#running this for a week bc I know a lot of y'all are in different time zones

[runawaymun]

Hey guys, quick question about the Wednesday gaming stream!

I have a class I am trying to get to on Wednesday nights so is there a better time out of these for those of you who are watching it? (Or would like to?)

[rafesfavgirl]

not like you — r. cameron

part 1. part 2. part 3. part 4. sorry this took so long y'all, school's been kicking my ass :')

❝ get my car door, isn't that sweet? then pull me to thе backseat no onе's ever had me, not like you ���

pairing: rafe cameron x pogue!reader

context: after a few dates with rafe, he finally asks you to go midsummers with him as his girlfriend.

words: 2.9k+

warnings: jealous!jj, bitchy!kie, jealous!rafe, alcohol use, p in v sex, unprotected sex, oral m receiving, pretty fluffy, SMUT with a cute little plot bc soft!rafe is soooooo bf material

"so… i've actually been meaning to ask you something," rafe pulls his truck to a stop in front of your house and turns to look at you.

it was the middle of the night and the two of you had just gotten back from getting froyo, after he texted you asking whether you wanted to go with him to get some on his way home from topper's.

"what's up?" you ask, eyes scanning his face, which donned a look of apprehension.

was he nervous?

a chuckle escapes his lips as he glances down, hand fiddling with yours on top of your thigh. "well, we've been going out for a few weeks now…" he started.

"yeah?" a small smile comes across your lips—never in a million years did you think you'd be making rafe cameron, of all people, act like this.

"and you've met my friends," his eyes meet yours, blue irises twinkling. "and my sisters…"

"rafe, what is it?"

"i was wondering if you'd consider going to midsummers with me," he says, a smile pulling at the corner of his lips. "you know… as a couple."

you tilt your head to the side, and kink an eyebrow. "rafe cameron, are you asking me to be your girlfriend?"

he shakes his head at your teasing, and playfully rolls his eyes, thumb rubbing against the top of your hand. "depends, are you saying yes?"

"i don't know," you shrug. "i mean, you're a kook, i'm a pogue. we come from totally different worlds. not to mention i just got out of a year-long relationship and…" you trail off when the look on his face turns sour, clearly thinking you were serious.

"oh, i'm just kidding," you chuckle, nudging his arm.

"you're not funny," he tells you, but you know by the way his eyes light up again that he's relieved.

"i'd love to go to midsummers with you," you smile.

"as my girlfriend?"

"yes, baby," you nod, leaning in so your lips are just hovering above his. "as your girlfriend."

rafe closes the distance, lips meeting yours in a way that make all the butterflies flutter in your stomach, as his other hand comes up to tangle in your hair.

"come inside for a bit," you smile against him, lips only leaving his long enough for you to get the words out.

"your parents won't mind?"

you shake your head, "they're sleeping."

—

“y/n!” sarah immediately comes up to greet you when rafe opens your door and helps you step out, making sure your dress doesn’t snag.

“hey, sare,” you return her hug, but your eyes linger behind her head to john b’s parked twinkie in the parking lot.

…what the hell?

“hey, y/n,” when he rounds the twinkie, dressed nicer than you’ve ever seen him dressed, and comes over to stand beside sarah, it clicks in your head.

“no way,” you shake your head, eyes shifting between them when you break your hug with sarah.

sarah shrugs with a smile, hand intertwining with john b’s. “way.”

“but i thought you were with topper,” you say. “how did-“

“a’ight, as much as i’d love to hear about my sister’s love life, we gotta go,” rafe interrupts you, hand sliding across your exposed lower back, making your head turn towards him, as a chill runs down your spine, your weight shifting from one leg to the other.

“right,” you nod, his intoxicating presence completely making you forget about sarah and john b.

he gives you a small push towards the club and begins to lead you inside, sarah and john b trailing closely behind you. 

once again, you’re caught off guard when you follow rafe outside with your hand in his, the back garden of the island club decked out in twinkling lights and hysterias like it was pulled straight out of a fairytale.

"holy shit," you mutter, causing rafe to look at you with a smile.

"you like?"

"are you kidding?" your wide eyes meet his, as you both descend the steps of the back porch. "this is insane."

"come on," he nods his head to the side, and begins leading you toward his dad, rose, and wheezie. "you can meet my dad."

while the two of you had been messing around for about a month now, and you had even attended a brunch at the club with him two weeks ago, he'd been apprehensive to officially introduce you to ward. not that you thought it was a big deal—everyone in the obx already knew who he was.

"dad," rafe greets him with a smile; you glued to his side. "this is y/n."

"so you're the girl i've been hearing so much about," ward smiles at you and holds out a hand. "ward cameron."

you place your free hand in his for a quick handshake, relief washing over you when you realize he isn't the monster you thought he was—at least, if he was, he surely hid it well with that friendly smile.

"y/n y/l/n," you tell him. "it's nice to meet you."

"you too," he nods. "nice to finally put a face to the name. you kids enjoy yourselves."

"thank you," you reply, as rafe pulls you away towards kelce and topper by the bar.

"well, well, what do we have here?" topper smiles at the two of you and sips on a glass of what you assume to be whiskey. "is it official?"

"something like that," you smile back, leaning into rafe and tilting your head up to look at him, his eyes twinkling as they locked with yours.

"y'all want something or what?" the sound of jj's bitter voice pulls you out of your haze, when he walks up behind topper and kelce and leans his hands against the bar counter.

there was just no escaping him.

his eyes meet yours when top and kelce step aside to give him a full view of you and rafe, dressed in matching colors with your hands intertwined.

a smug smirk comes across rafe's lips, realizing just how quickly the tables had turned. though he'd never admit it, he'd always had a thing for you ever since he saw you waitressing at the wreck that one time you agreed to help kie with the lunch rush. a part of him always hated that jj got to you first, but that didn't matter now. because he was the one standing beside you tonight. not jj. 

"just a glass of whiskey for me, man," he says, before looking down at you. "anything for you, doll?"

"i'll take a glass of wine," you nod at him, pulling your eyes away from jj. rafe was the guy in your life now.

"you heard her," rafe tells jj. "and make it white wine. the most expensive kind you've got."

you playfully roll your eyes at his antics—he clearly just wanted jj to know how much he liked to spoil you—but don't argue when he hands you your glass.

"i'll be back," you whisper to him. "i'm gonna go find sarah."

"okay, baby," he nods, leaning down to place his lips on yours. "save me a dance, though."

jj rolls his eyes behind the bar and scoffs, tongue poking at his cheek as he poured another drink for kelce.

you choose to ignore him, and smile up at your new boyfriend instead. "you got it."

—

"is this a pogue reunion i see?" you couldn't help taking a detour from finding sarah to walk up to pope and john b by the grill that pope was working.

"maybe for you," pope shrugs, and john b agrees, pointing the neck of his beer bottle towards you before taking a sip. "we're together everyday."

"alright, touché," you nod, a hand reaching out to bump john b's chest. "i didn't know you cleaned up so well, dude."

"look who's talking," john b says, eyes trailing up and down the baby blue dress you're wearing. "you look more like a kook than anyone here."

you roll your eyes and shake your head. "shut the fuck up."

"i'm totally serious," he chuckles. "you look good, y/n. happy."

you sigh, not being able to help the smile that spreads across your lips. "i am."

"good," he returns your smile. "that's how it should be."

"and what about you?" you tease, nudging his arm with your elbow. "mr. sarah cameron… how the hell did that happen?"

he shrugs, "i don't know, it kinda just did."

a small laugh leaves your mouth. "hmm. who would've thought, huh? you and me with kooks?"

"definitely wasn't on my list of things that would happen this year," he shakes his head, chuckling.

"where is she, anyway?"

"she went to go find you, actually," he says.

"damn, i should go find her then," you reply. "but text me, yeah? i've missed y'all."

half-engaged in conversation with topper and kelce across the garden by the bar, rafe's eyes focus on you, as you throw your head back in a giggle at something john b and pope had said, his grip on his glass tightening. his tongue moves to poke at his cheek when you throw an arm around john b in a hug, and then pope, the ugly green monster inside him threatening to make an appearance, as he brings the glass up to his lips and downs the rest of his whiskey.

"face it, man," jj tuts, refilling his drink when he sets it down on the counter. "she's known us longer than you. it's not gonna last."

"just fill up my glass and shut the fuck up, a'ight?" rafe throws him a glare. "no one asked you."

—

you enter the bathroom to pee after failing to find sarah again—where the hell could she have possibly gone?—the two wine glasses you had finally catching up to you.

"you've got some nerve showing your face here," kiara's voice fills your ears when you move towards the sink to wash your hands.

when you look up at the mirror, you find her standing behind you. "you're one to talk," you turn off the sink and reach for some paper towards to dry your hands, as you turned to look at her. "weren't you against all these events because they're so ‘tone-deaf'?"

she scoffs and shakes her head. "you're pathetic, you know that? taking jj from me, dumping him for rafe…" this psycho bitch. "then turning him, john b and pope against me…" wait, what? "i mean— seriously, y/n, are you really that desperate for attention?"

you let out a sigh to keep your composure—she wasn't worth the energy it took to stoop down to her level. despite what she and jj had put you through, you were happy. she wasn't taking that away from you.

"i hate to break it to you, but if the boys aren't talking to you, it has nothing to do with me," you tell her. "maybe they just realized who you really are." you shrug, taking a step towards her. "you're a shitty person, kiara. you can try and blame me all you want, but you dug your own grave."

"you—"

"lie in it," you cut her off. "and while you're at it, leave me alone."

you don't allow her to get another word in before walking away, leaving her alone in the bathroom with her own thoughts.

damn that felt good.

—

"hey stranger," you lean down and snake the arm not holding a glass of wine around rafe's neck, your hand landing on his chest, as he sat at an empty table with a glass of whiskey, sulking.

"done talking to your other boyfriends?" he asks, raising his glass up to his lips.

you tilt your head at him, eyebrows furrowing. "what?"

"i saw you flirting with john b and pope," he says, setting his drink down on the table, as his eyes finally met yours.

they didn't look angry though, more like… sad?

"you thought i was flirting?" you ask, moving to sit in the seat beside him. "they're my friends, babe. i haven't seen them in a while, we were just catching up."

"didn't look like that when you were giggling and hugging them," his eyes avert to his glass on the table, his finger tracing along its rim.

"oh my god," you chuckle, half-amused by his behavior. "are you jealous?"

"why would i be jealous?" he shrugs you off, still refusing to have his eyes meet yours again. "if it's them you want, that's cool."

you sigh, and place a hand on his. "come dance with me."

to your surprise, he doesn't resist when you take his hand in yours and stand up to lead him towards the dance floor, as the band began to play an instrumental rendition of taylor swift's you are in love.

your hands lock behind rafe's neck, while his hands snake around your waist, pulling you close to him, as the two of you slowly began to sway along with the music.

"you're crazy, you know that?" you ask, fingers entwining with the hair on the back of his head.

"how's that?"

"for thinking i'd flirt with someone else when i'm here with you," you say.

"they've known you longer than me," he shrugs. "it's not that crazy."

"i guess,” you shrug. “but you’re forgetting something.”

his eyebrows furrow. “what?”

“they’re not you,” your lips pull together in a smile. "i mean, sure, i've known them longer. yes, we're friends, but they don't hold a candle to you, alright? no one's ever made me feel the way you do."

and it was true. your entire relationship with jj, there was always an uneasy feeling in the depths of your stomach that made you feel like there was always someone else—and it was right, because there was kie. but with rafe? he made you feel like the only girl in the world. it was healing.

"not even jj?"

you chuckle and shake your head. "not even jj."

"and how do i make you feel, doll?" his head tilts to the side, an amused look on his face.

a smirk comes across your lips, eyes locking with his. "how 'bout i show you?"

—

"shit, baby, what's gotten into you?" rafe smirks against your lips, your body rolling against him and your fingers entwined in his hair.

the two of you were now in the backseat of his truck, tongues dancing together while his hands roamed over your body.

you shrug, jokingly. "wine."

"damn," he muttered. "should get you wine drunk more often."

without your lips ever leaving his, one of your hands trail down his body to slide over the hardness under his pants, eliciting a groan from him.

he pulls away and shakes his head at you, the look in his eyes hungrier than you've ever seen them. "don't tease me, pretty girl."

"i don't plan to," you smirk, hands coming between the two of you to begin unbuckling his belt.

you pull away from him and he leans back on the seat, as you position yourself on your knees, hands working at his belt to pull down his slacks and boxers. his cock springs free and you immediately wrap your fingers around it, rafe's hand landing on your ass to give it a squeeze.

you slowly lean down to take him in your mouth, your mouth swirling around his length as you cupped his balls with your hand.

"fuckkkk," rafe groans, hand trailing up to gather your hair in a makeshift ponytail. "just like that, doll."

you lick up his length and swirl your tongue around his tip, making his head tilt back as he began guiding your head to bob up and down.

you feel the tip of his cock hit the back of your throat and you gag, only making rafe hotter.

you release him from your mouth, and tilt your head up to look at him as you began stroking his length up and down. "you gonna cum for me, baby?"

"uh-uh," rafe shakes his head and grabs your hand to stop you, before grabbing you by the waist to sit up so he could untie the back of your dress and pull it off you, until it's lying on the floor of his truck. "come ride me, pretty girl."

he guides your hips to move over him, and you place your hand over his shoulders, your soaked center hovering right above his length.

he doesn't give you the chance to tease him, and immediately pushed you down, his entire length sinking into you and making you throw your head back.

you begin rocking your hips against him and he groans, one hand moving up to grab your tit.

"oh rafe," you moan, your orgasm inching closer and closer as you tangle a hand into his hair and lean against him.

his lips connect to your neck and begins trailing wet kisses, his fingers pinching your nipple and heightening the pleasure you were already feeling.

"so close, baby," rafe whispers against you. "you gonna cum with me?"

"mhm," you nod, barely coherent as your high washes over you.

you tremble when rafe shoots his load and keeps you steady, his head falling against your shoulder.

"did that answer your question?" you pant.

you feel his smirk on your skin before he picks his head up to look at you. "oh yeah."

