#running out of steam but i almost finally have ONE SEASON done to 100%

[greyias]

A run of weeklies or two to grab a bunch of gray items to throw at unsuspecting party guests? Check. The last known stacks in the galaxy of non-legacy bound snacks for sharing? Check. Inventory stupidly full? Check. Me and companion decked to the nines? Check.

Aw yis. Ready to party. (On Saturday.)

[poppykru]

This is a collection of my favourite canonverse fanfiction. I actually started reading bellarke fanfiction last year when season 6 premiered so a lot of the fanfics you see are old and popular within fandom. Nevertheless, I love them and they deserve the recognition for how awesome they are. 😊 I went through my bookmarks twice and I am sure I still missed some, but this is getting really big and has now taken me so long to compile so this is the list. I’ll update it once the show is over. For now though, enjoy! 

To all the writers, thank you for your beautiful works! I appreciate you so much! 💖

Most are one shots because that is just my preference for format. Some fanfics are within the universe, but not part of canon (e.g. Ark AUs) so I have put at at the bottom under Canonverse AUs. I tried to list them in order of time in canon but some were difficult to classify. 

One more thing, this is a Bellarke fic rec. If it was a general the 100 fic rec, this would include some great non-ship fics I’ve read or other ships. I might do a mini fic rec with those. (Also, I’ll probably post a big AUs fic rec, because my true love is AUs and i have read some masterpieces everyone needs to read!)

With that I am done. I hope you enjoy my collection and please don’t forget to show all these amazing fanfic writers some love - give kudos, bookmark, comment! Let’s support our content creators! 💖

Single Chapter

Inconceivable by @johnnyjaqobis​

Explicit | 8,798 words

Bellamy and Clarke have to perform a ritual to seal a grounder aliance. It’s unconventional.

Just the Beating of Our Hearts by @hiddenpolkadots​

General Audiences | Fluff | 4,683 words

He leans into it, tilting his body towards her where she still stands between his legs, and they’re so, so close, breathing in each other’s air before his eyes flick up to meet her gaze and then— Abby opens the door and steps out of the supply closet. “Clarke.”

or, 3 times Bellamy gets hurt and one time he isn’t.

Strong as an ox by @wellsjahasghost​

Season 1 | Teen and Up | 5,399 words

Clarke tries to rescue Bellamy from some Grounders holding him captive, but things don’t go quite as planned

Here we go Season 1 The line between love and lust does not exist.

Meet me in the Morning by @argyledpenguin​

1x03 | Explicit |Time Loop AU | 25,375 words

“I guess one of us is messed up,” he said, “and it’s part of our hallucination that the other is, too.” He paused. “Seems appropriately hellish that my mind sticks me with you.” She pursed her lips. “Likewise.” Clarke is trapped in a stupid time loop, and guess who’s trapped with her?

Sing the rage of Peleus’ son Achilles by @viansian​

Season 1 | Mature | Angst | 10,858 words

“I have spent my entire life afraid of men thought to be gods,” he finally says. “I’ll tell you a secret, princess: these men? The ones who claim to be deities? Their blood isn’t ichor. They bleed red like the rest of us, and sometimes they need to be reminded of that.” or Clarke is abducted by the grounders. Bellamy freaks out.

and just as the sun chases after the moon (i will always chase after you) by @viansian​

Post season 1 | Teen and Up | 12,013 words

He had once gone into hell for Octavia. He wonders at what point he had begun to love Clarke as much as his sister.

In the Silence Between Worlds (that’s where I’ll find you) by @viansian​

Season 2 | General Audiences | Fluff | 12,647 words

It’s a goddamn tragedy that both of them could be so incredibly in love with each other and yet neither could notice it.

aka everyone knows Bellamy and Clarke are in love except for Bellamy and Clarke.

I loved him first by emmaofmisthaven

Season 2 | Teen and Up | Unrequited Love | 1,306 words

Clarke is missing and Bellamy is going after her. From Octavia’s POV.

Eight Minutes Against a Tree by @cupcakesandtv​

Season 2 | Explicit | 2,320 words

Clarke and Bellamy use each other to relieve tension.

The Mating Habits of the Earthbound Sky Person by @ponyregrets​ 

Season 2 | General Audiences | Fluff | 2,320 words 

Clarke and Bellamy don’t know how to relationship.

Here be Dragons by ms_scarlet

Post 2x08-2x09 | General Audiences | Hurt/Comfort | 1,121 words

“Well, here we are.” She gestures towards the space beyond the electrified wire in front of them. “We fell from space only to find a pit full of monsters except they didn’t warn us that we’d find them in ourselves.”

All You Have is Your Fire by @hawthornewhisperer​

Post 2x09 | Teen and Up | Angst | 2,402 words

Bellamy didn’t think he could survive Mount Weather. But he did, and somehow the aftermath is almost worse.

Do you look like me? Do you feel like me? by heroic

Post 2x16 | Teen and Up | 511 words

There are some selfish wants Clarke will not allow herself, even when everything is dirt with decomposing bodies.

Gifts by winterwaters

Post season 2 | Teen and Up | Fluff | 4,154 words

Bellarke are at a grounder festival. Clarke is pretty and Bellamy is flustered. Fluff.

What We Have to Do  by ms_scarlet

Post season 2 | Teen and Up | Hurt/Comfort | 4,910 words

As the air turned cooler, the forest burst into color and the leaves started to fall, and all Bellamy saw was death and decay. He realized that Clarke had been gone longer than he’d known her. He’d lived most of his life without knowing her, so it didn’t seem like it should be such a striking realization, but crashing to Earth was such a cataclysmic event, he realized he’d been thinking of it as a new life beginning and now she’d been out of it longer than she was there.

This One’s for the Faithless by @argyledpenguin​

Post season 2 | Explicit | Angst | 22,645 words

“He couldn’t worry about her, about how she’d fare, and whether she’d find her way home eventually, or make a home with strangers, learning to forget the friends she’d killed for. He needed to worry about those friends, to look after their people like she’d asked him to. “She doesn’t need us to go after her,” Raven said. “She knows how to survive.” They’d trust her to return when she was ready, and to look after herself in the meantime.”

who cares if we're trashed by @probably-voldemort​

Season 3 | Teen and Up | Fluff | 2,180 words

"Propose to Bellamy." Murphy said it like it was easy, like she wasn't drunk off her ass, like she wasn't hopelessly in love with him. "Unless you're chicken."

The End Where We Begin by katebishoop

Pre 3x06 | Teen and Up | Kid fic | 10,553

Clarke and Bellamy are tired of war and bloodshed. So they run.

Hungry Hearts by @insideimfeelinpurrdy​

Post 3x16 | Explicit | Hurt/Comfort | 5,663 words

We all swallow lies when our hearts are hungry.

Field Medicine by storyskein

Post season 3 | Teen and Up | Fluff | 3,558 words

Clarke decides that Bellamy needs to learn first-aid because his bandage wrapping technique is pitiful.

I’ve Got You Here by ms_scarlet

Post Season 3 | Explicit | Hurt/Comfort | 18,383 words

“Here.” He thrusts one of the cups at her and she sets the rake aside to accept it. “You owe me a drink.”

Five Years Later by storyskein

Post Season 3 | Explicit | Fluff | 6,845 words

Five years later, and everything is finally right

To the Order of Night by storyskein

Post season 3 | Teen and Up | Fluff | 2,620 words

Bellamy and Clarke hang out after a long day of preparing for Arkadia’s exodus. Drinking, poker, and cuddling ensue.

Soap by @verbam​

Post Season 3 | Teen and Up | 3,571 words

Perhaps because of the late hour, or the heat limiting most duties to half day shifts, the hammam is surprisingly empty when they reach it, their voices going hushed in the echoing room. Clarke realizes as she glances at Bellamy that they’ve never been entirely alone here together. They’ve rinsed off here together before, but that’s easier when they’re surrounded by their friends: Bellamy distracted by Brian snapping a towel at him and Jasper splashing everyone in cold water. Clarke tends to sit with Raven, stretching their legs out on the warmed metal after they’ve scrubbed down and enjoying the steam and hubbub of Arkadians around them.

Right Within Your Heart (This is How It Starts) by @prosciuttoe​

Post Season 3 | Teen and Up | Fluff | 6,270 words

Bellamy has never had a enjoyable Christmas. Clarke seeks to rectify that.

Cold Bones by @insideimfeelinpurrdy​

Season 4 | Explicit | Major Character Death | tw: depression | 4,152 words

The world dies screaming, protesting violently at every turn, fighting for survival. He dies silently, whispering reassurances into the radio, walking fast and with purpose but without hope. The apocalypse can’t be stopped, and there aren’t enough lifeboats. Bellamy decides to take himself out of the equation.

if it was safer underground, we wouldn’t be on a boat  by heroic

Season 4 | Teen and Up | 1,005 words

Did you feel it, too? Clarke wants to go back and ask, lean herself against the bark and look at Bellamy in the night. Do you miss this too, when everything hurt and we still thought we could be better than we are?

And If My Heart Should Stop by @octannibal-blake​

4x06 | Teen and Up | Fluff | 1,905 words

The one where bellamy decides it’s time to tell Clarke how he feels.

Whenever the End by @sometimesrosy​

4x11 | Mature | 2,173 words

It’s the night before the conclave and the end of the world is nigh. Clarke and Bellamy needs to sleep and Clarke convinces him to share her bed. But waking up in his arms crosses the distance they’ve kept between them.

How I learned to stop worrying and love the apocalypse by @kindclaws​

4x12-13 | Explicit | Time Loop AU, Exes to Lovers | 16,407 words

Bellamy and Clarke keep reliving the last few hours before Pramfaya.

Just enough, but not enough by @rycewritestrash​

Post Seaosn 4 | Teen and Up | Fluff | 1,173 words

They’re leaning against the rover, sharing an apple, back and forth, discussing their plans for the day when Bellamy says, “We should get married,” in the same tone he’d use if they were talking about what’s for dinner.

The Silence by @sometimesrosy​

Season 5 | Teen and Up | Reunion fic | 5,872 words

Clarke and Madi stumble upon spacekru, finally returned. Everyone greets her, except Bellamy.

Think of Me as Time of Day by @octannibal-blake​

Season 5 | Teen and Up | Reunion fic | 5,872 words

Three times Bellamy misses Clarke and one time he doesn’t have to.

You’re Just Another Recovering Heart by @prosciuttoe​

Season 5 | Mature | Pining | 10,814 words

Bellamy gets into the habit of writing letters to the girl he left behind in the six years they’re apart. But as it turns out, Clarke’s alive, and she’s read them. Or: the fallout of a love confession six years in the making.

Forty Yards by @the-most-beautiful-broom​

Season 5 | Teen and Up | Angst | 3,825 words

Bellamy and Clarke are caught in the crossfire of an Eligius/Wonkru battle, and in the fury of it all, Bellamy refuses to leave Clarke behind.

I’m so fucking happy you’re alive/swear to god I’m down if you’re down  by heroic  

5x13 | General Audiences | 679 words

He wants to go back there, to press his hands against the bare skin of her back, to breathe her in.

I Feel Like We're as Close as Strangers by @eyessharpweaponshot​

Season 5 | Explicit | Angst | 7,277 words

“This isn’t about Madi," Bellamy tells her, voice even and certain. "It isn’t about me leaving you on Earth." Clarke’s expression is steel but he can read the discomfort off her a mile away. She’s holding her arms too tightly, her teeth clenched like she’s said too much. "This is about Echo." Even though he knows it is, his heart is still belting in his chest while he waits for a response. The knowledge is overwhelming - because if this is about Echo, it means Clarke might…she might… "Why would this be about Echo?" Clarke says blankly, like she’s bored - like he’s way off the mark. He’s not. "You tell me."

Astra inclinant  by @hermesmultivitamins​

Post season 5 | Not Rater | Sharing A Bed | 1,814 words

The inevitability of Clarke and Bellamy is obvious to everyone except themselves. Or, the story of how it took 130 years and two planets for Clarke and Bellamy to realize what everyone else already knew.

Do You Feel the Way We’re Falling out of Touch? by @eyessharpweaponshot​

Season 6 | Explicit | Time Loop AU, Angst | 13,279 words

Clarke and Bellamy are over and he has moved on, it’s just something Clarke has to accept. They have a job to do and that’s what is important now. They spend the entire day at odds with one another, being distant and lying about their true feelings. When they’re stuck in a time loop because of their inability to be honest though, it’s time to start admitting some things - and it turns out to be a little harder than expected.

Bad Moon Rising by @bettsfic​

6x02 | Teen and Up | Angst, Hurt/Comfort | 1,700 words

Afterglow by @queenginnys​ 

Post 6x10 | Teen and Up | Love Confessions | 1,085 words

Bellamy and Clarke have a lot to discuss after Clarke survives Josephine.

Sick of Losing Soulmates by @pawprinterfanfic​

Post 6x10 | Teen and Up | Hurt/Comfort | 4,884 words

Clarke and Bellamy talk after the events at Gabriel's. After almost losing her again, Bellamy intends to not let emotions go unspoken.

Our Own Stars by bellofthetolppl

Season 6 | General Audiences | Angst | 3,477 words

Bellamy gets hurt when he tries to find Octavia after she disappeared in the Anomaly and once Clarke finds out, she goes crazy. Kind of like 6x10 but the roles are reversed and she's worried sick about him. 

feet on the ground, head in the sky by fathomless

Season 6 | General Audiences | Hurt/Comfort | 2,547 words

three times Bellamy kissed Clarke's forehead and one time she kissed his.

Like Being Submerged in Your Contradictions by WelpThisIsHappening

Season 6 | Explicit | Fluff | 4,491 words

She supposes she's not surprised.

Clarke probably should have expected it. After all, her romantic track record is not really all that impressive. But. She hoped. And to say that she's a little disappointed to find out sex with Bellamy is not as great as she wanted it to be is an understatement.

So now he wants to talk about it. Figures.

The House Don't Fall When the Bones Are Good by @ponyregrets​

Post Canon | Teen and Up | Afterlife | Crossover with The Good Place | 6,019 words

Clarke wakes up and has a conversation with a man wearing a bowtie.

We Burned Bright by @marauders-groupie​

Mature

Collection of canon-compliant drabbles

Multichapter

Small Favours by @kay-emm-gee​

8 chapters | Season 1 | Teen and Up | Fluff | 24,203 words

Small favors born out of sheer necessity (part I, part II) forge a unique intimacy (part III, part IV, part V, part VI) that brings forth intense chemistry (part VII, part VIII).

 Or, how Bellamy & Clarke take their time falling in love.

Survivor’s guilt by @wellsjahasghost​

4 chapters | Post season 3 | Explicit | Angst, Kid fic | 102,671 words

“There’s no one else to live for anymore.” Clarke utters those words without too much emotion. They’ve had time over the years to reflect on all the people ripped away from their lives. It’s no longer a fierce, stabbing pain, just a kind of endless ache that surges and subsides with every breath they take. After all their efforts, they failed. The story of the SkaiKru would die with them. “We’re the last of our people.”

Bellamy finally looks up at her tone of voice and after a pause he says, slowly, “We don’t have to be.”

Hold me Still by bellofthetolppl

9 chapters | Season 4 | General Audiences | Angst | 45,863 words

“I can’t see, what’s happening to me?” or Bellamy is blinded in an accident.

The Twelfth Level by @jemleofan​

13 chapters | Canon-compliant until 4x03 | Explicit | 62,085 words

The death wave is rapidly approaching. Clarke and Bellamy make a startling discovery: Cadogan’s cult has survived underground and is willing to shelter Skaikru from the impending disaster. But at what price?

This one’s for you by @andthelightbulbclicks​

48 Chapters | Post season 4 | Slow Burn | 60,535 words

Ficlets glimpsing at those 2,199 days, and after…

The Price of Peace by @chase-the-windandtouch-the-sky​

18 chapters | Season 6 | Teen and Up | Angst, Hurt/Comfort | 11,0987 words

Upon landing in the new world, it seemed like humanity finally had a chance at peace. When suddenly something is taken from them, Bellamy and crew must find a way to navigate this new world when it feels like it’s falling apart.

Bury A Friend, Try To Wake Up  by @talistheintrovert​

7 chapter | Teen and Up | Angst | 75,289 word

A few weeks after settling in to the new planet, Clarke seems to be acting strangely. Almost like she's two different people. Bellamy is determined to get to the bottom of it.

Canonverse AUs 

Single Chapter 

Winners Don’t Always Get Lucky Breaks by @cupcakesandtv​

Explicit | Ark AU, Arranged Marriage, Domestic Bellarke | 23,501 words

Bellamy and Clarke are roped into Abby’s political games and have to get married. 

Just as You Are Mine by @prosciuttoe​

Explicit | Arranged Marriage AU, Grounder!Bellamy | 23,637 words

In hindsight, marrying a total stranger may not have been one of Clarke’s brightest ideas. (Clarke seals an alliance with the Broadleaf clan by marrying Bellamy Blake.)

Darkest of marks by @important-metaphors​

Explicit | Ark AU, Angst | 21,162 words

After Jake Griffin’s prediction about the system failure turns out to be wrong, Clarke is given a second chance on the Ark. Janitor Bellamy Blake may or may not complicate everything for her.

Shadows Run From Yesterday by @important-metaphors​

Explicit | Ark AU | 14,053 words

Thirteen nations have operational space stations at the time of the bombs and Clarke Griffin is among the survivors. When she loses those dearest to her, she finds an ally in the person she least expects.

In My House on the Hill (there is room for you still) by @argyledpenguin​

Explicit | Ark AU, Angst | 24,066 words

“There were nights when the clinic was busy, forcing Clarke to scarf down a snack in between patients. But those nights were rare. Usually, there was time to take a break for lunch, to sketch for an hour, to talk to Bellamy, or to try to. It turned out that Bellamy wasn’t a talker. Or a friendly, pleasant person in general. But she got used to it. To him.” Clarke meets Bellamy on the ark.

Multichapter 

How You Stay Alive by @wellsjahasghost​

3 chapters | Explicit | Reincarnation AU | 88,303 words

You and him will live again by my hand. But whether you fall in love again is entirely up to you.” Nine lifetimes where Clarke and Bellamy meet again, and again, and again.

In his heart of hearts by @bilexualclarke​

2 chapters | Explicit | Ark AU, Enemies to Friends to Lovers | 12,808 words

She looks at him expectantly when he walks in, daring him to say something. His interactions with Clarke since their first day have consisted of “hello” “goodbye” and the occasional glare when he scoffs at something corny she says to a patient. But right now, he can’t help but take the bait. “Mommy pull some strings for you, Princess?” Clarke deflates a bit, and for a second it dawns on him that maybe she was waiting for him to congratulate her? But then, “Go fuck yourself.”

Bound by the secrets we share by troubledpancakes

4 chapters | Explicit | Ark AU | 48,523 words

Ninety-seven years ago, a nuclear apocalypse rendered planet Earth unlivable, leaving only the four-hundred people on the twelve space stations as its survivors. Over three generations, these twelve nations joined together to form the unified Ark Station. To preserve the human race, the leaders of the Ark implemented strict measures including: capital punishment for anyone over the age of eighteen, a ration system based on job placement, and the arrangement of marriages based on genetic compatibility. If the human race was to return to Earth, it had to be strong to survive. Clarke Griffin turned eighteen and celebrated her birthday with a marriage ceremony.

[toosicktoocare]

Prompt:  A tma prompt! JonMarTim where they pass along a cold between each other and they all react to it differently. (And some possible bonus Sasha because I Love her and miss her 😭)

Sorry this took so long! I tend to shy away from more than one person sick in a fic because I get overwhelmed, but season 2 is hurting my feelings, so I want to drown my self in soft season 1 dynamics.

Tim shuffles into the building, sniffling loudly, hand curled around the crumpled tissue shoved far into his coat pocket.

He should have heeded the whispered warnings that he should “run” for his life when he slipped into the police station a few days ago to flirt his way into additional information regarding a case Jon’s covering. However, he priortized his work and ignored the numerous sick officers coughing and sneezing, claiming he’s fortunate to have an immune system of steel and hasn’t been sick in years.

If regret looks like flushed cheeks, tossled hair, and a red-rimmed nose, well, then, he’s the spitting image. He feels relatively awful- the kind of awful that’s not quite awful enough to stay home curled up in a blanket cocoon on his couch, which, he thinks, sucks quite a bit because that’s very much what he’d rather be doing.

He stops before his desk when the tell-tale tickle hits his nose, and he jerks his face into the crook of his arm to sneeze sharply, chasing it with a deep, drawn out groan.

“What’s wrong with you?”

There’s disgust dripping from Sasha’s tone, and if Tim’s head were a little clearer, he would take a jab at the underlining color of concern, but, his head somehow hurts worse than it did when he walked into the building two minutes ago. Forgoing sass, he sinks into his chair with another louder, longer groan, wincing as it pulls at his rough throat.

“I’m dying.”

Sasha takes a step backwards until her back hits a wall. She braces her hands against the wall behind her, fingers tapping anxiously. “Doubtful; however, you look like you could die, and that means I cannot work in the same vicinity as you because I value my health.”

“I value my health!” Tim argues, doubling over into a coughing fit. He clumsily presses his fist to his mouth, breifly noting how the coughing is a rather new, unfortuante development. Must be a chest cold, he thinks.

Sasha slides against the wall until she reaches the doorway. “Right, well, you’re clearly contagious, and I’m going to ask Jon if I can work on last week’s statement developments from home until I can come to work and breathe in less,” she pauses, waving one hand about, “sickly air.”

“Hang on,” Tim starts after her, interest piqued, “there’s development?” He stumbles down the hall, trying hard to ignore the heat prickling at the back of his neck. “Since when?”

Ignoring him, Sasha offers two courtsey knocks on the archive door before opening it, stepping far to the side when Tim staggers in after her, tugging at his shirt collar.

“Jon, can I work from home for the next few days?”

The annoyance painted across Jon’s face ins’t unfamilar, yet Sasha’s unfazed by his sour mood. She opens her mouth to defend her question, closing it quickly when Tim doubles over into another coughing fit that has her wincing but gesturing toward him.

“I see,” Jon mutters slowly, one brow arched, when Tim catches his breath. “Tim, shouldn’t you be the one-”

“-what’s the development?” Tim interrupts as he unconciosuly pops a few buttons of his shirt collar loose.

Jon mutters through information, finger still poised tightly atop the pause button on his recorder, and Tim nods along with his words, mind already jumping from past articles that have come up during his follow-up research.

“Right, yeah, I remember that! Let me print some news articles, and I’ll be back!” He spins on his heel, blinking through the haze that flicks across his vision, and slips out of the doorway, eager to revist the articles as this statement’s just been bugging him ever since Jon assigned it to him.

“If you think you can effectively do your work from home, I’ll allow it. The last thing we need is the entire staff sick.”

Smiling, Sasha claps her hands together and bows her head. “Thank you!”

***

Begrudgingly, Jon calls it after watching Tim detoriate for the last four hours. He’d been inclined to ignore Tim’s coughing and sneezing as they’ve fallen down a rather complicated hole regarding last week’s statement, one both thought was put to rest after hitting walls from every angle, but, when Tim, who’s already shed his coat and sweater and has his sleeves rolled up despite the unforgiving chill of the archive, mutters an absent complaint about how oddly warm it is, he slips his glasses from his eyes with a sigh.

“I think it’s time you go, Tim.”

“Sorry, what?” Tim asks, absently fanning his face, eyes glued to his laptop. He doesn’t hear Jon slip from his chair, but he does feel the almost icy brush of knuckles against his cheek. He freezes, eyes darting from the low glow of the screen to Jon, who’s frowning deeper than usual.

“Jon, what-”

“-You’ve got quite a temperature.”

Tim presses his palm to his forehead, grimacing at the damp heat. “I guess that would explain why I’m sweltering.” Taking a mental account to how he’s currently feeling falls just short of like absolute shit. He nods when Jon reclaims his seat.

“I’ll leave at lunch.”

Jon spares a glance at his watch before extending his arm out to show Tim the late afternoon time. “I believe it’s well past the time you typically leave for lunch.”

“You know what time I leave for lunch?” Tim teases around a few grating coughs. He heaves himself to his feet, feeling every inch of every muscle protest through cracks and pops.

