#sadly it is not driver jake lol

[campingwiththecharmings]

Might have some Jake to post for y'all this weekend 🙌

[mushblock]

wish list for moon knight season 2

idc if we don’t have a confirmation of a season 2, i am still obsessed with the show and delusional enough that i can dream 💪😔 

steven swapping out calling his “mother” for leaving voice memos for marc or writing in a journal (showing more system communication!!)

marc and steven as cohosts, just enjoying life

jake’s cab, does he drive an average taxi? or does he take up high profile clients as a personal limo driver?

jake’s fake moustache

moon knight goes to new york

…potential avenger run in in new york? 

gena’s diner PLEASE

frenchie and crowley (speaking roles, not just easter eggs)

steven helping with identifying ancient artifacts or translating hieroglyphics for a mission

let the man infodump without getting shut down

in fact, show autistic traits in the whole system

the system seeing a real therapist. i would love to see them work through their past trauma of mental health institutions and i think it would be awesome to challenge the common notion in media that therapy is scary. even if the actual sessions aren’t shown, i’d love for it to be at the very least mentioned

more scarlet scarab, how “temporary” is layla’s deal with taweret? does she continue being her avatar?

jake’s own suit

i beg of you, no “evil alter” stereotyping of jake. tbh i don’t trust marvel to even attempt showing jake in a persecutor role

steven and jake ganging up on marc

talking to elias

the system faking each other’s accents poorly

marc working against his internalized ableism

blurriness between alters, and not done in a scary way. like in the “i’m not sure who’s fronting so idk if we should eat something vegan or not” way

steven collecting so many books on DID, him and layla learning together

no divorce >:( relationship gradually recovering and getting even stronger :)

“this is my husband marc and my boyfriend steven”

discussion about how all the alters are equal in the system, and just because marc is the “original” doesn’t mean he has any more priority over the others (if marvel wanted to go further, maybe even a discussion on how there could be no original in the first place)

marc discovering himself outside of being an avatar, maybe as a nod to the comics he could develop an interest in film (since comic steven was a film producer)

sadly i don’t expect the midnight mission or characters like Reese to show up in a season 2 (season 3 maybe if i’m delusional enough 👁👁)

“I am Marc Spector. I am Steven Grant. I am Jake Lockley and we are going to be okay. We are going to live with who we are. We are Moon Knight. And we never needed you”

what would you all like to see in season 2?

im still very obsessed with moon knight so i may add more to this list lol

[nosferatyou]

I was tagged by @lazingonsunday and @shes-outta-sight to do one of the long tag, get to know them, type of things. Which I absolutely love by the way. I don’t talk about myself much.

What was the last thing you read?

Well I was editing the latest chapter of my fic of that counts? If not some random josh one shot a couple hours ago lol.

Favorite Movie?

Man it’s ever revolving. It was Django Unchained for a long ass time, but now I think it’s Baby Driver.

Favorite Book?

Misery by Stephen King. I read it years ago and I have a lot of good memories tied to it. Me and my friend became closer through his works and this was the first one I read. It’ll stay close in my heart.

Dream Date?

It’s one I’ve been on before but just Vinyl Shopping. It’s simple and easy but music in a relationship is important to me. I gotta make sure they have good picks. But there is something so soft about it all.

Do you have a crush?

Sadly no. But I’m fully in Joshes lane rn if that means anything?

What are your hobbies?

Oof okay. I mostly draw like all hours of the day. But I very actively keep up with guitar and bass. I write as well. I make videos for my friends. I collect old and beat up vinyls. Lot of art stuff

Favorite time of day?

Night time. Like from hours 10-3. That’s my true alone time and it’s something I cherish and look forward to everyday.

If you could look like anything, what would you like to look like?

I don’t wish to change anything about my body. I think I’d be silly to. But man I wish I could actually afford clothes I’d like to wear. Real bellbottoms you know? I want that vintage shit.

Are you romantic?

In a secure relationship yes. I show too much emotion too fast in the beginning. But boy oh boy when I get romantic. I get very touchy feely. Man date ideas. Lot of carefully curated playlists.

Favorite type of weather?

That time in like August/September when I can wear jeans and maybe a light jacket. But it’s still warm, you know?

What do you like talking about?

