#rylambles

[spacemagictea]

the way Amir uses games and entertainment as distractions and escape from his problems and his trauma

the way he masks his anxiety and sadness with smile and humor until he literally cannot keep it up anymore

the way he’s trying to be friendly to everyone and share his interests but afraid of being annoying or too much at the same time and not being told that

the way he literally exists with all his tapping and fidgeting and stimming

DE where did you get a mirror to my soul so accurate?

[spacemagictea]

I am so fucking feral for Amir Beckett

I refuse to be normal or hinged about him

I am straight up pathetically whimpering in my brain when I see him

Most of my mental capacity is taken by thinking of him

I read his KIM chats in his sweet voice

I spend a lot of time just staring at him like 👁️👁️

I am terminally obsessed and don't plan to stop being so

AND I REFUSE TO HAVE A FILTER ABOUT MY THOUGHTS

is it me or my drifter talking? yes

[spacemagictea]

personal Amir headcanon: he kinda screams demisexual to me.

chat spoilers, so reasoning under read more.

I am highly likely to be grasping at straws if only because I see a lot of myself in him and I'm on the ace spectrum myself lol

so that chat I quoted yesterday in one of my capturas (there's 2 variants of it). you only get that if you have the "will date" flag.

you ask him out and then he asks you why you picked him

there are four options

these three of them lead to you dating!

there's a fourth one, that is silly and horny

and it leads to him noping the fuck out and not wanting to date you anymore. granted, you can interpret it as "he won't allow you to make him your fetish fuel" but then I think about the other parts of his talks.

when dating, he doesn't talk much horny in chats unless you prompt it. and when you prompt it he definitely leans into it

he's fucking DENSE when it comes to flirting.

he has relatively few horny lines in the gemini and backroom quotes

he's in it for the bond he shares with his Drifter.

like I'm defo reading too much into it but it's just my HC that I apply to my outlook on things.

kthxbye

(Note edit: obviously in terms of romance, he doesn’t care about the gender of the partner - neither do I so do think he’s absolutely pan/biromantic regardless of game mechanics)

[spacemagictea]

You know, now that you’ve mentioned it on my amir post. Amir’s scars around his eyes on how you said that salt water is more conductive. It also just hit me that when you have a high friendship rank or partnered with him, Amir lets his guard down around you and trusts you a lot (the drifter) and cries, and he cries a lot actually in the conversations you share along with him that are extremely personal or traumatic. 🥺

Aahhh…just. This man needs all the love seriously! The realisations…heeeccck.

Yes. ;_;

I’ve spent untold hours analysing the chat flowcharts, visual character design and insights, cutscene expressions, everything.

I am absolutely feral and playing into the sillies but Amir makes me feel so many more things beyond that.

There’s a reason one of the first posts I ever did (and apparently it’s still the most liked post) on this blog was about the side of his that really shows up when he comes into the backroom. The side of his that he slowly unravels as he trusts the Drifter more. There is a reason why the dialogues where he opens up about his problems open up the path to dating him. And why lack of support means he’d break up with you.

I still wish they kept at least some of the Tennocon preview mall quotes because the brain hug quote and Eleanor talking about Amir being one of them live both in my head RENT FREE.

Also while for example Lettie’s retelling is also terrifying, the way Amir describes his experience, him needing two tries to tell the full story (first try he stops before he tells the story of turning Protoframe), the sheer spectrum of trauma and terror in his retelling of the events made it feel REAL. And the emotions I felt were just as real.

DE LET ME FUCKING HUG HIM AND THE OTHER HEX I BEG OF YOU.

I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS ABOUT THIS MAN IT’S UNREAL.

[spacemagictea]

I am indeed, barking a lot about Amir and I shall not stop.

My bsky is https://bsky.app/profile/rylatar.bsky.social but I post same stuff on both sites mostly aside from a bit more unhinged barking and a bit extra irl quips.

[spacemagictea]

The depth of how I feel about Amir surprises me sometimes. But at the same time, why am I surprised?

He reached into the core of my very soul. He soothed my broken psyche by making me feel seen. He made parts of me I long thought lost and buried resurface and bloom once more. He made me feel *alive*.

This is something I don’t think anything can topple as an experience.

He also made me open to talk to people more and I got to meet and bond with a lot of rad folks and not just with fellow Amirmancers. This digital man changed my life for the better.

