#russia takes minute damage and thinks you know what would make me feel better. america sadcute. and then he gets it and it's like

[kalashnikovlobotomy]

uuh can i get the rusame apology special to go? yes the one with no "sorry" pronounced, that's right. and fries.

[qqueenofhades]

Modern AU Heartrender Husbands gives me the vibes of like they'll watch eurovision bc Fedyor wanted to and Ivan only begrudgingly agreed but in the end it's him who's standing really close to the TV with a bottle of beer loudly criticising the jury vote

Anon, your Mind. As 100% ever, I am so very easy to enable. As before, this is set in Phantom!Verse, and serves as a sequel of sorts to this (and as a further prequel to PEL).

Brighton Beach, 2014

It’s their first spring in their new home – they arrived in America in August 2013 and got this place, fittingly, right around Orthodox Christmas in January 2014 – and that means many things to them. Their apartment is in a formerly rent-controlled brownstone tenement right off the boardwalk, but prior to their arrival, it was occupied for fifty years by an old bat from Krasnodar Krai who apparently never, ever, threw anything away. (Fedyor is too scared to ask if she actually died in this apartment and her mummified corpse is lurking at the bottom of all the junk.) That is why he and Ivan were able to afford it, at least, but now that the weather is warmer, they have been spending all day cleaning, hauling boxes of crap to the dumpster, and trying in vain to get the smell of pickled cabbage out of the kitchen. It looks exactly like your Great Aunt Masha’s house, the one that traumatized you as a child and has never left your nightmares since. Home sweet home.

The upside is that the location is great, the apartment is surprisingly spacious and lovely – a big bedroom, a bathroom with two sinks and a deep claw-footed tub, a living room with high windows that let in lots of light, original crown molding and hardwood floors – and if it was located in the really chic parts of Brooklyn and inhabited by a tech-startup hipster rather than a Russian émigré spinster with definite hoarding tendencies, it would rent for some astronomical monthly sum. Fedyor has a three-ring binder full of paint swatches, sketches, furniture samples, and other plans to give it a total overhaul (he’s thinking a nice pale green for the living room?) But the one thing that spring definitely means is Eurovision, and it is just the ticket to relax from their grueling schedule of throwing boxes of junk away and hoping they don’t stumble upon a withered hand in a glass jar. He likes America and he’s excited for their new life, for all that they had no choice but to leave Russia in a hurry, but Eurovision is Eurovision.

Actually watching it, of course, is easier said than done. For one thing, Fedyor can’t find a blasted station that is airing it, when he could have just switched on the TV and found it right away back home. For another, Ivan is deeply dubious of the whole endeavor, having watched five minutes of it once when he was eighteen and turning it off in disgust, never to return. Fedyor spends a lot of time wheedling him to give it another chance. “Come on, Vanya. It’s fun!”

“It is a lot of homosexuals gyrating in leather to very bad music,” Ivan snaps. “They look ridiculous. And sound even worse.”

Fedyor glances at them – the fact that they’re sitting on the couch, he’s on Ivan’s lap with his legs draped over Ivan’s thigh, and Ivan’s arms wrapped around his waist – and coughs. “I’m not sure how to break this to you, darling,” he says, “but you are also a homosexual.”

“Maybe, but you would never catch me dead up there.”

“Of course not.” Fedyor rolls his eyes. “You might actually have to smile.”

Ivan makes a scoffing noise. Then he notices the full-on puppy-dog face that Fedyor is now giving him, and says, “Oh no. Oh no, Fedya. Do not look at me like that.”

“Why not?” Fedyor shamelessly snuggles closer. “Is it working?”

The predictable outcome is that Ivan grudgingly agrees to watch it with him, though they’re on American time now and Eurovision Song Contest 2014, held in Copenhagen, Denmark, is six hours ahead of them. Ivan thinks that it’s stupid to sit down and watch a lot of gyrating homosexuals in the middle of the day, when there’s still so much work to do, and tries to demand that they just watch the recording later. Fedyor says this is nonsense, you simply cannot watch a recording of Eurovision, and after a lot of investigation, finds the online streaming channel on his laptop and hooks it up to the TV so they can watch it there. Then he prepares his popcorn, his alcoholic beverages, and his glitter glasses, corrals his recalcitrant husband, and readies himself to experience pure joy. No wonder Ivan doesn’t get it.

However, the effect is both swift and remarkable. By the end of the first semi-final, Ivan is put out about the fact that Russia came seventh in the popular vote but was knocked down to eleven by the jury (this is evidence of an anti-Russian conspiracy, according to him) and when only Moldova, a tiny no-name non-EU former Soviet state, deigns to award them the full twelve points, he is openly incredulous. “Moldova?! That is all we get?! MOLDOVA?!”

“Well,” Fedyor says delicately. “There is that little situation in Ukraine, so I’m afraid we are not that popular right now.”

“That is bullshit,” Ivan grouses. “This is a song contest. The Tolmachevy Sisters are not Vladimir Putin. I am sure they have worked very hard to be here.”

Fedyor glances at him and wisely decides not to say anything. He is likewise a little peeved when the Russian contestants get booed by the Danish audience, but Ivan looks like he’s about to leap through the screen and throttle every single one of them. He thrusts out a hand. “Give me a drink, Fedya. I need it to suffer this indignity.”

Fedyor cracks the lid off a cold one and hands it over – there is the Brighton Bazaar just a few blocks away, stocked with Russian goods, so they are spared the ordeal of drinking Yankee beer – and Ivan takes a long slug. He thinks they can skip watching the second semi-final two nights later, since Russia isn’t in it, but Fedyor puts it on anyway. They both like Austria and “Rise Like a Phoenix,” sung by the bearded drag queen Conchita Wurst (there have been a few dumb comments about her from the usual suspects), but Ivan hits a fist on the arm of the sofa. “She was not better than the Russian girls,” he says loyally. “I still think that they should be the ones to win.”

“Right, well,” Fedyor says. “I think the only ones less likely to win are the Brits, and they never win, so we might be waiting a while.”

The grand finale, on May tenth, is an inadvertently hysterical exercise. They get up early and put on the pregame show, like the Americans do with their bewildering fixation on the Super Bowl, and Ivan gets even more furious when the Tolmachevy Sisters are booed again. “Are they not supposed to love everyone at this glitter bacchanalia? So much for the Scandinavians being tolerant and accepting people! The song is nice! They are nice girls! What is wrong with them?!”

“Come over here and give me a cuddle, Vanya,” Fedyor suggests. “Otherwise you will blow a blood vessel long before the show starts.”

Ivan growls like an escaped tiger from the zoo, but consents to sit down next to Fedyor. They both drink copiously once the festivities get underway, singing along loudly (and not that melodiously) to the various entries, Fedyor’s arm draped around Ivan’s neck as he sits on his lap and critically judges the acts before the official results pop up. Once again, the only twelve-point awards Russia gets are from former Soviet countries (Azerbaijan and Belarus) and Ivan looks like he’s going to have a conniption before Fedyor kisses him and he gets distracted for the next three minutes. “This is disgraceful,” he mutters, when they break away. “Not you, Fedya. Just the horrible way they have clearly rigged this show against us.”

“You know,” Fedyor says. “That’s Eurovision. You declare war on your neighbors when they don’t give you twelve points. Now they have the EU, they’re not supposed to fight anymore, this is the only way they can get all those old rivalries out. Just be glad that Australia isn’t in this year. You might have really blown a gasket.”

“Australia?!” Ivan shifts Fedyor to a more comfortable position on his lap and grabs for his third bottle of beer. “AUSTRALIA IS NOT IN EUROPE! It is not even anywhere NEAR Europe! WHY DOES AUSTRALIA GET TO BE IN EUROVISION!?!”

Fedyor laughs out loud. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Ivan says. “But this is still the stupidest thing I have ever seen.”

“Shh.” Fedyor nuzzles him. “Just give in, Vanya. Just give in.”

Ivan consents to turn his grumbling down to a simmer, and is somewhat mollified that Russia comes in sixth overall, which is better than even Fedyor thought they were going to do. Austria takes the champion’s crown, they can both agree that Conchita Wurst deserves it, and get up and dance around their still-junk-cluttered living room as she gives her bravissima performance. A few things have been thrown during the judging, but they can’t add much to the existing mess, and in Brighton Beach, “damage caused to the apartment because Russia got shafted during Eurovision finals” might actually be a legitimate excuse. As he leans against Ivan’s chest and grins into his neck, Fedyor has to admit that this place may just feel like home yet.

[scribbling-stiks]

AAR - IX - Fights

Russia wakes up to sunlight in his face and loud music. He looks up and spots the states having a dance competition of some sort. He smiles at the sight. He looks around a little more and spots America sitting near the states, clapping and cheering.

Russia staggers to his feet and walks over. His legs are still sore from yesterday, but he figures he'll manage.

"Hello Meri," He says, sitting next to him. His tongue feels much more at home in his mouth. Though his Russian accent is now much heavier in his words, he takes it as a good sign.

'It probably means I will be able to speak Russian with less of an issue.'

America looks up with a blinding smile and wraps an arm around his shoulders, hugging him.

"Good morning sleepy-head. How're you feeling?" America says, ruffling his hair. Russia laughs and pushes him away.

"I am doing better."

"That's great! I see you're talking more!" America says excitedly.

Russia smiles proudly.

"So, Dixie and his car left a little while ago to pick up supplies. We don't know when they'll be back, but it shouldn't be too long," America explains.

"How is Dixie?"

"He's doing better now. He's still going to need to take it easy, but he insisted on going, so, eh," America says with a shrug.

Russia nods before turning back to the states, who all seemed to be lining up, the provinces joining them. America laughs and joins them, leaving Russia with Finland.

Russia still isn't sure how to interact with Finland, so he sits quietly for a few moments.

"What are they doing?" Finland asks, sitting next to him.

"I don't know," Russia admits, "it seems.....planned?"

"Choreographed," Finland corrects.

Russia shrugs.

"They seem to be having fun," Russia says.

"Yeah," Finland says with a laugh. Then she sighs.

"It's good to have you back," she admits.

Russia looks at her, startled.

"Hey, don't look at me like that," she says with a glare. Russia looks away and she laughs.

"Really though, it was unpleasant seeing you frozen in your own body."

Russia nods. Finland sits back against the wall.

"They're a good group of kids," she comments, looking on at the states, "I don't think I was expecting this when I was told that America was father to the states."

"Most of them," Russia corrects.

"What do you mean?"

"Hawaii was a kingdom, so she kept her age."

"Really? I don't think I've met her."

Russia shakes his head.

"You haven't. She isn't here right now."

Finland hums but grows quiet as the states disperse. America walks over, laughing.

"Remind me to teach you the Cupid Shuffle," America says to Russia with a laugh. His giggling only grows louder at Russia's confused expression.

As soon as America starts calming down, the front door swings open violently, hitting the wall with a resounding clang.

Russia's eyes shoot up and he sees New Jersey, foot still extended from kicking the door in, with his arms full of fabric.

"Go help get stuff out of the car," New Jersey announces, and the states line up outside, bringing in bags of things and dumping them into the pile of miscellaneous items against the wall of the building

New York walks in just behind New Jersey, typing something into a burner phone. Once he's done typing, he walks over and hands it to Russia.

"Have fun talking to your dad," New York says with a smirk, walking away before Russia has the chance to hand it back.

Russia takes the phone and listens to the dialing tone on the other end.

'Uh oh.'

The phone rings for a moment before someone picks it up.

"*Hello?*" he hears someone mumble into the phone. It takes a moment for Russia to recognize his father's voice.

'He sounds tired.'

"*Hello...Papa,*" Russia stammers.

"*Russia?!*" Soviet exclaims into the phone.

"*Yes,*" Russia replies, and he readies himself for screaming.

"*Why wasn't I told that you were awake?*"

"*It got...complicated*"

"*How complicated could it get?! Where I couldn't be told what's going on and I call the building and I find out that there was no hospital! I didn't even know if you would wake up,*" Soviet says, trailing off. Russia swallows back the guilt creeping up his throat.