"and how do you feel about me?"

he brings a hand up and pushes you hair back, eyes scanning every inch of your face. "you're everything."

anddddd that concludes this little series... i think. i've considered writing an epilogue but it'd take place several years after this, so let me know if that's something y'all are even interested in. but until then, i'm very excited to start working on some new fics, so stay tuned :)

reblogs and comments are deeply appreciated <33

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tags: @sublimepenguinpeach-blog @immyowndefender @chiaraanatra @ijustwanttoreadlols @wearemadeofstardust0 @rafesgiirl @solanathascientst @10ava01 @werewhatkilledthedinosaurs @void21 @groovycass @azrielsgirll @rroslitas @crvptidgf @star-girl-05 @redhead1180 @shadyshadyy @prettypimpcess12 @emotionsmgcbabe @outerbankspov @letmeintourheart @ilyrafe @callsignwidow @zyafics

[howlett-n-morgan]

Take Me Home

5. Blood Stains

Arthur Morgan x Texas Red!Reader

A/n: HEY GUYS I AM BACK WITH A DOOSIE. okay so my fashion show was fantastic, let me know if y'all wanna see a video of my collection i think it turned out pretty damn good. anyways, wrote this while crocked off my ass on Benadryl bc allergy season is hitting very very hard right now so if it's not perfect we are all going to collectively blame the Benadryl, okay? okay.

Summary: An accident in the laundry causes chaos in the camp, and secrets are revealed sooner than expected. With everyone else acting like the world is caving in, Arthur steps up as usual.

Warnings: misogyny, major gender role tropes, a little bit of personal violation, but very minor. Susan is a bitch in this chapter (we love Susan). Blood plays a lot into this chapter, and so do menstrual cycles, so if you're uncomfortable with those mentions, this may be a skippable chapter for you. There's also like some sexual implications but nothing inherently sexual happens. I think that's it, let me know if I missed anything.

WC: 7.8k

“Climb up, let’s go to town before closing time,” he walked around to the other side where his horse was hitched from earlier today, still saddled since Bill hadn’t made his rounds yet.  You complied, but were unsure of the motives for such a trip.  “Is Dutch paying you to take me somewhere? He want you to kill me quietly?” 

In the weeks since John’s disappearance, you’ve noticed three things:

One, Dutch hasn’t barely been seen in the camp, and when he makes his presence known, it’s either angry or forlorn. Two, the entire gang has been very quiet, not wanting to set off Dutch, or make anyone else upset with the matter. Three, Arthur has done as he said he would, becoming closer with Abigail, and helping nightly with Jack. 

It shouldn’t break your heart, because you had no right for it to. You shouldn’t be distancing yourself from the both of them, they didn’t do anything to deserve it, but the way your chest tightened by watching them, watching Arthur gently place a hand on her shoulder as he watched Jack squirm in her arms was far too miserable. Abigail won’t speak of it, knowing that everyone has been on edge since her former lover left, but she missed the talks and conversations you held. You understood her, and though she didn’t exactly know the truth as to why, she was still partially in grief over that bond, too. 

Arthur takes immediate notice, but doesn’t say anything. Hosea had mentioned your run in with John the evening he took off. He figured you needed time to cope with the situation, even if you didn’t know John all that well, or even like him for that matter. Everyone in camp was dealing with it differently, so why should he judge the way you handled yourself?

It was only when you stopped talking to him altogether that he became slightly concerned, and he wasn’t the only one. 

When Dutch first brought you into the gang, he knew there was some subtle competition with you and Arthur. The two fastest guns in the west, hell, maybe even the world… but you butted heads often. He didn’t know why it had suddenly stopped, but his concern grew from being in both your presences at the same time, and the icy feeling he got just from standing between you, running over job details in a tent. 

It was like Arthur didn’t exist to you anymore. Everything you said and did was conveyed to the people around him, but never to him. You would even give news to a big group of people to avoid telling Arthur directly. 

Dutch knew there was something wrong, because he could have sworn you both were inches away from getting along, but now it was worse than square one. It was after a successful job that he said something about it. After you had deliberately handed Arthur’s cut to Javier and told him to give it to the next man over. 

You’d ridden back, safe and sound, but Dutch held you back, nodding the others away from the horse troughs.  

“Talk with me for a bit, will ya son?” He tried to approach the situation gently. This couldn’t have been a gradual thing. 

“F’course,” you muttered, hands resting on your gun belt as you followed him into the center of camp. 

“I’ve been noticing some… strange behavior from you towards Arthur. Only lately…” he scratched his head, looking at you expectantly. “You can tell me if he did somethin’ to piss you off, I’ll speak with him about it.”

You furrowed your brow and shook your head. “He didn’t do nothin’ to piss me off… I’ve just always been better off on my own, don’t wanna rely on anyone.”

“I can understand that sentiment, but it doesn’t make any damn sense as to why you’re givin’ him the cold shoulder,” he furthered his point, and you didn’t have any choice but to make something else up. Something that could actually be worth what you were doing to Arthur. Your head told you that the truth of ‘I’m actually a young woman and I’m catching feelings for your gang enforcer’ wouldn’t help you. 

“He’s been tryna hold me back,” you sighed out, as if revealing some huge secret. It was partially true, but you’d grown more relaxed about the protection Arthur had been trying to provide. Still, you kept on the charade, knowing it would get you out of this situation free and clear. “M’tired of him thinkin’ I can’t keep up, tired of feelin’ like a helpless kid next to ‘im.”

Dutch let out a breath and narrowed his eyes. “I see… and so you figured it best to keep him out of arm’s reach, is that it?”

“Guess so,” you shrugged, leaning against the pole of his big tent. 

And then it seemed that Dutch saw this as a teaching moment, because he nodded for you to sit down on one of the cross latch boxes, across from where he stood. He had a whole spiel oncoming, and you were almost sure you knew what it would contain. Something about the camp being a family, everyone sticking together and more nonsense of the like.

“You don’t understand this now, because you’ve never had a time of need in this gang… but that day will come,” he paused, and you perhaps had it all wrong, listening intently now. He pointed in the direction of Arthur’s camp set up, and you glanced over, not for the first time that day. He was tired, hunched over his cot and leaning in exhaustion, running his hand over his face. “And when you are in that time of need, there is no better man to have in your corner than Arthur Morgan.”

You nodded in understanding, a small frown on your face. You wanted to protect yourself, but if what Dutch says is true, you’re only setting yourself up for failure. 

“He’s been here a long time, and no matter your opinion of him, no matter the things you do or the things you say, he’s loyal. It ain’t up to me what you decide to do, but you should know, he’s the best ally you’re ever gonna have.”

And just like that, you regretted the past weeks. Everything you did to avoid him, getting up early to grab some of the coffee before he came by. Going out and hunting without letting anyone know, just so that he didn’t have a chance to come with you. Even going as far as to mend your own clothing and do your own laundry, knowing he might catch you at one of the girl’s stations while picking up your weekly wears. You felt awful. You remembered at least four times he tried to approach you before he just gave up. At the time you were grateful, because you thought it was making things easier for you, but in actuality, the things Dutch said were true. You needed him in your corner. There would be a time of need, and Arthur was the best ally to have when that time would come, whatever it may be. 

“I think I oughta go set things right, then,” you let out, your ego deflating slightly when your eyes met Dutch again. 

“If you think it’s best,” he nodded, switching places with you and watching you walk over to his favored outlaw, the man he called his son. He called you son, too. You wondered if that would hold up if he ever found out about you. 

Arthur was on the verge of sleep, but you were doing this now. You could apologize later. 

“You look like shit,” you tried to be nonchalant, and not bring any emotion into this. 

When he looked up, he was slightly annoyed, but his face softened once he looked at you for a moment. 

“Feel like shit,” he grumbled, trying to understand what you were doing here. You didn’t exactly give him reason to believe he was important to you anymore. “Did you need something?” 

You kicked the dirt beneath your boot, trying to keep yourself composed, but you weren’t too good at these things, and the amount of shear stiffness in your body wasn’t helping you to relax about it. 

“I think I owe you an apology,” you started, and he tilted his head in slight confusion. Sure, he knew what you were apologizing for, but he didn’t know why. “I’ve been avoidin’ you, n’ I shouldn’t have.”

He nodded in thanks, accepting your words. You stood awkwardly, unsure if you should say more or just leave, but when you turned your boot to walk, he stopped you. 

“Did I piss you off or somethin’?”

Why was everyone asking that? 

“No, ain’t nothing you did. Just my own stupid ass and things that don’t matter,” you told him. You felt even worse now, because you’d made both him and Dutch think that it was something he did wrong. He could rarely do any wrong in your eyes, which made this whole ordeal that much worse. 

“Matters enough, you stopped talking to me. Couldn’t even get you to look my way.”

You didn’t want him to know anything else. With him and Abigail rapidly forming a blossoming relationship, it wasn’t for you to stand in their way. Jack needed a father figure, and Arthur was the perfect candidate. 

“I’m sorry about it. I swear it won’t happen again,” you really wanted to leave this time, unsure of how far it may go in the event of a deep conversation… but he caught your wrist and gently tugged it back towards where he sat as soon as you started turning away again. 

“You gotta give me somethin’, Red. I’ve waited weeks just to ask you,” he pleaded, his tired eyes looking through you and trying to enter your mind. You caved just as soon as you saw how badly this affected him. You hurt him. He might be big, burly, and dangerous… but he bleeds, and his heart can be wounded as easily as anyone else’s. 

“I’ve been going through some things, and you’ve had a lot on your plate with Jack and Abigail. It’s not fair of me to make my burdens your burdens… I was tryna keep you out of it,” you admitted, which was only half true. The partial truths of the night were stacking up, but fortunately he couldn’t tell the difference right now, too tired and unfocused to really study your features and what you were hiding. 

“Red,” he sighed, not yet prying for more information, but giving you one last glance. “You can tell me things. Remember that.”

You nodded, smiling at him for the first time since John left. “Alright.” 

-

You stopped avoiding and ignoring Arthur, but things were still distant. You’d been getting close right after Jack was born, but going into his third month in the world, you two were miles apart. Still, it was better than the stone cold facade you’d been turning to him before. 

“Got any laundry?” Susan asked, breaking you out of your trance as you watched the sun setting. You weren’t really paying much attention, but nodded, reaching behind you into your tent for a sheet full of worn out and dirty clothing. You should have looked it over, but you didn’t, too caught up in your own mind. “You can ask the girls about getting it back tomorrow, they’ve been going stir crazy for things to do.”

“Yes ma’am,” you nodded, tipping your hat and leaning back against your small tent’s middle pole. You had half a mind to slide your hat over your eyes for a nap, but that didn’t seem like it would fly, especially if one of the others needed you for something. 

You could definitely use a nap, you were cramping like crazy. You swore if Bill came up to you and asked for any more favors with the damn horses this week you’d kill him, but only because you were feeling grumpy. 

You wanted so badly to confide in Arthur about these things, the troubles of womanhood that you couldn’t share with anyone else but him. You wondered if he would ever tell anyone, since it’s been almost five months of your residence and you have yet to reveal your secrets to everyone else. Maybe you were being paranoid, but the closer he got to Abigail and the further you pushed him away, you thought he might care less about the agreement you both made. After all, spilling your secret to Dutch would gain him loyalty points, and Dutch seemed all too happy to be giving them out since John left. 

It was about an hour later when there was a shriek at the other side of camp, and many ran over to see what the trouble was. 

Tilly had been sitting by her wash bin, but had pulled her hands out on account of one thing. 

“What’s the matter, Tilly?” you heard Sean over your shoulder, and when you finally saw the trouble your eyes widened and you muttered a single word under your breath. 

“Shit.” 

“What’s shit?” Arthur’s voice was also heard beside you now, and you turned to him ever so slightly with a whisper.

“Me, I’m in deep shit.”

Tilly showed everyone the water, with some clothing swirling around, but it was all tinted red. 

“I think someone’s been hurt,” she said, waving over Mrs. Grimshaw to show her the problem. “There’s blood in the water.”

You tried to casually back up slowly, hoping that it wouldn’t get traced back to you, after all, the clothing in the bin was yours, and Mrs. Grimshaw had just picked up the pile from you. You were just stupid enough to leave your monthly attire in with it, and during your monthly time, too. You were only two days into the cycle, meaning there had been a lot of blood.

Grimshaw, being the stern and impatient woman she was, rolled her sleeves up and dug around in the water, looking for clothing with holes to indicate a stab or bullet wound… but she only found:

“A sanitary apron?” She furrowed her brows. She was pretty in tune with the women of the camp, and hadn’t been aware that someone was menstruating right now. 

“You better run, kid,” Arthur caught on, nudging your shoulder. You’d already started getting further away from the scene, but it seemed Grimshaw already came to a conclusion before you could make a break for it. 

“I picked these up from…” she trailed, her brow now seemingly angry and strewn together in a stressful manner. She marched over to you, grabbing your lanky wrist harshly and tugging you away from the scene. “You better not be hidin’ what I think you’re hidin’!”

You held onto your hat as she practically ran you into the nearest tent. It wasn’t hers or yours but that didn’t matter, her urgency was all too apparent. 

“Miss Grimshaw, what’s this all about?” 

“I have had my suspicions about you since you arrived here,” she spoke intensely, pulling you forward by your belt buckle and doing her best to undo it. 

“Hey, hey! What’re ya doin’?!” You tried to protest, but her nimble hands were too persistent, and she finally got your pants loose enough to take a brief peek at what she needed to see. “What the hell, would you stop?!” 

“I knew it!” she yelled, a finger pointed in the air. 

And just like that, you knew you were screwed. 

She quickly ran out of the tent, and you tried to follow her, making a quick attempt at putting your belt back together on the way out. 

Arthur ran a hand over his face when first he saw you, and the state you were in. He knew the jig was up, too. 

“Where is that man when you need him?” Susan was turning every which way, a mess of herself just trying to frantically look for the camp leader. 

“Dutch? He’s in town with Hosea, what’s the problem?” Bill sauntered up, dusting his hands from the work he’d paused. 

Pearson and Javier all of a sudden made an appearance, and when you thought nothing could make this worse, the rest of the camp zoned in on the chaos, having had nothing better to do this whole day. It was slow, and there were no jobs to be done, so the boredom consumed minds jumped on the first sign of entertainment they could find, and boy was it something.

“We have an imposter in our midst!” She yelled, her arms waving around wildly. 

“Hold on, now…” You tried to interject, but Arthur shot you a look, shaking his head. Don’t do it, kid. Just shut up.

