#s2ep115

[pomp-and-circumstance]

Oh man, friends. Here we are. Episode 115. 

Making their way (MAKINGTHEIRWAY) through the cold frontier of Eislecross, Caleb sets up the tower and allows the Nein a night of warm comfort. Beau asks for some cocoa, chocolate covered strawberries, and a glass of chardonnay. After some moments of staring at it nervously, she gets into a warm bath and pulls back the letter like it’s a magically infused explosion waiting to happen.

And it is, just not in the way she expected.

First of all, I have to say that I love how the ENTIRE cast started to go crazy once Marisha said she was pulling out the letter, because I think it’s SO important to see everybody’s excitement not just for the characters, but for the growth Ashley takes here. Travis and Laura are excited, Liam laughs, Sam starts dancing and shifting his shoulders, Taliesin starts clapping, and Marisha has a “okay girl, it’s your time to shine” smile on her face.

(You deserve better than this unflattering angle Travis, I’m so sorry.)

These friends are ALL IN on this romance, and I’m so happy there’s this kind of... I don’t know if representation is the right word, but that example of friends who all love each other and are invested in this story they’re telling together. Nobody is rolling their eyes or groaning or checking out, but they’re ready to see where Ashley takes this and what she’s done with this poem. You can come up with all kinds of criticism about Critical Role, but the one thing you can’t debate is how much they love to love each other. It’s so wholesome and so badly needed in today’s world.

At the top of it, it’s a whole paragraph that is crossed out and scraped, and you see some words like “Beau” and “abs” and “shorn” and “envelope” and things like that, and it’s all crossed out, and underneath it...

Beau,

Yeah, this was a poem but then I realized it was a dumb poem and I can’t write poetry. Sometimes I have an easier time when I put the pen to parchment, so here it goes.

I’ve rewatched this bit maybe four times in the last couple of hours, and I’ve been struggling to come up with how I’m going to do this. This letter, much like Yasha herself, is loaded with emotional gravity disguised in simple verbiage. It’s so telling that Yasha scribbled out the entire top of the poem and wrote the letter on the same page than grab a clean piece. Maybe she didn’t want Jester to get hurt that she asked for another page and didn’t use the poem. Maybe there wasn’t any more paper nearby. Maybe the hints of the poem above was a simple reminder to Yasha that the most important thing when it comes to Beau isn’t to be flashy, but to be honest. She didn’t need to be eloquent. She needed to be herself.

I’ve watched you. I don’t mean that in a creepy way. I mean, I am a little bit of a creep, but I know that you know this by now; it takes me a minute to open up. So I watch, I observe, I take it all in as opposed to letting it all out. I guess the only time I let it all out is when I fight, which I’m not sure is the healthiest thing in the world. But here’s some things that I’ve noticed about you.

This is such a brilliant tie-in by Ashley. As I’ve been watching this campaign for the first time, something that really stuck out to me in the beginning was how quiet Ashley was when she returned to the show after a few weeks off. It had to be so hard to try and cover all the bases as a Barbarian while also filming a show in New York. I don’t know how they conducted things behind the scenes for her, if they gave her a synopsis on what happened the week before, or how much she was really aware of, but it has to be intimidating to want to play this game with your friends, but also have to suffer a bit from missing out on sessions AND having to “perform,” for lack of a better word, in front of people in a stream. Whether it was intentional or not, it creates layers in Yasha that are super effective once she came back permanently and was able to flow with everyone else. The beginning of this letter is weirdly complimentary while also feeling like Yasha might’ve gotten a little distracted by nerves while writing it. “I mean, I am a little bit of a creep... I’m not sure is the healthiest thing in the world.” She doesn’t have a chance to erase her words, or, again, grab new paper, so she takes those moments and makes them about Beau; “I know you know this by now (complimenting her smarts, as I noted a lot in the previous entry) but here’s some things I’ve noticed about you.” The first and last sentences of that paragraph are terrific bookends. “I’ve watched you. Here’s what I’ve seen.”