"*I'm sorry.*"

"*I want you to come home.*"

"*...no.*"

"*...what did you say?*"

"*I'm not going home. Not yet.*"

"*You were nearly frozen to DEATH. And your stay in America is putting you in constant danger! I want you here.*"

"*No. I am staying.*"

"*Then what am I going to say?! Your President wants your company and I have been covering for you, but with the winter you summoned, I'm running out of excuses.*"

"*I can't just leave.*"

"*WHY?!*"

"*I can't.*"

"*You will come home immediately.*"

"*No.*"

"*Russia, I am not arguing with you. I don't know where you are, where you're going, anything! The last I heard was you were saved after nearly killing yourself and then you, still sick, still FROZEN, suddenly disappear and I can't contact anyone. And trying to contact where you were being treated got me nowhere! Were you even staying at a hospital, or was that just something else I had to assume. I am done with these games! You are coming home NOW.*"

"*I need to stay here.*"

"*You will not.*"

"*You can't make my decisions!*"

"*Maybe I should! You are constantly putting yourself in danger! Your country almost crumbled, and now you are refusing to come home. You're telling me that you are not leaving the danger outside of your own country while you are still healing. You are not responsible for fighting this! Come home.*"

"*You are not in charge of me!*" Russia screams into the phone, his voice breaks. Anger stirs in his chest. Heaving, he continues.

"*Not anymore,*" Russia growls, his words begin to blend, "*I can make my own decisions. I am staying here and I am going to help figure out what's going on.*"

"*You need to come home!*"

"*NO!*"

"*What are you staying for?!*"

"*To protect the people here!*"

"*Why can't you just listen to what I'm saying?! You need to be able to protect yourself! You need to come home! Personifications are being taken at a much faster rate, especially in and around North America. You need to leave!*"

Russia's vision goes red.

"*No! I'm not leaving them behind!*" he screams, his throat burns, though if it's from damage or anger, he can't tell.

"*I need to know you're going to be safe! And I know you aren't going to be when you're still there!*"

"*I am NOT coming home.*"

"*NO! I-*"

Russia hangs up the phone and stands up, pacing along the wall.

'How dare he try to take charge of me. He said he wouldn't do that again.'

The phone rings again and again, and Russia glares down at it.

'No. I am not going to let him. I am not arguing about this. I am not going home.'

America puts a hand on his shoulder and a sympathetic look.

"What happened?"

"*My father is trying to force me to travel back.*"

"...He's got a reason for doing it, you know."

"What?" Russia snaps.

"It's the same as yours!"

Russia takes a step back, feeling almost betrayed.

'You were supposed to be on my side!'

"I'm not saying you have to listen, but you have to see why he's doing this!" America exclaims.

Russia glares at him, waiting for him to elaborate, and America huffs.

"Why are you glaring at me like that? I'm trying to help!"

"*I don't want help!*"

"Fine," America snaps, "deny everyone trying to help you."

"*Why are you even trying to defend him?!*" Russia snaps.

"Because I understand where he's coming from! Because I know for a fact that if I knew that one of my kids nearly died and disappears and when I can finally talk to them, they refuse to come home, I would freak out! I would try anything to get them back where I can protect them!" America screams, "because I can see why he's trying so hard to get you home! Because I would do the same thing if it was my kid in your shoes."

The anger that had been building in Russia's chest fades. The fire in his throat remains, though now he can only guess that it meant he had hurt himself in his screaming match.

"But now, nooo, you don't want help, you don't want any of it! I'm trying to help you!" America yells before sighing.

"Listen, if you want to talk later, I'll be here. But I need a few minutes first," America mutters, turning around and walking outside.

The second America leaves, everyone in the room begins giving him dirty looks, and guilt settles in his stomach in place of the anger. He looks away from the prying eyes and walks over to a vacant corner under the stairs.

He slides down the wall and curls up, wishing that he could be just a little smaller.

'Why did I do that?'

'Why did I snap at him like that?'

'I find something good, and I scream at it until it disappears.'

'Again.'

'Good job Russia. Pushing away someone who makes you happy,' he scolds himself.

Russia shuts his eyes, tightly, and swallows the lump in his throat.

'Am I going to be able to talk to him again?'

Russia doesn't know if he can bring himself to, but he doesn't know what else to do.

'I have to say something. I have to fix this.'

Suddenly, someone grabs him by the collar and he is yanked to his feet. His eyes snap open and he comes face-to-face with an angry Dixie.

"You're gonna go out there and you're gonna apologize," Dixie growls, pointing to the door, "now."

Feeling like he had no other choice, he nods. Dixie shoves him forward, and he walks to the door, keeping his head down. He can feel the states staring holes into the back of his head.

The states speak amongst themselves about what had happened in whispers. Russia slowly walks over to the door, his heart hammering against his ribcage.

The phone sits on the floor where he had dropped it, silent.

~

Next

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Table of Contents

[obsessionsposts]

Deadly Thorns

Warnings: Violence/mention of tortures/angst /yandere/ kidnapping etc...

Finally, the day has come to escape this wretched place where monsters lurked to swallow the light or in this case, you.

The monster was one of your allies until the darkness consumed him and turn him against you.

' Don't look at me like that,подсолнух. You know I did that to protect you from outside world you know how cruel it could be,Da'

Remembering the first day or more likely kidnapped all the way to Moscow,Russia.

Teeth gritting together,eyes burning with rage, your mind itching to make the man ,who used to be a dear friend of yours, to suffer and pay for the heinous tortures he made you partake in just because he loves you.

Dedication?

Obsession?

Disease?

Or maybe all of three above,you couldn't help but want to snap at Ivan for ruining your life as he killed everyone you truly cared for in front of you as punishment for trying to escape on earlier months.

' That's what happens when you don't listen to me,возлюбленная. Why won't you listen and love me like I do, you ungrateful brat', as he knocked you out cold and locked you down in the basements for days without food,water,and clothes to warm your self up.

At some point you contemplated suicide to see the monster of a human being suffer,cry, and be damned to loneliness for all eternity without someone to love and care for him.

Here you are, years after being the captive of Ivan today is the day you will end his tyrannical regime against you and escape him to gain access to the world and get help from other nation.

It's been six months appeasing to Russia's delusions.

Unsurprisingly, he began to treat you nicely,start to coddle, and melted at every superficial signs of affection you display.

'Oh, you want to cuddle?, come closer let me give you the biggest hug of the century', Ivan enveloped you in a bone-crushing hug,but it was warm and full of love.

Little did that poor fool knew that you were using to escape him.

Frankly, you felt bad for him for he used to be your friend and ally,but then again he took everything from you.

Freedom?

Loved ones?

Innocent lives at your expense?

Not today,Not tomorrow,Never again.

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

You found yourself for the first time in years to be outside in the snowy field.

Watching the snowflake landed on your hand is a nice experience; but you don't have much time til Ivan discover you're not there and god knows what will happen when he will catch you.

You will not let that happen.

Years of strive,

Years of misery,

Won't lead to nothing.

Afterwards, you contacted the best person who could get you out of this sticky situation America,known as Alfred to you.

For odd reason, you get the feeling you're not alone and someone was there with you, but you couldn't pinpoint who is it.

'Please whatever deity there is,don't let it be Ivan,or that crazy sister of his', you mused as the silhouette of Russia's mansion begins to disappear as you fared away from it hastily and cautiously unaware of the deadly eyes of the sliverette.

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

"What do you mean......they're gone, you three were told to keep a watch on them while I deal with that pesky capitalist,but what do you do? You let them escape under your sight",

Ivan response was cold,collected,and even calm.

But the baltics knew better than that.

He was angry,furious,and enraged to the point that smoke were appearing from his body orifices.

What did he do?

Smile at them.

"I'll be going to get them back,you three look after the house,also tonight I'll be speaking with you,do you understand? or do you need me to bash your miserable skulls to let you understand", Came to be his response which made them shiver in their own boots as they obeyed him.

Unaware of thier actions, the Baltic let you escape to get back at Russia for a centuries of mistreatment and they hope the best for you.

Sighing they all went back to work.

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

"Okay so that's where you were all this time, I knew it that commie was behind this all the time,but did anyone belive me? Nooope. But worry not,for the hero will come and help you,also stay put as I come pick you up Okie?", buzzed the phone with the all familiar jovial voice of Alfred.

"Don't worry,alfred, I could hold my grounds against Russia this time ,unlike what happend the first time, for I know his weak points and brought weapons for extra-caution"

"Atta my friend,and good luck you need it especially with that basterd commie", as your phone charger went off.

You groaned as you stayed at some cheap motel to avoid any recognition.

Laying back at the bed you begin to think about Ivan.

God, Ivan. You know I would've loved you if loved me normally.

But Instead, What did you do?

Kidnap me.

Kill anyone who interacted with me.

Torture me in different methods of tortures each time ,yet you call it a punishment cause I didn't reciprocated your feelings,or for disobeying you.

Once you were great Ivan, but what did happen to you

Unaware as tears began to roll down your cheeks as you realize you lost once a great friend to the darkness that seems to feed of your agony.

Nonetheless,you must keep determined to escape this cold hell.

Suddenly you heard a thud downstairs of the motel.

How did he ? No matter,I must leave. Good case scenario is I leave that damn motel in one piece. Worst case scenario is I shoot myself to never let him touch me again.

" (Y/n),(Y/n). I know you're here, come to me and everything would be forgiven I know you're scared,but if you come now there is no reason to be afraid. Otherwise I'll give you a reason to be afraid,Da?", the all to familiar voice of a mad man resonated through the motel.

Never again...

You jumped through the windows and landed on the ground with a few scraps on your feet.

No phone....

No food.....

A manic tailing me.... things couldn't get any better for me.

You looked back to see Russia hurling at you.

But he forgets one things you are always one step ahead as you aim your Magnum Research BFR [a gift from America before the kiddnaping fiasco].

"You've angered me plenty today First,you run away from your husband then you dare point a gun infront of me do tell me who poisoned your mind with lies against me? Is it the baltics?Or the capitalist pig? Maybe even the English basterd?", ivan replied huskily as he watched you with a wicked smile comparable to of that of the Cheshire cat.

"No one did,but you. You have killed the old me with your love only to give birth to the new me who won't be bound by your lies as well as tricks and by no means I am going to go back with you again,so you could treat me as a personal pet for pleasure. I had enough,come any closer and I don't hesitate to shoot", you spat all your pent up rage coming back to bite your tormentor.

It did effectively making him more than enraged.

Good. The more reason to take advantage of him in such state whereas he can't think a straight.

"It's adorable how you think you can fight me I'll have to fix this attitude of yours when I get you back,plus here meet an old acquaintance of yours the metal pipe of pain you remember him don't you", as soon as he was about to knock you out with his pipe ; you shot his right arm and left leg which elicited a grunt of pain and he fell down which gave you a few minutes to run away in which you did.

Ivan looked at you madly as he watched your shadow fade away from his view as he punched his fist toward the ground.

"черт возьми, Soon enough you will be one with mother Russia and we together for all eternity argh", Ivan smile thoroughly at the thought as he held his scarf against his wounds.

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

"Is that really you (N/n)? I can't really believe it", Alfred brought close to him and held you tight.

"Long time no see, tell me how are you and the others are fairing",you replied raspy drained of all energy reasonably after what occurred today.

"Good, you don't know how long we have searched for you we thought you're dead but thank god it isn't the case and gotta say you handled the commie pretty well nothing less to expect from you,now let's go", he offered his hand to get on his copter.

Which you accepted the offer and let him leas you to the copter.

It was all worth it in the end,

Despite the damaged psyche you are finally free from your cage,

From the darkness that kept you there,

From the monster you once called a friend.

Your tyranny has ended, Ivan.

It's a shame how things ended like this.

In another reality, we could've been friends or maybe lovers and soon to be wed.

But you made your decision, to be a monster.

And I made mine, to be a flying bird nothing would hold me down.

Goodbye,Ivan.

Til death bring us together.