Music. I talk about it all day long. The foundation behind it. The artist. I could discuss guitars and instruments with people all damn day. I just. I love everything about it. But also GVF is my hyperfixation rn and my friend is ready to shoot my head off if I speak another word about Jakes guitar playing.

What are your turn ons?

Ngl I’m akin to a boy with long hair. It’s my vice. I’ve only dated long haired musicians. But I just want someone who radiates some kind of light you know? I’ve seen too much darkness. I want someone genuine and real. Is it too much to ask for a positive person?

What are your turn offs?

I’ve dealt with a lot in my past. Basically anything that’s negative. Ignorance mostly. I don’t want someone who refuses to learn. It’s stupid. I just want honesty and someone with an open mind. Anything else is a no go.

If you got a tattoo what would it be and where would you get it?

Okay so. I really want tattoos. I designed something about a year ago I want really badly but it’s so expensive. Thinking rationally. Right now I’d really like some line art of bust. Idk what tho.

Do you have any pets?

3! 2 dogs, Ruby and Nellie, both too six year old mutts. Nellie is the weirdest god damn dog I’ve ever had. And ruby is basically a fox dog. And then there is Friday my cat. He can be a bitch boy but he’s a sweet boy who’s just being a cat. (I also have ten plants but most people don’t consider them pets)

Dream Job?

I’m still searching for that. Recently my heads been floating towards playing live shows as a guitar or bass player. But I’m no where near the point of even considering. I’m pretty shitty. But how Cool would it be to play that violin bow with my guitar on stage?

Dream place to live?

Not considering any potential jobs. I just want to live in a big log cabin somewhere on the outskirts of a town. Out in the wilderness and free to just live.

Dream vacation?

I’ve never been to Europe. I’d love to just road trip around in a van honestly. But before that visit my great grandfather grave in Scotland. He was a kings hand and did a lot back in the day. I’d be cool to see. But then I’d fuck around in Europe.

Do you have any piercings?

I’ve got my nose and ears pierced. I’m pretty happy with that

If you had kids what would you name them?

Man I don’t even want to think about that.

What are your best traits?

I’m a great listener. I’m extremely compassionate. Will do anything to help friends. And I feel like my music taste isn’t half bad.

Worst traits?

The compassionate thing tends to bite me in the ass. I’ve got a lot of emotions. I also have 20 things I want to do all at once all the time. I loose sleep because of it. There is more but I’d go on too long.

Worst fear?

Weirdly enough any type of natural disaster. When I was way too young I watched “The Impossible” and then shortly after learned about techtonic plates and I never forgotten about it or where they are.

What do you want to eat right now?

Brownies. And a fucking burrito.

Best vacation you’ve been on?

I went on a road trip to Chicago recently and I just makes so many good memories. I saw ninja sex party’s 10th anniversary, which was fantastic. But I got to visit a friend all weekend. But my favorite part was the ride back. The whole time we just talked but also sang to old 50s songs and just had this moment of unity. I still think about it

Favorite City?

I haven’t been to too many places yet so I’m gonna go with my hometown, Nashville. If you look past all the tourists. It’s got a very rich musical history and in certain places you just feel it. I loved living there and it made me who I was.

Favorite social media platform?

Tumblr. It’s really the only one I ever check anymore. Plus I’ve made some great friends on here.

Favorite article of clothing?

My fucking bellbottoms. I wear them whenever I can. They give me so much confidence.

Do you play any sports?

Fuck no. I have no coordination whatsoever.

Favorite meal of the day?

Lunch. You have a lot more options. Plus I just like the vibe

What are you excited for?

Starting the tenth I have a lot of good things coming my way. In that week I get to finally end this semester, the new Harry styles album releases, I get a new bass, and I get to see fucking Greta Van Fleet. None of you know how excited I am for that. Pit tickets. Jesus it’ll be good.

Not excited for?

Finals. And an um.. upcoming funeral.

When was the last time you cried?

I honestly can’t remeber and that really scares me.

Dream house?

I basically answered this earlier but gimme that big ass log cabin.

Something you hate about this world?

Don’t get my started. I hate that everyone hates themselves all the time when they have no reason to. I hate that 8 people have most of the worlds money and are doing nothing to help global warming. I hate the man that’s in power and what he’s helped cause. I hate everyone who refuses to accept literally any fact. I hate that my future is bleak because of some old ass white men.

Something you love about this world?