“What do you mean an imposter?” Pearson crossed his arms. He was never one to give bad news of any kind to, because he had a tendency to blow it out of proportion. “Who?” 

“That,” she pointed at you, her voice raised to the highest decibel count you knew was humanly possible. “Is not an eighteen year old boy! She has been fooling us all. Who even knows where she comes from, what her real name is!”

“What the hell are you even talking about?” 

“The kid?” 

“Ain’t no way…”

The rapid responses coming forward almost eased your mind, except for the fact that Susan did in fact have up close and personal proof from what she saw. 

Arthur stepped forward, and as the murmurs grew louder, and Miss Grimshaw was prepared to go on another rant, he did all he could to calm the situation. 

“Let’s not make any rash judgements right now,” he gave you a look, trying to let you see he was attempting to help, but that you needed to leave. “We’ll just wait until Dutch and Hosea get back.”

You took that as a cue to leave, awkwardly making way for your tent. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” Susan tried to chase after you, but Arthur held her back. 

“Wait for Dutch,” he said, his arm blocking her path. Who knows what she’d do in this state? She’d been known to whip some of the boys into compliance before, who knows what she’d do to someone she viewed as an imposter. 

Sitting with the flaps closed, you could still hear everything that was occurring outside, and it nerved you far more than being in the middle of it all. 

“It doesn’t make any sense…” and “Do you think it’s true?” could be heard from separate conversations, and you wished more than anything that you’d just done your own damn laundry. 

Your face fell in your hands, and you started going over all the things that could happen. Dutch could hate you for lying to him, and kick you out, banishing you as far as you could go. Or, since you were a newbie, and didn’t have the trust factor built yet, maybe they would just shoot you dead. That may have been an extreme idea, but with your rapidly beating heart and increasing worry, things like that were bound to spill in. Not like you’d been in a gang before, you didn’t exactly get an etiquette and rule book when you arrived. Who knew what would happen to you. Nothing good, that you knew.

When Arthur finally opened the flap and leaned down inside the small dwelling, you knew it was time to face the music. 

“Dutch is back, Susan’s tellin’ him everything,” he sighed, looking over your face and feeling a sense of guilt that he didn’t do anything to stop all of this. When you first arrived he thought maybe it wouldn’t be a big deal, but having experienced this much drama in just the past hour has most definitely led him to believe he was wrong. 

When you stayed silent, and didn’t really give him a reaction of any kind, he could tell you were hit hard with the anxiety and shock of it all. He couldn’t ever get you to shut up, and he often didn’t want to, most of all now when you looked like a scared animal. 

“I ain’t gonna let ‘em hurt ya, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

You shook your head, and against your hardest efforts, tears were backing your eyes, looking for ways to escape. He hadn’t ever seen you like this, and it wasn’t pleasant. 

“I don’t wanna leave,” you admitted. You liked it here. You weren’t lonely here, and you had a family… or at least you did an hour ago. You didn’t know where you stood with half of these people. 

He couldn’t speak for Dutch or Hosea, or anyone else really, but he could speak for himself. 

“I don’t want you to, either…”

When Arthur heard his name called, he leaned back, looking in the direction of his father figure, looking angrier than a pack of hungry wolves. 

“Yeah?” 

“Tell Brooks to see me, now.”

You didn’t even need the message relayed. You stood up, and followed Arthur out of the tent, your head down as you made the distance to the center tent, the big one you’d been at only a bit ago with council from your leader. You only hoped he’d be so forgiving when he found out you lied to him. 

Arthur got into the tent first, mumbling a few things you were a little distracted to hear. You did catch the small ‘don’t be too hard on her’ fall from his mouth, though. 

You sat down on the box chest, close to the exit of the tent, just in case things went south and you had to run. Not that you were thinking about running, but again, a million scenarios crossed your mind. 

“Arthur, wait outside.”

You grew more tense as soon as those words were uttered, and so did Arthur it would seem. 

“Dutch, I think I should-”

“Wait. Outside.” 

He reluctantly did as he was told, walking far enough away that he wouldn’t be reprimanded, but still in your eye-line so he could keep an eye on you. He trusted Dutch with the gang members, but if he was considering kicking you out, that made you fair game. 

“I’m gonna cut to the chase,” he took a long drag of the cigar he held between his fingers, blowing the smoke out when he turned his head to the side. “You know why you’re here.”

“I reckon I do,” you answered quietly, trying to keep an ounce of confidence though your entire body felt like it would start shaking in fear. 

“I could have you stripped for the whole camp to see, but for propriety’s sake I’m only going to ask you this once… is it true?” He asked, his tone less stern but still eager. 

“Yes.”

He sighed, having heard the softness in your voice since you came in, he already knew. You’d never shown this side of yourself to the camp before. You were always confident, sure of yourself, cocky even. To think it was an act boiled his skin… but he wanted to take his time with this. You still had capabilities the likes he’s never seen, and if he wasn’t careful they could one day be used against him. You didn’t know about the O’Driscolls yet, and he sure as hell wouldn’t have you running off and joining them. It would be the death of the Van Der Linde gang, of that he was certain. 

“I’m gonna decide what to do with you, but until then, you stay out of my sight.”

He pointed outside of the tent, and you were honestly surprised that this was the extent of his questioning. Nothing about the lies? About the history? About anything at all?

You gave him a double glance, but scurried away in fears he might change his mind and tear you to shreds on the spot. You walked hastily towards Arthur, your face gaining more color to it once you were out of the line of danger. 

“You alright?” He asked, his furrowed brows reflecting his concern. 

“No,” you let out with a dramatic scoff. Your flare for over exaggeration was sometimes quite amusing to him. He just dropped his head and chuckled. 

“You’re fine,” he patted your shoulder before stepping past you and going to talk to Dutch. What he knows is that Susan Grimshaw spilled every nasty detail of this afternoon to the camp leader, but he also knows that he hasn’t had his say yet, and when it comes down to it, Dutch will side with his loyal enforcer over a disgruntled Miss Grimshaw. 

Dutch was stretching out his arms, sore from the ride in and out of town. It was a scouting trip, really, but it was enough to make him ache when all the stress was added. 

“First John leaving, now this. I can’t seem to catch a break, can I?” Dutch sighed out after his words, the toll they took on his mind caused him to shake his head of so many thoughts. 

“This ain’t so bad,” Arthur began, tilting his head from side to side. 

“How could you possibly think that?”

Arthur shrugged, reasoning with himself a few options before saying them out loud. 

“S’not like she did any harm. Only thing that’s come of it is a bit of surprise to everyone…” he trailed, sitting across from the man he called his father figure and his friend. The tension seemed to ease up the second he neared the man, but there was more to be done to diffuse the situation, and he was all too happy to insert himself as the cause of said diffusion. 

“She lied about who she is, for all we know she could be working with local law, or worse, the pinkertons.” 

Dutch’s raised concerns nearly made Arthur chuckle. When you first got here, facade or not, you were still just lost and looking for somewhere to call home. There were never any motives behind your gang participation other than needing a family.

“We haven’t had them on our trail in ages. Coming here, we finally put a stop to their sniffin’ around. Besides, she’s been the reason for our successful jobs lately… she’s been loyal enough to save my life despite our differences.”

“But she lied to us,” Dutch kept driving his point. A liar’s a liar, and they lie about other things. 

“She’s a scared kid, Dutch. She just wants a place to be,” Arthur defended, his arguments becoming more close and personal, which led Dutch to connect some other dots. 

He sighed, looking at Arthur and coming to an understanding of what he knew were past events. 

“You knew, didn’t you?” 

Arthur dropped his head into a subtle nod, not yet meeting Dutch’s eyes for his fear of a bad reaction. 

“Since the week she got here.”

Dutch had to laugh, because of course he did. Arthur was more in tune with the members of camp than he could ever be, and more than they could be with each other. He was like Hosea that way, his ability to connect and grow relationships with others was just a natural gift. He often thought it stemmed from Arthur’s great love of the unknown, and his endless curiosity. 

“How’d you figure it out?” 

“I didn’t, until I found some uh… rather feminine items in her saddle bag. She fessed up pretty quickly to me,” Arthur scratched the back of his neck, his nerves settling when he knew he wouldn’t be in any trouble. 

“Well,” Dutch started, coming to the edge of his open tent, looking for the troubled recruit among the busy movement of the camp. “We’ve taken in much worse, and it’s always been in our favor. And you’re right�� She's just a scared kid. A scared kid with the quickest hands I’ve ever seen.”

There was a moment, and then Arthur smiled.

“So… She’s free n’ clear?” He asked, his tone hopeful, which Dutch noticed. Perhaps Red had made amends after all, and just as Dutch promised, Arthur was in her corner. This wasn’t her time of need, per se, but he knew she would have him when it arrived.

“I suppose so, although… I’m not going to be responsible for the court of public opinion,” he gestured to everyone in the camp, frantically working around just to keep themselves busy. With all the chaos going on, it’s the only thing they can do not to sit and gossip, which they do anyway. 

“I reckon I better keep her away from Susan?” 

“With a ten foot pole, preferably,” Dutch rolled his eyes. That woman was full of determination, and it could be both a great strength, as well as her worst weakness. 

Arthur smiled, ready to go make good on a promise he’d been waiting on for some time. “I’ll catch you later then.”

“Alright, Arthur.”

-

You didn’t know if Arthur’s conversation with Dutch would benefit you or condemn you, but you didn’t stick around to find out. He’d found you saddling your horse, just in case a hasty escape needed to be made. Yes, perhaps your delusions were getting a bit out of hand. 

“Where you goin’?”

“Depends,” you started, “How mad is he?”

Arthur huffed and grabbed your wrist, stilling your movements. “He ain’t mad.”

“No?” You could hardly believe it. “He seemed riled up to me.”

“I talked to him,” he explained, but gave no further intel. 

“You got magic words or somethin’?” You chuckled, slightly more relaxed since the news came better than you hoped, and Arthur wasn’t dragging you back to be punished or anything. “What’d you tell him?” 

“That you were gonna be loyal… and that you’d been scared.”

You scoffed, rolling your eyes, trying to play off his last words like they weren’t true. “I ain’t scared.”

“Really? You were about to run, weren’t you?” He pointed to your full saddle bag and stocked up horse, ready to disappear at a moment’s notice. 

You caved. 

“He gave me a little fright is all,” you toed your boot into the dirt as you spoke, looking back up to find him nodding at your horse. 

“Climb up, let’s go to town before closing time,” he walked around to the other side where his horse was hitched from earlier today, still saddled since Bill hadn’t made his rounds yet. 

You complied, but were unsure of the motives for such a trip. 

“Is Dutch paying you to take me somewhere? He want you to kill me quietly?” 

It was just a joke, but he was getting tired of the overly dramatic interactions. He wasn’t sure what all transpired in your past, albeit knowing more than everyone else… even still, he figured there had to be something that gave you your theatrical touch. 

“Knock it off, would ya?”

“Sorry.”

The ride wasn’t long, but the sun was down when you both tied your horses to the poll in front of the general store. You’d been in here a few times, and the man behind the counter always cowered in fear of Texas Red the unkillable. No matter your manners or gentility, that’s just how it was. 

“What’re we doin’ here?” You adjusted your hat, wiping some sweat off your forehead and following him up the front steps. 

“I remember sayin’ I’d get you a dress a while back, we’re here to make good on it.”

You stopped in your tracks, a wide smile blossoming on your face when you heard him say it. He’d remembered, and been waiting for it since the night he uttered the words. 

He noticed you weren’t close behind him, and turned, catching the sweet expression you wore, but brushing it off with a sideways smile. 

“C’mon now, gotta pick it out.” 

You followed after him, and once inside, the man behind the counter seemed to be nervous, as usual. He didn’t seem to be weary of having you both in, just a bit anxious. Arthur knew his presence held power, but he figured with your reputation in this town, and others around… your presence was bound to hold more. 

“What can I do for you? Need more socks?” The man asked you kindly, and you shook your head, a small laugh escaping you. 

“No, we’re uh… we’re here to get a dress for my wife,” Arthur spoke evenly, his confidence showing through when he had to put on a show. 

Your head snapped to him, and though you knew he was intending to buy the dress for you, a thought sprang into your mind. Abigail. She was going to be his wife. 

This sweet little moment, with Arthur keeping his promise, and making a big to-do over your acceptance into camp, was all part of your own little fantasy. It wouldn’t last, and when you returned to camp, he’d be with her again, helping with Jack. You tried to shake the thought from your mind, wanting to enjoy this sliver of time with him. 

“Of course! I’ve got a new selection,” he pulled out the catalog, and opened the pages to a section with different types of skirts, petticoats, chemises, and corsets. All were beautiful, but your eye was drawn to a more simple style. It was a work dress, which would be far more practical for you than any of the other ones. 

“I’m not too good with all this. What do you think, Red? Which one would she like best?” He tossed you a smirk, leaning his elbow on the counter while he let you browse over the pages a bit longer, turning them over with a furrowed brow of focus. 

“What color does this one come in?” You asked the man over the counter, keeping your act up, but letting your hints of excitement show through. 

“That one is a nice pale blue, perfect for spring and summer time,” he spoke firmly, becoming more relaxed the longer you both were in the store. Yes, he’d heard the whispers, and for you, he’d actually seen your acts of a quick trigger. But here, you didn’t seem like a threat, so he stopped acting like you were.

“Blue, huh… Might bring out her eyes a bit, hey Arthur?” Now it was your turn to smirk, and he chuckled, nodding back to you and tapping the page twice with a heavy finger. 

“You’re right it would, make em’ look like crystal,” he played along, making you blush under the brim of your hat, unbeknownst to the man behind the counter. 

“It’s gotta be that one, then.”

Arthur chuckled, counting out the cash that the dress price was listed under, tossing it down on the counter and nodding to the man. 

“You heard the kid, we’ll take that one,” he spoke in a playful tone, ignoring the movements of the man as he scurried to the back rooms, getting your dress pieces together. 

Arthur lifted the brim of your hat, and smiled genuinely at the look on your face. It was excited, sweet, and grateful. He wanted to buy you the entire stock of the store just to ensure that look stayed on your face, no matter the irrationality of it. He’d become quite accustomed to giving you his time and his efforts, and this was no different. The only difference is that now he wanted to, wholeheartedly. The deal you’d struck with him, the one where you were going to teach him your methods of shooting faster, were now null and void. He didn’t want to take anything from you, he just wanted to give.

