#rust cohle x original female character

[sparklingmineraltequila]

American Wasteland

Note: Sorry this took so long. I moved city and pretty much have a new life. Still obsessed with Rust, though, so some shit sticks

Warnings: 18+, talk of war, alcohol, drugs, sex work, talks of past domestic violence, smut, just genuine misery between the two of them

America venerates suffering, that's what Travis had always told Rust. Sacrifice isn't pure if it isn't coated in a blood so red and so hot that your family can smear over their words, for centuries to come, excusing their comfort, their indulgence, their ignorance. They are afforded that comfort off of slaughter beyond their imagining. At least, that's what had happened after 'nam. A hero for his fucking country was the propaganda they had fed Travis; squash the bug of communism and, along with it, massacre millions of innocents, because what is America without its sons who are willing to fight for it.? Yeah, a fucking hero for a father, who's night terrors kept both of them up at night and who kept his engraved lighter saying High Speed Low Drag in his hunting jacket, always. That same lighter that Rust had used to light his first cigarette: rolled up flimsily in newspaper with the leftover tobacco and tufts of filter that he'd scraped from Travis' cigarette butts. The same lighter that Cassandra is now using to light her Marlboro Gold, hands shaking,

'Rust. That's all I get, huh? Not even a fucking surname?!' she spits, through a shaky exhale.

'I ain't gonna give you my surname. The less you know about me, the better,' Rust says back, his stoic demeanour attempting to mask that churning in his stomach. One that he has realised isn't for him but for Cassandra.

'Is Rust even your actual name?'

'You want a fuckin' social security number, too?' Rust drawls dryly.

'Don't you-Don't,' Cassandra's head shoots up from where it's been in her hands, her shaking tone now gaining a momentum of uncontrollable anger, 'Jesus-fuck. You men are all the fucking same. I-I ain't staying in this fucking place, anymore. Fuck it, fuck you, fuck every goddamn person in this wasteland of a place!'

Rust regards her with an even look,

'You ain't going anywhere. Not tonight. You ain't in the right state.'

'You ain't my daddy, motherfucker.'

'Goddamn right, I ain't but I'm also the only person you have who doesn't want to take advantage of you. So, hedge your bets tomorrow, baby, but tonight you're stayin' here,' Rust's voice is lapidary, stopping Cassandra in her tracks as she starts to shove clothes and books into her duffel bag.

'I said: you ain't my daddy and you sure as hell ain't keeping me in a place where I don't want to be,' Cassandra says in a tone equally as gelid, throwing her duffel bag over her shoulder. That elegant, fine-boned shoulder tinged with its bronzed hue; some of the love bites that Rust had left a few nights ago decorating Cassandra's collarbone. Rust fears that the sentiment festering under his skin is nostalgia. A nostalgia that scares him and, then, makes him cruel,

'No, Cassandra. I ain't your daddy cause all he did for you was get heavy handed with you and cut you up with his empty liquor bottles when he really wanted to teach you about mouthin' off at him.'

The colour drains from Cassandra's face,

'How the fuck do you know about that?' a sudden spark of spite reaches her as she sneers, 'Pull my file in your spare time, huh?'

Rust grabs her arm and yanks up her tank top, ignoring her yelp. He nods to the fine, white line along her ribcage,

'I ain't a fuckin' idiot, Cassandra. Skateboardin' fall, my ass,' Rust snarls, holding her ribcage with a calloused hand. Cassandra viciously claws at his hand, tears threatening to spill from her eyes,

'Get off! Get the fuck off!' and Rusts lets her go cause in that moment, the smooth, sultry cadence made slightly husky from after-sex cigarettes reverts back to the pleading of a little girl. Cassandra's words are devoid of any real bite, Rust notes. All that rage has been stripped away and all that she is left with is the panic of a little girl's voice turning into burning sobs in her throat; the stale cookies in her stomach turning sour from terror. There's that wide eyed looked, too. He can see it as Cassandra hastily covers herself back up and rearranges the duffel bag back onto her shoulder.

'Fuck you, Rust,' she says his name like it's a poison that she needs to spit from her mouth before it corrodes the flesh into a pulpy mess. Corrosion. Rust. That's what he is, it's what he does because sometimes corrosion is needed to get to the bone of things; to see what everyone else in too caught up in their delusions or affectations about fucking Natural Law to truly comprehend.

'Don't you fu-Cassandra!' Rust's voice boils up from his chest in a rough bark, watching Cassandra explode out of the trailer door, almost stumble down the rusted metal steps and collapse into the red dirt. He thinks he can't get any angrier until he realises that she's pocketed the keys to his Harley, on her way out, and sees her bolt over to where it's parked, behind the trailer. A cloud of dust rises up as the bike rumbles out of neutral and Cassandra desperately revs on the accelerator; her legs hardly off of the ground before the Harley tears away. In other circumstances, the dramatics of the exit would have made Rust scoff and chalk it up to youth's thirst for impact: the flurry of a scene. Not now. Not when this kid is tearing down a highway in a bike that doesn't have enough gas to make it to Liberty, let alone wherever the fuck Cassandra thinks she's headed. A kid, Rust thinks, A fuckin' kid that I've pulled into the abyss with me. Rust calls her a kid now but knows that when he finds her, he'll treat her like she's grown. A sentiment that propels him into his truck, cursing to himself as the engine splutters.

It doesn't take long to track Cassandra down; there's only one road from the trailer park that lead to the freeway. No doubt, where Cassandra is headed to. Ride fast and hard, and get the fuck out when the heat starts to sting: the classic cocktail of self-preservation cooked up by kids who've already been burned. There are too many of them down here, below that Mason-Dixie line. Rust would know. Fuck, if he hasn't spent his entire career on the force witnessing the aftermath. Drugs, abuses, assaults, homicides: you name it. The abuser becomes the abused; Nietzsche's infinite return has those poor kids falling flat on their faces into the nice shit storm of generational maladjustments that their parents left for them. Shattered dreams, skin sucked dry from mosquitos, teeth black and rotting from sweet tea, underneath that sticky southern sun. Rust wants to believe that it's an innate sense of duty towards these kids is why he's currently violating every Highway Code there is. And for part of him, it is. The other part, however, won't allow himself the comfort of what he knows is a lie. What started as pure sex appeal has started to morph into something deeper, messier.

The bike has even less gas than he thought as, the first Texaco that he sees, has Cassandra next to the pumps trying to wrench open the bike's gas lock. She wants to be caught, Rust knows, Wants me to chase after her, show her I give a shit. If she didn't, she would've gotten a hell of a lot more reckless. He watches her, almost with pity, as her pulls into the gas station and slows the truck to a halt, the breaks groaning with their lack of galvanisation. Rust shoves the car door open, his leather boots landing heavily on tepid asphalt,

'Get your ass over here,' his voice rough, as he strides over to Cassandra.

'I told you to get the fuck away from me,' she whips around, her fury making her abandon her previous task.

'Get in the fuckin' truck, Cassandra. I ain't doing the whole scorned boyfriend act for these nosey fuckers,' Rust deadpans, his ice blue gaze conveying to her just how fucking pissed he is.

'Did you hear me, motherfucker? I said to go back to your junkie biker brothers, find some hooker so that you can fuck out your half-baked emotional needs and leave me the hell alone,' Cassandra says with such venom dripping from her mouth that she almost fully means it; warm milk out of hand, she resorts to spite. Not fully, though: Rust can see the tears glazing her eyes and that's enough for him. A firm hand comes to grasp Cassandra's arm and put her in what is practically a headlock as Rust drags her to the truck. Cassandra's duffel bag slips off of her shoulder as Rust holds her firmly against his chest, bicep right up against the column of her throat. Some old man up from his pump, spit collecting at the corners of his mouth as he calls over,

'Everything alright over there?' Not from the area, Rust notes. Not solely due to the licence plate and milky arms but the slight wariness of his expression. A man unacquainted with the imperatives that the arrid terrain commands. The violence. Cassandra takes it upon herself to drop the unwanted attention as she chokes out,

'They don't teach you to mind your own fucking business in Iowa?!' the rage in her voice stemming from a deep humiliation in how she must look, Rust's arm tight against her neck. Rust takes in the man's mortification and grits into her ear,

'Shut the fuck up.'

He opens the truck door and shoves her in, slamming the door and heading over to the driver's side to catch her as she climbs out. Rust concedes her a heavy slap to the face before getting in, essentially crowding her back to the passenger's side. As he starts the ignition and pulls out of the gas station, Cassandra is eerily quiet, tears leaving hot tracks of salt and mascara on her cheeks. Rust debates on whether it's shame at getting caught or just pure desolation at, once again, finding herself completely fucked over, until he feels his jeans' waistband go slack. He feels the air hit that sweaty patch of back where the barrel of his .38 S&W was pressed and licks the inside of his cheek in an almost smirk. There she is, Rust thinks, knowing full well Cassandra's loathing of acquiescence as she points the gun at his temple, sweat curling his caramel hairs.

'Pull over or, I swear to God, I'll put your brains all over your goddamn car windows,' Cassandra's voice is firm but Rust sees her fingers trembling. Red. Her nails are lacquered the same colour as a Shirley Temple, poised on cool gun metal of the safety.

'You don't want to shoot me, Cass,' Rust says, his tone flat.

'Oh, I don't?' Cassandra scoffs.

'Nah, you wanna make a fuckin' scene so that I'll burst into tears and beg for your fuckin' forgiveness or some shit. That ain't gonna work on me, baby. I'm around too many pussies who ain't man enough to pull a fuckin' trigger, as it is. I can tell when someone's bluffin'. And you, Cass, I can sure as hell tell when you're bluffin'.'

'How are you so sure?'

Rust looks at a small trail leading off of the main road before sparing a sideways glance,

'That gun ain't even cocked.'

Cassandra narrows her eyes and pulls the hammer back,

'Happy?'

Rust steers the truck off of the road, onto the rocky country road, before stopping and turning to her,

'You wanna go? Go.'

Cassandra's gaze falters before she contrives it into that practiced indifference,

'You're kicking me out?' she says, her voice so fragile that Rust almost feels bad for putting her in this situation but tough shit: wisdom comes hard.

'Nah, just callin' your bluff. You got 30 seconds to go, if you want to,' Rust says, not even facing her but staring straight out ahead.

Cassandra stares at him, lowering the gun, and looks around helplessly. The tears come back, not when she looks at Rust's stony expression or the destitute surroundings, but when she looks at her duffel bag. All her life fitting into some beat up gym bag and, now, she's about to throw away the one thing that can protect her. A gun isn't shit compared to his hand on her ass and his fingerprints bruising her thighs; not to these fucking animals. Rust gives her the mercy of two minutes of silence before speaking,

'You ain't movin',' he says more as a statement than a question.

'Don't mock me,' Cassandra murmurs out.

'I ain't mockin' you.'

'You know that I ain't gonna go. I don't think I'm ever gonna be able to.'

'You can and you will, eventually.'

'I ain't sure, Cra-Rust. You ain't either.'

'Use Crash. I don't need you gettin' confused and fuckin' this up,' Rust says, gruffly.

'You sure that's it?'

'Am I sure 'what's' it?' irritation starting to creep into his tone.

'That the reason you don't want me using your real name is cause I'll jeopardise your cover.'

'I thought you were smarter than that, Cass.'

'What the fuck's that supposed to mean?' Cassandra suddenly straightens, her voice hard but still slightly tremulous.

'I thought you were smarter than to get your emotions mixed up with what is gonna keep your ass outta the crossfire.'

It's a low blow but it hits home. Cassandra looks down at her scraped knees, gravel and raw skin, before looking up again; her voice now a whisper,

'Do you feel sorry for me?'

Rust clenches his jaw, the simple juvenility of the question making him feel sick. He knows neither of them will be able to bear whatever tidal wave of sentiment is about to breach their carefully instated distance. The partial revelation of his true identity has already been more of an unmasking than he can stomach; especially to someone he cares so deeply for as Cassandra. Her knowledge of 'Rust' throws whatever the fuck they are doing with each other into something that goes beyond sex and protection, and Rust can begin to feel everything veering off track. He won't allow her to expose herself to him like this, not when he's already emotionally fucked her over so much, today. So, Rust finally turns to her and says,

'Take off your top.'

Cassandra falters, her voice still that hoarse whisper as she ask,

'What?'

Rust wills himself to turn his pity into scorn,

'Did I fuckin' stutter? Take off your top. Those shorts, too,' he says, his tone unnervingly even and made rough from his Camels. Cassandra stares at him for a moment before indulging him: shirt discarded first before she lifts her hips and awkwardly shimmies out of them. Rust notices her holding her side, her hand cradling the scar; something she's never really done until now. Not until Rust had forced her shame into the searing white light of recognition. He knows what Cassandra must be thinking, grouping him into that homogenous, male blob of ill-intent: her next job, her next dance, her next humiliation. He tries to pretend that it doesn't slightly tear him the fuck up when she looks at him with those eyes, now cold.

'What now?' Cassandra asks, sitting up with her spine long and upright, shoulders terse.

Rust pats his lap,

'Come here.'

'Rust, I-'

'I ain't ever remember sayin' you could call me Rust, Cass,' he says harshly, completely disregarding whatever appeal Cassandra's about to make over how to treat her. Pretty words that don't mean shit to Rust nor to this godforsaken part of the country. A place where women bring guns in their purses to hookups and there are wards for the babies born hooked onto opioids, has no use for floral, storybook sex. Here, it's fast and it's hard and it's painful and it's often paid for. Cassandra knows this type of sex, or rather its corruption. So, she shuts up and sits in Rust's lap; swallowing the bitter pill of docility.

'Move 'em to the side,' Rust taps the waistband of her panties with his knuckles. For a moment, a light tinge comes across Cassandra's collarbones at the crassness of the act. She hooks her fingers into the waistband, moving to pull them down, before Rust grabs her wrist,

'I say to take 'em off, Cass?'

'No,' Cassandra murmurs, trying to asses if Rust is pissed beyond belief or on some pretty loopy downers.