I love the light that radiates off of certain people. I love that our generation has hope and that some people are actually trying to make change. I love the raw creativity I see in others and I love that we are bringing back the resurgence of peace and love.

What scents do you like?

Old records and books. Its the simple pleasures.

What kind of sleeper are you?

Typically heavy but sometimes I Sleep so little it feels like I got nothing at all.

Cat or dog person?

Don’t make me pick! I grew up with both, and very partial to both.

How long would you survive in a zombie Apocolypse?

I wish I could tell you. I’d like to think I’d live awhile but I would probably be the ones who look like they have hope and then accidentally get taken out.

Are you trusting?

I used to be. I realized recently how thick my walls really are.

What fictional character do you identify with?

Sorry to be boring but nothing is coming to mind. But then again I never felt akin to anyone really?

What labels do you commonly get?

In high school I was called “the quiet one” if that tells you anything.

What song would be your life anthem?

Sunshine on my shoulders by John Denver is the only one coming to mind. I think I just want the feeling it gives me to be what I feel all the time.

What issues are you dealing with right now?

Two friends in the last month Um. Took their own lives. One being an old friend. I’ve never dealt with death. My brain doesn’t know how to handle it. I also think I might have ADD. But. That’s the tip of the iceberg rn

How can someone win you over?

Typically I’m drawn to people who are the loudest in the room. I like that their confident and can speak their minds but what wins me over about them is when they really open up. When I learn about the real then rather than the face that they put on. Most of the time it goes that way.

What’s something people don’t know about you?

I’m making a short film with some friends who go to Columbia. Should be out soonish.

I tag

@pvre-mourning @peacelovekiszka @fretavangleet @aint-no-denying @sosozoso

[gretavanfleetlife]

Only Time Will Tell:

Chapter 7

AN: hey! Sorry about that last heartbreak of a chapter, I’d promise it gets better but I might have to break my promise like reader lol🤭 Anywayy i hope you like the symbolism and metaphorical sense a certain part of this chapter, a bit deeper than it may seem on the surface... lol enjoy babes!!💖💖

Warnings: swearing

Word count: 2,200 words

"I'm sorry."

Sam looks at you, his face miserable. His eyes begin to water and he fights hard to hold back tears. Your heart truly feels shattered. The way he looks at you makes you think of Josh.

"Oh Sammy," you sigh, your words heavy as a side effect of your broken heart. You step towards him and give him a brief hug, as if I'll apologize for what you've done. You know that you still have feelings for him, but you also know that it will only make things worse if you embrace them before he leaves. You pull away from Sam's gentle touch and gaze sadly into his eyes. Looking at him reminds you too closely of Josh, both images being enough to make your eyes water. Ever since you were younger you've absolutely hated seeing any of the boys cry. It didn't happen often, but when it did it almost always moved you to tears. Sam looks at the ground, refusing to meet your eyes.

"Look at me," you whisper. Sam does as you say, lifting his head and gazing down at you. "I-I'll wait for you, ok?" you hear yourself sniffle. Sam nods, running a hand through his long hair.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he whispers, his voice cracking. He turns, running a hand across his face and walking out of your room. Moments later, you hear him leave your house by the creaking of the front door echoing throughout your home. You sink back on your bed, lying down into the mattress as you begin to think about everything you've caused in such a short amount of time. You bury your face in your pillow and cry softly, eventually falling into a heavy dream by accident.

You dream that you are back at the creek, sitting next to Sam on the smooth rock just as you did last night. You rest your head on Sam's shoulder as his arm is wrapped around you gently. Everything seems to be happening in the same way as it had the night before. When he pulls away from you, you no longer feel disappointed at the loss of contact, because you know what's coming. You look up at him and gaze into his deep brown eyes, dreading to hear him speak.

"Beautiful," he whispers. Your heart falls, remembering what came after Sam uttered that word the night before. He leans in closer to you, but instead of pulling away like you know you should, you close the gap between the two of you and kiss him. Your lips danced sweetly with his, but unlike the night before, it was Sam who pulled away first, quickly ending the kiss. You look at him, confused and suddenly unsure about what's to happen next.