A/N: For your patience, you deserved a one-shot instead of a short story or a headcanon. Hope I delivered well and thank you for requesting. Till next time 😊

[justsomebucky]

The Truth Is (Part 1)

Summary: Canon(ish). Captain America calls on reader to help his best friend uncover a major scandal. If reader succeeds, the former Winter Soldier might finally be vindicated. Failure is not an option when the truth is at stake.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!reader

Word Count: 1,620

Warnings: language, inspired by current events, I ramble, I bend the timeline, canon is hard, future violence and gun usage, future death, bad writing

A/N: This is part one for @imhereforbvcky‘s canon writing challenge. Mee, please feel free to disregard until it is complete! My prompt was “Was this my best idea? No. Did it work? Yes, so stop complaining.” Part one of who knows how many.

You cringed at the sound of your secondary mobile ringing in the quiet café, answering it almost immediately without glancing at the screen.

“Yes?”

“Is that any way to greet me, Y/N?”

The sound of his voice was just as warm as you remembered.

He was the one who gave you the secondary phone, and he was only supposed to call if it was dire, if all hell had broken loose or maybe if the end of days was near. That was the promise Steve Rogers made when you last saw him.

You took a quick headcount; there were two baristas and six customers, including one potential government employee at a table by the front window. Nothing you couldn’t handle, though in D.C. it was safer to never use names. They couldn’t overhear what you didn’t say, after all.

You rolled your eyes, reaching for your coffee as you stood to go outside. Out of habit, you checked your periphery in case anyone was following.

“I’m sorry, it’s just really early. Is everything okay?”

“Heard you’re working for Ross now.”

“I can’t discuss that here, you know that.”

He chuckled. “It’s stable work. I’m glad to hear you aren’t as reckless anymore.”

You pretended to be offended. “I’ll have you know I’m still just the right amount of reckless.”

“Then I’ll just assume you’ve got something up your sleeve.”

“That’s fair. I know you didn’t call to chat, though. What do you need?”

“Right to the point as always.”

“I’m efficient, what can I say?”

Steve paused for a beat before sighing in your ear. “They’re after him again, Y/N.”

“I know.” You took a sip from your coffee.

Weariness seeped into Steve’s voice, just a little. “Then you know why I need your help…why we need it.”

Under normal circumstances, you preferred working alone. There was something about the vulnerability of having a partner, of caring if someone got left behind that made it harder to accomplish what you needed to in the field, so you just didn’t deal with it.

To be fair, it’s not like you and Steve were best friends or anything. You only knew him through Tony Stark, your former employer. It’d been long enough now that you saw Steve as almost a distant older brother type, always looking out for you even when he couldn’t directly help, with just enough mystery to make things interesting.

You never cared much for the whole superheroes thing, either. Sure, you’d helped the Avengers on occasion and you greatly appreciated what they did for the planet, but you mostly tried to steer clear because of how high-profile they were.

Instead, you were obsessed with seeking the truth through information, and you were damn good at it, too.

After graduating, you went to Stark Industries looking for an entry-level job. Instead, Tony hired you on as an independent contractor, and you made big bucks to find the details locked away in private clubs or executive offices that F.R.I.D.A.Y. couldn’t access. You helped him stay one step ahead of the politicians who were trying to do more harm than good.

Tony sort of went radio silent after the introduction of the Sokovia Accords, though. He stopped communicating with you, stopped asking for anything out of the ordinary. He did what he thought was best for everyone and took Secretary Ross’ side.

So, you’d refocused your efforts to help Steve. You didn’t believe in the Accords as they were, and though you still respected Tony, it effectively ended your professional relationship.

Steve had more pressing concerns, anyway, what with the reappearance of some figures from the past. On more than one occasion, you helped his friend Sharon Carter secure some files and intel, and from then on you were welcomed as part of his unofficial team.

For the last few months, though, you’d been undercover for your own interests, stationed as a member of Secretary Ross’ private security detail. Instead of being the muscle with the gun, you were the eyes and ears. All Ross knew about you was that you used to work for Stark Industries, and you guessed that he saw you as a potentially valuable informant.

That meant that you couldn’t take every piece of intel seriously without doing a little of your own research first. If you leaked false information, they would know it was you and that was a dangerous game to play.

Eventually, the Avengers tried to take matters into their own hands and ended up fighting each other. You lost touch with Steve after that, except for one message letting you know he was okay.

Besides trying to wrangle the Avengers, Secretary Ross had a huge chip on his shoulder, and that chip’s name was James ‘Bucky’ Buchanan Barnes. Despite all the evidence that would reassure any sane person with a conscience that Bucky was innocent of his wrongdoings (though a few disgruntled German special ops might disagree), Ross still kept an eye out for him.

Rather, Ross was targeting Bucky.

It was subtle at first. He would find reasons to bring up the Winter Soldier during televised interviews or conferences, weaving the mentions between statistics on violence or crime. Ross would bring him up in the context of national security, casually mentioning that the United States still didn’t have its own defense against a super assassin.

He still wanted Bucky locked up as part of a personal vendetta that had little to nothing to do with Bucky himself. Ross wanted a sacrificial lamb, a big win for the homeland that would make the public trust him more.

His endgame was still unclear, though.

That was the first of two reasons why you took the job as Ross’ security detail.

The other reason was Bucky himself. Steve had introduced you to him before they went on the run, and within the first few minutes of speaking with him it was easy to see he was a victim, not a villain.

And Secretary Ross?

You were willing to risk it all to make sure that lying sonofabitch didn’t succeed.

That’s why you immersed yourself in the Winter Soldier case, reading file after file in an attempt to not only become more familiar with what Bucky went through, but to try to figure out what Ross might do next. You decided early on that the best way to stop him was to join him, to pretend to buy the bullshit he was selling. Men like him loved that.

Those who knew you best knew it was all an act.

The truth mattered to you even if it didn’t matter to Ross, and that was the approach you took in order to pass every single interview and test to be on his security detail. They agreed with nearly every statement you made, though their version of the truth was very different. It didn’t matter if they blurred or omitted the details as long as it benefited them.

To you, it was a closed case that needed a little extra push to ensure Bucky’s vindication. He deserved that much, while Secretary Ross deserved the inside of a maximum security prison cell.

“Y/N?”

Steve’s voice brought you out of your reverie.

“I know,” you repeated, tossing your empty coffee cup in the nearest bin. “I’ve kept up with the latest. What do you suggest?”

The line was quiet for a beat, then you heard some muffled voices on the other end as he apparently discussed it with someone else.

“Listen, if I send you coordinates, can you meet with someone to secure some evidence? We need Ross out of power, and we need his ties with Russia and the Super Soldier serum exposed.”

Your brows furrowed. “You think the big guys in charge don’t know of his involvement? Ask Bruce Banner sometime. They applaud it. In fact, they’d love nothing more than to start it up again on a larger scale.”

“That’s not what I meant. I’m referring to the money Ross and his buddies in Congress funneled to HYDRA from United States taxpayers in order to create more super soldiers here. We know he’s knee deep in it, and we want to expose him. That should get him off Bucky’s back and away from any power to do more damage.”

Steve’s words made you stop in your tracks.

“That’s…that is a huge accusation. I’ve been tracking these guys for years and they’re too good to let details like that slip by. If your source has this evidence, they are already in danger. You’d need more than paper trails on this one, you’d need special counsel, sworn testimonies, twenty-four hour witness protection, an-“

“And that’s why I want you to work with the only person alive who knows the situation better than you.”

Your stomach turned at the thought. “You don’t mean…?”

“Come on, you could use a little teamwork. You two got along just fine.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about. Hasn’t he been through enough? And isn’t he a little…obvious?”

Steve chuckled on the other line. “How soon can you be in Vilnius? There’s a promising lead I want you to follow, an eyewitness who claims to have proof and she’s willing to go on record.”

You checked the time on your phone. “I’ll have to figure out my cover, maybe airport hop, you know. That takes time.”

“Just be there by Tuesday. I’ll get you more details tonight, but we have to hurry. You know what happens when they find witnesses before we do.”

“I’m well aware. I’m just hoping my luck doesn’t run out this time.”

“I’m trusting you, Y/N. I know you can do this.”

Steve ended the call, and you moved into action.

---

Part 2

Masterlist

no tags

i apologize for formatting errors that might appear. something is going on with the app.

[turtlebolt718-blog]

My Hero America ch6 (A parody of My Hero Academia)

By: Team Sugar Russia (Aka: Zeus, Fox, SeaStar905, Festus, Darci, Pennywise, Loading…, and Wild-Tiger)

Chapter 6: The One Man Band

Curt and I were both villains for the match. We discussed our plan during the ten minute set up.

“So… You know Krieg from last year, what’s his quirk?” I asked Curt.

“Well, I’m afraid I can’t say much about him from last year. He didn’t really talk a whole lot, but I do know that his quirk has something to do with radiation, and I know that if he touches us, there’s a good chance that we might die. Luckily, there’s a small chance that he or the teacher will actually let him take his gloves off, but it’s still something to keep in mind.”

“Oh, well that’s nice.” I quivered.

“Like I said, he’s not going to make much physical contact. I’m pretty sure he is ground based, so we should probably pick one of the top floors and then you can cut off the power, so he can’t see that well.”

“Are you saying my quirk can actually be useful?” I perked up.

“Yes, that is exactly what I’m saying, your quirk wasn’t working out for you because you were on the hero team, but now that you are on the villain team, it works out perfectly!”

“Oh, so my quirks really only good for being a villain?” I sighed.

“Exactly!” he gave me a thumbs up, I walked over to the corner of the room and sat down facing the wall.

“Hey, what are you doing?”

“Contemplating existence.”

“Was it something I said?”

“No.” but it was something he said, I just didn’t want to say it. However, my moment of pure depression ended up short circuiting the whole building, so the plan was already working out perfectly.

“Alright, Sophia! That’s exactly what we needed.” He said in the darkness. Then the  intercom blared, “Okay students, may the test of Heroism and villainy begin!”

“Don’t worry Sophia,” Curt sayed in a light-hearted tone, “We got this one in the bag!”

Just as he said that, the whole building rumbled.

“What the hell was that?!” I shouted. The whole building began to get hotter and hotter. Even the edges of the cutouts began to singe.

“We need to get out of here!” I grabbed the cutouts and began to book it to the roof, having the windows light my way.

“Sophia, wait!” Curt called after me. Since I knew this floor plan in advance I managed to reach the roof rather quickly. Curt followed soon after.

“Well now we’re stuck on the roof. Why did you do that?” he asked me.

“You said he was ground based and if we need to we could jump to another building. And the cutouts were in danger.” I explained.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Okay, well we should be safe here for now.” He let out a sigh.

“You sure about that?” We both turned around and saw that Krieg was right there, midair, hovering by the explosions coming from his hands. “Hello there.” he said. We both jumped back and white stuff began to envelope Curt.

“Sophia, get back. I’ll protect yo-” and just like that, Curt was blasted off the side of the building. Krieg Laughed.

“I’m sorry, it’s just that that idiot thought he could beat me in combat with his lack of skill and weak quirk. Anyway, I’ll be taking those cutouts now.” He held his hand out like he was expecting me to just hand them over. And I probably should’ve done it. After all, there’s no way I can beat him with his quirk. How can I be expected to incapacitate him. I began to walk over to him. What am I doing? I know I need to do something but I’m not sure what I can do. And then I realized. I’m a villain, villains play dirty. I’ve been thinking of playing the hero. I continued to walk forward, this time a little more quickly. I then tossed one of the cutouts to him and while he was distracted trying to catch it I took my chance, I rushed towards him and before he had time to react, I pushed him off of the building.

Meanwhile, outside the observation room sat Iris and Barry.

“So….should we be doing something?” Iris asked.

“My name is Barry Allen, and I am the fastest man alive.”

“Yeah, I’m too lazy too.”

I ran into the building with the rest of the cutouts while Krieg was falling. I tried thinking of my next step. I was down one hostage but I still have 4 left. If I can make it out of the building then I can probably run and try to stall like Barry. And then the building rumbled again.

Iris just stared. “....What was that about?” Barry just shrugged.

