#ruks i hope you're happy.

[ishuess]

Tu hi mera sab kuch hai

Ishan was scrolling through Instagram Reels while Shubman was out for an event. Every ShubSara reel in Ishan's feed kept gnawing him. Increasing his insecurity bit by bit. Ishan despite being the epitome of human sunshine had always been more of a moon known to only those who are the dearest to him. It's not that he doesn't trust Shubman but rather his insecurities about himself.

'Shubman is a young, beautiful man who should rather build a strong future associating with the infamous Sara Tendulkar than hide behind closed doors with him' thought Ishan. Uncertainties and insecurities invaded Ishan's trail of thought until they were interrupted by a knock.

Shubman: Ishan?

Ishan (in a sleepy voice): Hmm?

Shubman: You're still awake? Put that phone down right now.

Ishan: Tera wait kar raha tha.

Shubman: Chal ab aagaya hoon na main...chal so jaa ab.

Ishan: I can't sleep without you.

Shubman: Haan haan...ruk main fresh hoke aata hoon.

Ishan while waiting for Shubman again drowns in his own thoughts.

Shubman (waving his hand in front of Ishan): ISHAN? ISH?

Ishan(startled): Haan?haan?

Shubman: Kya soch raha hai baby..idhar aa

Shubman and Ishan settle in bed with Shubman's arm wrapped around Ishan. The room is drowned in a comforting silence.

Shubman: Tune dinner kiya?

Ishan: hmm

Shubman: Event toh bohot tiring tha...aur upar se media itni irritating hoti hai na kabhi kabhi...mera bas chalta toh main jaata hi nahi. Yaar kaash tu bhi chalta. Next time chalega?

Ishan: .....

Shubman: Ishan? So gaya kya?

Ishan: haan..nahi toh

Shubman: abhi abhi maine kya bola kuch suna tune?

Ishan: huh...Event irritating tha?

Shubman: tune nahi suna 😑

Ishan: sorry na baby

Shubman: tu thik haina? Jab se aaya hoon lost-lost sa hai? Kya hua?

Ishan: Kuch bhi toh nahi

Shubman: Ishh.. mujhse toh jhooth mat bol.

Ishan: tu mujhse pyaar kyun karta hai?

Shubman: Kya? yeh sab kyun puch raha hai?

Ishan: jawab de bas.

Shubman: Iss sawaal ka jawab dete toh subah hojaaegi.

Ishan: main mazaak nahi kar raha hoon Shubi..tere paas har reason hai sa..kisi aur se pyaar karne ki phir bhi tu mujhse pyaar karta hai. Kyun?

Shubman: Kyunki tu paagal hai. Kya bole jaa raha hai. Main tujhse kisi reason se pyaar nahi karta. Main tujhse pyaar karta hoon kyunki mujhe wahi aata hai. Main tujhse pyaar karta hoon kyunki koi aur Ishan nahi hai mere paas. *kisses Ishan's forehead* Main tujhse pyaar karta hoon kyunki mujhe koi aur dikhaayi hi nahi deta.

Ishan: Hum kabhi duniya ko nahi bata paayenge apne pyaar ke baare mein..

Shubman: Main tujhse bohot pyaar karta hoon

Ishan: Pata hai *kisses Shubman*

Shubman: *smiles softly* tujhe pata hai aur tu hi meri duniya hai.

Ishan: Cheesy *slaps him lightly*

Shubman: par tu yeh sab soch kyun raha tha..tu phir se phone pe yeh sab bakwas dekh rha tha..I swear main yeh phone..

Ishan: Shaant..shaant Mr.gill...meri galti hai I know..ab sojaate hai chal

Shubman: *looks at Ishan*

Ishan: kya?

Shubman: *continues looking at Ishan*

Ishan: Ghoor kyun raha hai ab?

Shubman: tu kuch bhul raha hai *forms pout*

Ishan: *kisses Shubman fondly* I love you

Shubman: I love us

Ishan: I love us more..