You’re strong, you’re a leader, you’re really smart, you’re really funny, you’re honest, even if it hurts, but the thing that really gets me about you is that you love so fiercely. And I know you feel like an asshole most days, but I kind of like that you’re an asshole. 

Beau has grown up under the expectations of somebody who lived his life by fear, and that fear manifested itself in several ways with her. She liked talking to people and visiting places and finding new ways to sell the wine, but her father said no. She was actively working to expand this small empire her father had built, was even being smart about it by bringing barrels to places where she fought, and man, what a great selling point to the owner of a tavern, to get the Lionette wine from the daughter of the maker, and hey, she can kick your ass, too. Thoreau clipped her wings instead of watching her grow and shipped her off as a result. When she didn’t comply, she was seen as a problem. The line between the world and Beau’s heart is a tremendously delicate place, so delicate that she’s made herself a human weapon to defend it - and she LIKES that about herself. But that also means reaching that delicate place takes time, but more importantly, it takes trust. Yasha knows now that Beau trusts her, and to tell Beau that she trusts her, too, it’s not so much that she tells Beau that she’s seen, but that she’s wanted on top of that. “I kind of like that you’re an asshole” is a big deal. Beau has been seen as hard to love because she’s asshole. Yasha is falling for her despite it... and admittedly because of it.

You stick up for the people you love, and you make me feel stronger. 

It’s not just that she’s an asshole, it’s part of her that loves so fiercely. I love that being an asshole and loving others are in back to back sentences. They really do go hand in hand with Beau; to be in her company and be defended by her is an honor, and Yasha is admitting to that here. “You’ve done this time and time again for the Nein, even for me, when others might’ve questioned it, and I feel stronger because of it.” Everybody has had some moment in this journey where Beau has stuck up for them, and that’s not lost on Yasha at all, even with missing time. We know Yasha is already in love with Beau at this point, so she counts herself in this category. Imagine how Beau’s insides must’ve warmed reading that she, the smaller, dexterous, crafty Monk, makes this hulking Barbarian of immense power and soft heart feel stronger. But on top of all that...

I can hold my own, I know that you know that, but you make me feel safe. I don’t even know if that makes sense, but I know no matter what, you’ll have my back, no questions asked.

-Yasha

Yasha has gaps in her memory, undergoes trials from the Storm Lord, has been taken control of by Obann twice, and has had people in her mind actively kill her friends and loved ones. She doesn’t NEED Beau to be any more powerful than she is, but she WANTS Beau, because of all the people in her life, it’s Beau that makes her feel safe. The line between the world and Yasha’s heart wasn’t as delicate, and she was made into a killing machine to offset what a soft soul she is, as though her tenderness is a burden, not a strength. “You make me feel safe” speaks to this. Yasha can be who she is, without judgement or expectations, when she’s with Beau. They can tackle gods, take on ancient civilizations, battle dragons, smarmy wizards, anything really... and she’ll feel stronger and safe with Beau simply because she’s there. Beau is more than just the body she has, or the perceived troublemaker that was “too much” for the Lionette household. Yasha has seen it at work with the Nein, and has only fallen for her harder because of it.

Trust shared. Trust exchanged. The ball is in your court, Beau.  

Yasha thinks she can’t write poetry. Heh.

(This entry is always going to feel incomplete to me because I don’t think I articulated my thoughts as well as I wanted to, but I think that’s more of a testament to Ashley’s writing this letter than anything else. Feeling safe with someone is a struggle for me personally - not that you need my sob story, but it’s there - so wrapping my mind around that sentence is something I’m still trying to do, even after months of knowing that it was coming. What I will point out instead is the split second Marisha and Ashley make eye contact immediately after Ashley finishes the letter. It’s the only time it happens before the scene switches to Jester and Caleb, and damn, is Marisha both overwhelmed and so proud. No wonder it took her a moment to continue from there.)