The building began to heat up again, faster this time. The whole building began to glow from the heat and I knew I had to get out somehow. I can’t run back to the roof, he would expect that. I couldn’t run out of the entrance, I was on the 3rd floor. So I did the only option left. I jumped out of the window. Luckily it was much softer due to the heat so I could actually break it. But then I realized something, I was 20 plus feet in the air with no landing strategy or any idea what a landing strategy was. I closed my eyes. So this is it, this is how I die. By jumping out of a window in a simulation. I mean, it’s probably better than having to deal with everyone else in my class but I had so much to do. Also, how long does it take for me to fall 20 feet? I opened my eyes to see that I had landed on Curt.

“Oh, sorry.” I got up quickly. Curt groaned and slowly got up.

“It’s fine, I softened some of my bones so neither of us would be harmed too much.”

“You can do that?” I asked.

“Yeah, my quirk allows me to manipulate the bones in my body however I want.”

“That’s cool.”

“Yep,” Curt flexed, “My quirk is pretty usef-” and he was blasted away. Krieg had shown up with a slightly burnt cardboard cutout in glove.

“Enough chit chat, we’re in the middle of a fight.”

I turned around and ran.

“Hey, get back here!” he shouted. I heard another explosion and saw him blast past me, he stopped and turned around, he made another explosion that propelled him towards me, I ducked but he managed to grab one of the cutouts. This continued until I only had 2 cutouts left. What the heck am I supposed to do, If I try to do anything he can just make another explosion and either propel himself or send me blasting off like Curt, who was currently nowhere to be found.

“Give it up, your quirk isn’t going to help you out here and I can tell by the way you move that you have no struggle experience.” Krieg trudged towards me. “Among other things, I’m likely smarter than you, I don't want to brag but this entire time you’ve been doing exactly what I expected you to do. So you have 2 options: submit now, or I blow you up just like that idiot in the leotard.”

While he was monologuing, I began to look around for anything I could use to help me get away from this guy, and then in the distance I saw Curt, charging in at full speed. I tried to move myself so Krieg’s back was turned to him. I turned my attention back to what Krieg was saying.

“ ...and thus, Mardoza, Guardian of the Pebble, fell to his knees, and passed from this world, leaving behind the mighty weapon, for he knew that, one day, its power would be acquired once mo-”

“SNEAK ATTACK!!!” Curt lunged at Krieg but was quickly blasted away.

“You see? You see what I mean when I call this guy an idiot? News flash,” He turned towards Curt. “Sneak attacks don't work if you yell ‘sneak attack’.”

While his back was turned I then proceeded to sneak up on him. Krieg turned around and I punched him square in what I was assuming was his jaw. Krieg stumbled back and I began to book it once more.

“How was that for a sneak attack?” I shouted behind me. Then the sirens outside blared.

“Okay, students. Time’s up. Because the hero was unable to capture all hostages in time, that means the villain team wins.” Mr. Koro announced.  

We all went back to the observation room, Curt looking mostly fine but his costume was a little worse for wear. We gave Mr. Koro the now toasted hostages.

“Okay, time for grades.” Mr. Koro snapped his tentacles. How is that possible? “Krieg, I expected more from you, your strategy was great for getting your opponents to fall into your trap, but you allowed too much harm to come to the hostages. The purpose of this exercise was to see your classmates’ strengths and weaknesses as well as putting others before yourself. So minus points for hurting the hostages, although you did save the majority.”

Krieg crossed his arms and sat down, like he was about to have a fit.

“Curtis, you did good to stay in the fight a lot longer than last time. Using your quirk to make sure your body took minimal damage from the explosions was very smart, but do try to use more strategy in the future. Charging in without thinking will only get you and others in danger.”

“Sir, yes, sir.” Curt saluted Mr. Koro.

“And, Sophia. I must say, you improved a lot in the short time between your first match and this one. You took advantage of your opponent’s restrictions and even managed to hold your own for a little bit in combat, Good job.” He held up one of his tentacles in a thumbs up motion, only without any thumbs.

“Thank you, sir.” I nodded. Compared to my last fight I was certainly feeling less useless, so that was good.

“Okay, class. That’s it for today, let’s all get changed and head back to class, you may head home once the bell rings.”

“Hey Barry! Wanna come over to my place to play video games?” Iris asked, a grin on her face. “I got Walumario Party!”

Barry just nodded.

We all got changed and headed back to class.

“Good job, newbie.” Taura patted my shoulder. “You showed that stuck-up brat.”

“Who?” I asked.

“Krieg, mr. hazmat suit guy.” She pointed at him near the front of the group.

“Oh, him? Sure he’s cocky but I don't think he’s stuck up.” I told her.

“That’s just because it’s the first day, just wait and you’ll see what I mean.”

“Yeah, he’s no good.” Iris added, stretching. “Also, Jesus Taura, where’d you learn to tie knots?”

“A ninja never reveals their secrets. Also, Where’d Killena go?” She wondered, putting her hands behind her head.

“Knowing her, probably wrestling with Dy or something.” Iris yawned.

“tttttttttaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAA!!!” Kil charged down the hall straight towards Taura.

“Uh oh… Welp, time to run!” Taura turned on her heel and darted down the hall. Kil raced by Sophia and Iris, cursing loudly. “YOU GOT ME IN TROUBLE AGAIN YOU DAMNED NINJA! DON’T THINK I FORGOT!”

They both disappeared around the corner. A moment later a large blast of lighting shot across the hall, hitting the wall. Killena walked proudly back around the corner, dragging Taura behind her by the ninja’s scarf. Taura looked perfectly ok with this.

“Mr. Koro also said you were getting the detention too. I’m not letting you walk out of here.” Kil growled, and Taura sighed, throwing her hands up.

“You’re the one who keeps trying to stab everyone.” “IT WAS A JOKE! I TRY TO KILL EVERYONE!” Killena threw her hands up, dropping Taura’s scarf.

“Ow.” Taura said monotoned, as she sat up. “Fine you win, I’ll go to detention.”

We all made it back to class and went home except for Taura and Killena. First day of school was….interesting…. to say the least.

Character: Krieg Blitz

Quirk: Nuclear: His body is made of radiation and can create simultaneous nuclear explosions, everything living he touches dies. Expect Dy, he feeds off that.

Age: 16

Hair: Unknown

Eyes: Unknown

Height: 5’9”

Personality: Sarcastic, Entitled

Ideals: Become CEO of his father’s business

[glass-throat]

one

prompt: roshambo to see who has to go talk to the neighbours upstairs for being too loud. || bertholdt/mikasa || aka the domestic au for the ship no one asked for

 “They’re at it again. I don’t think they care anymore at this point,” Bertholdt noted to himself. He glared at the ceiling as he heard a slow pattern of loud thumps. He almost wanted to grab a long object and jab it at the ceiling to warn them but doing so would only damage the ceiling. He sighed and relaxed further into the couch.

 Bertholdt was exhausted from working with difficult customers who had issues that were easily dealt with if they read the whole advertisement.

 When he had first started, he noticed that many of the shoppers had avoided him and opted for the other employees who didn’t look so intimidating. He had been told by some of his co-workers that his stoic face scared them away. When one customer approached him with a question that he happened to know the answer in excruciating detail, it was as if a gate had opened. Soon, it had evolved into him being the one to hide from customers time to time.

 Most of them recognized him since he worked so often, so they went over to him for help. He had one customer in particular that was a little too bossy for his liking. When he was checking her items out, she had tried paying with the store credit card but it was not activated. He remembered telling her, in a patient manner, that she needed to activate the card and the number to call was on the back of said card. Before he had a chance to react, she had given him her phone and her card, telling him to do it for her because she had forgotten her glasses.

 Bertholdt ran his hand over his face, and attempted to think of his hand wiping away the day’s events from his brain. He looked back down at his phone to see Reiner was telling him about how Annie had gotten her first cactus and sent him pictures of how slightly happy she looked.

Mikasa walked into the living room wearing red pajama pants and charcoal tank top. “It doesn’t look like the landlord was all that intimidating,” she said.

 Bertholdt remembered the last time they had complained to their tiny landlord, Historia. For situations similar to theirs, Historia’s fiancée, Ymir, would play pretend when she was dealing with the rougher tenants. He wasn’t sure if there was some disagreement between the two women since he noticed that Historia had been the one to approach their boisterous neighbours.

 “That’s probably because Historia dealt with them,” he smiled when he heard a small groan coming from Mikasa.

 “Why didn’t Ymir go? She would’ve scared them enough the first time. Historia probably cried to make them feel bad or something.”

 Bertholdt only nodded in response. From what he knew, it was a small group of college-aged students that lived together. He hadn’t heard other neighbors complaining about them, so it seemed like he and Mikasa were the only ones with an issue. He almost stared off into thought if it wasn’t for the loud sound of glass breaking followed by a string of curses.

 “One of them is most likely drunk,” Mikasa commented as she took a seat next to Bertholdt.

 “Did you hear about Annie?” He scrolled to the beginning of the conversation before handing it to her.

 She laughed softly as she looked through the many candid pictures of Annie almost smiling. “I remembered she wanted one for a while. Why does she like them, though? I thought they were supposed to be hard to take care of?”

 “I’m not sure about that, but her father had a small cactus garden when she was growing up, so Reiner had been wanting to get her one since he’s still in Russia.”

 “I’m happy for her. It’s nice to see her wearing something else on her face besides that ugly mug.”

 “You can’t say anything. You’re probably worse than her if you think about it.” Mikasa gave him a pointed look.

 “I’m serious! Do you know how hard it was for me to get you to acknowledge something I did or said? I gave you a compliment and all you said was thank you and you walked away! You had me feeling like Jean for a while.”

Mikasa folded her arms over her chest and scoffed. “Well, if you were more direct, then maybe I wouldn’t have pushed you away, you ever thought about that?” She locked his phone and handed it back to him.

 Bertholdt rolled his eyes and took his phone. “That’s not the kind of person I am. I’m learning to be better, though. I’m just glad it worked out in the end.”

 Mikasa smiled and rested her head against his shoulder. “So am I.”

 “You left your scarf on the table this morning, by the way,” Bertholdt said as he rested his chin on her head.

“Oh thank you. I couldn’t find it before I left for work. How was your day?”

Bertholdt placed his phone on the table and stretched his feet onto the table. “It was fine. One of my classes had gotten cancelled so I was able to sleep in. Work was pretty slow too, so we closed up pretty early. How about you?”

“It wasn’t that long. I only had two classes for today and I didn’t have work so I went to run some errands and I went to see Armin, too. He wanted me to tell you he said hi.”

Bertholdt rested his arm over her shoulders before speaking, “oh okay, that’s good. I’m glad to hear that Armin’s fine after all that’s happened.”

“Me too. It hurt me when it happened but I think it hit Armin the most since he was the closest one to him. It’s been a while but it looks like he’s making progress, which is really good for him right now.”

There was a comfortable silence that went uninterrupted by the thumping before Bertholdt spoke up again, “did you see my note this morning before you left?”

“Yes and I got it done. Here’s your card,” she said before she reached into her bra and pulled out his credit card, “the receipt is on the counter.”

“Sorry for making you do it for me. I had a paper that was due last night and I needed to get it done right since it was about a quarter worth my final grade,” he apologized.

She shrugged. “It’s fine. I told you I only had a couple of classes so it wasn’t much trouble.”

Bertholdt rose up from the couch and began making his way to the bathroom before he paused. “Have you seen my wallet?”

“It’s on the counter next to your epsom salt.”

Bertholdt felt his eyebrows raising. “Epsom salt?”

Mikasa nodded, “well, you said that your feet were hurting from standing all day, so I took it upon myself to find something to help alleviate with that.”

 Bertholdt turned to the counter she mentioned and true to her word, there was a grey bag that sat in a small rectangular bucket. “What’s the bucket for?”

“On the bag, it instructs for it to be in a small container of cold or hot water. So before you go to bed, make sure to let your feet soak for about thirty minutes. I heard hot water works the best, though,” Mikasa explained.

He threw her a smile. “I can’t believe you remembered that.”

She smiled back, “it was hard to forget when you complained about your aching feet for the past week.”

