#rows of horizontal scars that have been housing acne since I was 11 years old | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

buzzheadchick · 3 months

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I told my father, “I feel like I’m supposed to be 5’9”, that would be a good height for me. It feels right.” I am not 5’9”, I am just over 5’6”. Sometimes, right after waking up, I measure 5’7” but I don’t lead with that bc it feels like cheating.

But when I said that to him, he told me that the docs projected I was gonna be 5’10” based on how I grew. But probably because I was so inactive growing up that I didn’t read it. YOU’RE TELLING ME. I COULD’VE BEEN FIVE FOOT TEN INCHES TALL. IF I HAD KNOWN THAT WAS POSSIBLE I MAYBE WOULD’VE WORKED A LITTLE HARDER TOWARDS THAT.

#that was like three weeks ago and I’ve cried actual tears about it at least once a day since #in part because even if I knew #it probably wouldn’t have made a difference #I would’ve liked to have have been more active even then #but I was lonely and tired #and so overwhelmed all the time #and I could not drive #and walking on these highways was dangerous #there was nowhere I could reach on foot #and I had no friends who could take me #and no where I wanted to be #I probably would’ve stayed the same #even if I knew #but I could’ve been #I could’ve been taller and maybe these ladder marks on my back #rows of horizontal scars that have been housing acne since I was 11 years old #maybe they would be FOR something #and not just a byproduct of me shooting up to a perfectly average height a little too fast #maybe if they told me how to help my growth plates before they fused #and didn’t just tell a lactose intolerant little girl to drink more milk #maybe if I got a fighting chance #maybe my hipbones wouldn’t feel too wide #maybe I’d feel proportional in my body

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