When the store worker returned with a large box in hand, Arthur thanked him for his time, carrying the thing over his shoulder and heading for the door, which you opened for him. 

Getting outside, you went for the horses, but he stopped you with a swat of your hand away from the reins. 

“Can’t go back yet, gotta see how this looks on ya,” he insisted, nodding for you to follow him yet again. He walked for a bit before coming up on the shed with a small lantern inside. It looked like it only housed tools and ropes and things of the like, but there was space enough to change in. “Came across this when I was out one day. Took a whole nap before someone realized I was in here.” 

“How convenient,” you teased, taking the box from his hands and eagerly walking into the confined space. 

“I’ll be out here,” he mumbled as you shut the door, putting a shovel against it since it didn’t really even close all the way. 

You knew he wasn’t the peeping type, so you began tearing away at your clothes, the ones that had been worn completely through by now and needed replacing anyway. You had more back at camp, but you had always missed dresses. This would be the first of many you would probably buy for yourself, but it was going to remain your favorite, because of who it came from. 

It was just like clock work, muscle memory helping you to remember all the little ties and snaps that needed to be in place, the corset laces that needed to be pulled enough to fit the outer fabrics. You knew you probably needed a good hair brushing and face washing to actually look like a young woman again, but for now, the dress was doing wonders on your self esteem… or at least it did until you realized you couldn’t finish putting it on by yourself. The buttons on the back went up higher than your shoulder blades, and sat in a near impossible spot to reach. If there was a mirror, you could probably just contort yourself enough to get it together, but in a dark, barely lit tool shed, your options were limited. 

You sighed, pulling the shovel away from the door and peaking your head outside. Arthur had nearly gone through an entire cigarette in the time you took to change. 

“Arthur?” You asked timidly. 

“M’here, you alright?” 

“I can’t reach the back,” you admitted, just slightly embarrassed. “Can you give me a hand?” 

He was all too happy to comply, stomping out the cigarette on the ground and taking quick steps to reach you. “Turn around.”

You did as he told you, turning so he had access to the open back of the dress. He couldn’t see you all too well in this light, but even from what he could see, a few words entered his mind from a past conversation you had with him. 

I used to be quite the stunner… and he surely believed it. 

His fingers caressed the exposed skin of your back before buttoning the fabric closed, smoothing it down over your shoulders and watching the way it fit you perfectly. 

“Don’t mention this to Abigail,” you joked, turning back around and trying to keep the mood light. It was beginning to feel too intimate, and you knew you couldn’t allow yourself to feel that way with Arthur anymore. 

“Why?” 

“Well, I might be a bit old fashioned, but isn’t it frowned upon for a taken man to be helping another woman with her dress?” 

It was just another joke, but he seemed to be completely thrown off by the implications. 

“I ain’t a taken man,” he confessed, looking at you with a stare that was all too deep, and all too consuming. He needed to stop that, but you didn’t have the heart to make him. 

“Not yet,” you corrected, but again it was you in the wrong. 

“No,” he shook his head, trying to bring a serious tone to the conversation. “I’m not gonna marry Abigail.”

Your face screwed up in confusion, thinking about all the times when he collapsed in her tent with Jack, just to get up and help him in the night. He was Jack’s new father, wasn’t he? That was the deal he made. 

“Why not? I thought that you were- well since you were helping with Jack and… what about your deal?”

“I said I was gonna do right by this boy, and I am… But Abigail won’t have me,” he shrugged, admitting to the rejection she gave of his offer. “She’s still in love with John, n’ I can understand it.”

It should have made you feel a bit of sadness, to know that even with all that Arthur was, someone would turn him away like that. ‘Abigial won’t have me’ sounded like perhaps he thought himself not good enough, just as he always does. Despite all of this, you didn’t feel sorrow, you felt an abundance of joy. A wide smile spread across your cheeks, and he furrowed his brow. 

“What’re you smilin’ about?”

“Nothing,” you dropped the smile and shook it off, running a hand up his arm and giving it a sincere squeeze. “I’m sorry, Arthur. I know you’ve meant well.”

“S’alright. Hosea’s been tellin’ me since Jack was born that I shouldn’t have offered. He doesn’t think we’re right for one another, somethin’ like that.” 

“I agree, you’re not right for each other,” you spoke out loud, though that thought was meant only for your head. 

Arthur seemed to be catching on slightly to your behavior, stepping a bit closer and staring downwards at you. 

“Yeah? And who am I right for?” He teased, watching the redness of your cheeks spread down your neck and shoulders with every breath you took. 

“I guess we’ll just have to wait and find out,” you did your best to counter his taunts, stepping away from him and going to collect your old clothes from the shed. Once they were in hand you turned back to the opening of the alley, making way for the horses. “You coming?” 

And of course, he followed, shaking his head and chuckling under his breath. 

-

The next day fared better than you thought it would, if you’re being honest. 

You didn’t really know why, if Dutch had said anything, or if Hosea did, but after you returned to camp the previous night, everyone seemed to be acting just fine. They treated you differently for sure, but not badly. In fact, you noticed the men had a certain kind of reverence to you that they never held before. The same they did with the other women. 

Maybe it was just the beautiful dress that Arthur bought for you, the light and pure color of it giving you a sense of being ethereal, having finally exposed the raw feminine beauty that was hiding for so long. You reckon you’d even start growing out your hair again, as the short style coming to your chin was not how you preferred to have it in the first place.

You still went to work doing the same tasks you normally did, but were careful not to rip your dress or over-exert yourself, given you were still in the same physical condition as the day before. 

“Charl- I mean, Miss Brooks?” 

You heard a voice chirp softly from beside you, and you dropped the wagon supplies for now to walk over to the owner of said voice, Tilly.

“Yes, Miss Tilly?” You extended a smile, and she smiled back, albeit a tight and awkward one from where she was sitting. You took a step or two closer, and she had to shake her head after getting a better look at you. 

“I just-” she cut herself short on account of the words already jumbling in her head. “I don’t want there to be any awkwardness between us.”

You furrowed your brow to her, unsure of what she could have possibly meant. 

“Why would there be?” 

“Well, if you can recall,” she started, a nervous chuckle in her speech. “I tried to make some… advances towards you. Back when I thought you were uh… a young man.”

You smiled again and ducked your head, a scoff of laughter and a nod of your head brought about less tension. It was no big deal. 

“Don’t worry yourself, Miss Tilly. I was the one who tricked ya, I oughta be apologizing. Probably should to Abigail, too.”

“Abigail?”

You tilted your head, recalling the scene. About two weeks before Jack was born. You’d done the same thing Arthur did, with not a care of revealing yourself in the future. 

“Before John even left, I offered her to be Jack’s ‘father’ when he was born. I guess I was pretty certain at the time no one was gonna find out,” you explained, leaning against the wagon she sat by, mending a shirt that looked like Arthur’s. You could tell by the wear and tear around the shoulders, where his broadness likely just caused the fabric to break down faster. 

“Could you really have gone on like that?” 

“I don’t know,” you pondered, another small laugh escaping you. “Maybe not, since I had to tell everyone I was eighteen just for them to believe it.”

“You aren’t eighteen?” She seemed surprised. Maybe you just had a young face. 

“No, ma’am. Twenty two nearing twenty three as a matter of fact.”

“I’ll say,” she tutted, throwing down the shirt she was finished with, and picking up a new one. “You had us all convinced. Makes me wonder where you really came from.”

You thought about telling her, but the story was long and today was a busier day than before. There was actual work to be done in preparing for the next job, a few days ahead. 

“Some place I didn’t wanna be,” you chided, stepping away from the wagon, nodding to her in thanks for the small chat. “I’ll let you get back to it.”

“Alright. I’ll catch you around,” she spoke sweetly, a kind look of relaxation on her face, now that she knew where she stood. 

You went back to work, making sure that neither Dutch nor Hosea saw you with idle hands today. You wanted to make sure that no matter what happened now, you wouldn’t be cast aside. You still had the abilities they needed, but with a skirt on your hips, they saw you differently, and it was up to you to show them you were not going to be ignored when it came to jobs in the future. 

You hated that the rest of the women in camp were just seen as stationary helpers, only capable of mending clothes or cleaning up the camp, or even just laying the groundwork in town for the men to actually pull jobs. You’ve seen Abigail in action, she was smart and cunning and had a great way with words, she could be the difference in things staying civil or having a shoot out during a quiet robbery, but the men overlook her gifts. You know the women in this camp have great potential, and perhaps if they let you continue as you have been, they will open the opportunities for the others as well.

Tags: @photo1030 @sheepdogchick @snoopysshark @strvberrydoll @yyiikes @phantasyy @puffyhairedhipster @scorpio-echo @hollyskjlap

[gladiatorcunt]

I have had this thought running around all week. What if reader was sejanus’s girlfriend but Coryo was in love with her, so when he returns to the Capitol after everything in district 12 and the reader is upset that her boyfriend had died and been labelled a rebel, he’s there to comfort her and later married her.

I realised that there’s a few gaps in this but I don’t even care cause I’m so obsessed with the thought! Love you!!💗

I debated on answering this bc this is a fairly common "trope" in the corio x reader space, but I decided to see if I could do something a bit different with it, I hope you like it & I love u too!!

(TYPICAL CORYO WARNINGS Y'ALL)

In my head, canon era Coryo would be a lot more confused by being able to feel anything romantic for anyone. It's not like you're a childhood friend of his, or a new transfer from a district family that won the gamble and made it big, no. You're just one of the many middle tier capitol families who while never being on the same level as others, they also had less to lose. It would make something in his gut simmer, if your family was any more significant than a fly hovering around a rotting corpse. You are not the asset that Sejanus is.

But he hates seeing you link arms with Sejanus as you walk out of class together. He loathes the sight of you two splitting a cookie and feeding it too each other like it might as well be your wedding cake. It isn't until Coriolanus "happens" to be wandering through the academy corridors after hours, that his mind catches up with his cock. It's useless to count how many times he's rubbed his cock raw to the memory of your panty covered crotch under your skirt (you don't wear them constantly so you're a bit stupid about remembering to be careful).

Your moans, which he's already heard through the walls of your apartment when he couldn't resist the urge to see you, tip him off. He ducks around a nearby corner and peeks out to see you and Sejanus locking lips. What's worse, is that he can see that your pants are pooled around your ankles, and Sejanus is nearly throwing his back out thrusting his dick in your dripping hole. Huh. Coriolanus would've never pegged you as the sort of person to take risks like that, but you must need the added thrill to be wet enough for your boyfriend.

Coryo knows that there's nothing special about the softer moments you and he share. That the food you sneak him is given because you're a nice person and not because it kills you to see the love of your life starve. You aren't implying anything when you explain Antony and Cleopatra to him (he didn't need you too, he just wanted to have more memories of your voice and to make you feel smart). But he can't stop himself from drafting up a false reality, which he's believing is become less and less false with every touch and glance.

In the days after his return to the capitol when all is said and done, he tells himself that Sejanus had to die so he could live. That that's all it came down to, survival. Deep down, he doesn't bother kidding himself. He knows that he saw the perfect opportunity to get rid of the thing standing in between him and his happily ever after, and that you weren't very bright when it came to capitol propaganda. You might even feel inclined to be grateful once you learn about your beloved was all too willing to betray you and run off with some district songstress.

Having less to lose doesn't mean you have nothing to worry about. If anything, it makes you an easier target.

He gets a reoccurring nightmare about Sejanus having survived the hanging and biding his time in the woods of district 12 before coming back to hunt him down, to get you back. The paranoia will never fully go away.

[sapphicmsmarvel]

cassian x reader: dating a high maintenance girlie

Hello, if this seems extra its cause it is but this is quite literally my high maintenance routine. This is just one of my favorite parts of life and I love the idea of these big burly men doing skincare with their girls. 

i’m a high maintenance girly bc i like to be. pls this isn’t a pick me bullshit type thing. Im a girls girl yall. 

-This man doesn’t know shit about self care. 

-He knows the basics but like, nothing that would genuinely make him feel comfy in his own skin even more than he already is. 

-He uses 3-in-1. Technically 4-in-1 because face wash is separate formula than body wash but you digress. 

-Y'all know that stereotype of a guy glowing up after getting a girlfriend? You guys were the blueprint for that. 

-You taught him his hair type (2A), his skin type (dry), his preferred scent profile for himself (spicy, woody, aromatic). What his favorite types of care products are, he loves leave-in conditioner, cream cleansers. He’s not a fan of super heavy moisturizers because he’ll get overstimulated.

-These are just things this man has never thought about. 

-When you two leave the house for a Court Duty, you end up doing Cassian's hair. He wants to look nice, for lots of reasons, but especially because he wants to be let back into Summer. He wants to be able to take you on Summer Court dates! 

-He lives for that sliver of time you’re able to squeeze in before going somewhere. You doing his hair, him staring at you in the mirror if you’re behind him. If you’re in front of him, his large hands on your plush hips as you bite your lip in concentration trying to make his wild hair look nice. The feeling of your fingers through his scalp and how even when there’s a knot, you never tug or pull hard enough that it hurts him. You’re gentle and sweet with him even when he thinks he doesn’t deserve it (spoiler: he always deserves it) 

-He loves how high maintenance you are, it helps him remember to take care of himself. 

-You do a little self care sunday reset type of thing. It helps you get ready for the week. 

-He finds these routines utterly fascinating. 

-He begs to watch you do them, not even in the dirty way but it's just so interesting to watch. You also banned him from getting frisky when you do the routines. This was your time, he was welcome to watch but he would step out if you asked because you needed to be alone. 

-Some days, your routines are a bit more intense, such as the monthly waxing for your legs and armpits. Coochie too. 

-He flinches every single time he watches you wax some part of you, especially the coochie. He kind of has an attachment to that part. 

-You do the whole shabang sometimes. Wax legs, armpits, etc. Exfoliating shampoo, regular shampoo, conditioning mask, conditioner. Then the body stuff, exfoliating, shaving any parts you didn’t want to wax, double cleansing your body with antibacterial then the fun scented stuff. Then when you’re out of the bath, face extractions, face wash, whatever else you want to add. And then body creams. Then you’re done. 

-He’s just amazed every single time. 

-He also loves that you make a little thing out of it. You make it fun for you. There's a whole closet filled with different scents, treatments, formulas, etc. 