Bertholdt walked back over to the couch and rested both of his hands on both sides of her. He leaned his forehead on hers and quietly said, “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Be late on your car payment,” she giggled out. He stared at her soft pink lips and leaned in for a kiss when he heard another thump followed by a loud groaning. He could see the irritation in Mikasa’s face at the interruption.

“What time is it?”

Bertholdt wasn’t sure he liked the tone of her voice. The last time she had used that tone was on Black Friday. She normally wasn’t the type for those kinds of events, but Armin had wanted a specific tablet and it happened to be within her budget. He vaguely remembered her using her scary side to get what she wanted. If she was thinking what he was thinking, he felt a sense of dread bubbling in his stomach.

“It’s almost eleven. Why?”

“I’m going to let them know that,” was all she said before she got up and left the living room. Bertholdt let out a sigh. He was just as tired of their neighbours as she was, but he wasn’t in the mood to start anything. He would rather have the landlord deal with it where the two of them would remain anonymous but with Mikasa, he wasn’t sure how things would turn out.

He heard her footsteps falling back into the living room. She had put on a jacket to cover herself and made her way to the door before Bertholdt stopped her.

“Hey, uhh, how about we play Schnick, Schnack, Schnuck for it?” He asked her nervously.

She raised her eyebrow at him. “What’s that?”

“Uhh, so sometimes it’s called Rock, Paper, Scissors in America and when making a decision, you make these gest-”

“Oh you mean Janken?”

“Huh?”

“What you’re describing sounds like Janken. That’s what we called it in my home. So you want to go up there?”

“Not exactly, but I’d rather go up there instead of you.”

“Why not? I think I’d be enough to make them be quiet.”

“It’s not that. I think you’d be too much. I just don’t want them coming after us and doing things like spray painting our cars out of revenge, you know?”

“You’re scared of them?”

“Well, when you put it like that, you make me sound like a coward.” He almost wanted to laugh at the implication.

“Your words, not mine.” She reached out to grab the doorknob when he blocked the door from her sight.

“I’m serious. I’ll go up and let them know that they’re too loud,” he said as he held out a fist towards her.

“So if I win, I get to be the one to tell them.”

“Right. If I win, then it’s me.”

A short pause played between them as they both brought down their twice before unleashing their choice on the third drop. Mikasa chose rock as Bertholdt chose paper.

“Alright then. Show them what Big Bad Bert’s made of,” she joked as she opened the door and tried pushing him out.

What had he done? Bertholdt was so sure that he was going to keep Mikasa from threatening the neighbors, but now that he was going to be the one to tell them to shut up, he wasn’t sure if he was actually going to go through with it. Maybe that childhood nickname of his wasn’t just meant for the past.

 What if he angered them? With how creative people were in times like this, he wasn’t sure what kind of people their neighbors were. “Well, maybe I don’t have to go since it sounds like they’re quieting do-”

He was interrupted by the multiple voices shouting, the quiet thumps growing louder before they faded.

 Mikasa threw him a knowing look. He sighed for what seemed like the thousandth time before stepping out of the way and gestured for her to walk out. He furrowed his brows as he watched her leave with a small smile of victory. Closing the door behind him, he stepped out onto their doormat and watched as Mikasa walked up the stairs. The stairs were pretty transparent, but the floors in between were all concrete so when she reached her destination, Bertholdt couldn’t see her.

He could hear her knocking on the door. The shouting had stopped as he heard the door open. Bertholdt could faintly hear a man’s voice stammer out, “h-how can I help you, miss?”

Bertholdt had a hard time hearing Mikasa so instead, he tuned out the majority of the interaction and only listened for raised voices. It wasn’t long until he heard footsteps coming back down the stairs to see Mikasa making her way towards him. He opened the door and walked in after her.

“So what’d they say?”

 “It seemed like one of the them had gotten drunk and they were trying to make her sleep it out but she’s hungry and any time a food commercial played on TV, she threw a fit.”

“There’s people like that?”

“Well then I told the guy at the door to keep it down and he seemed to get the message. I don’t think it was that bad. He was almost like you.”

 “What does that mean?”

 “I’m saying that he was very cautious with opening the door to me, like I was going to kick it down. You probably could’ve gone up there yourself and have the same effect,” she explained. Bertholdt decided it was best to ignore that last part.

“If it’s as good as you make it sound, then that means we need to start heading to bed,” Bertholdt paused as he stretched his arms in front of him, “I have another exam in the morning and I’m gonna be at work for the rest of the day.”

 Mikasa nodded and walked over to him and stood on the tips of her toes. He was going to lower himself down so she could give him a proper kiss but he froze when she kissed part of his exposed collarbone.

 “I heard it’s supposed to rain tomorrow so can you not kick me off the bed?”

 Bertholdt blinked slowly before following her to their bedroom. “That only happened once. Like two years ago. Why do you keep bringing it up?”

[mixedfeelingsproject]

Anonymous

Where are you from? Seattle, WA

How would you describe your race/ethnicity? Biracial white/Japanese-American

Do you identify with one particular aspect of your ethnicity more than another? Have you ever felt pressure to choose between parts of your identity? When I was little I wanted to know more about my Japanese side. I think this is because my father, who is a third generation Japanese-American, didn't talk about his heritage a lot if at all, but my white mother pressed that that part of my family history is important. And even though I grew up in a rural white community, I was always told that my Japanese ethnicity was "cool" or "different"(in a good way), so I felt comfortable exploring it. But I also felt compelled to explore my white heritage too because my maternal grandfather constructed a family tree leading back to Norway, Germany, England, and Wales. In my teenage years I really embraced this and did Norwegian folk dance alongside taking Japanese Language lessons. But I always felt like I had to carefully balance the amount of attention I allotted each side of myself - not because of external pressure, but rather because I didn't want to make one side of myself feel more important than the other. I wanted them to be equal because I felt that was important. But as I've become more aware of issues like racism, cultural appropriation, and privilege, I've had times where I've waned in identity - on both sides. I remember being heartbroken and not wanting to continue studying Japanese because of how Japan conducted itself in China during WWII and race issues in the country today, I felt ashamed. But I've also been upset at the vicissitudes of white privilege and violence against POC (I was sheltered from that growing up). Whether I strongly identify as one or the other isn't fixed for me, it waxes and wanes depending on context and what I am feeling at the moment.

Did your parents encounter any difficulties from being in an interracial relationship? Lol, not that I know of? My dad is pretty Americanized in a heavily Asian area, so none of his behavior would come off as "different". I think that helped them blend in a little. But my mom told me that when she announced to her dad (my grandfather who happens to be pretty damn racist) that she was getting married, my grandpa asked what his last name was (this was over the phone): Mom: "It's Watanabe." Grandpa: "Whatta-what?! Janet K, what the hell are you getting yourself into!" At this point my mom was used to this kind of response from my grandfather as he was kind of a raging mess and didn't really deserve her attention anyways, so she just laughed.

How has your mixed background impacted your sense of identity and belonging? I grew up really damn white. And by that I mean really damn whitewashed. This is not only due to the location in a rural area outside of Seattle, but also that my dad is whitewashed, and my mom is white, and I'm white-passing (we were also very very Christian). But I always knew I was Japanese. I just never - NEVER - experienced racism because of it. Only until recently have I experienced any aggression towards me on the basis my race and most of it was online. I think something that helped preserve my Japanese identity in the face of all this whiteness I grew up around is the fact that my family hosted Japanese Exchange students, a total of seven from when I was a child and have no recollection to high school. I'm close friends with the two we hosted when I was a teenager. And they all marveled at the fact they were in America staying with ethnic Japanese, even though we were Nikkei (ethnic Japanese outside of Japan) and didn't speak Japanese (by the time the second Japanese student came along I had visited Japan and my Japanese was pretty good). And yet I knew I didn't really belong in Japan after I had gone there for the first time, since they called me Amerika-jin (an American), and not Nikkei-jin. But the Japanese people I do know are warm and welcoming towards me, and consider me a part of their culture, just not a part of their society (and that degree varies depending on the person and how well they know me). But I never felt this way in white circles - unless I brought up my last name. Then I was suddenly the Asian one, or at worst, the "exotic" girl. But this didn't really bother me much as a lot of that stuff flew over my head; I didn't realize how that could be damaging not just to myself, but to others and the community at large. Now I'm more sensitive to it because of that. In all honesty where I belong doesn't trouble me as much as others because I'm okay with just being myself. But lately I've realized that's part of my white-passing privilege, and furthermore I'm feeling alienated by my country because of the way it's moving.

Have you been asked questions like "What are you?" or "Where are you from?" by strangers? If so, how do you typically respond? Haha so many times! It never bothered me because they left it open-ended for me to answer. It was the rare that they were more rude about it, although I don't think people should keep asking us "what are you" as that's pretty demeaning and there are better and more nuanced ways to ask us about our background. The more far-flung guesses I more so laugh at because they are so off the map, and in all cases I just say I'm Japanese and White. However, now that I'm a full grown woman, I've been privy to the issue of Yellow Fever (which I have very much been a victim of), which when I'm talking with men makes me more keen on withholding my ethnicity as from experience I get the instant "ooooh you're an Asian woman" vibe. Bleh. At one time when I was living in the city I was debating on converting to Islam, and in my more serious phase I was wearing hijab more and more often. I got asked by one man who was from East Africa where I was from, and he was surprised (and a little embarrassed lol) when I told him I was from here. That's why I decided against wearing the headscarf at all unless I decided to take Shahadah and become a Muslim (that's another story for another place and time). Also, another story, a friend of mine who is French-Canadian and Alaskan Native often gets mistaken as my sister and vice-versa. We used to work together at a small store so we'd always laugh at this and joke that we were very very very very very very very very distant cousins from back during the age when the ancestors of the Native Americans crossed the Ice Bridge from Russia/Asia to Alaska. Lol.

Have you experienced people making comments about you based on your appearance? Nope, because most people assume I'm white through and through or if they have a suspicion, they typically keep it to themselves. UNLESS I'm wearing kimono; I hate Yellow Fever so much man... I also have a hair loss disorder and that's more noteworthy in gossip about me than anything else.

Have you ever been mistaken for another ethnicity? The most common guess is Chinese, Japanese being the second, Native American third. I've even had someone ask if I was Turkish (which makes me roflmao now because my current boyfriend is Turkish)! And no, that latter question was not while I was wearing hijab, and the lady (Fatima was her name) was super nice :)

Have you ever felt the need to change your behavior due to how you believe others will perceive you? In what way? In Japanese circles I change my behavior a lot, but I think this is due to how the study of the language has created a separate identity within me. This is really common for multilingual people, to have, say, a "Spanish" presentation of themselves alongside their "English" presentation, and even a "Turkish" presentation of themselves while speaking any of those respective languages. But I know I try harder to blend in when I speak Japanese. I don't pass as Japanese in Japan for the most part, but the minute I start speaking I do (I don't have an accent when I speak Japanese and hence I sound native lol). So that helps and I want that, but at the same time it's the potential of eliminating my white side and my American upbrining that makes me say "Hanbun Nikkei-jin" (half ethnic Japanese) instead of "Hanbun Nihon-jin" (half Japanese). If any experience I had in white/non-Japanese circles, I would have to say that I have to clarify that I am a Japanese-American, not strictly Japanese; the fact I have a Japanese last name makes this distinction difficult for the non-Japanese/Japanese-American. No, my mom isn't from Japan, she's white as hell and my dad is a third generation full blooded Japanese-American whose only voluntary tie to Japan is grilling mochi over the stove. This in turn makes the other (including my boyfriend's mom lolol) believe I'm somehow "less Japanese", not because I'm half, but because I'm not a direct import from Japan (see what I did there? No? Haha okay). To me that's not okay, so then I start speaking Japanese and they're like "oh you're really Japanese!" Which, okay, thanks, but I had to learn this - which leaves me back at square one. Honestly this is where I get pissed off, but it's an incredibly complex issue that most people - even the "woke" ones - aren't familiar or even open to discussing. So then I frame it as "I want to reconnect with my relatives in Japan someday," which makes the other party respect me more because of the noble aspect of it (and I do want to reconnect, that's one of the major reasons I have undertaken the language). But funny how I have to be a hero in order to be taken seriously and not be seen as a weeb.

