Type O

Sailor Venus: Libra Sun, Blood Type B

Tuxedo Mask: Leo Sun, Blood Type A

One Piece’s Luffy: Taurus Sun, Blood Type B

One Piece’s Usopp: Aries Sun, Blood Type O

One Piece’s Nami: Cancer Sun, Blood Type A

One Piece’s Zoro: Scorpio Sun, Blood Type AB

One Piece’s Sanji: Pisces Sun, Blood Type O

Naruto’s Naruto: Libra Sun, Blood Type O

Naruto’s Sasuke: Leo Sun, Blood Type AB

Naruto’s Sakura: Aries Sun, Blood Type O

Gravitation’s Yuki: Pisces Sun, Blood Type AB

Gravitation’s Shuichi: Aries Sun, Blood Type AB

I definitely understand it a lot better now. But it’s clear that they do “cheat” and just take certain aspects of a blood type to go with a zodiac sign. For example, while Sanji is an outgoing, silly Pisces, he’s not the leader of the Straw Hats.

Also, most of the ABs are the typical “dark” characters with tragic pasts . . . so social outcast is spot on.

Now let’s finally get to the Digimon characters!

I want to be clear that I am not trying to “assign” blood types to the Digimon characters. This is about determining what the Digimon Adventure/02 staff actually used as a blueprint for the characters.

For example, if I were to “assign” a blood type to Yamato in Digimon Adventure tri., I would definitely give him blood type O (for leadership abilities -- while ignoring the outgoing aspect . . . I guess his Pisces Sun “dims” it!).

But I don’t think the original staff for Adventure/02 “used” that blood type for him. I really don’t see Adventure/02 Yamato as a capable leader (but I do in tri., where he is 1000% the better leader for most of the series, over tri. Taichi).

This is about the actual source of inspiration for Yamato’s character by the original Adventure/02 staff, and not the tri. staff (who I don’t think knew that the characters were based on signs/blood types), so tri. Yamato’s personality is irrelevant to this particular discussion.

Because Toei Animation gave Miyako both a star sign and blood type (as do the majority of anime writers for their characters), and it’s 100% clear they gave star signs to all the Chosen, then they gave all the characters blood types, too. Because star signs and blood types go hand-in-hand in Japanese anime.

Taichi ‘Tai Kamiya’ Yagami: Aries Sun, Blood Type O

I think they kept it super simple with Taichi, their main character and protagonist of the entire series. Aries Sun for leadership, blood type O for leadership as well. I don’t think his Aries Sun needed to be “offset” -- he’s an outgoing person and a “warrior”, and blood type O just complements that.

Hikari ‘Kari Kamiya’ Yagami: Taurus Sun, Blood Type A

I think blood type A for her because it just complements her Taurus Sun. Type A is really the Earth equivalent in astrology, and there’s nothing about Hikari that suggests to me that she’s more than Earth (well, except when she’s taken over . . . which I think has nothing to do with her).

Miyako ‘Yolei’ Inoue: Gemini Sun, Blood Type AB

Official. Note that the blood type here just complements her Sun sign as well. Blood type AB is actually considered the equivalent to Gemini in its duality . . . so the writers here just doubled down on her duality. She’s also the more extroverted version of an AB, where they can be both.

Mimi Tachikawa: Cancer Sun, Blood Type B

She needs an extroverted blood type to offset her introverted Cancer Sun, like Sailor Moon, who is a Cancer Sun with blood type O. So B or O for Mimi -- I lean more towards B, because Mimi doesn’t have leadership qualities. And I think of her outgoing, cheerful nature as more similar to that of Takeru, rather than Taichi.

Daisuke ‘Davis’ Motomiya: Leo Sun, Blood Type O

Like Taichi, I think they went super simple with him and just gave him the leadership blood type. There’s nothing about his personality that sways away from being a stereotypical Leo -- this includes the fact that quite a few anime makes the Leo the “mean” character. Daisuke is not that mean, but compared to the others, he’s definitely the most “obnoxious, jerk”-type amongst them. (Examples of mean Leos: Sasuke in Naruto, Tuxedo Mask in Sailor Moon.)

Jou ‘Joe’ Kido: Virgo Sun, Blood Type A

I just think all the Earth signs are blood type A, lol. It just complements their boring Earth sign . . . again, I am not insulting Earth signs, it’s just textbook astrology! (I swear. I’m a boring Earth sign . . . lol) Jou is such a Virgo to me that I think his personality is the Earth equivalent in blood types.

Ken Ichijouji: Libra Sun, Blood Type AB

I’m the most confident with Ken’s blood type. AB can give you an introverted, social outcast character -- which offsets his Libra Sun’s extroversion. Done. (Sasuke in Naruto, for example, is a Leo Sun who should be outgoing -- instead, he’s an introverted, social outcast because he’s blood type AB. Also, I just noticed that Ken and Daisuke are Naruto and Sasuke, but with swapped blood types. Neat.)

Sora Takenouchi: Scorpio Sun, Blood Type O

I view Sora as an “extroverted introvert”. She’s definitely an introvert, but she plays well at being an extrovert. Because her Scorpio Sun is introverted, I think her blood type offsets it to make her a little bit more extroverted than usual for a Scorpio. So I think O or B both works for her -- I lean towards O, because it’s called “The Warrior” and she has that meaning in her surname. Plus, O would make her the same blood type as Taichi, giving exactly the same “connection” as being Mars-ruled does. (The exact same connection . . . competitiveness, sports, etc.)

Takeru ‘T.K.’ Takaishi: Sagittarius Sun, Blood Type B

This also just complements his Sun. Also, I know I’m supposed to disregard his tri. personality, but I do also think that Adventure/02 Takeru has the ingredients to grow up to be a charming playboy, so . . . lol. Blood type B it is!

Iori ‘Cody’ Hida: Capricorn Sun, Blood Type A

Again, this blood type just complements his Sun. I think the blood type is complementary when the character is so like their Sun sign -- and Iori is incredibly Capricorn. So much so talking about him bores me, lol. (I don’t hate him! I swear! He’s just SO MUCH Capricorn!)

Koushirou ‘Izzy’ Izumi: Aquarius Sun, Blood Type AB

Blood type AB are said to be “geniuses” or “talented”. Koushirou is Adventure’s genius, seen as a bit of an outsider just because of his intellect. I think AB is being expressed in a similar way to Miyako’s AB here; the more positive aspects of it (”genius”), as opposed to the negative aspects of it in Ken and Yamato (social outcast). I also view Koushirou as an “introverted extrovert” -- I think he’s actually an extrovert; if you put him in a room full of intellectuals, he’d stay there forever talking to everyone.

Yamato ‘Matt’ Ishida: Pisces Sun, Blood Type AB

Similar reasoning to Ken -- I think the writers set out to make Yamato the “social outcast”-type character in Adventure (when Ken didn’t exist). I consider Yamato the blueprint for Ken’s character in a lot of ways, actually. They used Yamato to be the “outsider” (troublemaker, doesn’t really fit in) in Adventure, to turn against his friends -- and then upped it a few hundred notches for Ken in 02, who also has blood type AB. ABs are also blood types A and B combined (who are opposites); see the contradiction? Yamato can be both shy and confident; he can be cool, calm and collected one minute, then off-the-rails emotionally the next. AB! Actually, I’m just as confident about his as I am Ken’s. ABs are the easiest to spot in anime! They just turn every Sun sign dark, lol.

And that’s my current list!

The blood types are subject to change, as I’m not an expert on them by any means. I literally just looked the whole thing up a few days ago, so my knowledge on it is very, very basic compared to the years I spent reading about astrology from multiple different sources (and thus why I’m 100% certain on those).

This was a lot harder than their Sun signs. With astrology, I could fact-check myself with their character designs, Crests, digimon partners, name meanings and roles in the plot -- but with blood types? Nope.

This is just me guessing with what I think was being done with their Sun signs (to complement or offset) -- where most of them do seem to just complement their signs. But I can’t grasp on to any “evidence” like I can with astrology, unfortunately. I’m pretty confident with Ken and Yamato’s blood types, though.

What do you guys think? What blood types do you think the kids were given in Adventure/02? Please disregard anything you saw in tri., as that’s an entirely different staff (who interpreted and expressed the characters as they saw fit). Just focus on the characterisations from Adventure/02.