-You always smell good. There are deodorants shoved in every single bag you own, every room for that matter. Massive perfume, bodycare, candle, anything that makes a room or you smell good, you have it. 

-Even going to bed, you put perfume on.

-He loves that you say “I only wear it for myself Cass, it’s just a bonus that you love it.” Because he knows it’s true. 

-Sometimes he goes in just to sniff around. The fool just stands there and sniffs stuff. You had no idea why he decided to sit in the closet and sniff things in the dark. However, you did know that when you opened the door to see a nearly 7 foot tall clown smelling your beloved collection, you screamed bloody murder. 

So loud Azriel came running with his knives. Cassian just looked at you like “what’s your deal bro?” 

You were trained by two of the most powerful warriors, yet your first reaction was to scream. 

“Why didn’t you try to fight me?” Cassian asked, “I’ve seen you kick someone down for less.” 

“I am in my bathrobe Cassian! You want me swinging my legs around with my flaps out?” 

Azriel chose to leave the room after that. 

-You also always have perfectly manicured nails. And somehow someway you taught your tricks to the Valkyries so now they are able to have beautiful nails while still disemboweling enemies. 

-Great, now he and Az have four she-devils with perfectly manicured nails and glossy hair that can slay their enemies with one swipe. The four of you were feral together. He wouldn’t be surprised if he walked into the camps one day to see some guys dead because they were sexist. 

-You also got him and Az roped into these skincare nights. 

-He loves sitting there with a face mask on and you using one of your crystal rollers rolling it onto his skin. Bougie bitch eats it up. 

-One of your favorite things to do is wear a sheet mask and hide in a closet.  Scares him every single time. 

-Your stuff is everywhere, you’d be damned if you were uncomfy in your own home. After talking to Cassian and Azriel to make sure you weren’t being a shitty roommate, you kind of went crazy. 

-Lip balms in every room, hand creams, candles. Hair ties and claw clips. Fuzzy blankets stashed in every trunk you could find. 

-Rhys made fun of it, but ate his words pretty quickly when Feyre saw the beauty of having lip balms and hair ties/claw clips stashed everywhere. (and he later found the joys of said products and gave you a gift basket as an apology….you didn’t even remember that he judged you because you simply didn’t care).

-Also, the guys live in fucking luxury. The home always smells good, they never have to worry about chapped lips or dry skin. Or pesky hair in the way. Anywhere they want is a blanket or cute pillow to prop their heads up. 

-they were living like animals until you showed up.

-Cassian having a mate is the best thing to ever happen to Az. 

-Feyre, Nesta, Elain, Emerie, Gwyn, Morrigan and even Amren shop your stash of body care if they wanna smell a certain way for a certain fun time (wink). 

-Even Nuala and Cerridwen will approach and ask you. Obviously you say yes. You own so much you’ll never get through everything in time. 

-Plus you’re a Girls Girl. You’re gonna be there for your girls in your life.

-Speaking of the ladies in your life. 

-When you and Cassian have twin baby girls, you were ecstatic. Either way you were going to be happy but you always wanted a girl and now you have two!

-Teaching them how to take care of their skin and hair has been the best for you and Cassian. He loves watching his girls play with their hair. He loves having his hair braided by them. 

-Family self care nights become a Thing (that sometimes an Uncle or Aunt will join).

-He loves you because you taught him how to actually care for himself and his mental health. You showed him how he needs to stop and appreciate the smaller things. That not everything has to be a chore. 

-He loves you more than anything, maintenance and all.

[juniperdugong]

Hi again!! Thank you for the choso headcanons on finding his little sister, I hope it continues! I was wondering if you could do a multiple headcanons for teen gojo, geto, Shoko and nanami getting an American transfer student to Jujutsu high.

A/N: Yep yep yep, I can do this for sure! +bonus Haibara bc he's my baby

When an American student transfers to Jujutsu High!

incl: Teen Gojo, Geto, Shoko, Nanami, and Haibara

GOJO - Nonchalant but curious - The only questions he asks the first couple of weeks are about why they're soooo special that they had to come all the way from America to Japan - Lowkey...jealous, seriously doesn't understand how someone from outside of Japanese Jujutsu Society can be inducted into the school - "Must have some really special technique or some serious skills to be able to make it here...let's test that, huh?" - Get's told off for picking on you, Yaga basically smacking him to get him to stop - Once he finds out they have a few similar interests (*cough cough* Digimon *cough cough*) he's all over them! - Woah when did y'all become so buddy buddy?? - Teaches them Japanese through anime for suresiessss

GETO - Mildly curious but very friendly! - Doesn't poke or prod too much into their life but asks the basic questions - "What's America like? I've never been." - Finds it very interesting that curses don't appear often over there (In this AU I'd like to think this is how he found out about Tengen) - Gets annoyed when Gojo starts hanging around them more...not out of jealousy but because he's extra annoying due to their shared interests now - Spars with them often to give himself a challenge that isn't Gojo's powerful ass - Asks really philosophical questions about their opinion on the Jujutsu World - "Curses are really powerful here, how were they over in America? Wouldn't it be strange if the whole world were filled with sorcerers?" - Get's super invested if they divulge any sort of information about American Jujutsu - "Do you know any other American sorcerers?"

SHOKO - I'm gonna be so real - her reaction depends on if they're more masculine or feminine - If they're more masc leaning she's SO OVER IT! Get her out of this hell hole of testosterone. - 100% wouldn't be bothered in that case either - she has Utahime but other than her, nada - If they're more fem, THANK GOODNESS! - Finally, she has someone else to help her pick out clothes and go shopping with, y'know someone who WON'T drag her to KFC or the nearest game store - "What's trending over in the States right now?" - Would be so intrigued by the American experience but always voices her shock at how different the cultures are - "It's so weird that people don't take off their shoes in the house, how do you guys live like that?"

NANAMI - Not at all interested - Doesn't ask questions and honestly is slightly irritated because the others start asking him questions about if his family is from America - Treats you just as he would anyone else, trains with you, and goes on missions with you occasionally but other than that doesn't try and create any meaningful friendships there - When they start getting close to Gojo he distances himself even more - While on a mission together he asks, "You actually like that guy? Isn't he a bit annoying?" - When they respond with, "He is, but at least he brings a bit of normalcy when I'm far away from home. Nice to find someone who shares a hobby with me" - From then on he would soften a lot toward them, making the smallest effort to connect - "Here, I got these for you. They're from America." (It's Hot Cheetos)

HAIBARA - The most curious and most intrigued - Never runs out of questions to ask and tbh they can get a bit invasive - "Where'd you live? Oh! Why are you here? Oh! Are you on the run or something? Oh oh! Is your technique super crazy good?" - Always tries to drag them into his plans because he doesn't want them to feel left out - Sends encouraging texts every morning - "Good morning! It's Haibara! You did great yesterday! You're Japanese is really improving!" - Would take them out to all his favorite restaurants and introduce them to Japanese snacks and childhood games - If they're ever feeling homesick he's the one to immediately start researching to make them feel better - Makes chicken noodle soup to try and help but doesn't really know how :/ Ends up putting ramen noodles in it

A/N: Got to this a bit later than I wanted to because I was writing perfection but thank you for the request @broad-strokes87!! This is so funny, I feel like this is how they would react if I was transferring to Jujutsu High frfr Please Reblog and Comment if you enjoyed ! (They act as power-ups for me)

Taglist (OPEN): @iluvmattyb

[luvsturn1]

7 minutes in heaven

hey y'all.. so this is not the story i was planning on posting. but i wanna post before i go on my vacation. so here it is!! i'll try and post the longgg one soon but i don't wanna finish it rn bc it's at like 15k words so i have no idea weather to finish it or not🙂

warnings: smut! semi public(at a party), underage drinking, cussing (i think that's all)

pairing: matt x fem!reader

word count: 2,150

_________________________________________

You and your sister Madi filipowicz have a lot of similarities, but you guys have more different interests then same, like for example. She loves partying, you don’t. You love spending time alone, she loves hanging out with friends. She’s a morning person and you’re not. But dispute your differences you love her with all your heart and would to anything for her…well maybe not everything.

“ please y/n I don’t wanna go to this party alone, and plus you never get out of the house. So please for the love of god come to the party!!” Your sister says flopping on your bed and turning to you.

“ I don’t want to go out tonight, I went with you last time and I did not enjoy it one bit. Plus aren’t your friends going to come with you anyway so what’s the big deal if I don’t go this one time”

“ because you always say “ I’ll go next time” but you never do, your going to rot away in your bed if you stay cooped up in the house all the time” Madi says sitting up to look at you with her puppy dog eyes that she does all the time and it drives you crazy because she knows that you will give in and say yes to whatever her request is.

“ what!! I don’t say that all the time and for your information, not like it’s any of your business but I’m going out next week to go to a birthday party for one of my friends from work.” You say acting like her joke about you “rotting away in your bed” hurt your feelings. “ plus even if I did want to go I don’t have a dress to wear” you say as you lay back to lean on the head of your bed.

“ pleasee I promise to make it up to you. It will be fun nicks going to be there, your friends with him right?”

“ yea me and Nick are friends I guess, but I always either get lost or left behind at all the parties that I go to with you. It’s not fun going to a party and you only know your sister and her friends.” You say looking at her with a straight face.

Your sister doesn’t say anything, but just leaves your room to go to her room. About 15 minutes pass and she comes back with a dress that you are convinced people would wear at a strip club. “ I am not wearing whatever that is, it’s not even going to cover my ass” you say getting up to go to your closet to grab a pair of sweats and a crop top.

“ no. There is absolutely no way I am letting you wear that to a party. Dress up and it’s fine I’ve worn this before and it covers enough of your ass. So put those away and take this dress and get ready cause we are leaving at 8:30” Madi says walking out of your room to get herself ready.

It was now 8:15 and your sister had been at you for the last 30 minutes to hurry up. You were almost ready you just had to finish putting your dress on. You put the dress on and you realized that your sister had lied to you. It in fact did not cover your ass at all.

“ MADI!! IM GOING TO KILL YOU.” You say running down your stairs to find her friends at the door. It was nick Matt and Chris the triplets. You have seen them before and you really liked Nick probably caused he is gay and you don’t like to hangout with guys. Chris also wasn’t a problem it was Matt Sturniolo. You didn’t like hate hate him just when you were with him he just made you uncomfortable. He always stared at you like he was trying to undress you with his eyes.

“ come on it’s not that bad you look good” Nick says coming up to hug you. You don’t say anything cause you know you look good you just don’t like dressing up. ~Time skip~

When you all got there madi and Nick practically jumped out of the car that was still not fully parked. Chris soon followed after them leaving you with Matt.

“ you look good tonight” Matt says and you can tell he’s smerking without even looking back at him. “save me at least one dance princess” he says as he walks past you leaving you at the front door before you could say yes or no.

The house was nice, it was packed with people and you already didn’t enjoy it. But you brushed off the feeling and made your way to the kitchen where Nick and your sister were downing shots.

“ jeez save some for me” you say moving next to madi to take 3 shots of vodka. “ dose your brother always flirt with girls” you say looking at Nick while pointing at his brother Chris who currently has at least 10 girls by him.

“ um yea he does this when we go to parties all the time he says he finds it funny how every girl comes up to him when he’s at a party.” He says shrugging “ I have to pee hold my drink” Nick says to Madi as he walks down a hallway.

About 3 hours have passed and you, your sister and nick were all pretty drunk. You had found a room with couches and a ping pong table. You all were tired and wanted somewhere to chill so you decided to hang out in there until some people left.

“ yo we’ve been looking for you guys” Chris says as he walks in with Matt and two other people that you don’t care to know “ I’m bored can we play a game like truth or dare” Chris says sitting down across from you and of course Matt had to sit right next to you.

You all agree and Chris goes first and he had picked truth. Then nick who picked dare and had to ask a random guy for there number. Then you.

“ truth or dare y/n” Chris said hoping you would pick dare cause he was bored and wanted to “spice things up”

“ um I guess I’ll pick dare” you said and as soon as you said that you saw Chris’s eyes shoot open and practically scream “ I dare you to spend 7 minutes in heaven with Matt” and as soon and he said that you could feel Matt’s eyes on you watching you until you responded.

you didn’t say anything but “come on” as you got up and went to the closest room/closet. With matt soon following you after with a big smerk on his face.

You and Matt were now in a small room. It was difficult to see and before you could look at Matt. He moved closer to you and you could feel the warmth of him with how close he is. before you could say no or pull away you felt his lips on yours. The kiss was lustfull but sweet at the same time.

You soon kissed him back and it quickly turned into a heated make out. Matt had one of his hands on your ass and the other wrapped around your neck to keep you up against to wall. Matt pushed his hips up against yours so you could feel his growing member, your mouth fell open and you let out a moan. Matt took that opportunity to slip his tongue in your mouth. You and Matt fought for dominance, him eventually winning.

He broke off the kiss and started to kiss down your neck lightly biting your neck as he moved lower, still holding your neck in place. When he was about halfway down he stopped and looked up at you. “Can i ?” Matt asked pulling up your dress a little. “ y-yes” you said as he began to pull of your dress, you helping him get it off faster.

“ fuck your beautiful. I need to be inside you” Matt said as he kissed your stomach while standing up to take of his jeans. You were in shock with how big it looked through his boxers.

Matt placed his hands on the back of your thigh signaling you to jump. when you jumped he caught you and pushed you up against the wall and started to aggressively kiss you. He was exploring every inch of you making you go insane craving his touch even more.

“ hold on let’s go somewhere else so we aren’t bothered” Matt says putting you down.

You both get dressed and fix your hair as much as you could. Matt took your hand and took you out of the closet.

“ hey hey you both still have 3 minutes left go back in there” Chris says pointing to the closet door that you left open.

“ fuck off we are done playing. we’re going somewhere else for a little bit I’ll find you when we are done playing our own game” Matt says smirking as he walks past everyone leaving them all in shock.

“ don’t get her pregnant Mathew!!” Your sister says knowing what y’all were about to do

You find an empty room upstairs and Matt doesn’t waist any more time and pushes you up against the wall kissing your neck. He breaks off the kiss and takes his shirt and pants off leaving him in his boxers.

Once he finishes getting undressed he returns to kissing your neck. Biting and licking everywhere leaving marks. You love the way he made you feel it was addicting.

“ get undressed and get on the bed on all fours” he said as he stopped kissing you to let you get on the bed.