What positive benefits have you experienced by being mixed? I love being mixed! I wouldn't have it any other way. I've always loved being different somehow, mainly different in mind and spirit, but I do enjoy the complex - albeit sometimes frustrating - experience I have because I'm mixed. I love my Japanese side and my white side, even though my Japanese side is more fraught with scars from the Internment and subsequent poverty/second-class citizen mindset from my father, I still prize it as a unique history apart from Japan and apart from white America. But I also know that that part of my family extends back into Japan in some fashion and that the history there is long even if it's undocumented - it's in our genes. Likewise with my white side. In a way being mixed has given me not one, but two paths of history to explore, connect, and learn from. It has made me more open minded and paved the way to understand that people don't have to be one or the other, they can be both. I love diversity. If I'm in a mono-racial/cultural/religious place, I get hella bored and even depressed. Diversity makes me alive. The fact that I'm racially and cultural diverse in my very existence makes me feel alive.

Have you changed the way you identify yourself over the years? I've realized that I don't need to "appease" any side of me internally. That also goes for externally. I've come to identify myself more as a human with a more interesting experience than some; the more you get to know me the more I'm apt to tell you my story as a biracial disaporic. So in a way I'm more conservative about how I identify myself to strangers, especially men. But I'm still proud of my Japanese heritage, specifically my Japanese-American heritage. And I'm still proud of my white heritage, the Norwegian (gimmie that krumkake), German (omg my grandma's apfelkuchen will forever be my downfall), English (I still see them as shitty colonialists sorry lol I leik tea and Jane Austen at least), and Welsh (the dragon is pretty damn cool not gonna lie) side no matter how much I knock white people, I'm proud to be part of that heritage. I think learning more about the bad parts of history on either side of my background (Like the xenophobic Japanese attitude and then the English colonial rape and pillage of Africa) has given me a more clearer picture too on how I identify with these parts of myself. Do I cherry pick? Absolutely. But I still acknowledge the wrongs of each side in history. We're all human. Let's identify as that first.

Are you proud to be mixed? Hell yes!

Do you have any other stories you would like to share from your own experiences? I want to share two stories: one about how my Japanese side holds me accountable, and then the Yellow Fever one. I'm gonna start with the latter as I want to end on a high note, but also because I think it's important for people to realize the impact of Yellow Fever has on Asian and Asian-American women, including those of us who are not fully Asian.

At my first job in a huge corporate company away from home, I felt kind of lost in a lot of ways. A company veteran who I will call James was always willing to help me, and in the beginning it was great. By the way, James was 12 years older than me, married (to an Asian woman), and was expecting a kid when this all started to go down. I told him I liked video games, to which he invited me over to meet his wife and play games. this was fun and dandy, we complained about work when we needed to and whatnot. He was overall a good friend, except when he started to send me texts with "you're my little angel" and some really suggestive picture of a nude angel. He also would talk about how hot Kpop and other Asian stars were, having photos on his computer and phone. He was also very crude and constantly talking about how what a cute little Asian girl I was. I got a lot of attention at that job - it was a male-dominated company as it was - but James was by far the most vulgar. He would even whisper "jokes" about fucking me and how he was sick with Yellow Fever shit into my ear. Being young and inexperienced, I was scared and felt that if I told someone, I'd be going behind this back. I now know that I should've done that from the get go. It all came to a head when I began dating a man I'll call Leo. Leo was the same age as James and I met him outside of work. When James learned about Leo - and the age thing - that's when the sexual advances became more lewd. By then James's child was born, a boy, and he would send me pics of his genitals saying "look it's just as big as mine". James eventually confessed he had feelings for me, despite everything he had in his life. "You like games and you're a cute little Asian girl!" He kept wanting to know about Leo and I's sex lives. One day I was called to the Manager's office: corporate was on the phone, asking me about James and his behavior. Soon after, I was whisked into the office next door to write some paperwork up, and there is a opaque sliding window in the wall that connects the two offices. I got to listen to James respond to corporate's questions. He denied all. The manager took pics of his texts on my phone as proof. Good thing I left soon after - I learned later he was fired. After more than a decade with the company, James was gone. Apparently I was not the only one; I didn't even file the complaint. But how James talked about me in the Asian fetish context not only made me feel scared but also that I couldn't trust men to not be attracted to the "Asian" part of me. TL;DR - Douche of a man helps me at my first job, but then makes sick, sexual jokes about Yellow Fever and how hot I am because I'm Asian, I was too afraid to speak up, but then someone else files a complaint and I give enough evidence that gets him fired after I leave the company. Yellow Fever has real consequences and they're all bad.

The second story will be shorter, it's basically how since I was young, I was obsessed with "gypsy" culture. I now know better to call it Romani culture. Before I realized the implications of how Romani nomad culture has been appropriated in the West, I eagerly latched onto the Boho embroidery on dresses, bangles, and crystal balls in an effort to be a "gypsy". I didn't realize the oppression these people faced and that the word gypsy is a slur, even though I still greatly respect their culture. Once I learned that the Romani were lumped into the Concentration Camps of Germany during WWII, and that the discrimination against them was bloody, horrific, and compounded by recent cultural appropriation, I realized what I was doing - and that I remotely knew how it felt. My grandmother was incarcerated in Minidoka in an Internment Camp during WWII, and the modern day cultural invasion of Japanese pop culture in spaces like Hanami made me realize how harmful my wanton taking of Romani culture was. In short, the struggles felt from my Japanese side help keep me accountable to other groups. I no longer say gypsy, or dress like their revered witches, or claim to be Romani simply by the way that I dressed - and to all Romani people, I apologize for appropriating your culture. I know better now, and I respect your history even more. Next time I want to partake in your culture, I will ask first, and respect you if you say "no". Because I know what it feels like when a group says "no" and the other party doesn't respect it. TL;DR - Young girl appropriating Romani culture realizes her wrongful actions because of how the oppression of the people mirrored her own Japanese-American family struggle, girl apologizes and now is more sensitive and respectful of the culture that she still is keen to learn about. Being mixed is awesome, I wouldn't have it any other way.

[fadingfartconnoisseur]

My Favorite New Destinations of 2017

Every year, I like to take a look back at my favorite new destinations of the year. What were the new places that I enjoyed the most? What are the places I’d most like to recommend my readers to visit?

In 2012, I chose places like Iceland, Montenegro, and South Africa.

In 2013, I chose places like Japan, Berlin, and the Scottish Highlands.

In 2014, I chose places like Sri Lanka, New Orleans, and Skellig Michael, Ireland.

In 2015, I chose places like Nicaragua, Albania, and Chicago.

In 2016, I chose places like Puerto Rico, Alsace, and Western Australia.

Each year I choose a mix of countries, regions, and cities. Sometimes I rank them, sometimes I choose a favorite, sometimes I list them all as equals. It depends on how I feel about the year as a whole. This year, I think it’s best to name one destination of the year and a runner-up.

My 2017 was all about Europe and the United States, with a bit of the Caribbean. As I grow older and become more settled in my life in New York, I’m more interested in taking shorter trips to closer destinations. The younger Kate would probably be cringing at that, but that’s the truth!

I was also fairly strategic this year, spending little out of pocket on airfare and turning work trips into longer trips. When I got a comped flight to Romania for a conference, I added visits to Moldova and Ukraine. A comped trip to Universal Orlando turned into a longer trip to the Keys and Miami. And when it came time to go to Vegas, last-minute airfare was pricey but I used my miles and spent just $11.

Do note that list is exclusively places I visited for the first time in 2017, so places like San Juan, Bucharest, and Philadelphia are ineligible.

My Favorite New Destination of 2017: Ukraine

Ukraine surprised the hell out of me. I expected a furtive, unfriendly country with all the worst stereotypes about Eastern Europe. Dirty cities, terrible food, a difficult language barrier, and feeling unwelcome and isolated.

Instead, I found a grand and gorgeous country filled with breathtakingly beautiful architecture, fantastic food, and incredibly stylish people. And a bonus? It was dirt cheap. The cheapest country in Europe by far, and much cheaper than Albania, Macedonia, and Bulgaria. I would pay 95 cents for a huge fancy latte in a fancy cafe and 30 cents for a regular latte elsewhere. A three-course meal with wine would rarely cost more than $10.

If I could choose one favorite city of the year, it would undoubtedly be Odessa. I’ve wanted to visit this city for so long, since reading Moonlight in Odessa by Janet Skeslian Charles (yes, I’m recommending it for the 47th time, because it’s that good). I found Odessa mystifying; by the time I arrived — especially after bleak Chisinau — I was in love in about ten minutes flat.

But that wasn’t all. I found Kiev to be a chic, modern, and culture-filled city with gold-domed churches and the most fashionable women in the country. And my day trip to Chernobyl was one of the most moving experiences I’ve ever had while traveling.

I would absolutely love to return to Ukraine. It’s definitely in my top ten favorite countries in Europe. Most of all, I need to visit the city of Lviv! So many people raved about Lviv and it broke my heart that I didn’t have enough time. Next visit for sure.

READ MORE:

In Odessa, Romance and Grandeur

In Kiev, a Stylish and Surprising City

What’s It Like to Tour Chernobyl Today?

Runner-Up Favorite Destination of 2017: Key West, Florida

Oh MAN, did I love Key West. Throughout my life there have been all kinds of party playgrounds: Montreal when I was 18, Prague when I was 20, Las Vegas when I was 23, Bangkok when I was 26, San Juan del Sur when I was 30. But as I get into my thirties, I’m all about places like Key West. It’s the kind of place where you just let loose and have a good time. I can’t imagine being remotely uptight there.

But it’s not just a party place — it’s also full of gorgeous buildings, phenomenal food, and interesting cultural attractions. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed the Little White House, Harry Truman’s vacation residence. And just off Key West in Stock Island, I stayed in perhaps my favorite hotel of 2017 — the Perry Hotel.

I lucked out with two trips to Key West this year — and on the second one, I was there for the Hemingway Lookalike Contest! I need to go back again!

Key West did suffer when Hurricane Irma arrived earlier this year, but the damage was far less than expected. The island has recovered and is fully open for business. So if you’re wondering whether it’s a good idea to visit Key West right now, GO. They need your tourism dollars. (Some of the other Keys haven’t been as lucky, sadly, and will be recovering for a long time.)

Personally, I can’t wait to go back. There’s so much more I want to do, like visit Dry Tortugas National Park (if you want to do that, book it ASAP because it fills up quickly!). Mostly, I want to visit for more than two nights and just chill. I want Key West to become a regular tradition for me.

READ MORE:

Key West, You Are My New Favorite

A Sizzling Summer Trip to the Florida Keys

Asheville, North Carolina

Asheville is a city I’ve been wanting to visit for years now, and I enjoyed my trip there immensely. I went in expecting a liberal and artsy enclave amongst the mountains, and I discovered a treasure trove of arts, culture, shops, craft beer, and truly fantastic cuisine, including my favorite restaurant of 2017, Cúrate. Oh my God, that meal was so good I nearly cried!

But what truly blew me away about Asheville was the people. I swear to you, Asheville has some of the warmest, kindest, friendliest people on the planet. It’s not faux-politeness like I’ve seen in other places in the South. It’s genuine.

And I don’t know how that’s possible — Asheville is a city of transplants! Almost everyone is from somewhere else! HOW DO THEY ALL HAVE THE SAME PERSONALITY?! Either it’s a Stepford Wives-type thing or the most wonderful people in America simply choose to live there. I mean, one night I went out to a bar and made a friend, and the other night I ended up going out for drinks with my waiter. Me, who hates talking to strangers. That’s how friendly Asheville is.

If you’re looking for a getaway within the US — you could do it in a weekend, or spend as long as a week — I highly recommend adding Asheville to your list. I find it an especially apt choice for couples if one person is into the outdoors and the other is more of a city person.

READ MORE: 14 Reasons Why I’m Smitten With Asheville, North Carolina

St. Petersburg

Another city that surprised the pants off me was St. Petersburg, Russia. What a magnificent place! I only had 36 hours there or so, and I spent about 35 of them marveling at everything around me. The grand buildings. The canals. The churches. The museums. Everything was more elegant in St. Petersburg.