“You aren’t exactly quiet about it,” Jon points out flatly, and Tim laughs even though he knows as the bubble of amusement swells in his chest that laughing will be a mistake. He grips the back of the chair he had pulled up to Jon’s desk as a coughing fit rips through him, tugging at his lungs. He can feel Jon’s hand find his back, a tad awkward, flat palm against trembling muscles, and when he catches his breath, he waves away the oddly unreadable look Jon’s shooting him.

“I’m leaving, I’m leaving. No need to fret, boss.” He closes his laptop and tucks it under one arm.

“I’m not fretting,” Jon says a little too quickly, and Tim smirks as he shuffles to the door, coat dragging on the floor at his side for he can’t find the strength to lift his arms.

“Course not,” Tim nods over his shoulder. “I’ll be back-”

“-when you’re well.”

“When I’m well,” Tim parrots back, unable to keep the smile from his lips.

“Completely well, Tim.”

“100%,” Tim agrees, offering a final nod before he exits down the hall, and Jon begins moving papers away from his desk to clear space for his next statement, unfazed by the few sneezes that slip through.

***

Martin tries to pass his concern off as mere curiosity; however, the words still slip too quick from frowning lips, something he just can’t seem to help, especially when Jon sneezes for the eighth time while making tea.

“Alright, Jon?”

Jon hums in muted acknowledgement and offers a curt nod as he slowly turns around, fingers wrapped tightly around his steaming mug of tea.

“It’s just that,” Martin presses, aware that he’s approaching a potentially dangerous territory, “you don’t normally take tea after 3 p.m.”

Sighing, Jon moves the mug up to his mouth and sucks in the steam. “I don’t have a tea schedule, Martin.”

Martin winces. “Well, there’s also that...”

Irritation pulls at Jon’s brows, furrowing them, and his eyes mirror as such. “There’s what, Martin?”

“Your voice,” Martin tries, huffing slightly. “You sound very congested, and you’ve been sneezing non-stop since you walked in here.” To further push his point, Jon carefully sets his mug down on the counter behind him to sneeze sharply into the crook of his arm, three, harsh times that have Martin standing from his chair.

He holds a hand out toward Jon, just short of landing on Jon’s arm. The urge to provide any semblance of comfort is overwhelming, but he lets his hand drop to his side when Jon brings his face forward with a soft sniffle and blindly reaches behind him for his mug.

“I am fine, Martin. There’s no need to dote.”

“I heard Tim went home ill,” Martin crosses his arms, carefully watching as Jon all but hugs the hot mug to his chest as if pleading with the warmth to cover his entire body, which, Martin’s quick to note, is trembling ever-so slightly.

“I’m sure everyone heard his rather dramatic exit.”

“Do you think, perhaps, you’ve caught his cold?” Martin tries for a gentle tone, but Jon scoffs anyway.

“Of course not. It’s just chilly in the archives.” Jon shivers slightly at this, and Martin frowns, eyes wide and colored in conflcted worry, and he slips his cardigan off.

“Here.”

Jon makes to protest, but Martin’s already draping the cardigan over his shoulders. He steps in front of Jon to tug and pull at the cardigan until it’s covering enough to satisfy him, and Jon’s nose twitches before he can step away. He snags the mug from Jon’s hand while Jon falls into another sneezing fit that truly sounds painful and leaves Jon lightly gasping once he’s recovered.

“Am I understanding correctly that Tim’s infected my entire staff?”

Elias’s voice is both surprising and unwelcome, and both jump and whip around to the break room doorway to see Elias frowning at the two of them, arms crossed, lips taut. 

“It’s handled,” Jon grumbles at the same time Martin blurts out, “Jon’s sick.” 

Martin can physically feel Jon tense up at his side, and he doesn’t need to spare a glance to know that Jon’s gritting his teeth hard behind neutral eyes. 

“I can see that.” Elias is slow to study the two, dragging his eyes deliberately from one face to the other, stopping on Martin, and for a moment, Martin kind of wishes the floor will open up and swallow him whole. 

“Martin, you’ll see Jon out and make sure that he and Tim recover quickly. There is work to be done.”

“Elias, that’s not-”

“-I wasn’t speaking to you, Jon.” 

They watch Elias leave, and the tension coating the air is almost suffocating. Martin’s almost considering that perhaps he should have just kept quiet as he watches Jon start out of the break room. He makes to move, to call after him, to apologize, but then Jon wiggles rather ungracefully until he has both arms slipped into the oversized cardigan, and he hugs it tightly to himself. 

He’ll take it, Martin thinks, as he follows after Jon to gather his things. 

***

“Er, Martin. Jon.” Tim’s leaning against the doorframe in only a pair of boxers, his hair a tossled mess after being rudely pulled from sleep by the doorbell. “What’s-” he starts, mouth forming a round ‘oh’ when Jon falls into a sneezing fit at Martin’s side. 

“Elias said I should make sure you both recover quickly, and I figured it might be easier if we’re all in once place,” Martin starts quickly, hand tightening around the store bags in his hand. “I know I should have called first, but-”

“-This is ridiculous,” Jon mutters, sniffling loudly. “Sorry to bother you, Tim. We’ll be leaving now, Martin.” He makes to turn, to stalk back to Martin’s car, but then Tim calls out to him, and he pauses, one brow arched, and turns back around. 

“Hang on. You can stay, boss. I owe you that much, at least, since this is my fault.” 

“That’s really not necessary, Tim.” 

“No offense, Jon, but you look about as bad as I feel, so just come on in here so I can crawl back to bed and be miserable.” Tim turns to cough harshly into the crook of his arm, his fingers tightening around his doorframe, and then he’s being ushered into the house with Martin’s blessedly cold hand on the small of his back. 

“Wow, Tim, have you taken anything for this fever? You’re burning up!”

Jon watches the two, eyes tired, annoyed, and then an icy breeze whips around him, slipping through his coat and Martin’s cardigan, and he shudders, quickly shuffling inside and kicking the door shut. He drags his eyes around Tim’s house, eyes zeroing in on a couch that looks infinitely more comfortable than the cot at work he’s taken to on and off the last few weeks. 

He sheds his coat, dropping it clumisly on the back of a chair, but opts to keep the cardigan on because... His mind supplies soft, comfortable, warm, but he shoves all aside, supplying practical instead. He’s sick, so it only makes sense to keep warm, at least, that’s what he tells himself as he sinks down onto the couch. 

He’s nodding off beofre he means to. He can briefly hear Martin calling out to him, warning him not to go to sleep until he’s taken some medicine, but the exhaustion he’s been shoving aside is encompassing him, surrounding him in a cold wave. He sudders, pulling the cardigan tighter around him, and drifts off. 

***

Tim slips into the kitchen, smiling fondly when he spots Martin sleeping at his table, his head pillowed atop his folded arms. Though, his smile falters when he hears Martin cough lightly, and he inches closer to see Martin shivering ever-so slightly. 

Guilt coloring his eyes, he places a hand to Martin’s shoulder, giving it a light shake. “Martin-”

Martin jerks awake, and Tim pulls his hand back with a sharp gasp that gves away to a few, harsh coughs. 

“Oh, Tim, sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. Are you alright?” 

“Are you?” Tim cocks a brow, leaning forward to brush the back of his hand to Martin’s cheek. “You feel a little warm.” 

“I am feeling a little under the weather,” Martin admits, a sheepish smile pulling at his lips as he gets to his feet. “But, it’s fine. You and Jon need me.”

“Martin, you can rest. Actually, it’s my house, so I insist you do so.” 

“Tim,” Martin presses, moving to the tea kettle, “I’m fine. It’s nothing I can’t-”

“-Martin.” 

Jumping, Martin whips around to see Jon shuffling toward him, hair a mess of long, loose curls, and skin far paler than Martin’s comfortable with. “Jon! What are you-”

He stops when Jon’s cold hand smooths across his forehead, and he can’t help the shudder that shoots up his spine, one he’ll peg on the low-grade fever he’s running and not on his fluttering heart. 

“You are warm,” Jon mutters, sniffling quiety. “You should rest. It’s late.” 

“Oh, I couldn’t-”

“-Despite what Tim says, we aren’t actually dying, Martin.”

“Still here,” Tim mutters, staring flatly at Jon. “But,” he adds, pulling a softer gaze toward Martin, “Jon’s right. I’ll grab some spare blankets for the couch.” 

“Oh, but that’s where Jon’s resting. I can take the recliner-”

“-Martin,” Jon sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “The couch is large enough. It’s fine.” He reasons, once more, that it’s practical, that the couch is better than hearing Martin whine about a sore back, but underneath practiced practically, he’s looking forward to having Martin’s natural warmth so close to him. Only because of the fever, he tells himself. 

“If you’re sure...” Martin mutters, hugging himself, and he follows Jon back into the living room, where Tim’s spreading out a comforter over the couch. 

“Right, so that should do it,” Tim says, hand smoothing over the blanket. “I’ll be in the bedroom if either of you need anything, but do try and wait until morning. I think we could all use the sleep.” Tim slips out of the room, a small smile creeping at his lips when he hears Jon and Martin’s muffled arguing on who sleeps where. 

“Jon, really, I’ll just take the recliner-” 

“-Martin, just...” Jon sighs, rubbing at his temples, “lie down here.” He points, and Martin mutters a polite “excuse me” as he slips past Jon and slowly drops onto the couch where Jon is pointing, his back pressed against the back of the couch. 

“Jon, where will you-” Martin’s words sputter to a stop when Jon slips onto the couch beside him, his back flush against Martin’s chest, lean bones molding perfectly in place. 

“Jon!” 

“Oh, don’t yell, Martin,” Jon drags out, eyes already slipping closed. “It makes the most sense, so do try and rest. Quietly.” 

“Alright,” Martin mutters, swallowing thickly around a lump in his throat, and though it takes time, the consistent tick of the clock seeminly mocking him, he begins to relax when Jon’s breathing evens out against him. 

[fyeah-bangtan7]

The Boundless Optimism of BTS

IT IS THE MORNING OF CHUSEOK, A KOREAN HARVEST FESTIVAL akin to Thanksgiving, and the members of BTS would normally be spending it with their families, eating tteokguk, a traditional rice-cake soup. Instead, Jin, 28; Suga, 27; J-Hope, 26; RM, 26; Jimin, 25; V, 24; and Jung Kook, 23, are working. Practicing. Honing their choreography. In a few days, the biggest musical act in the world will perform in the live-stream concert that, for now, will have to stand in for the massive tour they spent the first part of this year rehearsing. At this moment, they’re seated inside Big Hit Entertainment headquarters in Seoul, South Korea, the house they built, dressed mostly in black and white, ready to answer my questions. They’re gracious about it. And groggy.

Before I’m done speaking with them for this story, BTS will have the number-one and number-two songs on the BillboardHot 100, a feat that’s been achieved only a handful of times in the sixty-odd years the chart has existed. Their next album, Be, is weeks away from being released, and speculation about the record, the tracklist, the statement, is rampant across the Internet. BTS are, to put it mildly, huge.

There is something about complete world domination that can really cement a friendship. What jumps out at me as I connect with the members of BTS is their level of comfort with one another. Tension has a way of making itself evident—even over Zoom, even through a translator. There’s none to be found here. They are relaxed in the manner of family. Lounging with their arms around each other’s shoulders, tugging on each other’s sleeves, fixing each other’s collars. When they speak about one another, it is with kindness.

“Jimin has a particular passion for the stage and really thinks about performance, and in that sense, there are many things to learn from him,” J-Hope says. “Despite all the things he has accomplished, he still tries his best and brings something new to the table, and I really want to applaud him for that.”

“Thank you for saying all these things about me,” Jimin responds.

Jimin turns his attention to V, explaining that he is “loved by so many” and describing him as one of his best friends. Suga jumps in, sharing that Jimin and V fight the most among the group. V replies, “We haven’t fought in three years!” They tell me this distinction now belongs to Jin and Jung Kook, the oldest and youngest members. “It all starts as a joke, but then it gets serious,” Jimin says.

Jin agrees and recounts what their arguments sound like. “Why did you hit me so hard?” he says, before mimicking Jung Kook’s response: “I didn’t hit you that hard.” And then they start hitting each other. But not that hard.

Since the start of their careers, BTS have shown a certain confidence in their aesthetic, their performances, and their music videos. It’s right there in the name: BTS stands for “Bangtan Sonyeondan,” which translates to “Bulletproof Boy Scouts,” but as their popularity grew in English-speaking markets, the acronym was retrofitted to mean “Beyond the Scene,” which Big Hit has described as “symbolizing youth who don’t settle for their current reality and instead open the door and go forward to achieve growth.” And their affection with one another, their vulnerability and emotional openness in their lives and in their lyrics, strikes me as more grown-up and masculine than all the frantic and perpetual box-checking and tone-policing that American boys force themselves and their peers to do. It looks like the future.

“There is this culture where masculinity is defined by certain emotions, characteristics. I’m not fond of these expressions,” Suga tells me. “What does being masculine mean? People’s conditions vary day by day. Sometimes you’re in a good condition; sometimes you aren’t. Based on that, you get an idea of your physical health. And that same thing applies mentally. Some days you’re in a good state; sometimes you’re not. Many pretend to be okay, saying that they’re not ‘weak,’ as if that would make you a weak person. I don’t think that’s right. People won’t say you’re a weak person if your physical condition is not that good. It should be the same for the mental condition as well. Society should be more understanding.”

When I hear these words in October 2020, from my house in a country whose leader is actively trying to make the case that only the weak die of COVID-19, well, it sounds like the future, too.

IF YOU ARE JUST NOW CONSIDERING GETTING INTO BTS, IT IS natural to feel overwhelmed by the sheer amount of stuff. It’s a bit like saying, right this second, “Let’s see what Marvel Comics is all about.” In the streaming age, BTS have sold more than twenty million physical units across fourteen albums. Their multi-album concept cycles, The Most Beautiful Moment in Life, Love Yourself, and Map of the Soul, have unfolded over multiple records and EPs. There are collaborations with brands, including a BTS smartphone with Samsung. There is a series of short films and music videos, called BU, or BTS Universe, and an animated universe called BT21, in which they’re all represented by gender-neutral avatars. Their fan base, known as ARMY, is a global cultural movement unto itself.

“Dynamite,” their first English-language single and their first American number one, is pure, ecstatic pop. Shiny and joyful. What sets them apart from many of their peers, and many of the pop acts who achieved worldwide fame before them, is what came earlier. Beneath the sheen and the beats has always been an unflinching examination of human emotion. Their lyrics seek to challenge the conventions of society—to question and even denounce them. BTS’s first single, “No More Dream,” unveiled at their debut showcase in June 2013, concerns the intense pressure South Korean schoolchildren face to conform and to succeed. According to Suga, lyrics about the mental health of young people were mostly absent in Korean pop music. “The reason I started making music is because I grew up listening for lyrics that speak about dreams, hopes, and social issues,” he tells me. “It just came naturally to me when making music.”

Suga’s early ambition of making music didn’t involve him being in a group at all. About a decade ago, in his hometown of Daegu, the fourth-largest city in South Korea, he started recording underground rap tracks under the name Gloss, listening to and learning from the early works of songwriter and producer Bang Si-hyuk, known as Hitman Bang. Bang is the founder and CEO of Big Hit Entertainment. In 2010, Suga, a junior in high school, moved to Seoul to join Big Hit as a producer and rapper. Then Bang asked him to become part of a group, envisioning a hip-hop act with fellow new Big Hit recruits RM and J-Hope. The guys call this “season one” of their development.

“At that time, I don’t think our label exactly knew what to do with us,” RM says. “They just basically let us be and we had some lessons, but we also just chilled and made music sometimes.”

It got more intense. The family grew, occasionally by accident.

V accompanied a friend to a Big Hit casting call in Daegu for moral support and ended up being the person chosen from those sessions.

Jung Kook was signed in a feeding frenzy after being dropped from the talent show Superstar K, fielding offers from numerous entertainment companies before settling on Big Hit because he was impressed by RM’s rapping.

Jimin was a dance student and class president for nine years running at his school in Busan; he auditioned at the behest of his teacher.

And then, to hear him tell it, Jin got picked up off the street. “I was just going to school,” he says. “Someone from the company approached me, like, ‘Oh, this is my first time seeing anyone that looked like this.’ He suggested having a meeting with me.”

“Season two is when we officially underwent hard training,” J-Hope says. “We started dancing, and that’s how I would say our team building started.”

School in the daytime, training at night. “We slept during classes,” V says.

“I slept in the practice studio,” J-Hope counters.

Hitman Bang kept the pressure comparatively low. And he encouraged the guys to write and produce their own music, to be honest about their emotions in their lyrics. Suga is on record saying that no BTS album would be complete without a track that scrutinizes society.

And yet for their new album, Be, they’re putting that aside. Even this has a greater purpose that relates to mental wellness: RM, the group’s main rapper, says, “I don’t think this album will have any songs that criticize social issues. Everybody is going through very trying times right now. So I don’t think there will be any songs that will be that aggressive.”

Though the new rules of COVID-19 mean they can’t come here and promote Be, its first single might not have happened in the first place but for the pandemic. “ ‘Dynamite’ wouldn’t be here if there was no COVID-19,” says RM. “For this song, we wanted to go easy and simple and positive. Not some, like, deep vibes or shadows. We just wanted to go easy.”

Jin agrees. “We were trying to convey the message of healing and comfort to our fans.” He pauses. “World domination wasn’t actually our plan when we were releasing ‘Dynamite.’ ” World domination just happens sometimes. You get it.

MAP OF THE SOUL ONE AIRED VIA THEIR ONLINE FAN PLATFORM and attracted almost a million viewers across 191 countries. The guys say they tried not to think about the enormousness. J-Hope adds, “I felt a little bit more nervous knowing that this was being broadcast live. I actually feel less nervous performing live at a stadium.” Jin replies with a smile, “J-Hope, born to perform at a stadium.”

The graphic layout of the title throws a colon between the final N and E, which makes it look like Map of the Soul On: E, and as I watch it live, as I do in my office at 3:00 a.m. with noise-canceling headphones and a steaming pot of coffee, it feels a lot like I’m watching Map of the Soul on E. It is an explosion of color and fashion and passion, over four gigantic stages, from the boozy swagger of “Dionysus” to the emo-trap introspection of “Black Swan.” Not a step, not a gesture, not a hair is out of place. If there were nerves, they didn’t come through.

There is also, at the end of Map of the Soul One, an intimate version of their 2017 track “Spring Day,” which encapsulates what’s really made BTS stand out. On the surface, it’s about nonspecific love and loss, about yearning for the past. “I think that song really represents me,” says Jin. “I like to look to the past and be lost in it.”

Fair enough, but there is an undeniable allusion, in both the song’s video and its cover concept, to a specific incident in recent South Korean history. “Spring Day” was released just a few years after the sinking of the Sewol ferry, one of the country’s biggest maritime disasters, in which a poorly inspected, overloaded ferry toppled in a sharp right turn. Hundreds of high school students drowned, having obeyed orders to stay in their cabins as the boat was going down. According to some reports, the South Korean government actively tried to silence entertainers who spoke out against it, with the Korean Ministry of Education fully banning the tragedy’s commemorative yellow ribbons in schools. I ask whether it was about a specific sad event, and Jin tells me, “It is about a sad event, as you said, but it is also about longing.” The song kept the disaster front of mind for young Koreans and for the media, indirectly leading to the impeachment and removal of then president Park Geun-hye.

If an overburdened, undermaintained, slow-moving vessel capsizing because of a reckless rightward turn strikes you as somehow symbolic of the country in which BTS are about to explode even further, you won’t hear it from them. “We’re outsiders—we can’t really express what we feel about the United States,” says V. But their actions speak volumes; in the wake of the George Floyd murder and subsequent protests in America, the group made a $1 million donation with Big Hit Entertainment to Black Lives Matter, one that was matched by BTS ARMY.

The fans offer a fascinating inversion of stan culture: Rather than bullying rivals like many other ardent online fan bases do, ARMY have put the positive message of the music into action. Their activism goes deep. Through micro-donations, they’ve regrown rain forests, adopted whales, funded hundreds of hours of dance classes for Rwandan youth, and raised money to feed LGBTQ refugees around the world. Where pop fans a generation ago might have sent teddy bears or cards to their idols for their birthdays, where five years ago they might have promoted a hashtag to get a video’s YouTube viewer count up, for RM’s twenty-sixth birthday in September, international fan collective One in an Army raised more than $20,000 for digital night schools to improve rural children’s access to education during the COVID-19 crisis. ARMY may have even entered the conversation around the 2020 presidential election when hundreds of thousands of Tulsa Trump rally tickets got snapped up online in June. The event’s actual attendance was pathetically low. No particular person or entity claimed credit for this top-notch trolling, but a video urging BTS fans to RSVP to that rally did get hundreds of thousands of views. We have no choice but to stan this fan base.

The relationship is intense. “We and our ARMY are always charging each other’s batteries,” RM says. “When we feel exhausted, when we hear the news all over the world, the tutoring programs, and donations, and every good thing, we feel responsible for all of this.” The music may have inspired the good works, but the good works inspire the music. “We’ve got to be greater; we’ve got to be better,” RM continues. “All those behaviors always influence us to be better people, before all this music and artist stuff.”

Yet for every devoted member of BTS ARMY, there is someone who’s looked right past BTS. Jimmy Fallon, whose Tonight Show hosted the group for a full week this past fall, was one of those people. “Usually if an artist is on the rise, I hear about them ahead of time. With BTS, I knew they had crazy momentum, and I’d never heard of them.”

Here’s a thought that used to be funny to me: There were members of the live audience of The Ed Sullivan Showon February 9, 1964, who weren’t there to see the Beatles. Elvis was in the Army, Buddy Holly was gone, and the three number-one albums in the months before Meet the Beatles! were an Allan Sherman comedy record, the West Side Story original cast recording, and Soeur Sourire: The Singing Nun. America had left rock ’n’ roll behind for the moment, and with the culture aimless and fragmented, it wasn’t quite sure what to pick up in its place. It is possible to imagine that a youngish, reasonably hip, and culturally aware human being might cop a ticket to that week’s show, settle into his seat, and say, “Bring on a medley of numbers from the Broadway musical Oliver! and banjo sensation Tessie O’Shea.”

The instinct is to laugh at that guy, and it’s a good instinct, because what a dope.

And then you become that guy.

Sometimes there is a whole universe alongside your own, bursting with color you’re too stubborn to see, bouncing with joy you think is for someone else, with a beat you thought you were finished dancing to. BTS are the biggest thing on the planet right now, yet the job of introducing them to someone new, particularly in America, seems like it’s never done. Maybe it’s because they are adored by screaming teenagers and we live in a society patriarchal enough to forget that screaming teenagers are nearly always right. Maybe it’s the cultural divide, in a moment when our country is unashamed enough of its own xenophobia to get openly bent out of shape when it has to press 1 for English. Maybe it’s the language barrier, as though we understood a single word Michael Stipe sang before 1989.

Whatever the reason, the result is that you might be missing out on a paradigm shift and a historic moment of pop greatness.

IF BTS SEEM A BIT CAUTIOUS WITH THEIR WORDS PUBLICLY, IT’S because—perhaps more than any other massive pop act in history—they have to be. Shortly after our second meeting, BTS were given the General James A. Van Fleet Award by the U. S.–based Korea Society for their outstanding contributions to advancing relations between the United States and Korea. In his acceptance speech, RM said, “We will always remember the history of pain that our two nations shared together, and the sacrifices of countless men and women,” as seemingly diplomatic and innocuous a statement as he could have made. But because he didn’t mention the Chinese soldiers who died in the Korean War, it didn’t go over well. The Samsung BTS smartphone disappeared from Chinese e-commerce platforms, Fila and Hyundai pulled ads in China that featured the group, the nationalistic newspaper Global Times accused them of hurting Chinese citizens’ feelings and negating history, and the hashtags “BTS humiliated China” and “there are no idols that come before my country” began trending on the social-media site Weibo. The pressure is not small.

