#sadly we like 4-5 hours away from each other so seeing each other is difficult

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[softieteez]

backstory

warning: death, cancer, drinking, mental abuse, some physical abuse, cussing, crying, anxiety attacks, suicidal thoughts, child neglect

genre: angst

summary: before ivy even got to her teen years, things were more difficult than most adults lives. from losing her dad, to experiencing neglect.

a/n: ivy’s story is pretty deep. feel free to skip this post if you are triggered by anything listed. also i’ll be using her birth name a lot throughout this story.

languages: normal = english. italic = korean

olivia min was born june 4, 2001 in michigan. she is the youngest of three siblings. miya, the oldest, was born february 20, 1997. and austin, the middle child, was born august 4, 1999.

growing up, olivia had an amazing relationship with her family members. her parents were always really supportive of anything she wanted to do. and her siblings, were annoying, but they all love each other so much. the family was pretty middle class, maybe more upper middle class. they had enough money to buy nice things and go on trips, which was nice and it gave the kids experiences they’d always remember.

when she was a baby, the families friend jax, had given her the nickname ‘ivy.’ the name stuck with him and eventually spread to friends at school. but her family members always called her olivia or jisoo, her korean name.

in school she was a social butterfly, running around recess practically collecting friends like they were collectors items. and because of her loving nature, no one could say no. she’s also very smart, she’s always had straight a’s and was usually willing to participate in class. teacher would say she was a sweet and smart little girl, and of course she could make the class burst into giggles at any second.

olivia started dancing at the young age of 4 when her parents enrolled her into dance classes. there, she met new friends and became one of the best youth dancers in their town.

her grandparents lived in ohio, which meant a lot of the times they would travel there for the holidays. olivia had a friend named aggy that lived there.

aggy lived next door to ivy’s grandparents. she was diagnosed with leukemia only five months before meeting the family, this was when ivy was maybe 7 years old.

through the years, ivy excelled in everything from piano lessons that she started when she was 5, to even cooking. she was a cheerful and happy little girl. until she reached age 9 when her dad was diagnosed with lung cancer.

this was a huge reality hit. she didn’t really understand it though, her dad was healthy. until he wasn’t. she remembers that day so clearly

“where’s mom and dad?” olivia asked walking into the kitchen and seeing her sister sitting next to their sleeping brother on the couch

“hospital, grandma and grandpa will be here in a few hours. for now our neighbors are gonna look after us”

“hospital? but why?” the little girl tilted her head

“i don’t know olivia. go back to sleep it’s early” miya did know, she saw her dad getting worse and worse as the months went on. but the last thing anyone wanted to do was worry anymore people. especially austin and olivia.

“okay…” she responded and went back toward her bedroom.

a few hours later she woke up to her grandma shaking her awake “wake up olivia. grandpa and i brought lunch.” the elderly woman spoke

olivia smiled at her grandmother as she sat up and stretched. the girl walked to the kitchen.

she still remembers all the yummy food her grandparents made, now knowing it was out of grief. later that night was when her parents revealed the truth to the kids.

and suddenly her whole world collapsed.

she would miss dance class and sometimes even school because her father would be in the hospital. because her mom and dad were always gone, she and her other siblings were expected to help around the house. occasionally with their grandparent by their side.

when she turned 10, she didn’t have much of a birthday blow out. and her present was some nail polish because that was all her family could afford at the time. when she turned 11, they spent her birthday in the hospital. her dads condition became so much worse that he wasn’t able to leave the hospital.

“i’m sorry you have to spend your birthday like this livvy” her dad held her had. his skin was paler than usual. colder too.

“it’s okay dad, i’m just happy we’re all here” she smiled as she held back tears. but her dad knew she wanted to cry.

“me and your mom got you something” he smiled and looked at his wife. the woman smiled sadly and reach in her purse to pull out a small purple box.

olivia grabbed the box from her mothers hand and opened it slowly. a beautiful butterfly necklace was revealed.

“it took a little while for us to find the perfect one” her moms sniffled. “we wanted you to love it”

thinking back on that moment. ivy now understood they wanted it to be special because it would be the last gift she would ever receive from her father.

“thank you mommy. thank you daddy” she whispered and pecked her dads forehead.

sadly, on june 29, her father passed away in the middle of the night. for some reason, her brain blocks this moment out. it’s all a blur.

her and her sister were sleeping on the little couch the nurses had set up and her brother was laying on the sleeping bag he had brought on the floor. it happened so suddenly. she woke up to her mom hysterically crying and weeping.

her brother and sister were frantic as nurses guided them three of them out of the room. but she does remember the last look she had at her dad.

he didn’t look real, more like a painting. or a sculpture maybe. his skin was practically white and his body was lifeless.

her whole family was in a depression, especially her mom. after losing her husband, she started drinking to numb the pain.

her grandparents left ohio and went back to korea completely unannounced. it was up to miya and austin to take care of themselves, each other, and of course olivia.

after a month of her fathers passing. the family had got a call from aggy’s mom informing them that aggy passed away july 25. so now she lost her dad and her best friend. along with that her mom isn’t stable enough to take care of her and her siblings, and her grandparents were m.i.a.

when she turned 12, that’s when her moms drinking got worse. she was living off of beer and tv dinners. she was also now mentally abusive toward her children.

austin became the child that started work. he would work late at night and then go to school all day. he was responsible for the families income at age 14.

miya was rarely ever home as well, but she was gone to escape their mom. she would rebel, hang out with her boyfriend, who ivy later found out was physically abusive.

then ivy was the kid that did the chores. she would also clean the neighbors houses to help pay her dance fees. the neighbors would always feel bad so they’d usually give her $30 for each chore she did. that was barely enough though.

and somehow, none of their friends ever noticed anything. except for austin’s, he’s always shut down plans to work and was overly tired all the time. but the friends did start noticing behavior changes

ivy became really depressed and spent most of her days just waiting for them to end.

the family got some income from the bank after the fathers passing. the kids were all in his will, earning $114k each. but they wouldn’t receive that until age 18.

around this time, ivy got into contact with her grandparent. begging day after day to move their and live out her dream of being an idol. her siblings would even call and beg the grandparents to let her, not wanting her to experience this life anymore.

after months of begging, her grandparents finally agreed to move her out to korea. she had already submitted audition videos to big companies like sm, jyp, yg, bighit etc.

she was 13 when she was officially moved into korea. she lived with her grandma and grandpa for a month before moving into the jyp dorms. she trained there for a year before being sent off to audition for produce 101.

during this time, she experienced great stress. her anxiety and depression led to suicidal thoughts and almost had to leave the show because of it. many fans who were supporting her throughout the show noticed her getting skinnier and skinnier by the episode.

somi, who became her best friend instantly, was also worried for her. ivy felt bad that she was worrying people. but she couldn’t help it, her mind controlled her. her thoughts were always telling her to do something. she would practice all the time and forget to eat.

somi would often watch after her to make sure she would at least eat a bagel and drink water everyday.

it wasn’t long before ivy would share her story, only parts of it publicly. her story reached american headlines, meaning her family and friends had seen it.

she was struggling for years. and it was only recently when she found inner happiness. she worked hard during produce, and didn’t win. and of course, she left jyp and moved to kq where she met her life long friends.

her boys have helped her so much, they were there to listen to her story, to hug her when she cried.

those are her boys, her family. her home.

[hes-writer]

Just A Litle Bit of Your Heart (5)

Summary: y/n must make a decision

Warnings: angst

Word Count: 3211 words

Part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |

A/N: apologies for taking over a year to finish this series! thanks for being patient. as usual, let me know what you thought.

The inspiration behind this part is credited to Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami. More specifically, Naoko’s first letter. Some lines were used as is and others were paraphrased. The description of when Watanabe and Naoko had sex are also collaborated along this piece.

I’m really nervous about this.

____

Harry’s words echoed in Y/N’s head; she has never felt such conflicting emotions coursing through her body. Her heart twinged with the need to press her body closer to him because she loves him so dearly. A surge of logical capacities told her to extract herself from the situation--the toxic relationship that they built up to, on the other hand. Did she want to stay with him? Or did she want to leave? Harry was giving her the chance to call it quits right at this moment, to run away from him and start a blossoming relationship with someone else, instead of sticking around and be strung along as he picked up various women on the way to nowhere.

Nowhere.

This would lead to nowhere if she continued to act the way she did. It would be quite tragic to let their relationship strain, only to crash and burn because they didn’t know when to stop. Either she had to change to be more understanding and indifferent or he had to abandon his bachelor ways and return home to her. She didn’t know if both of them could cocoon themselves in a box that they’ve left long before.

That version of Y/N was long gone and she did not know what to make of it; if it was Harry to be condemned for taking advantage of the kindness of her heart, or was it her own fear of being left alone that lead her to being alone? 

Y/N blinked sluggishly at him, lashes casting a shadow on her cheeks as she shifted her gaze away from his curious ones. She was hurting but she didn’t want to hurt him. Somewhere inside her heart knew that that love she held for Harry was too much--and too much love can kill you. 

She didn’t know what to expect from it and Y/N thinks she might be experiencing it now. The subtleness of losing herself to the void, pieces of her that can never be brought back, that will never make another appearance because those were only brought up when he was still the Harry she fell in love with and they were still them. Withering away like a dried flower that hit its peak, the grace and standards Y/N held for herself, the things that made her the woman Harry fell for washed away in the midst of the chaos. 

“I-I don’t know,” 

Harry took a breath through his nose, nipping at his bottom lip, not knowing whether to release a breath of relief because she didn’t break it off or tense tenfold because the option of leaving him was still on the table. 

“We can work it out. We can go to couples therapy, we can do something!” He insisted, frantically spewing out words he thought would alleviate his situation. 

She stared at him, scrutinizing his loveable face, wondering if he knew the extent of what he was asking for. Admittedly, Y/N had her faults throughout. However, she wouldn’t say she was the biggest problem of what had occurred. Sure, it was her idea that got them in this mess in the first place, but it’s not like she wanted it to be this way.  

Harry spoke words to her but it never reached her ears. Frankly, it gave her a headache.

“Am I the problem here?” 

He paused his monologue, hand sifting through his curls. His body was burning in agony, wanting this conversation to be over so he could prove to her that his words were merely a representation of his actions. 

“I can change,”

Harry’s confession fluttered Y/N’s heart-- to hear that he was willing to make this work so as far as to quit his usual habits shafted a glimmer of hope in her heart. He could charge forward right now, even as his heart writhed, slowly sinking in a swamp of near loneliness.  Harry made a courageous gesture to hold her dainty hands in his own, looking deep in her eyes to see a reflection of him pleading for another chance. For a moment, his heart faltered, realizing that all this time she longed for him, and only him. 

She shook her head quickly. There were multiple times when she would reach out with her fingertips to try and touch the light slithering towards her; a symbol of wishes, desires, and expectations.

She always came back empty-handed. 

“My hands weren’t the ones that you wanted to hold. You weren’t searching for my warmth late at night when you were cold. You rather be in bed with someone else,” Y/N stated, strongly at first, then quickly wavering as her emotions led her to think to a place she rarely went to voluntarily. 

His mind flashed back to the countless events where he witnessed her sleeping body draped over the couch living room, waiting for him in the late hours of the night in hopes of sharing a civil conversation with him. Harry could recall himself huffing in annoyance, having to grab a blanket from the storage closet to cloak on her. At that point, he didn’t know if it was decency that made him act that way or if there were lurking feelings hidden in his hard exterior. 

“I feel like such a fool. I feel so guilty of being me because you would distance yourself rather than talking to me about it!”

“I never meant to make you feel that way,” His palms grasped the retaining warmth her hands left, having long since slipped from his hold to fist at her thighs in exaggerated murmurs. They sat on the sofa a few feet apart, an invisible string connecting them to each other. 

“Waiting for you to call me because you needed me, because you missed me, because you wanted to hear my voice is one of the most painful things I have ever had to go through. At least let me know if you still wanted me around.”

“But I do want you around!” He retorted, almost offended that she said those words to him. Her head looked down at the carpet beneath her feet, silently mulling over the words she was to say next. “I still love you,”

Their cries turned into whispers as Y/N smiled sadly, peeking at him with silky eyes as tears threatened to escape her waterline. She shuffled closer, seeing his Adam’s apple bob in his throat in a difficult swallow. Her soft hands brushed the stray curls falling near his face, her thumb caressing his quivering cheekbones as Harry tensed and untensed his jaw nervously. Y/N tilted her head to the side, admiring his features with the most longing and loving eyes he had ever seen. His eyes burned through, she could tell that the curiosity was killing him. 

The moment she made direct eye contact with him-- he felt a surge of warmth overtake his body, butterflies flying all over his tummy and his heart thumped a little faster. She felt like home to him. 

“There was a time when I looked into your eyes and felt so happy,” Her breath hit the tip of his nose, the closeness intimidating him but it didn’t seem to affect her any longer. 

His brows furrowed, “What do you feel now?” 

She gave him a gentle smile, coldness slowly crawling up his spine.

“Sadness. Disappointment.”

A lone tear slipped down his cheek, the pad of her thumb flushing it away, making his skin glisten with the salty liquid. His eyes searched for a sense of reassurance aside from the deteriorating words she used to describe what it felt like to be with him. The desperation he held deepened, his eyes fluttering close in a stuttered breath. His eyelashes dampened with more tears, making it wet and uncomfortable.

“I thought we were gonna make it,”

Harry's throat tightened up, his esophagus constricting with a certain tightness that reverberated to his stomach which was swirling in coils of springing uncertainty and doubt. Truth is, the action of sleeping with other women never really satisfied him. There was still a hole in his heart aching to be filled, to feel complete was something never came easy to anyone, really. 

“We can still make it,”

“Can we?” Y/N’s voice wavered as she blinked her eyes closed, a tear gently sloping down the curve of her cheek. Her lip was sore from being bitten by her teeth, a gnawing action that occurred from the inside to the outside. Harry’s chin quivered, a sob preparing to rip through the confines of his mouth. A strained cry, raw from the base of his throat and embedded deep within his chest. 

------

Harry remembers the mornings after he willingly gave his body to someone else aside from Y/N: the sunlight stabbing straight through his closed eyelids, the dream-like haze bottling his thoughts and feelings in an enchantment that chanted ‘everything was going to be fine’, everything was going to be the same when he came home. Y/N would always be there with her arms wide open in a gesture for a much-needed hug. His head would pound as if it belonged to someone else because his thinking was muzzled to bits and pieces, barely knowing who he was anymore. 

There was absolutely nothing to be gained from sleeping with one woman after another. Aside, from quelling the spurt of arousal taking over his body, the longevity of the action did nothing in the long run. It tired Harry out and made him disgusted with himself more times than he can count. Those women questioned his every touch, instructing him to touch them this way, to kiss them softer, to stop thinking and start feeling the caressing touches of skin-on-skin contact. The excitement of a stranger exploring his body while he retaliated the same conduct was once an idea that had Harry ready to bolt out of Y/N’s arms in a second. 

He wished he could turn back time. Y/N never made demands; all she wanted was his attention, his affection, hugs and kisses and her body swarmed with endless grazes, tracing the stretches of skin that gleamed in the early hours of the morning. His fingertips pressured the imperfections of her body, hair tickling the calves of her legs as the sheets whispered a barrier between their bodies. His chest attached to her back, his lips pressing pecks along the valley of her shoulder, the base of her neck, nuzzling his nose at the nape where her scent was the strongest. 

Harry missed when they explored each others’ bodies in the darkness. There was nothing to be said, no words needed to be spoken between the two of them when their mouths attached to each other in a dazed spell, alluring both of them to give everything they had to the person that meant everything to them. Harry was ashamed to admit that at one point, Y/N ceased to be the one that meant everything to him. For a moment, she was a silver trophy, forgotten and left collecting dust on the shelf. The second best. The back-up. 

Her cry was the saddest sound of orgasm that he had ever heard and it slit his heart with thin slices knowing that although he was the reason for the pleasure coursing through her body, the pain was still floating like a soapy bubble encompassing her entire being, leaving her trapped to subdue herself with artificial happiness until Harry returned home to her. And it went on, the desperation fuming the atmosphere, Y/N’s hesitant hands trembling against the expanse of his stomach as if she didn’t know his body anymore. Her lips working against his as if inexperience littered the skin of her mouth because he changed too much and she didn’t know how he moved anymore. He was an unfamiliar person but her body reached out to him continuously. It went on until Y/N couldn't physically bring herself closer to his without recoiling a few steps back to avoid the stench of the sweet perfume wafting from his clothes, without her stomach gurgling with disgust at the thought of where his hands had been; Couldn’t help but wonder where his heart is now. 

And Harry went on with the robotic schedule to routinely fuck her because he had to. Not because he craved the way she tasted or missed the way she folded herself for him, but because that was what couples did, right? They made time for each other, became intimate and made love while reassuring whispers were exchanged between them. That was the case until he stopped listening. Her wails punctured the hollow in his chest and he couldn’t bear it anymore. He stopped trying, he paused his efforts. He was only doing the bare minimum and without that-- they had nothing. 

Harry didn’t want to but it was all he could do. His body was hungering for other people to fill the void, the lost love that vanished in a moment. Still, Harry thought about Y/N. Her silhouette against the blinding rays of sun catapulting past the curtain in the early morning, her naked body outlined by the moon in the darkness. The soft curve of her lashes tickling the patch of hair on his chin when Y/N looked up at him with so much love and adoration. The sound of the rain pattering on the rooftop, racing past the window and forming a puddle at the ground.

His heart melted with the knowledge of receiving a type of love that rarely ever occurred. A love that sheathed itself with blue cotton candy, clouds of sugary sweetness drifting up to his tilted nose. The softness of the treat skimming his skin like light footsteps, doing everything in its power to leave his heart beating calmly. Until water appeared and saturated their love, disappearing into nothing in a blink of an eye. 

___

There was a lot that Y/N didn’t understand, a lot that she didn’t know. There were so many things that drifted in her mind, incoherent thoughts and incomplete ideas scattered along with her brain. It would take time to organize a million things in an orderly manner. And by then, she didn’t know if it would be too late. Harry hurt her but Y/N was not innocent. They hurt each other in order to fix something that wasn’t profoundly broken; just dented and needing a little tender loving care.

She wanted to dismantle his heart. Tear it. Crush it to bits until it sprinkled heartbreak over their shared bed. Until then, Y/N could finally breathe again. But she couldn’t get herself to do it; she loved him too much to hurt Harry intentionally.

What hell am I doing?

Y/N repeated the question over and over until it became a part of her. Previously, she wouldn’t have thought of doubting her actions. The confidence she carried herself with glazed the mountains of doubts blocking her path. Not once did she regret a decision she made because Y/N knew that she would learn from it one way or another. 

The time she spent being with Harry was one of the most joyous moments of her life. Images of grandeur slipping past her lids to remember the laughter echoing between the two of them, the smiles being larger than life like two twin sunflowers dancing against the gentle breeze of the field. 

With Harry, Y/N experienced heartbreaking pain and suffocating sadness. Tall, ocean waves submerging her in the twilight zone leaving her with no choice but to kick her feet up and try to escape but salty liquid drowned her all around. It felt like there was no escape until she accepted the reality and simply just floated. The buoyancy of her body guided her to a ray of golden light and she tried hard to ignore it because the pain and sorrow were something that she had gotten used to. 

Without vulnerability, they had nothing. It was the base for connection. The part where fear and shame dissolved into thin air because acceptance was what everybody craved for.

With Harry, she let herself be seen. She was vulnerable and honest and skinned to the bone with secrets that she shared with him. Her heart was whole with the amount of love she gave and the abundance she received. She loved him until the end even when there were no more signs of reassurance that the feelings were mutual. She believed that she was enough until he decided that she wasn’t anymore and found someone else, taking her heart with him and crushing it in a fist. 

With Harry, she practiced gratitude and leaned into joy, never having a dull moment in fear of good things ending because they do. Everything has an end; even the bad things. 

With Harry, she learned to scream and voice out her thoughts, never leaving a stone unturned so that honesty was always in transparency. 

With Harry, she stopped screaming and started listening. To him and his obvious need for distance. To him and his silent pleads to leave him alone. To him and his evaporating love, reeking into the air with bittersweet goodbyes. 

Furthermore, she started listening to herself.

What did she want? 

What did she deserve?

___

Her query was answered only a week later when she spoke to him again. Harry’s eyes were filled with the same unbearable sadness that she used to feel whenever Y/N stared at her reflection in the mirror

“Will I ever see you again?”

Y/N shrugged her shoulders in a loose answer, smiling the slightest bit as the air started engulfing her lungs a little easier. “Maybe”

Harry shook his head in denial, curls sticking to his temples and damp cheeks while some strands followed suit with the direction of his head shaking, muttering soft ‘no’s’ in repeated action as if it would help him contain her from slipping past the opened door. But his hands were buttery and his fingertips were burned raw.

“It’s not that I don’t want to see you. I’m just not ready,” Y/N answered in a rehearsed manner, having spent the previous days deciphering what she truly wanted to say. If there was anything that she would take from Harry, it would be the value of honesty. “The moment I do, I’ll reach out to you. Give you an update,”

Harry stood unmoving, feet planted on the entryway. He could do nothing but listen to her silky voice comforting the turmoil boiling in his belly and the missiles launching in his head. “P-please,”

“Maybe we can get to know each other better,”

Was that where their love failed? Was it because they didn’t truly know each other so well that their unknown differences slowly crept up on their seemingly perfect relationship? 

As perfect as it gets, Y/N savoured the times when it was just them against the world; she never would have thought that her closest ally would betray her. She never would have thought that her own self would walk away when she promised him that she would stick it through.

‘Make it through the end’, whenever that is. 

_____

whew.

_____

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[phoenix-downer]

Melody of Memory Thoughts

I finished the game yesterday and have a lot of thoughts on it, so I thought I’d stick them all in one megapost. Contains spoilers, for obvious reasons. 

So, going into the game, I knew the plot choices would be questionable/disappointing because a few friends warned me, but I didn’t know the exact details. I was actually relieved things weren’t as bad as I feared they might be—I was worried Kairi would be going back to sleep or going back to Destiny Islands to patiently wait, so at least we did not get that. I think knowing what I was getting into beforehand helped prepare me for the plot points we did get. 

Gameplay

I’ll talk about the gameplay first because that’s easier to summarize. I had a lot of fun with it, and the trip down memory lane with all the familiar music was wonderful. I played with Sora, Donald, Goofy, and then Terra, Aqua, and Ventus, and it was really satisfying in particular to play as the latter three because I always wanted to see them fighting as a team more often. I need to try out the other teams; perhaps I will soon. 

I loved the attention to detail with the character animations and the little loading screens. The main menu scenes were adorable too, and it was nice seeing the characters chatting to each other. Riku’s scene with the Dream Eaters was precious. 

I played the songs on various difficulties, depending on the extra challenges. One thing I did notice is that the difficulty was variable even for the same level. Some Proud mode songs I was able to complete, others I really struggled with and gave up on for the time being. I can imagine it was difficult to create a consistent standard of difficulty when the music itself varies so much. I noticed that battle songs, songs with strong downbeats, and songs with syncopation translated better into rhythm games. The slower songs did not, and for a couple of songs I noticed that the buttons were not matching up with the rhythm, which threw me through a loop. Overall though, most of the music matches the timing of the buttons much better than in previous KH games, so I appreciated the improvement there. 

The Memory Dive and Boss Battle system is different from the Field Battle system, so there was a learning curve for me there. KH3 features more Memory Dive segments though, probably to show off the nicer graphics and to prepare you for the final battle. By the time I got the hang of the Memory Dive system, I was enjoying myself a lot. I still wish KH3 songs had featured more, but perhaps they’re planning on a Melody of Memory Volume 2 or some DLC or something. 

Pretty much all of the character themes have to be unlocked. I’ve done Kairi’s, Naminé’s, and Sora’s so far, and the videos accompanying them are really nice. I honestly wish I could watch someone play so I can pay attention to the videos because the glimpses I catch are lovely.

Maybe it’s because I marathoned the game, but it does start to feel grind-y after several hours of playing. It’s the kind of grinding I enjoy doing, but by the time I unlocked BBS and DDD, I stopped trying to complete the extra challenges because I wanted to get to the plot. Speaking of the plot, by the way, all of the new stuff is at the end of the game. Everything up till then is just a summary of what’s come before. I do understand why Nomura went with that, but it does make it a little tiring to get to the new plot because of the sheer number of songs you have to get through first. 

Now that we’re discussing story, though...

Story

I. The Good

1. Kairi is playable (well, this is more gameplay, but it also ties into story). 

I know a lot of people watched videos that cut out the gameplay, but she does get a couple of segments of her own where she is playable and you get to do a Memory Dive-esque segment. The first instance is set to “Stranded Beyond,” the music that plays in the Final World. The second instance is set to the music box version of her theme I believe it was as she gathers pieces of her heart. She did get a render for the game, so I was expecting her to be playable at some point, and I was happy she was. 

2. Kairi puts up a darn good fight against Xehanort. I wish we could have played through this part, but she kept attacking and didn't let him grabbing her Keyblade deter her. She's clearly improved even since the Keyblade Graveyard. 

3. Sora showing up to help her is really sweet, as was her thanking him. 

It would've been nice if we got to do that fight as the two of them or as Kairi herself (and more on that later), but the romance of it all was nice. The boy's not even in the real world anymore, and he still shows up to help when Kairi’s is in danger. At first I thought she'd managed to summon his Keyblade, which is awesome and shows how connected they are, and then he appeared and I was like woah okay guess their hearts really are connected thanks to the paopu fruit. 

 4. Kairi’s going to train with Aqua! Yes! 

The fans have been clamoring for this for years and it's finally happening! And she chose it for herself. Leave it to her to try to make the best of the short end of the stick. 