You got undressed now in nothing, getting on the bed. Getting on all fours you were patiently waiting for Matt and were about to turn around when you felt him behind you.

“ I’m going to fuck you so good you’re going to be begging for more” Matt said as he thrusted into you without any warning.

You let out a loud moan because of how big he was. Matt bent down still thrusting into you at a rapid speed, and began kissing your neck leaving sloppy wet marks all over you.

“ fuck Matt I don’t know how much longer I can last”

you knew you wouldn’t be able to last long as soon as he first pushed himself into you. He didn’t care one bit and kept going. Bringing his right hand up to your waist, and the other down to your clit. Rubbing fast circles bringing you closer to the edge.

Matt stopped thrusting and pulled out. Making you groan due to the lack of him. He flipped you over so you were now looking at him. Matt bent down to kiss you. The kiss was sloppy leaving your lips covered in his saliva.

“ I wanna see your face when I make you cum sweetheart” Matt said as he separated to kiss. Lining himself up with your hole, and began thrusting at a faster pace then before.

You let out a loud pornographic moan. Matt was mesmerized by everything about you. Your eyes, the sounds you make when he’s ruining your insides, how good you look without even trying. He could go on forever.

“ fuck Matty can I cum pleasee” you said needing to release.

“ yes baby your being such a good girl for me” Matt said as he brought his hand up to rub your clit in circles bringing you even closer to the edge.

you felt your climax began and the knot in your stomach release causing you to let out yet another scream. That made Matt go crazy bringing him closer. His thrusts got sloppy as he released his load into you mixing your juices together.

“ fuck that was the best sex I’ve ever had” Matt said as he pulled out making both your juices leak out onto the bed.

“ I agree” you said as you sat up to get your clothes. You stood up almost immediately falling due to how sore your legs were. Matt caught you setting you back on the bed kissing you. He got dressed and cleaned up once he was done he helped you and cleaned you up and got you dressed. Helping you up to go downstairs.

When you got downstairs all eyes were on you and Matt.

“ jeez what did he do to you” Nick said when he saw that Matt was helping you stay upright.

“ Matthew your lucky your my friend or I would kill you right here” your sister said walking over to you and Matt.

“ whatever let’s leave I’m tired” you says flipping them off

“ yea I bet you are” Chris says laughing.

[kimbapisnotsushi]

i was feeling shiratorizawa + semiten and kawashira hcs so y'all know the drill LET'S GO

goshiki has 100% forgotten that he sleeps in a bottom bunk bed and consequently has shot up awake at the sound of his alarm only to bang his head on the underside of the top bunk bed

or the ceiling if he has the top bunk it's the same either way

also for some random reason i really enjoy thinking about semi and peach green tea. idk he feels like such a peach green tea person

fun fact when i first got into hq i made a list in my notes app where i could keep track of what i thought EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER (organized by team) would order at a boba shop/cafe so i could reference it for fics. i just looked at it for the first time in years. i apparently put down strawberry black tea for semi which still remains a pretty good choice i think

you know what. semi can be a strawberry black tea AND a peach green tea person. he goes for peach green tea when he feels like straying from his usual strawberry black tea. there i fixed the problem we're back on track

tendou uses the excuse of going on boba runs for the team to get alone time with semi. he'll be like "haha i can't get ALL the drinks by myself!! eita come with me :3" and semi just sighs but is honestly secretly really pleased that tendou would choose him out of everyone to run errands with

the greatest love language of all: running errands together

i actually think that, all things considered, semi was probably a little bit insecure and a little bit shy when it came to performing

like yeah he doesn't mind BEING in the spotlight. but he had to work on thinking he was good enough for it at first if that makes sense??? and i think being benched for shirabu probably exacerbates that

he's not used to showing other people his songs and his music!!! he's not used to being vulnerable!! he's not used to believing that he's skilled!!! because obviously that didn't work out in volleyball!! what if semi isn't actually as good at music as he thought himself to be?

tendou of course is determined to make him throw all these thoughts out the window

furudate please give us the secret cultural festival arc where semi gets a chance to shine because of his musical talents . . .

actually since shiratorizawa is a bunch of rich kids i wonder if yamagata has a smartphone bc i just think that'd make him constantly losing it 100x funnier

yamagata: "can everyone shut the fuck up for like five minutes i lost my phone and need help listening for the vibrations"

honestly why do i feel like half the times yamagata has "lost" his phone was really just tendou messing with him

like he's in the foreground running around looking for it while tendou is in the background snapping selfies with it or whatever

reon, ushijima, and yamagata like to go jogging together early in the morning. semi tried it once and then promptly decided never again

i actually think soft quiet early mornings are reon's favorite time of day!! he gets some peace to himself and he gets to see the sunrise bleed into the sky and he gets that crisp sweet air of fresh dew in the dawn and it's so so comforting to him

god i don't know how he does it i could never be that much of a morning person

however this does also mean reon goes to bed at like nine pm at the latest which tendou is personally offended by

reon the early bird riser who probably does yoga or some shit before meeting ushijima and yamagata vs tendou the night owl who stays up til three reading manga in the dark

genuinely how is tendou functioning at practice he probably stays up til three like four out of seven days of the week

(sorry i know i'm dunking on tendou a lot i'll stop now)

kawanishi will never admit it but he is so incredibly fond of the height difference between him and shirabu

it allows shirabu to fit his head perfectly in the crook of kawanishi's neck during bus rides and such and it makes kawanishi's heart flutter every time

but also kawanishi is MISERABLE during spring because shirabu can't comfortably do that when kawanishi is prone to sneezing like every five minutes

shirabu, teacher's pet that he is, is really good friends with the school librarian

oh my god . . . kawashira blue sky complex au . . . i would actually cry . . .

okay anyways shirabu kenjirou is really good friends with the school librarian and that's how he finds out that the school librarian used to know ushijima's dad

wouldn't that be crazy tho????? i'm thinking it was either the same librarian that utsui had or it was a close friend of utsui's who became the school librarian after they graduated and stuff. i'm kind of leaning towards the second one bc i feel like that makes more sense

i just. can you imagine how alone ushijima had to feel. can you imagine how suffocating it had to be. like there's plenty of reason to assume that his mom's side (and perhaps the mom herself) ended up disliking utsui and i wouldn't be surprised if they tried to scrub him out of ushijima's life

new idea guys utsui comes back and gets with the shiratorizawa librarian

i'm KIDDING

(mostly)

honestly i just think this scenario would really show off how much shirabu and ushijima mean to each other because i think that gets underestimated a lot

they trust each other!!! they respect each other!!!! they understand each other!!! ushijima who knows that he is to be used for his pure raw strength and that that's all shirabu wants to do for him and shirabu who wants to bring out the best in ushijima and thinks of himself as someone who serves ushijima!!!!! shirabu and ushijima who both think they're being used by the other but they don't care because that works best for them!!!! it's their way of showing respect!!! by handing the reigns over!!!!

okay that's a really serious oversimplification of what i'm actually thinking but i got like five hours of sleep and i'm running on two mugs of some strong ass lotus green tea i trust you guys y'all get what i mean

like idk i think ushijima wouldn't really know what to do with shirabu when they first meet in their second and first years. quiet upperclassman who is occasionally a jerk but mostly does not mean to be and his equally quiet underclassman who IS a jerk and DOES mean to be. they'd be so fucking funny together. they back each other up in ways they don't even realize. they could leave entire crowds in tears on accident

actually . . . the poor third years back then who had to deal with this first year they thought was quiet and composed and unassuming and totally chill. but was, in fact, completely unchill

shirabu's gone to bat for every single member of the team at some point btw. soekawa ushijima reon yamagata semi tendou etc etc. none of them have ever witnessed it though word just gets passed around to them like shirabu is some honor-defending ninja who only works in the shadows

and then it really surprises shirabu when they come to bat for HIM

i mean i just. i think shirabu is really used to being independent. is used to doing things by himself. he's not used to other people sticking up for him or other people trying to guide him (which could be another reason why he clashes with semi). it's not that he thinks he's perfect but like. he's never had people who wanted to do that for him before!!

but now he's got goshiki who WANTS compliments from him and he's got kawanishi who loves him for whatever reason and he's got the upperclassmen who ruffle his hair and swing an arm around his shoulders and tell him ot text when he needs help and he's just like ???? like a system error.

give it up for shirabu kenjirou everyone i love him

[miirohs]

skz as marching band members

cw: n/a an: can you hear my inner band kid coming out after the absolute banger this comeback was? i may not be in band but colorguard is pretty damn close- also the reader a colorguard member! shoutout to nyx, ily boo!

bang chan:

hes a drum major. 100%

he also is band captain bc he's just that bitch

co-arranges musics with the band director and everyone knows when the time he's gonna pull out the 1970s/80s/90s music

use to be a clarinet, but definitely plays in some games if another drum major is conducting for him

an absolute beast when he's conducting, never misses a beat

he's always open to discovering new music bc he loves to arrange songs he enjoys

he's a strickler and needs shit to be on time because he needs to keep a consistent schedule lest he forget to do something

with his partner:

i mean he's definitely the type to try and help with counts (even if your counts are different than the rest of the band)

if he had a dime for every time he got yelled at because he was busy watching your section he'd have a lot of dimes

he likes to say its because your flags are bright and distracting but lets be fr he was watching you

definitely copies the stand dances when he's conducting and makes the rest of the band laugh when he messes up.

typa guy to ask you for a kiss for luck right before the halftime because in his words, "you're his lucky charm"

lee minho:

hes the cheer captain, four time state champion and a menace

probably did band for like half a year and then quit

runs the cheer team practices like its a fucking military camp, everyone fears and loves him

hes grown to have a reputation because once a girl quit due to the pressure and he basically followed her around school for a whole week and she ended up switching schools

deviously talking shit about some of the band and all the football team all the goddamn time, loves loves loves to start beef and then walk away

he also does choreography work with the guard sometimes because he likes seeing the pretty flags

with his partner:

at some point he drags the whole team to your comps just to see y'all, he loves seeing you specifically put all his work in action

always offering helpful advice on how to fix body angles, posture, etc

since he's a performer himself, he get how easy it is to burn out so sometimes he'll bring you to his own practices and show you things he's choreographed himself

seonghwa is considering locking you away after the sheer amount of times you've gone "mysteriously" missing during the end of practice

Always cheers extra loud for you in the stands, just to see your smile

seo changbin:

he's literally so bass/sousaphone coded

him and wooyoung (sax) and yeonjun (flute) have definitely tried to play each others instruments at at least one point

probably switches between the two every year, well versed in how to play both

definitely plays bass outside of band, is hella good at it too

people find him intimidating but in all honesty he's a sweetheart who would help you no matter what

probably one of the dudes that marches with way more energy than the rest of his section combined- literally during weekend practices he's smiling and laughing at 9 in the morning while everyone sluggishly retrieves their instruments

he's also a part of the stage crew and moves and paints a lot of their equipment

with his partner:

he'd definitely try to teach you how to play the bass and he'd be so proud when you manage to play like one chord

calls his friends over and everything and is like "look they did it!"

in return you've definitely taught him stand dances and bro is killing it- you keep trying to convince him to join but he's loyal

whenever you're performing near him, he has the stupidest heart-struck eyes and is always watching you

loves when you do rifle work because he thinks it looks sick as hell

he wouldn't try it though because he's scared that he'll hit himself and he still doesn't know how you do it

he'll give you little winks if you're close by

hwang hyunjin:

hes a piccolo through and through

he's got both the drama and the sass all the flute section is carrying

he always has his piccolo on him, so he's ready to give the performance of a lifetime whenever needed

he's big big friends with the guard and cheer team, they have their own dedicated groupchat and everything

also the costume manager, he has literally been badgering chan to update the uniforms like forever, sometimes he adds his own little spins to the costumes and also does repairs on them

with his partner:

he admires the guard (you) from afar for sure

he carries your stuff for you because he's such a gentleman (also the piccolo is pocket sized and chan has been getting on his ass about treating the instrument right but to him nothing matters more than treating you right)

definitely joins you and seonghwa when you're gossiping about

sometimes he plays and you'll just do a random saber combo to it and he'll cheer for you

sometimes he likes to take a spin on it (and immediately regret when it smacks his fingers really bad)

whenever you get a boo-boo he always kisses it better, swears his kisses will immediately heal your bruises

han jisung:

he's a trumpet (which is oddly fitting for him)

plays sad music even when it doesn't call for it

always doing the sad trombone thing on trumpet and the trombones are salty that he kinda stole their thunder with that

he's known in the low brass section for being able to play almost any brass instrument with the littlest instruction

chan basically refuses to let him make the switch to sax because he knows what'll happen if he does (he thinks han'll go crazy)

he loves a good challenge, will trumpet-off with other people and play songs on his instruments against other sections

with his partner:

he probably plays show tunes and stuff while you dance with him- loves to call you his showgirl

he's always vibing to your little thumps when you toss and throw, wishes that he could do it too

tries to teach you how to play but that does not end well

he's clingy, he'll do anything to stay with you a little longer

sometimes he even asks you to help find his music for him in an attempt to distract you (its in his bag and he'll magically remember after you give him a hug or some form of physical affection)

lee felix:

probably picked the flute cause it looks pretty aesthetic lets be fr

everyone in band comes to him for marching advice because he makes it look fun and easy

always giving it 100% even if no one can hear him- he makes sure he's heard

even though he joined as a hobby, he's killing it and he plays outside of band as well

always doing musical challenges on tik tok, especially when he should be practicing in sectionals

his favorite thing to play on the flute are disney songs, but he also plays a shit ton of different genres and posts them to tik tok, bringing some semblance of fame to their little high school band

with his partner:

he 100% plays little snippets of song you like because everything sounds good on flute (trust me)

will convince you to do tik toks with him even if you aren't a fan

sometimes you let him try the flag or saber in exchange for his flute so you can try it

he admits that the only reason he leaves his flute to you whenever he goes is so that he can sit nearby and listen to you try to play it (and fail)

he would most definitely be a natural at flag but tries not to do as well so you can shine when your time comes

lets you lean back against him in the stands

kim seungmin:

he's percussion. he's literally a percussion in my heart.