'So, you can hear me. I was thinkin' otherwise, given some of the shit you've managed to pull,' that dangerous mix of anger and worry begins to seep into Rust's tone. He can feel her wet heat through the lace of her panties; almost disappointed that she can get turned on by this shit. Old habits die hard, Rust thinks, lighting a cigarette and leaning back into his seat,

'Undo my belt.'

Cassandra stares at him, holding unflinching eye contact as she unbuckles him and unzips his fly. It's like a game of fucking chicken: which of them is willing to degrade the other more, for the sake of self-preservation. Rust exhales a slow stream of smoke watching Cassandra's thighs tremble from the exertion of holding her position. He quirks an eyebrow,

'You gonna tap out on me, baby?'

'No.'

'You wanted this shit that bad, didn't you, Cass?' Rust says, the forcefulness in his tone coming out of the pit in his stomach when he thinks what he's done to her.

'I did. I wanted this shit. Don't paint me out to be some dumbass little girl who opened her legs to the first man who reminded her of her daddy. That ain't what this is. I'm tougher than that, you know I am,' her voice starting to tremble again. Her hands absentmindedly wrapped around her midsection., as if to protect herself from the next laceration.

'You want it? Then move those fuckin' panties to the side.'

Cassandra stares at Rust with that fucking stupid bravado of rapacity, before gripping the crotch of them to the side; the tepid truck air mixing with the heady scent of her arousal and Rust's cigarette smoke,

'Go on. Fuck me like a man.'

Rust looks up at her while he pulls down his boxers, before grabbing her bruised hips and slamming her onto him. Not giving a fuck about the sharp, shuddering inhale. The lamb must learn to run with the wolves and Cassandra is far from a lamb. Especially as she is now, gulping down her whimpers of pain, desperately rocking her hips against his coarse hair to stimulate her little nub. She buries her head into the crook of his neck, nose rubbing against his jugular as Rust lands a firm slap on her ass,

'Don't get sentimental on me now, Cass,' he manages to grit out, feeling her arousal literally drip down him, 'Fuck am I gonna do with a weak lil' thing, huh?'

Cassandra tries to nod, her eyes squeezed shut and her groans muffled into the leather of Rust's jacket. Rust wraps his arms around her, holding her in a vice grip for the third time today, all of which have been some form of degradation or excavation of the dirty, nasty shit that Cassandra keeps hidden under sultry, bedroom eyes and that cutthroat tongue. At least this time, the aggression of the act is more tangible; neither of them are allowed any delusions. Not with how Cassandra's spit smears against Rust's stubble when he fucks into her especially hard or the cutting of taught lace on her hipbone or Rust's still lit cigarette burning dangerously close to Cassandra's dark waves. Apt symbolism, Rust thinks, as she angles her head to inhale from the tip; eyes starting to roll slightly at the mixture of in adverted friction of her bundle of nerves, and Rust's angry, frantic pace. She turns to look him right, as she leans her head in him, exhaling the smoke right into his mouth. Rust catches some powdery grey wisps, shoving Cassandra down once more onto him. As she groans, her hands never loosening, Rust leans in to mutter into her ear,

'You never fuckin' learn. Do you, baby?'

[barbie-nightmare-house]

hi!! what kind of fanfic do you write?

Hi! I don’t even know. I assume you’re wondering about the fandom or characters, so the one I mentioned is True Detective S1 Rust Cohle x original female character. I usually wouldn’t post anything until I have at least 20k, but I’m working on efficiency in storytelling. It’s not going great.

I tend to look at characters and ask what would fix them. Then I create a character that tortures them for 150-200k words by mirroring their flaws and challenging their self-hatred. I don’t have any examples at the moment because I haven’t posted anything in a very long time.

I think I might be a brave boy and just put it out, see how it goes.

Thanks for asking :)

[sparklingmineraltequila]

American Wasteland

Note: Took me slightly longer than I'd have liked but there's been some pretty intense weather where I am. We are finally starting getting to get to the meat of it with these two.

'93/4 Rust Cohle x OFC

Warnings: sex work, violence, drugs, slight smut, weird semi-roleplaying at the end

The girl performing the strip tease hsd a deep blue bruise on her thigh. She's skinny. Too skinny. Not just because her hip bones threaten to permeate the pale, embryonic stretch of her skin, but because of that look in her eyes. Crazed. Starving. Attempting to seduce the men sat round the stage with practiced sultry glances, promising a good time if they just let her sit on their lap, awkwardly grind onto their hard-ons and then let them slip a couple bills in her padded out bra. Rust isn't even sure he can decipher what that look is after. Attention? he muses, Affection? No, upon further inspection of her, he pushes aside his psychoanalysis and reaches a far more pragmatic, desolating conclusion: food. Poor kid is hungry.

He's slumped in a booth, beer in one hand and rolled up dollar bill in another, the club's music and raucous laughter of his fellow Crusaders throbbing in his head. Ginger turns to him,

'What's that about then, Crash?' a leering smile adorning his tobacco stained teeth. Rust meets his gaze, a glaze a drug induced lethargy over his bloodshot eyes,

'What's what about?' he drawls, taking a pull on his beer. Tastes like warm piss, he thinks.

'Cassandra, right? One that looks like a fuckin' playboy model with those tits and that smile. You got her livin' with you, you lucky son of a bitch. Fuck, I'd give a solid month's cut to take some out on that bitch. She good for you?'

Rust thinks he can taste the bile in his mouth; acrid, slippery stuff coating his tongue as he speaks,

'Hell yeah she's fuckin' good for me. You think I'd let stay with me if she couldn't shut the fuck up and take it when I need her to?'

And he hates himself. God, he fucking hates himself. He wishes that hate could come from the vileness of the words he just spoke but it doesn't. He hates that the idea almost tempts him, seduces him with the promise of Cassandra breathy and sweating, her dark hairs sticking to that delicate neck, slick with sweat. It was like that the other night, when she had taken it upon herself to pay him another way after he had refused her money or 'rent payment.' Smart girl, Cassandra. She knows the price of things. It's never just an offered cigarette, a lent cup of sugar, a benevolent hand. No, not in this theatre of cruelty where the stakes seem to only get fucking higher which each passing year: there's always someone cooking it cheaper and better, a girl willing to do more for less. Self respect erodes fast here, replaced with a voracious need to survive. Cassandra knows that.

It was this way that she'd ended up on his lap, clambering onto him as he'd sat outside the trailer for a smoke. She'd rubbed herself onto him, like she'd done the first time in the club, only now he was far more at the mercy of the sentiments starting to take root in his chest. He'd almost managed to push her off, almost, but when the stiff metal of his jeans' fly rubbed against the lace of her underwear and the friction elicited that breathy moan of hers right in his ear, he would've rather taken a mean left hook than push her off. Come on, baby, she'd exhaled, trying the dulcet stripper routine, before her growing arousal forced her into the more desperate negotiation of Please, Crash. I promise I'll be good for you. Real good. Whatever you want, she'd whimpered, the buck of her hips growing more incessant, beginning to make wet spot on his jeans. He had looked up at her as she'd writhed against,

Not here, Cass, he'd managed to grit out, It ain't the time or the place.

Crash! she'd almost sobbed as he'd finally mustered the self-discipline to gently push her off him. She had crumpled onto the grass, slumped onto a leg of the lawn chair he had been sat on. Out of all of the times he had seen her looking fucked up: a nosebleed smeared halfway across her face from a client punching her in the nose, the gaunt, vacant look she'd worn for the week when her daddy finally mustered the courage to put a gun in his mouth, the humiliation and shame in her eyes when another Crusader was getting a dance and he'd be sat across the table. None of them had made him as furious as as he had felt when he looked down at her like that. Where the fuck that fury came from, he didn't know. Somewhere in the realm of pity.

Get the fuck up, Cassandra. Now. He had all but snarled at her. She had looked up at him and got up; the acquiescence of a woman who knows when a man could and might hurt her. She hadn't observed it for much longer, though.

What the fuck is your problem, Crash? I fucking see how you look at me. Shit, I can see your hard right now. You always looked at me at the club, would only ever accept dances from me, talk to me during them about shit other than how good I feel or smell or whatever-the-fuck. You lent me your fucking books! You asked me what I think your first tattoo should be! You let me live with you when my rent gets raised and I had nowhere to fucking go! But sex is too much, too much of an affront, she had seethed at him

I ain't doing this, you hear? I'm tryin' to protect you from the fuckin' corruption of this place and all you can think to do is be pissed off that I won't fuck you? Grow the fuck up

Well so help me for thinking that. Don't people who are- And Cassandra had caught herself, thank god she had caught herself. Poor baby, time old mistake of confusing sex with a man's love. Cassandra should know better, she does know better.

Who are what, huh? Rust asks, the unfinished question a cruel, callous tactic; he's baiting her, waiting for her to expose that soft underbelly like those Dolly Vardens he and his dad used to fish, slitting them open, a mess entrails and blood slopping out. She'd stared at him,

Don't be cruel

He'd narrowed his eyes at her, before getting up and throwing his cigarette but aside,

Look around you, Cass. You can't afford to be at the mercy of how I treat you

That's how they had left it with her slamming the trailer door and him going to get hammered with some of the other Crusaders. A vicious cycle, he knows, Palingenesis: circular continuity. How Cassandra had defined it one night, trying to aneasthetize his lurid habits with some polished, philosophical definition. He can't be too pissed, she learnt it from him. At first, defining it philosophically makes his suffering feel warranted, needed. He realises now that there is no need for suffering, it's a default setting to the fucking horror of existence. He can just stomach recognising it.

Ginger's now calling Cassandra over and she stalks over, all bone and sinew wearing a matching white lace bra and panties. The same ones she'd been washing in the sink with some random shower gel she'd found in the shower. Fuck, his shower gel.

'Well come on over, baby,' Ginger leers, 'Our Crash treatin' you good?'

Cassandra scans over the semicircle of Iron Crusaders for a mere second, before sitting snugly in Rust's lap. Sharp as a tack, his Cassandra, only way to keep a hunk of meat safe from the dogs is to give it to a bigger, meaner dog. She shuffles herself up his lap to his chest, demurely crossing her legs.

'Oh yeah. Real good,' she looks at Rust over her shoulder. She knows what they want: a good, little girl in her matching lace set at the mercy of their drugs or their prying, calloused hands or the 9mms tucked into the waistband of frayed denim. A little lamb who'll ask them where she's supposed to touch and if it's supposed to hurt like that. Rust knows it too.

'Damn right I do,' Rust agrees, landing a heavy slap on the side of her thigh which makes her jump slightly. The Crusaders errupt at this in either laughter, whistles or comments,

'Seems you ain't trained her that good if she's still that jumpy.'

'Slight little thing, ain't she.'

'Relax, sweetheart. Ain't no-one here gonna hurt you for no good reason.'

Rust wishes he could spare her this; rub the whiskey over her gums and numb it. But he can't, he knows any slip up will end up fatal for him and worse for her.

'You just ain't used to a how a real man treats his woman, yet. Ain't that right, baby?' he drawls, brushing some hair from her face with a cigarette pinched between his fingers.

'I am learning, though. You said I was, last night,' Cassandra replies, playing up the petulant pout.

'That was in a different context, baby,' he says mockingly, giving her a patronising pat on her thigh as the Crusaders whoop. 'She's a good listener, boys. Real good,' Rust says to their spectators. As vulnerable as she might be, Cassandra knows exactly how to work her crowd: male desire for sex and power mixed with a pretty girl's submission. Match, gasoline: boom.

Ginger leans across the table, 'So you do everything ou Crash, says huh?'

'Oh yeah,' she replies, 'Even when it hurts.'

Rust feels nauseous with lust.

[sparklingmineraltequila]

American Wasteland

Note: I suck at first chapters. Summer's here and I want to be somewhat productive, so this'll be my baby for the next months. Terrified by posting this given the sheer quality of other Rust fics and 'True Detective', itself. Updates are coming cause it's deliberately vague

'Don't fucking patronise me,' Cassandra spits, yanking out her packet of Marlboro Golds that are wedged between her calf and her cowboy boot. She palms the clammy pack, lighting up with trembling hands and raw nail beds.

'Stop acting like a fuckin' kid and I'll stop treatin' you like one,' Rust retorts, his stoic disposition almost managing to veil his simmering anger, only betrayed by the whites of his knuckles gripping the steering wheel.

'I appreciate you doing this and all, I really do, but don"t get it fucking twisted, Crash: you ain't my friend, you ain't my boyfriend and you sure as hell ain't my daddy.'

'You think this is some type territorial shit?' Rust grits out, the mounting rancour starting to permeate his tone. He looks over and plucks the cigarette from her lips, his tone mellowing to a drawl when he says 'You have no business smoking at your age.'

'I'm twenty.'

'Exactly.'

The blasé dismissal sends Cassandra into a mute rage; one she sees as a veritable demonstration of indignance. Rust, however, likens it more to a petulant child's tantrum. After a couple minutes, she's licked her wounds enough to pipe up,

'Nietzsche would agree with me, you know? I'm emerging from the confines of my slave morality and becoming an 'Untermenschen' through exercising courage and free will through smoking and, thus, breaking socio-cultural norms.'

Rust runs a hand over his stubble, more to hide the twitch of a smile than to express any real chagrin. 'I should've never leant you that book. Only thing I've done is encourage that smart ass mouth of yours.'

'You want me to be nice and docile? I can be sweet if you want, baby. Real sweet,' manoeuvring her body so that she's kneeling on the truck's bench, body pressed to his side. He gives her a side-long look, face impassive. Cassandra probably couldn't be sweet if her damn life depended on it. Actually, it had often depended on the exact opposite. Girls as beautiful as Cassandra don't make it this far unless they've got a brain to match the legs and a razor-blade wit to match their syrupy eyes. Rust knows he'd rather be fucking lacerated than choke in that thick molasses of her seduction. He was too damn smart and too damn jaded to be affected by a girl with the ass of a stripper and the face of one of those fucking shampoo models, the ones he'd see on the screen at the bar, during a big game's commercial break; hiding his adolescent flush of arousal from his father with his hunting jacket's sleeve.