5. Letting Riku go alone takes a lot of trust on her end. Yeah, it would've been nice if she got to go, but she's also realistic about her own abilities, and that is in line with how she's been in previous games. I think especially after her failures led to Sora disappearing, she'd be hesitant to rush into danger if she's worried she'd be a liability.

6. It was a pleasant surprise that the Nameless Star was the third key (with Kairi and Riku being the other two) and not Yozora. I thought for sure he would be, so I’m glad Nameless Star gets to be instead. She seems like a kind soul and I like her a lot already. 

7. It was nice hearing Kairi's thoughts on Sora's sacrifice for her in KH1. I also love the implication that everyone’s told Kairi their stories, hence why she’s able to tell them to us. The BBS segments especially sound as if she spoke to Aqua in particular about what happened, which ties in nicely to how Aqua’s going to train her at the end. 

8. Alyson upped her voice acting game in this, props to her. Her lines when Kairi was facing off against Xehanort were great, and her voice was very soothing to listen to for the narration. 

III. The Bad

1. Kairi should've been playable in that last battle. I can see why Nomura had Sora show up though; he's the hero and people want to see him, etc. The same issue happened with Riku getting sidelined in KH3, so it's hardly unique to Kairi; it just seems worse because of Kairi’s past treatment. Sora showing up was a cool moment and looked neat visually, but it would’ve been better if he and Kairi had fought together or if he’d encouraged her and then she’d done the fighting herself. Sadly, Sora winds up shining more in this game than Kairi does as a result, and the advertising feels like a huge bait-and-switch. Again. 

I'm honestly beginning to wonder if part of the story for ReMind was written after Melody of Memory, because Melody of Memory seems to follow more directly from KH3 whereas ReMind almost feels like it was written... in reaction to the fanbase being upset about how Kairi was treated? I think Nomura must’ve had his heart set on certain plot points for the story post-KH3, and instead of letting his characters guide him, he’s forcing his decisions on the characters. Which leads me to the next point: 

2. Kairi staying behind does feel like a character regression. It made sense in KH1 and during Blank Points I suppose, but it's disappointing she didn't go with Riku this time. I guess it's realistic though, and so the whole plot point is a mixed bag. It's hard for me to make a final judgment call on this until we see more of the story. Is she training with Aqua so she can be shunted aside, or is she going to be in a game with Terra, Aqua, and Ven that delves into Ven's past or something? Until we know more, I’m not sure how to feel. 

3. If I had to guess, the next game(s) will have Riku, Yozora, and Mickey be playable. Possibly Sora too because Nomura can't help himself lol. This is... about what I expected. I figured Riku would be the one in Yozora's world just based on the secret ending of KH3. I wonder how all of this is going to go down (I know Square has several KH teams now, so multiple games are probably in development right now). 

4. I don’t know how I feel about us possibly getting DDD the Redux + Yozora for the 20th anniversary in 2022. Having another DDD-esque game would not be treading any new ground, and it feels like Nomura wants to do Versus XIII at all costs, the main plot of KH be hanged (hi Foretellers and Luxu, we miss you, you were disappointingly absent in this game). But I do think the Yozora game is next in the cards, and then maybe there will be another game focused on Mickey going to Scala ad Caelum. I really hope it's not just Mickey by himself in that game... And I’d really like a game about the Wayfinder Trio + Kairi...

5. Riku's character is getting worse and worse. His entire character has become about saving Sora, and saving Sora isn't any different than his role in DDD. Feels like a rehash of past plot points, much like Kairi having to train feels like a rehash of past plot points. And at this point it just feels like he’s taking away screentime and agency from other characters, Kairi in particular. David also kind of phoned in the voice acting again on this game. To be fair, he only had a handful of lines, but some of his lines in KH3 also sounded tired and bored. 

6. There’s only a passing mention to Roxas, Naminé, Xion, Axel, etc., and not even by name (they’re just lumped together as the others in Twilight Town or something along those lines). It would've been nice to know what they've been up to; they feel strangely uninvolved in the plot. At least we know Kairi will be training with Aqua, so there's that. 

7. I really wish Kairi had argued with Riku more about going. She did briefly, but it's sad that she gives up so easily and that Riku doesn't really trust her. It's such a huge contrast to how Sora treats her; whereas he believes in her and raises her up, Riku is like, "Nah, you should stay behind, you're not good enough yet, let me handle this." Riku still coddles her too much and treats her like she’s a doll on a shelf whereas Sora invites her to fight alongside him in ReMind and comes to her aid when she needs it. Riku comes out of this looking like a jerk, which I doubt was intended by Nomura, but it is what it is. Especially because Mickey is really worried about him going alone later on. 

8. Kairi's backstory being used only to forward the plot instead of delving into her feelings more is a missed opportunity. Also features retcons galore with Xehanort apparently sending her away to save Radiant Garden all along? That part confused me. And the meta implication that Riku is getting to go on the journey she was originally meant to go on... It makes me wonder if Nomura thinks the implications of his writing through. Riku is literally stealing her role and her plotline now, and neither of them react like two people in such a situation would. I hope Nomura’s going somewhere with this and that it's not just completely unintended bad implications, or worse, fully intended bad implications...

III. Miscellaneous Thoughts

1. It's hard to know how to feel about this game without knowing the next chapters of the story. It does feel like it leads directly from KH3, but it feels like a regression character-wise from ReMind. 

2. I hope Kairi going to train with Aqua isn't just an excuse to sideline her from the plot... again. I have some serious caveats about her role going forward, but I'm relieved she didn't go to sleep again or go back home to Destiny Islands. That was my worst fear, and thank goodness she is taking her fate into her own hands in the small ways she can. I wonder if this is Nomura trying to continue a plot point from BBS Volume 2 that had to be scrapped or something. Let's hope Aqua can actually teach her competently, unlike Merlin...

3. Mickey getting a Melody of Memory render confuses me. He wasn't playable, was he? I didn't 100% the game so I have no idea. Maybe he is playable somewhere in the game and I haven’t gotten to it yet. Or maybe he really will be playable in a future game as a main character. 

4. No one will ever be able to claim Kairi is a Mary Sue lol. She's had an (almost disappointingly realistic) learning curve when it comes to fighting, especially in comparison to the other characters. I hope that by the time KH4 rolls around, Nomura will let her be fully competent/fully trained. It's frustrating that pretty much all of the other characters get to learn as they go, but she is relegated to more training.

5. This game almost makes me more impatient for the next chapter of the story when I was feeling pretty content after ReMind. I guess the game has done its job in that case, but while I feel better than I did after KH3, I feel slightly worse than I did after ReMind. I wish Nomura wasn't so fixated on maintaining the status quo and would stop rehashing past plot points. But again, it'll be hard to judge all this until we get more material, which probably won't be till 2022 at the earliest if I had to guess.

6. The Yozora stuff wasn't as hackneyed as I feared it would be, but I still can't shake the feeling that that whole plot point is sucking up precious screentime from other characters. I think Nomura's going to spread himself too thin again and have trouble wrapping all of this up in KH4. Because now we have the Riku-going-to-Yozora's-world plotline, the Mickey-going-to-Scala-ad-Caelum plotline, the Kairi-training-with-Aqua plotline, the overall-rescuing-Sora plotline, the Luxu-Foretellers-MoM plotline, the Subject X plotline... how on earth are all these plotlines supposed to be connected to each other and resolved in a satisfying fashion?

7. My guess is that the switch to Kairi being narrator instead of Chirithy happened late into development of the game, perhaps because Nomura saw how much the fanbase does appreciate Kairi and wanted to throw us a bone. Unfortunately, what resulted is a bait-and-switch that made us hope we'd get a Kairi-focused game, only for it to... end the way it does. Ironically, I think it might've been less disappointing if Chirithy had remained the narrator. I'm glad Kairi got to be the narrator, don't get me wrong, but I think the way Nomura handled things set us up for disappointment again. I just hope whatever comes next makes this game feel better in hindsight.

8. I’m not entirely sure what to make of the whole “unreality”/fictional worlds thing. I guess I’m having an easier time accepting it than I thought I might, but it still feels like the whole plotline was introduced just to shove Versus XIII into the KH universe. I sympathize with Nomura for having his baby taken away from him in the first place, but I worry both it and KH will suffer as a result of combining the two. 

IV. Future Speculation

1. If I had to guess, Kairi is probably not going to be very involved in the Yozora game(s). It'll be focused on Riku, Yozora, and possibly Mickey and Sora too. Yozora and Nameless Star will probably be instrumental in bringing Sora back "to the real world,” and then Sora will come home just in time to have to face off against the Foretellers and the Master of Masters in KH4 (which, I'm gonna make a wild guess and assume we'll get in 2025 or 2026 at the earliest).

2. I do hope Kairi plays some role in bringing Sora back, and honestly, I think it's possible she will. Nomura, I would imagine, is setting up her reunion with Sora to be Big and Important™️, so it wouldn't surprise me if he wants to save it for KH4. I think a part of Sora’s heart might be inside Kairi or linked to Kairi, and that will be the final key to bringing him back. The whole scene where Sora appeared reminded me of when Ven briefly manifested when Sora was facing off against Vanitas, and Ven was inside Sora’s heart at the time. 

3. We know from past covers that the current cover actually foreshadows future events in the story. KH3's cover depicts parts of Tokyo and then Sora wakes up there (oh excuse me "Quadratum" lol nice one SQUARE), the KH2 Final Mix cover depicted The Final World, so maybe MoM's cover is meant to depict future events as well.

4. Sora being unable to speak in Kairi’s dream when he faces off against Xehanort has me intrigued. Why can’t he speak? Is it because his heart is in the unreality? All I can think about is The Little Mermaid when Ariel lost her voice because of Ursula’s curse “deal” with her. 

5. I don’t think the person Kairi and Sora actually fought was Xehanort. Why would a dead Xehanort care about where Sora is? It would make more sense to me if it was the Master of Masters (hinted at by the acronym for the title, MoM), and that he was using Xehanort’s image (and then Xemnas’s, and then Ansem SOD’s, and then Apprentice Xehanort...) to manipulate Kairi. It would fit his whole “puppetmaster behind the scenes” vibe I get from him and his previous manipulation of Xehanort. I think he was trying to locate Sora’s heart in this game, and Sora stepping in to help Kairi allowed him to pinpoint Sora’s location. Now he seems to know where Sora’s heart is, so mission accomplished, I guess? Ooooph, Sora walked right into that trap if that’s the case.

V. Final Thoughts

Fun if uneven gameplay and some questionable story choices dragging down the good stuff. I’ll hold my full judgment till we see what happens next though. 

Congrats if you made it all the way to the end of this, haha. I’d be happy to hear your thoughts! 

[myevilmouse]

Today for Trivia Tuesday @jedimordsith suggested I write about my drabble skills and give suggestions to anyone wanting to write drabbles.  I recently wrote 28 drabbles for the Multifandom Drabble Exchange just for fun muwahahah.  Also this is why, since I went outside the Star Wars fandom I love and live in, that I created a new pseud, Złymyszeczka, in case you were wondering what was up with that. Fandoms that I dabbled in included Supernatural, Resident Evil, Harry Potter, Game of Thrones, My So-Called Life, X-Men, Wellington Paranormal, Quantum Leap, Labyrinth, Hercules (Disney), Cobra Kai, Lord of the Rings, Loki, Chronicles of Narnia, X-Files, Sherlock, Star Trek TNG, and more!  

Obviously I had to separate all that multi-fandom madness from the purity of my Luke and Thrawn smut!

So please if you check me out on AO3 for Star Wars stuff (and I sincerely hope you do!), note that you want to keep the evilmouse name.  I don’t plan on writing outside Star Wars fandom often, but on the rare occasions I do, it will get posted under the other name.

Back to the point:

Evilmouse’s 5 Essential Tips on Writing Drabbles

for your Trivia Tuesday, jump below the cut!

 So drabbles are 100 words.  Double drabbles, 200, Triple, 300, etc.  A lot of people find the exactness of this word restriction daunting, so here is my first tip for writing drabbles:

1)   Don’t think about the word count.

This may seem counter-intuitive, but the best way to approach a drabble is “I have to write a very short scene.”  Knowing it will be short (very short!) is enough to get you to the word count, and maybe push you over 3, 10, or 20 words.  That’s fine.  We fix it in the editing.  But if you get hung up about counting words when you are writing your drabble, you won’t write the best drabble you can!

2)  Focus on a single moment.  

When I say very short scene, think VERY SHORT SCENE.  It may be as simple as a quick verbal exchange.  It may be something you want to accomplish, i.e. a kiss, a punch.  Here are a couple examples from my recent experience:

One person requested a Chronicles of Narnia/MCU crossover and listed Prince Caspian and Loki as two characters they were interested in shipping.  So my goal was to write 100 words with these two characters.  

What shall we focus on?  100 words isn’t enough to explain why Loki is in Narnia or why Caspian is in Asgard. You have to trust the reader to accept the premise if they click on your drabble. 

What is your goal?  Here, it was to get these two in a situation where a shipper will be happy with their interaction. In my case, I decided they would be trapped somewhere together and alone.  That was it, that was the starting point for the drabble, which you can read here.

Another example: one person requesting a Star Wars drabble said they liked when female characters meet and interact and listed old!Leia and Asajj Ventress as favorites.  

Same question: what do you want to accomplish? In this case, two characters who don’t meet in canon having that opportunity.  A meeting.  100 words is our limit.  Do we care why or where they are meeting?  Probably not.  That initial interaction is the goal.  So for this one, I set what I hoped was a mysterious atmosphere and just simply wrote their initial exchange here.  Trust your readers to fill in the blanks, which leads us to:

3)   Let the “end” be as ambiguous as you like.

Drabbles are brief moments, as already mentioned.  They don’t need a proper beginning or end, they can (and sometimes should) leave the reader asking questions or wanting more.  I like writing drabbles that imply something happened next, and leave it up to the reader to decide exactly what.  

In the case of the Loki/Caspian drabble, knowing that Loki can teleport, and chooses not to, implies he has some ulterior motive in lying about his powers.  

In the case of Asajj & Leia, we know Asajj sent a comm to initiate the meeting but we don’t know exactly what she means by saying they will be “friends.”  Is she sincere?  Have some trick up her sleeve?  I don’t have to know!  But the moment is achieved.

That doesn’t mean that you can’t “end” a drabble if you want to.  I wrote a treat for someone who wanted Sarah and Jareth to end up together when she was all grown up.  So obviously the request has already dictated my ending.  In that case, I had a couple goals:  to tell the reader she was all grown up, to demonstrate how much has/hasn’t changed, and to make her wind up with that sexy Goblin King.  Mmmm yesssss.

Each of those goals, which may have appeared difficult at first, took exactly one sentence:

Curtains fluttered, an unnatural gust summoning the ever-present metropolitan cacophony into her apartment.

We know now that Sarah has her own apartment, old enough to live alone.

“It didn’t!” she glared, injustice manifested in that indignant whine she’d retained, like most of her teenage dreams.

In the film Labyrinth, Sarah’s always saying things aren’t fair.  So here we see she hasn’t quite gotten rid of that tendency to whine about injustice, and is still a dreamer at heart.

“This time,” Sarah took a deep breath, certain, “I’ll stay.”

She’s not hesitating, she’s decided, and she’s going to live happily ever after with her mystical consort (we hope).

The point here is that your drabble can be as conclusive or inconclusive as you like, and isn’t limited by the word count.

4)   Edit without mercy

Yes I KNOW that is the perfect adjective for Luke’s sparkling blue eyes, but if your word count is 101, those eyes are either sparkling or blue but not both!

Once you achieve your “moment” in the drabble form, you have to check that word count and CHOP CHOP CHOP.  It’s a rare thing to be under word count, but if you are lucky to be under, just add a few well-chosen adjectives and you’re done.  However, if you, like most of us, have just written 123 words of perfection and want to scream because there is NO WAY you can do the same thing in 100 words, you have two options:  write 77 MORE words and surrender to the double drabble, OR like I try to do, throw away the things you love until you have accomplished the same thing in 100 words.

To demonstrate this exercise, I set myself a task (because I haven’t saved drafts of my drabbles, sadly) to show you what I mean.  So right now at this very instant I’m going to write a drabble about Luke Skywalker being in love with YOU.  A Luke/Reader drabble, for example.  Let’s go:

Everyone groaned as the briefing ended.  It had gone on two hours too long for your taste, and judging by the mad rush to the exit, you weren’t alone in your assessment.  As you left the conference room, you almost bumped into Luke Skywalker.  The Jedi Master looked as handsome as always, but rather more casual than usual, his robes nowhere in sight and dressed simply in black pants with a blue shirt.  

“Excuse me,” you said, about to move past, flustered beyond belief.  If only he wasn’t so kriffing good-looking… It was stupid to lust after a Jedi—any Jedi.

“Actually,” he smiled, “I was waiting here for you.”

A wave of shock, quickly followed by confusion, made you even more tongue-tied than usual.

“Me?”

He nodded.  “Yeah.  Have dinner with me tonight?”

 OK here is where I checked the wordcount.  134 words. Ouch.  Quickly we have to edit because I’m not happy with the ending either. And 134 means some serious slicing and dicing.  Here’s take two:

The briefing seemed to end two hours too late, and judging by the mad rush to the exit, your colleagues agreed.  Leaving the conference room, you almost bumped into Luke Skywalker.  The Jedi Master looked handsome as always, but more casual than usual, robes nowhere in sight, dressed in black pants and blue shirt.

“Excuse me,” you said, moving past, flustered.  If only he wasn’t so kriffing good-looking… It was stupid to lust after a Jedi, but that hadn’t stopped you.

He smiled.  “I was waiting for you.”

Shock, quickly followed by confusion, made you even more tongue-tied than usual.

“Me?”

He nodded.  “Yeah.  Have dinner with me tonight?”

 OK we’ve done some serious slicing and are down to 109 words.  But I’m still not happy, AND we gotta cut more.

The briefing ended two hours too late, and judging by the mad rush to the exit, everyone agreed.  Leaving the room, you ran into Luke Skywalker.  The Jedi Master looked handsome as always, but more casual than usual, no robes, just dressed in black pants and blue shirt.

“Excuse me,” you muttered, flustered.  If only he wasn’t so kriffing good-looking… It was stupid to lust after a Jedi, but that hadn’t stopped you.

He smiled.  “I was waiting for you.”

Shock, quickly followed by confusion, made you even more tongue-tied than usual.

“Me?”

He nodded, and held out a hand.  “Come with me?”

Down to 103 words now and I managed to change the ending I wasn’t crazy about at first…notice what has and hasn’t changed between these short drafts... not much in the way of story, just how it is told.

Still have to edit more…three pesky words…

Judging by the mad rush to the exit, everyone agreed that meeting had been too long.  Hurrying out, you ran into Luke Skywalker.  The Jedi Master looked handsome as always, but more casual than usual, no robes, just dressed in black pants and blue shirt.  

“Excuse me,” you muttered, flustered.  If only he wasn’t so kriffing good-looking… It was stupid to lust after a Jedi, but common sense wasn’t your forte.

He smiled.  “I was waiting for you.”

Shock, quickly followed by confusion, made you even more tongue-tied than usual.

“Me?”

He nodded, holding out an inviting hand.  “Come with me?”

Now I’ve got 101 words and I don’t want to cut it, but I have to…*waves goodbye to “kriffing”*

Judging by the mad rush to the exit, everyone agreed that meeting had been too long.  Hurrying out, you ran into Luke Skywalker.  The Jedi Master looked handsome as always, but more casual than usual, no robes, just dressed in black pants and blue shirt.  

“Excuse me,” you muttered, flustered.  If only he wasn’t so good-looking… It was stupid to lust after a Jedi, but common sense wasn’t your forte.

He smiled.  “I was waiting for you.”

Shock, quickly followed by confusion, made you even more tongue-tied than usual.

“Me?”

He nodded, holding out an inviting hand.  “Come with me?”

So we have 100 words exactly, that imply Luke is into you and you have a future with him.  From starting the drabble to finishing it, took me about 18 minutes.  If you don’t pressure yourself, it doesn’t have to be a nightmare.  Which brings me to tip #5

5) Don’t stress, and have fun!

Sometimes I have spent as much as two hours on a drabble, but usually no more than a half hour to get it where I want.  When I do the “drabble a day” for Fictober, I try to limit myself to 15 minutes.  The point is, drabbles should be fun and low stress.  Don’t agonize about them!  Sure, you can edit for hours to fix each word to be absolutely perfect and convey something the same but different, but you can also just achieve that glimpse into a scene, that moment, and enjoy your work!

I hope you enjoyed this and/or found it useful.  If you’d like to read some of my drabbles, you can click on this #drabble tag, check out these drabble collections here and here, my story told in drabbles here, or explore my new pseud złamyszeczka for those other fandoms I mentioned.  Thank you for reading!

[bokutosbestie2]

Chapter2

Chapter 3

Sorry for the slow pacing! The good stuff will soon be starting on the next new chapters!

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

As I and Oikawa walked I look behind me, he seemed worried.

What is wrong with this dude ever since I ask him where he came from he been acting WIERD.

" Uh so Oikawa why do you need to go near the border," I asked suspiciously as I looked at him.

" I just want to see the river of gold which is near the border... Isn't it princess~? " Oikawa said in a smirk.

" I guess you're right.. "

" Ok but the real question is why do you want to go near the border? " he asked as he looked at me.

" I have a couple of friends that are Guards I wanted to pay them a visit "

" Haha, I have a couple of Guards who are also my friends ." He said

Oikawa pov:

Oh shit, that slipped out...

Back to Y/N pov:

Once Oikawa finished his sentence I stopped walking and looked at him dead in the eye.

" OIKAWA who just are you? Only people who have " Guards " are royals...

I looked at the brown eye boy as he got even more nervous.

As I stared at him I begun to noticed he had very unusual large fangs.

" I'm just a Lost stranger," he said as he chuckled nervously

" Bull shit .. FIRST I see you wearing a cloak and now you said you have guards? "

" I won't move until you remove your Cloak," I say in an angry tone.

" Yeah sorry I won't be able to do that Princess " Oikawa said in a serious tone.

" Fine, I'll do it myself " as I went near him, with my right hand I tried to take his hoodie off his head...But before I can even touch the hoodie of the cloak Oikawa grabbed a hold of my wrist.

As he had a hold of my wrist he came close to my face. Our Noses were almost touching then he leans in even closer. At this point, our lips were only separated a few centimeters.

" Don't even try to do anything stupid or else you won't like what I will do to you " he said grinning.

My cheeks were bright pink.

But the stubborn person I am with my left hand I pulled his hoodie off which caught him off guard.

At that moment Oikawa lets go of me as he stood there in shock facing in my direction. I also stood there in shock hoping my eyes were deceiving me.

We both stood there not knowing how to react. Now everything makes sense on why he was acting so weird.

Thank goodness no one was near us or else's this would've started an uproar but, for some reason, I wasn't afraid of him. Despite our differences, he was a pretty decent person for only knowing him for a while.

As we stood there I came close to Oikawa. He still stood there not knowing what to do. So I decide to grab his hoodie and put it over his head.

Oikawa seemed surprised, so I grabbed his hand and started to lead the way for him as I walk in front. The warmth from his hand gave me comfort. For few minutes we didn't talk much but I decided to break the silence.

" UH, SO HOW DID YOU EVEN GET HERE? " I asked nervously.

" Why aren't you scared? " Oikawa asked as he held my hand

" Why should I be? You haven't done anything to me!"

All of sudden he stopped walking, but the grip of his hand tightens.

" Hm so they are right about Angels, They do have kind souls," he said he looked down at the ground.

" SHEEZ you don't have to make me feel lovey-dovey. " I rolled my eyes at him.

" Now the real question is why are you on this side? If someone else found you.. you would've been killed. " I ask out of concern.

" Well it's kind of a long story... " he chuckled

" I got time...The prince of Nekoma doesn't come in like another hour. "

" Fine! I will explain the story but, can you let go of my hand? I know I'm cute but your hand is kinda sweaty "

My face turned bright red from his comment.

" HEY, IT'S YOUR FAULT THAT I WAS HOLDING YOUR HAND... YOU WEREN'T MOVING " I let go of his hand and started walking forward faster.

" You know you love me!! " Oikawa said as he walks behind you.

" I just met you like an hour ago Calm down "

" UGH WHY are you so mean y/n - Chan," he said as he pouts

" You're so annoying... SO Are you going to tell me HOW YOU got here... " I said irritated

" FINE! "

After getting told what happen by Oikawa I started laughing.

" Omg Your friends sound pretty cool to me "

" Yea they are especially IWA-Chan~ we been friends since we were kids," he said proudly

" I would like to meet them one day " I looked at him.

" But Princess that means you have to come to the other side. That can be dangerous for you " he said in a serious tone.

" You shouldn't be the one talking about danger! If you can come here how come I can't come there? " I said laughing

" I will think about it "

" Fine by me, but pretty boy I better get a response soon because it seems like our walk is over. " I looked over at him.

" Ugh, you make it difficult to say no with that cute face of yours ~ "

Yet again I can feel my face flustered.

" SHUT UP you make it sound so embarrassing," I say laughing

As we stood there laughing together, I see a figure walking near us.

" Y/N!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE !! " a jolly voice shouts from afar.

Uh oh, I and Oikawa looked at each other with a panicked look.

I turn around to see which guard was shouting my name.

Oh, it was only Hinata!

" HI HINATA!! "

" Oh, y/n WHO IS THAT WHO YOU WITH?! " Hinata comes running closer.

" uh-uh, A LOST STRANGER!! "

Hinata finally caught up to us.

He greeted me with a tackling hug.

" SHEEZ I just saw you yesterday silly," I say laughing

Oikawa just stood there awkwardly not knowing what to do.

" Oh y/n who that? " Hinata asked as he looked at Oikawa.