[centrally-unplanned]

The Phantom of the Opera Movie: How (not) to Adapt Your Fanfic to Stage & Screen

I recently watched the infamously-maligned trainwreck that is the 2004 Phantom of the Opera film adaptation of the stage musical, which lived up to its reputation! Rehashing the atrocious casting of literally-sang-for-the-first-time-two-weeks-before-filming-Music-of-the-Night Gerard Butler as the Phantom is well-trod territory, but I don't think that is the real crux of the film's failings. Instead, I think it serves as a quintessential example of the failure to transition from stage to screen - and how lucky the stage adaptation was.

For the "PotO" uninitiated, despite the endless shipping the titular Phantom and the female deuteragonist Christine do not have a romantic relationship. Oh the Phantom is trying to get down with that, for sure, but she sees him as either a ghost, an angel, or a terrorist at various points, never a credible love interest. In the original novel this is extremely explicit, and it is actually preserved in the stage adaptation - though as you realize with this film not intentionally.

In a stage musical, audiences don't really "suspend disbelief" the way they do for something like movies. There is one or more human beings, right in front of them, being real people in a wooden box with minimalist decour - the artifice is inescapable. Which is fine, actually! Instead of being immersed in the worldbuilding the audience can appreciate the craft of it all, the acting chops of the leads and the high notes they hit and the cool set designs around them. As such strong plots for musicals aren't really required; details are skipped over in exchange for focusing on other aesthetic elements. More importantly for our purposes, in a musical like Phantom of the Opera the audience isn't set up to expect a tight directorial vision, with instead the characters being the a product of the choices of the actors themselves - people even look out for the different interpretations different leads will bring to the same script. Each performance is itself an adaptation.

This lack of verisimilitude does wonders for the musical version of Phantom of the Opera. Honestly, plot-wise and arc-wise? Phantom of the Opera isn’t that great. Christine, one of the supposed leads, has no motivation for like 90% of run-time, instead being buffeted about by the whims of other, more powerful characters (just like early 20th century France ooooh, eat it Leroux), and Raoul, her earnest, wealthy suitor-cum-fiance, is the dried cement of love interests with no arc to speak of. Lots of plot elements are covered quickly and left vague as to their meaning. But really, who cares? You get to watch a tortured, corrupted genius offer a panoply of shadowed delights to a beautiful ingenue in a rock-opera baritone, and Rage Against The System so hard when spurned they drop a God-damn chandelier on the stage - that’s really all you need!

In the stage musical there is often - lets be honest very often - sexual subtext between the Phantom and Christine. But that is the choice of the actors, it's not in the script, it stays subtext. You are there to watch those actors put their spin on it and take it to the limit - let them have fun with the material! On stage it serves a great metaphorical function; to be tempted by music, by the mystery of darkness, has been metaphorical sex for so long it needs no more explication. 

Now, however, we loop back to the movie adaption, with two key points to establish. First, movies do not work like musicals. There is no live person in front of you, every shot is the product of a dozen takes and as many hours of editing choices, and as a viewer you are dragged along lockstep seeing the results of these choices. All of this is in the service of building a cohesive vision that allows the audience to fully suspend disbelief. The price for this immersion is that now every moment of the film is imbued with intent. Everything has to be there for a reason, the way things in reality are - or more accurately the way we want reality to be. To quote Best Girl Mizusaki:

(Just when you thought I was going to write a media essay without being a huge weeb for once, huh?)

What's true for animation is almost as true for film, all of which means that how characters act is no longer an actor on stage doing their spin but the cohesive narrative of a story.

Second, the movie takes all of that fanshipping sexual subtext and cranks it all the way up the nosebleed seats, while changing none of the relevant plot points. In fact, it adds plot details to strip away the musical’s ambiguity! One of Christine's opening scenes, only briefly touched on in the stage musical, explains cleanly that she considers the Phantom the angel of her dead father come down to protect and guide her. Later in the show, as the Phantom's villainy becomes more apparent, when propositioned by Raoul her only objection is to how the Phantom might hurt her if he found out. Well after all of his temptations, rage, and villainy, near the climax of the film, she still sings in a graveyard about her uncertainty over whether or not he is a literal ghost or spirit of her father. So the plot structure is preserved and explicit - Christine is drawn to him due to his musical talent and offerings of instruction, is unsure if he is even human, but realizes his corporeality, villainy, and fundamental pitiable humanity at the end. Raoul throughout is her explicit, engaged-to-be-married romantic partner.

So then why are her and the Phantom fucking??

Seriously, I cannot undersell how sexual their scenes are.They are all over each other, fingers gliding over skin, and the next scene after this one is her in his bed with sex-hair all over the place! This subtext is continued in every scene they have together, long after he has been revealed as a murderer. At one point he confronts her in public, with her fiance watching, and it's still played like he is the Tuxedo Mask to her Sailor Moon. Even the scene where she takes off his mask is shot like it was foreplay-gone-wrong, and the Phantom just forgets to say his safeword in time (This is why you pre-negotiate about your kinks, all!).

Any movie-goer understands what the intent of scenes like these are, why a director would choose these actions & shots; they want us to know that they are getting busy off camera, even if only by implication. We know they don't actually do that because there is a book to refer back to but damn does this movie want us to forget that...in these scenes. Which is the problem, of course - the rest of the movie operates as normal! In the above scene Christine thinks the Phantom is, again I must emphasize this, the ghost of her father; apparently she is going for the reverse-Oedipus achievement but no one told the rest of the script. Is she lying to Raoul about her love and her reasons? Is she actually tempted? Stop telling me you are unlovable via haunted monologues Gerard Butler, you look like testosterone on a stick and y'all boned literally five minutes ago, I am not buying it!

The subtext and the text are at war with each other - and given that, as we established, the dynamic between the Phantom & Christine is really the only interesting part about this story, strip that down to a muddled mess and you really have nothing left. And in a movie, subtext like this is just another form of text - the director chose these shots, it's intended. Beyond the terrible vocal performances and sometimes baffling shot direction, the movie's biggest failing is this schizophrenic mismatch between the script and the actions on screen which is a problem the stage musical honestly didn't have to worry about. These scenes are not set up like this, and the ability to add subtext by the actors is just fundamentally limited by the medium; it cannot touch the story itself, which isn't even the focus of the audiences. Even if these contradictions did exist more in the stage musical, they wouldn't doom it due to the nature of said medium.

Which is very, very fortunate, because there is one final point to make - Andrew Lloyd Weber, the creator of the stage musical, wholeheartedly approved of this direction for the movie. He produced the film, wrote the screenplay, chose the director, the works - this is his film. And, as is apparently from interviews and a...not fondly remembered stage sequel to the musical that he wrote, he ships the Phantom and Christine hard. Not in the "oh I love their dynamic on screen way", but in the Ao3 sort-by-fetish-tags "they are my Trash'' way. And I would never begrudge a man his ships, but apparently he was not content to keep it away from the canon. He absolutely reads the stage musical this way as well!  It's just one of those interesting ironies of life - one of the most successful adaptations of a book to a stage musical was made by someone who, in my opinion, did not grasp the fundamentals of the story he was adapting. We just didn't notice because the medium didn't care, and also damn can he write a score that slaps.

I would not be the first person to say that this movie for Andrew Lloyd Weber is something of a George Lucas moment for him, a creator completely missing the appeal of his own work; but after seeing it the comparison rang deeply true. The Phantom of the Opera movie is truly the Phantom Menace of musicals.

No, I don't feel bad for that last line, why do you ask?

[des-shinta]

Access Flash!  On Gridman and it’s new anime.

  So Tsuburaya Productions recently branched out into the realm of anime with this collaboration with Studio Trigger.  And for those who haven’t been following, it’s with a series you 90′s kids might recognize.

The name Tsuburaya should need no introduction if you’re in the Tokusatsu or giant monster(Kaiju) Fandoms, but for those unfamiliar; Eiji Tsuburaya is the special effects wizard responsible for all the effects in the original Godzilla.  A Life-long fan of scale models and recreating the world in realistic miniature, he is in many respects considered the Japanese Counterpart of Legendary filmmaker Ray Harryhausen.  In example of his amazing talent and attention to detail, he was consigned during world war Two to make propaganda films of the Japanese military winning in engagements across the pacific and the productions for the time were paid so much attention to detail that no-one at the time was able to tell that they were fakes. He got a lot of flack for that after the war ended, and was barred from filmmaking in Japan for several years.

