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itsjusta · 4 years

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March 14, 2021

(dis so long i’m sowiiii)

I slept at 12 gabii doeee and it was an okay sleep lang. issa ion like it doe issa morning palang i’m overthinking na about thingsss and i hate it gyd doe when i have no control saako thoughts because i feel so weak doeee and pathetic also :(( i’m like an idiot who keeps on worrying about things na dapat di na gani nako gina think :((( i try so hard doe to block my thoughts but its hard for me gyd doe i’m so weak gyd at controlling my thoughts and it just bothers me doe like di ko mahimutang and my heart feels heavy and it makes me sad and cry :((( huhu issa times like these i question all my decisions doe and i wish i just have no feelings na doeee cos life is unfair gyd doe hahah

this weekend issa not a good one for me doe i just hope the next days will be better because ion like to be so overwhelmed with my overthinking and my worries doeee ion wanna cry doeee 😔 aish i feel so sad for myself why am i like dis uy

i distract myself by watching anime doe but when i stop watching pd issa mubalik napd doe and its making me cry hahah issa i felt better sa hapon doeee but i saw u had a story and i had a gut feeling naman nga kamo gyd nag uban sa overnight doeee so i just viewed it and i was righttt hahah u know, my hands were shaking doeee hahah and i just broke down afteeerrr

just let me rant here pleaseee 🥺 im too shy to talk to u about dis in chat and im shy to talk to others about dis doeee im just holding it all in and dis can help me let it out doeee dont react na pleaseee :( issa times like these i question my decision to stay in ur life doeee times like these ga question gyd ko ngano i choose to not let u go :( becos i see that you’re so happy and inlove doeee hahha im happy to see you so inlove doeee you’re so effort to ur gf now and im happy cos i think you love her just as much as you loved me sauna or even more doeee but at the same time it hurts man gyd doeee it hurts so much :((( everytime i see u inlove it makes me happy and sad gyd doeee but puhon2 seeing you will just make me happy doeee i will also get there! when i see u so happy and inlove it just breaks my heart cos i know i wont ever have a chance with u again doeee 🥺 i envy u so much doeee becos u really are building a great life after our break up pero i cant even move on paaa hahah but aishhh dis not a race doe i know i will also be happy soon. but i also know not getting to talk to you will also hurt me so at times like these, ga ask gyd kog strength nga makaya nako doe. i ask the Lord and myself for strength to endure pa moments like these becos getting to talk to u and seeing u sometimes makes all of the pain worth it doeee and having someone to talk u makes me feel better doe 🥺

i also ask for strength for the next months doe becos i promise i will let go of you na gyd dayon doe. when we begin 4th year (i hope f2f na doe), i promise i’ll let go of you na doe. but please be patient with me if dili tka ma let go diretsooo doeee 🥺🥺 i know it’s gonna hurt so much for the first weeks or months but i’m setting myself free na doe. i’m also setting you free na becos i feel like i’m just affecting you and your relationship. I want you to just give your all to one girl doeee but can i stay sa now just for a few months?? 🥺 and when 4th year comes, i’ll be out of your life na okay? not totally man u still my bff and i’m gonna go to u whenever i need something or if i need a friend hahha and u can still chat me when u need anything doeee and when u need help sa acads huuuh!! when that time comes i’m gonna endure everything doeee im gonna endure all the temptations to talk to u always and i will try my best to not paramdam to u doeee 🥺 sometimes nalang!! hehe bleh u cant get rid of me completely!! i want to still kamusta u and chika2 with u from time to time doeee if das okay 🥺 kabalo jd ko lisod au doeee but i know it will become bearable ra kadugayan. and i always tell u this but pls pls pls take care of urself always and be happy even i’m not in ur life naaa (i’m still here but u know what i mean) issa im also moving on for your happiness doeee so i hope that when i let u go, u will become happier okayyy u don’t have a samok na in ur life hahah u will be free na doee 🥺

but just let me be here for a few more months okaaaay 😔 i’ll let u go na dayon. u sulit da moments that i’m still here huh bleh in 4th year i will move on na and im going away na after college u wont see me na gyd hahah u know that if dili lang gyd lisod and sakit, i will be in ur life forever doeee but we both know its just hard doeee das why i’m just giving myself a few more months of kasakit hahah i’ll still be here man gyd always uyyy but its gonna be different na gyd hahha but aish u still take a grad pic with me and lets travel soon doeee and u go to my despidida okayy and visit me abroad!! let’s still do the plans we have okay!!!! 😡

i realized drama au ko nya what if makig cut off na diay ka even before 4th year pa 💀💀 hahahhaha and i hope i will fulfill dis promise doeee but i think its gonna happen gyd cos so lisod na to commu pag face to face na doe cos u will always be wid ur gf hahaha if not pata f2f naaah mag luya nalang ko doe walay kastorya kada adlaw HAHAHAH

i hope nothing will change after u read dis doeee huhu im kulbaan to post dis cos ion want things to change nooow 🥺 i wrote the paragraphs above when i was still emotional doe now that i’ve calmed down i have less courage to do my promise to let u go 🤣 omg but i’ll do that doeee!!! i’ll stay strong when that time comes and u also okaaay i know you’re strong u will be fine without me and i think if wala nako you will feel better doeee hehe u have a lot of people with u but u know that i’ll always be ur bff!!! ❤️

also dont worry about me doe i cried everything out kanina na and i drank my meds cos nag labad ako head doeee hehe i feel lighter now but i hope i wont cry again later when i sleep or tomorrow 🤦🏻‍♀️ i hope the next days are going to be better doeee heheh

i’m happy for you, okaaay?? and i’m super superrr proud of youuu for chasing your dreams and for having new friends and for being with the people u love 🥺 right now i cant say im happy gyd doe and i know u want me to be happy but its so hard now doeee that’s why im excited for the future!!! so please just continue to be happy doeee i know letting go of you will be the hardest thing for me to do and it may take me a long time but i will do my best doe 🥺 but bleh im still gonna samok2 u erday for the next months!!!! u not gonna get rid of me pa now!!

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