"I thought this was what you wanted," you wonder aloud to Sam. He looks straight into your eyes but doesn't reply, his face a blank canvas void of expression. He leans closer to you again and you brace yourself for another kiss, but are stunned when you feel him suddenly push you strongly into the creek. You crash into the water, the stream becoming as deep as an ocean as you sink like a stone. You swim back to the surface and you splash about the water, unable to stay afloat against the sudden heavy current. You desperately scream out to Sam for help but watch in horror as he stands up from his place atop the rock and walks away through the trees. You are left alone, thrashing about in the water. You feel exhausted from fighting against the crashing waves around you, so you tiredly let the water crash over your head, submerging you completely under the water. You reach your hand above your head as a tired final attempt of hope. You feel water begin to splash into your lungs as you feel a sudden tight grip around your hand. You are pulled strongly out of the water, crashing down onto a soft bed of grass. Sam must have come back for you, you think, coughing up seawater. You look back at the water that you just escaped from and realize that the deep ocean you had almost drowned in has turned back into the shallow stream that ran through the creek.

"You alright?" a familiar voice asks. You glance upward, expecting to see Sam but instead locking eyes with Josh, who sits in soaked clothes beside you. Sam is nowhere in sight.

You startle awake from your dream, breathing quickly as you attempt to relax into the comfortable mattress beneath you. You roll over onto your back and notice that your pillow is still damp with your tears. You rub your eyes and glance at your phone. The time reads 4:38 p.m., but that's not what catches your eye. Instead, you notice a text appear, sent to you about an hour ago.

'Sam: Josh just talked to Jake and Danny without me and convinced them to leave today instead of tomorrow :( '

Your stomach drops as you lie still on your bed, too stunned to move. You reread the message a couple of times before snapping out of your haze and rushing to reply.

'Y/n: What time?' you type. Seconds later, Sam replies.

'Sam: In like 10 mins'

'Y/n: I'll be right over'

'Sam: Hurry'

You roll out of bed and rush to change out of your pajamas, throwing on a loose pair of shorts and a large hoodie. You hurry out of your house and walk quickly over to the Kiszka house. Approaching their driveway, you see Danny and Jake loading a large van with bags and equipment. Danny sees you first, delicately placing a red snare drum into the trunk of the car.

"Y/n!" Danny yells, causing Jake to look to you as well, "I thought you weren't coming!" He pulls you into a giant bear hug, lifting you off the ground and causing you to squeal.

"I fell asleep, but I'd never miss saying goodbye!" you reply with a genuinely wide smile as Danny carefully places you back on the ground. Danny never fails to make you grin like a fool. He mimics your smile as Jake approaches you, holding his precious red guitar in one hand and a reaching out to you with the other. You hug Jake closely as he rubs your back with his free hand.

"We're gonna miss you y/n," he says softly, "don't forget about us while we're gone, ok?" Jake lets you go with a smile.

"Only if you don't forget about me."

"Deal," Jake grins, holding out his hand to shake yours as if to solidify the agreement. You shake his hand but instantly regret it.

"Ew, Jake! Why's your hand wet?" you ask with a disgusted look on your face. You carefully smell the sticky substance on your hand and recognize the scent immediately, laughing in relief.

"I dropped a case of beer when I was loading it into the van. I may have spilled a little bit," he laughs, motioning to the driveway at pieces of shattered glass and a puddle of beer. You shake your head jokingly.

"Clutz," you tease, "where are the other two?"

"Josh and Sam are inside doing who knows what," he says, waving his hand dismissively towards the house.

"Alright, I'll be right back," you declare, walking up the driveway towards the front door. You hold your breath and walk up to the door, already ajar. Just as you are about to walk inside, Josh pushes past you, giving you a short glance before quickly returning his focus to the ground ahead of him. You feel a familiar pang of disappointment return but you let him go, seeing Sam waiting just inside the house. He lets out a heavy sigh of relief when he sees you. You step inside and Sam ruffles his hair nervously while shoving his other hand in his pocket.

"Hey," you begin.

"Hey, I'm glad you made it over before we left, I was starting to get worried," Sam admits.

"Me too, I don't think I'd be able to forgive myself if you left without saying goodbye."

"Yeah well we shouldn't be leaving today anyway," he complains.

"It's alright Sam, I'm sure Josh has his reasons," you say unconvincingly.

"Pfft, I don't give a shit about his reasoning, he could've asked me," Sam rants, clearly upset.