Lots of cities like to compare themselves to Paris, but I’ve never thought anywhere was remotely like Paris — until I went to St. Petersburg. It matched Paris in grandeur, in fashion, in art. I mean, look at the Hermitage! It’s basically what would happen if you said, “Hey, what if we put all this art in Versailles instead?”

My quickie trip to Russia on the St. Peter Line ferry was a teaser trip of sorts, a chance to visit visa-free and see if I’d like to make the effort to get a visa and have a longer visit. The verdict? Yes, I’d love to go back. Even though some of my Russian readers have pointed out that St. Petersburg is very different from the rest of the country, I’m intrigued enough to plan a longer visit. Maybe on the Trans-Siberian railway someday!

READ MORE: Visiting Russia Without A Visa On the St. Peter Line Ferry

Colorado

How have I never visited Colorado before 2017? It seems like everyone is crazy about this state. I came to Vail for a campaign and decided to stay a few days longer and check out Denver and Boulder as well.

Vail was the main reason for my visit, and I fell in love with the famed ski town in an instant — and soon learned that locals think Vail is better in the summer than the winter! Whether I was hiking the mountains — once with llamas in tow — or biking around town and sampling fares at all the best restaurants, I was delighted by the fresh mountain air, the dizzying altitude, the craft beers, and the motley crew of Coloradans who live for being outdoors. Vail convinced me without a doubt that I’m much more of a mountain person than a beach person!

After Vail, I visited Denver for a few days and my lovely cousins, Colleen and Cynthia, took me on a tour of the city’s best spots, including The Tattered Cover bookstore, Hop Alley for trendy Chinese food, and D Bar for mind-blowing desserts. The next day, I took a brief detour to nearby Boulder and met up with my friends Carrie and Matt for the best breakfast of my life at Snooz, a stop at an authentic Tajik tea house, and, um, lots of people protesting circumcision.

A lot of young professionals have been making the move to Denver lately, including some of my friends. I really enjoyed Denver but didn’t feel the urge to move there — it’s important to me to live somewhere walkable, and Denver is definitely a driving city. But I see myself making many return visits to Colorado in the future. I want to see more mountain towns. I want to hike. I definitely want to return to Vail and hit up my favorite spots again. Maybe someday I’ll even learn to ski!

READ MORE: Vail, Colorado, Might Be Better in the Summer!

St. Maarten

Some places give you a good vibe right away. I didn’t expect much out of a destination you only visit for a few hours from a cruise ship, but St. Maarten filled my heart with happiness from the moment I saw it. This place felt right.

St. Maarten is a tiny island split into two nations: the Netherlands and France. I only visited the Dutch side (to my stomach’s chagrin — it wanted baguettes and Normandy butter!). I found beautiful beaches with crystal-clear water, cute restaurants and yacht-filled areas, and nice shopping and people. As I took a bus from one side of the island to the other, I yearned to stop and explore like crazy.

Oh, and there was Maho Beach — one of the world’s most extreme beaches, where airplanes once landed scintillatingly close to you, almost brushing the top of your heads.

St. Maarten is one place that was hit very hard by the hurricanes this year, and it’s not open for tourism at this time. In fact, Maho Beach was destroyed. When the time comes, we will need to support St. Maarten in its economic recovery.

READ (a little bit) MORE: AK Monthly Recap: March 2017

Miami

How is it possible that I didn’t visit Miami until 2017?! I feel like everyone’s been to Miami, and I fly through Miami all the time! In fact, I only visited Miami this year (and twice) because it was an easy addition — an add-on to the end of a cruise, and a logical stop en route from Key West to Orlando.

I spent those two trips in two neighborhoods: South Beach, the famous high-end neighborhood along the best urban beach I’ve ever seen in the US, and Wynwood, the artsy, hipster neighborhood more inland. Those two neighborhoods couldn’t be more different, but I was crazy about Miami’s colors, Latin culture, and the fact that it’s home to the most attractive people I’ve ever seen. Seriously, the phrase “really really ridiculously good-looking” was made for Miami. It was like the bar was set at a much higher hotness level.

Miami is now one of my top picks for a weekend destination in the US, and especially a winter sunshine destination. There is so much more to explore in this city, and even though I experienced two very different neighborhoods in depth, I’ve only scratched the surface.

READ MORE: Miami Is Nice, So I’ll Say It Twice

Porvoo, Finland

Finland is a country that I know and love, but Porvoo is the new destination that captured my heart this year. Located just one hour from Helsinki, this charming little city is home to an old town filled with 18th century wooden buildings. It was like a mini version of my favorite place in Finland, Rauma, but much more accessible to the capital.

So many people visit Porvoo for just a day trip — and there were tons of cruise ship passengers — but I really appreciated staying overnight. It gave me an opportunity to photograph the city during the best light of the day — and this was probably the most photogenic place I’ve visited this year.

At first glance, Porvoo is just a tourist-driven town filled with gift shops, not unlike the many seaside villages in Massachusetts that I grew up visiting. But when you get under its skin, you discover things like history, culture, and forest fitness. And getting to spend the night in one of those famous little red houses was a major highlight for me!

READ MORE: Finland in the Summer: Quirky, Isolated, and Pretty

The Hamptons

I think Long Island is one of the most underrated destinations in America. Yes, it’s the butt of lots of jokes — the accents, the malls, the big hair and giant jewelry — but it’s also home to a surprisingly good food and wine scene, as well as beautiful beaches.

Last year I spent time on the North Fork; this time I visited the South Fork, home to the Hamptons. My friends Beth and Colleen and I spent a day out in the low-key and fun beach town of Montauk, juuuuuust far enough to be an ambitious day trip from New York City, and we spent a bit of time exploring towns like East Hampton and Bridgehampton and the surrounding wineries. We hit up several of the destinations from The Affair, a TV show I love, and had one memorable meal that will be listed in my WORST travel moments of the year (stay tuned for that)…

A lot of people joke that the Hamptons are basically New York City transferred to a beach — same people, same culture, same attitudes. And…that’s kind of the case. But it’s impossible not to relax a tiny bit when you’re surrounded by beautiful beaches.

READ (a little bit) MORE: AK Monthly Recap: July 2017

What was your favorite new destination of 2017?

The post My Favorite New Destinations of 2017 appeared first on Adventurous Kate.

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[njawaidofficial]

'Fox & Friends': Behind the Scenes at Donald Trump’s Most Beloved Show

http://styleveryday.com/2017/07/12/fox-friends-behind-the-scenes-at-donald-trumps-most-beloved-show/

'Fox & Friends': Behind the Scenes at Donald Trump’s Most Beloved Show

In the studio with the program Trump loves and the rest of the media loves to hate as it becomes the eye of the president’s media hurricane, with ratings and revenue soaring and its controversial hosts reveling in their new relevance: “It’s just so exciting. All of it. I look at this as exciting and interesting.”

Brian Kilmeade was on a soccer field in Maryland on June 30 when his Fox & Friends co-hosts Steve Doocy and Ainsley Earhardt began debating President Donald Trump’s latest Twitter outburst. In a multipost tirade a day earlier, Trump had attacked Morning Joe host Mika Brzezinski with the bizarre claim that she was “bleeding badly from a face-lift” when she visited Mar-a-Lago over New Year’s. The swipe drew condemnation from the usual Trump detractors (much of the media, women’s groups, Hollywood, Democrats) but also from Republicans, and it pointedly reignited the debate about Trump’s history of misogynist statements that had many predicting the demise of his presidential bid.

Much to his (professional) disappointment, Kilmeade — who lives with his wife and three children on Long Island, where he grew up — was watching his oldest daughter, Kaitlyn, compete in a soccer tournament that Friday morning. “I see the president tweeted out the thing about the other morning show, and I’m thinking, I wish I was on the air,” he says. “It’s just so exciting. All of it. I look at this as exciting and interesting.”

Kilmeade and Earhardt take issue with Trump’s tweets. “I don’t think it’s OK for the president to insult a woman in that way,” she tells me. “We’re all human beings, we’re doing the best we can, and to go after someone’s looks is inappropriate.” But while Earhardt made that point on the air that morning, when guest Geraldo Rivera, a Fox News Channel contributor, asserted that Trump should recognize that the “lowball” tweet “went too far,” she stopped, looked at the camera and interjected: “Our viewers are disagreeing with you. We’re getting a lot of emails.”

Those viewers, of course, largely are Trump fans; four in 10 Trump voters named Fox News as their main source for 2016 election news, according to a January study by the Pew Research Center. At a time when media consumption — and, increasingly, the perception of the news media itself — has been politicized to a degree not seen in decades, Fox & Friends has become a crucial strategic front for the president’s war on the outlets he doesn’t like. Trump doesn’t just watch Fox & Friends religiously; he often seems to take his talking points and even his policy cues directly from its content. Like it or not, thanks to its First Fan, the show may be the most influential news program in America.

Kilmeade is keenly aware of his role in Trump’s ongoing media narrative. But when he saw the “face-lift” comment — which led to Morning Joe‘s biggest ever tune-in the next day, when Brzezinski responded to the president — he saw it in stark competitive terms. “It was like a third-place team going on a 10-game winning streak because you went to play in the Olympics,” says the 53-year-old former sports reporter. “I’m watching this duel with these talk show hosts and the president. I’m thinking, ‘Oh my goodness, he just gave them ratings. And now everyone’s going to want to tune in, and that’s going to make my job harder.’ That’s a threat.”

•••

Fox & Friends has been credited or — depending on your politics — blamed for sending a onetime reality TV star to the White House by giving Trump a platform to riff on politics back when he was contemplating a run in 2012. And since the November election, Trump has rewarded that loyalty, appearing on the show and amplifying comments made by hosts and guests to his 33 million Twitter followers. In February, he called the hosts “very honorable people” who preside over “the most honest morning show” while deriding much of the rest of the media as “dishonest” and “failing.”

The administration also has used the program strategically to bolster some of its more controversial claims — as when Fox News analyst Judge Andrew Napolitano in March asserted that sources told him Obama had wiretapped Trump Tower with the help of British intelligence. White House spokesperson Sean Spicer read a partial transcript of the Fox & Friends interview from the podium in the White House briefing room and even referred reporters’ questions about it to Fox. That prompted British intelligence to call it “ridiculous” and Fox’s own news anchors to disavow it. Then on July 10, a Fox & Friends news item mischaracterized a report in The HIll, asserting that fired FBI Director James Comey leaked “top secret” information about his meetings with Trump. Eight minutes after it was tweeted from the Fox & Friends twitter account, Trump sent out his own Tweet blasting Comey’s supposed leaking as “so illegal!” The following morning on the show, Doocy delivered a correction. Trump has yet to correct his tweet.

Fox & Friends always has had impressive ratings by the measuring stick of cable news. The brainchild of the network’s late founder Roger Ailes has been the top-rated morning cable news show for 16 years; even amid the recent surge of MSNBC’s Morning Joe and CNN’s New Day, its 1.6 million daily viewers still exceed the combined total of those competitors. Cable news overall has seen ratings and profits climb in the Trump era; this year, Fox & Friends is up 64 percent in the critical 25-to-54 demographic and 48 percent overall, while the show has pulled in $32 million in ad revenue since the election, according to ad tracking firm Standard Media Index. As the network continues to reel from the ouster of Ailes and primetime linchpin Bill O’Reilly, the three-hour program has become an essential piece of Fox News.

To most of the media, however, it’s the show they love to hate. CNN has called it a “daily infomercial for the Trump presidency.” The New York Times recently declared it “unapologetically supportive” of President Trump. And The Washington Post, in a July 10 column headlined “Kill Fox & Friends before it’s too late,” characterized the show as “a propaganda mill.”

What infuriates many about Fox & Friends is the extent to which the show seems to have allied itself with the president. To its critics, it is a tool in Trump’s crusade to counter the damaging news on Russia, health care and other issues, with social media providing an immediate platform and sounding board for like-minded viewers. “I’ve never seen it divided like this,” says Kilmeade during my recent visit to the show’s midtown studio. “I think about that all the time, but I don’t think you can blame CNN or Fox or MSNBC for this; I think it really got bitter with the Clinton impeachment. You have really polarized factions going at it, and then you have three networks battling each other to tell a better, more compelling story. I think that could lead to fueling it unintentionally.”

