#rustedgear

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Life During Wartime: More things in the garden. . . . spring continues on wanting to grow much more here this is what i have . . #haiku #poetry #poet #poetsofinstagram #ineversaiditwasgoodpoetry #lifeduringwartime #spring #plants #garden #gardening #urbangarden #trillium #violets #confederateviolets #ferns #hostas #rustedgear #rust #rustneversleeps #gardenart #photographer #photographersofinstagram #digitalphotography #photochallange https://www.instagram.com/p/B-2EOmyp1fD/?igshid=d65nud8c7zho

[vinnysblackbook-blog]

I'm too high to sleep but I feel like I'm gonna pass out. Really weird combination.

[brewstagram]

Friday night wind down... by heatherness87 http://instagram.com/p/c0xY1cj80K/

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Life During Wartime: And now for something completely different. Bright and cheery and not in my office during work time (I mean on break time of course). I present, things in the garden. . . . spring in our garden something lovely this way grows shooting up quickly . . #haiku #poetry #poet #poetsofinstagram #ineversaiditwasgoodpoetry #lifeduringwartime #spring #plants #garden #gardening #urbangarden #woods #trillium #violets #confederateviolets #virginiabluebells #coralbell #ferns #hostas #rustedgear #rust #rustneversleeps #gardenart #sandblastedstone #photographer #photographersofinstagram #digitalphotography #photochallange https://www.instagram.com/p/B-0C58lpW67/?igshid=rs703temww5k

[vinnysblackbook-blog]

lol fuck this. I don't know how to even register this... Why the fuck are you here? I don't need this. I really don't. You're just going to make this worse.

[vinnysblackbook-blog]

I'm falling apart and no one fucking cares but the sister that'll actually still talk to me. Even my dad is telling me to 'man up and deal with it'. Yeah. I'll deal with the fact I want to throw myself off a fucking building to see how hard if hit the pavement and if the impact or the injuries would kill me first. I'll deal with the fact I wish it was me instead of Natalie. Everyone would've been so much happier had it been me who off'ed myself instead of her. My family would be, at least. I'm a fucking wreck with no one to turn to about it anymore. So I'll just drink, pop an other whatever and hope I drop dead somewhere. I don't wanna do this 'one year since you've been gone' shit. I fucking don't. It's not fucking fair. You were 19. You had so much to live for. If have done something, if have fixed it, if have handled it had I not been in jail. I did with Caprice, I brought Mariyah home when she ran away, I didn't tell dad that I found mom in the house with someone else before they divorced. I'm always the one to take the shit and then get bitched at for not doing it well enough when it's not my fuckin responsibility to begin with. I need an other shot and I need lines. I just don't even want to feel or think or function. I just don't.

[vinnysblackbook-blog]

I should probably stop mixing booze with pills. but I'm probably not going to.

[vinnysblackbook-blog]

I knew I shouldn't have done that. I went looking because I can, because my stupid fucking hacker brain can't handle not fucking knowing. I knew I was fucked from the start. I'm just glad I can't unlock my fucking phone past a certain point of drunk or I'd have said a lot of shit that probably would've ruined what thin layer of friendship there is. I don't even know what's going on anymore. Whatever. I need a fucking drink and a god damn Valium. Fuck feelings.

[vinnysblackbook-blog]

Whatever. I should just focus on work. Feelings are bullshit, anyway. Don't know why I ever thought there'd be a chance. I wish I was good at the sleeping around thing, I might actually feel better about this if I was. But. Oh well. Doesn't matter anymore. Gonna pour myself an other drink and forget I have feelings.

[vinnysblackbook-blog]

It's taking everything in me not to fucking send that message. I want to, but I don't want to be like this-- this fucked up, drunk and high on pills-- I'd spill too much. Way too much. I like you, but. oh well.

[vinnysblackbook-blog]

two and a half valiums later and I’m still awake.... oh well, at least the high is kinda nice. 

[vinnysblackbook-blog]

maybe i should quit while i’m ahead. 

[vinnysblackbook-blog]

I should probably quit while I'm ahead but, oh well. If I fuck it up, I fuck it up.

[vinnysblackbook-blog]

you shake my confidence like a fucking snowglobe. 

[vinnysblackbook-blog]

fuck it. I'm just going to ask and see what happens. The worst answer I'm going to get is 'no'.

[vinnysblackbook-blog]

I should probably stop getting this idea in my head that this could be a thing if I make the right move at the right time. should've known. guys like you don't settle for assholes like me. so much for sleep. I'm just high as fuck and trapped in my thoughts. but it's cool, I'll keep it to myself. I don't want to be /that guy/ anymore.