Too cynical. Too exhausted. Too fucked up. But here he was: enough coke in him to alert Medellin's DEA and with Cassandra in his truck, now busy taking off her tight, leather jacket.

'Put that on again. Now.'

'Scared you'll see something you like?'

'Not on a twenty year old.'

'Most guys would see that as a turn on.'

'I ain't most guys.'

'No shit,' she slumps back into the truck bench, picking at the slight fray of her miniskirt. He pulls into some derelict diner, the neon light of the sign seeping into the crevices of his eyes and permeating into his brain. Nausea quickly follows and turns to a deep malaise. Then panic. A panic symptomatic of one he felt with Sofia.

Sofia. Does he see Sofia in Cassandra? The traces of juvenility in how she slumps in his truck like a scolded child. The mercy of an answer comes fast:

No. What he wants to do to Cassandra is anything but paternal.

'Get out. We're getting something to eat,' he says gruffly and, for once, she complies. 'Instinct,' he thinks, 'girls like Cassandra don't turn down a payed meal.' He watches as she hops out of the truck, her taught, tan limbs striding across the lot, cowboy boots clacking on still hot asphalt. A few truckers stare, some whistle. She knows they're looking, she doesn't care. Cassandra isn't one to entertain male attraction based on vanity. No, she has a perspicacity about her that only comes from blood, grit and experience of the sharp end of male entitlement. Not like the usual hookers or hang-ons that the Iron Crusaders frequented; women who needed to be spoon-fed dollops of dulcet encouragement, always wanting to be told how good they were for him, how badly he wanted them. Wants he had yet to facilitate. No, Cassandra was a different type of hungry. Hungry enough to know that spoon feeding was dangerous; it allows the giver to withhold, to control. Cassandra knew that sometimes you had to lick it off of the jagged edges yourself.

'You coming, baby?' Cassandra calls to him, snapping him out of his train of thought. Not doubt, using the pet name to get a rise out of him. He walks over, not deigning her teasing with a reaction and walking inside the diner. She follows him, sliding into the same booth.

'Hardly even looking at me, huh? For a member of a fucking biker gang, you're very sanctimonious.'

He bristles, knowing she didn't mean it that way. How the fuck would she even know? It doesn't matter, one slip up and he gets a bullet to his head. Not that, with the way his capillaries throb and the sky and ground begin to bleed into one to the soundtrack of Sofia's gurgled choke, after a particularly loaded syringe, he wouldn't welcome it. Either way, he has to mitigate any suspicion.

'You ain't woman enough, yet, baby.'

He sees the hurt flash in her eyes. 'Good,' he thinks 'Better it hurt than I drag you down with me.' Ever the tenacious one, Cassandra almost immediately re-contrives her prior indifference,

'Your 'brothers' think different.'

He clenches his jaw.

'You gonna be this tightly wound, all the time?'

'Not if you behave.'

'I'm just making conversation.'

'You're a smart girl, Cass. I'm sure you can think of another topic aside from my aversion to fucking 20 year olds.'

The waitress comes to take their orders, looking pitifully at Cassandra, and then with indignation at Rust. 'Good,' he thinks, knowing damn well how a bloodshot biker, reading of malt liquor and Camels, must look next to a barely clothed young girl. Cassandra seems to relish the sordid appearance of them together, overtly pressing her tits over the table's edge, faux-innocence on display as she asks if he wants syrup with that.

'No,' he says frigidly, to both her and the waitress; the waitress taking that as her cue to leave. After a few minutes, Cassandra asks,

'If you don't want to have sex with me, why are you helping me out like this?'

'I'm not purely driven by my libido, Cass.'

'Most men are.'

'Fair enough,' he retorts dryly, the twitch of a barely perceptible smile on his lips.

'Don't avoid the question. You're not doing this out of pure fucking altruism.'

'Big words, baby,' noting the roll of her eyes, but also how her collarbones tinge pink at the praise.

'You're doing it again.'

He relinquishes, 'Because I sure as hell ain't altruistic but I ain't a complete monster, either. You may be tough but a girl like you out on the street...' His expression turns grim. 'You ain't lastin' the night. I can keep you safe.'

'What's your price, Crash?' eyeing him with trepidation.

'Here she is,' Rust thinks.

'Nothing. I just want you to get out of this goddamn American wasteland.'

'I don't trust you.'

'You shouldn't.'

'That's what the better people usually say.'

'I ain't no better than any motherfucker in your life, baby.'

She hums, unconvinced. 'So..I can stay with you, then? Just until I get back on my feet.'

He nods and, to his concealed amusement, she sits up a little straighter. He eyes her, wondering whether to nip her juvenile infatuation at the bud, but allows her it. Who knows the last time she allowed herself the luxury of genuine attraction.

'One question,' he breaks the silence, 'Why Cassandra?' She looks at him as if he's crazy. 'Name like that in a place like this,' he elaborates 'How did your dad come to that decision?'

'You ever read the Iliad?'

He raises his brow. 'Does it fuckin' look like I've read the Iliad?' The liquor in his bloodstream slowing his speech into a dry, lethargic drawl.

'You say that and then go lend me books by Nietzsche and Kierkegaard.'

'You keep that between us, you hear me?'

'Scared I'll taint your tough-guy act?'

'It ain't an act, baby,' a hint of warning and, even more subtle, disgust in his tone.

That shuts her up. They both know it isn't an act. No, she knows who he his; fuck Crash or Rustin Cohle, she sees him down to the bone. That endemic anger baked into his marrow and stitched into the sinew of his muscles. Anger that when focused is conducive, when not is devastating: the latter becoming more and more often, thanks to Crash.

'What about the Iliad?' he redirects the conversation, having sensed the trepidation in her eyes.

'Cassandra. She's one of the focal characters. Not that my parents kew that, but there was an abridged version on the waiting table of my mother's clinic. Liked the name. Evidently, didn't read the fucking book.'

'Why d'you say that?'

'Cause Cassandra is fucked from the beginning, middle and end. It's a fucking tragedy ,yeah, but she doesn't get a moment of love, hope or respite.' She stops to take a sip of her steaming coffee, noting Rust's raised eyebrow.

'Don't worry. Caffeine hardly affects me, anymore,' before continuing. 'But yeah, Apollo is taken by Cassandra and she refuses him. So, as any powerful man does when rejected, he takes what he wants, anyway. But the violation of rape isn't enough; he curses her with the gift of prophecy, but prophecy which no one will ever believe and everyone just calls her insane. Classic, huh? Beware the crazy bitch.'

'How does it end? The Iliad?'

She holds his gaze, that intelligence he loves burning through her eyes. Her carefully constructed veneer of saccharine sexiness is stripped away, leaving her at her rawest. Her rawest and angriest.

'The city fucking burns.'

He holds her gaze, rising to the game of chicken he knows she's inviting him to.

'You gonna be give me trouble, baby?'

'Definitely.'

[sparklingmineraltequila]

American Wasteland

Note: I don't think Rust is a big fan of getting head cause I think that it's much more aligned to Marty's character. However, I think it fits all too well with Crash era Rust so this is me trying to reconcile the two. I also don't think my Philosophy teacher would be too overjoyed knowing I'm using what she taught me to write foreplay but at least it stuck.

Warnings: 18+, violence, drugs, alcohol, reference to sex work, implied past abuse, rough sex both past and present

There are a lot of ways that you can get fucked up by a liquor bottle. Rust knows this. But mainly, there are two ways. The first is the classic act of getting drunk out of your mind: the type of drunk that can only end in violence. Rust doesn't always need to gulp down a bottle of Jameson, straight and hard, to feel the acrid burn of repulsion and vomit in his stomach. Sometimes, the slow sipping of a 12 pack of Bud or Lone Star is preferred on days where he's more lucid, has more of that sickening desire to punish himself with Sofia's face and blood and gurgling cough. Tearing that beer can and slicing at his skin might be a more effective, visceral act of punishment, but it's too quick. No, he brought her into this meat grinder of a world, he should feel that same machinery gnashing away at his being before he is allowed to slide into the stagnation that the piss warm beer allows him. Then, you have the far more crude way to fuck someone up; the jagged edge of smashed glass will do that just fine. Quick, cuts easy into the supple flesh of the cheek and makes a hell of a show. As he glances over the bottles of whiskey, Cassandra lets out a low whistle,

'Johnnie Walker Blue Label. This was the shit my dad used to blow rent on. You'd think for such a piece of shit loser, the man would've had cheaper taste,' and Rust can see a faint lacquer in her eyes, the impenetrable kind making her relive those scenes of her slurring daddy with a heavy set jaw and even heavier hands, the musk of her own fetid sweat mixed with talcum powder on her t-shirt in a pathetic, 8 year old's attempt to get the smell out, the hum of a refrigerator while a little girl cries at the kitchen table cause she doesn't get to feel safe around daddy. Hard to reconcile that image with the 20 year old in a white cotton sundress that ends too soon and is cut too low; the blueish lighting giving her skin a cool sheen. Cassandra puts the bottle back and walks over to where Rust is slotting his usual Jameson under his arm as he picks up a second bottle. From his crouching position, he can see the delicate purple hue on her thighs, arranged in the pattern of his fingerprints. A sickening sense of pride settles itself next to the self-disgust in Rust's gut at the marks and the satisfaction with which Cassandra is looking at them.

'Roughed you up pretty good, huh?' Rust says, gruffly. Cassandra glances over a delicate shoulder from where she's inspecting the Bourbon shelf,

'They hurt.'

'Bullshit, baby. You think I didn't see you were tracin' 'em in the truck, on the way here.'

'Doesn't mean they don't hurt.'

'True,' Rust stands to his full height, 'but d'you know what it does mean?'

'What?' she turns to face him.

He walks over to her, giving her cheek a couple, little pats his fingers, 'That you liked it.' Cassandra gives a derisive scoff but not one that can hide that glint in her eye: relief. Not just that Rust has indulged her infatuation, fucking her into the mattress until she forgot how to say 'Crash', but the protection that those bruises afford; the bruises of a young girl turned woman, bruises who's shade of blue show that the man who gave them is a tough son of a bitch.

'I hate it when you do that,' Cassandra states, somewhat petulantly.

'Do what? Point out that you can't do one over me?'

'No,' she says, narrowing her eyes, 'When you slap me around like that. I feel dumb.'

'That ain't slappin' around, trust me. And you ain't dumb, that's for sure, Cass,' Rust huffs, looping the plastic casing of a Lone Star six-pack through his fingers, 'But you shouldn't look to me to affirm that for you.'

'I don't need you to affirm shit for me.'

'Good, cause I ain't got the fuckin' time or will for that, too. Pick up your head, Cassandra. Stop fuckin' poutin',' Rust's tone is sharp. Cassandra rolls her eyes but she struts behind him, following him to the cashier. As Rust waits in line behind some trucker, Cassandra scuffs her boots against the floor, pulling her gum taught over her tongue until to snaps.

'You snap your gum,' Rust states. Cassandra looks up at him from where she was analysing the snake skin on the point of her boot,

'Huh?'

'You don't blow bubbles, you snap your gum.'

'I ain't gonna give the men 'round here the whole school girl routine. Fuck that,' she scowls. The corner of Rust's mouth twitches slightly at her sharpness; that guile about her never fails to dump buckets of ice cold water over his perception. His smart, smart girl, knowing that a quick, hard fix of money isn't shit next to the promise of survival that grit can give. Leave the milk boxes and cotton socks to the little girls, you're a woman now. It takes a certain intelligence to be sexy, to bear the soft, supple skin of ass, tits and thigh in a delicate veil of lace, and to still keep the wolves at an arm's length. Give them the scent of your blood, hot and throbbing, let them believe that the practiced gasps and rolling neck are just for them, but don't let them tear your skin. The wolves are ravenous in this wasteland, they get a taste for blood and they will gut you from the inside out.

Rust pays, ignoring the cashier's mild look of disapproval or envy at how Cassandra comes to stand next to him. She watches as the bottles get bagged up and Rust turns to leave. She gestures to him as they walk out, her boots clacking on the baked asphalt like one of those old, clunking clocks,

'Let me carry one.'

Rust barely spares her a glance, 'You're underaged. Shouldn't be drinking.' That almost makes her laugh,

'You're fucking kidding, right? I'm a stripper. You remember that, Crash?'

'You're also in college. Need to stay sharp, baby.'

'It's a Friday,' her tone dry, 'Plus, you're always offering me beers.'

'No,' Rust corrects, 'You take my beers and I let you get away with it.'

Cassandra rolls her eyes as they climb into their respective sides of his truck and Rust would be lying if he didn't feel the twist in his stomach at the practiced ease of the act, the facility of their place in the other's space. Rust starts the ignition,

'Stop rollin' those eyes at me.'

'Fuck off, Crash,' she retorts, only slightly annoyed and Rust just hums,

'You're real fuckin' cocky for someone who's in my hands about how many times they get to come, tonight.'

Cassandra almost opens her mouth before clamping it shut, making a big show out of rolling down the window. Smart move, baby, Rust thinks. A sentiment that holds up, after he bends her over the sink, bunching her dress over her hips; gripping her hair, forcing her to look at herself in the mirror as she takes him deep and hard. What Cassandra doesn't know is that the mirror is almost more for Rust's reflection than it is for hers. Forcing himself to look into his own glacial blue eyes, this way he can't indulge in the complete bliss of Cassandra's wet, tightness. No, if he's going to allow himself this then he's going to be fucking straight about it: he's a coked up, undercover narco currently using some vulnerable 20 year old girl who has no clue who he actually is. Rust wishes that the reason he's fucking her so hard, scraping his nails on her scalp, is that he hates her, sees her like one of the hookers that the Iron Crusaders systematically violate; it would make this shit a lot easier. But he doesn't and it's not. Rust is past indulging delusions for the sake of comfort. It was Nietzsche's idea, if he can remember correctly: embrace the pure fucking horror of eternal return, this ontological prison we're all stuck in, and you might finally find some enlightenment amongst the squalor.