Shubman: We'll see about that

The rest of the night goes on peacefully as our couple cuddle with eachother draped in eachother's love. Kyunki puri duniya ka pyaar kam pad jaata hai...pyaar toh ek hi se chahiye hota saat janmo ke liye <3

(I am back to writing one shots cuz boards stress se cope bhi toh karna hai. Toh presenting mera new chapter. Hope y'all loved it..drop by ur lovely comments and any one shot request if u want😉)

And I'm waiting for Ishan ka strongest comeback. May God bless him with all the strength, health, success and happiness. <3🧿🧿🧿🔱🔱🔱

[phulpakharu]

initial thoughts on gintama characters PART 2

here is the original post, if you wanna see. for anybody who's curious, i'm doing this because my mortal enemy (i.e. friend) wants essays about my thoughts on these characters... acting like this show is a class fr. i hate and love you in equal measure my dearest nemesis <3

i know you've been waiting for this one for a WHILE, so without further adieu, here is my initial impression of your babygirl, Takasugi Shinsuke.

(note: i know some spoilers about gintama, so my opinions are not gonna be clean or whatever because of that)

ALSO... THIS IS ALL SPECULATION. don't take me too seriously. i'm not trying to start disc/horse

takasugi is a man i have been waiting to meet, because @takasugisbabygirl is so in love with him, and i want to understand why. also just, the few spoilers i do know about him make me want to off myself.

so naturally, i squealed when he showed up on screen in episode 17. he was finally here !!!! and he wouldn't be showing up again for another 41 episodes, but i'll take the crumbs i can get.

my first thoughts were: 1) oh he's gonna be sooooooo fucked up and deranged for sure, and 2) THAT VOICE

THAT VOICE... oh my gosh. his voice suits him perfectly, Takehito Koyasu played him so well... wow. also, he was wearing a hat !!!!! idk what else to say about the hat, i just appreciated it is all.

okay, so a bunch of other stuff happens in this episode, so i'll scream about that briefly, before getting back to takasugi.

SHINPACHI MY TONE-DEAF SON... I LOVE YOU

KAGURA YOU ARE SO REAL AND WONDERFULLY 14 FOR ENACTING A SOAP OPERA... MY DAUGHTER... I LOVE YOU

GINTOKI I HOPE YOU GOT YOUR COTTON CANDY EVENTUALLY BABE

this ep was fucking DRAMATIC, i think nothing will top how heartfelt episode 13 was for me, it just HIT

KAGURA AND SOUGO WERE SUCH A FUN DUO.. THE SADISTS ARE TEAMING UP !! (i do not ship them because gross, and i have been informed that gin / kagu are unfortunately a big ship in this fandom??? y'all need buddha and allah and christ and five more different kinds of divine intervention fr)

that moment when gintoki and that inventor man (gengai or smth) were having ramen, and speaking about war and loss with that sad fucking piano ost... maybe it hit me a little. genuinely, i hate thinking of gintoki being in pain, i hate thinking of him experiencing loss, even when i'm vaguely aware of his backstory.

...

ANYWAYS... back to takasugi. HE WAS WATCHING YOROZUYA AND GENGAI WORKING... i wanna know what was going on in his head. what did he think when he saw gintoki? is this the first time he's observed from afar? what did he think when he saw gintoki with his surrogate children? i just want to know what he thought.

i can vaguely speculate, that he was angry, because i think he has so much of it that he doesn't know where to put it. i think he may have also felt a bit betrayed, seeing gintoki move forward with other people in his life, seemingly forgetting the past. he says as much later on, though not in those words exactly. i'm just fascinated by his heart and mind and thoughts.

speaking offffff....... that moment when he cornered gintoki after the fireworks show!!!! dear fucking god!!!!!! i don't know how to properly articulate all my feelings about this, but i will try.

1) takasugi is tasking himself with keeping gintoki busy, because he knows that even in gintoki's "defanged" state, he's a threat to the chaos and destruction takasugi wants to incite.