His company, Tsuburaya Productions has carried that fortitude for effects and quality storytelling with it throughout the decades.  Since 1966, their primary product has been the “Ultra Series” Franchise, Primarily focused in The titular Ultraman of the entry, and their adventures.

The franchise focuses on benevolent Giants from the M78 Nebula (though some originate from elsewhere as there’s actually an Ultra-multiverse) who act as troubleshooters for random giant monster calamities; bonding to specified hosts (or on occasion take human form themselves) to conserve their own powers while away from their own homeland; allowing the chosen humans to utilize their powers to defend their home and what’s precious to them.  The downside of the Ultra’s is that in planetary environments they can only use their immense powers for approximately 3 Minutes before they need to rest, as their powers are garnered from light energy given off by stars, who’s rays aren’t intense enough to sustain them in-atmosphere.

The currently running series, Ultraman R/B is actually really good, and has a lot to say on the subject of caustic fans who miss the point of the merits of a series due to only caring about the action/spectacle of a fight and adherence to Tropes, and not understanding what a hero may actually be fighting For.  While that might initially read poorly to some people as it attacking fandom (as a certain other current toku series does every week)--and that not helped by words from the Head of Tsuburaya from before R/B debuted--it’s more focused in social commentary refuting the Idea that the genre is message-less nonsense, and wants people to actually put thought into what being a true “Ally of Justice” means; Doing the right thing.  Links to 3 Relevant twitter threads discussing this: 1.  2.  3. For the interested, R/B is currently being fansubbed by the group Color timer, as Tsuburaya has not had luck in getting it officially distributed as of yet.  Crunchyroll, who’d previously been getting the import library, has recently begun dropping Ultra series left-and-right in favor of other licenses, with the only ones remaining being ones they originally subbed. If you’d like some older Recommendations, Ultraseven (available from Shout Factory) is considered the best overall series, And has multiple sequels with the adventures of Seven’s Son Zero (trying to list all of Ultraman Zero’s appearances is ridiculous, as he’s mainly been the star of a long collection of movie’s), and then 2017′s Ultraman Geed (available on Crunchyroll, the movie for the series also from MCS fansubs), focused in turn on the Son/Clone of Zero’s Greatest enemy Ultraman Belial which then had Zero act as a secondary protagonist part of that series’ Ensemble. Tsuburaya however has been having something of a hard time the last several years.  The chinese Company Chaiyo, using falsified documents, laid claim to many of the showa-era (pre-1989) ultraman series and all Distribution rights to All of The related content of the franchise from Tsuburaya, preventing them from making money internationally while Chaiyo flexed those rights themselves to make them an immense sum of money.  The litigation and lawsuits basically bankrupted the company as Chaiyo argued under the technicality of having a proper authentication of their document from one of Tsuburaya’s sons that the agreement was a foregone conclusion; requiring Tsuburaya productions have an in-part buyout from company Namco Bandai to continue running.

This is why recent ultra Series (Ginga, Victory, X, Orb, Geed, R/B), have ended up being awash with collectibles; Bandai over-merchandises every thing they can get their hands on.  Previously the merch licenses resided with Takara/Tomy (transformers, zoids), and were a LOT more restrained as while Tsuburaya Pro Knew merchandising was important to the longevity of a series as an additional revenue source...the storytelling of the series would come first.  with series before this, most of the toyetic items came in the form of scale models and figures of both the title ultra’s, some roleplay items, and an assortment of assist vehicles and jets the normie humans would use in battle to support the main protagonist against the situations of the week. That monetary support however helped, and in a newer lawsuit Tsuburaya won through and prevented Chaiyo from screwing with the company again...however, the legal distribution rights for their own assets are still in legal limbo, as the latest case only allowed them to claim Dominance over north-American distribution.  which while still a significant market is still small in comparison to the rest of the world; especially with the stigma these live-actions show have in the US. to the non-converted. Really, I think that’s part of the reason why they ended up pushing a new entry of a series that Chaiyo had NOT previously been able to touch at all.

Denkou Choujin (Lightning superman, though the title is localized as Hyper Agent) Gridman was a 39-episode Tokusatsu series that ran in 1993, and more recently was imported and subtitled to completion by the US Premium channel TOKU.

It followed the adventures of Naoto Sho and his friends Yuka and Ippei as they, after encountering the titular Gridman inside of a video game they’d been developing on a kitbash computer (Junk), must assist him in defending the computer realm from the attacks of Khan Digifer (subtitles writing it as ‘Digipher’).

Yes, we know he looks like the shredder from TMNT. Both Gridman and Khan originate from the “Hyper world”, a realm comparable to cyberspace where all entities exist as living data (*cough*Digimon*Cough*), and thus can manipulate less complex data to their own ends.  With Khan’s goal being the destruction/conquest of the computer world, which would allow him to transcend digital limitations and begin his conquest of the real world, ala Code Lyoko XANA means of devastating anything electrically powered which could lead to bad ends for those involved (like, say, screwing with a nuclear power plants regulation systems).

PLOT.  POINT.

Khan’s efforts are Assisted by Takeshi Todo, A classmate of Naoto and Co who is an introverted social outcast and Victim of bullying; though Khan’s manipulations have turned him into a selfish, petty man.  Khan uses him to create the series’ monsters-of-the-week by Takeshi programming them into a homebrew game similar to the one Naoto found Gridman in, with Khan’s incentive for doing so being to allow Takeshi some catharsis from the awful things that have happened to him in his life, oblivious/not caring towards the entities deeper machinations as making homebrew monsters in his game was how he’d previously endeavored to vent his frustrations in a healthy manner...that Khan has just taken to the opposite extreme.  Though the show makes clear that Takeshi is fully an Indoctrinated thrall of Khan’s power to even allow him those indulgences so he can’t see the outstretched carrot is naught but a Stick.

To Fight Khan’s attacks, Naoto uses the transformation trinket the “Accessor” brace to Digitize himself and fuse with Gridman, With the transformation cry “ACCESS FLASH!” allowing his body to be turned to data and fuse with Gridman to upgrade his capabilities.  Yuka and Ippei likewise assisting them with the programming and transmission of weapons and vehicles/robots that add additional arsenal to Gridman’s counterattacks.

And unlike Previous tsuburaya productions, Gridman was the first to have these assist robots...actually be able to combine with the core hero.

Now, you 90′s kids in the audience might be thinking, “Hey, this all looks familiar” And you’re right.  Because the series got imported in 1994.

In response to the rise of Power Rangers Adapting the Japanese super sentai series, there was in turn an attempt to make bank on...basically doing the same thing.

Saban made SEVERAL adaptations of other tokusatsu series from toei’s library; Making VR Troopers and Beetleborgs from Toei’s “Metal heroes’ franchise”, and Saban’s masked rider from the Kamen Rider series “Black RX”.  They did not do as well as Power Rangers, primarily because they repeated many of the same mistakes MMPR made but grew out of, and lacked quality storytelling to really keep people invested. While VR Troopers and Beetleborgs To this Day have their merits and defenders...well, the only thing Worse than Saban’s Masked Rider that Saban has made, is Power Rangers (Super)Megaforce...Though some argue That Samurai, Dino Charge and Ninja Steel are very close as well. But THAT is where We Find DIC in all this.

DIC entertainment Was a Company active in the late 80′s, 90′s and 2000′s most known now-a-days for being the original distributors for Sailor moon and it’s awful original Dub, and producers for Inspector Gadget, The Real Ghostbusters,  the 90′s Sonic Cartoons, the 90′s Carmen Sandiago series, and Alienators: Evolution Continues. Those were their “good” Productions, most of the rest of their library was schlock and terrible both at the time and looked back on in hindsight.

Stargate fans do Not talk about Stargate Infinity.

But in the Power Rangers craze, DIC made two contributions to this in an attempt to cash in on the Hype. The first...is the infamously awful tattooed Teenage alien Fighters from Beverly Hills.