'Put your leg up. Let me see those bruises,' he grits out, hand clamping onto her thigh in an attempt to lift to up.

'No-fuck-I won't be able to hold it up,' Cassandra stammers out, knuckles white as a scar on the ceramic rim of the sink out of exertion of holding herself in place when Rust shoves her forward with a particularly brutal thrust of his hips.

'Tsk, wrong answer, baby,' Rust says, shoving her leg up and bending it at the knee so that it rests in the sink bowl. The new position opens her up, not only showing the patterns of bruising on her inner thighs but the glistening wetness of her seam as he pushes into her again. The mixture of the two is a lurid depiction of what sex is around here; its inextricable connection to violence. Like meat and salt. The drop of thin, clear arousal now running down Cassandra's leg, the cracked scabs on his knuckles from a bar fight, the clunking rumble of the AC boxes outside the trailer: blood, sex and heat. Rust reaches a hand down and gathers the drop of wetness on his fingers, he brings it to his mouth and tastes it. Cassandra looks like she wants to cry as he catches her eye in the mirror.

'What's that face for, baby? Ain't never had a man taste you before?' Rust's voice thick from exertion and desire, her tartness covering his tongue.

'That's a really fucking intimate thing to do,' she says and poor baby sounds like she might either sob or come.

'No, it ain't, Rust lands a heavy slap on the bruises, as if to reprimand her for the implication, 'It's how a man fucks a woman.'

'So, I'm a woman to you now?'

'I don't fuck little girls, so yeah,' Rust says, his hand in her hair coming down to grip her throat. That's the one small mercy of innocence, Rust thinks, it can only be corrupted once. He yanks her head up by the chin,

'Look at yourself real good, Cass. This what you want? Some doped up biker with a load on, fucking you, leaving you all roughed up-Look at me, Cassandra,' he snarls, his tone harsh to conceal the begging behind it,

'Yes! Fuck, yes I do!,' she cries out, her adamance mixed with the first tremors of her impending orgasm. Rust lets out a growl, something deep and atavistic, as he yanks up her knee to bend her leg around his hips, now obscenely deep. Cassandra is now halfway slumped against the skin, the cold metal of the tap pressing into her sternum. This shit is good, too good, like the cool bliss of the moment the heroin hits your bloodstream and everything feels fucking pure. He pulls out as her feels her begin to pulsate around him and she cries out. Good, Rust thinks, wanting to punish her for being so goddamn complacent, Get used to crying if you want to fuck around with this shit, baby. He manhandles her to her knees as the muscle in his jaw twitches at what he's about to say to her,

'You want it that bad? Show me,' Rust deadpans, hand twisting into the dark mass of Cassandra's hair. She looks up at him and has the fucking audacity to arch her eyebrow at him before she takes him into her mouth, gagging slightly. Rust has never really seen the appeal of getting head, once he moved past the initial adolescent fascination. It makes him feel out of control, undisciplined, subject to his body's pure evolutionary need to procreate. It's one of the most self-serving, vapid states you can be in, mouth wide open, dumbstruck by ecstasy, unable to form of coherent thought except to mindlessly shove yourself further into the other person who probably isn't enjoying it anywhere near as much as you. Yeah, that's what Rust hates about the whole act, the mindlessness of it. But, fuck, his body isn't even his anymore, belonging to some fucking DEA's office to dope up and regurgitate whatever information they need to peddle their case further, without ever getting their hands dirty or doing some real fucking work. So, he may as well abandon himself to the weakness of his innate biological need.

Cassandra tries to give herself some respite by licking a long stripe up his length but Rust is having none of it: he presses her down so that her nose flattens against his pubic bone making her gag again and harder, shoulders convulsing too.

'Come on, baby,' Rust croons cruelly, using his spare hand to light a cigarette, 'Thought you said you could take it.' Cassandra briefly takes her hand off of the back of his thigh to give him the middle finger, quickly reinstating it as Rust presses as hand to the back of her skull and thrusts harder,

'Keep that shit up and I'll make you gag on your own finger, next.'

A few more chokes and constrictions of Cassandra's throat, and Rust is coming hot and heavy down it. He doesn't let her catch her breath,

'Get up,' he says, fastening his belt with his cigarette still hanging from his mouth. Cassandra just slumps against the bathroom floor, held up half by a trembling arm and half by leaning against Rust's leg. She glances up, hearing the clink of his belt,

'You're getting dressed?' a slight desperation to her voice.

'No points for deduction, Cass.'

'No, no, wait-,' she says, clambering up, or at least trying to, on shaky legs, 'Crash, Crash, I didn't come. Please-'

'What did I tell you about you bein' grown? Grown women fix their own messes,' Rust says, face and tone stoic as he casts to the slick that has dripped down from the apex of Cassandra's thighs onto the floor just under her, her smeared lip gloss, her nipples hard and visible through the thin cotton of her dress. He gives her hair a harsh ruffle before walking out the bathroom. As he grabs the Jameson bottles and beer, he stops in front of the trailer's door calling out behind him,

'Get to work, Cassandra.'

[sparklingmineraltequila]

American Wasteland

Note: They might eventually learn to be nice to each other. Very grateful to everyone who's reading and hopefully enjoying, too

Warnings: 18+ Violence, talk of possible sexual assault, alcohol, some pretty graphic descriptions of drug use and needles (if that makes you nervous it's only the first paragraph). Smut and Rust is mean and high as a kite. Cassandra is more than consenting but I'm a firm believer that with the cocktail of hardcore drugs, devastating grief and the overall testosterone fuelled Crash persona he had to embody, sex with him would be rough. Not bad, but rough.

Caramel. Burnt and bubbly, that thick, sticky goo swirling around. Cassandra had made it once, after class, cause she'd see it on the on some bored ass-housewife baking show during a bout of insomnia. Poured all over graham crackers with an extra sprinkle of salt and, when it had cooled down enough, she'd swiped her finger across the pan, letting the golden sludge coat her fingers as she sucked it off. No 'fuck me' eyes, no deliberate dragging of fingertips over pouted lips. No, this was pure fucking indulgence. For a brief, caramel slathered moment of a purely childish whim, her body belonged more to her than it had done for years. Anyway, Caramel. Yeah, it's what Cassandra told him meth reminds her of; bubbling away on that slither of foil. Smoking, snorting, inhaling, whatever: she could tolerate that. Injecting, she could not. Said it made her agitated, that she could almost hear the puncture of the skin's jelly when the needle went through.

That was why Cassandra is so fucking jumpy, now. Through the coke, speed and crass commentary on their supposed sex life, she'd remained calm. Like an amateur form of astral projection, she had described it as while doing their laundry in his kitchen sink, you detach yourself from your body. I ain't really there, just a vehicle for what I need it to give me in that moment. It's just meat at the end of the day. Meat that is serving as a vehicle for a purpose: money, sex, drug receptacle, exercise, etc. A theory that had held up until now; the restlessness of discomfort and boredom making her squirm on his lap. Rust tries to reign her in with a firm forearm pressed to her stomach, which works, until her sharp, glossy nails start to dig into his skin, leaving little half-moons adorning the tick leather of his biker jacket.

'Cool it. Two more beers and I'll take you home,' he mutters into her ear, his forearm pressing her deeper into his chest as he does so.

'You think you're fucking driving after the shit you've put in your system?! Boy, you must be out of your fucking mind. No, I'll be the one driving,' Cassandra spits back, her acerbic tone warranting the attention of a few surrounding Iron Crusaders who can't resist to add in their two cents,

'You gonna let your woman talk to you like that, Crash?' a biker called Razor teases, a lacerating edge to his voice. The cocktail of drugs and liquor pulsating through his bloodstream mixed with powder keg that is Cassandra are putting Rust's nerves on a knife edge. If he was a better (and more sober) man, he might've treated her better, might have allowed himself more tenderness in her regard. But he's not and he can't. Any sign of weakness and the suspicion will grow and fester like mould, and he's not the only one with the fucking gun pressed to his temple: Cassandra's right there with him. Except it won't be gun for her. No, those fuckers will relish in finding a far more sadistic, humiliating way to prove the dominance of the Iron Crusaders. And the worst part? Cassandra's 'punishment' will only be an extension of his own. What's more denigrating than that? That the violence, just like the body it is inflicted upon, doesn't belong to you. Rust tries to justify how he's about to act with that train a thought but quickly pushes it down. He's past the delusion that justification facilitates. Once you hit a dog, you need to kill it. Otherwise, it'll rip you to shreds.

'Trust me, she knows her place. She's just acting up in the hopes that I give it to her a little rougher, tonight,' he deadpans, before grabbing her chin and tilting her head back so that they can make eye contact, 'But she should be careful. Much more out of that smart, little mouth of hers and I'll use it as a fuckin' ashtray.'

Fuck, he sees the pure ire that that phrase elicits from Cassandra's eyes over the whoops of the Crusaders.

'Try it and I swear to God I will spit it right back in your fucking face,' she borderline snarls at him. All this over some needles, baby? Rust thinks, his now non-existent sobriety only allowing his apathy towards her recklessness stretch only so far.

'Cassandra, baby,' he crassly pats her cheek a couple times like you would a pet, 'I'm giving you a total of 10 seconds to shut that mouth before I occupy it with somethin' much more useful for me and much more entertainin' for my brothers than your sass mouthin'.'

'You fu-' she doesn't get the word out before Rust stands up, lurching her body up with him: her abdomen folded over his forearm while supported by a firm hand on her crotch. Definitely uncomfortable, he muses, maybe even a little painful. Though, he'd feel a lot fucking worse if his hand wasn't pressed up against a wetness that is about two hours in the making. He puts her down,

'We're leaving.'

'No, we ain't. My stuff's still in the back-'

'Do you have shoes?' Rust deadpans.

Cassandra glances down to her Tony Lamas, 'Yeah, but-'

'Then you can walk to my fuckin' truck and sit your ass in it. You'll get your shit tomorrow.'

She stares at him and, beneath the gelid fury of her features, he sees a deep, burning desires; that same burning that reduced Troy to ashes. All over one man's fucking desire. That's what everything in this god forsaken world boils down to: that carnal, visceral act of sex. And everything is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power; a power that Rust and Cassandra are fighting for. Oh he sees it in her eyes, all right. Poor baby, don't you know a working a pole or giving a lap dance is one thing, Rust thinks. But Cassandra already knows that dance and she knows this word; her gaze carries the authority of a girl weaned on the milk of a world where icy, serious shit happens. Insatiable thing as always, his Cassandra. Like a sordid, seedy-underbelly inversion of the ingenue blossoming into the woman, Cassandra needs the heady, briny smell of the room, to lick the salt of sweat from his temple, for him to fuck her because she's been cold for too long and the burn won't matter cause fire is fire.

He yanks her arm, pulling her out of the club with him, as he calls over his shoulder to the Crusaders with mean grin,

'Don't wait up for me, boys. Try not to bleed Ginger of all his money, the fucker owes me a rematch.'

Met with some whoops and 'alrights', Rust pushes open the heavy, mirror door and pulls her towards his truck. Wrenching open the passenger side door, he all but throws her inside. When he sits down, Cassandra pounces on him, trying to get a few slaps on him before he shoves her back down.

'Is that your idea of fucking payment, huh? Yeah, let's just degrade the bitch infront of the rest of those pigs. That'll show her who's in charge,' she seethes.

He yanks on the stick shift and pulls out of the lot, now speeding down the road back to the trailer park,

'You know, Cass? You being angry at me would be a lot more effective if I couldn't smell how wet you are.'

Rust braces for the slap, tensing his hands on the wheel so as to not lose control of the truck but Cassandra just stares at him, dumbfounded. A flush creeps up on her collarbones. Whether it's from shame or the pure shock of arousal, Rust doesn't know. He contents himself with either outcome.

'Are you gonna fuck me, tonight?' in a voice so meek and whispered that it should never be used to speak those words. Rust takes as sharp inhale of the Camel he just lit,

'Yeah. But I ain't touching you 'til we're home.'

'Why the hell not?'

He glances back over to her, giving her a one over in those white, lace bra and panties, those endless legs in the worn leather of her cowboy boots,

'I wanna see how wet you can get without me even touching you.'

Very, Rust discovers, as he has her strip off in the middle of the trailer and hand him the damp panties.

'Shit, baby. All I have to do is manhandle you a bit, huh?' Rust murmurs, tilting them in his palm to admire the glisten under the nauseating, yellow overhead light.

'Crash, I-'

'Shut the fuck up and put this on,' he says, handing her his heavy, leather biker jacket. She stares at him before taking the jacket and shrugging it on. Gunpowder, liquor, tobacco and sweat. The cool metal of the zipper does nothing to soothe the burning of her skin, where it rests on the bulge of her breasts.

'Turn around,' Rust mutters and, still staggered by the brazen act of possession he's just performed, Cassandra obliges; demonstrating the embroidered High Speed Low Drag Son of a Bitch and Iron Crusaders emblem on the back. The jacket ends just above the curve of her ass, the sleeves slightly too long: the overall effect should give some sleazy, leather-clad Lolita effect but it doesn't. Not with how his Cassandra rolls back her shoulders, juts her hip and lifts her chin when she turns to face him, again. Those cool, dark eyes regarding him with the wisdom of a girl too young to contain the effervescence of passion and danger that Cassandra does.

'I said turn around.'

She bites the inside of her cheek but turns and Rust lands a stinging smack on her ass, making her jump pathetically.

'Go lie down on your back. Keep that jacket on,' and again, she acquiesces. Once lying down, Rust hovers over her and retrieves the single stack 9mm and a small ziplock bag containing white powder, from the inner pocket. That stirs Cassandra from the lethargy of want she's been under,

'Are you fucking serious?' she sits up on her elbows, the jacket falling slightly open and exposing the contrast of tanned skin with the milk paleness of her breasts.