"It's ok, don't worry about it," you try to calm him, knowing it's definitely your fault that Josh wanted to leave a day early. Sam opens his arms to you and pulls you into a hug. Your heart flutters but sadness still seeps through you. He adjusts his grip on you, pulling you tighter to himself as he buries his face in your neck.

"I'm gonna miss you so fucking much," he says, his voice muffled by your hair. You smile sadly. You rub his back in response, not wanting to speak in fear of your voice cracking unevenly. He lifts his head away from the crook of your neck and you feel his warm breath against your ear. "Promise you'll wait for me?" Sam whispers softly into your ear. You remain still for a moment, unable to avoid remembering the last time that you made a promise. You nod against his chest.

"Of course," you breath softly. He pulls away from you but you can't bring yourself to look at him. He reaches out to you and gently lifts your chin, forcing your eyes to reconnect with his.

"I need to hear you say it," he asks, "please." His eyes are still swimming with sadness, reminding you of your earlier conversation with him.

"I promise, Sammy. I'll wait for you," you whisper.

As you help Sam grab the last of the bags from the house you feel the former uneasy tension between you and Sam drift away. You load the luggage into the van, saying a quick goodbye to Sam before he hops into the car. Recapping in your head, you've hugged three of the four of them goodbye, and you know that the last will be the most difficult. You walk around to the driver's seat and knock on the car window. Josh doesn't open the door right away, and you begin to wonder if he'll even get out to say goodbye before they leave. You're put slightly at ease when the car door opens and Josh steps out, closing the door strongly behind himself and turning to face you. His eyes stare into yours, his face emotionless and impossible to interpret, although you know for certain how he's feeling on the inside.

"Do us both a favor and leave me alone," Josh says urgently in a deep voice. Your heart drops lower in your chest at the harshness of his tone, this is not going to be easy. You shake your head slightly, denying the possibility of meeting Josh's request.

"I know you're upset, and you have every reason to be," you begin, your voice low and desperate, "But I need you to know that I'm going to miss you with every piece of my heart. I'm sorry, you have no idea how bad I feel about this."

"Oh, I understand perfectly how terrible you must be feeling," Josh scoffs, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes at you, "I'd even say I'm feeling quite similar myself."

"Right, um sorry," you stumble, feeling idiotic. Of course he knew how you were feeling, how could you say that to him. "Anyway uh, I'm gonna miss you," you stutter, feeling very unsure of yourself after Josh's last comment, "can I... can I have a hug?"

He hesitates for a moment, but eventually opens his arms towards you and you hug him tightly. You close your eyes, feeling tears begin to form and trying not to let them fall.

"Please remember that I love you, Joshie," you whisper into his ear. He pulls away from you.

"Don't call me that," he says, opening the car door and swiftly getting inside. You bite the inside of your cheek to keep yourself from crying. You gave Josh that nickname when you were seven years old. Since then, Josh has gotten mad at anyone other than you who called him it. You both know that the name is reserved for only you to call him, or at least it was until now.

"Bye y/n!" Danny calls from the back of the van, bringing you out of your daydream while the car makes its way down the driveway. You cross your arms and wave back at the car. Jake leans over to the wheel and honks the horn, waving to you and earning a serious slap from Josh. You laugh, continuing to wave as the van backs onto the road and drives away. You hear another honk and you giggle at Jake's second attempt at a goodbye. Soon, the van disappears over the horizon. Wiping a small tear from your eye, you begin to slowly walk home in the middle of the road.

Taglist: @aliensforleaders @kiszkaboi @greta-gvf @rogers-wristbands @strawberry-fieldsssss @gretavanqueen @spngvf @goodoldfashionedqueen @mutantpanda54 @allons-ytomyworld @diggrycedric @sammysgirll @rogerinascigarette @thaliamessi @pazmonkey @yesmynameisbelle @a-queen-and-her-throne @grapesarepurple @cherrrywitch @edgeofdrkness @livcappolella @ohsososophisticatedd @lunautica13 @oddolive @daydreamqueenjaycee @jenjenhill @neonslushies @fruityfreddie @izmo16 @gwilsbri @safarimama @thicchardy @mr-stank-i-dont-feel-so-dank 💗💗💗

[letscuttothefeeling]

season three episode five

How much allegiance does your hairdresser owe you? Most people form a pretty tight bond with the person cutting their hair. Not only do you entrust your hairdresser with your appearance and whatever gossip you share while getting your head massaged – you also trust them not to murder you even though they could easily slit your throat with scissors!! I know you’re pondering that ethical dilemma, but dropetté because it’s time to cut to the feeling!