A Transparent ripoff if there ever was one, while many of the PR-clones of the era are accused of being ripoffs, ALL of them with exception with this show ultimately did their own things.  TTAFfBH though?  No.  On every level it’s an awful, obvious knockoff, and only True Power Rangers Ripoff. Not-so for the series we (in the round-about way I’ve taken) should actually be discussing:

Yeah...Ironically, that name was decided on to avoid hedging in on Power Ranger’s naming conventions, SSSS was originally going to be imported as PowerBoy. No, seriously.  it ended up doing the opposite, but the intention was to have no relation.

The series...actually did a lot of things right.  Co-Produced with Tsuburaya, SSSS was pretty much a direct adaptation, with the plots of the week being adjusted to an Americanized setting. culture and subplots...just with the standard campiness expected of a DIC production...and even less of a budget than Power Rangers at the time had.

A Teenage basement band calling themselves Team Samurai (though why they called themselves that escapes me, I’ve yet to get the show on DVD so am working on memories from 1994/1995 and clips on youtube), end up involved in stopping that attacks of cyberspace monsters after their lead guitarist Sam Collins (Played by Matthew Lawrence, later the sidekick to Will Friedle when he would join the cast of Boy Meets World) somehow gets zapped into his computer and endowed with the powers of Gridman’s counterpart Servo, who then take up the duty of stopping the machinations of the Escaped military AI program KiloKahn (voiced by the ever-awesome Tim Curry.  Seriously) and his Human servant Malcom Frink (basically just takeshi’s character again) as their various attacks upon any devices connected to electricity can end-up having real-world consequences...Just as they did in the original gridman series. Astoundingly, SSSS ran Longer than Gridman did, totaling in at 53 episodes; padded out with creative re-cutting of battle-footage alongside getting some test footage for a Gridman sequel that...unfortunately never got made.  It was rumored that had SSSS done better a full sequel Starring a character named Gridman Sigma would’ve been greenlit to provide more footage and story for adaptation...but sadly by 1995 and the show’s end, much of the PR Ameri-toku craze had ended, and Gridman/SSSS became a backburner to history. ...at least, until 2015

Co-Produced by Studio Trigger,  Denkou Choujin Gridman: boys invent great hero was an animated short for the japan Animator expo.  taking place 22 years after the original series (and the opening several minutes acting as a recap of it), Former villain Takeshi Todo seeks his own redemption for his past actions when Khan (or potentially a successor) re-emerges with more power; Takeshi taking the form of the blue-bodied Gridman Sigma to engage in battle with Digital kaiju that now appear to be manifesting within the real world with intentions to rewrite reality. Again, PLOT POINT. ...which thus leaves us with 2018′s recently released SSSS Gridman.

High school Freshman Yuta Hibiki awakens one Day Sans his memories, and begins to see illusions of Giant monsters in the skyline.  Finding Gridman within a Junk computer at his friend Rikka’s Home, he sets out to uncover the mystery of his lost memories, why these monsters are appearing, and what it means for his world as the kaiju begin emerging into the real world, forcing him to fight in the real world as the new Gridman. The series is written by Keiichi Hasegawa, who over the years has written more content for  Tsuburaya than any other person; Writing on Utlraman Tiga, Dyna, Gaia, Cosmos, Nexus, Mebius, Ultraseven X, and Most of the Ultraman zero content. He has also worked on Kamen Rider’s W, Fourze and Drive, The Big O, and Zoids Chaotic Century and new Century Zero. the series is being directed by Akira amemiya, previous on the series inferno Cop Already, if you’re aware of the backstory of Gridman, a few things pop out at you.  First off:

The Kaiju apperaing as phantoms before they fully emerging intro reality?  While also echoing enemies in Digimon and Rockman.exe, This is the same thing that was showcased in the ‘boys invent great hero’ short and was the endgame the heroes were trying to stop in the original series.  Thus, the same inference: Khan’s successor--

 --(called  Alexis・Kerib) has succeeded in transcending the limitations of digital existence and now is seeking to conquer and Destroy the real world.

Kerib has set himself up as a benevolent ‘genie’ to the social outcast and kaiju Fangirl Akane Shinjo, and is then proceeding to do the same thing Khan himself did with Takeshi; use her and her social issues to create his minions and monsters, realize them in the real world and devastate it while incidentally dealing with her real-life antagonists. This all conveyed through Studio trigger’s excellent visual storytelling, when Akane heads home to find it empty, and her room’s floor populated with an insane amount of bagged garbage; something no-one with actual parents in their lives would let happen.  A pseudo-social outcast with no-one to turn to; no parents in their lives to give nurture and comfort, seeking companionship through the internet as a source for what can’t be found in real-life so they can be happy, only to be manipulated by a predator for the vulnerable?

All we’re missing is a marred-up desk and suicidal thoughts to make her a Yandere version of Chigusa “Atoli” Kusaka from .hack//G.U.  Still time to do that, too. I honestly feel like there’s a Lot more to say on this character and the nuances to her portrayal thus-far that makes her character and actions work in a far better light than those who endlessly try to excuse other utterly-irredeemable people who bear similarities in their backstory.  it’s clear she’s just lashing out and kerib--like Khan--creating an environment and unhinged mental state where she thinks any slight can be wished out of existence to make her empty life better.  And people lashing out?  They can be reasoned with, talked down and reformed.  Not-so with those who would, with clear thought turn others into victims and steal from them their own lives; those who are truly abusive in their conduct towards others for petty reasons or only received retaliation in response to their own awful conduct.  And yet the reverse is often shown to be true; the irredeemable given the chances they’d wasted before and the consequences of their actions ignored or handwaved to not be applicable, while people like Akane and Takeshi are left in the dark to suffer and be punished to start the cycle anew. However...this time there’s a twist to the kaiju attacks.

The people who died in the kaiju attacks...Die Retroactively.  Whatever Kerib is doing, it allows him and Akane to in limited way rewrite reality.  in the First/Second Episode, it’s revealed that The volleyball team at Hibiki’s high school were killed in the first attack, but it was noted when Hibiki and Rikka went to school the next day that not only was the school undamaged from the previous night’s attack, no-one remembered the girls that were on the team, or a team for the sport even existing. The best way I can describe the phenomena, since Kerib is appearing to manipulate the world as if it were one gigantic computer, is The kaiju metaphorically clicked on the folder containing all information on the volleyball team, and dragged it to the recycling bin; deleting their existence as the team, and killing off the girls part of it at the point the team would’ve been formed.

And even as hibiki is the newest person to take on the identity of Gridman--

--The battles at best are ones that will only prevent more people from Dying. As we’re only two episodes into the series right now, it’s unknown if any other bystanders caught in the crossfire are also being erased, or if it’s only focused on the targets Akane points out.  We just don’t know at this point. What we do know is this series is not supposed to have a direct connection to the original, but because so much of SSSS Gridman is based upon the worst case scenario from the original, that could mean anything at this point; even the posibility that reality itself has been rewritten and is the cause of hibiki’s amnesia.

As a Studio trigger anime series though, there are some things that fans have been pointing out. First off, the names of the volleyball team victims are an amusing collection of homages: Tonkawa  Sakiru > Tonka and Cy-kill  Toiko  > ToyCo  Kena-chan >  Kenner Doi Hako  > Toybox (Hako means box) Takara Nana > TAKARA and Seven (Nana means seven)  Cy-Kill was a Gobot from Tonka’s gobots series that was absorbed by Takara and transformers respectively.  ToyCo is a toys and collectibles retailer, as Was Toybox.  Kenner/Playmates was the US toy liscenser for SSSS toyline in the 90′s, and Takara...well, is Takara. the animation of course, is full-on Expected studio Trigger gar in it’s homages as well

Feel the Obari Pose! Expect the Obari Pose! Love the Obari Pose! “you know, when they do that, it makes it look as if they have a giant Di-” IGNORE THE OBARI POSE!   

but the well goes far deeper, my friends.

This is SSSSGridman’s character designer.  Just...look at that desk.  I spot 5 power ranger/super sentai mechs (Kyoryujin/DC megazord hidden on the top right), gaogaigar, The box for Brave exkaiser, Gurren Lagann, a 3rd-party Optimus Primal, and Shattered Glass Megatron. that last one is kind of important, as the director, Akira amemiya, is a Huge fan of shattered glass transformers.