'With the shit in my bloodstream, I have about an hour before I start getting cold sweats and convulsions. An hour ain't gonna be nowhere near enough time to do what I intend to do to you. So, hold still,' he drawls before placing a heavy hand on her sternum, pushing her back down and scraping a line on one of her tits. She feels a jolt in her stomach before an embarrassing rush of heat between her thighs as he lowers himself and inhales it off of her, jerking his head back as the chemicals merge into his bloodstream, plunging him into white hot, acidic ecstasy. He reaches down and runs his fingers at the seam of her core, rubbing that little nub,

'Where's all that attitude now, baby? I don't have to be mean about this, y'know?' Rust murmurs, now grinding the underside of his palm into her wet heat. Cassandra gulps down a moan as she responds,

'You do,' she half states, half whimpers.

'You're right. I do,' as he smiles that nasty smile again and lands another sharp smack, on her core this time which elicits a choked moan from her.

'Back up, baby. Go further onto the bed,' Rust says before standing to his full height as Cassandra awkwardly shuffles back, the jacket now hanging off of one of her shoulders.

'I should fuck you from the back, that way you might finally learn some fuckin' manners,' Rust says, pulling off his shirt and dropping to his knees onto the mattress. Cassandra scoffs, that usual incorrigibility bubbling up. Fuck, he has her naked, wearing his fucking biker jacket and she can still summon that rancour, the one nurtured by a life of obsolete promises, blood on linoleum floors and the way your first cigarette tastes more bitter than the rest as it's now your only remaining comfort after daddy not holding you anymore. Never one for insipidity, Cassandra spits back, acrimonious,

'What? So, you don't have to look me in the eyes like a real man when you come?'

Rust lets out a harsh huff of laughter, devoid of any amusement, 'All this sass mouthin' from someone who's practically humpin' the sheets for some release.'

Which earns a kick from Cassandra, foot aimed at his nose before he grabs her ankle, hauling her leg over his shoulder; the abrupt movement making her core rub against the denim of his crotch. The sudden friction making her inadvertently buck against him. Rust looks down,

'Either you stop that or I will make you get off with just this,' he drawls and Cassandra doesn't even have the strength to argue.

'Please, Crash, please. You know I'll let you do anything you want.'

He hums, tempted, while he unzips his trousers and pulls down his boxers,

'Your pussy's too good for you to be givin' yourself away this easy.'

'How would you know?' she breathes out.

'Wasn't born yesterday, Cass. Pussy this wet,' he grunts, sliding in two fingers straight, 'and this tight, don't come easy and it don't come often. Plus, since whoever or whatever made you, made you fuckin' perfect in every goddamn way, I doubt they skimped on this.'

She moans, too dazed with fucking herself on his fingers to really notice the compliment. He lowers himself onto his forearms and blows gently onto her seam,

'No, no, no, Crash. You're gonna make me dry, it's gonna hurt,' Cassandra whimpers out, squirming before he brings his tattooed forearm to rest on her stomach, pinning her down. He looks up at her, ceasing his fingers movements,

'It should fuckin' hurt. Way you've been actin' all night.'

'Please, please, Crash,' she sobs.

Rust hums pensively before sitting up on his knees, grabbing a fistful of Cassandra's hair, to yank her head up, and holding out his slick fingers in front of her mouth,

'You don't want it to hurt, baby?' he murmurs in that dangerous, velvety drawl.

'No.'

'Fine. Spit on it,' he deadpans, keeping his hand in front of her. And she does it.

'So, you can behave,' he says, rubbing the wetness on her core, not that she needs it with how it's running down her and onto his sheets. That tart, salty smell; so distinctly woman. We're all just fuckin' animals. Monkeys, Rust thinks. But right now, as he slides his cock into the whimpering mess of tanned limbs and leather beneath him, he feels more human than he has in years. He recalls reading about negative utility: we as humans don't actually really care about pleasure, just minimising suffering. Bullshit. This fucking hurts, it hurts with how hard he is, the ache in his knees from holding this position, the burn of the capillaries in his nose from chemical erosion. He knows hurts for Cassandra, too; way that she's gasping and choking, poor baby probably hasn't got it since prom night. But, fuck, if he wants it. This pain is only whetting his appetite for the pleasure to come, as he feels Cassandra already pulsating around him; like the moment right after he takes LSD when his mouths tastes like blood just before he tastes colours. In this pleasure-pain maelstrom, his definitions start to fade. Yes, he feels more human right now than he has in years, since he has since he saw the mess of blood and teeth on his driveway. Rust looks down at Cassandra, a gleam of sweat on her brow just like his own. As the culmination of living takes over his thrusts and his senses, the only thing grounding him is her voice, like a mantra,

'Crash.'

[sparklingmineraltequila]

American Wasteland

Note: This chapter is dark. If you're uncomfortable with the things I put in the warnings, do not read it. If you are old enough to be reading this fic, then you are old enough to monitor your media consumption. This is a work of fiction inspired by an equally dark TV show. If the things that happen in this chapter ever happen to you in real life, there are resources online and people you can talk to. Coercive sex with substances is assault and never your fault.

Warnings: 18+, drugs, alcohol, references to past abuse, dubious consent, coercion to have sex: experienced by both parties, smut, references to sex work, references to sexual violence

Drenched in opiates and regret: Rust's current state of mind. Cold sweats, a power drill mashing into the soft pulp of his brain and an incessant need to vomit the liquor and random drive-thru burger congealing in his stomach: consequences of chasing the dragon. Cassandra isn't talking to him, having spent the past two days sulking and abstaining. Not since he left her like that, trembling on the bathroom floor which Rust doesn't have much sympathy about; something that only infuriates Cassandra further.

He'd found her bookmarking something in one of her textbooks when he got back, perched on the end of the mattress in her cotton sleeping shorts and some faded t-shirt with the hem coming loose. She hadn't even glanced up.

'Gonna kick up another one of your fusses, Cass?' Rust had stated rather than actually asked, opening the fridge to find the carton of Tropicana in an attempt to stave off the impending withdrawal. Cassandra had stayed silent, underlining a specific paragraph on Tort Law with laughable concentration. The slammed fridge door and soft thud of his jacket on the counter had roused her,

'That's real fucking mean of you. What you did before,'

'You sound like a kid, Cassandra.'

That had made her clench her jaw, 'Just cause I'm younger than you doesn't mean you can call me a kid and speak down to me whenever we argue.'

'We ain't arguing,' Rust had said, lighting a cigarette with a nonchalance that had only served to piss Cassandra off even more,

'I am.'

'You are,' he'd agreed with that same aloofness.

'Oh, screw you, Crash,' Cassandra had said, dumping her textbook to the side of the mattress, 'You want to take that fucking attitude with me? Fine but you ain't touching me. You don't get to play that shit with me.'

'All this cause I didn't make you come?' Rust had sucked the air through his teeth in mock condescension, 'You gotta be tougher than that, baby. You ain't gonna last two fuckin' seconds if you pout this much over a lil' fun.' It's not about that. Well, maybe slightly but far from entirely. What Rust did completely fucks the power dynamics between the two of them and scares the shit out of Cassandra. In a place where the pleasure that a woman can give is her currency, a man who can upheave the situation, like Rust did, is terrifying to a girl like Cassandra. That smooth, slippery heat between a woman's legs and the place where the perfume collects between her neck and jaw has seen more men tamed than any guns or money ever have. Even in this, the shittiest armpit of Houston's outer bayous, more deals have been struck and information shared on the creaky plastic covering of cheap motel beds, in hazes of post-orgasm cigarettes, than in any biker bar. Rust's unwavering clarity is dangerous to Cassandra; it plunges her into a near total state of vulnerability that no languid neck rubs or 'Come to bed, baby''s can salvage her from. This isn't some tantrum of a neglected, over-stimulated brat (for the most part) but a desperate scrambling of a girl who's had her entire way of securing safety ripped from underneath her. Rust had almost felt pity gnawing at his gut as she stands there, smooth, tanned limbs and thin cotton. Almost. He'd left the conversation at a biting,

'Grow up.'

He's doing her a favour, really. Rust has warned her of the man he was. He's always considered the mark of a weak person to be an obsession with fulfilment and satisfaction. You didn't get exactly what you wanted? Life kick you right in the fucking teeth? Tough shit. All these fucking plans, all of these futile, paper thin dreams, all this me-me-me; people too blinded by the convictions of their own desires, blinded by how things should be to see how they really are. Judeo-Christian God type shit, Rust thought, Givin' people that false sense of cosmic importance and righteousness. Cassandra can't afford that type of naive idealism and she has never indulged it until now; Rust is making her soft. Cassandra has spent the past couple days giving him monosyllabic answers and looking like she's eating sorrow by the spoonful before Rust shatters it.

It all comes to a head when Ginger tells him to bring Cassandra that night, to the Iron Crusaders' clubhouse. To get better acquainted with your new piece; gotta make sure she's worth the trouble she gave you last time, he'd said with Rust practically being able to see the slobber foaming at the corners of his mouth. And Rust agrees coming to the resolution that those fuckers would never touch Cassandra without him giving them the get go. For once, the archaic machismo of biker gang rules have their perks. Rust is many things and green isn't one of them; he knows whatever is happening tonight isn't going to be the usual liquor, gambling and shooting random shit routine. They would've just pestered Cassandra at the club, if so. He had considered leaving her here, denying Ginger would've aroused suspicion and been a one way ticket to a bullet it his temple, but the best chance she has at getting through whatever perverse shit they have planned is with him. So, Rust does another line to offset the impending cold sweats and to iodise his blood with some of that sharp, hot sting that only something completely fabricated in a lab by man or grown by the raw fucking ingenuity of nature, deep in the Colombian jungle, can give you. As Cassandra comes out of the shower, wrapped in a towel, Rust fixes her with a frigid tone,

'Get dressed. We're goin' out.'

'I ain't going anywhere with you,' Cassandra bites back, making her first eye contact with him in 48 hours. Rust can feels the coke frying his nerves to a fucking charr,

'I didn't ask, I said we're goin'. Don't play around with me tonight, Cassandra. This is serious shit you're fuckin' with.'

She stares at him with those deep, glossy eyes: colour of the molasses Rust used to eat straight from the jar as a boy, that turn to the colour of whiskey in the sun, the one he drinks now that he's a man. He sees it click, she's too smart for it not to. Not the same, calculated intelligence of wariness, in an attempt to avoid the meat thresher. No, that's reserved for girls who exist with the downy padding of money and someone who actually gives two shits about what happens to them. The other girls, those who exist in the dirty cracks between church on Sundays and family dinners, in liquor soaked childhoods with busted bathroom locks and hard leather belts, don't get that luxury. They have the opposite intelligence of momentum: knowing when to ride fast and hard, saying fuck it right into the maws of the beast cause no one's ever protected you so may as well go down looking the fucker in the eye instead of hiding in the corner, like you did as a little girl. Cassandra has that momentum now, as she asks,

'Where are we going?' wrapping the towel tighter around herself, almost as if to comfort herself for the answer she knows is coming.

'Iron Crusaders' clubhouse. Ginger wanted to see you again.'

She looks at him like a spooked horse: head rearing back, eyes wide with fear. Rust plants his hands firmly on those delicate shoulders as she panics,

'I ain't going there, Crash. No, no, no. I'm serious, they'll-'

Rust cuts her off, pulling her into his chest and stroking her hair; his own tenderness taking him by surprise,

'Easy, easy, baby,' he leans down to murmur into her ear, cigarette smoke on his breath, 'This ain't somethin' I'm taking lightly. They won't do anythin' to you that I don't let them do first. Biker gang ethics.'

'Will you? Let them do something to me?'

'No,' Rust says and he means it. Not them.

They ride Rust's, or Crash's, Harley over to the clubhouse. Nights like these are when Rust feels his definitions fading. No more Sophia, no more mowing his lawn and having to watch out for her toys in the grass, no more of those incredible fucking birthdays that there will only ever be two of, no more of those horrific fights with Claire over whether his baby girl should be reduced to a pile of ash or shut in a box and shoved under the cold, wet dirt. That shit is gone and the only thing worth a damn to him, in a way that he can't yet reconcile, is gripping onto him for dear life with trembling hands and stiff arms. Rust is past empty platitudes. He knows who Crash is and it nauseates him when he thinks of what he's going to have to allow himself to do. Cassandra swings her leg over the bike to dismount, her bare leg red and raw from the wind on the ride over. She looks over her shoulder at Rust coming up behind her, placing his hand on her lower back before sliding it down to her ass. As they walk up to the entrance, he mutters gruffly to her,

'Whatever I tell you to do, you do it, you hear?'

'That's not real reassuring,' she glances up at him.

'I ain't trying to be.'

'Course you ain't.'

'I ain't gonna give you a fuckin' forehead kiss and gold star, if that's what you're askin',' Rust states, dryly.

'Yeah, cause that's exactly how we've done it up until now,' Cassandra shoots back, an acerbic sarcasm to her tone.

'That's exactly what I mean. That attitude. You got anymore of that, you get it out of your system now.'

The cold authority of his tone catches her attention,

'Crash?' she asks, her voice a fraction of what it was a moment ago.

'Yeah, Cass?'

'Why the hell am I here?'

'Pure, dumb fuckin' ontological chance. And a damn unlucky one at that.'

'I meant literally, asshole.'

'If we're bein' crass about it: eye candy,' Rust says and internally begs for that to be it. That Ginger and the rest of the boys just want a look at some tits that they've had their eyes on for a couple months and maybe, with a bit of liquor in her, get an idea for how Rust fucks her in bed. And Cassandra, ever the sharp one, is playing the part. A slight thing, all clad in denim and leather, with the outline of her bra's thick embroidery pushing against a cheap, cotton tank top. Their damsel in distress, a trailer park princess that they can save from those stifling, cicada serenaded afternoons of heat and boredom. Plunge her into the cool of the wind whipping past a cruising Harley, of the condensation on a loaded Jack and Coke, of that cold needle sinking into her vein for the first time. They want her, right there in heavily inked arms and bulging biceps, hands that'll hit just as hard as daddy did but in different places until they too become the same. Who'll warn her paternally to be wary of nasty men like them, before kissing her in a very un-paternal way. So Rust leads her through the clubhouse, to the backroom where Ginger told him he'd be and right into the lion's den, hand on her ass and self-loathing in his gut.