" Uh, he is a lost stranger who needed help. So I help him find the river of gold... " I say laughing nervously

" Yea y/n helped me find my way back home," Oikawa said looking at Hinata.

" Oh well NICE TO MEET YA IM SHOYO HINATA!!"

" I'm Oikawa Toru! " he said happily

" Well Hinata are you guys free right now, I originally came here to see Kags and the others but I came across this Goof! " I say as I looked at Oikawa.

"You so mean y/n Chan!! " Oikawa yet again started to pout.

Hinata was laughing at us.

" Well right now I'm free, Kageyama and the others on the other hand are busy on guard. " Hinata said.

" Ok! Why don't we 3 do something? I have about an hour left before the prince of Nekoma comes! " I say happily looking at the two boys.

Oikawa pov:

OH NO I FORGOT I HAVE TO MEET WITH THE PRINCE OF SHIRATORIZAWA!

Back to Y/n pov:

" Uh, actually I have to get going... " Oikawa said as he tries to point with his head trying to get my attention.

" Oh uh! Actually, Hinata Let me take Oikawa home real quick! Then I'll come back here some and you can go eat out! " I say

" OK, THAT'S FINE BY ME!! I'll wait for you at the Guard station so you can greet the others " Hinata said happily.

" Ok sounds good!! "

" Alrighty, then Bye Oikawa nice meeting you! "

Hinata said as he began to walk to the guard station which was not far.

When Hinata left I turned to Oikawa.

" Why do you have to leave all of sudden.. "

" Just like you, I NEED TO MEET WITH A PRINCE to discuss important" matters." " he says in a sassy tone.

" Ok, then where do I take you, so you can leave to the other side? There are guards everywhere near the border! " I say

" There is this part where I came from we have to cross the river of gold and there is a back path where no one seems to know. "

" Alright lead the way, pretty boy "

" Aw y/n - Chan already giving each other Nicknames ~," Oikawa said in a flirtatious tone...

" Oh shut up and lead the way already "

All of sudden I felt my hand getting swooped in by Oikawa's hand. He caught me off guard, but his hand in mine felt comforting.

" Ok so here is the river we need to cross the river. If we just see on your right there is an abandoned bridge we can cross on," he says

" Oh ok! "

As we cross the Bridge our hands are still intertwined.

Why is my heart beating so fast? I just met him and he seems to attract me in some sort of way. Love at first sight? Nah I must be going crazy...

My thoughts get interrupted by Oikawa.

" Ok so here we're, you see that large tree with the bushes? Once I go through there it leads to the other side! "

Why do I feel sad?

" I guess this is our goodbye then huh... " I say sadly

" Aw don't be sad Princess, remember you still want to meet my friends! " he says happily as he still held my hand.

" Oikawa so when will we meet again? "

Oikawa pulled me close to his face, then he moves to my ear.

" Princess already missing me huh? " he whispers.

"Let us meet again tomorrow night and maybe you can go to the other side with me," he said as he pulls me even closer.

" Fine! I'll meet you tomorrow night and also can you let go of my hand.. Now seems like your the one in love with me " I say as I whispered in his ear.

Oikawa moved away and let go of my hand. Instead, he was using his hands to hide his face. This the first time I saw him flustered, this was a funny yet cute sight to see.

" Well, Princess I didn't see you like that type of person. " Oikawa smirked

" Yea yea whatever, you have to get going or else they're going to worry more. " I said

" Ok, then I'm off and remember tomorrow night! Don't miss me too much ok? " He said as he begins to walk in the hidden path.

" Not missing you one bit... but tomorrow night we will meet again. " I say as I waved goodbye to Oikawa.

After his figure disappear I began to head back to Hinata and the others.

Oikawa pov:

As I left y/n my heart was pounding uncontrollably. There was something about that girl which makes me want to meet her again. Is it the fact she knows I'm A monster and she does not care or is it because she sees cares more for who I am than my appearance? I don't know which it is but I will see her again...

As I got back from afar I see Iwa with an angry face.

Uh oh

" SHITTYKAWA YOU SAID YOU WOULD BE GONE FOR 5 MINUTES... YOU WERE GONE FOR 2 HOURS! " Iwaizumi yelled...

Oh, shit he going to ask me about everything...

Chapter 4

[doomedandstoned]

Colin MacGregor: A Portrait

The cover artist for Doomed & Stoned in Scotland shares his craft and journey.

Last month, Doomed & Stoned revealed its latest survey of the heavy underground by zeroing in on the Scotland rock and metal underground, with our usual anchor to doom metal and stoner rock, but showcasing several genre blenders to boot.

We assembled an enthusiastic team of musicians, artists, and local media types to help us vet each of the submissions so we had the most authentic picture of the Scottish scene's character, as well as a listening experience of the utmost excellence.

Doomed & Stoned in Scotland by Doomed & Stoned

We're thankful to each of the bands who participated, and especially grateful for the enthusiastic participation of Colin MacGregor, whose striking dark, rich colors on canvas of an ancient druid captured the spirit of the project so succinctly, and inspired many a casual peruser to give the 40-band compilation a good and thorough hearing.

Following is a virtual gallery of his work, with commentary by Mr. MacGregor himself, from Colin MacGregor Maker Art.   (Editor)

SELF PORTRAIT IN RED (2009)

9x6” acrylic on board

This is pretty much how it all began.

I was living in a flat in the centre of Edinburgh with next to no furniture, no television, no internet connection (no landline!) or working radio, I had to think of a way to keep myself occupied in the evening when I wasn’t working. This is when I found a box of 20 small acrylic paint tubes I’d bought years before and never really used, along with about 5 paintbrushes of dubious quality.

Using a photo from my rather poor mobile phone at the time, I set about creating this painting on a piece of board that I had.

The colour comes basically through how I see people I meet, depending on circumstances. This is how most of my early paintings were executed.

THOMAS BLACKLOCK “THE BLIND POET” (2013)

20x16” acrylic on canvas

This one was painted for the then bar manager of a long-gone Edinburgh pub called The Blind Poet, and the portrait is of Thomas Blacklock, of the aforementioned moniker, who lived in Pear Tree House for most of his life and was an influence on both Sir Walter Scott and Robert Burns, despite losing his sight as a child through smallpox.

The painting itself I don’t have much recollection of as I’d had extensive knee surgery at the time and was on quite a number of strong painkillers, but safe to say this painting led me to my first paid commission, where I produced two more paintings for Pear Tree House, one of which is still on display in their basement bar.

This one and the largest of the three, of Andrew Usher II, are currently in storage, I believe, in the south side of Edinburgh.

MAGGIE (2014)

12x9” acrylic on canvas

This was painted for my friend who was moving from Edinburgh to Bremen. She wanted something to put in her new home and also something to mark our friendship so I painted this in about 3 days.

It’s also quite rare in my canon as it actually has a bit of background in it, usually my backgrounds are just solid black.

This colour was actually quite difficult to get right, and it was applied in very thin layers and built up gradually, which is why I think it has quite a diffused, soft image overall.

ARANCHA (2017)

12x9” acrylic on canvas

This one is of my girlfriend and is based on a photo I took of her whilst walking through a park in Amsterdam. The photo itself was quite blurry as I took it on the fly whilst walking, but her face ended up on the whole in focus so I thought I could get something out of it.

There is a second version of this painting which is done in very pale pink and white paint, which was a bit of an experiment, but I kind of liked the challenge of doing something different

DAVID BOWIE (2016)

12x9” acrylic on canvas

This was painted within two weeks of the announcement of his death. I’d painted a few musicians before this one but they were all plain black and white, whereas this one actually had colour in the eyes, something a bit different to my usual stuff.

It was also the first painting I’d done by painting the canvas black first and drawing the basic shape on in chalk, something I’ve only done again once, and that was the recent Druid painting.

FRANK ZAPPA (2019)

12x9” acrylic on canvas

As mentioned above, this was actually started in 2016 and sat in various states of… started-ness, for around 3 years.

The painting actually spent most of its life as a scribbly mess of marker pen and gun-metal grey paint, and was almost scrapped entirely until I reassessed it in October 2019 and decided to attempt to salvage it, which I’m glad I did really as it’s been used on my business cards and as the “face” of the exhibition it was included in!

LEMMY (2019)

12x9” acrylic on canvas

I actually started this one, along with Frank Zappa, back in 2016 but the pair of them languished in various states of unfinishedness for a long, long time due to a variety of circumstances.

I eventually got them both back out of storage and managed to find the focus to finish them both in time for a week-long exhibition in Bannerman’s Bar, Edinburgh, which also featured Wraith, Cronos, Ozzy Osbourne, Chris Cornell, Nick Cave, David Bowie, Mark E. Smith, the aforementioned Frank Zappa and a rendition of the Xenomorph from the Alien movie franchise. This exhibition coincided with a Bismuth gig which had been organised by Bailey Junior, who was instrumental in dragging me out my block and getting these completed.

CRONOS (2019)

15x11” acrylic on canvas

Bailey Junior approached me with the idea of producing a poster for an upcoming gig he’d organised with a heavy doom band from England called Bismuth, expecting a fairly quick Photoshop effort.

I hadn’t painted in a while maybe a year or two, having suffered a drop in confidence and not being able to find the time or motivation, but I’d long wanted to create a poster which was almost entirely in paint, rather than digital text over the top, so this proved to be the spark needed to push myself into painting again.

Loosely based on the Ancient Greek myth of Cronos and partially based on “Ivan the Terrible and His Son Ivan'' by Ilya Repin (1885) it took two or three evenings to complete. The text for the poster was hand painted on separate canvases and then put together using Photoshop to give the impression it was a completely painted poster. The only thing not painted was the Scapegoat.tv logo which was added later, just before the gig took place.

OZZY OSBOURNE (2019)

12x9” acrylic on canvas

This one was really, really quick. Probably about 2 ½ hours from start to finish, maybe 3 at a push. Painted roughly about 7 days before I was due to open my first exhibition at Bannerman’s Bar, it was a last-minute decision, but turned out really great.

The acrylics were almost used like watercolors here, being as there were large light areas and deep, deep blacks.

I’m especially proud of the mouth area, it really has an almost 3D effect, something I rarely managed to get right.

WRAITH (2019)

16x12” acrylic on canvas

This was the second collaboration with Bailly and Scapegoat.tv after the Bismuth gig. This was designed for Japanese band Friendship but sadly due to the rapid spread of COVID-19 the gig was eventually cancelled.

The painting itself was based on a number of different sources for reference for cloth, lighting and the hand gesture. I’m not actually that much of a fan of painting hands to be perfectly honest.

The painting itself is currently still in Bannerman’s Bar. We were planning to hold another exhibition for all the paintings in the Bismuth gig exhibition again, but the day after putting them all up Lockdown began and the pub had to close, so I’ve not seen any of the exhibition paintings in person in about a year now.

Hopefully things will change soon.

MIKEY LAWLESS (2020)

12x9” acrylic on canvas

This one was painted in the first week of January 2020 for Mikey’s mother after Mikey himself sadly passed away from cancer just days after the new year began.

I think it took me roughly about 11-12 hours from start to finish and ended up being the only painting I completed that year, despite the coronavirus lockdown and other things happening.

DRUID (2021)

16x16” acrylic on canvas

And so it brings us to this one, again it took a nudge from Bailey to get me kick-started enough to unbox the paints again, and it took a bit of time to get started.

I’m not going to lie, after over a year of being nowhere near a paintbrush and canvas I was nervous and unsure if I could even do it, but once the canvas was primed and the blue paint started drawing out the shapes it started to come together.

It took about 4-5 days, give or take, spaced over a number of evenings, to complete and use references from a number of different sources.

The blue colour was chosen as a representation of Scotland in general, trying to capture the colour of the Saltire, but also evoke moonlight.

Follow Colin MacGregor

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[cristalknife]

On Comments, feedback anxiety on both the writer and the reader’s side

 If one could look into  my WIP draw, or take a glance at the fics I’ve actually posted, it becomes clear misunderstandings based on miscommunication is something I seem have a thing for. In all honesty is more of a lifelong study and recurring theme I keep stumbling on or consciously walking into. Preface: I am only human and mistakes can happen, but usually I try to handle the detailed label (also referred as Read the Tin or as written on the tin) of major warning with my writings that is usually missing in any other aspect of life, sort of a lovely user manual/preview so one could know to walk away before getting invested or worse triggered. 

Or at least know exactly what they signed up for.

Is it perfect? No but at least it’s there, as a writer I did all I could to avoid unpleasantness, the rest it’s up to the reader’s discretion. Which leads me to the heart of this post: comments, feedbacks, criticism, politically correctness, manners and the anxiety they produce in both the writer and the reader. 

The picture is big so I’ll divide in sides, but remember that people are made of multiple sides, and sometimes those sides are at odds or outwardly warring against each other. That’s pretty average for any irrational human being with emotions.

From the POV of an overthinking anxious writer:

1)  Ao3′s Kudos are sort of like a watered down thumbs up, after about 4-5 fic posted (or ~15K words of stories out there to be consumed), they became the kind of anxiety triggers feeding thoughts of why so many people/guests left a kudo but the story wasn’t good enough to warrant the time of a comment/review 2) Comments are lovely reminder someone found something in your words that made them react so strongly they felt like sharing that reaction with you was worth their time. 

2.1) Comments are also the cause of anxiety about their content before you have the courage to read what they says...

3) Criticisms and feedbacks can be a wonderful tool to improve your writing for the next story. But not if they are laced with insult, personal attacks in that case they are the kind of black hole that pushes people to stop writing all together, or at least stop sharing what they write. 

4) single emoji (♥), 2 char long (<3) comments takes years of effort and a lot of conditioning to remember to slip in reader mode and appreciate the effort it took to stop and do even that, instead of allowing doubts to gnaw at the back of your head with waaaiiiiit that’s all? was it good? was it bad? arrrghhh what does it even mean??? 

5) Statistics and numbers, those are the evilest of the most buggering things and the most vile tempters that will push you to compare your stories against others (a futile exercise in frustration and pointless reason to shred one’s own self confidence to the tiniest of pieces for literally nothing)

5.1) Especially when you have two writing mind frames: 

 writing the stories you want to read (and usually it is either a niche where you’ve already consumed all you could find so you write it because duh, more content might ignite back the fire please, or you haven’t found yet someone to say it how you want to read it) vs what I simply call 

 exorcism writing (the kind of free therapy exercise when something is bugging the heck out you and not leaving your mind so you put it down to words and then let them fly free, instead of trapping them on a diary you’d just return to read and start the vicious cycle all over again)

5.1.1) and your exorcism stories become more popular than the stories you want to read, because at the end of your raw ranting exorcism you managed to write something that would end up falling within mainstream tropes. Which just makes you sad because those were not the result of love and planning and endless hours of writing and editing that you put in your other stories.

6) I’m not writing fan fiction to be an educator, it is possible that my day job is being an educator, but unless I’m there writing textbooks, as a writer it is not my responsibility to teach the reader something that has to be authentic, realistic and a good practice. I’m just here to tell a story.  Or are you really telling me that you watch superheros movies and series and expect them to appear outside your window? If you just laughed then why are you looking at fanfic smut with the expectation of finding a more interesting and alternative way to have a sex ed lesson? If you subscribe to the school that a story has has to make sense... Let me ask have you ever read some of the greatest literature works like Frankenstain, Moby Dick, The Hobbit, Journey to the center of the Earth, Alice through the looking glass, Aeneas, if you did and subscribe to “fiction as to make sense” then please please enlighten me I’m rady to sit back and hear all the points you can make how any of those are realistic representations of how things go. If you  says that those are just stories told oh so long ago... Lets pick more recent ones, the Harry Potters books, Goosebumps, Twilight, The Shadowhunters Chronicles, 50 shades of , all those are listed as fiction  which yes sadly too many used as a portrait of theme touched in there as realistic because the story was not set in a fantastical world and made the mistake of treating a work of fiction as a documentary... Sorry people I’m a writer, choosing the right words matters, words meanings and definitions matter please  learn to think critically, and learn your words, there is a difference between fiction and documentary  6.1) At the same time it might be that I am the kind of writer who loves to add factually authentic things in my writings, someone who actually had spent hours and hours on research to make sure that what they have been writing is not utter and complete made up rubbish, and that’s ok too. I do not expect readers to assume it is correct or that it is purely made up, and if someone is curious they could use the comment to ask a question, I’ve never turned out a curious question, even when it was difficult to answer it

7) Just because I am writing about something, it doesn’t mean I support it...  Again those are stories, not a scientific report on a lab experiment, I can write about abusive relationships, doesn’t mean I support them, I could write about self harm or depression, doesn’t mean I am encouraging those behaviors, in fact those usually come with a Trigger Warning, why? because a reader should have the option to walk away from what should be just a moment of pleasure and relax, not finding themselves triggered because I didn’t want to spoil the surprise of what was going to come in a story posted on the internet... 8) This far I’ve personally chosen to not push for comment, no beg necessary, I decided years ago to be the kind of self centered bad ass who writes for themselves, who’s not going to dangle the promises of more chapters in exchange for comments, I dislike the practice, and I find too exhausting shouting left and right hey hey I’ve written this read it read it... So I do get why my stories do not have such a large audience, it doesn’t help I’ve actually posted way less than what I’ve written over the years. I do welcome comments, though I have no clue on how to respond to short ones, or a single emoji/<3 to all chapters to those I end up answering only to the most recent one of that person and thank for their support. Longer comments are easier to answer because it gives me something to say back or comment/thanks for, though it becomes weird for me when someone speculate on future developments in what they wish to see, and since I’ve recently adopted the policy of posting only completed stories (even for the chaptered ones that will not be posted at the same time, the number of total chapter is not an estimation it is exactly the number of files I’ve divided the story into for reasons) because I do know whether something of that sort will happen or not, and I don’t want to put someone out of my story if they are too invested in see what they imagined happen... Though as I do write stories I’d like to read I’m quick to encourage aspiring writers to feel free to take that what if and work with it, just to please mention that my story inspired theirs and that I’d love to see what they come up with. Constructive criticisms, I do not have a beta for most of my works, I do not work too well depending on other people’s time, I confess even in the past I received criticisms that were not constructive if we push the boundaries and call those criticisms rather than just plain old complains, which is sort of the reason why I stopped explicitly encouraging communication. Because I do expect respect, you don’t know anything about me or what I believe in, you might make some guesses from my profile because I haven’t been shy and pretty open on them, but I won’t accept being personally attacked or talked to in a disrespectful manner just because you didn’t like what I wrote. I have no problem accepting criticisms, as long as they are criticisms and not just whining. You cannot come to me with “I hate your story” and leave it at that, you already took the time to express your opinion instead of simply walking away, the least you can do is explaining why... Otherwise I seriously don’t get why you wasted both of yours and more importantly my time and energies... From the POV of a spoonie reader who barely has the energy to read: 1)  Ao3′s Kudos are a life saver that allows you to show your appreciation (even if you are allowed only one as registered user) with only a click (and some times even that click takes so much out of you) instead of relegating you to invisible reader, barely visible number (*coughs*ff.net*coughs*)  or forcing you to make a story a favorite/followed 

2) Comments are the source of anxiety, because you might want to show support but would they get that or would it sound strange? will the author understand that a a ghsafdgsakdjfh (read: key smash) happened with excitement and love and you’ve no other words to express it? 2.1) also trying to put your support in words when you are in your pj cozily being a blanket burrito and reading from your phone in bed because there’re no more spoon left for the day it’s hard 

3) The author asked for R&R, or welcomes comments and constructive criticism. You loved the story enough to spend energies to

point out things that were plain plot hole or downright inconsistency or lose ends, pointing out botched translations from your own mother tongue and offering correction that were not google translated, in ao3 case pointing out lack of some appropriate tags, which would have 1 improved your story’s visibility and 2 allowed the reader to choose whether they wanted to read it or not both points that would have benefit you as author...

Only for the author to react: 

- badly with a why are you such a nitpick hadn’t anyone told you that you should just stay silent if you have nothing nice to tell me? - Excuse me you’re the one asking for my opinion not my adoration, I gave you exactly what you asked for, if you cannot handle your work being nitpicked or the holes in your plot being publicly poked then there’re fabulous people called Beta reader who will give you the needed dose of though love in private get one..

- badly with a don’t like don’t read -  legit reader’s counter point is  I wouldn’t have read it if you had given me a way to know then what I discovered now  [personal addendum, on a not that well low energy day it takes me less about 3 mins and half to read 1.5K words don’t came at me on your 1k long story and tell me I could have stopped reading when I noticed it wasn’t that good for me...I was done with it before I could get any warning]

- dismissively because a meet cute  clearly is an AU  - Bless your heart if you need me to point out to you that there is a difference between an Alternative Universe (AU) and a Canon Divergence and the fact that   meet cute is a trope  which in fandoms usually implies different circumstances within the fandom’s canon world  of the first meeting between the characters in the main relationship but doesn’t automatically include different premises for the character example: 

in canon: characters from a magical supernatural fandom one a wizard with magic, one a fighter with superhuman speed and holy weapons, in their first meeting the fighter saved the wizard’s life. 

in a meet cute:  a wizard and a fighter with superhuman speed and holy weapons meet in the middle of the forest where the fighter was hunting for food failing miserably and the wizard took pity on the fighter and offered to share their dinner, if the fighter dared to step inside the wizard’s home

in a No Power/Human AU meet cute: where there is no magic, one of the two is a barista who uses flirty coffee jokes lines to call the other’s person order, and finally discover they are an accountant so instead they start using math puns to get the accountant’s attention. 

Those are all valid stories but as an author don’t came at me believing that just because you mention a trope that is enough to distinguish between the 2° and 3° examples, or that having mentioned the trope gives you the standing to look down at me if I do have my own reasons that you do not know about  for wanting to read only stories like the second pitch and get upset but still tell you in a polite way that there are missing tags in your story, especially when you’ve falsely advertise your 3° like pitch as if it was a 2° one and I get upset and let you know about it and do so with the curtesy of signing it with my name rather than leave an guest/anonymous comment 

- shrugging off issues with the tags with a Oh but I’m bad at tagging  -

then I have 3 things to say to you buddy one) that’s not an excuse if you haven’t learnt how to do it yourself get a beta, get a friend, read more and compare what your story tells with a similar one and how that one is tagged, there’re ways Ignorance is not an excuse; 

two) you can’t claim you’re bad at tagging but then refuse to listen when someone is pointing out to you more tags for your story, dud learn how search engines work, searching by tag is basically having a filtered search, the more tags your fit your story the more venues your story can appear in reader’s search for something to read... which means visibility for your work, are you really telling me that you dislike to have that and would prefer less people reading what you post? then sorry but I think you’re doing it wrong and should get a diary instead, not post them on the internet.

addendum: still claiming to be bad at it after having posted over 40 stories and all posted in recent times in the span of a couple of months, just suggest you lack the intelligence to learn how to do things. Which only encourages me to never ever get close to your works, certainly to never promote or share them if not actively discouraging my friends from spending their time on them.

three) and guess what?  there is a frikking I'm Bad At Taggingtag for that too!!!

As a reader I might be ranting in this post, but the long effect of those is a growing apathy and increased unwillingness to spend my energies for commenting unless I’d really really really really liked or loved a story, or I have something more than a one liner to share, which while I intellectually know it might be unfair to let the whole pay for the disrespect of few, my own survival instinct is glad I’m not spreading myself even thinner...

truthful disclaimer: in all fairness it has been my experience, that those reactions usually come from authors with already quite few stories or a decent word count out there. 

New authors are still very much enthusiastic and happy about even the smallest crumbs of recognition or encouragement, which in return is lovely because it recognise that my own time and energy as reader are worthy, that it does take effort to share an opinion or encouragement or suggestion.

4) The author might never know how that day I posted that single emoji, or two character <3,  it was one of those bad days when even opening a small water bottle to swallow down the painkillers was too much, when using a finger to scroll down the page to reach the end of the story had wiped out more energies than I could really afford and yet I still pushed myself to leave a sign that I was there and appreciated their story

5) readers should be allowed to have the “if you thought writing was hard, try commenting other people words” tag...  because sometimes especially on older platforms (yes ff.net I’m looking at you) as a reader I can’t find the energies to wipe up something to say so I become a silent invisible reader. And sometimes it’s really that I am able to stand only stories with certain characteristics, personally for example I do not have the emotional fortitude to read more a certain amount of Work In Progress at the same time across multiple fandoms because my brain can’t recall all the details and I might not feel to rereading the story from the beginning every single time there is a new chapter... 6) Maybe it’s because I’m way out of my teens, maybe it’s because even in my teens and before stories were my safe place, my escape, I do not expect things to be factually correct in stories, but I am a logic driven person, I will see those plot holes and I might even poke through 'em if I find your story good enough that I feel it would be a pity not pointing those things out. You cannot tell a classic vampire story (not the twilight kind of sun sparkling vampires but the sun burn me to ashes kind) and have your group of vampires prancing about at noon of a clear summer day without some sort of reason for that to work. I promise you, I’m not picky, I will accept ridiculous reasons like they were standing under and umbrella covered from head to toes and none of their skin was exposed to the sunlight, but do put the effort to give me a reason why I should believe it was intentional, or do not cry and complain if I do decide to point out dude you’ve normal vampires that are sunbathing and did not become piles of ashes that’s not plausible... 7) Stories are just that, something to listen to, they don’t have to have a moral for them to be worthy of being shared, they don’t have to be a mirror  of your thoughts, or they could be a mirror of your beliefs, and if I am commenting on them I’m commenting on the story itself not your connection to it. And I do need you to advertise in advance if there’re things that might be triggerish, because what might be  just a mental exercise of stepping outside your shoes, if not done might result in me walking into a panic attack while maybe I was just recuperating for one and trying to find comfort or a distraction. While I as a reader cannot know you author and where you come from, unless you want to make an ass of u and me do not assume you know where I am or what path I’m walking in my life as a reader.  8) I despise people telling me what to do, especially if I didn’t ask for an opinion... If someone (who doesn’t have an economical or authorative position over me) demands me to do something the chances I’ll be do it, especially if I was going to do it before, become nil instantaneously. I’ve been running and lurking in writing circles and fanfictions for closer to three decades at the time this is being written, and from the very beginning I found disgusting and deplorable the practice some authors adopted of bargaining reaching certain numbers of comments/kudos in exchange for the next chapter. I can respect an author saying I don’t want to get this or that, but the final result is that most likely I would walk away without commenting even if it would have been a story I would have otherwise supported. There’re few authors I do know personally, at least superficially through other channels, that have this kind of disclaimers and I still comment. But that’s because I have an appreciation and will to support the person themselves who also happened to be authors. 