Shattered glass, for those not in the know, is basically the transformers mirror universe originally created for the transformers convention botcon.  it’s a Universe where the autobots are the bad guys and Decepticons the good guys. For more info, I will leave a link to Chris McFeely’s transformers: the basics video on the subject. Watch him, it’s good stuff. Now why is that relevant? Every character in this show is based on a transformers design or color-scheme.  Most Significantly those from shattered glass. Akane?  Shattered glass Optimus Prime

Hibiki, Rikka, and Sho (who’s knowledgable on kaiju and Ultra series tropes) are cliffjumper (Classics-verse autobot who jumped into shatted glass), SG Sideswipe, and SG megatron.

The autobot Matrix

SG Starscream and Soundwave/ravage.

aaand just a few more for you all.

These four are based on the movie-verse Dinobots, and are gridman’s support programs turned into human beings.  the one on the top left whose name is Samurai Calibur (yes seriously) turns into Gridman’s sword the Gridman calibur.  The other three turn into the support mechs showcased below. oh, and for the checkback?   Sakiru Tonkawa from the volleyball team:

But it doesn’t end there.

The jet booster and drill cannon Combinations:

yes, seriously. The heavy arms configuration as well is a common practice seen with partial-combiner robo’s as well, particularly with those lacking certain combination limbs, particularly those part of the scramble city play gimmick these robot configurations are also homage-ing with the limbs and legs being swap-able.  And as all the support arms are based on Dinobots:

“Me grimlock have Anchor arms:  now am Jerk and everybody loves me!”

So yeah, to wrap things up, SSSS Gridman is Tsuburaya’s revival of a 90′s gem in an era where a lot of similarly-themed series exist and have done what it has since this series ( Digimon, .hack, Rockman.exe, Code Lyoko just to name a few), but is bringing it back with a fresh transformers-toned coat of paint for a new generation and original storytelling based on the worst-case scenario of the original series, and thus-far it is absolutely glorious, and I hope is able to follow through ‘cause I just generally love series in this little subgenre.

And I will leave you with 3 things:  First and second, The Anime’s opening mashed up with Gridman and SSSS openings (link and Link) and lastly an Image of hibiki’s English VA roleplaying with the original series’ toy sword while recording his voiceover:

SSSS Gridman is available from Funimation.

[mrsspidermanmaryjanewatsonparker]

Part 2

Comics Cube bullshit knows no end!

“There never was a whole lot of substance to Mary Jane Watson, and that was fine when she was the occasional love interest. I liked that Mary Jane Watson a lot. (When I was a kid, she represented the ideal girlfriend that I would someday like to have.)”

 Translation:

 I have never read much Spider-Man or paid much attention to the Spider-Man comics that I did read or apparently really bad at just understanding the stuff I read because I apparently missed the last page of the Death of Gwen Stacy, all of Gerry Conway’s run after that and DeFalco and Peter David’s 1980s runs on the character all of which give and showcase tremendous substance to MJ’s character.

 Also I don’t think I know what a character with substance actually is maybe because I was too busy thinking how kewl it would be to fuck a total hawt babe party gurl like Mary Jane who obviously loved the drugs too. My ideal girlfriend!

  “It’s when she became Mary Jane Watson-Parker, that writers and editors had to try to find something to do with her...”

 Yeah. She the writers and editors had to invent stuff for MJ to do like having her act as a friend, a confidant, a medical aid provider, emotional bridge builder, partying in order to cope with the stresses of life but recognizing that wasn’t always the answer and caused problems itself, fighting off villains who attacked her due to connections to Peter or other people...or target her in general.

 All these things the writers had to INVENT for the marriage.

 She never did anything like that before.

 ASM Annual #19 is just 40 black pages for instance.

 “...and she’s just not that interesting on her own”

  Mary Jane is so uninteresting on her own that she has been the lead in multiple issues of 616 Spider-Man, Ultimate Spider-Man, Renew Your Vows and supported an entire all ages comic book series dedicated to her teenage soap opera life that found success in a time period where such a book was suicidal.

 ...Because she’s just THAT uninteresting on her own...You know when she is alone. Individually. Which was obviously the default setting for her during the course of an era called a MARRIAGE.

 I guess not reading due to masturbating to Mary Jane centric fantasies before 1987 also means I do not know the meaning of the word marriage.

    “The fundamental problem with her becoming the wife of Spider-Man, was that it made it mandatory for her to appear in every single story, no matter if she had anything relevant to do.”

 Er....no.

 No it didn’t.

 There was no rule she HAD to appear any more than it was ‘mandatory’ that Aunt May appear in every story, even when she and Peter were living together.

 Harry Osborn didn’t mandatorily appear in every story when he and Peter were living together either.

 And guess what...Mj didn’t either during the course of the marriage.

 There are dozens of issues between September 1987 and December 2007 in which Mary Jane and Peter are married and living together (and Peter is the central protagonist) in which MJ is never seen on panel.

 Dozens.

 Now sure did she appear more frequently than she needed to.

 Yes...but that was the fault of the writers and editors for CHOOSING to include her mandatorily when it wasn’t needed or else not having something for her to contribute.

 It wasn’t an intrinsic dilemma of the marriage.

 There are issues of modern SUPERMAN comics where Superman’s wife and son do not BOTH appear and I’ll bet some money there are some issues where NEITHER appear. I will bet even more money that there will be even more issues in the future where Superman will be living with Lois and Jon but neither appear.

 This statement is only confirming that the author doesn’t know much about you know...writing.

 “Story is born from conflict, and there’s only so much conflict you can present in a marriage without it becoming unbearable to read.”

 Maybe, maybe not. Here is the kicker though.

 In a SUPER HERO series...you don’t actually NEED his marriage to be the primary or a constant source of conflict.

 The series was never ABOUT the love life of Peter Parker.

 It was about the LIFE of Peter Parker and as part of that he had a love life. So...why not present some fucking conflict ELSEWHERE in his life.

 Or is the author’s understanding of writing and the notion that it’s born of conflict so unsophisticated that he believes that literally every goddam interaction between characters requires conflict?

  Consider this...how much conflict is there REALLY between Peter Parker and Aunt May?

 How much conflict between Batman and Robin?

 How much conflict between even Holmes and Watson?

 In the latter I know for a fact from this website that people love seeing the pair either shipped together or friendshipped together way more than the times they are just arguing or fighting.

 Shit an utterly acclaimed issue of Batman from LAST MONTH was about a double date between Lois Lane,Superman, Catwoman and Batman. And the points of praise MOST heaped upon the issue WASN’T the clashes or conflicts between the characters, which were minimal to begin with.

 The same is true of Renew Your Vows AND JMS’ run on Amazing Spider-Man, which is not only credited with the best take on the marriage but the marriage itself was PART of the praise for that run...as it was for the Eisner nominated issue of Spider-Man which again featured little conflict between the couple.

 Want to go a little international with this?

 Okay. Sailor Moon and Dragon Ball Z

 Iconic anime/manga series from Japan.

 Sailor Moon has strong romance elements to it in both it’s original manga and it’s very different anime adaptation.

 The two power couples of the franchise are Sailor Moon and her primary love interest Tuxedo Mask and same sex couple Sailors Neptune and Uranus.

 Neptune and Uranus are without a shadow of a doubt WAY more popular a couple within the fandom than anyone else. They also tend to not be in conflict with one another much at all and their relationship is a huge part of their pooularity as individual characters too.

 In the manga Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask as a couple are more well regarded in the fandom than their anime counterparts who ARE in conflict with one another much more often, especially early on and consequently these early interactions are actually lambasted fairly frequently.

  Now onto Dragon Ball Z. There are three couples I want to discuss. Goku (the lead character) and his often beleaguered and bad tempered wife ChiChi. Villain turned protagonist Vegeta and his wife Bulma and Gohan (the secondary protagonist) and his fellow school student and later wife Videl.

 Goku and ChiChi are often for comedic effect placed at odds with Goku’s love for training and battle (meaning he isn’t around much) trigger ChiChi’s temper.

 Vegeta and Bulma whilst slightly butting heads at first have tended to be depicted as more cool and calm as a couple. Vegeta is somewhat aloof but cares beneath it all and Bulma kind of just rolls with his gruff attitude.