Even as the number-one pop group in the world, even with their hard work day in and day out, even with tens of millions of adoring fans redefining the concept of “adoring fans” by literally healing the planet in their name, these guys still suffer from impostor syndrome. RM explains, “I’ve heard that there’s this mask complex. Seventy percent of so-called successful people have this, mentally. It’s basically this: There’s this mask on my face. And these people are afraid that someone is going to take off this mask. We have those fears as well. But I said 70 percent, so I think it’s very natural. Sometimes it’s a condition to be successful. Humans are imperfect, and we have these flaws and defects. And one way to deal with all this pressure and weight is to admit the shadows.”

The music helps. “When we write the songs and lyrics, we study these emotions, we are aware of that situation, and we relate to that emotionally,” J-Hope says. “And that’s why when the song is released, we listen to it and get consolation from those songs as well. I think our fans also feel those emotions, maybe even more than us. And I think we are a positive influence on each other.”

If there’s one thing they’re sacrificing, besides free time and the ability to speak freely without the Chinese foreign ministry releasing an official statement, it’s a love life. I ask about dating, broad questions like “Are you?” and “Is there time?” and “Can you?” and the answer to all of them is pretty clear: “No.” “The most important thing for us now is to sleep,” Jung Kook insists. Suga follows right up with “Can you see my dark circles?” I cannot, because there are none, because flawless skin translates even over Zoom when there’s an ocean between us.

So they’re not, at least publicly, having romantic relationships with anyone. If there is a strong relationship that’s guided their journey into adulthood, it’s with Big Hit. “Our company started with twenty to thirty people, but now we have a company with so many employees,” RM says. “We have our fans, and we have our music. So we have a lot of things that we have to be responsible for, to safeguard.” He considers it for a moment. “I think that’s what an adult is.”

“Our love life—twenty-four hours, seven days a week—is with all the ARMYs all over the world,” RM adds.

In a world that is determined to sand down anything that isn’t immediately recognizable to the average pop-music fan, when it comes to acquainting you with Korean culture, BTS very much do not wanna hold your hand. While the first song on night one of their Tonight Show week was a joyous but expected take on “Dynamite” with Fallon and the Roots, they took some chances during their second performance.

As a friend of mine, a thirty-three-year-old BTS fan in Los Angeles, told me, “The second song they performed was ‘IDOL,’ ” from 2018’s Love Yourself: Answer, “and it celebrated their Korean identity. They performed it in Gyeongbokgung Palace in Seoul. They wore clothes inspired by traditional dresses called hanboks;it was almost entirely in Korean, so it felt super subversive. As a fan, I read it as: ‘Dynamite’ was an invitation, and this is who we are and this is our home.”

“I was a little concerned that people might not understand,” Fallon says. “I was like, ‘There’s nothing in English here.’ But what you see is just pure star power. Pure talent. Immediately, I thought, Oh, this is everything. If you’re that powerful, it transcends language.”

American popular music in the twenty-first century is more fragmented than it has been since . . . well, since Allan Sherman, Leonard Bernstein and Stephen Sondheim, and the Singing Nun battled for that number-one spot. The monoculture that the Beatles helped bring on has breathed its last breath. Each of us is the program director for our own private radio station, letting our own past habits and streaming-service algorithms serve up something close to what we want. Which is great, except that huge moments can whiz right past our ears. Each of us, even if we’re more clued in than our parents were when they were our age, can miss some era-defining, excellent shit. Particularly if the radio is our Spotify Discover Weekly, or the Pandora channel based on the band whose T-shirts we wore in college. We can let a moment pass us by if prime time is a Netflix binge, and the Tonight Show hour is spent on one more episode before bed. But we shouldn’t. “Honestly, I think it’s history that we’re living through with BTS,” Fallon says. “It’s the biggest band I’ve seen since I’ve started late night, definitely.”

THERE IS ALSO THE SMALL DETAIL THAT, UNLIKE THE BEATLES AND literally every other worldwide sensation to break in America, BTS don’t particularly need to go to the trouble. They are massive all over the world. Thanks to the recent IPO of Big Hit Entertainment, of which each member is a partner, they are all now incredibly wealthy. (Hitman Bang is the first South Korean entertainment mogul to become a billionaire.) What good is a culture in decline to a pop act this much on the ascent? “When I dreamed of becoming an artist, I listened to pop and watched all the awards shows in the United States. Being successful and being a hit in the U. S. is, of course, such an honor as an artist,” says Suga. “I feel very proud of that.”

They’re breaking out in a country that either worships them or fails to notice them. So do they feel like they’re getting enough respect in America? “How can we win everyone’s respect?” Jin asks. “I think it’s enough to get respect from people who support us. It’s similar everywhere else in the world. You can’t like everyone, and I think it’s enough to be respected by people who really love you.”

Suga agrees. “You can’t always be comfortable, and I think it’s all part of life. Honestly, we are not used to getting a ton of respect from when we first started out. But I think that gradually changes, whether it be in the States or other parts of the world, as we do more and more.”

There is, without a doubt, one colossal, unmistakable sign of respect for a musician: a Grammy. They’ve been nominated only once, and even then it was for best recording package. But their sights are set on a big one next year. RM puts it out there: “We would like to be nominated and possibly get an award.” Dragging the hoary, backward-looking, and Western-focused Grammys into the gorgeous, global world of the present through sheer force of will, talent, and hard work? Stranger things have happened. “I think the Grammys are the last part, like the final part of the whole American journey,” he says with a smile. “So yeah, we’ll see.”

The Recording Academy’s seal of approval is one thing. But BTS have already conquered the world, clowned tyrants, inspired individual fans to perform the small and achievable acts of activism that have collectively begun to save the planet, challenged toxic masculinity by leading with vulnerability, and, along the way, become bajillionaires and international idols. Whether the Grammys are paying attention matters about as much as what an Ed Sullivan audience member expected to see that night in 1964. BTS have already won.

© source

[iamthegaysmurf]

18. walking home, for the soft™ prompts :)

36.  giggling during sex

—–

Well, well, well.  If it isn’t two months later, and I finally finished this last remaining set of prompts.  I have no excuse for myself.  Only apologies to @tinygay-haught and this anon, who have been waiting for this prompt fill for way too long.

I am so very sorry.  :(

The good news is, my Angst-O-Meter apparently had enough time to reset, so your angst scale is set to zero for this one.  It is 100% soft and gooey fluff.  

((And also some, uh…  other stuff…  *clears throat*  Let’s just say that this one is definitely not suitable for being read in the workplace setting.  So, uh…  Have fun with that.))

ANYWAY…….  

I really am sorry it took so long, but I hope you’re still able to enjoy it anyway.

—–

Set during the nineteen-week time jump between the end of S2 and the beginning of S3.  (On the 8th of September, to be exact.)

—–

“I can’t believe we already have snow by my birthday.”

“One of the perks of living in Canada.”

Technically, Nicole will admit that getting this much snow so early in September is a little out of the ordinary, even by Canadian standards.  But she doesn’t really care.  She still considers it a perk, anyway.  She’s always felt like the first snow of the year seemed to hold some sort of magic.  

And now that she lives in Purgatory…  

Well.  You never know.  

Maybe it actually is magical.

“Ugh.  It is not a perk,” Waverly whines, shivering a little when they leave Shorty’s behind and step out into the crisp night air.  

Nicole instinctively lifts her arm, allowing Waverly to snuggle underneath it as they begin to walk along the deserted sidewalk.  It may be the first snow of the season, but it’s certainly making an entrance, acting like it has something to prove.  It hasn’t let up since it started yesterday morning, and there are places where the drifts are already halfway up the buildings.

The municipal workers have done their best to try and keep up with it, but truth be told, none of the departments were quite prepared for such dramatic weather to hit seemingly out of nowhere.  With everyone in leaf-raking mode, they were still busy making sure the various burning ordinances were plainly marked around town.

Needless to say, there are several roads and sidewalks that haven’t been plowed and salted yet.  Nicole makes a mental note to start working on a more advanced action plan so that they’re better prepared before the next time.

But in the meantime, she closes her eyes and listens to the untouched snow crunching under her boots and tries to fight the giddiness that creeps into her chest with every step she takes.

“Most definitely a perk,” she says with a grin, leaning down to kiss the tip of Waverly’s nose, barely visible beneath the giant scarf she has wrapped around her neck.

“Give me a hot summer afternoon any day over this,” Waverly grumbles, kicking out at a snowdrift that’s settled against one of the buildings they’re walking past.  It explodes in a cloud of soft white powder, glinting in the streetlight like a wintery glitterbomb.  

Nicole can’t help but giggle as it blows back in their faces, something warm spiking through her ribs when Waverly looks up at her, nose crinkled and freshly fallen flakes caught in her long lashes.  She loses the ability to take another step for a moment as she stands there watching Waverly, the silvery moonlightcatching the flakes in her hair and her lashes and the soft wool of her coat, making her glow with an almost ethereal light, as though she just stepped straight out of heaven, halo and all.

“What?” Waverly finally asks, tilting her head slightly.

“Nothing,” Nicole mumbles, shaking herself out of her stupor.  “You only like the summertime because ninety percent of your wardrobe is made up of crop tops and miniskirts,” she jokes as they begin walking again.

“Are you complaining?” Waverly asks, raising an eyebrow that tells Nicole she’d better be careful when choosing her next words.

“N-no…” she stutters, the red in her cheeks having nothing to do with the sharp cold in the air.

“Mmhmm.”  Wavelry smirks and nudges Nicole in the ribs with her elbow.  “Why do you like the snow so much, anyway?  It’s so cold.”  She shivers again, for good measure.

“It’s not about being cold,” Nicole laughs, bundling Waverly a little closer into her side.  “Though, that certainly doesn’t hurt.”  

Waverly swats at her again, but Nicole just catches her hand and uses it to twirl her around before pulling her back in.

“I don’t know how to explain it,” Nicole says, closing her eyes and turning her face up into the falling snow while she thinks.  “I guess it’s like…”  She looks back down at Waverly again.  “Like a clean slate.  Sort of a fresh start.”  

Confusion knits Waverly’s brow as she waits for Nicole to continue.

“When there’s a fresh snow on the ground, still untouched by animals and footprints and salt trucks, everything just seems so…  pure and white.”  She shrugs one shoulder, a little embarrassed, but Waverly is listening intently, so she tries to keep explaining.  “Everything is so… muted.  And it’s like…  It’s like the world is standing still.  Like there’s no monsters or curses or shitty childhoods.  Just… everything is calm and peaceful, and for just that one moment, the world is a better place.”

Nicole is about to ask if that makes any kind of sense, but before she can get a word out, Waverly grabs her by the scarf and drags her down into a heated kiss.  It lasts long enough that they end up against the nearby wall, Nicole’s hands flat on the bricks with Waverly bracketed between her arms, clutching tightly at the lapels of Nicole’s navy blue peacoat to keep her close.

Nicole finally pulls away, her chest heaving, thick puffs of white smoke curling up around her face like some kind of ice dragon.

“What was that for?” she asks, breathless.

“Just for being you,” Waverly whispers back, struggling a bit with her own breath.

Nicole leans in and kisses her again, both of them lost in their own little world as the snow falls silently around them, completely forgetting that Nicole is pinning Waverly to a brick wall right out on the main street.  

That is, until a voice rings out from a few blocks down, echoing through the empty night.

“Can’t you horndogs even wait ‘til you get home?”

They jump apart, like a couple of teenagers who just got caught by a teacher while making out behind the gym, both of them stuttering in unison.

“It’s not what it–”

“We were just–”

“Yeah, I know what you were just…” Wynonna cuts them off, cackling.  Her words are slurred, but her tone is playful rather than harsh, clearly drawing enjoyment from their discomfort.

“Okay, Earp.  That’s enough,” another, deeper voice joins hers.  “Let’s leave them alone now,” Dolls says, stepping out through the doorway of the saloon.  

“Awww…” Wynonna pouts, sticking her bottom lip out like a petulant child.  “But it’s so fun to watch ‘em squirm!”

“I know.”  Dolls smirks and looks up at Nicole with a wink.  Her blush deepens, and she wonders if there is actual steam rising off of her face in the cold night air.  “But it’s time to get you home now.”

He begins trying to herd her toward his massive SUV, parked across the street, but she twirls away out of his reach and starts heading down the sidewalk in the opposite direction, stomping her feet through the deep snow like a kid pretending to be an abominable snowman.

“Earp.  What. Are you doing.”  Dolls lets out an exasperated sigh and trudges after her.

“I’m walkin’ home!” she replies, like it’s the most obvious thing in the goddamn world.  “Flatfoot over there can’t arrest me for DUI if I’m not drivin’ anything!”

“No, but I could still get you for public intoxication!” Nicole calls after her with a grin, finally finding her voice again.

Waverly laughs brightly, watching Dolls try to wrangle Wynonna while she continues to weave and totter just out of his reach.  She rests her head against Nicole’s shoulder and slips her hand into Nicole’s.  It’s more like a paw than a hand, really.  A giant woolen paw.  Nicole has wondered many times how Waverly is able to pick up or hold anything with her hands inside those ridiculously huge woolen mittens.

Dolls eventually catches Wynonna, wrapping his thick arms around her middle and trapping her arms against her waist.  He lifts her entirely off the ground frombehind and starts hauling her toward the cab of his vehicle, while she kicks her legs and curses at him through intermittent bouts of giggles.

“Happy Birthday, Little Earp,” he calls back over his shoulder once he has her safely inside, and then climbs up into the driver’s seat next to her.  Waverly raises one of her woolen paws and waves as he pulls the door shut.

He pulls away, his powerful four-wheel drive churning through the ice and snow of the unplowed street with no trouble at all, and the two of them stand there and watch until the red of the taillights finally fades in the distance.

“So,” Nicole breathes, turning to face Waverly.  There’s a smile on her face that lights up the entire street.  “Where were we, Miss Earp?”

“I believe you were taking me home, Officer Haught.”  Waverly waggles her eyebrows playfully and begins tugging Nicole forward again.

“It is pretty cold out here,” Nicole says, her feet remaining planted.  “I think Coop is on dispatch tonight.  Do you want me to call him and have him send one of the boys to come and give us a ride?”

Waverly stops pulling on Nicole’s arm and seems to consider this.

“As nice as the party for my birthday was that you and Wynonna insisted on planning…”  Waverly pauses for a moment, and Nicole notices a shadow of something pass over her face.  But then it’s gone as quickly as it appeared, and Waverly is focused on Nicole again.  “I think I’d rather just enjoy the peace andquiet with you after all of that, instead of dealing with Lonnie right now.”

“You sure?” Nicole asks, running her hands up and down Waverly’s arms, trying to make sure she’s warm enough.

“As long as you don’t mind walking me home.”  Waverly smiles up at her and loops her arm through Nicole’s.  “And if you promise to be my bonus blanket when we get there.”

Home.

Nicole knows that the homestead will always be Waverly’s true home.  As it should be, considering the protection the ammolite bedrock provides.  Nicolehas been spending more and more time at the homestead, and there’s even been some recent talk – most surprisingly from Wynonna – of Nicole moving some of her things over there after what happened with Widow Mercedes at her house just over three months ago.

But every time Waverly casually refers to Nicole’s place as home, whether she realizes she’s doing it or not, Nicole can’t help the warmth that spreads through her limbs.  

Waverly considers it her space, too.

She thinks of me as home.

Nicole shakes her head when she realizes Waverly is staring at her with an amused look on her face.  She must have been zoning out for a few seconds, and failed to respond to Waverly’s question.  Her cheeks burn, and she feels the falling snowflakes melt against them as they fall.

“I’ll be your bonus blanket any time you want.”

I’ll be your bonus blanket for the rest of our lives.

Waverly beams and squeezes her arm, and together, they start off down the street again.

“So, you’re twenty-two now.  How do you feel?  Any different?” Nicole asks as they walk down the sidewalk at a leisurely pace, kicking at piles of snow as they go and ignoring the cold, focusing instead on the warmth that they draw from each other.

“Not really,” Waverly snorts, shrugging.  

She’s quiet for a few minutes after that, and Nicole can tell that she’s contemplating something, so she gives her the time to work through it, just continuing to hold on to her arm like a steadfast escort.

“It’s weird,” Waverly says, apropos of nothing.  

“What is?” Nicole asks, curious to see where this will go.

“Last year, I was just a girl working in a bar, obsessed with a curse that may or may not have been the figment of a six-year-old’s imagination.  My family was dead, my sister was gone, Shorty and Curtis – and Gus, of course – were the closest thing to family I had left.  I was stuck in a loop of living the same routine day in and day out, dating a boy-man, and wondering if anyone would ever truly see me.”

Nicole stops and turns to face Waverly, her gloved hand coming up to cup Waverly’s cheek gently.

“And now?”

Waverly leans into Nicole’s touch and huffs out a short laugh.

“A year ago, I was blowing out a candle on a cupcake that I made for myself, up in my apartment above the bar.  Alone.”  She reaches out and bats absentmindedly at the end of Nicole’s scarf with her mitten-paw.  “But tonight, I had a birthday party – the first real one I’ve ever had in my entire life – and everyone came.”

Nicole strokes her cheek and waits for her to continue.

“Shorty and Curtis may be gone, and Gus may be away with Alice, but now I have a new family.  Jeremy and Dolls and Doc.  Wynonna is back home, and we’re a team, and we’re the kind of sisters I always used to dream about being when I was little.”

Waverly’s paws climb up the front of Nicole’s coat and over her shoulders, until they’re draped behind her neck.

“And you,” Waverly says, tugging Nicole down until she can reach her face.  “Now I have you, and I never want to be without you again.”

Nicole sinks forward into the kiss that Waverly pulls her into, but her mind spirals off in a thousand different directions.  She knows Waverly isn’t ready to say theactual words yet, but she’s also smart enough to know what these words mean.  Waverly is telling Nicole that she loves her in the only way she knows how to right now, and Nicole will never get tired of hearing it.

“I may not know what I am…” Waverly whispers, ducking her head a little when she pulls out of the kiss.  She swallows hard a couple of times and then finally looks back up at Nicole.  “But I think I finally know who I am.  And that’s thanks to you and Wynonna.”  

Her expression goes softer, and Nicole melts a little at the earnest look in her eyes.

“So, even though we’ve had to deal with a bunch of shit-tickets and…  and a bunch of other crappy stuff…”  A bit of sheepishness creeps into her voice,but she ignores it and pushes up on her toes to press a quick kiss to Nicole’scheek.  “I think it’s still been a pretty fudging good year.”

Nicole can’t contain herself any longer.  She sweeps Waverly up into her arms and twirls her around, kissing the snowflakes off of her nose and cheeks andeyelashes.

“I think it’s been a pretty fudging good year, too,” she says, setting Waverly down carefully and then kissing her properly.  It lingers, turning into something deeper and more urgent, until they both pull away, panting in the cold air.

“Nicole,” Waverly whispers, hot against her ear, still a little breathless.  “Take me home.”

“As you wish,” she whispers back, and Waverly’s eyes shine.  Nicole never gets tired of seeing this kind of reaction any time she quotes Waverly’s favorite movie.

The final few blocks to Nicole’s house pass by in a haze of longing looks and roaming hands and stolen kisses that have no trouble warding off the winter chill.  The falling snow continues to blanket the ground around them, and Nicole feels a little bit like one of those picturesque happy couples destined to live an eternity inside the happiest moment of their lives, captured inside the safety of a snow globe’s protective bubble forever.  

Waverly waits impatiently behind her as Nicole fumbles with the keys at her front door.  Her hands are cold, but her insides are burning, and there are too many sensations at once for her to keep her fingers steady.  She pauses and takes a deep breath before tugging her gloves off and trying again without their bulkiness adding to the difficulty.

Just as the key turns in the lock and she’s about to push the door open, something thumps against the back of her head, exploding in a cloud of white powder around her face.  Less than a second later, clumps of slushy snow begin to slip beneath her collar, slithering down the bare skin of her back.  She yelps and wiggles clumsily, trying to get it out, but it’s no use; the ice is trapped underseveral layers of clothing, and Nicole has no choice but to tough it out.

The giggles coming from behind her cause her to spin around on her heel, but before she can even take a single step, another snowball hits her right in the chest, splattering flecks of snow across her cheeks and nose.  She squints through the flakes caught in her eyelashes and spots Waverly, doubled over with laughter, about ten feet away, in the middle of her front yard.

Leaping off the front porch, Nicole skips over the steps entirely and lands in the knee-deep snow beneath, weighing her options in the moment.  She could easily retaliate by scooping up handfuls of snow and hurling it back at her girlfriend, but then her eyes land on the snowdrift that’s piled up around the nearby tree – several feet deep and only a few steps away from where Waverly now stands.

Waverly immediately freezes, her eyes going wide and her lips parting with an audible gasp.  

A deer caught in the headlights.

Prey.

A positively wicked grin curls Nicole’s lips as she begins to stalk forward, and Waverly throws up her bare hands in exaggerated surrender.  She must have shed her woolen paws in favor of packing a more perfect snowball.

Nicole continues to advance, and Waverly stumbles backward a couple of steps, the quiet of the night broken by a shrill litany of no, no, please, no muffling out through her bunched up scarf.

But it’s too late.  Her fate is already sealed.

Nicole lunges forward, and Waverly doesn’t even come close to dodging in time.  She wraps her arms around Waverly’s body, giant puffy coat and all, and then gravity seems to shift, tipping them both sideways as they topple into the mountain of powder with a soft squelch.

It’s almost drowned out by the squeals and peals of laughter.

Almost.

Waverly twists and bucks, but Nicole allows the length of her body to work to her advantage, keeping Waverly pinned easily despite the amount of snow she’s flinging about with her flailing arms.  

She can feel the cold soaking in through her jeans, and her gloveless hands are numb, but Nicole doesn’t care, because Waverly Earp is beneath her and her laughter sounds like angels singing and she can see her entire future reflected back at her in those gleaming hazel eyes.

Overcome with a swell of emotion, Nicole dips her head and finds Waverly’s lips, cold and wet and eager to meld with hers.  Waverly’s squirming stills, and her flailing arms come to rest around Nicole’s neck, desperately pulling her in closer.

Nicole gets so lost in the kiss – and all of the thoughts racing through her head that involve far fewer layers of clothing between them – that when Waverly arches up against her, Nicole willingly allows her to flip them over in the soft bank of snow.  Waverly continues to kiss her for a few moments, deliberately grinding down against her hip, but then the next thing Nicole knows, two giant handfuls of snow have been scooped up over her face and Waverly’s weight hasdisappeared.

She sputters for a second, spitting out mouthfuls of snow, and wipes at her face as she hears Waverly’s boots thumping across the wooden planks of the front porch before disappearing into the house, her giggles still echoing in the night.

Big, fat flakes continue to fall overhead, coming to rest on her peacoat and her scarf and her jeans that are soaked through.  Nicole watches them gather for a few moments, thinking about everything that has happened since the last time she experienced a “first snow of the year.”  Before learning about the Curse.  Before finding herself a new family.  Before she had Waverly.

It feels like a lifetime ago, and Nicole doesn’t know how she ever thought she was alive without all of these things in her life – both the good and the bad.

She wouldn’t give it up for all of the normal in the world.

Once she feels like she’s given Waverly a big enough head start, Nicole pulls herself up out of the snow and begins making her way into the house, unsure of what she might find there.

To her delight, she’s greeted by a trail that starts with snow-packed boots that were discarded on the rug by the door and continues all the way up the stairs, one article of clothing at a time.

Nicole grins and pulls off her own boots after making sure the door is locked and the keys are safely on the hook that hangs next to the coatrack.

Two can play at this game.

By the time she makes it to the top of the stairs, she’s lost her coat and scarf and hat and sweater and socks along the way.  She reaches the door to her bedroom wearing only her damp jeans and bra, and she’s about to stroll inside with a swagger in her hips and a quip on her tongue, but what she finds waiting for her steals the breath right out of her lungs instead.

Waverly is completely naked.

Sprawled out on her bed, propped up on her elbow with her head resting in one of her hands and the other hand trailing up and down her hip and thigh, her fingers dancing over the goosebumps left in the wake of the light touch.

Completely naked.

Nicole can’t do anything but stare.

“Finally decided to join me?” Waverly practically purrs.  Her voice is low and warm and filled with the promise of so many things to come.