[stuffedfoxwiththewifipassword]

Tea And Toast

Stobotnik AU based off the song “Tea and Toast by Lucy Spraggan

Heres the song itself: https://youtu.be/VLvmUgDmuBs 

“I’ll wake you up in the morning with some...Tea and Toast.”

Ivo was born in 1942, with eyes of blue. He had almost died twice, but it was the doctors who saved him. His mother, who had died during delivery, had told the doctors beforehand the baby’s name. Ivory Laurence Robotnik. It was difficult, knowing that Ivo had brought his mother’s death. So, when Ivo was only 4, his father killed himself.

“Listen here, boy.” His father said the night before, “I’m gonna go to sleep, and I won’t be waking up...But I have some advice for you, ok? It’s something your mom used to say...” Ivo, who didn’t understand at the time, nodded, cuddling his teddy-bear closer. His father forced a smile, and kept the tears in.

“When the skies are looking bad, my dear, and your heart lost all its hope...After dawn there will be sunshine, and all the dust will go...The skies will clear my darling….You’ll wake up with the one you love the most.” He kissed Ivo’s forehead. “And in the morning I’ll make you up some tea and toast! Ok bud?”

“Ok pa…” Ivo whispered, then went to bed. He didn’t know he would wake up an orphan, or be taken to a foster home. He spent the next 18 years getting in trouble, graduating at the top of his class, then getting into more trouble. When he was 22, his friend invited him out to a bar. It was dead of winter, freezing cold outside.

The bar itself was not too bad. It was like an old tavern, with a nice porch and non greasy wood. Best of all, warm against the bitter cold.

“Hey, Ivo, I have someone I want ya to meet!” His friend, Tom, had said. He went to the door, and came back with a fairly handsome young man. The guy was dressed in a dark shirt and pants, and his smile was brighter than the sun.

“Hello there.” He said, smiling kindly at Ivo. Ivo grinned back, and his drinks took control of his brain.

“Would you like to dance??” He asked, smiling as the young man chuckled and accepted his invitation. The two held onto each other, dancing all around the floor.

“What’s your name?” Ivo asked mid twirl, smiling brighter than he had in a long time.

“My name Aban, what’s yours?” Aban laughed, blushing softly as Ivo swing danced him around.

“Ivo!” He said, having to raise his voice due to the music around them. They talked while dancing, not noticing how songs would end then start. And hour in, Aban had Ivo smiling brighter than he had in forever. The song was slowing, but he didn’t want to stop dancing with Aban. He really liked him, despite meeting him less than two hours ago. When Aban slipped his hand out of Ivo’s, the other panicked for a second.

“Don’t let go of my hand…” Ivo whispered, smiling shyly at Aban. The other in turn looked surprised, but slid his hand back into Ivo’s warm hand. They danced for an hour more, talking and laughing. Finally, Aban pulled away, smiling.

“I have to get home, I have work tomorrow and—”

“It’s only polite if I ask you tonight…” Ivo said, “Would it be alright if...I could walk you home?”

Aban’s face lit up, “Of course!” He chirped, taking Ivo’s hand again as they left the bar together. On the way there, snow started to fall, and Aban smiled up at Ivo.

“Do your parents like snow?” He asked, and Ivo frowned.

“I-I don’t have parents…”  Ivo said, rubbing the back of his neck in soft pain.

“Oh...I’m so sorry...If you don’t mind me asking-uh...Do you know what happened?” Ivo looked at this puppy dog of a man and sighed.

“Mum died giving birth to me...Pa killed himself when I was 4, leaving me to foster care most of my life.” He looked at the snowflakes as they approached Aban’s apartment complex. “Whenever I think about it and it hurts, I just remember a simple saying my mother used to say…”

“Can I hear it?” Aban asked, coming to a stop outside his door to hold Ivo’s hands in his. Ivo smiled, and cleared his throat.

“When the skies are bad my dear, and your heart’s lost all its hope. After dawn there will be sunshine, and all the dust will go...The skies will clear my darling, I’ll  wake up with the one I love the most.” Slowly, the two came forward and brushed lips. Aban’s hands brushed Ivo’s cheeks, and Ivo mirrored the action. When the two pulled away, Ivo looked into Aban’s eyes and softly said, “And I’ll wake you in the morning with some...Tea and toast.”

The two started to date, and within a year they got married. Their lives were perfect. They were content and very much in love. But then, one night, a few days after their 1st anniversary, they heard crying outside their small apartment. Aban got up first, groggily going to the door and peering outside. He looked down, and was horrified to see a small box in the middle of a snow storm.

“Ivo! Ivo, please come here!” He called, picking up what was in the box and holding it against his chest. Ivo had gotten up, grumpily going over to his husband to see what he had.

It was a small, shivering, crying baby girl.

Aban decided to convince Ivo to adopt her, and after some time they brought home Samantha Lee Stone-Robotnik. With Samantha there, Aban and Ivo took turns taking care of her. They both worked, and even though the pay wasn’t much they got by.

But during one particular bad month, Ivo came up to Aban after he had put Sam to bed. He sighed, and kissed Aban’s hand gently. “I love you, and this you know...But I only earn enough for our food and clothes...But I love you and this baby, until the day that I die…”

Aban pressed his hand against Ivo’s cheek, smiling. “We’ll take care of this little life, we’ll fall in love with her baby-blue eyes...And we’ll be alright, from some advice that I know.” He moved Ivo’s hair from his face, brushing his fingers along his jaw. “I never got to meet her, but if I did...I’m sure your mother would have said this; ‘When the skies are looking bad, my dear, and your hearts lost all its hope...After dawn there will be sunshine, and all the dust will go...The skies will clear, my darling.’ We’ll show this baby all the love we know…”

He rested his back against Ivo’s chest, smiling softly. He kissed Ivo’s chin, and gently patted his shoulder. “Go to bed, and in the morning I’ll make you up some Tea and toast!”

Ivo soon went to work, working harder than he had ever worked. In the night, late after he got home, and when his back would ache, he’d get greeted at the door by Sam and Aban. And after some family time, he’d put Sam to bed and cuddle up with Aban for the night. In the morning, Aban would pack his lunch, and make him tea and toast for breakfast.

When Sam was 7, they bought a small house, on the outside of town. They spent the rest of their lives in that house, growing up and getting older. They reminded each other they loved the other every day, and 40 years later, they are here now.

Aban was 81, his hair had turned grey and he had wrinkles in the crooks of his eyes. But other than that, he had aged perfectly. Ivo was 82, his hair had turned snow white, his mustache twinged with brown.

They’re walking down the street,when suddenly Aban’s hand loosens around Ivo’s. “I-Ivo…” And then he’s going down. Ivo put his arm around her side and gently went down with him. Aban’s breathing is rough, and tears prick at Ivo’s eyes. People have started to gather around them, some saying to call 9-1-1.

“Don’t let go now…” Ivo cries, tears falling freely as he holds his husband. The sound of sirens fill his ears, and despite the paramedics telling him to, he doesn't let go of Aban’s hand as they drive them to the hospital. He went with Aban as he was wheeled into the hospital room, and sat by his bed.

“Dad…” Ivo looked at the door, and smiled sadly at Sam as she entered the room with her 8 year old son, 5 year old daughter and husband.

“Grandpa!” The kids cried, and ran over to give Ivo a hug.

“Grandpa, why is Papa in the hospital bed?” Their granddaughter, Maggie, asked.

“He’s sick, little one…” He told her, and frowned. “I think he would like it if you held his hand.” Immediately, the two ech gently took hold of Aban’s fingers. Ivo smiled, and then he felt Sam hugging his shoulders.

“Dad, I don’t know if he can hear you now...But there’s one thing pa would want you to know…”

“When the skies are looking bad, my dear, and your hearts lost all it’s hope...After dawn there will be sunshine, and all the dust will go...The skies will clear my darling…” She hugged him tightly, “Now it’s time for you to let go…”

Ivo held Aban’s hand as he flatlined. He gently pressed a kiss to his hair, and said in a breaking voice:

“In the morning I’ll wake you up with some...Tea and toast.”

[suggahsweet]

20 for 2020 - Updated List

Having a baby amidst the Coronavirus pandemic has been an experience tho. And it means I need to update my New Year’s Resolutions because some of them just reallllly don’t or can’t apply anymore. I don’t know how long these resolutions will apply (if things get back to a more “normal” state I may want to update them again), but I think for at least the next few months, this is what I’ve got:

1. Shut off phone for 8 hours once a week: I use the phone religiously to track EJ’s feedings, diapers, and sleep. Sometimes when I’m nursing it’s the only form of entertainment accessible. The argument could be made that I should just enjoy the time with my son, but I spend about two hours a day at this activity, and I really enjoy reading on my phone while I do it. SO, the new resolution: turn my phone to airplane mode for 8 hours a week, with at least 4 of those hours being consecutive. This should allow me to use the phone for tracking and reading but also be free of the constant mind-numbing lure of Instagram/checking emails/playing endless Clash Royale games. 

2. No phone for first 30 mins of day. I honestly did pretty well at both of these first two resolutions for the first three months of the year. But staying off my phone in the morning now feels totally unthinkable. (See above re: tracking, reading, etc.) I do really enjoy the calming ritual of looking at the weather and pollen count for the day, looking at my sleep patterns on my Fitbit, checking in on my goals on League, etc. So I’m going to nix this goal entirely. Since part of this goal was so that I could go to God first and not get distracted, I’ll change it to - do devos 5x a week. This has been surprisingly difficult having an unpredictable baby around - which I knew it would be, by the way!! (I had one friend insist that “babies sleep all the time”, which, woof. We’ve had to alter our expectations on that one.)

3. Dedicate baby to Jesus. I am going to go ahead and be optimistic and believe this could still happen! I just sent an email to the church office asking how it works. 

4. Join a woman’s Bible study. Done!

5. Ask a friend to church. Again, with the specificity of this goal, going to hold out hope that this becomes a possibility before the year is out! 

6. Make a health tracker for all 3 of us. Done, and because we’re keeping distanced from others, praise God for His protection and safety, I really haven’t had to use it. Which is great, because I worry about every. little. thing. when it comes to EJ. Motherhood is an exercise in surrendering to God and living fully dependent on Him the way EJ is fully dependent on us! 

7. Get outside and walk for 20 minutes daily. I’m pretty proud of how I kept this up throughout my pregnancy and started back up about a week postpartum! Again, thanking God for great weather, an easy delivery and recovery, and an able body! 

8. Go to prenatal yoga 6 more times. I did this one, albeit modified - I did yoga using videos at home. 

9. Start running again post-birth. Done! 

10. Get back down to minus 140 lbs. Sadly, I had checked this one off on the one day I was like 139.8...but I’m back up. Significantly. And I don’t really feel like putting in the effort to lose it while I’m breastfeeding and pretty much always hungry. Sooo we’ll see what happens.

11. Eat less sugar (be mindful). Ha! May as well change this one to “bake more”...lol. In the spirit of being healthy and recognizing that food is one of my few great pleasures during this time period, I’ll rejig it to be - exercise three times a week. 

12. Go to a BBQ place with Johnny. Alas, no one is going anywhere. But I am going to change this one to have 8 date nights with jnils - works out to one a month from now until the end of the year!

13. Eat at Olive Garden. Done, and so glad I checked this one off before the borders closed!

14. Buy a better frying pan. Honestly, I don’t really care that much about this one anymore. But in the spirit of the kitchen, I would like to learn how to make my mom’s macaroni beef casserole!

15. Wear lip colour once a week. I kept up with this during the school year, but my face looks better with eyeliner and mascara, and lip colour is a waste if you’re wearing a mask! So I’m switching it to: wear makeup once a week. 

16. Buy new glasses and/or contacts. I would like to keep this one and see it completed because my glasses are old and my contacts are expired, lol. 

17. Buy and complete a puzzle. Done!

18. Read 60 books. I’m at 40 currently so I think I’m going to make it! 

19. See 10 movies with jnils. Whelp. I had watched two with him, and I meant in theatres. BUT, we did start watching through the Marvel movies pre-baby, and that is something I would really like to finish! So I’ll say watch all the Marvel movies, in order of release date.

20. Meet up with someone at least once a week after the first month of newborn has passed. Ugh. This was one I was really looking forward to. I looove getting out of the house each day, even if it’s just to go to the garden centre to pick up flowers or hang out with my parents, so I really think I would have done this one sans COVID regulations...but for some reason, I find scheduling FaceTime calls and Skype calls etc etc really difficult and energy-draining. Part of it is most people are still working and can only do them at night, which is witching hour for EJ dearest. So I’m going to do a complete about-face away from a social goal and go for one that is guaranteed to make me happy and not take away from my more limited energy resources, not that I don’t love my friends and family: Plant tulips in October! 

BONUS! Look into becoming a milk donor. I currently have about 80 ounces in my freezer and I think I could do it (you need 150!), but I don’t want to hold myself to it because then I have unnatural reactions to “wasting” my milk (like when I spilled an ounce of it today after pumping 3 and got really, really annoyed). I’m sending them an email today too! 

Overall, I’m really excited about revising my resolutions and almost feel like I should do this every year, baby/COVID or no. In any case, I am SO grateful that I and my family are all healthy and safe, and I pray that God would continue to protect us, and you too, if you’re reading this. :)

[k-popscenxrios]

Didn’t Ask For This Pt 2 (Roommate!JK x OC)

A/N: This one isn’t as long as the first one, but I just liked the way the cut off was for this! Things are starting to pick up, now~!

Summary: “I didn’t know you hated me so much,” he spoke as he grabbed my wrist and once again turned me around to face him, “and quite honestly, I don’t think I’ve done anything horrible enough for you to hate me to the degree that you do.” “You say that like the hate isn’t mutual,” I remarked as he shook his head. There was a bitter smile on his face as he took a deep breath, “I think you are quite honestly one of the worst human beings I’ve had to come in contact with.”

3.5k words | drama ✞ | fluff ♡ 

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | Finale

⇨ Masterlist ⇦

I walked into work to see one of my friends, Chaeyoung, smiling like a mad man. I didn’t hesitate to give her a puzzled look as she just shuffled up to me with the smile unwavering.

“The new people are pretty cute,” she spoke as I just nodded and headed to type in my number to clock in, “both guys and both single.”

“Why do you know they’re single?” I asked as I looked at the computer screen. I’m not entirely sure that I want to know this answer, actually.

“I just asked them,” she shrugged while I rolled my eyes, “I’m jealous that you’re training them today. I would kill to be the one training them.”

“And I would kill to be the one not training them,” I sighed and put an arm on her shoulder, “I would trade with you in a heartbeat, but I’m not about to face the wrath of the wicked witch of the west.”

Chaeyoung frowned as I sent her a sorry look. “Well at least have some fun. You’re single, too, right?”

“Hush,” I pushed her away as she just laughed and walked towards the concession stand. “I’m off to actually work now.”

“Have fun,” Chaeyoung nodded to me before she walked to the front counter to do her job as well.

I turned around and exited the back room as I made my way to the manager’s office. One of the better managers was in today which made it really tempting to run back up to Chaeyoung and switch with her, but I couldn't. The witch always found out when we would switch without her permission even when the other managers tried to keep it from her.

“Seokjin,” I smiled at my boss as he glanced over at me and sent me a smile as well. “Where are the new hires?”

He looked back down at the paper he was glancing over before looking down the hallway. “I think they’re cleaning bathrooms right now. I asked Yoongi to teach them how to restock and all that. Just wait for them to finish up, I guess.”

I just nodded and walked down the hall in the direction of the last men’s restroom that we had. I felt weird having to wait for them to walk out, but I stood a good distance away so that it wouldn’t feel as weird.

I saw Yoongi exit the bathroom as I started to take a few steps closer to the group. I always felt nervous when meeting new hires, and I couldn’t help but hope that they were nice.

...Especially if they’re cute like Chaeyoung said they are.

I watched a boy almost the same size as Yoongi walking behind him. He was undeniably attractive, and his most distinctive feature was his pinkish hair. I found myself quite liking this guy just based on how he kept himself and just how… nice he looked. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to look forward to this night if I get to spend it with-

“What the hell?”

I noticed the figure behind the pink haired boy as my heart and jaw dropped to the floor in shock. He just smirked and sent me a wave. He was just oozing pride and arrogance as I felt my fists clenching by my side.

“Ari…” Yoongi’s expression changed to worry as he turned to try and introduce me to the boys behind him. “This here is Park Jimin, and this is-”

“Jeon Jungkook,” he smirked as he stepped forward to hold out his hand for me to shake. I just looked at him incredulously before shoving his hand away from me.

“Just what do you think you’re doing here?” I spat as Yoongi and Jimin watched us in silent confusion.

“I’m working my summer job, of course,” he raised an eyebrow as I put a hand to my forehead and spun around 180 degrees in disbelief. I started to pace as I wracked my brain for a way to get out of this situation.

“What have I done to deserve this?” I softly whined as Yoongi took a step forward and held me in place. He forced my pacing to end as I took a deep breath and looked at him.

“Would you like to explain what’s going on?” he asked as I glanced Jungkook’s way. He seemed very smug about this whole ordeal, and I wanted to beat the arrogance out of him.

“I can not work with this guy,” I cried as Yoongi just raised his eyebrows and glanced back at Jungkook, “He’s an insufferable prick!”

“What?” he scratched his head before looking back over at me, “He’s pretty cool to me.”

“Then you train him,” I spun around to rush off but Yoongi grabbed my wrist to stop me.

“RaeAri, you’re acting like a child in front of the new hires, not to mention you’re insulting one of them for no reason…”

“Yeah, what have I done to you, girl I just met?” Jungkook asked as I stomped up to him and glared at him.

“What are you doing?” I mumbled through my clenched teeth as he just shrugged and started sweeping a piece of popcorn into his dustpan.

“I’m doing my job. Can you say the same for yourself?” he smiled as I felt rage build more and more in the pit of my stomach. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening to me.

“Jungkook, I know you think you’re funny but you’re not,” I spat, “Does Taehyung know you got a job here?”

Jungkook shook his head and looked back at Yoongi who was behind me, “Sorry for the confusion, Yoongi. Hot-head here and I actually know each other.”

“Unfortunately,” I retorted after kicking Jungkook’s shoe over the ‘hothead’ comment. Jungkook just laughed and looked behind him at the other new hire. The poor kid is probably confused out of his mind.

“Sorry about her, Jimin. She’s a little off her rocker,” he explained as I glared at him. I turned to the confused Jimin and softened my expression.

“I’m not like this usually. I’m sorry you had to see this,” I apologized to him as he just sent me a soft and sweet smile.

“It’s okay. I can imagine working with an ex would be annoying,” he responded as my eyes widened. An ex?

“No- Jimin you’ve-”

“It’s pretty annoying,” Jungkook nodded as he slightly elbowed me. I sent him a dirty look as he just raised his eyebrows and gave me a look as if I was supposed to know what he was trying to tell me. His eyes moved from me then to Jimin, and then back to me again.

Wait… Does he really want to take this ex lie and run with it? Why do I need him to be my ex to justify my strong disliking of him?

“I guess I’ll try and make this not as horrible as it feels it’s going to be,” I mumbled as I looked at Jungkook with a slight glare.

“Well then…” Yoongi nodded and began to slowly back away as I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. I had just seriously weirded out Yoongi, one of the only staff members who I considered a friend.

“Wait,” I spoke to him as I rushed over to him and gave him a sorry look, “I’m sorry. It was really unprofessional of me to get so worked up over… my ex being here. It won’t happen again.”

Yoongi just smiled sadly and nodded before turning around to walk off. I just watched him become smaller and smaller until he turned the corner and I couldn’t see him anymore.

“Well let’s get this show on the road, shall we?”

I spun around and took a deep breath. This was going to be one long night if I kept glaring at him like I was dying to do. He just knew how to push all the wrong buttons when it came to me and it made me so annoyed.

“Let’s go,” I spoke as I tried to not sound as unhappy as I felt. Just pretend like it’s just you and Jimin and everything will be okay…

…

“Okay next up is theater 12. This one is the easiest to clean because it’s the smallest theater,” I explained as Jungkook and Jimin followed behind me. We walked into the theater in question as I felt my heart drop at the huge mess I was met with. There was a large pile of popcorn right in front of the trash can instead of in it, and it looked like everyone that walked up after the spill made sure that they could crush the popcorn as deep into the carpet as possible.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” I mumbled as Jungkook and Jimin leaned in the theater to look at the mess.

“Okay the best way to clean this up is to actually run your dustpan along the carpet to pick up the crumbs. If you sweep the popcorn too hard with your broom, the popcorn just breaks into several pieces and is even more difficult to clean up.”

Jimin and Jungkook walked past me to get to the spill as they started to take my advice. I went on into the theater and took a glance around. There were lots of left cups and popcorn buckets, but it didn’t seem to be too bad over all.

“So how often do you see something really disgusting?” I heard Jimin ask as I walked to where I could see the two of them.

“Well on the weekends you’re more likely to come across something revolting,” I informed as Jungkook looked up at me. I felt uncomfortable at his stare so I looked away and moved out of their sight to clean up the inside of the actual theater, “The worst that I have cleaned up was puke on my first day. The girl who was training me had jinxed us the hour before we found it because she said that she hadn’t come across throw up since her first day a couple years prior.”

“So does that mean that we’re jinxed again?” Jimin asked with a slight laugh in his voice as I shook my head.

“No, cause I’ve had to clean up puke on multiple occasions since then. It’s actually not the worst compared to some of the things that Yoongi has had to clean up,” I rambled as Jimin and Jungkook finished cleaning up the mess at the front. They joined me for cleaning up the theater as I watched Jungkook. He was being very quiet, and I was surprised that he wasn’t driving me crazy.

“So Ari,” Jungkook spoke as I internally groaned. I obviously spoke too soon. “How long have you worked here?”

“For three years,” I answered short and sweet. I noticed his smirk as he stopped sweeping and glanced up at me.

“So three years and you’re still just a normal employee?” He remarked as I realized where he was going with this. “Either you’re under appreciated or you pretend like you’re better at your job that you are.”

“That is none of your concern,” I snapped as I turned to look at Jimin. He was pretending like he hadn’t heard anything. “But back to work, make sure you get all the trash out of the cup holders because that’s what usually gets missed-”

“It’s really rude to ignore someone when they ask you a question,” Jungkook cut me off as I glared his way. He was once again wearing his signature smirk.

“It’s really rude to interrupt someone,” I countered, but Jungkook was still smug as ever.

“You were rude first, so,” he shrugged and thank goodness he left the conversations to die there.

…

We finally hit our break between movies getting out as I spent Jimin and Jungkook on a short break to get some water and cool off. I took time to clean the lobby and ended up seeing Chaeyoung restocking the lids and napkins.

“Chae,” I smiled as she turned back to glance at me. She smiled back before turning to look at what she was doing.

“Hey Ari,” she responded, “so how’s it going with the new guys?”

“It’s…” I took a deep breath as she cocked a brow, “it’s going. Do you remember my brother’s annoying friend that I told you was living at my place with us?”

“Yeah, you told me he was one of the most obnoxious people you’ve ever met.” She responded as I leaned against the freestyle coke machine to her right.

“Yeah, he’s one of the new hires.”

Chaeyoung looked at me with wide eyes as I just nodded with a sad expression. “Wow, why do all the hot ones have to be jerks?”

“Well, Jimin seems sweet and he’s pretty hot,” I mentioned as Chaeyoung blushed and nodded.

“That’s true…”

I glanced behind me and saw one of our managers watching us. My eyes widened and I pushed myself off the drink machine to get back to work.

“I’ll tell you more later,” I nodded to her as she just nodded back.

…

“I get that you’re supposed to be training us, but since when did training mean ‘make the new guys do your job for you’?” Jungkook remarked as I ignored him. This was about the fourth thing that he had said today just to get on my nerves, and I was sick of it. At this point I was just going to ignore what he said.

…

“You’re exhausting Jimin. He obviously needs a drink.”

“Jimin, you’re welcome to run and grab a drink if you’re ever feeling thirsty. I’m not going to stop you,” I turned to face the two of them as Jimin just nodded.

“Thanks… but I’m fine.”

I glanced at Jungkook with a smirk as he just pretended like nothing ever happened.

…

“Why do you want the two of us to take the trash alone?” Jungkook asked as I rubbed my forehead.

“I already showed you where the dumpster is. Just take the trash and I’ll finish cleaning the theater.”

“So just because we’re guys you want us to take the trash?” He asked as I just gave him a look of disbelief.

“Fine,” I took a deep breath and shoved my broom and dustpan into his hands, “I’ll go with Jimin and you stay and clean the theater. You better be done by the time we come back.”

Jungkook narrowed his eyes at me and shook his head, “Jimin’s a faster cleaner than I have been today. He should be the one to clean the theater.”

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from screaming as I looked at Jimin. He was trying his hardest to not look at either one of us.

“Okay, have it your way,” I grabbed my broom and dustpan back, “the two of us are going to stay and clean while you go all by yourself to the dumpster. Good luck pushing three trash cans by yourself.”

I motioned for Jimin to come with me as he sent Jungkook and I an unsure look. I just felt a smirk on my face as I spun around and made my way into the theater.