[mostlyrubbish]

actively in tears rn

Oh man, friends. Here we are. Episode 115. 

Making their way (MAKINGTHEIRWAY) through the cold frontier of Eislecross, Caleb sets up the tower and allows the Nein a night of warm comfort. Beau asks for some cocoa, chocolate covered strawberries, and a glass of chardonnay. After some moments of staring at it nervously, she gets into a warm bath and pulls back the letter like it’s a magically infused explosion waiting to happen.

And it is, just not in the way she expected.

First of all, I have to say that I love how the ENTIRE cast started to go crazy once Marisha said she was pulling out the letter, because I think it’s SO important to see everybody’s excitement not just for the characters, but for the growth Ashley takes here. Travis and Laura are excited, Liam laughs, Sam starts dancing and shifting his shoulders, Taliesin starts clapping, and Marisha has a “okay girl, it’s your time to shine” smile on her face.

(You deserve better than this unflattering angle Travis, I’m so sorry.)

These friends are ALL IN on this romance, and I’m so happy there’s this kind of… I don’t know if representation is the right word, but that example of friends who all love each other and are invested in this story they’re telling together. Nobody is rolling their eyes or groaning or checking out, but they’re ready to see where Ashley takes this and what she’s done with this poem. You can come up with all kinds of criticism about Critical Role, but the one thing you can’t debate is how much they love to love each other. It’s so wholesome and so badly needed in today’s world.

At the top of it, it’s a whole paragraph that is crossed out and scraped, and you see some words like “Beau” and “abs” and “shorn” and “envelope” and things like that, and it’s all crossed out, and underneath it…

Beau,

Yeah, this was a poem but then I realized it was a dumb poem and I can’t write poetry. Sometimes I have an easier time when I put the pen to parchment, so here it goes.

I’ve rewatched this bit maybe four times in the last couple of hours, and I’ve been struggling to come up with how I’m going to do this. This letter, much like Yasha herself, is loaded with emotional gravity disguised in simple verbiage. It’s so telling that Yasha scribbled out the entire top of the poem and wrote the letter on the same page than grab a clean piece. Maybe she didn’t want Jester to get hurt that she asked for another page and didn’t use the poem. Maybe there wasn’t any more paper nearby. Maybe the hints of the poem above was a simple reminder to Yasha that the most important thing when it comes to Beau isn’t to be flashy, but to be honest. She didn’t need to be eloquent. She needed to be herself.

I’ve watched you. I don’t mean that in a creepy way. I mean, I am a little bit of a creep, but I know that you know this by now; it takes me a minute to open up. So I watch, I observe, I take it all in as opposed to letting it all out. I guess the only time I let it all out is when I fight, which I’m not sure is the healthiest thing in the world. But here’s some things that I’ve noticed about you.

This is such a brilliant tie-in by Ashley. As I’ve been watching this campaign for the first time, something that really stuck out to me in the beginning was how quiet Ashley was when she returned to the show after a few weeks off. It had to be so hard to try and cover all the bases as a Barbarian while also filming a show in New York. I don’t know how they conducted things behind the scenes for her, if they gave her a synopsis on what happened the week before, or how much she was really aware of, but it has to be intimidating to want to play this game with your friends, but also have to suffer a bit from missing out on sessions AND having to “perform,” for lack of a better word, in front of people in a stream. Whether it was intentional or not, it creates layers in Yasha that are super effective once she came back permanently and was able to flow with everyone else. The beginning of this letter is weirdly complimentary while also feeling like Yasha might’ve gotten a little distracted by nerves while writing it. “I mean, I am a little bit of a creep… I’m not sure is the healthiest thing in the world.” She doesn’t have a chance to erase her words, or, again, grab new paper, so she takes those moments and makes them about Beau; “I know you know this by now (complimenting her smarts, as I noted a lot in the previous entry) but here’s some things I’ve noticed about you.” The first and last sentences of that paragraph are terrific bookends. “I’ve watched you. Here’s what I’ve seen.”