When Nicole remains frozen in place, her mouth hanging open dumbly, Waverly chuckles softly and rolls off of her elbow, sprawling more fully across the rest of the bed.  With fire in her eyes and a deliberate motion, she crooks a finger at Nicole, summoning her to the bed like some kind of siren’s song.

The spinning gears in Nicole’s brain finally catch and click into place, sending it whirring into overdrive.  She hastily unhooks her bra and yanks it down her arms, not paying attention to where it lands.  Her jeans prove to be more of a challenge, still soaked from the snow and clinging to her damp skin.  It’s all she can do to keep her balance as she struggles to peel them down her legs until she can eventually kick them the rest of the way off.

Finally bare, a shiver works its way out through her limbs and all the way down to her numb fingertips.  It could be the chill in her bones working its way out as her clammy skin tries to catch up to the soft warmth of the room around her, though Nicole thinks it’s far more likely the result of the smoldering look being leveled in her direction.

But the reason isn’t important because the only thing that matters right now is Waverly.  

Waverly, Waverly, Waverly.

Muscles pulled taut with anticipation, rippling slightly beneath smooth bronze skin.  Wavy hair cascading around her shoulders and across her chest, rising and falling rapidly, her breasts swaying with each breath, nipples tight and standing proud.  Spread open before her, glistening with need, desire hanging thickly in the air between them. 

Truly a vision to behold.

Nicole tries to say so, but her mouth is so dry, the words stick in her throat.  She licks her lips and tries again, but her tongue is too thick and too clumsy and the words trip over it on the way out, falling from her mouth in a jumble.

Before Nicole can remember how to take another step closer to the bed, Waverly’s hands begin to roam over her own body.

“Well, if you’re just gonna stand there and watch all night…” she trails off with a smirk as her fingertips dance lower and lower down her abdomen.  She gasps softly when they finally dip into slick folds, and Nicole feels so lightheaded she actually stumbles forward to steady herself against the footboard.  

This time when Waverly invites her to join in, Nicole’s limbs remember how to move on their own, and she crawls up the bed until she’s hovering over Waverly on her hands and knees.  Just as she dips her head to find Waverly’s lips, Waverly lets her hands slide up Nicole’s ribs toward her breasts.

Nicole immediately yelps and jumps backward, unfortunately forgetting just how close to the edge of the bed they were to begin with.  The world is suspended for a brief moment in which Nicole suddenly understands what the coyote must feel like when he holds up his sign that says “$#!+” – she half expects to hear a smug *meep meep* coming from Waverly – followed by a loud thump as she hits the ground in a heap of tangled up limbs.

“Oh, my god!  Are you okay?”  Waverly scrambles to the edge of the bed, peering down at Nicole with wide eyes and a creased brow.

One of Nicole’s feet is still up on the mattress and the other leg is folded awkwardly, half under her body and half under the bed.  There’s an arm thrown up over her head, covering part of her face, and the other is bent at the elbow where she tried to break her fall.

“Nicole…?” Waverly calls again.

Nicole groans in response, choosing to stare at the ceiling instead of looking at Waverly.  

“What the hell, Nicole…” Waverly demands, now that she knows Nicole is okay.

“Your hands,” Nicole groans again, still staring at the ceiling, dramatic and forlorn.  “Are so cold.”

The silence stretches out long enough that Nicole begins to wonder if she’d actually answered out loud, or if it had only been in her head.  Swallowing down her pride, she risks a glance in Waverly’s direction.

Waverly is gaping at her almost comically.  She looks down at her hands where they’re curled around the edge of the bed, her fingers still glowing red after handling the snow without her mitten-paws on, and then back at Nicole.

Their eyes are locked as the seconds tick away, and then the tension abruptly and definitively breaks when Waverly snorts so loudly that Nicole actually jumps a little.  The embarrassment of her predicament slowly ebbs as mirth begins to dance in Waverly’s eyes, the amusement contagious.  

Before long, they’re both overcome with a fit of giggles so strong that Waverly has to flop over onto her back in order to breathe.  Nicole tries to untangle herself, but with her foot still up by Waverly’s head, it’s not exactly the easiest of tasks.  Especially while she’s laughing so hard that there are actual tears in her eyes.

Waverly eventually takes pity on her, helping Nicole ease her leg down from the bed without it getting caught on her other knee.  They’re both still hiccupping with giggles, despite Waverly making a comment about mourning the loss of the view Nicole had inadvertently gifted her with.  That makes Nicole’s face burn, the heat radiating out to the tips of her ears and down her neck where it blooms across her bare chest.

Nicole finally pushes herself up off of the floor, crawling over to the bed on her knees and grabbing Waverly’s radiant face in her hands.  She pulls Waverly forward until she can swallow her laughter directly from her lips.  They both continue to giggle for a few seconds, but they quickly settle into the kiss until it becomes something more, Nicole’s hands beginning to drift down from Waverly’s cheeks to play across the warm skin of her shoulders and her back and her hips.  Waverly twitches and jerks and eventually pulls away from the kiss with a squeak.

“Your hands aren’t exactly hot and fresh out of the oven either, Officer,” Waverly pouts when Nicole raises an eyebrow.

She laughs and kisses her again, and this time when Waverly pulls away, it’s to whisper hotly in Nicole’s ear.

“How about if I help you warm your fingers up?”

Nicole swallows hard and nods, rising to her feet so she can crawl back onto the bed and drape herself over Waverly’s naked form, but Waverly stops her with a hand to chest.  Nicole pauses, frowning with confusion, but Waverly just shakes her head and scoots over before directing Nicole to lie down next to her.

“Like this,” she whispers and then climbs on top, straddling Nicole’s hips with her own.

“Anything you want, baby,” Nicole breathes, her temperature instantly rising as Waverly takes her hand and raises it to her chest, directing it down between her breasts and over her stomach and past the line of her hipbones.  She never takes her eyes off of Waverly’s face as she guides Nicole’s hand further down, hissing slightly as Nicole’s cold fingers finally make contact with wet warmth.

Nicole would normally take her time.  Tease a little and work Waverly up, building to the moment when she finally gives in to Waverly’s desperate pleas.  But Waverly clearly knows what she wants tonight, and Nicole would never deny her that, so when Waverly pulls at the back of her hand, Nicole doesn’t hesitate to bury two fingers deep inside of the scorching heat that’s so ready for her.

Waverly’s head falls back, moaning Nicole’s name into the suddenly warm room, and it echoes in Nicole’s chest before settling someplace a little lower.

Time nearly stops, slowing down until it can be measured in their heartbeats.

Three heartbeats.  Waverly opens her eyes, looking down to meet Nicole’s, and the amount of pure want she finds there makes Nicole’s head spin.

Eight heartbeats.  The arch of Waverly’s spine eases as she loses her grip on Nicole’s hand and leans forward, her own hands falling to Nicole’s hips to steady herself.

Twelve heartbeats.  Nicole flexes her fingers inside Waverly, testing, and watches as her breath trips and stutters, her fingers digging deeper into Nicole’s hips.

Fifteen heartbeats. Waverly knows exactly what she wants, and she’s ready to take it.

Waverly gasps Nicole’s name again – a plea, a prayer, a promise – and the spell is broken, the world rushing in around them as time catches back up to their overwhelming need.  Waverly begins to roll her hips, setting a greedy, deliberate pace, and Nicole curls her fingers against the walls that clench around them, matching her timing with Waverly’s movements.

Planting her feet against the mattress, Nicole uses the extra leverage to add the strength of her hips behind every thrust, long, deep, determined strokes that cause Waverly to shudder and gasp, her rhythm briefly faltering until they fall back into sync again.  The need in Waverly’s eyes smolders, and Nicole can feel it burning through her, every place that their bodies touch.

Her arms begin to shake with the exertion of holding herself up, and Waverly eventually falls forward until she’s hovering just above Nicole, her elbows bracketing Nicole’s head around the pillow.  The pace never slows, but the change in angle causes her to cry out, her clit dragging roughly across Nicole’s palm now as Nicole’s fingers reach new depths with every thrust.

She moans her pleasure loudly, directly into Nicole’s mouth, and Nicole thinks it’s the sweetest thing she’s ever tasted.  She can tell Waverly is getting close by the way her movements are becoming more and more erratic, the desperation sharp on her tongue.

“Don’t stop,” she pleads in Nicole’s ear, breathless.  Before Nicole can assure that she’ll never stop, Waverly lifts her head just enough to look Nicole in the eye, her hair falling around them, forming a curtain between the two of them and the rest of the world.  “Don’t stop fucking me, Nicole,” she pants.

Waverly very rarely swears, especially like that, but something has lit a fire inside her tonight, and Nicole is more than happy to let the flames consume heruntil she’s nothing more than ashes at Waverly’s feet.

“I won’t,” she promises when Waverly’s eyes continue to bore into hers.  

As if to prove her dedication to the task at hand, the fingers of Nicole’s free hand dig into the flexing muscles of Waverly’s ass.  With every buck of her hips, her fingers push into Waverly with more and more force, and she uses the tighter grip to help pull Waverly down against each thrust with increased strength.  Waverly wails her approval, followed by a hissed yesss and so close.

Nicole’s wrist aches and the muscles in her thighs and ass burn from pushing up off of the mattress so rapidly for so long, but none of that registers right now.  The only thing Nicole can focus on is Waverly.

Waverly, Waverly, Waverly.

The way Waverly’s breath is hot and ragged against her ear and her cheek and her lips.  The way Waverly’s eyes are bright and lustful and wild.  The way Waverly’s breasts drag against her own with every bounce.  

The way Waverly’s walls ripple and flutter around her fingers, and the way Waverly’s hips jerk out of rhythm every time she curls them forward at the apex of a stroke.

This is it.

On the next thrust, Waverly’s entire body seizes up, clenching down around Nicole so tightly that she’s forced to leave her fingers buried deep for the time being.  Her eyes are squeezed shut and her face contorted in concentration, almost giving off the appearance of pain, but Nicole knows better.

She counts the silent heartbeats she feels pounding against her fingertips, and then Waverly’s eyes snap open, her jaw going slack as a violent tremor wracks her entire body.  Her hips begin to stutter again, and Nicole makes sure to press harder with her palm, applying extra pressure directly to Waverly’s throbbing clit.

A strangled sort of whine builds in the back of Waverly’s throat, until eventually, variations of Nicole’s name fall from her lips in a series of sobs and sighs as she shudders and shakes her way through her powerful orgasm.  Nicole continues towork her through it until the trembling subsides, and Waverly collapsesforward, mumbling strings of nonsense against Nicole’s chest.

Nicole draws lazy shapes on Waverly’s back while she catches her breath again, and then playfully flexes the fingers still buried deep, causing Waverly to jerk and swat at her shoulder with a groan.

“What’s gotten into you tonight?” Nicole asks, grinning happily when Waverly finally tilts her head to look up at her, cheek still pressed to her chest, just over her racing heart.

“Last time I checked,” Waverly says, deliberately squeezing down around Nicole’s fingers, “it was you.”  Nicole huffs out a laugh, surprised –and delighted – by Waverly’s boldness.  “At least your fingers aren’t cold anymore,” Waverly adds, waggling her eyebrows.

Nicole rolls her eyes with a snort as she carefully withdraws, easing Waverly through the loss and kissing her nose to chase away the pout that follows.  She wipes her hand on the blanket before bringing it up to cup Waverly’s cheek and draw her in for a proper kiss.

Waverly sinks into it immediately, and Nicole can taste the desire, still thick and heavy on her tongue.  She’s quickly reminded that her own body is still tense and sensitive, muscles twitching under Waverly’s fingertips as they begin to roam – down her side, over her hip, and back up again.

“Waverly…” Nicole mumbles, voice broken, as Waverly’s lips trail away from her mouth and down her throat.  Her tongue traces random patterns against Nicole’s heated skin, along her sternum and across her breast, until it eventually swirls around a tight nipple.  Nicole’s hips buck involuntarily, despite the fact that Waverly is still straddling them, pinning them to the bed.

“Easy, baby,” Waverly coos, smirking up at her before taking the nipple back into her mouth again.  Her hands continue to dance over the exposed planes of Nicole’s abdomen and ribs and pelvis, but where her touch may have been meant to soothe, instead it leaves a molten trail in its wake.

Shifting above her, Waverly settles between Nicole’s legs rather than straddling them, and Nicole can instantly feel her arousal hot and wet against Waverly’s stomach.  She moans loudly as the slick friction ramps her up even further, her pulse thundering wildly between her thighs.  She wonders if Waverly can actually feel it against the toned muscles she’s rolling against Nicole’s heat as her kisses begin to trail lower and lower.

“Wave…” she groans out, her brow furrowing.  “Waverly…  Baby, wait…”  Nicole pushes up on her elbows as Waverly’s tongue dips briefly into her navel and then continues its descent.  

She looks down, trying to force her hazy eyes to focus, but that proves to be a mistake when she finds Waverly nestled further between her legs, peering up at her from beneath her lashes as her mouth hovers dangerously close to Nicole’s folds, spread open and swollen with her need.

Nicole’s brain short-circuits, completely derailing the train of thought she was trying to follow.

With a devious grin, Waverly drops her head to place a single, chaste kiss right on the tip of Nicole’s aching clit, never once breaking eye contact in the process.

“Baby…” Nicole whimpers, her entire body trembling with desperation for release.  “You don’t have to do that.  Let– let me take care of you,” she manages, her voice thin and strained.  “Tonight is supposed to be all about you.”

“This is about me, baby.”  The smirk spreads wider across her face as she continues to look Nicole in the eye.  “It’s my birthday.  And this…” she drags her tongue, broad and thick, in a deliberate stroke from Nicole’s entrance all the way up to her clit, collecting as much arousal as she can along the way, “…is the present that I want.”

Nicole chokes on her own tongue.

She fists the sheets in a death-grip to keep from pushing herself up into Waverly’s face.

Jesus fucking Christ, Haught.  Show some goddamned restraint.

Swallowing thickly, Nicole searches Waverly’s eyes for a moment.  When she’s met with nothing but burning desire, determined and hungry, she nods once and then squeezes her eyes shut tight and lets her head fall back against the pillow.  

Before she can even draw a full breath, the warmth of Waverly’s lips and tongue envelopes her, and this time she can’t stop herself from pushing further into Waverly’s mouth.  She feels Waverly snake an arm up over her hips, holding her down against the mattress while Waverly licks and sucks her way into oblivion.

They’re always enthusiastic about doing this for each other, but tonight, it’s as though Waverly is starving and Nicole is the only thing that can sustain her.  She tries to focus on the movements of Waverly’s tongue, flicking at her clit and pushing inside her and dragging along the length in between, but the sensations are too overwhelming and everything narrows to one single thought.

Waverly, Waverly, Waverly.

She must be calling her name out loud, because the hand that’s not holding her hips down reaches up and pries her fingers loose from the sheets, lacing their fingers together instead, offering an anchor to the here and now.

I’m here, it says.

I’ve got you, it tells her.

You can let go with me, it promises.

Nicole squeezes Waverly’s hand in response, grateful that they’re so in tune with each other that Waverly always knows what she needs and when she needs it.  Because she sure as shit can’t ask for it right now.  Not with the things Waverly’s mouth is doing to her at the moment.

The muscles in her thighs and abdomen, and even across her shoulders, begin to quiver and quake as the fire in her belly threatens to spill over.

“I’m–” Nicole stutters, struggling to suck air into her burning lungs.  “I’m gonna–”

Waverly squeezes Nicole’s hand tighter and focuses the point of her tongue directly over Nicole’s clit, indicating that is exactly what she wants to happen.

Nicole’s head sinks deeper into the pillow, her back arching high off the bed, stiff and curved and displaying her breasts beautifully for Waverly’s pleasure as she works to push Nicole the rest of the way over the ledge.  

She remains suspended there, a marionette of her own making, while Waverly expertly manipulates the wires, easily bending Nicole to her will.  Waverly continues to tug at them, stretching and pulling until the wires eventually snap, and Nicole tumbles back to the bed, a trembling mess wrought with incoherent babbling.

Her hunger seems to fade into something a little more tender, and Waverly eases Nicole through her aftershocks, never once letting go of her hand.  When Nicole finally remembers how to breathe again, her body heavy and still, she feels Waverly pressing soft kisses along the insides of her thighs and across the dip in her pelvis.

“Wave…” she rasps, hoarse, as she reaches out with her free hand to gently touch the top of Waverly’s head.  She strokes her fingers through the loose strands of hair and urges Waverly up.  “C’mere,” she mumbles.

Waverly wipes at her mouth and chin haphazardly with the back of her hand and then crawls up the length of Nicole’s body, settling on top of her and tucking a flyaway lock behind Nicole’s ear with a pleased grin.

Nicole knows she should be sated and satisfied after the ecstasy Waverly just put her through, but there’s something about seeing Waverly gazing down at her like this – with flushed skin and glistening lips – that leaves Nicole’s blood still boiling just beneath the surface.

When she tastes herself on Waverly’s kiss, the slow simmer hits a flashpoint, flaring up until it overtakes her.  

She flips them over in the blink of an eye, her body easily covering Waverly’s smaller frame beneath her, carefully slotting one of her thighs between Waverly’s, and making sure that one of Waverly’s also rests precariously between her own.

“Tell me you want this,” she murmurs against Waverly’s lips, rocking down into her with purpose.  It doesn’t matter how deep in the throes of her own lust she is, the sexiest thing Nicole will ever experience is still Waverly’s consent.

“Yes,” Waverly groans, sucking Nicole’s bottom lip between her teeth.  “I want it. I want you.”

Nicole slides her hands up Waverly’s arms until their fingers lock together, and then she raises them above Waverly’s head, pinning them in place against the bed.  Waverly gasps and arches up against Nicole, squeezing her hands tighter, but doesn’t make a move to fight against being held down by her lover.

“Okay?” Nicole checks again, sucking on the spot just beneath Waverly’s ear.

“God, Nicole.”  She rolls her own hips up to meet Nicole’s.  “Please.”

Dropping any remaining pretense of teasing, Nicole begins to grind against Waverly in earnest.  The sound Waverly makes in response echoes against the roof of Nicole’s mouth, and she swallows it down, chasing after the source with her tongue.  Waverly lifts her thigh just enough to match Nicole’s pace with her own hips, and soon, they’re both chasing after their pleasure in a mess of slick heat and muscle.

It doesn’t take long until they’re dangerously close, both of them high on lust and need and pure, unadulterated want.  Nicole breaks the kiss to lick and nibble her way along Waverly’s jawline, and Waverly pants encouragement in her ear, a breathless string of don’t stop and oh, fuck and just like that.

Nicole’s grip on Waverly’s hands tightens as their crescendo builds, and Waverly squeezes back, walking the same razor’s edge.

“Are you…?” Nicole grunts, knowing she won’t be able to hold out for much longer.

“Yesss,” Waverly hisses, her eyes screwed shut.  “Keep going.  I’m–   I’m–”

Waverly spreads her wings and leaps off of the cliff they’ve been barreling toward, pulling Nicole over with her at the last minute.  It’s more like smoldering embers rather than the consuming flames from before, but it’s still every bit as intense, knowing that they’re sharing it this time.  

Nicole releases Waverly’s hands, sliding her arms under Waverly’s shoulders instead, and Waverly’s arms immediately move to wrap around Nicole, clutching desperately at her back.  They ride out the waves together, holding each other close and sighing soft affections into the warm spaces between them, until all that’s left is sated bodies and muted breaths and two hearts beating in time as one.

“Nicole…” Waverly eventually whispers after several long minutes of silence broken only by their rhythmic breathing.  

When she doesn’t follow it up with anything after a few seconds, Nicole raises her head from where it’s been resting in the crook of Waverly’s neck.  Waverly’s eyes are bright, brimming with unsaid words, but the fear creeping in around the edges doesn’t allow them to spill over.  

Not yet.  

But that’s okay.  

She knows it will happen when Waverly is ready.  

And until then?  

Well.  

Nicole certainly isn’t going anywhere.

“I know, baby,” Nicole whispers back, wrestling one of her hands free from underneath Waverly and bringing it up to stroke her cheek gently.  “It’s okay. I know.”

Waverly searches Nicole’s face earnestly for a moment and then breathes out a quiet sigh of relief, nodding once and then tipping her chin up toward Nicole as her eyes flutter shut.  Nicole doesn’t hesitate to cover Waverly’s lips with her own, and Waverly kisses her like a lazy Sunday morning, soft and slow and unhurried.

The kiss finally breaks, and Nicole rests her forehead against Waverly’s, lost in the feeling of their bodies still pressed together, limbs entangled and hearts entwined.  

It startles her enough that she actually flinches when Waverly starts giggling out of nowhere a few minutes later.

“What?” she asks, frowning down at Waverly, confused.  “What’s wrong?”

“Happy.  Birthday.  To.  ME.”  She waggles her eyebrows dramatically.

Nicole snorts, amused by Waverly’s brazen smugness.

“You’re insufferable, Waverly Earp.”  Waverly’s giddy mood is infectious, and Nicole can’t help but catch a case of the giggles right along with her.

Waverly pinches at Nicole’s side, and Nicole rolls off of her in a huff, flopping over onto her back and swatting at Waverly’s hands.  The playful wrestling continues until Waverly yawns widely, swallowing up her laughter.

“C’mon, birthday girl,” Nicole chuckles.  “Let’s get cleaned up and tuck you into bed.”

She grumbles and pouts, but crawls to the edge of the bed and takes the hand that Nicole holds out to help her to her feet.  She stumbles into Nicole’s arms, where she fits like she was made to belong there, and they stay that way for a few minutes, Nicole swaying them gently and stroking her fingers through Waverly’s hair.

“You can go first,” she finally says with a kiss to the top of Waverly’s head, and then shoos her off toward the bathroom door on the other side of the bedroom.

Waverly only closes the door part of the way, and Nicole can hear her humming something softly while she stands at the sink.  It’s too muffled for Nicole to pick out the individual notes, but it makes her smile just the same as she rummages through the closet until she finds a clean set of flannel sheets.

The evidence of their love is painted all over the bed, and Nicole’s cheeks redden as she strips the old sheets off to replace them with the new ones.  The room smells like sex and happiness and the future, and it kindles something warm inside her chest that winds up past her ribs and through her spine and settles around her heart.

She hears the toilet flushing just as she’s gathering up all of the clothing from the floor to deposit in the nearby hamper, and soon Waverly emerges, still naked and still gorgeous in the soft lamplight infusing the room.  Nicole’s heart stuttersdespite itself, and Waverly smirks as she saunters over to take Nicole’s facein her hands and kiss her senseless.

“Wow…” Nicole breathes.  Her lips and tongue tingle from the minty toothpaste Waverly had just used.

“Youuur tuuurn,” Waverly sing-songs, pulling Nicole out of her stupor.  She takes the bundle of sheets and clothes out of Nicole’s arms and pushes her toward the bathroom.

Nicole handles her business quickly, moving through her nightly routine on auto-pilot, and when she returns, Waverly is flitting around the room, blowing out the candles she had apparently let burn for a few minutes, filling the room with a warm lavender and vanilla scent.

“I think there’s still a pair of your pajamas in the top drawer of the dresser,” Nicole says, handing Waverly a scrunchie so she can try and tame the wild mane that’s definitely screaming Sex Hair right now.  “If not, you can wear something of mine,” she adds with a dreamy look in her eyes.

“No need,” Waverly says airily, waving a dismissive hand after pulling her hair up into a messy ponytail.  “I’ve already got my birthday suit on.”  She grins over her shoulder and crawls into bed defiantly, stretching her exhausted muscles like a cat before curling up on the fresh, warm flannel sheets.

Nicole nearly chokes at the blatant display.

“W-won’t y-you…” she stutters.  She blinks a couple of times and clears herthroat and tries again.  “Won’t you be cold?”

“You’re the only bonus blanket I need,” Waverly says softly, patting the space in the bed next to her.

“Yes, ma’am,” Nicole murmurs, scrambling over to the edge of the bed.  She clicks the lamp off and slips in behind Waverly, reaching down to pull the covers up around them, tucking them carefully under Waverly’s chin.