“You should go with me miss holier than thou,” Jungkook called as I spun around to glare at him.

“Okay, that nickname is getting really old for one,” I took a few steps back toward Jungkook and I motioned for Jimin to continue into the theater, “and two, I’m staying here. Bye!”

“I’m not leaving this spot unless you come with me.” Jungkook smirked and leaned against the wall as I didn’t back down.

“I’ll tell our manager that you’re refusing to do your job,” I threatened as he just laughed and looked down at the floor for a couple seconds.

“And I’ll go right ahead and tell them how rude you’ve been to me,” he looked back up at me as my face turned red, “and I’ll tell them that you’re forcing me to do something I’m not ready to do alone just yet. What if I get lost on the way to the dumpster?”

“The building is not that big,” I mumbled as he just raised his eyebrows expectantly. “Why do you care if I go with you or not, anyway? You’re the one who made this more difficult than it had to be.”

“You either go with me or I go to the boss,” he winked and pushed himself off the wall. “I’m giving you five seconds to decided.”

“God, you’re insufferable,” I cried as I rubbed my eyes with my fingers, “fine! I’ll go with you. Jimin! We’ll be right back. Jungkook’s being a crybaby dependent today. I trust that you’ll do a good job on the theater.”

I started pushing one of the trash cans out the door, making it and effort to leave Jungkook to push two. “You just wasted valuable time, Jungkook. You’re pettiness is putting us behind. If any people are sitting in those theaters before we get a chance to clean them, it’ll be all on you.”

“Some people sitting in a theater that’s not clean isn’t the end of the world,” he remarked as I shook my head and glared behind me.

“It gives people the image of us being gross and they’ll think we have horrible time management. That leads to bad reviews online.”

“Then that’s corporate’s problem.”

I sighed and left the conversation there. I was tired to bickering all day with him. Just an hour until our shifts are over, and then lucky for me, I also get to see him at home! My life sucks.

...

Our shifts came to a slow and painful end as Jungkook tried his hardest to just clock out and rush off without having to face the wrath of me and what I would do outside the workplace. Lucky for me, one of the managers stopped him before he could flee so quickly, and I felt satisfaction flowing through my veins. I couldn’t wait to let him have it in the parking lot.

The walk out of the building was incredibly silent as I was waiting for all my words to be said outside, and I hoped Jungkook knew what was coming. I still couldn’t believe that he pulled something so incredibly stupid and infuriating.

“Are you out of your damn mind?!” I yelled the second we exited the building. Jungkook just sighed and shrugged, squinting because of the brightness of the sun, “Did you think this would be funny?”

“Well I wasn’t wrong to think that,” he smiled as I stopped in my tracks and frowned. “Your reaction was even better than I would have imagined.”

“I can’t believe you,” I shook my head and rushed past him, brushing my shoulder against his. As much as I wanted to let him have it, his conversations drained me too much. I could hear him rushing to catch up to me as I tried to just run off to my car.

“What’s the big deal?” he asked as he grabbed onto my arm to pull me to a stop. I whipped around and took one big and violent step his way, intensely staring him in the eyes.

“Just last week my life was nice and calm. I was waiting for my brother to come home for the summer and everything was going to be fun and awesome.” I started as I felt myself start to build tears up in my system. There was no need to be that dramatic…

“Then in walks this guy who thinks so highly of himself that he won’t admit when he’s done something wrong. He takes over my home with this dumb junkfood and his expensive furniture, only to then infiltrate my workplace! I can’t even look at you right now without wanting to punch the life out of you.”

I spun around and rushed off to my car once more, and once again he followed behind me.

“I didn’t know you hated me so much,” he spoke as he grabbed my wrist and once again turned me around to face him, “and quite honestly, I don’t think I’ve done anything horrible enough for you to hate me to the degree that you do.”

“You say that like the hate isn’t mutual,” I remarked as he shook his head.

“I think you are quite honestly one of the worst human beings I’ve had to come in contact with,” he glared as his mood shifted and he went from fairly calm to very angry. “You’re so selfish and narrow minded! You had me pegged as a bad guy the second I walked in your door. You think the world revolves around you, and guess what miss holier than thou? You’re just another bitch to me.”

He shoved past me as I took a few deep breaths to try and calm down. What was his problem? Trying to pin me to be the bad guy… I’m not the bad guy…

::

A/N: ahhhH. That is all I have to say. (OH, and thanks for reading!)

⇨ Masterlist ⇦

[misterbrianmay]

Brian May - 21 Firsts

Warnings/possible triggers: smut, mentions/descriptions of past sexual abuse, periods/blood, vomiting, pregnancy/children

A/N: 12.4k words | I know this is long but please bare with me! These are 21 first times you experience with the wholesome angel that is Brian May, starting with the time the two of you first meet. Any kind of feedback is much appreciated - enjoy! 

1. First meeting

You first met Brian in 1967, back when he was still studying mathematics and physics at Imperial College and before Smile was even formed. At the time you were studying veterinary medicine at another college, which is actually how the two of you met. 

You worked as an intern at one of London’s many veterinary practices when he came rushing in one day. Brown curls all over his face, a small hedgehog in his hands. 

“Excuse me, Miss?“, he asked, his voice wavering slightly.

“Yes?“, you stepped out from behind the receptionist’s desk and approached him, “How can I help you, Sir?“ 

“I- I stumbled across this little guy on my way home. He just laid still on the ground, I think one of his legs is broken. I know a hedgehog is not what you’re usually treating here but I…I couldn’t just leave him there on the street.“

“No, of course not“, you assured him, “you did the right thing. Let me take a look at the little guy.“

The hedgehog was well taken care of, and only two weeks later you were able to release it back into the wilderness. Brian had given you his number to call him about any progress. After telling him the good news, which seemed to be genuinely excited about, he invited you out to a pub where he and two mates of his, Roger and Tim, would be hanging out later. He said that he wanted to celebrate you saving “a precious little life“. You agreed immediately.

2. First date

When you entered the pub that night you had no problem spotting Brian immediately, thanks to his tall frame and recognizable hair. You approached him shyly, straightening the dress you had spent almost two hours picking from your clost. His gaze met yours before you could say anything and he gave you a big smile. 

“Hello! It’s so nice to see you again! Come on, sit“, he said while he set one of the chairs in place for you before placing himself on the one to your left. He then pointed to a young, blonde man with a cocky smile and another one next to him.

“These are my mates, Roger and Tim.“

The two waved their hands at you, Roger giving you a not-so-subtle smirk. 

“So you are the one Brian’s been talking about for the last two weeks. I have to admit, you’re just as pretty as he said.“

Both Brian and you began to stutter furiously and he jumped to his feet.

“Do you want something to drink? I-I’ll get you something“, he stated, not even waiting for your answer. 

As soon as he was out of sight Tim leaned over the table, batting his eyelids coyly.

“Sooo…are you just as smitten with our Brian as he is with you?“

By the end of the night you were a little tipsy and had also learned that Brian not only studied a subject you weren’t even able to comprehend in the slightest, but that he also played the guitar, hand built one of those instruments himself at only sixteen and even thought about forming a band with Roger and Tim. Tim had been right, you were smitten with him, he fascinated you more than anyone ever had before. And he seemed to be very interested in you, too. At least judging by the amount of questions he asked. Between the two of you there seemed to be an endless pool of topics to discuss and things to be learned about one another. Sadly a glance at the old clock above the entrance door told you that it was time for you to go home, and you began to excuse yourself from the table.

Being the gentleman he was Brian insisted to walk you home. He even lend you his thick coat, which he placed over your shoulders gently. The two of you continued talking until you were standing right before the front steps leading to your small flat.

“I had a lot of fun tonight, Brian“, you started.

“I did, too…“

Neither of you wanted to part yet and the silence was almost unbearable, when he suddenly leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to your cheek. 

“Was that alright? Do you…do you want to go out with me again?“, he mumbled.

“Yes! And yes“, you giggled, “I’d love to go out with you again, Brian.“

“Great! Great, that’s really…I really like that. How about tomorrow night? I’ll pick you up here at 7? We can go have dinner, if you want to. In a real restaurant.“

“That sounds great, Bri“, you affirmed before standing on your tiptoes and kissing his nose, “See you tomorrow, then.“

3. First kiss

Brian had picked you up as promised the next day. And another two times after that. For your fourth date the two of you had decided to have a nice little picnic at a beach a little over one and a half hours away from London. You had everything packed and ready to go when he rang your doorbell, coming up the stairs with a bouquet of flowers in his hand. After you placed them in a vase on your table, next to the two other bouquets he had given to you before, you naturally put your hand in his and together you left for the train station. 

Once you arrived at the beach you laid a blanket down and began to get out the snacks you had packed, all vegetarian of course. After eating most of them you laid down onto your back, which Brian took as an invitation to subtly wrap an arm around your shoulders. By now your heart was hammering against your chest. You were definitely enjoying the affections he gave you, but you also craved more. Every time he had walked you back to your place you had hoped for a kiss, a real one. But you were also too shy to make the first move. Until now, that was. 

Gathering all of your courage you leaned up again and turned around to face him. You were now holding yourself up on your hands. 

“I…I really want to do something, Brian“, you announced. 

Without awaiting his response you bent down to press your lips against his. At first he didn’t react, which almost made you pull away, but then he kissed you back ever-so-slightly. His tongue begged for entrance to your mouth, which you gladly gave him. Soon the kissing grew more and more heated - until you heard a prominent cough beside you. You pulled apart from each other to discover an elderly couple standing next to you, shaking their heads disapprovingly. 

“This is a public beach, you two. There are children around for Christ’s sake! Keep it down, please?“

With that they turned around and left, leaving Brian and you in a fit of giggles while you comprehended what had just happened. God, you hoped that this had been your last first kiss.

4. First time you stay over night 

After another two hours at the beach you decided to head back home, both excited and giddy. Instead of Brian walking you home tonight he invited you to his place for a cup of tea. You immediately agreed and were excited to see where he lived. 

His place, which he shared with Roger and another man called Freddie, who were both out for the night, was everything you had imagined it to be. His room was full of music equipment, the Red Special he had told you so much about catching your eye immediately; books over books about astrophysics and mathematics; different kinds of drawings, mainly scientific things you couldn’t really grasp; and a weird-looking camera. 

While he prepared the tea you made yourself at home on the couch, the distinct smell of him lingering in the air. You felt nervous about what was to come, you really, really liked Brian, but you also didn’t want to rush into anything. Your train of thought was interrupted by a steaming mug being placed in front of you. 

“Your flat is lovely, Bri. It’s like…like looking into the depths of your personality. It’s really great“, you started.

“Thanks, that’s a very nice thing to say. Do you know what’s also lovely?“, he grinned sheepishly.

“No, I have no idea“, you teased.

“You, love. You are one great person, you really are.“

You felt a rush of confidence rush over you when you crawled onto his lap, continuing where you had stopped at the beach. 

“I like you, Brian. Very much so“, you stated in-between kisses. 

“I like you, too“, he smirked. 

That night you continued to make out until far after midnight. When you finally realized how late it had gotten he offered you to stay overnight. No dirty thoughts in mind, simply because he didn’t want you to go out again at such an hour. He gave you a shirt of his to sleep in, which covered you down to your legs due to the enormous size-difference, and told you to sleep in his bed. He wanted to spend the night on the couch, but you brushed the suggestion off immediately and made him sleep next to you instead. He had his arms wrapped around you the entire night. 

When the two of you emerged from his room the next morning you were greeted with whistles and hollers from his roommates. Explaining to them that nothing had happened proofed to be difficult when you were stumbling over your words, but the slight heckles were definitely worth the night before. 

5. First time having sex

Sleeping over at Brian’s became a thing from then on, and you were soon considered the fourth roommate. Freddie and Roger had grown very close to you very quickly, and you spent more and more time with them. 

Brian and Roger had founded a band with Tim not too long after your beach date, and Freddie and you would come to every one of their gigs to support them. Tonight was no exception and you found yourself sitting next to Freddie at the bar. He was commenting on the band’s outfits, which he had picked out for them, but you weren’t really listening. Instead your full attention was fixed on Brian. He looked extra-handsome tonight, playing the guitar with so much passion and grace. 

Despite all the time you were spending at his place nothing more than some naked kissing the occasional tigh-riding had happened yet. Usually this was due to the other two boys accidentally interrupting or catching you in the act, but you also couldn’t shake the feeling that he was very shy and held-back when it came to sex. You were determined to change that tonight - the urge growing inside of you slowly becoming too strong to ignore.

When the last song was over and the three of them bowed to the cheering audience you rushed backstage to catch Brian. Soon enough he emerged and widened his arms for you to hug him.

“You were so good tonight, Bri“, you beamed, “so sexy.“

His face grew crimson at your last statement. 

“Th- Thanks, love“, he spluttered.

“Will you take me home?“, you whispered in his ear, “I’d like to have you for myself a bit.“

“I-I…well, yes. Of course I will. Do you want to go to my place or yours?“

You didn’t have to think long about that question. As much as you loved his flat - privacy was only guaranteed at yours. 

“Mine“, you smirked, hoping he would get the hint. 

Apparently he did because he grabbed your hand and lend you out of the pub as quickly as possible, after ordering Roger to take his guitar home for him. His mate seemed to know what was going on immediately because he gave you a cheeky grin and thumbs up. 

Once you arrived at your place you locked the door before pressing Brian against it, which turned out to be quite difficult with the difference in size. You jumped into his arms and attacked his face with kisses. He responded by lifting you up, hands steady on your waist, and carrying you into the living-room. 

“No“, you panted, “bedroom, please.“

He swallowed down a lump in his throat and nodded. When he sat you down onto your bed you took his face in your hands. 

“Brian I…I want to sleep with you.“

Silence hung in the air like a thick blanket after your confession and you grew increasingly worried. 

“Say something Brian, please. I didn’t mean to pressure you into anything, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. If you don’t want to that’s alright, honestly. I ju-“

“No“, he let out a little huff of air, “no, I definitely want to. You just surprised me, that’s all.“

“Good, good. I was just unsure because…well you never insinuated anything, and I wasn’t even sure if you even want to…do it with me.“

“Listen, listen“, he reassured, “I want to sleep with you more than anything else. I just didn’t want you to think that I was using you, or that I was only interested in your body. You have the most extraordinary mind, love. And I like you for that first, everything else is secondary to me. I want to know that.“

“I do, Brian“, you whispered with teary eyes, “now make love to me, Mister May.“

He was sweet from start to finish. He took his time undressing you, worshipping every part of your body he could reach. His long, slender fingers worked your most sensitive spots expertly and by the time he finally entered you he had already brought you to orgasm twice, with them and with his tongue. Your fingers were clutched in his locks when his length entered you fully and after a bit of adjusting you were able to move your hips in a steady pace. He pounded into you with all he had, holding your gaze the entire time, hoping to convey all of his feelings non-verbally as well. You could tell once he was close from the way his thrusts began to grow erratic and uncoordinated. Being the considerate man he was he brought his lips close to your ear, whispering: 

“Love, I am close, will, will you - fuck - will you come with me?“

“Yes, god yes, Brian“, you exclaimed, being even more turned on by just having heard him swear. 

You both reached your highs together, shouting each others names and clawing at each other’s bodies. 

“I- I“, he started.

“I know, Bri“, you laughed, clearly on a post-orgasmic high, “me, too.“

6. First time you realize you’re in love

Looking back you weren’t sure if it was that night you realized you were in fact in love with Brian. How he had looked you deep in the eyes, how he had given you pleasure like no one else before… 

Perhaps it had even been before that, when you had felt the energy radiating off of him from the stage. 

Anyhow, when you woke up the next day, still embraced in his arms, consumed by his warmth and clouded in his wonderful unique smell, it was like the scales fell from your eyes. Sometime in the last few months you had fallen in love with Brian May. Astrophysicist and lead-guitarist of Smile. Hedgehog-fan and photography-enthusiast. He made you feel save and secure with as little as a kiss to your forehead. You didn’t know how or when yet, not wanting to ruin such an important thing by planning it out poorly, but you knew you were going to tell him. Soon.

7. First time they realize they’re in love

Love was a strong word and Brian had not felt it often in his life. The love for his family and friends, for music and his other passions, sure. But nothing like the wave of emotion that had surged through him upon first entering the veterinarian practice you were working in. Never before had he seen such a beautiful person who cared for an animal - even a hedgehog - so deeply. You hadn’t laughed at him when he had approached you with the small creature, seeing the focus in your eyes, the determination to save the small thing, had released the butterflies in his stomach. He later admitted that he had given not only given you his number to be informed about the hedgehog’s wellbeing but mainly to keep in touch with you. When you had agreed to go to a pub with him he had apparently made jumps of joy. Going on more dates with you, kissing you, having you around in the flat and sleeping with you were milestones that only cemented his affections for you. For many people love at first sight was impossible - for Brian it was reality since the day he had first seen you. But despite how sure he was of his feelings…he just couldn’t gather the courage to tell you…yet.

8. First time saying ‘I love you’ and 9. First time defending each other 

The two of you had been dancing around your feelings for quite some time now, both wanting more from the relationship while being afraid to ruin what you currently had. 

Until one day, when you accompanied the band to one of their concerts again. This time without Freddie, since he was deep into designing some sort of coat. You were standing in front of the stage, shooting loving glances in Brian’s direction and rocking out to one of your favorite songs. It was all great fun until you felt a hand creeping up your backside. You spun around to face whoever it belonged to, which turned out to be a middle-aged tall man with drowsy eyes and breath that reeked of alcohol and cigarettes. He winked at you in a way that made your stomach curl up. When you turned around again, hoping that ignoring him would make him lose interest, he instead touched you again.

“C’mon“, he slurred, “don’ act like you don’ wan’t it. Such a cutie…all by yourself.“

“Listen up, Mister“, you grunted annoyed, “I am not your cutie and I am not by myself. I am not interested, got it? Now leave me alone!“

His eyes darkened dangerously and he stepped even closer to you.

“Now who do you think you are, little whore? Don’ you dare talk to me like that ever again, or else I’ll fucking-“, he was interrupted by the music suddenly stopping. Sounds of confusion filled the room when nothing but Brian’s voice sounded through the speaker.

“Hey, asshole. You get away from that lady right now, security will gladly help you with that“, he waved at one of the broad man standing in front of the entrance, who immediately came up to escort him out roughly. Brian then took off his guitar before leaning towards the mic one more time.

“The show will continue in a few moments, everyone. I just have to make sure my girl is alright.“

With that he rushed off the stage and towards you. He wrapped you in his arms tightly, murmuring into your ear.

“Are you alright, love? Did he hurt you?“

“No…no“, you croaked, “he just scared me, I guess. Thanks for…for saving me. Who knows what he might’ve done if you hadn’t intervened…“

“Hey, don’t think like that. I’m here, I’ll always be here. I…“, he took a deep breath, “I had a whole thing planned out to tell you this, but I just can’t keep it in any longer. I love you. From the bottom of my heart, since the moment I first met you. And seeing that guy all over you was just…sickening. I won’t allow anything to harm you, ever. I promise.“

“Brian May“, you croaked, emotion and tears evident in your voice, “I love you, too.“

He let out a relieved breath and bent down to press a sweet kiss to your lips. At this point the audience was cooing and clapping around you, some even screaming in excitement. Your heart did felt like it was going to explode, your pulse racing at a million miles an hour. This was definitely one of the best nights of your life. 

10. First time talking about a relationship

After that night becoming an official couple felt just natural. As soon as the concert was over Brian had rushed you home, not letting his hands leave you for even a millisecond. Once you had arrived he sat you down on his lap and told you that he wanted to spend his life with you, that he wanted to be able to tell people you belonged to him. You had agreed, of course, and become his girlfriend in the early morning hours. 

Being able to tell your friends and family that you were in a committed relationship now, that it was not just dates and sleeping with each other but that real feelings were involved, made you the happiest girl in the world. You couldn’t wait for what the future had in stock for the both of you.

11. First time they take care of you

You didn’t like to admit when you were in need of help, you never wanted to seem whiny or weak. But soon after you became Brian’s girlfriend you couldn’t hide being in pain any longer. 

Before the relationship you had always managed to stay alone in your flat during that time of the month. Your period had always been a struggle for you, especially the first three days. They were usually filled with cramps, aches all over your body and heavy nausea, and the only thing you could do to get some kind of relief was a hot water bottle, herbal teas and trying to sleep the pain away. 

This time around you had somehow not payed enough attention to your cycle because when you woke up next to your boyfriend that morning, luckily in your own bed but still not as alone as you wished to be, you were awoken by a flash of pain cursing through your lower half. You involuntarily let out a deep groan and tried to turn around, only to be greeted by the clammy feeling of wetness all over your thighs. Brian sleepily opened his eyes to face you, clearly awoken by the noise you had made.

“Are you alright, love?“, he murmured.

“Yeah…“, you panted, “don’t worry just go back to-“, you sucked in a sharp breath, “sleep.“

“You don’t sound alright“, he stated and sat up with a bewildered expression.

“No, I’m fine I promise“, you tried to reassure him, but the pain was now clearly evident in your face. 

Brian was upright now - and to your horror he tried to pull the blanket off of you. 

“You’re clearly not, love. What’s the matter, are you hurt? Let me help, please.“

You sighed in defeat and propped yourself up as far as you could, which wasn’t very far.

“It’s nothing serious, Bri. It’s just“, you hesitated. He was going to be disgusted, he had to be. Your previous boyfriend had been, after all… This wasn’t something a man should have to deal with. This was your business and yours alone. Surely he would bolt right out the door at the sight of the bedsheets you had bloodied thanks to your lack of mindfulness. But on the other had you didn’t really have another way out of this…

“I…I started my period over night. And I am cramping now, a lot. But it’s really not as bad, you don’t have to worry. It happens every months, I’m used to it. Just please…can you just leave the room really quick? So I can“, you gulped, the next part made you want to cry from embarrassment, “change my clothes and…the bedsheets. Because I am very sure I got some…some blood on them.“

At first you couldn’t read his expression. Was ist disgust, anger, aversion…or could it be…worry?

“Why would I do that?“, he asked. 

“What? B-because…it’s disgusting. I’m sorry I didn’t warn you or anything, I really just want to get rid of the mess and-“

“Disgusting? What about periods is disgusting, my love? They are only natural, they show that you are healthy and strong. You said that you were in pain, right?“

“Well yes, but it’s not that bad.“

“From the way you groan and wrap your hand around your stomach I beg to differ. Come on“, he got out of the bed and stood next to you, pulling the blanket aside carefully before scooping you up in his arms. Immediately you felt the urge to flee.

“Brian, Brian let me down. I’m making a mess, what are you doing?“, you shrieked, mortified.

“I am going to run you a nice hot bath, love. Growing up my mother had similar symptoms and the only thing that ever really helped her were baths. You don’t have to be embarrassed, it’s nothing that can’t be cleaned up.“

You were rendered speechless by his kindness and compassion. Never before had someone cared for you in such a private and affectionate manner. 

Once in the bathroom he removed the clothes from your body carefully before sitting you down on the edge of the tub and turning on the water. Every now and then he pressed soft kisses to your face while continuously rubbing firm circles on your lower stomach. When the tub was filled with warm water he helped you inside of it and you released an involuntary moan of relieve. Why hadn’t you thought of that before? 

While you were bathing he not only changed the sheets and bedding, he also laid down a new set of pajamas and prepared a cup of hot cocoa, which he set down on your bedside table. You willed yourself with not to cry from the sheer cuteness of it all when you re-entered the bedroom. 

“Thank you, Bri. How did I deserve you?“, you whispered.

“I ask myself that same question every day, love. No more being embarrassed in front of each other, alright? I’ll always take care of your pain, I promise.“

12. First secret you share with each other and 13. First time they see you cry 

A few days after your period had subsided again you were laying on top of Brian on your sofa, snuggling against him while watching some mildly entertaining program on the tv. You could tell that something was going on in his mind by the way he shifted and his mouth as if to start a sentence, just to refrain from doing so ever so often. After some minutes of feeling the tension you gave him a quizzing look. 

“What’s going on in that big ol’ head of yours, hm?“, you inquired.

“I…“, he began, clearly unsure how to vocalize his thoughts, “last week, when you were on your period, you said something - and I really don’t want to pressure you with this, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to - you said something along the lines of…being disgusting. And it was like you expected me to walk out and just leave you because of it. And I just wondered if…if you maybe made some experiences in the past to make you think that way“, he lowered his gaze to where he took your hands in his, “and you really don’t owe me an answer. I just…I want to make you as happy as possible. And if there is anything I should know or anything that I should pay extra attention to…I’d just like to be aware of that. I just wouldn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable…“

During his speech your heart had sunken in your chest. You never wanted for Brian to find out about the issues in your past relationship. Before him you had only been with one other man, or boy rather, and that hadn’t really ended well…Why the hell did he have to be so attentive anyways? 

You let out a deep breath. You already trusted him with all of your being, but this? You had never told anyone about what had happened back then…

“You’re right“, you whispered, tears already prominent in your eyes, “you’re absolutely right, Bri. I…I have never…shit“, you cursed when you felt the first tear running down your cheek. Brian immediately engulfed you in his arms, pressing you even further into his warm chest. Your tears were now dripping onto his bare skin, but he didn’t seem to care. 

“It’s alright, love“, he shushed, “you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. It’s alright, I understand.“

“No, no“, you shook your head, “I want to tell you, Bri. I love you with all my heart and I want to answer all of your questions… it’s just that…I’ve never told anyone before. Not my mom, not my best friends…no-one. And…I’m scared.“

“You don’t have to be, my love. Never with me. I am here for you, I want you to remember that“, he assured. 

You swallowed down the lump in your throat and closed your eyes. This was going to be easier if you didn’t have to look at anything. Especially not at his shocked reaction which you were sure was to come. 