And social media?

“Absolutely catapulted it through the roof. They’re not waiting for us to come on at 6.”

When Trump followed his Brzezinski broadside three days later with a boorish tweet that showed Trump as a WWE wrestler pummeling the CNN logo, many critics saw it as encouraging violence against journalists. After several days of heated coverage, which included the fingering of the GIF maker on Reddit and a subsequent scandal over whether CNN would out that person, Kilmeade, on the July 7 edition of Fox & Friends, declared CNN’s reaction to the GIF as “unhinged.”

“CNN so overdid it with the wrestling meme that it all boomeranged again and turned around in my humble opinion in the president’s favor,” he tells me later. “It shows CNN going over the top, overlearning what they think gets them ratings. We can get into the nitty-gritty of, this tweet was bad, this tweet wasn’t. But the fact that we do a show that doesn’t try to dissemble him, doesn’t try to disparage him, makes us stand out.”

So the network has, conspicuously, remained outside the target zone of Trump’s attacks of “fake news,” a term also used liberally in various corners of Fox News. “They sing his tune,” notes Thomas Patterson, the Bradlee Professor of Government and the Press at Harvard’s Shorenstein Center. “There’s a big echo chamber on the right, and Fox & Friends is in the nucleus.”

For many on the left — especially supporters of Hillary Clinton, who viewed the media as favoring Sanders during the primaries and then holding Clinton to a far higher standard than Trump during the general — the election was a wake-up call. If there is an effort afoot to repair the fracture in Washington, Fox & Friends — and Fox News Channel overall — can be a valuable tool, say Democrats. “Perception is reality and Fox & Friends has a very captive viewership,” says Adrienne Elrod, director of strategic communications for the Clinton campaign and a frequent guest on Fox & Friends. “Any opportunity to tell the facts and have a discourse with an audience that may not agree with my views and with my party, that’s worth taking, especially in this environment.”

I ask Elrod, who estimates that she makes two or three appearances a week on Fox News, if she ever feels like a straw man. “Honestly, I don’t, not even close.”

The hosts embrace their status as outlaws of the mainstream — even though the mainstream has come to them via Trump. “It’s delicious irony given the fact that [CNN] had to fire Kathy Griffin; they had to fire [Reza Aslan], who called the president a piece of you-know-what; and then they had the retractions, and they just fired those people,” says Doocy, 60, referring to a June 22 story linking Trump adviser Anthony Scaramucci to a Russian investment fund that resulted in the forced resignations of three CNN journalists.

Adds Earhardt, “And our ratings are really good, and we’re beating them, so it’s no surprise that they’re going to say that about us.”

And yes, the Fox & Friends hosts are aware of the late-night skewering and find the long-running parody of their patter on Saturday Night Live perversely satisfying. “I just think it’s really cool,” says Earhardt. “It’s the biggest comedy show in the world. Adds Doocy: “It’s been around forever. I’m flattered actually.”

Earhardt, 40, a married mom of a girl born in November 2015, is the fourth female co-host of the program, joining in early 2016 and replacing Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Doocy and Kilmeade have been with the show since its inception in 1998. “I have had such a wonderful experience here, and if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here,” she says.

Ailes’ death in May was announced on the show. Earhardt — who came to Fox News in 2007 after working at local affiliates in Columbia, South Carolina (her hometown), and Austin — characterizes Ailes as a “legend.” “My daughter will go to college because of Roger. And I will forever be grateful to that man for that,” she says. “I’m friends with his wife; she came to my baby shower. Roger was a father figure to me. He had some big sins. Who doesn’t have sins? He paid a big price for that.”

She knows the show consistently is picked apart by media watchdog groups, as when Earhardt recounted a June 19 Washington Times story citing a dubious study positing that 5.7 million illegal immigrants may have voted in 2008 and when the hosts mused (incorrectly, it turned out) that Comey was seen entering the offices of The New York Times.

While Fox & Friends is in the programming unit of Fox News alongside primetime opinion hosts Tucker Carlson and Sean Hannity — and not the news and editorial unit that oversees shows hosted by Bret Baier, Chris Wallace and Shepard Smith — executive producer Gavin Hadden IV stresses that it is nonetheless a news show, albeit one infused with the conservative worldview of its hosts.

“I think we’re both,” says Hadden. “We have hosts who have strong, solid opinions. But we also have reporters on from all over the world covering every single story.”

And as flattering as they find the presidential seal of approval, they are not programming to an audience of one.

“I’m smart enough to realize that this is the most powerful person in the world, and he likes [our] show,” says Kilmeade. “There are worse things that could happen to somebody. Do I know he’s watching? Yeah. Does it affect what I do? Well, I was critical of him when he was running, and I’m still critical of him sometimes. My preference is to be respected, not liked by him. But I don’t know anybody else in the history of television that can honestly say that you know the president is watching every day. Maybe Johnny Carson.”

Kilmeade notes that he has received “a couple” of calls from Trump since he has been president. But Trump has done far fewer interviews since taking office than during the campaign. Earhardt’s visit in June with Trump and the first lady was booked in the usual way, through the White House communications office, she says. Earhardt asked Trump whether his apparent Twitter bluff that he taped his conversations with the fired FBI director was “a smart way to make sure he stayed honest in [Senate] hearings.” To which Trump replied: “Well, it wasn’t very stupid, I can tell you that.”

It’s possible the show has had as much influence on Trump as he seems to have had on it. “We were doing Donald Trump issues before Donald Trump was Donald Trump,” says Doocy. “I mean, we were doing immigration, we were doing sanctuary cities, we were doing terrorism, all that stuff years before he was interested in running for president. We’re pretty much just doing the exact same stuff for 20 years.”

Indeed, the hosts depict the show as rocking in the same boat as the rest of the media: responding to and buffeted by the warp-speed news cycle. Before Trump, notes Kilmeade, “we would have a rundown, and around 9 o’clock, things would start to change. Now I think at 6 o’clock we are already an hour late. Like, the rundown we have at 4 [a.m.] doesn’t look anything like the one we have at 5:15.”

Producers for Fox & Friends say they don’t get marching orders from up high. But Rupert Murdoch, who talks to Trump often and has assumed a more hands-on role at Fox News after Ailes’ departure, has been known to pop by on occasion. “He’s so intrigued, he’s so into the storylines,” says Kilmeade. “He’s like, ‘Whaddya think, where is this heading, how is the special election gonna go?’ And to think a guy who has accomplished everything he did — he’s 86 years old — is still that intrigued by the news. That keeps you going. He’s always trying to pat you on the back.”

Hadden, who has been at Fox & Friends for 11 years and last year was promoted to executive producer, insists that everyone — from the production assistants to the anchors and producers — have a voice in putting the show together. And he says he does not feel pressure to please the president. “We produce the show the same way every single day. We don’t want to lecture the American people or the viewer like a lot of other places do. We want to have a conversation with them, and we want to talk about what issues affect them the most, regardless of who’s in the White House. That’s what we want to do.”

And the hosts seem to genuinely get along; there is no visible tension on the set. All of them came up through local news. Kilmeade spent 11 years doing stand-up in New York and then Los Angeles while he was working at various TV news jobs, not because he had aspirations to make it as a comedian but rather to aid his memorization skills. His first job as a teenager was hanging signs for Jerry Seinfeld’s dad, who owned a sign shop in Massapequa. “I walked in and I said, ‘I need a job.’ And he goes, ‘Are you artistic?’ I go, ‘No.’ He goes, ‘Would you follow us around and pull up ladders and put up signs?’ I go, ‘Yeah.’ Every Saturday he paid me cash. He was the hardest working guy; little guy, but he could lift a piano.”

Doocy hails from a Kansas family of Democrats. He worked on the 1974 Senate campaign of Democrat Bill Roy, who nearly defeated Bob Dole until Dole made abor­tion a central plank in his campaign. “When I was growing up, around the dinner table, we’d just be talking about politics because my dad loved politics,” says Doocy. “It was just about the actual issues, whereas today it’s so personal. It’s like they have just invented some new blood sport where they’re out to decapitate [each other].”

Earhardt, who is from a conservative Christian family, worked for one of her state senators when she was in college at the University of South Carolina.

“We had two senators, [Democrat] Fritz Hollings and [Republican] Strom Thurmond,” she says. “And I worked for Fritz Hollings. And it was a great experience. My grandfather, a staunch Republican, said, ‘Don’t tell anyone you work for him.’ But my family wasn’t really super political. I was in local news; I was covering car crashes and potholes and schools. And so when I got the job at Fox News Channel, and we were going to be talking about politics, I was very nervous about it. Once you’re reporting on it every single day, you’re fascinated by it.”

•••

It’s Tuesday, June 27, a few minutes before 6 a.m., and the Fox & Friends hosts are seated on the show’s famed “curvy couch” in the network’s $30 million two-level studio. Earhardt, dressed in a color-block shift of black, white, red and fuchsia, beckons a guest standing in the wings to take a seat on the ledge of the studio’s enormous video wall. “It’s warm,” she explains.

Stage manager Joel Fulton counts the hosts down to air; all three raise their eyes to the monitor. As American Authors’ “Best Day of My Life” begins to play over the open, Doocy promises, “This is going to be one of the biggest news days on the Fox & Friends program ever.”

He teases Earhardt’s Rose Garden interview with Ivanka Trump, Kilmeade’s sit-down the day before with House Speaker Paul Ryan on health care, an update on Kate’s Law — a hot-button bill that would institute stiffer penalties for deported criminals who re-enter the U.S. illegally (the bill will pass the House two days later, paving the way for a victory for Trump’s immigration agenda) — and the major headline of the day, so far: the Supreme Court’s decision to allow parts of Trump’s travel ban to go forward.

As the show goes to commercial after the 13-minute A-block, Earhardt teases her interview with Ivanka: “We ask her about a potential future in politics. Will she ever run for president?”

During the break, Kilmeade wonders aloud about Ivana Trump. “Whatever happened to her mom?” he says, turning to Earhardt.

“I was just thinking, I wish I had asked [Ivanka] about her mom,” says Earhardt.

Napolitano is on hand for the discussion about the travel ban, while remote interviews with Mark Levin, Newt Gingrich and Laura Ingraham prompt a compliment from Earhardt. “Gavin,” she says into her wireless mic, “amazing guests today.”

Doocy, who exudes a Midwestern courtliness, cautions Earhardt on navigating the steps from the show’s platform. At the old studio, which also had the same platform set, Doocy later explains to me, Henry Kissinger almost tumbled off. “I had just given him the Fox & Friends soap-on-a-rope,” he says.

The carnival nature of morning TV is on full display with the closing segment, which has Animal Planet host Dave Salmoni introducing viewers to some of the animals featured on the new show Raised Human, including a lemur, a beaver and a primordial-looking alligator snapping turtle. The animals are brought into the studio during the 8:45 a.m. block in which Fox Business Network host Lou Dobbs is set to promote his new book, Putin’s Gambit, which, among other issues, examines what Obama knew about Russian interference in the presidential election. As Dobbs launches into a critique about Obama’s handling of Russian hacking — “His entire administration is one failure to act after another,” he says — an African raven begins to loudly caw.

It’s a brief absurdist interlude distracting from the partisan rancor. When I ask Kilmeade later whether the nastiness is wearing on a personal level, he answers: “No, and here’s why: We are a self-correcting country. We are going to head toward the middle because people are going to go, ‘Yeah, I’m fed up, too.’ And it will be the smart man or woman who is there waiting with the intellect, experience, charisma and leadership. We correct things in America. And I think that’s what’s going to happen.

“And I actually think that if people get out of [Trump’s] way,” he continues, “they’ll see that he’s going to do a good job — and if he can get out of his own way, I think he will. And by the way, if he does, he’ll anger as many Republicans as Democrats.”

This story first appeared in the July 12 issue of The Hollywood Reporter magazine. To receive the magazine, click here to subscribe.

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