You’re strong, you’re a leader, you’re really smart, you’re really funny, you’re honest, even if it hurts, but the thing that really gets me about you is that you love so fiercely. And I know you feel like an asshole most days, but I kind of like that you’re an asshole. 

Beau has grown up under the expectations of somebody who lived his life by fear, and that fear manifested itself in several ways with her. She liked talking to people and visiting places and finding new ways to sell the wine, but her father said no. She was actively working to expand this small empire her father had built, was even being smart about it by bringing barrels to places where she fought, and man, what a great selling point to the owner of a tavern, to get the Lionette wine from the daughter of the maker, and hey, she can kick your ass, too. Thoreau clipped her wings instead of watching her grow and shipped her off as a result. When she didn’t comply, she was seen as a problem. The line between the world and Beau’s heart is a tremendously delicate place, so delicate that she’s made herself a human weapon to defend it - and she LIKES that about herself. But that also means reaching that delicate place takes time, but more importantly, it takes trust. Yasha knows now that Beau trusts her, and to tell Beau that she trusts her, too, it’s not so much that she tells Beau that she’s seen, but that she’s wanted on top of that. “I kind of like that you’re an asshole” is a big deal. Beau has been seen as hard to love because she’s asshole. Yasha is falling for her despite it… and admittedly because of it.

You stick up for the people you love, and you make me feel stronger. 

It’s not just that she’s an asshole, it’s part of her that loves so fiercely. I love that being an asshole and loving others are in back to back sentences. They really do go hand in hand with Beau; to be in her company and be defended by her is an honor, and Yasha is admitting to that here. “You’ve done this time and time again for the Nein, even for me, when others might’ve questioned it, and I feel stronger because of it.” Everybody has had some moment in this journey where Beau has stuck up for them, and that’s not lost on Yasha at all, even with missing time. We know Yasha is already in love with Beau at this point, so she counts herself in this category. Imagine how Beau’s insides must’ve warmed reading that she, the smaller, dexterous, crafty Monk, makes this hulking Barbarian of immense power and soft heart feel stronger. But on top of all that…

I can hold my own, I know that you know that, but you make me feel safe. I don’t even know if that makes sense, but I know no matter what, you’ll have my back, no questions asked.

-Yasha

Yasha has gaps in her memory, undergoes trials from the Storm Lord, has been taken control of by Obann twice, and has had people in her mind actively kill her friends and loved ones. She doesn’t NEED Beau to be any more powerful than she is, but she WANTS Beau, because of all the people in her life, it’s Beau that makes her feel safe. The line between the world and Yasha’s heart wasn’t as delicate, and she was made into a killing machine to offset what a soft soul she is, as though her tenderness is a burden, not a strength. “You make me feel safe” speaks to this. Yasha can be who she is, without judgement or expectations, when she’s with Beau. They can tackle gods, take on ancient civilizations, battle dragons, smarmy wizards, anything really… and she’ll feel stronger and safe with Beau simply because she’s there. Beau is more than just the body she has, or the perceived troublemaker that was “too much” for the Lionette household. Yasha has seen it at work with the Nein, and has only fallen for her harder because of it.

Trust shared. Trust exchanged. The ball is in your court, Beau.  

Yasha thinks she can’t write poetry. Heh.

(This entry is always going to feel incomplete to me because I don’t think I articulated my thoughts as well as I wanted to, but I think that’s more of a testament to Ashley’s writing this letter than anything else. Feeling safe with someone is a struggle for me personally - not that you need my sob story, but it’s there - so wrapping my mind around that sentence is something I’m still trying to do, even after months of knowing that it was coming. What I will point out instead is the split second Marisha and Ashley make eye contact immediately after Ashley finishes the letter. It’s the only time it happens before the scene switches to Jester and Caleb, and damn, is Marisha both overwhelmed and so proud. No wonder it took her a moment to continue from there.)