“I will…“, you promised, “and I’ll start at the beginning, I guess…“

He gave you a reassuring nod and started to run his hands over your back in a soothing manner. 

“Before you I’ve only been in one other relationship. I met him when I was still in school, year eleven to be exact, and he…he was so different than all the other boys. He was not as childish, very mature for his age actually, made me laugh a lot and used to give me cute little presents ever so often“, you scoffed at your own previous misjudgment, “stupid, I know. But at seventeen I thought that’s what love looked like…I really believed that he loved me, and I was convinced I loved him back. We grew closer and closer…we even made plans for moving in together once we finished school. And we did. As soon as we were accepted into two colleges in London we moved down here from the north. He had a few friends here already but I…I didn’t know anyone. Not a single person beside him and the occasional conversation with fellow students or co-workers. I guess that’s what started his…his change. When he noticed how much I relied on him he…“, you had to stop for a moment. All the emotions you had suppressed so hard for so long now came rushing back all at once.

Brian noticed your hesitation and he kissed the top of your head sweetly. You felt how his heart began to beat faster just like yours did.

“…he began to treat me…differently. At first it started out quite harmless. He started coming home late and drunk, which usually involved slurring things at me as well. How I always looked like I hadn’t even made and effort or how my cooking was so bad he wished he could just throw it all up again. I blamed it all on the alcohol and did my best to not think about it too much…but then he started telling me those things when he was sober as well. He made rude remarks and comments all the time - mostly about my appearance and…and how I was awful in bed. How I was a liability and not even worth the money he had spent on me. I just shrugged it off, what else was I supposed to do? I had adapted to it quite soon, I was able to live with the constant indignities…until he…“, you stopped. You just had to. Singular tears had turned into a constant stream by now and sobs continued to wreck through your body. 

“Love“, Brian interjected, “love it’s alright. You’re here now, you’re here with me.“ 

By now his voice had become thick with unshed tears as well.

“He started to..touch me, Brian. When I didn’t want to. And if I told him to stop, he’d just…He was so soft in the beginning…so considerate and nice. And then…he suddenly didn’t care about me at all. He used my body whenever he wanted to. God“, you croaked out, “I woke up hurting almost every day… and the period thing…he used to be so disgusted by me. Those few days were the only ones I was safe from him…physically at least. I endured all that for about half a year…when I entered my second semester of studying he went on a vacation with a few of his friends. He didn’t want me to come with him, said I’d only be a killjoy, and left me behind. I packed all of my things as soon as he was out of the door and rented the cheapest apartment I could find. I didn’t even leave him a note - just got up and left. God, I was so scared he’d find me. I even transferred to another university. That was a year before I met you, Brian. When I got the paid internship at the veterinary practice I was finally able to afford a better place and when you came in…my life turned for the better again.“

Your sobs had subsided by now, but you still couldn’t see through the wetness in your eyes. 

“I…I don’t know what to say, my love“, your boyfriend admitted, emotion deeply evident in his voice, “I just want you to know that I will never treat you with anything other than the deepest care, respect and love. I want to have your consent, always. I cannot imagine what you’ve been through you…God, you’re so strong. You are the strongest person I know and I love you!“

He lifted your chin up gently and kissed you, conveying all of his emotions through the soft touches The stains of your tears had wetted his cheeks and your heart slowly began to find its normal rhythm again. 

“And“, he added, his voice now dark and fierce, “if I should ever see this guy, this scumbag who made you feel inferior, who dared to touch you without your consent, who…who fucking raped you“, you winced at his choice of his words. He was right, of course, but admitting that to yourself hurt almost as bad as the action itself, “I’ll fucking kill him. I swear.“

“Bri…“, you were at a loss for words.

“But even if I don’t - you’ll never have to be afraid again. And I am so thankful that you trust me enough to share this with me. I love you, and I will continue to do so until the day I die. I promise.“

14. First time meeting the family

You had spent the night at his place, as you did most of the time now. As soon as you woke up, feeling a pleasant kind of soreness all over your body, chest and neck full of hickeys and your hair ruffled, you decided to take a shower. Brian was already in the kitchen preparing breakfast for all four of you, Roger and Freddie sat on the couch and bickered about some insignia Freddie had drawn up for Queen, the band that had been formed a few weeks ago, after Tim had suddenly quit. You had only heard Freddie sing once or twice before but you were sure he was going to be the perfect frontman. Brian seemed to be enthusiastic about the whole idea as well, which only furthered your belief that they boys had made the right choice. 

You didn’t even stop by the kitchen to greet your boyfriend, you were too focused on your mission to get rid of the smell of…well, sex, that lingered all over your body. 

Once in the shower the warm water relaxed your muscles and made you feel completely at ease. Humming to yourself you soon forgot about the time and the three men who were waiting for you in the living room…

When you finally emerged again, one towel wrapped around your hair like a turban and one covering you body from just below your collarbone to your mid-upper thigh, you headed straight to the kitchen. The hunger had taken over you and you hoped to grab a bite before getting dressed for the full meal. As soon as you entered the kitchen, however, you stopped dead in your tracks. 

There at the table sat Brian, Freddie, Roger…and a couple you had never seen before in your life. Judging by the woman’s hair and the man’s facial structure a terrifying suspicion crept up inside of you. They were Brian’s parents. And now they were turning their heads in your direction, mouths opening slightly at the sight of your half-naked, hickey covered and still wet form. 

The singer and drummer did everything they could to keep from breaking out in fits of laughter, your boyfriend blushed a deep shade of red before starting to grin slightly.

“So“, the older man cleared his throat, “who might that be?“

“Mom, Dad“, Brian giggled, “this is my wonderful girlfriend. Love, these are my parents, Harold and Ruth.“

You were completely mortified and didn’t know whether to step into the room fully and act casual or flee the scene. The decision was made for you when Ruth stood up from her chair and offered you her outstretched hand.

“Well hello, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you. For the past months Brian has never talked about anything other than you or the band, now we finally have a face to match all the stories. If my son can be believed you are one hell of a woman“, she smirked. 

You were blushing furiously by now.

“U- uhm…thank you, M- Mrs Ma-“

“Please, call me Ruth“, she interjected.

“Well, thank you Ruth. It’s good to finally meet you, too. I- I am so sorry for my…my…lack of…“

“Brian“, his father interrupted, his voice low and somehow un-assessable, “your girlfriend is dressed a little…unfitting…for this occasion, isn’t she?“

“Yes sir“, you bolted out of your trance, “yes, you are completely right. I’ll go change immediately!“

With that you turned around on the spot and rushed towards the bedroom door, the last thing you heard was Mr May saying: “And what in the Lord’s name happened to her neck, son?“, to which Freddie and Roger responded with ringing laughter.

You put on a blouse with the highest turtleneck you could find - luckily most of your clothes were at Brian’s place by now -, dried your hair as best as you could and put a little bit of make-up on before re-emerging into the kitchen. By now everyone’s plates had been filled and they were all waiting for you to join. You sat down on the small bench next to Brian, opposite of Ruth and Harold. The embarrassment still cursed through every fibre of your body, but you did your best in acting as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. 

It turned out that Brian had forgotten that his parent’s were going to visit, his mind too preoccupied by the changes in the band.

While you were getting along swiftly with Ruth, who you fell into conversation with easily and who struck you as a very friendly and lovable character, Brian’s father, who insisted on being called ‘Mr May’ and refused to address you by your first name, turned out to be everything but happy with his son’s choice of living. He gave off some kind of coldness you couldn’t quite grasp, and when the two of them left to head back to Middlesex in the early afternoon you couldn’t help but let out a relieved breath. Freddie and Roger went out as well, apparently to listen to someone who had applied to play bass for their new band. As soon as the door closed behind them Brian was all over you, peppering light kisses to your skin. 

“I“, kiss, “am so“, kiss, “sorry“, two kisses, “that you had to meet them this way“, one big kiss to the top of your head, which he reached without a problem. 

“It’s alright“, you sighed, “you didn’t forget it on purpose…and your mum’s a real sweetheart. You dad on the other hand…“

“I know, love. I’m sorry he acted so cold towards you. I don’t know what’s gotten into him lately, he wasn’t always like this…“

“Maybe it’s just all the change that’s happening. His only child has moved, joined a band and lives together with two…well…maniacs now. All of that could be a bit too much for him.“

“I hope you’re right“, he whispered, “now…what do we say we make up for the lost time and pick up where we left last night?“

“I say that’s a bloody brilliant idea, Bri“, you giggled and grabbed his hand to lead him towards the bedroom.

15. First time you move in together

Shortly after that morning Queen found their new bass player, a lovely young man named John Deacon who, as quiet and shy he appeared to be at first glance, charmed you with his wit and humor immediately. He also played brilliantly and took care of the band’s finances, which started to grow steadily. 

By 1972 you had completed your studies, worked as a fully certified veterinary surgeon in a London practice and were Brian’s partner of five years. Queen were recording their debut album and had signed with a record company. You were incredibly proud of Brian, and with the money from his gigs and your steady income the two of you were now able to move into a flat of your own. You had found one relatively easily, it wasn’t too far from where the two boys still lived and very spacious. It had enough room for all of Brian’s guitars and equipment and even included a guest bedroom. 

On the day you were moving neither you nor your boyfriend could stop grinning, and when the last box had made it to the third floor you fell onto your queen-sized mattress exhaustedly. No more than five seconds later Brian plopped down next to you.

“Are you happy, love?“, he asked. 

What a ridiculous question, of course you were happy. Instead of answering you just turned over to look at him and pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose. Apart from the mattress and some kitchen-supplies the flat was still completely unfurnished, but that didn’t stop you from what you were planning on doing. Despite being somewhat tired you hoisted yourself up and straddled Brian’s waist, supporting yourself on your knees. 

“Very much so, handsome. In fact…why don’t I show you how happy I am?“

You moved down slowly and opened his trousers as you went along, pulling them down together with his underpants. 

“Love“, he choked, “you do- don’t have to do this…we could- aaah“

You made him shut up by wrapping your hand around his member, which stiffened immediately. Once his trousers were fully discarded onto you also bent down to kiss the tip and lick a soft stripe from the head to the base. 

“Well, if you say so…I guess I’ll stop…“, you teased. He reacted by gripping your wrist lightly and shooting you a pleading look. 

“Please don’t tease, love.“ 

If keeping on pleasuring him hadn’t been your intention from the beginning it definitely was now - Brian’s beautiful hazel orbs gave you a very convincing puppy-eyed look. 

“You’re lucky you’re so sweet“, you grinned one last time before bopping your head down, swallowing all of him at once. He involuntarily jerked up his hips, making you gag slightly.

“Oh God, sorry love, I’m so sorry, are you alright, are you-“, he rambled, but was immediately silenced by you continuing with your mission. 

You bobbed your head up and down, sucking and licking alike. One of your hands was placed on you lover’s hip, the other caressed his balls. His hands were buried in your hair and he created a gentle rhythm for the both of you. Every now and then you pulled off of him completely to jerk him off with the hand that had previously been on his hips and to press hickeys and love-bites on his hips, v-line and thighs. You began kissing the tip of his penis and gave soft kitten-licks, which made him mewl and groan under you. His musky scent filled your nose once he was down your throat fully again. Pre-come started leaving his member and you knew he was close. The tight heat engulfing him became too much to hold back any longer and he tugged at your hair. 

“Love, my love…I- I’m gonna come- I“

You swallowed him down impossibly deeper and gave a sharp tug to his balls. He came with a strangled cry, long ropes of semen shooting into your mouth. Instead of pulling off of him you relaxed your muscles and swallowed down every drop he had to offer. 

Once he came down from his high he looked at you with awe and pulled you up for a deep kiss, undoubtedly tasting himself on your tongue. 

“Did…did you?“

“All of it“, you smiled, knowing fully well how much that turned him on.

“God, you’re incredible…and now I get to spend every day with you by my side“, he mused before grabbing your hips and turning you onto your back, “now, let me make it up to you.“

Needless to say you slept incredibly well that first night in your new flat…

16. First vacation you go on together

That same year, as soon as the boys had finished recording for Queen, Brian decided that it was time for the two of you to go on your first real vacation. You had taken trips before but they had never been longer than three days and always within the UK. Now, since you had both saved up for a little while already, he had booked two Concorde tickets for a flight to Paris, France. You had always wanted to go there and now the time had finally come. Brian and you would be together for ten days - completely cut off from all the turmoil and excitement of the past months. 

The flight was shorter than you’d anticipated - you had never flown before - and you were looking out of the window the entire time, gently rubbing your boyfriend’s hand with yours. 

The hotel was nothing too extravagant but very cute nonetheless. The rooms included an en-suite bathroom, a queen-sized bed and a small balcony.

Once you had stashed your bags you went off to explore the city. You ended up in a small restaurant and sat outside near the sidewalk, holding hands over the wine you shared and your freshly ordered meals, just gazing across the busy street and taking it all in. When you were done Brian insisted on paying the bill by himself and you took off to your hotel once again. Neither of you wanted to go to bed just yet, so you decided to go outside on the balcony for a little while. You were leaning on the railing, standing as close to another as humanly possible. Since the balcony was on the highest floor you were able to enjoy an unimpeded view onto the Eiffel tower, which was beautifully lit and basked in a soft glow. 

After some minutes of enjoying the comfortable silence he took a deep breath and turned towards you, gripping your arms gently. You furrowed your brows at the sudden change shot him a confused look. 

“My love, I have known you for five years now. I fell in love with you the moment I first laid eyes on you…but you already know that“, he chuckled nervously. 

A warm feeling began to spread through your stomach at his loving words. But…where was he going with this?

“When you agreed to be my girlfriend I thought I couldn’t be any happier, but I was wrong. Because every morning I get to wake up next to you I am happier than I was when I went to sleep. Every single day I get to spend with you is a day filled with perfection and excitement. I still get flutters in my stomach when I kiss you, I still melt when you look into my eyes…all“, he took a deep breath, “all the songs I’ve ever written are about you. I…I keep drawings I did of you in my nightstand, I drew them years ago but never wanted to scare you off by just casually bringing that up. Kissing you, touching you, feeling you all over - those are privileges that mean more to me than anything else. I trust you with my life, my love. And I’d give up anything if it would guarantee your happiness. I’d give my life for you - and I mean that. I want you to feel safe and secure, always. And I want to be with you until the day I die. Being able to call you my girlfriend is an honor, but love“, he sank down onto one knee and pulled out a little red velvet box. All you were able to do was gasp, your mouth agape in shock. Butterflies had started to erupt at the beginning of his speech and the sensation was only growing stronger now. Tears filled your eyes while you were buzzing with anticipation, was this going to be…

“Being able to call you my wife would be the biggest honor of all. So will you“, his voice was shaking slightly when he addressed you with your full name, “do me this honor and become my wife. Will you marry me?“ 

You were dreaming. You were one hundred percent sure that you were dreaming. Your head felt like it hung in the clouds, the tears in your eyes hindered your view and you hastily wiped them away. Brian opened the box, exposing the most beautiful ring you had ever seen. You nodded franticly while struggling to press out the words you were so eager to say. 

“Yes!“, you croaked out eventually, “yes, yes, yes! Oh God, a hundred times yes!“

Brian beamed like you had never seen before and placed the ring on finger in one swift motion, before you let yourself fall to your knees and knocked the air out of him with the force of your kiss. When you pulled apart in desperate need of oxygen you were full-on crying. 

“I- I can’t believe this…where…where did you even get this ring? It’s so beautiful, it’s amazing, I, I love you too, Brian. You know that, you are my favorite person on the whole planet, you are my everything, you, you“, you burst out laughing at your own rambling, breathless and happy from head to toe. 

“Calm down, fiancée“, he grinned, “the ring belonged to my grandmother, she gave it to me years ago on her deathbed. She said ‘Brian, if one day you find the right girl, give her this ring and make her yours with it’. My grandpa and her were married for 67 years before he passed away…I hope we can do that, too.“

“Oh, we definitely will, Mr May. You won’t get rid of me ever, now.“

“Well, I certainly hope so, Mrs May-to-be“, he laughed while wrapping his arms around you, burying his face in your neck.

This was definitely your best vacation, yet. 

17. First time you take care of them

Two years later, in 1974 when you had been Brian’s wife for little over six months, he decided to quit preceding his PhD and focus solely on Queen’s skyrocketing career. You supported him with all of your heart, seeing how happy the music made him. 

His father on the other hand didn’t take the news well. Brian had called him early that morning to tell him the news and was now devastated. His father had screamed so loud you had been able to hear him from where you were standing next to Brian. He had called his son stupid and selfish for ‘throwing away his education like that’. Said that he was blinded by the money and fame he thought was to come but ultimately would learn that the world didn’t work like that and that he’d be left with nothing one day. He even started to pull you into the matter, accusing the both of you of being immoral for having lived unmarried for so long and even saying you were an…easy woman, to put it lightly, because of how you looked when you had first met Harold. At that you had gripped Brian’s hand tightly, he was searing with anger by now. Having inherited his father’s stubbornness meant that he threw some unkind words around as well, but you could understand why he was furious.

When the phone call ended Brian hung up with as much force as possible and started pacing around your living room. 

“I can’t believe this!“, he yelled, “What the hell kind of father says something like this to his son - his only son at that?“

“I don’t know, Brian. I really don’t know why he said those things, they are inexcusable-“

“Yes, yes they are!“, he barked, at which you flinched visibly, “sorry…sorry my love“, he exhaled, “I shouldn’t be screaming around like that, especially not at you. You are the one person who actually believes in me…“

“Hey Bri“, you bent down to where he was now sitting crouched on the sofa, “look at me, my love. I am not the only one who believes in you - tons of people do! Roger, Freddie, John, all of your fans. There are so many people out there who believe in you, this will all work out in the end, I promise. You are so good at what you do there’s no way you won’t be successful. And you can always come back to your studies later, you know that. You’re not throwing away your education, you’re making way to fulfill your dreams!“

He looked up at you through pained eyes and took a deep breath. 

“Thank you, thank you so much. I know that this is what I want to do, it’s just…I want his approval so badly. I always have. When you came in my life he at least held himself back a little because he knew how happy you made me…but this…“

“I know, my love, I know. But he’ll come around eventually. When he sees that it all works out he’ll apologize, I promise.“

“You don’t know him like I do. He’s just as hot-headed as I can be, he won’t apologize even if Queen ends up becoming the world’s most famous rock-band“, he sighed and looked to the floor.

“Listen here“, you said intensely, gripping his chin lightly to force his gaze up, “you’re right, I don’t know him like you do. But I happen to know myself fairly well, and I’ll guarantee you that I’m going to stick with you through all of this. No matter if Queen makes million’s and million’s of pounds or if you continue pursuing your PhD, I’ll be there for all of it. You are my husband, Bri.“

“You’re right“, he whispered, “thank you for always being there for me, wifey.“

“It’s my privilege, hubby“, you grinned, happy that you were able to comfort him. 

The clinch between Brian and his father would continue for three more years, in fact. For the next two years after the phone-call the two men wouldn’t talk to another, neither one ready to budge. In 1977, when Queen were playing the Madison Square Garden, Brian flew his parents out to watch the show. Later his father clapped him on the shoulder and said ‘I get it now, son’. After that it was like a heavy weight had been lifted off his shoulders, and even if it had taken a long time you were happy that the two of them had finally made up.

18. First anniversary 

Your first wedding anniversary, which happened to fall on a Saturday in the year 1975, started anything other than romantic. You woke up to Brian bringing in a tray filled with various breakfast foods, which normally would have been nice, but as soon as the smell hit your nose you felt your stomach clench together tightly and a wave of nausea wash over you. Completely ignoring Brian’s confused gaze or how he worriedly placed the tray on the bed you rushed into the bathroom as quickly as possible, slamming the door shut as you went. As soon as you lifted the toilet seat you couldn’t help but empty the contents of your stomach into the bowl. Your husbands hands were on your back in an instant, rubbing smooth circles up and down your back. You tried to wave him off with one of your hands, not wanting him to see you in such a state, but it was to no avail.

“Shh, it’s alright“, he cooed, “just let it out, don’t be embarrassed in front of me.“

Since you didn’t really have a choice you did as he told and continued vomiting. When you were finished you felt quite dizzy and Brian helped you stand up before handing you a paper tissue.

“Do you feel better, love?“, he inquired and you shrugged your shoulders. 

“I don’t know…I still feel a little…woozy…I didn’t even feel sick when we went to bed last night“, you mumbled.

“Must be some kind of stomach bug, one of those overnight things perhaps“, he theorized while he led you back into the bed, making sure the food was in safe distance. 

“I’m sorry for ruining our first anniversary, Bri“, you mumbled, “we were supposed to spend the day in bed for other reasons…“

“Don’t worry about it, we still have lots and lots of anniversaries to come. And once you get better I’ll make up for the lost time“, he smirked while planting a kiss on your forehead, “but for now let me make you a tea and perhaps get you some medicine.“

Over the course of the day you felt less and less sick, and by noon you were already having dinner with your husband again. During the meal you could hardly keep your hands off him and the two of you swapped the dessert for a long and intense session of lovemaking. 

The next morning, however, you woke up feeling awful again and the whole ordeal started all over. Both Brian and yourself only grew more confused when the exact same thing happened the following three days as well. Feeling like you were about to die from lack of fluids left in your body in the morning, being your usual self and feeling on top of the world in the evening. 

On day five you are so tired of it that you made an appointment at you doctor’s office. Brian insisted on driving you there, even though you had promised him that you were going to be absolutely fine. 

Upon your arrival you were annoyed rather than nervous and expected to be prescribed a light medicine to get rid of whatever bug you had caught. When you were called from the waiting area your husband kept a tight hold of your hand and lead the way to the examination room. A few minutes later a kind-looking middle-aged doctor entered the room and stretched out her hand. 

“Mrs May, I presume?“, you nodded in confirmation before taking her hand. 

“My name is Doctor Smith. What brings you in here today?“

You began telling her your symptoms, Brian adding small details here and there. Once you were finished she just looked at you knowingly. 

“Mrs May, Mr May“, she glanced between the two of you, “I think I know where your symptoms are coming from. I have to run one or two tests, of course, but I have a strong suspicion.“

You both looked at her with raised eyebrows, suspense clear in the room.

“Well, what is it Doctor?“

“Mrs May, I think you are pregnant.“

After another twenty minutes of tests you had the confirmation - you were indeed pregnant. You were sent home with a sonogram picture, which showed the little life that had been growing inside for you two and a half months already, a few pamphlets informing you about all the changes that were about to happen and a small notecard with the date of your next appointment. During the whole time Brian hadn’t been able to stop smiling, he had even started to shake slightly. For the whole time he hadn’t stopped holding your hand, and now he was leading you to your car more carefully than you had ever seen before. He came to a halt right in front of the passenger door and gripped the back of your head carefully, pressing his face into your hair. 

“Love…my love“, he whispered, “what did I do to deserve this?“

“Bri-“

“I got to marry the love of my life and now she’s pregnant with my child“, he cut you off, his eyes glistening with wetness, “I thought I couldn’t get any happier but now…you just made me the happiest man alive. I love you, god, I love you so much. Are you happy, my Mrs?“

“Are you joking?“, you laughed, already crying with all the emotions flooding through your body, “Of course I am happy! I get to carry your child, Brian. We are going to be a family, we’re going to have a child running around that’s half you and half me, we…“, a happy sob made its way through your throat, “I’m sorry for crying so much, I’m just so…hormonal I guess-“

“Even if you continue to cry for the next seven months I won’t care“, your husband giggled, “as long as they are happy tears. I promise now that I will never let any harm come to you or our child, I vow to always protect you. I love you, both of you, more than anything.“

“I love you too, Brian.“

“Let’s get home and tell the others, then“, he announced before opening the door for you. Even if it had come a few days late - this was definitely the best anniversary gift you could’ve wished for. 

19. First time you see them cry 

The first time you saw Brian cry was exactly 31 weeks later, when your sweet little baby girl was finally placed onto your chest after nineteen excruciating hours of labor. Brian had been there through all of it, holding your hand, wiping sweat off of your forehead and enduring the screams and profanities you hurled at him. Now the room was calmingly quiet, except for Brian’s and your sniffles and your baby’s subsiding cries. A few of your husband’s tears trickled down onto your shoulder when he leaned in from behind to brush his index finger over her soft, squishy cheek. She had already been cleaned up, weighed and measured and was now on the verge of falling asleep. 

“She is so beautiful“, you whispered, “she’s got your eyes and hair.“ 

The later was indeed a dark shade of brown and surprisingly full already, which you absolutely adored. 

“But lucky for her she get’s everything else from you, love“, he hummed. 

Her complexion and facial features did indeed match yours more than his, even though it was hard to tell with her being not even an hour old. 

“I can’t wait to go home with her“, you murmured. Over the last months Brian and you had moved into a nice house in Kensington. It was a lot bigger than the flat you had lived in before and offered lots of space for you and your newest addition. The nursery was already completely decorated and right now you wanted nothing more than to show it to your little girl, even if she would not be able to comprehend the beauty of it yet, before snuggling her close and falling asleep in her father’s arms. 

“You should be able to go home the day after tomorrow, Mrs May“, one of the midwives promised reassuringly, “Now we are going to bring you into your private room and then you can get some sleep, is that alright?“

You nodded weakly, the adrenaline slowly wearing off and making way for the tiredness you had had to suppress. 

“Are you going to stay?“, you looked up at Brian with weary eyes, “Hold her for me when I fall asleep?“

“Of course, my love, of course. I’ll stay for the rest of your lives, I’ll hold her close for as long as she lets me“, he grinned. 

The confirmation was enough reassurance for you to finally give in to the urge of sleeping, knowing that when you woke up again you would be greeted by the most precious sight in the world.