2) he's fucking deranged and i already love him

3) the metaphor of the beast. gosh, this was so well done. it was clear and obvious what the metaphor meant, but it's also very layered. just, wonderful! takasugi and his beast that screams outwards, that's unruly and set loose to destroy everything, because he has nothing left to protect, nothing to really fight for, just wanting to burn the world that took everything from him. wow.

gintoki and his beast that screams inwards, that's caged and locked, and silently ruining him on the inside. the rage he feels turned inward at himself for not being able to protect everyone in the past. which then manifests as him doing everything he can to protect his loved ones now. because the past is the past, even if it haunts him, what's done is done, all he has is what's in front of him. (again, this was really wonderfully set up and displayed in ep13, when kagura and shinpachi were taken away by space pirates. that moment when gin see's them being dragged away and the panic and desperation all over his face... dear god.)

4) this leads me into the set-up for what i know will be an ongoing theme of duality. gintoki and takasugi, two sides of the same coin. protection vs destruction. internalization vs externalization. glittery pink comic sans 'i will protect you' vs flaming cryptic gothic 'i will destroy you'. they're two poles, facing each other, mirroring each other, outwardly different, but stemming from the same roots. it's set up sooooo well, and i'm deeply excited to see where this will go.

5) the "fangs" : this was a veryyyy interesting metaphor. gintoki asking whether takasugi provoked gengai into attacking. and then takasugi talks about the "fangs" about the "white demon" and goshhhhh so much foreshadowing??? all for me??? i feel spoiled.

it also offers some insight into how takasugi views the world, but especially gintoki. in takasugi's eyes, gintoki has also lost all meaning, and in a way, he's not wrong. in takasugi's eyes, gintoki has forgotten his past, forgotten what the world did to him. takasugi doesn't, on a fundamental level understand how gintoki can be so... idle. how he's able to exist with the past that he has, and how he isn't just as furious with the world. and therein comes takasugi's belief as to what "fangs" are, and why he thinks gintoki lost his. why find new things to protect when you failed the first time around? why have new things to lose when the loss already broke you once before? why do anything other than let the wretched, indifferent world burn?

i need to mention, this is all speculation. i haven't gotten into takasugi or gintoki's backstories all that deeply. i don't know exactly what happened to them, but i am somewhat aware of it.

anyways, back to "fangs" because we got a little off-track. i think this whole thing is fascinating. because "fangs" can mean anything depending on who the person in question is. for takasugi, it's his desperate ambition to destroy whatever lays before him. for gintoki it's his opposing need to protect what matters to him. for gengai it was about control, about directing his grief somewhere, so he can, if only for a moment, feel less unmoored.

it's just a very interesting thing to me, and i'm excited to see how it's explored later.

aaaaaaaah so this became a little less about takasugi, and more about takasugi and gintoki.... i don't think i can be blamed though. they're literally mortal enemies, deeply intertwined, etc etc. gay as hell.

okay back to takasugi. i'm soooo intrigued by this man. i love his voice and his monologues. i love that he's deranged, but i'll probably be in pain later because i just Know i'll love him and wish for him to be happy instead.

and back to this episode... he is so, gosh... what a wonderfully set-up antagonist. that moment when gintoki grabs his sword with a bare hand, declares easily that he's not defanged like takasugi thinks, and takasugi is so taken aback by it. and again. i want to know what he's thinking. he's shocked, but what else. relieved, maybe? that the gintoki he remembers still exists? that he isn't apathetic at all? fond? i can only speculate, but he seemed kind of fond of gintoki, when he was talking to katsura at the end of the episode, idk idk. angry? definitely. why? i don't know. maybe because he doesn't understand why gintoki lives so idly, when he's clearly not lost his spark or his fangs. maybe because he wishes gintoki was angry in the same way. i literally have NOOOO IDEA, THIS IS ALL SPECULATION.

also gintoki.. mentioning sadaharu... as his beast... mf really deflects and represses his emotions using humor huh. babygirl please go to therapy, or maybe have a parfait.