 Gohan and Videl are the most normal couple but the single most popular episode for shippers of the couple is the episode where Videl’s negative attitude towards Gohan really starts to go away and they grow closer as he teaches her for to use her chi and defy gravity.

  Yeah...Goku and ChiChi are unambiguously less popular with fandom than Vegeta/Bulma or Gohan/Videl.

 Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. It’s almost like in an ongoing series the need for constant conflict within a romantic relationship is NOT necessary, and mostly portraying a couple as loving, supportive, working together and punctuating this with conflict is a far clearer road to success than going the constant conflict route.

     “Now, I’ll grant you that many writers were able to handle the marriage fairly well.”

Well which was it?

 The marriage was consistently unentertaining for 20 straight years and MJ lacked the substance to have anything to do or generate conflict...or you know MANY (implying the majority) of writers actually did the marriage well thereby invalidating the entire bullshit argument up until this point?

  “It wasn’t exactly entertaining, but it wasn’t an anchor dragging down the series.”

 It wasn’t damaging the series and it was handled well but it wasn’t entertaining.

 Is this guy from like a universe sideways to Bizarro world or something this makes little sense.

 And I think he’s not even made an attempt to distinguish good quality storytelling from his personal preferences...or anybody else’s.

  “However, the majority of writers did not do a very good job at all with the marriage and Mary Jane’s role in the comics.”

 Let’s see ONLY counting writers who worked on the main titles with actual runs let’s go through them shall we.

 David Michelinie: Had Peter and MJ both confront married life as a change of pace and negotiate a balance between their own wants and needs and careers and the same for their partners. Showed MJ as supportive, but also acknowledged she could get anxious (which is realistic) and also depicted her coping by dancing which was in character. So...for the first half of his 8 year run...no he wasn’t very bad at the marriage or MJ’s character. Next.

 Peter David. Showed MJ as an important comical balnce to Peter’s down in the dumps attitude. So no he wouldn’t count either.

 Gerry Conway. Jason Jerome aside he also didn’t really fail either because he GAVE MJ shit to do like handling her mentally ill cousin Kristy.

 J.M. DeMatteis: Aggressively NO. He was the best marriage writer of the 90s.

 Tom DeFalco: Some rocky patches sure but in general he could write the marriage competently in spite of over relying upon MJ getting worried about him.

 Howard Mackie: Pre Gathering of Five Mackie wrote MJ as a strong woman who had Peter’s back. So again...no. Post-Gathering of Five Mackie wrote MJ as garbage but was also deliberately trying to sabotage her and the marriage so that hardly counts.

 Terry Kavanagh: Yes he wrote it badly. Now name me one thing in any of his Spider-Man work he didn’t do badly

 Todd Dezago: He wrote MJ and Peter competently and as a cute loving couple. So...no again.

 JMS: The best marriage writer ever. Need I say more?

 Sacasa: Wrote the marriage well and wrote an MJ focus issue dissecting her feelings about Peter in light of becoming a fugitive. So again...no.

 So....actually the overwhelming majority of Spider-man main writers tended to handle the marriage and Mary Jane competently-very well.

 So Comics Cube is talking shit...again.

   “With that in mind, here are the 10 worst ways Mary Jane dealt with the stress of being married to Spider-Man, in no particular order.”

 I need a breather after this one so I’ll post another instalment later.

[zemymoon-blog]

Sailor Moon: The Viz Dub - Episode 1

I’m excited for this, you guys. I know I always say how stoked I am to watch the DiC/Cloverway dub because it’s notoriously bad and all, but there’s a part of me that’s hoping the Viz dub is going to be equally bad but for different reasons: I feel like the harder you try to repair something like this and make it not terrible, the unintentionally worse it ends up being. It’s like how Hollywood keeps trying to redeem the DC Universe but they just keep making it worse.

I’ve also never seen a complete dubbed episode of Sailor Moon before. I don’t know if I can handle hearing anyone but Kotono Mitsuishi speak whenever Usagi opens her mouth, so this will be interesting. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind dubbed anime, I just know about this particular show’s reputation when it comes to American adaptations, and I know that it usually involves a lot of people groaning and saying “Just watch the Japanese version”.

Anyway, here we go! “Moonlight Densetsu”, it’s been too long. I haven’t touched the original anime in ages, honestly. I have to say, I kinda missed it!

A voice-over narration is telling me that the name of this episode is “The Crybaby: Usagi’s Beautiful Transformation”, which is not the usual translation of this episode’s title that I’m familiar with, but okay.

From what I remember about the title cards, it’s always Usagi reading the episode title, so I’m going to assume this is Usagi’s dub voice I’m hearing. So she’s not as high-pitched as Kotono Mitsuishi, but then again, who is?

We open on the ever-classic shot of Usagi oversleeping, and immediately we get this gem: “Hi, I’m Usagi Dzoo-kino.”

Excuse me? What the hell did she just say? Usagi Zucchini? Usagi Digiorno? Is Viz retconning Usagi’s name because she eats a lot? I would have gone with Usagi Tortellini personally, but that’s just me.

Ikuko Linguine barks at Usagi to get up and the stereotypical “oh no, I’m late for school!” scene from every anime ever commences, sans toast-in-mouth. Ikuko tells Usagi not to forget her lunch, cueing the dorkiest “thanks, Mom” I’ve ever heard in my life. I’m starting to feel like maybe Viz took the whole “Usagi is clumsy and a dweeb” thing a little too far when voice directing. Isn’t Usagi supposed to be immature but still cute? She’s kinda giving me Kimmie Gibbler vibes here, and not in a good way.

So Usagi books it down the sidewalk and comes across a bunch of shitty kids kicking a cat. Animal abuse aside, why are these kids not in school? Where are their parents?

After chasing them off, Usagi peels a Band-Aid off of the cat’s forehead and somehow it doesn’t rip a bunch of fur off along with it. If this show wasn’t already unrealistic enough, the cat just sits there and lets her peel the Band-Aid off. Usagi chooses to be weirded out by the cat’s crescent moon-shaped mark on its forehead rather than the fact that this is the most passive cat that has ever existed. Seriously, it doesn’t claw her eyes out or anything!

So the cat does a sick backflip and then Usagi runs off to school, loudly wailing and ruining her vocal chords along the way. Her teacher, who also cannot pronounce “Tsukino” correctly, makes Usagi stand outside in the hallway.

I’m going to pause here for a moment so that I can bring up how much I love how stubby Usagi is in the first season. Remember how she looked in Stars? She was like 7 feet tall! Being a Sailor Senshi must provide an excellent source of vitamins and minerals because everyone else gets tall as hell, too. Shit, even Chibi-Usa is WNBA material by the end of SuperS.

Anyway, Usagi stands out in the hallway and her teacher, Haruna, comes out to scold her, and for a brief moment she almost has a Brooklyn accent, which got me super excited because I know Naru in the old dub had a similar accent and I find unnecessary obnoxious accents hilarious and wonderful. Haruna gives Usagi shit for failing a test, which is big talk coming from someone who is leaving their entire class unsupervised so that they can go yell at a 14-year-old for not understanding their schoolwork. Stay in your lane, Haruna.

Naru and Usagi are talking outside when suddenly Umino shows up and HIS VOICE IS SO BAD, YOU GUYS. Like, way worse than I ever could have imagined. It’s really terrible. I can’t even describe it in words. Usagi is so uncomfortable with Umino’s voice that she becomes even more stubby. Naru’s voice is surprisingly bland, which I guess is preferable to “awful”. Maybe it’ll grow on me in time. I hope so, because Naru is the best character in the show (after Usagi’s dad, a.k.a. Yung T$ukino).

Naru brings up Sailor V and Viz had the audacity to replace the classic “SAI - LOR - V” sound bite with what I assume is Sailor V yelling her own name really awkwardly. Did that really need to be dubbed over? It wasn’t even in Japanese.

Speaking of which, why won’t Toei just suck it up and animate Codename: Sailor V already? It’s the perfect story length to be an OVA.