he definitely plays the drums around chan because he thinks its funny to annoy him by drumming off count

no one has ever survived a drum comp with this man fr

sometimes he hums along to his drumming

also taps his thighs/air when he doesn't have something in his hands

he has good rhythm so chan usually has him set the pace to which they go on the field to

he's competitive as hell, he knows hes also better than everyone else and he shows it

with his partner:

he loves guard but he refuses to be put next to them on the drill because he suffered an injury at your hands once

he loves to show off he can play the drums and him and his section do little drumming sessions sometimes while you do saber warmups

he distracts both you and himself a lot when it comes to joint practices so seonghwa and chan have tried to move them (to no avail)

he'll sit outside with you when you guys practice sometimes (as support he says, but seonghwa doesn't believe him)

he's always giving you little nods of approval, doesn't outright show it but he'll take your hands and give you a little kiss when no ones looking

he doesn't want his section to know he's soft for you

yang jeongin:

he's front ensemble/pit, i hope we all agree on him being on the synths and marimba

he's a vital part of the band for sure even if he never seems to get credit but he honestly could care less

has been running synths since he joined, originally wanted to do the sousaphone but he wasn't built enough for it

also the front ensemble section leader, he's very efficient in managing the pit

but he's also clumsy as hell and will sometimes zone out and drops the mallet on the marimba or just entirely forgets wtf he's suppose to be doing on the synths

more than once he's nearly caught these hands from chan bc in chans words, "those were expensive"

with his partner:

whenever he sees you on the sidelines, he's always ginning because out of the corner of his eye he can see you jamming out to the music

everyone teases him (especially binnie) because he zones out watching you and drops the mallet on his foot

follows your every move carefully (and like minho), and he'll always give you advice, but he sugar coats it very much because he loves you and doesn't want to hurt your feelings

loves loves loves when you send him little videos of your progress

loves it even more when you question him about his work, it makes him feel so important pls ask him how he does shit hes dying for it

brushes against you when walking out to the fields during games- he just wants to let you know hes there

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 41

hello and welcome to fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

Won't you lie with me a while? by notverystraight

When their laughter finally died down, their eyes found each other, the two falling into an intimate kind of quietness. Keith realised their bodies were now so close that his bangs tickled Lance’s forehead, the warmth of their skin mingling, Lance’s every exhale grazing his lips. If he tilted his head ever so slightly, their noses would brush. Lance’s gaze was magnetic. All of a sudden, the air felt much heavier than it had been a minute ago. Keith was hyper aware of the arm curled around his middle, fingers ghosting beneath his shirt. The slow, burning heat that was beginning to pool in his gut was mirrored in Lance’s eyes as they roamed over Keith’s face, his neck, his chest, pausing where his fingers lay against the sliver of exposed skin at his waist. Keith’s breath hitched. - Or, Lance and Keith hang out in Lance’s bedroom. That’s it, that’s the fic.

i LOVE this one. all the little details are so cute. y'all know @mothmanavenue 's recent post with keith and lance's room?? this is like an older fic version of that, almost. the percy jackson poster in lance's room, the bed, the way they're squished together on it.....it's just so sweet and transitory i'm in love

2. In (Almost) Every Reality by notverystraight

When Lance finds himself face to face with alternate universe versions of himself and all his friends, he’s excited to talk to them – who wouldn’t want to see just how different their life could have turned out? However, that feeling begins to sour when Lance notices that, out of all his alternate selves, he seems to have the most underwhelming life. And another unexpected thing. He and Keith seem to be a lot more, um… friendly with each other in the other realities…

early season dynamics when lance is still like fully insisting on the rivalry thing while also being super attracted to keith and mad about it, and then finding out that he and keith are literally soulmates?? like in love in every reality?? ENDLESSLY funny. also lance being a big nerdy fic reader is so so real

3. Speak in Tongues by laidellennt

Lance learns Altean from Coran. Keith's kind of weird about it.

keith getting like lowkey horny when lance speaks different languages is SO real and SO funny 💀💀 like of course this whipped dumbass is just like so hugely attracted to lance in all his strange awkward competency and of course he has no idea how to handle it. of course lance is offended by it. i love early season dynamics

4. 5 things Lance was surprisingly good at +1 thing that should be obvious by orphan_account

5 things Lance was surprisingly good at +1 thing that should be obvious, it's pretty self-explanatory.

i love this one bc its just a way to headcanon lance as being good at random stuff. like yes obviously he can throw knives. of course he can bake. duh he can sing. the world would be a better brighter place if we just talked all the time about how good lance is. also side note but do any of yall remember when clicking the orphan account link on ao3 would bring you to a massive account that had archived every fic to every be abandoned instead of an error page?? bc i do lol

5. Would You Like A Sticker? by delaneym_15

Lance has been working hard these past few weeks. Getting the newly set up infirmary being one of his most pressing concerns. Gone are the days of being put in a healing pod for every little injury. Of course that means someone has to run it, and what better person than the paladin who has been all but officially apprenticing under Coran since the Blue lion first brought him to the castle. If only the rest of the paladins would take him seriously.

i fucking love the medic lance tag. well and truly it is the gift that never ever ever stops giving. he is just so well suited for it!! i love him so!! let him be competent and judgmental and pretty as he does it!! like!!!

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!

[six-costume-refs]

Hey so I’m a lil confused on what happened with the West End Alts situation, all I know is that because they reduced from 9 to 8 shows a week, the alts no longer consistently have at least one day a week on right? But then I hear about how there’s something up with the alt costumes too? Is it possible that you can summarise bc all I’m seeing is fallout across various instas

Hey! So...there's a whole lot. Quick note that I've been on hiatus the last few weeks so apologies for taking so long to reply to you (and I know I have many more unanswered asks on this to get to as well, so apologies to y'all and will do so when I have time).

I did briefly hop in from hiatus to post this, which I would suggest reading. I was light on details because I simply did not have time to go into it more, but it gives a base for a lot of what I'll say here. First things first, the show schedule. Most West End shows perform eight shows a week: 6 days of shows with 1 day off, and 2 of the days have an extra matinee added. It's meant to be optimal for tourist audiences and families. But Six is a much shorter show with an unconventional format that originally wasn't really trying to appeal to those traditional musical theatre audiences, and so a lot of their marketing promoted them more as a fun night out pop show rather than a West End musical. With that and the shorter show in mind, they operated a nine show per week schedule (they've also had some similarly unique scheduling and marketing in the US, particularly for Broadway and the Vegas run). However, the way that pay is set up under the UK actor's union (Equity) is based on the more conventional West End schedules, with actors contracted for either eight show weeks or twelve show weeks. So Six has had all their actors on eight show week contracts, and covered the one show disparity between eight-show-contract and nine-show-schedule by requiring that all actors have to have one show off per week. This meant that each role would have to have a cover perform for at least one show per week. Hence, the West End alternate system was born! But it's been almost five years now, and the outlook for Six is very different. The West End production is very successful, very established, much more polished, and hugely appealing to a more conventional tourist audience. They don't need to focus on setting themselves apart like they originally did; they've long since established themselves as a tenet and huge force of the West End, and much of their marketing now focuses on that status. (A really good comparison for anyone who is from the US and was into theatre about ten years ago is how Hamilton shifted their marketing - they started out as another unconventional, "risky" show that really leaned into those features as part of their marketing, but as the show became more popular and mainstream they've long since started to focus on ongoing success and tourism.) So, yes, right now, they are trialing an eight-show-per-week schedule. Without the ninth performance, they do not need scheduled alternate shows and so they are temporarily not happening during this trial period. Which sucks, but the switch to eight shows is a good thing and is one of many examples of how they're shifting their operations for that longevity by optimizing financials. It's also much more sustainable for everyone involved with the show, because Six is very intense and overuse injuries are rampant. But, again, they are promoting this as a trial period. It gives them time to see how it works financially and to see how the cast functions with this performance schedule (including if more covers could be needed in the future). They'll re-assess, probably in Jan/Feb, and see what happens then. I'm personally expecting that they will keep an eight week schedule, but it's also wholly in the realm of possibility that they might do so and still re-introduce some level of scheduled alternate system, depending on what needs/concerns they find. (Right now the UK Tour principals each have a show off every other week with alts scheduled for their first covers on alternating weeks, while Broadway/NCL swings out each principal for one show every few months, so there are definitely systems for some scheduled swing-ons that are significantly reduced from the weekly alt system. And of course the alts will be on for any injuries/illness/vacations, of which there have already been many). It's also worth noting that because this is a shorter trial period, the contracts will likely have to be renegotiated in some form. So....the costumes.

We've seen some pretty clear evidence for them in the theater, starting in tech week. Naomi and Hannah both posted their makeup; both of them got glitter eyeshadows for both of their principals plus a third glitter that matches the color of an alternate costume (Naomi orange, Hannah light pink). They also both got palettes that were inclusive of both their queens colors' and those alternate colors: for Hannah it's a pink palette that some other Howards have used in the past, but for Naomi the dominant color is oranges and it's a very blatant departure from what makeup they've given Cleves principals/alts in recent years so I really don't find there to be an easily argued alternative explanation. And Hannah got three lipsticks, in the exact same shades that they normally assign for Howard, Parr, and pink alt. We've also seen blue, orange, and pink alternate costumes in the theater, but weeks after the previous' cast's costumes were loaded out and stored in one of their maintenance areas. I've posted about all of that a fair bit in this thread, although note that it hasn't been updated in about a month and is now out of date. But starting about two weeks into this current cast's performances, there have been a couple messages/statements about both alt costumes and covers that seem to imply they don't exist, which I think is what you saw. However...I think they've all been worded oddly and far too carefully, plus the very tangible evidence of alt makeup, plus the existence of alt costumes was also denied in 2021, so I've been incredibly skeptical. But earlier today on live Hannah said they aren't contracted to have second covers for the moment, which is pretty clear but with a providence that that may not always be the case. That also ties in with a theory I've been forming over the last few weeks: that Six is still undecided on whether these alternates will have additional covers, but has had the costume team make all the provisions necessary so that covers can be very quickly added when those decisions are made. This also allows the costume team to move on - most of them are working on Starlight Express these next few months and likely wouldn't be able to return to Six at the drop of a hat for all the prep needed to alt costumes later on. Setting everything up in advance for that possibility is just more efficient for everybody and would allow the alts to quickly learn/debut new tracks if needed. To me, those plans most likely mean: - That the alternates were fit with pre-existing alternate costumes that are now altered for them and stored in the theater - That the alternates were given makeup for all three queens, such as the glitters/palettes/lipsticks that I talked about above - That the alternates were given wigs/hairstyles that intentionally have more versatility in their rigging/cuts to be repurposed for a wide variety of queens if needed (which does seem to be the case, and is not how they'd be set up if they were purely intended to be worn as we've seen them used so far for their first covers) (Also noting that if they're not formally contracted for any additional covers, they cannot be formally rehearsing them; that's why I expect that if they were to add any additional covers it would be finalized and contracted when the performance schedule is for convenience's sake) However...again, this is purely a speculation/theory of mine based on what I've seen and some of the very careful wording (but does seem supported by Hannah's). And even if I'm correct, Six preparing for the possibility of second covers/alternate costumes does not necessarily mean that that will actually wind up in use. Once again, Six is moving to a longer-term focus and in some trial periods to see how they can maintain the show going forward, so some of the production management will still be in flux in the coming weeks/months.

[sga-owns-my-soul]

for the stargate ask... all of them >:]

stargate asks

well if you insist 😌😂

1. How would you stop a Wraith from feeding on you?

bold of you to assume i would stop it 😏

2. Do you think you have the ATA gene?

i desperately hope that i would, is that the same? 😂

3. Goa'uld, Ancient, Wraith, or Asguard technology?

ancient tech. i'd pick wraith but i really don't think i could get over the texture it looks like a sensory nightmare

4. If you were in the stargate programme, would you prefer to be stationed at Cheyenne Mountain, Atlantis, or Area 51?

ATLANTIS ATLANTIS ATLANTIS

5. Would you be willing to join the Tok'ra? why or why not?

no bc the idea of living that long is exhausting honestly i'm fucking tired bro

6. What's your opinion on the Ancients?

they're fucking PUNK ASS BITCHES and i would throw a brick at them if given the chance (except janus he fucks)

7. Would you like to fly a puddle jumper?

i cannot express how badly i desperately want to fly a puddle jumper. i used to say dream about it endlessly as a kid. actually i still do. i cannot stress enough that i would give up just about everything in my life to fly a fucking jumper please please please please please

8. Wraith stunner or Zat gun?

depends on the situation i think, they're both handy for different things. zat gun would be fantastic for say, making certain politicians disappear. overall tho i think probably a wraith stunner. idk they're cute

9. What alien language would you like to learn if you could?

all of them? is that an option? 😂😂 idk i wanna learn wraith and ancient and asguard and all the different milk way and pegasus native languages omg it would be cool to learn them all

10. Which character(s) most match your vibe?

lol idk i'm sad and complain a lot so a mix of john and rodney? i really don't know! what do y'all think?

11. What would you do if you found yourself in a time loop/dilation field?

nap. i would sleep so fucking much oh my god. time is fake nothing is real im sleeping for 6 months gn (if i was in epiphany i would've spent the entire time sleeping. the team would've had to come wake me up from my sleeping beauty nap)

12. What would you do first with access to a ZPM?

assuming it's not needed for like. impending attack or something id probably power the fuck out of the sensors and look around for funky little secret rooms and stuff in the city

13. What's your favourite ship?

atlantis obviously. she is perfect and iconic and has literally zero flaws and can do no wrong. (im not even gonna bother mentioning my favourite parining bc. if you follow me you already know lmao)

14. What's your favourite Goa'uld and/or Wraith?

for wraith it's a toss up between todd (obviously 🥰) and the badass punk wraith in vegas. he's so hot oh my god i'd let him murder me 😩😩

15. You run into your robot duplicate. How do you react?

"great you can go to work for me i'm taking a fucking break. come wake me up in two weeks"

[dearestxiao]

Hey I just wanted to ask and I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfy but what happened to saekogun? I missed your #junesdegeneracyau and then I found out everything disappeared which was weird bcs I recall seeing ur blog in like March 2022

hi there nonnie... omg wow it's been such a long time since I've actually posted on this blog. thank you so much for the concern and to anyone else who's asked about me.

to give a quick tldr as to what happened with saekogun exactly: I took a break from writing right around a point in my life where I was both very busy, and slowly becoming more and more happy. the break turned out to be much longer than I thought it would be, and I one day decided to get rid of saekogun. my mental health has improved immensely, and I just wanted to say hello again.