 Okay, we’re starting off with Amanda and Chloe at the beach, discussing Cara’s freakoutté in the last episode, which is great because I want to rewind and delve further into it. The more I watch it, the less it makes sense. Why would the producers intervene? They barely stepped in when Juliette started hitting Chloe and Amanda – why whisk Cara away just for yelling that no one graduated high school for the fortieth time? Well, I hope you’re a fan of conspiracy theories because have I got one for you. I believe that the producers instructed Alex to push a fabricated storyline involving Cara cheating on G Baby. I’m guessing that they figured Cara would either go along with it, or that she’d get angry, (because that’s her job…) but what they didn’t predict was that Cara had reached her breaking point. Instead of screaming at Alex, (which is what they tried to play this off as,) I think she was screaming at the producers about the utter fakeness of the show. She was tired of constantly being painted as the villain. Which is why they ultimately removed her from the boat. It would also explain the choppy editing and the fact that she dropped out of the show. Thoughts? Opinions? I don’t care, I’m right. Let’s move on.

Finally, the moment I’ve been waiting for – ALYSSA’S SIESTA KEY DEBUT! Who is Alyssa, you ask? LET ME EXPLAIN. Alyssa is Alex’s long-time family friend and current baby mama! She is also Juliette’s former friend from FSU and – you guessed it – HAIRDRESSER. Hairdresser! Has she no decency!? If you’re a friend, feel free to date my ex, but if you’re my hairdresser?! Dream on, bitch! I swear to God, the day Savannah (my hairdresser) starts dating my ex?! Utter chaos! Sadly, Juliette was warned that her hairdresser was a sneaky brownnoser with a hidden agenda. In last season, we witnessed a Chloe and Juliette blowuppé caused by Juliette’s pesky hairdresser! Her OWN HAIRDRESSER told Chloe she was talking shit. While that would be more than enough for me to say goodbye, Juliette kind of has this pattern of ignoring people’s many glaring red flags, idk if you’ve noticed it though, it’s something not many people know about her.

 Anyways, this is a betrayal worse than JC and Brutus, worse than JC and Judas, and dare I say – even worse than that time in Stephanie Meyer’s third American novel in the Twilight Series – Eclipse, when Bella, desperate to stop Jacob from fighting in werewolf form against the savage newborn vampire army Victoria and her new lover Riley had created, kisses Jacob in what she claims is an attempt to get him to stay with her in the safety of the tent, but what we know is an act of love and a direct betrayal of Vampire Edward. It hurts to even think about it. And right after they got engaged? Bella, you can be so heartless. But is this funny because we find out later that even though Alex may find Alyssa to be hotter than Juliette, he literally doesn’t like her. Ouch!

Wait – he doesn’t like her? I thought she was with child – his child! Well, you’re right, she is carrying a small Shrek Alex inside of her uterus, but I guess having someone’s child doesn’t actually force them to like you. Who knew? Would have saved me a lot of grief to have that intel, let me tell you. LOL!! Anyways, we know he doesn’t like Alyssa because he told Juliette to her face that he doesn’t like Alyssa. After Juliette and Boring Robby: The Liar have yet another unsuccessful (and boring) conversation about Alex, Juliette ignores his wishes and goes to see Alex for the first time since the breakuppé anyways. But before we discuss their conversation, I need to get something off my chest. I get a distinctly strange Fatherly vibe from Boring Robby when he and Juliette talk, and it’s so unsettling. Maybe it’s the never-ending rip off of Confucius quotes that spill out of his mouth hole uncontrollably? Seriously, Boring Robby’s only talent (besides stealing) is word vomiting random phrases that don’t pertain to the topic of conversation whatsoever. I mean, “That’s like sitting in the driver’s seat, moving forward, while watching the rearview mirror.” Intern, get this philosopher a quill, some ink, and a Pulitzer Prize…STAT!