20. Specific bonus first one: First words

When you entered your baby’s nursery you were greeted with an image that nearly made your heart explode. Your little girl, who was only one month away from her first birthday now, was sitting between her father’s legs. His Red Special laid before them and she was reaching out to touch the strings excitedly, trying to copy whatever melody Brian strummed to entertain her. When she saw you standing behind the door she started to brabble excitedly and pulled herself up to her legs. She couldn’t walk yet but she bounced up and down to show you she wanted you to come closer.

“Hey baby“, you cooed, “did you have a nice day with daddy?“

She babbled in agreement before Brian sat up and hoisted her on his hips.

“A wonderful day, in fact“, he mused before meeting you halfway and kissing you longingly.

“So I take it your daughter will follow your footsteps and become a guitarist, then?“

“I certainly hope so“, he looked down at the small child, who stared back up at him with wide eyes, “do you want to be a guitarist like daddy? Yeah? Like daddy?“

“Or maybe“, you interrupted, “she wants to be a doctor just like her mom? Does that sound nice, honey?“

She just giggled and paid no mind to her parents musing about what the next decades had in stock for her. Instead she reached up to pull on one of Brian’s curls, making you laugh and him wince involuntarily. 

“Hey, that hurt“, he mock-cried, at which her expression turned into a frown.

“Dada?“, she asked.

“Honey…w-what did you just say?“, you asked, completely baffled. 

“Dada“, she repeated happily and pulled at the curl one more time, “dada, dada, dada!“

Brian looked at you with wide eyes before kissing his daughter on the top of her head.

“Good job, little lady! You’re such a smartie, aren’t you?“

She grinned from ear to ear, picking up on the wave of joy she had just created, and snuggled closer to his chest. Hearing her speak properly for the first time was one of the many cherished moments with Brian you would never forget.

21. Specific bonus first two: First time getting caught

By the time your daughter was one and a half years old she was running around the house like a whirlwind, which meant that you were now in a constant state of alert. But all the new action and trouble that came with it was definitely worth the rewarding moments you experienced with her every day. 

Today Brian had come home from the studio earlier, saying that their newest album, Jazz, was nearly finished and that they had decided to take some days off for themselves. You had eaten dinner with your little girl, afterwards Brian had taken her upstairs and miraculously got her to fall asleep in less than five minutes. When he came back down he entered the kitchen, where you were currently washing the dishes in the sink, quietly and wrapped his arms around you from behind. 

“I’m so glad to be home“, he breathed out. You leaned back into his embrace and closed your eyes. 

“Me too“, you sighed.

“What do you say we do something nicer than the dishes, hm?“, he hummed into your ear before turning you around to face him. 

“I say that’s a splendid idea, Mr May“, you smirked up before jumping up to wrap your legs around his hips. You could already feel him stiffen underneath his pants and he immediately got the hint and began carrying you upstairs. You started to kiss and giggle like two lovesick teenagers when you were halfway up the stairs, your hands now firmly buried in his hair. 

“Shhh, shhh“, he warned, “we don’t want to wake her up now, do we?“

“‘Course not“, you smirked up at him, “I am in desperate need of some alone-time with her daddy.“

As soon as you had finished speaking Brian opened your bedroom door with ease and laid you down on the bed. He wasted no time in pulling off the light dress you were wearing and discarding it to the floor. You began undressing him with the same eagerness and soon you were both completely naked, your hand wrapped around his stiff erection expertly. He was bucking into your hand in no time before shuffling down between your legs. 

“As much as I enjoy your hands, love“, he panted, “I can’t come yet…not without showing you just how much I missed you first.“

He began to move his tongue up and down your wet folds eagerly, two fingers finding their way into you. You hadn’t been able to properly feel each other for quite some time now and it definitely showed. Your hips soon bucked up and down, searching the friction of his digits on your clit. He hummed happily when he felt you tighten around him before suddenly stopping his admissions and coming back up to press a deep kiss to your lips, his tongue sliding into your mouth quickly. You moaned into his mouth at the sensation. 

“Ready, Mrs May?“, he asked smugly.

“Yes! Yes!“, you responded desperately, the friction in your body already making you feel like you were on fire. He entered you in one smooth motion and came to a short halt, his forehead pressed against yours, his breath hot on your already sweaty skin. You urged him to move by starting a fast rhythm, your legs pressed firmly to his back. He pulled out almost all the way before slamming back inside in a raw, primal way, hitting your g-spot perfectly. You couldn’t suppress a moan.

“Bri- God, Bri…I- I- fuck - I need you so…so bad. ‘ve missed you inside me, missed feeling so good…so ah-“, you were interrupted by another buck of his hips and his groan into your ear.

“Missed you, too. God, so much. Thought about…god…thought about you every day. About pushing into you like that, hearing you moan underneath me, feeling your-“

“Dada?“, a soft voice came from the hallway. 

Brian pulled out of you and grabbed his pants at the speed of light, and no three seconds later the door to your bedroom swung open slowly. The small toddler was standing perfectly still in her nightgown, her favorite teddy bear clutched to her chest tightly.

“Hey Princess“, her father beamed, not having caught his breath quite yet and eyes still weary. You wrapped the sheets around your body in an effort to cover yourself up, and if you weren’t so panicked about your daughter having caught you in the act you would surely be laughing at the ridiculousness of the whole situation. 

“What’s the matter?“, Brian asked softly.

“Dada“, she repeated, her lower lip now wobbling slightly. Your husband picked her up and pressed her head to his chest soothingly.

“Poor thing, did you have a bad dream?“

She only shrugged her shoulders, not fully able to answer his question yet. 

“Should daddy bring you back to bed?“, he inquired further, but she shook her head frantically at that suggestion. By now you had left your bed as well and stood next to them. 

“Or do you want to sleep here with us tonight, hm? With mummy and daddy?“

She nodded her head eagerly, brown curls falling into her eyes, and looked at you with the sweetest puppy-eyes you had ever seen. They were enough to make your heart melt and Brian obviously thought the same because he laid her down in the middle of the bed immediately. You wrapped her up in one of the blankets and cuddled close next to her, Brian’s arm underneath your head.

“We might have to make her bed more secure, I didn’t know she was able to climb out of the thing already…“, he whispered into the darkness.

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea…and Brian?“

“Yes love?“

“What do you say we ask John and Veronica to watch her tomorrow night?“

“Agreed“, he giggled, “sounds like a brilliant plan to me“.

[ariadnassecretdiary]

The black swan lake AU - Third act

*Mun Ari: Ok ok~ So I’m so excited to write this third act! Ahh~ Let the romance begin! Btw~ Merry late Christmas everybody :3

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5

“Are you serious?” Naomi said while raising her eyebrow skeptic.

 “Please, I seriously need your help” Ariadna begged but very ashamed nevertheless.

“I can’t believe you’re asking me to lie to your sister. That’s not like you at all Ari” Naomi replied.

The next day, Ariadna went early to the eagle’s kingdom seeking her best friend’s help. Yet, as Ariadna expected, she was very hard to convince. 

“I know what I’m asking you is really bad as it means lying to Akane” Ariadna admitted ashamed “However, as you said: is something I wouldn’t ask you if it weren’t an emergency”.

Naomi looked at her. She was analyzing what she just said and Ariadna hoped she would agree to help her.

“Alright, I’ll help” Naomi finally replied.

Ariadna was about to jump and thank her when Naomi spoke again.

“However, I want to know the real reason as to why you’re acting like this”

Ariadna knew it was too easy to be true. 

“I-I…”

“And don’t tell me something like ‘I can’t tell you’ because I’m that case forget about my help”.

“B-But!”

“Think about this: 1) you are asking me to lie to Akane, 2) in case you’re in danger I want to know where to look for you and 3) you own me something in exchange for abandon me last ball, accepting a dance invitation from an annoying suitor, who by the way didn’t leave me in peace all night long AND you  had the audacity to send a maid instead of telling me directly you were excusing yourself from the night. I think is the least you could do, don’t you think~?”

Ariadna went speechless for a moment. She couldn’t say anything against all the arguments she just gave to her. Besides it was clear Naomi was hurt from what happened that night.

“You’re right...first of all I’m sorry for that night. I was being unfair and rude to you”.

“I accept your apology since I may have an idea as to why you left so suddenly. It was for what I told you about Isaac, isn’t it?”

“Y-Yes…”

“Well, I see...and then?”

“And secondly...please I want you to wait until I finish everything I’m about to tell you. It’s a long story...and a VERY strange one too”

Ariadna then told Naomi about Kino. She told her how the next day of the ball she went deep into the forest and a raven stole her family ring. She told him about the strange phenomenon the prince experienced each day after the sun would set, how he threw her ring into the lake and told her that from that day she had to make him company so she could get back her ring. 

“And that’s the story” Ariadna concluded.

Naomi stayed quiet, but Ariadna could see Naomi’s face shown complete disbelief.

“You are seriously telling me all this time you’ve been going to the forest just to keep company to this enchanted prince?”

“Yes?”

Naomi then laughed.

“Now now~ you have a great sense of humor Ari~. But please now tell me the truth”

“I AM telling you the truth”

“Ari there’s no way a prince would turn into a swan. Magic only exist in fairytales”

“See? That’s why I couldn’t tell Akane and I didn’t want to tell you either. It’s difficult to believe…”

“Ok. Let’s imagine I believe that ‘magic’ part of the story. But taking that aside: are you seriously seeing in secret with a mysterious guy in the middle of the forest?”

“Yes…?”

“Ariadna! Who would have thought~?”

“Don’t misunderstand!”

“You seriously thought I would say that!? Ariadna that isn’t correct! What if someone followed you and saw you!? You would be in serious trouble!”

“I know that! But I have no choice! He has my ring! Do you know what would happen if my parents or Akane if they found out all this!? They’ll never let me leave the castle ever again and they might even disinherit me!”

“This Kino you are talking about...I don’t like him already. If he were a prince as he claims to be he seriously lack manners! And how dare he treat you in such a way! To treat a princess as yourself so lowly!”

“W-Well...he doesn’t know I’m a princess…”

“WHAT!? Why you haven’t told him?”

“You know how much I hate brag about being a princess”.

“Yet! He needs to know who he’s messing with!”

“I don’t think it’ll matter to him anyway...I’ve know him for a while now and I really don’t think he know how to treat people in general”

“How can you stand him? I would have given up already”

“I did everything for my ring only”

“Is that so…? Well, I think you need to tell him Ari! He needs to know you’re his equal”

“It doesn’t matter...I don’t plan on going back anyway”

“Why so?”

“You see...we had a fight just yesterday and I don’t want to see him anymore. I’ve had enough”

“Wow~ for you to say that, it must have been something dead wrong~”

“He offended me and my family. That added up with his mistreatments I really had enough…”

“Unbelievable! But...what’s about your ring?”

“I-I think I should tell my parents the truth...maybe they’ll understand?”

“Or~ Even better~”

“Huh?”

“We, my dear friend, will get your ring back”

“What!?”

“As you heard dear~ a family shield isn’t something replaceable. We need to take it back no matter what!”

“B-But”

“In fact! We’ll go and get it tomorrow! I’ll go and visit your sister and after a while we’ll excuse ourselves and we’ll force that prince to  give back your ring!”

“I-I really don’t want to see him...and I don’t think he’ll hand it out that easy”

“Then...we’ll get in once he’s not around~. When is he ‘supposedly’ away?”

“During the day he’s still in his swan form...so we may be able to take the ring and escape without him noticing it!”

“Then~ we have a plan~”

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The next day, Naomi arrived to have supper with the Koizumi princesses. They chat for a while, however Ariadna had a difficult time acting as nothing was wrong.

The reunion last longer than expected since Akane really wanted to know what exactly Ariadna did all these time at the eagle kingdom. Naomi surprisingly managed each question Akane asked her and when the topic finished they even had a small walk.

“I’m so sorry if this comes out very rude, but Princess Akane may I ask for your permission to stay over the night? Sadly, my parents will be out due to some businesses they need to attend and I don’t wish to stay all by myself in my home”

Ariadna mentally clapped for Naomi’s smooth way to assure her plan would go as planned.

“It isn’t rude at all Princess Naomi. I suppose they’ll be going to the kingdom’s annual reunion I presume?” Akane replied

“Yes. They insist I should stay since one member of the royal family must stay just in case. Yet staying on my own makes me uneasy”

“Hmm...I don’t think that having you as our guest would be a trouble. In fact, I think it’s a great idea since unfortunately my parents asked me to attend as well. However, just like you just said we want Ariadna to stay for the same reason you would. It would leave us more at ease if two ladies stay together rather than by themselves”

Ariadna looked impressed towards Naomi and she simply winked at her.

“Marvelous! I’m so grateful for your hospitality~”

A few hours later, Akane left the castle, followed by many guards and maids, leaving Ariadna and Naomi behind.

Then they both worked on their plan. They told the servants not to wait for them and to head back to their rooms until they needed anything. They told them they would go for a ride and to not bothered them. 

They left and Ariadna lead the way until they arrived to the waterfall.

Naomi had the same reaction as Ariadna did back when she first saw the landscape before them.

They walked as discreetly as they could until they reached the famous lake. Lucky for them there was no sign of both Yuri nor Kino around.

“Well then. We need to hurry. The reunion and the preparations took longer than expected. Still we have some time before the sun sets and Kino comes” Ariadna whispered to Naomi.

“Sure. Then let’s review the plan: I’ll wait here to guard that crow you told me about or the sign of any swan”

“Not just any swan, he’s a black swan”

“Right right. You on the other hand  will go and take the ring back from the lake and as soon as you come back we’ll be out of here!”

“Great! Now. I shouldn’t take long! See you! Remember to hide!”

Ariadna headed back to the lake and hoped everything went according to plan. She was worried they didn’t calculated the time correctly and Kino would arrive or Yuri would tell Kino about their presence. Ariadna pushed those thoughts away and then took her armor out. Once she was ready she jumped into the lake. She swam deeper into the lake looking for her ring.

Meanwhile, Naomi was alert of her surroundings. Any sound would make her uneasy and each flying bird would be a suspect for her. It was getting dark and Naomi was getting nervous, she felt Ariadna was taking so long. Besides: didn’t she tell her about how Kino and that bird spy of his would be here in any moment?

She then suddenly thought she caught a glimpse of light, but decided to ignore it and focus more in Ariadna’s return.

“What are you doing miss?” she heard a voice.

Naomi jumped and turned around to find a tall yet good looking boy. He had a long black hair and black eyes. He dressed in a formal way and looked at her with a serious expression. 

“Oh dear! Don’t do that! I almost fainted!” She looked at him angrily

“What is a young lady as yourself doing here?” the boy continued.

“That is none of your business! I could ask the same thing, is it a hobby of yours hide and scare ladies such as myself?”

“That wasn’t my intention at all miss. I beg your pardon”

(He’s very polite...maybe he’s like this towards strangers? No! I won’t let myself fooled!)

“Well, apology accepted. Yet, I you don’t mind I would appreciate you to leave me alone for the time being”.

“I’m afraid I must have to insist. This is no safe place for a lady to be on her own. Besides, if you’re here for the hunting season this place is forbidden to carry those activities out”

“As I’ve said I have no obligation to answer any of your questions! Just who you think you are?” Naomi said “you have some nerve Mr. Kino. I didn’t want to believe such a despicable being such like yourself would exist. But for having my friend to do as you said and having the audacity to even offending her is unacceptable!”

“Kino? I think you are confused. I’m not Kino”

“Heh~? Is that so? Then who might you be?”

“My name is Yuri miss. I’m Kino’s companion and most loyal servant. If you’re looking for him, right now is not a good moment”

(Yuri? Where I’ve heard this name before…?)

“Is that so? Then tell your boss to learn some manners before insulting my friend, understood? She’s a respectable lady and he needs to treat her accordingly!”

“Your friend? Does it happen to be called Miss Ariadna?”

“You know her?”

“I brought her here. She’s being visiting Prince Kino for the past weeks”

“So it was your doing? You!”

“PLEASE HELP!”

Suddenly, Naomi and Yuri stopped when they listened to a distant plead.

“What was that?” Yuri asked

“Oh no… Ariadna!”

Naomi ran towards the direction of the voice.

“Wait! Miss!” Yuri shouted and ran after Naomi. 

It took Ariadna some minutes before she glimpsed a small sparkle at the very bottom of the lake and looking closer she found that indeed it was her ring. She took a small bag from her belt and introduced her ring. 

(Great! Now, once I get to the surface I won’t have to deal with Kino anymore! I’ll be free!)

She swam back to the surface as fast as she could yet when she was about to reach the surface she suddenly felt a tug on her left foot. She looked down and saw that she had accidentally passed too close to some seaweed and had her foot stuck. She pulled her foot trying to free it, but it wouldn’t pull out. Ariadna started panicking, since she was starting lacking air and the more she tried the more she seemed to tangle. To make things worst, she left her knife outside next to her armor since it would add weight to her and could have made her slow down.

She looked above and saw the surface was rather close. The pulled as much as she could and somehow managed to take her head just a tiny bit outside the surface and shout:

“PLEASE HELP!”

Yet the felt a tug and was taken back inside the water.

Ariadna pulled and pulled yet the desperation was taking over her as well as fear. She was going to died in the worst way possible. What if nobody found her body? What if Naomi got stuck as well trying to get her body? What about her families? Her head was getting lighter by each passing minute and she was losing energy to free herself.

(Guess...this is it… Akane… mom… father… Naomi… I’m so sorry...I did my best… to not cause you trouble… yet I ended up like this…Please...forgive me and...I love you)

The last she saw was the last bubbles of air leaving her body and some sort of figure approaching her… probably she would end up as food for the crocodile and have a use in the last moments of existence…

Naomi arrived to the lake and desperate looked for her friend. She was in trouble, but she couldn’t see where she was.

“Miss! Hold on! You shouldn’t be here!” Yuri arrived Just shortly after her.

“SHUT UP YURI! My friend might be in danger!”

“What? You mean that voice was…”

“Yes! It was Ariadna’s voice! Oh God! What should I do!? It’s been various minutes, since she dive into the lake!! What if she got caught by the crocodile!?”

“Miss calm down”

“There’s no way I’ll do it! ARIADNA! WHERE ARE YOU!?” Naomi then shouted.

Yuri was dead worried: not only did Miss Ariadna had brought a stranger, but now she was probably drowning in the lake. This was bad…

Then he heard a landing behind them and after a strong light Yuri heard some fast footsteps coming his way.

Yuri looked towards the steps only to find no other than Kino who just had transformed into his human form. 

While Yuri was relieved he had arrived just in time, Naomi went speechless. When she heard the sound of some wings and the landing of something she turned around only to find a black swan who out of nowhere started to shine. A few seconds later a young man appeared and walked towards them. That must certainly had to be Kino.

“W-What!? H-How did–!?”

“Where is she?” Kino interrupted Naomi

“I-In the lake! Please sir! I think she’s drowning!”

Without any other word Kino passed through Naomi and jumped into the lake. 

Once underwater, Kino looked around for Ariadna and finally spotted her floating motionless. He approached her quickly, she was already unconscious probably due to the lack of air. He looked and saw she had her feet stuck in the seaweed he warned her to begin with. He took out his knife and cute the seaweed to finally take Ariadna to the surface.

He gasped for air and he was helped by both Yuri and Naomi. 

“ARIADNA! OH GOD!” Naomi placed her ear into her chest to listen if she was breathing “ARIADNA! PLEASE WAKE UP!” 

Yuri looked over Kino and saw that his expression was rather new: was he worried? He did saved Ariadna and that was something he couldn’t believed.

“She needs reanimation! Oh dear!” Naomi said and when she was about to do it, Kino won and started to do so. 

1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3. Nothing…

“You have to give her mouth to mouth!” Naomi said in a hurry.

“Excuse me?” Kino replied

“OTHERWISE SHE WON’T BREATHE! EITHER YOU DO IT OR MOVE ASIDE!”

Kino looked at her annoyed and then looked down to Ariadna. He sighed and joined lips into hers. They were so soft and tender. He breathed and then started animating her and then kissed her once again. After what they felt like precious minutes: Ariadna coughed water and breathed on her own.

“THANK GOODNESS!! Ariadna! Are you ok?”

Yet they noticed she fell unconscious although now she was breathing. 

“I need to take her back ho–” Naomi’s words trail off when, she felt some hands placed on her shoulders.

“I think is better if you stay at least until Miss Ariadna wake up. She’ll be ok, in the meantime: Kino please take her somewhere safe”

Yuri helped stand up Naomi and guided her towards the mountain nearby. When they were far enough Kino looked down into Ariadna. She looked so peaceful and calm…unlike when she was awake. He was about to take her into his arms, when noticed she was tightly grabbing something in one of her hands. He took it and saw it was a tiny purse and when he opened it…his heart sank.

Inside the purse was her ring. The ring that assured she’ll come everyday until he decided it was enough. 

Now everything made sense: Ariadna entered the lake to get it and never come back. If it weren’t for the incident, Ariadna would have succeeded and that would have been his end. He definitely had underestimated Ariadna and he wouldn’t have realized she wouldn’t have come back if she had achieved her mission. Somehow, he felt betrayed for Ariadna’s decision. How could she? He then wouldn’t have been able to see her again.

Without any word, Kino kept Ariadna’s ring with him and took Ariadna in his arms. He wanted an explanation as soon as she was woke up.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Ariadna slowly woke up feeling a little dizzy. She looked around confused her surroundings. Everything seemed normal. It was rather dark, she was laying in a comfortable bed covered in warm blankets, there were some papers hanging on the walls and finally the little light that allowed her to see her surroundings came for a simple chimney. It looked rather masculine, yet it didn’t made sense. Didn’t she died? Was this how heaven looked like? Or…was it hell?

“You’re finally awake” she suddenly heard.

She turned around to the chimney and saw Kino seated in a nearby chair. When she tried incorporating she noticed she was only in her undergarments and quickly covered herself.

“H-HOW!? Did you made this!? Where are my clothes!?” Ariadna asked embarrassed yet angry.

“Your clothes are the least of your problems now” 

Kino stood up and looked at her pissed. He approached her and Ariadna could feel the fear taking over her.

“D-Don’t come close to me! How could you have taken my clothes away!? Hold on!” she looked around the bed. “w-where is it?”

“What are you looking for?” his voice deep with anger.

“N-Nothing…”

“I know understand what you were doing at the bottom of the lake: You tried taking your ring, didn’t you?”

He spoke in a low yet dangerous tone. He knew already, so there was no point in denying it.

“I-I did…”

“You are aware you tried to break your promise? You did it on purpose?”

“I do. In fact, I planned not to see you, but my plan got ruined by some seaweed.”

“How could you? Why would you do so?”

“Because I’ve had enough. You were constantly being cruel to me and you offended me greatly. If you don’t like me at all, why you insist in keeping me here?”

“You were the one that started getting on my nerves! You need to learn your place ‘peasant’”

“I won’t do as you said anymore! I don’t deserve such mistreatments, no one does!”

“I should have let you drown in the lake in the end”

“Too bad~ you should have...wait… I-It was you who saved me…?”

“Of course! Who else? That friend of yours wouldn’t be useful at all”

“Naomi!? Where is she?”

“She’s waiting outside…she was the one that took your clothes away”

“W-Why?”

“Isn’t it obvious? They were drenched wet and if she hadn’t taken them out you would have gotten pneumonia or something of the sort”

Ariadna felt guilty now. Not only she had been caught…but now she was rude to Kino who risked his life to save her.

“I’m sorry…and thank you”

“Whatever…”

“I mean it! You saved my life and…I-I think I owe you an apology…”

Kino turned around surprised written all over his face. Was she seriously apologizing?

“Thank you for saving my life and I’m sorry for accusing you for taking my clothes away.”

“That’s it? What about our discussion of a few days ago?”

“I won’t apologize for that, in fact: I think you also owe me an apology”

“Me!?”

“Of course! I wouldn’t have tried to retrieve my ring if you weren’t mean to me!”

“Y-You!”

“Am I wrong? You think that is the correct way to treat others?”

“It’s natural, after all I’m a–”

“You seriously believe just for being a ‘prince’ you have the right to do as you please and treat others poorly? No Kino, you’re wrong”

“Then how you think a prince should behave then? As if you knew!”

“Well, if we take away your title of prince: what is it that you have left?”

Kino went silent. Then, a bitter memory came back to him:

‘I took everything you have away, now tell me Kino: what you have left~? That, my dear, is for you to find it out~’ Kino heard Sabine’s voice echoing in his head that day when she transformed him into a swan and placed him in that small forest.

A small silence followed and Ariadna was about to speak when there was a knock in the door.

“Excuse me: Kino-san I would like to check on Ariadna if you don’t mind. Is she awake?” Naomi’s voice sounded behind the door.

Kino sighed and opened the door.

“She is. I’ll leave you alone” 

Kino exited and left both ladies alone.

“How are you feeling?” Naomi asked while handing her dry clothes.

“Good, thank you”  replied Ariadna getting dressed.

“Oh dear, guess our little plan didn’t worked”

“It can’t be helped, I’m sorry if I caused you any trouble” 

“It should be me Ari, in the end I was the one that got us discovered when Yuri-san found me and then out of desperation attracted Kino’s attention as well”

“If it wasn’t for that, then I would have died. Thank you”

“It wasn’t me, it was Kino-san in the end”

“Yes…”

“What is it Ari?”

“Is just that he’s so difficult to understand…I never know what is on his mind”

“Hmm…why would you want to understand him to begin with? Could it be you have developed some sort of affection towards him~?”

Ariadna blushed from Naomi’s words.

“Don’t be ridiculous! Why would I? Don’t you remember anything that I told you about him?”

“I do~ in fact I already gave him a piece of my mind when you were still unconscious. However… he did saved you, he didn’t give me the chance to do it. Also, you should have seen his face: he was so worried”.

“He? Worried for me? Really…?”

(Well, that’s new) Ariadna thought surprised.