Waverly immediately settles back into her with adorable little grunting noises until she’s situated just right to be Nicole’s little spoon.  Nicole wraps herself around the warm body pressed tightly against her front, her arm moving protectively over Waverly’s waist.  Waverly immediately laces their fingers together, pulling their hands up to rest securely against her chest.

Silence settles over them like an extra blanket, and Nicole watches the snow still falling against the window, enormous flakes almost glowing with the silvery light of the moon behind them.  

For just this one night, they’ve been free of the burdens weighing all of them down like shackles.  No sorrow over missing Alice.  No betrayal over Rosita turning on them at the last minute.  No anxiety over the lack of leads on Bulshar’s whereabouts.  They can worry about all of that again tomorrow, but tonight, there had only been room for family and joy and love.

She thinks again of the power a first snowfall holds; the fresh start and the childlike wonder and the promise of hope.

It truly is magic.

Just as the lassitude of sleep is about to overtake her, Nicole ghosts her lips across Waverly’s bare shoulder.

“I love you, Waverly Earp,” she whispers into the night.

She’s not expecting a response, Waverly’s breathing having already evened out into a slow, steady rhythm.  When one comes, it’s mumbled so softly Nicole has to strain her ears just to make it out.

“Best birthday ever.”

[stydiaeverafter]

So I just thought of something, and maybe it’s just hopeful and wishful thinking, but what if the main point of the “love triangle,” was to make Alex move forward with his feelings for Michael?

When he realized Michael had hooked up with Maria, I think he realized that he could really lose Michael. Maybe not to Maria, but to someone, someday. I think that rocked his world. Maria picked up he was hopeful. Now I wondered about this for a long time. He found out Michael wants to leave the planet and he has the piece for that departure. Was that what he was hopeful for? No. That devastated him. What I think he is hopeful for, is that he realized he doesn’t want to lose Michael. He meant it when he said he was tired of walking away, but he made a choice in that moment sitting at that bar—he would never walk away again. And I think he wants Maria to know as well, he’s in this for the long haul. That’s why he says “okay,” when she said it meant nothing. He didn’t say, “it’s okay, you two should try it out. I’ve been over Guerin for a long time.” He didn’t say that, because he’s anything but over Michael.

Ever since he found out the two slept together, he walked back (something to fight for), said he loved Guerin (I know past tense but please come on), wanted to start over, start a foundation of friendship, and know EVERYTHING about Michael. See... he didn’t go to the trailer that day to confess and express all of these things. He went to confront Michael about the alien stuff. But when seeing her necklace and putting 2+2 together, he realized “omg, I’m going to lose Michael—and I can’t. I want him.”

It made him grow in those moments more than we’ve seen all season. Yes, he walked out of the bunker when he found out Michael wants to leave, but it wasn’t really walking away, it was thinking, “omg, I don’t think Michael wants me to fight for him anymore. He wants to leave and never come back.” That really broke his heart. When he went to the car, he was all but gasping for air. The guy couldn’t even process once again what it would truly be like to lose Michael.

So the stupid love triangle plus losing Michael to space, really pushed him forward with his feelings.

Then we have episode 12. This is the biggest one for Alex so far. He goes to Michael wanting him to come with him, not just to find answers, but because if there are aliens there, he knows Michael would want to meet them. We also see a flirty and smiley Alex. He just seems more at ease in this episode in the beginning. Why? Because he’s accepting what he feels for Michael and wants to be with him. He wants to have an open relationship; no more pulling back and away. When they go to Caulfield, he doesn’t want Michael thinking there’s anything going on with Kyle. Just saying he’s putting past behind him—that past. Almost saying, “he knows about us, who I am, who I love, and I don’t care.” He wants people to know he loves Michael, and doesn’t want to hide it. This is huge growth we’ve seen comparing how he acted when Isobel drove up in episode 3. He then asks Michael if he wants to go in there for sure, because I do think Alex knows it might not be good—especially when Michael heard screaming. Michael just looks at him, and walks in.

When they’re in there, and someone’s coming in, Alex is selfless and stays behind wanting to protect the other two men. Of course Michael doesn’t want to leave Alex behind, but Alex yells go not wanting Michael to get captured. Remember, they have seen Michael’s face before. They know he’s a “threat.” That’s the most important thing to Alex during this whole mission—to keep Michael safe. Which ends up being the common theme between the two in the episode.

When Michael is down in the 7A block and meets the aliens, Alex wants to get away from his brother to check on Michael, but Flint won’t let him. Maybe another reason he brought Kyle along, to make sure Michael would have double protection. When Kyle comes back, Alex almost seems surprised like why in the hell would you leave Michael. But when the alarm goes off, I love that Kyle just immediately tells Alex where Michael is. He doesn’t say, “come on Manes, we gotta go!” He knows Alex won’t leave Michael behind. And Alex doesn’t deny those feelings. He just goes!!

Now the big scene. Again, his main mission is to get Michael the hell out of here. He was the one that brought the man he loves into this hell hole. But then he sees the pain on Michael’s face and he becomes desperate not to get out of there, but to let Michael know he’s never alone, and he does have a family: ALEX. That’s how it’s always been... they are family, each other’s home and hope. The other main theme of season between Malex. And when Michael’s says “what, no! You gotta go, Alex,” It hurts Alex, but he knows he won’t leave Michael. In that moment he knows more than ever he’ll never leave him again. He already knew that from that moment at the trailer. In the bar. All these big moments. But this is the ultimate moment of not walking away. He will not lose Michael anymore. Not on his watch. They’ve already wasted so much time, and here it could end in a matter of moments. And if he’s going to die, he wants to die with the love of his life. So he says the words to let Michael know all of these feelings, “I don’t look away, Guerin.” Michael knows exactly what that means. It’s a declaration of love, because he said the words himself, “I never look away.” Michael sees a change in Alex, and that he is going to die with Michael. But being protective of each other, Michael cannot let that happen. So he says the unspeakable even though you can clearly see it KILLS HIM to even tell those lies to Alex.

And while it pains Alex so much, he knows that Michael doesn’t mean them. Because Alex has been miserable for 10 years without Michael, and the way Michael has fought for all these months to be with Alex again, he knows Michael feels the same. They’re both miserable and utterly / completely in love with each other. So he calls him out, fighting for their love once more saying, “you’re a miserable liar.” This comment shakes Michael to his core. He’s run out of steam. Alex will not leave. No matter what he says or does. But he can’t leave his people behind. Not after years of torture; not when he’s just found them. So no... He’s not fighting this anymore. They’re going to die, and ya know what, he wants Alex by his side. He misses him everyday, and being with him and his own kind, and mother... this... even in this hellhole, is the home he’s been always wanting. The hope. He’s at peace, they both are. It’s insane the shift of it all. I wonder if Mara hadn’t of gotten Michael’s attention, what Michael would’ve done?? Because I think he would’ve embraced Alex right there and just would’ve held him till it was the end.

But then the most beautiful moment of the whole episode, in my opinion, happens... his mother does get his attention. Because guess what she sees? Her son IS loved, and he loves in return. They’re soulmates. She sees that not all humans are evil and soulless (ironic when you think of who Alex’s father is). She sees a home, hope, and love when she looks at Malex. She’s ready to say hello and goodbye. So she pulls her son to her and shows her love to him and approval, also, she wants him to fight to live. And to be with this human male fighting for her son. Because in the end, LOVE is the most important point of living.

Michael then turns to the person he loves most in this world and for the first time EVER, he’s 100% completely vulnerable. Remember, Michael is the guy that doesn’t like to look weak, show his vulnerable side. He puts on that facade of cowboy swagger. Not now. No more. Because Alex isn’t a glitch in his system; he’s the heart of Michael’s system. And maybe he fought for so long—that “weakness” he thought that “screws him up,” but now he needs Alex’s strength. The strength their love has always given him, from the moment he met Alex. And Alex doesn’t falter. He’s not freaking out they have 1 minute left before the prison blows. He’s also at peace. And he comforts the love of his life. Letting him know it’s okay to feel what you feel. He’s Michael’s anchor. He keeps Michael grounded, especially now, especially when he’s fighting for their love. Which he’s doing. He only moves out, when Michael moves. Still holding on to Michael.

When they’re outside the prison and it blows, Alex can see and feel the devastation Michael feels. It almost knocks him over—the pain of it all. He’s so heartbroken for his other half. But he knows Michael and knows he needs space and time to process this. Maybe that’s what he’ll want for weeks, months and years to come. But he’ll keep letting Michael know this: I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE. I AM HERE FOR YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER. And you know what? Michael might need that affirmation over and over again to believe it. But Alex will deliver.

So even in the finale, and with all these interviews saying Michael needs fresh air, he might look at Alex and see the legacy that took his family away, Alex will still be there. Because it’s Alex’s turn to fight. And maybe that was the whole point of this ridiculous love triangle. Maybe this love triangle wasn’t meant for Michael—it was meant for Alex. For him to really come to terms with how he feels for Michael and if he’s willing to lose him for good. If Michael pulls away, I don’t think it’ll be to jump in another relationship with someone else. He is broken. More broken then he’s ever been in his life. He needs time. Alex will know and understand this. He doesn’t have anything left to give. He’ll probably want to be away from everyone. If he does start to lean towards Maria, it’s because he knows he’s broken at the moment. He cannot give himself to Alex in the way Alex deserves. And yes, he respects Maria and cares for her, but not the way he loves Alex. There’s no question. He just cannot be that guy for Alex, RIGHT NOW. He now has even more trauma to his bucket and demons he needs to deal with first. Because he doesn’t want to look at Alex and see Jesse Manes. Because he knows, KNOWS, that Alex is anything but a Manes’ Man. He’s everything he truly needs. Alex has given him everything; but he can’t give back right now. He just can’t. This has nothing to do with loving someone more and Alex less (like I was afraid of), it’s actually saying he loves Alex more than anyone and it’s not fair to him right now. He can’t be that guy to Alex—not at this time. He needs to heal so he can really feel what he feels and not what his mind is saying—this family murdered your kind.

So in the beginning Michael fought for them, hard, but now the tables have turned slightly, and while that’s painful—it’s beautiful to see Alex ready to fight for love, to be free (Awe sweet Tyler). He’s ready to go all in. No holding back. But now Michael needs time, and I do think Alex will support that. I wish he wouldn’t give his blessing for his best friend and love of life to date... but if that’s what Michael needs, I think he would do it. Hurtful as it may be. I don’t even think they’ll go there with M/M this season though. Not after what Michael just went through. It’ll be uncertain, but nothing final (I hope). But Alex is in this for the long haul and believes they’re soulmates.

Now all this being said, I do have a lot of speculations on what I think is going to happen in finale between Michael, Alex and Jesse. And it’s going to be a huge moment forward for Michael just like this “love triangle” was a movement forward for Alex. And it could actually change a lot for Michael and his current headspace. It would be more in Malex’s favor. But I may save that for another post. Already too long.

In the end, it’s been a beautiful journey for these characters, and heartbreaking. But from Alex’s POV, I’m so grateful he has been able to heal a lot and grow—especially with who he is and who he loves. It definitely took his character from the dark to light. Now we just need to meet that beagle of his!

I feel at peace thinking about Malex now. No longer scared about love triangles and interviews. Because at the end of the day, true love wins, and Michael and Alex are true love. They are each other’s home, hope and family. That has been the theme all season, and their story going forward. No other will compare to the cosmic story they have. THEY ARE THE DEFINITION OF LOVE. And I’m grateful to have been on this journey with them.

[amazonpoodle]

all right it’s my turn to express my feelings about the magicians finale

what had happened was, the week of the finale was NOT A GOOD WEEK for me to watch something that would upset me that much, so on the recommendation of multiple friends i had people spoil me for the episode, for mental health reasons. i’ve read a bunch of meta and yelled in public and in private, and finally actually watched the episode this past saturday.

in conclusion, i think the thing that plain frustrates me the most is that THERE WERE GOOD BITS! there were really interesting lovely bits! which were almost completely mangled by the egregiously bad bits!

i don’t know if i have anything to say that you haven’t already read or heard from other people who are more active in the fandom, possibly more eloquent, and probably used capital letters, but here we are!!! oh well!!! 

okay first i don’t even know what the fuck to say about julia. every! single! season! so far! has involved depriving her of a REALLY MAJOR CHOICE about her life or her magic or her autonomy or her fucking BODY like! what! why! 

i am not clear on why we couldn’t just WAKE HER UP and ASK HER WHAT SHE WANTED, so like -- if the show explained that they didn’t explain it well enough, and if they didn’t FUCK THEM tbh.

second, one of my most significant grievances with the show as a whole is I DON’T CARE ABOUT JOSH HOBERMAN. i don’t!!! care!!! to me he is everything i hated about dawn summers and jonathan levinson COMBINED into one boring gary stu, like. what the fuck is josh/margo? why am i HERE? sure, people of disparate hotnesses can hook up and fall in love, but i know whose fantasy josh/margo is and it’s for sure not margo’s. anyway, now i’m mainly just mad at JOSH THE FISH for sidelining margo in the previous episode. although her eye does just keep getting awesomer and awesomer.

now, the real meat of the thing. the death of q. i’m gonna say something, and you might not like it, and we’ll all just have to figure out how to handle that:

out of context, I’M NOT MAD ABOUT QUENTIN’S DEATH.

like... if the whole thing had been done right? if jason’s exit from the show hadn’t been a secret for no fucking reason? if time and consideration had been given to multiple quentin storylines in a way that made sense? i would be okay with how quentin died. (not what came after. i’ll get to that.)

i kind of have the feeling that all the people involved in writing q’s death were just. trying to recreate buffy’s death from the s5 finale but like, newer and shinier? and hey, i grew up in buffy fandom, the gift was DEVASTATING and beautiful and SHOCKING, i’m not mad that someone would want to create something like that!

and credit where it’s due -- the moment of quentin’s death was, imho, really, really lovely. like. understated, in the eerie quiet greyscale of the mirror world. q didn’t yell, he spoke, quietly, “minor mending” -- the subtle color of the seam within the mirror, the light healing the cobwebbed cracks in the glass, the shower of sparks, just. it was a lot. visually i thought it was incredibly moving and effective. it for sure made me cry. and i don’t know exactly what i was expecting, but. IGNORING THE STUFF THAT CAME AFTER, quentin’s death did not read, to me, as a(n excuse for) suicide or a waste. it seemed, to me, to be brave and sad and necessary. 

storywise -- and again, for now, putting a pin in the crap that came after -- quentin’s death would have been WAY! MORE! IMPACTFUL! if we’d gotten any goddamn lead-up about his discipline. it was BAD WRITING to make us wait until mid-s4 to tell us what his discipline was. it was BAD WRITING to only let us see him mend, in that particular way, one (1) model airplane and one (1) mug. like???? HELLO???? WHAT???? in a just world, the showrunners would have been laying the groundwork for q’s discipline reveal since, like, the start of s3. they should have shown him repairing things, regularly, ALL ALONG, and everybody thinking it’s no big deal. FIFTY YEARS IN FILLORY, he never had to fix a broken window or re-hang a door or darn a sock? the revelation of “repair of small objects” should have felt like an explosion of OF FUCKING COURSE. we should have been able to spend time with quentin while he came to grips with how small that felt to him, we should have gotten to see him looking for things to repair, to practice, on purpose! we should have gotten to see him attempt to mend something that was too big for him! 

and the biggest thing of all, that makes me tear the fuck up every time i think about it too hard, is that REPAIR OF SMALL OBJECTS or MINOR MENDING is honestly the most exquisite, most appropriate discipline for someone suffering from significant depression and anxiety. SPEAKING AS A PERSON WHO’S BEEN DEALING WITH DEPRESSION FOR TWENTY-FIVE YEARS, OKAY, dealing with mental illness is best done in small steps, with small gestures, with small requests for help. you can’t fix your entire life in one fell heroic swoop. trying to do all the things at once, perfectly, without getting messy, without dealing with little details, is a fucking TRAP. it can’t be done. that’s not how you live. you’re never DONE.

it makes 100% perfect sense that quentin coldwater, who has always wanted to be a hero, keeps learning, over and over again, that sometimes (usually!) his role is SUPPORT. to get someone else to the finish line. THE HARDEST THING IN THIS WORLD IS TO LIVE IN IT. minor!!! mending!!!

fuck.

okay.

now we address quentin AFTER his death. we stuck a pin in it, let’s take it out so we can really SCREAM, eh?

sigh. i’m not mad that quentin asked the question. “what did i do? did i finally find a way to kill myself?” like. you’ve been dealing with suicidal ideation all your life, you’re allowed to wonder, honey! that’s okay!

WHAT PISSES ME OFF IS THE ANSWER. or the non-answer. whatever. this whole thing was handled so goddamn hamfistedly, like. again -- why. also -- and perhaps this is nitpicky of me, but -- this is the office of secrets taken to the grave, right? this isn’t the time for quentin to ask questions or get answers himself, it’s time for him to answer them! to confess things he hasn’t told anybody! penny-40, i love you the best, but i feel like you’re not doing your job!

other people have said more about this than i will, more thoughtfully, but basically i thought quentin watching his own funeral was bullshit. the whole thing sucked. the only part that didn’t suck was eliot and alice holding hands. oh, and julia’s revelation afterward. why should it be more meaningful to watch people mourn you than to have people tell you, to your face, when you’re alive, that you are loved and important and interesting and life-changing?

let’s fucking avoid fantasizing how appreciated we’ll be when we’re gone, shall we? that’s really the main thing. 

i’m running out of steam, clearly. that was mostly everything. i also agree with the people who’ve said that, in retrospect, the writers thought that escape from the happy place was a story JUST about eliot, not about eliot AND QUENTIN. the writers were wrong! they didn’t know what story they were telling! but that perspective explains a LOT.

i don’t really know what i’m going to do next season. probably i’m not going to watch? i truly didn’t realize how serious my depressed bisexual disaster self had imprinted on depressed bisexual disaster quentin coldwater until. you know. they killed him. but i am interested in the fix-its -- and imho this finale (this whole season) lends itself very easily to being fixed. so i think, despite the fuckery of canon, i’m not done with the fandom.

if you’ve read this far thanks for sticking around this long??? er. that’s all.

[nardaviel]

Part 6 / ?, introducing seasons(!) and an exciting new supporting cast member(!!!).

Many images contained within. The tags have spoilers, if you care about that sort of thing and if it isn’t already too obvious to count as a spoiler.

Starting out strong again with a chance card from En, just like in the last post. En would definitely go with the experimental piece but it’s a bit nerve-wracking because he's going to be promoted today, I think, if he doesn't screw this up.

Never mind about the promotion, then. :c

Especially if he's going to be pissed off for the rest of his shift. Poor En-chan. I’m interested in Pig Nose Galaxy.

Congrats, Atsushi! Everyone’s money-earning skills are maxed now. :D Maybe this has something to do with the brilliant centerpieces he once again improvised at work.

Poor En. Rough day, I know.

He shouts some forbidden words to blow off steam. Everything seems a little easier to take after that. Nothing quite like screaming “FUCK! SHIT! COCKSUCKER!” in broad daylight in the middle of the street to cheer you up.

Atsushi is making that face because he's a pastry chef now! He lost one of his days off but he only works five hours a day now, so I guess it kind of evens out?

An uneventful day later, Kinshirou goes out to send a book to the publisher, but when he turns around... there he is.

So that night, Atsushi finally learns how to make those garlic decorations. Here are the wreaths! There are going to be braids indoors as well, in case a vampire ever breaks in. The boys aren’t 100% clear on how they work, except that Sims can't get eaten while there's garlic around. So the more garlic the better, as far as they’re concerned.

One of the saddest things (really the only sad thing besides the expense) about building a second story was that Hou-chan couldn't follow them into their bedrooms anymore. I'm glad she can climb stairs now that she's an adult kitty.

I got this far into the game, then took a long hiatus from TS4, during which time Seasons(!!!!!!!) came out. When I came back to the game, I decided I wanted to play around with the new gardening career and the changes to the gardening skill.

So guess who I made.

That's right. Their new neighbor has finally moved in.

Poor Ibushi, I made him a decent house (or the best house I could make with such an extremely tiny lot and limited budget) and then he could barely afford any furniture for it. No floor plan because I don't intend to spend much (or any?) more time in these posts following the Arima household. This is a Kinatsuen LP, after all. But we can take a look at his welcome wagon.

Ibushi: Ah, hello! Come in, don't mind the lack of furniture... En: *stares across the street at his own house* I could be asleep right now, but no.

Look at that grumpy face. Atsushi just dragged him out of bed ten minutes ago, didn't he. That’s why he’s not in the other screenshot. He was still getting dressed.

Kinshirou: Psst. Atchan. Atsushi: What is it? Kinshirou: There's barely any furniture in here. Atsushi: Shh! Don't be rude.

But the real reason Kinshirou is so uncomfortable is that Ibushi's sudden appearance makes the Veil series—in which the triad have a four-way romance with a guy named Ibushi Arima, who looks and behaves very much like this new neighbor—suddenly very strange and kind of creepy. Hopefully Ibushi isn't familiar with Kinshirou's work.

Atsushi has brought the fruitcake this time. He places it on the one surface in the entire house.

Ibushi thanks Kinshirou for coming very enthusiastically. (The shitty lighting, like the lack of furniture, is down to Ibushi's lack of cash. He has §3 right now.)

Ibushi: And can I say, it’s such an honor to meet you. I'm a big fan of your writing. Kinshirou: Ah... Thank you...

It was impossible to make a decent Ibushi Sim, though. As impossible as it is to take decent screenshots in this house with all these people here. I didn't think about that when I made it because I forgot about welcome wagons. But yeah, this is the best Ibushi I could get. He’s grown on me, though! I like him now. But I remember at first I was a little uncertain.

I ship it. Go sit on the bed with them, Atsushi.

Atsushi waited too long to make his move. En is disappointed too. That, or he's just jealous of Avery's fruitcake but he doesn’t want to get up to get his own.

What's up with Atsushi? Is he just pleased to see plants, or...?

Yep, he's just... talking to them. You have real humans you could talk to inside, sweetheart, but all right.

En: What are you doing out here all alone? Kinshirou: Are you talking to the plants? (Does he feel lonely? That’s the only time he talks to our plants...)

Just a reminder: I can’t control them right now. I’m playing Ibushi’s household. They autonomously came out here, one right after the other, to kiss Atsushi’s cheek...

...then to hug each other and congratulate each other on their good Atsushi-cheering teamwork.

Ibushi doesn’t have enough good things to say about Atsushi’s fruitcake.

Ibushi: One time when my grandmother fed us some fruitcake, it broke my cousin’s tooth, but yours was actually enjoyable. You have a real talent.

He follows up with what looks like a stressful attempt to tell an amusing story while Kinshirou passive-aggressively waters the plants. Look, Kinshirou, you're the one who arrived while he was in the middle of watering, okay. It’s your own fault he didn’t get it done.

En has wandered back in and now finds himself alone with their neighbor Avery. I wonder what’s going on with this interaction.

This is the face Kinshirou makes when he's listening very intently. Ibushi’s love of fruitcake must have caught his attention.

After the welcome wagon has wound down and everyone else has gone home, En remains, eating some of the last of Ibushi's non-fruitcake food. Thanks, En.

Ibushi hangs out with them all several times after this, but I usually don't bother with screencaps. Here's a short mostly-text recap of relevant or amusing happenings:

Ibushi sends Atsushi a happy text. Atsushi responds with something to the effect of "yeah isn't today great, let's hang out!!!" so they do, and Ibushi becomes friends with Atsushi before either of the others

Atsushi asks Ibushi if he wants to meet at the Spice Festival, Ibushi agrees because he was already at the Spice Festival anyway lmao

While they're there they spot En lurking by the curry contest wearing this

?????????????????????????????? Nice bracelets, En.

