#sORRY ranting in da tags im just. :( i hate remembering this that's all.
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honestly still so upset the blood donation situation. makes me sit on the floor and sulk for an hour each time i think abt it
#france finally allowed gay ppl to donate blood BUT with a 6 months abstinence#but my main obstacle at the time (didn't have bf + is considered woman at the eyes of the law 🖕) was because i weighted way less than 50kg#i was heartbroken when i hit 18 and got slapped in the face with the info that i couldn't donate my blood#thing i wanted to do since i was a kid when my big bro did it#it was the only thing that kinda helped getting out of my ed tbh 😵💫 didn't. really worked sadly#i did gain some weight finally living with bf alone us two! but 50 is the bare minimum and you can't still give everything in your blood#then i got on t and was so happy realising i was gaining some weight (+weight restribution made me less dysphoric and ed got better)#but lol i still can't donate blood!!! cos' i'm on t now!!!!! looool fuck my baka life fr#😔😔😔😔 like the sole goal that helped me go through ed and not literally starve myself at some point in my life#smh#mibbe one day? i hope i'll be able if i change my id to m ??? mibbe this will bypass the hrt parameter. idk. head in hands#true fucking head in hands moment#ive reached more than 55 i could give everything from my blood augh :((( ppl are in need wtf man#sORRY ranting in da tags im just. :( i hate remembering this that's all.#will play some video games now waiting to get some cheezborgir........ keeping da brain busy
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i just hardcore sobbed in front of my dad and talked about how i dont wanna do anything and wanna die rather than go to school and he really didnt help much lmao.
#at first he tried to change the conversation like 'mani hate plastic packages dont you' then when he finally stopped that#he was just like 'well. you have a psychiatrist appointment this thursday. tough it out till then.'#and im like gee these are the moments i recall that you fuckin hate emotions and helped my step mom abuse me for crying when i was young da#keep in mind hes bipolar so he has literally told me abt him being in places like this before. guess he just doesnt remember all the sudden#i dont know why i bother hes terrible emotional support honestly. i just dont have much else#tag rant#suicide ment /#death ment /#negative#what's the buzz#text#forgot tumblr tags dont allow quotes fixed the tags now sorry!#father ment /
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