So Usagi pretends not to know who Sailor V is, which I have a hard time accepting because Usagi’s entire life revolves around video games, television, and comic books, and Sailor V is supposedly a hot media franchise in the Sailor Moon universe. There is no way Usagi hasn’t heard of Sailor V before. Even Umino has heard of Sailor V, and Umino doesn’t come across as the type of person who would keep up with media celebrities.

Naru immediately begins sympathizing with some jewel thieves that Sailor V caught because apparently “jewelry is just so beautiful, I can totally understand why someone would want to steal some of it”. Doesn’t your mom own a jewelry store? Don’t you see and handle jewelry basically every day? You’d think someone who is around something all the time would be unfazed by it, and aside from that, wouldn’t someone whose family relies on their jewelry store’s business to survive be a little less sympathetic towards jewel thieves? Whatever Naru.

That high-pitched, early 90′s, “dungeon-level-from-a-SNES-RPG” music is playing to signify the scene switch to the Dark Kingdom, and I’m honestly terrified of what Beryl is going to sound like.

Queen Beryl asks if anyone has found the Silver Crystal yet and I’m relieved to say that her voice is actually pretty decent! On the other hand, the group of monsters responding “No!” is hilarious and awful.

Jadeite shows up and just sounds absolutely aroused at the very thought of being an evil villain. His voice is dripping with uncontrollable lust as he explains that his monster, Morga, is busy collecting human energy, which is a thing evil villains do, because of reasons.

Suddenly the scene changes to Naru’s mother’s jewelry store, which is packed full of people taking advantage of their big sale. I bet I can guess where the human energy is gonna come from!

Enter Usagi and Naru, who are both a little weirded out that Naru’s mom is way too into selling off all this jewelry. Naru’s voice is starting to feel a little too mature for her character in my opinion, though at least she’s actually attempting to voice act, unlike Usagi, who sounds like she is just now reading her script for the first time. You remember in school when you had to read in front of the class and whenever you had to read a character’s dialogue you would put the tiniest bit of effort into sounding like a person emoting, but not too much, and still ultimately sounded like someone who’s just reading text out loud? That’s what Usagi sounds like through this whole episode.

Predictably, Naru’s mom is revealed to the audience as Morga pretty much immediately.

And then she says it. She actually says it. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, but these words really come out of her mouth, straight out of a 12-year-old’s fanfic:

“Foolish humans.”

She really says that! And then she mentions a “great ruler”, which I assume is supposed to be Metalia, but the way she says it sounds like she’s in a cult or lives under a dictatorship or something, and it just sounds really awkward.

The jewelry starts sucking all the energy out of the women in the jewelry store, and I have to wonder, if the Dark Kingdom really wanted all this energy from all these people, why wouldn’t they just have Morga give the jewelry away for free? It seems like it’d be more effective, because I’m sure not every visit to this store results in a sale. This leads me to believe that Morga’s actually in it for the financial gain. Morga knows she could just give it all away, but she also knows that she can still make a hefty financial profit from marking down prices due to the larger influx of customers than usual, and with the extra money they’re making from the sale, the Dark Kingdom can start investing in stocks and bonds, and maybe someday they’ll be able to afford to not live in a cave, or at least have some plush carpet put down to brighten up the room, or something.

Naru gets her mom’s attention and suddenly Morga remembers that she should probably stop smirking and saying “foolish humans” in public, and she puts the “normal human woman” act back on. She offers Usagi a big discount on a diamond ring since she’s Naru’s friend, and then Usagi is promptly flattened by a stampede of sale-obsessed shoppers who are continuing to handle and try on expensive jewelry completely unsupervised in a very large store that has no visible security guards, metal detectors, or other employees. See, this is why jewelry stores get robbed in this town! Where’s Sailor V when you need her?

Usagi laments that although she’s pretty spoiled, she’s not that spoiled, and her dad, Big Money Kenji, will never agree to buy her expensive jewelry after the bad grade she got on her test. That’s okay, maybe he’ll buy you an iPad, or a better voice actress. Frustrated, she leaves the store and chucks her balled-up test at a random passerby’s head.

The passerby is understandably annoyed at having garbage pelted at him and calls Usagi “bun-head” in a way that for some reason sounds like he’s implying her head looks like a butt. Well, I mean, it kinda does, from the back. If that wasn’t brutal enough, he un-balls her test and immediately starts making fun of her shitty score and comes dangerously close to blatantly calling her a dumb-ass.

Usagi takes her test back and tells the guy he needs to mind his own business, which, quite frankly, I agree with. What kind of 35-year-old man ridicules a preteen for their test scores? Usagi proceeds to stomp away and says, verbatim, “stupid jerk and his purple pleated pants”, which is the funniest thing I’ve heard all night. She almost sounds offended that he’s wearing purple pleated pants, as if that’s the most problematic aspect of her interaction with him just now.

Usagi looks back at Purple Pleated Pants guy, or PPP, and sees that he’s checking out the jewelry store. I also can’t help but notice that suddenly the entire 50-person crowd that was outside the store 2 minutes ago has vanished. I also can’t help but notice that under any other circumstances, a guy wearing dark sunglasses and scouting a jewelry store in a town that is known for jewelry store robberies would be suspicious, but this guy didn’t smirk and say “foolish humans” to himself while menacing music played in the background, so I guess he can’t be all bad.

Usagi passes Game Center Crown, the local arcade, and notices this poster in the window, which I absolutely love. I wish there was a real-life reproduction of this poster for sale somewhere. I would buy it in a heartbeat. Just look at it! It’s got everything: an anime schoolgirl superhero, random mobsters with laser guns, Space Invaders aliens exploding out of the corner, and a minty green backdrop that just screams “early 90′s bathroom”. I’m a little uncomfortable with the guy inside the arcade, though. Not the guy playing the game, but the guy behind the counter. Who the hell is that?

Seriously, am I the only one creeped out by this dude?! He reminds me of the bartender from The Shining.

After whining about how jealous she is that she doesn’t get to live the high-activity, high-responsibility lifestyle that comes with being a crime fighter, Usagi heads home, but not before she’s spotted by that cat from earlier who apparently has the ability to speak, although not well enough to pronounce “Tsukino” correctly. This cat is relieved to see Usagi, which makes her the only character so far who views Usagi with any emotion besides contempt.

Commercial break!

I wonder if they’ll keep the--no, they dubbed over it. And boy, does it sound awful.

Over at Usagi’s house, which for some reason looks like a Renoir painting (check out Based Kenji’s purple pimpmobile!), Ikuko Frappuccino greets Usagi at the door and asks what grade she got on her test as if she expects anything other than an F. Ikuko seems legitimately surprised and angry that Usagi got a 30, but I mean, surely this can’t be the first time Usagi brought home a low test score. She’s also chronically late for school, forgets her lunch, and easily distracted. Instead of having Usagi tested for potential ADHD, Ikuko makes the rational decision of kicking her middle school-aged daughter out of the house. Usagi cries and bangs on the door to be let back inside, but then Shingo just walks right up to the door and opens it, so the problem isn’t that Ikuko locked the door, the problem is that Usagi is too stupid to use the doorknob and Ikuko knows this. Usagi decides to roundhouse kick the door like a caveman and instantly shatters her kneecap.

And man, Shingo has a shockingly deep voice! His voice is deeper than Jadeite’s, even! And he talks like a TOTALLY COOL DUDE while mocking Usagi and almost sounds like Sonic the Hedgehog while doing it. What the hell kind of 10 year old boy sounds like that?!

Back at the jewelry store, the shoppers continue to have their energy drained away by the jewelry they’re wearing, and...hey, that fat woman was there earlier, too! Damn, lady! You’ve been there all day! Don’t you have other places to be?

Bargain hunters start dropping left and right, and if the spooky purple tint over the store isn’t indication enough that something nefarious is going down, Naru’s mom finally reveals herself to Naru as a monster! Her “evil” laugh is really bad.

Logically, it seems like Sailor V should be around for this sort of thing, but she’s nowhere to be seen. Where is she? She was apparently on the scene recently for that other jewelry store robbery, but today when an actual monster appears, she’s just completely AWOL. Is “actual monster” just where Sailor V draws the line? Honestly, I can’t say I blame her. The monster even has its own Psycho violin screech!

Back at Usagi’s place, Usagi flops around on her bed while talking to herself about how exhausting it is to be bratty and spoiled. I guess the cops finally showed up and made Ikuko Rigatoni bring her pet howler monkey inside. Predictably, Usagi decides against doing her homework and takes a nap instead.