Thank you, Amir my beloved <3

[spacemagictea]

so I noticed this part of Dagath animations and a thought sprung to my head

as we know Eleanor was hit the most with the infestation and there's a whole motif about her resisting the hive mind and failing or succeeding depending on the Drifter

but

do you think the other Hex are also affected, to a lesser degree?

a nagging whisper

a call that can't quite be silenced

a constant reminder of what courses inside them and changed their bodies irreversibly

how they react to it and how the drifter, as friend or lover, reacts to it

you're welcome for any art/fic ideas that this might bring to your head and I would love to see the results

[spacemagictea]

After avoiding horny lines almost the entire time I've talked to Amir (I did pick flirty option once early on lol), finally picking one (granted, the way the convo went only had one response) feels quite in character with Kay's demisexual self coming out in final realization of "yeah, I love this man and I want all of him in all ways".

It just feels earned, in a way. If this is the final chat I get until updates, then this is the right ending. :>

love my silly digital blorbos

[spacemagictea]

Baruuk Agile+Noble animation sets. Baruuk Noble is one of my absolute faves (ESPECIALLY SPEARGUN IT HAS SO MANY FUN POTENTIAL THINGS TO DO)

Also Winter Intersection captura has only one spot I like and it's the Kalymos graffiti/mural/whatever you wanna call it. There's also a cool neon nearby so. That's the one spot for the captura.

The serenity of Baruuk's animations might seem ironic/clashing for Amir but visual appeal aside I like to think his romanced Drifter becomes sort of an anchor to ground himself with, at least a little bit. Kinda the effect my IRL SO has on me. It's not something that can replace proper mental health help and won't work for everyone, but doesn't stop me from letting my imagination run a little.

Amir brings me a lot of comfort and peace in making me feel seen, so the serenity of Baruuk is a bit symbolic of that.

I took a lot of pics so I'll schedule another post while I go nap before work.

[spacemagictea]

well tablet has arrived

practicing the most basic of basics has never been more... exciting?

even back when I did artsy tings I wasn't really good at drawing straight lines and circles so no better time than at almost 30 lol

even dug out empty sketchbooks and barely used mechanical pencils from my last attempts so, they shall be filled with some practice too

[spacemagictea]

I've been asked by a few people if they can use my Captura as reference and stuff.

YES PLEASE DO!

I will be very happy to see the results too :3

[spacemagictea]

Ramble shit

If I could go back in time I’d tell 15 year old me to keep doing her little artsy things and especially keep drawing

It’s been 15 years since I last drew things with regularity then my self-conscience took over and I stopped

I want to draw so bad because I’ve got multiple ideas I cannot put out through words or captura but I’d have to relearn from scratch and it’s daunting

It doesn’t help my silly brain is both extremely impatient and extremely self-critical and I often have „results I am not satisfied with instantly discourage me from keeping trying” syndrome

Idk even when I’d find the time but it just nags at me

It doesn’t help my hand cramps up if I hold a writing/drawing thing for too long nowadays

Sold my iPad when I needed some money pretty bad so maybe I should get a tablet when I can spare the budget idk

Just rambling into the ether because I’ve got nowhere else to put it and I’m not stooping so low to do AI shit

Oh Amir you and your unexpected effects on resurrecting my long dead imagination and creative muscle

[spacemagictea]

Tbh still scored a decent playtime considering I played a metric fuckton of WoW last year and for a good chunk of the year I had to play on my ps5 instead of my laptop cuz old laptop was straight up unable to get enough power to play WF lol. Glad I got that laptop replaced.

And then 1999 released and took over my life because 157h of this playtime is after 1999 release. Add about 200 hours of Captura and other fluff on top of this playtime overall. 😅

This year will definitely have a lot more hours played. And I am also making it my mission to make Volt Prime at the very least my #3 played frame if not #1 (which will require dethroning both Ivaras - and they got 7.6% usage each while Volt P is half that) and then put Protea Prime and Hildryn Prime in the top 5 (sorry Nezha Prime, you’re still my boss hunter tho) :3

I love you Warframe, you’re one of the most important games of my life unironically and not just because of 1999 and Amir. Tho that did increase the importance of the game.

[spacemagictea]

brainstorming the Protoframe Protea AU for my Drifter is straight up pushing me to want to get a new tablet and start drawing. what the fuck

i dug out my 18 year old wacom bamboo that still somehow works to get the rough ideas on the screenshots but it's not a comfortable device lol

[spacemagictea]

Seeing the positive tags under my capturas gives me life ngl :3

I promise I'll do a lot more and if I stop Amirposting for too long assume I'm dead - The world is shit so Amir became my distraction and lifeline.

And I'll also bring some capturas for all the other Hex enjoyers because y'all deserve it.

[spacemagictea]

The captura experience