Ibushi chats with En online and befriends him also, making Kinshirou the last one he's not friends with? Weird

But almost as soon as he and En are friends, Kinshirou texts him asking him to go hang out in the park at 12:03am ... is he jealous ... it's especially suspicious because he takes Ibushi to the park that's mostly just a wedding venue. It starts raining as soon as they get there (Seasons!!!!!! best xpac) but they sit around in the rain anyway and become friends

"Incoming text message: En Yufuin. "Hey, I heard you became friends with Kinshirou Kusatsu! He's pretty cool!"" That is the most OOC thing the game has done so far

Atsushi invites Ibushi to the Romance Festival which is a little bit ??? until Ibushi goes and sees that En's come to sell paintings

Atsushi just wanted to bring his boyfriend more customers lmao. In any event, Ibushi splurges and buys both paintings. The diagram can make him focused which is good for gardening, and he just liked the doughnuts. I like how, when En goes out to sell his artwork, he brings a questionable mathematical diagram and a painting of sweets

So that's how things are going with the four of them, although I will say that by the time I start playing the Kinatsuen household, the inside of Ibushi’s house is looking much nicer and he's actually run out of space to put stuff. So don't worry about him, he's fine.

New with Seasons, a calendar that (among other things) tells me when everyone has a free day. Too bad I didn't have it when Enatsu were still struggling to go on a date.

Here's something troubling, though. The house is decorated that way (I think) because all the neighbors' houses get decorations relevant to the next holiday, and for a little while Kinatsuen were neighbors, not the active household. But they don't actually have the item that lets you add, remove, or change out decorations. So are they just going to be stuck with Halloween decorations forever...?

(No. Kinshirou will get them their box of decorations and insist on putting up seasonally appropriate decor.)

Also they need to get the gardening plants sorted out, now that most of them only grow in some seasons.

Look, I'm just really excited about the new glass roofs, okay. (Although why aren't there any white panes??? It looks so bad right now lol) I don't know why anyone would want to have a greenhouse on top of their bedroom but whatever, the game has HVAC now too. I just hope I don't forget the plants are there.

And now they finally have space (and money) for an observatory :D

I don't know what they're going to have beside the house where the plants were. Maybe that's where they'll make snowmen or whatever.

While Atsushi works and Kinshirou meditates, En explains the meaning of his newest painting to Hou-chan.

En: No, like, it’s abstract, right? So the fact that there’s no Loch Ness monster is the commentary on the Loch Ness monster. It could be anywhere, it could be nowhere. All you can see is the water.

For a while now, Atsushi has wanted to host a dinner party and cook for people. The arrival of their new neighbor (half a year ago since it’s now autumn but whatever okay) is a good opportunity.

As he gets started on a rack of lamb and En gets started on his dessert...

...Kinshirou introduces himself to Avery, even though they met earlier at Ibushi's welcome wagon, and possibly earlier than that at Kinatsuen’s own welcome wagon. Maybe Kinshirou doesn’t recognize him because he’s gotten old? I’ve done this too, forgetting you’ve already met someone. It’s super embarrassing.

It's a shame you have to invite 2+ guests to dinner parties tbh because I wanted it to just be the four of them. Ibushi looks pleased be here, at least.

They bought a stereo for ambiance during the party (i.e. it's part of one of the goals) but Hou-chan is terrified of it. :C

Looks like everyone’s pleased with the food.

And here’s a screenshot with just the important people, where their faces aren’t covered. What a nice dinner party. :D Good job, Atsushi!

screenshots that make you go hmmm

I would love to tell you what happened to En but I have, genuinely, no idea. I didn’t see it happen, there was no notif or informative moodlet afterwards... a mystery.

En and Atsushi are both asleep by the time the party's over because they're terrible hosts, so Kinshirou is the only one who gets to enjoy the confident moodlet they all got for their good party. It wasn't gold, but it was silver and that was all Atsushi needed for his cooking aspiration. So! Mission accomplished.

The next day is Halloween! I had to make it myself because it didn't come with the game. The holiday traditions are trick-or-treating, wearing costumes, telling stories, "spooky spirit", and decorating.

This is how I discovered that Sims can love or ignore traditions according to their personality traits. The more I play Seasons, the better it gets. En hates decorating and will not do it, but he likes wearing costumes... take that however you want. Meanwhile Kinshirou loves decorating (although the house was already decorated), he and Atsushi both love telling stories, and he ignores trick-or-treating because he's a snob <3

As soon as he wakes up, En gets in costume. It’s not a real premade outfit without a clippy hat!!

Kinshirou: What is that vulgar costume? I can't even look at it. En: Really? I thought you'd like it. It's from this porno where a guy—

Atsushi: En-chan, please, I'm not awake enough to play referee right now.

After breakfast En and Atsushi harass Kinshirou about costumes, until:

Atsushi: Kin-chan, your costume looks so good! En: Wow, yeah, it seriously does. Is that the supervillain costume? It’s a good look. Kinshirou: Ugh. These plebeian traditions...

Sims don’t work on Halloween, so Enatsu spend it telling each other spooky stories in costume.

Kinshirou, however, changes out of his costume as soon as possible and happily waters the plants.

Hou-chan is enjoying Halloween too!! As she deserves.

That evening, Atsushi handles the trick-or-treaters. He chooses to give treats to everyone so next year their house is going to be swarmed with kids, I suppose. The first time he does it, I have a minor freakout because it seems like it costs §75 to give a treat, but it turns out En has just spent §75 to start a medium-sized painting...

...which ends up being another impressionist masterpiece, and also, extremely cute.

Atsushi runs out back to burn this leaf pile behind their property that’s gotten gross, and that’s how I learn that adding spooky spirit to a holiday means lots of ghosts come out that night... so um.

Being the polite young man he is, he introduces himself. He’s terrified, poor thing.

Atsushi: Ah, yes, um, hello. Nice to meet you. I'm Atsushi. Ghost: I am Paolo. Atsushi: Paolo! Nice to meet you, Paolo. So um... what... brings you to these parts... eheheh...

This is honestly En’s new favorite place to sleep.

The next morning, they're all happy because of their awesome Halloween. Kinshirou decides to spend this wonderful morning up in the greenhouse researching Atsushi's plants, which are quickly becoming his plants.

The greenhouse which now has a white CC roof, thank god.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CONGRATS, EN

He didn't even need the good easel from the promotion reward lol. That was the only reason he was even working, if you’ve forgotten. To get that easel so he could finish his aspiration. But he's so close to getting it that it seems like a shame to have him quit now. One more promotion then you can quit, En!!

Oh, lord, what should his next aspiration be though. There's no ultimate procrastination advocate aspiration... I think he just wants to enjoy his success for a little while. No need to start on something else right away, right? He can just chill out for a bit.

Honestly, though, I was just trying to get him to make another playful doughnut painting like Ibushi bought, but instead he made a masterpiece-quality playful painting that's in all other respects exactly the same as the playful painting we already had.

Can you tell the difference? No? I'll tell you the difference: The difference is, the painting on the top is a masterpiece that is worth §2,000 more and emits much more playful vibes than the identical painting on the bottom.

Meanwhile, Kin-chan has learned how to comfort himself with plants when he's lonely, even though there’s a cat right next to him.

And Atsushi is happily drinking tea that he believes to be “healthy green” tea. For once, En is the only Sim who has it together.

On the other hand, Kinshirou really is far and away the biggest earner in the household. Jeez. That's §4,621 right there. For comparison, that masterpiece of En's was his most expensive ever at about §2,300, and I almost never sell his masterpieces anyway because I feel bad about it. Atsushi brings in a little more than §500 a day.

En painted a second masterpiece in a row. He's so talented. :D That's a strange choice of subject for a flirty painting, though, since they're all dudes.

In the spirit of letting En have a chill time now that his aspiration is done, I downloaded a custom aspiration for him that's just about fulfilling whims. His life goal right now is to do whatever he feels like at any given moment. Very En, I think. Also I never pay attention to whims, so maybe this will get me to start.

Ibushi invites En over to hang out and En brings Kinshirou with him. A fun, relaxing afternoon at a friend’s.

...is what they think but then they arrive to find Ibushi literally freezing to death outside his home. It’s so cold out wtf why isn’t he wearing his cold weather clothes??

Everyone else is in their cold weather outfits! Why are you just standing around in short sleeves, Ibushi!!! God.

Despite the fact that he is near death, En has to practically drag him indoors and turn on the heat for him.

Ibushi: So cold :c En: Hey, here's an idea. Ibushi: Mm? En: Why don't you change into some warm clothes? You know, since it's freezing cold out?

Ibushi: Oh. You mean like this? En: ...yeah. Nice sweater.

Ibushi: *sensing sarcasm* Thank you. It's a shame I can't say the same about yours.

It’s at this moment, watching Ibushi, that I learned that uncomfortable Sims' lips tremble like they're about to start crying. He looks so sad and pathetic that I feel kind of bad, but like... honestly why didn't he just put on a sweater.

Here’s Woody Arima, the puppy Ibushi adopted. An aggressive little bby who barks all the time, but he's very loyal! And Ibushi was charmed by how he tries to be all fierce when he's so tiny. He’s a bit dirty now but don’t worry about that, it’ll be taken care of.

Apparently, Kinshirou is the type of guy who comes over to your house and then spends the whole time on your computer, chatting with other people.

En: Hahaha, that's hilari... huh? Kinshirou, where are you going? Kinshirou: I'm bathing your puppy, Ibushi. He's filthy. Ibushi: Oh, you don't need to— En: No, let him do it. Cleaning things makes him happy.

Presented without comment.

And then...

En: You're a good guy, you know? A good friend. Ibushi: You are too, I suppose. Despite the state of your winter clothes. En: Yeah, okay, whatever. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, I don't think I have a better friend than you. Ibushi: Yes, I... feel the same way, En. En: ...You know what we have to do now? Ibushi: I believe so.

So now En and Ibushi are BFFs.

(I know this is a bit odd but my logic goes like this: Only one Kinatsuen couple can be BFFs since you can't have more than one, Kinshirou has to be married to his BFF for his aspiration so he has to be half of the BFF couple, and Kinatsu is a much more likely BFF duo than Enkin. So I'm glad En has someone to be best friends with now. Even if the lighting in these screenshots still makes me sigh sadly.)

Upstairs, Kinshirou is having a fun time doing his favorite activity: cleaning.

Clean doggo. The true Woody!

En chats with his new BFF a little more before he and Kinshirou have to head home to see Atsushi. In the background, all Ibushi’s plants are growing happily. I told you his house got less depressing.

When they get back, En plays in a leaf pile behind the house. What else are leaf piles for if not to play in, right??? We’ll get an answer to that later on in the post actually. In the background, Atsushi trots around being responsible and burning old piles that have started to rot.

Is this what fulfilling whims does for Sims? I should be doing it all the time. He’s so happy.

Atsushi: *singing under his breath* Cool guys don’t look at explosions... they blow things up and then walk away...

Lmao he won't go up to the door anymore. He just stands awkwardly at the top of the front steps for a while and then leaves.

A rare cutaway walls screenshot to show Kinshirou and En not even sharing a bed but sleeping in each other’s beds. (Also, yes, they leave the bathroom light on at night.)

Zundar begins to show his true colors. Although who detected these trace signatures of radiation, exactly?

Uh-oh. Is this his response to Kinshirou's biography of him? An autobiography written under a pseudonym?? Two different narratives competing for the public's attention???

While En and Atsushi are at work, Kinshirou and Hou-chan bond and become companions. :D He’s not concerned about your autobiography, Zundar.

A true modern relationship: Complaining about work to your gay boyfriend while he cranes his neck to look at you from his adjacent computer desk.

Atsushi curls his lip in contempt. He must have had a real bad day. Maybe he just needs to wear his glasses to work?

I am not gonna lie, he looks really, really attractive here.

Atsushi: You know what, Kin-chan? I'm sick of coming home every day with a headache. I'm wearing my glasses to work and if my boss doesn't like it, I'll talk to HR.

I can't believe it took me this long to google "how to edit someones work outfit in sims 4". God.

In fact, changing out of his work clothes altogether and meditating seems like a good plan right now.

He did it! That’s the easel! Congrats, En, now you can quit your job! That is a huge pay raise, though, it almost seems like a shame...

But look at that sulky face. He just wants to be done.

He and Atsushi both came home really wanting a vacation. Is it getting to be that time again...? I've been kind of wanting to send someone to Selvadorada. If Atsushi starts constantly getting the moodlet, maybe I'll think about it.

But before En quits his job, he has a plan.

En: Hello? Hi, it's Yufuin. Sorry about this, a last-minute thing came up and I'm going to need to take all my paid time off starting tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow. Thanks.

The new easel for which he toiled so long. His first two paintings on it are masterpieces :D

Other Sims just have whims about playing in leaves and stuff during autumn, but Kinshirou daydreams about doing chores. Who am I to deny him?

Oh, no... Hou-chan is scared of their nice cozy fireplace too...

Atsushi: Hey, hey, it's all right, Hou-chan. It won't hurt you.

En: Hey, welcome back. You worked hard out there, huh?

En: How about claiming your reward? ;) Kinshirou: What? En: ;))) Kinshirou: ...Ah.

Kinshirou: Very well.

Kinshirou: This is absurd. You come up with the most ridiculous ideas. En: You say that like you don't like it, but you’re smiling at me.

En: Now come on. Kinshirou: So abruptly—!

En: Yeah.

This is my new favorite WooHoo location. It’s a shame it’s only available during fall.

Kinshirou: Ah, you have a leaf on you. En: Oh, thanks. Kinshirou: Of course, you might not be so disheveled if you hadn’t rolled us around so much... En: Oh, really? Should I do it less next time then? Kinshirou: ... En: That’s what I thought.

Atsushi is having a nice time in front of the fire watching a cooking show, oblivious to the debauchery taking place on his own front lawn.

Kinshirou: ...and now the leaves are scattered around the yard again. Perhaps I should have predicted that. I suppose I should get them back in order. En: You really don't have to, you know. No one's going to care if you wait until morning. Kinshirou: I will care. En: Well, I'm going to sleep. Come find me when you're done. Kinshirou: ...I'll spend the night with Atchan.

How are those wedding plans coming along? Since Kinshirou probably won’t let him sleep all day, what is En even going to do with all his new free time? When will they move out, and what will happen to their neighborly relationship with Ibushi when they do? Are they actually going to go to Selvadorada? I can’t guarantee that most of those questions will be answered soon but I can promise that the next part will include, among other things, such delights(?) as Pretty Boy Day and En doing yoga.

[aion-rsa]

Riverdale Season 5 Episode 1 Review – Chapter 77: Climax

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

This RIVERDALE review contains spoilers.

Riverdale Season 5 Episode 1

“Clearly our last two weeks of high school are going to be fraught…”

Friends, on this day we find this country starting a new chapter, one that is full of hope and excitement for the future.

I am of course referring to the airing of Riverdale‘s season premiere, a somewhat wheel-spinning, melodramatic affair that feels more like the closing pages of a book than the start of another story.

And that’s because it is precisely that. This episode was a leftover from last year, filmed but not completed production until the pandemic lockdown was over. As such it thrusts us into the start of the endgame of last season’s storylines — namely the fallout of the Betty and Archie kiss, Mr. Lodge’s illness and how he is using vigilantism to cope with it, the mysterious (and suitably anachronistic videotapes) arriving at the doorsteps of Riverdale residents, and the gang prepping for their imminent post-high school lives.

There’s a lot to be told here until the show finishes telling this specific story. Writers Ace Hasan and Greg Murray handle this arguably thankless task with aplomb, squeezing out the necessary exposition needed to push the plot points towards their approaching conclusion while shoehorning in a (now unfortunate) Katy Keene tie-in. To be fair, it’s a solid episode. Just one that, through no fault of its own, doesn’t really work as a season premiere.

That minor gripe aside, there’s a lot to enjoy here. First and foremost are Archie’s struggles. It was wise for the showrunners to make the character realize that he is a bit of a rudderless dolt. Addressing this most obvious of character flaws makes our oft-shirtless protagonist that much more of a likable guy. He’s discovered that while he has some options — running the gym is his best bet — he also needs to clear his head, and getting out of Riverdale would help with that greatly.

Now that the Navy isn’t an option, and he’s questioning his whole life. This results in his destroying his relationship with Veronica by telling her about his illicit kiss with Betty. One, it should be mentioned, that made Betty feel super uncomfortable…although that could’ve just been the terrible song Archie wrote for her.

The deception is enough to blow apart the pair’s “endgame” status…at least until after the upcoming time jump and their old flame is inevitably rekindled. (Even though we know that Veronica will be married to the jerky Chad Gekko, another Katy Keene character climbing aboard the Riverdale express). Much drama will ensue, but in the show’s now, they are done. What’s the over/under until we see Veronica performing “Bittersweet Symphony” at La Bonne Nuit?

Elsewhere, the Choni ship (I am in my forties and just wrote those words!) is threaten by the ghost of the greatest thing to ever happen on Riverdale: The Blossom family’s Maple Syrup Blood Feud. It’s not that Toni’s Nana has an issue with her granddaughter’s sexuality — although she kinda does — but more that Toni is dating a sworn enemy of the Lopez family. As much as I love me some Shakespeareian motifs, these characters regularly deal with serial killers and cult members. So the family drama here isn’t really very compelling, you know?

The most interesting thing happening on Riverdale right now is also its most frustrating, the saga of The Auteur. Betty didn’t tell Jughead about Archie’s shitty song or the kiss because in her mind, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Just a sort of awkward thing that happened in the moment that isn’t worth blowing up her life over. Adult decision making at its finest! Whether or not this choice impacts her relationship with Jughead, and I bet it does, will be revealed soon. Right now though they are doing what they love the most, investigating a mystery. One that really needs to ramp up the excitement and fast.

David seems to be too obvious of a choice to be the identity of the Auteur. It also goes against the show’s habit of making the protagonist someone we already know. Episodes from last season have shown us Charles and Chip plotting together for a yet to be revealed reason. To a lesser degree, Evelyn Evernever is a possibility too. But this episode raises the most intriguing potential suspect yet.

Jellybean Jones.

Think about it. She is a cipher of a character, one who would have had access to Jughead’s stories and knows about almost every aspect of his life. Perhaps she is making these videos because she is scared about him going away to school. Maybe they are some sort of bizarre revenge plot cooked up by Jellybean and Gladys Jones against Jughead and FP? By making Jellybean the auteur this creates more drama for the ever-complicated Jughead and gives him a personal tragedy that mirrors what Betty experienced with her father. I truly feel that Jellybean being at David’s film fest/rave by herself (we never see her friends she is supposedly with) is much more than a red herring. Time will tell. But we need to see some clarity on what the motives behind these tapes are, ASAP.

And so Riverdale is back. While we are watching the blending of the programs fourth and fifth seasons unfold due to real-life production concerns, it remains the most welcome of escapes.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Riverdale Rundown

• This episode was filmed before production on the series was shut down due to Covid-19. As such, the next few installments will cover the gang’s final weeks at Riverdale High before jumping ahead seven years — which will occur in what was originally intended to be last year’s season finale. And you thought Doctor Who was timey wimey.

• The above explanation also explains why a character from a cancelled CW series — K.O. Kelly from Katy Keene — plays such a crucial role in tonight’s proceedings.

• Speaking of Katy Keene, that show took place during the time period that Riverdale is about to jump ahead to — one in which Hiram Lodge has completely recovered from his mystery disease.

• Did anyone else find Archie’s constant referring to K.O. as bro endearing? And OF COURSE these two characters were given a shirtless workout montage/steam room scene. Besides, what’s an episode of Riverdale without plenty of gratuitous objectification?

• Archie really did himself no favors by neglecting to mention to Veronica how Betty shut him down after his attempt to woo her. Communication is the key to a solid, healthy relationship, fam!

• Ashleigh Murray’s Josie McCoy was a main character on Katy Keene, yet as of this writing it is unclear if she will return to Riverdale or not this season. (And for the record, Archieverse showrunner Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa hasn’t permanently shut the door on some sort of Katy Keene revival either).

• The cancelled fifth season of Chilling Adventures of Sabrina would have been a major crossover with Riverdale. Although we were denied that magic, if the above official key art is to be believed, it does seem that we will be getting some major supernatural happenings is season. Afterlife with Archie anyone?

• Archie’s scars from his bear attack really come and go, don’t they?

• Kett Turton returns tonight as David, the owner of the Blue Velvet video store. His perfect recreation of David Lynch’s cadence and mannerisms combined with the costume department seemingly raiding the Twin Peaks mastermind’s wardrobe is a perfect illustration of how Riverdale commits to its goofiness 100%.

• I’m not sure, but I think the Black Hood movie being shown in room 317 is a very subtle reference to the Miss Saigon song that also takes place in that location.

• In a nice callback, some of the tickling videos like the ones Kevin and Fangs made are being shown at the film party/rave. (Along with snippets of exploitation/art flicks clearly inspired by the works of Kenneth Anger and Herschell Gordon Lewis).

• “You had me at snuff film.” Here’s hoping Kevin Keller never changes.

• Cheryl is at her most Cheryl tonight, melodramatically spewing lines like “perhaps your camera will capture the sublime tragedy of my life” with an effortlessness that would make Bette Davis proud.

• Putting Fizzle Rocks in the punchbowl, classic Reggie Mantle.

• Further evidence of how this show is, to quote The Tragically Hip, chronologically fucked up, the songs played at the prom were Sixpence None the Richer’s “Kiss Me,” BoDeans’ “Closer to Free” (itself the theme song to another popular teen show, Party of Five), Collective Soul’s “The World I Know,” Mazzy Star’s timeless “Fade Into You,” and Talking Heads’ “Psycho Killer.” Would any of these songs actually be played at a prom taking place in whatever year in the 2010’s this series is set in? Your guess is as good as mine.

Subscribe to Den of Geek magazine for FREE right here!

(function() { var qs,js,q,s,d=document, gi=d.getElementById, ce=d.createElement, gt=d.getElementsByTagName, id="typef_orm", b="https://embed.typeform.com/"; if(!gi.call(d,id)) { js=ce.call(d,"script"); js.id=id; js.src=b+"embed.js"; q=gt.call(d,"script")[0]; q.parentNode.insertBefore(js,q) } })()

The post Riverdale Season 5 Episode 1 Review – Chapter 77: Climax appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3p2dews

[doomedandstoned]

THAL Pave Way For The Heathen Invasion

~By Billy Goate~

I knew there was something special about this band when I first picked up their trail a few years back and listening to their debut album confirms this. It's especially effective listening in the dead cold of night, I've noticed. You've picked up on a badass stripe of stoner metal known as THAL. The Columbus duo of John "Vince Green" Walker (vox, guitar, bass) and Kevin Hartnell (drums, guitars, synth) proves yet again that the Ohio heavy underground is a definite force of reckoning. THAL's new album is called 'Reach for the Dragon's Eye' (2018), the band's second full-length following 2016's Glitter   (which I remember playing a track from back then on The Doomed & Stoned Podcast).

The new record has THAL continuing to kick major, major behind, but with a renewed sense of purpose and resolve. It's as if Down and Kyuss had met for a handshake and bumped into Acid Bath on the way to the head shop as I listen to a song like, "Under Earth." Others, like "Her Gods Demand War," give us a groovy Goatsnake beat fueled by some genuine Midwestern metal steam. You'll delight in the vocal collaboration with Sophie Steff at this point in the record, a musician I know little about but suspect we'll be hearing more from in the future.

You came here for hard-driving, riff-driven southern-fueled American stoner-doom, though, right? "Thoughtform" scratches that itch and then some, putting it in good company with bands like Pale Divine. There's a purity and simple forthrightness to the music-making here (see: "Soulshank") that pulls in a lot of what I love about Jerry Cantrell's Boggy Depot . The vocals jockey between clean and Neil Fallon dirty. All eight tracks have kept me company on the drive to and from work and I suspect you'll be riding them just as hard.

THAL's Reach For The Dragon's Eye drops Friday, February 16th in digital and CD formats via Argonauta Records. You can hear the record right here, right now on our bitchin' lil blog!

Give ear...

Interviewing THAL's Vince Green

What inspired you guys to start THAL?

I actually never touched a guitar until I was in my 20’s. I was into producing and recording hip-hop back in the 90’s. As I started getting older and maturing, my tastes started to change and I was feeling very limited by the hip-hop genre. Around that time my friend in college introduced me to Clutch and I was immediately hooked. THAT is the kind of music I wanted to make. So I started learning the guitar by playing an acoustic along to Howling Wolf and Muddy Waters records; learning basic chords and such. I also began to digest as much heavy music as I could. Obviously Sabbath was at the top of the list and I also got into Hendrix, Buffalo, Sir Lord Baltimore, Pentagram, The Obsessed, Kyuss and literally hundreds of others -- I have a very large record collection.