...

uuuuuuh. anyways. idk if this "essay" if i can even loosely call it that, made any sense towards the end lol. i have many thoughts, but not enough words to communicate them all. but yeah. takasugi shinsuke. what a deranged little guy <3

[brokenmug]

AQ... This moment is so, so much important for me my love.

“Dil kehta hai chal unse mil

Uthte hain qadam ruk jaate hain”

It's been two years to that new phase in your life, and since I came to know about it. TWO YEARS babe. You know this year is ending too. It's midnight and 31st. I came into playing *your* songs again, after a while, and I'm missing you like crazy…

“Hum jabse hain juda

Aye mere humnasheen

Yun dekho tou mere

Daaman main kya nahi”

And I somehow wish these lines are equally true…

“Magar tumhein kho ke

Lage hai mujhe aisa

Ke tum nahi tou kuchh bhi nahi

Tum kya jaano ab hum kitna

Dil hi dil main pachhtaate hain”

Remember when we would wait for each other in campus. You would often be seated on the bench, waiting for me, and I would often come late, and apologize to you with love...

"Wo din thy kya haseen,

Dono thy saath main"

Oh, those days…

“Tum he tum thy sanam

Mere din raat main”

And now situation is taking pace. The feeling of true love is upon me now, as play the lines I listened to when... When I truly realized for the first time, at least 7 years from now, that how much I felt for you even back then...

"Tumhe dillagi bhool jani paregi,

Muhabbat ki raahon main aa kar tou dekho"...

Those were the days when you told me you didn’t love me, and you couldn’t love anybody. So I asked you to love. I trusted that you would. Because I truly loved you my beautiful. I still love you. You know I always have. And I always will. It's forever, and ever, and ever. I still think, why all of this happened in our lives? I still hope for you. I don't care if it's right or wrong to think like that. Because then you began to love me too. Yes, we loved each other. We truly did. And we truly deserved each other. And still do.

I'm broken down like hell right now "mere rashq e qamar". I have realized I cannot love anyone like this. No I can't. Tonight, I make this promise. Something I was only waiting to make. Something I was only subconsciously waiting to realize. Yes, I make this promise to myself, and you my love. I will wait for you till the end. How can I even break this promise I'm making? I have waited so long to make this promise AQ! Now I WILL make it. I will wait for you and you only. It's a promise.

“Ik pal mujhko lagay, tum apne ho

Ik pal yeh lagta hai, ho tum ajnabi

Rishta hai jaany kya, tumse yeh mera…”

Looking back, it definitely took us long to truly realize that we are meant for each other. And even longer to actually be together.

“Raahon main tum milay, mujhko is tarah,

Sehra ki dhoop main, saya jis tarah,

Chalna hai saath main, humko har qadam,

Thama jo haath yeh, chorhun kis tarah”.

No, I won’t write our memories here. I don’t think I ever will, because those moments can’t be translated into words. Those memories are a treasure, only to be cherished by both of us, and no one else. I just want to reminisce how after all those struggles and confusions along the years, we would finally meet, sit, talk, walk, and act around like Omer and Elif, and how beautiful everything was.

“Lamhe guzarte gaye,

Hum yuhin jalte rahe,

Kuch na kaha na suna,

Main chaahun tujhe be-intiha”

I want those days to come back. I want those days to return. Because we deserve the love we gave to each other.

No matter how your life is right now, I will still give it a chance. I will always wait to be with you. I also didn't realize this song would actually turn on word to word true for you:

"Tumhe apna banane ki qasam

khaai hai, khaai hai"...

Remember once I told you I will ask God for you in the paradise? Now I realize how astonishingly true it was. Whether I'm a believer or not, it's still the same when you're concerned. You're the only one I wish. All that I wish. I love you so much. I'm keeping this promise till I no longer have to break it.

"Tu he meri pehli khwaish, tu he aakhri hai".

Till then, live the best of your days, and be happy. And always keep that beautiful smile. ❤️

Your's only,

AJ