'Crash! Over here, brother!' Ginger is sat surrounded by other Crusaders, all varying degrees of drunk and high, most both. Kit is strewn on some greasy table, along with an assortment of Lone Star and Blue Ribbon cans. Rust settles himself on the chair that Ginger pulls out for him, patting his lap to indicate to Cassandra to sit on it which she does, to his relief. Ginger leers at her,

'Well missy, you calmed down since I last saw you? You ain't givin' our Crash anymore trouble, huh? Cause we ain't got much patience for women like that 'round here. None at all. Ain't that right boys?'

Ginger is met with a bunch of whoops and Damn rights before looking back at Rust,

'She behavin' herself?'

Rust pinches a freshly lit cigarette between his fingers,

'Damn right she is. Gave her a good lesson,' he smacks the inside of her thigh, causing Cassandra to inadvertently open them, 'Open your thighs, baby. Let 'em see that you know how I feel about that insubordination.'

That purple bruising is still visible and, earns whistles and laughter from the Crusaders. Cassandra clenches her jaw and snaps her legs shut, a defiance that doesn't go unnoticed from Ginger,

'You still got somethin' to say, girl?'

'No,' Cassandra replies softly but firmly.

'No, my ass. You got a hell of a chip on your shoulder, girl. Can see it from here.'

Rust takes another sharp inhale of smoke,

'Easy, Ginger. She's still learnin' how to be. Practically still wet behind the ears about half the shit I teach her. Fuck man, you should hear the sounds she makes,' throwing in the crude remark as a way to appease the hoard of doped up, drunks with their dicks almost in their hands and their .38s right next to them.

'Figured. S'why I got you a present, brother.'

'Oh yeah? Fuckin' Santa come early?' Rust drawls dryly, thumb rubbing circles on Cassandra's thigh. Ginger chuckles, eyes full of malice,

'Nah, not exactly,' he pulls a white block from the inside of his own biker jacket and dumps it own the table. Rust looks at it, unimpressed, and asks,

'Coke? Is it the good shit?'

Ginger pulls out his switchblade and grabs the saran-wrapped block off of the table, again,

'Courtesy of Miles. Special batch cut with some Molly, real loopy shit.'

'Who the fuck is lookin' for that mix?'

'Pimps. Both get their girls going quicker and faster, for longer.'

A muscle in Rusts's jaw twitches at that and he feels Cassandra tense in his lap,

'I look like a pimp to you, motherfucker?'

'Nah, Crash, but you havin' problems with your lady, ain't you?'

Rust's stomach churns bile at the implications of what Ginger's suggesting and he feels Cassandra go completely rigid. He takes another inhale,

'I don't need coke to get my girl to fuck me, Ginger.'

'Oh I know you don't, 'way you've got that bunny perched in your lap all pretty. This is just to relax her up a bit, show her that one way or another she gon' give it up to you,' Ginger says grinning, ill-intent smothering his words like a slime. He pulls out his switchblade to cut through the seran-wrap and scoop out some of the powder.

'I don't need to coke to do that, either,' Rust says, with the bile now threatening to creep up.

'Consider it quality control, then. She takes a hit and you see how good this shit really is. Then, I report back to Miles,' Ginger's tone now taking on an edge of hardness. Rust recognises the switch, the cool, gun metal against his and Cassandra's temple feels tangible with every syllable pronounced. Harming himself is one thing, this is entirely another. So, Rust doesn't know if he'll ever forgive himself as he looks at Ginger and says,

'Let me do the honours,' carefully taking the blade from Ginger as to not spill any powder. As he holds it under Cassandra's nose, she looks like she might cry. A shaky exhale blows some powder off of the blade, coating Rust's dark jeans in it,

'Don't fuck around, baby. Inhale the goddamn stuff,' Rust says, voice stiff from anger and tension. A trembling hand comes to press her other nostril shut, those same raw nail beds he first noticed in his truck, driving her to that crappy diner. She takes a jerky inhale, like a kid would; trying to imitate how she's seen people snort a line on TV. Those same trembling hands come to hastily brush away the powder smeared around her nose. It's not enough. If Rust is going to have to do this to her, he wants her so far gone that she won't have to deal with any emotions apart from complete ecstasy during the act itself. He wonders momentarily if it's more unethical to drug her up even more, to strip her of personhood and bodily autonomy more than he and Ginger already have, but pushes the thought away. What part of any of this is fucking ethical? He grabs the block and digs out some more powder with the blade, before taking it on his thumb and roughly smearing it against Cassandra's gums. Much to Rust's revulsion, Ginger and the other Crusaders laugh gleefully, like little boys throwing stones at dogs, all over again. Cruelty as entertainment. Only this time, the dog is Cassandra. She blinks hard a few times. This is the coke, Rust thinks, The molly will take another half hour. Rust wants to get her out of here, minimise the degradation. He pats her thigh,

'Let's go to a backroom, baby. See if Ginger is all talk 'bout this shit.'

Cassandra stumbles up, a thin sheen of sweat starting to gather on her temples, pupils blown out. Ginger and the other Crusaders let out jeering laughter, tinted with unmistakable hunger, as they watch Rust stands up and land a heavy smack on Cassandra's ass, as his says,

'Right down there, baby. First door on the left.'

Some Iron Crusader who reeks of beer and day-old sweat shouts behind them,

'Fuck off some of her baby fat, Crash!' and Rust makes a promise to himself to make that fucker swallow his teeth when this is done.

The coke is making Cassandra jumpy as Rust pushes her into the backroom: just a mattress on the floor and some random lamp next to it. It looks like the set of some fucked up, illegal torture porn movie. Not too different from what actually goes on in here, with the sounds he hears and the way some of the hookers emerge from the door. Rust briefly feels a pang of guilt for having to screw Cassandra in this room, on that mattress but he quickly pushes the arrogant sanctimony of the thought away. Who the fuck does he think he is? What truly separates him from those other men? Neither of their girls had any choice in the matter, not really. Prostitution is a way that men can justify abusing and objectifying vulnerable women just to get their dick wet, by paying them some cash. What choice do you have when you're 17 with a raging Crystal addiction, two cents to your name and a home that you'd rather fuck a truck driver for a twenty than go back to? He hasn't given Cassandra a choice, either. She's now pushed him against the door, the drug throbbing hot through her veins, as she sloppily licks and kisses at his jaw,

'Fuck, Crash, I can fucking feel it,' she bites at his neck, the coke making her agitated, ravenous. He pushes her back,

'Just take off your shorts and underwear. This is gonna be fast, baby.'

Cassandra gives that defiant, little pout,

'I don't want it to be fast. I want you to take your time, be mean like you usually do.'

'This ain't like usual.'

'I know. I'm so much wetter than I've ever been.'

Rust clenches his jaw so hard that the vein in his temple starts to protrude,

'I ain't fuckin' playin' games, here. Take off your shorts and underwear, and lie down on the goddamn bed, Cassandra.'

She stares at him cooly before peeling off that thin leather jacket followed by her tank top, and then throwing her top at Rust's face,

'You made me take it.'

'I know I did.'

'Yeah, you did. So, the least you could do is fuck me good, like you usually do,' she says, stumbling out of her boots and shimmying out of her shorts which she dangles on her foot, before kicking them in his direction, too. Now in just her bra and panties, she sits on the edge of the mattress,

'Please.'

'I'll fuck you however I want. Get on your hands and knees, Cassandra,' Rust says, unbuckling his belt. She does as he says, too eagerly for his liking, as she arches her back: deep and low,

'Please, please, Crash,' and from this angle, he can see that wetness she was talking about; making the thin, grey polyester of her underwear dark and shiny. He palms it roughly, the stress and repulsive nature of the situation making him cruel,

'I'd keep that shit to yourself, Cass. This wet and I haven't even had to work for it?'

She moans, too far gone to feel any embarrassment,

'I'm always wet for you. I've been like this for the past two days.'

'Too proud to just suck it up and let me fuck you, hm?' Rust says, moving her panties to the side to see the glistening slit. Just the feeling of the cold air on her dampness has Cassandra arching her back even deeper and whimpering,

'Please, please, I'll take it anywhere you want me to. Even-'

Rust clamps his hand over her mouth,

'Don't.'

When he lets go, a small string of spit follows Rust's hand. Cassandra has desperately unfastened her bra, the sweat on her body starting to shine and drip. This is the Molly kicking in, Rust thinks. He grabs her throat, pulling her up from her hands and knees, to where she's on her knees with her back pressed against his chest. A calloused hand reaches down into the waistline of her panties and down to caress her swollen heat,

'Never in my goddamn life have I had pussy this eager, This the drugs or just you?' he mutters into her ear.

'The drugs,' Cassandra says back, just to be her usual incorrigible self. A futile task with how she's soaking through her panties and rubbing her ass on the hardness in his jeans. Rust lets out a deep, rumbling scoff of laughter at his girl's incessant need to be a pain in the ass and plunges a two fingers deep inside of her,

'Bullshit.'

The sudden feeling of being filled up is almost too much for Cassandra's ecstasy riddled brain to reconcile with. Everything is so sensitive, so swollen with blood and heat and chemical euphoria. She squeezes and pulses around his fingers,

'Crash, if you move, I think I'm gonna have to come,' she gasps out.

'This ain't about that, tonight.'

Spoken too late. All Rust was trying to do was ease the pain of the stretch, allow her that mercy, at least, but that's enough for Cassandra, who lets out an obscenely load moan, writhing against where he keeps her firmly in place, on his chest. Rust hums pensively,

'You make a mess and you're gonna have to clean it up, baby,' he murmurs, shoving his soaking fingers into her mouth before pushing her back down to being on all fours,

'Hold still.'

She hears him unzip her jeans and shuffle around behind her, as aligns himself to her slit,

'You're not even gonna get undressed?' she says, too out of it to sound really hurt as she tries to ease herself onto his dick.

'Like I said, this ain't gonna be like we usually do it,' Rust grits out, not wanting to make this any closer to what real sex should be.

One firm hand holds her hip still, while the other pushes on her lower back, making her back arch and her face press into the mattress. Cassandra thinks it's for the sex appeal, Rust knows it's cause her can't look her in the eyes as he does this: fucks her while she's out of her mind on the drugs he forced into her. Some twenty year old girl, living with him, helping him shave when she can't take the stubble burn on her thighs and throat, cooking her terrible, lumpy pancakes and leaving him some in the fridge for the ungodly times he gets back. This kid, no mascara or lingerie or practiced 'tough girl' ease can hide the juvenile trust in her eye as she looks over her shoulder,

'Please. It kinda hurts. Just fuck me and make it stop. It's so....much.'

Rust could be sick as he pushes herself into her heat and she fucking whimpers. The room is filled with the sound of skin slapping; he's being too rough. He can see the poor thing desperately gripping onto the soiled mattress as she grips onto her hips, leaving more bruises. Good. Let it hurt. I want to see it. Don't let me forget what I've done to her, Rust thinks. Cassandra opens her legs wider and sinks deeper into the mattress, practically limp from pleasure except for her hips which firmly meet his thrusts and the trembling of her thighs. A shaky hand comes to rub the nub at the apex of her thighs,

'Jesus-fuck,' she chokes out, a tear dripping down her face as her first orgasm hits while Rust is still inside of her. The stretch of him compared with the intense pulsating of her walls becoming borderline painful. Rust clenches his jaw, not one to succumb to tight pussy that easy. He runs a hand up her spine, along the smooth outlines of her vertebrae,

'You need to eat more, baby,' through a grunt.

'There's-fuck-there's no fucking way you're lecturing me right now,' she gasps out, squealing when Rust's hand slips down from the base of her spine to caress her little nub, himself.

'No, no, it's still too sensitive,' Cassandra says, trying to squirm away. Rust isn't in the fucking mood, though; just wanting to keep her drunk off of sex and drugs until he makes himself come as fast as possible, and get her the fuck out of here.

'Shut the fuck up and take it. I ain't askin' you to do a goddamn thing but lie there and fuckin' take what I give you,' Rust mutters, voice thick with exertion and the crescendo of his orgasm.

'But-'

A loud smack on her ass shuts her up,

'Stay. Still.'

And she does, letting out lewd moans as he fucks into her, watching her arousal literally drip out of her. His course hair semi-rubbing against her clit is enough to bring Cassandra to come as Rust reach his own orgasm, grunting and wallowing in self-disgust as he watches himself seep out of her. The sight, had it been in another circumstance, would have probably turned him own: the milky fluid running down those tanned thighs. In this case, it only cements that anti-natalism that has started to permanently solidify itself in his psyche. That an act as brutal and exploitative can qualify as the origins of a pure, innocent life which will be subjected to similarly brutal and exploitative things. Fuck it. Fuck this goddamn filth and squalor of a world. As he stands up, pulling up his boxers and jeans simultaneously, Cassandra is lying crumpled on the mattress. As if the seduction of drug induced stupor has been ripped away, she reaches between her legs and scoops up the mix of their arousals, wincing slightly due to the extreme sensitivity. The copious slick coats her fingers and Rust is unsure of the vacant expression on her face; usually, she would've made a show of licking it off, slowly and staring him right in the eye. Now, she bursts into tears. Rust doesn't know what to do but dress the poor girl. She's fucking terrified, he thinks, She doesn't want a hug or a kiss, she needs to feel some semblance of control, again. Slowly, he eases her off of the mattress, trying to ignore the stab in his gut when she initially flinches.

'Easy, easy, baby,' he murmurs to her, for the second time that night.