But then the window opens!

I dunno, man...With all these jewelry store heists and robberies going on in this town lately, I’d keep my doors and windows locked at all times.

But as it turns out, the intruder is even worse than a robber. It’s a cat. And it talks.

Usagi seems surprised that “the cat with the bald spot” is in her room, and her voice actress really over-acts while attempting to sound...I dunno...dismayed? Shocked? Upset? Hungry?

The cat is quick to correct Usagi in that it’s not a bald spot, which sounds like something someone with a bald spot would say. She introduces herself as Luna and thanks Usagi for removing the Band-Aid earlier, but Usagi’s not having it and goes back to sleep. Like any spoiled brat, Usagi remains unresponsive until Luna appeases her with material goods. Luna literally backflips into the air and farts out a shiny piece of jewelry, and somehow this is enough to make Usagi suddenly trust this talking cat entirely.

You know who else is very forthcoming with enchanted jewelry? The Dark Kingdom.

Luna tries to explain to Usagi that some bad shit is going down in Tokyo lately, but Usagi just ignores her and admires herself and her new shiny trinket in the mirror. Then Luna calls her a “guardian” and I just...Ugh. “Guardian” is such an awkward translation and I hate it. When did everyone decide to start using it instead of “soldier”? I even would have taken an untranslated “senshi” instead of “guardian”. Maybe I’m just picky. Anyway, Luna explains to Usagi that she needs to find the other “guardians” and also their princess, and Usagi is surprisingly accepting of this new information compared to how accepting she was of a talking cat 30 seconds ago, which was “not very”.

Luna continues to lecture Usagi and then...Wait a minute! There’s a Sailor V book right on Usagi’s dresser!

Look, see? It’s right there! I knew Usagi was full of shit! She’s known about Sailor V this entire time!

Anyway, Luna tells Usagi to say “Moon Prism Power, Make Up”, which she does, triggering the first of many, many, many transformation sequences throughout this show. Sailor Moon immediately freaks out about having transformed, even though she seemed super stoked about it before she did it. What is there to even be upset about? You even got your own theme music, which is more than you can say about any of the other Sailor Senshi this season. Her voice actress rather unconvincingly yells and whines during a scene where her character is meant to sound confused and upset.

Sailor Moon’s Stranger Danger™ hair bun shields start flashing and she can hear Naru crying out for help, and I just realized that she never, ever seems to have this ability ever again for the rest of the show. Were they just one-use-only, or what? Is that why Luna ends up giving her a communicator device later on? Sailor Moon seems strangely calm about the fact that Naru sounds like she’s in grave danger, and Luna tells her that it’s her duty to go save her friend. Wouldn’t it normally be Sailor V’s duty to fight bad guys, or has Luna just given up on Sailor V doing her damn job?

Across town, Naru is actively being strangled by her mom, because we all know best friends like to get competitive, and Naru is trying to one-up Usagi on who has the worse mom.

Except it’s not really her mom, it’s a monster! A monster with incredible business sense!

Morga’s exact words after this are “I’ve locked your mother up in the basement, and after I’m done killing you...I’m gonna kill her too? And then send the both of you! To the world of the dead!” and it’s delivered so poorly I had to pause the video until I could stop laughing.

But just when all seems lost for Naru, Sailor Moon arrives on the scene!

Sailor Moon introduces herself as a “pretty guardian”, showing unwarranted confidence for someone who makes bad grades and has a head that looks like a butt. Morga responds with, “Are those stupid catchphrases supposed to scare me?” which is something I’ve always wanted a monster in this show to say, but the fact that it’s a dubbed-in line and not part of the original dialogue somehow makes it a little less satisfying.

Morga awakens the zombified customers and they all start attacking Sailor Moon, including Big Mama who is still rocking those emerald earrings. Sailor Moon suddenly realizes that being a crime fighter involves fighting, and she starts to panic, knowing that the only thing she’s ever destroyed was an entire cheesecake in one sitting. Then this one lady comes at her with a broken bottle, like it’s a bar fight! Holy shit!

Luna expresses dismay that Sailor Moon isn’t fighting back, but it’s not like you bothered to teach Sailor Moon any of her attacks, so this is partially your fault too, Luna. Sailor Moon starts crying, sorta, though she mostly just sounds tired.

But then out of nowhere, someone throws a rose at the ground like a dart! I guess this is enough to placate the monster, because it stops trying to kill Sailor Moon.

The source of the rose dart introduces himself as Tuxedo Mask and, in the same breath, tells Sailor Moon that crying isn’t going to solve any of her problems. This immediately turns out to be false, because Sailor Moon starts to cry even more and somehow her Stranger Danger™ hair bun shields amplify her bad voice acting into 100% WEAPONIZED WHINING.

Somehow this causes the army of bargain-hunting zombies to faint, and I guess the one-use-only rule applies to this hair bun power as well, because this is the only time I remember it happening.

Luna finally tells Sailor Moon to throw her tiara and say “Moon Tiara Action”, and sounds surprisingly pissed while doing so! Damn, Luna, what’s gotten into you? The animation sequence for Moon Tiara Action starts and...am I crazy, or is the background for this sequence not usually green? Usagi Fettuccine throws her tiara like a hot pizza pie (a joke that is going to come back and bite me when she actually does throw a pizza in Stars) and hits Morga with it, turning her into dust.

Can I just comment on how huge Naru’s mom’s jewelry store is? Naru’s family must be loaded! Jadeite, who I assume is supposed to be hanging out in the Dark Kingdom instead of actually helping Morga, curses the Youma of Wall Street for failing him. To be fair, she was doing a pretty good job of collecting energy (and money!) until Sailor Moon showed up, and this is literally the first time Sailor Moon has ever appeared anywhere, so how could Morga have predicted that would even happen? Morga’s not really to blame here. If you were so worried about her safety and success, why didn’t you send a couple more monsters to act as backup? I blame Jadeite for this one.

Tuxedo Mask congratulates Sailor Moon on a job well done and tells her he won’t forget what happened here tonight in a tone of voice that sounds really creepy. Instead of immediately calling the police, Sailor Moon decides she’s in love with him, and hearts fly out of her eyes. Wait, what’s the appeal here? You could barely see his face, and he didn’t even do anything aside from throw a rose at the ground. He didn’t even participate in fighting the monster. He literally just showed up in his Abraham Lincoln hat, gave some bad advice, and then jumped out a window. Whatever floats your boat, Usagi.

The next day at school, Naru (who suddenly sounds 20 years older) gushes about the cool dream she had last night: a superhero named Sailor Moon showed up and saved her from a monster! Two other nameless girls apparently had the exact same dream, but I have to wonder...If all of these girls were at the jewelry store last night when Sailor Moon fought the monster, wouldn’t they have been passed out by then? Did they somehow retain some level of consciousness while physically comatose? Not gonna lie, that’s pretty horrifying. Naru tries to get Usagi’s attention, but she’s just so incredibly tired! “Nighty night.” Ah, classic Usagi. Roll credits!

I don’t know, you guys. I was hoping this new dub would be really bad, and it was, but aside from a couple moments here and there, it wasn’t bad enough to be funny. It was just kind of boring. Somehow the stilted voice acting of the protagonist and the strangely-casted voices of a couple major characters just made the entire episode feel really plastic and hollow. All of the charm of the original was lost behind a constant need to talk really slowly/loudly or just howl uncontrollably, and half of the characters just sounded like they were reading off of cue cards. I mean, from an objective standpoint, it’s a better dub than the DiC adaptation from the 90′s, but it’s also a lot less entertaining. I think Queen Beryl’s voice was the only one I actually liked immediately.

So, there you have it! That’s Episode 1 of Sailor Moon with the Viz-dubbed English audio enabled. As bland as the first episode was, I still have high expectations for later episodes when the show has more characters. Hopefully the other Sailor Senshi will sound at least half competent and will drown out the sound of Usagi enough that it’ll actually be a watchable dub. Or maybe it’ll just sound even worse, and it’ll be awful enough that I’ll find it funny. Who knows? Either way, here’s hoping Episode 2 has more to talk about.

Until next time, pasta fans.