“Ari…I’m no one to say something about it, but I think that someone that worries about you like he did. Maybe deserves a second chance to redeem, don’t you think?”

Ariadna remained silence, Naomi made a good point. For some reason she couldn’t completely understand, Kino seemed really insistent about being her friend. Maybe…he wasn’t very good at making them, so she could put a little more on her behalf.

There was another knock on the door and Yuri entered the room.

“Miss Naomi and Miss Ariadna the sun is about to rise. You need to get back home, I’ll lead the way out”

They both nodded and headed out. On their way out the forest, Naomi was walking next to Yuri and Ariadna and Kino went behind them. There was an awkward silence and Ariadna kept thinking about how to bring the topic and make peace.

“Kino l-listen…I’m sorry I tried breaking our promise. How about this: how about if we start over? We started a little hurried and with the left foot, so we can start now correctly…”

Kino suddenly stopped.

“Why the sudden change in mind?”

“I-I heard from Naomi what you did for me. I think is the least I could do to show you my gratitude”

Kino looked at her and finally said:

“Well, then”

“BUT! There are some conditions: 1) I want you to stop calling me peasant; 2) you need to treat me better and…”

“And? You have some nerve”

“AND 3) for this to work we need to work together. That is the only way we can be able to find the way for us to get along. So, what you say?”

Kino wanted to opposed, but when he looked from the corner of his eyes that Yuri was looking at them…serious.

“It can’t be helped…”

“Well~ See you tomorrow Kino”

Ariadna left with Naomi and once they were gone, Yuri approached Kino and smiled satisfied.

“Just for you to know: I made this to assure we get out of Sabine’s grasp, that’s it” 

With that said Kino turned around and headed back to the lake. Within a few minutes the sun would be out and he had to go back to his swan form. If things worked out… his swan days were counted for good.

To be continued…

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5

*Mun Ari: Yes, I know. “Mun Ari! The episodes are so long! When are we going to get some romance? I want to end with this!”. Come on! Romance  doesn’t simply grow in the trees, you know? I needed to develop their relationship correctly! I’m thankful for your kind words and I do apologize for the length, I know is a bother. I’ll try to keep the remaining ones short! Anyway~ Thank you for reading! It mean the world to me! And prepare yourselves! The next episodes will be really romantic!

[oops-prow-did-it-again]

Pokémon Sword & Shield: The Novel (Chapter 5 - History Repeats Itself)

Part of Pokemon Retold. Find it on AO3.

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

------------

It wasn’t long before Gloria found herself on the train with Hop to Motostoke. It was where the Opening Ceremony for this season’s gym challenge would be held, as they all were, and all the up and coming gym challengers were expected to take part in it! Not that she minded. Although the idea of facing massive crowds unnerved her, she couldn’t shake an insatiable thirst deep down for the attention that being a gym challenger could bring.

“I can’t believe it! We’re goin’ to Motostoke! That’s where Kabu, the Fire Gym Leader, is, you know,” Hop explained. He leaned back in his beige and red booth and folded his arms behind his head. His eyes closed and he gave a slight smile. “He’s the third gym leader. But likes getting to host the introductions at his stadium every season.”

Gloria nodded. “Who’s the first, d’you know?”

Hop nodded. “’Course I know. That’s goin’ to be Milo. He specializes in Grass. Then there’s Nessa, with her Water types… And of course Kabu, but after him… Bea, the Fightin’ type… Opal with her weird Fairy types… Ah, I can’t seem to remember who’s in Circhester, but I know the last one! Raihan! Oh, oh, and before him there’s Piers!”

“Everyone knows Raihan,” Gloria grinned. “Lots of people seem to think he’s goin’ to do Leon in this year, you know.”

“Ha!” Hop put a hand to the table and pumped a fist. “Not if I get to him first!”

The train lurched to an abrupt stop. Hop was shoved onto the table from his rather unstable position, and the drinks they had sitting on the table between them fell over and spilled across the wood. Hop cursed under his breath as he scrambled off the table. Soda dribbled down his coat, staining the wool sticking out from his jacket’s interior with dark, sticky fluid. “Damn it,” he growled, “that’s just great…” Gloria would have been laughing but some soda had rolled down her legs too.

“We’re sorry to report, but the train’s been stopped by a flock of Wooloo on the tracks. We have rangers on the way now to try to safely clear them away from the tracks,” came a nasally voice over the intercom. “If you would like to continue on your own, we are stopped near the Wild Area Station, and trainers are welcome to traverse the Wild Area to Motostoke.”

Hop grumbled. “Well, I think I’d like to do that, so I can maybe set up a camp and change my clothes,” he said.

“Besides, maybe there’s some cool Pokémon out there,” Gloria pointed out. She had picked up some Poké Balls from the Wedgehurst Pokémon Center before boarding the train. “You do have Poké Balls on you, don’t you?”

“Of course!” Hop assured her. He finished gathering his things and stuffing his bag and then tossed it over his shoulder. He exited into the narrow hall out of the train and Gloria followed. Once out of the train, they had to walk just a few feet to reach the actual entrance to the Wild Area Station. Gloria glanced up ahead and couldn’t help but giggle at the enormous flock of Wooloo that had converged on the train tracks. They looked like one large mass rather than individuals.

“Hey, Hop, want to let your Wooloo out to play?” Gloria joked.

“Ha, ha,” Hop rolled his eyes. “Wooloo gets to stay in her Poké Ball unless we’re indoors or I’m watchin’ her close from now on. Bloody Wooloo about killed me that day. Literally.”

They checked in with the man behind the help desk in the Train Station, and as they each had at least one usable Pokémon, were cleared to enter the Wild Area unassisted. Both stood at the edge of the massive swathe of untouched land and Gloria listened as Hop sucked in a deep breath of the earthy, wild atmosphere.

“Alright! Gloria, I’ll race you to Motostoke!” he challenged, whirling to face her. He stuck his hand out to shake hers. “We’ll see who catches the most Pokémon on the way! You ready?”

Gloria grabbed his hand and gave it a hardy tug. “You got it, Hop!”

And with that, off they went, bolting uninhibited, all on their own, into the vast wilderness. Unbeknownst to them, a certain redhead had also been on that train, and had watched with nostalgic pangs as they discussed their race. Sonia drew a hand across her hair to pull a stray strand back. She had decided to take the train to Motostoke that day to see if she could find anything to research there. She and her gran, Magnolia, had had a rather nasty argument shortly before leaving for the train that morning. As usual, Magnolia was telling her that she was doing nothing with her life, that she was pointless, the usual. All while Sonia slaved away at Magnolia’s laboratory as her assistant.

She sighed. Watching Gloria and Hop reminded her of when she, Leon, Nessa, Piers, and Raihan had set out on their gym challenge. Leon had always been the star of the group, even long before he earned himself the champion title in his premier debut into the gym challenge. He was lively and charismatic, capable of making fast friends with virtually anyone, and being only ten years old, he had an endearing innocence about him. Sonia had been thirteen herself, while Nessa was fourteen. Raihan and Piers had both matched Leon’s age, and as such, the three were thicker than thieves most of the way, Piers occasionally following at a distance, while Nessa and Sonia tended to flock together. But Sonia couldn’t help but gravitate toward Leon whenever he just so happened to be around.

In fact, when Leon had just started, he bumped into Sonia leaving to enter the Wild Area. He had demanded a battle right then and there. Although he’d never admit it, Sonia was certain he had done it to impress her. She smirked, remembering how he had tossed out a young Charmander, and she released a strong Drizzile. The look on Leon’s face as he realized the mistake he had just made was priceless. She would later learn he had received the Charmander only a few hours before and it was Leon’s only Pokémon at the time. But instead of backing down, Leon fought hard. Not that it mattered. Sonia’s Drizzile made quick work of it with a simple Water Gun.

Leon had been embarrassed by being beaten so easily, but Sonia had helped him to the Pokémon Center, and from then on, they battled whenever they met. Sonia was never able to pull another win over him after that. She came close their second battle, but he stole it out just from under her at the last second. Somehow, Leon grew by leaps and bounds, while she felt like she grew by teetering footsteps.

Then, she sighed, he won that damned championship, beat her in the first match of the semifinals, and it was like their closeness faded. Although he was still friendly enough with her whenever he happened to run into her and she had his phone number, it was difficult to try to talk to him. He seemed untouchable, on another plane, and she always felt trying to call him would be pointless or just drag him down. He was always busy, after all; he didn’t even come home but perhaps one to three times a year. She had been pleasantly surprised to see how much time he was spending with Hop just a few days ago.

She looked at the ground sadly and scuffed her feet. She had given away that Drizzile—an Inteleon following the gym challenge—and the rest of her battling team a year or two after that humiliating semifinals defeat. It had become clear to her that battling would not be her forte. The only problem was, she never found one after that, either. She still felt lost as ever all these years later. Part of her wanted to be a bit angry at Leon, for having stolen a path out from under her feet, but another part of her knew that was silly. She could have definitely stayed in the rat race and kept battling and pushing for that title. But she just didn’t have what it took. So, she had thrown herself into being Magnolia’s assistant, doing her best to force herself into the role; it was the only other one she knew.

Her and Magnolia’s fight that morning, however, had reawakened those old anxieties. She was rubbish as a trainer, she was rubbish as a professor, so what now? Perhaps she would just have to go back to what she had always done. Work harder than everyone else around her to try to gain the same achievements. She pulled her jacket a little tighter and began to walk out across the Wild Area. Though she didn’t have a true battling team anymore, she still had Yamper, and he could help her out of tougher situations well enough.

[juniper-tree]

Last Day at Kinloch Hold - 4

Read on AO3  |  Part 1  |  Part 2  |  Part 3  |  Part 5 

The bell clanged into the empty passage, tinny and hollow.

It was a formality.  No one missed dinner.

The mages, the Tranquils, and all the Templars but the guards at the gates were eating in the hall.  Though the fare was modest at the best of times, meals were a reprieve.  The Templars were occupied, and the rest of the mages, as well—distracted from politics and petty squabbles.

To always eat alone, though… to pass so many crowded tables in search of an empty corner… Solona would not miss that hall.

The bell rang a second time.  She walked into the silent library.

The heavy bundle on her shoulder knocked against her back.  She crept into a dark corner, and waited.  Candles dotted the room with soft, golden light.  Towering bookshelves lined the walls, the ladders leaned against them spindly and worn.  In the light of day, Solona would crane her neck to peer the books so far out of reach, at the very top.  At night, the highest shelves faded into darkness.

So many books there had never been time to read.  Now there never would be.

Soft footsteps shuffled through the arched doorway.  From the shadows, against the stone wall, she watched him enter.  Cullen walked into a halo of dim candlelight, and looked around the room.  He was looking for her, she realized.  He wore no armor or Templar sashes, only a simple brown tunic and pants, and a worried look.

His worry matched her own.  She saw in his face all her doubts reflected.

She could end this before it began.  She could hide here in the shadows, and never step out.  She could wait for him to grow impatient at her absence, and walk back to his barracks.  Then she could sit through the night, alone, in dark silence.

It would be wiser, she thought, to forsake this foolish notion.

But it was the silent, lonely night ahead that drove her to seek him out.

There was no one else.  Irving was no longer someone she wanted to be near.  This Duncan was a stranger to her.  And if any of the others wanted reconcile, to apologize, they did not make it obvious.  None of them knew she was leaving, and it was not news she would offer of her own accord.

She would not parade her misfortune and fear before them, even to prove their hypocrisy.  What would it satisfy?  She would not be pitied, no matter the circumstance.

Cullen, though, was not one of them.  That he stood here in the library, searching the darkness, was proof of that.  If he pitied her, he had never shown it.  Whether his interest in her was improper... that was not a question she could answer with objectivity.

In the face of what lay ahead, her own interest did not amount to much.  It was loose pile of fleeting feelings: relief at someone who still acknowledged her with a smile; an unsettled anticipation each morning in the chapel; her heart's soft thump when his flushed face turned to her.

Cullen looked around the quiet library, uncertain, but eager.  She could feel it.

Her skin prickled with a cool sweat.  What, precisely, was he eager for?  What had she been thinking, bringing him here?

For all his kind good mornings and visits to the chapel, he was a Templar.  They held power, and they used it.  They were—  It was difficult even to think it.  They... took liberties.  Whatever their sacred role in the Chantry, some were happy to shed its bindings as soon as they could manage it.

She closed her eyes against the soft lights, and his face.  If she were going to her death, and nothing here made sense anymore... there could be this.  One night of friendship, without the Tower's rules which made that impossible.

And if her offer of friendship had not been clear—should it come to that, she would use magic, and not hesitate.  She was no longer a Templar's charge.  And she had nothing left to lose.

It was something she would have to get used to—destroying men with her magic.  It was, in essence, what she had been asked to do.

Cullen folded his arms, head bent.  Even in the dim light of the empty library, she could see his face had fallen.

No, there was no point in hiding, no matter the danger.  She had begun this and would see it through.

She stepped forward into the candlelight.

He spun toward her, his body tense and ready to react.  When he saw it was her, his shoulders fell, and he sighed.  He hurried to her quietly.

"Why here?" he whispered.

She shook her head in lieu of an answer.  Not here.

She moved toward a recessed passageway and beckoned him to follow.  There was a battered wooden door at the end of the short, dark passage, held fast by a rusted iron lock.  With a slight wave of her hand, the heavy lock unlatched and the door creaked open.

"There," she whispered, gesturing to the dusty passageway inside.  From around a corner, light seeped into the passage and dimly lit the way.

He looked at her, questioning and concerned, and glanced at the empty library behind them.  Then he squared his shoulders, and moved forward.  She closed the door and waved her hand again.  The latch clasping shut around the lock sounded from the other side.

The storage room was well-lit, warm and dry.  There were magicked candelabras that burned without flame set among the low, rough shelves.  Here, there were even older volumes and scrolls than in the main library.  The ones of value were housed in glass cases in the library, or in Irving's office.  These were duplicates and discards, the stock that was not worth storing properly, but still too valuable to simply thrown out.  It had its place, out of the way of everything else.

Perhaps it was ridiculous self-pity to admit she felt at home here—but all the same, she did.

She found Cullen looking around the room, his nose wrinkled.  There was a fine sheen of dust on everything here.  In all her hours spent alone here, she tried not to touch anything, not to leave a trace of her visits.  But simply entering seemed to envelop her in it.  She set down her bulky pack with a thud to clap the dust from her hands.

He bent toward a low shelf to examine its contents.   "What is this place?"

"Just library storage."

He hummed in response, pushing aside a pile of loose scrolls atop a large, leather volume. Dust plumed up around him, and he sneezed into his sleeve.  "I've never seen this part of the Tower before," he said, coughing.

"Oh?" She picked up the pack again and dragged it toward a row of shelves overflowing with tattered scrolls.  "I come here a lot.  Just to be my myself."

"Is... is that allowed?" he asked. She did not bother to answer.  It no longer mattered. "Here we are," she said, pulling the pack around a broken chest, toward the corner where she usually hid herself.  He followed her there.

Her corner was cozy and dark.  There was a rug, a few flat pillows, some candles and candlesticks, some parchment and ink.  Squatting, she opened her pack and began sorting through everything she brought.

"Um, do you—"  She heard Cullen sigh, and looked up to find him staring down at his feet, his brow tight.  He looked as though he wanted to say something, but wouldn't.

She could explain herself, explain the desperation and loneliness that gripped her now.  Explain that, in her mind, this was a last rite before an almost certain march toward death.  That he was the last possible person in Thedas who might spend time with her willingly, but still she felt it necessary to lure him here with a cryptic message.

She could explain all that, even if it made her sound—and feel—pathetic.

Or she could pretend she was another kind of person, if just for one evening.  The kind of mage who would happily sneak away with a willing young Templar.  Someone who could steal her own moments of happiness.  Someone who found the rules they lived under less an iron fist and more a mild annoyance—like a stray hair, easily brushed aside.

Given the choice, pretending was less painful.

"I am sorry I rushed you in here," she said.  "I thought perhaps we could... talk."  She unwrapped a half-round of bread from the pack, and a bunch of red grapes.  "We've never truly had the chance before. And we won't," she said, "after tonight."  She smiled sadly, and sat down at one end of the rug, nestled against a large pillow.  She pulled out a wedge of cheese, a dark bottle of wine and two cups.

"I brought some food, as well, so you don't have to miss dinner," she said, gesturing to the pile on the rug.

She had thought of everything.  Everything except what to do if he did not want to join her after all.  The discomfort in his every move made Solona think he might run at any moment.

But he did not.  He seemed to have no clue what was expected of him, and she herself did not know quite what she wanted him to do.  So he mimicked her steps.  He sat across from her, upon one of the flat pillows, and folded his legs in.  Then he waited quietly, with no more direction from her to follow.

She gestured to the array of candlesticks, and the flames softly grew.  She twisted out the bottle's cork, poured the wine, and handed him a cup.

He took it, limply, and stared down into it as he spoke, flat and quiet.

"Do you have any idea what will happen if we're caught here?"

She drank from her own cup, and looked at the rug between them, hoping the nervous shifting in her eyes was something only she knew was there.  The person she was pretending to be would not be nervous.  She would be defiant.

"If you're too afraid," she asked, "why did you come?"

[thewritewolf]

Rekindle Chapter 22: Sick

Adrien takes care of Marinette while she is sick with a mysterious illness. 

Sorry for the long delay. I promise I’m back into the swing of things! ;-;

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30  31

@marichatmay

Enjoy!

Read on Ao3

The door squeaked as Adrien opened it and a spear of light pierced the warm darkness of their bedroom. He winced at the noise, but Marinette remained still save for the rise and fall of her chest as she lay sprawled across the bed. The call had been made, even if he had to do a bad accent to appease his paranoid mind. Her work was now aware that Marinette was sick and couldn’t make it into work today. Someone else would have to do their dirty work for the day.

He froze halfway towards her, realizing that she was mumbling in her sleep. Craning his head towards her, he strained to make out what she was saying. There was something about magic and sorcerers and monsters. Was she having a nightmare?

The bed sunk as Adrien sat on the edge. He put his hand against Marinette’s forehead, growing more concerned as he realized just how warm she was. Despite this, she smiled blearily at the contact, eyes fluttering open.

“Hey, hot stuff.” She mumbled. “You come here a lot?”

He couldn’t help but chuckle as he looked around their shared bedroom. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.” The quick smile died on his lips as he saw the sweat on her brow and how difficult it was for her to keep her eyes open. “How’re you feeling, Bug?”

“Not great. Tired. Hot,” she admitted with a cough. But then the bleary smile was back. “On the bright side, at least I have my boyfriend to nurse me back to health.” She weakly squeezed his hand and he idly ran his thumb over the back of her hand.

“At least there’s that…” He carefully stood up, making sure not to disturb her as he rose from where he had been sitting on the side of the bed. “Are you feeling up for some soup?”

“Yay! Soup!”

He shook his head with a smile and closed the door behind him. In the kitchen, the kwami were arguing on the countertop.

“Are you sure, Stinky Sock? You might have missed them if you saw a dustball that looked like a piece of cheese while you were in there.”

“Hey!” Plagg pointed his paw indignantly at Tikki, glaring. “That happened once and it was an honest mistake!” He crossed his paws over his chest. “If you’re so sure I missed them, then go ahead and check for yourself.”

“Maybe I will!” Tikki huffed and phased through the wall.

“What was all that about?” Adrien asked when he was alone with his kwami.

“Pigtails didn’t stock up on medicine. We’re out, so your girlfriend will have to tough it out this time.” Though Plagg said it matter-of-factly, his tail was flicking back and forth in irritation and he was frowning into space.

Adrien sucked in a breath. Tikki emerged from the wall with a pout, watching Adrien. “It looks like cheese boy over there is right.” She sighed. “Do you think you two could go get some medicine? Maybe some comfort foods too while you’re at it. Marinette doesn’t get sick a lot, but it tends to linger when she does.”

He exchanged a look with Plagg, who rolled his eyes. “Sure,” he said with a nod. “I’ll head out after I’ve made the soup.”

“I’ll keep an eye on Marinette.”

Adrien raised an eyebrow at that. “Are you going to be okay watching her by yourself?”

“I’ve done it before.” At his shocked look, she shrugged. “It’s been a while since she’s had another human on hand to take care of her. I pick up the slack when I can, but I can’t tell you how happy I am that you’re in her life now.”

“Thanks, Tikki,” he smiled at the red kwami, gently petting her head with his finger. “That means a lot to me.”

She giggled. “Don’t worry about it.” She quickly turned serious again as she glanced worriedly toward the bedroom. “Just hurry back, okay? I don’t like the idea of leaving her alone when she’s like this.”

“I’ll be back before you know it.”

The soup didn’t take much longer to finish and within the hour he was transformed and leaping across Paris as the hero Chat Noir.

------------------------------

It had become almost routine for him at this point. Pull out cash from an ATM, then pay for whatever their household needed as Chat Noir. Sure, it had flaws, mostly in how other people reacted to seeing a superhero walking through the aisles of a supermarket or drugstore, but he usually got around that by going to the stores at night.

That option sadly wasn’t available to him today. At least, it wasn’t if he wanted to be quick and get Marinette some medicinal help for her fever. He braced himself to interact with a lot of people and wasn’t disappointed in that regard. Thankfully, most people were content to just take pictures of him shopping. Probably because they were bemused at the weirdly domestic sight of him shopping for ice cream, cold packs, and ibuprofen.

While he was being rung up at the checkout lane, the cashier raised an eyebrow. “Rough morning?”

“You could say that,” Adrien replied with a sigh.

“You know, I’m sure the hospital has plenty of this stuff if you’re that worried about her.” He scowled. “Although, it serves her right, if you ask me.”

Surprised, Adrien asked, “Who’s at the hospital?”

“What, you haven’t heard? It was all over the news this morning.”

Adrien winced. After their date last night, his entire world consisted of their apartment until he left late this morning. What could have possibly happened in that small time frame?

“Nathalie Sancoeur turned herself in at a hospital. Apparently, she got really sick, the docs don’t know what it is, and she’s under police supervision until she is fit enough to stand trial.”

It felt at once like a punch to the gut and as if a heavy load had been lifted off his shoulders. The feeling of betrayal had faded, but that scar was still fresh. But she was the last figure from his childhood still around - the last remnant of his family since Gabriel’s trial was just a formality before he’d get locked away for life. Still, the peacock miraculous was in grasp - assuming the police hadn’t taken it.

His eyes widened with sudden realization and he nearly dropped his bags in shock. It couldn’t be a coincidence that Marinette got sick at the same time, right? Did something happen that got them both sick?

While paying for the groceries, Adrien asked, “Can you tell me which hospital she is at?”

------------------------------

“...And that’s all I know so far.” Adrien glanced between his council of two kwami, who were sharing meaningful looks of their own with each other. “Well? Is my gut right, or is this just a coincidence?”

“Well,” Tikki began hesitantly, “If something had happened to the peacock miraculous, then it could have rippled out and affected Marinette.”

“But why? Wouldn’t it only have affected Nathalie?”

“All the miraculous are connected, Adrien. They form a balance between one another - perhaps not as potent as the balance between me and Plagg, but still.”

He rubbed his eyes. He was struggling not to panic, but it was getting harder the deeper he got into things beyond his knowledge. “Okay… But why didn’t it affect me then?”

“Nooroo and Dusuu’s powers were centered around creating things - whether it be super powers or monsters. That tied them closer to me. And if something did happen to further damage the Peacock miraculous, then that would just fed into Plagg’s powers of destruction.”

“Aren’t you lucky, kid.” Plagg sat on Adrien’s shoulder. “We should probably check in on old Nathalie. If nothing else, we need to fix the Peacock miraculous.”

“Will that make Marinette feel better?” Adrien glanced hopefully between the two.

Tikki gave him a reassuring smile. “Marinette will feel better either way. This is just a backwash of energy making her sick. She’ll be fine in a couple days, especially now that I know what the problem is.”

“Nathalie, on the other hand…” Plagg grimaced. “The faster we rescue Dusuu the better her odds are of recovering.”

Adrien looked longingly toward their bedroom door. Tikki seemed to pick up on this and reassured him, “Don’t worry, I can take care of her for a little while longer. Hurry back, but remember to drop off the Peacock miraculous with Master Fu!”

“Right,” Adrien nodded. “Plagg, claws out!”

------------------------------

It was midafternoon by the time Chat Noir finally stood before Nathalie once again. The warnings that the kwami had giving him about misuse of the miraculous were confirmed as he saw how pale and weak she looked. Despite being only skin and bones, she was still handcuffed to the hospital bed.

Adrien nodded to the pair of police officers. “Gentlemen. Can you give us a moment?”

One of them seemed about to protest, but he was elbowed by the other. “Of course, Chat Noir. We’ll be just outside if you need us.”

Once he heard the door shut behind them, he turned his attention back to Nathalie. She hadn’t spoken since he entered, but her eyes had never left him. Was it anger or regret he saw there? He pulled up a chair and sat down next to her.

“Adrien.” There was no hint of a question or accusation in her voice. Just a statement of fact. Somehow, he wasn’t surprised.

He knew he should ask for the miraculous. It would be the smart thing to do. Even knowing that, he couldn’t help but repeat the question he had asked her during their last confrontation. “Why would you side with him?”

Her lips curled up in distaste. “He promised that he could bring back someone I cared about. It doesn’t matter now. None of this does.”

To his shame, he had no idea who she could be talking about. Despite how much she micromanaged his life, he knew next to nothing about hers. But she was right - it was too late for that now.

“You can at least try to make things right.”

“No, I don’t think I can.” She reached into her pocket, and Adrien tensed up, expecting her to vanish once again. Instead, she pulled out her hand and Adrien reach out with his. She dropped a long sliver of a teal crystal in his palm.

“What… what is this?”

“That,” she said, pointing towards the crystal, “is a fragment of the Peacock miraculous.”