He slides on her underwear, cleaning up the trail of his cum with a pack of Kleenexes that Cassandra keeps in her pocket, another devastatingly intimate detail that only amplifies his self-loathing On goes the rest of her clothing: shorts, bra and tank top, all the while with silent tears running down Cassandra's face. Rust guides her out of the room, pressed tightly against his side, as he guides her through the heady haze of cigarette smoke and acrid sweat on leather balsam that characterises the Iron Crusaders' clubhouse. Some stare, others wink at him or smack him on the back in congratulations, no doubt at Cassandra's tear-stained face and shaking legs. She keeps twitching and rubbing at her nose, the drugs fizzing in her nose are probably turning her capillaries to mangled, bloody sludge. Rust reminds himself to give her a towel tonight to staunch any possible nosebleeds. The air is cloying and humid when they exit, like you could eat it with a spoon; while the nocturnal sounds of cicadas and bullfrogs paint a deceptively picturesque scene. Rust leads Cassandra over to the Harley, going to ease her leg over the seat before she sharply interjects,

'I can do this shit for myself.'

'I know you can,' Rust replies, stiffly but in a soft tone.

'I can do this shit for myself and handle myself, I-I can-' her train of speech, almost a mantra, is cut off by big shuddering sobs. Rust looks her in the eye and sees that 18 year old again, showing up to the strip club for the first time in a freshly washed set, smelling of fresh cotton, with a need to make rent, that 15 year old knowing that if she wears that dress to the mechanic he'll probably give her a discount on her daddy's oil change, money that can go towards keeping the lights on, that 10 year old girl sitting on cold bathroom tiles at 2am, telling herself that her daddy won't hit her cause he's her daddy. A girl who has always known how things need to be handled and has no qualms about getting her hands dirty in the lurid shit expected of a young girl at the mercy of poverty and men.

'I know,' Rust mutters, getting on himself, and guiding her to wrapping her arms around him. It doesn't surprise him when she holds on for dear life, wrapping her arms around his torso and taking deep inhales of the smell of his biker jacket, as the engine rumbles to life. This tranquility lasts for a couple minutes before Cassandra is digging her nails into his neck, shouting Pull the fuck over against the wind. Rust obliges and watches as she scrambles off to vomit on the edge of the road, crumpling to her knees in the process. He doesn't get much closer, watching her cooly from the Harley which is parked on the side of the dark road. After a few more retches and dry heaves, Cassandra turns to regard him over her shoulder, still hunched on her knees. A look in which Rust sees hatred, fear, rage and a morbid sense of almost respect. She spits the last remnants of sick out into the foliage before speaking,

'I don't know who the fuck you are, Crash, and I don't want to know. You read all those fucking books, you never talk about yourself, you ain't like the other Iron Crusaders. I can see it in your eyes when they spew that chauvinistic, white supremacist bullshit that you can't fucking stand them. You have your own twisted and oblique set of rules for yourself which you never deviate from. You ain't a fucking biker, not like these ones.'

Rust looks at her cooly, 'You threatenin' me with somethin', Cass?'

'No. I told you: I don't want to know. Only thing it's gonna do is get me into deeper shit.'

'So, why are you telling me this?'

'Cause I want you to know that I ain't stupid.'

'I know you ain't stupid, Cass.'

'And I ain't okay with what happened tonight.'

'Neither am I.'

She starts to work herself up again, her breaths becoming fast and shaky, 'I ain't safe here. I ain't never been safe anywhere but I definitely ain't, here. Tonight proved that.'

'Tonight proved a lot,' Rust replies, a trace of self-loathing evident in his tone, 'I'm a bad man, Cass.'

'I know.'

'So, what the fuck are you doin'?'

'I don't give a fuck if you're a bad man. I've spent my life around them. I just need to know that you'll keep me fucking safe. That's it. I just need to know that you can keep all those other bad men away, like those tonight,' she's now crying again, voice thick with it as she asks,

'Can you keep me safe, Rust?'

Rust looks at Cassandra, taking a look at her pathetic form and plea. He recalls reading something that Nietzsche wrote: eternal return. Does he want to do this action an infinite amount of times, into perennial continuity. He knows his answer, what he wants to reply an infinite amount of times over, he has a duty here,

'Yes.'

[sparklingmineraltequila]

American Wasteland

Note: Part three. I realised I never specified an exact timeframe so I'm clarifying that this is the last few year/months of him being undercover, about '94 Rust. I'm an ao3 girl so I'm figuring out how to lay fics out on Tumblr. Deeply appreciate everyone who's reading

Warnings: Drugs, drinking, swearing, smut insinuations and references to past violence but it is a True Detective fic, so

'Do you think we can ever truly talk about God?' Cassandra pipes up, as she's smearing herself in her pre-work lather of coco butter. When the sheen of the grease hits the light, it emphasises the taught expanse of her stomach and the tendons in her calfs. An amalgamation of divinity and delicate mortality; the pathetic fragility of the flesh, blood, skin and bones all knotted together, craving cosmic importance. 'Our soul, if there even exists such a thing,' Rust thinks, 'is just a ghost in a machine.'

Rust glances over to where she is standing in a matching lace, navy set, leg elegantly poised on the counter as she continues smoothing the ointment onto herself. He's lying on the mattress, still fully clothed, as he pinches his cigarette and stares back up to the ceiling. The events of the past few days, a visit to a meth lab in Galveston with Ginger followed by a drug and booze binge, have fucked his cognitive workings into a scramble of old memories and new sounds: the smell of gunpowder on his biker jacket, Cassandra's absent minded humming of an old Willie Nelson song, the brown sludge in his nail beds from when he was draining his Harley's oil, the black grease mixing with the residue of the red, Texan dust. He wills himself to give her a semi-coherent answer,

'I don't believe there's anyone there to talk to,' he drawls.

'I said about, not to.'

'What's your point, Cass? I ain't got the fuckin' will, tonight.' Rust thinks he can feel the chemical reactions behind his eyes; his enzymes breaking down proteins, the Speed throbbing through his neurotransmitters.

She rolls her eyes at him as she swaps leg, 'Chill out, I'm only wondering what you think. You know I value your opinion.'

He stiffens at that. 'Don't do this, baby,' he thinks 'It ain't worth whatever you think it is.' She's been doing this more often, letting that docility seep through the crevices of her impassible constitution. She hates herself for it, he can hear it in the acerbic tinge of her words, when she says shit like that to him. Sometimes, when he really concentrates at the expression in those dark pools of her eyes, he knows she believes she has deserved every horrific thing that has ever happened to her.

'I ain't really got an opinion on this matter, yet,' he says through an exhale of smoke, 'Why don't you tell me yours?'

'I know why, like, logistically we talk about God in modern languages, that's self explanatory. But it feels wrong, like we're corrupting the actual concept of a god.'

Rust doesn't look at her but says, 'Go on.'

'I think speaking about God in a dead language preserves him. Dead languages are frozen in time: absolute. They don't allow the transmutation or fucking corruption that modern languages do which are always evolving with dialects and younger generations,' she pauses, slipping her leg down from the counter as she slides her loose Budweiser t-shirt over her body, much to Rust's dismay. She continues,

'Also, on a more personal, aesthetic note, I think worship sounds a lot more metal in a language that isn't the one I use to order at fuckin' Waffle House.'

Rust snorts at that. He hears the slight smile in her voice as she replies,

'I know it sounds dumb when I condense it like that but that's literally my entire point. Worship is so often so dependent on the words we use and we venerate God in the same language that the televangelists or politicians use to con people on TV, the one that the girls at work use to sweet talk a customer into a lap dance? Seems fucked and incoherent to me.'

'I'm sure you can do that shit in a dead language too.'

'Nah, they existed before us. Whatever we try to imbue them with means fuckall, they don't participate in the reality of our information anymore.'

That gets him to sit up, the conversation staring to sober him up, 'Reality of information, huh? You've been stealing my books again, Cass?' a trace of a smirk on his lips. She huffs at him, stood in the middle of trailer,

'You were gone for three days and class is off for Spring Break, what the hell else was I supposed to do?'

'Buy some decent nightwear?' he remarks dryly. The reference to another one of her seduction tactics gets a mischievous smile from Cassandra . The past couple of weeks, she has been going to bed in some very short and, sometimes, very sheer nightdresses. Despite having made the chivalrous choice of sleeping on the floor of the trailer, chivalry being a virtue Rust is largely unacquainted with these days, his isn't unaffected by the sight of her sprawled out, almost beside him. Especially, when the nightdress naturally rides up during the night; a factor that has forced him to take too many a late night smokes outside.

'Nah, not when I know you enjoy it so much.'

'Cassandra,' Rust warns.

'Shit, full name?' she teases, 'You know, you're the only person who I let call me Cass.' She walks towards him, crawling onto the mattress and lying down next to him to look up at the ceiling. Rust doesn't move, not a goddamn inch. 'She'll know,' he thinks, 'Fuck, she probably already does.' Girls like Cassandra, girls too sexy and too tough for their age, always know. They have to. Growing up in a trailers, apartments and halfway houses, knowing that their tips which become their meals are based on how long they'll allow a drunk patron to stare at their tits or pat their asses as they serve them. They can smell male attraction from a mile off, tongues running over canines in mouths addled with whiskey and cigarettes. Oh yeah, they can tell and they know exactly how to play that game.

Rust wonders if he should feel some resentment towards her for it. He doesn't.

'Oh yeah?' he mutters, unimpressed.

'Yeah.'

'Lucky me.'

'You are. You know how many of your brothers would kill to give me a nickname?'

'Sounds to me like they already do,' his tone being harsher than he intended.

She goes silent and Rust hates himself more now than he did the other day, when he smashed a meth cook's head into a sink 14 times for screwing the Iron Crusaders' supply. The fragments of teeth and filaments of saliva mixed with blood that were left in the sink have nothing on the current look in Cassandra's eye.

'Don't be an asshole, Crash. You know I don't enjoy any of it,' her voice hoarse.

For the first time this evening, he looks her in the eye. 'I know,' tone steady but with a trace of true acknowledgment. Cassandra picks up on it, nodding her head. In these two innocuous actions, both have apologised and are forgiven. She stands up and grabs her duffel bag,

'You gonna swing by, tonight?'

He fucking wants to. Badly. He'd stomach the neon lights fucking with his Synesthesia, the lurid couches and the other Crusaders betting on how well each girl would 'take it'. He'd endure the fucking mire just to have Cassandra looking at him when she's on stage, the lights making her white smile a cool lilac.

'Nah. Can't tonight. Something at the clubhouse.'

'Oh, ok.'

'Poor kid. Like a kicked puppy,' he thinks. For the second time tonight, he can't stand that look in her eyes. He offers,

'You want a ride to work, baby? I'm headed in that direction, anyway.'

Something shifts slightly in her eye. The ball is back in her court. She savours it, rolls it over her tongue as victory coats it in something sweet and tart. Never one to show mercy, Cassandra toys with him,

'You'd give me a ride even if you weren't headed anywhere.'

Rust scoffs, fixing her with a look of chagrin; gleam of affection ,almost, trepidation in his eyes,

'I know, baby. I know.'

[sparklingmineraltequila]

American Wasteland

Note: Here we fucking go with round 2. Thanks to everyone reading, I hope it's somewhat enjoyable. Also, forgive the sometimes underbaked/ possibly mildly incorrect philosophy references but, for the sake of the fic, forgive me cause I doubt the people are here to hear a full blown thesis on Nietzsche's Anti-Theism

Warnings: drugs, violence, insinuations of smut

The interior is surprisingly clean given its owner and surroundings. Lodged in some armpit of Houston's outer bayous, the trailer park is littered with the Crusaders' Harley Davidson's, ripped up lawn chairs and the occasional hooker: slumped against an RV's entrance steps, faces vacant aside from the glazed eye euphoria of a particularly good rush of dope. While they were walking to his trailer, Rust noticed Cassandra looking at them in disgust, not the arrogant, middle class disgust reserved for hushed, cautionary tales at the dinner table, but a disgust of acknowledgment. Not necessarily directed towards the drugs but to the girls' stupidity, their pliability. Rust never met someone with such an aversion to weakness as Cassandra.

She glances around the trailer, duffel bag in hand: a mattress on the floor, the usual kitchen set up of these trailers, a lawn chair, a stack of books. She runs over the list of these items in her mind, repeating them like a grounding mantra like, if she doesn't, the exhaustion and desolation in her throat will bubble up into that sob that she has been suppressing for the last couple hours. Rust feels like he is almost seeing her for the first time, not bathed in dim lighting and the haze of cigarette smoke, out of the lace bras and free from the intoxicating smell of whiskey mixed her skin's natural musk. The under eye bags are visible along with the bruises on her left thigh, when one of the Crusaders got ahead of himself a few nights ago. Later on, Rust had taken him outside and punched him till he couldn't feel his hand, till each of his knuckles formed a raw cavity, the blood mixing with that of other Crusader.

Violence over apathy. Always.

'Wow, a fucking Sears catalogue you got here, Crash,' Cassandra states dryly, more to assuage the maelstrom of emotion in her than to genuinely be unkind.

'I don't recall boasting about the amenities,' Rust replies, his own drawl equally dry

She dumps her duffel bag onto the floor and moves to inspect the stack of books leaning against the wall,

'Kierkegaard, Schopenhauer, Nietzsche, Cioran. Jesus, Crash, you really are one dark son of a bitch with all this pessimism shit.'

'Nihilism, technically. And Kierkegaard's an existentialist.'

She shrugs, still squatting in front of them, 'Same fucking thing.'

Rust regards her cooly, 'Stop acting stupid, Cass. It doesn't suit you.'

She gives him a look over her shoulder, before rising to her full height, 'What the hell do you even know about me, anyway?'

Here it is. That acrimony. His coping mechanism may be the booze, the drugs and the fights, but hers is the crushing of any idea of talent about her; talent means hope, a fleeting idea that things might actually get better, that she might get out of this squalor and desolation. The imperatives of this terrain don't permit hope and they both know it. Rust, however, pushes her. He's like a recovering alcoholic with taste of Listerine, having now seen the first few slivers of the true Cassandra, he craves more, refusing to relent now.