I will start this off by saying I am very much alive and well. at the start of my first semester last year I decided to take a break from writing so that I could focus on my classes and internship and... just about everything else life had in store for me. it was initially supposed to be a short two week break, which is why I had initially never posted about it. but as more and more time went on, big (good) things kept happening in my life, and I had felt as if my mental health had additionally improved being away from tumblr. I decided that, for the sake of my mental well-being, I would not return for quite some time until I was fully stable enough to do so.

tumblr was a really weird source of turmoil in my life back then, which is kind of funny to say now that I look back on it (it sounds sooooo unserious, I know I know). I never talked about this openingly on my blog, but I did struggle a lot with my mental health, especially as someone with bpd. during the time that I wrote for saekogun, I had consistent and heavy episodes and mood swings. I knew no one else with bpd nor did I have someone I could talk about it with, so I felt a bit alone.

I felt very alone in my struggles and used tumblr as a sort of crutch and aid and it helped. immensely. but it also hurt me in different ways. I treated tumblr as a big responsibility in my life and it felt like I had a full time job as a content creator. I'm also neurodivergent and my executive function issues were beating me up without remorse. this was at a point in my life where I really did not have time for running my blog, but writing and interacting with the lovely following I had generated felt great. it was just too much for me though unfortunately, so I decided to move on.

I decided that I would keep the blog up running so that people could still enjoy it in my absence. however, one night after thinking on it for months I decided to just get rid of it. it sounds odd, but now that I was healing, that blog was just too representative and tied to a bad era of my life for me to want it to keep existing. so I banished it into the void, never to be seen again.

a lot of stuff has happened between now and then. to keep things short and sweet, I'm a lot happier now. I won't say things are absolutely perfect, because not everything can be of course, but I feel as though I've healed and grown. some amazing things have happened and for the first time in years I experienced true joy for a very long period of time. I'll stop myself from rambling before I get too cheesy and corny. but just know that it fr does get better y'all. I'm so glad I've lived long enough to a point where I can confidently say that.

I have a lot of regrets when it comes to saekogun. I definitely was not the best blog runner. I was constantly behind on asks and projects and I made lots and lots of mistakes when it came to my posting schedules and how I handled asks. I had so many asks that I never got to and made so many promises I couldn't keep. for that I deeply and utterly apologize. I do wish that I had done better and am sorry to those who've I disappointed. I thank everyone who had took the time to send something in and put time and energy into my blog.

another regret I have is not saving the color blue before I had gotten rid of the blog. that story is unfortunately lost to time itself since I don't have any portion of it saved. which sucks because if there was anything I'd continue to write about here from my old blog, it'd be that, but I have no access to it now.

I'm also sorry for anyone I have worried in my absence. I really should have made a post sooner, but I honestly had no idea what to say. I didn't know how to come back, and the longer I took to say anything, the harder it got.

I am beyond grateful for everything you've all had done for me, and for sticking around and checking up on me, and for enjoying my content in the first place. I cannot put into words how much it means to me for people to have cared about my silly little degenerate posts. from the bottom of my heart, I seriously thank you all. I also thank my sweet anons, old mutuals, and any followers who are still here.

now, onto the big question: will I ever write for this blog again? the answer is... iffy. I often fantasize about being able to write again, but the truth is I'm not into genshin anymore whatsoever, which is an issue since my primary fandom was always genshin. at some point after sumeru's initial release, I was simply just not as into the game anymore, and was too busy to actually sit down and play. I have no idea what's going on lore or game wise, and anything thats happened fandom wise either.

unfortunately, I'm not interested in getting back into genshin, so I'm very sorry to disappoint anyone who was hoping for more content like what I used to create.

however, I love writing. and I'm still really into yanderes and dark fiction as a whole. but I'm currently not into any fandoms that I think people would really be interested in so I don't think I have much to offer in terms of content. so for now, it's a... maybe? I guess we can talk about that as time goes by.

this is absolutely not to promise I'll actually be back though. I'm not sure if I'd be able to run a blog still to be honest, atleast not consistently. but I would love to drop by and post a little something every now and then and talk with you all.

thank you all once again, and thanks to whoever read this entire mess of words. listen, I'm rusty okay 😔

[lightkrets312]

Hey thanks for responding to my tags!! Had a fun and terrifying time reading about Michigan Lefts. Is that a solution because there are no traffic lights there? And I'm glad y'all have cloverleaf interchanges (..as Wikipedia says), though the roundabout thing is so bizarre, I can't imagine having to stop each time at those 7 I pass and, yk, wait to go bc it's a normal intersection. But they're small roundabouts - the ones in Paris with 6 lanes and no lines on the road terrify me as well.

Also very unreal that you don't have normal tax and bank transfer things. You'd think the government wants to make it easy for you, same with your bank.. but it's probably a sign of how it developed historically compared to here in West-Europe. Still, wow. Wouldn't a bank be loved by their customers if they allow direct transfers?? Seems like a great business move? But maybe your banks aren't national and more per state, or the banks refuse to work together a little?

(Also. I don't even drink tea but kettles are great if you need bouillon in a recipe or want to get hot pasta/rice water faster than just heating the water on your stove. Does a tap stove give boiling hot water then? I had never seen one in my life!!)

Cannot wait to visit America one day and experience the culture shock bc it seems like there's so much that's normal to me that's completely different there! Have you been to an European country before?

Hi! So I'm gonna run through the ask and answer as I read, there's a LOT of words here! Keep in mind I'm one perspective and have mainly lived in one state my whole life (anxiety Michigan)

-Michigan Lefts are ironically something I only got introduced to as an adult, and that was LONG after running into stoplights; we've got plenty of the latter, but some areas are putting in more of the former. Ironically I've seen Lefts with stoplights.

Not an expert on WHY, but I know it lowers traffic deaths and makes it so you don't have to cross a main road they decided to cut in half for some godforsaken reason. I honestly prefer it over having to drive across 3-4 lanes just to turn left.

-Cloverleaf interchanges are REALLY common here! Sometimes the exits and changes get put a little too close together for comfort, but I'm an anxious driver. I don't know many other exit types tbh...

-The roundabouts I've seen over here are wild to me, but if you're gonna do an alternative four-way and keep traffic "moving", sure that works. I think I've seen circles with yield signs generally, though.

-This country... is made for profit first, not people, and that goes for the banks too. The average bank I've encountered hasn't said shit about direct transfers, and the one I use has like... a $30 overdraft fee (so if I go below zero, I get charged money). If you wanna pay a friend fast, someone needs cash or both of you need an app like venmo, no in-between.

-We just have normal hot water, but we also use a lot of pots and pans. If you want pasta you grab a pot, turn on the stove, add water to pot, and wait. A little salt helps with the boiling somehow, don't ask me how.

-Good luck over here! (/positive) If you hate traffic over there, you're not gonna be much happier with it here, but it's also unironically the best way to get around.

-(And I've been to Denmark! For somewhere "without a lot to do", I still had fun for the week I was there, and it's pretty enough! The parking and city maneuvering was the weirdest part, but a lot of places were built to be confusing to invaders iirc? So it makes sense that the streets are janky.)

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

AAAHHHH I'm so excited :D

Oop don't speed lol

Ope?

Oh no :(

Dang that's so sweet <3

They're sweet brothers <333

Nice :'))

That's amazing <33

I just hope he's okay 😭😭

And I hope he doesn't see him crash or something xd

Ohhh no

Oof :(

That sucks

UHH OHHHH

Oh no this poor guy :((

Ohhh he's gonna hitch a ride

Uh ohhh 😳😬

This isn't gonna go well xd

Especially knowing what's going to happen o.o

But also just because xD this is the beginning of a 911 episode lol, how could it

Oh he's just chilling :)

How has no one noticed xD

Oh goshhh this poor kid, I just hope he ends up okay

Aww and he only cares about his brother :((

Ohh nooo

Hopefully he's supposed to be there

Phew, thank goodness :'D

I just hope he's okay 😭😭❤️❤️❤️

Ahh crap this won't go well xdd

I'm so happy for him :')) this is just so raw and real

Awww him yelling to the car :'D

That guy might end up in the crash too lol

Uhhh ohhhh

UHHH OHHHH

Bro should've jumped out while he and the chance 😭

Too late 😭

Dang all these flashbacks xD

Oop who is this doing a TikTok lol?

AWWWW it's the twins and what's her name!!!

That's so cute :DDD I love them 🥰🥰

Hi Tommy :DD

Lol they're eating!!

I love these guys :D

Them three as sisters/step sisters is amazing <33

Lol the criticizing xD

Nahh eat it up y'all XD good for them

OOP "glass chatters" dang O.O

Lol real

OPE "family" o.o that's what she's thinking about

LOL

OPE

WHAT

"WHAT IF I AM" WHAAAA AAAHHHHH

WHAT THE HECK

AAAHHHHHHHHHH

I love that Tommy's the one asking :')) especially since she's the one whose spouse died instead of divorced you know :'D

AAAHHHH HE SAID YES :DDD 🥰🥰🥰

Ooooop?

Hmm what's the condition?

:DDD!!!

Hi Carlos 🥰🥰!!

AWW bringing donuts that's so cute :D

Glad to see him happier this episode 🥰

Hi Nancy :D!!

Hi Mateo :))!!

Hi TK 🥰!!

STOPPP they're so cute, I love them 🥰

Hi Marjan :DD

Hi Paul :))!

Lol not them fighting over the cronut xD

Ahh yeah they're a little tense xD

Lol they're all so silly xD

Ohh yeah Mateo :O

Oop Tommy?

Hmmm how does this all connect

Hmm xD

Yeahh no reason xD

Oh hi Wyatt :D!

Lol him and Carlos meet for the first time basically, a week ago, and now they run into each other again xD

Ahh to talk about Judd

Lol Tommy xD

Hi Owen :)!

Bro's enthusiastic lol

Might be like that with anybody bc of everything going on with him xd

Don't let him make the announcement Wyatt 😬

Yes!! Finally it's out 😭😬❤️

Like the information xD

Pleeease Owen he wants this and he needs it and so do y'all 😭

Ahhh true I was thinking that

I do see what you're saying about Paul and Marjan :((

I mean at least just take him back, even not as a lieutenant!

But also, it might keep Marjan and Paul from being mad at each other xd

Ope 😳

?? Is that the kid somehow?

Ohh a different girl :o

Ohhh nooo

A lot of TikTok this episode lol

OH DANG O.O

Gosh xD

😬😬 Do they not have insurance :(?

Ahh yep :( I get it

Gonna be 😬 though

Uhh girl xd

Oh dang okay Tommy

OOP

Girl o.o do you think this might be xD about something else?

Girlyy what happened 😭

Yk everyone's watching this xd

Ooop?

AYY nice :D

Dang girl you bent it 😳

Oof her cheeks still having the shape 😭 that hurts xdd

LOL Nancy taking it xD realll

Take a breather Tommy xD

[sapphicgarlic]

hi guyss

its been ages since I have been on here and I kinda miss it a lot, I am way more active on twitter under lioncunt but that's not what I logged in to say

its been a crazy (good and bad) months and I wanted to share a little bit

most importantly, I got off my medication which is crazy good. I have been on them for more than 5 years and I have very young so that's a lot. I started them when I was 14/15 and had been needing them since I was like 12 so getting off them is a huge thing for me. I am very truly happy about it because I truly didn't think about a time where I wouldn't need them. I thought it was going to be permanent especially since I am still living with my mom. its been crazy to see how depressed I was all my life, how sad I was. I haven't been taking my meds for like a year but that was me saying "I dont think I need them anymore" but to have a medical professional say "yeah you good" was crazy. bonkers. its so weird and so gratifying but that the same time I don´t want to come on here like everything is fine.

one of the thing that has made my months crazy is accepting I was abused. accepting that I am still abused. and have been, since birth. its really fucked up because now I truly see how little I was (and my brother too) and how much shit I was put through. that I am still put through. because that's the word. abuse. I always knew things were different but never ever considered it abuse. its a big word especially when its accompanied by child. I was a kid. still am in a lot of ways.

one of to good stuff is that me and my brother are thick as thieves which is something I never saw it happening. I just to be so angry at him. call him hideous names and now, he's the only person who actually supports me at my house. every weekend we go out and do a little brotherly outing, small as eating pizza or going to the farmers market. and its so nice. never thought that would make me as happy as its making me.

idk if I ever updated y'all but me and my ex broke up for good couple of months back. I don´t actively miss her but I have been thinking more theses lasts two weeks (I am over analyzing shit but in the normal sphere of things) about her unfortunately because she's in my class so I have to see her everyday but I low-key love hating her. its so nice. its such a normal thing and I love messing shit up. like I am sorry for her for being a child sometimes but I deserve to act like it ( it has been a while since I have bugged her, I actually only bugged her truly once and I learned my lesson!!!! I thought that bugging her was going to help to make me not hate her but it just added fuel to the fire so I leave her alone and I was having a hard week but yeah its so nice to hate her and call her names in my head. is it healthy? no but there's worse things in my life. the funniest thing that has happen is that I had a presentation on bipolar and she thought I was calling her bipolar through the presentation because my friends came to talk to me bc she was making faces all the time I was speaking so that was fun. in her defense, I used to say she had very bipolar behavior ( I actually forgot about it and only linked the dots after my friend talked to me and was like "she thinks you are talking about her") so yeah sdhfjhsdjfshdjfhsdjfhjsdsdjfhdjfsdhj do I really think she has bipolar? no. does she has a lot of bipolar behavior? definitely but you know, who's to say? I had to hold myself back a lot because I had to urge to send a text in the group we have saying "some people told me there wasn't a lot of happy faces while I was presenting, if anyone has a problem you could have talked to me and presented in my place" but as I said, I learned my lesson and I am staying quiet HUHUAHAUHAUAHUA

about jiji, my dearest, idk yet, going to the doctor again for the first time after the diagnosis and going to run more tests. wish me luck and will update yall again afterwards.

about my mom and her zumbi state, there's a light in the darkness because (dont ask me why or how) we have money to travel and see my family in Portugal next year. its going to make it or break her for good. I truly dont know what I want more. she's not living until I am thirty and I actually dont want it. if it didn't mean I would have more responsibilities, I would want her dead now, for her own good too (I am serious)