Juliette and Alex’s talk goes just about as well as it could possibly go. (It goes horribly.) Luckily, we got some genuine dynamite quotes from the exchange. I was geeking watching this because Juliette has this wonderful habit of exercising exactly zero willpower when it comes to Alex, so we truly get a look inside her brain during this convo. Like she literally can’t control what she says. Maybe that’s why she’s dating Boring Robby. He can’t stop quoting Seventeen Magazine, and Juliette can’t stop herself from screaming “You haven’t found a girl that’s hotter than me” at her ex. It’s one and the same. When Alex and Juliette sit down to talk, it gets heated pretty quickly. Alex admits that he’s not over Juliette, and even though he has “found a girl (or ten) hotter than [Juliette]”, he “hasn’t found a girl [he] likes more than [Juliette].” Juliette brings up Alex’s threating texts to Boring Robby, there are tears from both parties, and Juliette drives off. It’s like, I get why you wanted to, but really Juliette – how did you think this would go?

Okay so let’s take a break from all of this Jalex drama. As much as I love it – wow it’s exhausting! Cut to: BG and Amanda getting steamy in the hot tub! Unfortunately for Brandon, the only thing he’s getting is a steaming pile of rejection. When BG asks Amanda to be official, presumably because he’s worried about her ex, she tells him she doesn’t want to put a label on it. Cringe! Meanwhile, Kelsey and her new friend Jake seem to be getting close, and no – I didn’t mean to type “Jared.” That’s right, Kelsey is up to her usual antics and starting to date multiple guys at once again, finally! As Jake, who is also Robby’s best friend, tearfully confides in Kelsey about his sick father, Kelsey reassuringly responds, “Clearly you have a good shoulder on your head. Your Dad has raised you right.” Normally I would crucify her for this blunder, but she’s been so great this season that I’ll let it slide. Kind of.

 This is me not letting it slide.

Time for Amanda’s party! The first fun thing that happens is that Chloe and Juliette finally makeup, thank GOD because I like both of them infinitely more when they’re friends. The second fun thing is that even though noble Juliette leaves Boring Robby at home out of respect for Alex, Alex walks in holding her – gasp – HAIRDRESSER’S hand. Mike drop, Alex! Jake, Kelsey’s new love interest and Robby’s BFF, makes a sly comment about Alex which TOTALLY comes back to bite him in the ass when none other than shit-stirrer Chloe decides to blow up his spot – but we’ll get to that later. For now, Juliette’s just trying to keep her cool. Respect!

Juliette has been keeping it under control until Amanda confronts her about the lost phone. As we know, Amanda suspects Robby of stealing her phone. And based on Juliette’s face, he is guilty as charged. Juliette breaks down and tells Amanda that Boring Robby threw her phone in the ocean. Surprisingly, Amanda is really nice to Juliette about it, so major props! I think Amanda knows Juliette didn’t have anything to do with the phone and is probably very overwhelmed since she’s being filmed while her ex-boyfriend and ex-hairdresser are making out in front of her face while she’s trying to repair relationships with her best friends. So good for Amanda. Now that Juliette has her friends back, she’s ready for anything. Well, almost anything.

The party’s going too well, so Chloe decides to stir the pot and tell Alex that Jake called him a “sociopath” as Jake is sitting right next to him. Alex immediately dares him to define the word sociopath. This is particularly hilarious because just last week, Alex asked Cara to define the word slander. Why is his go-to insult asking people if they know the Merriam Webster definition of various words? Like next thing you know, you’re going to be asking me how to spell it and use it in a sentence. This isn’t Scripps. Anyways, before Jake can even try to define it, Alex steps in and defines sociopath as “Someone that obsesses over multiple things, that is um…very uh…self-centered, I guess you could say.” SO close, buddy! But no cigar. He truly puts the dick in dictionary, am I right?! His new girlfriend also channels his dick vibe and waltzes up to Juliette to “talk.” I love when people decide to “talk” to Juliette when she’s wasted and vulnerable. Leave Juliette alone! Luckily, Alyssa ends up looking like a complete idiot. She’s condescending, rude, and acts like Juliette has no reason to be thrown off. Even when Alex comes up, Juliette stands her ground and remains fairly level-headed. Alyssa walks away to let the two hash it out, but then proceeds to scream from across the room for Alex to come stand next to her, and admits defeat by confiding in her friends that “he still loves Juliette.” Stay in your lane, sweetie. You’re just a rebound. (Until you get knocked up…but we don’t know that yet.) See you next week.