Finally, after getting to the point that I felt competent enough to record. I started making heavy music under the THAL name. It was just my solo thing for a few years. I played all the instruments and wrote/sang all of the lyrics. After I met David Jones -- my guitar partner in wytCHord-- and he introduced me to Kevin Hartnell, who came onboard as our drummer. Making the first wytCHord album with those guys was some of the most fun I’ve ever had creating music. In the meantime, I kept writing THAL songs on the side and decided to see if Kevin would have interest in drumming on my next record. He said yes and not only drummed, but provided quite a bit of additional instrumentation including two songs on the album, "Thoughtform" and "Death of the Sun," that are completely his instrumentals. I’m hoping Kevin would like to continue making music as THAL with me and that we can continue to evolve the band.

I know THAL is an acronym, but I thought I’d let you explain its meaning to the readers and tell us exactly how you came up with this for the name of your band.

THAL stands for The Heathens Are Loose. It was meant to be a tongue-in-cheek representation of modern society. Rock & roll is “music for heathens,” right? So I wear the title proudly. I also wanted something that when you broke it down into an acronym sounded primitive and heavy. THAL. As an interesting side note, I recently found out that Thal, Austria is the birthplace of Arnold Schwarzenegger whom I admired greatly as a bodybuilder. Totally unplanned.

You’re no new kids on the block – you’ve been making music for 4 or 5 years, right? Has the band evolved musically, stylistically, thematically from your earliest singles to your last record, ‘Glitter’ (2016), and the new album, ‘Reach For The Dragon’s Eye’ (2018)?

I posted the first THAL song up on YouTube in 2013. Listening to that, I think the biggest thing that has changed is the quality of the recordings. As I’ve added to my arsenal of tools and had more practice, the sound quality gets better each time. Also, I was not as confident vocally in 2013 and was still trying to find my voice. In 2016 Sam Durango of the mighty Rage of Samedi released Glitter on his Voodoo Chamber Records label in Germany. That was a great experience and was the first time a larger group of people were exposed to what I was doing and it was very well received. At this point, I am relatively comfortable with my range and do my best to work within that. I am far from the world’s best singer, so taking more chances with harmony and phrasing has “improved” things, at least in my mind. Ha! Thematically, I think my earlier stuff was more occult based and over time I am reflecting more on the struggles of modern life; although still from an esoteric viewpoint.

I’m really excited about debuting the new album. Can you take some time to walk us through each of the songs and tell us a little something about each? Could be the song’s history and development or meaning.

Absolutely! We are excited and honored that you are debuting the album, so thank you! Keep in mind that I think a song can mean something different to each person, so my intentions when I wrote the song may not match up to the meaning when you hear it and that is 100% okay.

"Rebreather": This is actually the last song we recorded. I was sent a piece of poetry by a friend named Randy Blood. That poem ended up being the words in the chorus and I built the narrative around it. It’s about us as a society being thrown into the deep end of the pool with all the snakes and trying to breathe for as long as we can. The title is homage to an amazing band from Ohio.

"Under Earth": I had written the riffs on this one for another vocalist that I thought I might work with at some point. That ended up not happening and it became the first THAL song that Kevin and I collaborated on. He sent it back to me with drums and a working title of “Under Earth”. Those words conjured images in my mind and it almost wrote itself. Each generation buries meaningful truths before it until we have a false representation of the way some things are meant to be.

"Her Gods Demand War": Ever since I came across Sophie Steff’s Sound Cloud, I wanted to collaborate with her. She has a crystal clear voice that conveys a lot of emotion. I sent her the instrumental along with the title and told her to write what came to her. She recorded that as the chorus and sent it back to me -- all the way from France! It was gorgeous. I wrote my parts around her choruses and added some harmony as well. In addition to the drums, Kevin added the beautiful guitar harmonies. One of my favorite songs on the record.

"ThoughtForm": Kevin sent me an instrumental he had been working on and it felt like Christmas morning to receive this track. Of course I was going to add vocals to it! This song has more groove than any other song on the album and is more about a personal struggle with the world kicking you when you’re down.

"Soulshank": I wrote this song not long after I was out of the hospital. I had just been through a surgery; hence the lyrics “Stick the knife into my soul and twist.” It’s an imagining of someone dying and returning to take the world back from the pieces of garbage that are running it now.

"Death of the Sun": This is the other track where all instruments are played by Kevin. It’s as “soulful” as I’m going to get when I sing. Haha! The concept was Kevin’s about the world ending and the words son/sun being used interchangeably at times. Basically, when the end comes we are all going to be in it together. The time for judging each other is done and whatever is going to happen is going to happen.

"Punish": I don’t normally call people out specifically when I write my music. I prefer to be more metaphorical. But in this case, I will gladly say it is about three pieces of shit (Shawn Whaley, Brandy Shaver and Gary Bubis) that tied a little girl to their truck and dragged her in addition to other abuses. Her mother was also complicit! The story horrified me and broke my heart. This song is basically my hope for their complete and utter destruction.

"Reach For The Dragon’s Eye": The “Dragon’s Eye” is an esoteric representation of knowledge and light, both spiritually and physically. You can assign whatever deity you want -- or no deity at all. Maybe the Dragon is your inner strength. Either way, the Dragon is meant to be a positive although sometimes we must go through a lot of negative to get there. That is what the album is about…ascending against the forces of negativity.

What message are you hoping to get across, if any, through THAL’s sophomore LP?

In the fall of 2016, I was in the hospital for a time and was in pretty bad shape. I had a lot of time to lay there and reflect. With that came internal realizations and “proof” to me of the things that are important in life. At that time, the US election season was in full force with many negative things happening in the United States and the world at large. It’s a helpless feeling seeing the country being manipulated and turning on each other. The only outlet I really have is writing songs, so those thoughts and feelings got tangled up into the lyrics.

How’d you get hooked up with Gero at Argonauta Records?

My good buddy Aaron Wall of the killer band Red Beard Wall is an Argonauta Records artist. I had contacted him for advice on what my next steps should be regarding signing with a label and distribution in general. He was very encouraging and recommended sending the album -- it had already been recorded and mastered at this point -- to Gero, the lead man at Argonauta to see what he thought. About a week later, he reached out and said he would like to sign THAL and put the album out on his label. Gero has been very good to work with. Since he is involved as a musician himself, he knows what it is like on both sides. He is relatively hands off and is all about the artist keeping control of their own music. I still handle my own Bandcamp and he gives advice on when to do certain things, etc. Not to mention, his stable of artists is amazing and Argonauta is the fastest rising label in the underground. It was really a no-brainer for me. It is an honor to be part of the family!

Tell us a bit about the recording, production, and mastering process – who did you work with to lay down tracks, how long did it take, and what instruments, pedals, and amps did you find most helpful in this process?

In terms of who I worked with, the whole thing is DIY. I recorded all guitars, bass and vocal parts in my home studio. Kevin tracked his drums and synths from his home studio (we live about two hours apart). Typically a song will start with a guitar riff idea. I’ll usually program some scratch drums to flesh out the arrangement and record bass parts as well. I’ll do a pre-mix of those tracks so that they sound generally “right” and then send the files to Kevin. He will track drums and additional parts on top. He will then do a more final mix of the whole instrumental and send those files back over to me. I then have the instrumental to write and record vocals over. I will do a final tweak to the mix, make sure the vocals are sitting correctly and then I will master the mix in my studio. I use a combination of rack gear and a software called Ozone for mastering. Everything is tracked in Cubase.

My go-to guitars are Les Pauls. I have a 2013 Gibson Tobacco Burst, a '77 Ibanez Custom and an Epiphone Les Paul Custom Silverburst that I am in the process of modifying. The low end comes from a black Squier Classic 70’s Precision Bass run directly into the board through an Ampeg DI box. An Orange OR50 stack and a 70’s Sunn Concert Lead are my workhorse amps, although I recently acquired a 100 watt Marshall DSL head and 4x12 cab that I am falling in love with. As far as pedals go, I use mostly Black Arts Toneworks for my dirt (Pharaoh Fuzz, Black Forest, Oath, Boneshaker), a Jimi Hendrix Crybaby Wah, and a Carbon Copy delay, EHX Small Stone and Small Clone for phaser/chorus effects. Kevin’s drum kit is a Tama with Zildjian and Paiste cymbals, and Vic Firth drum sticks. He uses a Korg Triton for keyboard parts.

What is in THAL’s crystal ball for 2018 and beyond?

I will always make music as THAL. It started out as a solo thing for me to get my musical ideas out and has now grown to include an outstanding drummer/multi-instrumentalist. I like how things are developing organically at their own pace. It is possible that we continue to add members such as a bassist and a second guitarist. Possibly some regional shows? The most satisfying part for me is the songwriting and recording process. It is truly a release. Reach For The Dragon’s Eye comes out on February 16th. After that, we may take a short break but we’ve already thrown a couple of new ideas back and forth. It wouldn’t surprise me if we released another album or EP by the end of this year. Otherwise, 2019 for sure. We want to thank our beautiful families and friends including everyone that has shown us support by purchasing an album, writing a review, or leaving us encouraging messages. Thank you Doomed & Stoned for highlighting what we are doing and for spreading the word about great music for as long as you have. Getting respect from those that appreciate music is the best part of the whole thing!

Follow The Band.

Get Their Music.

[airadam]

Episode 134 : Keeping Our Heads Up

"If you not at the table, then you on the menu."

- Jahi

This is not the summer we thought we were getting, but I'm going to at least partially overlook that and put some tracks in the mix that are perfect rolling music...even if we're only going to pick up essentials at the supermarket! There's some old(ish), some brand new, and plenty in-between. Oh yes - if your system has the bass turned up, turn it back down, or the third track up is going to destroy it...

The sad news came in after the music was already recorded, but Rest In Power to Malik B, best known for his work as a founding member of The Roots.

Twitter : @airadam13

Twitch : @airadam13

Playlist/Notes

Mistah F.A.B ft. Bun B, Slim Thug, Paul Wall, & Z-Ro : Commin' Down

From Oakland to Houston! The Bay Area veteran reaches down south for this driving anthem from "Son Of A Pimp, Part 2", and the respect is returned in spades. For me, Z-Ro steals the show right out of the gate on that first verse, with his trademark combination of humourous imagery, vocal range, and casual misanthropy! I expected the production to have come from a southern beatsmith too, but S.E. Trill is from Wichita in Kansas, firmly in the midwest.

Sitting Duck, otaam : Nights At The Beach

Bandcamp must have been reading my mind when it put "Chillhop Essentials Summer 2020" in my face, so I put a few quid in figuring that I'd like at least a few of the 25 tracks. That was definitely true, and this was one, produced by a duo that I've not yet found much info about...but I'll keep looking!

Le$ : Duckin'

Big tune out of Houston, with some of the most ridiculous bass I've heard in a while! Mr Rogers rolls together a classic R&B sample and as much low-end as he could find into a heavy backing for Le$ to work with. Not exactly a romantic anthem, but he does it well! The "Summer Madness" LP is well worth having a good listen to, it's almost like the more down-to-earth version of Curren$y's lifestyle content.

Beyonce ft. Jack White : Don't Hurt Yourself

Until trying to mix this, it wasn't obvious to me that the tempo wanders a little bit! It's low-speed but has sections highlighted by stripped-down double-time drums, followed by those heavy rocked-out segments - not the kind of sound many would associate with Beyonce, but she's always been versatile. The "Lemonade" LP is a great demonstration, with stuff ranging from this to straight R&B, to country! This is a great track with her clearly not here for the nonsense, taking her vocals to a really raw place.

Run The Jewels ft. Danny Brown : Hey Kids (Bumaye)

If you're looking for rappers to be jumping out there defending Elon Musk and the likes, you'd better look elsewhere! Killer Mike goes at the billionaire class in the first verse, and every MC keeps the intensity level up regardless of the specifics of their content. El-P on the beat, of course, on this selection from "Run The Jewels 3".

Mega Ran ft. Richie Branson & Storyville : O.P.

Mega Ran's career continues to grow, which is a testament to his skills and a karmic reward for how nice he is to everyone! That said, this track from 2015's "RNDM" has him and his crew going at the haters in fine style. His second verse is definitely the best of the three, and features one of the best breaks of the fourth wall I can remember in I don't know how long! Ran's longtime musical partner Lost Perception contributes the banging video game-inspired beat with crazy low end.

Agallah : Power Boats

Kind of grimy, despite the title making you think of open waters! Brooklyn's own Agallah produces the vast majority of the stuff you hear him rapping on (with good reason), and this particular beat is on "Propain Campaign Presents Agallah - The Instrumentals Vol.1".

OutKast ft. Cool Breeze and Big Gipp : Decatur Psalm

Taking it to what is still my favourite OutKast LP, "ATLiens", with the only track not to include Andre. Bracketing Big Boi's verse are two other members of the Dungeon Family, telling tales of the streets of the ATL. Organized Noize on production, of course.

State Property : It's Not Right

It's been a long time since the breakout days of Just Blaze and Kanye at Roc-A-Fella, and this track definitely brings back memories of that era. Just Blaze did a great job conjuring up the right level of melancholy for this track from the self-titled LP/soundtrack from this Philadelphia-centred crew. On the mic are Freeway, Young Chris, and Sparks, with Beanie Sigel bringing it home. 

Meyhem Lauren & Harry Fraud ft. $bags : Brunch At The Breakers

The 2018 "Glass" EP had some great tracks on it, but left me wanting to hear more - clearly, they were holding out on us a little, because the recent "Glass 2.0" is built from tracks that didn't make the initial release! It was a tough choice between this and "Steamed Monkfish (Remix)" to see what made it onto the episode, but the gliding sample and overall feel of the beat ended up being the decider. I won't give away the sample, but as familiar as it seemed on listening here...I don't think I've ever heard the record before. 

Above The Law : My World

The 1996 "Time Will Reveal" album was the fourth straight gem from Above The Law, and this track is one of my favourites. The late KMG takes the first verse, and Cold 187um the second, as well as showing out on the production in a major way. The female vocal on the hook is uncredited, but definitely adds onto the flavour. This is a track to roll slow to.

Massive Attack : Weather Storm

This nice instrumental cut from "Protection" is not one often talked about, but it's so good. Taking a great sample, letting it breathe, and working around it just enough is an art and one that this Bristol crew definitely mastered.

Matteo Getz & Termanology : Summer In The City

Massachusetts connection here with the producer and Lo-head Matteo Getz cooking up a beat for Lawrence's Termanology, an MC I feel is often underrated. This is taken from last year's release "The Getz Collection", which I think might have to be a pickup based on this.  

Gang Starr ft. Jeru The Damaja : From A Distance

Still can't believe we got another Gang Starr LP last year, and to have Jeru as a guest takes it back to the "Daily Operation" days! Like most tracks on the album, this is fairly short, but both Guru and Jeru get the job done over a signature Preemo beat - check the contrast on alternating bars between the lush strings and the almost white-noise stabs.

Timeless Truth : Wavelength

Nothing but the raw boom-bap on this! Large Professor is responsible for the beat (the very sharp-eared would have picked that up without me even saying anything), while Solace and OPrime39 share mic duties, culminating in splitting the final verse down the middle. "Cold Wave" is an album for those who want the uncut.

Enemy Radio : 2020

If you hadn't heard, Enemy Radio is the stripped-down, sound system version of Public Enemy, with Chuck D joined on the mic by Jahi and long-time PE DJ Lord Aswod on the turntables. Their new LP "Loud Is Not Enough" is out in parallel with material from their original lineup, but allows a different emphasis. This year has often felt like the world is ending, and Chuck D is the #1 MC for that time! Notice how short the actual verses from he and Jahi are on this C-Doc-produced track - they not only paint a picture of the darkness of 2020 but do so with incredible lyrical efficiency.

[Kev Brown] DJ Jazzy Jeff : Da Rebirth (Instrumental)

It's been a long time (almost 100 episodes) since I played the vocal version, so here's the instrumental in case you forgot how ill the beat is :) Fairly early work by Kev Brown, in his days collaborating with the A Touch of Jazz camp - this is on "The Magnificent EP".

KinKai ft. Children of Zeus : Top Down

There hasn't been as much road trip time as we'd like in the COVID reality, but Mancunians are nothing if not appreciative of good weather when it comes! KinKai's new LP "A Few Pennies Worth" is a great release for the season, and this single was a hell of a way to precede it - bringing in Manchester's own Children of Zeus for a summer anthem produced beautifully by Paya. 

Please remember to support the artists you like! The purpose of putting the podcast out and providing the full tracklist is to try and give some light, so do use the songs on each episode as a starting point to search out more material. If you have Spotify in your country it's a great way to explore, but otherwise there's always Youtube and the like. Seeing your favourite artists live is the best way to put money in their pockets, and buy the vinyl/CDs/downloads of the stuff you like the most!

Check out this episode!

[wonhuis]

hey! sorry for not being that active, i got one final! i didn’t expect it tbh but since subjects have a limit of 3 years i was “forced” to take at least one if i wanted to keep my regularity. so yeah i prob didn’t pass but i just need a 4 to keep it cool. ah yes! exo m had a lot of potential, i still like exo tho, they are one of my first groups. i read you put seulgi in one of your tags, do you like rv? 1/? 🍰-sss

i feel your struggle is like i want to multitask but at the same time just for a little while. the game had a 80% discount i think, it was like woah steam and its christmas spirit came early this year. fbkjsfsbk gta betrayed you! can you change it tho? thank you! my stomach didn’t help me these few days but the stress didn’t help as well. I haven’t watch it but it’s on my list? would u rec it? 2/? 🍰-sss 

idk a lot abt dramas, animes on the other hand💕 do u have any fav anime/s?jun in denim jacket is everything! it suits him very well, the red sweater he wore on going seventeen was amazing too! tbh everything he wears + black hair is my fav look. black hair suits him so well! but brown hair is my close 2nd fav. for clothes: sweaters, like a nice cream colour. i love when he wears jackets or big coats, he looks so cozy and my heart goes *boom* ¾ 🍰-sss 

question: who would get along with the most in svt? also the whole mess thats going on bc of twitter and reposters, smh. people have no shame to not only steal content but believe they have the nerves to say “it’s just a gif”, then do it yourself. a lot of ccs spend time and effort doing it. twt is pure clownery. i hope u started well this week! (besides twt drama). also vernon + bugs lmao!!! i’d have done the same ngl 4/4 🍰-sss

oh sweetie don’t worry about it!! i’m not a consistent person myself so i tend to be inactive out of nowhere for a few days as well lmao but omg hope u at least got that 4!!! what are u studying, if you don’t mind me asking?

ah yes i still do love exo as well!!i mean baekhyun is still my ult lmao if ur a cheol stan are u also a suho one? oh but u said u liked exo m better lmao i just know so many ppl that are suho stans and also stan cheol lmao (and taeil from nct????) so i’m curious about it!!��

and i do!!! we’ve been fighting a LOT recently because i really dislike the songs they dropped after bad boy but oh well, they’re still cute and i rlly like them!! not my fave gg of this generation bc twice exists, but they’re somewhere there with a few others lmao 

oh i multitask all the time it’s an addiction honestly kkdskdj if i don’t do at least two things at the same time i absolutely can’t concentrate for some reason, but one of the things can be listening to music so it’s all good, like right now i’m answering this and listening to some glee performances LMAO but omg 80% is a reallyyyyy good discount!! i think i could still return gta but i paid it rlly cheap and i’m still planning on getting a new laptop so i don’t rlly wanna get rid of it lmao also i play it when i’m at my friend’s house sometimes 

ah it was a really cute drama, but some things rlly annoyed me lmao i’d rec it because it’s cute and i’m hella biased towards jinyoung and jisoo lmao also i didn’t suffer that much but the final ep disappointed me a lot bc it felt rlly rushed :/ like the two seasons went at a certain pace and then the last ep felt too much, but it was still good!!

and i looooooooooove animes lmao my all time fave is fullmetal alchemist!!! for anime and for manga! i reread and rewatch it every single year and i’ve been doing it for 10 years lmao (i do the same with percy jackson because i’m crazy like that!!) but i also love haikyuu, bnha, tokyo ghoul (rip), kimetsu no yaiba, bungou stray dogs, kuroshitsuji and i’m a huge fan of shoujo too!! my fave is fruits basket, but i love gekkan shoujo nozaki-kun, kimi ni todoke, ao haru ride, akatsuki no yona, ore monogatari, ouran high school host club, kaichou wa maid sama and others! AND ALSO!! i love those cute slice of life ones like barakamon, tanaka-kun wa itsumo kedaruge, kyoukai no kanata and hyouka!! i’m always watching new anime but i also rewatch most of the animes i’ve watched, some that i really like to rewatch (besides the ones i’ve already said, that i have rewatched a few times lmao) are karneval, yamada-kun to nananin no majo and servamp! they all only have one season of 12 eps and they’re rlly easy to watch, that’s why i watch them a lot lmao 

ANYWAY

omg yes black hair is everything to me i’m the biggest black hair suppremacist lmao BUT the brown comma hair he had during clap? AMAZING! his mansae brown hair was also REALLY nice, i rlly did enjoy the dirty blonde one from very nice too! and the pink!!!!! i love pink hair sO MUCH, I LOVE JUN IN EVERY HAIR COLOR LMAO HE LOOKS AMAZING IN ALL OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!! (but black hair is def my fave for anyone lmao except minghao bc i loved his clap hair the most)

CHEOL IN BIG AND WARM AND COZY JACKETS/SWEATERS/COATS YESSSSSS I LOVE IT TOO!!!! big and fluffy sweaters are my fave looks ever bc it’s just so cute my heart combusts always 

also i think wonwoo? we have a similar kind of humor and we also like the same things, but even though i talk a lot i’m never the one to start the talk and neither is he, so we’d basically never talk LMAO but it’d be all good we could just hang around together in a comfortable silence while we read and pet my cats!! i’d also like to say minghao and vernon bc i love them but they’re kinda too deep for me lmao i’m a shallow person and i don’t like taking things too seriously so it’d be a problem sometimes i think… oh!!! there’s jeonghan too!! we’d definitely either love or hate each other LMAO i’m rlly similar to him when i’m comfortable with someone i think, like his sometimes devilish personality is 100% me with my close friends lmao but what about you?????

and ah yeah… the reposters…. see i get PISSED over reposters i really do despise them SO MUCH!!!!! see from 2011-2013 i had an anime blog and i used to make a lot of edits and gifs there and i always had these two accs that reposted me all the time and i got so pissed bc u couldn’t report for this back then so i just deleted my whole acc (it had over 20k followers lmao) so i still get pissed!!! this one set of mine from my nct blog got reposted and it got almost 2k notes when mine had like 500 (it now has almost 4k but still) and i HATE that lmao like nowadays ppl aren’t even supporting content creators anymore u know, the likes to reblogs ratio is RIDICULOUS. i have this one post from 2011 in my old blog that has 1800 notes and only 100 are likes, but now it’s the exact opposite and it kinda :// i always say that i don’t care about numbers bc i LOVE to read to tags and stuff like that is what matters to me the most, but if people don’t reblog there’s no tags for me to read and that’s what saddens me the most :/ i never rlly cared about notes, but it’s kinda shitty to spend a shit ton of time doing something just for fun and people don’t even appreciate it :/

also the way content creators literally are the ones that keep this plataform up and running and it means NOTHING to have a big following here, like ppl on twt and ig get sponsors for their numbers even if they do NOTHING. i hate twitter so much lmao ppl out there only stealing jokes and posts from tumblr and acting like they’re the shit, then getting 100k followers and sponsors like?? i’m sorry?? also there’s SO MANY artists on twitter that get absolutely no recognition but only those shit ass people that tweet about their foot fetish get followes, same with ig if ur rich and take nice pics of urself traveling then ur famous i HATE

I’M SORRY FOR RAMBLING SO MUCH BUT I GET SO ANGRY LMAO 

FUCK reposters and fuck tumblr and fuck twitter too 

but not fuck you sweetie, sorry pls come back ksdjnakjsd

[emilywatches]

Emily Watches ‘Pretty Little Liars’: S03E20 Hot Water

In this episode Spencer thinks it’s wise to kiss Wren in the street, Aria doesn’t tell Ezra about kissing his brother, Hanna’s Mum runs over the shady Detective and Emily comes vaguely clean to Paige, lets dive in!

