#rstolla

[wolfypuppypiles]

Aftermath: Chapter 2

Izzy had been so tired after everything that Alec insisted she get some more sleep. He tucked her in, after checking over her wound, and fluffed her pillows as she tried to convince him to see Clary.

“You should talk to her, she needs support right now.”

Alec shook his head. He couldn’t imagine going in there after what he did.

“She doesn’t want to see me.”

“Alec, she’s hurting and Jace and Simon are grieving the same loss that she is, they can’t be her rock while they’re crumbling too. They need you.”

Alec sat down again, settling into the chair he’d been in all morning.

“You need me too.”

“You can go when I’m sleeping just-“

Alec wanted to help, he wanted to ease the pain that he caused but even the thought of seeing Clary and his brother made him feel like he was going to throw up again. But he knew he needed to do it. He couldn’t avoid them forever. He just needed time to prepare.

He sighed and pushed her back into the bed as she tried to get up and force him to go.

“Okay, Okay. I’ll talk to her, just stay here okay? I’ll wait till you fall asleep, I just need… time to think of what to say.”

Izzy relaxed, knowing Alec wouldn’t go back on his word. She nodded and took his hand, closing her eyes, and praying that it would all work out okay.

Alec waited till Izzy’s breaths evened out, and until he was sure she was sleeping soundly. He would have liked to stay there all day but he knew he couldn’t leave it any longer. He needed to apologize to Clary. And Jace. And Simon. And Luke.

God, what a mess. If he thought about it too long he’d drown in the weight of the guilt and he’d never be able to look at them again. So, he took a deep breath and stopped thinking. He marched over to Clary’s room and stopped in front of the door.

He could hear her sniffling but it wasn’t the terrible wailing he’d heard last night, and he couldn’t hear anyone else in the room. His hand froze an inch from the wood of the door for a minute before he could bring himself to knock.

He had never been very nice to Clary and they had never been close, but he’d been teaching her how to be a shadowhunter over the past few weeks and he hoped that he would help more than his presence would hurt.

The sniffling stopped and footsteps came to the door. When it opened, Clary was standing there in old pyjamas with a red face and tear filled eyes. Alec didn’t know what to say but Clary just walked back to her bed and sat down, seeming to wait for Alec to join her.

She hadn’t shouted at him, or told him she hated him so this was already going better than Alec could have hoped.

He closed the door behind him and sat beside her on the soft mattress. When she spoke, her voice was rough and wobbly from misuse after all the screaming from last night. She was hurting inside and out Alec winced at the pain he could hear from her, pain he inflicted.

“I’m so sick of crying. But I can’t stop. I just keep remembering that she’s gone. Simon and Jace wanted to stay with me but they lost her too so I sent them away to… process.”

Alec squeezed his fingers in his lap, to the point of pain, in order to make himself say the words that had been screaming through his head ever since he woke up, covered in blood, in that hallway.

“Clary, I am so, so sorry. I’d do anything to get back that time. I’d do anything to make this right.”

Clary shook her head and Alec was afraid she’d kick him out or tell him she hated him. But she didn’t. In a small, defeated voice, she said the hardest thing she could have.

“I don’t blame you. It wasn’t your fault. I forgive you, Alec.”

Alec’s vision blurred with tears. He didn’t know what to say. Before he could decide Clary spoke again, her breath speeding up and becoming heavier with the threat of tears.

“But I miss her so much, and it hurts so bad.” The tears spilled over for them both, and Clary’s shoulders shook.

“Tell me how to be a shadowhunter, tell me how to use this to make me strong.”

Alec finally lifted his eyes to her and saw the endless amount of pain in her eyes. He wished it were that simple.

“Sometimes pain is just pain, Clary. It doesn’t make you stronger it just….hurts.”

The girl let out a sob and sank towards him, resting her head on his shoulder. He almost didn’t want to touch her, to stain her with the blood that would always be on his hands. But this wasn’t about him. She needed someone to hold her up and for now that was him.

“What am I supposed to do?”

Alec wrapped an arm around her and tried to sound reassuring.

“The demon is dead, you killed it. The only thing to do now is mourn.”

“Is there a rune for that?”

Alec suddenly remembered that she wouldn’t know. This was something he could do. He pulled his stele from his pocket and gently took Clary’s arm.

“Yes. It won’t ease your suffering but it’s a mark to remember her. Shadowhunters wear them to symbolize our loss.”

Clary watched as Alec burned the rune into her arm, the stinging helped clear her head and the mark, burning red, made her feel a little closer to her mother, like she was still there with her.