'Pre-law at Rice on a scholarship ain't something trivial, baby.'

'Well who knows what the fuck is gonna happen to that, now.'

'What do you mean?'

'I have nowhere to live, Crash. The only things I have in my name are my scholarship, my locker at the club and the contents of that duffel bag. Nowhere to live means nowhere to study.'

He raises an eyebrow at that, gruffly stating, 'I told you that you could stay with me. That's why you're here.'

She looks at him for a moment 'Don't fuck with me on this. Don't make a promise that you can't or won't keep.'

'Do I look like a sweet talker, huh? Have I ever fucked with your head?'

She acquiesces, slumping down onto the edge of the mattress. 'Poor kid,' Rust thinks, watching her slide off her cowboy boots, her pack of cigarettes falling out with the movement. The subtle innocence of that act, the hiding of the cigarettes, betrays her suppressed naivety. No-one round here would give a fuck that she smoked, quite the opposite; they'd probably encourage her to do the heavier shit, to leave her pliant and docile, a tender cutlet for their calloused hands. But no, she hides them, like a trepidatious kid with their first joint, hands clammy and trembling.

'You can shower if you want. Make yourself at home,' the warm phrase contrasting with the cold tone delivering it.

'You gonna join me?' she arches an eyebrow, a devious glint in her eye and, fuck, if he doesn't love it.

'Cool it, kid. This is only gonna work if we can maintain some level of fuckin' decency between the two of us.'

She scoffs, giving him a questioning glance as she peals her leather jacket off, followed by her tank top, 'There it is, again. You being weird. What biker doesn't jump at the idea of screwin' any decent looking girl.'

Rust watches cooly as she unzips her denim shorts, amplifying the Crash persona, to eliminate any budding suspicion, as he replies 'I ain't fucking you. And, even if I was, I'd wait until you were in a better state. I want my girls knowing what I'm doing to them.'

That makes her halt her movements, the flush on her cheeks in both desire and envy. She meets his gaze as she strips off into just her underwear and Rust prays to every God that he doesn't believe him that her hand doesn't hook into that lace waistband. The look they share is one of predator and prey, though the roles of who's who have been amalgamated into one. She's a smart girl, Rust knows, She won't let me see that, not yet. Infatuated as she is, girls like Cassandra don't place seniority of love over safety, over control. In a place like this, where violence for violence is the modus operandi, what hope do most women have when faced with a mean, drunk son of a bitch's fists. Cassandra knows the one way to ensure some tenuous semblance of control amongst the Iron Crusaders: sex. Not necessarily the act, itself; sometimes its denial is more effective, like now with Rust.

She stalks to the trailer's tiny bathroom, still in her underwear, throwing Rust one more coy look from over shoulder before going in and locking the door.

'Crash, baby,' she calls from inside, 'Your mouth might be able lie to me but your body sure as hell can't.'

As Rust curses to himself, adjusting the crotch of his trousers.

[sparklingmineraltequila]

American Wasteland

Note: Finally, a Cassandra POV. Sorry that it's a tiny bit shorter but I have had one of most emotionally traumatising weeks of my life. Don't worry, next chapter I'm back on my shit with smut and all.

Warnings: 18+, drugs, alcohol, sex work, references to past abuse, domestic violence

Hot afternoons can feel like an impending scream. It's the mundanity about them that has always killed Cassandra. All the filth and despair of wide, yawning night with its neon lights and hookers on pavements and aching solitude is manageable; at least she can focus her misery on something concrete. But these baked afternoons, when the hours bleed into one amalgam of humming fans and beading sweat, plunge her into a white hot light of clarity at just how fucking sad she is. She's indulging herself too. Has been for the past three fucking hours, doing nothing but picking at her nail beds and staring at a stack of Crash's books against the wall and studying them. He dog-ears his pages, she already knows that, and from here she can see that he cracks the spines too, not surprising. Cassandra quickly pushes down the bubbling sentimentality she feels at the closeness of Crash in those simple acts. Harder still when thinking about those ice blues eyes, the absent minded twisting of a wedding band that's no longer there but the memory of an ex-wife that Cassandra knows nothing about but her name, that oily scent of tobacco on his fingers when he pushes them past her lips. The trailer door opens and he comes in: Crash holding a pharmacy bag,

'You're up,' he states, not daring to make eye contact after what transpired last night. Cassandra thinks it's the first sheepishness she's ever seen cross the stoic lines of his face. She doesn't reply.

'I got you some aspirin,' he continues, setting the bag next to the bed, regarding her for a moment longer which she returns with a glacial look.

'I don't have to talk to you,' Cassandra deadpans, not even bothering to sit up.

'I know,' Rust returns, with an equal frostiness that sends Cassandra into indignant fury.

'How dare you take that mild-ass tone with me,' she spits, now shifting to sit up, 'I got fucking drugged and fucked and then made a complete goddamn fool of myself spewing my guts on the side of the road like some fucking teenager.'

'You are a teenager.'

'I'm twenty fucking years old.'

'Oh you think that a couple months, some cussing and hard-ass attitude means you ain't a teenager. You've still got your goddamn baby hairs, Cassandra.'

He's right and it makes her sick. All the things that she's done to shed that oppressive sheath of girlhood to become a woman. Woman: the word always seemed glossy and unattainable to Cassandra. Fuck if she didn't practice at whatever she thought it entailed: learning how to properly inhale, switching from tights to stay-ups, conditioning herself to like beer by forcing herself to order Blue Ribbons when she went out. It would also mean a whole new type of navigation in her relationships with men; the idea of sex now lingering behind every exchange. Sex. It's what has practically defined her life since she went through puberty. Who to do it with, who not to, how to use it, how to make that biker think you want him without ending with your head bashed against the stage when he realises you don't. Cassandra has learnt to keep her desire and attraction to a minimum. Like with dope dealers, the dumbest shit you can do is get addicted to what you sell. Then Crash came along and fucked up her whole plan. In and out of stripping, pay for rent and save up for student debt, get away from dad and stay alive and sane. But no, not since that night that he came in that year ago, hair starting to turn from that golden to the caramel brown that it is now and cut surprisingly short for a biker. He'd sat with Ginger and a few other of the Iron Crusaders, nursing a Lone Star with a look. far more terrifying than the feral cruelty behind his companions' eyes: ice cold impassivity. A man with nothing to lose has a degree of violence to him allowed by his complete detachment to anything and anyone. Cassandra knew this and yet still locked eyes with him every time she saw him watching her on stage. Never a lap dance, though. She'd tried once and his disgust had made her feel smaller than any of the copious insults dolled out by her father,

'No.' Crash had said firmly, pushing her off with a surprising gentleness.

'It's fine, y'know. It's my job,' Cassandra had tried to reassure him, sitting next to him. He'd turned to look at her and had asked,

'How old are you?'

That had made her arch her eyebrow,

'19. Why? You like 'em older?'

To a less observant person, Rust's jaw muscle twitching would've gone unnoticed,

'Yeah, I do,' he'd said, shoving a twenty dollar bill in her panties' waistband, Cassandra noticing how he'd chosen to place it on her hipbone, 'Clear off, baby.'

'Want me to send over Rose? Red-head, real pretty.'

As Cassandra had said this, a burly Iron Crusader had called her name from across the club, making her turn,

'Yeah, baby?'

'Come bring that pretty, lil' ass over to daddy's lap,' the man had slurred, making Cassandra wince and start to head in his direction. That was until Rust had grabbed her wrist, halting her,

'Easy, Thunder,' he had called over to his fellow Crusader, 'I haven't decided whether to take this one for a spin, yet. She any good?'

'The best, Crash,' Thunder had cackled back, raising his beer in salute to him. With that, Crash had pulled her down into the booth next to him, lighting and a cigarette with complete disregard towards a confused Cassandra perched next to him. When she'd tried to straddle him again, he'd pushed her off,

'Listen, I have a quota to make so do you want a fucking lap dance or not?' She had huffed with a slight agitation in her voice that she hadn't yet learned how to conceal. In those days, she was hungry for it: money, sex, attention, security. Too hungry to learn how to manage it when it spilled over and tinged her tone in desperation.

'What's your quota?' Rust had asked through an exhale of smoke, seemingly uninterested.

'Around 50 dollars, at least.'

He'd arched his eyebrow at her,

'You tryin' to do one over me?'

'I'm desperate, not stupid. If I was trying to scam someone, I'd have picked some liquored up truck driver who hasn't gotten some since Missouri,' Cassandra had stated dryly, making Rust's lip quirk up momentarily.

'50 dollars, at least, by the end of your shift, huh?' he'd drawled, cigarette pinched between his fingers.

'Yeah.'

'What time's your shift end?'

'About another hour.'

'How much money are you on?'

'Straight floor work? About 40.'

Rust had reached into his back pocket and pulled out a tattered, leather wallet before putting down 5 ten dollar bills,

'50 but you stick with me until you're done.'

Cassandra had eyed the bills with suspicion and Rust dryly stated,

'Don't be an idiot, Cassandra. Take the fuckin' money and just sit your ass down.'

'You know my name?'

He had jerked his head towards a huddle of Iron Crusaders in another booth,

'You're popular.'

'Oh.' she'd nodded, slightly deflated by the implications. Rust had picked up on the tinge of shame in her eyes,

'Ain't no shame in it, baby.'

'You don't have to be nice about it.'

'I ain't nice.'

Cassandra had regarded him for a moment longer, thrown off by his apparent self-discipline,

'So, you're stuck with me for an hour. What do you wanna do?' she'd asked, tucking her knees onto the booth. Rust had barely spared her a sidelong glance,

'What're you drinking?'

'Jack and coke.'

He'd scoffed at that,

'You're nineteen.'

'And you're a biker running meth so who's breaking the law more, here?'

That had gotten a proper look from Rust, almost turning his head in her direction before handing his glass,

'How's straight whiskey?'

Cassandra had taken the glass from him and taken a straight gulp while being watched by an impassive Rust,

'What's your name, baby?' she asked in a saccharine tone, a slight tilt to her head.

'Drop the act.'

'I don't have a fucking act. This is how I talk.'

Rust had hummed at that,

'Crash.'

'Crash, huh?'

'Yeah. Crash,' Rust had replied, fixing her with a cold stare. Cassandra had nodded, slightly intimated,

'Ok, Crash.'

A schoolgirl crush had morphed into a worrying codependency that had left her strewn on his mattress, in a semi-catatonic state. Worst part is: Cassandra cannot bring herself to hate him. The sickest part of her is even hoping that he kind of finds her attractive like this: at her rawest, most ugly state. She doesn't know how much longer she can keep the jig up; this near constant state of self surveillance is weighing on her heavily and this lacquer of practiced indifference is eroding. Fast. Even now, as Crash places a glass of water, a carton of Marlboro Golds and a bag of those plasticky powdered donuts by the mattress, she can feel her resolve faltering; trying to ignore the small disappointment that he cares so little to concede her her cigarettes. The grit in her wants to right-hook him hard and run away from this place, but she can't and she won't. She doesn't have anywhere left to run and the humiliation of having to ask to crash with one of her fancy college friends gnaws at her. She notices him staring at her, crouched by the mattress. Burying her head in the pillow, she mumbles,

'Stop it. Please stop it cause, I swear to god, that I'll cry if you don't.'

'Cry, then,' Rust mutters, 'Ain't no shame in it.'

'Yes, there is. A lot. Crash, I'm-I'm a whore,' Cassandra chokes out in a sob.

'Hey-Hey, you never fuckin' say that ever again. You hear?' Rust says, voice raising slightly as he clasps her jaw with his hand, 'What happened last night was me, all me. You were high out of your fuckin' mind and, even if you weren't, you couldn't had said no if you wanted to.'

'But I liked it.'

Rust ignores the heat that pools in his gut at those words,

'That don't make no fuckin' difference.'

Cassandra brings her hands to her face, trying to conceal her tear streaked cheeks. A futile endeavour, given the heaves of her sobs,

'It ain't even that. I've been a stripper since I was eighteen. Eighteen, Crash. What the actual fuck is wrong with me?!'

'You were a desperate, little girl with a daddy who beat her and no other choice in this cesspit of a fuckin' world other than to strip for men like me.'

'Not for men like yo-'

'Yes, Cassandra. For men like me. Stop making fuckin' excuses, you're smarter than that,' Rust borderline snarls, her chin still grasped in his hand as he shakes it slightly, emphasising his words.

Cassandra stares at him for a moment before she gives Rust the type of embrace that she hasn't given since she ran up to the police officer who pulled up, just as her dad burst out of the house with the jagged end of a bottle of malt liquor in hand. She buries her nose between the seam of his leather jacket and his faded t-shirt, inhaling deeply: sweat, Camels, beer, faint scent of deodorant. She moves her head up to thank him in the only way she knows how to and starts to kiss his neck. Rust gently grasps her shoulders to pull her away,

'Not now, baby. Tomorrow but not today.'

'I can-'

'You ain't in the right state of mind. I can see it. You ain't my Cass, right now. You're that scared little girl tryin' to reconcile the fact that her daddy has hit her for the first time and that it ain't gonna be the last.'

Cassandra flinches at that,

'Why the fuck would you bring that up?'

'To remind you that you should be scared.'

'Of you?'

'Of any man.'

Cassandra eyes him narrowly as he stands up,

'You heading out?'

'I'll be back, tonight.'

'Can you hand me a book?'

'Which one?'

'Something relatively chill.'

Rust goes to his stack against the wall, runs his hand down and stops at a book before lifting up the ones above it and slotting it out. He hands it to her,

'First bit of philosophy I ever read. I think most of what he preaches is placid bullshit but it ain't too intense a read.'

Cassandra takes The Stranger from Rust's hand and briefly flicks through the pages before landing at the first one. She squints to read some pen scrawl,

Houston, 1987,

For all those sleepless nights and to kickstart those philosophy courses that you've been mentioning,

From Claire to Rust

Cassandra's head snaps up, brow furrowing. She recognises one name, not the other. Her voice is gelid as she ask,

'Who the hell is Rust?'