Spencer is coming out of her funk, can I get a hurrah? I prematurely decided that last episode she was done being un-Spencer but nope, we had an episode left. I’m calling it this time though because she’s going to tell them about Toby, FINALLY! Even if he’s not actually evil but whatever. She also thinks Toby tried to kill her right? He would never! Unless he’s proving his worth... wait no he’d never, fight me show! To be fair, it’s her dumb vault for breaking one of my important rules... do not kiss anyone out in the open - in the street for example! Blackmail is always possible girl, you should know this, and I get that she doesn’t think Wren is that shameful or anything (good!) but it’ll come back to bite her, these things always do. Yes, I mean more than almost dying in her giant shower/steam room.  

In terms of Aria and Ezra... I CALLED IT. WHERE IS MY CAKE? Actually my Aunt dropped off some cake today so wish fulfilled! This is causing me immense stress though because it’s going to be dropped like a bomb somewhere and Ezra will leave. If she just told him now then he could process it, she’s not kept a secret and she could explain that she just really missed him and she’s sorry. USE. YOUR. WORDS. PEOPLE. GOOD GOD.  They did spent this episode being pretty damn precious even if evil-mc-mum-face is back and I’m convinced she’s going to find out before Ezra about this kiss situation. Oh and Maggie will be moving in shortly and I’m going to want to stab someone. Poor Aria! Poor Ezra! Neither of them signed up for this and this situation sucks beyond belief. They’re 100% breaking up before the end of the season, I don’t think Aria can cope with Maggie and Malcolm being around all the time and someone will find out about the kiss then all Hell breaks loose. Terrific.

Detective Doucheface reminds me of Detective Lamb in Veronica Mars, I hate both of them. Actually I’ve not even bothered to learn Detective Doucheface’s name so that tells you how much I care about him. I wish Ashley had killed him, is that bad? Will he have some redeeming qualities at some point? I hope not. The real question is where did he go and also why are Hanna and Ashley not watching the footage in the car? That would be smart though and we’re having a dumb day clearly. He is clearly antagonising them both though, what exactly did he do to Alison? Is he baby Daddy? IS THE BABY ACTUALLY REAL? An add on to this is why is CeCe so shady? I saw that red coat in her suitcase, I saw it with my own two eyes! Plus she doesn’t ever seem to tell the whole truth about anything and now she’s running away? Hmmmmm I don’t buy this, I’m watching you CeCe. (Maybe she’s watching me right back... I’m going to close the curtains.)

Emily’s plot line is so interesting to me because she’s the one spearheading the detectiving now Spencer is in a funk AND she comes clean to Paige real quick, sure it’s not sitting her down with the whole truth but it’s more of the truth than the other ones get. I’m so proud of you Emily, I’m sure this won’t backfire in anyway at all ever. She does do her illegal, sneaky things and I like it a lot! Sure that girl got in trouble for her illegal doings but listen, if that happened to me I’d have turned the girls in, I don’t know why she didn’t. I know that’s not nice to say because we’re supposed to root for the girls but I work in retail and I’m not getting fired for you - I don’t know your deal or your shit so goodbye. 

My favourite line is the one I yelled FINALLY at: “New rule: whenever we see something that might be important to us down the road, goes in the phone.” THANK YOU.

On to the next episode!

[bernardhiking]

Attempting Erfeng, Siguniang Region

Date of hike: May 28-29, 2017

Country: China

Region: Sichuan Province

Trailhead: Rilong, 3,300 m.a.s. (10,900 ft.). Trail starts as a boardwalk/stair next to the large parking lot along the river.

Hike Destination: Erfeng, 5,275 m.a.s. (17,300 ft.)--not reached

Basecamp: 20 km (pony ride up), 4,300 m.a.s. (14,100 ft.)

Time from basecamp to peak: ca. 5 hours

If you ever feel the need to add a 5,000+ meter peak to your repertoire of hiking destinations, Sichuan Province is a good place to do that. Remember, the highest mountain in the European Alps, Mont Blanc, has an elevation of 4,800 meters, and by climbing one of two options available to hikers in the Siguniang region of Sichuan Province, i.e. Dafeng (5,025 m.) or Erfeng (5270 m.), you would significantly top the highest Alpine elevation. The two mountains can be reached by pure endurance hiking (Dafeng) and with some serious scrambling at Erfeng with ropes recommended on the last 200-300 meters of the ascent. 

However, either peak is only doable if the weather conditions strictly cooperate. Any hike above 5,000 meters is no child’s play, and both the demands of the extreme altitude and the possibility of massive snow accumulation at the top can easily interfere with a summit attempt.

When we visited the Siguniang region for our own shot at the 5,000+ m. experience in late May, the weather was not favorable. It was the beginning of the rainy season, which stretches from May through August, and the tops of both mountains were hopelessly snowed under, with accumulations of 1 meter and more. Our fellow hikers--a group of Chinese from Chengdu and Wuhan--were quite dejected when it was announced that neither mountain was climbable at this point. We still decided to proceed with the original plan up to a point, i.e. ride ponies up to the base camp of Erfeng, then climb up as high as would be possible.

The Siguniang massif is comprised of four peaks, including the aforementioned Dafeng (“first peak”) and Erfeng (“second peak”).

The count continues with “third peak” (requiring serious mountaineering skills) and, finally, Siguniang proper (aka “fourth peak”), which is virtually unclimbable. This massive mountain of incongruous proportions rises sheer from the valley floor to the dizzying height of over 6,200 meters, and it is so steep, glaciers don’t even stick to it. Mountaineers have basically given up on climbing this mountain after it was first conquered in 1981, and it has seen few successful attempts since then.

The day of our trek to the Erfeng basecamp was grey and overcast, but that did not stop thousands of ethnic Tibetans in the region from holding an exuberant, colorful culture festival at the center of the town of Rilong. 

Rilong belongs to the Aba Tibetan autonomous region of Sichuan, where Tibetans are in the majority, making up about 54% of the population. The Tibetan predominance was on display at the beginning of the trail, where a large stage displayed Tibetan dancing and singing groups, while thousands more were attending the spectacle, cheering enthusiastically.

After duly obtaining our hiking permits, paying the fee, and adding our finger prints, pony selection was next. 

I was given a brown sturdy pony that seemed to be doing well with the assignment of carrying me. Nevertheless, halfway into the treck, the horse handlers responsible for my and Liang’s ponies suggested that we switch since Liang’s pony seemed stronger, and I was deemed a heavy customer (heavy only relative to Chinese feather-weights, I might add). 

It was a switch with potentially far-reaching consequences because the pony I given almost spelled my doom. Here’s what happened: We were just rounding a curve on the trail when another set of pack-horses was coming the opposite way. My pony hesitated for a second, then tried to step aside, but in the process it slipped and tilted sideways. I lost my balance on the saddle and prepared for an inelegant dismounting, hurriedly getting my feet out of the stirrups to avoid being squashed against the slope by the weight of the animal. My right foot came out easily, but I could not quickly enough disengage my left foot from the stirrup. Then, before I knew what was happening, my world was turned upside down: the pony got spooked and started running down the mountain, dragging me with my left foot caught in the stirrup. At this point, I had just two things going for me—one: it was a pony, so my angle relative to the ground was more favorable than had I fallen off a taller horse. Instead of making contact with the ground principally by my head, I was scraping along the slope with me back; plus, I was wearing a backpack which acted as a bit of a shock-absorber. But other than that, things looked bad. As I was dragged helter-skelter downhill, Liang’s scream reaching my ears as if I were under water, I had two reflexes: first, I tried to dig in my right heel so as to slow down the pony. But this turned out to be a bad idea since my shins now got clobbered by the pony’s hooves, while it had no effect on the course of action. Next, I tried to wrench my left foot out of my boot by pulling real hard on it, but the hiking boots were too tightly laced, and this was futile. At this point, the thought briefly crossed my mind that I might be done for. There was no reason why this pony would stop galloping across a rock-strewn slope with me dangling from the stirrup. And at such a high altitude, my energy to fight the disaster was quickly depleted. But just then, a protrusion in the slope lifted me clear off the ground and spun me around my axis, resulting in a torque force that made me worry about the integrity of my left foot. But to my great big fortune, that twisting motion was what actually released my foot from the stirrup. And after tumbling a little further down, I came to a rest, while the horse galloped on. Adrenalin pumping through my system, I was simply and supremely grateful. Miraculously, nothing was broken or wrenched out of place. Sure, I had lots of scratches and cuts, and on my right shin, a bruise the size of a mango was blooming, but I was able to get back up to the trail by my own force. Five minutes later, the pony had been caught, and I sat down on it again. This time, I was glad the handler, who could not apologize enough, held the pony’s reins closely and walked beside me for the remainder of the trip. Still, I had lost confidence in this mode of transportation and vowed to walk all the way back on my own legs, which I am happy to say were still in good working order, notwithstanding sore as hell.

So, now we were at the base camp, at an elevation of 4,300 meters, which turned out to be a pretty vile place, miles from any “romantic” notion of a basecamp surrounded by fresh mountain streams, blooming meadows, and rustic cabins. 

No, this was a mud patch, forever churned up by pack-horses, featuring three or four windowless hovels built of dry-stack field stone walls without mortar. This meant that there was neither light nor heat nor any sort of insulation toward the ambient conditions. However, there was one amenity: a wooden platform to spread your sleeping bag on. The keeper of the camp, an unwashed squinting fellow, was trying to extort 800 RMB from us for staying at this minus-5-star accommodation (i.e. considerably more than a luxury room at the Sheraton costs). Liang made it clear that extortion did not work with her, and the fellow slinked away, pocketing 200 RMB from us. It was now 3:30 and still many hours to go until sunset. Since we had to conserve our cell phone batteries and forgot to bring playing cards, utter boredom stared us in the eyes. Therefore, Liang and I decided to have a go at the pass above the camp, following the trail that was faintly outlined on the steep slope.

As long as the trail was level, I felt fine, but as soon as the switch-backs started up steeply, and I began to huff and puff like a an old steam locomotive.

 We were here above 4,300 meters, and the air was thinner than I could comfortably handle. My chest had the same kind of tightness ache that I get after doing, maybe, 15 burpees, i.e. my system felt like it was teetering on the brink. The supplemental oxygen bottle we had brought helped, and I frequently resorted to taking deep puffs from the bottle.

This conveyed an instant boost of energy, although it did not last more than 50-100 meters at a time. 

From here we could see the top of Erfeng above us. I looked doable... just not tonight. 

A little further up we encountered snow, and it got progressively deeper, requiring us to use our hiking poles as anchors. 

After slogging uphill like this for over one hour, we decided to call it quits. Our altitude app told us we were just above 4,600 meters now, and although the pass was still higher up, the fog was closing in and daylight was gradually receding. To my happy surprise, Liang was having no problem at all up there. 

She was lightfooted and limber, saying encouraging things to urge me on, which struck me as ironic because all this time in preparation, I had wondered what I would do if she faltered long before reaching the critical altitude. But instead of having my male pride hurt, I focused on being proud on her behalf. With her fitness and endurance, there’s no limit to what we can attempt together in the future, as long as I get a little more time to acclimatize, and as long as there is not exhausting incident like the pony mishap just before going into the high zone. I had previously hiked up to over 5,500 meters and been fine, so this experience was not necessarily a sign to abandon such projects in the future.

That night at the camp was one of the two worst nights of my life. I developed a splitting altitude headache, and even after swallowing 4 Advils, the symptoms did not get any better. In addition, I was completely insomniac. While Liang slept for a good stretch of this cold, cold night, I lay awake on the hard bunk, counting the minutes, shivering, and cursing my headache. Toward the morning, Liang gave me the idea of inhaling oxygen, and that actually did help a little to lessen the pain. After seemingly endless hours lying awake and listening to the rain that was steadily falling (some water dripped down near our pad on the bunk), it finally dawned around 6 am, and the minute it did, I got up and stepped outside to be greeted by a crisp morning scene—all mountains powdered with new snow which had fallen copiously overnight, with swaths of fog drifting up from the valley. 

While the others were getting ready to climb up to the pass, Liang and I were beginning our 20 km trek down to Rilong. There’s no way I was going to sit on a pony going over 20 km of muddy trail rendered even more slippery by the overnight rain. One thing I noticed about these paths in Sichuan is that there is absolutely no trail maintenance. There’s no gravel to stabilize the surface, no rails in in tricky portions, no wooden steps. If 100 ponies trudge through a muddy, steep stretch per day, then the trail just turns into a trench, and it will remain a trench for as long as there is high-frequency traffic going through. Another thing I heard from our horse handler which is rather more disturbing: there is no mountain rescue squad here, no helicopter or anything. Had I been gravely injured during my pony incident yesterday, I would have only one option to get off the mountain: being carried by porters or by a horse, none of them options I would fancy with broken limbs. So, anybody fancying a hike in these beautiful “Asian Alps” needs to know that they are on their own. If anything happens, they better be prepared to rescue themselves. That’s probably just what we acknowledged without reading the fine print (or any print, for that matter, since it was in Mandarin, which I could not read) by putting our signature and finger print on that hiking permit yesterday.

After an eventless hike down the mountain through dense fog, we arrived at a lively mountain meadow around noon, just as the clouds were lifting and the first rays of sunshine were kissing the slopes around us. Colorful crowds were gathering to follow a continuation of the Tibetan culture festival whose start we had witnessed down in the valley yesterday. Here, things were more free-wheeling, as tens of thousands of ethnic Tibetans gathered as spectators and performers on an open ridge about 1 hour above Rilong. As soon as we sat down to our lunch in plain view of these proceedings, we were startled by loud bangs and bright flashes, as daytime fireworks were set off to announce the official start of the festival. 

Afterwards, there was the production of holy smoke (fragrant juniper branches lit as a smoke offering to the gods), followed by choreographed group movements and choral chanting. Later, we mingled with the masses of Tibetans, taking pictures of their colorful ethnic garb, enjoying the spirit of exuberance and joy that was tangible up on that mountain meadow. 

After taking some nice pictures of the “exotic natives,” I noticed an ironic reversal: the “natives” had cameras, too, and they started to take pictures of me! I was obviously as enchantingly “different” to them as they were to me.

It was a fair trade, and I happily participated in the give and take of mutual cultural curiosity and photographic recording of our preferences.

As this was going on, the weather kept getting more and more beautiful, although the weather forecast had predicted heavy rain at this time of day. I credit the holy smoke for this lucky turn of events. We tackled the last stretch of the downhill hike in excellent spirits, now sharing the path with multitudes of visitors and locals who had taken the path to attend the festival. We arrived at Rilong, shortly after 4 pm, enjoying the vista of snow-covered Dafeng, Erfeng and Sanfeng all of which displayed their snow-covered peaks, while the largest mountain, Siguniang, remained resolutely hidden in the clouds.

Only the following day, just as we were driving away from Rilong, did the titan finally emerge from the clouds. I happened to look backward through the rear window of our car when I involuntarily exclaimed “Wow! Stop!” There was Siguniang rearing incongruously into the skies, while the nether hills were roiling with low-lying clouds. 

It is a truly majestic, almost impossibly steep mountain that is perhaps more dramatically sculpted than the Matterhorn. It almost looked like a romantic painter’s fantasy of a mountain. I knew then that I wanted to return at a more favorable season, say October, with the fall colors on display. In addition to having another go at Dafeng or Erfeng, I would love to hike the nearby valleys which are definitely worth exploring, notably Changping Valley and Shuangqiao Valley, which give spectacular views of the surrounding mountains, including Siguniang. It would be great to explore these other hiking options at one point in the future, although I will certainly do it without the help of a pony.

[teamsycamoreracing]

Race Debrief - Round 6 - Nurburgring GP

FORZA TOURING CAR CHAMPIONSHIP - SEASON 18

After struggling last round to point the car in the right direction, I decided that a change in setup tactics were required and returned to using my own setups with assistance from tuning guides. In practice this really helped me settle in with the car, and I was far happier with the handling and performance of the car as a whole. The times I ran were even better than before, so I felt much more confident in the car.

Qualifying - 17 Minutes

Qualifying was the only daytime event of the evening. As I had anticipated, it was a very wet qualifying session. I had focussed all my attentions on getting the night performance right, so I didn't put any practice into the wet. That said, I managed to run a few good laps and climbed to 14th by the end, which I was more than happy with.

Qualified - 14th

Feature Race - 16 Racing Laps - 1 Mandatory Pitstop

The new setup really gave me a boost off the line - almost as much as the Chevrolet last season! - and I gained a handful of places just off the line. The first corner being a hairpin, the race start was destined to be chaotic. There were some bumps and shunts ahead, but the whole field managed to get through without completely trashing one another.

With the pit strategy letting me down last round, I pitted as soon as the window opened here. While it didn't really give me an advantage, I felt a lot better mentally knowing that the mandatory stop was out of the way and I could focus 100% on the drive. I did hoover up some places from those pitting later, but I actually ended the race in a 1000ft deadspace either side in 16th.

Finishing Position - 16th

Sprint Race - 9 Racing Laps

After finishing outside the top 15, I started in the position I attained in the feature race. This left me with a lot to do and, much like the first race, I shot forward to get stuck into the pack into the first corner.

Things were looking pretty good until I was spun around by a driver lunging down the inside into turn 3 leaving me stranded in the middle of the track facing the wrong way. Thankfully most of the other drivers managed to avoid making contact, and I was spared the frustration of an unplanned pitstop.

I surged forwards back up the rankings and swiftly took back my place within the lap, but the damage had been done and I had fallen behind the points-paying postions by too much in the commotion and I couldn't make any ground.

Finishing Position - 16th

Final Thoughts...

Getting two finishes outside the points is frustrating, no two ways about it. However, the progress I had made in developing the car cannot be denied. Had I not improved so much since last round, I would never have reclaimed my place after being shunted.

This shows that the car is very much more fit for purpose than it has been previously, even if the results don't neccessarily tally with that assessment.

There has also been some question about whether some cars were running less aero than is permitted, but even if I were to gain some kind of windfall from disqualifications I wouldn't stand to gain that much.

Focus Points...

With the setup improved as far as I can, I think the next wall is simply my ability. There are some very capable drivers in this group, and while I'm not expecting race wins it would be nice to at least consistently gain points. I think a more reallistic target is to be more consistent, rather than setting championship position targets.

Next round being Prague, I don't think performance will be an issue so much as staying in one piece, nevertheless I have already set the car up for the circuit so it's full steam ahead for Round 7!

For more information on the FTCC, as well as the other series run by the FRS, please visit the Official FRS Website.

[cosmicbell-blog]

The treatment of Bellamy's character in 4x05: Lost potential and character butchering

This episode, in my opinion, was disappointing. Inconsistencies in the plot aside (I can’t be bothered to really rant about that), I’m focusing this meta on Bellamy Blake in particular. His character was essentially butchered for the sake of a plot and the show ignored the potential of the effects of Octavia’s death on his character. Let’s expand. 

Firstly, Bellamy believes his sister is dead at the beginning of 4x05. The previous episode revealed to us the extent of how severely that revelation had shocked him. Irrevocable, earth-shattering pain envelops him and the whole room in his loss. Bellamy Blake believes his sister is dead. Some of us in this fandom failed to understand the sheer importance of what that loss means to Bellamy Blake. And this episode proved that the writers also failed to recognise what it meant. 

Bellamy has had to centre his whole life around Octavia for sixteen years which, as you can tell, is a very long time. This means that for every action he’s done, he’s thought of Octavia and what it meant for her life. Ask yourselves. Did Bellamy want to sacrifice his education for Octavia? Did Bellamy want to be a cadet? Did Bellamy want to shoot Jaha? (My friend has a theory that he intentionally didn’t kill Jaha because we all know he’s far from a lousy shot). Did Bellamy want to even go to the ground? And, did Bellamy really want to pull that lever had he not seen Octavia on that camera? These are choices to us, but to Bellamy they have always felt like they were the only option. “My sister, my responsibility” isn’t a saying that allows for any choice that isn’t definitive. 

In fact, the first choice Bellamy really made for himself was deciding to lead people on the ground; however, we need to keep in mind that this changed from doing it for himself to doing it for other people. When Clarke told Bellamy “We need you” in ‘Day Trip’, she validated the idea that he had a purpose other than Octavia. That he wasn’t only going to survive for Octavia, but he was going to survive because the one thing that gives him self-assurance is the fact that he will dedicate himself wholeheartedly to the people he loves. He went from wanting Jasper mercy-killed to almost getting hanged for him. Bellamy Blake survives for people. But, when will he survive and live for himself? 

This brings me back to the current episode. Bellamy has always had a feeling of responsibility on his shoulders for his sister, “My sister, my responsibility.” This notion has surrounded his life for so long, and even though we saw him beginning to trust Octavia and let her go, can you really say he didn’t feel that responsibility drop on his shoulders when he heard that she died? That Bellamy did not feel an ounce of guilt? He may not have said it, but the evidence is there. Prior to Echo delivering the news, Bellamy displays his utmost belief in Octavia: “She’ll warn them you’re coming. You’ll lose.” And just after that, Echo throws the sword and Bellamy descends into a breakdown. That he tried believing Octavia could take care of herself but he was wrong to. We all know that Bellamy is one of the most self-loathing characters in the show. To believe that your sister is your responsibility from the age of six is something that has everlasting effects; effects that have been detrimental to Bellamy in many ways. 

That brings me to my next point which is the sheer potential of Bellamy believing Octavia is dead is crucial. A world without Octavia is a world where he is only obliged to survive for his people and in some ways, will have to reconsider the purpose for his survival. In our study of The Hours in English, the concept of obligation runs throughout the movie and how people live for one another. People stay for one another. Yet they never stay for themselves. When has Bellamy decided to live because he truly wanted to? I want to contrast the two words ‘survive’ and ‘live’ here because they don’t mean the same thing at all. Bellamy is surviving. To him, living at the moment is 'still breathing.’ But we know, especially because of Jasper this season, that living is something else entirely. It’s breathing without calculation; it’s enjoying the remainder of life that has been gifted to us. Bellamy is surviving for his people. Bellamy survived for his sister. But he is not living hence why he’s so willing to give up his life so others can live. 

This part of his character forms the foundation for his actions. Losing Octavia means two things: Constant guilt and constant questioning. He has not known a life where he has not had to think about Octavia. He has not known a life where he has not had to think about others. What happens when you’re faced with a void that used to be filled by someone? This is something that could’ve really progressed Bellamy’s character because we could’ve finally seen Bellamy redefining just what his life actually means to him. Figuring out what he truly lives for rather than just who he lives for. The ostensible death of Octavia could have done so much for Bellamy’s character; even more so when he would come to find out she was truly alive. It would mean their relationship would be redefined and indefinitely, progress from the steaming hot mess it became in Season 3. 

You can imagine my disappointment when the potential of Octavia’s near-death experience was shoved in a trash can when Bellamy found out, from the most unreliable assumptions, that she was alive.How did Bellamy suddenly feel so assured that she was alive? That all the hope he had suddenly lost, the tears in his eyes when that hood was pulled off his head, didn’t really mean anything? This just proved that the revelation of her death did nothing but serve the plot since Octavia needed to be at Arkadia in order for the Ark to blow up. The problem with the 100 and how it handles the chain of events is that it prioritises its plot over consistency in characters which is disappointing because as I mentioned, Octavia’s supposed death could have meant so much more. Bellamy’s grief could’ve been regarded with respect rather than act as shock value. Again, it was disappointing and I genuinely believe the writers missed out on a great opportunity. Knowing them, who knows if Bellamy and Octavia will ever even talk about everything? 

What I will admit is that I enjoyed the Blakes reunion, even though it was much earlier than I would’ve liked. The way Bellamy’s retrieval of hope contrasted with his loss of hope and the sheer chaos around them was powerful, a reminder of just how cruel this post-apocalyptic world can be. But I can’t say that I’m truly satisfied with how the Blakes were handled. In many ways, I want their relationship to be rebuilt and so far the only guarantee I have is that it won’t really change. And that’s truly a shame.