Once done, she leaned back against Alec and sighed.

“Thank you.”

They sat for a few moments until Clary spoke again.

“I’m sorry for hurting Izzy, I just couldn’t think of any other way to get her off you. I tried to be careful. How is she?”

Alec rubbed her arm, even while grieving she was thinking of others.

“She’s fine. She’s resting now. And you don’t have to apologize, you saved her and I. I couldn’t bring myself to hurt her, even to save myself, I just couldn’t. She’s my little sister, I couldn’t even wing her. I would have let her kill me if you hadn’t stopped her. So, thank you.”

“I’ve never had a big brother before and now that I have Jace it’s…complicated. Do you ever think we’ll be as close as you and Izzy?”

Alec shrugged and pulled her closer, she had lost so much while being thrown into a world she didn’t know. He didn’t know how she was still so strong.

“It might take time but having an older brother just means having someone that will protect you while still being really annoying.”

Clary let out a little laugh and Alec rubbed her arm.

“He’ll always love you no matter what, that’s what family is. You don’t have to be related you just have to love them. Like Luke and Simon do for you.”

Clary nodded, thinking about her small family, even smaller now, and how the only one left she was related to, only came into her life recently. Alec’s voice was small and unsure but he meant every word.

“Izzy really likes you and I know you and I don’t get along very often, and I know that’s my fault. But… we can be your family too. Jace is our brother so that kind of means we’re connected now.”

Clary smiled and looked up at him, immensely grateful.

“Thank you, Alec.”

He smiled as she yawned and tucked her head back to his shoulder.

“Did you get much sleep?”

“No, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. And the demon and Izzy and…”

Alec nodded and stood from the bed, taking her hand hesitantly to pull her with him.

“Well, Izzy really wanted to see you and I wanted to check on her anyway. You should sleep, I’ll stay with you both and wake you if you have any nightmares.”

Clary’s lip wobbled again and she nodded, smiling.

“Okay.”

He led her back to the infirmary where Izzy was awake and shifting in her bed. Her face was creased in pain but brightened with a smile when she saw Clary, who raced over and pulled her into a hug.

“I’m so sorry I hurt you!”

“I’m sorry about your Mom!”

Both girls were teary eyed but happy to see each other and Alec gave them a moment before insisting on drawing more runes on Isabelle.

“Lay back down, Iz. You shouldn’t be moving around too much. Clary, you can take that bed there, you need to rest too.”

Izzy let out a small laugh and raised her eyebrows at Clary.

“Watch out, I think Alec is adopting you as a little sister. He can be overprotective but he gives the best hugs.”

Clary smiled as Alec did, shaking his head, and got into the bed beside Izzy.

Once done with Izzy’s runes, Alec pulled a chair between the two beds and settled into it, content to watch over the girls as they slept.

Izzy rolled onto her side to see the other two and smiled at her big brother.

“Do you remember that lullaby mom used to sing to us before bed? When we were still scared of the dark?”

Alec nodded. “It was in French. Of course, it didn’t really help that she used to tell us the dark is only scary outside the institute and that we should always keep our weapons close. Being aware of demons and monsters as kids is always going to make you scared to go to sleep in the dark.”

Clary smiled at the fondness in their voices, remembering the way her own mother used to read her stories before bed.

Izzy spoke through her yawn, pulling her blankets up to her chin.

“Can you sing it Alec? It always helped keep the nightmares away.”

Alec shook his head and looked ready to protest but Clary joined it to Izzy’s chorus of plea’s.

“Please Alec? I’ve never heard you sing before and my heads too loud to go to sleep on my own.”

Well he couldn’t say no to both girls, could he? Alec sighed in defeat and leant over to kiss Izzy’s forehead and pull another blanket over Clary.

Finally, he sat and begrudgingly started singing. It was soft and quiet in the usually busy institute and although Alec hadn’t heard it since his childhood he remembered every word. It calmed him as it did the girls and he sat and sang until they both drifted off, leaving no nightmares to wake them.

Clary’s nightmares of dead mothers and blood stained friends, turned to memories she didn’t know she still had. Her mother in the mornings before going to school, every birthday and Christmas, every smile and I love you. She missed her mother but she would always love her and she would love this new family too.

 ( yeah sorry this is sad all around. As usual my fanfics can be found on archive of our own and fanfiction.net with the same author name as my url on here or through the links on my blog or just visit my inbox. I love and appreciate all and any support and i love prompts!) ( also @rstolla I hope this is what you wanted)